I have to move out 😳
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
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We're moving...again?
#Moving #Disability #MovingVlog
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As someone with a disability, I cannot tell you how much less stressful it can be to have less space to have to take care of. I sometimes feel "less than" my other friends because they all have houses and are married and traveling and living a life and whatnot...and I'm just chillin' everyday in my tiny little junior one bedroom apartment resting and doing what my body tells me it needs to do. But at the same time knowing that if I had a big house that it would kill me either financially and/or physically to have to take care of it so I'm happy knowing I have just enough space for me, my two cats, and what I need to be content. Congrats on the new house! Can't wait to see what new adventures you go on in your brand new city!
Hi
I love my yard and privacy too much to move. But I closed off about 1/2 of my house, covered the furniture, closed furnace vents, shut the doors. I have rooms I have not used or cleaned in 10 yrs, this way I can sort of keep up on the part of house I do use. The extra areas were clean when I closed them so if I should get family from out of state, putting them back into use would not be hard.
She has pets too? I did see pets walking in previous videos, i mean little pets like mouse
Even people without disability can struggle with too much "house". Things break and need routine maintenance, lawns need mowing etc. If you have kids or a demanding job there are just so many hours in a day and people who will do services want a kit of money. I think you are very wise. Everyone's life is different and you have a good approach.
As a teenager it's just hard to find work where I live, so I decided to start cleaning houses. There are so many disabled people who desperately need to downsize because they just can't keep up. I hope you have a bunch of support because some of the family members of my clients are absolutely negligent and need to just do more period
I moved 50 miles away from the city I had lived in for 45 years. The relief of knowing I wasn’t going to run in to anyone I knew was amazing. It’s been 7 years, and it has consistently turned out to be such a good decision in so many ways. I hadn’t realized how much energy I was spending countering bad memories until I wasn’t anymore.
This is the exact reason I want to move. So happy for you that you got away and can breathe again ❤️
I moved 20 miles last December as I was stubborn enough to buy my first house in a city I've never lived in before and leaving the old place behind. It is in someway a good thing because you're in a complete new environment/place and get to explore the neighborhood/area. But fast-forward to 8 months later, The thought of it being a bad thing is still present.
Strange how the biggest purchase of your life can make you feel like that.
Happy for you that you've found a new happy place where you can make lots of good memories😊
As another amputee it looks like a smart move to me, less work ,less hassle, easier to clean, you don't need a mansion, there's such a thing as too big for one person
Agreed!
A single level home, a yard for the dogs and getting rid of "stuff". Bliss level attained! Maybe it's the editing, maybe it's the lighting, but Jo seems so happy and looks so energized. Fix the chewed molding, love the puppies, find some non-wooden chew toys 😉 and probably stay home with them until they know that this is THEIR home, it is safe and Jo will be there for them. BTW I am a longtime ThredUp user and have always been satisfied with their product and customer service. Love Jo's choices!
Oh,Jo, take care of yourself. Moving is almost as great a hassle as dealing with a loss in the family.
my therapist says Lifes 3 Biggest Stressors are Death, Divorce, and Moving and its so true
Losing a loved one is a "hassle"? #clueless
@HaveCheetahWillView I mean literally, yeah. It is one of the greatest pains a person can feel emotionally, and it is *also* a hassle.
And that makes everything worse, because you are in active grief/shock/sadness/rage and also having to deal with things like notifying family members and friends, organizing a funeral, delivering copies of death certificates to the bank, going through probate if the paperwork isn't properly in order, paying for cremation or burial, etc.
Terrible awful things can also be hassles.
As an arthritis sufferer (and my wife is as well), I DEFINITELY understand your dislike of stairs. I had times where my knee would insist I stop halfway up the stairs in the old house.
Sophie's face when you told about her chewing the door frame she looked like mom don't tell them 😅
Right!? Like mom?...... on the internet?....
