Signs You're Incompatible With Your Partner or Crush | Jordan Peterson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ย. 2024
- In this video, I will share with you some insights from Jordan Peterson, a renowned psychologist and author, on how to know if you are incompatible with someone. He will explain the signs of incompatibility, the consequences of ignoring them, and the steps to take to find a better match. Watch this video to learn how to avoid wasting your time and energy on a relationship that is doomed to fail.
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⚠️ ABOUT DR. JORDAN PETERSON
Jordan Peterson is a renowned Canadian psychologist, author, and professor, widely acclaimed for his profound insights into the human psyche and his contributions to the field of psychology. With an illustrious career spanning several decades, Peterson has earned a remarkable reputation for his thought-provoking ideas and transformative teachings.
Peterson's academic achievements are truly exceptional. He holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Alberta and has served as a professor at the University of Toronto. Throughout his career, he has published numerous influential papers and articles, making significant contributions to the field. Notably, his work on personality psychology and the psychology of religious and ideological belief systems has garnered widespread recognition.
One of the striking indicators of Peterson's impact is his exceptional citation count on Google Scholar of over 20,000 citations. His research has been cited by scholars and researchers worldwide, highlighting the significance and relevance of his ideas. This recognition reflects the profound influence he has had on the academic community and the intellectual discourse surrounding psychology.
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My grandmother was extremely introverted, my grandfather extremely extroverted. They were married over 70 years, he died in the same bed beside her. They were in love with each other until the day death separated them. One of the best marriages I have ever seen.
Introversion and Extroversion is the one dimension where it is actually OKAY to be different. It kinda balances itself out.
@@Tim666-o5n it can work on the others too. It is just a question of how you suit together in solving your problems.
Everything can work to some extent it just won't work for most people or even nearly all people.
@@Brotried9750s and 60s relationships weren’t boomers. Boomers were born from 1946 to 1964. I believe people have less intimacy now. I am a mother of 14 and my husband and I have time for conversation, outside of procreation, so yeah.
@@Tim666-o5nno being different in general is quite good
It allows you to learn the other person and you can teach each other things… Life is all about compromises, and having to compromise with your partner to learn things or do things you normally wouldn’t enjoy doing is the most beautiful part of a relationship…
It adds nothing to your life if you marry yourself
They probably had other overlapping personality traits and were able to compensate.
I like how he credited his student when he spoke about industrious people 👍😊 such an authentic person ❤
Yes, very true.
Sitting down and creating a plan to address how the home and socializing will be managed is often missing.
Great idea!
also finances, future planning, holidays, parenting, sex life.............
Maybe people aren’t orderly enough!
And that's why conflicts appear
My wife simply refuses to talk about organising/planning things and if I even mention feelings or emotions she literally has to be somewhere else. No communication is a big issue.
In my experience, arrogance is the relationship killer. There's no working with it and it takes a very humbling experience to get there.
Arrogance = narcissism
@@TheThiaminBlog Not necessairly. It has a similair structure, but Narcissism is a Mental disorder and Arrogance is an Egoistic Urge, often expressed out of insecurity. Arrogance may be a stone in the Wall of the house of Narcissism, but its not the whole of it.
Disrespect also...
Totally agree- 34 years on, arrogance contempt disrespect killed the relationship, getting out of the marriage going to find someone better. I left it too long. But hopefully find a better partner.
@@univerz1175 take your time. I remarried and he was worse. Just find peace
As a chemist, I have argued for compatibility for years despite the fact that students claim that "opposites attract". Different types of people, like different types of chemicals, do not tend to mix. Incompatible properties do not make solutions.
Agreed being more similar with a minor amount of differences is probably best
As a chemical engineer I greatly appreciate this analogy ✊🏼
I remember a MAD magazine "The Lighter Side" layout. A son asks Dad the best woman to date. The Dad says, "you want someone who agrees with you as much as possible/has the same beliefs as much as possible." When asked about opposites attracting, Dad asked, "You're a boy and she's a girl?" The son affirms. I always thought the father's reply was wisdom, not witticism:
"That's all the opposite you need!"
Thank you. Tried to get my mate to understand this
There’s. I such damn thing as someone who is “exactlly” like you
I’m an introvert, and in my younger days easy going, agreeable until they touch my core values, which I didn’t know at the time. Much older now and I’m no longer agreeable and easy going. Although, I like to think I still have a sense of humor. Life can certainly do a number on you when you are agreeable.
Ditto. I started off agreeable and idealistic, and then got crushed, repeatedly. So much for being agreeable and easy-going.
Same here... Never again, I swore to myself
So true!
