I really admire their patience and understanding for such horrible assumptions and jokes. I can't believe someone can say that. And I have to say that the person you truly love, does indeed make your life easier, and a bit harder at times too 😅. Talking about anyone truly in love. ❤️👋
i think it’s super dumb but i feel like people who aren’t very exposed to the deaf community feel intimidated when they don’t know how to communicate, so they stick to what’s comfortable and acknowledge the hearing person you’re with. again, stupid and tbh offensive but i think it just comes from a lack of education and exposure
I agree with this, i also wouldn't want to offend the deaf person in any way or there be a misunderstanding so i get why they do it but agreen its no ok and now its confirmed it can make the deaf person feel bad. I hope servers and customer service agents are watching and fix this in the future ♡
Ok so I’m just going to be super honest. I’m not sure why but I think just watching your videos is super calming and relaxing. I just love them keep making more.
I can’t speak for the server, but I was hired at a deaf school with little/no sign language under my belt. A LOT of people (myself included at times) would opt to speak to a hearing person out of fear. Many of us had never met a deaf person and it was SO INTIMIDATING to process signing that fast. We didn’t know what was socially acceptable or appropriate so our gut reaction was to avoid it. I was so blessed to have some deaf ASL teachers that walked me through why that was so wrong. They really guided us on ways to navigate those situations and just let us know how rude that comes across. So i think it’s a fear of the unknown thing. Doesn’t make it right. Just offering the prospective of someone who fumbled her way through many encounters in the deaf community lol
Madison Fox, can you recall how the teachers explained it to you at the time, as well as any tips or tricks they gave you? I am hearing and totally identify with being scared (especially when I was a young teen). Moving hands/arms so fast is a bit like some kind of super hero power, and then the ability of some to lip read and/or speak. It gives the impression that they can likely mind read whilst sitting comfortably and smiling calmly. Like, I know some of my head, and it's terrifying back there. They aren't even scared of anything! I understand more about understanding body language, that signs are essentially complicated gestures or talking using hands/fingers. I know people are people and have good and bad things about them. I also know they can't mind read most of the time (or they can't be bothered to read mine!). In essence, I am more realistic to what my limited understanding/experience has been. It would be useful to... um... read the other side.
I think this mainly. People don’t know how to appropriately interact with deaf people most times and aren’t sure if they need to do anything different or if it will seem rude if they just drop the check and walk away or should they get the person’s attention or sign anything so that fear of not knowing how to interact and whether they may come across the wrong way when doing so makes them avoid it. Of course like you said, that turns in itself into a rude thing (you’re ignoring the deaf person), but it’s just anxiety over a situation they’re not used to so they’d prefer something they are used to. It’s good that you guys make videos about this so that we can all be aware.
Thanks for your response. I hope it taught you to think more about how your actions come across to others--It's better to go outside of your comfort zone to show that you care about another person or want to interact with them rather than to protect yourself and hurt their feelings. As one who's been told "never mind" or ignored because I can't interact well in certain environments (I'm hard of hearing), it's MUCH better if you do your part than to keep someone in the dark.
Yeah I don't think the server assumes that Ryan isn't paying because he's deaf, but people are uncomfortable interacting with people they don't know how to interact with, especially when it's something as different to them as sign language (we encounter verbal foreign languages much more than sign language, and even that makes people awkward). So even the tiniest "interaction" like handing the check back, they just subconsciously give it to the one they know they can communicate with. It's still kind of ignorant, but I doubt they even realize they're doing it.
@@michaelabunke1933 yeah exactly I don't think most people even consciously decided like I'm going to ignore him and only give it to her because she talks. I think it's just habit mostly, for servers especially, to give it to the person that ordered or the first person that ordered because that's just who they talked to 1st and they kind of assumed that the table can split the bill however.
Same in my relationship. I am hearing and my husband is deaf. When we do go out and eat with our kids I order for him and myself and I always get the bill. He pays and I get the receipt. I understand what you are talking about all to well.
This happens to us too. Hubs is Deaf and i am hearing. We have 4 kiddos so it’s already a little chaotic so I order for us all. Unless otherwise decided. If it’s just us two I ask him or he lets me know.
I think this is the ish with servers because they just don’t want to take the time to slow down and communicate with a deaf person, so they opt to acknowledge the hearing person and do all interactions with that person. I believe it is their own insecurities on having to break a language barrier. I say all this because, as a HOH, I talk and read lips most of the time but if I break that and start signing, they situation suddenly becomes so awkward for the hearing person and they just don’t know what to do.. 🤔 I almost find it comical!! 😃
That's a very good point. Now that I think about it, when my mom was learning English and I would translate for her, this would happen to us all the time. Lol Edit: I find it funny because I was just a child. Why would I want the receipt?!
That's because we aren't taught anything. I honestly don't remember a teacher ever explaining what deaf meant or anything to do with Deaf culture or deaf people. My mom started taking ASL classes when I was in middle school so that's how I learned and now that I'm in ASL classes at college I know more and I'm more comfortable signing even though I'm not great at it. And when you're little and you see someone who has a physical disability or is signing or is doing something or looks some way that isn't "normal" your parents just tell you not to ask anything, don't look at them, don't stare. So hearing people growing up are taught by everyone else but there's something weird about people signing or deaf people because our society doesn't know how to handle it. It's pure on uneducation for most people. Im not saying its right its just a lot of people literally have no idea what to do so they just don't do anything
As someone who is hearing, in school for ASL and is also a server, I've experienced serving only a few tables. Before actually learning anything about deaf culture, I definitely did some things that were ignorant without knowing. I can remember serving a deaf and hearing couple in a super busy restaurant, as they sat I asked and told them the specials, the husband asked me to speak directly to his wife so she could read my lips, I felt really bad because I know it must be frustrating dealing with that kind of thing. But with the last part of your comment, servers not taking time, in my personal experience if I'm busy I don't communicate as much with anyone, whether hearing or not. I'm not rude by any means, I just don't take as much time talking to tables as I usually would. So, not that it's an excuse for rude behavior, I know that it's very stressful when work is really busy as a server. This is also why I've decided to learn ASL. I want to be able to expand who I can communicate with as well as be of help to anyone who is deaf who might need it. Not to say they can't function without a person who's hearing, but if there was an emergency or something serious, being able to help someone would fill my heart. I love learning sign language, it's incredible.
This is such a genius series to start!!! Usually when people do Q&A’s they’re skim through their questions and answers but this is such an awesome way to get a little more insight into your guys’ relationship!! So excited for the videos to come 💓
In college I had a classmate that was deaf and she had two translators sitting in front of her that would take turns translating everything that went on in class. Some people when addressing her would talk to the translators instead of her. The translator made it clear, “talk to her and act like I’m not here”. We did not realize we were making her feel less by not interacting directly with her! I guess we’re just not informed on how to interact with people who are deaf! These kind of videos help a lot in achieving inclusivity! I love your guys’ videos!
Here’s my thought: they may be so intimidated by their fears of offending you that they subconsciously try to mainly interact with Ellen. They might be trying to avoid interacting to reduce opportunities for offenses. Of course that causes the offense. When I was a young kid, I would avoid people that I was afraid of upsetting such as elderly people. So some people might be fumbling at their own efforts to avoid offending. But one day, I learned that EVERYONE wants to be treated as though they are important....as they matter! If I do that with people, I break through those awkward moments. And any fumbles are forgiven because the other person sees that they are important to me. And they become more willing to teach me how to better interact with them. If it’s a guy that does it, maybe he’s trying to interact more with Ellen because she’s so pretty.
That's actually what I first thought! There also might be an awkwardness factor in it too... Like he might feel embarrassed that he can't sign or communicate with someone who is deaf...and end up interacting with Ellen. Of course, that can be solved with a little more education for the public. Recently, at work, we had an accessibility module that talks about communicating with anyone who is blind, hoh, deaf, in a wheelchair, that sort of thing. I thought it was a pretty cool thing for them to include, cuz we don't really know our assumptions until we are educated about it. Anyhow, thanks Ryan and Ellen for making these videos!
Her voice is just an extension of her energy/vibe. It seems he notices super tiny details, so he's likely got that. I don't tend to notice things very easily, and even I saw her energy/vibe
I'm so glad that I grew up learning sign language because at my work I sometimes have people come in and not talk to me or any of my co-workers and then when they come to purchase their items I see them sign and then I sign back to them and just seeing their reactions really makes my day! I feel so happy knowing that they have someone that can communicate with for the next time they come in!
Okay, 1) I just found you guys and I'm obsessed! I love your hearts and the way you guys gracefully answer questions. It's so clear your hearts are to gently educate, and it's is really awesome. 2) You asked why we think the waiter essentially bypasses Ryan and hands the bill directly to Ellen. My sister is paralyzed from the waist down, so she is a full time wheelchair user. Something we have constantly encountered is people doing really similar things to her. Like she will clearly be able to communicate and someone will walk up and ask something about her to my mom or myself and we will have to say, "That's not really a question I could answer for you, but you can certainly ask her yourself." It's always said gently, but I can only imagine it gets incredibly old to not be give the opportunity to answer for yourself or be viewed as self-sufficient at simple encounters. Something people ask all the time is "why can't she walk?" or "does she prefer xyz or is xyz okay?" but they will direct it to my mom or myself when my sister is literally right there. SO from my experience with it, I think people are hesitant to what they don't know. I think when we are in a community where a unique way of communicating or living is normalized, we forget that a lot of people in the world are unused to and frankly uncomfortable when it comes to people who use unconventional ways of communicating or functioning. I think people find it intimidating & uncomfortable to put forth the effort towards making a situation more normalized (for Ryan/my sister) and instead revert to what's comfortable where they communicate or handle a situation through someone who acts/looks/or communicates like what/who they are used to (i.e myself who walks or Ellen who is hearing and overall more verbal). It doesn't make it right, its frankly super lazy, but I think people are also really scared to be offensive and instead of trying and doing it incorrectly (which from a previous video you guys have stated you would much prefer someone ask and actually make an effort vs not try at all - and its the same way with my sister and I) they try and avoid having to adjust their form of interaction altogether. Thank you guys for your lovely videos and I hope its nice to find some solidarity in other people dealing with the same type of interactions. If you're at all interested, my sister has a TH-cam channel where she tries to comically address some pet peeves or do's and don'ts when encountering a person who has her special needs. (It's gone a little stagnant since I moved away from home, but she's going to post more here soon!) th-cam.com/channels/TGK9akagHZE0i5EbZA9Tfw.html
👋🏼👋🏼Just found your channel! I don’t think they give the bill to her because they assume she is paying because she is hearing. I think it has more to do with people not being comfortable communicating with a deaf person so they avoid it altogether. It has more to do with them then it has to do with you, in my opinion!
totally agree, tbh at the end they're just trying to get the job done, i don't think any offense or levels of uncomfortableness was intentional. it can be annoying for the couple maybe but for the waiter they're just trying to get that money ;) but thats just how i see the situation, idk.
