I loved LOVED LOVED doting on my 5 kids as newborns. I literally could not get enough of caring for them…. They are much harder now, but just as amazing. It is not normal to not like your baby. You need therapy (caller)
@@Teenywing It is normal in the sense that it is common. The word normal fits perfectly if we stick to the dictionary meaning of ‘normal’ instead of your moralizing superiority complex.
I wish people were more honest. It's funny how no one wants to tell you how hard it is until you're deceived into having one. The narrative (from other women especially) is how fulfilling and how you'll never regret the loss of your life after having a child, but that just isn't true for every parent.
My father wanted kids, but then reality hit. He never let us forget how much he hated his job, was angry or raging all the time, physically abusive, avoided us even though he was in the same house, hated his responsibilities as a "dad," resented us just because we existed. If he even heard you make any noise in the house, he'd let you know it. He never did anything with us at all. Close to the end of his life, he said how he wished he'd remained a bachelor. It's brutal when things don't magically get better over time like everyone says, and you're never even liked, much less loved, by your own father...ever. It's huge for the caller to reach out and actively seek help.
Gracious, I read your comment twice. Sounds like my childhood home, only it was my mother. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t about me. It’s still hard to fathom. I guess that back then she didn’t really have a choice about having kids. I wonder if this is why so many men walk out on their families. Anyway, I’m sorry you grew up this way.
To me he sounds like a selfish asshole who never figured out how to love :/ I'll be the judgemental one against him. Probably he has forever on had traumatic childhood which led him that direction. Still. Just so you know, you and your family should've been loved. Children are the treasures of our world. Precious beings. Period. Any of of us adults who hurt children should be chastised and shamed. It is really hard to be a parent. But to be laying on your death bed being a complete twat? Goodness. I'll pray he's in heaven and healed from all his issues because I wish no one go to hell. But that must've been so vile to deal with and I hope you learn about real love. Bob Marley. Listen to Bob Marley One Love.
I'm so glad this guy is reaching out for support. He's not a bad guy at all. He's very young and this is a big adjustment in life. Things will get better for him.
This made me tear up almost immediately. As someone with a 14 month old who I love so dearly, but I had some undiagnosed PPD afterwards. I thought there was something wrong with me. I just want to tell this guy that it gets better!
@@SarahConnor562 my brother in law had it. As Dr. John said your testosterone can drop and estrogen can increase which causes an unstable fluctuation in the male hormones. Also when the baby never wants to be with you as the father and is always attached to your wife both emotionally and physically it causes emotional turmoil. Men are just big babies and need attention from us women and that newborn phase can be hard when they don’t get what they need haha.
@@SarahConnor562 I think that’s very important. I definitely tried to keep my husband in on everything I did with the baby and the best thing for our relationship was kicking our 8 week old out of our room haha. We needed that time together after she went to bed of just the two of us, and we needed a space in our home that was just ours.
@@SarahConnor562 Males who live with their babies and their baby’s mum have hormonal shifts after the baby is born as well, and it isn’t just for humans. All domestic mammalian males do: dogs, cats, rats, domesticated primates. Evolutionary biologist theorize that the significant testosterone drop is meant to male males more docile and decrease the chance of them murdering the baby. It’s common for male mammals of other species to kill their offspring in order to put the female on heat again of course humans have evolved out of our primitive instincts but our anatomy and physiology is still deeply synced with our nature, we’re animals after all.
Dude, having little kids can be BRUTAL. I have been right to the edge multiple times with my two kids. Horrible insomnia etc. It DOES get better. Kids have a really big period of extreme fussiness around 6 weeks, and you are probably in the middle of it with your little guy. IT DOES GET BETTER. You have to keep on keeping on, it will get better.
yeah...3-6 weeks old was awful...only at night....all night .....realized later it was probably pain and growing cramps...cause that month i found out he grew 3 inches taller...3 inches...14 inchea tallwr his first year total
No hate or judgement from me my friend!! No one ever tells you how HARD having a newborn is. The fact that you are looking for help shows that you are a great parent!!!
@@neededtobesaid4275 The baby come this world with his part why you hate him, this is the problem unplanned pregnancy, the little guy suffering in the middle, please train your self how to take care your precious baby and the reward is amazing! Good luck!
Yes, and many women do too, even with the extra boosts of pregnancy and breastfeeding. Also, postpartum depression is only partly due to hormones. It's also related to the life change, and some dads also experience something similar.
I think the show should send a note to this guy to tell him he SHOULD read the comments! Real people support you! Seriously the only people who don't know what you're feeling have not been there, because all of us that are parents definitely have. You're ok, dude. It doesn't make it all better but you're SO not alone! Just know that this part is normal, unfortunately, and that it will get better! Hang in there... it's about to get great!
My husband and I had our first at age 21. I honestly wanted to throw our baby out the window. I hated myself for this, the guilt was intense. I got help and things got better. Our son is now 15, the the most amazing kid. We’ve since had 5 other kids and are expecting our 7th. I know it’s hard for you to see now but this will pass. Continue to talk about how you’re feeling and take as much help as you can get.
@dbaisy6094 why is a MARRIED COUPLE choosing to have a large family irresponsible? We are raising well rounded children, we are 💯 responsible for all of their expenses and have never needed a dime from family or the State.
@dbaisy6094 I am a full time stay at home, home schooling mother. I am with my children all day, take them to their activities. I spend more time with each of my children than most parents with less children that are in school or daycare all day long and literally just pick them up just to feed them and put them to bed. Your logic is based in ignorance.
I actually found this one to be amazing. I think a lot of parents are fed up with, angry about, or otherwise have super negative feelings about their children. For all the reasons that John said. The kid sucks up all the air in the room, the love from the partner, money, and you get so little back in return. Most of the time, it passes as the kid grows into a being who is able to be communicated with and who can express their wants and desires.
Yeah, like what is his job? Is he even established yet? Do him and his wife know how to communicate and be a team on finances yet? There's so many things to deal with with new marriage and baby. I hope he studies up because sometimes there's good advice out there that can really help.b
I think expectations are everything. I was the first time mom that held my baby and thought that was cool, now what? And the first 3 weeks of my baby’s life I cared for him out of obligation, not out of love. He was this little slug that cried for me constantly and I just wanted a break from him. It wasn’t until I saw him writhing in pain (we found out he was reacting to the dairy I was eating in my breastmilk), that I suddenly felt pain and sadness that he was in pain, and I wished I could take it from him. My heart changed. The biggest difference is that I knew going in that most parents don’t have a magical moment when they meet their first kid that they fall in love with them, I knew it was common. It was comforting to know that I was normal. This guy has been lied to, I don’t know why generations of parents continue to try to hand over rose colored glasses to new parents instead of keeping it real.
Babies are born w/ their temperaments, sometimes you just don’t click w/ the baby because their temperament isn’t the type you get along with. Parent-child chemistry exists, some kids you’ll be naturally closer to than others. That’s why each parent always has a favorite child.
Having a child is a life altering experience. For some it is very scary. Obviously he is reaching out because he genuinely loves his child. I pray for him and his family.
No judgement here friend. Having a child is a HUGE life change. I have a 4 year old and the first year it took everything in me not to walk out and leave him with his father. I know it sounds cliché but it does get better. I promise you will find a new normal.
As a maternity nurse, part of my new parent teaching goes over how f-ing miserable babies are between 1 month and 4 months. Though I say it a lot more professionally 😂 8 week olds are right in the middle of the “miserable human being” phase. It’s so hard
Ahahaha.. Bless your ❤️ I can't lie, I would have loved to hear some well placed curse words explaining that newborns are ***king daunting and that I'd survive the sh** show 💞
This is also a good time to talk about shaken baby syndrome. If you ever feel rage and that you are about to hurt your baby, set them down it their crib and walk away. Call someone who take care of them until the rage subsides. Talk to a therapist on how to control your anger during these moments and techniques to calm yourself down.
