Immodesty and the filth of porn is such a plague of our time. Awesome talk by Jessica and her research is a good testimony as to why wearing proper clothing is so important, because we don't want to be an unnecessary temptation for other people.
Others should learn not to be so weak minded that an attractive person passing by would tempt them to sin. Your attraction should be saved for your future spouse. But otherwise, I agree!
I am so glad that Jessica is making modest clothing. It is better for everyone. Thank you for doing what you do, Lila. May God bless you, your family, and this podcast.
So true ! I can’t stand swimsuit fashion . I wear a swim dress and yet I could pull off a bikini but i don’t think anyone else needs to see it ! Bring conservative swimsuits back .. I love the swimsuits from gidget era !
I would say a one piece is exactly the same, do you think having our stomachs covered men say “wow…what a difference “!!! You are showing butt, legs, the swim suit gets wet your boobs are very visible even nipples. Come on ladies!! We need to wear loose shorts just like men and a tshirt.
I want to thank all of the women who care enough to dress with modesty. I can attest that provoking lust in a man doesn't help him or her. Attention is nice, but I guarantee that modesty AND beauty puts a woman on another level. I think it's natural and God-designed for men to see a woman and become hooked and to pursue her and to try to impress. This is a beautiful thing when done honourably, but there has to be a cost. If someone (or anything) is too easy to obtain we don't value them/it highly. Nobody takes their jewelry and stores it on the sidewalk. But what we work for, we treasure. Now that I think about it, that's the easiest way to weed out a user. They are not willing to put in the work or wait. How different would our society be if women valued themselves enough to never give themselves to men who weren't committed to a lifetime together and raising a family? And men valued women enough to never pursue a woman just for segzual release.
I know there are a tonne of women who get (understandably) triggered by this because as we know, 'purity' culture was something that got twisted, warped and legalistic, but to me this talk blows their arguments for wearing bikinis out of the water. As a guy I know very well society would be a better place if they were never invented, let alone normalised. 150 years ago men and women were segregated at the beach. That may seem extreme, but I can't help thinking we've gone backwards.
Not surprised at all. I have never worn one and I NEVER would, and I'm 25. Grateful my parents raised me right. If ANYONE had a teenage daughter, and someone yanked down her skirt to expose her underwear or yanked open her shirt to expose her bra, any parent -- any PERSON in that situation -- would _rightfully_ flip out!! Because she's exposed and it's immodest! And yet when that same girl wears the SAME UNDERWEAR to the beach, parents are fine with it??? The math doesn't math.
@ - Of course whoever would actually do that should be very harshly reprimanded! I would even say do some jail time! I don’t take that stuff lightly. BUT the point I was trying to make was about modesty. 🙂 The reason you would feel shocked if someone exposed your underwear is because it’s immodest and you feel exposed and embarrassed. You SHOULD feel the same way about wearing the exact same amount of “clothing“ on the beach. Immodest and exposed and embarrassed.
@DarkArwen929 People would be freaking out if a girl/woman was walking around in a thong and bra in the grocery store. I don’t want my kids exposed to that.
As a guy, this is very enlightening. I generally try to avoid going to crowded beaches in the summer so as not to be tempted, and now I have this information to think about as well. Thank you.
If more women were honest with themselves, they would understand this. I’m a young women who struggled with lust as young as 12 yrs old after being exposed to things on the internet that I shouldn’t have had the access to. And I know I’m not the only young girl who has dealt with this, because I’ve heard many, many testimonies very similar to mine in the Christian community. Middle school was when I started hearing from my friends about the s*xual things that they were exposed to, as well, and they talked with such vulgarity, it makes me so sad to think about how much younger and younger kids start thinking this way. Thank the Lord Jesus, He has set me free at last. Starting from middle and all through high school, I was around other girls who talked about the guys like they were objects, too, whenever they saw them half naked or even fully dressed, they talked just like how some men talk about women in such lustful ways. And at such a young age. It bothered me how they could just talk so nonchalantly about their classmates that way. After hearing that part about men’s minds thinking of women as tools when they see immodest clothing on women, I realized that I used to think that way, too when I was being tempted. It’s exactly like that. You start thinking about how someone could be used for your gain. That’s what lust is. Lust is something both genders struggle with. It’s unfair that women today speak about men as monsters if they even have lustful thoughts of women, and not take accountability for their own lustful thoughts towards men. We, both men and women, should be trying to help each other not fall into temptation by not dressing so immodestly. The world would be such a better place if both genders would stop trying to act superior to the other, and would instead try to uplift one another. I hope this gets people thinking and changes some perspectives. God bless 💛
This is very illuminating. I've struggled with l ust for as long as I can remember. It got to a point where I realized that I was basically seeing any reasonably attractive woman as an object. That was hard for me to accept because I definitely wasn't outwardly disrespectful to women in that way. But after moving to a warm climate city with lots of women wearing very little or very revealing clothing I noticed I would get exhausted or anxious seeing women dressed like this, leaving basically nothing to the imagination. I started working out at home to get away from the scantily dressed gym girls because it's so distracting and so tiresome because I seem to be physically unable to ignore it or change how I react to it. When I run around my neighborhood I often see women wearing the super tight little shorts and I have to deliberately tell myself to not look or look back when she passes me. When Jessica mentioned the part about men's brains basically shutting off certain parts that recognize that those women are also people too, it comfirmed everything I had been going through. Bums me out, ngl.