I was wondering if you guys could do a teaching/DIY-ish on everyday things. I think it’s so sweet how he always wants you to learn and join him when he’s doing all that stuff like changing outlets, best way to wash car, best product to use. For people who don’t or didn’t have people to teach them growing up. Plus learning new signs while filming videos like that would be awesome!
there is a co-worker I see once in a while that is deaf. He knows I know some sign language. But I tend to forget what the signs mean. I recognize them but forget till after the fact. It's like my brain shuts down and says "you're on your own".
I have memory issues, so I can only learn 1 sign for something, and few signs at a time or I muddle them up. Maybe when at home and thinking things, when the word comes up in your thoughts sign it. Like say you know the sign for 'get' and you think 'I need to get more milk' sign when the word comes up. Repeating things helps.
i wish more people would just sign with me out of the blue. I don't care if they are just learning. In fact I would appreciate that they are learning and will even help them if they make mistakes.
Ashley Timm As a fiancé to a deaf person and knowing a lot of people who are deaf, 99% of people who are deaf love seeing someone signing and showing interest in learning their language and culture. So, no, it’s not rude. A lot of people take it as a compliment.
Just lost my hearing at age 59, 3 months ago, and just found your channel a couple of hours ago. Can not put into words what it means. I have watch non stop . So much going on and really needed this. THANK YOU! .
My boyfriend is deaf and your videos are helping me with learning sign language. I’ve known him for 3 years but we never actually took it further until recently. We communicate fine but when he takes his hearing aids out, the only way we can talk is to sign or read lips. So thank you for these videos, I think you both are awesome. ❤️
Thank you so much for being so open and sharing your lives with us! I'm a graduate student in Canada, learning about disabilities and how to support a wide variety of people with different conditions, including deaf and hard of hearing. I have always wanted to learn how to communicate with ASL and your videos were the final push for me to start learning. I hope you guys continue with sharing your stories, experiences, and thoughts. I hope for a world where manual language becomes commonly used and there is greater understanding between all individuals regardless of hearing ability. You guys are amazing and I wish you all the best!
Thank you for being so patient with some of us who might not be informed. Your openness is helping many like me 😀, become better informed and honestly just enriching my life. Many blessings to you both 💕😘
I just foundation ur channel and I have to say how awesome you two are. My mother is half deaf and I study a little sign language when I was younger and I know how hard it is and for someone to do that for love is just awesome. I’ve been checking a couple of your vlogs and really like how open u are with the questions and everything. The best to both of you, u made my day!
Love is not only blind, but deaf and mute. It is above all feelings. It needs no logical reason to exist. You both complete and respect each other, a perfect match. The silence of love fills every heart and make sense to every mind. Love you guys. LOVE, LIVE LEARN n LAUGH MAC 20201022
I’m hearing and my fiancé is hard of hearing When we are out and people meet us I will explain I’m working to be a Asl Interpreter he’s hard of hearing Because we pretty much always sign And they will say oh I’m sorry to him like being deaf it’s a bad thing😡 Or they will yell at him I have to tell them he has a hearing aid just speak normally to him some people say he’s hard to understand I hate when there not patient with him and are just so rude we totally understand and can relate to this video
I have recently started binge watching your channel! I love it so much. My thoughts on why Ellen gets handed back the bill is this: There is still an ignorant world of people out there that have not been exposed to deaf culture or even deaf people. They immediately assume that deaf people are far more unable than hearing people, as wrong as that is. I've interpreted for about 5 years now, and in my experience hearing people are surprised to find out deaf people can drive, have jobs, own homes, live alone, etc. I think it's just something we have to educate them on. And your channel is doing that! Keep it up!
I love how frequently Ryan interrupts, even though he’s deaf. And thats has nothing to do with it, it’s just cute/funny to see that happens in ALL relationships 😂 Add on EDIT: with regards to customer service not acknowledging Ryan I think it’s an uncertainty and potential ignorance in not enough education about the deaf community. Being unsure if he will need something or start signing to them, and the fear of not knowing how to respond without making him feel awkward? That’s how I’d probably feel 🤷🏻♀️
Well I don't think him being deaf prevents him from interrupting lol... They're both signing the whole time, you can probably interrupt just as easily as with spoken language :)
I'm sorry that happens to you guys! Obviously, there are some people out there that are just plain rude but my first thought that came to my head was that maybe they do that because they aren't educated about the deaf community and don't know how to interact with someone who is deaf and as a result, they panic and just talk to Ellen instead. They might not know it's disrespectful. I'll speak for myself that I knew very little (and still do) but your videos have been such an eye opener for me. Please keep making these videos!!! I learn so much and I think you two are so cute together! :)
Hi Victoria! That does make sense. Hopefully our videos will help spread awareness and more people will learn how to interact with deaf people. Thank you for the kind words! We'll keep making these videos for sure!
"Im with her because i love her" - i cannot believe that ppl would joke about that!! U should never have to justify why ur with someone...ever!! U guys are awesome!!! Subbed 😁
Hi guys. I know this video is multiples of months old. I'm on a binge and trying to simultaneously learn at the same time. Honestly, I feel like this happens more often when there are differences in the culture or environment that someone isn't accustomed to. Even if a child pays with their money, a cashier usually hands the receipt and/or items to the parents; kinda like how they "treat" (even passively, not necessarily poorly) yourself and Ryan. When I was with my friends who are not natively english, the server will prefer to interact with myself, likely because I am a more... familiar "object" in their surroundings, if that makes sense. Definitely doesn't help anyone else feel included, and can even be interpreted as disrespectful, as I'm sure Ryan has felt a few times. My heart goes out with you guys, and I love your channel; love the exposure that you're putting out there. Love from colorado!
New to your channel! I'm from NJ-hi!! I just love you two. Your channel is amazing- important, beautifully calm and full if love!! I am a k-5 music teacher and I have taught music in classes with children that are hard of hearing and or deaf. It is an awesome feeling to know I can share music with EVERYONE also in MANY different ways. You two are inspiring me to learn sign language more professionally. It is an amazing thing to be able to communicate confidently and respectfully with every person in this world! I wish you love and continued happiness and please keep doing videos!! ❤
I am new to watching you guys and have learned so much! I honestly think people are just uncomfortable with what they don't know or understand. Like, "Oh, that guy is Deaf- I don't know how to handle that, so I'll just interact with the hearing person." It's sad, but I think true. It's the path of least resistance.
I found this channel last night and I watched probably 10 videos.. I am not sure what it is that makes this so relaxing, but I love it. Watching y'all communicate is very fascinating and inspirational. I am trying to pick up on some signs that I would find helpful to know! Y'all are a beautiful couple and your love really shines in these videos.. Please continue to make more!
I really love the energy and openness of this couple. I've watched several videos to try to use what they are offering to learn more about interaction with the deaf community and just be a better, more well rounded person. HOWEVER, because I don't know ASL and nothing is translated about what Ryan says I don't know half of what they are trying to communicate. I pick up a decent amount and would love to have the time to learn ASL but, right now, maybe 70% the info they want people to know is lost becasue it is not stated to make sure everyone knows what is being said. Not trying to be negative. Just explaining the perspective. I'm sure people in the deaf community get just as frustrated with parallel situations.
I believe it’s ultimately a language barrier... same as if there’s a couple where one speaks English and one speaks Spanish. If you’re out to eat and the server only speaks English, they’re more likely to hand the card back to the person who speaks English just in case there’s any questions that need to be answered. 🤷🏽♀️ I know for me, when I’ve served a deaf/hearing couple, I felt myself watching the dead person sign and try my best to get the gist of what they were trying to communicate but then I’d find myself turning to the hearing person to get a better “translation.” Ultimately it’s just something new and something you’ll have to teach those you meet along the way 👍🏽😄
Love you two together. A perfect match. I recently found your channel and enjoy watching your videos. I took a sign language course in college and loved it and watching your videos helps me learn more. I’d like to share insight about why I think the check isn’t being handed back to Ryan. It’s ignorance, sometimes when people don’t know something, it’s hard to engage. I think there needs to be more public programs where we integrate the deaf community with the hearing community. The more you are exposed to something, the more you can learn to interact and feel comfortable with people who may be different from you. The fact that I wasn’t exposed to the deaf community until college is rather sad. I never thought about it until I was offered a resource to learn about something different from what I’ve known.
I don't think waiters think about who's money it is or isn't. I just think they give it to the person they're most comfortable interacting with. Which would be her
I love you guys because you both are so calm, kind, and understanding towards one another and towards your audience. You two work perfectly together and there’s something so precious about your relationship. I originally started watching you guys because I love ASL. I love learning different languages and I want to learn sign language so badly. But you guys are so much more than just a sign language channel. There’s so much personality in both of you and I truly look up to your relationship. Something about you guys is just so inviting. Thanks for inspiring and teaching others and being amazing role models 💛 so so so much love.
I find the way you both really listen to each other amazing. I know it's critical with how you comunicate but it seems so much more. I find myself holding eye contact with each of you while watching your videos. The world would be such a better place if everyone focused on conversations as you both do. Stumbbled on to your channel a few days ago and have really enjoyed it. Its made me a better person...well done!
okay, some people can be really rude and them "joking" saying that you're only with Ellen so she can talk to you is completely rude. I see the way you two look at each other, not just to sign, but the looks in your eyes and how you guys act show that you really love each other. And I think we need to teach more sign language so we can communicate with the deaf community, so we can understand each other, and make everyones easier. Btw I really love your videos! I'm currently taking ASL and you guys encouraged me to really focus on it more.
I have always wanted to learn sign language. My second cousin was a principle at a deaf school when I was young. I never got to learn and I have start watching videos to learn and I enjoy watching your videos. You guys are a happy couple and have great personalities.
My husband runs his own disabilty support services and one thing he has often said, is when he is out with a client in the community, whether it be at a restaurant or store, the sales person/server will always speak/approach him and he will always say, its fine he/she (his client) can order for himself etc. Its strange, its like people think that if someone has a disability or are different or whatever, it means communication with them is void- kind of sad really. Love your channel with the awareness bring forth and perspective you share.
In my experience I find often people unconsciously associate any kind of "disability" with diminished mental capacity. My partner is totally normal apart from he's quadriplegic and in a wheelchair, and when we go out people often just straight away interact with me instead of him, even as far as speaking to me when answering a question HE asked. It makes me sad that people react that way 😢
I’ve been watching a lot of Bill Vicars videos lately and finally coming back to your new ones. I’ve gained so much vocabulary now and i could follow along with less reliance on subtitles!! This is the first time I listened without audio and I enjoyed it.
@Sign Duo I can see why people making assumptions like that bothers you. It’s not just a little rude, it’s INSUFERABLY RUDE. But, I can also see how you’ve made each other so happy over the time you’ve been together. And your dog is just too cute for words.