As someone who had a colicky baby for around 4 months constantly I can only offer my sympathy! I was on the edge with everybody around, beause (according to me) they didn't understand one iota of the sleeplessness and the situation for me. I was 32, so, nobody should blame your age. Yes, check your hormone-levels and get all the nutrients you need, and buy healthy food for yourself and get them muscles working, you can do callisthenics at home, too. Or where ever. Carry your son, on your back or on your tummy, so your wife gets some sleep. All the best wishes!
@@blahblahblah4544 Indeed, both mind and muscles are "screeaming" when you don't get sleep. One shouldn't drive, it is very risky. And yet, many have noticed that a baby falls a sleep when in a moving car. I can only say this much - mum should eat not stomachupsetting things, like milk and onions and kale. And carrying the baby stomach against stomach in a baby-carrier round the clock. It helps, too. No medicine helped. After some weeks I defied all "rules" and slept with my baby in the carrier, and we both could sleep, myself rather napping, but he soundly sleeping.
It’s so crazy, I can relate with this call so much. Joined the ARMY at 17, got married at 18, had a kid and went to war by 20. By 21-22 I discovered that I had low Test levels. I’m 33 now with 4 kids, fighting depression & ptsd. Also struggling with my weight and drive to get up And move. Feels like my entire life is 100% not for me. I hope he ends up pushing through.
You didn't get a chance to be young and care free. Life just snowballed after HS and suddenly, you went from being a teen grad to having all those adult responsibilities. Keep pushing through. Know that your life has meaning.
@@menglishG59 it's the weirdest thing. Lol this year me and my wife split up, then I lost 50 pounds. Now I'm a full time single dad & getting ready to go to the Sheriff academy to start a new career as a Deputy Sheriff. A LOT has changed in 1 year.
I just listened to this through the podcast and wanted to find the TH-cam video to thank Dr John for how he handled this call. I also want the caller to know he is not alone, and he’s not crazy. I had SEVERE postpartum depression with my oldest son who is now 21. It was the worst, most lonely and most terrifying time of my life. Take Dr Johns advice and give yourself some grace. Thank you for being brave enough to share because you are helping more people then you know.
Hearing these comments are really eye opening. I’ve felt left out or shamed for not settling down and having a family and doing what society says I should be doing from that perspective, but man, am I grateful for my freedom filled, child free life. Bless all the parents including my own, because it truly sounds miserable. I know it gets better, but man god bless you all.
This guys situation is like 2% maybe. Most people feel bonded to and protective of their babies even before they are born. If not, then the bond eventually develops. Newborns are expressionless, very demanding and it’s exhausting. Once that baby starts smiling and babbling and reaching for his daddy, that guy will begin to feel more bonded no doubt!
I’m a female with no kids but I can still absolutely relate to this guy. Kids are tough and babies are brutal. I’m so glad he called and I hope this can be encouraging to anyone struggling with connecting to their kids or struggling with postpartum depression. These feelings are common and it’s ok to be honest about how you’re feeling ❤️
I saw a really insightful video about mothers who murder their babies. The connection between all of them was post-partum induced psychosis. These feelings aren't talked about enough - parents need support, they need to know that these thoughts aren't their fault, it's not shameful, and they need to seek medical help. It saves lives. Thanks to this dad for reaching out, I'm sure so many people will find this video and see that there is help out there
I’m sitting here feeding my 6 week old while listening to Dr John give some wonderful advice! This is my 3rd and the newborn phase is rough no matter how many times I’ve done this! I can’t even imagine having a baby at 21, God bless this young man for calling in for help. ❤ hang in there love, it gets better!
Such a young guy. Sounds like he had depression issues prior to baby. Then he said that people said how wonderful the baby will be and he isn't feeling it. Hopefully he takes Dr Ds advice. Go see a Dr Please! Get it sorted out. So glad that he called!
Yeah people need to be realistic about expectations. Some people are not prepared for a colic baby and they need to know worst case scenario. I'm pregnant with my first and scared sh*tless. I have mental health issues so I have to be extra prepared and well informed on how hard it will be the first months
@nix8834 in reality having a new baby is a little scary. But take advantage of help around you. And cut yourself a little slack. It is a new learning experience.
Wow, he's so young to have a kid. Probably feels left out of having fun with friends and partying or whatever. Instead of having fun he's working and getting up with a new baby. They are very demanding at any age. I can feel his pain in his voice. And if he's had a low grade depression for yesrs, this new stress has kicked it into high gear. Dr John gives excellent advice here
Really hope he finds it in himself to get help and be even more honest with the doctor than he could on the radio. His whole life could turn around and he is not alone. Godspeed.
That had to be a difficult call for him to make. It required more honesty than I think I have. I imagine one day his little boy will be scared and come running to him for protection and he will know what falling in love feels like.
You have to mentally prepare for how children change your life. As the Leader of his family, this is scary. I pray he finds the help because this can easily change into a scary situation.
I had my oldest (now 27) when I was 16, and I related to this kid so much. I never got help, and I could’ve given all of my kids a better life if I had. I commend him for reaching out. It is not easy to admit the things he did, but transparency is what we need more of.
Listen….mommy’s do most of the work when they are tiny…..as they get older the father has a more active role. Does not mean one person is better than the other and vice versa nor does it mean one parent is better than the other….it’s just the nature of the beast……it’s part of being a human.
My husband did everything but (obviously) breastfeeding. It's up to the couple whether "mom does most of the work" or both do it. My father-in-law was soooo good at carrying around our babies so I could eat a meal in peace!
So dope that these comments arent tearing this guy up and are really supportive. There are good people out there ❤ your not alone man. Having a kid is hard and will make you crazy. Important thing is to talk about it and seek help with family. It does get better!
I’m so glad I had my kid later in life. I had the chance of being financially stable. I had the tools to work through some really tough times. Because, there was a true moment of bliss when I first met my daughter for the first time. But the delivery ending in an emergency c-section, bliss quickly turned to anxiety. I was left alone with a newborn screaming for her dear life and worries for my partner from which I had no news at all from hospital staff. I have never been so scared and vulnerable in my life. It took work to get back from that low. Looking now, I just can’t picture myself without my daughter. If you ever read this Jacob, hearing you today just relieved me of so much shame. I knew I worked through something, but I never had the guts to talk to anyone about this and now, thanks to you, I will.
John I am reading these comments that you told him not to read. You need to reach back out to him and tell him to skip the first few but after that, There is a community of people here that could really make him feel supported and not so alone! People are cruel, but any parent can tell you we stick together and understand!
I know someone who is divorced w kids and not even 30 yet. They got married before they were even 20. So many people think they're gonna be with that person forever when they're teens and young adults, but please slow down. Hormones make people move way too fast and make permanent decisions hastily. That baby probably showed the reality of the life he just agreed to at a very early age with a woman he didn't know too well from the get-go. His hatred is just misplaced anger and depression on how his romanticized expectations did not meet reality. He needs to get therapy to cope with his new reality bc his decisions are irreversible.
This is so true! I’m 27, and I am so glad I don’t have kids and did not make the mistake of having them when I was basically still a child myself. My life would be so different and not for the better.
I went through severe post partum depression with my second for 18 months i had an implant contraception which I think onset it and the fact that I was cheated on during the pregnancy, neglected with no help from my partner especially after baby was born didn't help. I sought help because your kid deserves it.
My granddaughter got married at 20 I told her if she wanted children right away to let me know because I would buy her a car seat and diaper bag and everyday she went to work she was to take the car seat and fasten it in her car and pack the diaper bag after work she was to take the car seat out and to take the diaper bag in every day and figure out how much she enjoyed that before she put a baby in it. I asked her to figure out child care and who was going to pick up and drop off the baby.
I think is pretty Common to go thru that because ived been there myself it’s not cool to be in that situation but I’m glad I got out from that dark place with the help of therapy,and GOD .may the lord helps this guy 🙏🏻
That baby wasn't planned and he probably never wanted kids in the first place. Now he has a child with a woman he isn't sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he misses his freedom. Doesn't have the courage to tell his girlfriend.