I hear you. It is such a natural physical reaction to want to see a woman naked the more skin you see. It has a momentum that takes real conscious effort and determination and resolve not to give in to those patterns of thought. It's ok to notice. It's different to intentionally "feast" with the eyes on someone we have no commitment or love for. I struggled for decades, but now I am free. I don't want to slip down that slope again.
You are definitely not the only one! It's a daily battle and a cross, for sure. Turning to Jesus and our Lady's intercession for purity of heart is vital.
Girls/Women reading this really need to understand that it’s not innocent clothing - skin is magnetic for a man, you decide what do you want a man to stare at - shirts exposing the midrif… tight leggings, short shorts… low tops. It’s nearly impossible not to look, even for the ‘most modest’ men. I don’t want to see you this way, and I’m very good and practiced at not looking (16 yrs of marriage and 5kids later… having my own daughters helps too;) Ladies need to hear this honesty from men who love them and want what’s best for them. What innocent sweet young girls thinks looks beautiful is not what males are thinking! It’s far from innocent.
What's funny is I've accidentally walked in on a gal in underwear covering the same area a bikini does, I've swam with her in a bikini, and she freaked out. Afterwards she couldn't explain, said "it's just different". Propagandists take advantage of people not being willing to think critically about things, and this is just one more example of that
It would be great for her to redo her talk (especially if she can cite any new studies since then) just for the show (use your recording studio etc) Bonus if we can link the studies in the Description and/or pinned comment. It would be nice to share a dedicated video that is very direct and to the point (similar to how Trent Horn scripts some of his videos)
My pastor preached to us that God is not happy with women going to the beach dressed like this. I'm glad he said not to do that because he is absolutely right.
Yep. 100%. That clothing makes women look like legit prostitutes, and immodesty is such a normal thing these days. It's INSANE! I think it was Our Lady of Good Success who told a religious mother a couple centuries ago that in our current age the dress people would wear would be very scandalous, or something to that effect. How true it has become.
No sunblock protects the shoulders as well as a rash guard. No comparison. I had terrible sunburns as a child and that does increase my risk of melanoma.
It's good that you mention breastfeeding, Lila. I was so shocked once to come across a part of the internet where a bunch of American men were gossiping about women who breastfeed in public like it was a strange combination of "showing off" and inappropriate behaviour.... Maybe people cover up too much, and too much of a big deal is made about our natural, normal, human bodies which are there for much more than sex?
It’s simply that women have stopped breastfeeding and men now only see breasts in a Sexual manner. We need to bring back mom’s birthing at home and breastfeeding as a standard instead of an exception.
Breastfeeding shouldn’t mean a women has to show her breasts. It is easy to cover up while nursing. What is shocking to those who would ‘gossip’ about it, is when women think it’s an excuse to expose themselves.
My dad grew-up in the late 30's early 40's and he use to say - "I would rather see a women in nice clothing than naked, because it leave's more to imagination" - Take that for what you will. I'm not sure its just the clothing is all that matter's? - I think a man will think what he want's to think, no matter the clothing - Some men can see a woman modestly clothed with a nice figure, and pretty face and all kinds thoughts can pass through his mind in less than a second.
As a male, I’ve always been frustrated at the double standards with women and bikinis. They demand us men to “stop staring creepily at them” when they are literally wearing stuff even more revealing than their own underwear as if begging to be sexualized in public. As if women think they can get away with staring creepily at men in speedos? Bunch of vain crap if you ask me.
Interesting. I've never heard this before nor was I aware of the video. When she said that men think of tools when encountering scantily clad women, my initial reaction wasn't to conclude that men think of ways to dominate. Rather when an attractive woman shows up, men start trying to build something. In other words, women inspire men's creativity and productivity. It's odd to me that the conclusion was that thinking of tools leads mean to objectifying women. I guess I'll have to go check the original study to understand how they came to that conclusion.
Yes the ladies are taking it too personally. It's our brain chemistry that they're dehumanising by implying there's something wrong with us. She'd be better off realising a being the object of a man's desire is the opportunity to be the centre of his focus. She'd be wise to recognise that her thought life is often a power drain and mood killer for her, and we've been made this way to help her overcome distraction.
The difference between underwear and a bikini, is material… No other difference whatsoever. Haven’t worn a bikini since the Holy Spirit convinced me of this and I’m not about to teach our daughter to wear one either
The men in the audience laughed because every man understands this already. It’s funny watching women discover with amazement something about men that is so obvious (to us).
I’d also like to add, just pointing out that parts of the brain light up like this isn’t a complete representation of a man’s experience. The same areas of the brain also light up when men are highly focused on a task or solving a problem. A man is just as likely to be focused on the bikini itself as an obstacle or problem to be solved than he is on the woman herself. This is the same mindset that men and women both have when there's an obstacle between them and something they want. The mind focuses and the imagination searches for a way utilize tools or other resources to solve the problem. Men know their state of mind changes -- this much is obvious to them -- but to say a switch flips and suddenly they see a woman as an object same as a tool isn't really accurate. This is an assumption made by researchers. The brain is complicated and you can’t get the full picture about what people are thinking by merely looking at brain scans. Keep that in mind.
I am all for modest clothing. However I do have one question. Is the same true for a married man with his wife? As soon as he sees her scantily clothed does his brain all of a sudden turn off and she’s an object? I have to say that is a terrifying study.
@ no that was my point. If the man is respecting his wife and not treating her as an object then of course that is a beautiful and Godly thing. My question was does the same objectifying referred to in the video happen between a man and a wife, I would hope not. Maybe it has something to do with having a true relationship with someone.
