Yup .my Ex did the same .and here I was thinking I was alone dealing with the same issue. Together 27 years and married for 14years . Until I woke up one day and decided enough is enough!
Probably the worse part of the gaslighting is when the narcissist manipulates you into thinking you are the narcissist and they are the victim. You start to believe it especially when there is that little bit of truth mixed in with lots of lies. I think you mentioned in another video where the person being victimized can act out like the narcissistic partner. This was absolutely nuclear and caused me to question my sanity and I was obsessed asking myself “what if I am the narcissist?”
I experienced this in the last 9 months of my relationship. It started with the passing of a dear friend of mine along with a lot of other stress I wasn't prepared for. In building myself back up, I decided that I have a right to defend myself and not just sit there and take her constant attacks. That's when she really showed how far she was willing to go in using me as an emotional punching bag for her own self-loathing.
I found myself many times thinking, "Did I actually say that? I don't remember promising that..." Did I really act that way? Did it really happen that way?" My ex-wife is a professional narcissist.
@@jawknee3898 no. Start planning now. Protect that kid at all costs. Pray for Gods will in your life and listen to your gut after you pray. God doesn't want you and your son to suffer any longer.
I am a father of 2 sons, 6 and 8, thank you for taking the effort to make this and other videos, it is a life saver for anyone who is at the brink of mental collapse.
I'm a father of an 9 year old daughter. I held on for 4 years while my daughter was sadistically allowed to be sexually abused by my ex wife's step father. I just got out of jail after finally snapping (it's been 4 years since my daughter first told me about the SA)
The system is set up to protect women from narcissistic males. Protecting men from narcissistic women is another matter. Listening to this brings up the panic and horror of my days as an ex husband with 2 small children. Man I sure needed you 15 years ago.
I am sorry about what you went true, but that is not the case. I think the system is set up to NOT protect real victims. Narcissists manipulate and lie in Court.. they convince the whole world the other parent is the problem. It is mind blowing how so many professionals are totally unaware.
All the abused women who fell victim to the system can somebody say something??? This comment is offensive! The system itself is narcissistic! The system defends the abuser, regardless of whether they are male or female.
@@Evey108 no.. most of the time women get protected and men aren't given a crap about. Your fake outrage reminds me of a hystrerionic fit throwing narcissist.
I am in that situation right now. Since 4 months ago. Everything by cutting finance, accused me to the Police, social service and other athourities has been made. Now the worst part so far has started. The project of trying make my 3 year old hate me.
100% accurate! My nex has explicitly said to me that we will "not co-parent". She wants total control of the situation. I ignore her now, but I reacted in the past. Big mistake. But in the end, I am happy to have be free from her abuse. 20 years of a failed marriage with 3 gorgeous children, a brand new big house just built 2 years ago, good jobs and comfort. But, nothing is enough for these vile creatures. So, I now live in a rented apartment, in a minimalistic life style, and my children enjoy visiting me. Our divorce was on June 2nd. One day after Narc Abuse Awareness day on June 1st. And I have just subscribed to your channel. I follow quite a few channels for about 3 years now. And I have found out about less than a week ago. You're absolutely amazingly accurate. Thank you very much.
My situation is VERY similar to yours (20+ years, divorced a month, tiny apartment) but thankfully only one child. I love Lise's her "parallel parenting" label and realized that's actually what I've been doing while calling it co-parenting. The new label will help me maintain better focus I think. Good luck brother, and congrats on your recent freedom. Become your very best both for you, and for your kids when they visit.
OMG! Identical situation. My NarWife created a false flag trauma event in January of 2022 which wound up with the neighbors breaking into my house and attacking me, choking me till almost loosing consciousness, while on a 911 call reporting the husband attacking me in my driveway. My wife took the kids and I contemplated reporting it as parental kidnapping but she had always came around before and admitted to her behaviors and we would just move on. 5 months after she left, she managed to bait me into an argument via text messaging and filed for an OFP on June 1st. (Which ironically is our anniversary date as well as the day that falls between our birthdays; mine being May 31st and hers being June 2nd) The amount of abuse and what this has cost me is immeasurable. It will take me the rest of my life to recover financially as well as having to start over entirely from scratch at 45 years old. She destroyed my business that I had established for 17 years. My competitor was my employer for 6 years prior and so I am now stuck with the option to move (away from my kids) or start a new career and/or business. I am literally at ground zero of rebuilding my life. Oh and did I mention that the neighbors got off Scott free and she's got DHS under her lies and I couldn't get an affordable lawer because she painted me as the abuser. I gave her over a year of couples therapy to define what she claimed as "so called abuse" so that I could change whatever behaviors were making her feel as such. Instead she spent every session complaining about how I wasn't meeting her expectations of caretaking for her; All while sitting on Facebook all day long and using my credit cards to buy crap on Amazon. "I can't even believe and/or put into words without writing a book!" SOME DAY I'LL HAVE TO. I am so grateful that I came across Lise L.'s videos and I have Goose bumps hanging on to the accuracy of each and every word she says describing what I have been through. I'm litterally in tears because of the relief of the beginning of regaining my sanity.
This mirrors my life pretty closely. I've been stuck in the court system for over four years, trying in vain to get a divorce and custody. I don't have much energy left to continue on fighting her.
Three beautiful children are a great gift. You bought a beautiful new home that they can grow up in it is not only for your nex. You are living separately, in a rented apartment and for now that's the best thing for you and your children. I would attempt to get her involved in programs that teach parents how to best treat children in divorce situations. You might do the same to learn about how to make the situation better.
How I wish I had seen this video when my then love of my life took our baby daughter, our beloved cat, and everything that we had built together, and left me with nothing but blame, hatred, guilt, debt, and deep, existential confusion. I later understood that I had inadvertently fallen in an idealize/devalue/discard relationship with a female covert narcissist, everything made sense, and I started working on my own issues (my own codependent traits and need for external validation) that made me a good prey for such behaviors, but for years nothing made absolutely any sense. Funnily enough, I had organically developed all the behaviors mentioned in your video, from the goofy name to separate myself from her judgements, crazy interpretations, and goalpost movings, to giving her no attention or sign of emotion, and most importantly, understanding that she's just a puppet of her ego and I should avoid any kinds of personalization, guilt, projection, or blame. It led me to discover stoicism, and spirituality, and 7 years later I can say that what I am now is a stronger and more grounded version of what I was then, and I have, primarily, learned that there's no such a thing as guilt, or personal doership, and that life never puts an unsurmountable problem before us: just obstacles that help us know and develop ourselves. I wish that this gives hope to anyone going through a similar cycle to mine: it gets better. And you'll be better, thanks to what you're going through. If you need a pointer, search for Alain de Botton , Alan Watts, and Aaron Abke (particularly the mindscience playlist).
As they yell at you to tell you how worthless you are, what you do is ask them not to do such things in the children’s presence, because you are trying to protect the children. They respond by blaming you for using the children as pawns! I’m not making this up! This is what they do! Disengage as thoroughly as possible!
I gave my son a quick glossary of terms like gaslighting. He was horrified at 11 years old that this was even a thing. Golden knowledge. I wish someone told me this stuff when i was a child
I wish npd was recognized in a court of law. My kids don't want to talk to me anymore and they're two states away 😢 Thank you for these strategies as I'm trying to get to the healing phase.
I haven't seen my 3 kids in 19 months, as mom monkey branched across the country from Cali-Michigan..That Monkey divorced her, but she had already re-monkeyed down to Ga. In less that 3 weeks in house together, now married. This is some rough stuff--19 months......Arg!!!
Working on a book for this very thing! There needs to be a completely separate court system and laws dealing with these characters. Our existing system demand that people are acting in good faith and honest, which are constitutionally impOssible dealing with NPD/BPD
@@aarongaffney6466 The biggest contributors to this wave of narcissism is ironically social media, especially tik Tok and Twitter. Especially seen in modern women and new age feminism. The nuclear family was under attack with the inception of welfare, the ousting of religion in schools, and making a mockery out of something as sacred as matrimony. This has led to opportunistic cash pits, not only to the divorcing parties, but to government as well. Narcissists know this system and take advantage of the opportunity in alliance with a corrupt failed court system
I had late stage colon cancer and had just finished six months of chemo when she left and took every penny of saving and took the kids, yet the gas lighting was SO INTENSE AND COMPLETE over all the years, I blamed myself! I begged for forgiveness and for her to come back (even though I’d don’t nothing wrong except get sick and not be able to work).
I had herniated a disc and she let me lay on the couch, telling me it was my fault, and going out every night. I layed there for months, alone in pain, until I got bed sores. instead of even thinking of how to help me, she let me rot.
I had herniated a disc and she let me lay on the couch, telling me it was my fault, and going out every night. I layed there for months, alone in pain, until I got bed sores. instead of even thinking of how to help me, she let me rot.
I'm telling you from experience, everything that this lady is saying is razor sharp factual!!! I been doing this for years !! Years!! I was doing everything she is saying before this video. And I'm telling you, I'm listen to her like she is sent from Jesus!!
This is great advice. You can't reason with them. Pull back, don't give them anything to use against you. Assume the worst in every interaction. I eventually got full custody. So when the $$ disappeared, so did she. Hasn't spoken to the kids in over 12 yrs. Gave all the kids therapy. They are mostly well adjusted adults now, but it took a lot of work and a new partner who was willing to help.
I know a woman who is a covert narcissist and she had to sign her rights away as a mother and the father has all the say, needless to say I have never met her ex husband but he is my hero for putting that soulless b**** in her place.
Great video. I have been attempting to coparent with a malignant covert female narcissist since 2008. It is impossible. She has almost destroyed both our son and myself. Thank you for bringing awareness of this plague upon humanity.🙏
Will have my divorce finalized with the narc by end of August. She only has to complete court mandated parenting course by Aug 30. I appreciate the advice very much. Hard to give up my child but she'll be 18 in 16 months and divorce agreement allows her to live with me at any point without court intervention. My attorney did an excellent job with an agreement with a narc. Attoreney knew more than I did about her. Mutual no contact order in the divorce and all communication about our child goes through talking parents app and is recorded. I will follow all this advice.