RN here. Bonding in the FIRST FEW HOURS is critical for a father. Mom loves the baby at knowledge of conception usually. She feels it growing inside, dad loves the baby a few minutes after birth. Eye contact(even though the child really can’t well see yet), finger grabbing, touching the baby’s feet, holding/cradling, smelling. I cannot overstate how important this is for a father. There are critical minutes, or the child can “feel” like someone else’s child, or that “bond” is just not created. I’ve seen it so many times, a disconnected dad- or one in shock, and you can even help nature take place. Get him involved in first bath, dressing, any activity that will garner a protective and nurturing focus activity. I’ve had folks that are the salt of the earth confess to me they don’t feel a bond with child, and they are shattered because of it. It can’t be forced, but there is hope. Often by Toddler Stage, there’s a second bonding, a personality develops- and the Father can see his genetics playing out, and THAT is the where the Father’s strongest bond is struck- in Tungsten. This is no longer a dependent generic newborn, but developing child that is individual.
That's good and true information, but I'd note that there are many moms who do not feel connected to their babies in the womb. Bonding in the first hours is critical for both parents.
I feel so sorry for this young man. And I hope he gets help. Here’s the thing that I want to say though. If you’re 19 or 20 years old, don’t get some girl pregnant and if you’re a girl don’t get knocked up. There’s so much birth control out there and yet you hear about this sort of thing all the time. At 19 or 20 you shouldn’t even be living with anybody. Not anybody that you’re dating. You need to learn how to fend for yourself. It sounds to me like two kids caught feelings for each other and that’s great. Then they decided to play house when what they shouldn’t not have; In stead of just enjoying each other’s company. If you wanna move out of your parents house, then move out on your on your own. Get a studio apartment if that’s all you can afford. Always, always, always use birth control whether you’re living at home or not. your early 20s should be a time of exploration and I don’t mean sleeping around per se. I mean like finding out what do you like to do, what brings you joy and how do you handle problems. I am praying for this young man and I hope for his family sake that he fines peace and joy in his family. But take it from a 55 year old, life is a marathon, not a sprint take your time, you don’t have to rush in to everything.
Well stated as a guy who was born to a 20 year old father who very well could’ve made this exact call and a mother whose supposed postpartum depression destroyed our chance at a healthy relationship. I am grateful to say I never repeated the same mistakes but it blows my mind how many people destroy their lives and their children’s lives for a few minutes of pleasure.
We got married when we were 19. We had our first but the second daughter was the hard one. She stayed in the hospital until she was 10 days. Then she was a difficult baby. The colicky period I wanted to toss her out a window. We loved her but true bonding did not happen at that point. I second John in getting to a doctor. Making this call is a huge step forward. I admire you.
I felt this way about a family dog. I never hit him, but I was so mad when he interrupted my life. It was my first dog and I had no idea how much work it was. Thank God my mom and dad helped out. They loved him enough to take over the care duties. My dad became very attached so he did end up with a happy life just not meant to be with me.
I definitely understand how he feels. I met my wife when she was already a few months pregnant. I had a hard time creating an emotional bond with my son when he was born. He’s 3 now and I love that little guy more than anything. I think what helped me A LOT was we used formula and I fed him most of the time. I got to build a bond with him that I think a lot of men miss out on.
Actually I hope he does read the comments ...I've read a few and so far they seem to be very supportive. Dr. John....you handled that so well..gave great advice and hopefully did give some peace to this young man. Jacob....first you were so brave to call in!!!! That was the first step...and you did a remarkable job in explaining your situation. I would hope anyone listening to that phone call....if they have a heart at all...they will understand and completely sympathize with you. I'm a 51 year old woman. Got pregnant and had my child by the time I was 21. I fortunately was very lucky in that I bonded with my baby immensely and did not have any type of postpartum. I also worked with children at a daycare so felt very comfortable and confident in my skills. In saying that, first of all...just like Dr John said...this is normal and im sure alot of men go thru this...they just don't have the guts to admit it. Given your situation....young...already married and now a child at the age of 21...wow that's alot to take in as far as changes. I can also imagine maybe you have feelings of missing your old life...where you did not have nearly the responsibilities of what you have on you now. Give yourself some time to mourn over the changes in your life...its ok to miss your old life...and certainly understandable especially considering your age. Also I definately would like to point out...one thing that I have noticed thru my years on this earth....I think alot of people especially women in general expect that the man is sopposed to have the same feelings that a woman has...after the baby is born. That's ultimately ridiculous in my opinion. There is no way possible most men and even relate to how a woman feels during pregnancy and after. The woman carries this child in her womb for 9 months. She mentally, emotionally, and physically connects with the baby and has 9 months to do this. Men are not able to share this experience at all....so we really should take the pressure of men...especially young men at that.....that they automatically be expected to immediately connect with their baby. It takes time to connect emotionally as well as really is helpful for fathers to hold and involved physically with as much care giving right away.... unfortunately it seems more likely that not...men are not given the time as much to do that. It is the moms that breastfeed ...usually do most of the immediate caregivers etc...while the husband usually have to go back to work. And generally more than not..yes the infant is going to prefer mom. That's normal as well...as the baby definately knows the difference between mom and dad. This baby also had time to connect with mom during the 9 months in was in her womb...listening to moms heartbeat...her voice and just ultimately having that bonded connection from the beginning. So Jacob do not at all feel like you are a freak...abnormal...crazy....its ok!!! I can tell just by listening that you are a caring human being. All I can say is...follow Dr. Johns advice go get professional help and maybe try to have family help as well. Just know you are not alone in these feelings..🙂
He really hit the mark with this one, everyone says it’s beautiful and magical and you’ll be tired but so filled with love but that doesn’t always happen and I don’t wanna say it’s normal but it’s not uncommon. I love that there was no judgement too just genuine advice and knowledge.
This must have been SOOOO HARD for him to admit but at least he did so that he didn’t let it go too far. He sounds SUPER overwhelmed probably dealing with some anxiety as well. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Known I was depressed for quit a while. Not everyone experiences symptoms the same. Many factors at play in the causes of it. Recognizing what it is may be a huge part of dealing with it. Processing stresses and trauma may be a root to much of the depression. Missing partner or lacking support or encouragement are also factors. Feels like someone standing on my chest. Sense of short breath. Exhaustion for little reason. Periods or episodes of panic like excitement with the mind racing. That was accompanied by a spike in BP. Caught it at 198/118 on the way down. At rest. Do not ignore it. When you need help with it go talk to the doc and use the tools available.
There is so much pressure to have kids. Some people just shouldn't have kids. They don't have the right stuff to raise mentally healthy kids. And women, if you aren't married and don't want to raise children by yourself, then don't get pregnant. It's not fair to foist a child on a guy you hardly know. That is cruel. Just say no to sex. Don't do it. It is a bad way to start an adult life if you don't have your act together. And men...be smart...think with your head and not with what's between your legs. Sex makes babies....hello!!!! Don't be selfish for a moment's pleasure.
At least he called and asked for advice. Most dads show their resentment and anger in other abusive ways. He is young and I’m assuming that his wife is too, maybe she’s just as miserable but I’m assuming they don’t want to tell each other to not worry one another. I hope they’re doing better ❤
he needs to think about the baby's feeling that he is in this world. The hate feeling will be picked up by the kid eventually and it's going to have a bad domino effect. It's not your baby's fault to be born in your household.
21-year-old (probably 20) got his girlfriend pregnant. The baby is in the way. Sex is limited. He's no longer the center of her attention. Even the baby isn't paying him the proper attention or validating him as the father. He hates the baby! He definitely needs help and needs to grow up and adjust to his new life because it has completely changed. Get help!