@aintnoisepollution99 Exactly. If he study is correct no men respect women ever in any circumstance. Should male medical staff have no access to female patients? If her study is correct, they should not. I have no opinion as I don't wear bikinis. Others can do as they are called / convicted. But every thing must be carried to its logical conclusion. Don't stop at the area that validated your point then jump off the pony
I think what the study is saying is after a certain amount of clothes come off there is a switch in a man's brain that says "hey, I think I want to have sex" that part of their brain switches on when they see a scantily dressed women which is appropriate if it's your wife in the bedroom. It's not that they cease to see you as human it's that their motive with you becomes different in that moment. That part of their brain that says hey it's time for sex is starting to turn on and they will react accordingly.
Obviously this switch on viewpoint does not also switch off a man's ability to reason and recognize that she is still a person, otherwise any woman who had ever been any sort of scantily clad in pubic would have been swarmed by any man in eyeshot. There are men in this comment section with further information from their perspective as well. The human brain is complex and nothing fits neatly into any box; my understanding from this fraction of a conversation is that the feelings stirred up by seeing an underdressed woman are the action/purpose-type feelings that are also associated with tools and tasks. (As an addendum: men in general are more task-oriented than feelings-oriented, unlike women; this does not make them mindless beasts, it makes them capable of enduring things like war and of doing things like leading.)
I’ve been stunned at how bikinis have become acceptable among Christians these days. But that’s to be expected in a church culture that calls any conservative standards “legalism”.
As a man I think the shame/guilty laugh is not so much this is how the male brain works ( or its general default ) but that culture has gotten to the point where the bikini is viewed as normal. Is men let that happen and we are ashamed. It’s strange because across time women populations will try to get the attention of men, and men’s brains will shut off when given something to look at. But pre modern cultures knew this and established dress codes, courting rituals, and dances so get the best of both works, women can use their beauty and charm to attract the man. then the man knows he must court the whole woman, not just her body, for the sake of their status, future children, and long term marriage. I get up watching Anime in america, The japanese sexual ethic very different and unchristian and easter but it has now used western modernity and is basically inline with bikini culture. The questions is not if men’s brains shut off at the shape of a woman, but how does culture safe guard and navigate this fact of nature.
The ladies are taking it too personally. 1) It's our brain chemistry that they're dehumanising by implying there's something wrong with us. 2) She'd be better off realising a being the object of a man's desire is the opportunity to be the centre of his focus. 3) She'd be wise to recognise that her thought life is often a power drain and mood killer for her, and we've been made this way to help her overcome distraction when connection is most important. 4) By assuming your brain, your receptiveness, the look in your eyes, isn't a part of the puzzle that lights up our tool-use mechanism when we see you naked is self-dehumanising. Obviously it's an insult to us, but if being an object is a focus or concern for you then you're sabotaging your bond with your significant other. People are objects. Men realise this and that being an object of desire is an enviable position to hold. And this study of brain chemistry proves this insight is correct and biologically grounded.
Something interesting to think about here: the argument that has been made for so long is "teach your sons not to ogle, teach them not to be rapists" (note, no amount of undress justifies sexual assault in any circumstance ever) but now this indicates to me that that argument is tantamount to saying "teach your sons to fundamentally rewire their brains to view the objects of their sexual desire as empowered peers"
I think the lesson is closer to something like: "Teach girls to step down from the pedestal that men put them on, the men can't help it, and to stay up there will artificially inflate her self worth to the degree she'll desire to shame a man for the way he's wired more than she'll want to be the object of his desire. This error will cost her the opportunity for the bond she's looking for. Remember the % of time she spends undressed with him will be a tiny fraction of the time they spend together overall."
It's man's greatest weakness (that's how we were made) and women weild this weapon against us and I like it 😂 But as a man you have to be strong and not lose sight of your noble goals in life and a good wife that you can physically interact with while she's wearing a bikini can help you overcome this weakness with no problem and help you stay on the straight and narrow path which leads to salvation 😂
God does NOT make junk. Men are not wired to be sexually aggressive. We live in a fallen world with a lot of brokenness. God said in the garden, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God gave Eve to Adam as a gift.
@petrichor5294 no one's talking about aggressive. We are wired to respond physically at the sight of the naked female form. GOD made us this way. We don't have to act inappropriately to those urges. What are you on about?!
This isnt to demonize men, this is to highlight our primal nature and how it can be controlled in other ways. I would be curious as to what female primal nature could be. I know babies often cause women to react in primal ways, too.
I’m curious to see what results you’d get for instrumental/objectifying perspective if you tried to control for porn usage. Is it the immodesty alone or the self presentation/identification with the objectifying standards of immodest media the men are conditioned by?
There is a reason why women are disinvited from Mt. Athos. The devil preys upon the passions. Let us ask our sisters in Christ to stop stoking the fires.
This is all well and good but do women have any idea what it's like to be a married man surrounded in public and online with targeted, predatory female glamour and at the same time have a wife who is afraid of her sexuality and thus not interested at all in being a good sexual partner because she is so afraid of being punished for immodesty and unchastity? It's miserable...surely there is a middle ground somewhere.
She needs an older, wiser woman in her life to teach her how to love her husband like the Bible says. Modesty in public shouldn’t translate to sexual coldness in private with one’s husband.
