How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2024
- We all have moments where our emotions get the best of us. Maybe it’s a tough conversation at work or a heated discussion at home. If you want to have more effective communication, you must increase your emotional intelligence.
In this episode, I’ll show you 3 simple steps to help you control your emotions and communicate how you’re feeling and what you need.
Plus, I’ll answer a listener’s question about dealing with that one person who always gets under your skin. I’ll also point out common mistakes to avoid when emotions are high, so you can keep your talks on track and effective.
____________
Want a FREE communication tip each week? [Click here to join my newsletter.](www.jeffersonf...)
Follow The Jefferson Fisher Podcast on
[Spotify](open.spotify.c...)
Follow me on [Instagram]( / jefferson_fisher )
Follow me on [LinkedIn]( / jeffersonfisher )
Your videos should be lessons taught in every high school everywhere. Seriously tho.
Agree!!!
As a school bus driver, I'd say Middle School instead since they might still be accepting to learning. I definitely agree though and I do my limited part with conversations. I try to show them both sides of what's happening.
I agree kids and adults are not taught how to have difficult conversations. I am still working on it and I am an adult.
GENIUS: "What triggers you, teaches you" 1. "Use the phrase I need (a moment, a break, to digest what you said, to understand what you are saying, I can tell, I feel upset or defensive) '" 2. "Have something to learn, not something to prove". 3. "What is it about what they are doing that is making my emotions feel out of Place" -Jefferson Fisher
When people are doing something wrong. I let it get my goat. I stuck up for a 6 year old baby girl in the back seat of my friend's car because my friend was talking in front front of her about how much she did not want to babysit her granddaughter. We had an argument. I was quietly telling her not to do that because it would upset her granddaughter but my friend ended up yelling and hitting the steering wheel. I got out of the car and later told her that I would it again, and I will.
@@ibosquez5238 That seems a responsible action you took and will take again. ❤️
Love these podcasts!
An old English belief says keeping a goat in the barn would have a calming effect on the cows, to produce more milk. Get the farmer’s goat and the cows produce less milk.
I read this too.
An alternate explanation was that the presence of a goat had a calming effect on racehorses and one was left in the stall the night before a race. Stealing such a goat would leave the racehorse agitated and less able to compete effectively.
Thank you, I always wondered where "getting someone's goat" originated!
I try not to have my goat tied out.✌️
Cool...that makes sense now..funny also because goats are such an onarey animal. Funny they make cows calm..lol😂❤
I would like to know how to handle it when someone excuses someone's behavior that was offensive as okay because having a voice means you're saying they're not a good person, after all, they had good intentions.
If you come to my house and barbecue and accidentally set my house on fire, it doesn't mean there's no accountability or I don't get a voice ever and need to be shut down just because they're a good person.
Love your perspectives!
Jefferson, My favorite quote is “Three things can not hide for long: the Moon, the Sun and the Truth.” ― Gautama Buddha
I am adding this: I become triggered when they constantly talk only about my mistakes but never appreciate me for the work I did . They take credits. Because this I am becoming anxious and keep finding myself to prove in ways I can
Thank you for this .... I am overly emotional ... so I often shut down when in a conflicting situation ... this is so helpful. You are great!
Girl start small and build up to it.
Yes, mee too. It's the best way
Jefferson Fisher: You have a great smile. Makes me want to smile more when I talk to people. Thank you for the inspiration.
So many people would behave so much better if they knew these things. How to behave politely and kindly while maintaining firm boundaries with toxic people, how to deal with conflict, what mental set to go in with and what phrases and outlooks tend to work better. That's why your channel has exploded. I always looked for a book about how to be a person when one has been raised by wolves (which is actually an insult to wolves, who have a very workable family structure that is clear and mutually supportive, almost as detailed and elaborate as the social order of seagulls). The only book I could find (ironically, by that name) just talked about things like where the salad fork goes. That was the last problem on my mind.