I'm so glad that this father called in, because he needed to. Hate is a very strong word to use towards an innocent two month baby, that is his son. But the Dr. D, did get to the bottom of the situation, which I was thinking that this father might do. Have you ever thought of hurting this little baby? this hesitation, said it all. And, yes was the answer. The father, didn't actually say YES, I hate this baby, of course I feel like hurting my infant. I feel like dropping him. What on the floor, in the basement cement, on the carport driveway, into the pool ? Yes, the Dr. D, prescribed well, get him to a dr. quick. thank you for your advice, and senitativity, to guide this really messed up person, before he does something really bad. I hope that the in-laws, and the mother is close at hand.
Idk but when I had a baby I mentally prepared myself for a whole year. I knew the baby would need my attention 100%. Now I totally thank my husband for his support. I remember feeding the baby every two hours because all the baby really wanted was milk and a change of diapers. Oof and teething was fun lol but it’s so worth it. Bonding is so important between 0-5 yrs and that’s a crucial foundation in a persons life. I hope he gets help and I pray the baby has healthy parents so he doesn’t suffer depression as a teen :(
As an adoptive mom who wasn’t sure I’d ever be a parent, I remember when our son was 7 months old; we had been home from his birth country only a few days when I had the thought that I didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to spend the next 18 years taking care of him, couldn’t stand his crying, etc etc, but it did eventually turn around in a few weeks. PPD is real, as is Post Adoption Depression. Our son is now almost 21, ready to start his third year in college, and is a joy beyond what we could have imagined. He is quirky, intelligent, sarcastic and funny, but he’s a loyal friend and a great listener. I can’t imagine our lives without him! I hope this young dad got the help he needed.
Those who don’t want to have kids aren’t irresponsible or lazy. They know about this kind of feeling and they don’t want to bring an innocent baby and hate them. A lot of useless fathers out there
I don't want kids for many reasons but I don't think he's a useless father. I think he's going through something. A useless father would leave and not care that he felt this way
@@terricox3559He seems to care because he's talking to a therapist. He's also 21 :| 21 is barely coming out of being a child. People his age are at Cancun keg drinking lol I think he'll be okay eventually. There can still be adventures with children. (My kids and I went to Florida and that was super fun. I'm a singe mom and if I wasn't so shy, there was a hot single dad I could've talked to. But I got super shy lol) So life isn't over with children. It's part of life and people love children. Especially if you focus on teaching them how to be respectful, compassionate and kind :)
@@blahblahblah4544 I completely agree and I hope one day you'll talk to the hot dad :-) Children aren't my future (my own children, I will have friends and family where children are involved) but I wish every happiness for everyone who does have them.
Healthy eating for Dad, Mom & baby is VERY important. Unhealthy food aids in depression & zero energy. It’s an investment in your day to day & long term good physical & mental health. A gift to you, to your marriage & your children’s future. ❤ -Said with love from a parent of 5 who struggles with depression.
Yes! And it's completely normal to need help. My goodness. All those major life changes and ups and downs at 21??? I hope this young man is doing better.
He’s just very young - in this day and age anyway. And not quite mentally ready there yet, and matured. Probably feels his life is now already set in stone. Completely understand that at 21, and only dating for 18 months. If he was early thirties.. I’m sure he’d not be feeling this as deeply as he is now.
It's ok - even without hormonal issues being a new parent is isolating and exhausting, your baby isn't as communicative yet and they are just a little lump of need - be easy on yourselves and know things will change and it will be big changes every month with your little one
I'm just here to say A) Love the show! You guys are amazing! B) Jacob, you are so incredibly brave and such a great dad. No hate, just love here. My husband said this is similar to how he felt when our son was born. It gets better
Your first baby is the hardest because you have no idea what your doing, awake windows, sleeping schedules, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, back to back dr appointments, lack of sleep. It’s brutal. However….you’ll look back one day and realize it was actually the easiest time. The baby stage is a heck of a lot easier than the toddler stage 🥴
A lot of times men bond with the baby a little later than mom does. Totally normal. They are totally dependent on mom right now and they are in the absolute thick of it (what we call the 4th trimester). Totally understandable.. poor thing called in feeling so bad about himself and he just needs a hug and some reassurance that he's not the worst dad ever. You aren't! Hang in there.. it will get better!
jecob u got this broooo u fkin got this, its not easy its not always fun and this is ur new life man that all there is to say and if u still didnt see a doctor, go see a doctor i support u man
I wasn't diagnosed with PPD and PTSD from a traumatic pregnancy and delivery until my twins were 1 year old. They were easy babies but I felt like I was forcing myself to love them and only out of obligation. I can only hope this new dad comes through this it isn't a feeling I'd wish on anyone. If he truly hated his kid, he wouldn't be reaching out like this. I actually wish he would read these comments because they are so supportive of him.
You are right, the pressure to have kids is real, way too young . I hope anyone watching doesn't have a child for any reason they want to wholeheartedly, and please, wait until you both can emotionally and financially support that new life
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I’m glad he’s looking for help. Having a baby is NOT a walk in the park. This kind of thing needs to be talked about more
Yeah it is. Just throw a blanket on thier head when they scream to much. All you gotta do is feed em and change thier shitty diapers
@@fauxbro1983 you are sick.
I loved LOVED LOVED doting on my 5 kids as newborns. I literally could not get enough of caring for them…. They are much harder now, but just as amazing. It is not normal to not like your baby. You need therapy (caller)
@@Teenywing It is normal in the sense that it is common. The word normal fits perfectly if we stick to the dictionary meaning of ‘normal’ instead of your moralizing superiority complex.
I wish people were more honest. It's funny how no one wants to tell you how hard it is until you're deceived into having one.
The narrative (from other women especially) is how fulfilling and how you'll never regret the loss of your life after having a child, but that just isn't true for every parent.
Im not a dad but I can say im proud of this young man for even reaching out.
Lack of sleep will make anyone crazy.
My father wanted kids, but then reality hit. He never let us forget how much he hated his job, was angry or raging all the time, physically abusive, avoided us even though he was in the same house, hated his responsibilities as a "dad," resented us just because we existed. If he even heard you make any noise in the house, he'd let you know it.
He never did anything with us at all.
Close to the end of his life, he said how he wished he'd remained a bachelor. It's brutal when things don't magically get better over time like everyone says, and you're never even liked, much less loved, by your own father...ever.
It's huge for the caller to reach out and actively seek help.
Gracious, I read your comment twice. Sounds like my childhood home, only it was my mother. It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t about me. It’s still hard to fathom. I guess that back then she didn’t really have a choice about having kids. I wonder if this is why so many men walk out on their families. Anyway, I’m sorry you grew up this way.
Sounds like he was in pain and didn't know how to process that pain in a healthy way. I'm sorry you had to deal with his failure.
The only advice my dad gave me was " DON'T get married and have kids" lol
@@cashway0420 probably the advice I’ll give my son lol.
To me he sounds like a selfish asshole who never figured out how to love :/ I'll be the judgemental one against him. Probably he has forever on had traumatic childhood which led him that direction. Still.
Just so you know, you and your family should've been loved. Children are the treasures of our world. Precious beings. Period. Any of of us adults who hurt children should be chastised and shamed.
It is really hard to be a parent. But to be laying on your death bed being a complete twat? Goodness.
I'll pray he's in heaven and healed from all his issues because I wish no one go to hell. But that must've been so vile to deal with and I hope you learn about real love.
Bob Marley. Listen to Bob Marley One Love.
I'm so glad this guy is reaching out for support. He's not a bad guy at all. He's very young and this is a big adjustment in life. Things will get better for him.
Yes, he’s very young
This made me tear up almost immediately. As someone with a 14 month old who I love so dearly, but I had some undiagnosed PPD afterwards. I thought there was something wrong with me. I just want to tell this guy that it gets better!
Yes it’s so true!!! I hated the newborn babies phase and looking back I know I had PPD and just didn’t want to admit it.