My exact experience. I’m even quite aggressive when protecting my individuality with strong willed individuals who attempt to intimidate or manipulate me. Pain resulting from self sacrifice to my own detriment, led me to this point.
What age? Same path but I am 27, I wish I could go back to the old me.
As a woman high in neuroticism (but aware of it), I think my partner being so agreeable is a big reason we work well together. He doesn't get upset when I have a panic attack or get overstimulated. Someone who was more disagreeable would get tired of me fast.
Give him more time....he will tire of your crap eventually 😅not being mean, just realistic 😊🎉
Well said. I have the same proclivities. My husband can seem to be un-emotional but it's what I need as he is non- reactive. This counters my high reactivity.
This is what’s missing in big companies.
If you identify introverts you put a list of shit to do for the day on their desk and leave it at that. Don’t include them in a team. That’s what you do with extroverts
This is why I went self employed. It's genuinely exhausting having to force extroversion day in day out because you work in an open plan office and have to be a "team player".
This is such an accurate comment! I'm an ENFP - the most introverted of the extroverts. My strengths lie in managing an office, communicating/interacting with people, dealing with difficult ppl and circumstances, creativity, thinking on my feet, things that involve action, communication, and pressure. Other ppl are better suited for other things.
I've had positions that involved with both introverted and extroverted tasks. In one instance, the person that had the job before me was an introvert and a numbers person. She would actually hide from people in her cubicle (a large part of the job was greeting and assisting ppl).
I was the opposite. I liked and was good at working with people and hated the computer/ paperwork introverted stuff. She absolutely was not capable of the "people part".
Perhaps there should have been two separate positions. Companies are going to be left in the dust if they don't start adjusting to this reality.
@@kv2723mbti is office astrology
Op there was actually a good book "surrounded by idots" Which applied the 4 humors (so basically just a simplification of myers briggs) to corporate management strategy ans actually had some good advice. One point was that if you put all of one humor together they're going to fail to accomplish the objective, just in different ways. Melancholics Over plan and don't execute, phlegmatics get too stressed out with responsibility and without leadership, sanguines have a roaring good time but what they produce won't be what you asked for, and cholerics just act without thinking and they get things done but what gets done may be actively detrimental rather than helpful. The basic wisdom i took away was don't expect too much from phlegmatics and don't change up their routine, make cholerics the leads but require them to take advice from the melancholics who must be given very specific instruction permitting them to not care about efficiency outside of certain bounds, and keep the sanguines together so they don't go stir crazy but watch them closely and get them back on track when they stray, let it be fun for them
Forcing extroversion ruined my mental health tbh
My ex was a slob and I was neat and all we did was fight. I never dated a messy person again. I'm now married to someone OCD and we are happy 😂😂
@mariegagliardi 😂 I love this comment !!
Lucky you.. i like neat coz i am messy😂 by nature i cant help it.😊
😂
That is goals right there!
🤙🏽🥳😄
I really wish I had known all of this before getting married. My conscience is clear and I think my wife and I have done extremely well considering our vastly different world views and personalities, but it seems likely we could have saved each other a lot of stress and heartache of we had stayed just friends and pursued other people more compatible with ourselves. Still, five years in and a lot of compromises and healthy boundaries and lessons learned the hard way, we're still married with a new baby and no intention of stopping.
Good luck to you sir.
I can totally relate. Right now, im no longer sure if my husband and I can keep this kind of situation. It gets very exhausting.
I can relate.
I was way idealistic unfortunately. He started off unfaithful.
From two parts of the country. It’s been tough.
Yo, I freaking love this comment
Go! Keep your promises. Good job! Inspiring!
All i will say is “Love covers a multitude of sins “ and each person in the marriage must lay down their life for their mate and when that happens the various LARGE and small differences are insignificant but when that does NOT happen even small differences become very significant and even to the point of destroying the marriage/relationship. God Bless you and your family Dr Peterson.
Disrespecting me = end of relation for me
Family disrespect of me = end of relationship
You have to earn respect.
Respect must be mutual, otherwise the relationship is narcissistic.
@@BackLookingI think if you're already in a relationship, you've earned that respect a long time ago
End of relationships for me = Disrespecting me
Close to impossible to match On all things - opposites attract and for good reason because you can lift each others weaknesses
Attract, yes. But statistics show they don’t last.
It's a misleading statement. You need to be very similar on beliefs, character, values, life goals. After that, you can be different in personality, hobbies, etc
@@jasonmiradoli8900 And neither do people with everything in common
@@cosmictreason2242 agree
There needs to be a balance of having things in common and having opposite traits. Too much of either is not good.