When people (too many in America) are raised by damaged parent figures with big issues, the parents' lack of emotional intelligence is hypnotically entrained into their brains, becoming default neurological circuitry. I recently learned it's not just physical developmental damage. We're also in a hypnotic state right up through age seven (at which point the brain starts moving out of Alpha-Theta brainwave state into the awake state of Beta). We therefore are literally being hypnotized into bad behavior for seven years straight before we can even learn anything else.
Plus there are abusive daycare workers in many cases. Even some very toxic elementary school teachers who live for the thrill of cruelly humiliating children all day. To say hurt people hurt people is true; it just doesn't convey the length and depth of the damage, why the abusers and abused are the way they are. Ancestral epigenetic issues also affect people extensively, traumas experienced in previous generations turn out to be inherited. Is it any wonder we have so many poorly behaving people, considering the thousands of years of traumatizing human history?
Then there's the brain damage (as I term it) from growing up in such situations. It's traumatizing, frankly, to grow up with emotional neglect and abuse from severely immature and toxic parents. Traumatized as kids, the brain structures differently - the amygdala gateway stays open in many cases, resulting in CPTSD. As adults, such brains will continue to exhibit neurological traits typical of trauma responses, as Dr. Gabor Mate discusses. That kind of brain will be prone to be very emotional and overreactive. (Thankfully energy healing can help clear up CPTSD and PTSD over time.) Until that gets cleared up, such brains will misread situations continually as more dangerous than they actually are. Plus we survive as kids by either fawning, fleeing, freezing, or fighting, only to carry those patterns ever after without even realizing it.
If you wonder why your work is so appreciated, it's because at this point America is awash in traumatized people who are behaving badly. Too many of us have overreactive brains and are trained to subconsciously default to immature outlooks, strong emotionalism, and unhelpful interaction patterns. Because egregious behaviors and worldviews were modeled, we think the whole world operates that way, so we also too often also assume people are purely about selfishness and disinterested in working out solutions or compromises. It's all we ever saw. We have way too many people automatically moving through the world perpetuating the way their toxic parents saw the world and interacted.
In short, Jefferson, just being a sane, kind, cooperative, intelligent, and balanced man who is able to speak kindly yet firmly in a cooperative and nonaggressive way makes you something of a rarity. That you can hold boundaries clearly yet politely and work things out with people in many kinds of stressful situations is at this point uncommon in American society. Thank you so very much for your wonderful work in sharing the phrasing, the insights, and the attitudes that help viewers to deal with the many stressful situations and toxic people (including the highly disturbed parents we usually continue to deal with for the rest of our lives).
Sadly, psychologists are also seeing much more narcissism in their clients in recent decades. That's another reason your channel is exploding. Narcissism occurs on a spectrum, of course, but people with genuine personality disorders such as NPD are not interested in growing or changing, in learning how to be kind or cooperative or even mannerly. In part because the empathy area of their cortex is thin, and in part because true NPD apparently arrests people emotionally at age two, although their intelligence continues growing. So what we're dealing with on a widespread level is two-year-olds in adult bodies with more smarts and ability to be cunning in their meanness. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. Plus in 40% of the NPD population, there's a comorbid condition making matters worse. Such as sadism, so they may actually get enjoyment from being cruel and making others miserable. Or BPD, which is basically emotional dysregulation, so they have extremely poor emotional control. Then there's the 10% of the American population that has characteristics of sociopathy. They just don't care about others and are perfectly content to exploit people any way they can, and in an ongoing way, with no guilt whatsoever.
Thank you for promoting kindness and sanity, for giving us the words that help us manage all kinds of folks and situations. You're helping us recover our right to respectful behavior and teaching us how to set boundaries without being unkind no matter who we're dealing with. You're helping restore peace to our lives. I'm hopeful these healthier patterns of interaction will somehow even begin to be applied in political discussions. Since people watch completely different propaganda channels telling them different versions of reality, and in some cases deliberately stoke rage via disinformation, the inability to find any meeting of the minds on various topics has become a serious issue in many families. If you have an suggestions for that, I'm sure many of us would appreciate them.