@@SarahConnor562 my brother in law had it. As Dr. John said your testosterone can drop and estrogen can increase which causes an unstable fluctuation in the male hormones. Also when the baby never wants to be with you as the father and is always attached to your wife both emotionally and physically it causes emotional turmoil. Men are just big babies and need attention from us women and that newborn phase can be hard when they don’t get what they need haha.
@@SarahConnor562 I think that’s very important. I definitely tried to keep my husband in on everything I did with the baby and the best thing for our relationship was kicking our 8 week old out of our room haha. We needed that time together after she went to bed of just the two of us, and we needed a space in our home that was just ours.
@@SarahConnor562 Maybe lack of sleep?! He is also only 21 and didn't give himself time to live before committing to a family!
@@SarahConnor562 Males who live with their babies and their baby’s mum have hormonal shifts after the baby is born as well, and it isn’t just for humans. All domestic mammalian males do: dogs, cats, rats, domesticated primates. Evolutionary biologist theorize that the significant testosterone drop is meant to male males more docile and decrease the chance of them murdering the baby. It’s common for male mammals of other species to kill their offspring in order to put the female on heat again of course humans have evolved out of our primitive instincts but our anatomy and physiology is still deeply synced with our nature, we’re animals after all.
Dude, having little kids can be BRUTAL. I have been right to the edge multiple times with my two kids. Horrible insomnia etc. It DOES get better. Kids have a really big period of extreme fussiness around 6 weeks, and you are probably in the middle of it with your little guy. IT DOES GET BETTER. You have to keep on keeping on, it will get better.
yeah...3-6 weeks old was awful...only at night....all night .....realized later it was probably pain and growing cramps...cause that month i found out he grew 3 inches taller...3 inches...14 inchea tallwr his first year total
Nope having older kids especially pre teen & young teens is far harder.
No hate or judgement from me my friend!! No one ever tells you how HARD having a newborn is. The fact that you are looking for help shows that you are a great parent!!!
same here. man, i really feel for this guy.
Exactly!
Sorry. That’s an innocent baby.
Actually everyone does, I'm a nanny.
Hes 21? Hes still a baby too! Too much has happened too soon. Now he's stuck. I feel awful for him. He needs lots of support.
This happens to a lot older men, so I can imagine being so young only makes it worse.
Fr. 21 is a college kid that doesn't even have a fully developed frontal lobe.
As crazy as it sounds, I think it's pretty typical. Prayers to you brother. Hang in there! It will get better.
Typical to "hate" your newborn?!? Giving him grace is one thing but that's going too far.
@@neededtobesaid4275 The baby come this world with his part why you hate him, this is the problem unplanned pregnancy, the little guy suffering in the middle, please train your self how to take care your precious baby and the reward is amazing! Good luck!
@@neededtobesaid4275 Ok. How about resent? I didn't say the feeling was rational. Or right. But it does happen.
A lot of parents feel this way. Babies are hard. Everyone always romances it but it’s freaking tough
This guy should know many men take months to bond with their baby.. it won't always be like this ❤
Yes, and many women do too, even with the extra boosts of pregnancy and breastfeeding.
Also, postpartum depression is only partly due to hormones. It's also related to the life change, and some dads also experience something similar.
I think the show should send a note to this guy to tell him he SHOULD read the comments! Real people support you! Seriously the only people who don't know what you're feeling have not been there, because all of us that are parents definitely have.
You're ok, dude. It doesn't make it all better but you're SO not alone! Just know that this part is normal, unfortunately, and that it will get better! Hang in there... it's about to get great!
My husband and I had our first at age 21. I honestly wanted to throw our baby out the window. I hated myself for this, the guilt was intense. I got help and things got better. Our son is now 15, the the most amazing kid. We’ve since had 5 other kids and are expecting our 7th.
I know it’s hard for you to see now but this will pass. Continue to talk about how you’re feeling and take as much help as you can get.
😂😂
Wow glad it worked out 🎉
@dbaisy6094 why is a MARRIED COUPLE choosing to have a large family irresponsible? We are raising well rounded children, we are 💯 responsible for all of their expenses and have never needed a dime from family or the State.
Congrats on the big family!
@dbaisy6094 I am a full time stay at home, home schooling mother. I am with my children all day, take them to their activities. I spend more time with each of my children than most parents with less children that are in school or daycare all day long and literally just pick them up just to feed them and put them to bed. Your logic is based in ignorance.
@@LadyMarigoldWithers Thank you very much.
I actually found this one to be amazing. I think a lot of parents are fed up with, angry about, or otherwise have super negative feelings about their children. For all the reasons that John said. The kid sucks up all the air in the room, the love from the partner, money, and you get so little back in return.
Most of the time, it passes as the kid grows into a being who is able to be communicated with and who can express their wants and desires.
Don’t have kids please
I mean, having a kid at 21...I'd hate my life too. Not everybody is excited about extra responsibility and bills at that age lol
Yeah, like what is his job? Is he even established yet? Do him and his wife know how to communicate and be a team on finances yet? There's so many things to deal with with new marriage and baby.
I hope he studies up because sometimes there's good advice out there that can really help.b
I think expectations are everything. I was the first time mom that held my baby and thought that was cool, now what? And the first 3 weeks of my baby’s life I cared for him out of obligation, not out of love. He was this little slug that cried for me constantly and I just wanted a break from him. It wasn’t until I saw him writhing in pain (we found out he was reacting to the dairy I was eating in my breastmilk), that I suddenly felt pain and sadness that he was in pain, and I wished I could take it from him. My heart changed. The biggest difference is that I knew going in that most parents don’t have a magical moment when they meet their first kid that they fall in love with them, I knew it was common. It was comforting to know that I was normal. This guy has been lied to, I don’t know why generations of parents continue to try to hand over rose colored glasses to new parents instead of keeping it real.
It seems people are constantly talking about how hard it is
It does take a village and we didn’t have one for our three kids until we found a church. We didnt have family nearby.
How about because some of actually loved our children through all the phrases. Sad for these kids that have these shitty parents.
Babies are born w/ their temperaments, sometimes you just don’t click w/ the baby because their temperament isn’t the type you get along with. Parent-child chemistry exists, some kids you’ll be naturally closer to than others. That’s why each parent always has a favorite child.
Having a child is a life altering experience. For some it is very scary. Obviously he is reaching out because he genuinely loves his child. I pray for him and his family.
His question was “why do I hate my new born so much?” He doesn’t love his baby he hates it.
No judgement here friend. Having a child is a HUGE life change. I have a 4 year old and the first year it took everything in me not to walk out and leave him with his father. I know it sounds cliché but it does get better. I promise you will find a new normal.
As a maternity nurse, part of my new parent teaching goes over how f-ing miserable babies are between 1 month and 4 months. Though I say it a lot more professionally 😂
8 week olds are right in the middle of the “miserable human being” phase. It’s so hard
Ahahaha.. Bless your ❤️ I can't lie, I would have loved to hear some well placed curse words explaining that newborns are ***king daunting and that I'd survive the sh** show 💞
You are a putz. Teaching people this crap. They are the sweetest at that age
I can agree, my baby boy cries a lot!
This is also a good time to talk about shaken baby syndrome. If you ever feel rage and that you are about to hurt your baby, set them down it their crib and walk away. Call someone who take care of them until the rage subsides. Talk to a therapist on how to control your anger during these moments and techniques to calm yourself down.
Having a baby is tough. I didn’t start to enjoy motherhood until my son was 9 months.
We appreciate your strength and honesty Jacob. Hope things start to turn around for the better for you.
As someone who had a colicky baby for around 4 months constantly I can only offer my sympathy! I was on the edge with everybody around, beause (according to me) they didn't understand one iota of the sleeplessness and the situation for me. I was 32, so, nobody should blame your age. Yes, check your hormone-levels and get all the nutrients you need, and buy healthy food for yourself and get them muscles working, you can do callisthenics at home, too. Or where ever. Carry your son, on your back or on your tummy, so your wife gets some sleep. All the best wishes!