... no acceptance, no tolerance, no respect....not even neutrality ... just pure ignorance, leaving aside, no mentioning.... depersonalisation and derealisation .... pushing into nonexistence ... thats the way I do it ... and if I have to refer to her ... I call her Strange Woman (Fremde Frau in German) or my Child in special need (Sorgenkind in German)
I can TOTALLY relate to this! My son's mom, her mom, her sisters and her grandma are SUPREME NARCISSISTS! Anytime my son is around his Grandma from his mom's side, his Grandma ALWAYS has a negative comment to say about me to my son, like "your dad is an idiot and he's slow", "he doesnt know how to drive", "he has no job", etc. I can care less what they say to me amongst her family, but amongst my son, OH HELL NAH! I know they're purposely trying to paint me as a lazy, jobless, no income person which is all lies. I don't give them access to my success. I keep my personal life private from them because I know they'll try to take anything and everything from me. Thank god my son is not vacuous and understands why they say bad things about me and try to undermind me and belittle me. Thankfully my son defends me. I unconditionally love my son. Whats funny is my son's mom had another kid with her current "husband" and she cheated on him with a co worker from her job. My son's mom has seen i few glimpse of my progress and success in life and she's been trying to give me those I want your attention and affection" gaze, but i dont even look at her at all. I don't respect, as the kids say nowadays, 304s. She and her family can go to hell.
I wish I had watched this video 20 years ago when I was struggling alone with my narcissist partner. I didn't know at that time that my partner was dysfunctional and had npd behavior. She had made me believe that I was THE bad guy and I couldn't even figure out that SHE was the abuser. Since then I have struggled a lot with my "coparenting" experience, luckily enough for me we split up quite early after we had our daughter and have lived in different countries since then. The physical distance between us saved my life and my soul, although we still had to tackle with a lot of issues and I still had to engage in the relationship as the father of my daughter. I tried to provide to my daughter the safest environment I could, I realize only since 2 years that I was at that time completely unaware that she was living with a toxic mother. May be that was better for my mental health, I would have felt so guilty had I known what was most likely happening to my daughter in her relationship with her mother. That was meant to be. I learnt alone to deal with such a character and I would resume in : don't react, don't engage emotionally. As you said: (learn to) behave as a robot. I felt so often overwhelmed by this extreme experience, but I feel now grateful as it has built my character and lead me to find a deep inner connection within myself, which I was hugely lacking of when I was younger. That's what the narcissist points out to. Now my daughter is 17, I haven't seen her since one and half years, she's had been convinced by her mother that I am an unworthy and full of flaws father. It's such a pain for me but I keep faith. I found so many hidden resources within me during all theses chaotic years, that's life's reward for such a difficult path. Thank you for all the contents you provide for men and women to acknowledge them and empower them and allow them to deal with more confidence and less shame with such issues. Especially men need to know that female abusers exist, their toxic behavior may not be as easily put into evidence as male toxic behaviors are, but the psychological and emotional violence they perpetuate can cause as much damage in your being and in your life.
Franz thanks for sharing. I agree the assumption is by most that the male is the toxic element but as you stated there are female abusers. I resonate with the fact you get broken down by the them and whittled away, it is like a death by a 1000 cuts. It took me a while to see how subservient and weak I'd become. In the beginning they love bomb. Wish I knew about all this a lot earlier. Lisa thanks for explaining the structural differences in their CNS
I married and had kids with two narcissists. It's extremely difficult. My kids with my first wife are 21 and 18. Unfortunately my 18 year old has chosen to move in with her mom because she let's her do whatever she chooses. My firstborn and youngest is currently living with me and sees what's going on. Having said that I never demean their other parents but I do the best I can to support them. emotionally. It really is a balancing act because the other parents do everything they can to keep them with them but ultimately end up showing their true colors.
God, I hope my kids finally see the truth. They are 11 and 15 and are being bamboozled by her and her family (grandmother is def a narc as well)--she only wants what's best for herself and it has been very difficult to stop fighting with her about it.
My God! You are so accurate. I'm sure everybody is watching your video, thinking: this is exactly it! THANK YOU. It is actually a relief to see that their paterns/modus operandis are basically kind of universal in the narcissists'world. And we, the prey, the victims, whatever we call us, are not crazy (but they may made us become crazy). THANK YOU VERY MUCH
OMG, wish I could have talked to you 15 years ago. All the things you are saying to do, it took so much time for me to get there, but I eventually did all the things you are suggesting. To anyone who is in this situation, what this person is saying works, trust me. Do not show the x any emotional responses. I use to get really triggered and type out all the crazy things I wanted to say, then print them out and put them in a folder. When enough time had passed, and I felt like the initial emotional response had passed, I would take out the printed response, read it then trash it. It really helped me to move on and teach self control when it came to emotion with this person.
I have friends in this situation and it is so incredibly sad to watch how the children are being used as pawns. It’s difficult to know how to support someone in this situation so thank you for this video. I will be sure to share.
@@waragainstmyself1159 I actually did. I supported her long enough until,she was ready to get help to leave. It was a very long and difficult time but she is finally out and starting from scratch on her own with the girls. ❤️
You are absolutely right, unfortunately. I strongly suggest to ONLY communicate via a parenting platform, like Talking Parents. All communication is definite, unchangeable and can be used in court as is. You can find any subject in the complete PDF file when searching for a word. It saves so much time and energy! They may even watch their words, but in my case, he doesn’t, which is perfect to show the constant personal attacks, inconsistency and what not. Only respond to children’s logistics, all else “crickets”. Disengage from the personal stuff, discuss children only. My ex is actually retreating more and more, canceling timesharing, because he can’t get to me. And our children are becoming more and more aware of his toxic behavior, not wanting to see him anymore. I wish everyone who is dealing with this strength and wisdom. Your tips on this video are priceless, very on point and helpful.
This video is so true. My ex-narc has caused 2 CPS cases against me, a social worker case at my daughter’s doctors office, to the tax board for tax fraud and has written many letters to my daughter’s doctor for anything she can to get me in trouble. I’m just lucky that nothing ever sticks due to it being a false claim. Channels like this have really helped me through this horrible co-parent experience
First off, I truly appreciate the support and information as grim as it is. I’m currently living in a Rv on our property to have my parenting time or in the attic in the house. It’s not safe in the house around her due to the constant gaslighting, the induced conversations, belittling, minimizing, invalidating, bashing. This has got to be the most horrific experience I’ve ever gone through. I have three children two older and one that’s two we share. The two older children will not come over anymore due to her rage. So I make time outside the house to parent. I have no choice with my youngest. I have her blocked and only go through email. The more I set boundaries the more extreme she gets. Thank you for making the choice to support men. This is a real issue that needs more attention. Your truly appreciated.
My ex wife is an undiagnosed narcissist. Our mediation was done after 4 sessions bc of her crazy demands. The head mediator even gave me a courtesy call a few days after she closed our case. I believe She knew this in a roundabout way and wished me good luck
I have a somewhat similar story. Before I realized my wife was a narcissist, I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me. She refused at first, but decided to try it (half-heartedly) after her friend talked her into it. It was during the Pandemic, so it was going to be online. First meeting was just a meet and greet with the therapist. Then the next week was 30 minutes with my wife, and then 30 minutes with me. My wife went first, then left the room. When the therapist came back, we said hello and exchanged pleasantries. Then she said "Just so you know, I have the names of some very good divorce attorneys in town....they are serious sharks...if you ever need one." I was stunned that a therapist would say this. They always make every effort to work things out. Later I asked my wife, and the therapist didn't say anything like that to her. My wife said she disliked her and we went to another therapist that only lasted a couple of months and we really got nowhere. The therapist spotted the serious narcissist in my wife right away, and knew what was the cause of all our trouble. I should have listened to her and saved 2 years of heartache.
What an experience! Almost destroyed me while I lost everything over fifteen years. A good therapist said “God wants you to be happy-get a divorce”. Tried counselling and she responded by discarding me. Got a good lawyer and a no nonsense judge. Together they saved me. I have a great life. She does not. But I wasted fifteen years trying to save a hopeless marriage.
Thankyou Lise, and especially also for not assuming that the narcissist is the man/father - as so many others do! I am sure the ratio is 50/50 % between men/women. I have a baby daughter with a covert narcissist (the mother). I recognise everything you say here. There is no co-parenting, just separate parenting, and it is absolutely necessary to get the court involved. No other way. The covert narcissist is pure evil. She has no empathy and she uses our daughter as an instrument. It is horrible! But I will do everything to protect my daughter. Thanks for your videos!
Unfortunately my narc ex was the breadwinner and discarded me with the kid to raise on my own 3 months ago. She is also still head of household on everything. Idk if I should try switching that and going for child support. Dont have money for a lawyer. Trying to build myself back up after 9 years of abuse and control.
This is so true! My intent is not to minimize the situation for women who are married to a male narc but I feel there is a natural stigma in society to assuming males are more often the abusers. I feel like the mask of a real discreate female CN fools us all much better/longer!
I’ve been bullied for years . And it’s been sooo difficult to stay quiet. But as time goes on, I’m able to see that arguing back gets me nowhere ! Then I’m left feeling drained all over someone that seems to have no true feelings or compassion. The hardest thing to do is to stay quiet ! Easier said than done . it’s soo worth it tho ! I’m working on it . 😅🤐
This is my favorite video so far that I’ve found on TH-cam, because you are extremely informative and giving us tools that are needed to keep this as peaceful as possible. Every interaction with them is like disarming a bomb. You have to be very precise. I swear this should be considered hazard pay 😂. What I like about this video as well is It’s also genderless and not directed at “getting back” at them. I don’t want to “get back or get even” with them. It took me awhile to realize they are mentally sick. So, I’m going to need to be Consistent and clear headed for my kids. I unfortunately have two kids with my ex so I just want to learn how to deal with them without losing my mind. Thank you so much. I will be sharing this video with some of my close family. Much love❤
I promised myself when I divorced I would never bad mouth my ex to his sons and while they were living with me I never did..I don't know if he felt the same..I had physical custody and he had visitation ....the boys would come home with stories of their Dad that angered and horrified me..He called at 2 am one night and told me to come get your *+×&% kids !..( he lived 100 miles away in a different state..) They won't listen to me!!! I explained to him how I got them to listen..DON'T SWEAR OR ORDER THEM..tell them what the consequence is and let them choose...then carry through..that way your showing respect and value for them and their decision...My middle son wanted to leave at 11:30 pm to meet a friend at the Cafe..I told him. Ok go.. but the house will be locked when you come back and you'll sit on the porch all night until I leave for work...he looked at me for several minutes..then took his jacket off and went to bed..and NO..he didn't sneak out...he understood the consequence.. my ex couldn't comprehend and I'm sure the kids suffered... 30 years after the divorce I discovered my oldest son ..who chose to live and work for his Dad at 18.. has taken on his Dads narcissistic alcoholic personality and after his Dads death has transfered all his anger and resentment on to me and now despises me and refuses to speak to me or his younger brother...You can't MAKE someone love you if they don't and you can't MAKE them stay if they won't...he's an adult and responsible for his own actions and life..there's nothing I'm able to say or do to change him..