Blessings to you for your wonderful efforts in the world! We need more peacemakers, people able to behave diplomatically with caring and firmness. Thank you for helping us move in that direction.
On the one hand I hear you. On the other hand you are a ‘falcon,’ after all, be brave - adversity is the way that builds our character too. Adaptation, compensation, forgiveness, wisdom come often from misery.
When I came to America from the USSR I was surprised how polite and proper people here behave.
I think Dr. Matte is a little bit too much relying on Freudian child trauma. Looking into Adler and Jung too is worthwhile to widen the horizons. Bessel Van Der Kolk in ‘The Body keeps the Score’ also shows many creative ways to overcome trauma.
Tldr
Many of us women and maybe many Canadians and others have been raised to believe we have no right to our needs. I even tried to ask a man last month after he said what he needed out of our interaction of if I could talk about my needs. He actually said no.
I think part of why you’ve been able to become such an assured and wonderful gentleman is that you have always known you have a right to be listened to. It’s lovely and as I listen to you (all your lessons), a piece I think about is wondering how to build the scaffolds. How do we bring others to a place of being able to talk like this when we have been drilled so hard into believing we deserve nothing?
You bring so much wonderful food for thought. Thank you
We all have needs and I appreciate the techniques you are teaching to be able to be assertive with calmness and direct communication. Thank you.
Girl don't ask for permission! State your needs! Tell him! If he doesn't want to hear it, too bad.
Edit: I mean you have a right to be heard.
Omg don't ask for permission, then you give the person a choice to say no.
Thanks Jefferson! We need to train our emotional intelligence muscle every day.
You are brilliant. Best channel on TH-cam. Seriously. Keep up the good work dude.
Thanks for sharing!, these to Increase emotional Intelligence:
1) Use the phrase or begin your sentence with, I need
2) You need to have something to learn not something to prove.
3) What triggers you teaches you.
I need...to take your advice! Thanks for the wonderful ideas on communication. So helpful.,
Your help is genuine, and easy to understand, and put into everyday interactions with others. I listen to you with honor and respect.
Jefferson thank you so much for these videos. Your videos are so inspirational, logical and practical. Tuesday morning coffee with your newsletter/podcast have become my favorite “me time” of the work week. ❤
Excellent content Jefferson, my favorite channel!!
If you haven't already, please address the best way to deal with passive aggressive people.
Thank you so much!! 😊
Bloody brilliant, I think we can say like damn great of superb, this is pure English expression.
Thank you for all you teachings Jefferson. It's make us be better comunicators. That's means life gets better for us and people around ❤
Jefferson, your advice has stood me in good stead. Times when I know I’m going into difficult situations I’ve replayed your advice and practiced your phrases that have given me confidence and I’ve been less reactive.
What triggers me, teaches me!! Thankyou Jefferson, I need to learn, not prove something. Not to put myself in a position where my buttons are pushed.
Wow Jefferson! I've been watching your podcasts a lot lately and they are changing my life!
Growing up I was taught that when there was conflict, or someone wanted you to do something their way, that you just shut down and do what they want and then get angry and grumble about it to yourself for the next week at least.
I wish I would have had someone like you around when I was young to teach me these principles. But it's never too late, I will learn to be a good communicator! Thanks for doing this!