Sleep deprivation is a real thing. I was sleep deprived to the point of hallucination :( After I feel asleep, I was better.
@@blahblahblah4544 Indeed, both mind and muscles are "screeaming" when you don't get sleep. One shouldn't drive, it is very risky. And yet, many have noticed that a baby falls a sleep when in a moving car. I can only say this much - mum should eat not stomachupsetting things, like milk and onions and kale. And carrying the baby stomach against stomach in a baby-carrier round the clock. It helps, too. No medicine helped. After some weeks I defied all "rules" and slept with my baby in the carrier, and we both could sleep, myself rather napping, but he soundly sleeping.
It’s so crazy, I can relate with this call so much. Joined the ARMY at 17, got married at 18, had a kid and went to war by 20. By 21-22 I discovered that I had low Test levels. I’m 33 now with 4 kids, fighting depression & ptsd. Also struggling with my weight and drive to get up
And move. Feels like my entire life is 100% not for me. I hope he ends up pushing through.
im the same age as u o.o
You didn't get a chance to be young and care free. Life just snowballed after HS and suddenly, you went from being a teen grad to having all those adult responsibilities. Keep pushing through. Know that your life has meaning.
@@ts8024 yeah that’s pretty much how it went. Thank you. I know I will do my best to help my kids have wonderful lives.
a year later. how are you doing?? are you okay? i hope you’re doing better
@@menglishG59 it's the weirdest thing. Lol this year me and my wife split up, then I lost 50 pounds. Now I'm a full time single dad & getting ready to go to the Sheriff academy to start a new career as a Deputy Sheriff. A LOT has changed in 1 year.
I just listened to this through the podcast and wanted to find the TH-cam video to thank Dr John for how he handled this call. I also want the caller to know he is not alone, and he’s not crazy. I had SEVERE postpartum depression with my oldest son who is now 21. It was the worst, most lonely and most terrifying time of my life. Take Dr Johns advice and give yourself some grace. Thank you for being brave enough to share because you are helping more people then you know.
Had to come here cause the TikTok pages apparently got worse adhd than us and can't finish what they post
So glad I did though
Hearing these comments are really eye opening. I’ve felt left out or shamed for not settling down and having a family and doing what society says I should be doing from that perspective, but man, am I grateful for my freedom filled, child free life. Bless all the parents including my own, because it truly sounds miserable. I know it gets better, but man god bless you all.
This guys situation is like 2% maybe. Most people feel bonded to and protective of their babies even before they are born. If not, then the bond eventually develops. Newborns are expressionless, very demanding and it’s exhausting. Once that baby starts smiling and babbling and reaching for his daddy, that guy will begin to feel more bonded no doubt!
I’m a female with no kids but I can still absolutely relate to this guy. Kids are tough and babies are brutal. I’m so glad he called and I hope this can be encouraging to anyone struggling with connecting to their kids or struggling with postpartum depression. These feelings are common and it’s ok to be honest about how you’re feeling ❤️
I saw a really insightful video about mothers who murder their babies. The connection between all of them was post-partum induced psychosis. These feelings aren't talked about enough - parents need support, they need to know that these thoughts aren't their fault, it's not shameful, and they need to seek medical help. It saves lives. Thanks to this dad for reaching out, I'm sure so many people will find this video and see that there is help out there
Him just reaching out for help shows how much of a good person he really is...there's pain in his voice man...I hope he gets better❤
I’m sitting here feeding my 6 week old while listening to Dr John give some wonderful advice! This is my 3rd and the newborn phase is rough no matter how many times I’ve done this! I can’t even imagine having a baby at 21, God bless this young man for calling in for help. ❤ hang in there love, it gets better!
I grew up with a father who hated me since the day I was born. Get some help dude. No baby deserves to be hated.
I get your trauma, but you can tell this man is looking for help and wants to love his child. This is definitely ppd which is normal
Such a young guy. Sounds like he had depression issues prior to baby. Then he said that people said how wonderful the baby will be and he isn't feeling it. Hopefully he takes Dr Ds advice. Go see a Dr Please! Get it sorted out. So glad that he called!
Yeah people need to be realistic about expectations. Some people are not prepared for a colic baby and they need to know worst case scenario. I'm pregnant with my first and scared sh*tless. I have mental health issues so I have to be extra prepared and well informed on how hard it will be the first months
@nix8834 in reality having a new baby is a little scary. But take advantage of help around you. And cut yourself a little slack. It is a new learning experience.
Wow, he's so young to have a kid. Probably feels left out of having fun with friends and partying or whatever. Instead of having fun he's working and getting up with a new baby. They are very demanding at any age. I can feel his pain in his voice. And if he's had a low grade depression for yesrs, this new stress has kicked it into high gear. Dr John gives excellent advice here
He said the hard stuff out loud. Good for you man. The first step is to admit you’re struggling.
Really hope he finds it in himself to get help and be even more honest with the doctor than he could on the radio. His whole life could turn around and he is not alone. Godspeed.
That had to be a difficult call for him to make. It required more honesty than I think I have. I imagine one day his little boy will be scared and come running to him for protection and he will know what falling in love feels like.
I hope he sees someone. The young man deserves happiness and his kid deserves his 💕
You have to mentally prepare for how children change your life. As the Leader of his family, this is scary. I pray he finds the help because this can easily change into a scary situation.
I had my oldest (now 27) when I was 16, and I related to this kid so much. I never got help, and I could’ve given all of my kids a better life if I had. I commend him for reaching out. It is not easy to admit the things he did, but transparency is what we need more of.
Listen….mommy’s do most of the work when they are tiny…..as they get older the father has a more active role. Does not mean one person is better than the other and vice versa nor does it mean one parent is better than the other….it’s just the nature of the beast……it’s part of being a human.
My husband did everything but (obviously) breastfeeding. It's up to the couple whether "mom does most of the work" or both do it.
My father-in-law was soooo good at carrying around our babies so I could eat a meal in peace!
Been there big dawg. You’re not alone Jacob. ❤️
So dope that these comments arent tearing this guy up and are really supportive. There are good people out there ❤ your not alone man. Having a kid is hard and will make you crazy. Important thing is to talk about it and seek help with family. It does get better!
This was a great call, i hope we can live in the world where men and women can talk about this without instant judgment.
I’m so glad I had my kid later in life. I had the chance of being financially stable. I had the tools to work through some really tough times. Because, there was a true moment of bliss when I first met my daughter for the first time. But the delivery ending in an emergency c-section, bliss quickly turned to anxiety. I was left alone with a newborn screaming for her dear life and worries for my partner from which I had no news at all from hospital staff. I have never been so scared and vulnerable in my life. It took work to get back from that low. Looking now, I just can’t picture myself without my daughter.
If you ever read this Jacob, hearing you today just relieved me of so much shame. I knew I worked through something, but I never had the guts to talk to anyone about this and now, thanks to you, I will.
John I am reading these comments that you told him not to read. You need to reach back out to him and tell him to skip the first few but after that, There is a community of people here that could really make him feel supported and not so alone! People are cruel, but any parent can tell you we stick together and understand!
Prayers for this young dad! It was very brave to come forward and ask for help before you hear or read about another tragedy on the news…
I know someone who is divorced w kids and not even 30 yet. They got married before they were even 20. So many people think they're gonna be with that person forever when they're teens and young adults, but please slow down. Hormones make people move way too fast and make permanent decisions hastily. That baby probably showed the reality of the life he just agreed to at a very early age with a woman he didn't know too well from the get-go. His hatred is just misplaced anger and depression on how his romanticized expectations did not meet reality. He needs to get therapy to cope with his new reality bc his decisions are irreversible.
This is so true! I’m 27, and I am so glad I don’t have kids and did not make the mistake of having them when I was basically still a child myself. My life would be so different and not for the better.
The first 6 months to a year sucks for everyone. You will get to love him eventually.
You are doing the right thing by getting help. Nothing but compassion from me, you are not a bad person.