Unfortunately NPD is learnt through abuse from other narcissistic people. As hard as it may be the only way to win with a narc is by cutting them off for good. Did it to the majority of my blood relatives and everyone else wh associates with them and my life has finally got to the point where Im undoing the damage they caused. Best of luck
This is genius. She is so right. The more you say or the more you give them the more sick and twisted things they spin. I tried the least amount of words the last interaction when he demanded I explain something to him. I wrote 8 words that stated the letter he forwarded was a generic letter. I didn’t receive anything back! Then he tried another engagement. I didn’t reply, it didn’t need on. But before that, when our son went into the hospital and needed emergency surgery, I tried opening communication again hoping that he could sanely co parent with me. He drew me back into crazytown and I was in a loop for 40 minutes when I saw my counselor. All the work I did was blackened by two interactions with him. I just can’t. I don’t have enough emotional bubbles to give him.
Yes this video is especially helpful for men going through situations like this. When you are in it, it so bad you have no idea who you are or what even is going on. At some level you understand all of this but because you have been belittled and denied so much this information needs to be heard by patient and loving people like you. Thank you. And guys, once you go through this though, you can gain the power of discernment and you no longer need to be effected by the covert narcissist's manipulation tactics, or take the bait.
It’s a relief to hear all this. You’re describing the approach I’ve come to organically over the last 3 years but so many of my friends can’t understand why I’m not being more aggressive with my kids dad. I wish that I was able to encourage him to be reasonable and co-parent responsibly, with our boys at the centre of everything, but it’s never gonna happen. Best I can do is nurture a safe, engaging, healthy space for them in my home.
This video might be a life saver for right now....I am going through hell right now with my narcissistic ex...she is using the our child to punish me...not letting the kid visit his father at all despite his crying and my prayers to her....she is just trying to destroy our relationship... taking advantage of a corrupted judge that approved an illegal decision.... there' s no visiting program for me ..even if the custody is together....as she is extremely jealous that our son prefers his father....Of course I sued her..and appealed against the decision ....and now we are waiting to see what is happening while I m trying my best to survive...
Coparwnting is impossible” what a relief when I hears you say that. To go to court is just spending my children’s money. She doesn’t give a damn what the court says.
Thank you so much for this video. I think you may have literally saved my life! My ex has completely alienated me from my child and is nearly verbatim from this video. I saw this video when I was at the end of my rope. I am still not over the loss of my child and still fighting deep trauma from this relationship, but you gave me a lifeline. Again thank you for this video.
Ms. Leblanc, thank you so much for this video. This is spot on. You're not being pessimistic, you're being honest. It is absolutely true. It's as if you had been following my divorce case. I only wish I had known this back in 2017. The divorce case is still open. She is doing NOTHING that the court has required. My son was old enough to move back in with her in 2020, unfortunately. My daughter has been with me since March of 2017 full time. She is 15 now and a very well behaved, good person. I am remarried and happy and my ex-wife is still absolutely obsessed with trying to ruin my life. I was writing everything down in a calendar during the heat of the divorce and in one day, during work hours, she text me 165 times, in one day.
What kind of sick person can hurt her children, manipulate them, incite them against the other parent all this and much more with only one intent - hurt other parent. SICK, SICK, TWISTED individuals.
My wife bullied me for months,than she kicked me out of the house. Before that she cleaned our saving account, and called the cops on me. Was not enough, she also contacted my job and wanted to destroy my image. Now I'm 43 and i had to go back to my mom's house. The only reason that I have still energy are my kids.
My story is almost exactly the same. I live in my car now, and just do my best to hide that fact from my 3yo. Keep your head up man, keep being a good dad. Take care of yourself and all will work out. And cheers to being a normal human and not a monster 🥂
@@koray2573 I'm sorry to hear that. If I hadn't my mom, I would live in my car too. It's just crazy how someone that you love or loved can turn in a monster.
Guys I praise yall!! I pray you guys get out of it! I’m Nervous and scared because i live with one and it’s been 6 years and we have a 3 year old boy… I need advice
"The therapist that said my wife was the problem was the one we never had a second appointment with"... of course this happened three different times, with 3 different marriage counselors...she always cut-off those sessions when the light came close and searching on her issues!
Thank you so much for this video I have been dealing with the co-parent for 6 years. Your tips really do work it took me 3 years of therapy to get to a healthy place for my kids and I.
This is me 😥 Thank you so much for the guidance. I am already doing some of the strategies you mention but I will now look at incorporating some more. I am also seeing a counsellor which does cost money, but it is probably the best investment I have ever made in myself. Thank you, GB
#5 😆😄 I love all your advice in this video,wish I had seen it years ago when I needed it.I had naturally applied them in my situation,by the time you got to 5,I couldn't help but laugh because this was definitely a must for me,never called her that out loud,just made it her contact name. 😂 Again,tbh,these things were what I did naturally,like you stated,just for peace of mind,I didn't care how she twisted the narrative (as she often did),and,like you stated,she always blew up at me even though her life was on better grounds,she had new relationship,kid,home,made more money,etc,while I was just trying to pick myself up with what little dignity I had left and carry on. This video really hit home,glad I watched it.
thank you, soooooo much for that video. Your video is the story of my life since I got divorced, 11 years ago. It really is HELL. No one understood me, but I actually did exactly as you say. Every one saw me as the bad guy, teachers, socialworkers, and so on. You just can not explain, the un-explainable to people. Fortunately, the strategi that you descripe, and that i have used, works. Still. To this day, I know, that I would not have believed any one with my story. In so many ways it explains why this problem is so difficoult to resolve. Its not that people dont listen or trries to understand. They simply can not understand.
Sounds like the only way to win is "I can either have full custody or you can. Either works for me, I don't care. Make your choice" At the end of the day... kids aren't fun. Narcissists get bored easily. So go ahead, take them, have fun with that OR give them to me I know how that will turn out. Me with the kids.
My situation. After six years of bliss she discarded me from the family home after I stood up to her, she'd found new supply and started an affair with a man who looks a LOT like my late father. She has the children 5 & 3y/o. I am going to fight for their custody. I learned the fourth man across her adult life that has had to do so. She has a habit of alienating her own family including her adult daughters. Two of her living exs, and the two adult daughters have rallied to my aid with statements and evidence. I know she's smeared me a lot, I've seen her friends chat logs. Im praying I can get my little children.
Godspeed on getting your little children, and be glad she discarded you. Mine threatened, but then continues to drag out the process now years even knowing all 4 kids are testifying against her. It seems like it will never end.
Just playing devil's advocate.. 6 years of bliss sounds unusual for a covert narcissist, and the family situation also seems unusual.. I am not trying to diminish your assessment but for example people with BPD can go through long phases of good relationships over years then relatively suddenly devalue, destabilise and bail. I think that narcs start to devalue their partner much earlier than years in, more like months, maybe a year, but much longer than that and I doubt even the most covert narc could hide their innate tendencies to cause everyone misery.. Alienating her own family could also be a sign of BPD and is unusual for NPD. Narcs are much more likely to alienate you from everyone else using triangulation and smear campaigns. Other people in both of your lives (including your own family) will almost inevitably be turned against you and see them as the victim in your relationship. They also have exceptional mind-fkery skills. It is highly likely that over the years, you will come to think that somehow she is the victim in your narc relationship and you are the one at fault, quite possibly even you will be accused of being and start to wonder if you are a narc yourself. It's a really strong tactic they use. Again, not trying to diminish your own assessment but just wanted to give you an option to review (I'm sure there are other potential explanations too) in case you wanted to explore other ideas for what may have happened.
@@lordcailx fair comment. I've met people who have lived with Narc's for a couple of decades. I'm guessing much of the time it depends how long that supply lasts. We needed to consolidate last summer, and she started looking elsewhere possibly November before latching on to new supply in February. Now, with my ' lovebomb blinkers' finally off and watched hundreds of vids like this, I see where all the red flags were. Her actions are habitual as well, and I'm currently working with the poor sod she was with before and told me was an abuser. She's basically done the same to me.
Wow, this video hits close to home for so many co-parents out there. Coparenting can be a challenge on its own, but when you're dealing with a narcissist, it can feel impossible. This video offers valuable insights on how to navigate the situation, with 10 practical tips for surviving parallel parenting. If you're in this situation, I highly recommend checking it out.
Prayers they do not love their children. I was shocked when he let the new supply damage our son car at his BK job. They are sick protect your babies/ children. My mother was even narccistic and it was brutal. Thank you 💜🙏🙏🙏🙏Remember they want to hurt you and these poor babies 😪are fair game.
I lived a horrible last year of school with my youngest daughter, I knew my husband was actually enjoying the abuse I was enduring, I SAW IT ON HIS FACE! That time has passed and with my good reaction(Although my heart was breaking) my daughter has come around and we are close again! Now he has turned the attention to my middle daughter whom he has always been cruel too, she’s eating it up and at first I was blindsided, but I am sure that is what’s going on, and now I will not be triggered and wait for her heart to change, or mind. He’s the same, today as yesterday and is not going to change!
My ex has done everything a narcissist mother and ex can possibly do yet she is still convinced that I am the problem and that *I* am narcissistic. 🤷♂ Now this could be my version against hers, but the thing is, the Court, the kids (and the kids' laywers), experts opinion, child protective service...everyone is telling her she needs to stop behaving like she does. Her ex-boyfriend (and the laywer) even reached out to me to see the kids and apologized personally for siding with that horrible person. I keep feeling bad for my kids because they absolutely do not trust their mom and i cant imagine a world not trusting my mother.
This is my Husband's story as well. Thank God we found one another. I am their Mother. Therapy is a constant but all is well! Much love to you and yours.❤
Unfortunately that's another thing that narcissists are known for. Saying that you are the narcissist. I have learned that when I get accused of something that you can be sure that she is doing exactly what she has accused me of. Good luck
@@Nalot56 I even use a picture of Cruella for her DP when she calls, I don't answer anyway I let the ringtone play which is clown car music. It's a riot when she calls. 😂 😂 😂
If you are here, thank God you made it this far. I spent years thinking my natural faults were all our problems. Then I started to feel like the umbrella. Like why am I catching it all? Almost 20 years later, I learned to better myself and noticed the person I parent with isn't. Then the therapy and self help started by myself. Now I know I'm dealing with a person who never had good intentions because it was never in her. My faults fed hers and as long as I didn't better myself, she always had a reason to be mean spirited naturally. It validated her ill will. Now we co parent and I'm getting better at quietly playing my role without speaking as much because that's where she disturbs the peace on purpose.
