Just pay attention to your own surroundings, ask questions or how you can help, and do what it is needed to take work off your woman. It is not hard. 😌
@@sg5720oh no! Don't ask questions. Because they have been living in the same house the same amount of time. If she automatically knows what needs to be done so should he.
Oh Gawd Yes!!! You nailed it. He wanted to be needed, had all the time to help me out (he’s retired and I’m still working) and after the first couple of months he didn’t lift a finger to make my life any easier.
Yup. And it's an exhausting thought. Basically have to coddle another person's emotions that says them self they are the protector and provider and needs the ego stroke from and outside source. It's one thing to be supportive and appreciative of a man. But that's alot of emotional labor that mostly all don't even recognize and the cognitive dissonance they would have to even grab this concept. They don't want to seen as less then or use if they are the non protective ones. It's like living a lie and can't even be authentic to Basically be in a religious or for others survive.
Correct. That’s all it is. It’s performative. Men don’t actually want to be needed. That’s why stay at-home moms are the most miserable people. Pretend you can’t open jars, make him feel necessary in your life, but not in really important ways. Just in small ways. It’s exhausting 😩
It totally is. They need someone to point to exactly what needs to be done, so they can do it and feel like a hero. And then they need a parade for doing it so that everyone can acknowledge that they did the thing and fawn all over them for doing it.
Women work every day, come home, cook, clean, take care of kids, laundry, homework, and right now, Christmas magic. And men need to feel needed, while they aren’t helping? We do need them to help. However, they’re “too tired” to help. You can’t make this stuff up.
It's shouldn't even be called help. They should want to co-manage the household. Don't call me bossy if you give me no choice but to take charge... Christmas magic is a whole extra job.
@@Greenplanet949 Maybe ask them? Or better yet get a real job then if you don’t already have one. Swap roles. See how willing you are to do all the above when you shoulder most or all of the household AND financial responsibilities 😁
@TheGreatSalsaMan I am now retired but worked in publishing and then for decades as financial analyst for one of the biggest non-profits in the US. I call that a “real job.” I also made a good salary, so I think I know something of “financial responsibilities.” . Not only did I work but did everything in the home as well.
Exactly. Their contribution & expected adoration for said contribution. Can be compared to a teenage boy. He has a part time job that helps mom with the bills, takes out the trash, & occasionally watches the kids for mom. And EVERYONE will praise him for being such a good "helper" SAME THING they're doing in grown ass relationships. And want a damn gold medal for it. Foh!
Thats why they say, "men want to FEEL needed," and instead of saying, "men want to BE need." It is all emotional, which is ironic since they love to call us women emotional 🤣
Yep… I had an ex who would tell me “be strong” but wanted me to be his emotional support when he was going through something. That shyt got old, real quick
And the 20% of chores I do should only need to be done minimally like yard work or something you ask me to do. Otherwise you will have to give me attention via nagging me in order to get it done if it is an everyday thing like taking out the trash.
That's why the argument that men are natural leader and provider is bull. For those who earned leadership roles, they did so by taking initiative. If they saw a need, they would offer up a solution. It's like fathers who are active in their children's lives. They don't wait or need the mother to tell them what is needed, they can assess the situation themselves. Your kid's clothes are getting shorter, time for bigger clothes. Shoes too small, time for new shoes. Leaders don't wait around for someone to tell them what to do.
My guy friend who behaves like this, he needs to be directly and explicitly have things written out for him to do a simple task. When I brought this up he told me that initiative is bad because “what if he messes up or gets it wrong” and my answer was then you fix you mistake. He seemed shocked at how simple my answer was. 😅 I also had to add who cares if your partner is upset you didn’t get it right the first time, you’ll do better next time and you’ll redo it until you get it right (in my head I was like… stop acting like a scared child 😩). It’s like weaponized incompetence is wired in men.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709how do they function at work has always been my question. Do they ask their bosses for lists and constant instructions on tasks they’ve done countless times already? Weaponized incompetence I think is built into everyone. Humans are pretty lazy 😂. But we know that we can’t be selfish all the time and that we should help and make each others lives easier rather than harder. We grow out of a whiny child/lazy teenager and take initiative over our own lives. They just…don’t grow out it? It’s pretty pathetic when you think about adults doing this when they have families or a partner. At least when you live alone it’s you doing the daily grind even if you get tired or just don’t feel like doing it for a bit.
I'm tried of intimacy being used in exchange for sex. Intimacy isn't exclusive to sex, and they're not interchangeable terms. Intimacy starts well before the bedroom
Try explaining this to the average man, there's soo much available information on this topic, but they choose to remain willfully ignorant, yet they expect us to initiate sxx more..they can't connect the d@mn dots to save their lives.
From what I'm seeing and also experienced, after such physical activities some do tend to like to get really intimate and cling to your damn near soul, but for women intimacy needs to come before physical touching or it's just another day of having friends with benefits that you really don't need to tie yourself to, because you only got the surface base of the person and wasn't able to get a real connection going so it's not needed, in this case no desire to grow with such a person. shoot, maybe not even a friend just a once and a while s*x.
@@happilydivorced3235 Like a scared auntie many men don't want to call sexual things with their right terms, because such men want to manipulate their access to sex. They are needy, but don't want to admit it. Playing gaslighting games in this respect, too. They feel need to have sex, but feel no need to be attractive in the woman's eye, they'd rather pay for sex, or make it her "duty". Haha! We are not going back!!!
“Men need to feel needed” = “men long for the time when women couldn’t work or have bank accounts or own property, so they NEEDED to be a slave to a man 24/7 to survive.”
Insightful. As a Southern woman, I was TRAINED to give men tasks to do (even tho I could do it myself) just to make them feel important & needed. It is generational coddling.
Yet men claim they are such visual creatures. If that's true, why should anyone tell them what they need to do? Can't they see it with their own 2 eyes?
@@sw3783 and yet, I've never seen a man look at a buffet of food and forget to eat when staying for the weekend. But, a pile of dishes overflowing in the sink will remain unwashed until a woman walks into the kitchen and picks up that sponge, while he sits at the table and stares at it. You can attempt to apply whatever excuses you want. I'm not buying it.
Shera did a video a long time ago about how men want to be needed but in a fake way. Like if you’re really in need, he will refuse to help you. But if it’s an act where you put on the fake tears, he’ll do it. It’s a game to the men. That’s why they’ll abandon you when you’re pregnant-who needs him more than his pregnant partner? But that need is real. He wants the experience to be acted out like in a movie where he saves the damsel who’s just an actress.
Mm this is in the book "Why men love Bitches." Something like, pretending to need him to hang a picture and giving him praise even if he did a shitty job 🤦🏾♀️
What's funny is it's the traditional women teaching the future generations to be independent so they don't have to endure marital abuse by their husbands like they were.
Saying men aren't trained to multitask hits home. My father would be so irritated watching me wash dishes, prep food, cook, put the groceries away, watch TV, and talk at the same time. He would always frown up and tell me to slow down and do 1 thing at a time. Looking back on it, watching me frustrated him. He never cooked or cleaned but always wanted to critique and give orders on how to do it.
And, certain men do that to women they don’t even know. That is wild to me. To walk up to a stranger and tell her how to do whatever it is she is already doing takes audacity.
My first experience when I realize that men get overwhelmed by multi-tasking or doing A task for me was my second boyfriend and and it made me realize that maybe guys are not as protective and generous as I thought. Soon after I started to not be attracted to him and sex was less and less. That pissed him off but I wasn't attracted to him anymore. He shut down when I ask him for the actual help I need. Was very passive aggressive.
That’s odd considering multi tasking while cooking is normal. How did he think restaurant kitchens run? 😂 it’s definitely not people focusing on a single task.
@@Gingabread-bw6xjand aren’t most chefs men generally speaking? So those men working in a busy kitchen must know how to multi task, what’s the average man’s excuse as to why he can’t multitask lmao
''ask for help'' When a woman does ask a man to help her, or do something for her, the man barely ever does it. And then he'll turn around and say ''stop nagging me, I said I'd do it''. Meanwhile the woman has been asking for days, weeks, months. That's why women don't need men, cause men procrastinate or butch the help they say they would give. wE WAnt tO FeEl NEeDed.
When I was 9 months pregnant with my first child, I gave up asking my husband to move boxes and help me set up the nursery. I moved the boxes myself from one room to another. I was careful, a laid down on the carpet and used my legs to do the work. I set up the nursery. He came home and acted surprised. Why didn’t I ask him to do it? I had asked him to do it for 2 months. He said I didn’t give him a timetable. Really, how about BEFORE the due date? I did not have another child. He never helped with our son. We are still married but things are much better now. Still glad I stopped having children. I didn’t get married to feel like a single mother raising children.
@@jordanpoole7183 But, isn’t not doing it at the time she asks you to do it part of weaponized incompetence? Because most often she is asking when you aren’t in the middle of something else. And, isn’t complaining about being nagged also nagging?
I dated a guy from the age of 19 - 23 and when I say he wanted to FEEL useful just because he was a man but never actually did anything useful 🙄 Memory: one time when he and I were dating-there was a HUGE storm. Tornado and thunderstorm together. It knocked the power out for about a day. We were at my apartment-he still lived with his mom, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment (he never wanted to grow up fr). I was babysitting my 1 year old nephew. Next day, I noticed The power on the block was back on, but mine wasn’t. So I called the power company and they advised that I would need to go outside and flip the breaker-they said if I didn’t feel comfortable then they would come back out, but it would be another 4-5 hours as they are in another city working to restore power. I didn’t want to wait that long and neither did he especially since we had the baby with us. He went outside and came back like 3 minutes later, but no power?! I said it didn’t come on-he said, “I didn’t do it because it looked scary to touch.” I just stared at him-cuz he had to be joking! then he started going into detail about how scary it looked and how we should just wait until the power company can come back. I was like OMG! He’s serious. I said well watch the baby and let me go see for myself. I came back in 3 minutes-power fully restored. It wasn’t scary at all-at least not to me. When I came back in the house he was staring at me with evil eyes-I was like what’s wrong? He started going off yelling at me and saying that i act like he’s not a man or something. He said that I was rude and too masculine (that was the first time I’d ever been called that and it was back in 2012). I kept asking what I’d done, but he never said why-he just kept repeating that i was masculine and that I acted like he wasn’t a man. I was genuinely confused. 🫤 Over the years, I started to realize that A LOT of men HATE that we can do things without them. That we won’t sit around and be stuck in the dark waiting on them (pun intended). That we won’t sit around and waste our time (life) waiting for a man to do something for us when we can save ourselves.
Lol projection at its finest. "You're saying I'm not a man. You masculine!" Nah, you're conscious is telling you that buddy. And if I'm masculine, what does that make you? That should have been the final straw right there. Only man who can yell at me is my Dad. And that's because he raised me and gave me a car 😂
amazing example! I was recently called masculine by a black man for looking after my family and succeeding in my education and career, despite having a absent father and a lower income family. funnily enough he is benefiting from those “masculine” traits indirectly and knows it. I’ve come to the conclusion they want you to be useless and unaccomplished unless they facilitate it or it benefits them. I’m only 25 but have decided being alone is better than having to limit myself and feign ignorance to boost a man’s ego.