Picking up and moving to a new city is so intimidating!! I’m so proud of you for doing it! 🎉💜
As a woman who has gone through divorce as well, I hear you when you say "divorce is hard" It literally tosses your life on it's head! I understand you needing to move away and feeling unhappy where you were, I myself did the same, moving to a different Country after meeting my now Husband. You go girl! You do you, I hope you feel at peace coming in the future as you settle into your new place and new surroundings. I also understand when you say you're nervous. I felt the same, questioning myself if I was making the right choice etc. My best wishes to you, keep us updated on how you're doing
I moved from my hometown after a bad breakup for similar reasons. Starting over in a new city was tough for a couple of years. As an introvert it was tough making new friends. But eventually I made some great friends and successfully rebooted my life. You can do it!👍🏻
I think the one stress, one my wife expresses given her MS, is the concern for medical support. Having finally established working relationships with doctors that (you understand this well, I've seen) ACTUALLY BELIEVE HER, she is really loath to risk moving and having to start all over, and finding that the best docs "aren't accepting new patients at this time".
So I'm curious if in the future you might talk about that part of a move like this.
It is definitely a major concern ! I do not envy you having to make that choice ! Good luck !
I like this suggestion for content topics! It's absolutely a common concern and challenge for disability/chronic illness community.
Great idea!
My wife, to our financial detriment, LOVES ThreadUp. Congrats on a great sponsor and thanks for another great episode. GL with the move.
Glad that you said “ours”. It speaks volumes.
I just... Thank you Jo for making this little update video. You quite literally just helped me realize that me moving back in with my parents isn't a step backwards in my healing journey, but a step forward. Because like I've been living in the same area for the last several years, and there are A LOT of memories lingering around this city. And like a decent chunk of those are traumatic ones thanks to the parasitic woman that briefly entered my life. Moving back to my childhood home is gonna give me the space I need to recover from burnout and just let me be free of these memories. I've been apprehensive towards this move, but now I'm actually looking forward to it more.
Thank you Jo for your kind words and all the other wonderful things you do, and I hope you have a lovely day!
I like the paint jobs Jo. Very cool. Don't overdo things during your move. Wishing you good luck for a smooth move day and getting settled in to your new place with your furbabies.
So much of what you said Jo reflected quite a bit about dealing with my physical issues, limitations? Problem health?...you name it. Every time I watch you exploring your particular problems etc I learn something to help me. Thank you.
So glad you took the chance to change up things! Divorce is a horrible experience, and living with any disability is a balancing act of independence and social quality. Those of us who experience both are "blessed" with a load of stress. I am glad you have Sophie and foster dogs to help focus you, and that you placed yourself in a clean slate location. Love your videos, and your honesty about your emotions. Keep up the great work and take care of yourself, stay healthy, and, luck being on your side, may you find happiness beyond your wildest dreams.
I applaud you for this hard decision. Moving can be dreading so it could have been very easy to just say, no I stay here. But you listened to your needs and wellbeing and made the call to change something. That's very brave and strong ❤
I’ve moved across the country several times and have moved cities within one province more than I ever wanted. Many of those moves had me really depressed for the first few days. Under the blankets and not getting out depressed. There were even a couple of breakdowns. But once past those first few days, I began to enjoy the new life. Felt liberating. New friends saw me as I presented and not through the lens of history and growing up.
I hope you find your move liberating too. First while might be rough and you wonder what you’ve done, but once past that, you’ll thrive.
Bonus: decades later you may find you’re at home in many parts of the country. My heart still lives in the Yukon, in British Columbia, in Northern Ontario, and in Utah/Arizona. I’ve friends in all those places and I can travel there and fit right in again and feel at home.
New good friends await, Jo. Looking forward to hearing more about your adventures-may they all be good or at least, “some day I’ll laugh about this”. :)
Do you have any tips for making new friends when you moved?
@@hilary3219i would love to know as well :)
@@throughcolouredglasses9300 @hilary3219 The irony here is I'm highly antisocial and I'm the last person to ask about making new friends. But, somehow it happened. Many of them were people I met through work; sometimes we'd be shipped up to some remote mountain for work so we'd be with each other 24/7, sometimes in extreme weather circumstances (trapped on a mountain and helicopter couldn't pick us up).
Others were assorted folks. E.g. the owner of the coffee shop in Vancouver where I'd sit and do work while eating lunch and supper there. Friends of the people I worked with as we'd get together on days off and swap our field stories. I mostly sat and listened, asked questions, kept a pleasant expression on my face (I have a strong resting-bit h face so I have to be careful that I'm not scowling at people when I'm deep in thought).
