I need to make a decision I am on the cross road and I feel. Like I am loosing myself by the minute. Been at it for 14 years with kids in the mix too. Finding it hard to either freeze or run. I know the toxic fumes in this relationship is killing me but I am like a bunny starring at a car's headlight beam in the middle of the night. Some one help
Heck, I can handle a Grizzly...I have many times. This type of person manipulates, twist and turns any issue. I have experience with Grizzlies and Narcissistic behavior in people..put me in close encounters with an angry Grizzly any day. I know what to do. Done that many times. A Grizzly ain't evil, I can't say that for humans
The CURRENT narcissist within a week of living together started name calling and jammed her finger in my ear and busted my ear drum. I told her that she hurt me and not to do that again. The very next day she did it again and further injured my ear. She says “we were playing” as if I wasn’t there and didn’t see or feel what happened. So I am leaving in 2 weeks. I am not sticking around for anymore of this boundary breaking and tests. DONE!!!
@@solomonk2161 yes that has a name - exhaustion as well as co dependency. Both of which are treatable please look into yourself more what is it you're feeling and consider all the options available to break free from this emotional hazard.!
What baffles me is how they act wounded when you set a normal boundary. It’s like you’re attacking them. Then you start wondering if you’re the bad guy. It’s crazy making stuff.
They don't understand boundaries. Boudaires are about people having their own identity. When people lack their own identity, they lack boundaries. They consider themselves superior, so yes they would feel wounded that you have set a boundary. They have a very fragile ego. the slightest thing could cause a Narcissitic wound. Also, when they feel wounded, is it triggering a guilt trip. in you. Best to focus on your own behaviour and not their's.
One of my rules for life is to only give people one chance if they cross the boundary a second time. I cut them out of my life. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"
I’ve experienced the same thing. Guilt trip. Then wonder if perhaps I am in fact the A hole. Videos like these have helped redirect me. And despite how uncomfortable it may get, I stick to it. And uphold the boundary.
@@shambien exactly, it’s less about wanting to die, you just want the pain to end and that feels like an option. I’m lucky I have my boys, because thinking of them made me put those thoughts aside.
@@LiseLeblanc I have been working on myself with self help material for a few years and I also went to therapy. I don't think she is a full-blown narc; she does have some of those traits but so do I. I now managed to convince her to go to couple therapy - because I can't be the only one doing the work - and we are starting next week. I am more hopeful now. When I wrote the first comment a couple of days ago it had been a really tough day.
& they delude themselves that? you were suicidal because you can't survive without them? 🤨when in reality? You'd rather be dead than stuck trying to raise decent children with scum like them.☝️ #walk away.that's my advice.👍😎✌️💖
For me, it was the *pain of feeling like a hurt dog, loyal but finding myself increasingly timid as I never knew if I would receive some small kindness or receive a harsh beating with no connection between my actions and what I received.*
They'll cross your boundaries till you have blinkers on and if you complain you'll be the bad guy so look again at what's happening and just leave...it's the only way you'll have any self at all...
I have enough history with narcissists and I can tell you this. They won’t stop trying to humiliate and hurt you and knock your boundaries down. Just cut them off. I’ve tried so much trust me starting with my father and siblings and in-laws , and non-immediate families. Just go cold and live your best life. You don’t owe them anything. That’s co-dependency
This is Great advice. “Relatives assume that because you’re “family” that you have to interact with them .😹 It shocks them when you block their number, and move without telling them where you live. I created my own “family”; a healthy one. 3 States away. 😹
I was raised by a single mom. She was definitely a covert narcissist. Its extremely confusing, and suffocating. At 44 years old, I am just now getting away from her. However, my life is mostly over. My mom stole my life from me, and I will NEVER forgive her for that. I tired when I was literally, like 7-8 yrs old. I knew what she was doing was wrong, but where could I go? I couldn't go anywhere, I'm a kid. I've been trying, literally, my entire life to "forgive" her, but how can I forgive her, if she won't even admit that she did it? My entire life, I have had a very weird, confusing, love / hate relationship with my mom. I now realize that the "love" part of that, was not really "love"... its GUILT. It's the GUILT that SHE PUT THERE, to manipulate me. If people are always making you feel guilty, or like you're not doing "what you're supposed to do" ("its tradition".. "that's just how it is"), using OBLIGATION, they are USING you. Get AWAY from them, if you can, before they STEAL your life. The Metallica song, "Unforgiven" is a PERFECT summary of my life on this earth. I'm betting a lot of other people on here, can also relate to it. BTW, single mom society is absolutely DESTROYING children's minds. Its NOT normal, and it never will be.
I’ve blocked many people from ever re-entering my life. I HAD TO! Even family members. Everybody’s got problems, and we all think that we’re “right,” each from our own subjective standpoints. Do what makes your life work. There’s enough going on out there for you to get in on a piece of the action. Focus on your goals!✨
Narcissists have zero limits thus it is 100X better to go no contact. Your sanity is the priority as the narcissist you are dealing has already lost the ability to deal with reality and the real world. If you unmask the narcissist you will become the narcissist next target and they will do whatever possible to destroy your life.
Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
One thing. From EXPERIENCE watching the same people treat OTHERS much, much better than their own daughter - they have the ABILITY to hear others. If YOU are the one they hold in contempt, they CHOOSE NOT TO HEAR YOU. When you can realize that people CHOOSE not to hear you or GENUINELY care about you, and you leave because of this, expect them to blame and shame you to all those (they ARE flying monkeys, regardless of who they are or how long you've known them) they can, including the people you hold as friends. You will be punished and suffer the abandonment from those you never thought would treat you like dirt, just because you get out to try to save your own life. You can TELL YOURSELF that it's not personal, but the net effect is anything if not personal. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
Well said. I hope you are able to heal. I am not so sure healing is possible. But living well is. Living without their constant injuring is better than with it.
this is exactly my male parent (google was my “father”, I learned virtually everything from it all my life, apart from college and work experience of course) He has a completely “approachable friendly “ mask for the outside world, and had the openly vicious verbal and mental abusive one for family. His friends co workers know only the fakery he worked to make them believe... everything fine, he was in control of a good life, “successful “ etc etc... while obnoxious all my life to me when not outright neglectful (ignored while living at home, offensive when I lived in my own house. And of course I would be nothing and have nothing if it wasn’t for him, allegedly) He NEVER lets them see it. They know a totally different “book” and he intended it that way. I SHOULD have moved to a diff province or country post high school although I didn’t want to leave my mother behind. I did have to change the locks on my house as he wandered in while with I was with a female companion , in the shower, while I was at work and final straw when he took my dog without notification when i was out. ( emergency key... for his casual use apparently) HE SAW NOTHING wrong in doing any of this, in fact attacked me for “reacting horribly”. I was always the disappointing failure and never leaves it long before reminding me, boundaries are only for him to abuse not respect, i allegedly didn’t EARN the respect, and it all got worse once mom passed away. now the reluctance is just leaving a house I’ve had for twenty yrs... but to really heal best i should move FAR AWAY he won’t bother traveling, and just dismiss a dead relationship that actually never existed. I won’t be speaking at his future funeral, I don’t particularly want to even show up whether he forces me to executor or not. His pity party self victim argument always used in anger whines about something he put zero effort into all my life, but pretends the label itself (“father”) means he gets to claim all but the effort and responsibilities it pertains. There literally is nothing there and never was, which took my entire life to stop honouring and try to start accepting as the painful fac it is... no one “in the outside world” would ever believe me, with that mask he showed them.
I went thru this...lied all over the place when I begged for help..I was sick and he said it was all in my HEAD and told my mom he was going to put me in a nursing home YET played victim and spit in my face in the court room and told my mom if I die I will not suffer anymore because she LEFT me...yet he was who called my job and told me to stay home...then saying that I was Costing him too much money... I DNT need that in my life...I was free butterfly and everything was soooo controlled and I almost died several times....He has NEVER said I'm sorry...to my face....yet play victim all over...they took him on a cruise and he went to Las Vegas with his Wickedness of Brother...when he was who called the COPS...his own Brother...who pushed me out of the house when I was talking to his mom and dad....The Wicked falsehood hurt my reputation and no one helped me...when I tried calling keep Peace.... Bipolar daughter who NEVER tells me the truth either...
@@lisacranmer8005 I read your story and felt the twist of the knife again. I feel for you. I think I understand very well. The contempt they want you to feel by swift surprise, like a well placed hunter's knife in the hands of a man who claims he hates hunting. Yet waits patiently for his kill, and plays with it first.
Ultimately, I had to ask myself 'how empty of me to be so full of you'. The day we met, she showed red flags that I ignored. The physical allure was the catalyst. That too was an illusion. It took me a few years to get out and now a year to feel better with my own boundaries. I kept a list of the evil reasons to keep from fantasy. SLAA has helped along with therapists like Lise that make the information available. I have now saved me from myself. No more bears. Grateful
I LOVE that first sentence and your situation mirrors mine. It's almost like you had the same one that I did and by the betrayal and infidelity, I wouldn't doubt it! Seriously though..I too went through it and like you, I too saw red flags on day 1 that I ignored and I too was driven by the physical. It ultimately became very hollow and there was nothing in it. I didn't even want her anymore! I've been "no contact" for some time now and I don't even track the time because I live like she never existed. All of that anger from feeling used is what I keep at the forefront of my mind. I honestly can't think of one positive thing to remember her by. Every thought, word and action was negative from her and that's all I have to go on. It makes it that much easier for me to STAY "no contact".
Can I please quote you about how to heal from narcissistic abuse and how to avoid becoming duped in the same way again or are you quoting Lisa LeBlanc in this comment of yours? Guess I will have to watch more of her videos to find out.
I hate it when narcissists pretend not remembering or feigning ignorance that you ever put that boundary in place. It's like the narcissist will remember any negative trivial thing that I did even decades ago & they never forget that, but when I put a clear & well explained boundary in place & they steamroll straight over it suddenly they're like "I don't remember you ever saying that I wasn't supposed to do that!" Gah & you don't have any real recourse to accuse them of being dishonest, disrespectful or manipulative , because how can I prove that they didn't just not remember
Sometimes they don't remember. They're so driven on winning the fight and getting their goal, they don't remember specifics about what they said. Its like driving down the road and asking if you saw the sign twirler, when your mind is on driving or the traffic
You get paper and ink and if not, you take a lie detector tests and proved who was the abuser and lier, and who has 2 back surgeries for what was DONE to me..
@@annekerotterdam7499 I'm well aware that narcissism is a personality disorder but the question is,Is the narcissists selective memory a symptom of the personality disorder making them oblivious & unable to remember the boundaries that we clearly explained to them? I don't think it is.Of course the narcissist remembers the boundary(s) we set in place & they just pretend not to remember them.Narcissists get caught in their lies all the time.The narcissist remembers the boundaries we set in place but their narcissistic ego just makes them think that the rules of boundaries don't apply to them.