What many men actually need is a singularly competent woman, who secretly *helps him* make a good impression on his dad, boss, and male friends. He takes all the credit, and doesn't mention her help or his need to be helped. And he doesn't reciprocate...
Transaction 10.55, exactly. Smeks. And if a woman likes them without needing anything (without using them), they are confused and negative, because FEELINGS!!!! Feelings and intimacy without transaction. They can't handle that
It's about the control they can leverage from that. A person who opted in via WANT can easily opt out. If you put control around that they can't opt out.
I can see this we also see this they love the begging part when media or men say "This person/alien/people group dismissed him/laughed at him/didn't take him seriously/thought he was weak until the X happened and now they begged him for protection/aid/knowledge/to rise up to the occasion and solve the problem" this whole plot point, tag line, story is all about the begging, pleading, we were wrong! men who say, "Just wait till WW3 happens then the women will be begging us for aid." this is the same he never cared to begin with wants to be begged to hold their life in his hands and go, "no."
This problem works out on a societal scale, too. The microlender Grameen Bank now gives most of its loans to women, because the organization discovered that women not only had a higher repayment rate (as much as 40% higher) but would invest the money in improving the lives of their whole family and community, whereas men would just spend the money to improve their own lives. Guess those men didn't really want to feel needed. What women NEED is more access to capital and more political power.
Initiate cleaning those pots and pans, initiate cooking dinner, initiate making the bed, initiate going to school, initiate reading, initiate.........then we can talk.
I worked all day today. Came home and found my husband cleaned the kitchen and together with our daughter decorated the tree. Tomorrow we'll go together grocery shopping. He likes to carry the heavier stuff for me. This morning he ironed. The day before yesterday he cleaned the living room. We both don't need each other, but we're both very happy to have each other and we like taking care of each other.
@@helgaioannidis9365 So your partner did house work while you worked your job??? Huh wow its almost like the person with a job should earn the money and the stay at home partner should do the household tasks!!! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
@TheGreatSalsaMan we actually both work to earn money and both do housework. There's many women who complain that their husbands don't do housework even though both partners work. So I wanted to show that there's men who aren't like that.
@@helgaioannidis9365 Lets reverse that: Theres many men who complain that their wives don’t work even though both partners do housework. So I wanted to show theres women who aren’t like that. If your opinion changes in any way and thinks that’s a sexist statement then you need to take a hard long look at what YOU wrote.
@@TheGreatSalsaMan If you want to debate someone then debate The Public Offender; don't be a punk and hide in these comments, trying to debate women on their lived experiences with men. Go debate a man (who is well AWARE of the mind games that y'all play) on how men actually are towards women. You're wasting valuable time typing out these canned responses when so many, many women in these comments are telling you/relaying to each other exactly what their experiences are with men.
They want to feel needed, not actually be needed. Being needed means they would have to pull weight that they wouldn't normally pull if they were living alone.
I think it's coded language to enable lazy men. A better translation is: men are so lazy & lack initiative, that women need to create fake situations to make men FEEL needed. And women need to lead men to situations where men can actually do something useful.
Men need to stop disproportionately murdering, raping and causing chaos amongst women and children, and even men. Men need to get it together, they need to do better.
The couple definitely did and it is weird that they have this rhetoric but never a solution outside of others. All they had to do, was be there for the community they live in. They're lazy and want an easy mode
Bc how can they tell you that the men have no purpose otherwise unless women pretend to be helpless? It's obviously a turn off so they hide that intention behind seemingly normative language.
Its the transactional part for me. I had to accept that a man does nothing for nothing. For the younger women, if you don't like that man as a partner, when he offer say no thanks. He isnt doing it out of the kindness of his heart.
I long ago decided I would far rather be wanted than needed. Needed implies a codependency. Being wanted, however, knowing that someone doesn't need me to function but CHOOSES to be with me because of what I add to their life, is much nicer and more flattering. And WAY less pressure.
Males are too slow to understand this and behave in a way that makes them likeable. Hence, they will always try instead to place women in abusive and controlled situations so they can force women to need them
In college I read a book called (I think) "The Second Shift" talking about all the domestic labor women do after coming home from work. One chapter detailed how one couple technically had a fairly even 50/50 split, but BECAUSE THE WIFE PRETENDED TO BE INCOMPETENT. The husband took over dinner duty most nights because "she always burns the rice." Meanwhile, she did other stuff around the house that needed to get done. She shouldn't have had to use weaponized incompetence to get him to help, but GOOD ON HER for getting the help she needed.
@nickharrington6557 you are joking right? Or do you mean shit Woman are not as stupid u thought like they actually found a way to make a Men actually help them then you right and as a Woman I feel proud
I’ve had this discussion so many times, and the response I get most often is, “Well, men get drafted. Men fight in wars. We need them for that.” My question back is always, “How many wars have been started by women?” I’m so thankful that I finally found a man who gets this. I actually do need him (recently disabled), and I never had to tell him so. He just knew, and acted on it. I’ve been ill my whole life, and spent decades in relationships with grown men who needed me to do everything for them, knowing I would one day need their help. Thank goodness I figured out that, if they couldn’t offer minimal help while I was well, there was no way they’d be there for me when my health eventually took a turn for the worst. I wish there were more men like my partner; he’s a saint, and he steps up for everyone in his life, no transaction required.
@@TheGreatSalsaManNo women are complaining that their sons are getting killed. Most dudes who go into the military are raised by single moms. When they die only the mother gets crushed because the father was never there. The military is full of poor kids (specifically brown and black, we’re not talking officers), not the middle class with 2 parent households. These greedy ass wars are created and profited off of by men, why tf should some poor chick led a hand😂 No one should. But most protests are led by women anyway in the 21st century.
The fact that they have to feel needed to use it for transactions means that they actually dont have anything to offer. With that said it doesn't mean men cant offer anything ever, but in that dynamic, in our current world they don't offer anything of value to women. Hence they need to say they need to feel needed instead of just being needed by what you pour into the world and relationships. Write now they only offer more work, danger, stress.
Men need to offer more than just a job and his own place, they have to literally have a personality and morals. They think it’s unrealistic for women to want more than just the bare minimum.
@@Raven.MadnessI will never ever believe them when they say she sets unrealistic standards when she sets a simple boundaries or expresses a basic need. It's just inconvenient to them so they have to devalue it because the only thing a man is good for is mentally 🪛 women.
@@Raven.MadnessThat's so True. I'm sick of men with bad hygiene and personalities screaming that they are good men. I understand that life is hard for everyone but they need to get it together. There are more women than men in this country so they have no excuses to be single. Women will lower their standards for men if they are clean and good personality. I mean, if a guy is a one then he should lower his standards too. Lol. Some guy was trying to tell me that I have unrealistic standards because I don't consider obese men or handicapped men regular guy's. Lol
15:01 Re: this, we also know that during the world wars (when the men got drafted), women had to step into a lot of those “hard-labor” jobs, and productivity did not decrease. If men were inherently better at those jobs than us, you’d think there’d have been a significant lapse. But there wasn’t
I went through this with my ex. I had to think of chores he could do that weren’t too hard and he would enjoy doing them. Plus, couldn’t be anything we really needed because he’d only do the chore once he felt like it. It really became more mental labor for me to give him something he’d do and then praise him for doing it than it was to supervise our toddler helping me complete the chore.
That's how I knew my brother-in-law wasn't a misogynist. I am a small woman, but I have exceptional grip. During the pandemic, we all moved in together to quarantine, and he had no gripes at all with me being the designated jar opener. He'd bring me jars all the time to open for him. My young nieces eventually heard the trope, about us needing men to open jars, and were thoroughly confused by it.
I applause and very greatful. Its cool even if small. Though its nicer, when person doing benevolent gesture do not put himself too high and give others space to compliment him without making "full of himself face". But , even with "full of pride" face, that's still nice thing to do. I always happy and glad, when my husband helps with opening things like its nothing to him, with cool distant superhero face😊
If you’re a husband or boyfriend, here’s what is needed. Don’t ask, be observant and find out what obstacles stand in front of her being able to rest. Remove those obstacles and please do it the right way (otherwise it’s counterproductive). She can see you better with all those obstacles out of the way.
Thats the same advice they give us in dating and look where we are now with all the metoo stuff…we need clear affirmative consent so we don’t make yall mad like why does proper communication set off so many women…🙄🙄🙄
So my problem is I am married to a man and he sees the need way before me. He ALWAYS has the right answer and always fix the problem. The problem is I used to be able to see a need and handle it on my own time. He always take care of me and I’m starting to feel lazy. My friends say I am complaining for no reason, but because I’m starting to feel he don’t need me, I do not like how it feels. His mom raised him right, I’m happy about that- but I as his wife I want to feel needed and for the first time I’m feeling like he don’t need me. We called the outliers, but what if we as women like to be needed? Does that make us a bad woman? Is any wife feeling this way cause they married to a man that overly gets it?! I have talked to him and he tells me stop being negative and he likes helping me, and we good. I know I’m blessed but It is just a weird feeling I can’t explain, and then I think men are right when they do say women can never be happy? Maybe it is just me. I don’t know. 🤷🏽♀️😔
@@sg5720maybe it’s a sign to go out and help other people and need. I always had the desire to feel need and valued. Most people do. No one should depend on their partner to feel needed and valued. We can go out gain skills, volunteer, build a business, start a fulfilling job. With the free time he gives you, you can do something else that is more fulfilling to do instead of more house work work.
Its annoying and childish. No one person can do anything. Figure out each others strengths and weaknesses and go from there. Im tired of hearing that men need to feel needed. Its not my job to make you feel needed. That's weird.
Guarantee that there's something in "your woman's" life that a man could do that she would be deeply grateful for. But the women are tired of having to do the mental work. Cmon, figure it out intelligent logical leaders
“Honey can you fix the tap?” “Can you take the rubbish out” “can you bath the kids whilst I get dinner done?” These are needs. Men don’t understand that a guy who genuinely helps with things are doing being needed! If he’s doing these things he’s a hero to his wife… otherwise he’s just another child for her to look after wether he’s bringing income or not
The skit about the man making "sacrifices" for the family lmaoooooo I can name so many actual, calculatable sacrifices that women make to be with men but what do men sacrifice?
their money lol. Cause a lot of men feel like they only need to work and make money to support their wives/gfs and kids. They wouldn’t work otherwise they’d just let mommy take care of them.
What I've seen is that the men who expressed needing to FEEL needed eventually become resentful when they are ACTUALLY needed... they start to feel like love is conditional even after demanding conditions. it comes up a lot in therapy. Patriarchy has done a number on us all!
