Thank you for every word you said, Dade. Wise words from a wise man. Honestly, every cis boy needs to hear your message. Heck, women need to hear this message. I hope all is well with you and your lovely family.
Dade, just watched the “Masculinity” video. While it is directed specifically to trans men, the message is SOOOOO applicable to men in general. So much to be learned here! You’re a good man, please don’t feel you have to apologize for delivering such a powerful message. Please continue producing your insightful videos. Ten thousand blessings Dade.
Great to see you back, Dade! It's as if you are looking into my life and know what is going on...this topic really hits home for me. Thank you for your wise words. This community is honored to have you share your wisdom and truth.
I love it. You just fathered a bunch of us. This felt like a much needed father son talk. I definitely see how hard people try to look for any form of femininity (which all humans have both energies at varying levels) and try to use it to justify the idea “ you’re a female see.” Cis male have pressure to be a hyper masculine as well, and it’s even more pressure as a transman. Because there’s this fixated focus on trying to find anything to use as a way to say “you’re not a man.” So, then there’s an added pressure on top of the pressure that already exists for us. I love that you explain this so clearly. I have to talk myself through that pressure when it occurs and right now I needed to hear this message. I also just understood I’m very frustrated with feeling like I have to be extra macho so I’m not being emasculated publicly. Stay strong kings. The whole brotherhood is here and we acknowledge your struggle. King, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
As a cis gay male who came of age in the late 60’s, I have been pondering the mystery of masculinity my entire adult life. It is very interesting for me to hear what this is like from a trans male perspective. I am grateful for this opportunity to listen.
Wow, thanks Dade. I really needed to hear that. I don't really have any trans friends/aquaintances, ive always longed for an older brother to talk through things like this. Much appreciated thx for sharing -wes ✌
Dade, I can tell you the pressure to fulfill the masculine role is felt by sismen also. The pressure to not be a "sissy". For instance when I was about 4-5 yrs old, I played with dolls, I imagined myself as a grown up being a hairdresser, wearing beautiful gowns, and long flowing hair. I struggled to find my place. I even now go against type even though I'm 6'4", 270 lbs. I may have been trans at one time, but the pain and upheaval of such a change now would be unfathomable. When I try to over compensate to fit the hyper-masculine image, it's totally rediculous. So, I just relax, and be my true self with the physicality I have been given, especially in the company of others, whether they be sismen, LGBT, or siswomen. BE YOURSELF is my creed. Wishing you all the best Dade on your journey.....Rodney.
It's fantastic that you were able to find a way to be yourself. It takes a lot of courage. I wanted to tell you that there's plenty of beautiful, sexy, & feminine people who're also tall and curvy. You being you and encouraging others to be themselves is a beautiful thing.
Such a good message that I haven't heard any other ftm address. I'm totally on board, the world doesn't need MORE hyper-masculine men strutting around! We need males who value & support the feminine. Thanks Dade!
As a gay man it took me many years to realize that one should never continuously compare yourself to straight men and toxic masculinity, just be yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.
ElectricDade: Simply, thank you, thank you. I've come across your channel by chance as so often happens to me with TH-cam, but I also consider finding your channel as part of my good luck. Your journey, your conflict of privacy vs. transparency/honesty, your successes/losses, your heart - courage - strength - morality, and more I have yet to discover, are an enlightenment, inspiration, and an example, of the world as I wish it could be/know it can be. As a 60-year old gay man, I still have much to learn, yet I do know we share in so much of what you describe. Basically, we all are human, desiring respect, love, tolerance, the freedom to be who we are and what we need to be, and having the knowledge/strength to get there. Our differences/experiences are each uniquely ours, and the world is more than big enough for each to be our own without any need to take away from each other unless it is freely given and to be received as a gift. Thanks for your gift. Peace, joy and good fortune for you and yours. StevyD PS. All good men should be mindful and thoughtful about what it means to be masculine. You got it more than many of the guys I know. So relax Bro, have a beer, just no need to pee off the back porch (well, after midnite is sorta ok?).