Number two is something that I need to improve on myself when it comes to my responses " something to learn not something to prove ." Thank you so much , Jeff. ❤
People who try to provoke and upset others are passive-aggressive, sadistic, and evil. They ENJOY causing pain, being mean, and cruel. The behavior gives a surge of adrenaline and feel-good chemicals in their brain. They enjoy making others uncomfortable. It is intimidation, harassment, and bullying intended to control another. It is successful because people will avoid talking to the bully. They won't challenge anything the bully says or does, to avoid the conflict and feeling bad. The bully is not challenged in staff meetings, conversations, or actions. The bully gets away with saying and doing anything they want. The bully won't listen if you try to talk to them about this behavior. They will interrupt, raise their voice, yell, scream, talk over, point the finger back, make a nasty remark, say "whatever, or I don't care", hang up, or storm out. This is done to deflect from the problem and shut down the other person, so they don't lose control over that person, situation, or conversation. They will gaslight or use other psychological tactics to suggest it's all in their head and that they are crazy. If that doesn't work, and they fear being exposed or losing power, they will fight at all costs to discredit the other person as a liar or crazy. They are the crazy makers. Their behavior often creates anxiety, depression, panic disorder, etc. in their victims, which lends to the mentally ill defense. Ironically the victims end up in therapy trying to cope with the abuser or recover from the damage. The abuser won't get therapy. They won't accept criticism, or responsibility, nor do any self-reflection, or try to change. This would damage their self-esteem. They don't care about the other person's needs or feelings. They are selfish and immature. If you write a letter or text to get your words out, address the problem, and try to change the situation, the bully will call the person a coward for not saying it to their face. They won't admit they are the true coward for refusing to listen and take responsibility. This is an extremely emotionally immature person in denial. They feel powerful and above the other person. They put others down to elevate themselves above them. This is a false sense of self-esteem; it is dependent on comparing to another. These people are likely in a position of power over the other person: a boss, coworker, family member, or authority figure. It could also be someone with another type of power, such as having something you want or need, or personal information they got from pretending to care. These people are master manipulators with deep psychological problems.
This is so my adult son. 41 and still acts like this. He keeps my grandchildren out of my life. 😥
Yes
U nailed it
Narcissistic behaviour 😅
Unfortunately it is the evil that walks among us.
I look at evil like it has three heads, give a half smile, remain calm, let them finish then continue with my life. I don't ever react. Just stay unbother. I just let them try to push my buttons but only engaged as if i was speaking to a chilld in a positive calm voice or just say ok.
So glad i have retired from the workforce.
Little did they know, i enjoyed the challenges.
Jefferson, I really enjoy and appreciate your videos. They are practical and helpful! Blessings!!!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I always love new tools in my toolbox of ways to more gracefully manage a (potential) conflict situation. I especially like “What triggers you teaches you,” and the idea that knowing my triggers helps me to avoid putting myself in situations or contact with people that push my buttons,, get my goat, get on my last nerve, etc.
I need to practice for possible scenarios-like receiving feedback or an upcoming job interview-where I could get triggered and shut down.
That fear of “Uh oh! I’m in trouble!” Is such a lousy behavior that comes from childhood trauma and is often not an accurate assessment of the current situation. You’re clear logic and simple methods could make a real difference.
I have recently set some boundaries in a very diplomatic, calm manner. I’ve learned to do this from listening to you on Instagram and now that I found you on TH-cam even better! Thank you so much for all that you do.❤
Oh my gosh, I wish I had had access to your videos 20 years ago. I learn so much from you! Simon is right… you are brilliant! Thank you! 🙏
I agree! Thank you for your content: it’s so organized, well put together, and professional! The world’s vibration lifts higher because you’re in it Jefferson!
That is so kind. Thank you.
My pleasure to convey the truth😇
Your mission is succeeding! Thank you! I am 59 and first time in my life I am able to communicate with kindness and being assertive. No longer fearful of being around people. I actually have genuine conversations and even can have difficult conversations. Thank you!!!
I just used this today after hearing you. Omg. As a life coach, a nurse, and a great listener, i never voice my needs. Until today. And he was very open to it and i feel so much more confident. Thank you.
I am gaining so much positive information here, it’s self reflecting, it’s kind, it’s protective, and productive. Gold, gold for my ears and for my soul aligning with my expressions. So many times I think, man didn’t mean that, or I wish I could get out in words what I feel inside. Your tools are a breath of fresh air, Thank you.