@@estherruth4692 I think you are correct. It's a shame because her mother was very hurt by her unfaithful husband and that has had a sad effect on both mother and daughter. Sadly these are the consequences of living in a fallen world and their are no easy answers. God knows btw that I bring more than my fair share of difficulties to those in my life.
@@fibanocci314 We are Catholics so are pastors (hopefully) know very little about having a sex life lol the deacons on the other hand may have wives and children so that might be something to explore.
@47StormShadow I say this with gentleness. People do not get excited about doing things that aren't pleasurable. While surely we can make sacrifices and do things for our spouse that we don't enjoy, intimacy is particularly invasive. Is easier to scrub a toilet than to be intimate when you don't enjoy it. Ask her (and be prepared to have your feelings utterly hurt) about what she enjoys and doesn't enjoy about your intimate life. This way you can find a path towards mutual joy. Remember, is she enjoyed it, she would want to do it. Period.
I am curious to know what parts of the man's brain lights up when viewing their partners in a sexual context. It could be that that part of the brain just lights up by default in those contexts.
I swim regularly, in public city pools, in pools on a university campus, and at a private health club. I have been a member of a Master's swim organization. Many women wear bikinis while swimming. Many women wear bikinis at the pools at the condominium complex where I live. These are not just young women, but women over the age of 60. What could be wrong with that? I am a man who wears a Speedo-style swim briefs while swimming, even though I am not in the best of physical shape and I have never been a competitive swimmer. However, I enjoy swimming and I live in a warm climate where most swimming pools are outdoors and it is practical to swim outdoors during most of the year. Competitive swimming, or swimming for intense exercise, requires the wearing of minimal and form-fitting attire. Wearing a dress or heavy, baggy clothing is not practical, especially if one wants to maximize performance.
The reason we’re thinking about tools when we see a bikini, is because we’re thinking about how easy it would be for us to take it off. Ive seen girls secure their tops with shoelace knots. Can you blame me for wanting to pull the string? Even when the straps are solid, most of them look like you could just slip your thumb through the middle and push up, and the breasts would pop out on the bottom. My point in saying this is that i don’t think it’s accurate to conclude that men think of women as objects. Women are people. Its the bikini thats the object. Somehow I doubt that will make women feel better about wearing them though.
@RoseRose-ow5zy I invite you to pray about this and let God speak to you about what He thinks about the bikini, and immodest dress in general, because the bikini exposes WAY too much.
@@st.michaelthearchangel7774 I think there is a large problem in current American Churches with how both men and woman view modesty as the lack of skin being covered for women. Modesty in the bible is NOT about how covered a woman or man is- but the heart problem of pride and over adornment to inflate one's sense of self (1 Peter 3:3-4); (1 Timothy 2:9). Modesty therefore can look different for every women based on age, environment, time, and culture. I think in Churches of America we have sustained the lie that women need to cover up to save men from themselves to be considered valuable and that somehow has shifted as the new lens of "modesty". Jesus says, "everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28)"- he doesn't place this around a condition of physical covering. I'm tired of the Christian women shaming over the extreme camps of "too covered and oppressed by men" to "too skimpy and therefore less valued in the eyes of man". The value of our beauty is not dependent on men and neither is modesty. Our beauty is inherent because God fearfully and wonderfully made us, it is not conditional on our physical appearance. Paul spoke and said: “You can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:13). We aren't programmed to respond to sexual urges based on how people dress- it is a socially learned behavior for both men and women. Lack of self control around a standard of beauty and is a heart issue of lust. Dressing in such a way to stand out above everyone else or value one's self greater than another is LACK of modesty which is an issue of pride. Does covering up cause you to be prideful? Does less clothing cause you to be prideful? Only YOU and God can answer this question for yourself.
@@eturley7533 What is the purpose of clothes? And if it's for covering then, what would indecent dressing be? Lack of understanding of the purpose for clothes. It is VERY irresponsible and hypocritical to say exposure of one's body wouldn't arouse feelings in another person. What is the intent? You really want to walk naked in a world of clothed people and ask everyone to act like you're fully clothed? Surely, this doesn't take accountability and responsibility away from those who harrass or sexually assault women/men dressed like this. But, let's not lie that people show skin WITHOUT hoping someone they "LIKE" sees "what they're missing" and comes after them. You don't advertise what you're not selling.
Immodesty and the filth of porn is such a plague of our time.
Awesome talk by Jessica and her research is a good testimony as to why wearing proper clothing is so important, because we don't want to be an unnecessary temptation for other people.
Others should learn not to be so weak minded that an attractive person passing by would tempt them to sin. Your attraction should be saved for your future spouse. But otherwise, I agree!
I am so glad that Jessica is making modest clothing. It is better for everyone.
Thank you for doing what you do, Lila. May God bless you, your family, and this podcast.
The bikini is the same thing as a bra and underwear - just in spandex. I stopped wearing a bikini years ago when i was in junior high. I'm 37 now.
So true ! I can’t stand swimsuit fashion . I wear a swim dress and yet I could pull off a bikini but i don’t think anyone else needs to see it ! Bring conservative swimsuits back .. I love the swimsuits from gidget era !
@Kroh13 I wear a ta3 one piece (I have 8 kids) and the tummy sucking in panel helps. But I still have a good figure but nope to the bikini 😉
Yes! I'm always like...people are literally in bras and underwear in public but it's okay because of the fabric?
I would say a one piece is exactly the same, do you think having our stomachs covered men say “wow…what a difference “!!! You are showing butt, legs, the swim suit gets wet your boobs are very visible even nipples. Come on ladies!! We need to wear loose shorts just like men and a tshirt.