Gosh 8 months ago wife left robbed me of my little girl. Manipulated me to go to counseling that she would join yet she never did. Instead she secretly filed for divorce and used my going to therapy as a reason for her to get full custody. I got 9 hours a week. Sadly the court gave her this power and made her more controlling. It’s like a nightmare and I have been a mess without my girl. I don’t understand how co parenting without communication can even happen.
Thanks Doc, I didn't realise this is what my ex is. She gets to me hard, kids caught in the middle and she does all she can to use my kids as weapons. I need healing and will look into the strategies and tactics to make life better. Thanks.
I'm coming to terms that I might have to divorce my wife because she's exactly script for script with all these videos. She even took my son back to her mother's place whom taught her to be the way she is and I'm banned from seeing him. It breaks my heart that I was blinded until it was too late. Family lawyer is the route but I'm so in denial... Being an INFJ does suck sometimes
@@fritzhubig7008 im still here { relationship wise} . educating myself on this whole narcissitic thing as well as prayer . im also taking moretime to focus on me and introspecting myself to see if a part of the reason as well and looking for outside justifications to say see it is her and not myself ... so in short, i am at a period of my life where much introspection is going on . but thank you for asking ..
@@vincentjohnson7519 Thank you for your reply. If you need Look me up on the Internet. It's been great to talk to other men And get a diverse range of opinions. However, I'm just like you in the sense of staying in the relationship and trying to work things out Mostly by bettering myself.
thats another thing that i learned during this whole process, opening up and sharing does wonders and has even lifted some of the burden that i was carrying behind all of those perceived feelings pertaining to my relationship . a lot of it i found out wasnt even her, but me , keeping everything bottled up inside and not having a trusted outlet to share with .. but once i began talking on certain things, like i said, some of the weight had been lifted. i wish you well Fritz in however things may turn out for you andyour relationship and just like you, im here as well if you ever care to talk .. blessings
This is so true thank you for sharing this, my x has used our child against me and abused and played the court so much and got away with a-z, to the point I had to manage my sanity over fight with her over and over, sad but true the courts did Not care what she did period. I feel for my child and there was no way around her control issues. Im sad I gave up on her bs not my child. Im helpless.
I survived her, although still have to pick and choose when to answer (respond). Mine is ultra-sick: she even tried to put me in jail a few times. Once because I asked about a car accident my eldest son told me about they were involved in the day before as their mom was drunk driving and hit a pole. I asked her if she took them to the ER to check on them. Instead, she filed a claim with the Police for harassment as I was under an OP not to text her. She actually locked me up and I had to fight Criminal Contempt costing me $20,000. Of course she withdrew the charges after her lawyers told her that the $ will be gone if I’m jailed. Another time, my present wife and I took the boys to the zoo and got stuck in traffic. We were 30 mins late to the drop off time in their house. Their grandma called us and we told her we’re running late. Instead, my Ex called the cops claiming the boys were kidnapped. We arrived to the house shocked: 6 patrol cars, a full-blown SWAT team and 2 ambulances. We zig-zagged between the cops trying to figure who got shot in this very expensive Long Island neighborhood. It turned out my Ex told the cops that my kids were kidnapped. My wife, my 2-year old baby daughter and I were kept under interrogation for 3 hours then released. That’s when I decided to leave the State of New York (a crazy place) and put some distance (jurisdiction). It has been 7 years of CrazyLand and Hell but I learned from my mistakes and cut all access points. Now, I speak to her only in 1 business sentence and only related to the boys. I ignore everything else. By the way, my ex is gay and has a wife/husband in the house where my boys reside. She is also very rich which sucks as her law firm is constantly harassing me. Never again! 😅
I cannot tell you how AMAZING this video is. I wish I had found it years ago. I’ve been searching and searching for hands on practical solutions!!! So many videos out there just describe the narcissist over and over and don’t focus on strategies do deal with them. THANK YOU SOOOOOO VERY MUCH!❤
Im falling apart trying to make a relationship work and parent with someone who leaves me drained and makes me feel like I'm a horrible person when all i do is bend over backwards to support the emotional needs of my family. Meanwhile my emotional needs are never the subject of any conversation, unless its a conversation about how i need to take better care of myself so i can support them MORE. She doesn't even want to see me comfort my child when the baby is having a tantrum. Im so lost.
Thank you, this just validated all the things that I have been doing dealing with a narcissistic coparent. I loved the analogy of not allowing them into your personal space even thru text, and taking back the power of dealing with them when your ready not when they think you should respond.
It’s so difficult dealing with a narcissist parent. My poor partner has to deal with one. She’s so cruel! She even tried to change the child’s surname at school to her husbands surname, took his information out of the school and is trying to alienate the child from us. This video really helps. Thank you.
These are terrible stories and I can identify with every single one Women can be cruel particularly when children are involved The lesson I learned: get out now! The situation is hopeless. Time is your most precious currency. Your mental and physical health is at risk God wants you to be happy. Have faith it will all work out and the kids will come back. Be patient and enjoy your freedom
Thanks for the content! I’ve been applying your strategies and it’s beginning to work. I’ve had to take the mother of my daughter to court 5 times in the last 5 years. I’m soooo tired of this BS.
You have the same mask has the Narc has. You know how to make it, you know how to not care. You had the best teacher. Put it on just for them, don't hate that shows you value them. Embrace indifference to save yourself, remember who you were before they broke you. Find where exactly where, you left you behind.
Thanks Lisa. The minimal responses I had already started prior to seeing your video. I like the advice about a set time each day and me deciding when and not letting them use my energy bubbles. I know see the attempts at provoking me comments like "her children" not our children etc, I guess narcissistic supply attempts". Are they all insecure at a deeper level of the mind my suspicion is it is a large ego externally underwritten by a massive insecurity subconsciously
Spot on, ESPECIALLY about phone contact. If you really think about it, who is really reaching out to who? You can cut out like 95% of unnecessary contact and dialogue with this person and have so much more freedom.
Lise, a message from a Brazilian Father and University Professor. Thank you very much for the educational videos! You have no idea how what you are saying is helping me. Keep doing it! Love and Respect.
My ex has stolen Holidays from me but what really hurts is she has my older child wrapped around her finger. I have to fight for every day I can get with my eldest daughter and even when I've asked for more time my daughter's response is to just make the most of what I have. And before anyone asks, it's far less than 50%. Yet I'm asked by her mother to constantly pay for 50% of everything. With my younger child, her mother is abusive but knows to not do it when I'm around. She left for almost a year which wasn't originally the plan but she didn't tell me her plan until she was doing it. When I went to get my daughter back, upon arriving back at home, my younger daughter said her mother woud hit her. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I go to someone about it that I'll loose my daughter in some kind of custody battle. And since her mother has returned she's been trying to be on her best behavior with regards to that. The mother falls exactly into the descriptions this doctor has given of a Narcissist and so did the ex. I need help.
She will always present a problem in a story (that you would normally just solve) She will never ask directly. So when she hints at a problem....just acknowledege that it must be a challenge to work through. She will sigh and profess that it's the worst thing ever and that if she could only get past this problem everythng else would just be so easy. Just wish her the best of luck and watch the problem vanish.
Haha so true. My wife can create drama even if I’d pay for our whole semester on a nice hotel with beachfront. Maybe the hotel cleaner missed a spot and it’s such a problem and need to make drama. Oh the entitlement
All your advices match perfectly! Family courts should be instructed that co-parenting really is impossible with narcissists. I'd like to add one important point from my personal experience: Sincere real empathy! Narcissists don't have it, but children urgently need it. It is essential! My ex overwhelmed our only son with extreme attention, superficial love and pretending to be a super-mum, but it couldn't replace real empathy even when he was very young. It was for her but not for him - and he would feel it even at a very young age. The more she manipulated us and the more she finally attacked one of us, the more she unconsciously pushed him into my arms. Today, he lives with me and refuses any contact to her since being a teenager.
![[FULL EP.16] เซียนพาลุย "เผือก-ฟรอยด์" กรี๊ดลั่น จนปูหนี | เฮ็ดอย่างเซียนหรั่ง | One Playground](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/FsqUvwS3b-Y/mqdefault.jpg)
The therapist that said my wife was the problem was the one we never had a second appointment with.
“Well that guy was just crazy!”
-said by my soon to be ex wife after our counselor said she also had problems and everything wasn’t my fault 🤦♂️ 🙄
Same... Mine then justified it by devaluing the therapist's qualifications
Yup .my Ex did the same .and here I was thinking I was alone dealing with the same issue. Together 27 years and married for 14years . Until I woke up one day and decided enough is enough!
same here as well
Same.
Its hard to even limit the contact when they have your child
Probably the worse part of the gaslighting is when the narcissist manipulates you into thinking you are the narcissist and they are the victim. You start to believe it especially when there is that little bit of truth mixed in with lots of lies. I think you mentioned in another video where the person being victimized can act out like the narcissistic partner. This was absolutely nuclear and caused me to question my sanity and I was obsessed asking myself “what if I am the narcissist?”
lol....so true.
I experienced this in the last 9 months of my relationship. It started with the passing of a dear friend of mine along with a lot of other stress I wasn't prepared for. In building myself back up, I decided that I have a right to defend myself and not just sit there and take her constant attacks. That's when she really showed how far she was willing to go in using me as an emotional punching bag for her own self-loathing.
I hear you. I was asking myself the same question.
I found myself many times thinking, "Did I actually say that? I don't remember promising that..." Did I really act that way? Did it really happen that way?" My ex-wife is a professional narcissist.
I feel this way. I think it's because they push you to react out of character.
Co parent with a narcissist is literally a hell I pray God every day to help me. They literally want make you crazy 😭
Amen
Prayer is working well for my son and I.
Guys please help…. I’m in a 6 year relationship with a kid.. he’s 3 … I’m 32. Is it too late?
@@jawknee3898 no. Start planning now. Protect that kid at all costs. Pray for Gods will in your life and listen to your gut after you pray. God doesn't want you and your son to suffer any longer.
Any tips you can give a father who just left her narcissist wife. I'm
Feeling for my boys when they stay with her
I am a father of 2 sons, 6 and 8, thank you for taking the effort to make this and other videos, it is a life saver for anyone who is at the brink of mental collapse.
No doubt!
I'm a father of an 9 year old daughter. I held on for 4 years while my daughter was sadistically allowed to be sexually abused by my ex wife's step father. I just got out of jail after finally snapping (it's been 4 years since my daughter first told me about the SA)
Oh yes ..exhaustion of the very soul..💔😢
@@p0tmuffin69 omG😱💔
@@p0tmuffin69 ffs 😢 good luck bro
The system is set up to protect women from narcissistic males. Protecting men from narcissistic women is another matter. Listening to this brings up the panic and horror of my days as an ex husband with 2 small children. Man I sure needed you 15 years ago.