As a retired diesel mechanic, I actually used to allow the peacocking men to help me when they wanted to come to my rescue. I still got paid for the job. 😊😊😊😊
I did that once at a new job, everyone was treating me like I was incompetent and too delicate for the work, so I let them "help" me with all the smaller stuff. Meanwhile, I snuck off to rebuild a transmission while they patched tires for me.
My ex bf had a sit down job, could choose his own schedule, and would never ever help me around the house. Ever. Never lifted a finger to clean anything unless it was from his own mess. I worked on my feet all day and still kept the house spotless. But i was so tired. If he wanted me to do something different, he didn't have to ask twice. If i wanted him to change something, it was arguing, excuses, lies, blaming me etc. Eventually i couldnt stand him and broke up with him. I told him that he needed to care about resolving the problems that i have. He would try to bring up his problems at the same time i did but i would tell him no, now is my time and we can set time for your problems but i felt like he was using it as a scapegoat and i wasn't having that lol. Men dont understand that when women complain to them, thats the perfect way to make the relationship better. But they usually choose to ruin it.
You just put into words the problem I’ve been having with my doctor that I haven’t been able to articulate. Right now he’ll tell me one thing it’s not, and getting any further help or information is like pulling teeth. Like he actively resents having to do it. I need a doctor who cares about RESOLVING my problems. Just like a relationship I shouldn’t have to fight for it. A little off topic, but thank you so much!
that was a very good example you just gave of the difference between a man and a woman where a woman simply sees a need and fulfills it whereas men wait for an invitation to help because they see it as transactional.
The female lion brings back more food for the cubs, while the male lion lays around "protecting" but the first one to show up to eat. Sound familiar...gross! Choose the 🐻
I needed my man when our children woke up at night and I had to work the next day. He rolled over and said said he needed his sleep. I needed him when i was sick. He told me to suck it up and get to work. I needed my man to help with dinner and he blew our budget on take out. I asked my man to support his family and he went unemployed for years at a time because he was too good for certain jobs. He was needed. He didn’t bother helping. I don’t bother and he’s not my man anymore.
" Your femininity is malfunctioning if you never ask for help". Sir, I literally. LOLd. I wonder what men would say if a bunch of random women started podcast and complained about what they needed to do? " You need to not need women so much. Stop putting everything on us".
None of these podcast people seem to be able to define what femininity and masculinity are and complement each other. Like with concrete traits and qualities. “Be my peace” what does that mean to you? “Nurturing, caring, supportive”. Okay but what does that look like in action? And if these are inherently female traits, why are you all dissing women every second you can saying the exact opposite? And does this mean masculine men should be the opposite or not caring or supportive? It’s like they all just parrot each other and the audiences don’t question anything that’s said. Like how can personality traits be malfunctioning? Does masculinity malfunction if men aren’t sent off to die in wars? I just listen to these sometimes wondering “what does it meeeeaaan” lol.
When I still dated men years ago, there were a couple who actually told me that I never "made them feel needed". (But I hate feeling dependent on anyone for anything) If I did try to be more vulnerable and maybe lean on them for emotional support, that seemed to make them uncomfortable. So then I never believed them when some would tell me that. The relationships would always end eventually. Women I dated were always more open to actually being supportive, and I always returned that same energy if both of us made the effort. Men have so many walls up emotionally, I got tired of trying to climb them. Dating them got exhausting and very discouraging. Being supportive of them also seems pointless after awhlle, because they never appreciate it. Or some even resent it eventually. Women are worn out and tired. I love this couple's conversation. Good stuff. 👍
you got it! Not needing a man also means that the moment he is incapacitated for whatever reason, the woman won't have to look for her next provider... she will support him!
My husband and I split recently. He is learning the _very_ difficult lesson that our 9 y-o and I are doing quite well without him. I have my VA benefits, the only "man" I depend on is Uncle Sam, Homie-Pie. Our son is CALMER, my menopausal self hasn't had ONE SINGLE hot flash or night sweat incident since he left. I can BREATHE. The house isn't a mess cuz I'm waiting for him to do... Something. Anything. Two eggs can be fused to create another human. Obscelence must be frightening.
my mother joined a cult when I was 2 , I was raised very young that men were the leaders, the everything, and women were essentially servants, then I went to live with my fathers side of the family at the age of 14, they were fundamentalist muslims and I converted to that belief system which was an even higher level of misogamy, I used to genuinely believe I couldn't for example assemble furniture, I literally thought only men could do that so I never even tried. Eventually I left those religion and men and one day I needed to assemble something, I paid a man to come do it because I still didn't realize women were capable of learning that. It took years, but now I assemble my own furniture, by myself and sure sometimes it takes a while but I've finished every thing I started or tried. The reason men do certain jobs is because they lied to women and convinced us we couldn't do those jobs- unless a job involves brute strength like carrying super heavy stuff, women can def learn to do it if given a chance
and get this: even with heavy stuff we can use techniques to work around it. Ask me how a 5'1" tall middle aged woman installed full sheets of cement board to complete her diy bathroom renovation? Yes - alone with no help from anyone. To be fair, I did call in my beloved plumber to fix the pipes and install the toilet as I really did not want to screw that up. Not because he's a man and I'm a woman, but because he's a licensed plumber and I am not :D He gave my tile work (especially the penny tiles on the floor) the highest praise. He really was genuinely impressed and said he'd never, ever seen a penny tile floor without visible seams! And that, friends, is why I did it myself.
This is such a self-centered way of looking at the world. I'm a doctor of physical therapy. I go into people's homes everyday and I see what they need and somehow or another, I do my absolute best to get it for them. Sometimes it's not even my skills as a PT but rather my listening skills or handyman skills. Once, the need was rescuing and finding homes for well over a dozen sick kittens. Those kittens couldn't tell me that they needed me, in fact they were quite sick and scared of me and bit and scratched the hell out of my hands before I got smart and put on gloves every time I'd catch one. But now, every last one that survived has a loving, warm home, and the knowledge of that gives me so much joy. No one told me to do that- in fact, I had to go through some opposition to do it. But I look back with pride on that and many other actions I've taken to help those in need.
Solution: Men, develop yourself into someone who contributes things your partner or potential partner actually needs rather than creating artificial needs through your behavior or politics.
The best bit about this is 99% of the time if a woman asks a man for something he's not willing. Most of the time he won't do it, sometimes they will if you "nag" and sometimes you just get abuse and complaints about you requiring something of him. Men don't need to feel needed, they need to feel in power. Because society tells us power is absolute.
It's funny when I hear this topic I remember the stories my Dad would tell about his upbringing. His mother made terrible choices when it came to men so it fell on him to help provide for his house even at a young age. She even kicked him out of the house for wanting to graduate from high school before getting a full time job to help out. She kept having children but put more pressure on my Dad. When he went to the military she didn't even know at first but when she found out she tried to get his benefits because she had yet another child (8 altogether). My Dad got married out of the military but still helped his mother and raised his younger siblings while being a father to his own kids. My Dad was exhausted and felt that he was needed by everyone while having no one in his corner to rely on. When he met my mother she had no expectation from him except to love and honor her. She wanted him. He fell in love with her and would burn it all down for her because she wanted him. Being wanted is such a better feeling and I learned that lesson at such a young age. When I did start dating the push back I got from men because of the weird obsession to be needed was upsetting as hell.
I always felt that, I wish i was needed less because all the responsibility of the relationship, children and household always falls on me and its the same for many other women as well.
The thing that ticks me off about this, is that I’m criticized for being “strong and independent” as in, I’ve learned from life experience that if I’m buying a bulky item, I _must_ attempt to get it into my car myself before seeking out help. No man ever just offers out of the blue for me, so I always need to figure it out on my own. Sometimes if I find an employee, they are annoyed. Out of one side of their mouths they say men want to be needed, stop acting so “strong and independent” but when you need some assistance they’ll also say “no one’s coming to save you, princess!” So which one is it?!
They don't want to save you! And they don't want you to think that they want to save you. When they do throw you something that is beneficial it's on their terms and best believe that you owe them. I'd rather do for myself and not have to worry about all of the other bs that goes along with having them in your life 24/7.
Students in high school that can’t read or have learning deficiencies are often behavioral problems in class on purpose. If they ACT like a fool and don’t do their work then they can blame their failures on that and not on the fact that they are clueless about what is going on in the class. It sounds like the men described as being their inauthentic self for fear of rejection of their real self.
Bingo and the self sabotage. Realizing like oh I'm not equipped for this position as they tell men r suppose to be and then do want to go do the work to grow as a person. The self aware ones feel shame. But yet you want someone to follow ur lead and submit when women can subconsciously pick up, the why the hell would I be following u.
it's literally BEYOND me to comprehend how anyone exists in such a self centered space... idk... i came up poor, in a household full of women: my momma & 3 sisters. yes, my mom had to tell us to do stuff as we were coming up, i'm not claiming women/girls are perfect. but... her training generated 4 women who do what needs to be done. if it needs to be done, and i actually can do it, i do it. there doesn't have to be a reward at the end. i'm not waiting for someone to invite me, or beg me.... i don't need somebody to clap or say "yaay!" afterward, like you do to a 2 year old.... i'm truly lost....
That third guy at the beginning, who started clapping and chanting 'Hercules! Hercules!'. I honestly thought he was mocking the men who need that kind of toddler style validation. And then I realized, JFC, he's actually serious. What is WRONG with y'all.
They want to be needed how they want to be needed. If you ask for their help, unless it's something they already want to do, they will be annoyed and will not do what you're asking of them.
My daughter was temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Whenever we went out, it was RARE that a man opened the door. Perhaps twice in 3 months, and there were plenty of men around.
They actually watch you struggle and enjoy it which is sick. Why does an adult need someone to tell them to be kind? It does not cost anything and takes seconds of time. I'm sorry that happened.
I believe it. I watched a woman in a wheelchair struggle to get on the train and they were yelling at her to hurry up. Didn't even offer to roll her up. One of them even kicked her chair as she finally got on. They're miserable beings and I don't feel bad for anything that happens to them.
My ex wanted to be the hero. He could never plan ahead to help me. But he'd drop everything and help if I was in crisis. When we moved, my neighbor asked if I needed help. And I realized it was easier to ask her for help than to ask my husband. But when the queen mattress was too much for us to handle alone, he rushed over to help - with all the airs of being inconvenienced. Instead of planning ahead, he needed to see me helpless so he could swoop in and save the day - then blame me for it and put me down. This set up a terrible dynamic. A friend's husband controls her with money in the same way. He loves to swoop in and pay for things, but always conplains about it and treats her terribly for it.