Overall, I really don't know. I went my entire high school without friends (new school, new district, lost all my grade school friends). Then university was a different story and met more people like me (geeky, loners, same niche interests), and from there I learned to get along with others outside that group, again mainly by listening, asking questions, and looking thoughtful while inside I was "make eye contact, oh no no too much eye contact, should I nod now, oh god, what did he just say and is he expecting me to respond to that, what should I do with my hands now" etc etc etc--I'm sure most people can relate to that.
I'm still antisocial and still prefer being alone, but I'm very fortunate that I have some very close friends in town, and good to casual friends across the country now. I love writing emails to various folks to keep in touch, sometimes even the ones in town.
Oh, one tip I found that worked. Ask people for help. People tend not to want someone to help them, may even feel a slight obligation because they were helped, which can turn into resentment without them being aware of it. But if i ask someone for help, they're happy to do it for me (I don't feel obligation or resentment). And later I can reciprocate. Asking others for advice or help though seems to initiate a bond with them. Maybe because it makes the person asking for help seem more vulnerable and therefore more relatable?? Again, I'm antisocial (and autistic) so don't trust me on anything dealing with making friends. :)
❤BC❤
I grew up on the coast in BC, hoping to move back soon er than later. I miss the water.
I wish you the best of luck on your moving. And always remember: we're here for you whenever you need us. ❤
Have a great time with all the move and the rearranging and the adaptations. Hope you've found a really great new prosthetist!!!! Much love, peace, healing, readiness, treats for that huge doll-dog!!!!
i really like how you painted your walls; don't think it looks weird at all
Thank you so much!!
Moving is huge, no matter what! It's refreshing to hear how articulate you are, as well as your humor. I hope this move serves you well. 🙂
Aww all the clothes you bought are so cute! I live in a 700 sq ft apartment and I always find myself missing things like having laundry in unit and like a specific studio space and wanting a kitchen island (because in my head a “real” adult has a kitchen island) but in the same thought I have to remind myself that this apartment is close to the river surrounded by beautiful greenery. Plus I hate doing laundry so i would probably procrastinate worse if it was in my apartment lol
It’s good to seeing you again! Moving can be a good thing. I hope it makes the positive difference you need!
Pink looks good on you. It is such a happy color, we could all use a bit of happy.
Congratulations on jumping off the deep end to find where you want to be. Sometimes a leap is whats needed.
Find your happy. Choose that happy
Being happy is a choice.
I moved 2 years ago, away from my married home to my mums house when she passed. I lobe it here although it's tough some times.
It's hard as a disabled women with no kids to make new friends, I love how you've thrown yourself into the hgym and I'm sure you'll find your new life. Well done.
The sigh of relief when you finally move to a place without stairs can't be overestimated! I'm so happy for you!🎉 I have both legs, but have (hereditary) osteoarthritis in my 30s. Moving to a single story home was the best thing me and the hubby did.
Best wishes with the move!!! In my personal experience, moving out of town (perhaps especially one’s hometown?) can be INCREDIBLY liberating and weirdly stress relieving. Hope all else is well with you, and please don’t over do it since you’re still technically healing from your surgery!!! ❤❤❤❤
I know moving can be scary, but like you said, embrace the change and look at it as a new chapter in your life and make the most of it. May this bring you the happiness you so deserve! ❤
Congratulations on making a brave decision to favor your own mental and physical well-being. Your new place looks cute. I’m sure your pups will adjust once the initial stress of moving is over. Best of luck to you!
I love the painting you’ve done. It’s got life, fun & beauty.
I’m proud of you.
This’ll bring joy & sadness. More letting go of the past & allow more moving to creating new memories & recognizing your strength & resilience.
As my Dad would say: keep on keeping on…
It’s got to be tough moving yourself. Physically & emotionally.
You’re right . Do it now while you can. An opportunity & frightful at the same time.
You say things so amazingly well.
Thank you! God bless you. 🙂
Comfortably uncomfortable. You get used to what’s bothering you not realizing or accepting, that it’s not the way to live. I lived comfortably uncomfortable for far too long. Taking that step to change is terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Congrats on moving on! 🎉
I still have both legs, but I have ME/CFS and I fully grok your joy at not having stairs to deal with. My last place had them and not having them was the topmost priority in choosing this place (also, incidently, after a marriage breakdown). I can get around the house so much more easily without stairs! I wish you and your canines joy in your new place.