I am sorry about what you went true, but that is not the case. I think the system is set up to NOT protect real victims. Narcissists manipulate and lie in Court.. they convince the whole world the other parent is the problem. It is mind blowing how so many professionals are totally unaware.
All the abused women who fell victim to the system can somebody say something??? This comment is offensive! The system itself is narcissistic! The system defends the abuser, regardless of whether they are male or female.
@@Evey108 so true!
@@Evey108 no.. most of the time women get protected and men aren't given a crap about. Your fake outrage reminds me of a hystrerionic fit throwing narcissist.
I am in that situation right now. Since 4 months ago. Everything by cutting finance, accused me to the Police, social service and other athourities has been made. Now the worst part so far has started. The project of trying make my 3 year old hate me.
dam its heartbreaking to hear this shit.. shout out to the men and women that deal with this..
Its truly a nightmare. I wish this was available 15 yrs ago
12 years later and it only gets harder
Any tips… I’m trying to get out of a 6 year relationship with a 3 year old son! He don’t deserve to hear the arguments
100% accurate!
My nex has explicitly said to me that we will "not co-parent". She wants total control of the situation. I ignore her now, but I reacted in the past. Big mistake. But in the end, I am happy to have be free from her abuse. 20 years of a failed marriage with 3 gorgeous children, a brand new big house just built 2 years ago, good jobs and comfort. But, nothing is enough for these vile creatures. So, I now live in a rented apartment, in a minimalistic life style, and my children enjoy visiting me. Our divorce was on June 2nd. One day after Narc Abuse Awareness day on June 1st.
And I have just subscribed to your channel.
I follow quite a few channels for about 3 years now. And I have found out about less than a week ago. You're absolutely amazingly accurate. Thank you very much.
My situation is VERY similar to yours (20+ years, divorced a month, tiny apartment) but thankfully only one child. I love Lise's her "parallel parenting" label and realized that's actually what I've been doing while calling it co-parenting. The new label will help me maintain better focus I think. Good luck brother, and congrats on your recent freedom. Become your very best both for you, and for your kids when they visit.
OMG! Identical situation. My NarWife created a false flag trauma event in January of 2022 which wound up with the neighbors breaking into my house and attacking me, choking me till almost loosing consciousness, while on a 911 call reporting the husband attacking me in my driveway. My wife took the kids and I contemplated reporting it as parental kidnapping but she had always came around before and admitted to her behaviors and we would just move on. 5 months after she left, she managed to bait me into an argument via text messaging and filed for an OFP on June 1st. (Which ironically is our anniversary date as well as the day that falls between our birthdays; mine being May 31st and hers being June 2nd) The amount of abuse and what this has cost me is immeasurable. It will take me the rest of my life to recover financially as well as having to start over entirely from scratch at 45 years old. She destroyed my business that I had established for 17 years. My competitor was my employer for 6 years prior and so I am now stuck with the option to move (away from my kids) or start a new career and/or business. I am literally at ground zero of rebuilding my life. Oh and did I mention that the neighbors got off Scott free and she's got DHS under her lies and I couldn't get an affordable lawer because she painted me as the abuser. I gave her over a year of couples therapy to define what she claimed as "so called abuse" so that I could change whatever behaviors were making her feel as such. Instead she spent every session complaining about how I wasn't meeting her expectations of caretaking for her; All while sitting on Facebook all day long and using my credit cards to buy crap on Amazon. "I can't even believe and/or put into words without writing a book!" SOME DAY I'LL HAVE TO.
I am so grateful that I came across Lise L.'s videos and I have Goose bumps hanging on to the accuracy of each and every word she says describing what I have been through. I'm litterally in tears because of the relief of the beginning of regaining my sanity.
This mirrors my life pretty closely. I've been stuck in the court system for over four years, trying in vain to get a divorce and custody.
I don't have much energy left to continue on fighting her.
@@TicToc7734 🤣I love that name "NarWife"! Effing Hilarious! Stay strong brother!
Three beautiful children are a great gift. You bought a beautiful new home that they can grow up in it is not only for your nex. You are living separately, in a rented apartment and for now that's the best thing for you and your children. I would attempt to get her involved in programs that teach parents how to best treat children in divorce situations. You might do the same to learn about how to make the situation better.
I stopped being defensive. It works.
I will begin also
This is the way
What's helped me is thinking of her as my own Amber Heard and I try to be as cool as Johnny Depp in the courtroom when speaking with her.
That was a boss move lol
lol When dealing with my ex my mantra is “ Office Space” because I like to try to embody the main characters IDGAF attitude
This hits so close to home it makes me sick to think about the situation and how it’s affecting my daughter.
same-so innocent
How I wish I had seen this video when my then love of my life took our baby daughter, our beloved cat, and everything that we had built together, and left me with nothing but blame, hatred, guilt, debt, and deep, existential confusion.
I later understood that I had inadvertently fallen in an idealize/devalue/discard relationship with a female covert narcissist, everything made sense, and I started working on my own issues (my own codependent traits and need for external validation) that made me a good prey for such behaviors, but for years nothing made absolutely any sense.
Funnily enough, I had organically developed all the behaviors mentioned in your video, from the goofy name to separate myself from her judgements, crazy interpretations, and goalpost movings, to giving her no attention or sign of emotion, and most importantly, understanding that she's just a puppet of her ego and I should avoid any kinds of personalization, guilt, projection, or blame.
It led me to discover stoicism, and spirituality, and 7 years later I can say that what I am now is a stronger and more grounded version of what I was then, and I have, primarily, learned that there's no such a thing as guilt, or personal doership, and that life never puts an unsurmountable problem before us: just obstacles that help us know and develop ourselves.
I wish that this gives hope to anyone going through a similar cycle to mine: it gets better. And you'll be better, thanks to what you're going through.
If you need a pointer, search for Alain de Botton , Alan Watts, and Aaron Abke (particularly the mindscience playlist).
As they yell at you to tell you how worthless you are, what you do is ask them not to do such things in the children’s presence, because you are trying to protect the children. They respond by blaming you for using the children as pawns! I’m not making this up! This is what they do! Disengage as thoroughly as possible!
That's what happened to me yesterday.
I gave my son a quick glossary of terms like gaslighting. He was horrified at 11 years old that this was even a thing. Golden knowledge. I wish someone told me this stuff when i was a child
I wish npd was recognized in a court of law. My kids don't want to talk to me anymore and they're two states away 😢
Thank you for these strategies as I'm trying to get to the healing phase.
Yes💔this knowledge should be taught in school & college..
I haven't seen my 3 kids in 19 months, as mom monkey branched across the country from Cali-Michigan..That Monkey divorced her, but she had already re-monkeyed down to Ga. In less that 3 weeks in house together, now married. This is some rough stuff--19 months......Arg!!!
@@danscott2059 what's ultimately helped me is finding God. He is the ultimate medicine 🙏
Working on a book for this very thing! There needs to be a completely separate court system and laws dealing with these characters. Our existing system demand that people are acting in good faith and honest, which are constitutionally impOssible dealing with NPD/BPD
@@aarongaffney6466 The biggest contributors to this wave of narcissism is ironically social media, especially tik Tok and Twitter. Especially seen in modern women and new age feminism.
The nuclear family was under attack with the inception of welfare, the ousting of religion in schools, and making a mockery out of something as sacred as matrimony.
This has led to opportunistic cash pits, not only to the divorcing parties, but to government as well.
Narcissists know this system and take advantage of the opportunity in alliance with a corrupt failed court system
I had late stage colon cancer and had just finished six months of chemo when she left and took every penny of saving and took the kids, yet the gas lighting was SO INTENSE AND COMPLETE over all the years, I blamed myself! I begged for forgiveness and for her to come back (even though I’d don’t nothing wrong except get sick and not be able to work).
I had herniated a disc and she let me lay on the couch, telling me it was my fault, and going out every night. I layed there for months, alone in pain, until I got bed sores. instead of even thinking of how to help me, she let me rot.
I had herniated a disc and she let me lay on the couch, telling me it was my fault, and going out every night. I layed there for months, alone in pain, until I got bed sores. instead of even thinking of how to help me, she let me rot.
I'm telling you from experience, everything that this lady is saying is razor sharp factual!!! I been doing this for years !! Years!! I was doing everything she is saying before this video. And I'm telling you, I'm listen to her like she is sent from Jesus!!
This is great advice. You can't reason with them. Pull back, don't give them anything to use against you. Assume the worst in every interaction.
I eventually got full custody. So when the $$ disappeared, so did she. Hasn't spoken to the kids in over 12 yrs. Gave all the kids therapy. They are mostly well adjusted adults now, but it took a lot of work and a new partner who was willing to help.
So happy for you
You can't reason with them. Thats right. They thrive on drama.
I know a woman who is a covert narcissist and she had to sign her rights away as a mother and the father has all the say, needless to say I have never met her ex husband but he is my hero for putting that soulless b**** in her place.
Great video. I have been attempting to coparent with a malignant covert female narcissist since 2008. It is impossible. She has almost destroyed both our son and myself. Thank you for bringing awareness of this plague upon humanity.🙏
Will have my divorce finalized with the narc by end of August. She only has to complete court mandated parenting course by Aug 30. I appreciate the advice very much. Hard to give up my child but she'll be 18 in 16 months and divorce agreement allows her to live with me at any point without court intervention. My attorney did an excellent job with an agreement with a narc. Attoreney knew more than I did about her. Mutual no contact order in the divorce and all communication about our child goes through talking parents app and is recorded. I will follow all this advice.
Adjust your expectations, Big game changer, goes along with Radical acceptance.
... no acceptance, no tolerance, no respect....not even neutrality ... just pure ignorance, leaving aside, no mentioning.... depersonalisation and derealisation .... pushing into nonexistence ... thats the way I do it ... and if I have to refer to her ... I call her Strange Woman (Fremde Frau in German) or my Child in special need (Sorgenkind in German)
I can TOTALLY relate to this! My son's mom, her mom, her sisters and her grandma are SUPREME NARCISSISTS! Anytime my son is around his Grandma from his mom's side, his Grandma ALWAYS has a negative comment to say about me to my son, like "your dad is an idiot and he's slow", "he doesnt know how to drive", "he has no job", etc. I can care less what they say to me amongst her family, but amongst my son, OH HELL NAH! I know they're purposely trying to paint me as a lazy, jobless, no income person which is all lies. I don't give them access to my success. I keep my personal life private from them because I know they'll try to take anything and everything from me. Thank god my son is not vacuous and understands why they say bad things about me and try to undermind me and belittle me. Thankfully my son defends me. I unconditionally love my son.