I went through severe post partum depression with my second for 18 months i had an implant contraception which I think onset it and the fact that I was cheated on during the pregnancy, neglected with no help from my partner especially after baby was born didn't help. I sought help because your kid deserves it.
Those first 6-8weeks are literally hell. Hang in there man!
My granddaughter got married at 20 I told her if she wanted children right away to let me know because I would buy her a car seat and diaper bag and everyday she went to work she was to take the car seat and fasten it in her car and pack the diaper bag after work she was to take the car seat out and to take the diaper bag in every day and figure out how much she enjoyed that before she put a baby in it. I asked her to figure out child care and who was going to pick up and drop off the baby.
I think is pretty Common to go thru that because ived been there myself it’s not cool to be in that situation but I’m glad I got out from that dark place with the help of therapy,and GOD .may the lord helps this guy 🙏🏻
That baby wasn't planned and he probably never wanted kids in the first place. Now he has a child with a woman he isn't sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he misses his freedom. Doesn't have the courage to tell his girlfriend.
Right. He's in shock and it's overwhelming, difficult, depressed.
It's hard dealing with a baby. All I can say is get as much help as you can. It takes a village to raise a child!
RN here. Bonding in the FIRST FEW HOURS is critical for a father. Mom loves the baby at knowledge of conception usually. She feels it growing inside, dad loves the baby a few minutes after birth. Eye contact(even though the child really can’t well see yet), finger grabbing, touching the baby’s feet, holding/cradling, smelling. I cannot overstate how important this is for a father. There are critical minutes, or the child can “feel” like someone else’s child, or that “bond” is just not created. I’ve seen it so many times, a disconnected dad- or one in shock, and you can even help nature take place. Get him involved in first bath, dressing, any activity that will garner a protective and nurturing focus activity. I’ve had folks that are the salt of the earth confess to me they don’t feel a bond with child, and they are shattered because of it. It can’t be forced, but there is hope. Often by Toddler Stage, there’s a second bonding, a personality develops- and the Father can see his genetics playing out, and THAT is the where the Father’s strongest bond is struck- in Tungsten. This is no longer a dependent generic newborn, but developing child that is individual.
That's good and true information, but I'd note that there are many moms who do not feel connected to their babies in the womb. Bonding in the first hours is critical for both parents.
@@jaciemokidm609 you are so right. I was one sided in that answer, and I apologize😳
I want to say thank you. He responded like a son listening to a man he respects. Good job
Aw, all the comments are actually so lovely and supportive 🥰
this needs way more views, i wonder how bros been after a year
Brave caller. 🙏
You are just fine. I'm so glad you reached out.
I feel so sorry for this young man. And I hope he gets help. Here’s the thing that I want to say though. If you’re 19 or 20 years old, don’t get some girl pregnant and if you’re a girl don’t get knocked up. There’s so much birth control out there and yet you hear about this sort of thing all the time. At 19 or 20 you shouldn’t even be living with anybody. Not anybody that you’re dating. You need to learn how to fend for yourself.
It sounds to me like two kids caught feelings for each other and that’s great. Then they decided to play house when what they shouldn’t not have; In stead of just enjoying each other’s company. If you wanna move out of your parents house, then move out on your on your own. Get a studio apartment if that’s all you can afford. Always, always, always use birth control whether you’re living at home or not. your early 20s should be a time of exploration and I don’t mean sleeping around per se. I mean like finding out what do you like to do, what brings you joy and how do you handle problems.
I am praying for this young man and I hope for his family sake that he fines peace and joy in his family. But take it from a 55 year old, life is a marathon, not a sprint take your time, you don’t have to rush in to everything.
🙌🏾🙌🏾👏🏾 this comment! Two children had a child and now he’s not handling it well. I’m glad I’m not in his position.
Best form of birth control is abstinence.
Well stated as a guy who was born to a 20 year old father who very well could’ve made this exact call and a mother whose supposed postpartum depression destroyed our chance at a healthy relationship. I am grateful to say I never repeated the same mistakes but it blows my mind how many people destroy their lives and their children’s lives for a few minutes of pleasure.
@@mariahkindle4486For real, reality hit my dude and now he’s like oh sh*t, I got this major responsibility.
It's hard because your needs are now second to your child's, especially sleep.
We got married when we were 19. We had our first but the second daughter was the hard one. She stayed in the hospital until she was 10 days. Then she was a difficult baby. The colicky period I wanted to toss her out a window. We loved her but true bonding did not happen at that point.
I second John in getting to a doctor. Making this call is a huge step forward. I admire you.
I felt this way about a family dog. I never hit him, but I was so mad when he interrupted my life. It was my first dog and I had no idea how much work it was. Thank God my mom and dad helped out. They loved him enough to take over the care duties. My dad became very attached so he did end up with a happy life just not meant to be with me.
I just love hearing how you spoke to him kind but firm, and he is a great man and dad for seeking help I wish him the best of luck in his journey
It’s a hard adjustment with sleep deprivation and your life changing so fast.
As a psychology student I love learning so much
I definitely understand how he feels. I met my wife when she was already a few months pregnant. I had a hard time creating an emotional bond with my son when he was born. He’s 3 now and I love that little guy more than anything. I think what helped me A LOT was we used formula and I fed him most of the time. I got to build a bond with him that I think a lot of men miss out on.
Actually I hope he does read the comments ...I've read a few and so far they seem to be very supportive.
Dr. John....you handled that so well..gave great advice and hopefully did give some peace to this young man.
Jacob....first you were so brave to call in!!!! That was the first step...and you did a remarkable job in explaining your situation. I would hope anyone listening to that phone call....if they have a heart at all...they will understand and completely sympathize with you. I'm a 51 year old woman. Got pregnant and had my child by the time I was 21. I fortunately was very lucky in that I bonded with my baby immensely and did not have any type of postpartum. I also worked with children at a daycare so felt very comfortable and confident in my skills. In saying that, first of all...just like Dr John said...this is normal and im sure alot of men go thru this...they just don't have the guts to admit it. Given your situation....young...already married and now a child at the age of 21...wow that's alot to take in as far as changes. I can also imagine maybe you have feelings of missing your old life...where you did not have nearly the responsibilities of what you have on you now. Give yourself some time to mourn over the changes in your life...its ok to miss your old life...and certainly understandable especially considering your age. Also I definately would like to point out...one thing that I have noticed thru my years on this earth....I think alot of people especially women in general expect that the man is sopposed to have the same feelings that a woman has...after the baby is born. That's ultimately ridiculous in my opinion. There is no way possible most men and even relate to how a woman feels during pregnancy and after. The woman carries this child in her womb for 9 months. She mentally, emotionally, and physically connects with the baby and has 9 months to do this. Men are not able to share this experience at all....so we really should take the pressure of men...especially young men at that.....that they automatically be expected to immediately connect with their baby. It takes time to connect emotionally as well as really is helpful for fathers to hold and involved physically with as much care giving right away.... unfortunately it seems more likely that not...men are not given the time as much to do that. It is the moms that breastfeed ...usually do most of the immediate caregivers etc...while the husband usually have to go back to work. And generally more than not..yes the infant is going to prefer mom. That's normal as well...as the baby definately knows the difference between mom and dad. This baby also had time to connect with mom during the 9 months in was in her womb...listening to moms heartbeat...her voice and just ultimately having that bonded connection from the beginning.
So Jacob do not at all feel like you are a freak...abnormal...crazy....its ok!!! I can tell just by listening that you are a caring human being. All I can say is...follow Dr. Johns advice go get professional help and maybe try to have family help as well. Just know you are not alone in these feelings..🙂
He really hit the mark with this one, everyone says it’s beautiful and magical and you’ll be tired but so filled with love but that doesn’t always happen and I don’t wanna say it’s normal but it’s not uncommon. I love that there was no judgement too just genuine advice and knowledge.