Personally I worked as a server for fast food, and I took an asl class so I was able to communicate pretty well with deaf folks when they would come in, but I noticed sometimes there would be people who came in who would have a hearing person they were with handle everything, so maybe some people assume that’s how it works?
Idk, but both my husband and I are hearing and they do this to us when we go out to eat as well. Idk why, but they always hand me the bill and even if they SEE me hand the bill over to him and HE pays, they always come back and give me the card or the change if he pays cash. It always annoys me too. I can imagine how it makes Ryan feel as well as you. I feel if I were y’all I’d be super uncomfortable in that situation and feel awkward. You guys are so awesome! One day I was watching TH-cam and ran across one of your videos and really enjoyed it. I love the awareness y’all are bringing to the hearing world about the deaf community. I grew up having deaf classmates all through school and was always curious but too scared to ask them anything in fears of offending so it’s great that I get to learn through people like y’all on TH-cam! Great content. Keep up the great work!
What a great question and then examples of how to avoid ignorance! I try to think most people genuinely do not know how to approach those who are “visibly” disabled wanting to help, and not insult, but it’s a think line sometimes, and of course up to our own perspective in how we perceive, handle and react to. Y’all are awesome to not get mad in these cases! Being in a wheelchair almost 5 years I have learned also that people say the most bizarre, awkward, cringe, insulting and rude comments/questions/dialogue! I could NOT believe it when I first started learning my new life in a wheelchair, BUT, most of the time the tales would highly amuse my friends. Like you all I try to never be rude to someone even if they’re rude or discriminatory to me, rather I try to approach it in an educational/informative way. I’ve certainly have people 1000% cross a line and just not know it (how, I don’t know....but they still ask 🤷♀️). I try to help people to understand that we can all still have a “normal” life and and one full of joy, but sometimes I’m sure someone has caught an eye roll HA! I did have a funny and odd meal at Bonefish Grille a few years ago while out with a friend when another guest from another table came over to our table, mid-meal no less. The man was maybe 50 years old and asked if he could interrupt. I was already shaking my head yes when he said “I just wanted to tell you that I saw you come in today and I saw you get into the bench seating and it just made me so proud. I keep telling my wife that you kind of people still leave the house and go out.” Uh... WHAT?!?! I had a glass of wine and felt silly so I politely and jokingly responded “I KNOW?! Would you even believe that I’m paralyzed, BUT I can still DRIVE my own car, and ALONE!! And, thank you for noticing the effort I had to put into getting from the wheelchair to the table seat on my own, it’s easy peasy once you get used to it, Blah blah” His face when I said “drive” was the 2nd best facial expression reaction I’ve ever seen. (Of course he asked “HOW do you reach the pedals?!” -> hand controls, in case others don’t know) Ultimately he left feeling good about himself and us both laughing as he realized how silly this all sounded and that I’d been just a itty bit sarcastic. I’m sure y’all have experienced people who are shocked that Ryan drives 🤷♀️
The internet is following me lol. There was a video that went viral on twitter yesterday of a Deaf girl who was so excited because throughout her day random people she ran into, knew sign language and had signed with her and she was so happy she was nearly in tears. So I said I have to go learn sign language and teach my kids, so I found a site that teaches for free and started practicing already. Then I get on youtube and this video is in my recommended. Amazing how the world works. Yall are amazing btw!
I have a severe binaural aided hearing loss and cerebral palsy. I walk, talk and am quite independent, but I have experienced something really annoying. If others are with me, even medical professionals sometimes, people will ask the person I'm with "How does SHE do this?" Or "Does SHE..?" That is incredibly disrespectful and unprofessional. Like Ryan, I am my own person and very capable. If the server doesn't know who is paying the bill, they can ASK. It bothers me that in 2020 people are so ignorant. I just educate one at a time. Thank you both for sharing your experience!
Haven’t gotten to that part of the video but its not even hard to be accommodating in most cases. People are just ignorant and too stubborn to step out of their bubble. How is it that I’ve had little to no trouble ordering food or buying groceries, etc in places where i speak/read very little of their language. Even the basics sometimes aren’t helpful in casual situations. I shorten my speech to the important bits and enunciate my words when I’ve served deaf people so they can read my lips. I dont do anything weird with my mouth. I’ve served them with ease. Most people can read lips, if that is not the case then they OBVIOUSLY have a plan up their sleeve and will take hold of the encounter. Also a pen and paper is not hard to use and you only need a finger to point. Hand them a paper menu, have them circle what they want. Im just rambling now. I’ve only just encountered deaf people in the last 2 years or so but its just common sense, not rocket science. Be sympathetic! not hurting their feelings isn’t a reason to forgo communicating with them and turning to their friend you hope is hearing&speaking. That’s you protecting yourself. It’s not looking like a deer in the headlights, but treating then like regular customers/people. Sheesh
Also this my first time watching you guys! I also always remember whose paying because i know it must be annoying in different circumstances to not be acknowledged. For example before going to japan i was warned by the internet that i might be ignored and they may turn to someone else (especially if they look japanese) to communicate whether or not they spoke the language. Honestly it rarely happened so i think they are geting better about it and customer service is just top notch. If a women hands mecash for instance I will hand her the change! Not the man that’s with her! People are just stuck in old ways
The bill thing really got to me. I'm a hearing woman and a wheelchair user. If I go grocery shopping with a personal assistant, the cashier always tells my nondisabled assistant how much the bill is, even if I'm the one asking. Even after I pay for everything, they go to hand the change to my assistant. It's maddening, and I'm the one actually speaking to the cashier the whole time, but they look at and address my assistant. Sometimes, when I'm shopping alone and my turn comes, the cashier starts speaking to the next person in line and/or handing them my change thinking "we are together".
I've been signing since I was a sophomore in high. I still sign to this day. I just started watching your videos over the last few days and have learned new signs. I also work with some who is deaf and he keeps me learning new things every day.
I recently started watching your videos and I like that when you sign you cant actually interapt or raise your voice and you actually have to stop and let the other person finish. I also like her voice ( sorry im new here I dont remember the name 😢), its so so calming for some reason it makes me want to be more calm when I speak too. Also after watching some of your videos I was talking to my mom and I was making gestures without realizing😂😂.
this happens to me all the time when i'm out with my sister! she's only 5 years older, and I hand over the money and they ALWAYS give her the change. I think sometimes its the person that they make eye contact with or speak to the most or 'see' the most.
I think it's really cool that's you guys are so open and spreading awareness about deaf people and deaf relationships. I come from a family with a deaf dad and a mother and sister who are ASL interpreters. And I think it's important that those who don't know much about the deaf learn more and see them as perfect capable humans, and not lable them as disabled. 💕💕🤘🔥
for reasons like paying the bill, as a server i ALWAYS put the bill in the middle of the table! its just whoever’s card or cash it is can grab it and i never assume whos paying. unless its clearly communicated that who’s ever card/cash when the bill is split. But I watch your videos to learn more sign language since my cousin and two friends are hard of hearing/going deaf. while they are going deaf and they’re learning sign language i should, too. plus i had a table with a deaf child once and at the time i knew very little sign langauge and it killed me i couldnt communicate with him. thanks for these awesome videos!!
My husband and I are both hearing. When he pays at a restaurant, the server always gives him back his card, but if he buys clothes at a store like Kohl's, the cashier almost ALWAYS hands the receipt to me, even if he paid and is talking to the cashier. Maybe they just assume that women want to be in charge of receipts for clothes? I have no idea. It only happens at clothes stores, never at Best Buy or Home Depot, lol. (Just found you guys today and I've been watching your videos for a couple hours. Love them! Everyone I know is hearing, but now I'm seriously interested in learning to sign :)
I think it’s the lack of awareness and knowledge! Some people are just plain ignorant and really need to just be more aware. It’s 2019 and sadly, audism is still subtlety happening.
I feel like the question/joke about your relationship is something a lot of people experience. It's rude and maybe they are jealous. No one should make jokes about someone using their partner like that. I'm short so my tall husband helps me reach things a lot. It's part of any relationship to help each other any way you can.
So I work as a cashier and I can answer that question! I have a few years of ASL under my belt so I can handle small conversations but if it’s a family of hearing people and I don’t exactly know who payed at the little machine or if two people are standing together, I sometimes instinctively hand the receipt to whoever talked to me, especially if only one person spoke, I am much much more likely to just hand the receipt to that person because it is a very predictable transaction of “here is your receipt” and “thank you” where it sometimes is awkward if I give it to the person who I think payed but didn’t talk and they just kinda stare at me while I give it to them and talk to their friend/partner/whoever spoke
My fiancee and I have been together over 10 years... He and I are both surprised and amused when he hands his credit card/cash to pay in a restaurant or store and the server/cashier gives me the card, receipt or change back. Happens to us all the time. He thinks it's because he's quiet and I'm generally quite chatty. I've really been enjoying your videos. Y'all are super cute!
This happens with my husband and I all the time. We are both hearing but I always get the receipt haha. I think it is more along the lines that yes the guy pays but in the end it's usually the wife who collects receipts to do the weekly budget. I love yalls videos! Keep up the good work. ❤
This reminds of the movie "Isa Pa with Feelings".In the movie, Cali is deaf and Mara is hearing, just the same situation like yours. Truelly an outstanding movie.BTW you guys are awesome!
When my fiancé and I go out, I always let him order for himself whether he will point at the item he wants on the menu or he’ll type it on his phone and show them. That’s totally his choice of how he wants to do it and I completely respect it.
I'm a hearing person and I agree with the other comments, the first thing that came to mind was out of fear. I was actually at work the other day and a deaf person came in with a friend that was hearing. It was my manager that they happened to be speaking to and my manager was really good addressing the deaf person (who was the actual customer) even though the friend was translating, but even as I was watching, I felt the instinct that I would by accident turn to the hearing person to explain and communicate. But that instinct was there only out of fear, because to see sign language when you don't know any signs yourself can be really overwhelming. However, this video helps me as a hearing person to always make sure if I'm in that situation to be addressing the deaf person and not worry about the fear! when I think about it, I imagine they will be very understanding even if I get some things wrong, as long as I am showing respect. :) But I wrote this comment because unlike maybe other situations, I don't think the server is doing that because she thinks you're incapable. Instead in this situation, it is probably because the server themselves feels incapable.
OMG. That happens to me every time, Ryan. Whether in a restaurant or a store, the cashier always hands the receipt, the change or the card back to my girlfriend. It used to infuriate me so much. I got to the point where I would express that you can give her the money if you want, but I still want my change. It's like they think we need a babysitter. I am still not sure what the appropriate way to handle this is. It is wrong and it has to stop. I always tense up when checking out when my girlfriend is with me for this reason. In case you are wondering I am HoH and I guess it's obvious.