Jessica Rey was an awesome guest. It was a top 10 favorite podcast. Please bring her back! God bless you, Lila.
I want to thank all of the women who care enough to dress with modesty. I can attest that provoking lust in a man doesn't help him or her. Attention is nice, but I guarantee that modesty AND beauty puts a woman on another level. I think it's natural and God-designed for men to see a woman and become hooked and to pursue her and to try to impress. This is a beautiful thing when done honourably, but there has to be a cost. If someone (or anything) is too easy to obtain we don't value them/it highly. Nobody takes their jewelry and stores it on the sidewalk. But what we work for, we treasure.
Now that I think about it, that's the easiest way to weed out a user. They are not willing to put in the work or wait. How different would our society be if women valued themselves enough to never give themselves to men who weren't committed to a lifetime together and raising a family? And men valued women enough to never pursue a woman just for segzual release.
I know there are a tonne of women who get (understandably) triggered by this because as we know, 'purity' culture was something that got twisted, warped and legalistic, but to me this talk blows their arguments for wearing bikinis out of the water. As a guy I know very well society would be a better place if they were never invented, let alone normalised. 150 years ago men and women were segregated at the beach. That may seem extreme, but I can't help thinking we've gone backwards.
Not surprised at all. I have never worn one and I NEVER would, and I'm 25. Grateful my parents raised me right.
If ANYONE had a teenage daughter, and someone yanked down her skirt to expose her underwear or yanked open her shirt to expose her bra, any parent -- any PERSON in that situation -- would _rightfully_ flip out!! Because she's exposed and it's immodest! And yet when that same girl wears the SAME UNDERWEAR to the beach, parents are fine with it??? The math doesn't math.
These are not equivalent. No one should be yanking anyone's clothes. The flipping out is because the YANKER needs to be dealt with, harshly.
@ - Of course whoever would actually do that should be very harshly reprimanded! I would even say do some jail time! I don’t take that stuff lightly. BUT the point I was trying to make was about modesty. 🙂 The reason you would feel shocked if someone exposed your underwear is because it’s immodest and you feel exposed and embarrassed. You SHOULD feel the same way about wearing the exact same amount of “clothing“ on the beach. Immodest and exposed and embarrassed.
@DarkArwen929 People would be freaking out if a girl/woman was walking around in a thong and bra in the grocery store. I don’t want my kids exposed to that.
As a guy, this is very enlightening. I generally try to avoid going to crowded beaches in the summer so as not to be tempted, and now I have this information to think about as well. Thank you.
If more women were honest with themselves, they would understand this. I’m a young women who struggled with lust as young as 12 yrs old after being exposed to things on the internet that I shouldn’t have had the access to. And I know I’m not the only young girl who has dealt with this, because I’ve heard many, many testimonies very similar to mine in the Christian community. Middle school was when I started hearing from my friends about the s*xual things that they were exposed to, as well, and they talked with such vulgarity, it makes me so sad to think about how much younger and younger kids start thinking this way. Thank the Lord Jesus, He has set me free at last. Starting from middle and all through high school, I was around other girls who talked about the guys like they were objects, too, whenever they saw them half naked or even fully dressed, they talked just like how some men talk about women in such lustful ways. And at such a young age. It bothered me how they could just talk so nonchalantly about their classmates that way. After hearing that part about men’s minds thinking of women as tools when they see immodest clothing on women, I realized that I used to think that way, too when I was being tempted. It’s exactly like that. You start thinking about how someone could be used for your gain. That’s what lust is. Lust is something both genders struggle with. It’s unfair that women today speak about men as monsters if they even have lustful thoughts of women, and not take accountability for their own lustful thoughts towards men. We, both men and women, should be trying to help each other not fall into temptation by not dressing so immodestly. The world would be such a better place if both genders would stop trying to act superior to the other, and would instead try to uplift one another. I hope this gets people thinking and changes some perspectives. God bless 💛
Her video is what really kick started my modesty journey. ❤
This is very illuminating. I've struggled with l ust for as long as I can remember. It got to a point where I realized that I was basically seeing any reasonably attractive woman as an object. That was hard for me to accept because I definitely wasn't outwardly disrespectful to women in that way. But after moving to a warm climate city with lots of women wearing very little or very revealing clothing I noticed I would get exhausted or anxious seeing women dressed like this, leaving basically nothing to the imagination. I started working out at home to get away from the scantily dressed gym girls because it's so distracting and so tiresome because I seem to be physically unable to ignore it or change how I react to it. When I run around my neighborhood I often see women wearing the super tight little shorts and I have to deliberately tell myself to not look or look back when she passes me. When Jessica mentioned the part about men's brains basically shutting off certain parts that recognize that those women are also people too, it comfirmed everything I had been going through. Bums me out, ngl.
I hear you. It is such a natural physical reaction to want to see a woman naked the more skin you see. It has a momentum that takes real conscious effort and determination and resolve not to give in to those patterns of thought. It's ok to notice. It's different to intentionally "feast" with the eyes on someone we have no commitment or love for. I struggled for decades, but now I am free. I don't want to slip down that slope again.
You are definitely not the only one! It's a daily battle and a cross, for sure. Turning to Jesus and our Lady's intercession for purity of heart is vital.