With each podcast and video clips or interviews, our tool box of effective communication gets better equipped for any situation. Thank you again for everything hou do
I have a person in my life that triggers me with their entitlement and expectations that I financially cover their wants and desires because they have limited income (as set by a spouse because of their financial irresponsibility). Setting boundaries can be effective but result in passive aggressive comments in front of others to scapegoat and manipulate, so as to get their way. I feel very disrespected. Would you please discuss how to deal with people who feel someone else is responsible for their financial entitlement and irresponsibility? Thank you!
Time to end the relationship with this person unless you want to continue to feel disrespected.
Grown-upsare responsible for their own needs, unless they give you their money and you manage the funds for their needs.
Go spend your moon yourself and live a peaceful life, stress free.
Just say NO
I'm an emotional man and a highly sensitive person. It's not that I didn't have emotional intelligence...it's that, since day 1, I was both shamed for being the way I am, and also, I was taught BEING emotionally intelligent as a man was a waste of time and made me both inferior and weak. And as a consequence of this treatment, I have done nothing but emotionally suffer for my 39 years on this planet. So I've just decided that enough is enough, I'm going to finally value being an empathic individual and treat the blessings that I have of heightened emotional awareness and sensitivity with the respect and seriousness that it deserves. If that keeps certain selfish and/or superificial people out of my life, then so be it, but I'm tired of being ashamed for having empathy.
I need communicates “neediness”, and/or can and often is perceived as an expectation and manipulative for the listener to respond in a specific performance. Communicate what you want. That gives them free will, choice and decision and it teaches you what they are willing to do and not. It shines a light on reality. It’s not manipulative. It’s honest.
I did it! I used this and I spoke calm and I though of you Jefferson!!! I am so thankful to your teachings! I wish I can transfer the information in your brain to my brain, like you can do it with cellphones!! Jefferson!!! THANK YOU!!!!
I’m so proud of you. Good work.
You are building a bridge that I didn't even know I needed. I came from the time of children being "speak when spoken to" which lead to not knowing how to speak up for myself or even try to be emotionally intelligent. My Grown children grew up in a time where that was transitioning to more gentle "tell me how you feel so I can help you regulate your emotions and speak up for yourself. I have felt this was causing a lot of discourse between the generations. This has helped my relationships so much so Thank you Jefferson!
My neice of all people used to really bother me when I was around her. She is the sweetest person. I couldn't understand what it was. I finally realized some of her behaviors, the bad ones, very minor really, were what I didn't like in myself!! That realization helped so much. It was never her fault it was a problem I had with myself. I worked on the behaviors and quit putting them on her. I love her dearly and we have a wonderful relationship.
Love your videos.
I find myself often stopping to think about how you would handle difficult situations when I'm faced with them.
Thank you Jefferson makes so much sense. Hopefully I can remember and apply what you are teaching here!
Hi Jefferson , thank you for this. I often become emotional(over) when I am having conflict/argument or discussion at work. I find it hard to fight back my tears as I can't digest when my co-workers blame me for no fault of mine. Even for a small mistake they taunt for a month and my supervisor has once acted immatured by not talking to me as I committed errors while working for a client. I find myself ignored and helpless . I have to take screenshots of my work to prove them each time that I am not lying. I always record the calls as they shamelessly lie through their teeth about me. I am tired of proving myself. I work hard and always true to my conscience. But people at work are making it harder for me . They don't let me speak my problem and judge that they are minor. I am not sure how to handle such people and I don't like my job as there's always someone who criticizes me for everything, it's not constructive. I am a meek person and one more I don't feel like hurting anyone but then I don't want to tolerate my colleagues behaviour. Can you help me
I am very sorry you are treated this way. It is awful, very negative and unhealthy for you. I hope you can exit this environment.
@@amaliabarthel1743 yes but I want to exit in a smooth way as my supervisors are good at making it nasty
PLEASE PLEASE cover how to address people that consistently stand too close to you in conversations!
How about:
I need more space.