I love you guys . Ryan don’t worry about people that don’t understand bro . It’s their problem . People are gonna judge what they don’t understand . You’re good though bro . Just continue to keep Ya head up
My Mom had polio 70 years ago and has been in a wheel chair since I was an infant. She and Dad raised my brother and my by themselves and yet there are people who treat her as if she is not intelligent or capable. She's considerate and funny and those people miss out because they don't know her.
I’d probably assume two major reasons: 1) most servers (people) don’t know how to interact with deaf people so they would turn by default to the hearing person in the couple (sadly). 2) even more sad, people would assume that any person with disabilities can probably not have “normal”, a job, and therefore being self sufficient to the point to be the one to pay a bill... it’s not only happening to deaf people but all kind of people with disabilities. However, I’m glad you found each other, you’re an adorable couple. Cheers!
I cannot understand the way that they treated you Ryan! Don't let this bother you, one day humanity will become better ! I know that it is difficult , but you don't need to destroy your mood because of them!
The part about the servers expecting you to pay....this happens to me and my friend. My friend who is Deaf and has ushers syndrome will sign and I’ll interpret and people always look at me and ask me questions. But whenever we’ve went to stores to pay for something he always pays and hands them the card and it’s not a problem....but the only reoccurring issue is that people panic and look scared when they have to deal with him until I started speaking and realize I am hearing and can interpret. A lot of people don’t know how to interact with a Deaf person even if it’s something as simple as using gestures or writing on a piece of paper
i think i'm actually starting to learn ASL from this??? so far i have picked up 'something, ' relationship' 'times' and 'thoughts' HAHA chanced upon this and it is so educational absolutely love it. thank you for showing that people don't have to feel awkward around disability :-)
I think they give it to the hearing people in the situation because not many hearing people know how to communicate but they could literally just ask. I’ve been trying to learn sign language so when I’m older and have I job I can give deaf people a sense of normality, relief and happiness by just learning simple phrases.
I live in a community that’s near a state deaf school now (a couple hours) and so we occasionally get some Deaf customers in my restaurant and I’ve been so happy to be able to communicate with them now. My friend knows the little things because she’s teaching her kids but she hasn’t studied for herself and I saw her with her table (I’d kind of wondered when they came in if they were deaf from just the way they carried themselves and pointed to the back so I’d been glancing over curiously) and she was struggling a bit to ask the clarifying questions about the food and so I jumped in to help and I love seeing the look on people’s faces when they realize I can actually talk with them. But I think it is likely a subconscious thing for most servers because they probably just remember that they’ve been talking with you more than remembering Ryan gave them the card especially if it’s busy...half the time I just set the card and receipts down in the middle of the table just to avoid that awkwardness haha ;) I think society as a whole subconsciously assumes things like that based on how easy interactions are or assume maybe you’re just quiet or something
I’ve served and bartended for several years~ Every server is different, so the reasoning may vary, but I don’t think they’re intentionally being rude. Generally we don’t know when a guest is deaf. Many times I’ve tried carrying on conversations only to be told the person can’t hear (lol! Leaves me red). So when the hearing person is ordering for both, we tend to put our focus on that person because they are “in control”. It makes us believe that the other person simply does not want interaction. Once we get into that headspace it’s hard to steer away from it. That’s why when the server presents the check or the receipt, naturally they gravitate bringing it to her. We try to read our guest as best as we can, so minimal interaction makes us feel as if you don’t want to be bothered. I think if you interact more with the server, it would make them more at ease with approaching you. You could give them a warm wave, point out the food/drink options you want, give a thumbs up when they check on you, or signal the check your way when it’s being presented. It’ll help us best tailor the dining experience to you! 😊
Hypothesis on why they return the card to the wrong person: I’m living outside of my own nation state and I’m physically noticeably different. When locals see me, they don’t think they’ll be able to communicate. (Never mind that I have learned the language to a fluent degree.) Regardless, they ALWAYS (ok, almost always) direct their interactions to my wife. My conclusion is that they only acknowledge the apparent avenues of communication. In their minds they’ve already registered the girl as someone they can interact with. On having a relationship to make life easier, it bothers me too when people say, you can ask your wife to help you. I’m fully capable.. Perhaps I’m projecting too much. I know our situations are different, but I personally find a lot of comfort in watching your videos while processing my own cross-community relationship. May your relationship continue to be a bridge of understanding and openness for many people.
Talking about deaf/hearing relationships. I am a deaf single mother with 2 hearing children. Some people just assume my 14 year old is with me to be my interpreter. She does help me in certain situations, she is my daughter, a minor and that I still have final decisions over everything regardless of my inability to hear
As a server, I’ll say that we often wind up handing the check to whoever we have spoken to the most. Not everyone reads the name on the card. I would, so I’d hand it back to him. But when you get into a habit. You don’t always stop to think about how that might be coming across
I think there might really be an intimidation factor when hearing people who have no experience with deaf people are suddenly in a position where they should be interacting with them. I know it's not exactly the same, but I'm an English speaker who was in China for a few years, and even if I could communicate basic things through gestures or the phrases of Mandarin that I knew, people I would meet transiently (waiters, cashiers, etc) would hesitate or even at times avoid interacting with me at all. If I went back and saw them again later, they would gradually become more comfortable interacting with me, but that initial meeting would often be them ignoring me in favor of a Chinese speaker, or minimizing interaction as much as possible if I was by myself. I don't think it came from a malicious or judgmental place at all. I think the people interacting with me felt nervous, because if I had a question, or if they misunderstood something, they wouldn't be able to communicate with me, and not being able to communicate is a bit frightening, especially in a service role. I get that hearing people reacting this way towards deaf people could also come from some internalized ableism, but I do believe that most people are simply afraid of interacting with someone that they believe they won't be able to communicate with.
4:34 - Oh my god, the same thing happens to me at the grocery store when I am with my dad. He is deaf as well, but uses his voice and is really good with reading lips. It's like hearing people don't understand that they don't need to speak up when speaking to him. It's all about eye contact! And they always hand me the receipt even when he pays. It's like they want us to leave as soon as possible. We are in a grocery store, not a drive thru...what is the rush?
I think people fear what they don't know. So in a (naive or ignorant) person's mind, even though you handed the money, when they are handing it back, there is this idea they can't communicate. When Ryan is obviously able to pick up on body language, facial expressions, etc. So its easier, not the right thing, but easier for the person not knowing how to handle the situation with someone in their mind they can't communicate with, to hand it to the hearing person. All the more reason you both need to keep making these videos! I don't have exposure to anyone that is hard of hearing or deaf, I wouldn't know anything about the deaf community or culture without this info. Now I will think twice about my interactions with not only someone who is hard of hearing or deaf, but anyone different from myself.
So as a cashier and server if one person isn't talking to me and the other is, no matter who is paying I'll often catch myself reaching towards the person who talked to me. I typically catch myself and apologize, but maybe it's some subliminal thing? People should obviously be self-aware and not be rude, but I always feel awful about this and I never even thought of it negatively impacting someone's life like this. But now hopefully more people including myself will pay closer attention to it.
I’ve worked in retail and food so sometimes I come in contact with people who’s main source of communication is sign (in which I am not fluent) so it’s usually kind of awkward because I’m always worried about doing the wrong thing/ being offensive. Obviously not acknowledging Ryan is completely rude and I would never do that but I can definitely relate to people kind of gravitating towards the person you are with, not so we don’t have to “deal with” the communication barrier but (in my opinion) use the hearing person you are with to kind of depend on to carry the interaction properly because they know you and know what you like and more how things usually function so I can kind of use their presence to make sure I don’t do or say the wrong thing. Idk if it’s just me or other ppl too but usually after the interaction I’ll be reflecting like wondering if something that I did may have been actually hurtful even though I was just trying to help (ex: talking slower, mouthing, writing things down, trying to motion things with my hands). Can you talk about that? Obviously it may be different for someone else but I would like to know what you think.
Hey guys!! Long time no see!! We used to get that same problem with the bill thing. One thing that kind of solved it was to let him order on his own. I would literally stay out of the conversation until they turn to me. He would get as far as he could and then I would interpret things like well done , etc. it seems to work but some folks just don’t get it or don’t want to get. My mother used to think my husband wanted to marry me for the plus that I can interpret but that clearly did not hold water. That question you just have to grin and bear it. It’s stupid but like I said people either don’t get it or don’t want to get. Just my thoughts!! 🤟🏾
Another great video, guys! You should do some undercover recording of weird encounters... But definitely either way would like to know why THEY think they ignore Ryan!
My guess: they know how to deal with a hearing person and not with a deaf person so they freak out and their instincts tell them to go with what they know.
Hello. I think people are just ignorant. I learned from one of my deaf friends, that happened to be my college instructor for ASL that many hearing people feel that deaf people aren’t capable of having a job. I think at the restaurants, they may be intimidated to try to interact, if they don’t know how to sign any, so to avoid any “awkwardness ,” they just leave the check with Ellen. Take care guys!! I truly enjoy watching your videos and continuing to learn! Much love from Macon, GA! 💕
"I'm with her because I love her, and I want a future with her. Not because she makes my life easier." So sweet!! I teared up a lil
Wow. That’s amazing. I need someone like that
I really love how simple and easy they talk about their deep feelings.
ikr?? honestly the best thing. this couple is amazing.
I really admire their patience and understanding for such horrible assumptions and jokes. I can't believe someone can say that. And I have to say that the person you truly love, does indeed make your life easier, and a bit harder at times too 😅. Talking about anyone truly in love. ❤️👋
Fake
i think it’s super dumb but i feel like people who aren’t very exposed to the deaf community feel intimidated when they don’t know how to communicate, so they stick to what’s comfortable and acknowledge the hearing person you’re with. again, stupid and tbh offensive but i think it just comes from a lack of education and exposure
I agree
Not that I have any problems with deaf people, but if they have a hearing person who can speak for them I'd gladly take that opportunity
@@tpzlol Fascist deafphobic pig
I agree, and going off of that how would one suggest we approach that situation? I don’t think it’s fair to assume all deaf people can read lips.
I agree with this, i also wouldn't want to offend the deaf person in any way or there be a misunderstanding so i get why they do it but agreen its no ok and now its confirmed it can make the deaf person feel bad. I hope servers and customer service agents are watching and fix this in the future ♡
Ok so I’m just going to be super honest. I’m not sure why but I think just watching your videos is super calming and relaxing. I just love them keep making more.
Katie thank you 😊 we will
It’s calming and relaxing to have a mostly silent video and just watch the sign language. I totally get what you mean!