When you give a narcissist boundaries, They will immeadiately test it. Just like a prisioner tests his prison. The main thing you need to remember is not to fight with her, but to walk away from her when she tests the boundaires you put up. Remove yourself, it will drive them crazy when your response is to leave.
Unless you can't. I had one follow me around the house badgering me till I lost it. Eventually I locked myself in the bathroom until the morning then left for work. Recently I asked another one to leave my house and she wouldn't (during a trauma BOMB). Emotional rape is what that is. Thats where you are forced to accept their emotions. Why? Because its what THEY need. Just like some jock forcing himself on someone , because its what he needs. Thats BS that trauma sh++ is just like rape. I wasn't going to leave my home in the midst of winter just to to make her glad. Nope she was forcefully removed. Which worked out for her STILL because now I'm the BAD guy. So I'm beginning to think that YES leave and have no contact IF you can. For me I can't shes my daughter. 🤦🏼♂️ Boundaries won't work! There are too many family responsibilities for her and I. If they aren't your family and you can go, GO NOW!!!!
I had a relationship with a narcissist whose lack of boundaries manifested in terms of inappropriately and prematurely trying to integrate our families in a very manipulative way. Once both of our kids began to feel like we were one big family, she withdrew that affection from my kids when she got mad about something, yet my kids kept asking when they could see her again because they almost felt she had become a second mom. I had to end the relationship over this. It was a real lesson.
I had something similar happen except it’s my brother’s ex gf from 25 years ago. Though they married different people and had children, my brother the people pleaser could not break contact with her bc she played victim. It resulted in years of inviting herself and her family to our family gatherings, holidays, vacations. I was her “sister”, “bff”, and she stomped all over my boundaries. She cut off herself from her own narc family and once she had kids continued to infiltrate ours and called my children cousins and lovebombrd with gifts and again always left me so confused and angry. Triangulation, gaslighting, everything. I didn’t know what was happening until I discovered these videos and everything clicked. Once the young kids were involved and I had the schema to understand what eas happening, I blocked her on everything, had an honest conversation with dcs about it, and I feel a thousand times lighter and happier. This has also forced me to reevaluate my own upbringing and why I let this go on for as long as it did… I am doing the necessary internal work. But the level of infiltration and manipulation, and her trying to BE me was downright chilling.
Oh, I'm in such a mess! I'm a childhood trauma and narcissistic mother's abuse survivor with autoimmune diseases and very weak boundaries. I just moved into a small apartment complex and my back door neighbor has fetal alcohol syndrome and unrealistic expectations of me. She comes to my kitchen window and yells hello. She knocks on my door two or more times a day. She wants me to "take care of her'", cook her meals, take her on a vacation, and more. All this while I'm reexperiencing my childhood trauma and having severe adrenal fatigue that is disrupting my sleep and causing adrenal attacks to my body throughout the night. I can't leave windows or doors open for fresh air because she will show up. It's a nightmare. She is making me a prisoner in my apartment. I can't take my cat for a walk without her showing up with her dog. I can't think straight anymore. When you mentioned that they don't respect your boundaries, that hit home. I have been trying to gently and kindly put my boundaries up and she keeps ripping them down. I am falling apart! I am reading the book: "The Body Keeps the Score" and it's helping. If I didn't have the responsibility of my cat to take care of, I would want to just leave and live in my truck and be homeless. I am so overwhelmed. Because of the fetal alcohol syndrome, I'm afraid to stand up for myself more strongly. I want to tell her to leave me alone, but I'm scared that I will do it too strongly and with misplaced anger. This is such a small apartment complex, and everybody keeps expecting too much from me. I'm frightened all day, every day and afraid to go out the front door or the back door, even to get some fresh air and sunshine or to run errands. Why does everyone seem to expect me to help them? Will I be able to stop these expectations, or do I need to move somewhere else? I'm a senior and have limited finances and this was the only suitable low-income complex in town. I guess that's my fight or flight responses kicking in. Sorry to unburden myself so extensively. Please Lord God send help!
Do what you can to move like Tennessee tiny home communities. Affordable and you can move that house. That's my goal, I'm stuck right now too. Crazy lady, just ignore and move on, quit feeling guilty for wanting to be left alone. Tell her to stop coming over all the time and you lie your privacy, do it nice and repeat because they keep doing it till you have to raise your voice or totally Ignore
At 6:43 😂 We’re just meat and they’re hungry 😂 The simplicity and honesty in that is incredible. There is no blame either way. A simple truth. And run! 🥰
The self boundaries seem to be very helpful. The gaslighting was hard to deal with because this person tried to present themselves as always having the correct view on a subject and having no flaws.
My whole life I tried to rationalize..... I just could not understand that logic - no matter how crystal clear I made it - had no impact on them... it was not about right or wrong, true or false - but them getting what they wanted... Thank you❤
I am actually leaving this state due to my sister. She has no idea and I can’t fix her. My ex was one and my mom and now her. I have had enough and I want some peace in my life.
Lisa You are simply the best. I lived with a covid narcissistic for 26 years . She broke and shattered me, but I didnt know what was happing. NOW I do. Everything you said was frighteningly SO true. I needed to hear your proffessional opinion, you are a genius. I think I will be able to cope now armed with your knowledge. THANK YOU THANK YOU. John.
My wife (soon to be ex) never understood boundaries, in any context (leading to toxic behaviors like having affairs with the husbands of her close friends). My attempts to set boundaries in our relationship caused her to discard me and the marriage. Now I find myself thinking, "What if I had done X or Y?" but these videos help me to get my head around the fact that there was never really hope for long-term happiness together.
If you have a narcissist in your life.. let it be known that my boundaries are identical to your boundaries.. Soo if it's not acceptable for me to cross your boundaries, mine are the same as yours.. it baffles them
I agree. I experienced this the hard way. Rules, laws, boundaries and conditions are for everyone else, but not them. Everyone else = subordinates (which usually is every person in their lives). Ghosting is generally to be avoided, but with a narc it may be the only option, or else he/she may try and hoover you back. The final boundary = get out for the love of yourself.
Yes, they never give up. They always intentionally initiate the violations and when you put more boundaries and call them to order, they call you a bad person. Basically, they feel entitled to you. They believe they must allowed to do as they wish to ha the target. Give a narc a taste of thier own medicine once and expect backlash. We don't need them, they must stay out of our lanes. They must stay in their own as well.
I believe in both. Set boundaries with yourself knowing "if they do this I will not tolerate it". But also set a boundary with them early in the relationship just to see how they react. It doesnt even have to be a boundary you necessarily care about but if theyre worth your time they should respect that boundary regardless.
“You are just meat.” That is a great quote. My strategy was to get away by making my meat and my protective shelter unattractive. Now, I have to figure out why I want to analyze my experience using your videos as prompts!
I never had the need for setting boundaries until I was introduced to the concept by a narcissist. I thought it strange some one would set boundaries shortly after introduction. Up until then, everyone I knew accepted an unwritten code of politeness. I know now that rules of relationship engagement is important to those who need control.
Interesting. Amid my experience, I started reading books about boundaries a lot. So I would probably now be inclined to set/name boundaries early in a relationship. But I used to operate in an expectation that you show politeness, and good people quickly show their selves by reciprocating positive with positive (and those who don't are probably not great people to be around). That expectation left me blindsided and underprepared for when someone starts seemingly nice and positive, then switches to cold, negative, gaslighting, vindictive heartlessness. It has honestly really shaken my trust of people in general. I used to describe myself as an optimistic-realist. Now, I think pessimistic-realist fits where I'm at. A big part of that was seeing just how little almost everyone else around cared.
in situ - in the moment of encounter - we can never have any idea WHOM we meet. Until it becomes antagonistic - what we try to avoid and escape - to give our own best impression. We are conditioned to be hyper tolerant and super friendly - and to blame ourselves for a conflict. This is the Vampyre smelling our Weakness - and will suck us Dry... Social Awareness Training from early age is the solution. It takes intense experience to detect the Vampyre and Predator...
@@LiseLeblanc as a German Biologist - this is conditioning from an early age on. It becomes wired into neuro patterns of Pain and Reward. It is also breeding of Monsters who always get what they want. This makes the confrontation unsolvable. As the current war demonstrates... and our path to self extinction...
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 8 years It was an absolute rollercoaster amd zi was humiliated and blamed on a regular basis to the point of insanity.
What I learned is to set the boundary even further than you really want. Then you are less likely to be triggered when they cross it into an area you don't really care about. Then you can stay calm and do what you need to for protecting yourself and taking your space well before you are getting hurt.
Exactly. They may like broken relationships and fake relationships where you have to have your guard up all the time and be in constant survival mode but that’s not my definition of relationship. Now I immediately cut people off like that. Either you’re a good person who can be happy for others who doesn’t seek drama, if not Arrivederci 😎
All three of the "you will nots" are absolutely correct. I have first-hand experience. It's nothing but a rollercoaster ride, a ride that I am so thankful is over.
I wish I had seen this 10 years ago. I was in a relationship with an NPD for 3 years. I have been single for 6 years trying to sort it all out. Thank you for the vsalidation and for the work you are doing.
Having just dealt with a narcissist let me tell you, it is a nightmare to deal with. She would start fights over literally thin air. The last fight (The final fight, which is still going on btw) started over a playful conversation in which i said that i had become very comfortable around her so i was willing to go outside my comfort zone in the bedroom with her and how fun and freeing it felt to have such a person. She took that as me saying she had violated me. So i clarified this to death on how she hadn't violated me and no harm, but now she is playing the victim and i left the conversation because i was writing walls of texts explaining how it was okay and how i wasnt pressured to do anything at all and she would just respond with blank snaps or "Nice" "ok" "sure". So i left her on read for a day. Which of course sparked a new fight about how childish i am for leaving her on read. At this point i was already done with her shit (this was one pointless fight out of many) so i was sort of just going along with her "punishments". So she started saying we should just go back to being regular friends, and i complied with no arguing. Some hours later she now accuses me of making it weird and now she is just done with the whole thing and i respond with "Ok, if that's what you feel is best then that is what we will do". Moving on, now she is mad about me agreeing with everything, she feels i should fight her. So on and so on. I am still in this fight, she is being extremely condescending and rude through the whole conversation, everything is my fault. And every time i think i have gotten rid of her by agreeing with her, she starts the fight again and again. NOW, normally i would just ignore a person like this but as a 6'5 255 pound man i am seriously extremely terrified of her making up a lie about me having assaulted her or something like that so i feel as if i have to get rid of her in a "friendly" manner but she just won't let me and i am at my wits end.
@@LiseLeblanc Thanks a lot for the response. I am lucky enough to have fantastic, supportive parents that i can talk to about anything and i have somehow found myself great friends as well that are more than happy to talk to me about things like this. I'm just really scared.