You are so reasonable and intelligent. I think your journey has been monumental and yet somehow gentle and smart. Your message on masculinity has relevance for our entire culture. I really admire your simple, direct voice. You're a good man.
Thank you, Dade, for this important and insightful video. I think that while your message is directed specifically at transmen, all of us [I am a cis man] need to hear it and abide by it. Great to see you back, bro..........Ray
1st point. Perfect. All the way up until the the last word, which I will not repeat. You’ve already given it more mention than it deserves here. NEVER apologize for this most articulate pinpointing of a most destructive social construct. NEVER. Bc you are correct about it. End story. Last point. As a trans man I have had this exact same struggle. A mighty one. Until one day, I stopped. I stopped fighting THEIR battle for THEM. I no longer do. And while I never really know how much of what I am doing is by my own choice rather than by compulsion driven by how I’ve been socialized, what I do know is that if I ever feel I am doing whatever I’m doing bc of them, then I simply stop what I am doing. I do not let them decide whether I can wear my hair long, and sweep it instinctively out of my face if I am so inclined. I do not let them decide whether I can wear a pair of shoes bc the blue is too soft and not royal blue enough. I do not let them decide whether my jeans are too tight. I don’t let them decide whether my hands are big enough. I don’t let them decide whether my penis is okay. I do not let them decide... Enough is enough. They have had their say, and plenty of it. Now I’ll have my say. About me. Fact is, women love me b4 they know I’m trans. If they wanna struggle with whether they still love me after they know, then that’s their struggle and their business. I do not care. I cannot care. Experiencing me requires a woman to shift her thinking and for her mind to expand in a way she is either ready for or not. Same goes for the world in general. End story. Moving on. Overall point being, if we stand our ground and continue to be awesome individuals, then that it what shines through. Then the world will realize, we are not asking their permission. We are extending them an invite to be apart of something/someone exceptional. Bc we are not status quo, but we can be exceptional. True story. End story.
I am really liking the discussions being initiated about masculinity across all kinds of platforms, about the expectations society has and about how to move past those into a genuine form of being, individually. This was a great video, thanks for putting it out there.
Right on! I’ve been watching your channel the past several months (since I started transitioning) and you’ve been very helpful. This is the best message so far and something I think about all the time. I’m just as much of a feminist if not more now than I’ve ever been. I’m still not passing most of the time so far, but this is going to be interesting on multiple levels. Social constructs are a real thing.
Great to have you back! Thanks for posting. You were/are so influential in my journey. Just a few days ago Earl Cornbread and I were saying what an influence you've been..and POW! Here you are!
Brother, Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable and share your insights. From your videos, it seems like we're on very similar journeys through this world. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and your ability to speak on deep topics in a meaningful way without bogging down in the details. It's easy to get sidetracked by the minutiae and difficult to stay present and real. You're truly amazing at keeping that balance. Keep up the amazing work. I don't generally subscribe to TH-cam channels and never ask for notifications but I did with yours. Looking forward to your next videos.
wow. this video is exactly what the world needs to see and is exactly what I, as a trans man have been trying to comprehend. thank you for this, I admire you greatly
That. Was. Awesome. Very well said Dade. You are a wise man. Im proud to say that I dont contribute to the toxic masculinity that seems to be putting people and even other transmen down. Thanks Dade!!
Thank you for making this video. This is something I’ll need to really think about and ponder. I’ want to be a open, caring, sensitive, loving, educated, and level headed man.
I think about this almost every day since starting T. It reminds me of the feeling I had in college trying to pick a major and not wanting to choose a bad one and screw up my life. No pressure.
brother, try not to stress too much about it. The good news is that you want to make the right choices and be a good human. You'll make mistakes and that's okay. You'll find your way as long as you remain mindful and keep seeking ways to be better than you were yesterday.