Ah, we just did this big 5 thing and my partner and I are both similarly low in extraversion, neuroticism, and agreeableness and high in contentiousness and openness. We don’t have the exact same scores. We get along great.
Do you have a link to the big 5 questionnaire you did?
@@rufaiajala Google Understand Myself by Jordan Peterson
@@rufaiajala the one we did is from the book Personality by Daniel Nettle. I recommend the book. It gives a very balanced view on how the traits can be either beneficial or detrimental depending on the situation. It makes it clear that there’s no one best way to be.
from my observations industrious people need to be doing something to feel "normal", that is "settled" the tension of doing nothing quickly becomes unbearable for them
Relateable. Partner wants to chill together whilst I want to get stuff done. I don't mind being the hardest working or a provider, but I'm expected to achieve that whilst simultaneously repeatedly interrupting my work and productivity to share non urgent discussions. Partner has never run a business and can't empathise with how valuable my time and focus is
Oof I feel you on this one. Running a business myself and some days it’s hard to even reply to casual texts during the day. I‘ve toned down my expectations toward easily finding a matching partner because very few women I meet have the drive and competency to make something out of their home and family. Where are those old school women that you could actually trust to have your back?
@@xAudiolith 'old school' was probably before the popularity of mobile phones. Most young people nowadays are addicted to their phones and will deprioritise what's happening in front of them to respond to notifications. Not me, I need to get in the zone distraction free.
@@xAudiolith When you say competency, competency at what exactly?
Why don't you tell her to not bother you when you work? You're losing money when your partner interrupts so it's necessary to create a system around this. I don't think it's a compatibility issue, but a lack of communication and negotiation. You lack the ability to set boundaries and/or your partner can't respect them. Should be fixable.
Yuck. "How valuable my time is". I'm on the partner's side in this. Chill out.
The Bible says "yoke evenly" it is about faith, willingness to grow, learn, change, communicate, spend time together🙏 Rev.M
There are MANY people who suffer with undiagnosed learning weakness or even disability who are emotionally hurt and often ill...who selfmedicate on top of this condition..they are unfit to love and create lasting healthy relationship until THEY decide to participate in their own healing process. I work with such people and their families..it is possible to heal (self) in many cases❤ with hope Rev.M
My first advice is to stay away from mind control CULT bullshit like churches mosques imams bibles etc.
It is literal brain rot made to make people easy to control.
It is a fake life.
Hi Rev. M - what area do you work out of? My husband and I are in need of this exact assistance and don’t even know where to begin. Thank you much
@kristicalz Hello Kristi, ty for your question and being honest about your situation. I work virtually (via email/zoom) to ensure comfort and privacy of the parties. Often, it is easier to speak openly on merits of anonymity than with someone in person.🙏
@@mmoro143thank you! I would love to email you and set something up if possible. Thank you for your time
@@kristicalzbe careful you dont get scammed
This finally hit why I am so unhappy in marriage. We are incompatible on every level by extremes
I feel you! 🫂 You are not alone!
Well in my experience, we both shifted. He become a lil more chill and i got to explore being a bit extroverted. Tbh i kinda enjoy it
Just realized me and my boyfriend are COMPLETELY opposite. Explains a lot. We don’t fight, but I’m the disagreeable, industrious, conscientious, orderly one and he’s the agreeable, relaxed, unconscientious, disorderly one. You can imagine I’m quite annoyed a lot of the time and my boyfriend is sick of me asking him to do things a certain way, or do more. Somehow though, we get along. We both have a super high amount of patience, so there’s that.
Same exact thing here. Problem was it lasted about 3 and a half years and I just started to get more and more tired and neither of us were changing on a fundamental level.
I broke it off, essentially because of this, we were opposite in these fundamentals, but fuck we were so patient with each other and never argued. And I loved some of the opposite because it got me out of my comfort zone and taught him so much.
But the thought of an eternity of disparity on these fundamentals? I don't know. I'm still hurting. Thought I'd share.
Try being less uptight.
@@mariatorres9789 Less uptight in my relationship would mean the responsibility levels would drop. I’m the more responsible one. Try not assuming things about people you don’t know!
@Mirro6112 I'm the responsible one, too. I wasn't being judgemental, I know you 'hold it all together'. I'm just saying, for peace & harmony, try presenting things that you need help with or delegate for others, in a less confrontational way. That way, they'll hopefully feel better at home etc, & be more inclined to contribute when asked. I wasn't trying to be harsh, that's how I changed my home.
@@mariatorres9789 I already do that. I already digest everything before I spit it out. It doesn’t fix the problem that my BF is almost completely unopen and I’m constantly learning and curious. It’s causing a maturity gap. That’s a big issue for me.