You are so right-on Re. Starting a fight over thin air. Thanks for sharing! It is mind blowing, shocking, confusing, & crazy-making, and the problem, or drama was just pulled out of someone’s arse. So, One of my close “narcs” NEVER picks up a call, and take 2 to 6 days to return a call…My norm is ALWAYS to pick up the call when it comes in or return the call asap. So 1 day “my narc” starts a HUGE fight, she’s angry & claiming I am ignoring her because she had to wait an hr to get a call back. My response didn’t matter an iota, but like magic she sends me a massive list of demands, which I couldn’t stand to read. So she ignored me for months, then demanded I apologize…What a nightmare. Two yrs later, It’s 6 months with almost zero contact. We put up w/ more when it’s family, but “the bear” needs to find another source of food. Yay! Ps. I LOVE Lise, & Dr. Ramani & Dr. Les Carter are also excellent.
Thats crazy. If she actually believes you think she violated you, then how are you the one at fault? On top of starting an argument over nothing shes essentially also saying that she is never in the wrong. That even if she is in the wrong, youre the one whos actually in the wrong because you brought it up. Its good youre getting out mate!
@@callanc3925 Yeah man it made absolutely zero sense in my mind i'll tell you that much. A week after i cut contanct she dropped off a "Congratulations, you're going to be parent" Envelope at my job so that was real fun and not stressful at all.
This video is helpful. Walking away is much safer than remaining near a narcissist who is about to strike. During a crisis perpetrated by a narcissist doing whatever kind of unexpected behavior respomse that a narcissist is not expecting from us while reacting to their behavior is the best strategy to have in mind ahead of time. For example slowly only at first walking backwards Michael Jackson style away from a real bear.
You have a way of getting to the point in a straight forward, no nonsense manner without being rude or insensitive. Those of us embroiled in a narcissistic relationship need it spelled out as it is. Time is not on our side when it comes to getting away from these evil ones. For every day that goes by swimming in a trauma bond and ruminating for someone who could care less whether you live or die is a total waste of ones life. Your approach strongly encourages us not to waste precious time on these lost souls. God Bless You for all that you do!
I had a Narc female friend. She knows I have a boundary of not just stopping in unannounced. She started doing it anyways. Walked in one day while me and the hubby was on the couch watching tv and he had his shirt off. Then one night I was out with friends and she came on over to the house where it was just my husband home. Needless to say I put a stop of her coming over all together . Now she says she misses me. It's been over 2.5 years. Her relationship broke up. She is horny and Loney. Her words not mine. Trying to come around to the house again but I haven't been going for it. I done alot of work on myself the past 3 years steady and I just don't trust her.
Continue not to trust her! Sounds like she was stalking your house to wait till your gone so she could be with your husband. Again they don't respect your boundaries and rights to privacy
She definitely was gonna get your husband and Infect him. All her holes are sore like a wounded animal. If she's attractive and a witch.. it gets complicated. He would have to be set out with the garbage. Or let them have the house.
Please escape.. I hope you already have. I too am living with them right now and hoping/looking to get out soon. Please do as well. I’m 27 years old and I don’t know how old you are but they never change. They’ve always been abusive ever since I was a little kid all the way up to now. Doesn’t matter if you set boundaries, they will violate them. You can go “gray rock” but then they will try other forms of abuse (in my case, physical abuse and now for the first time in my life, sexual abuse by my own father, a complete disregard for any boundary and they will try ANY attempt to hurt you, get a reaction out of you, etc. So please, heed my advice and understand that it will never change no matter what tactic you use, in some cases it may get worse or suddenly they will abuse you in a new way like what’s now happened to me. For me it isn’t just one person. It’s a whole Narcissistic family abuse dynamic within my nuclear family (mom, dad, older brother) and all of them live in the same house here. I lived on my own for six years and had some issues due to coronavirus and me being so overwhelmed with debt after the lockdowns and after having COVID for an extended period of time I just couldn’t keep up with everything anymore and wound up getting evicted. It’s a very long story but the point is that now I’m living back with them, but I do have a way out though still and as soon as I can get out, I will. Remember that you are powerful and you CAN leave. Remember that that person abusing you is in the wrong. Remember that you come before any abuser. Please get out, please, I understand the pain and it will NOT ever change. In my opinion it’s best to eventually go no contact.
Dear @@mirandaz1272 I am sorry to know that you too are going through such terrible experiences. On the other hand I am really glad you're so aware of what you can do to change this absolutely unacceptable situation you're in... I can sense you are very capable and courageous intelligent and strong grown adult that can make all the necessary changes in order to change your situation to a safe place. Even if you need to report the sexual abuse attempts and resort to social Security for support. Do take action dear Miranda. You deserve a peaceful happy life. And i am sure you will accomplish anything you set your mind on and work towards achieving! A huge hug 🤗 may the true God guide you and bless you and me in making the best possible decisions. 🌈✨🌻🌻🌻
Get enuff money saved up and leave. Dont let family guilt stop you, they have no guilt and are literal guilt machines that will play on your sense of decency. They are miserable ppl who want company
I am actually learning a lot about NPD from your videos. I will admit, I was very ignorant and holding a lot of stigma. I appreciate the consideration of different viewpoints. NPD is a true mental disorder but it is so important that we carefully consider our own needs and mental wellness when deciding if, or how much, of a relationship to maintain with them.
@@LiseLeblanc yes, lack of empathy when he broke my back and I have over 20 years of pains due to him....and yes, they lack qualities that could make the relationship work...they DNT care about anything except for themselves....I was in crises and he did not care even when I called 911 to go to the hospital because my blood pressure was high and no one cared...24 years and almost wanted to jump off bridge for the insults directed to me....No man will ever want me except for body...call me names when I didn't look like what he said....yes, fight or flight... well, I choose to fly....I took my cat and ran...like your analogy of a bear....Like the BS...said I talked BS...this is who told my FATHER f.u...f ur daughter.....the TRUTH is I was numb with shock and PTSD....what was the benefit? I'm now a survivor..the PTSD is unreal..what happens in the dark will come out to the light..no one can mock Jeh God and be blessed...they reap what they sowed in due time...
there is some choice. they can choose to face their issues and become a better person. while NPD will never change, the symptoms can. They can learn to be civil and co exist...but most won't.
Yikes. I was definitely frozen for the last few years. I couldn't get out. Now, I'm out for two years from what I thought was a borderline personality disordered female but perhaps she was a covert narc based on things I'm hearing you say. Either way, it's good to be out. I got tired of dealing with the fights she would constantly start. I vacillated between setting boundaries and walking on egg shells. I've got peace and clarity these days and have learned much. Your videos here are good for me. Thanks.
This video made me realize that my internal dialog about my ex-girlfriend was about how she never respected boundaries. It was perhaps one of the most frustrating things that I've ever been through.
It has come to my clear and sustained attention that most Speakers/Influencers on the Internet, even Experts and "Victims" of Narcs talking about Narcissists/NPD present them, without always saying it loud, as "ennemies" to fight some way or another, while ALL admitting at the same time that this personality disorder has its roots in the Narc's childhood & past marked/wounded by shame, low self-esteem, excessive parental/social control, or even abuses in some cases... Thus masked by the Narc's arrogance, lack of empathy, always looking/craving for attention and higher self-esteem by controling, manipulating or even consciously hurting others. (Obviously as a twisted yes but definitely real anticipative mental defence mechanism). Therefore aren't our Society and Health Professionals in this field obviously misplacing one of the fundamentals of the NPD diagnostic while putting aside the obvious cure? How can we be fighting the wrong by the wrong? Most are saying that there's no cure to this disorder. My most recent research and understanding of this more-common-than-thought disorder is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE/ACCEPTANCE. Have you ever wondered WHY this so recurrent and so well known & observed Narcissist & Empath Relationship/Interaction? The Narcissist is actually asking the Empath to go the extra mile to prove his/her sincerity... So the Narcissist could also reverse the phase and now consider being freely an Empath 100%.
have you considered that thousands if not millions/billions/trillions/quads of men have tried to do what you just described and in the end they were just playing a game that was rigged against them, lost over 20+ years of their lifes trying to give ''unconditional love/acceptance'' only to be kicked in the balls in the end? have you considered that men have been sent to jail unfairly because their wifes saying that he was abusing her when in reality it was all just a ruse to fuck their husband's life? and even after it was found out that it was a ruse, she didn't get the same punishment as the husband did?
Well…😳 One ends up setting boundaries in quicksand with a Moving Goal Post. My wife constantly went against me in every way. She always challenged everything I tried to do. When I said “No”, she would call the Police and fabricate a story about me abusing her in some way. Shear madness and insanity. 🤪😠
No more dwelling or suffering anymore ! Move on and save yourself in any Narc relations ! Work, family, and friends included ! Just go and live stress free and enjoy your lives once again ! Thank you so much LL for the mediation ! Right now I'm Target #1 but will quit this bad job very soon ! Psycho Narc bosses ! Run run run away my good friends !
Thanks for the video, it is a real reminder of all the narcs in my life as I had a traumatic childhood and develop a very unhealthy "codependent" attachment style I didn't even realize. With my last narc, I was in a better place internally, being my authentic self, mindful and living in the moment. I always had a unsettling feeling around them and During the "devalue" phase, i said to myself, "I don't deserve to be treated like this". I ended up putting a mirror up to them, giving them a taste of their on medicine, which hurt me more than it hurt them. They promptly discarded me. Such a paper thin fragile ego, they know they aren't getting over on me and never had control of me. even though they had everyone around them wrapped around their finger and all sorts of weak pitiful "Flying monkeys".
Finally, someone gets it. Thank you for the straight, truthful talk. The brick wall looms large in the lives of many narcissistic abuse victims. Within that fortification there can and should be a narc-free zone, an "art studio" of sorts where one could write, draw, invent, and compose to translate all of the crazy-making on the other side of the wall into satisfying final products. If it's not too late in life to hightail it out of there, go for it but not before seeking professional and competent support. On another note, a narc in my orbit fancied damaging household community property. When I sent her a message of the law that charges such behavior as a felony, she quit. So, if you can find situations where laws are broken by the narcissist, don’t hesitate to inform them of such statutes in writing. What you say doesn’t matter to them, but it appears that the threat of being criminally charged and arrested will in many cases change behavior.
@@LiseLeblanc mine thought he was above the law....till I called his bluff and cops and left in a mad hurry when he ran to MOM and played GAMES acting like Victim when he was who lied over 24 years prior about sleeping with people and boastful about it behind my back but abused me for 24 years to the point he called my job and had me home and started drug me up and said look how calm she is...telling neighbors that I DNT take baths yet I'm a hoarder... hitting me and punched holes in the walls, yelling at me for zero.....the list goes on...lol....I got him back...called his lies and games out loud with people around me....said how he saw me in high school first time and 84 and how he was just making jokes.... never knew I would be introduced to him after in 87.... Yep....my own SISTER.....2nd time....long story...but he is a wolf in sheep's clothing....loud and manipulative person...