This is the best video I've ever seen. At last somebody says it. Men primarily fulfill manmade, unnatural needs, money, construction, war...been saying this for years. Thank you for your service brother. I will add that when men finally choose to go within and do the work as you appear to have done, they become a true blessing to the world, speaking truth and defending the rights of others💚
To be fair, the manmade needs have really resulted in some extraordinary developments - but of course it's almost always men who are cited as being responsible, never mind all the women who have also made great discoveries and advancements in science/tech or similar. I think the real problem is that the man-made stuff is the only stuff that is praised and valued. As even if a woman does it, that credit/value is very often rubbed out of common knowledge. But just at base the fields that are male dominated are valued more than those where women are more involved. And funny enough, when women move into a field it's perceived value decreases accordingly, and when men take over something historically female dominated, the value increases. Perfect example is computer programming. It's pretty sickening.
“Need” comes from necessity. If they’re “needed”, they probably feel like it’s less likely they’ll be left. That’s why they’d rather be needed than wanted. B/c you’re a lot less likely to leave what you “need.”
I've noticed that men have to be told what to do, they won't just see something and do it. If I don't bring household chores to his attention, they will just pile up until I clean all of it. I've been told by men that they are not observant, not thorough, and have issues multitasking. Seems legit.
The thing is that women do show appreciation. They literally bake their men cookies. Or a cake or a steak. Just something he likes. Everyday when he comes home and his house is clean and food cooked and lunch made and she got his favorite toothpaste and soap and she leaves the mushrooms she loves out of the spaghetti is her showing love and appreciation. And they can't see it because they feel entitled to it. And even when she straight up sends him texts and lunch notes saying how much she appreciates you they still don't see it.
Men need soooo badly to be needed, but then the wife asks him to do something for her or the kids---because he is NEEDED---he would complain and say she's nagging him and won't let him be because he provides and that should be enough...SMH🤦🤦 The jokes really do write themselves 😵💫😵💫
What I got out of this segment is too many men want a real woman to play a performative representative of the woman they want in order to coddle their man's ego which is transactional for only what men want from women. So what do men truly bring to the table? Women who have emotional intelligent men that are true partners and friends in their relationships are truly blessed.
Divorced middle-aged dog and cat loving woman here. I love your content, perspectives and very relevant issues you are tackling here that are KEEPING men and women separated. We haven’t done this much work on ourselves to want to hate men….we are just evolving past them. We really can’t help it. Keep up the good work. ❤
It is biological. The Y chromosome is operating on survival mode. It’s holding on dear life to the X chromosome. Women don’t operate in lack, we have a community mindset. This system is setup so that most men can thrive and survive by attaching themselves to a woman. This is such a great conversation. Thank you Pub❤
I'd heavily caution against bioessentialism Because 1) you honestly can't be certain of your chromosomes unless you get them tested--a decent amount of people can have a chromosome pair that doesn't match their entire physiology. (ex. Someone born with xy is also born with a uterus, fallopian tubes, menstruates in puberty, etc and only learns about the chromosomes when tested.) 2) as someone who has gone through hormone replacement therapy I'd say hormones play a much larger role in emotional behavior and mood things, although they 100% don't change who you are as a person 3) tenuous biology aside, the vast majority of misogynistic values, beliefs, and behavior is much more a result of sociocultural factors. It's socialized into us and taught both explicitly and not from a very early age, but not intrinsic. 4) it completely invalidates all transgender people and their experiences of gender regardless of chromosome pairs (which again, are not always indicitive of sex nor gender)
We’re telling them they are needed as full partners- mental load- parenting- household chores- empathy- emotional support. … then why the F do they need a list or to be told what needs to be done?????? They are 1/2 grown babies. They have been conditioned to believe they are to be adored for less than minimal effort.
"A lioness is considered the primary protector of the pride, actively defending the territory and raising the cubs, while the male lion's main role is typically to protect the pride from other male lions attempting to take over the territory; essentially, the lioness is the backbone of the pride's survival, handling most of the day-to-day protection and nurturing of the young." Nature once again proving our point. Buddy in the glasses is just talking.
They want to feel needed BY WHO THEY TRULY DESIRE and a lot of times who they desire is not who they’re with! So they string you along, use you for whatever they can get from you until they get tired of you or get who they really Want. It’s actually disgusting how easily they are willing to to use you and waste your time
It just seems strange that the protectors want others to be in danger or strife to cue them in. I’d think they should much rather just be wanted. Like a cop can shoot a gun but should go to work daily hoping they don’t have to bc that means someone is having a really bad day. A cop that only wants the job so they CAN hopefully use their gun is problematic at best. They’re guaranteed to sabotage situations to feel the need.
It is all about their ego. You must praise them in front of their family. You must praise them in front of your family. You must be fetching and carrying snacks and drinks, when their friends are visiting. Never ask them do any menial things in front of their friends, strangers, co-workers and their family! Never let people know that they are not paying for anything. You must pass them your card or cash so that they look like they are paying! You must tell them how good they are in bed even though he is smiling and you are not! You must praise the 10% of home tasks they might do for 90% more time then it took for them to do the task. You must be available for their needs at any time, but must tell them in advance to wash the dishes, then remind them, and then do the dishes yourself and never mention it again or there will be an argument about how you did not remind them about it.
yeah I always get that sense too. I think there is also an element of getting to feel superior to the person who "needs" help. I can do something you can't, therefore I am better and you are lesser. This is big, too.
They neeeeeeed to feel needed until you actually need them. They can’t make up their mind. First is what you bring to the table then it’s oh you bring that to the table, well what do you need me for?
If a man wants sex he can actually use his big boy words and tell their partner. In my experience men refuse to communicate their needs and then get resentful and passive aggressive if you can't read their mind. Also women don't want to see you for 5 minutes a day and the man only wants to use that time to have sex. There'a need to have emotional intimacy and safety first.
I like how men come gallantly strolling in, after the dishes are done, after the laundry is folded, always after all chores and say hey, you need any help? Yeah, right :P
No one needs anyone. But you can WANT someone. I want a man I don’t need a man. No one needs to tell me I am needed, I can look around the world to see where I am needed and can make a positive contribution to the world
I want the man to do his part of the chores and the labour without me telling him all the time to do it. My ex needed to be told that we have to pay the bills every month, and to ask him for his half of payment . After a while I started to get annoyed asking for money he had to pay, I started to sound like a bagger. Also for our daughter s school or needs he never payed without me asking. So I decided that I better live alone, I can take care of one child but I don t want another adult child that won’t grow up. Day after day I grew up hating him more and more.
They want to feel useful without actually being useful.
This!! It's about boosting their ego for nothing.
To receive comfort without providing nothing to anyone outside themselves 😂
Such a great statement! All the benefit with none of the work.
Yup. Most men don't even do the shit they're suppose to do - even when they're getting paid for it at work!
A lil participation trophy lol.
If you need to feel needed, then make yourself useful.
Just pay attention to your own surroundings, ask questions or how you can help, and do what it is needed to take work off your woman. It is not hard. 😌
@@sg5720oh no! Don't ask questions. Because they have been living in the same house the same amount of time. If she automatically knows what needs to be done so should he.
Oh Gawd Yes!!! You nailed it. He wanted to be needed, had all the time to help me out (he’s retired and I’m still working) and after the first couple of months he didn’t lift a finger to make my life any easier.
Also after you make yourself useful make yourself available for more than just usefulness, then you won’t just be needed but wanted.
This
Listening to you talk, I’m starting to think “need to be needed” is just code for “needs my ego stroked.”
Yup. And it's an exhausting thought. Basically have to coddle another person's emotions that says them self they are the protector and provider and needs the ego stroke from and outside source. It's one thing to be supportive and appreciative of a man. But that's alot of emotional labor that mostly all don't even recognize and the cognitive dissonance they would have to even grab this concept. They don't want to seen as less then or use if they are the non protective ones. It's like living a lie and can't even be authentic to Basically be in a religious or for others survive.
Correct. That’s all it is. It’s performative. Men don’t actually want to be needed. That’s why stay at-home moms are the most miserable people. Pretend you can’t open jars, make him feel necessary in your life, but not in really important ways. Just in small ways. It’s exhausting 😩
Exactly this 100%. Coz then, they expect praise after.
It is
It totally is. They need someone to point to exactly what needs to be done, so they can do it and feel like a hero. And then they need a parade for doing it so that everyone can acknowledge that they did the thing and fawn all over them for doing it.
Women work every day, come home, cook, clean, take care of kids, laundry, homework, and right now, Christmas magic. And men need to feel needed, while they aren’t helping? We do need them to help. However, they’re “too tired” to help. You can’t make this stuff up.
It's shouldn't even be called help. They should want to co-manage the household. Don't call me bossy if you give me no choice but to take charge... Christmas magic is a whole extra job.
Men are the biggest jokes
Don't marry or date those men. You get the behaviour you reward.
@@Greenplanet949 Maybe ask them? Or better yet get a real job then if you don’t already have one. Swap roles. See how willing you are to do all the above when you shoulder most or all of the household AND financial responsibilities 😁
@TheGreatSalsaMan I am now retired but worked in publishing and then for decades as financial analyst for one of the biggest non-profits in the US. I call that a “real job.” I also made a good salary, so I think I know something of “financial responsibilities.” . Not only did I work but did everything in the home as well.
I.e men need to be handled with kid gloves and constantly praised and validated while the women perform the majority of the "family" work.
And women must always be happy 365 day a year to stroke her man's ego
Exactly. Their contribution & expected adoration for said contribution. Can be compared to a teenage boy. He has a part time job that helps mom with the bills, takes out the trash, & occasionally watches the kids for mom. And EVERYONE will praise him for being such a good "helper"
SAME THING they're doing in grown ass relationships. And want a damn gold medal for it.
Foh!
It's exhausting
We know how underdeveloped they are. Education statistics and the resistance to stay mediocre is wild
It really is like dealing with a damn child
Yet when you do need them either emotionally for support or domestically to pull their own weight, they're nowhere to be found. 🤔
I've said this before.
And it seems pointless to keep something broken around.
Thats why they say, "men want to FEEL needed," and instead of saying, "men want to BE need." It is all emotional, which is ironic since they love to call us women emotional 🤣
Literally what I was thinking
They often can’t handle the pressure.
Yep… I had an ex who would tell me “be strong” but wanted me to be his emotional support when he was going through something. That shyt got old, real quick
"I wanna feel needed by my woman... but not for 100% of the bills."
Or do more than 20% of chores
“And I get to be arbitrary about it.”
And the 20% of chores I do should only need to be done minimally like yard work or something you ask me to do. Otherwise you will have to give me attention via nagging me in order to get it done if it is an everyday thing like taking out the trash.
"And, I don't really wanna do what she needs me for, I just wanna feeeeeeel needed."
Not willing to even marry the woman he impregs, but he wants to be needed😂
That's why the argument that men are natural leader and provider is bull.
For those who earned leadership roles, they did so by taking initiative. If they saw a need, they would offer up a solution.
It's like fathers who are active in their children's lives. They don't wait or need the mother to tell them what is needed, they can assess the situation themselves. Your kid's clothes are getting shorter, time for bigger clothes. Shoes too small, time for new shoes.