I don’t have that many experiences, but after four relationships I start to think that it’s impossible to say why some relationships fail and why some don’t.
It’s not a neat package you can explain away with extraversion levels or with orderliness and agreeableness.
It’s chemistry. It’s in God’s hands; in short, we know nothing.
There is this girl I should love very much. But I can’t. And there is this other one who is totally incompatible with me on the surface, but some occult force makes me love her utterly. Go figure
Ask yourself a basic question, do you want to have sex with the girl you can’t love? Obviously not. She isn’t attractive physically to you. The other one is.
We look at many factors but fail to recognize the most obvious, physical attraction. Ask yourself if it’s love or lust. Lust can make a good man think he’s in love if he doesn’t know the difference. Caught me off guard just a year ago. It was never love.
We also want what we can’t have as if to prove why we should be able to have it.
Less about God or the occult.
Try looking at this woman you like, who you're not compatable with and see what characteristics/traits she has that you may subconsciously be looking for/want and what similarities she shares with prehaps your parents or whichever parental relationship you've seen as a child. It's worth exploring.
Only unseen forces that exist are our past experiences and childhood experiences that pave the ways for our relationship dynamics. Less mysterious than we think.
He mentions 5 dimensions at the beginning but I believe the video only covers 3? I heard:
1. Introversion/Extroversion
2. Agreeableness/Disagreeableness
3. Industriousness/Non-Industriousness (Conscientiousness?)
4. ???
5. ???
Yea the clip is missing openness (inclined to think abstractly/intellectually and appreciate aesthetics) and neuroticism (inclined to feel anxious toward unknown and volatile with emotions). My gf is high in both and she’s highly educated, loves art museums, and is afraid of walking in the dark or seeing big animals like deer nearby. The fearful feeling is like walking in a dark alley way alone and that sense of terror. I’m low in neuroticism and don’t feel that easily.
The 'women are more agreeable than men' is true, but my (I am male) ex (she is female) and I did NOT get along in this way, rather she was the disagreeable person. If she asked for my OPINON or ADVICE, or anyone for that matter, she was disagree quickly and trash it (a clear sign of a narcissist). It's like a student coming to a professor and saying "I don't know about this professor, could you teach me?" and after the teacher teaches, the student goes "wrong, your explaining wrong. It's all wrong" hahaha
I’m a big Dr. Jordan Peterson fan. And though I hesitate to challenge much of anything he says I question whether women are really more organized than men. In my experience with having several relatives who’ve a lot of income property across the board they all prefer renting to men over women (as opposed to couples married or not). The why is single men are cleaner, more organized and do less damage than single women. Now perhaps when a women is involved in a relationship (married or not) she ‘ups-her-game’ and better nests, I don’t know.
With one exception I have been more organized, neater and cleaner than any of the women I’ve been involved with or known for that matter. The one exception was a girlfriend who loved to clean. She used to say that cleaning was her super-power. She wasn’t anal per say just super efficient and really well organized. All the other women I’ve known had mediocre organizational skills at best and a couple were down right slovenly...
My brother rented to a travel nurse as his first endeavor and everything seemed great, they were paying above the mortgage amount, but at the end the one thing i remember him repeating was "i don't know how people can live like this," dog shit ground into the carpet everywhere. Traumatized him. Talked to another gentleman the other day and he says he exclusively rents to single men in their 40s cause no noise, no pets, no bs. I'm keeping that in mind as i contemplate getting into that myself
Single men work a lot so aren’t home much. They also tend to go out for drinks with their workmates etc. I can see that renting property to them would be easier as they aren’t home much. Women in general are more home bodies.
Where are women supposed to live then? Holes in the ground? Lolol. Sounds like a bunch of sexists. Not all men are neat and not all women are slovenly. That's ridiculous. One incident does not make a study. Women usually take care of all the chores in a household even if she works full time too. How hard is it to clean up after just yourself? Get real.
@@archibaldevans2251 in some part it's because women have more stuff, products, hair dryers, straighteners and curlers, more clothes and shoes, kitchen appliances... men have four pairs of shoes, one 6 in 1 shower gel, pc or a playstation and a big screen.
I'm introverted and hes extroverted. I hate when he tries to put me in the spotlight but I like that he does all the socializing for me in a public context. I'm messy and he loves to clean but we don't live together atm so well see how that works. Everything else is good thankfully lol.
seems to me, the key is not to be an extreme but instead, balanced.
I keep hearing that women are more orderly than men but all 4 of the women I’ve lived with have been absolute slobs and I became resentful and dumped them for it.