Whats funny is my son's mom had another kid with her current "husband" and she cheated on him with a co worker from her job.
My son's mom has seen i few glimpse of my progress and success in life and she's been trying to give me those I want your attention and affection" gaze, but i dont even look at her at all.
I don't respect, as the kids say nowadays, 304s. She and her family can go to hell.
I wish I had watched this video 20 years ago when I was struggling alone with my narcissist partner. I didn't know at that time that my partner was dysfunctional and had npd behavior. She had made me believe that I was THE bad guy and I couldn't even figure out that SHE was the abuser. Since then I have struggled a lot with my "coparenting" experience, luckily enough for me we split up quite early after we had our daughter and have lived in different countries since then. The physical distance between us saved my life and my soul, although we still had to tackle with a lot of issues and I still had to engage in the relationship as the father of my daughter. I tried to provide to my daughter the safest environment I could, I realize only since 2 years that I was at that time completely unaware that she was living with a toxic mother. May be that was better for my mental health, I would have felt so guilty had I known what was most likely happening to my daughter in her relationship with her mother. That was meant to be. I learnt alone to deal with such a character and I would resume in : don't react, don't engage emotionally. As you said: (learn to) behave as a robot. I felt so often overwhelmed by this extreme experience, but I feel now grateful as it has built my character and lead me to find a deep inner connection within myself, which I was hugely lacking of when I was younger. That's what the narcissist points out to. Now my daughter is 17, I haven't seen her since one and half years, she's had been convinced by her mother that I am an unworthy and full of flaws father. It's such a pain for me but I keep faith. I found so many hidden resources within me during all theses chaotic years, that's life's reward for such a difficult path. Thank you for all the contents you provide for men and women to acknowledge them and empower them and allow them to deal with more confidence and less shame with such issues. Especially men need to know that female abusers exist, their toxic behavior may not be as easily put into evidence as male toxic behaviors are, but the psychological and emotional violence they perpetuate can cause as much damage in your being and in your life.
Franz thanks for sharing. I agree the assumption is by most that the male is the toxic element but as you stated there are female abusers. I resonate with the fact you get broken down by the them and whittled away, it is like a death by a 1000 cuts. It took me a while to see how subservient and weak I'd become. In the beginning they love bomb. Wish I knew about all this a lot earlier.
Lisa thanks for explaining the structural differences in their CNS
I feel I wrote your sentiment shared here. Thanks for sharing.
... Thanks for your detailed writing in this complex issue... it helps ...
I married and had kids with two narcissists. It's extremely difficult. My kids with my first wife are 21 and 18. Unfortunately my 18 year old has chosen to move in with her mom because she let's her do whatever she chooses. My firstborn and youngest is currently living with me and sees what's going on. Having said that I never demean their other parents but I do the best I can to support them. emotionally. It really is a balancing act because the other parents do everything they can to keep them with them but ultimately end up showing their true colors.
Are you me?
Sound about right it's sad
God, I hope my kids finally see the truth. They are 11 and 15 and are being bamboozled by her and her family (grandmother is def a narc as well)--she only wants what's best for herself and it has been very difficult to stop fighting with her about it.
My God! You are so accurate. I'm sure everybody is watching your video, thinking: this is exactly it! THANK YOU. It is actually a relief to see that their paterns/modus operandis are basically kind of universal in the narcissists'world. And we, the prey, the victims, whatever we call us, are not crazy (but they may made us become crazy). THANK YOU VERY MUCH
OMG, wish I could have talked to you 15 years ago. All the things you are saying to do, it took so much time for me to get there, but I eventually did all the things you are suggesting. To anyone who is in this situation, what this person is saying works, trust me. Do not show the x any emotional responses. I use to get really triggered and type out all the crazy things I wanted to say, then print them out and put them in a folder. When enough time had passed, and I felt like the initial emotional response had passed, I would take out the printed response, read it then trash it. It really helped me to move on and teach self control when it came to emotion with this person.
I have friends in this situation and it is so incredibly sad to watch how the children are being used as pawns. It’s difficult to know how to support someone in this situation so thank you for this video. I will be sure to share.
Tell them you see the truth. The one who's not a narc is feeling so alone. It's overwhelming.
@@waragainstmyself1159 I actually did. I supported her long enough until,she was ready to get help to leave. It was a very long and difficult time but she is finally out and starting from scratch on her own with the girls. ❤️
Best video on co parenting with a covert narcissist.
You are absolutely right, unfortunately. I strongly suggest to ONLY communicate via a parenting platform, like Talking Parents. All communication is definite, unchangeable and can be used in court as is. You can find any subject in the complete PDF file when searching for a word. It saves so much time and energy! They may even watch their words, but in my case, he doesn’t, which is perfect to show the constant personal attacks, inconsistency and what not.
Only respond to children’s logistics, all else “crickets”. Disengage from the personal stuff, discuss children only. My ex is actually retreating more and more, canceling timesharing, because he can’t get to me. And our children are becoming more and more aware of his toxic behavior, not wanting to see him anymore.
I wish everyone who is dealing with this strength and wisdom. Your tips on this video are priceless, very on point and helpful.
This video is so true. My ex-narc has caused 2 CPS cases against me, a social worker case at my daughter’s doctors office, to the tax board for tax fraud and has written many letters to my daughter’s doctor for anything she can to get me in trouble. I’m just lucky that nothing ever sticks due to it being a false claim.
Channels like this have really helped me through this horrible co-parent experience
First off, I truly appreciate the support and information as grim as it is.
I’m currently living in a Rv on our property to have my parenting time or in the attic in the house. It’s not safe in the house around her due to the constant gaslighting, the induced conversations, belittling, minimizing, invalidating, bashing. This has got to be the most horrific experience I’ve ever gone through.
I have three children two older and one that’s two we share. The two older children will not come over anymore due to her rage. So I make time outside the house to parent. I have no choice with my youngest.
I have her blocked and only go through email. The more I set boundaries the more extreme she gets.
Thank you for making the choice to support men. This is a real issue that needs more attention.
Your truly appreciated.
My ex wife is an undiagnosed narcissist. Our mediation was done after 4 sessions bc of her crazy demands. The head mediator even gave me a courtesy call a few days after she closed our case. I believe She knew this in a roundabout way and wished me good luck
I have a somewhat similar story.
Before I realized my wife was a narcissist, I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me. She refused at first, but decided to try it (half-heartedly) after her friend talked her into it.
It was during the Pandemic, so it was going to be online.
First meeting was just a meet and greet with the therapist. Then the next week was 30 minutes with my wife, and then 30 minutes with me.
My wife went first, then left the room. When the therapist came back, we said hello and exchanged pleasantries. Then she said "Just so you know, I have the names of some very good divorce attorneys in town....they are serious sharks...if you ever need one."
I was stunned that a therapist would say this. They always make every effort to work things out. Later I asked my wife, and the therapist didn't say anything like that to her. My wife said she disliked her and we went to another therapist that only lasted a couple of months and we really got nowhere.
The therapist spotted the serious narcissist in my wife right away, and knew what was the cause of all our trouble.
I should have listened to her and saved 2 years of heartache.
Same story
Lucky you got out when you did
What an experience!
Almost destroyed me while I lost everything over fifteen years.
A good therapist said “God wants you to be happy-get a divorce”. Tried counselling and she responded by discarding me.
Got a good lawyer and a no nonsense judge. Together they saved me.
I have a great life. She does not.
But I wasted fifteen years trying to save a hopeless marriage.
Thankyou Lise, and especially also for not assuming that the narcissist is the man/father - as so many others do! I am sure the ratio is 50/50 % between men/women. I have a baby daughter with a covert narcissist (the mother). I recognise everything you say here. There is no co-parenting, just separate parenting, and it is absolutely necessary to get the court involved. No other way. The covert narcissist is pure evil. She has no empathy and she uses our daughter as an instrument. It is horrible! But I will do everything to protect my daughter. Thanks for your videos!
Unfortunately my narc ex was the breadwinner and discarded me with the kid to raise on my own 3 months ago. She is also still head of household on everything. Idk if I should try switching that and going for child support. Dont have money for a lawyer. Trying to build myself back up after 9 years of abuse and control.
This is so true! My intent is not to minimize the situation for women who are married to a male narc but I feel there is a natural stigma in society to assuming males are more often the abusers. I feel like the mask of a real discreate female CN fools us all much better/longer!
I’ve been bullied for years . And it’s been sooo difficult to stay quiet. But as time goes on, I’m able to see that arguing back gets me nowhere ! Then I’m left feeling drained all over someone that seems to have no true feelings or compassion. The hardest thing to do is to stay quiet ! Easier said than done . it’s soo worth it tho ! I’m working on it . 😅🤐
Train yourself to stop reacting to their behaviour is very true but Very difficult its like impossible to not react but i will try for sure
This is my favorite video so far that I’ve found on TH-cam, because you are extremely informative and giving us tools that are needed to keep this as peaceful as possible. Every interaction with them is like disarming a bomb. You have to be very precise. I swear this should be considered hazard pay 😂. What I like about this video as well is It’s also genderless and not directed at “getting back” at them. I don’t want to “get back or get even” with them. It took me awhile to realize they are mentally sick. So, I’m going to need to be Consistent and clear headed for my kids. I unfortunately have two kids with my ex so I just want to learn how to deal with them without losing my mind. Thank you so much. I will be sharing this video with some of my close family.
Much love❤
SO TRUE! Wish I heard this 15 years ago. 🤔
My kids are teenagers and they know the problem is their mom. I actually leaned many of these strategies through trial and error
I promised myself when I divorced I would never bad mouth my ex to his sons and while they were living with me I never did..I don't know if he felt the same..I had physical custody and he had visitation ....the boys would come home with stories of their Dad that angered and horrified me..He called at 2 am one night and told me to come get your *+×&% kids !..( he lived 100 miles away in a different state..)
They won't listen to me!!! I explained to him how I got them to listen..DON'T SWEAR OR ORDER THEM..tell them what the consequence is and let them choose...then carry through..that way your showing respect and value for them and their decision...My middle son wanted to leave at 11:30 pm to meet a friend at the Cafe..I told him.