Dade, you’ve hit the nail on the head, I’ve read so many counter comments to this such as ‘girls love a bad boy’ well guess what? I’ve got the worlds most perfect woman and she met and fell in love with me when I was a ‘woman’ and she still loves me now that I’m living as a man. If your woman only likes you because you are an aloof, hyper masculine, aggressive oaf then perhaps she was treated badly by her father and needs to talk to a psychotherapist. The phrase gentleman comes from a long forgotten period of time where men were gentle but men nonetheless
Really nice to see you as always. Very helpfull as well. Since the very beginning of my transition I really work on my own masculinity because each man has to have his and not copy. I think transmen have the power to help change the way men are in the world. Peace
You have clearly thought about the subject of masculinity. A lot of what you said can also be applied to other than transmen. As a non-transman, I started to reflect on why I do like very masculine men. Is that a part of a social construct or something more deeply "me" - I could not figure it out. Btw, I started to look at your videos because you looked really good and masculine (I had no idea you were trans when I started).
I have no idea what you said. But it sure sounded like be kind. I follow you even though I have no trans family/friends. Just wondering how life is afterwards. You are more man then some people born with male parts. You are a very kind person. Love the way you speak. So intelligent. Thank you for sharing your journey.
How do you feel while communicating with other men? Do you feel like the odd man out? How has your friendship been with other men, do you go to bars to drink with them? Plus thank you for the videos, brother.You make a great dad
ambarish kumar I have never had an issue communicating with other men, and my friendships have mostly been with men. This is true even pre transition.... and yes, I have been know to go to bars... drink... and play pool poorly, haha!
I wonder what that pressure to be masculine is, Dade. Is it something you feel, or something people said to you? I find this interesting to hear from a trans man.
I personally did not feel pressure to be masculine, but just because I happen to fall on a very masculine side of things. I did however feel and intense pressure from people trying to prove I wasn't man enough, or not a real man. The majority of my issues came from my work situation, which has remained constant throughout my transition. Transphobic people, or people threatened by my transition would go out of their way to make things difficult for me in an attempt to make me emotionally crumble... their sexist thinking being that a "woman" would emotionally crumble under pressure. Additionally, just the act of someone refusing to us your new name and pronoun is a way of them telling you you are not a real man. I'm six year in and still have one person who refuses to gender me.
Hope I'm not out of place here.... But from a trans woman's perspective (born male) I can tell you growing up as a guy, when sh*t hits the fan, men will generally always look at you as just a man, masculine or not. I was SO feminine and gay.... and even that was not enough to prove to straight men, "Can you please treat me like a girl?" LOL They'd look at me like, "What?" You have nothing to prove my loves. Living life as a man comes with many privileges, none of which I as a trans woman miss.
I appreciate your perspective. What you are saying is actually exactly what I am saying. Just like cis men would not buy into you being a woman, no matter how feminine you were, transmen face the same issue... but in reverse. No matter how transitioned we are, people still struggle to see us as men... so there is the pressure (like I mentioned in the video) to be hyper masculine to prove we are men. By doing so, though, we are in danger of adding to toxic masculinity.
Absolutely. I can relate to this feeling of pressure although lesser on me personally than on my American rans friends and some of those from my own continent. I knew that I could never be hyper masculine and most of my feeling of pressure came from uncertainty about what the clinicians wanted to see (turns out they're pretty decent where I am) so I did the balance, the young, slightly goth boy and that allowed retain a part of myself whilst feeling less uncertain I would be denied transition. The further I got on in transition the more I felt like I could be myself. Luckily I have a fairly worldly background from a young age and I knew all sorts of different types of men. But I did feel like it would be easier to be a effeminate cisman than effeminate transman (when it comes to family who know me) because they have this badly informed image of what being trans is. The idea we have to try harder. No idea why. To strangers I am of course just an effeminate man so I get the grief that comes with that for cisguys too (luckily not really much of an issue where I am, I'm very lucky). It's weird where the pressure can come sometimes and sometimes less so. Thank you for making this in depth video, it felt like something that needed to be made.