Leaders don't wait around for someone to tell them what to do.
Ok, that was bars.
Men are naturally submissive, not leaders.
A whole sermon
My guy friend who behaves like this, he needs to be directly and explicitly have things written out for him to do a simple task.
When I brought this up he told me that initiative is bad because “what if he messes up or gets it wrong” and my answer was then you fix you mistake. He seemed shocked at how simple my answer was. 😅 I also had to add who cares if your partner is upset you didn’t get it right the first time, you’ll do better next time and you’ll redo it until you get it right (in my head I was like… stop acting like a scared child 😩).
It’s like weaponized incompetence is wired in men.
@@theinvisiblewoman5709how do they function at work has always been my question. Do they ask their bosses for lists and constant instructions on tasks they’ve done countless times already?
Weaponized incompetence I think is built into everyone. Humans are pretty lazy 😂. But we know that we can’t be selfish all the time and that we should help and make each others lives easier rather than harder. We grow out of a whiny child/lazy teenager and take initiative over our own lives. They just…don’t grow out it? It’s pretty pathetic when you think about adults doing this when they have families or a partner. At least when you live alone it’s you doing the daily grind even if you get tired or just don’t feel like doing it for a bit.
I'm tried of intimacy being used in exchange for sex. Intimacy isn't exclusive to sex, and they're not interchangeable terms. Intimacy starts well before the bedroom
Try explaining this to the average man, there's soo much available information on this topic, but they choose to remain willfully ignorant, yet they expect us to initiate sxx more..they can't connect the d@mn dots to save their lives.
Amen
My ex husband irritated the hell out of me calling sex intimacy, thinking he was smart.😢
From what I'm seeing and also experienced, after such physical activities some do tend to like to get really intimate and cling to your damn near soul, but for women intimacy needs to come before physical touching or it's just another day of having friends with benefits that you really don't need to tie yourself to, because you only got the surface base of the person and wasn't able to get a real connection going so it's not needed, in this case no desire to grow with such a person. shoot, maybe not even a friend just a once and a while s*x.
@@happilydivorced3235 Like a scared auntie many men don't want to call sexual things with their right terms, because such men want to manipulate their access to sex. They are needy, but don't want to admit it. Playing gaslighting games in this respect, too. They feel need to have sex, but feel no need to be attractive in the woman's eye, they'd rather pay for sex, or make it her "duty". Haha! We are not going back!!!
It’s like men wanna be needed but don’t wanna be helpful at the same time .
💯💯💯💯
“Men need to feel needed” = “men long for the time when women couldn’t work or have bank accounts or own property, so they NEEDED to be a slave to a man 24/7 to survive.”
Insightful. As a Southern woman, I was TRAINED to give men tasks to do (even tho I could do it myself) just to make them feel important & needed. It is generational coddling.
Not going to do it. 😂😂😂. Too much work.
Yet men claim they are such visual creatures. If that's true, why should anyone tell them what they need to do? Can't they see it with their own 2 eyes?
@@Rose-kj7rz Boom! Make it make sense!
@@sw3783 and yet, I've never seen a man look at a buffet of food and forget to eat when staying for the weekend.
But, a pile of dishes overflowing in the sink will remain unwashed until a woman walks into the kitchen and picks up that sponge, while he sits at the table and stares at it.
You can attempt to apply whatever excuses you want.
I'm not buying it.
@@sw3783 Exactly, so he should be able to see the task that will get him closer to his goal of being/feeling needed.
Shera did a video a long time ago about how men want to be needed but in a fake way. Like if you’re really in need, he will refuse to help you. But if it’s an act where you put on the fake tears, he’ll do it. It’s a game to the men. That’s why they’ll abandon you when you’re pregnant-who needs him more than his pregnant partner? But that need is real. He wants the experience to be acted out like in a movie where he saves the damsel who’s just an actress.
🤣🤣🤣
Mm this is in the book "Why men love Bitches." Something like, pretending to need him to hang a picture and giving him praise even if he did a shitty job 🤦🏾♀️
Exactly! Theoretical needs that don't require any real action or effort
I don't know Shera but 💯💯💯💯💯
@@toscadonna Are you communist China because you have a bunch of red flags 🚩 😅
What's funny is it's the traditional women teaching the future generations to be independent so they don't have to endure marital abuse by their husbands like they were.
trad women will GO OFF on their daughters for not studying because they know what is on the line.
And now nobody’s getting married 😬
@@TheGreatSalsaManThat’s not bad. Better women stay unmarried then enter in relationships that make them feel exhausted and depressed
@@TheLakeMorgan Not according to women complaining nobody wants to marry them on tiktok XD
@@TheGreatSalsaManthis isn’t happening. Women are much happier being Single. Live longer too
Saying men aren't trained to multitask hits home. My father would be so irritated watching me wash dishes, prep food, cook, put the groceries away, watch TV, and talk at the same time. He would always frown up and tell me to slow down and do 1 thing at a time. Looking back on it, watching me frustrated him. He never cooked or cleaned but always wanted to critique and give orders on how to do it.
And, certain men do that to women they don’t even know. That is wild to me. To walk up to a stranger and tell her how to do whatever it is she is already doing takes audacity.
My first experience when I realize that men get overwhelmed by multi-tasking or doing A task for me was my second boyfriend and and it made me realize that maybe guys are not as protective and generous as I thought. Soon after I started to not be attracted to him and sex was less and less. That pissed him off but I wasn't attracted to him anymore. He shut down when I ask him for the actual help I need. Was very passive aggressive.
That’s odd considering multi tasking while cooking is normal. How did he think restaurant kitchens run? 😂 it’s definitely not people focusing on a single task.
@Gingabread-bw6xj that is why male chefts are praised so much because multi tasking is had for them
@@Gingabread-bw6xjand aren’t most chefs men generally speaking? So those men working in a busy kitchen must know how to multi task, what’s the average man’s excuse as to why he can’t multitask lmao
''ask for help''
When a woman does ask a man to help her, or do something for her, the man barely ever does it. And then he'll turn around and say ''stop nagging me, I said I'd do it''. Meanwhile the woman has been asking for days, weeks, months. That's why women don't need men, cause men procrastinate or butch the help they say they would give.
wE WAnt tO FeEl NEeDed.
You are correct about procrastinating leading to them saying women nag.
If a man says he's going to do something, he will. No need to remind him about it every 6 months!
When I was 9 months pregnant with my first child, I gave up asking my husband to move boxes and help me set up the nursery. I moved the boxes myself from one room to another. I was careful, a laid down on the carpet and used my legs to do the work. I set up the nursery. He came home and acted surprised. Why didn’t I ask him to do it? I had asked him to do it for 2 months. He said I didn’t give him a timetable. Really, how about BEFORE the due date?
I did not have another child. He never helped with our son. We are still married but things are much better now. Still glad I stopped having children. I didn’t get married to feel like a single mother raising children.
@@jordanpoole7183lies. I’m still waiting. 😂😂😂😂
@@jordanpoole7183 But, isn’t not doing it at the time she asks you to do it part of weaponized incompetence? Because most often she is asking when you aren’t in the middle of something else. And, isn’t complaining about being nagged also nagging?
I dated a guy from the age of 19 - 23 and when I say he wanted to FEEL useful just because he was a man but never actually did anything useful 🙄
Memory: one time when he and I were dating-there was a HUGE storm. Tornado and thunderstorm together. It knocked the power out for about a day. We were at my apartment-he still lived with his mom, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment (he never wanted to grow up fr). I was babysitting my 1 year old nephew. Next day, I noticed The power on the block was back on, but mine wasn’t. So I called the power company and they advised that I would need to go outside and flip the breaker-they said if I didn’t feel comfortable then they would come back out, but it would be another 4-5 hours as they are in another city working to restore power. I didn’t want to wait that long and neither did he especially since we had the baby with us. He went outside and came back like 3 minutes later, but no power?! I said it didn’t come on-he said, “I didn’t do it because it looked scary to touch.” I just stared at him-cuz he had to be joking! then he started going into detail about how scary it looked and how we should just wait until the power company can come back. I was like OMG! He’s serious. I said well watch the baby and let me go see for myself. I came back in 3 minutes-power fully restored. It wasn’t scary at all-at least not to me.
When I came back in the house he was staring at me with evil eyes-I was like what’s wrong? He started going off yelling at me and saying that i act like he’s not a man or something. He said that I was rude and too masculine (that was the first time I’d ever been called that and it was back in 2012). I kept asking what I’d done, but he never said why-he just kept repeating that i was masculine and that I acted like he wasn’t a man.
I was genuinely confused. 🫤
Over the years, I started to realize that A LOT of men HATE that we can do things without them. That we won’t sit around and be stuck in the dark waiting on them (pun intended). That we won’t sit around and waste our time (life) waiting for a man to do something for us when we can save ourselves.
Maybe he felt his "manhood" 2-3cm shorter 🤣🤣🤣
Lol projection at its finest. "You're saying I'm not a man. You masculine!" Nah, you're conscious is telling you that buddy. And if I'm masculine, what does that make you?
That should have been the final straw right there. Only man who can yell at me is my Dad. And that's because he raised me and gave me a car 😂
Damn, what an example.
Ewwww...Glad, you're not with that whiny man.😂😂
amazing example! I was recently called masculine by a black man for looking after my family and succeeding in my education and career, despite having a absent father and a lower income family. funnily enough he is benefiting from those “masculine” traits indirectly and knows it.
I’ve come to the conclusion they want you to be useless and unaccomplished unless they facilitate it or it benefits them. I’m only 25 but have decided being alone is better than having to limit myself and feign ignorance to boost a man’s ego.
What many men actually need is a singularly competent woman, who secretly *helps him* make a good impression on his dad, boss, and male friends. He takes all the credit, and doesn't mention her help or his need to be helped. And he doesn't reciprocate...
They like the begging part. Please please help meeeeee. They don't actually care
Transaction 10.55, exactly. Smeks. And if a woman likes them without needing anything (without using them), they are confused and negative, because FEELINGS!!!! Feelings and intimacy without transaction. They can't handle that
Exactly! preferably with applause and oohs and ahhs about how great they are
It's about the control they can leverage from that. A person who opted in via WANT can easily opt out. If you put control around that they can't opt out.
I can see this we also see this they love the begging part when media or men say "This person/alien/people group dismissed him/laughed at him/didn't take him seriously/thought he was weak until the X happened and now they begged him for protection/aid/knowledge/to rise up to the occasion and solve the problem" this whole plot point, tag line, story is all about the begging, pleading, we were wrong!
men who say, "Just wait till WW3 happens then the women will be begging us for aid." this is the same he never cared to begin with wants to be begged to hold their life in his hands and go, "no."
Exactly, they can go ef dem selves. Talking about infant yo ne needed, when in fact it's about prostitution.