Girls/Women reading this really need to understand that it’s not innocent clothing - skin is magnetic for a man, you decide what do you want a man to stare at - shirts exposing the midrif… tight leggings, short shorts… low tops. It’s nearly impossible not to look, even for the ‘most modest’ men. I don’t want to see you this way, and I’m very good and practiced at not looking (16 yrs of marriage and 5kids later… having my own daughters helps too;)
Ladies need to hear this honesty from men who love them and want what’s best for them.
What innocent sweet young girls thinks looks beautiful is not what males are thinking! It’s far from innocent.
Remind yourself that they are made in the image and likeness of God - ask God to allow you to see them the way He does.
@mrscharmless that's incredible. It never even occurred to me that that was possible 😭
What's funny is I've accidentally walked in on a gal in underwear covering the same area a bikini does, I've swam with her in a bikini, and she freaked out. Afterwards she couldn't explain, said "it's just different".
Propagandists take advantage of people not being willing to think critically about things, and this is just one more example of that
It would be great for her to redo her talk (especially if she can cite any new studies since then) just for the show (use your recording studio etc)
Bonus if we can link the studies in the Description and/or pinned comment. It would be nice to share a dedicated video that is very direct and to the point (similar to how Trent Horn scripts some of his videos)
My pastor preached to us that God is not happy with women going to the beach dressed like this. I'm glad he said not to do that because he is absolutely right.
Yep. 100%. That clothing makes women look like legit prostitutes, and immodesty is such a normal thing these days. It's INSANE!
I think it was Our Lady of Good Success who told a religious mother a couple centuries ago that in our current age the dress people would wear would be very scandalous, or something to that effect. How true it has become.
You need a new pastor. Men should not judge women for their clothing.
@NewHeightsDanceMinistry You need to keep scrolling and quit typing. Bug off.
@@LovelyQueen2050 truth offends.
@NewHeightsDanceMinistry Ha ha. You need to get a new pastor.
35, think I wore a bikini top once when I was 13. People react weird when they realise I wear a rash top to the beach even though I don't surf.
Thank you
No sunblock protects the shoulders as well as a rash guard. No comparison. I had terrible sunburns as a child and that does increase my risk of melanoma.
God made women too dang beautiful. Modesty is necessary to protect our inner and outer sanctity (even though it is a burden at times).
It's good that you mention breastfeeding, Lila. I was so shocked once to come across a part of the internet where a bunch of American men were gossiping about women who breastfeed in public like it was a strange combination of "showing off" and inappropriate behaviour.... Maybe people cover up too much, and too much of a big deal is made about our natural, normal, human bodies which are there for much more than sex?
It’s simply that women have stopped breastfeeding and men now only see breasts in a Sexual manner. We need to bring back mom’s birthing at home and breastfeeding as a standard instead of an exception.
Capes are a thing. Baby gets comforted and fed and public is not scandalized.
Breastfeeding shouldn’t mean a women has to show her breasts. It is easy to cover up while nursing. What is shocking to those who would ‘gossip’ about it, is when women think it’s an excuse to expose themselves.
@StanleyPinchak just checking ..... you DO know that there are many, many babies who refused to be covered while they feed.... right?
@@bethsnider5796 Yep. Why put the baby in a situation where she is distracted by all of the people just so you can distract some of the people?
My dad grew-up in the late 30's early 40's and he use to say - "I would rather see a women in nice clothing than naked, because it leave's more to imagination" - Take that for what you will. I'm not sure its just the clothing is all that matter's? - I think a man will think what he want's to think, no matter the clothing - Some men can see a woman modestly clothed with a nice figure, and pretty face and all kinds thoughts can pass through his mind in less than a second.
I would agree. However, the less clothes a woman has on, the easier it is for more men to have those thoughts.
As a male, I’ve always been frustrated at the double standards with women and bikinis. They demand us men to “stop staring creepily at them” when they are literally wearing stuff even more revealing than their own underwear as if begging to be sexualized in public. As if women think they can get away with staring creepily at men in speedos? Bunch of vain crap if you ask me.
Interesting. I've never heard this before nor was I aware of the video. When she said that men think of tools when encountering scantily clad women, my initial reaction wasn't to conclude that men think of ways to dominate. Rather when an attractive woman shows up, men start trying to build something. In other words, women inspire men's creativity and productivity.
It's odd to me that the conclusion was that thinking of tools leads mean to objectifying women. I guess I'll have to go check the original study to understand how they came to that conclusion.
Yes the ladies are taking it too personally. It's our brain chemistry that they're dehumanising by implying there's something wrong with us. She'd be better off realising a being the object of a man's desire is the opportunity to be the centre of his focus. She'd be wise to recognise that her thought life is often a power drain and mood killer for her, and we've been made this way to help her overcome distraction.
The difference between underwear and a bikini, is material… No other difference whatsoever. Haven’t worn a bikini since the Holy Spirit convinced me of this and I’m not about to teach our daughter to wear one either
The men in the audience laughed because every man understands this already. It’s funny watching women discover with amazement something about men that is so obvious (to us).
I’d also like to add, just pointing out that parts of the brain light up like this isn’t a complete representation of a man’s experience. The same areas of the brain also light up when men are highly focused on a task or solving a problem. A man is just as likely to be focused on the bikini itself as an obstacle or problem to be solved than he is on the woman herself. This is the same mindset that men and women both have when there's an obstacle between them and something they want. The mind focuses and the imagination searches for a way utilize tools or other resources to solve the problem.
Men know their state of mind changes -- this much is obvious to them -- but to say a switch flips and suddenly they see a woman as an object same as a tool isn't really accurate. This is an assumption made by researchers. The brain is complicated and you can’t get the full picture about what people are thinking by merely looking at brain scans. Keep that in mind.