Ok go.. but the house will be locked when you come back and you'll sit on the porch all night until I leave for work...he looked at me for several minutes..then took his jacket off and went to bed..and NO..he didn't sneak out...he understood the consequence.. my ex couldn't comprehend and I'm sure the kids suffered... 30 years after the divorce I discovered my oldest son ..who chose to live and work for his Dad at 18.. has taken on his Dads narcissistic alcoholic personality and after his Dads death has transfered all his anger and resentment on to me and now despises me and refuses to speak to me or his younger brother...You can't MAKE someone love you if they don't and you can't MAKE them stay if they won't...he's an adult and responsible for his own actions and life..there's nothing I'm able to say or do to change him..
Unfortunately NPD is learnt through abuse from other narcissistic people. As hard as it may be the only way to win with a narc is by cutting them off for good.
Did it to the majority of my blood relatives and everyone else wh associates with them and my life has finally got to the point where Im undoing the damage they caused.
Best of luck
This is genius. She is so right. The more you say or the more you give them the more sick and twisted things they spin. I tried the least amount of words the last interaction when he demanded I explain something to him. I wrote 8 words that stated the letter he forwarded was a generic letter. I didn’t receive anything back! Then he tried another engagement. I didn’t reply, it didn’t need on. But before that, when our son went into the hospital and needed emergency surgery, I tried opening communication again hoping that he could sanely co parent with me. He drew me back into crazytown and I was in a loop for 40 minutes when I saw my counselor. All the work I did was blackened by two interactions with him. I just can’t. I don’t have enough emotional bubbles to give him.
Yes this video is especially helpful for men going through situations like this. When you are in it, it so bad you have no idea who you are or what even is going on. At some level you understand all of this but because you have been belittled and denied so much this information needs to be heard by patient and loving people like you. Thank you. And guys, once you go through this though, you can gain the power of discernment and you no longer need to be effected by the covert narcissist's manipulation tactics, or take the bait.
It’s a relief to hear all this. You’re describing the approach I’ve come to organically over the last 3 years but so many of my friends can’t understand why I’m not being more aggressive with my kids dad. I wish that I was able to encourage him to be reasonable and co-parent responsibly, with our boys at the centre of everything, but it’s never gonna happen. Best I can do is nurture a safe, engaging, healthy space for them in my home.
This video might be a life saver for right now....I am going through hell right now with my narcissistic ex...she is using the our child to punish me...not letting the kid visit his father at all despite his crying and my prayers to her....she is just trying to destroy our relationship... taking advantage of a corrupted judge that approved an illegal decision.... there' s no visiting program for me ..even if the custody is together....as she is extremely jealous that our son prefers his father....Of course I sued her..and appealed against the decision ....and now we are waiting to see what is happening while I m trying my best to survive...
Coparwnting is impossible” what a relief when I hears you say that. To go to court is just spending my children’s money. She doesn’t give a damn what the court says.
She said coparenting doesn’t work so you need to parallel parent which means no talking to the ex
Thank you so much for this video. I think you may have literally saved my life! My ex has completely alienated me from my child and is nearly verbatim from this video. I saw this video when I was at the end of my rope. I am still not over the loss of my child and still fighting deep trauma from this relationship, but you gave me a lifeline. Again thank you for this video.
Ms. Leblanc, thank you so much for this video. This is spot on. You're not being pessimistic, you're being honest. It is absolutely true. It's as if you had been following my divorce case. I only wish I had known this back in 2017. The divorce case is still open. She is doing NOTHING that the court has required. My son was old enough to move back in with her in 2020, unfortunately. My daughter has been with me since March of 2017 full time. She is 15 now and a very well behaved, good person. I am remarried and happy and my ex-wife is still absolutely obsessed with trying to ruin my life. I was writing everything down in a calendar during the heat of the divorce and in one day, during work hours, she text me 165 times, in one day.
What kind of sick person can hurt her children, manipulate them, incite them against the other parent all this and much more with only one intent - hurt other parent. SICK, SICK, TWISTED individuals.
My wife bullied me for months,than she kicked me out of the house. Before that she cleaned our saving account, and called the cops on me. Was not enough, she also contacted my job and wanted to destroy my image. Now I'm 43 and i had to go back to my mom's house. The only reason that I have still energy are my kids.
My story is almost exactly the same. I live in my car now, and just do my best to hide that fact from my 3yo.
Keep your head up man, keep being a good dad. Take care of yourself and all will work out. And cheers to being a normal human and not a monster 🥂
@@koray2573 I'm sorry to hear that. If I hadn't my mom, I would live in my car too.
It's just crazy how someone that you love or loved can turn in a monster.
Guys I praise yall!! I pray you guys get out of it! I’m Nervous and scared because i live with one and it’s been 6 years and we have a 3 year old boy… I need advice
"The therapist that said my wife was the problem was the one we never had a second appointment with"... of course this happened three different times, with 3 different marriage
counselors...she always cut-off those sessions when the light came close and searching on her issues!
Thank you so much for this video I have been dealing with the co-parent for 6 years. Your tips really do work it took me 3 years of therapy to get to a healthy place for my kids and I.
This is me 😥 Thank you so much for the guidance. I am already doing some of the strategies you mention but I will now look at incorporating some more. I am also seeing a counsellor which does cost money, but it is probably the best investment I have ever made in myself. Thank you, GB
#5 😆😄 I love all your advice in this video,wish I had seen it years ago when I needed it.I had naturally applied them in my situation,by the time you got to 5,I couldn't help but laugh because this was definitely a must for me,never called her that out loud,just made it her contact name. 😂
Again,tbh,these things were what I did naturally,like you stated,just for peace of mind,I didn't care how she twisted the narrative (as she often did),and,like you stated,she always blew up at me even though her life was on better grounds,she had new relationship,kid,home,made more money,etc,while I was just trying to pick myself up with what little dignity I had left and carry on.
This video really hit home,glad I watched it.
I am going through this with custody right now my stress level is making me sick
Hugs to you, buddy. It won’t always be this hard.
@@ttul thanks brethren and I pray everyday for me to get my baby boy back
Be strong for your kids, stay the course. Get friends and family around you for support. Make sure you get your own therapy too.
It will be ok , pray and stay positive ❤
@@miamassie2010 thank you I will try and please throw a mention for me in your prayers as well 🙏🏼
thank you, soooooo much for that video.
Your video is the story of my life since I got divorced, 11 years ago.
It really is HELL.
No one understood me, but I actually did exactly as you say.
Every one saw me as the bad guy, teachers, socialworkers, and so on.
You just can not explain, the un-explainable to people.
Fortunately, the strategi that you descripe, and that i have used, works.
Still.
To this day, I know, that I would not have believed any one with my story.
In so many ways it explains why this problem is so difficoult to resolve.
Its not that people dont listen or trries to understand.
They simply can not understand.
Sounds like the only way to win is "I can either have full custody or you can. Either works for me, I don't care. Make your choice"
At the end of the day... kids aren't fun. Narcissists get bored easily. So go ahead, take them, have fun with that OR give them to me
I know how that will turn out. Me with the kids.
Wouldn’t work with my ex narc. He used them for narcissistic fuel.
I’m in this situation. It’s hell and there is a lack of understanding in the legal system.
Yes, you are even forbidden to tell them your ex is a narcissist.
My situation.
After six years of bliss she discarded me from the family home after I stood up to her, she'd found new supply and started an affair with a man who looks a LOT like my late father. She has the children 5 & 3y/o. I am going to fight for their custody. I learned the fourth man across her adult life that has had to do so. She has a habit of alienating her own family including her adult daughters. Two of her living exs, and the two adult daughters have rallied to my aid with statements and evidence. I know she's smeared me a lot, I've seen her friends chat logs. Im praying I can get my little children.
Godspeed on getting your little children, and be glad she discarded you. Mine threatened, but then continues to drag out the process now years even knowing all 4 kids are testifying against her. It seems like it will never end.
Just playing devil's advocate.. 6 years of bliss sounds unusual for a covert narcissist, and the family situation also seems unusual.. I am not trying to diminish your assessment but for example people with BPD can go through long phases of good relationships over years then relatively suddenly devalue, destabilise and bail.
I think that narcs start to devalue their partner much earlier than years in, more like months, maybe a year, but much longer than that and I doubt even the most covert narc could hide their innate tendencies to cause everyone misery..
Alienating her own family could also be a sign of BPD and is unusual for NPD. Narcs are much more likely to alienate you from everyone else using triangulation and smear campaigns. Other people in both of your lives (including your own family) will almost inevitably be turned against you and see them as the victim in your relationship.
They also have exceptional mind-fkery skills. It is highly likely that over the years, you will come to think that somehow she is the victim in your narc relationship and you are the one at fault, quite possibly even you will be accused of being and start to wonder if you are a narc yourself. It's a really strong tactic they use.
Again, not trying to diminish your own assessment but just wanted to give you an option to review (I'm sure there are other potential explanations too) in case you wanted to explore other ideas for what may have happened.
@@lordcailx fair comment. I've met people who have lived with Narc's for a couple of decades. I'm guessing much of the time it depends how long that supply lasts. We needed to consolidate last summer, and she started looking elsewhere possibly November before latching on to new supply in February.
Now, with my ' lovebomb blinkers' finally off and watched hundreds of vids like this, I see where all the red flags were. Her actions are habitual as well, and I'm currently working with the poor sod she was with before and told me was an abuser. She's basically done the same to me.
Wow, this video hits close to home for so many co-parents out there. Coparenting can be a challenge on its own, but when you're dealing with a narcissist, it can feel impossible. This video offers valuable insights on how to navigate the situation, with 10 practical tips for surviving parallel parenting. If you're in this situation, I highly recommend checking it out.
Prayers they do not love their children. I was shocked when he let the new supply damage our son car at his BK job. They are sick protect your babies/ children. My mother was even narccistic and it was brutal. Thank you 💜🙏🙏🙏🙏Remember they want to hurt you and these poor babies 😪are fair game.
All valid points.. I had to discover the hard way.
Yup, been there done that ! This lady is telling it as it is ...
hats off to you! you speak a lot of wisdom and truth
I lived a horrible last year of school with my youngest daughter, I knew my husband was actually enjoying the abuse I was enduring, I SAW IT ON HIS FACE! That time has passed and with my good reaction(Although my heart was breaking) my daughter has come around and we are close again! Now he has turned the attention to my middle daughter whom he has always been cruel too, she’s eating it up and at first I was blindsided, but I am sure that is what’s going on, and now I will not be triggered and wait for her heart to change, or mind. He’s the same, today as yesterday and is not going to change!
My ex has done everything a narcissist mother and ex can possibly do yet she is still convinced that I am the problem and that *I* am narcissistic. 🤷♂ Now this could be my version against hers, but the thing is, the Court, the kids (and the kids' laywers), experts opinion, child protective service...everyone is telling her she needs to stop behaving like she does. Her ex-boyfriend (and the laywer) even reached out to me to see the kids and apologized personally for siding with that horrible person. I keep feeling bad for my kids because they absolutely do not trust their mom and i cant imagine a world not trusting my mother.