This must have been SOOOO HARD for him to admit but at least he did so that he didn’t let it go too far. He sounds SUPER overwhelmed probably dealing with some anxiety as well. I hope he gets the help he needs.
If he was depressed since childhood , the trauma of adjusting to a newborn sent him in a spiral of a deeper depression. He needs help
Known I was depressed for quit a while. Not everyone experiences symptoms the same. Many factors at play in the causes of it. Recognizing what it is may be a huge part of dealing with it.
Processing stresses and trauma may be a root to much of the depression.
Missing partner or lacking support or encouragement are also factors.
Feels like someone standing on my chest. Sense of short breath. Exhaustion for little reason. Periods or episodes of panic like excitement with the mind racing. That was accompanied by a spike in BP. Caught it at 198/118 on the way down. At rest.
Do not ignore it. When you need help with it go talk to the doc and use the tools available.
I think men enjoy the toddler stage a lot more than infant/ baby
There is so much pressure to have kids. Some people just shouldn't have kids. They don't have the right stuff to raise mentally healthy kids. And women, if you aren't married and don't want to raise children by yourself, then don't get pregnant. It's not fair to foist a child on a guy you hardly know. That is cruel. Just say no to sex. Don't do it. It is a bad way to start an adult life if you don't have your act together. And men...be smart...think with your head and not with what's between your legs. Sex makes babies....hello!!!! Don't be selfish for a moment's pleasure.
Thank you for sharing caller...I know that was tough.
You probably know but theres multiple tiktok acounts stealing your content and getting millons of views without giving you credit
At least he called and asked for advice. Most dads show their resentment and anger in other abusive ways. He is young and I’m assuming that his wife is too, maybe she’s just as miserable but I’m assuming they don’t want to tell each other to not worry one another. I hope they’re doing better ❤
he needs to think about the baby's feeling that he is in this world. The hate feeling will be picked up by the kid eventually and it's going to have a bad domino effect. It's not your baby's fault to be born in your household.
21-year-old (probably 20) got his girlfriend pregnant. The baby is in the way. Sex is limited. He's no longer the center of her attention. Even the baby isn't paying him the proper attention or validating him as the father. He hates the baby! He definitely needs help and needs to grow up and adjust to his new life because it has completely changed.
Get help!
he went form Call of Duty to call of doo doo (baby doo doo)
@@cashway0420 lol
I mean, you going to hate the baby if you're not ready for it. Can't imagine having a baby at 21 even though I'm 29. I still can't imagine.
I'm so glad that this father called in, because he needed to. Hate is a very strong word to use towards an innocent two month baby, that is his son. But the Dr. D, did get to the bottom of the situation, which I was thinking that this father might do. Have you ever thought of hurting this little baby? this hesitation, said it all. And, yes was the answer. The father, didn't actually say YES, I hate this baby, of course I feel like hurting my infant. I feel like dropping him. What on the floor, in the basement cement, on the carport driveway, into the pool ? Yes, the Dr. D, prescribed well, get him to a dr. quick. thank you for your advice, and senitativity, to guide this really messed up person, before he does something really bad. I hope that the in-laws, and the mother is close at hand.
Idk but when I had a baby I mentally prepared myself for a whole year. I knew the baby would need my attention 100%. Now I totally thank my husband for his support. I remember feeding the baby every two hours because all the baby really wanted was milk and a change of diapers. Oof and teething was fun lol but it’s so worth it. Bonding is so important between 0-5 yrs and that’s a crucial foundation in a persons life. I hope he gets help and I pray the baby has healthy parents so he doesn’t suffer depression as a teen :(
As an adoptive mom who wasn’t sure I’d ever be a parent, I remember when our son was 7 months old; we had been home from his birth country only a few days when I had the thought that I didn’t want to do this, didn’t want to spend the next 18 years taking care of him, couldn’t stand his crying, etc etc, but it did eventually turn around in a few weeks. PPD is real, as is Post Adoption Depression. Our son is now almost 21, ready to start his third year in college, and is a joy beyond what we could have imagined. He is quirky, intelligent, sarcastic and funny, but he’s a loyal friend and a great listener. I can’t imagine our lives without him! I hope this young dad got the help he needed.
Those who don’t want to have kids aren’t irresponsible or lazy. They know about this kind of feeling and they don’t want to bring an innocent baby and hate them. A lot of useless fathers out there
I don't want kids for many reasons but I don't think he's a useless father. I think he's going through something. A useless father would leave and not care that he felt this way
@@terricox3559 I didn’t say he is. I said there’s a lot out there. It’s too soon to tell if he’s useless or not.
@@blueberry4082Yeah we got you :)
@@terricox3559He seems to care because he's talking to a therapist.
He's also 21 :| 21 is barely coming out of being a child. People his age are at Cancun keg drinking lol
I think he'll be okay eventually. There can still be adventures with children. (My kids and I went to Florida and that was super fun. I'm a singe mom and if I wasn't so shy, there was a hot single dad I could've talked to. But I got super shy lol)
So life isn't over with children. It's part of life and people love children. Especially if you focus on teaching them how to be respectful, compassionate and kind :)
@@blahblahblah4544 I completely agree and I hope one day you'll talk to the hot dad :-)
Children aren't my future (my own children, I will have friends and family where children are involved) but I wish every happiness for everyone who does have them.
This dude is brave , no way he's alone in this
Healthy eating for Dad, Mom & baby is VERY important. Unhealthy food aids in depression & zero energy. It’s an investment in your day to day & long term good physical & mental health. A gift to you, to your marriage & your children’s future. ❤
-Said with love from a parent of 5 who struggles with depression.
Yes! And it's completely normal to need help. My goodness. All those major life changes and ups and downs at 21??? I hope this young man is doing better.
He’s just very young - in this day and age anyway. And not quite mentally ready there yet, and matured. Probably feels his life is now already set in stone. Completely understand that at 21, and only dating for 18 months. If he was early thirties.. I’m sure he’d not be feeling this as deeply as he is now.
It's ok - even without hormonal issues being a new parent is isolating and exhausting, your baby isn't as communicative yet and they are just a little lump of need - be easy on yourselves and know things will change and it will be big changes every month with your little one
I'm just here to say
A) Love the show! You guys are amazing!
B) Jacob, you are so incredibly brave and such a great dad. No hate, just love here. My husband said this is similar to how he felt when our son was born. It gets better
Your first baby is the hardest because you have no idea what your doing, awake windows, sleeping schedules, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, back to back dr appointments, lack of sleep. It’s brutal. However….you’ll look back one day and realize it was actually the easiest time. The baby stage is a heck of a lot easier than the toddler stage 🥴
I disagree. I’ll take the toddler stage where they sleep through the night any day
A lot of times men bond with the baby a little later than mom does. Totally normal. They are totally dependent on mom right now and they are in the absolute thick of it (what we call the 4th trimester). Totally understandable.. poor thing called in feeling so bad about himself and he just needs a hug and some reassurance that he's not the worst dad ever. You aren't! Hang in there.. it will get better!
My husband says to get noise cancelling headphones! (LOL) Works wonders and he tells all the dads to do this so they don't lose their minds.
jecob u got this broooo u fkin got this, its not easy its not always fun and this is ur new life man that all there is to say and if u still didnt see a doctor, go see a doctor i support u man
I wasn't diagnosed with PPD and PTSD from a traumatic pregnancy and delivery until my twins were 1 year old. They were easy babies but I felt like I was forcing myself to love them and only out of obligation. I can only hope this new dad comes through this it isn't a feeling I'd wish on anyone. If he truly hated his kid, he wouldn't be reaching out like this. I actually wish he would read these comments because they are so supportive of him.
He moved too fast
You are right, the pressure to have kids is real, way too young . I hope anyone watching doesn't have a child for any reason they want to wholeheartedly, and please, wait until you both can emotionally and financially support that new life
This mf lives in the US with newborn in this economy and you tell him to see a doctor wtf
Wtf I cannot believe he said he hates his own son