Sameee lol
Kinda similar to how asmr is, there is something calming about watching 😂
yes she has a warm and kind voice :)
I can’t speak for the server, but I was hired at a deaf school with little/no sign language under my belt. A LOT of people (myself included at times) would opt to speak to a hearing person out of fear. Many of us had never met a deaf person and it was SO INTIMIDATING to process signing that fast. We didn’t know what was socially acceptable or appropriate so our gut reaction was to avoid it. I was so blessed to have some deaf ASL teachers that walked me through why that was so wrong. They really guided us on ways to navigate those situations and just let us know how rude that comes across. So i think it’s a fear of the unknown thing. Doesn’t make it right. Just offering the prospective of someone who fumbled her way through many encounters in the deaf community lol
Madison Fox, can you recall how the teachers explained it to you at the time, as well as any tips or tricks they gave you? I am hearing and totally identify with being scared (especially when I was a young teen). Moving hands/arms so fast is a bit like some kind of super hero power, and then the ability of some to lip read and/or speak. It gives the impression that they can likely mind read whilst sitting comfortably and smiling calmly. Like, I know some of my head, and it's terrifying back there. They aren't even scared of anything! I understand more about understanding body language, that signs are essentially complicated gestures or talking using hands/fingers. I know people are people and have good and bad things about them. I also know they can't mind read most of the time (or they can't be bothered to read mine!). In essence, I am more realistic to what my limited understanding/experience has been. It would be useful to... um... read the other side.
I think this mainly. People don’t know how to appropriately interact with deaf people most times and aren’t sure if they need to do anything different or if it will seem rude if they just drop the check and walk away or should they get the person’s attention or sign anything so that fear of not knowing how to interact and whether they may come across the wrong way when doing so makes them avoid it. Of course like you said, that turns in itself into a rude thing (you’re ignoring the deaf person), but it’s just anxiety over a situation they’re not used to so they’d prefer something they are used to. It’s good that you guys make videos about this so that we can all be aware.
Thanks for your response. I hope it taught you to think more about how your actions come across to others--It's better to go outside of your comfort zone to show that you care about another person or want to interact with them rather than to protect yourself and hurt their feelings. As one who's been told "never mind" or ignored because I can't interact well in certain environments (I'm hard of hearing), it's MUCH better if you do your part than to keep someone in the dark.
I think you should politely decline to take it by saying, "Please give it to him, he is the one paying."
yess
Great idea!
Yeah I don't think the server assumes that Ryan isn't paying because he's deaf, but people are uncomfortable interacting with people they don't know how to interact with, especially when it's something as different to them as sign language (we encounter verbal foreign languages much more than sign language, and even that makes people awkward). So even the tiniest "interaction" like handing the check back, they just subconsciously give it to the one they know they can communicate with. It's still kind of ignorant, but I doubt they even realize they're doing it.
@@michaelabunke1933 yeah exactly I don't think most people even consciously decided like I'm going to ignore him and only give it to her because she talks. I think it's just habit mostly, for servers especially, to give it to the person that ordered or the first person that ordered because that's just who they talked to 1st and they kind of assumed that the table can split the bill however.
😊 Yea.. It's educational actually
I just watched a bunch of your videos and I love how Ryan gets distracted by animals all the time =)
Deaf people are very visual, maybe that is why
Yeap he is so adorable
Yes! TRUE DEAF! Sometimes, they knew/know then ignore it or curious. This is deaf do. Yes, I’m deaf 😂👍🏽
Deaf people are good eyes!
It’s so cute!
Ryan is like me. Me- mid sentence.....OH COOL LOOK AT THAT! So relatable especially when it comes to animals😂
😂
It was a totally ... “SQUIRREL!!!”... cute moment!
Same in my relationship. I am hearing and my husband is deaf. When we do go out and eat with our kids I order for him and myself and I always get the bill. He pays and I get the receipt. I understand what you are talking about all to well.
This happens to us too. Hubs is Deaf and i am hearing. We have 4 kiddos so it’s already a little chaotic so I order for us all. Unless otherwise decided. If it’s just us two I ask him or he lets me know.
I think this is the ish with servers because they just don’t want to take the time to slow down and communicate with a deaf person, so they opt to acknowledge the hearing person and do all interactions with that person. I believe it is their own insecurities on having to break a language barrier.
I say all this because, as a HOH, I talk and read lips most of the time but if I break that and start signing, they situation suddenly becomes so awkward for the hearing person and they just don’t know what to do.. 🤔
I almost find it comical!! 😃
That kinda does make sense! Interesting
That's a very good point. Now that I think about it, when my mom was learning English and I would translate for her, this would happen to us all the time. Lol
Edit: I find it funny because I was just a child. Why would I want the receipt?!
I was just about to say the same thing! They are intimidated, scared , nervous and fall back into what they know. Doesn't excuse it though!
That's because we aren't taught anything. I honestly don't remember a teacher ever explaining what deaf meant or anything to do with Deaf culture or deaf people. My mom started taking ASL classes when I was in middle school so that's how I learned and now that I'm in ASL classes at college I know more and I'm more comfortable signing even though I'm not great at it. And when you're little and you see someone who has a physical disability or is signing or is doing something or looks some way that isn't "normal" your parents just tell you not to ask anything, don't look at them, don't stare. So hearing people growing up are taught by everyone else but there's something weird about people signing or deaf people because our society doesn't know how to handle it. It's pure on uneducation for most people. Im not saying its right its just a lot of people literally have no idea what to do so they just don't do anything
As someone who is hearing, in school for ASL and is also a server, I've experienced serving only a few tables. Before actually learning anything about deaf culture, I definitely did some things that were ignorant without knowing.
I can remember serving a deaf and hearing couple in a super busy restaurant, as they sat I asked and told them the specials, the husband asked me to speak directly to his wife so she could read my lips, I felt really bad because I know it must be frustrating dealing with that kind of thing.
But with the last part of your comment, servers not taking time, in my personal experience if I'm busy I don't communicate as much with anyone, whether hearing or not. I'm not rude by any means, I just don't take as much time talking to tables as I usually would. So, not that it's an excuse for rude behavior, I know that it's very stressful when work is really busy as a server.
This is also why I've decided to learn ASL. I want to be able to expand who I can communicate with as well as be of help to anyone who is deaf who might need it. Not to say they can't function without a person who's hearing, but if there was an emergency or something serious, being able to help someone would fill my heart.
I love learning sign language, it's incredible.
I really like this longer answer format!
This is such a genius series to start!!! Usually when people do Q&A’s they’re skim through their questions and answers but this is such an awesome way to get a little more insight into your guys’ relationship!! So excited for the videos to come 💓
karla villanueva we want to share with all that deaf and hearing relationships work and they are normal! -Ryan
In college I had a classmate that was deaf and she had two translators sitting in front of her that would take turns translating everything that went on in class. Some people when addressing her would talk to the translators instead of her. The translator made it clear, “talk to her and act like I’m not here”. We did not realize we were making her feel less by not interacting directly with her! I guess we’re just not informed on how to interact with people who are deaf! These kind of videos help a lot in achieving inclusivity! I love your guys’ videos!
Here’s my thought: they may be so intimidated by their fears of offending you that they subconsciously try to mainly interact with Ellen. They might be trying to avoid interacting to reduce opportunities for offenses. Of course that causes the offense.
When I was a young kid, I would avoid people that I was afraid of upsetting such as elderly people.
So some people might be fumbling at their own efforts to avoid offending.
But one day, I learned that EVERYONE wants to be treated as though they are important....as they matter! If I do that with people, I break through those awkward moments. And any fumbles are forgiven because the other person sees that they are important to me. And they become more willing to teach me how to better interact with them.
If it’s a guy that does it, maybe he’s trying to interact more with Ellen because she’s so pretty.
That's actually what I first thought! There also might be an awkwardness factor in it too... Like he might feel embarrassed that he can't sign or communicate with someone who is deaf...and end up interacting with Ellen. Of course, that can be solved with a little more education for the public. Recently, at work, we had an accessibility module that talks about communicating with anyone who is blind, hoh, deaf, in a wheelchair, that sort of thing. I thought it was a pretty cool thing for them to include, cuz we don't really know our assumptions until we are educated about it. Anyhow, thanks Ryan and Ellen for making these videos!
I wish he can hear how soothing, calming, and beautiful voice you have.
Her voice is just an extension of her energy/vibe. It seems he notices super tiny details, so he's likely got that. I don't tend to notice things very easily, and even I saw her energy/vibe
Shania Durbin no he can’t...
I'm so glad that I grew up learning sign language because at my work I sometimes have people come in and not talk to me or any of my co-workers and then when they come to purchase their items I see them sign and then I sign back to them and just seeing their reactions really makes my day! I feel so happy knowing that they have someone that can communicate with for the next time they come in!
Okay, 1) I just found you guys and I'm obsessed! I love your hearts and the way you guys gracefully answer questions. It's so clear your hearts are to gently educate, and it's is really awesome.
2) You asked why we think the waiter essentially bypasses Ryan and hands the bill directly to Ellen.
My sister is paralyzed from the waist down, so she is a full time wheelchair user. Something we have constantly encountered is people doing really similar things to her. Like she will clearly be able to communicate and someone will walk up and ask something about her to my mom or myself and we will have to say, "That's not really a question I could answer for you, but you can certainly ask her yourself." It's always said gently, but I can only imagine it gets incredibly old to not be give the opportunity to answer for yourself or be viewed as self-sufficient at simple encounters. Something people ask all the time is "why can't she walk?" or "does she prefer xyz or is xyz okay?" but they will direct it to my mom or myself when my sister is literally right there.
SO from my experience with it, I think people are hesitant to what they don't know. I think when we are in a community where a unique way of communicating or living is normalized, we forget that a lot of people in the world are unused to and frankly uncomfortable when it comes to people who use unconventional ways of communicating or functioning.
I think people find it intimidating & uncomfortable to put forth the effort towards making a situation more normalized (for Ryan/my sister) and instead revert to what's comfortable where they communicate or handle a situation through someone who acts/looks/or communicates like what/who they are used to (i.e myself who walks or Ellen who is hearing and overall more verbal). It doesn't make it right, its frankly super lazy, but I think people are also really scared to be offensive and instead of trying and doing it incorrectly (which from a previous video you guys have stated you would much prefer someone ask and actually make an effort vs not try at all - and its the same way with my sister and I) they try and avoid having to adjust their form of interaction altogether.
Thank you guys for your lovely videos and I hope its nice to find some solidarity in other people dealing with the same type of interactions.
If you're at all interested, my sister has a TH-cam channel where she tries to comically address some pet peeves or do's and don'ts when encountering a person who has her special needs. (It's gone a little stagnant since I moved away from home, but she's going to post more here soon!) th-cam.com/channels/TGK9akagHZE0i5EbZA9Tfw.html
👋🏼👋🏼Just found your channel! I don’t think they give the bill to her because they assume she is paying because she is hearing. I think it has more to do with people not being comfortable communicating with a deaf person so they avoid it altogether. It has more to do with them then it has to do with you, in my opinion!
totally agree, tbh at the end they're just trying to get the job done, i don't think any offense or levels of uncomfortableness was intentional. it can be annoying for the couple maybe but for the waiter they're just trying to get that money ;) but thats just how i see the situation, idk.