Then, the moment we DO lean on them, ironically is usually the same moment we find ourselves the MOST f*cked up out here
Yes!! They are insane
This problem works out on a societal scale, too. The microlender Grameen Bank now gives most of its loans to women, because the organization discovered that women not only had a higher repayment rate (as much as 40% higher) but would invest the money in improving the lives of their whole family and community, whereas men would just spend the money to improve their own lives. Guess those men didn't really want to feel needed. What women NEED is more access to capital and more political power.
I’ve heard of similar organizations it just works 😂😂 also read that business run by women tend to be better or more successful
@@KstewLover1 but let’s be honest, that real $$$ only comes when you’re willing to do EVIL. Sweatshops, crypto rugs, exploitation- then men shine.
Initiate cleaning those pots and pans, initiate cooking dinner, initiate making the bed, initiate going to school, initiate reading, initiate.........then we can talk.
They never said they want to be helpful😂😂😂😂
They don't want to feel needed for taking out that damn trash, though.
Exactly. If l have to ask, lm out. I’m tired.
👏🏾 Hercules 👏🏾 hercules😂
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣
PREACH!!!!!!!!!!
“Because that woman is tired, she’s doing all the work.” Thank you man, finally someone gets it.
I worked all day today. Came home and found my husband cleaned the kitchen and together with our daughter decorated the tree. Tomorrow we'll go together grocery shopping. He likes to carry the heavier stuff for me. This morning he ironed. The day before yesterday he cleaned the living room.
We both don't need each other, but we're both very happy to have each other and we like taking care of each other.
That was my dad, always just pitching in. You are so very fortunate. Good for your husband!
@@helgaioannidis9365 So your partner did house work while you worked your job??? Huh wow its almost like the person with a job should earn the money and the stay at home partner should do the household tasks!!! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
@TheGreatSalsaMan we actually both work to earn money and both do housework.
There's many women who complain that their husbands don't do housework even though both partners work. So I wanted to show that there's men who aren't like that.
@@helgaioannidis9365 Lets reverse that:
Theres many men who complain that their wives don’t work even though both partners do housework. So I wanted to show theres women who aren’t like that.
If your opinion changes in any way and thinks that’s a sexist statement then you need to take a hard long look at what YOU wrote.
@@TheGreatSalsaMan If you want to debate someone then debate The Public Offender; don't be a punk and hide in these comments, trying to debate women on their lived experiences with men. Go debate a man (who is well AWARE of the mind games that y'all play) on how men actually are towards women. You're wasting valuable time typing out these canned responses when so many, many women in these comments are telling you/relaying to each other exactly what their experiences are with men.
They want to feel needed, not actually be needed. Being needed means they would have to pull weight that they wouldn't normally pull if they were living alone.
I never clearly understood why relationship coaches and authors often tell us that men need to be needed but never explained it.
bc it is drivel
I think it's coded language to enable lazy men.
A better translation is: men are so lazy & lack initiative, that women need to create fake situations to make men FEEL needed. And women need to lead men to situations where men can actually do something useful.
Men need to stop disproportionately murdering, raping and causing chaos amongst women and children, and even men. Men need to get it together, they need to do better.
The couple definitely did and it is weird that they have this rhetoric but never a solution outside of others. All they had to do, was be there for the community they live in. They're lazy and want an easy mode
Bc how can they tell you that the men have no purpose otherwise unless women pretend to be helpless? It's obviously a turn off so they hide that intention behind seemingly normative language.
Its the transactional part for me. I had to accept that a man does nothing for nothing. For the younger women, if you don't like that man as a partner, when he offer say no thanks. He isnt doing it out of the kindness of his heart.
Just take it and don't care if he try to gulit trip you just say no one forces you to do anything for me and then leave him
I long ago decided I would far rather be wanted than needed. Needed implies a codependency. Being wanted, however, knowing that someone doesn't need me to function but CHOOSES to be with me because of what I add to their life, is much nicer and more flattering. And WAY less pressure.
Yes… an interdependent relationship should be the goal.
Males are too slow to understand this and behave in a way that makes them likeable. Hence, they will always try instead to place women in abusive and controlled situations so they can force women to need them
In college I read a book called (I think) "The Second Shift" talking about all the domestic labor women do after coming home from work. One chapter detailed how one couple technically had a fairly even 50/50 split, but BECAUSE THE WIFE PRETENDED TO BE INCOMPETENT. The husband took over dinner duty most nights because "she always burns the rice." Meanwhile, she did other stuff around the house that needed to get done. She shouldn't have had to use weaponized incompetence to get him to help, but GOOD ON HER for getting the help she needed.
Men use weaponized incompetence all the time.
You’re supporting toxic and abusive behavior like gaslighting……glad im reading these comments you really cannot trust women these days Christ 😀
@nickharrington6557 me?
@@nickharrington6557If that's what you got from that, yeah definitely stay alone and hang out with the homies instead.
@nickharrington6557 you are joking right? Or do you mean shit Woman are not as stupid u thought like they actually found a way to make a Men actually help them then you right and as a Woman I feel proud
I’ve had this discussion so many times, and the response I get most often is, “Well, men get drafted. Men fight in wars. We need them for that.”
My question back is always, “How many wars have been started by women?”
I’m so thankful that I finally found a man who gets this. I actually do need him (recently disabled), and I never had to tell him so. He just knew, and acted on it. I’ve been ill my whole life, and spent decades in relationships with grown men who needed me to do everything for them, knowing I would one day need their help. Thank goodness I figured out that, if they couldn’t offer minimal help while I was well, there was no way they’d be there for me when my health eventually took a turn for the worst. I wish there were more men like my partner; he’s a saint, and he steps up for everyone in his life, no transaction required.
ALSO: it's MEN who made the rule that women aren't drafted.
@@YellaBellaReno If you ‘found a man’ why are you on a page full of men hating misandrists? 🤔
@@J3nJ3nl0llip0p Now WOMEN are complaining that men changed that 😁
@@TheGreatSalsaManNo women are complaining that their sons are getting killed. Most dudes who go into the military are raised by single moms. When they die only the mother gets crushed because the father was never there. The military is full of poor kids (specifically brown and black, we’re not talking officers), not the middle class with 2 parent households.
These greedy ass wars are created and profited off of by men, why tf should some poor chick led a hand😂
No one should. But most protests are led by women anyway in the 21st century.
The fact that they have to feel needed to use it for transactions means that they actually dont have anything to offer. With that said it doesn't mean men cant offer anything ever, but in that dynamic, in our current world they don't offer anything of value to women. Hence they need to say they need to feel needed instead of just being needed by what you pour into the world and relationships. Write now they only offer more work, danger, stress.
They never was needed
Men need to offer more than just a job and his own place, they have to literally have a personality and morals. They think it’s unrealistic for women to want more than just the bare minimum.
@@Raven.MadnessI will never ever believe them when they say she sets unrealistic standards when she sets a simple boundaries or expresses a basic need. It's just inconvenient to them so they have to devalue it because the only thing a man is good for is mentally 🪛 women.
@@Raven.MadnessThat's so True. I'm sick of men with bad hygiene and personalities screaming that they are good men. I understand that life is hard for everyone but they need to get it together. There are more women than men in this country so they have no excuses to be single. Women will lower their standards for men if they are clean and good personality. I mean, if a guy is a one then he should lower his standards too. Lol. Some guy was trying to tell me that I have unrealistic standards because I don't consider obese men or handicapped men regular guy's. Lol
Hallelujah, you got it
15:01 Re: this, we also know that during the world wars (when the men got drafted), women had to step into a lot of those “hard-labor” jobs, and productivity did not decrease. If men were inherently better at those jobs than us, you’d think there’d have been a significant lapse. But there wasn’t
I went through this with my ex. I had to think of chores he could do that weren’t too hard and he would enjoy doing them. Plus, couldn’t be anything we really needed because he’d only do the chore once he felt like it. It really became more mental labor for me to give him something he’d do and then praise him for doing it than it was to supervise our toddler helping me complete the chore.
More than anything they want applause for opening a jar of pickles.
That's how I knew my brother-in-law wasn't a misogynist. I am a small woman, but I have exceptional grip. During the pandemic, we all moved in together to quarantine, and he had no gripes at all with me being the designated jar opener. He'd bring me jars all the time to open for him. My young nieces eventually heard the trope, about us needing men to open jars, and were thoroughly confused by it.
Funny! :D So true!
I felt this one! 😓
I used to prank my dad... shaking a bottle of coke before asking him help to open it... it worked EACH time 🤣
I applause and very greatful. Its cool even if small. Though its nicer, when person doing benevolent gesture do not put himself too high and give others space to compliment him without making "full of himself face". But , even with "full of pride" face, that's still nice thing to do.
I always happy and glad, when my husband helps with opening things like its nothing to him, with cool distant superhero face😊
If you’re a husband or boyfriend, here’s what is needed. Don’t ask, be observant and find out what obstacles stand in front of her being able to rest. Remove those obstacles and please do it the right way (otherwise it’s counterproductive). She can see you better with all those obstacles out of the way.
Thats the same advice they give us in dating and look where we are now with all the metoo stuff…we need clear affirmative consent so we don’t make yall mad like why does proper communication set off so many women…🙄🙄🙄
So my problem is I am married to a man and he sees the need way before me. He ALWAYS has the right answer and always fix the problem. The problem is I used to be able to see a need and handle it on my own time. He always take care of me and I’m starting to feel lazy. My friends say I am complaining for no reason, but because I’m starting to feel he don’t need me, I do not like how it feels. His mom raised him right, I’m happy about that- but I as his wife I want to feel needed and for the first time I’m feeling like he don’t need me. We called the outliers, but what if we as women like to be needed? Does that make us a bad woman? Is any wife feeling this way cause they married to a man that overly gets it?! I have talked to him and he tells me stop being negative and he likes helping me, and we good. I know I’m blessed but It is just a weird feeling I can’t explain, and then I think men are right when they do say women can never be happy? Maybe it is just me. I don’t know. 🤷🏽♀️😔
@@sg5720 good on you not being crazy and over demanding…misandrists on this page could learn a lot from you…
@@nickharrington6557 no such thing as misandry 😂😂😂
@@sg5720maybe it’s a sign to go out and help other people and need. I always had the desire to feel need and valued. Most people do. No one should depend on their partner to feel needed and valued. We can go out gain skills, volunteer, build a business, start a fulfilling job. With the free time he gives you, you can do something else that is more fulfilling to do instead of more house work work.
Its annoying and childish.
No one person can do anything. Figure out each others strengths and weaknesses and go from there.
Im tired of hearing that men need to feel needed.
Its not my job to make you feel needed. That's weird.
Guarantee that there's something in "your woman's" life that a man could do that she would be deeply grateful for. But the women are tired of having to do the mental work. Cmon, figure it out intelligent logical leaders
This is why women are the real leaders.
On average it's true. Women are actually the head of the house.
If women are the real leaders then why do 90% of them require alimony from their ex husbands 🤔
“Honey can you fix the tap?” “Can you take the rubbish out” “can you bath the kids whilst I get dinner done?”