I have just discovered you. I don't even know why your channel popped up on my browser. I personally don't understand transgender . I don't know what you looked like as a woman but as a man you are gorgeous. I wish you the best of luck on your Journey.
That was really valuable you've said. I am for example a little bit faminane lets say with some of my behaviours. Then I am sometimes afraid of being get as a gay. Why afraid? Becasue simply I am not. I even had two situations like this when someone who saw me for a first or second time, thought I'm a gay and one of them even tried to convience our friend about that. I think that part of my behaviours are very well learned in the past. Because I felt obligated to...
I can relate to what you are saying, but the only pressure that you may feel is all coming from your own head. I am a gay man, growing up the pressure to butch it up was awful, up until Rupaul drag race even in gay community being fem. was seen as weak. Now that I am older, Someone if anyone questions my gender, masculinity, my manhood that is their problem. My business is to nurture my body, to listen to my true self, and to be empathetic to other human. Now whatever opinion anyone has about my masculinity, it has ZERO to do with me. and that makes me a free man!
Hey man, you look great. I just watched your video about hormone blockers as I have been told by my new doctor I need to go on them. I am the most scared about losing my hair tbh. Have you been on blockers this entire time? If so, have you noticed a great deal of hair loss?
you get it from a doctor. There are people who sell it that aren't doctors but do yourself a favor and don't do that. You never know what you're really getting and sometimes there can be complications from taking T (liver failure to name 1). Are you in a country that has access for trans people to get medical transition?
Why do you feel that you have the right to tell other trans how they should feel and where they should be going with their masculinity, I myself find that, in itself that is pompous and arrogant. The exact thing that you are so strongly against. Something to think about.
You must have missed the part where I said choose the man YOU will become... namely the whole video. Asking people to choose to be good people is not arrogant. But ya, totally... me asking people to choose kindness is exactly the same as men who choose to use their masculinity to be harmful. Wait... nope.
I'm glad your transition went well but it honestly sounds like I'm listening to someone with a warped view on masculinity hating on ultramasculine men. Why so much hate? What about us who like hypermasculine men? What about the hypermasculine transmen who actually help trans acceptance by showing people that they can actually physically look and behave like men? And why do you associate hypermasculinity with negative behaviour and putting people down? What about all those hypermasculine men who are heroes and help people? The firemen? The cops? The strong man who defends a weaker person in a fight? The "sheepdogs" who protect the flock? That's the true purpose of hypermasculine men. To be protectors and guardians of the weak. I get that some hypermasculine men can do bad things, but lumping them all together in the same category is discriminatory and damn right offensive. Also, don't forget that bad behaviour and physical violence isn't limited to hypermasculine men. It is also shown by beta males and women alike. Also, as our LGBT community fought for acceptance and not judging people for their appearance and how they live their lives, I find it strange that many of the very same people who needed the most acceptance to be who they are in society (trans, fem gays, butch lesbians) are hating on hypermasculine men and hypermasculine trans men for just being who they are and expressing themselves as they feel is true to themselves. Just let them be who they want to be and stop telling them how they should look and behave. Don't you get that this is EXACTLY the same thing we fought against when society was telling US how we should look and behave? Stop being so oppressive. Also, I think it's pretty ironic coming from a transman who chooses to present with masculine muscular pecs and a beard complaining about hypermasculinity. Finally, please stop associating hypermasculinity with "toxic masculinity". Toxic masculinity actually has nothing to do with masculinity per se, but is a neo feminist term for men who have psychopathic behavioural traits in the psychiatric sense (and this affects less than 1% of men). Please pause and reflect on what I have said. Good luck in your life and videos. 😘
Hey, my friend. I appreciate your comments. First, please remember this video was targeted to a specific group, and about a specific group of problems - transmen feeling like they need to be hyper masculine to be accepted. This is absolutely not to say there are not a plethora of other social issues involving men, women, non-binary, everyone. Also, I think we must have definitions of hyper masculinity. Ultra masculine is definitely appreciated and has its place, but personally, when I say hyper masculine I am speaking of those who do not emulate the positive qualities of being very masculine, but rather, they emulate the destructiveness that can be masculine. There must be a better word for these... thoughts?