My partner had huge problems with her neurology which was preventing treatment for her cluster b disorder from being effective. I came up with a program of entrainment, constant repetition of chosen phrases, which caused her to 'evolve new senses'. Clearing her mind set off a chain of events culminating in a full recovery from mental illness.
Sadly it only took me til my 30s to realize that my sis is a narcissist.... she abuses people by controlling them mentally and emotionally ... I got so tired of giving her so many chances to make mends .... you literally took the words put of my mouth as Im writing this ... but yes I finally set boundaries... I haven't spoken to her since October and I feel great :)
This is a beautiful lesson. I am so happy to hear someone talk about how to stay in a difficult relationship. It is not unfulfilling. It is rewarding for both of us. It is wonderful to share a life with someone. Who doesn’t need support at times? I have a psychologist, as does my partner, and the psychologists are in communication. My partner and I know what to expect after nearly two decades of being with each other. It is not always pretty and there are many things we have missed out on because of emotional distress. There are good times too. Being comfortable around each other is difficult at times. It is better not to force things when what has worked in the past doesn’t feel right. The one thing that I found works is to stay calm and don’t take the breakdowns as being my fault, as being the blame. The bottom line though is that we entered into a committed relationship knowing full well what to expect. Thank you for the video. Please consider making more for those who are bound and determined to find a path forward with someone they love. 🙃
Yes, I‘m in the process of divorcing my cheating, narcissistic husband. He isn’t used to me having boundaries and is unable to respect them. I usually leave the conversation (we need to have to sort our finances/ kids) as soon as he insults or blames me. He also doesn’t seem to understand my statements, like when I tell him „no“, he acts like I haven’t answered his question. He used to be charming and literally wrapped people round his finger, but not lately. None of the female employees in our bank wants to work with him anymore because he is so rude and says they’re incompetent. Same with my lawyer. Luckily, I have educated myself on narcissism and even though it’s frightening because my money is involved too, I can watch him now without any emotion, like I would watch a dangerous animal..
@@LiseLeblanc I wish I knew at 18...when my gut feeling was sending me RED Flag and he started to argue with me about some gossip he heard, played perfect when he was who was lier and they covered up...his own sister and mom....both wanted him to find someone and I was the SAUL that almost got killed after 24 years...they knew he was a BULLY..
I do not think my vulnerable narc husband has even noticed I have set any boundaries. Probably does not even know what a 'boundary' is. He just knows his crap is not working on me anymore and he is alone in a house of 5 adults, LOL. Oops not all of us are acting like adults mind you, He is our resident victim and fearful creature of little comprehension of what and why things no longer work like they did. We are learning to be kind in spite of his garbage but we no longer let him get away with anything. If he was violent or abusive with more than his tongue he would have had his walking papers way back when.... Our finances are tied together and it is of no real advantage for us to throw a wrench in the monkey works at this day and age, He is 70, I am 66 and the kids are all grown but still live on the farm. He is so scared he will end up alone that he has stopped most of his crap.... but there are still days.... You are SO very right--the boundaries are internal and we all have our set points of 'this and no further'. It can work with milder stupid narcs, but violent ones need to be gone right away. It is hard but most of us can find a way even if we are isolated.
I have just come across you and I think you might have saved me a whole load of suffering. What binds me into her is that I feel like I have to rescue her. That and I feel sorry for her if I do no help with my time money and emotions. Thanks. I appreciate you.
That's the problem: being tied up to a narcissist who makes your life hell, but also you feel deeply sorry for them and feel like you have to rescue her. I had that with my ex, and stayed with her for too long. I hope she's OK now, even though we have nothing to do with each other any more.
This is true. I had to block my ex wife on calls, text and social media. Because children are involved, I insisted on contact with EMAIL ONLY. That way, I can decide when to read and respond and any craziness is recorded. Remember, respond don't react.
Excellent talk. Very very helpful. YT should definitely share your videos w/ other viewers! I feel like the mess is my fault, so it was good to hear you say it’s NOT personal! You deserve and will get. Many many more subscribers!
If a person comes on strong and encourages you to open up and portrays a loving, longterm commitment, but consistently creates problems by way of breaking promises and subjecting you and pain and disappointment, I suggest you ghost and never look back.
My narc dad has no empathy, he makes it worse by being sarcastic and thinking that I am a joke. He's wrong! I am no-contact with him, I deserve a better father!
I have a narcissistic friend since more than a decade, she get to be my friend because she literally love bombed me in the first 3 years, then she started ghosting and discarding. I came to understand that she is a narcissist only since less than one year. Removed her from social media,and made a test about boundaries, while ghosting me she kept on spying on my family and close friends even if she knows that I don't like it...like just to let me know that. To let me know "I don't care of what you say, you'll notice that and you'll suffer somehow". Now that I discovered it about her personality disorder I feel better, and I decided to pay her back with her same coin, which is silence, ghosting, discarding or lies. Now I don't talk to her since a month and I've noticed she erased me from whatsapp to punish me because I dared removing her from social media. But I'm always afraid that she can come back. I'm afraid she can be dangerous. I don't want her to be hurt, I hope she will be fine, she's not a malignant narcissist. But I understand that this friendship has always been about her needs and never about mine. As I manifested even the most little need all she could do was punishing me somehow. They are so hypocrite people!
I had never dated a narc female before, I told her one of my only dislikes is don't message men I know whilst we're meeting. The minute we had a petty disagreement she would be adding them on FB and DM'ing them. She was constantly in some revenge mode
One of the strategies as well that I think you can do is to instill fear in the narcissist by looking at him with a look that I know who you are, and showing him at the same time how strong you are and doing something he hates but slightly, only for him to realize that you are not the victim he is looking for, and then put Boundaries are not debatable, limit interaction and be aware that any interaction on the part of the narcissist with you is a test of boundaries and finally an escape at any appropriate opportunity
Great video! I set the boundary once, then demonstrate it every single time they try to test me thereafter. I have ZERO close narcissists in my life, and so this tactic works well. It’s more one particular neighbor and a couple of coworkers, which makes it MUCH easier to shut them out.
New subscriber here helping to support your channel and boost the algorithm. Comparing the likeness of Narcissistic Personality Disordered individuals to bears living in the wild is a pretty accurate analogy in my opinion. They both look at others as food (a source of supply) and they’re known to kill and eat their offspring too (gain narcissistic supply from the death of others). Cannibalism rests comfortably at the at top of the narcissistic spectrum, right?
So interesting: some cites say the first order of business is to set boundaries. But perhaps that's also with yourself. I had building brick walls and then banging my head against them down to a science: future faking, bread crumbing, gaslighting [myself], trauma bonding, until he finally devalued and discarded me for the final time. THAT'S when I started to learn about narcissim and every crazy-making interaction with mum, dad, and ex came into focus. DON'T GO BACK. It gets worse every time.
Wife always did this and I didn’t know why - she was picking fights saying strange things that eventually would insult me and make me react and then she would tell me look what you did and said ..
Thank youvfor the reenforcement. If dealing with a narrcassist you should watch these videos everyday to keep your mental balance. Because the narc with always knock you off balance.
While I am not acquitted with the brain information, what said about the effects, I am well acquitted with. I saw all of that from that person. I mean you nailed it- ever characteristic.
Yes, I spent 10 years. He had no restrictions, the ones he imposed on me got more and more. After years of sneaking w/ porn, then closet drinking, then came the cheating. I had no idea what I was dealing w/ then, so I gave another chance, since he lied shamelessly and claimed it was an emotional affair. I realized the relationship had become really toxic and even tried to own my end. Tried to set boundaries, realizing he'd knocked them all down. The power struggle started right away. Caught him cheating again, kicked him out and 5 months later he's trying to come back. We have dealings because we still own a house and the bit of contact tries to turn into a lot and the boundary pressing is already starting. It's exhausting. Never experienced anything like this and won't again.
Thank you I have been watching your videos only tonight - but you have made clear for me many questions that I have had / with what I have had be able to share with no one .. Also - I do see myself in many of the points as the narcissist myself Just to mention Thanks again and plz continue .🙏🏻😅🤝✨
Absolutely 100% true. Been there done that and finally gave up. Feeling so much better and healing now i ve went no contact!
Agree 👍💯
It's the only way
I need to make a decision I am on the cross road and I feel. Like I am loosing myself by the minute. Been at it for 14 years with kids in the mix too. Finding it hard to either freeze or run. I know the toxic fumes in this relationship is killing me but I am like a bunny starring at a car's headlight beam in the middle of the night. Some one help
Heck, I can handle a Grizzly...I have many times. This type of person manipulates, twist and turns any issue.
I have experience with Grizzlies and Narcissistic behavior in people..put me in close encounters with an angry Grizzly any day. I know what to do. Done that many times.
A Grizzly ain't evil, I can't say that for humans
The CURRENT narcissist within a week of living together started name calling and jammed her finger in my ear and busted my ear drum. I told her that she hurt me and not to do that again. The very next day she did it again and further injured my ear. She says “we were playing” as if I wasn’t there and didn’t see or feel what happened. So I am leaving in 2 weeks. I am not sticking around for anymore of this boundary breaking and tests. DONE!!!
@@solomonk2161 yes that has a name - exhaustion as well as co dependency. Both of which are treatable please look into yourself more what is it you're feeling and consider all the options available to break free from this emotional hazard.!
What baffles me is how they act wounded when you set a normal boundary. It’s like you’re attacking them. Then you start wondering if you’re the bad guy. It’s crazy making stuff.
They don't understand boundaries. Boudaires are about people having their own identity. When people lack their own identity, they lack boundaries. They consider themselves superior, so yes they would feel wounded that you have set a boundary. They have a very fragile ego. the slightest thing could cause a Narcissitic wound. Also, when they feel wounded, is it triggering a guilt trip. in you. Best to focus on your own behaviour and not their's.
One of my rules for life is to only give people one chance if they cross the boundary a second time. I cut them out of my life. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"
I’ve experienced the same thing. Guilt trip. Then wonder if perhaps I am in fact the A hole. Videos like these have helped redirect me. And despite how uncomfortable it may get, I stick to it. And uphold the boundary.
I just realized that type of behavior is Donald Drumf to a T🙄
@@jeannie7705 wow - great analogy
when I realized I would rather be dead than continue the relationship, I could never have imagined a bigger red flag than that.
Wowwwww...me too
@@shambien exactly, it’s less about wanting to die, you just want the pain to end and that feels like an option. I’m lucky I have my boys, because thinking of them made me put those thoughts aside.
@@LiseLeblanc I have been working on myself with self help material for a few years and I also went to therapy. I don't think she is a full-blown narc; she does have some of those traits but so do I. I now managed to convince her to go to couple therapy - because I can't be the only one doing the work - and we are starting next week. I am more hopeful now. When I wrote the first comment a couple of days ago it had been a really tough day.