These are needs. Men don’t understand that a guy who genuinely helps with things are doing being needed! If he’s doing these things he’s a hero to his wife… otherwise he’s just another child for her to look after wether he’s bringing income or not
So true.
The skit about the man making "sacrifices" for the family lmaoooooo I can name so many actual, calculatable sacrifices that women make to be with men but what do men sacrifice?
XYs sacrifice nothing. This applies to marriage. There is no one more single than a married man.
their money lol. Cause a lot of men feel like they only need to work and make money to support their wives/gfs and kids. They wouldn’t work otherwise they’d just let mommy take care of them.
@summerrobinson9847 but they are so damn stingy with their money smh they are so pathetic
No. They don't
"their money" no! He is a member of a family so it's the families money
What I've seen is that the men who expressed needing to FEEL needed eventually become resentful when they are ACTUALLY needed... they start to feel like love is conditional even after demanding conditions. it comes up a lot in therapy. Patriarchy has done a number on us all!
It sounds like they're in dire need of psychiatric help to me..
As a retired diesel mechanic, I actually used to allow the peacocking men to help me when they wanted to come to my rescue. I still got paid for the job. 😊😊😊😊
I did that once at a new job, everyone was treating me like I was incompetent and too delicate for the work, so I let them "help" me with all the smaller stuff. Meanwhile, I snuck off to rebuild a transmission while they patched tires for me.
@@TheAwesomes2104Queen Behavior ❤
My ex bf had a sit down job, could choose his own schedule, and would never ever help me around the house. Ever. Never lifted a finger to clean anything unless it was from his own mess. I worked on my feet all day and still kept the house spotless. But i was so tired. If he wanted me to do something different, he didn't have to ask twice. If i wanted him to change something, it was arguing, excuses, lies, blaming me etc. Eventually i couldnt stand him and broke up with him. I told him that he needed to care about resolving the problems that i have. He would try to bring up his problems at the same time i did but i would tell him no, now is my time and we can set time for your problems but i felt like he was using it as a scapegoat and i wasn't having that lol. Men dont understand that when women complain to them, thats the perfect way to make the relationship better. But they usually choose to ruin it.
amen, sister!
You just put into words the problem I’ve been having with my doctor that I haven’t been able to articulate. Right now he’ll tell me one thing it’s not, and getting any further help or information is like pulling teeth. Like he actively resents having to do it. I need a doctor who cares about RESOLVING my problems. Just like a relationship I shouldn’t have to fight for it. A little off topic, but thank you so much!
that was a very good example you just gave of the difference between a man and a woman where a woman simply sees a need and fulfills it whereas men wait for an invitation to help because they see it as transactional.
Men are VERY transactional.
The female lion brings back more food for the cubs, while the male lion lays around "protecting" but the first one to show up to eat. Sound familiar...gross! Choose the 🐻
Hellooo
That's a myth.
@@radicalreactions1633 you’re obviously a fool and never watch the animal planet.
I needed my man when our children woke up at night and I had to work the next day. He rolled over and said said he needed his sleep. I needed him when i was sick. He told me to suck it up and get to work. I needed my man to help with dinner and he blew our budget on take out. I asked my man to support his family and he went unemployed for years at a time because he was too good for certain jobs. He was needed. He didn’t bother helping. I don’t bother and he’s not my man anymore.
" Your femininity is malfunctioning if you never ask for help". Sir, I literally. LOLd. I wonder what men would say if a bunch of random women started podcast and complained about what they needed to do? " You need to not need women so much. Stop putting everything on us".
Exactly. When we tell men what help we need then we get told we're "nagging" and we just get weaponized incompetence. Make it make sense.
None of these podcast people seem to be able to define what femininity and masculinity are and complement each other. Like with concrete traits and qualities.
“Be my peace” what does that mean to you?
“Nurturing, caring, supportive”. Okay but what does that look like in action? And if these are inherently female traits, why are you all dissing women every second you can saying the exact opposite? And does this mean masculine men should be the opposite or not caring or supportive?
It’s like they all just parrot each other and the audiences don’t question anything that’s said.
Like how can personality traits be malfunctioning? Does masculinity malfunction if men aren’t sent off to die in wars? I just listen to these sometimes wondering “what does it meeeeaaan” lol.
When I still dated men years ago, there were a couple who actually told me that I never "made them feel needed". (But I hate feeling dependent on anyone for anything)
If I did try to be more vulnerable and maybe lean on them for emotional support, that seemed to make them uncomfortable. So then I never believed them when some would tell me that.
The relationships would always end eventually. Women I dated were always more open to actually being supportive, and I always returned that same energy if both of us made the effort.
Men have so many walls up emotionally, I got tired of trying to climb them. Dating them got exhausting and very discouraging. Being supportive of them also seems pointless after awhlle, because they never appreciate it. Or some even resent it eventually.
Women are worn out and tired.
I love this couple's conversation. Good stuff. 👍
There’s not a day in I life I’ve wanted to feel needed. I desire to be WANTED!!! I want you to want me around not need me tf 🤣
you got it!
Not needing a man also means that the moment he is incapacitated for whatever reason, the woman won't have to look for her next provider... she will support him!
Being wanted will always get you the best results from a woman.
Dude. I don't want to be wanted OR needed, I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE
... Oh.. uh... Lol...?
@@J3nJ3nl0llip0p So you’re going to stop accepting uncle sams checks then?? 🤭
@@kayjeffs3741 To bad you all don’t know what you want 😅
My husband and I split recently. He is learning the _very_ difficult lesson that our 9 y-o and I are doing quite well without him. I have my VA benefits, the only "man" I depend on is Uncle Sam, Homie-Pie. Our son is CALMER, my menopausal self hasn't had ONE SINGLE hot flash or night sweat incident since he left. I can BREATHE. The house isn't a mess cuz I'm waiting for him to do... Something. Anything.
Two eggs can be fused to create another human.
Obscelence must be frightening.
@@J3nJ3nl0llip0p Divorced? Well theres a shock…🙄 Sounds like he dodged a bullet 😅
@@TheGreatSalsaMan No, she did.
my mother joined a cult when I was 2 , I was raised very young that men were the leaders, the everything, and women were essentially servants, then I went to live with my fathers side of the family at the age of 14, they were fundamentalist muslims and I converted to that belief system which was an even higher level of misogamy, I used to genuinely believe I couldn't for example assemble furniture, I literally thought only men could do that so I never even tried. Eventually I left those religion and men and one day I needed to assemble something, I paid a man to come do it because I still didn't realize women were capable of learning that. It took years, but now I assemble my own furniture, by myself and sure sometimes it takes a while but I've finished every thing I started or tried. The reason men do certain jobs is because they lied to women and convinced us we couldn't do those jobs- unless a job involves brute strength like carrying super heavy stuff, women can def learn to do it if given a chance
and get this: even with heavy stuff we can use techniques to work around it. Ask me how a 5'1" tall middle aged woman installed full sheets of cement board to complete her diy bathroom renovation? Yes - alone with no help from anyone.
To be fair, I did call in my beloved plumber to fix the pipes and install the toilet as I really did not want to screw that up. Not because he's a man and I'm a woman, but because he's a licensed plumber and I am not :D He gave my tile work (especially the penny tiles on the floor) the highest praise. He really was genuinely impressed and said he'd never, ever seen a penny tile floor without visible seams! And that, friends, is why I did it myself.
This is such a self-centered way of looking at the world. I'm a doctor of physical therapy. I go into people's homes everyday and I see what they need and somehow or another, I do my absolute best to get it for them. Sometimes it's not even my skills as a PT but rather my listening skills or handyman skills. Once, the need was rescuing and finding homes for well over a dozen sick kittens. Those kittens couldn't tell me that they needed me, in fact they were quite sick and scared of me and bit and scratched the hell out of my hands before I got smart and put on gloves every time I'd catch one. But now, every last one that survived has a loving, warm home, and the knowledge of that gives me so much joy. No one told me to do that- in fact, I had to go through some opposition to do it. But I look back with pride on that and many other actions I've taken to help those in need.
Solution: Men, develop yourself into someone who contributes things your partner or potential partner actually needs rather than creating artificial needs through your behavior or politics.
Yes I have heard this also. But I’m a straight shooter. So faking is not my ministry. 🤣
"y'all need to grow up' - love you Public
The best bit about this is 99% of the time if a woman asks a man for something he's not willing. Most of the time he won't do it, sometimes they will if you "nag" and sometimes you just get abuse and complaints about you requiring something of him.
Men don't need to feel needed, they need to feel in power. Because society tells us power is absolute.
So true to the heart of the matter.
It's funny when I hear this topic I remember the stories my Dad would tell about his upbringing. His mother made terrible choices when it came to men so it fell on him to help provide for his house even at a young age. She even kicked him out of the house for wanting to graduate from high school before getting a full time job to help out. She kept having children but put more pressure on my Dad. When he went to the military she didn't even know at first but when she found out she tried to get his benefits because she had yet another child (8 altogether). My Dad got married out of the military but still helped his mother and raised his younger siblings while being a father to his own kids. My Dad was exhausted and felt that he was needed by everyone while having no one in his corner to rely on. When he met my mother she had no expectation from him except to love and honor her. She wanted him. He fell in love with her and would burn it all down for her because she wanted him. Being wanted is such a better feeling and I learned that lesson at such a young age. When I did start dating the push back I got from men because of the weird obsession to be needed was upsetting as hell.
Shout out to your dad, mom and you ❤
I always felt that, I wish i was needed less because all the responsibility of the relationship, children and household always falls on me and its the same for many other women as well.
Many other women?
Most other women who have kids and are in a relationship.
@@lynneanderson4255 It's doesn't matter if you are married or in a relationship, all the responsibility will still fall on the woman.
@@lynneanderson4255if that were the case then why do men complain and degrade single mothers so much?
@@Sweet2shanelle - I agree.
The thing that ticks me off about this, is that I’m criticized for being “strong and independent” as in, I’ve learned from life experience that if I’m buying a bulky item, I _must_ attempt to get it into my car myself before seeking out help. No man ever just offers out of the blue for me, so I always need to figure it out on my own. Sometimes if I find an employee, they are annoyed. Out of one side of their mouths they say men want to be needed, stop acting so “strong and independent” but when you need some assistance they’ll also say “no one’s coming to save you, princess!” So which one is it?!
They don't want to save you! And they don't want you to think that they want to save you. When they do throw you something that is beneficial it's on their terms and best believe that you owe them. I'd rather do for myself and not have to worry about all of the other bs that goes along with having them in your life 24/7.
Is it that men want a women who is "needy" to make them feel more secure?
Because then they have the control and are able to set the standard of treatment, living standards, etc.
It seems like they don’t like that either 😂
Lols at these guys. My DAD was the one person who encouraged me to be independent and not rely on a man. I truly appreciate him for that.