Tell them I need you to take a step back or however many steps you need for them to be out of your space and that you do better, listen better, whatever fits the situation when I have a bit more space.
There are days when EVERYthing triggers me. Thanks for the help.
Hi Jefferson, how is the book going? Why do you record your videos in the car?
@@johnmolenaar4570
He's a lawyer. He records in bits of time he has between being in court and his office, lunchtime (whenever he has time). What I don't understand is why he doesn't wear a suit if he'sin court everyday. Does he take time to change out of it? Why? Men look nice in a suit, so respectable. Anyway, I don't care what he wears because he's brilliant in what he teaches us. This wonderful man is amazing.
EI score is far more valuable than the IQ one. Thank you for all of your teachings. They are more than helpful, it is like we come back home when we take control of our emotions. After all, we are human beings and full of emotions and not of intelect
one of top people I learned from is you Jefferson, I want to thank you sincerely for opening this channel and for sharing your experience and your knowledge. I wish to meet u in person and invite u for coffee .
Very informative and useful advice. I needed this on this Tuesday morning full of meetings. Thank you and please keep these podcasts coming. I appreciate you 😊
I can help you with "get your goat" That comes from the race horse industry! Race horses are kept in stalls, and sometimes they have a goat companion to keep them company. Used to, if a competitor wanted to gain unfair advantage, they would steal the other horses goat so he would not be in a good place mentally before the race. The horse would instead be worried and upset that his companion was missing and would likely loose the race.
Thank you Jefferson one of my kids always brings up things that happened in the past about how i failed her. I remember those occasions very differently. It sort of goes like - this is what I said but this is what she heard or as a child she did not understand that there might have been extenuating circumstances as to why i did or didn’t do something like why I couldn’t get to a softball practice or why i didn’t get her the name brand jeans she wanted to fit in. This pod cast will help me next time she brings things up like that.
You're so awesome!! So proud of you and all of your accomplishments!! Thank you for making the world a better place with how you have helped soooooooo many people with basic human communication skills we should all have...but were not taught.
I was hesitant at first to watch your podcast because I was afraid what I would learn about myself and would it be fixable🙃. I've always heard the phrase "emotional intelligence", but I had no idea what it meant or assumed it meant how to regulate your emotions without crying. Thank you so much for doing this for people like me.
I don't know how I came across your channel, but I'm very grateful I did. You rock! Totally underrated channel/podcast.
Thanks I find this helpful with a snappy response at my husband of 48 years. STOP and let him know how I feel and what I need.
I appreciate the mind shift, from emotional intelligence to emotional resilience. Makes it feel possible to teach and obtain on a personal AND societal level!
Thanks for posting. I recently realized that there’s something called emotional maturity. So this video fits what I’m working on right now!
Perfect message I needed now! I have become so isolated avoiding high conflict neighbor in lo income housing after I escaped a very violent marriage. I need more good people to observe so I can refresh my social skills. You help me! 😊 thank you!
I have learnt so much ito improving my communication (im a natural introvert) by watching you.
You are a great speaker❤
You do such a good job of teaching us how to preserve our self esteem and also the person we're communicating with.
My older sister has a husband in a nursing care facility due to lewy body dementia. She tells people she is caring for him. She ISN'T!
She lives in her home. In my opinion she tries to be the victim with her lies.
She is an expert on EVERYTHING & ANYTHING.
I had to give her a lecture and cut my relationship with her. I tend to get angry.
Thanks!
I always consider it worth my time everytime I watch your videos. Thank you!!!
I got hooked the first time I came across your video by chance. Each of your videos has been highly educating to me and I’m actually trying to practice your teachings. You are simply amazing.
Thanks.
Best Wishes on your new platform. Always a joy to listen to and I learn wonderful practical things from your conversational tips! Five stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Thank you. Jefferson.
I am a senior and look after my grandchild often. Their Mother often uses 'tone' at me and my Grandie does this now.