& they delude themselves that? you were suicidal because you can't survive without them? 🤨when in reality? You'd rather be dead than stuck trying to raise decent children with scum like them.☝️ #walk away.that's my advice.👍😎✌️💖
For me, it was the *pain of feeling like a hurt dog, loyal but finding myself increasingly timid as I never knew if I would receive some small kindness or receive a harsh beating with no connection between my actions and what I received.*
They'll cross your boundaries till you have blinkers on and if you complain you'll be the bad guy so look again at what's happening and just leave...it's the only way you'll have any self at all...
The question to ask is: _"Why am I still here?"_ - That resonates SO loudly with me now...
I have enough history with narcissists and I can tell you this. They won’t stop trying to humiliate and hurt you and knock your boundaries down. Just cut them off. I’ve tried so much trust me starting with my father and siblings and in-laws , and non-immediate families. Just go cold and live your best life. You don’t owe them anything. That’s co-dependency
What happens if you end up homeless? Should I travel to a place with other homeless people to survive?
This is Great advice. “Relatives assume that because you’re “family” that you have to interact with them .😹
It shocks them when you block their number, and move without telling them where you live.
I created my own “family”; a healthy one.
3 States away. 😹
Yes, codependency without any affection in disguise of LOVE. That is really disgusting
@@morrisrasciner9262💕👍👍👍👍👍so decisive to set a healthy boundaries finally. Good luck for your courageous real life out of monsters.
I was raised by a single mom. She was definitely a covert narcissist. Its extremely confusing, and suffocating. At 44 years old, I am just now getting away from her. However, my life is mostly over. My mom stole my life from me, and I will NEVER forgive her for that. I tired when I was literally, like 7-8 yrs old. I knew what she was doing was wrong, but where could I go? I couldn't go anywhere, I'm a kid. I've been trying, literally, my entire life to "forgive" her, but how can I forgive her, if she won't even admit that she did it? My entire life, I have had a very weird, confusing, love / hate relationship with my mom. I now realize that the "love" part of that, was not really "love"... its GUILT. It's the GUILT that SHE PUT THERE, to manipulate me. If people are always making you feel guilty, or like you're not doing "what you're supposed to do" ("its tradition".. "that's just how it is"), using OBLIGATION, they are USING you. Get AWAY from them, if you can, before they STEAL your life. The Metallica song, "Unforgiven" is a PERFECT summary of my life on this earth. I'm betting a lot of other people on here, can also relate to it. BTW, single mom society is absolutely DESTROYING children's minds. Its NOT normal, and it never will be.
I’ve blocked many people from ever re-entering my life. I HAD TO! Even family members. Everybody’s got problems, and we all think that we’re “right,” each from our own subjective standpoints. Do what makes your life work. There’s enough going on out there for you to get in on a piece of the action. Focus on your goals!✨
Narcissists have zero limits thus it is 100X better to go no contact. Your sanity is the priority as the narcissist you are dealing has already lost the ability to deal with reality and the real world. If you unmask the narcissist you will become the narcissist next target and they will do whatever possible to destroy your life.
Once again the best way to make clear how a narc functions is comparing them to a dangerous wild animal.
Yep, my boundaries were blown apart but she had so many boundaries. I felt caged
I can relate. He would plow right through my boundaries. I told him I feel like I’m in a cage.
Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start mobbing once again, I don't know all the managers ect like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. Never let these low life lazy bums win ever win.
One thing. From EXPERIENCE watching the same people treat OTHERS much, much better than their own daughter - they have the ABILITY to hear others. If YOU are the one they hold in contempt, they CHOOSE NOT TO HEAR YOU. When you can realize that people CHOOSE not to hear you or GENUINELY care about you, and you leave because of this, expect them to blame and shame you to all those (they ARE flying monkeys, regardless of who they are or how long you've known them) they can, including the people you hold as friends. You will be punished and suffer the abandonment from those you never thought would treat you like dirt, just because you get out to try to save your own life. You can TELL YOURSELF that it's not personal, but the net effect is anything if not personal. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
Well said. I hope you are able to heal. I am not so sure healing is possible. But living well is. Living without their constant injuring is better than with it.
this is exactly my male parent (google was my “father”, I learned virtually everything from it all my life, apart from college and work experience of course)
He has a completely “approachable friendly “ mask for the outside world, and had the openly vicious verbal and mental abusive one for family. His friends co workers know only the fakery he worked to make them believe... everything fine, he was in control of a good life, “successful “ etc etc... while obnoxious all my life to me when not outright neglectful (ignored while living at home, offensive when I lived in my own house. And of course I would be nothing and have nothing if it wasn’t for him, allegedly) He NEVER lets them see it. They know a totally different “book” and he intended it that way.
I SHOULD have moved to a diff province or country post high school although I didn’t want to leave my mother behind.
I did have to change the locks on my house as he wandered in while with I was with a female companion , in the shower, while I was at work and final straw when he took my dog without notification when i was out. ( emergency key... for his casual use apparently)
HE SAW NOTHING wrong in doing any of this, in fact attacked me for “reacting horribly”. I was always the disappointing failure and never leaves it long before reminding me, boundaries are only for him to abuse not respect, i allegedly didn’t EARN the respect, and it all got worse once mom passed away.
now the reluctance is just leaving a house I’ve had for twenty yrs... but to really heal best i should move FAR AWAY he won’t bother traveling, and just dismiss a dead relationship that actually never existed. I won’t be speaking at his future funeral, I don’t particularly want to even show up whether he forces me to executor or not.
His pity party self victim argument always used in anger whines about something he put zero effort into all my life, but pretends the label itself (“father”) means he gets to claim all but the effort and responsibilities it pertains. There literally is nothing there and never was, which took my entire life to stop honouring and try to start accepting as the painful fac it is... no one “in the outside world” would ever believe me, with that mask he showed them.
I went thru this...lied all over the place when I begged for help..I was sick and he said it was all in my HEAD and told my mom he was going to put me in a nursing home YET played victim and spit in my face in the court room and told my mom if I die I will not suffer anymore because she LEFT me...yet he was who called my job and told me to stay home...then saying that I was Costing him too much money... I DNT need that in my life...I was free butterfly and everything was soooo controlled and I almost died several times....He has NEVER said I'm sorry...to my face....yet play victim all over...they took him on a cruise and he went to Las Vegas with his Wickedness of Brother...when he was who called the COPS...his own Brother...who pushed me out of the house when I was talking to his mom and dad....The Wicked falsehood hurt my reputation and no one helped me...when I tried calling keep Peace.... Bipolar daughter who NEVER tells me the truth either...
@@bsc4344 I do....my father and my x.
.both are terrible...so sorry...now my son is the same..
@@lisacranmer8005 I read your story and felt the twist of the knife again. I feel for you. I think I understand very well. The contempt they want you to feel by swift surprise, like a well placed hunter's knife in the hands of a man who claims he hates hunting. Yet waits patiently for his kill, and plays with it first.
Ultimately, I had to ask myself 'how empty of me to be so full of you'. The day we met, she showed red flags that I ignored. The physical allure was the catalyst. That too was an illusion. It took me a few years to get out and now a year to feel better with my own boundaries. I kept a list of the evil reasons to keep from fantasy. SLAA has helped along with therapists like Lise that make the information available. I have now saved me from myself. No more bears. Grateful
I LOVE that first sentence and your situation mirrors mine. It's almost like you had the same one that I did and by the betrayal and infidelity, I wouldn't doubt it! Seriously though..I too went through it and like you, I too saw red flags on day 1 that I ignored and I too was driven by the physical. It ultimately became very hollow and there was nothing in it. I didn't even want her anymore! I've been "no contact" for some time now and I don't even track the time because I live like she never existed. All of that anger from feeling used is what I keep at the forefront of my mind. I honestly can't think of one positive thing to remember her by. Every thought, word and action was negative from her and that's all I have to go on. It makes it that much easier for me to STAY "no contact".
You’re not alone, many people avoid the red flags in the beginning.
Can I please quote you about how to heal from narcissistic abuse and how to avoid becoming duped in the same way again or are you quoting Lisa LeBlanc in this comment of yours? Guess I will have to watch more of her videos to find out.
@@francesbernard2445 My words, thank you for asking.
I hate it when narcissists pretend not remembering or feigning ignorance that you ever put that boundary in place.
It's like the narcissist will remember any negative trivial thing that I did even decades ago & they never forget that, but when I put a clear & well explained boundary in place & they steamroll straight over it suddenly they're like "I don't remember you ever saying that I wasn't supposed to do that!" Gah & you don't have any real recourse to accuse them of being dishonest, disrespectful or manipulative , because how can I prove that they didn't just not remember
Sometimes they don't remember. They're so driven on winning the fight and getting their goal, they don't remember specifics about what they said. Its like driving down the road and asking if you saw the sign twirler, when your mind is on driving or the traffic
You get paper and ink and if not, you take a lie detector tests and proved who was the abuser and lier, and who has 2 back surgeries for what was DONE to me..
Narcissist don't pretend not remembering. It's a personality disorder.
@@annekerotterdam7499 I'm well aware that narcissism is a personality disorder but the question is,Is the narcissists selective memory a symptom of the personality disorder making them oblivious & unable to remember the boundaries that we clearly explained to them? I don't think it is.Of course the narcissist remembers the boundary(s) we set in place & they just pretend not to remember them.Narcissists get caught in their lies all the time.The narcissist remembers the boundaries we set in place but their narcissistic ego just makes them think that the rules of boundaries don't apply to them.
That’s gaslighting. They remember, they just choose to hurt you because they have a mental disorder and get a kick out of it
When you give a narcissist boundaries, They will immeadiately test it. Just like a prisioner tests his prison. The main thing you need to remember is not to fight with her, but to walk away from her when she tests the boundaires you put up. Remove yourself, it will drive them crazy when your response is to leave.
Unless you can't.
I had one follow me around the house badgering me till I lost it. Eventually I locked myself in the bathroom until the morning then left for work.
Recently I asked another one to leave my house and she wouldn't (during a trauma BOMB).
Emotional rape is what that is.
Thats where you are forced to accept their emotions. Why? Because its what THEY need.
Just like some jock forcing himself on someone , because its what he needs.
Thats BS that trauma sh++ is just like rape.
I wasn't going to leave my home in the midst of winter just to to make her glad.
Nope she was forcefully removed.
Which worked out for her STILL because now I'm the BAD guy.
So I'm beginning to think that YES leave and have no contact IF you can.
For me I can't shes my daughter. 🤦🏼♂️ Boundaries won't work!
There are too many family responsibilities for her and I. If they aren't your family and you can go, GO NOW!!!!
