INFJ and extroverted feeler attachment style fearful avoidant (INFJ,ISFJ,ESFJ,ENFJ).
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- This is my experience as an INFJ and a fearful avoidant. This attachment stuff has been revolutionary in all my relationships and as a parent very important to understand. I hope it helps you too
Thanks for discussing this. I’ve been wondering how infj combined with fa attachment style would behave.
Bingo! Ouch!!! DBT time to regulate after letting affirmative information in that validates the imperative to do attachment work. Thank you. It's a lot. Love this format. Rewatching is part of my self-assigned educational curriculum which I can share with my psychologist. Many thanks.
I am glad it is helping. I may go back and talk about attachment styles again soon.
When I searched for this infj video I was surprised to actually find one. So thank you. I appreciate the courage that it takes to make a video about one’s attachment style. If I had more, I would’ve made a video about it at some point. I resonate with a lot of what you said during this video, including some of the specific examples you gave about weird hugs and quick but explosive pushback. I also have a fearful avoidant attachment style, although I think I swing a little bit more dismissive than anxious, at least these days. I think it’s been about six years since I started to consciously (and aggressively) work on my attachment trauma. I didn’t understand that it was running my life, motivating a lot of my behavior and generally contributing misery to my social experiences. Working toward earned security is the most important thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. I searched for this video today because I was having a lot of struggles in my current, long-term committed relationship. This is why I appreciate that you made this video so much, and that you actually used personal examples. I feel like when I watch a video with real examples that it speaks to some unconscious part of me that I have walled-off, and validates that part in a way that I cannot. (For as trendy as it is to be an INFJ, it sure is complicated.) It’s too bad that an intellectual understanding of this topic is not enough to magically transform the emotional tumult one experiences. For all that I’ve researched, and all that I know, it’s hard to put it into practice. Well now I’m just rambling, but I did want to sincerely say thank you for putting yourself out there and inadvertently giving me a chance to process emotions that could’ve been very destructive otherwise.
I almost can’t believe I’m going to do this but it seems somehow necessary. This is a line from a song that I wrote along time ago:
I feel so busy, but there’s nowhere to go
My brain is dizzy, but my world is slow
I’m wanting out, when I’ve never been in
Oh what a contradictory thing
Wanting out when you’ve never been in
What a contradictory thing.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am ready to make another video about the things that have changed since my last video. I totally understand the privacy hidden inside kind of need. I do this and I write as well but I don't normally tell people in my personal life that I do this until recently and even then only certain people. It is an odd panicky feeling that somehow is freeing. You have talent and as an INFJ your purpose is to share for others to understand themselves better. INFJs are catalyst for growth so sharing your poem I understand as an act of bravery and also desire to connect. Thank you for the gift. Good luck with the relationship challenge. I am learning all the time still!!
Excellent video.... I resonate with a lot of what you say, and I like your conclusion. ..it's easy to feel inherently flawed when unhealthy patterns repeat themselves. I seem to be a magnet for the worst kind of behaviour from people, so i feel responsible ... it shows that I'm somehow rewarding that difficult behaviour...and I tend to struggle in my friendships so much... yet, when I consider just how many unhealthy dynamics I had to contend with when I was a child, it's really not surprising that I am not the well rounded, well adjusted individual I wish to be. So I have to be patient with myself and realise there are no quick fixes here, but still gradually keep pushing forward nonetheless and try to improve ... I read somewhere a quote that said something along the lines of: ' better is always within reach...'.thank you for sharing your personal story and research which I'm sure many INFJS, including myself, will appreciate and find deeply validating :)
Thank you so much for watching! I am hoping to try to catalog what I learn as I go. The hardest thing for me still is to be kind to myself every time I learn something new.
OH MY GOD I CAN RELATE. SHEEESH...Well, more healing. It confuses and hurts people. I don't want to hurt people.
Hi, I’m an ENFJ 🙂👋.
Sounds like your ex-partner was an INTJ or had a T in their MBTI personality type. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I had a similar situation. I think some types of people just don't match each other to begin with... Hope you're over it or will be soon!
He was totally an INTJ! We got along when we talked about intellectual things but not when it came to emotions. It was exhausting to try to connect with him in that way. I actually get along well with INTPs though. Maybe it's because they do have Fe in their top 4.
I dont want to put the blame on them, i mean its a trauma but danm, sometimes being a INFJs(Fa) partner is so frustrating