I have said over and over that I can't cope with that tone especially in front of my Gd. I love them sooo much but the disrespect is hurting my heart. Ps we are all neurodiverse.
I would tell her to stop using that tone on me or else I'm not going to babysit. I'm talking from a place of accepting no disrespect from my kids when they were growing up.
Don't let your grandchild grow up like that. He or she has a beautiful long life ahead of them to think that treating grandma like s**t is a natural normal thing, because it's not. It's to late for your daughter but not your grandchild. Fight for his sake.
So glad this is a podcast. I’ve been referring to your Instagram posts for about a year now! So great to hear your wisdom in greater detail❤️
Your videos have helped communicate more effectively with my attorney who has been dragging out a lawsuit for 3 1/2 years!
I really enjoy learning from you and seeing how well it all works when I use these ways of conversing. Thank You!
Thank you! Learning these communication tools has really been life changing. I get overwhelmed by emotions and topics so I will just people please and comply bc its easier. Sometimes, I shutdown and detach because it was too difficult to express my thoughts, worse, I would have an emotional outburst when it was all too much. Im getting so much life back by using these tools ❤
Gteat job kind himan❤ PTSD C-PTSD response from childhood trauma results in lack of emotional regulation and emotional in. Awareness is the first to changing a habit. You got this 🥰
I need for you to continue doing these videos! I learn alot from your way of thinking. You have the words that help me find fluency communicating. Thank you so very much! God bless you! So very happy to see your success rise. (You are a good influence, and it is also a blessing that people are seeking that help, and you are there to help! ❤)
Thank you. The trigger and how it can teach you is what I needed to understand most. I am an older worker and sometimes the young ones trigger me with their aloof behaviour 😅. Now I know how to work better with them. Thanks a mill.
I can't handle arrogance
Thankyou Jefferson, sharing on more effective ways to communicate is becoming life changing for me, particularly areas in communicating and setting boundaries. Thankyou Deboragh from Australia 🇦🇺
Thank you Jefferson! Found this topic and your advice extremely helpful. Been working on identifying my triggers and how to learn from them, not only avoid them, but also want to understand them better. Especially appreciate your examples / suggested phrases & tools. Thank you for your content and the work & effort in sharing your expertise, DEEPLY appreciated.
I was just meaning about rejection to a friend and here you are! Wow! Perfect! Thanks! And yes, I do need to write a thank you note.
Just started watching you. Thank you for offering such good advice in life for all to hear. I've let my emotions run me for too long. Appreciate.
I need... I love this because it's acknowledging our own emotions as well as not being accusatory
Your advice has been very helpful on strengthening my confidence in communicating. Thank you 😊🙏
I love everything about this episode. I could really relate to the question at the end and will take your tips and apply them. Thank you for all you share, it’s been so helpful in my life!
When I was growing up feelings didn't come into it... You make your bed deal with it ... Now learning and growing 👍
I feel like its exactly what i NEED
My name is Simon im 52 married with 8 beautiful kids and im at a point in my marriage that i have to solve the emotional manipulations and triggers that challenge my relationship and i found listening to your amazing ideas tips and wisdom helpful...Thank You
Jefferson, thank you for making this content available for free. I really enjoy and have benefitted from your offerings. I NEED you to keep doing this. There will be some folks running around out there who are much more fluent in the language of human interaction -- myself included -- and that, by my calculations, makes the world an easy and more pleasant place for all of us.