ElectricDade thank you for your reply. Hypermasculine for me is the traditionally masculine qualities in the extreme. Physical Strength. Bravery. Muscular. Dominance. Sexual Power. Loyalty. Like a superhero. Superman is Hypermasculine. A hulking firefighter leaving a burning building who risks his own life to carry someone out is Hypermasculine. A Marine who runs into battle in almost sure risk of death for his country is Hypermasculine. The negative qualities of aggression, violence etc are as I described. Criminal and psychopathic. It should be called criminal behaviour. I don't think transmen should have to act any specific way. Just be yourself and be happy. *edit-marine
Kara Nardolillo To me, he always appears very sober and contemplative due to a life which perpetually requires that of him. His life is complex in so many ways that most people are too privileged to have to consider. It’s so funny. I was writing this comment during the video, and I actually typed the word “privileged” before he said it in the video.
I’m only speaking from my own experience, but I appear unhappy as well, because my voice is calm and I’m not facially expressive. But inside I’m just having a good time. Conveying emotions through body language takes a lot of energy and this seems like a simple way to just convey information
I agree with about 99% of what you just said Dade. Its interesting to hear how my "trans" brethren face this already highly charged topic and have to navigate this maze without the "benefits" of being socialised as boy's to man by man in a male environment. But don't build it up too much m8. There are an enormous amount of boy's whom have absent father's (either in single female parent situation or even if they're still around) that lack the benefits of that direct male role model in their formative year's and have to discover it in a very similar way to you, but again, i agree with 99% of your analysis of this topic, especially in regards to "trans" man. On the topic of Machismo,...that's even more divisive, it really depends on your culture/country in the first place, your ethnicity in some case's, your religion even or the one you've grown up in, to what degree it expresses itself and to what degree it define's you. I know "trans" is a way to describe boy's&man whom started out getting "cheated" by mother nature of their true gender, hence i really don't like the accolade personally, to me all my "trans" brother's/brethren are and have always been full on male, they've just had to fight harder to reclaim that,....massive respect for that to all of you btw 👊. P.S. I don't mean to diminish the term "trans" and all the struggles they have to go trough, but i just wanted to emphasise the fact that you guys don't need to be seen as "trans"....you are full on male and always have been period. And "cheated" was strong,....but then again, my words are laden with testosterone ; ).
I was in TX Prison for a half of a gram of meth for 7years. I was a slave in prison. They took my food until I performed. Gang raped, there is no amount of drugs is worth that. I have been clean and sober for over 10 years jest me and Jesus.
LADane Thanks for the feedback. I have been arrested in TX and CA. & FL. For drugs. A total of 10 felony charges. The TX. Judge looked at my record with no convention's and sead I was going to pay this time
It took you nearly half the video to get to your main point because you were so busy apologizing for existing, as a trans man who wants to speak to other trans men. You do not need to apologize for that! That's your female socialization at work urging you to consider everyone's feelings, even as you hem and haw about how we can't always do so. Would a cis man talking about masculinity apologize that his video wasn't made for the female viewer? No. He would just say, "This is a video for and about men and their masculinity." One second recap of who is his intended viewer, then onto the nitty gritty.
emmadirthera Nope. Has nothing to with socialization. My soft introduction is that way for two reasons: a) To keep the message palatable and keep people watching, and b) I have spent 7 years making these videos and having them picked apart... just like you are doing... when speaking of subjects that are sensitive, it is always a good idea to formulate a soft introduction. Always, always consider your audience.
Thank you for every word you said, Dade. Wise words from a wise man. Honestly, every cis boy needs to hear your message. Heck, women need to hear this message. I hope all is well with you and your lovely family.