I'm a professional house cleaner, I can tell you that most women are slobs, I noticed that older women from 40+ are more orderly. The newer generation are extremely messy.
Most men are bums too. I don't take jobs from males, but when I do they seem to be more grateful and appreciate the help.
Generalizations you proved untrue. 👏🏼
Or did they just not pick up after you?😂
@@christinajose285 I had to pick up after them. I’m very organized and clean. Women I’ve lived with, or even not lived with (except for one), would have overflowing trash cans, shoes and clothes scattered all over the house, hair all over the bathtub, never washed their dishes, cars with garbage thrown in the back, etc. It could be I’m the unlucky guy who unintentionally found these rare women 🤷♂️
@@rizzamaeong my point was I must be unlucky. I would love to find one of these clean women so we can help each other have a nice home.
Please could you link to the original video? this an incredible lecture
Interesting that JP didn't mention neuroticism, which I thought had been identified by a study as the strongest of the Big Five personality traits as far as predicting relationship breakdown goes. He also didn't mention openness, which can be a factor in what kinds of holidays each prefers, and which is related to intelligence.
I think this is just a clip of a longer speech.
He has mentioned that. This video seems to cut that out
How is openness related to intelligence?
@@saraz9017 Apparently there's quite a high positive correlation between the two measures.
Om gosh he nailed it for me. Was seeing a disagreeable guy, gruff misery-seeker. He called me wishy-washy whereas I had been adaptable -and weary from it. Ok I get it now. Next time I will be gruff right back at him. 1:03
You are right! It always Mens Fault. .....Now Shooooo !!
@@modernman1240 😆
I'd be interested to hear about the kinds of conflicts that could arise when there is a disparity in the domains of openness and of neuroticism. My suspicion is that these might be concealed by other kinds of disagreements, but act as drivers of difference in communication style.
Another thing is when one partner is emotionally unavailable to the other one. Know from experience 😢
How true. But there are other dimensions as well, namely intelligence (surrogated by openness and IQ), political inclinations, religious beliefs (or non-beliefs), income and social background, not to mention the need for a *mutual* physical attraction, that make it almost impossible to find the ideal partner. I've had several long-term relationships (10 years or so) and one or other of the incompatibilities Jordan mentions has always ended them.
It's not incompatibility that is the issue. It is the inability to manage it, to turn differences into features that serve the relationship rather than bugs that destroy it.
I think you need to look at you then!
You are the common factory in all the relationships also there is no such thing as ideal people are not easy.
Working with your partner from the beginning to make things better and work is important!
@@MrSamurai137 when they say take a look at you, it seems to be meant in a negative way. Perhaps he has clear boundaries and after 10 years, the boundary needed enforced. Take a look at me and see that I’m proud of upholding my boundaries even if it means being single? Okay, thanks lad!
@@nickthompson1812 if you take a look at yourself and see that you are happy being single your boundaries are upheld then that fine.
Is there no benefits for being on a relationship for you also.
You fully ready to undertake the boundaries of your perfect partner when you find them and express yours with grace!
at the same time I remember him saying that two people equally high on the neuroticism spectrum aren't a match either..
Natal chart compatibility plays a big part, no joke.
So, there's always going to be conflict or incompatibility. The thing is how both of you face and solve the conflict. Empathy, communication, understanding, finding the common ground...
okay but if you constantly seek social interactions but when you go to a big social event it takes so much energy out of you that you need a week to recharge your batteries, what are you ? and does that mean you match with neither introverts nor extroverts ? or you match with both ? i'm confused
OMG, I am one of those conscientious introverted persons that feels like I need to be doing something all the time. It's exhausting!
So what you are saying is if we observe differences in potential mates and identify areas we will compromise and areas we won’t compromise then we will be happier? I also think the degree of flexibility between the 2 individuals helps ease some of the burden between the differences. Is it easier to live with a person who normally wants it their way, do it this way, we need to do this first or the person who will listen to partner and then propose the idea that is best for both in respectful manner (either agreeing with partners idea, compromising, or offering new suggestion based of situation)? I think there is some truth in this video but I also think it depends on individuality and degree of compromise from individual that won’t sacrifice happiness.
So in other words, similarity is key and it's ok to be different, but being too different causes unhealthy amounts of conflict.
Jordon doesn't deal with the higher female neuroticism problem. It's at least as relevant as the other personality markers.
I have a shorter social battery than my girlfriend but she tells me that there’s too much noise in her life, and she wants some peace and quiet to focus on her responsibilities, so I think it’s something we can work out
Every one of his points is my husband and I. Opposites. We have been together 40 years. So I think it is the amount of + or - is on a scale - If you are extreme + and a -, it probably will drive you nuts.