I was wondering if you guys could do a teaching/DIY-ish on everyday things. I think it’s so sweet how he always wants you to learn and join him when he’s doing all that stuff like changing outlets, best way to wash car, best product to use. For people who don’t or didn’t have people to teach them growing up. Plus learning new signs while filming videos like that would be awesome!
Veronica Juarez I’m up for that! Good idea -Ryan
there is a co-worker I see once in a while that is deaf. He knows I know some sign language. But I tend to forget what the signs mean. I recognize them but forget till after the fact. It's like my brain shuts down and says "you're on your own".
Tony that’s tough. I would highest practicing more often maybe?
I have memory issues, so I can only learn 1 sign for something, and few signs at a time or I muddle them up. Maybe when at home and thinking things, when the word comes up in your thoughts sign it. Like say you know the sign for 'get' and you think 'I need to get more milk' sign when the word comes up. Repeating things helps.
Is it rude to sign to someone even if you're learning? I feel bad practicing knowing that they may be in a rush or be a fool trying to remember signs.
i wish more people would just sign with me out of the blue. I don't care if they are just learning. In fact I would appreciate that they are learning and will even help them if they make mistakes.
I agree with Fred! He nailed it
@@SignDuoChannel Thanks y'all!
Ashley Timm As a fiancé to a deaf person and knowing a lot of people who are deaf, 99% of people who are deaf love seeing someone signing and showing interest in learning their language and culture. So, no, it’s not rude. A lot of people take it as a compliment.
As a Deaf person, I second Fred!
Just lost my hearing at age 59, 3 months ago, and just found your channel a couple of hours ago. Can not put into words what it means. I have watch non stop . So much going on and really needed this. THANK YOU!
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My boyfriend is deaf and your videos are helping me with learning sign language. I’ve known him for 3 years but we never actually took it further until recently. We communicate fine but when he takes his hearing aids out, the only way we can talk is to sign or read lips. So thank you for these videos, I think you both are awesome. ❤️
love you guys you are awesome together!
screw what other people think and ask you just be happy!!!!!
Thank you so much for being so open and sharing your lives with us! I'm a graduate student in Canada, learning about disabilities and how to support a wide variety of people with different conditions, including deaf and hard of hearing. I have always wanted to learn how to communicate with ASL and your videos were the final push for me to start learning. I hope you guys continue with sharing your stories, experiences, and thoughts. I hope for a world where manual language becomes commonly used and there is greater understanding between all individuals regardless of hearing ability. You guys are amazing and I wish you all the best!
Thank you for being so patient with some of us who might not be informed. Your openness is helping many like me 😀, become better informed and honestly just enriching my life. Many blessings to you both 💕😘
I just foundation ur channel and I have to say how awesome you two are. My mother is half deaf and I study a little sign language when I was younger and I know how hard it is and for someone to do that for love is just awesome. I’ve been checking a couple of your vlogs and really like how open u are with the questions and everything. The best to both of you, u made my day!
Love is not only blind, but deaf and mute. It is above all feelings. It needs no logical reason to exist. You both complete and respect each other, a perfect match. The silence of love fills every heart and make sense to every mind. Love you guys. LOVE, LIVE LEARN n LAUGH MAC 20201022
I’m hearing and my fiancé is hard of hearing
When we are out and people meet us I will explain I’m working to be a Asl Interpreter he’s hard of hearing
Because we pretty much always sign
And they will say oh I’m sorry to him like being deaf it’s a bad thing😡
Or they will yell at him
I have to tell them he has a hearing aid just speak normally to him
some people say he’s hard to understand
I hate when there not patient with him and are just so rude we totally understand and can relate to this video
Kailey Ailey it’s so great that we all can share that we go through similar things. -Ryan
Yes my boyfriend and I get that too. He is deaf. I totally feel you.
Hear / Be Heard
Sure will , thanks
Kailey Ailey awesome 🙏🏻 you can follow us on Instagram for updates / demos etc! We are super excited!
I have recently started binge watching your channel! I love it so much. My thoughts on why Ellen gets handed back the bill is this: There is still an ignorant world of people out there that have not been exposed to deaf culture or even deaf people. They immediately assume that deaf people are far more unable than hearing people, as wrong as that is. I've interpreted for about 5 years now, and in my experience hearing people are surprised to find out deaf people can drive, have jobs, own homes, live alone, etc. I think it's just something we have to educate them on. And your channel is doing that! Keep it up!
I love how frequently Ryan interrupts, even though he’s deaf. And thats has nothing to do with it, it’s just cute/funny to see that happens in ALL relationships 😂
Add on EDIT: with regards to customer service not acknowledging Ryan I think it’s an uncertainty and potential ignorance in not enough education about the deaf community. Being unsure if he will need something or start signing to them, and the fear of not knowing how to respond without making him feel awkward? That’s how I’d probably feel 🤷🏻♀️
Well I don't think him being deaf prevents him from interrupting lol... They're both signing the whole time, you can probably interrupt just as easily as with spoken language :)
I'm sorry that happens to you guys! Obviously, there are some people out there that are just plain rude but my first thought that came to my head was that maybe they do that because they aren't educated about the deaf community and don't know how to interact with someone who is deaf and as a result, they panic and just talk to Ellen instead. They might not know it's disrespectful. I'll speak for myself that I knew very little (and still do) but your videos have been such an eye opener for me. Please keep making these videos!!! I learn so much and I think you two are so cute together! :)
Hi Victoria! That does make sense. Hopefully our videos will help spread awareness and more people will learn how to interact with deaf people. Thank you for the kind words! We'll keep making these videos for sure!
"Im with her because i love her" - i cannot believe that ppl would joke about that!! U should never have to justify why ur with someone...ever!! U guys are awesome!!! Subbed 😁
Hi guys. I know this video is multiples of months old. I'm on a binge and trying to simultaneously learn at the same time. Honestly, I feel like this happens more often when there are differences in the culture or environment that someone isn't accustomed to. Even if a child pays with their money, a cashier usually hands the receipt and/or items to the parents; kinda like how they "treat" (even passively, not necessarily poorly) yourself and Ryan. When I was with my friends who are not natively english, the server will prefer to interact with myself, likely because I am a more... familiar "object" in their surroundings, if that makes sense. Definitely doesn't help anyone else feel included, and can even be interpreted as disrespectful, as I'm sure Ryan has felt a few times. My heart goes out with you guys, and I love your channel; love the exposure that you're putting out there.
Love from colorado!
New to your channel! I'm from NJ-hi!! I just love you two. Your channel is amazing- important, beautifully calm and full if love!! I am a k-5 music teacher and I have taught music in classes with children that are hard of hearing and or deaf. It is an awesome feeling to know I can share music with EVERYONE also in MANY different ways. You two are inspiring me to learn sign language more professionally. It is an amazing thing to be able to communicate confidently and respectfully with every person in this world! I wish you love and continued happiness and please keep doing videos!! ❤
I am new to watching you guys and have learned so much! I honestly think people are just uncomfortable with what they don't know or understand. Like, "Oh, that guy is Deaf- I don't know how to handle that, so I'll just interact with the hearing person." It's sad, but I think true. It's the path of least resistance.
I found this channel last night and I watched probably 10 videos.. I am not sure what it is that makes this so relaxing, but I love it. Watching y'all communicate is very fascinating and inspirational. I am trying to pick up on some signs that I would find helpful to know! Y'all are a beautiful couple and your love really shines in these videos.. Please continue to make more!
I really love the energy and openness of this couple. I've watched several videos to try to use what they are offering to learn more about interaction with the deaf community and just be a better, more well rounded person. HOWEVER, because I don't know ASL and nothing is translated about what Ryan says I don't know half of what they are trying to communicate. I pick up a decent amount and would love to have the time to learn ASL but, right now, maybe 70% the info they want people to know is lost becasue it is not stated to make sure everyone knows what is being said. Not trying to be negative. Just explaining the perspective. I'm sure people in the deaf community get just as frustrated with parallel situations.
You can turn on the captions :) all of our videos are captioned
I believe it’s ultimately a language barrier... same as if there’s a couple where one speaks English and one speaks Spanish. If you’re out to eat and the server only speaks English, they’re more likely to hand the card back to the person who speaks English just in case there’s any questions that need to be answered. 🤷🏽♀️ I know for me, when I’ve served a deaf/hearing couple, I felt myself watching the dead person sign and try my best to get the gist of what they were trying to communicate but then I’d find myself turning to the hearing person to get a better “translation.” Ultimately it’s just something new and something you’ll have to teach those you meet along the way 👍🏽😄
Deaf* not DEAD omg 😂
Kaela Wiliams 😂😂
I wanna know why I just noticed your channel now. Because I have a friend that's deaf & I find your relationship so pure & just amazing 😊😭
Love you two together. A perfect match.
I recently found your channel and enjoy watching your videos. I took a sign language course in college and loved it and watching your videos helps me learn more. I’d like to share insight about why I think the check isn’t being handed back to Ryan. It’s ignorance, sometimes when people don’t know something, it’s hard to engage. I think there needs to be more public programs where we integrate the deaf community with the hearing community. The more you are exposed to something, the more you can learn to interact and feel comfortable with people who may be different from you. The fact that I wasn’t exposed to the deaf community until college is rather sad. I never thought about it until I was offered a resource to learn about something different from what I’ve known.
I feel way more educated every time I watch you guys! 🙌🏼 I love that you guys are so open about your lives so that others are more informed!
Mindy Brewer exactly! Just want to show that deaf and hearing relationships are possible :) -Ryan
Your videos are PERFECT for 1.5 - 2 x speed because of the captions
I don't think waiters think about who's money it is or isn't. I just think they give it to the person they're most comfortable interacting with. Which would be her
I love you guys because you both are so calm, kind, and understanding towards one another and towards your audience. You two work perfectly together and there’s something so precious about your relationship. I originally started watching you guys because I love ASL. I love learning different languages and I want to learn sign language so badly. But you guys are so much more than just a sign language channel. There’s so much personality in both of you and I truly look up to your relationship. Something about you guys is just so inviting. Thanks for inspiring and teaching others and being amazing role models 💛 so so so much love.
I find the way you both really listen to each other amazing. I know it's critical with how you comunicate but it seems so much more. I find myself holding eye contact with each of you while watching your videos. The world would be such a better place if everyone focused on conversations as you both do. Stumbbled on to your channel a few days ago and have really enjoyed it. Its made me a better person...well done!
okay, some people can be really rude and them "joking" saying that you're only with Ellen so she can talk to you is completely rude. I see the way you two look at each other, not just to sign, but the looks in your eyes and how you guys act show that you really love each other. And I think we need to teach more sign language so we can communicate with the deaf community, so we can understand each other, and make everyones easier.
Btw I really love your videos! I'm currently taking ASL and you guys encouraged me to really focus on it more.
I have always wanted to learn sign language. My second cousin was a principle at a deaf school when I was young. I never got to learn and I have start watching videos to learn and I enjoy watching your videos. You guys are a happy couple and have great personalities.