I am all for modest clothing. However I do have one question. Is the same true for a married man with his wife? As soon as he sees her scantily clothed does his brain all of a sudden turn off and she’s an object? I have to say that is a terrifying study.
What's wrong with wanting to multiply with your wife? God wired man this way. That doesn't mean we don't respect our wives.
@ no that was my point. If the man is respecting his wife and not treating her as an object then of course that is a beautiful and Godly thing. My question was does the same objectifying referred to in the video happen between a man and a wife, I would hope not. Maybe it has something to do with having a true relationship with someone.
@aintnoisepollution99 Exactly. If he study is correct no men respect women ever in any circumstance. Should male medical staff have no access to female patients? If her study is correct, they should not. I have no opinion as I don't wear bikinis. Others can do as they are called / convicted. But every thing must be carried to its logical conclusion. Don't stop at the area that validated your point then jump off the pony
I think what the study is saying is after a certain amount of clothes come off there is a switch in a man's brain that says "hey, I think I want to have sex" that part of their brain switches on when they see a scantily dressed women which is appropriate if it's your wife in the bedroom. It's not that they cease to see you as human it's that their motive with you becomes different in that moment. That part of their brain that says hey it's time for sex is starting to turn on and they will react accordingly.
Obviously this switch on viewpoint does not also switch off a man's ability to reason and recognize that she is still a person, otherwise any woman who had ever been any sort of scantily clad in pubic would have been swarmed by any man in eyeshot. There are men in this comment section with further information from their perspective as well. The human brain is complex and nothing fits neatly into any box; my understanding from this fraction of a conversation is that the feelings stirred up by seeing an underdressed woman are the action/purpose-type feelings that are also associated with tools and tasks. (As an addendum: men in general are more task-oriented than feelings-oriented, unlike women; this does not make them mindless beasts, it makes them capable of enduring things like war and of doing things like leading.)
The worst is the New thong bikini
I’ve been stunned at how bikinis have become acceptable among Christians these days. But that’s to be expected in a church culture that calls any conservative standards “legalism”.
Why was the talk originally given? Ie what was the conference about and how did this talk fit in?
As a man I think the shame/guilty laugh is not so much this is how the male brain works ( or its general default ) but that culture has gotten to the point where the bikini is viewed as normal. Is men let that happen and we are ashamed.
It’s strange because across time women populations will try to get the attention of men, and men’s brains will shut off when given something to look at.
But pre modern cultures knew this and established dress codes, courting rituals, and dances so get the best of both works, women can use their beauty and charm to attract the man. then the man knows he must court the whole woman, not just her body, for the sake of their status, future children, and long term marriage.
I get up watching Anime in america, The japanese sexual ethic very different and unchristian and easter but it has now used western modernity and is basically inline with bikini culture.
The questions is not if men’s brains shut off at the shape of a woman, but how does culture safe guard and navigate this fact of nature.
The ladies are taking it too personally.
1) It's our brain chemistry that they're dehumanising by implying there's something wrong with us.
2) She'd be better off realising a being the object of a man's desire is the opportunity to be the centre of his focus.
3) She'd be wise to recognise that her thought life is often a power drain and mood killer for her, and we've been made this way to help her overcome distraction when connection is most important.
4) By assuming your brain, your receptiveness, the look in your eyes, isn't a part of the puzzle that lights up our tool-use mechanism when we see you naked is self-dehumanising. Obviously it's an insult to us, but if being an object is a focus or concern for you then you're sabotaging your bond with your significant other. People are objects. Men realise this and that being an object of desire is an enviable position to hold. And this study of brain chemistry proves this insight is correct and biologically grounded.
Something interesting to think about here: the argument that has been made for so long is "teach your sons not to ogle, teach them not to be rapists" (note, no amount of undress justifies sexual assault in any circumstance ever) but now this indicates to me that that argument is tantamount to saying "teach your sons to fundamentally rewire their brains to view the objects of their sexual desire as empowered peers"
I think the lesson is closer to something like: "Teach girls to step down from the pedestal that men put them on, the men can't help it, and to stay up there will artificially inflate her self worth to the degree she'll desire to shame a man for the way he's wired more than she'll want to be the object of his desire. This error will cost her the opportunity for the bond she's looking for. Remember the % of time she spends undressed with him will be a tiny fraction of the time they spend together overall."
I CANNOT find swimsuits that are truly modest in Brazil. Not even for the elderly they have it.
It would be interesting to have data from men that live in more primal societies where women are semi-naked as well as men. What would this show?
It's man's greatest weakness (that's how we were made) and women weild this weapon against us and I like it 😂
But as a man you have to be strong and not lose sight of your noble goals in life and a good wife that you can physically interact with while she's wearing a bikini can help you overcome this weakness with no problem and help you stay on the straight and narrow path which leads to salvation 😂
God does NOT make junk. Men are not wired to be sexually aggressive. We live in a fallen world with a lot of brokenness. God said in the garden, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God gave Eve to Adam as a gift.
@petrichor5294 no one's talking about aggressive. We are wired to respond physically at the sight of the naked female form. GOD made us this way. We don't have to act inappropriately to those urges. What are you on about?!
This isnt to demonize men, this is to highlight our primal nature and how it can be controlled in other ways. I would be curious as to what female primal nature could be. I know babies often cause women to react in primal ways, too.
I’m curious to see what results you’d get for instrumental/objectifying perspective if you tried to control for porn usage.