MR. Know It All now with the relationship advise... another painkiller .
interesting .. iMO Peterson conflates conscientious with industrious somewhat .. being conscientious is doing the right thing completing tasks, doing what you say you will do ... not just being"busy" or appearing "busy" ...🤔
Idk how accurate this is, because I'm an introvert who has typically dated extroverts. I have noticed if I date my mirror image the relationship just stays the same. My extrovert relationships brought me out of my comfort zone.
As for agreeableness, I'm just chill but I still have boundaries even though I'm chill and agreeable.
I'm have high consciousness in regards to what I see, I have dated people who just waste time on vices and nonsense etc, so yes it disgusts me, so that's correct.
Honestly are men and women even compatible ? The longer I live the more I wonder if men and women are inherently so different that it's almost impossible to have a "normal" relationship! It's become so obvious how different we are since the creation of the internet.
@@winsie_w-m6l the end of your comment is a little ridiculous. Men & women lived together for thousands of years before the internet. But for the vast majority of these years, people stuck to more strict gender norms. I believe that can be blamed the issues our society is facing now.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_ I wasn't talking about historically in the past at the end of my comment, I'm referring current time hence the reference to the internet.
Relationships are not working anymore, or should I say the lack of relationships is the problem.
Far to many men and women are staying single longer then they ever have before! The internet has leveraged that result.
The world wide web has provided instant gratification, which allows people to go on dating apps and social media to find a partner. It's a virtual buffet of choice so why do people need to commit/invest anymore when you can just go get another human subscriber.
The lack of investment is also the problem, not being committed to something stunts growth, people who don't invest long term are psychologically infantile. When a person doesn't have a close friend or relationships that person eventually seeks fantasy, seeks pleasure, checks out of really living authentically.
@@MKULTRA_Victim_women also historically used to have a lot less agency and opportunities to disagree and cause conflicts.
That was how my marriage. I am more or less a fairly agreeable person and my ex-wife was extremely disagreeable. She didn’t really show it until after we got married
My ex partner was very disagreeable, there were times when i had to defend my opinion at all cost because he was never convinced...and if i ever slightly disagree with him he would say to me i was too obstinate
If i wanted to connect with him emptionally it felt like climbing a wall at times
My husband and I are incompatible like how Jordan describes… in every way he said, dis/agreeableness non/conscientiousness, ex/introversion what do we DO!?!? We are literally opposites in every category
:( whattttt to dooooo
Um maybe not post that on the Internet? Poor bastard. Hope you at least tried to convey this to him
Do you feel like its affecting your mental health or taking a toll on your relationship? I would focus in on your guy's strengths
laugh about the occasional amusing situations this causes together and take breaks from being around each other, and even short ones from communicating with each other, but not caring about each other
Use the opposites to grow. Conflict is good. Marriage is supposed to help each other grow. Successfully resolving conflicts is actually a form of pleasure.
Cheat
I am not perfect and will not be in this world. I only would like to be in a loveable relationship/marriage and help each other grow in God. It should not be that complicated. I am exhausted by complicated dating stuff.
You need some difference in personality traits, but not too much. I am very disorderly, while my partner is industrious, but she puts up with me because we're both introverted and agreeable, and have a happy life otherwise. We don't share the same interests, but we share the same lifestyle which is way more important.
i came to the same explanation about industrious people in my own head. And to be honest, i am somewhat the opposite of that, and it drives me crazy that they just cannot seem to stop, even if it hurts other things which i consider more valuable. Also, i dont think they are productive most of the time, its another issue. They think they are, but its almost compulsory and thats what annoys me the most.
Always pick the boring option
We had everything in common. I never knew what mood he would be in. We went to therapist but didnt help. Sosad!
You didn’t have everything in common if you didn’t know what mood he was in!
I understood it fine, "everything in common" would include other stuff
.... Harsh.... 😂
@DivestedConfessions A lot of people suffer from childhood trauma, which they haven't proper healed from and bring ( carry) that burden in their relationship.
I’m guessing that wasn’t really so. Think about how much you may have diminished yourself within the relationship. As they say, there’s three side to every story…. yours, mine, and the truth.
Nailed it. ❤
I think there's a whole other dimension of relating that this video neglects. What traits do we value in a partner and what traits do we WISH we had more of in our lives that we don't. Latent personality charactistics that are brought out by our environment.
The end of the video mentions sometimes opposites can be good for each other. The dimension of relating I refer to is partially telling of when that will be true.
Conflict is guarnteed when we differ strongly on these dimensions, but not necessarily compatiblity.