Our moving experiences (leg aside) couldn't be more different -- except ensuring the dogs got a yard. Congratulations on your new place! Love the wall paintings.
Same. I agonize over a decision for months looking at it from every angle and thinking about how it’s going to affect everyone I love. But once I make a decision, I’m all in and want it done yesterday. But the relief I have felt reminded me that I made the right decision. I hope it all works out!
My God, the commentary around @6:30 about the weight of having to live in a place with bad memories, but having difficulty in being able to leave, even if it’s best for you. Summed up much of my life perfectly.
Enjoy your new apartment. Stay safe and stay well. God Bless You 🙏
Ngl I feel the frustration of being stuck where you grew up and needing to get away. Congrats on the move and on stairfree living!
I've been living in the same place for two years with the knowledge that it's temporary and I cannot understate how stressed out I am about eventually moving. I'm disabled both physically and mentally and I am quite poor and the whole thing is so overwhelming. This house isn't the best of places for me right now (active construction) but man am I enjoying it for the time being. Plus my cat loves it so that's a plus. This gives me a little hope.
If i had to move that much in such a short time, id be kn the ground curled up in a ball from the anxiety. Good luck jo!
Thank you for this, I really needed to hear something like this right now. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your move. Hopefully in about 9 months I & my eldest (and my cat) will be doing something similar. The fear of the unknown can be really strong at times!
Moving 4 times in 1.5 years is bonkers and you have all my admiration in the world for it, especially because you somehow still have the energy to paint the walls and unpack everything. I have to move in a few months and I'm already dreading the whole exhausting process.
You are a beautiful human being! Thank you for being so transparent and honest..it is refreshing!
Ok, also, being further into the video now, I frickin' love your paint job! The prefect little personal touch
I hope that, once settled and the emotions associated have eased, you, Sophie and Leo are very happy in your new home. Moving somewhere unknown is very scary - I’ve done it! - but also so worth it if you do it because you need to break the ties to a place filled with memories of trauma. Sending much love to you and your puppers from a very warm UK 🇬🇧 xxx
Congratulations! It's a major decision, but it does feel amazing once you've moved. I moved to the other end of the country from where I lived for as long as I could remember. It was so scary, but I feel so much better for leaving.
Jo, if there's a community choir in your area that could be a fun way to find build connection to a new place. I've found choirs very uplifting and inclusive in that you are creating something beautiful together without having to be super physically able. (and if you think you can't sing well enough, you'd be amazed at how your voice disappears into the choir sound) Just a thought, feel free to ignore! All the best in your new home!
Fresh starts and small spaces are great ways to gather yourself and put yourself on a better path. Good for you to finally overcome the inertia and leave CS.
Our old gal has chewed through a couple of door frames during thunderstorms when we are away. I’m beginning to get skilled at repairing them.
I'm so glad that you mentioned the blinds. I couldn't stop looking at them 😅
That said, I understand how it feels to be somewhere new and how the ability to go out and not see a bunch of people you know, can be such a weight lifted. It was that way for me too, when I moved out of state. Unfortunately I have been back for quite a while and don't have the ability to move away again. If I could, I would.
Congrats on your new place and I hope that it will bring everything you were hoping for (and more)!!
I kept looking at the blinds instead of her more of the time too 😅
omg i relate so hard to the moving away from memories being like a weight off ur chest, i hope that u get the fresh start that you want and everything goes well in ur new home ❤i like the wall paintings and the dresses
It's weird how long it took me to realize that reason I hated where I was from was because a bunch of really terrible things happened to me there. I got through the worst parts of my life living in the same place. But man, living somewhere else really does feel like a new era.
I recognize that place. You're staying at the historic Overlook Hotel in the Colorado Rockies. I hear the winters there are brutal.
Moving IS a big thing, and I am proud of you! My therapist told me that moving houses is one of the most impactful things in people's lives, right after death and breakup. I am so proud of you for making this decision
I like the paintings ! And it’s not tiny, it’s perfect for you
Congratulations! A change of scenery is amazing for the heart. I wish you the best in your new home.
Change is good. I hope the puppies enjoy the new place as much as you do!