Is it the immodesty alone or the self presentation/identification with the objectifying standards of immodest media the men are conditioned by?
There is a reason why women are disinvited from Mt. Athos. The devil preys upon the passions. Let us ask our sisters in Christ to stop stoking the fires.
This is all well and good but do women have any idea what it's like to be a married man surrounded in public and online with targeted, predatory female glamour and at the same time have a wife who is afraid of her sexuality and thus not interested at all in being a good sexual partner because she is so afraid of being punished for immodesty and unchastity? It's miserable...surely there is a middle ground somewhere.
She needs an older, wiser woman in her life to teach her how to love her husband like the Bible says. Modesty in public shouldn’t translate to sexual coldness in private with one’s husband.
I agree with Esther. Or perhaps post-marital counseling with a pastor?
@@estherruth4692 I think you are correct. It's a shame because her mother was very hurt by her unfaithful husband and that has had a sad effect on both mother and daughter. Sadly these are the consequences of living in a fallen world and their are no easy answers. God knows btw that I bring more than my fair share of difficulties to those in my life.
@@fibanocci314 We are Catholics so are pastors (hopefully) know very little about having a sex life lol the deacons on the other hand may have wives and children so that might be something to explore.
@47StormShadow I say this with gentleness. People do not get excited about doing things that aren't pleasurable. While surely we can make sacrifices and do things for our spouse that we don't enjoy, intimacy is particularly invasive. Is easier to scrub a toilet than to be intimate when you don't enjoy it. Ask her (and be prepared to have your feelings utterly hurt) about what she enjoys and doesn't enjoy about your intimate life. This way you can find a path towards mutual joy. Remember, is she enjoyed it, she would want to do it. Period.
I am curious to know what parts of the man's brain lights up when viewing their partners in a sexual context.
It could be that that part of the brain just lights up by default in those contexts.
I swim regularly, in public city pools, in pools on a university campus, and at a private health club. I have been a member of a Master's swim organization. Many women wear bikinis while swimming. Many women wear bikinis at the pools at the condominium complex where I live. These are not just young women, but women over the age of 60. What could be wrong with that?
I am a man who wears a Speedo-style swim briefs while swimming, even though I am not in the best of physical shape and I have never been a competitive swimmer. However, I enjoy swimming and I live in a warm climate where most swimming pools are outdoors and it is practical to swim outdoors during most of the year.
Competitive swimming, or swimming for intense exercise, requires the wearing of minimal and form-fitting attire. Wearing a dress or heavy, baggy clothing is not practical, especially if one wants to maximize performance.
wow!!!
Go White Tiger!
Now do leggings
The reason we’re thinking about tools when we see a bikini, is because we’re thinking about how easy it would be for us to take it off.
Ive seen girls secure their tops with shoelace knots. Can you blame me for wanting to pull the string? Even when the straps are solid, most of them look like you could just slip your thumb through the middle and push up, and the breasts would pop out on the bottom.
My point in saying this is that i don’t think it’s accurate to conclude that men think of women as objects. Women are people. Its the bikini thats the object.
Somehow I doubt that will make women feel better about wearing them though.
Now do 'how and when women objectify men.'.. oh wait that doesn't happen lol
👀
It’s always sexually related with Lila. She’s obsessed with the subject.
Theres a time for a bikini, pool and the beach. I see nothing wrong with it.
Only alone with your husband.
@@saphirarose5866 100%.
@RoseRose-ow5zy I invite you to pray about this and let God speak to you about what He thinks about the bikini, and immodest dress in general, because the bikini exposes WAY too much.
@@st.michaelthearchangel7774 I think there is a large problem in current American Churches with how both men and woman view modesty as the lack of skin being covered for women. Modesty in the bible is NOT about how covered a woman or man is- but the heart problem of pride and over adornment to inflate one's sense of self (1 Peter 3:3-4); (1 Timothy 2:9). Modesty therefore can look different for every women based on age, environment, time, and culture. I think in Churches of America we have sustained the lie that women need to cover up to save men from themselves to be considered valuable and that somehow has shifted as the new lens of "modesty". Jesus says, "everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28)"- he doesn't place this around a condition of physical covering. I'm tired of the Christian women shaming over the extreme camps of "too covered and oppressed by men" to "too skimpy and therefore less valued in the eyes of man". The value of our beauty is not dependent on men and neither is modesty. Our beauty is inherent because God fearfully and wonderfully made us, it is not conditional on our physical appearance.
Paul spoke and said: “You can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:13). We aren't programmed to respond to sexual urges based on how people dress- it is a socially learned behavior for both men and women. Lack of self control around a standard of beauty and is a heart issue of lust. Dressing in such a way to stand out above everyone else or value one's self greater than another is LACK of modesty which is an issue of pride.
Does covering up cause you to be prideful? Does less clothing cause you to be prideful? Only YOU and God can answer this question for yourself.
@@eturley7533 What is the purpose of clothes? And if it's for covering then, what would indecent dressing be? Lack of understanding of the purpose for clothes.
It is VERY irresponsible and hypocritical to say exposure of one's body wouldn't arouse feelings in another person. What is the intent? You really want to walk naked in a world of clothed people and ask everyone to act like you're fully clothed? Surely, this doesn't take accountability and responsibility away from those who harrass or sexually assault women/men dressed like this.
But, let's not lie that people show skin WITHOUT hoping someone they "LIKE" sees "what they're missing" and comes after them. You don't advertise what you're not selling.