My husband runs his own disabilty support services and one thing he has often said, is when he is out with a client in the community, whether it be at a restaurant or store, the sales person/server will always speak/approach him and he will always say, its fine he/she (his client) can order for himself etc. Its strange, its like people think that if someone has a disability or are different or whatever, it means communication with them is void- kind of sad really. Love your channel with the awareness bring forth and perspective you share.
In my experience I find often people unconsciously associate any kind of "disability" with diminished mental capacity. My partner is totally normal apart from he's quadriplegic and in a wheelchair, and when we go out people often just straight away interact with me instead of him, even as far as speaking to me when answering a question HE asked. It makes me sad that people react that way 😢
I’ve been watching a lot of Bill Vicars videos lately and finally coming back to your new ones. I’ve gained so much vocabulary now and i could follow along with less reliance on subtitles!! This is the first time I listened without audio and I enjoyed it.
@Sign Duo I can see why people making assumptions like that bothers you. It’s not just a little rude, it’s INSUFERABLY RUDE. But, I can also see how you’ve made each other so happy over the time you’ve been together. And your dog is just too cute for words.
Personally I worked as a server for fast food, and I took an asl class so I was able to communicate pretty well with deaf folks when they would come in, but I noticed sometimes there would be people who came in who would have a hearing person they were with handle everything, so maybe some people assume that’s how it works?
Idk, but both my husband and I are hearing and they do this to us when we go out to eat as well. Idk why, but they always hand me the bill and even if they SEE me hand the bill over to him and HE pays, they always come back and give me the card or the change if he pays cash. It always annoys me too. I can imagine how it makes Ryan feel as well as you. I feel if I were y’all I’d be super uncomfortable in that situation and feel awkward. You guys are so awesome! One day I was watching TH-cam and ran across one of your videos and really enjoyed it. I love the awareness y’all are bringing to the hearing world about the deaf community. I grew up having deaf classmates all through school and was always curious but too scared to ask them anything in fears of offending so it’s great that I get to learn through people like y’all on TH-cam! Great content. Keep up the great work!
What a great question and then examples of how to avoid ignorance! I try to think most people genuinely do not know how to approach those who are “visibly” disabled wanting to help, and not insult, but it’s a think line sometimes, and of course up to our own perspective in how we perceive, handle and react to. Y’all are awesome to not get mad in these cases!
Being in a wheelchair almost 5 years I have learned also that people say the most bizarre, awkward, cringe, insulting and rude comments/questions/dialogue! I could NOT believe it when I first started learning my new life in a wheelchair, BUT, most of the time the tales would highly amuse my friends. Like you all I try to never be rude to someone even if they’re rude or discriminatory to me, rather I try to approach it in an educational/informative way. I’ve certainly have people 1000% cross a line and just not know it (how, I don’t know....but they still ask 🤷♀️).
I try to help people to understand that we can all still have a “normal” life and and one full of joy, but sometimes I’m sure someone has caught an eye roll HA! I did have a funny and odd meal at Bonefish Grille a few years ago while out with a friend when another guest from another table came over to our table, mid-meal no less. The man was maybe 50 years old and asked if he could interrupt. I was already shaking my head yes when he said “I just wanted to tell you that I saw you come in today and I saw you get into the bench seating and it just made me so proud. I keep telling my wife that you kind of people still leave the house and go out.” Uh...
WHAT?!?!
I had a glass of wine and felt silly so I politely and jokingly responded “I KNOW?! Would you even believe that I’m paralyzed, BUT I can still DRIVE my own car, and ALONE!! And, thank you for noticing the effort I had to put into getting from the wheelchair to the table seat on my own, it’s easy peasy once you get used to it, Blah blah” His face when I said “drive” was the 2nd best facial expression reaction I’ve ever seen. (Of course he asked “HOW do you reach the pedals?!” -> hand controls, in case others don’t know)
Ultimately he left feeling good about himself and us both laughing as he realized how silly this all sounded and that I’d been just a itty bit sarcastic. I’m sure y’all have experienced people who are shocked that Ryan drives 🤷♀️
The internet is following me lol. There was a video that went viral on twitter yesterday of a Deaf girl who was so excited because throughout her day random people she ran into, knew sign language and had signed with her and she was so happy she was nearly in tears. So I said I have to go learn sign language and teach my kids, so I found a site that teaches for free and started practicing already. Then I get on youtube and this video is in my recommended. Amazing how the world works. Yall are amazing btw!
I have a severe binaural aided hearing loss and cerebral palsy. I walk, talk and am quite independent, but I have experienced something really annoying. If others are with me, even medical professionals sometimes, people will ask the person I'm with "How does SHE do this?" Or "Does SHE..?" That is incredibly disrespectful and unprofessional. Like Ryan, I am my own person and very capable. If the server doesn't know who is paying the bill, they can ASK. It bothers me that in 2020 people are so ignorant. I just educate one at a time. Thank you both for sharing your experience!
Haven’t gotten to that part of the video but its not even hard to be accommodating in most cases. People are just ignorant and too stubborn to step out of their bubble. How is it that I’ve had little to no trouble ordering food or buying groceries, etc in places where i speak/read very little of their language. Even the basics sometimes aren’t helpful in casual situations. I shorten my speech to the important bits and enunciate my words when I’ve served deaf people so they can read my lips. I dont do anything weird with my mouth. I’ve served them with ease. Most people can read lips, if that is not the case then they OBVIOUSLY have a plan up their sleeve and will take hold of the encounter. Also a pen and paper is not hard to use and you only need a finger to point. Hand them a paper menu, have them circle what they want. Im just rambling now. I’ve only just encountered deaf people in the last 2 years or so but its just common sense, not rocket science. Be sympathetic! not hurting their feelings isn’t a reason to forgo communicating with them and turning to their friend you hope is hearing&speaking. That’s you protecting yourself. It’s not looking like a deer in the headlights, but treating then like regular customers/people. Sheesh
Also this my first time watching you guys! I also always remember whose paying because i know it must be annoying in different circumstances to not be acknowledged. For example before going to japan i was warned by the internet that i might be ignored and they may turn to someone else (especially if they look japanese) to communicate whether or not they spoke the language. Honestly it rarely happened so i think they are geting better about it and customer service is just top notch. If a women hands mecash for instance I will hand her the change! Not the man that’s with her! People are just stuck in old ways
The bill thing really got to me. I'm a hearing woman and a wheelchair user. If I go grocery shopping with a personal assistant, the cashier always tells my nondisabled assistant how much the bill is, even if I'm the one asking. Even after I pay for everything, they go to hand the change to my assistant. It's maddening, and I'm the one actually speaking to the cashier the whole time, but they look at and address my assistant. Sometimes, when I'm shopping alone and my turn comes, the cashier starts speaking to the next person in line and/or handing them my change thinking "we are together".
I've been signing since I was a sophomore in high. I still sign to this day. I just started watching your videos over the last few days and have learned new signs. I also work with some who is deaf and he keeps me learning new things every day.
I recently started watching your videos and I like that when you sign you cant actually interapt or raise your voice and you actually have to stop and let the other person finish. I also like her voice ( sorry im new here I dont remember the name 😢), its so so calming for some reason it makes me want to be more calm when I speak too.
Also after watching some of your videos I was talking to my mom and I was making gestures without realizing😂😂.
I seriously love watching you guys. You calm me down so much.
this happens to me all the time when i'm out with my sister! she's only 5 years older, and I hand over the money and they ALWAYS give her the change. I think sometimes its the person that they make eye contact with or speak to the most or 'see' the most.
Your channel has been extremely educational/informative for me. Thank you! ❤
I think it's really cool that's you guys are so open and spreading awareness about deaf people and deaf relationships. I come from a family with a deaf dad and a mother and sister who are ASL interpreters. And I think it's important that those who don't know much about the deaf learn more and see them as perfect capable humans, and not lable them as disabled. 💕💕🤘🔥
for reasons like paying the bill, as a server i ALWAYS put the bill in the middle of the table! its just whoever’s card or cash it is can grab it and i never assume whos paying. unless its clearly communicated that who’s ever card/cash when the bill is split.
But I watch your videos to learn more sign language since my cousin and two friends are hard of hearing/going deaf. while they are going deaf and they’re learning sign language i should, too. plus i had a table with a deaf child once and at the time i knew very little sign langauge and it killed me i couldnt communicate with him. thanks for these awesome videos!!
My husband and I are both hearing. When he pays at a restaurant, the server always gives him back his card, but if he buys clothes at a store like Kohl's, the cashier almost ALWAYS hands the receipt to me, even if he paid and is talking to the cashier. Maybe they just assume that women want to be in charge of receipts for clothes? I have no idea. It only happens at clothes stores, never at Best Buy or Home Depot, lol. (Just found you guys today and I've been watching your videos for a couple hours. Love them! Everyone I know is hearing, but now I'm seriously interested in learning to sign :)
I think it’s the lack of awareness and knowledge! Some people are just plain ignorant and really need to just be more aware. It’s 2019 and sadly, audism is still subtlety happening.
I’m legit binge watching your videos. I love your content. Makes me want to find a way to learn ASL again.
I feel like the question/joke about your relationship is something a lot of people experience. It's rude and maybe they are jealous. No one should make jokes about someone using their partner like that. I'm short so my tall husband helps me reach things a lot. It's part of any relationship to help each other any way you can.
Wow their so beautiful together ☺️ they clearly have so much love and respect for each other 🌸
So I work as a cashier and I can answer that question! I have a few years of ASL under my belt so I can handle small conversations but if it’s a family of hearing people and I don’t exactly know who payed at the little machine or if two people are standing together, I sometimes instinctively hand the receipt to whoever talked to me, especially if only one person spoke, I am much much more likely to just hand the receipt to that person because it is a very predictable transaction of “here is your receipt” and “thank you” where it sometimes is awkward if I give it to the person who I think payed but didn’t talk and they just kinda stare at me while I give it to them and talk to their friend/partner/whoever spoke
Please like do this get’s read! It’s all about a predictable transaction, if it’s an all hearing family, which most people can’t tell the difference
My fiancee and I have been together over 10 years... He and I are both surprised and amused when he hands his credit card/cash to pay in a restaurant or store and the server/cashier gives me the card, receipt or change back. Happens to us all the time. He thinks it's because he's quiet and I'm generally quite chatty.
I've really been enjoying your videos. Y'all are super cute!
This happens with my husband and I all the time. We are both hearing but I always get the receipt haha. I think it is more along the lines that yes the guy pays but in the end it's usually the wife who collects receipts to do the weekly budget.
I love yalls videos! Keep up the good work. ❤
This reminds of the movie "Isa Pa with Feelings".In the movie, Cali is deaf and Mara is hearing, just the same situation like yours. Truelly an outstanding movie.BTW you guys are awesome!
When my fiancé and I go out, I always let him order for himself whether he will point at the item he wants on the menu or he’ll type it on his phone and show them. That’s totally his choice of how he wants to do it and I completely respect it.