Had to listen to this twice because my brain got stuck on repeat when you said, "Get the goat." 😂😂
Your kids will have a lot to talk to you about and you'll be (are?) a great teacher to them. Cute too. Lol😂👍
I thank you so much for your channel. It’s helping me survive a very toxic joint power of attorney situation
Jefferson You Are A Great Gift❤
Thank you very much for this valuable topic. Emotional Intelligence is something that everybody needs to be aware of in their daily interactions and these three simple tips can be really helpful for this purpose. I hope I can use them next time that I see myself in a challenging situation. 😊
New sub here! I love your short practical videos. My teenager daughter has Down syndrome and people are still prejudicial in here, especially therapists and doctors. They were rude to me in the past and I felt awful. I'll make sure to stand up for us next time. Put my emotions aside and say exactly what I think. Thanks for sharing your knowledge from Brazil 😊
I like your pod cast, you are awesome. Thank you for taking your time to educate people who want to lean how to use better words as myself . I am one of those people who have pore language skills who constantly working on it
, by educating myself through different people that have great language skills. 😊
This advice is absolutely golden; a lot of food for thought there and extremely helpful. God bless you and thank you Sir 🙏🏻💖
Hey Jefferson, I really appreciate your podcast. Thank you for all the amazing insights. I recently had to and a 20+ year friendship sadly so.
It wasn’t over just one reason in hindsight, I can see this was coming, but the trigger was over her, trying to accuse me of not spending enough time with her when that was an out now lie, and this was the second time that I had voiced my displeasure with this type of possessiveness . It had been over a period of probably five years since the last time she had done it however, I still find a ridiculous and absurd and perhaps the relationship has just run its course. We all change we all have different needs. I say all this just to say I found your podcast at the same time all this was beginning and it’s been very helpful and has educated me greatly. Thank you so much
I had a friend who triggered me constantly. When I started looking at what was behind the triggers I saw it was mostly my own feelings of inferiority and insecurity that were being inflamed. I got to work on those issues and started seeing her as a ‘sacred stone in my shoe’.
They do say the person who stands before you is your teacher, whether you like the lesson or not.
….and sometimes the lesson is to minimise time spent with that person, or to even walk away altogether if you can. I’m not suggesting ‘tolerating’ harmful or toxic behaviour.
Thanks so much for your suggestions. They really make so much sense. I have two very difficult situations right now that are causing me so much distress. They both center around putting untrue information 'out there' and towards me that I'm an unkind person. I pause to say it, but I'm the kindest person I know. I go so far out of my way to help others, to listen to others when they need support. I never say unkind things or do unkind things. So I find myself very depressed that I have to defend myself against these accusations. Sadly, I define myself by what others think of me. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for all you do. :)
Jefferson! Your input into our lives is incredible! So good to see you on so many platforms and I see people Value you and your help so much! Sumer
Love this, love how you give the points first and then talk about them, too many people leave those reasons for the end and fillt he air with nothing. Your podcast here really is the way to do it, I appreciate it. Thanks
Thank you so much!
I am and I know so many appreciate you. You matter to so many and your beautiful heart puts light and shine into this world. Keep shining and know you are loved by many you never met ❤✨💫keep shining
I like your teachings, thank you very much, we need more people like you
Sir please continue this channel we are interested and want to learn more from you
I continue to learn so much from you. Thank you so much, as this has been so empowering and life changing for me. Please know I sincerely appreciate you!
What triggers you, teaches you! Words are powerful (I always say). ❤ That is so powerful. I always think to myself _why does that bother me so much?_ Usually it's because they are doing something wrong and I speak up and say something.
Thanks for you emails and podcasts! I really appreciate how you explain tough topics and clarify how to communicate so much better. I am learning lots of ways to express myself more clearly and effectively.
Thank you, Jefferson! I'm so grateful to have found your channel. 💝
I'd like to say "no" more to my adult child without backlash from them or feeling mean. I love them dearly and I want to have a better adult to adult relationship with them. Do you have any other follow up tips for how I can let go of the guilt or resent I feel from the backlash? I really appreciate any additional communication wisdom here❣️
I really appreciate your videos! A lot of of these situations take us by surprise. It's great to know how to respond (with practice)! ❤
I need to take a moment to comment.
Good one!! Thatsa yup! Xoxo💜
And curiosity... so powerful! 😊
Cannot thank you enough for your insights. I have shared your videos with many and will continue to do so. I so appreciate the balance your presentations bring. Blessings to you! 😇