It depends what the boundary is….. sometimes testing boundaries is harmless
"You're not even speaking the same language... ". I felt that.
I had a relationship with a narcissist whose lack of boundaries manifested in terms of inappropriately and prematurely trying to integrate our families in a very manipulative way. Once both of our kids began to feel like we were one big family, she withdrew that affection from my kids when she got mad about something, yet my kids kept asking when they could see her again because they almost felt she had become a second mom. I had to end the relationship over this. It was a real lesson.
Issues,You deserve better
I had something similar happen except it’s my brother’s ex gf from 25 years ago. Though they married different people and had children, my brother the people pleaser could not break contact with her bc she played victim. It resulted in years of inviting herself and her family to our family gatherings, holidays, vacations. I was her “sister”, “bff”, and she stomped all over my boundaries. She cut off herself from her own narc family and once she had kids continued to infiltrate ours and called my children cousins and lovebombrd with gifts and again always left me so confused and angry. Triangulation, gaslighting, everything. I didn’t know what was happening until I discovered these videos and everything clicked. Once the young kids were involved and I had the schema to understand what eas happening, I blocked her on everything, had an honest conversation with dcs about it, and I feel a thousand times lighter and happier. This has also forced me to reevaluate my own upbringing and why I let this go on for as long as it did… I am doing the necessary internal work. But the level of infiltration and manipulation, and her trying to BE me was downright chilling.
Complete cowardly use of proxies to rape other’s boundaries church anonymous freemasonry Illuminati qanon coward proxy abuser psychopaths lol traitors 😂
My narcissistic dad told me that I had to love his girlfriend 'new' relationship, because he does...I had no say in the matter.
The "meeting a hungry grizzly bear in the woods" analogy hit home for me. Thank you.
Oh, I'm in such a mess! I'm a childhood trauma and narcissistic mother's abuse survivor with autoimmune diseases and very weak boundaries. I just moved into a small apartment complex and my back door neighbor has fetal alcohol syndrome and unrealistic expectations of me. She comes to my kitchen window and yells hello. She knocks on my door two or more times a day. She wants me to "take care of her'", cook her meals, take her on a vacation, and more. All this while I'm reexperiencing my childhood trauma and having severe adrenal fatigue that is disrupting my sleep and causing adrenal attacks to my body throughout the night. I can't leave windows or doors open for fresh air because she will show up. It's a nightmare. She is making me a prisoner in my apartment. I can't take my cat for a walk without her showing up with her dog. I can't think straight anymore. When you mentioned that they don't respect your boundaries, that hit home. I have been trying to gently and kindly put my boundaries up and she keeps ripping them down. I am falling apart!
I am reading the book: "The Body Keeps the Score" and it's helping. If I didn't have the responsibility of my cat to take care of, I would want to just leave and live in my truck and be homeless. I am so overwhelmed. Because of the fetal alcohol syndrome, I'm afraid to stand up for myself more strongly. I want to tell her to leave me alone, but I'm scared that I will do it too strongly and with misplaced anger.
This is such a small apartment complex, and everybody keeps expecting too much from me. I'm frightened all day, every day and afraid to go out the front door or the back door, even to get some fresh air and sunshine or to run errands. Why does everyone seem to expect me to help them? Will I be able to stop these expectations, or do I need to move somewhere else? I'm a senior and have limited finances and this was the only suitable low-income complex in town. I guess that's my fight or flight responses kicking in.
Sorry to unburden myself so extensively. Please Lord God send help!
Do what you can to move like Tennessee tiny home communities. Affordable and you can move that house. That's my goal, I'm stuck right now too. Crazy lady, just ignore and move on, quit feeling guilty for wanting to be left alone. Tell her to stop coming over all the time and you lie your privacy, do it nice and repeat because they keep doing it till you have to raise your voice or totally Ignore
Ps, this neighbor could be full of shit too! Or a demonic force. Just saying
@@julielehman1921 Thanks for your input. It seems so easy to get stuck in untenable situations!
At 6:43 😂 We’re just meat and they’re hungry 😂 The simplicity and honesty in that is incredible. There is no blame either way. A simple truth. And run! 🥰
The major problem is that they are never wrong!!
No matter what, you're at fault
The self boundaries seem to be very helpful. The gaslighting was hard to deal with because this person tried to present themselves as always having the correct view on a subject and having no flaws.
My whole life I tried to rationalize..... I just could not understand that logic - no matter how crystal clear I made it - had no impact on them... it was not about right or wrong, true or false - but them getting what they wanted... Thank you❤
I am actually leaving this state due to my sister. She has no idea and I can’t fix her. My ex was one and my mom and now her. I have had enough and I want some peace in my life.
appreciate the serious response to a serious problem, narcs can steal decades of your life and stop your progress.
Lisa
You are simply the best.
I lived with a covid narcissistic for 26 years .
She broke and shattered me, but I didnt know what was happing.
NOW I do.
Everything you said was frighteningly SO true.
I needed to hear your proffessional opinion, you are a genius.
I think I will be able to cope now armed with your knowledge.
THANK YOU THANK YOU.
John.
My wife (soon to be ex) never understood boundaries, in any context (leading to toxic behaviors like having affairs with the husbands of her close friends). My attempts to set boundaries in our relationship caused her to discard me and the marriage. Now I find myself thinking, "What if I had done X or Y?" but these videos help me to get my head around the fact that there was never really hope for long-term happiness together.
If you have a narcissist in your life.. let it be known that my boundaries are identical to your boundaries..
Soo if it's not acceptable for me to cross your boundaries, mine are the same as yours.. it baffles them
Lise is the most knowledgeable and helpful person that speaks to the how to protect yourself from the covert narcissist.
I agree. I experienced this the hard way. Rules, laws, boundaries and conditions are for everyone else, but not them. Everyone else = subordinates (which usually is every person in their lives). Ghosting is generally to be avoided, but with a narc it may be the only option, or else he/she may try and hoover you back. The final boundary = get out for the love of yourself.
Yes, they never give up.
They always intentionally initiate the violations and when you put more boundaries and call them to order, they call you a bad person. Basically, they feel entitled to you. They believe they must allowed to do as they wish to ha the target. Give a narc a taste of thier own medicine once and expect backlash. We don't need them, they must stay out of our lanes. They must stay in their own as well.
I agree you are better off setting your own boundaries on what you will and will not put up with vs. trying to impose boundaries on a narcissist.
I believe in both. Set boundaries with yourself knowing "if they do this I will not tolerate it". But also set a boundary with them early in the relationship just to see how they react. It doesnt even have to be a boundary you necessarily care about but if theyre worth your time they should respect that boundary regardless.
“You are just meat.” That is a great quote. My strategy was to get away by making my meat and my protective shelter unattractive. Now, I have to figure out why I want to analyze my experience using your videos as prompts!
I never had the need for setting boundaries until I was introduced to the concept by a narcissist. I thought it strange some one would set boundaries shortly after introduction. Up until then, everyone I knew accepted an unwritten code of politeness. I know now that rules of relationship engagement is important to those who need control.
Interesting. Amid my experience, I started reading books about boundaries a lot. So I would probably now be inclined to set/name boundaries early in a relationship.
But I used to operate in an expectation that you show politeness, and good people quickly show their selves by reciprocating positive with positive (and those who don't are probably not great people to be around).
That expectation left me blindsided and underprepared for when someone starts seemingly nice and positive, then switches to cold, negative, gaslighting, vindictive heartlessness.
It has honestly really shaken my trust of people in general. I used to describe myself as an optimistic-realist. Now, I think pessimistic-realist fits where I'm at. A big part of that was seeing just how little almost everyone else around cared.
@@andrewstambaugh8030exactly boundaries are healthy and best to be talked about Upfront. If they can’t have that discussion I feel that’s a red flag
in situ - in the moment of encounter - we can never have any idea WHOM we meet. Until it becomes antagonistic - what we try to avoid and escape - to give our own best impression. We are conditioned to be hyper tolerant and super friendly - and to blame ourselves for a conflict. This is the Vampyre smelling our Weakness - and will suck us Dry... Social Awareness Training from early age is the solution. It takes intense experience to detect the Vampyre and Predator...
@@LiseLeblanc as a German Biologist - this is conditioning from an early age on. It becomes wired into neuro patterns of Pain and Reward. It is also breeding of Monsters who always get what they want. This makes the confrontation unsolvable. As the current war demonstrates... and our path to self extinction...
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 8 years
It was an absolute rollercoaster amd zi was humiliated and blamed on a regular basis to the point of insanity.
Violate privacy,boundaries..very envious of you mistrusting though they are not ever to be trusted .
What I learned is to set the boundary even further than you really want. Then you are less likely to be triggered when they cross it into an area you don't really care about. Then you can stay calm and do what you need to for protecting yourself and taking your space well before you are getting hurt.
Good video. I can't even add to this. They have a sickness only prayer will help. Be strong, be a believer, be free. 1 Cor 15:1-4
Even prayer won't help them.
Exactly. They may like broken relationships and fake relationships where you have to have your guard up all the time and be in constant survival mode but that’s not my definition of relationship. Now I immediately cut people off like that. Either you’re a good person who can be happy for others who doesn’t seek drama, if not Arrivederci 😎
Always suprises me how the description of Narcs is spot on. The words they use, the tactics, all exactly the same.
All three of the "you will nots" are absolutely correct. I have first-hand experience. It's nothing but a rollercoaster ride, a ride that I am so thankful is over.
I wish I had seen this 10 years ago. I was in a relationship with an NPD for 3 years. I have been single for 6 years trying to sort it all out. Thank you for the vsalidation and for the work you are doing.
Having just dealt with a narcissist let me tell you, it is a nightmare to deal with. She would start fights over literally thin air. The last fight (The final fight, which is still going on btw) started over a playful conversation in which i said that i had become very comfortable around her so i was willing to go outside my comfort zone in the bedroom with her and how fun and freeing it felt to have such a person. She took that as me saying she had violated me. So i clarified this to death on how she hadn't violated me and no harm, but now she is playing the victim and i left the conversation because i was writing walls of texts explaining how it was okay and how i wasnt pressured to do anything at all and she would just respond with blank snaps or "Nice" "ok" "sure". So i left her on read for a day. Which of course sparked a new fight about how childish i am for leaving her on read. At this point i was already done with her shit (this was one pointless fight out of many) so i was sort of just going along with her "punishments".
So she started saying we should just go back to being regular friends, and i complied with no arguing. Some hours later she now accuses me of making it weird and now she is just done with the whole thing and i respond with "Ok, if that's what you feel is best then that is what we will do".
Moving on, now she is mad about me agreeing with everything, she feels i should fight her. So on and so on. I am still in this fight, she is being extremely condescending and rude through the whole conversation, everything is my fault. And every time i think i have gotten rid of her by agreeing with her, she starts the fight again and again.