I'm a hearing person and I agree with the other comments, the first thing that came to mind was out of fear. I was actually at work the other day and a deaf person came in with a friend that was hearing. It was my manager that they happened to be speaking to and my manager was really good addressing the deaf person (who was the actual customer) even though the friend was translating, but even as I was watching, I felt the instinct that I would by accident turn to the hearing person to explain and communicate. But that instinct was there only out of fear, because to see sign language when you don't know any signs yourself can be really overwhelming. However, this video helps me as a hearing person to always make sure if I'm in that situation to be addressing the deaf person and not worry about the fear! when I think about it, I imagine they will be very understanding even if I get some things wrong, as long as I am showing respect. :) But I wrote this comment because unlike maybe other situations, I don't think the server is doing that because she thinks you're incapable. Instead in this situation, it is probably because the server themselves feels incapable.
OMG. That happens to me every time, Ryan. Whether in a restaurant or a store, the cashier always hands the receipt, the change or the card back to my girlfriend. It used to infuriate me so much. I got to the point where I would express that you can give her the money if you want, but I still want my change. It's like they think we need a babysitter. I am still not sure what the appropriate way to handle this is. It is wrong and it has to stop. I always tense up when checking out when my girlfriend is with me for this reason. In case you are wondering I am HoH and I guess it's obvious.
Fred I totally understand dude. It’s hard to go through it. But we need to remember that education is the key. That’s why we made this video :) -Ryan
I love you guys . Ryan don’t worry about people that don’t understand bro . It’s their problem . People are gonna judge what they don’t understand . You’re good though bro . Just continue to keep Ya head up
My Mom had polio 70 years ago and has been in a wheel chair since I was an infant. She and Dad raised my brother and my by themselves and yet there are people who treat her as if she is not intelligent or capable. She's considerate and funny and those people miss out because they don't know her.
I’d probably assume two major reasons:
1) most servers (people) don’t know how to interact with deaf people so they would turn by default to the hearing person in the couple (sadly).
2) even more sad, people would assume that any person with disabilities can probably not have “normal”, a job, and therefore being self sufficient to the point to be the one to pay a bill... it’s not only happening to deaf people but all kind of people with disabilities.
However, I’m glad you found each other, you’re an adorable couple. Cheers!
So powerful. Thank you so much for sharing. This is so important!
The Long-Distance Chronicles I’m happy you found it important! Thanks! ☺️🤟
I cannot understand the way that they treated you Ryan! Don't let this bother you, one day humanity will become better ! I know that it is difficult , but you don't need to destroy your mood because of them!
The part about the servers expecting you to pay....this happens to me and my friend. My friend who is Deaf and has ushers syndrome will sign and I’ll interpret and people always look at me and ask me questions. But whenever we’ve went to stores to pay for something he always pays and hands them the card and it’s not a problem....but the only reoccurring issue is that people panic and look scared when they have to deal with him until I started speaking and realize I am hearing and can interpret. A lot of people don’t know how to interact with a Deaf person even if it’s something as simple as using gestures or writing on a piece of paper
I find the bill thing interesting. Cause when I'm out with my husband they usually don't give it back to either one of us but just put it on the table
i think i'm actually starting to learn ASL from this??? so far i have picked up 'something, ' relationship' 'times' and 'thoughts' HAHA chanced upon this and it is so educational absolutely love it. thank you for showing that people don't have to feel awkward around disability :-)
I think they give it to the hearing people in the situation because not many hearing people know how to communicate but they could literally just ask. I’ve been trying to learn sign language so when I’m older and have I job I can give deaf people a sense of normality, relief and happiness by just learning simple phrases.
I live in a community that’s near a state deaf school now (a couple hours) and so we occasionally get some Deaf customers in my restaurant and I’ve been so happy to be able to communicate with them now. My friend knows the little things because she’s teaching her kids but she hasn’t studied for herself and I saw her with her table (I’d kind of wondered when they came in if they were deaf from just the way they carried themselves and pointed to the back so I’d been glancing over curiously) and she was struggling a bit to ask the clarifying questions about the food and so I jumped in to help and I love seeing the look on people’s faces when they realize I can actually talk with them.
But I think it is likely a subconscious thing for most servers because they probably just remember that they’ve been talking with you more than remembering Ryan gave them the card especially if it’s busy...half the time I just set the card and receipts down in the middle of the table just to avoid that awkwardness haha ;) I think society as a whole subconsciously assumes things like that based on how easy interactions are or assume maybe you’re just quiet or something
I’ve served and bartended for several years~ Every server is different, so the reasoning may vary, but I don’t think they’re intentionally being rude. Generally we don’t know when a guest is deaf. Many times I’ve tried carrying on conversations only to be told the person can’t hear (lol! Leaves me red). So when the hearing person is ordering for both, we tend to put our focus on that person because they are “in control”. It makes us believe that the other person simply does not want interaction. Once we get into that headspace it’s hard to steer away from it. That’s why when the server presents the check or the receipt, naturally they gravitate bringing it to her. We try to read our guest as best as we can, so minimal interaction makes us feel as if you don’t want to be bothered.
I think if you interact more with the server, it would make them more at ease with approaching you. You could give them a warm wave, point out the food/drink options you want, give a thumbs up when they check on you, or signal the check your way when it’s being presented. It’ll help us best tailor the dining experience to you! 😊
Hypothesis on why they return the card to the wrong person: I’m living outside of my own nation state and I’m physically noticeably different. When locals see me, they don’t think they’ll be able to communicate. (Never mind that I have learned the language to a fluent degree.) Regardless, they ALWAYS (ok, almost always) direct their interactions to my wife.
My conclusion is that they only acknowledge the apparent avenues of communication. In their minds they’ve already registered the girl as someone they can interact with.
On having a relationship to make life easier, it bothers me too when people say, you can ask your wife to help you. I’m fully capable..
Perhaps I’m projecting too much. I know our situations are different, but I personally find a lot of comfort in watching your videos while processing my own cross-community relationship. May your relationship continue to be a bridge of understanding and openness for many people.
Talking about deaf/hearing relationships. I am a deaf single mother with 2 hearing children. Some people just assume my 14 year old is with me to be my interpreter. She does help me in certain situations, she is my daughter, a minor and that I still have final decisions over everything regardless of my inability to hear
As a server, I’ll say that we often wind up handing the check to whoever we have spoken to the most. Not everyone reads the name on the card. I would, so I’d hand it back to him. But when you get into a habit. You don’t always stop to think about how that might be coming across
I think there might really be an intimidation factor when hearing people who have no experience with deaf people are suddenly in a position where they should be interacting with them.
I know it's not exactly the same, but I'm an English speaker who was in China for a few years, and even if I could communicate basic things through gestures or the phrases of Mandarin that I knew, people I would meet transiently (waiters, cashiers, etc) would hesitate or even at times avoid interacting with me at all. If I went back and saw them again later, they would gradually become more comfortable interacting with me, but that initial meeting would often be them ignoring me in favor of a Chinese speaker, or minimizing interaction as much as possible if I was by myself.
I don't think it came from a malicious or judgmental place at all. I think the people interacting with me felt nervous, because if I had a question, or if they misunderstood something, they wouldn't be able to communicate with me, and not being able to communicate is a bit frightening, especially in a service role.
I get that hearing people reacting this way towards deaf people could also come from some internalized ableism, but I do believe that most people are simply afraid of interacting with someone that they believe they won't be able to communicate with.
4:34 - Oh my god, the same thing happens to me at the grocery store when I am with my dad. He is deaf as well, but uses his voice and is really good with reading lips. It's like hearing people don't understand that they don't need to speak up when speaking to him. It's all about eye contact! And they always hand me the receipt even when he pays. It's like they want us to leave as soon as possible. We are in a grocery store, not a drive thru...what is the rush?
I think people fear what they don't know. So in a (naive or ignorant) person's mind, even though you handed the money, when they are handing it back, there is this idea they can't communicate. When Ryan is obviously able to pick up on body language, facial expressions, etc. So its easier, not the right thing, but easier for the person not knowing how to handle the situation with someone in their mind they can't communicate with, to hand it to the hearing person. All the more reason you both need to keep making these videos! I don't have exposure to anyone that is hard of hearing or deaf, I wouldn't know anything about the deaf community or culture without this info. Now I will think twice about my interactions with not only someone who is hard of hearing or deaf, but anyone different from myself.
So as a cashier and server if one person isn't talking to me and the other is, no matter who is paying I'll often catch myself reaching towards the person who talked to me. I typically catch myself and apologize, but maybe it's some subliminal thing? People should obviously be self-aware and not be rude, but I always feel awful about this and I never even thought of it negatively impacting someone's life like this. But now hopefully more people including myself will pay closer attention to it.
I’ve worked in retail and food so sometimes I come in contact with people who’s main source of communication is sign (in which I am not fluent) so it’s usually kind of awkward because I’m always worried about doing the wrong thing/ being offensive. Obviously not acknowledging Ryan is completely rude and I would never do that but I can definitely relate to people kind of gravitating towards the person you are with, not so we don’t have to “deal with” the communication barrier but (in my opinion) use the hearing person you are with to kind of depend on to carry the interaction properly because they know you and know what you like and more how things usually function so I can kind of use their presence to make sure I don’t do or say the wrong thing. Idk if it’s just me or other ppl too but usually after the interaction I’ll be reflecting like wondering if something that I did may have been actually hurtful even though I was just trying to help (ex: talking slower, mouthing, writing things down, trying to motion things with my hands). Can you talk about that? Obviously it may be different for someone else but I would like to know what you think.
Hey guys!! Long time no see!! We used to get that same problem with the bill thing. One thing that kind of solved it was to let him order on his own. I would literally stay out of the conversation until they turn to me. He would get as far as he could and then I would interpret things like well done , etc. it seems to work but some folks just don’t get it or don’t want to get. My mother used to think my husband wanted to marry me for the plus that I can interpret but that clearly did not hold water. That question you just have to grin and bear it. It’s stupid but like I said people either don’t get it or don’t want to get. Just my thoughts!! 🤟🏾
Another great video, guys! You should do some undercover recording of weird encounters... But definitely either way would like to know why THEY think they ignore Ryan!
Daniel Winter we actually tried filming an encounter but the guy server was really nice and knew to face me directly -Ryan
My guess: they know how to deal with a hearing person and not with a deaf person so they freak out and their instincts tell them to go with what they know.
Hello. I think people are just ignorant. I learned from one of my deaf friends, that happened to be my college instructor for ASL that many hearing people feel that deaf people aren’t capable of having a job. I think at the restaurants, they may be intimidated to try to interact, if they don’t know how to sign any, so to avoid any “awkwardness ,” they just leave the check with Ellen. Take care guys!! I truly enjoy watching your videos and continuing to learn! Much love from Macon, GA! 💕