Ditto
Students in high school that can’t read or have learning deficiencies are often behavioral problems in class on purpose. If they ACT like a fool and don’t do their work then they can blame their failures on that and not on the fact that they are clueless about what is going on in the class.
It sounds like the men described as being their inauthentic self for fear of rejection of their real self.
Bingo and the self sabotage. Realizing like oh I'm not equipped for this position as they tell men r suppose to be and then do want to go do the work to grow as a person. The self aware ones feel shame. But yet you want someone to follow ur lead and submit when women can subconsciously pick up, the why the hell would I be following u.
it's literally BEYOND me to comprehend how anyone exists in such a self centered space... idk... i came up poor, in a household full of women: my momma & 3 sisters. yes, my mom had to tell us to do stuff as we were coming up, i'm not claiming women/girls are perfect. but... her training generated 4 women who do what needs to be done. if it needs to be done, and i actually can do it, i do it. there doesn't have to be a reward at the end. i'm not waiting for someone to invite me, or beg me.... i don't need somebody to clap or say "yaay!" afterward, like you do to a 2 year old.... i'm truly lost....
That reminds me of Kim kardashian, when she was divorcing Kanye she said he did all the big things but not the small day to day things
That third guy at the beginning, who started clapping and chanting 'Hercules! Hercules!'. I honestly thought he was mocking the men who need that kind of toddler style validation. And then I realized, JFC, he's actually serious. What is WRONG with y'all.
😂
Artificial needs is adding to the list of all the things I have to do ... exhausting
I’m sure this is a man raisin women intimate divorce 79-90% of the time.
And feel like a weight has been lifted once the ex is out of the picture.
They want to be needed how they want to be needed. If you ask for their help, unless it's something they already want to do, they will be annoyed and will not do what you're asking of them.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 Men love to play the hero.
My daughter was temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Whenever we went out, it was RARE that a man opened the door. Perhaps twice in 3 months, and there were plenty of men around.
They actually watch you struggle and enjoy it which is sick. Why does an adult need someone to tell them to be kind? It does not cost anything and takes seconds of time. I'm sorry that happened.
I believe it. I watched a woman in a wheelchair struggle to get on the train and they were yelling at her to hurry up. Didn't even offer to roll her up. One of them even kicked her chair as she finally got on. They're miserable beings and I don't feel bad for anything that happens to them.
@@nessinay1535Demons, just demons.
To be wanted in the absence of need is where authentic love begins.
My ex wanted to be the hero. He could never plan ahead to help me. But he'd drop everything and help if I was in crisis.
When we moved, my neighbor asked if I needed help. And I realized it was easier to ask her for help than to ask my husband. But when the queen mattress was too much for us to handle alone, he rushed over to help - with all the airs of being inconvenienced.
Instead of planning ahead, he needed to see me helpless so he could swoop in and save the day - then blame me for it and put me down. This set up a terrible dynamic.
A friend's husband controls her with money in the same way. He loves to swoop in and pay for things, but always conplains about it and treats her terribly for it.
This is the best video I've ever seen. At last somebody says it. Men primarily fulfill manmade, unnatural needs, money, construction, war...been saying this for years. Thank you for your service brother. I will add that when men finally choose to go within and do the work as you appear to have done, they become a true blessing to the world, speaking truth and defending the rights of others💚
To be fair, the manmade needs have really resulted in some extraordinary developments - but of course it's almost always men who are cited as being responsible, never mind all the women who have also made great discoveries and advancements in science/tech or similar.
I think the real problem is that the man-made stuff is the only stuff that is praised and valued. As even if a woman does it, that credit/value is very often rubbed out of common knowledge. But just at base the fields that are male dominated are valued more than those where women are more involved. And funny enough, when women move into a field it's perceived value decreases accordingly, and when men take over something historically female dominated, the value increases. Perfect example is computer programming.
It's pretty sickening.
Needed= control over the Needy. What they want is control....
“Need” comes from necessity. If they’re “needed”, they probably feel like it’s less likely they’ll be left. That’s why they’d rather be needed than wanted. B/c you’re a lot less likely to leave what you “need.”
I commented this exactl thing in another post.
A need is mandatory. I want is optional.
They don’t want to be optional.
I've noticed that men have to be told what to do, they won't just see something and do it. If I don't bring household chores to his attention, they will just pile up until I clean all of it. I've been told by men that they are not observant, not thorough, and have issues multitasking. Seems legit.
That one quote from Crazy Rich Asians : “It’s not my job to make you feel like a man.”
The thing is that women do show appreciation. They literally bake their men cookies. Or a cake or a steak. Just something he likes. Everyday when he comes home and his house is clean and food cooked and lunch made and she got his favorite toothpaste and soap and she leaves the mushrooms she loves out of the spaghetti is her showing love and appreciation. And they can't see it because they feel entitled to it. And even when she straight up sends him texts and lunch notes saying how much she appreciates you they still don't see it.
But if you ask them to do something, they don't wanna do it. You wanna "feel" needed but you don't actually wanna help. I swear men need to grow up.
It's all artificial.😂😂😂
Men need soooo badly to be needed, but then the wife asks him to do something for her or the kids---because he is NEEDED---he would complain and say she's nagging him and won't let him be because he provides and that should be enough...SMH🤦🤦
The jokes really do write themselves 😵💫😵💫
What I got out of this segment is too many men want a real woman to play a performative representative of the woman they want in order to coddle their man's ego which is transactional for only what men want from women. So what do men truly bring to the table? Women who have emotional intelligent men that are true partners and friends in their relationships are truly blessed.
Divorced middle-aged dog and cat loving woman here. I love your content, perspectives and very relevant issues you are tackling here that are KEEPING men and women separated. We haven’t done this much work on ourselves to want to hate men….we are just evolving past them. We really can’t help it. Keep up the good work. ❤
there are thousands of good men that are conditioned for empathy, selflessness, and working hard..
It is biological. The Y chromosome is operating on survival mode. It’s holding on dear life to the X chromosome. Women don’t operate in lack, we have a community mindset. This system is setup so that most men can thrive and survive by attaching themselves to a woman. This is such a great conversation. Thank you Pub❤
Yep! The Y also is weaker and more prone to defects. It needs the X or there’s problems.
The story of Adam and Eve was told in reverse. DNA tells the truth.
I'd heavily caution against bioessentialism
Because 1) you honestly can't be certain of your chromosomes unless you get them tested--a decent amount of people can have a chromosome pair that doesn't match their entire physiology. (ex. Someone born with xy is also born with a uterus, fallopian tubes, menstruates in puberty, etc and only learns about the chromosomes when tested.)
2) as someone who has gone through hormone replacement therapy I'd say hormones play a much larger role in emotional behavior and mood things, although they 100% don't change who you are as a person
3) tenuous biology aside, the vast majority of misogynistic values, beliefs, and behavior is much more a result of sociocultural factors. It's socialized into us and taught both explicitly and not from a very early age, but not intrinsic.
4) it completely invalidates all transgender people and their experiences of gender regardless of chromosome pairs (which again, are not always indicitive of sex nor gender)
We’re telling them they are needed as full partners- mental load- parenting- household chores- empathy- emotional support. … then why the F do they need a list or to be told what needs to be done?????? They are 1/2 grown babies. They have been conditioned to believe they are to be adored for less than minimal effort.
They want a woman that is helpless so that she can be beholden to him.
But not too helpless otherwise she's a defective wife appliance.
"A lioness is considered the primary protector of the pride, actively defending the territory and raising the cubs, while the male lion's main role is typically to protect the pride from other male lions attempting to take over the territory; essentially, the lioness is the backbone of the pride's survival, handling most of the day-to-day protection and nurturing of the young." Nature once again proving our point. Buddy in the glasses is just talking.
All I want for Christmas is for Pub to get all of the subscribers
They'll say they need to feel needed... and then aggressively apply weaponized incompetence.
They want to feel needed BY WHO THEY TRULY DESIRE and a lot of times who they desire is not who they’re with! So they string you along, use you for whatever they can get from you until they get tired of you or get who they really
Want. It’s actually disgusting how easily they are willing to to use you and waste your time
It just seems strange that the protectors want others to be in danger or strife to cue them in. I’d think they should much rather just be wanted. Like a cop can shoot a gun but should go to work daily hoping they don’t have to bc that means someone is having a really bad day. A cop that only wants the job so they CAN hopefully use their gun is problematic at best. They’re guaranteed to sabotage situations to feel the need.
It is all about their ego. You must praise them in front of their family. You must praise them in front of your family. You must be fetching and carrying snacks and drinks, when their friends are visiting. Never ask them do any menial things in front of their friends, strangers, co-workers and their family! Never let people know that they are not paying for anything. You must pass them your card or cash so that they look like they are paying! You must tell them how good they are in bed even though he is smiling and you are not! You must praise the 10% of home tasks they might do for 90% more time then it took for them to do the task. You must be available for their needs at any time, but must tell them in advance to wash the dishes, then remind them, and then do the dishes yourself and never mention it again or there will be an argument about how you did not remind them about it.
They want to be needed but as soon as you ask them for help they throw a tantrum.
Mantrum 😂
“I want to be needed so you owe me”
yeah I always get that sense too.
I think there is also an element of getting to feel superior to the person who "needs" help. I can do something you can't, therefore I am better and you are lesser. This is big, too.
They neeeeeeed to feel needed until you actually need them. They can’t make up their mind. First is what you bring to the table then it’s oh you bring that to the table, well what do you need me for?
They need to feel needed--only in CERTAIN ways. (Not around the house, for instance, for cleaning, vacuuming, cooking, etc.)
then you will literally tell them exactly what you need emotionally, physically, spiritually, and then just like that you’re nagging.
If a man wants sex he can actually use his big boy words and tell their partner. In my experience men refuse to communicate their needs and then get resentful and passive aggressive if you can't read their mind. Also women don't want to see you for 5 minutes a day and the man only wants to use that time to have sex. There'a need to have emotional intimacy and safety first.
I like how men come gallantly strolling in, after the dishes are done, after the laundry is folded, always after all chores and say hey, you need any help? Yeah, right :P
No one needs anyone. But you can WANT someone. I want a man I don’t need a man. No one needs to tell me I am needed, I can look around the world to see where I am needed and can make a positive contribution to the world
they need to feel needed for unimportant things... but when it's really risky or challenging they tuck tail and run...
I want the man to do his part of the chores and the labour without me telling him all the time to do it. My ex needed to be told that we have to pay the bills every month, and to ask him for his half of payment . After a while I started to get annoyed asking for money he had to pay, I started to sound like a bagger. Also for our daughter s school or needs he never payed without me asking. So I decided that I better live alone, I can take care of one child but I don t want another adult child that won’t grow up. Day after day I grew up hating him more and more.
They want a participation trophy 🏆
Making a man feel needed means giving him credit regardless of his participation. 😒No thanks! I'd rather rescue myself!