NOW, normally i would just ignore a person like this but as a 6'5 255 pound man i am seriously extremely terrified of her making up a lie about me having assaulted her or something like that so i feel as if i have to get rid of her in a "friendly" manner but she just won't let me and i am at my wits end.
@@LiseLeblanc Thanks a lot for the response. I am lucky enough to have fantastic, supportive parents that i can talk to about anything and i have somehow found myself great friends as well that are more than happy to talk to me about things like this.
I'm just really scared.
You are so right-on Re. Starting a fight over thin air. Thanks for sharing! It is mind blowing, shocking, confusing, & crazy-making, and the problem, or drama was just pulled out of someone’s arse. So, One of my close “narcs” NEVER picks up a call, and take 2 to 6 days to return a call…My norm is ALWAYS to pick up the call when it comes in or return the call asap. So 1 day “my narc” starts a HUGE fight, she’s angry & claiming I am ignoring her because she had to wait an hr to get a call back. My response didn’t matter an iota, but like magic she sends me a massive list of demands, which I couldn’t stand to read. So she ignored me for months, then demanded I apologize…What a nightmare. Two yrs later, It’s 6 months with almost zero contact. We put up w/ more when it’s family, but “the bear” needs to find another source of food. Yay! Ps. I LOVE Lise, & Dr. Ramani & Dr. Les Carter are also excellent.
@Sonia Williams Yeah i saw it and the irony is stunning considering the girl i'm dealing with called Amber insane.
Thats crazy. If she actually believes you think she violated you, then how are you the one at fault? On top of starting an argument over nothing shes essentially also saying that she is never in the wrong. That even if she is in the wrong, youre the one whos actually in the wrong because you brought it up. Its good youre getting out mate!
@@callanc3925 Yeah man it made absolutely zero sense in my mind i'll tell you that much. A week after i cut contanct she dropped off a "Congratulations, you're going to be parent" Envelope at my job so that was real fun and not stressful at all.
This video is helpful. Walking away is much safer than remaining near a narcissist who is about to strike. During a crisis perpetrated by a narcissist doing whatever kind of unexpected behavior respomse that a narcissist is not expecting from us while reacting to their behavior is the best strategy to have in mind ahead of time. For example slowly only at first walking backwards Michael Jackson style away from a real bear.
You have a way of getting to the point in a straight forward, no nonsense manner without being rude or insensitive. Those of us embroiled in a narcissistic relationship need it spelled out as it is.
Time is not on our side when it comes to getting away from these evil ones. For every day that goes by swimming in a trauma bond and ruminating for someone who could care less whether you live or die is a total waste of ones life. Your approach strongly encourages us not to waste precious time on these lost souls. God Bless You for all that you do!
I had a Narc female friend. She knows I have a boundary of not just stopping in unannounced.
She started doing it anyways. Walked in one day while me and the hubby was on the couch watching tv and he had his shirt off. Then one night I was out with friends and she came on over to the house where it was just my husband home.
Needless to say I put a stop of her coming over all together .
Now she says she misses me. It's been over 2.5 years. Her relationship broke up. She is horny and Loney. Her words not mine. Trying to come around to the house again but I haven't been going for it.
I done alot of work on myself the past 3 years steady and I just don't trust her.
Stop responding to her calls and texts. That’s not obnoxious behavior, it’s potentially dangerous.
Continue not to trust her! Sounds like she was stalking your house to wait till your gone so she could be with your husband. Again they don't respect your boundaries and rights to privacy
She definitely was gonna get your husband and Infect him. All her holes are sore like a wounded animal. If she's attractive and a witch.. it gets complicated. He would have to be set out with the garbage. Or let them have the house.
My mother my persecutor. I need to escape this as soon as possible. I vê started doubting my actions and my sanity. Perfect analogies... Thank you❤🌹🙏
Please escape.. I hope you already have. I too am living with them right now and hoping/looking to get out soon. Please do as well. I’m 27 years old and I don’t know how old you are but they never change. They’ve always been abusive ever since I was a little kid all the way up to now. Doesn’t matter if you set boundaries, they will violate them. You can go “gray rock” but then they will try other forms of abuse (in my case, physical abuse and now for the first time in my life, sexual abuse by my own father, a complete disregard for any boundary and they will try ANY attempt to hurt you, get a reaction out of you, etc. So please, heed my advice and understand that it will never change no matter what tactic you use, in some cases it may get worse or suddenly they will abuse you in a new way like what’s now happened to me. For me it isn’t just one person. It’s a whole Narcissistic family abuse dynamic within my nuclear family (mom, dad, older brother) and all of them live in the same house here. I lived on my own for six years and had some issues due to coronavirus and me being so overwhelmed with debt after the lockdowns and after having COVID for an extended period of time I just couldn’t keep up with everything anymore and wound up getting evicted. It’s a very long story but the point is that now I’m living back with them, but I do have a way out though still and as soon as I can get out, I will. Remember that you are powerful and you CAN leave. Remember that that person abusing you is in the wrong. Remember that you come before any abuser. Please get out, please, I understand the pain and it will NOT ever change. In my opinion it’s best to eventually go no contact.
Dear @@mirandaz1272 I am sorry to know that you too are going through such terrible experiences. On the other hand I am really glad you're so aware of what you can do to change this absolutely unacceptable situation you're in... I can sense you are very capable and courageous intelligent and strong grown adult that can make all the necessary changes in order to change your situation to a safe place. Even if you need to report the sexual abuse attempts and resort to social Security for support. Do take action dear Miranda. You deserve a peaceful happy life. And i am sure you will accomplish anything you set your mind on and work towards achieving! A huge hug 🤗 may the true God guide you and bless you and me in making the best possible decisions. 🌈✨🌻🌻🌻
Get enuff money saved up and leave. Dont let family guilt stop you, they have no guilt and are literal guilt machines that will play on your sense of decency. They are miserable ppl who want company
I am actually learning a lot about NPD from your videos. I will admit, I was very ignorant and holding a lot of stigma. I appreciate the consideration of different viewpoints. NPD is a true mental disorder but it is so important that we carefully consider our own needs and mental wellness when deciding if, or how much, of a relationship to maintain with them.
@@LiseLeblanc yes, lack of empathy when he broke my back and I have over 20 years of pains due to him....and yes, they lack qualities that could make the relationship work...they DNT care about anything except for themselves....I was in crises and he did not care even when I called 911 to go to the hospital because my blood pressure was high and no one cared...24 years and almost wanted to jump off bridge for the insults directed to me....No man will ever want me except for body...call me names when I didn't look like what he said....yes, fight or flight... well, I choose to fly....I took my cat and ran...like your analogy of a bear....Like the BS...said I talked BS...this is who told my FATHER f.u...f ur daughter.....the TRUTH is I was numb with shock and PTSD....what was the benefit? I'm now a survivor..the PTSD is unreal..what happens in the dark will come out to the light..no one can mock Jeh God and be blessed...they reap what they sowed in due time...
there is some choice. they can choose to face their issues and become a better person. while NPD will never change, the symptoms can. They can learn to be civil and co exist...but most won't.
Yikes. I was definitely frozen for the last few years. I couldn't get out. Now, I'm out for two years from what I thought was a borderline personality disordered female but perhaps she was a covert narc based on things I'm hearing you say. Either way, it's good to be out. I got tired of dealing with the fights she would constantly start. I vacillated between setting boundaries and walking on egg shells. I've got peace and clarity these days and have learned much. Your videos here are good for me. Thanks.
After working on myself with the therapist for 3 years I have realized I have 2 family members that are very toxic!! Thus is very helpful, thank you!
They like to test water temperature before they go for a swim.
My best friend of 30 years turned out to be a covert narcissist and he was triangulating my wife. I went wild and de friended him
This video made me realize that my internal dialog about my ex-girlfriend was about how she never respected boundaries. It was perhaps one of the most frustrating things that I've ever been through.
It has come to my clear and sustained attention that most Speakers/Influencers on the Internet, even Experts and "Victims" of Narcs talking about Narcissists/NPD present them, without always saying it loud, as "ennemies" to fight some way or another, while ALL admitting at the same time that this personality disorder has its roots in the Narc's childhood & past marked/wounded by shame, low self-esteem, excessive parental/social control, or even abuses in some cases...
Thus masked by the Narc's arrogance, lack of empathy, always looking/craving for attention and higher self-esteem by controling, manipulating or even consciously hurting others. (Obviously as a twisted yes but definitely real anticipative mental defence mechanism).
Therefore aren't our Society and Health Professionals in this field obviously misplacing one of the fundamentals of the NPD diagnostic while putting aside the obvious cure?
How can we be fighting the wrong by the wrong?
Most are saying that there's no cure to this disorder. My most recent research and understanding of this more-common-than-thought disorder is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE/ACCEPTANCE.
Have you ever wondered WHY this so recurrent and so well known & observed Narcissist & Empath Relationship/Interaction?
The Narcissist is actually asking the Empath to go the extra mile to prove his/her sincerity... So the Narcissist could also reverse the phase and now consider being freely an Empath 100%.
have you considered that thousands if not millions/billions/trillions/quads of men have tried to do what you just described and in the end they were just playing a game that was rigged against them, lost over 20+ years of their lifes trying to give ''unconditional love/acceptance'' only to be kicked in the balls in the end? have you considered that men have been sent to jail unfairly because their wifes saying that he was abusing her when in reality it was all just a ruse to fuck their husband's life? and even after it was found out that it was a ruse, she didn't get the same punishment as the husband did?
Well…😳
One ends up setting boundaries in quicksand with a Moving Goal Post.
My wife constantly went against me in every way. She always challenged everything I tried to do.
When I said “No”, she would call the Police and fabricate a story about me abusing her in some way.
Shear madness and insanity. 🤪😠
U gotta record her doing it and get evidence
One of the best codes ever God help us that are tangled in the abuse and addiction of loving someone that treats us like we don’t live
No more dwelling or suffering anymore ! Move on and save yourself in any Narc relations ! Work, family, and friends included ! Just go and live stress free and enjoy your lives once again !
Thank you so much LL for the mediation ! Right now I'm Target #1 but will quit this bad job very soon ! Psycho Narc bosses ! Run run run away my good friends !
Thanks for the video, it is a real reminder of all the narcs in my life as I had a traumatic childhood and develop a very unhealthy "codependent" attachment style I didn't even realize. With my last narc, I was in a better place internally, being my authentic self, mindful and living in the moment. I always had a unsettling feeling around them and During the "devalue" phase, i said to myself, "I don't deserve to be treated like this". I ended up putting a mirror up to them, giving them a taste of their on medicine, which hurt me more than it hurt them. They promptly discarded me. Such a paper thin fragile ego, they know they aren't getting over on me and never had control of me. even though they had everyone around them wrapped around their finger and all sorts of weak pitiful "Flying monkeys".
