Borderline=Failed Narcissist: Intermittent Mother, not "Dead" (EXCERPT)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ต.ค. 2023
- The classic Borderline offers the Covert Borderline an ideal love fantasy which he craves. But his ideal partner is a codependent "shy or quiet" borderline.
Borderline is a failed narcissist because she has had an intermittent mother, not a dead one: intermittent reinforcement allows the borderline to perceive external objects by outsourcing ego functions and even her body despite her huge narcissistic investment.
The narcissist gave up on the externality of separate objects because they are bound to frustrate and hurt. The borderline still has hope: she interacts with separate external objects via merger and fusion, by becoming their internal object.
Full video here: • Ideal Love Fantasy: Bo...
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Schrödinger’s mother.
Thank you for shining your light not only on these personality disorders but also on the conflict of Israel-Hamas, especially because of your background. Thank you thank you
I'm a covert borderline, I feel so much pain from my personality
You are not alone, I too am living the same experience
@@SunnyMiMarie
I like nothing, and sometimes I feel very inferior and other times I feel like I am the greatest woman in the world. I have many relationships, but they are all failures. I always run away and run away for no reason.
❤💔
What a sad world 😢greetings from Germany ❤
Auch mal schön ein deutschen hier zu sehen, Grüße aus Berlin 👋🏻
@@highqualitypyro9075 Ganz liebe Grüße zurück aus Rheinland-Pfalz. Gute Nacht 👏
Paranoid, abandoned, and suffocated! Fkkk yes then I look at myself as a victim and the abuser. You are explaining my life!
Sending prayers to you and all affected by this madness over there 🙏💙
I’m in a bind. I been w/wife for 20 years. Wife’s mother stayed away most of the marriage. Wife’s mother decided she didn’t want wife with me about 3 years ago. Wife just diagnosed w/BPD. Father died from alcoholism and was educated. Her mom is anti family & anti kid. Wife’s mother encouraged her to drink and leave me. Her mother would come pick her up and my kids while I was working and convinced her I was a bad person. Her mom went so far as to go to the Sheriff to have me arrested, went to a Judge to have me committed, but neither worked bc I have no history. Her mother convinced her to blow all our money, hide money from me, run debt up as high as possible, ie $65000.
It’s been 3yrs of hell. Ohh wife wanted 10 kids and we had 8. Ages 3-18. Wife runs out often on me and kids due to shame for what’s she has done. She has done much more than I stated. Now, she is divorcing me and moving 3 blocks away from her mom. Our children cry and ask me why their mom abandons us and I have no answers no more. This has made me almost insane.
prayers for Israel and gaza ........love your videos ..I watch them to the end ..numerous times ....your the best ..I am grateful for your knowledge
Thank you Sam 😊
I’ve learned so much about myself from these videos.
Life bless you and keep you safe. Thank you so much Dear Professor ❤
Thank you, Sam Vaknin. Understanding the dynamics is a great part of the healing.
He was a mother enmeshed man. As it was my father.
Lot's of healing to do for me.
Glad I reached the first step to recognize patterns.
Thank you!!❤
10:00 the dynamics of the absent mother VS the inconsistent mother you describe seem similar to me to the descriptions I have read on how parenting generates avoidant and anxious style attachment styles on children. Absent parents will generate avoidants and inconsistent parents will generate anxious children.
Search the channel for “attachment”.
Thank u, Sam❤️
Professor, I hope your family and friends are safe. 🙏. I ferl gor noth sides.
Thank you for this video! So insightful. Will it be possible that you are narcissist personality disorder and borderline personality disorder at the same time
Yes. This comorbidity is common.
If a borderline is a failed narcissist, how can someone have comorbidity as both NPD and BPD? How do these comorbid traits manifest in a person with both?
The NPD side is dominant but when it collapses or is mortified, the BPD side takes over (dysregulation and lability).
@@Kiki.to.pono_46789 Watch the therapies playlist.
My heart is breaking for the innocent people being slaughtered 😞🙏🙏
At 27:30, this guy is on point!
I’m so scared imma do this to my daughter bc I have BPD.
Me too, my son
Probably I do..