Ha. My partner and I are still only married freshly..1 year and some but have lived together for about 5 years. And definitely have most of those differences but I can laugh about it this far and so can he happily..so it doesn't sting yet. I can make fun of it. The only part where we really clash is orderliness where I demand things faster that seem like inane details to him and he feels mistrusted (I'll do it later vs please do it now) vibes. But that's ok. I really get to relax thanks to him and see a different way of life. Hopefully my mental health and sense of self responsibility won't degrade to hell and back and I'll be able to rise above it in ten years as well, because I do believe it gets harder unless we are responsible for ourselves mentally primarily to fix what we can to not lash out in time at the other. Ah well.
Women are more agreeable? I’d beg to differ. About compatibilities, I think “opposites attract” is one of the worst beliefs in dating. It may be true for some people but is immature and short sighted. Differences in a marriage cause problems. But of course, none of us are clones so couples will inevitably have some differences. It’s been said that differences are debts that you owe and similarities are money in the bank. Which do you want more of?
This is how my mind thinks. It does drive you mad because it's always open ended in thinking.
I find this pretty difficult. I am not an orderly person. I like to clean my room once a week and do the dishes daily but I'll always have clutter. I met women who were okay with that some were more orderly some less. And I got the feeling or the fear that this could be a red flag... But on the other hand I believe that the/a right person will understand and see beyond that. I do have a lot of interests in different sports and Music so I got stuff around...
What do you want in a stable partner...some who does what they say they will do most of the time and is stable.
She has BPD. I love her so much, with all my life. It's hard, way too much
Fighting all the time? Had to divorce my wife couldn’t figure out what’s wrong half the time and wouldn’t talk but she’d rather check my messages and see what if I talk about the situation with friends.
@@Loth-n1v Half the battle with BPD it's the other person admiting she needs help and commiting to therapy. If that doesnt happen, then it's a lost battle. Thank god my girlfriend is really aware of her condition and is going to therapy, yet still is hard as hell
@@thekramer1097 congrats bro that’s a person that’s trying. For me it’s a lost cause. She’d rather be right than be married. It’s tough post divorce do your best to keep her :) but take care of yourself also.
😂 25-second rebound, love it
Surprisingly good.
My husband & I disagree about everything -I wondered why since he told me he was French like me. We did his genealogy and found out he is from Cornwall England not France. No wonder we did not get along; the French & English never got along.
@@williamloree905 lol
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I actually expected to learn something useful. Instead I've found a monologue of a guy who didn't even bother to clearly list his "5 dimensions".
This list is kind of a immature way to look at relationships and human in general. Differences don't mean incompatibility. Different means different and incompatible means incompatible. An extrovert can want to be in relationship in an introvert because they do enjoy having someone there everytime they get home. An introvert can enjoy having an extrovert as a partner because they do enjoy a lot of free time. Orderly people may enjoy les orderly people because they like controling how they create order. Less orderly people can enjoy more orderly people because it unloads some chores; while others will feel like they are losing control on their environment. Etc. Etc.
Opposites attract, to a point.
My gf is way more disagreeable than myself, hardly ever taking the same views as me. Though she’s more introverted like me.
This video explains some of the accuracy of coach Greg Adam's Marriage Will Theory🤔
So much for "opposites attract".
couldnt imagine believing that applies to human relationships LMFAO
@@cc1drt it does, its not black and white, don't be stupid. There are dimensions to behavior where it applies and others where it doesn't, half the time that may be determined by operantly learned behaviors.
@TheBanjoShowOfficial exceptions dont define the rule. the rule in this case is people like others that are similar to themselves; the reverse of ‘opposites attract’. this is clear and well documented in the literature, which you would know if you read any of it
Love of truth versus love of external outcome.
That's the one that was the relationship klller for me.
I'm the truth seeker. I can't stand neither the "winning the argument" seeker nor the "diplomacy and showing everyone how we get along" seeker.
You find a person who has a high value and priority on truth without sabotage of a relationship. There is a right and wrong way to doing things.
Don’t opposites attract?
They can but id assume that if you’re introvert/quiet like me you’d want someone like you but maybe if you’re a little more extroverted then your partner so you can communicate with them lol
Which of the 5 traits determines to be TRUTHFUL? In my humble opinion, that's the most important trait to have.
what if im not compatible with anyone, what about that
Nah. I work a lot, and I am more than OK if my partner does not have to because of it. And I can (if alone) just work all day, but if together, I just want to work enough so I can spend the most time with the one I care about. This is just theory as always.
What was the original source video for this?
I don’t know that the discomfort of not doing something is a function of conscientiousness. I think that’s a function of anxiety
Introvert, agreable, industrious, orderly, what’s the 5th ?