Finally, someone gets it. Thank you for the straight, truthful talk. The brick wall looms large in the lives of many narcissistic abuse victims. Within that fortification there can and should be a narc-free zone, an "art studio" of sorts where one could write, draw, invent, and compose to translate all of the crazy-making on the other side of the wall into satisfying final products. If it's not too late in life to hightail it out of there, go for it but not before seeking professional and competent support. On another note, a narc in my orbit fancied damaging household community property. When I sent her a message of the law that charges such behavior as a felony, she quit. So, if you can find situations where laws are broken by the narcissist, don’t hesitate to inform them of such statutes in writing. What you say doesn’t matter to them, but it appears that the threat of being criminally charged and arrested will in many cases change behavior.
@@LiseLeblanc mine thought he was above the law....till I called his bluff and cops and left in a mad hurry when he ran to MOM and played GAMES acting like Victim when he was who lied over 24 years prior about sleeping with people and boastful about it behind my back but abused me for 24 years to the point he called my job and had me home and started drug me up and said look how calm she is...telling neighbors that I DNT take baths yet I'm a hoarder... hitting me and punched holes in the walls, yelling at me for zero.....the list goes on...lol....I got him back...called his lies and games out loud with people around me....said how he saw me in high school first time and 84 and how he was just making jokes.... never knew I would be introduced to him after in 87.... Yep....my own SISTER.....2nd time....long story...but he is a wolf in sheep's clothing....loud and manipulative person...
Thank You for saying it like it is. So helpful as divorce nears.
Narcissistic behaviour is just like they feel u owe them something because u helped me thank you
"What am I still doing here?" - brilliant!
My partner had huge problems with her neurology which was preventing treatment for her cluster b disorder from being effective. I came up with a program of entrainment, constant repetition of chosen phrases, which caused her to 'evolve new senses'. Clearing her mind set off a chain of events culminating in a full recovery from mental illness.
Sadly it only took me til my 30s to realize that my sis is a narcissist.... she abuses people by controlling them mentally and emotionally ... I got so tired of giving her so many chances to make mends .... you literally took the words put of my mouth as Im writing this ... but yes I finally set boundaries... I haven't spoken to her since October and I feel great :)
I was 55 when I finally grappled with it - my entire family. What a total mind f@@@
This is a beautiful lesson. I am so happy to hear someone talk about how to stay in a difficult relationship. It is not unfulfilling. It is rewarding for both of us. It is wonderful to share a life with someone. Who doesn’t need support at times? I have a psychologist, as does my partner, and the psychologists are in communication.
My partner and I know what to expect after nearly two decades of being with each other. It is not always pretty and there are many things we have missed out on because of emotional distress. There are good times too. Being comfortable around each other is difficult at times. It is better not to force things when what has worked in the past doesn’t feel right. The one thing that I found works is to stay calm and don’t take the breakdowns as being my fault, as being the blame.
The bottom line though is that we entered into a committed relationship knowing full well what to expect. Thank you for the video. Please consider making more for those who are bound and determined to find a path forward with someone they love. 🙃
Yes, I‘m in the process of divorcing my cheating, narcissistic husband. He isn’t used to me having boundaries and is unable to respect them. I usually leave the conversation (we need to have to sort our finances/ kids) as soon as he insults or blames me. He also doesn’t seem to understand my statements, like when I tell him „no“, he acts like I haven’t answered his question. He used to be charming and literally wrapped people round his finger, but not lately. None of the female employees in our bank wants to work with him anymore because he is so rude and says they’re incompetent. Same with my lawyer. Luckily, I have educated myself on narcissism and even though it’s frightening because my money is involved too, I can watch him now without any emotion, like I would watch a dangerous animal..
@@LiseLeblanc I wish I knew at 18...when my gut feeling was sending me RED Flag and he started to argue with me about some gossip he heard, played perfect when he was who was lier and they covered up...his own sister and mom....both wanted him to find someone and I was the SAUL that almost got killed after 24 years...they knew he was a BULLY..
I do not think my vulnerable narc husband has even noticed I have set any boundaries. Probably does not even know what a 'boundary' is. He just knows his crap is not working on me anymore and he is alone in a house of 5 adults, LOL. Oops not all of us are acting like adults mind you, He is our resident victim and fearful creature of little comprehension of what and why things no longer work like they did. We are learning to be kind in spite of his garbage but we no longer let him get away with anything. If he was violent or abusive with more than his tongue he would have had his walking papers way back when....
Our finances are tied together and it is of no real advantage for us to throw a wrench in the monkey works at this day and age, He is 70, I am 66 and the kids are all grown but still live on the farm.
He is so scared he will end up alone that he has stopped most of his crap.... but there are still days....
You are SO very right--the boundaries are internal and we all have our set points of 'this and no further'. It can work with milder stupid narcs, but violent ones need to be gone right away. It is hard but most of us can find a way even if we are isolated.
I have just come across you and I think you might have saved me a whole load of suffering.
What binds me into her is that I feel like I have to rescue her.
That and I feel sorry for her if I do no help with my time money and emotions.
Thanks. I appreciate you.
That's the problem: being tied up to a narcissist who makes your life hell, but also you feel deeply sorry for them and feel like you have to rescue her. I had that with my ex, and stayed with her for too long. I hope she's OK now, even though we have nothing to do with each other any more.
This is true. I had to block my ex wife on calls, text and social media. Because children are involved, I insisted on contact with EMAIL ONLY. That way, I can decide when to read and respond and any craziness is recorded. Remember, respond don't react.
nonsense phrase at the end. responding is reacting, you goofball
Excellent talk. Very very helpful. YT should definitely share your videos w/ other viewers! I feel like the mess is my fault, so it was good to hear you say it’s NOT personal! You deserve and will get. Many many more subscribers!
The inner child who is unable to rationalize being hurt by their caregivers will always blame themselves. It is the worst part. Bless you.
If a person comes on strong and encourages you to open up and portrays a loving, longterm commitment, but consistently creates problems by way of breaking promises and subjecting you and pain and disappointment, I suggest you ghost and never look back.
Ghosting is toxic and abusive. Don’t be a narc even to a narc
@@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow maybe you should re-read my statement and try some comprehensive skills, before telling me what to do.
This was AMAZING and I needed it. Thank you!
My narc dad has no empathy, he makes it worse by being sarcastic and thinking that I am a joke. He's wrong! I am no-contact with him, I deserve a better father!
I have a narcissistic friend since more than a decade, she get to be my friend because she literally love bombed me in the first 3 years, then she started ghosting and discarding.
I came to understand that she is a narcissist only since less than one year. Removed her from social media,and made a test about boundaries, while ghosting me she kept on spying on my family and close friends even if she knows that I don't like it...like just to let me know that. To let me know "I don't care of what you say, you'll notice that and you'll suffer somehow".
Now that I discovered it about her personality disorder I feel better, and I decided to pay her back with her same coin, which is silence, ghosting, discarding or lies. Now I don't talk to her since a month and I've noticed she erased me from whatsapp to punish me because I dared removing her from social media.
But I'm always afraid that she can come back. I'm afraid she can be dangerous. I don't want her to be hurt, I hope she will be fine, she's not a malignant narcissist.
But I understand that this friendship has always been about her needs and never about mine. As I manifested even the most little need all she could do was punishing me somehow.
They are so hypocrite people!
I had never dated a narc female before, I told her one of my only dislikes is don't message men I know whilst we're meeting. The minute we had a petty disagreement she would be adding them on FB and DM'ing them. She was constantly in some revenge mode
Thanks, needed to hear this
One of the strategies as well that I think you can do is to instill fear in the narcissist by looking at him with a look that I know who you are, and showing him at the same time how strong you are and doing something he hates but slightly, only for him to realize that you are not the victim he is looking for, and then put Boundaries are not debatable, limit interaction and be aware that any interaction on the part of the narcissist with you is a test of boundaries and finally an escape at any appropriate opportunity
I think you have saved my life and my future
Thank you for your videos on this
freeze mode also kills your soul on the long run
Great video! I set the boundary once, then demonstrate it every single time they try to test me thereafter. I have ZERO close narcissists in my life, and so this tactic works well. It’s more one particular neighbor and a couple of coworkers, which makes it MUCH easier to shut them out.
New subscriber here helping to support your channel and boost the algorithm. Comparing the likeness of Narcissistic Personality Disordered individuals to bears living in the wild is a pretty accurate analogy in my opinion. They both look at others as food (a source of supply) and they’re known to kill and eat their offspring too (gain narcissistic supply from the death of others). Cannibalism rests comfortably at the at top of the narcissistic spectrum, right?
You are so awesome Lisa. You have been extremely helpful to me and I thank you immensely.
So interesting: some cites say the first order of business is to set boundaries. But perhaps that's also with yourself. I had building brick walls and then banging my head against them down to a science: future faking, bread crumbing, gaslighting [myself], trauma bonding, until he finally devalued and discarded me for the final time. THAT'S when I started to learn about narcissim and every crazy-making interaction with mum, dad, and ex came into focus. DON'T GO BACK. It gets worse every time.
Wife always did this and I didn’t know why - she was picking fights saying strange things that eventually would insult me and make me react and then she would tell me look what you did and said ..
Thank youvfor the reenforcement. If dealing with a narrcassist you should watch these videos everyday to keep your mental balance. Because the narc with always knock you off balance.
While I am not acquitted with the brain information, what said about the effects, I am well acquitted with. I saw all of that from that person. I mean you nailed it- ever characteristic.
Facts love this video
Love your videos. Great job. Please don’t stop making them. It’s helping me heal from my narcissistic marriage.
Just was trying to finally find someone good and loving..
@liseleblanc you are a God send! I have learned so much from you! Thank you for all you do!
Thank you for life lessons about boundaries and our practical need to get help.
Even with a valid reason, it still didn't matter.
Totally
Thanks for doing what you do. Very useful and peace inspiring.
Spot on !! Thank You!!
Yes, I spent 10 years. He had no restrictions, the ones he imposed on me got more and more. After years of sneaking w/ porn, then closet drinking, then came the cheating. I had no idea what I was dealing w/ then, so I gave another chance, since he lied shamelessly and claimed it was an emotional affair. I realized the relationship had become really toxic and even tried to own my end. Tried to set boundaries, realizing he'd knocked them all down. The power struggle started right away. Caught him cheating again, kicked him out and 5 months later he's trying to come back. We have dealings because we still own a house and the bit of contact tries to turn into a lot and the boundary pressing is already starting. It's exhausting. Never experienced anything like this and won't again.
Loved it! Thank you.
Thank you
I have been watching your videos only tonight - but you have made clear for me many questions that I have had / with what I have had be able to share with no one ..
Also - I do see myself in many of the points as the narcissist myself
Just to mention
Thanks again and plz continue .🙏🏻😅🤝✨
100% true
Very difficult to deal with.
difficult but true so true...
Remarkably helpful. Thank you