I live in Boulder County… and it is EXPENSIVE especially renting. I have a small place that I bought back at the end of 2016. I moved SO much before then for jobs and cheaper apartments which was stressful having a dog and a tight budget. Glad to be in one place now. I know you are recovering (6 months in the future) having a smaller place on one floor is a real blessing as you heal. When you are ready and if you are interested, doing a Meetup would be fun… can be super low key… knitting, coloring, coffee place chat… It would be fun! Take care ❤
Jo, I have been watching your videos for a couple of years and have watched all of your videos. Your content (and your voice) is very important and helpful to others and myself (as I'm sure it is you as well). Your real life experiences that you share, specifically surrounding disability in general, is a voice that is needed in our society.
As for this particular video, you don't need my view, but I think your genuine is refreshing.
So excited for you! It's definitely a big change, so continue to be patient with yourself. Wishing you many new, happy memories in your new place! 💜
I was stationed at Ft Carson (Colorado Springs) during my time in the ARMY. While I truly enjoyed being there, I think I would prefer to live further out (like Pueblo or Gorge area). Anyway, good to see you are keeping strong and sharing the journey.
That's awesome that you're already noticing some benefits/positive thoughts after you're move! I feel like I too struggle with making big decisions like this and I appreciate your perspective on the desire to make progress regardless of the rightness or wrongness of the decision. I guess ultimately, it's all about moving forward and taking everything in stride. Best of luck with the move/unpacking!
Good for you Jo ❤❤❤❤
On making a decision, don't spend a lot of time later on second guessing your decision.
On have one floor, I am not disabled just getting old. I decided when I moved 4 years ago, that my house was to have NO STAIRS. I totally feel you with respect to the no stairs thing.
On making a move in general, where ever you go, you bring yourself with you. That should not scare you. But it isn't gonna magically "fix" everything either. As long as you recognize this concept you should be golden.
Good luck in your new adventure Mizz Jo.
As my wife and I are well into the second half of our seventies we know that we need to downsize, but aren't ready too. As for stairs, neither one of us like them. I am happy you've foud a place with one level. Mental health is an important thing for everyone.
New starts can be so healthy for the soul! You will love it!
Lived in Columbia, Missouri through my childhood. I moved to Kansas City, Missouri for a few years, before moving back to Columbia, where I lived for 20 more years. Moved to North Carolina out of necessity a year and a half ago.
Glad to hear you're still in CO. I spent 2nd grade through 12th in CO Springs and it sucks. It's pretty much "what if the suburbs were also the city?" Glad you could get out of it but even happier to hear you're doing something exciting/new.
“… if anyone clicked off the video because of that, I understand.” Hahaha. You’re wonderful. Enjoy the new space. Give yourself the room to cry too.
I love your little house! Yeah, I need to get out of town, too. I've been here for 35 years but FL is not a nice place anymore. I really thought it was just my space, and I could change space in town here, but nope. So I'm looking at a major change. Rents here are ridiculous, and moving 4-500 miles makes then a LOT more reasonable. And I realized that most of my friends are scattered all over the globe, and internet is our primary form on seeing each other. Congratulations on taking the leap!
The way you felt about Colorado Springs is how my wife felt about where we were living in Florida 7 years ago, and it prompted us to leave the state entirely and move somewhere new. We now live somewhere that neither of us had lived prior. Just new and lots to explore that way!
Except for the tiny shower, I dig your new place. The painting looks awesome! I hope this move is just what you were needing. When you’re in the right place, you just feel it.
in the late 90's i moved from seattle to portland oregon, and was in a pretty deep funk for a couple of years. pdx is so downscale from sea. you can just feel the energy in seattle! i grew up there and loved it, but now it's so expensive i could not afford to go back. i moved back across the columbia to vancouver, wa about 10 years ago, and am really glad i did. the wa legal /tax system is much more logical, and it does make a big difference.
Your beautiful, lovely internet faithful are here for you Jo. Enjoy your new home, and we all hope you will find happiness there.
I really admire you, Jo, I wish I could be more like you. Fear holds me back and I need to change that. You've inspired me today. Good luck with the rest of the move, enjoy your new place and continue taking good care of yourself. ❤️
Wow! You've undergone a LOT of changes in your life and experienced things that very few have ever experienced. My hat is off to you for your strength, courage and tenacity. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have decided to subscribe to your channel and to start to follow your adventures. Carry on vlogging!