I’m not agreeable
I gave up on relationships
I was married 47 years. Why? That's what I want to know, Doc?
Expectations kill relationships. Lol.
I'm not watching this video.
I'm just here to say if you read the title and started to watch it, then maybe you're the problem with your relationship.
Introversion - Extroversion
Agreeable - Disagreeable
Orderly - Unorderly
Basically,
Very not same same = Not good
Not same same, but have other same same = Good
Very same same = Not good
That's too damn good
On point
I find there is a bias against disagreeable people in general, but even moreso against women who are, probably because of social conditioning.
Imagine the hell of being a woman in the 95th percentile for disagreeableness who prefers extroversion and conscientiousness in others, and is highly conscientious herself, but who has become disabled. The disagreeableness makes partnering hard, the disability wards off other extroverted and conscientious people, and my lack of ability to be as conscientious as I was when healthy drives me insane.
Extroverts, open-minded, and orderly people are so put off by me because attaching to me would interfere with how they want to live their lives, and I terrify introverts and neurotic people because I am so disagreeable by nature. (Disagreeable is not the same as mean, harsh, or cruel to another-- it's being more straightforward, direct, and unafraid to ruffle feathers or social conventions).
Social conditioning here is another term for thousands of years of evolution. Women who disagree with other women would make for hard tribe mates if we were stuck in the village all day while our husbands were out hunting.
I don’t mean to take this a step further, but have you ever questioned a group of girls about something? Even if they don’t fully agree with what another girl is saying (and you can tell,) they’ll agree or support her in her statements. Being disagreeable can be looked at as combative or masculine.
Drop the ...g background music. Period.
Yeah, it's making it super hard to understand the narrative
My industriousness comes from fear of being homeless
Jordan gobbles the kosher sausage like a boss
I refuse to believe there is a soul mate for us. There is absolutely no perfect person for us, there is no destined person for us, God gives us exactly who we deserve and we ought to do the best that we can to make things work with the person he gives us. It's either that or we straighten up on our own and patiently wait. The real soul mate is in the person who has fundamental agreements with you on worldviews, faith, and is willing to work through all manner of other disagreements or contentions with all-enduring patience, love, and respect for one another until the end. It is not about finding the perfect person, that is a fantasy, it's about finding the imperfect person that is willing to strive for a perfection without sabotage.
Not an ethical obligation to be industrious, a binary species obligation.
My wife is extremely busy, but she is not productive. I'm way more productive than my wife is and I generate way more income and accomplish way more, and I do it with minimal effort and stress. And she hates it. She looks down on me because I'm not as stressed as she is.
She also doesn't want hardly any interaction or Intimacy in the relationship at all. We have no connection whatsoever and every single time I desire any kind of reciprocity or attention of any kind, she is resentful and bitter about it. She shames me for just wanting more than bread crumbs.
She's also hopelessly dependent on her parents in a very weird overly emeshed way. And it has blurred the boundaries of our marriage significantly. Every time we have an argument, she runs and stays over at her parents for weeks at a time.
She is not more orderly, and she is not more agreeable. She's very neurotic, controlling, anxious, and every single time I express any one of my concerns she uses guilt, anger, and shame, as well as other negative emotions to squash the entire conversation and control the entire frame
So why are you with her?
This sounds too hard. Should you be on a different trajectory.
Why are you staying in the relationship?
Do you have children with her? If so, talk to a lawyer before doing anything. Be smart. I wish you the best.
🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🙏🕊
I'm disliking this merely for the clickbait thumbnail.
I wonder whether relationships that are compatible on these key areas are still doomed if there is financial incompatibility ie: one partner is a high earner and the other financially struggling even though they have done all they can to improve their financial position? Should such incompatibility be an early red flag and to resist pursuing a relationship? I believe it is doomed.
You must be asking because you’re the higher income earner. 😂
Men throughout time have been looked at as the providers for women without money or financial literacy. Now the shoe is on the other foot!
It comes down to spending habits truly, not money or earning. If you can’t agree on what to spend your money on, or not to spend it on, then it is failed. If you are okay with supporting someone with less money than you, what’s the big deal?
@@ashleighjoachim8652 don’t marry if you at a high earner. Not in the west.
And so I arrive at the same conclusion: what’s the right balance?
I’m the extrovert I over the years have subdued myself so for his sake
So much so I’m good not leaving my home etc
We are very very diff even my kids see this, but we’ve managed
An extroverted, dissagreable and neurotic woman is definitely something no man wants. It will be a pain in the@ss your whole life.
Every woman think they are industrious and nag the guy as soon as he sits down to relax
He is so good at saying a lot without actually saying much of value