This is my Husband's story as well. Thank God we found one another. I am their Mother. Therapy is a constant but all is well! Much love to you and yours.❤
Unfortunately that's another thing that narcissists are known for. Saying that you are the narcissist. I have learned that when I get accused of something that you can be sure that she is doing exactly what she has accused me of. Good luck
my solution was to take custody and set the rules of the relationship
The cartoon character, energy bubbles, and grounding kit are very helpful tips.
I love these honest words. This is the best thing you can do.
The advice about substituting a cartoon persona and saving “energy bubble” is really powerful and really practical. You’re very good.
The one i use is Cruella Deville 😂
@@Bkamron I used “The Wicked Witch of ” 🙈
@@Nalot56 I even use a picture of Cruella for her DP when she calls, I don't answer anyway I let the ringtone play which is clown car music. It's a riot when she calls. 😂 😂 😂
I wish these videos would have been available 20-30 years ago.
OMG! this was really helpful. Thanks you s much!
This weighs on my mind.. every single night i spend agonizing over wtf i can do to get my kids out of here.
If you are here, thank God you made it this far. I spent years thinking my natural faults were all our problems. Then I started to feel like the umbrella. Like why am I catching it all? Almost 20 years later, I learned to better myself and noticed the person I parent with isn't. Then the therapy and self help started by myself. Now I know I'm dealing with a person who never had good intentions because it was never in her. My faults fed hers and as long as I didn't better myself, she always had a reason to be mean spirited naturally. It validated her ill will. Now we co parent and I'm getting better at quietly playing my role without speaking as much because that's where she disturbs the peace on purpose.
Gosh 8 months ago wife left robbed me of my little girl. Manipulated me to go to counseling that she would join yet she never did. Instead she secretly filed for divorce and used my going to therapy as a reason for her to get full custody. I got 9 hours a week. Sadly the court gave her this power and made her more controlling. It’s like a nightmare and I have been a mess without my girl. I don’t understand how co parenting without communication can even happen.
Thanks Doc, I didn't realise this is what my ex is.
She gets to me hard, kids caught in the middle and she does all she can to use my kids as weapons.
I need healing and will look into the strategies and tactics to make life better.
Thanks.
It's so refreshing to hear how much she cares while she talks
I'm coming to terms that I might have to divorce my wife because she's exactly script for script with all these videos. She even took my son back to her mother's place whom taught her to be the way she is and I'm banned from seeing him. It breaks my heart that I was blinded until it was too late.
Family lawyer is the route but I'm so in denial... Being an INFJ does suck sometimes
i feel your pain.. same boat here
Same here. What did you guys do?
@@fritzhubig7008 im still here { relationship wise} . educating myself on this whole narcissitic thing as well as prayer . im also taking moretime to focus on me and introspecting myself to see if a part of the reason as well and looking for outside justifications to say see it is her and not myself ... so in short, i am at a period of my life where much introspection is going on . but thank you for asking ..
@@vincentjohnson7519 Thank you for your reply. If you need Look me up on the Internet. It's been great to talk to other men And get a diverse range of opinions. However, I'm just like you in the sense of staying in the relationship and trying to work things out Mostly by bettering myself.
thats another thing that i learned during this whole process, opening up and sharing does wonders and has even lifted some of the burden that i was carrying behind all of those perceived feelings pertaining to my relationship . a lot of it i found out wasnt even her, but me , keeping everything bottled up inside and not having a trusted outlet to share with .. but once i began talking on certain things, like i said, some of the weight had been lifted. i wish you well Fritz in however things may turn out for you andyour relationship and just like you, im here as well if you ever care to talk .. blessings
This is so true thank you for sharing this, my x has used our child against me and abused and played the court so much and got away with a-z, to the point I had to manage my sanity over fight with her over and over, sad but true the courts did Not care what she did period. I feel for my child and there was no way around her control issues. Im sad I gave up on her bs not my child. Im helpless.
Ma’am… thank you so very very much♥️ I thought I was losing my mind.
Please keep posting this material. So much of what is discussed here IS SPOT ON! ❤
I survived her, although still have to pick and choose when to answer (respond).
Mine is ultra-sick: she even tried to put me in jail a few times. Once because I asked about a car accident my eldest son told me about they were involved in the day before as their mom was drunk driving and hit a pole. I asked her if she took them to the ER to check on them. Instead, she filed a claim with the Police for harassment as I was under an OP not to text her.
She actually locked me up and I had to fight Criminal Contempt costing me $20,000. Of course she withdrew the charges after her lawyers told her that the $ will be gone if I’m jailed.
Another time, my present wife and I took the boys to the zoo and got stuck in traffic. We were 30 mins late to the drop off time in their house. Their grandma called us and we told her we’re running late. Instead, my Ex called the cops claiming the boys were kidnapped. We arrived to the house shocked: 6 patrol cars, a full-blown SWAT team and 2 ambulances. We zig-zagged between the cops trying to figure who got shot in this very expensive Long Island neighborhood. It turned out my Ex told the cops that my kids were kidnapped.
My wife, my 2-year old baby daughter and I were kept under interrogation for 3 hours then released.
That’s when I decided to leave the State of New York (a crazy place) and put some distance (jurisdiction). It has been 7 years of CrazyLand and Hell but I learned from my mistakes and cut all access points.
Now, I speak to her only in 1 business sentence and only related to the boys. I ignore everything else.
By the way, my ex is gay and has a wife/husband in the house where my boys reside. She is also very rich which sucks as her law firm is constantly harassing me.
Never again! 😅
I cannot tell you how AMAZING this video is. I wish I had found it years ago. I’ve been searching and searching for hands on practical solutions!!! So many videos out there just describe the narcissist over and over and don’t focus on strategies do deal with them. THANK YOU SOOOOOO VERY MUCH!❤
Im falling apart trying to make a relationship work and parent with someone who leaves me drained and makes me feel like I'm a horrible person when all i do is bend over backwards to support the emotional needs of my family. Meanwhile my emotional needs are never the subject of any conversation, unless its a conversation about how i need to take better care of myself so i can support them MORE. She doesn't even want to see me comfort my child when the baby is having a tantrum. Im so lost.
Thank you, this just validated all the things that I have been doing dealing with a narcissistic coparent. I loved the analogy of not allowing them into your personal space even thru text, and taking back the power of dealing with them when your ready not when they think you should respond.
It’s so difficult dealing with a narcissist parent. My poor partner has to deal with one. She’s so cruel! She even tried to change the child’s surname at school to her husbands surname, took his information out of the school and is trying to alienate the child from us. This video really helps. Thank you.
YOU CAN WIN …🤔 Walk away and never ever LOOK 👀 Back, GO NO CONTACT…Get On with your LIFE …
Hard when you have a child with a narc
Thank you for being so realistic and offering practical ways to deals with these troubled souls.
These are terrible stories and I can identify with every single one
Women can be cruel particularly when children are involved
The lesson I learned: get out now! The situation is hopeless. Time is your most precious currency. Your mental and physical health is at risk
God wants you to be happy. Have faith it will all work out and the kids will come back. Be patient and enjoy your freedom
Thanks for the content!
I’ve been applying your strategies and it’s beginning to work. I’ve had to take the mother of my daughter to court 5 times in the last 5 years. I’m soooo tired of this BS.
You have the same mask has the Narc has. You know how to make it, you know how to not care. You had the best teacher. Put it on just for them, don't hate that shows you value them. Embrace indifference to save yourself, remember who you were before they broke you. Find where exactly where, you left you behind.
Well said. I am currently coparenting with a narcissist and our child is special needs. It is not a picnic for sure❤ Great video!
Thanks Lisa. The minimal responses I had already started prior to seeing your video. I like the advice about a set time each day and me deciding when and not letting them use my energy bubbles. I know see the attempts at provoking me comments like "her children" not our children etc, I guess narcissistic supply attempts". Are they all insecure at a deeper level of the mind my suspicion is it is a large ego externally underwritten by a massive insecurity subconsciously
Thank you for the video, wish I would have figured this out 14 years ago!
Spot on, ESPECIALLY about phone contact. If you really think about it, who is really reaching out to who? You can cut out like 95% of unnecessary contact and dialogue with this person and have so much more freedom.
Lise, a message from a Brazilian Father and University Professor.
Thank you very much for the educational videos!
You have no idea how what you are saying is helping me.
Keep doing it!
Love and Respect.
My ex has stolen Holidays from me but what really hurts is she has my older child wrapped around her finger. I have to fight for every day I can get with my eldest daughter and even when I've asked for more time my daughter's response is to just make the most of what I have. And before anyone asks, it's far less than 50%. Yet I'm asked by her mother to constantly pay for 50% of everything. With my younger child, her mother is abusive but knows to not do it when I'm around. She left for almost a year which wasn't originally the plan but she didn't tell me her plan until she was doing it. When I went to get my daughter back, upon arriving back at home, my younger daughter said her mother woud hit her. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I go to someone about it that I'll loose my daughter in some kind of custody battle. And since her mother has returned she's been trying to be on her best behavior with regards to that. The mother falls exactly into the descriptions this doctor has given of a Narcissist and so did the ex. I need help.
She will always present a problem in a story (that you would normally just solve) She will never ask directly. So when she hints at a problem....just acknowledege that it must be a challenge to work through. She will sigh and profess that it's the worst thing ever and that if she could only get past this problem everythng else would just be so easy. Just wish her the best of luck and watch the problem vanish.
Haha so true. My wife can create drama even if I’d pay for our whole semester on a nice hotel with beachfront. Maybe the hotel cleaner missed a spot and it’s such a problem and need to make drama. Oh the entitlement
I am a single dad and this I had to figure out all alone for I find it humiliating what I still have to sometimes go through .
All your advices match perfectly! Family courts should be instructed that co-parenting really is impossible with narcissists. I'd like to add one important point from my personal experience: Sincere real empathy! Narcissists don't have it, but children urgently need it. It is essential! My ex overwhelmed our only son with extreme attention, superficial love and pretending to be a super-mum, but it couldn't replace real empathy even when he was very young. It was for her but not for him - and he would feel it even at a very young age. The more she manipulated us and the more she finally attacked one of us, the more she unconsciously pushed him into my arms. Today, he lives with me and refuses any contact to her since being a teenager.
You are 100% correct
You are wonderful dear lady, God bless..🙏🏾❤️👍🏾🥰thank you