Good luck with move and the new place. And it’s absolutely ok to have a little meltdown after everything is done to get the stress out of you.
I live in Colorado. So I definitely understand even though moving not far but far enough away from trauma makes sense. Colorado is big Colorado is amazing! One day I hope to meet you! You go Jo
I like the abstract mountain paintings. Fitting, I think.
I really like the painting you did! It adds a lot character to such a small apace!
Hopefully this works out. We all know happiness is within, but our environment plays a monster part in who we are as well.
Congratulations Jo! Happy for you. It’s hard to make these kinds of changes. You have a great personality and I’m sure will meet great new people . Best of luck.
I wish you best of luck on your moving . You are courageous and wise. Always remember .. Where ever you go .. There you are. Continue to be your best self
Good luck in your new space, your new place. I love the coziness of your house, and the paint job is amazing.
I'm in a similar situation of feeling stuck. Unfortunately, I like the financial resources to move somewhere new and get a first start. I just have to trudge along and make do.
Congrats Jo. It is scary, change is scary. I wish my husband understood how difficult stars are for me. I still have all my limbs, but it is in my future. I have PAD and all surgeries have failed.
I really appreciate you opening up on topics people steer well clear of! Your new place looks lovely, and I remember you decorating and love that you’ve put your own stamp on it. Bless Sophie - must be difficult for dogs (as well as humans), when it comes to moving, or making large life changes, especially environmental changes. Very cute she is needy, as it shows how much she adores and trusts you. Hope you settle in well. Bestest of wishes for 2024, full of health AND happiness! 💜💫
Jo, Thank you for your other channel, Trauma Talk . It helped me heal, I no longer have nightmares about being abused. I just have dreams...but they're *weird.*
Love the multi-colored dress on you! Love the crooked blind. Love your attitude! My bathroom is very tiny; so easy to clean. Congrats on new beginnings 😊🎉
I love the pink curvy rainbow type stripes! They are super cute. Moving is never fun, but sometimes it's best to leave and go somewhere new. Glad Leo has doggy godparents to take care of him for a bit, because you're right moving and puppies aren't an easy mix, and if you've got someone to watch him for the couple weeks of actual moving/ set up you're both happier. Good luck getting everything established in your new town as quickly as possible. And sending love to you and your pups!
I just moved to Denver recently so I feel you! I’m loving Colorado and it’s so nice to not be bogged down with bad memories and experiences when I drive around and have to ignore my bad feelings. I just feel free and relieved and I hope this experience gives you the same feelings!
Jo I wish you all the best.
I'm thinking of doing the same thing. Leaving the town I've lived at for a while that feels like my ex's town. The only thing that's stopping me is how dang expensive breaking a lease would be.
take care, and i hope the stress of moving goes away quickly!
I totally understand your need to move somewhere new.
I moved away from my hometown due to memories I wanted to forget.
It is the best thing for me. It took a while to settle but now I can work through the trauma and can relax.
I really wish all the happiness in your new home. You really are an awesome person. Thank you for letting us follow your life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You must be the most genuine person on web. Love your beautifull light that keeps on shining despite difficulties. You make me feel at home thank you tremendously.
That's awesome, you're amazing. Sometimes people just need to change atmosphere and the environment around. Sometimes the place you're at can cause you toxicity and it spreads out. I'm on that same path. And I rather not be toxic,because of the world around me. Be blessed, your a wonderful person. Thank you.
Best wishes on the move to dthe new home. No Stairs! That's a good thing. Being an amputee myself I totally understand where you are coming from. People around me do to not want to hear of my everyday pain. We moved over 2,000 miles away from let's call it stuff to start a fresh life. My husband, dog and I lve a quite life now. Ups and Downs yeah I've had a few but I get where you are coming from. Take care and be well!
Memories are a huge trigger for emotions both good and bad. Alleviating the bad emotions in your life is a very courageous decision, good for you. Sometimes a total complete shakeup is called for. I have the utmost respect for you in your decision to do so. It'll be ok.
Good for you Joe, onward and upward! Study up on depression if you're not knowledgeable about it already it sounds like that's where you were heading or at. You did the right thing , luck in your new space!❤
Thanks for straightening your blinds. And for understanding that it might make some of us uneasy without shaming.