Is that why my ex narcissist literally uses baby talk when communicating with his 'mamma' (as he calls her)? - he is 40 years old and literally makes baby/toddler sounds /words around her the whole time? And she enjoys it immensely...
did you have to expose their information like that?
@@_1ghenkyy298 yes
@_1ghenkyy298 if you are a narcissist WHY on earth are you on this feed? Don't you have a mamma to go manipulate or something?
@@_1ghenkyy298 🤣
Gold❤️
Watching from ❤️🙏🌅California
Me too 😊
Can you do a vdo about how to help a narcissist without hurting their ego bcz if we try to help them they will immediately act out bcz they think themselves as god like
You cannot help a narcissist.
You can’t help anyone without their permission
@@samvaknincan you help someone with borderline personality disorder
@@faye9456 nope, unless you're a therapist or fairly distant figure. Anyone with whom the borderline is attached will be perceived as abandoning when they give gentle constructive feedback
Im a bpd with narcissistic parents... and now am finding out that (after years of therapy learning and understanding my patterns , my family dynamic, my past and healing from that) that my bf has narcissistic traits or (worse) might be a full covert narc. Still trying to figure it out, maybe even I have narcissistic traits its so hard if its all intertwined. after fights I doubt myself constantly thinking I'm too blame, because I get so emotional and angry or that I'm paranoid. After seeing your videos, so much more has become clear. The empty shell, the avoidance, never taking blame, I am always the guilty party, he is holy, maybe even mothering me (OMG). Is it all all possible that you can have an 'arrangement' when both personalities are 'faulty' and is it sustainable if one starts to heal? I think I answered my own question. haha. its been 12 years now... I don't know what's healthier, leaving and being alone, or being alone (sometimes) in this relationship. I have no idea what's real and what's not real.... (mind is blown)
My mother was exactly that. An Intermittent mother. Drug addicted, Jekyll and Hyde, pulling disappearing acts for my entire childhood and adolescence. Im the the first born and oldest daughter. I would like to know, what pathology would you ascribe to a mother like this? I have suffered so very much trying to unravel the puzzle of my mother, who is gone now.
Have you read upnishad?? Indian psychology
Can someone demonstrate both the attributes of a covert and classic borderline? I have seen all of the things you described to varying degrees of intensity with an ex-girlfriend. It seems there almost needs to be a third classification, as if there are not already enough subtypes.
Covert borderlines can become emotionally dysregulated like classic borderlines, but nothing further.
Thank you for the response. Excellent video as usual.
Prof. Vaknin, thank you for the explanation. I have a question - in one of your videos you said that covert borderline has a good object and is capable of love. Here you are saying they have a bad object like the narcissist. Would you explain?
Also would you make a video about the relationship between covert borderline and a narcissist?
Watch again - and this time pay attention.
@@samvaknin😂
This is my marriage
I need help! 😞
My mom was half there and abusive asf but loved me if it made her look good. It was a trick I feel like. Like wtf. Now I want “love” 24/7. Yo I’d merge right mf now. 😂😞 I be abusing myself verbally inside and it’s annoying.
I choose men who will be my mommy AND daddy. HLP I’m so scared. I want to hide away.
* step mom
Real mom was barely in my life. She treats me god like and then spazzes out on me when she’s upset or triggered. Also when I was a kid it felt like my mom, dad, and step mom were narc like and BPD at the same time. I was SO. Confused and ik they didn’t know any better.
🕊☮️🤍
Is there any way for a covert borderline to fully become a narcissist by progressing into it? Would that be helpful in some way?
Why would anyone want to become a narcissist???
May be it's a short cut for a Cptsd
Do you have any ideas in which way could it be helpfull?
when people with personality disorders split are they no longer capable of rationally perceiving any good qualities in the person they are splitting on? Or they just feel that they dispise that person and are actively forcing themselves to devalue them so that they can fit a certain image in their mind makeing easier to justify hating them?
They perceive the other person as all negative. Sometimes, it feels like a revelation.
They see you inferior to them to begin with - the despise was always there - they despise anything as they see it 'beneath them'...hatred is their love language...
what is bpd without grandiosity and splitting?
No such thing.