Dade, just watched the “Masculinity” video. While it is directed specifically to trans men, the message is SOOOOO applicable to men in general. So much to be learned here! You’re a good man, please don’t feel you have to apologize for delivering such a powerful message. Please continue producing your
insightful videos. Ten thousand blessings Dade.
Great to see you back, Dade! It's as if you are looking into my life and know what is going on...this topic really hits home for me. Thank you for your wise words. This community is honored to have you share your wisdom and truth.
I love it. You just fathered a bunch of us. This felt like a much needed father son talk. I definitely see how hard people try to look for any form of femininity (which all humans have both energies at varying levels) and try to use it to justify the idea “ you’re a female see.” Cis male have pressure to be a hyper masculine as well, and it’s even more pressure as a transman. Because there’s this fixated focus on trying to find anything to use as a way to say “you’re not a man.” So, then there’s an added pressure on top of the pressure that already exists for us. I love that you explain this so clearly. I have to talk myself through that pressure when it occurs and right now I needed to hear this message. I also just understood I’m very frustrated with feeling like I have to be extra macho so I’m not being emasculated publicly. Stay strong kings. The whole brotherhood is here and we acknowledge your struggle. King, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
You are the perfect man...this world needs more men like you!
My only complaint is, you need to make more videos:-)
This is a vulnerable truth. Thank you, Dade. Thank you.
That was deep, but it certainly wasn't dark. This is a message ALL men need to hear!
As a cis gay male who came of age in the late 60’s, I have been pondering the mystery of masculinity my entire adult life. It is very interesting for me to hear what this is like from a trans male perspective. I am grateful for this opportunity to listen.
Wow, thanks Dade. I really needed to hear that. I don't really have any trans friends/aquaintances, ive always longed for an older brother to talk through things like this. Much appreciated thx for sharing -wes ✌
Dade, I can tell you the pressure to fulfill the masculine role is felt by sismen also. The pressure to not be a "sissy". For instance when I was about 4-5 yrs old, I played with dolls, I imagined myself as a grown up being a hairdresser, wearing beautiful gowns, and long flowing hair. I struggled to find my place. I even now go against type even though I'm 6'4", 270 lbs. I may have been trans at one time, but the pain and upheaval of such a change now would be unfathomable. When I try to over compensate to fit the hyper-masculine image, it's totally rediculous. So, I just relax, and be my true self with the physicality I have been given, especially in the company of others, whether they be sismen, LGBT, or siswomen. BE YOURSELF is my creed. Wishing you all the best Dade on your journey.....Rodney.
It's fantastic that you were able to find a way to be yourself. It takes a lot of courage. I wanted to tell you that there's plenty of beautiful, sexy, & feminine people who're also tall and curvy. You being you and encouraging others to be themselves is a beautiful thing.
Such a good message that I haven't heard any other ftm address. I'm totally on board, the world doesn't need MORE hyper-masculine men strutting around! We need males who value & support the feminine. Thanks Dade!
As a gay man it took me many years to realize that one should never continuously compare yourself to straight men and toxic masculinity, just be yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin.
ElectricDade: Simply, thank you, thank you. I've come across your channel by chance as so often happens to me with TH-cam, but I also consider finding your channel as part of my good luck. Your journey, your conflict of privacy vs. transparency/honesty, your successes/losses, your heart - courage - strength - morality, and more I have yet to discover, are an enlightenment, inspiration, and an example, of the world as I wish it could be/know it can be. As a 60-year old gay man, I still have much to learn, yet I do know we share in so much of what you describe. Basically, we all are human, desiring respect, love, tolerance, the freedom to be who we are and what we need to be, and having the knowledge/strength to get there. Our differences/experiences are each uniquely ours, and the world is more than big enough for each to be our own without any need to take away from each other unless it is freely given and to be received as a gift. Thanks for your gift. Peace, joy and good fortune for you and yours. StevyD
PS. All good men should be mindful and thoughtful about what it means to be masculine. You got it more than many of the guys I know. So relax Bro, have a beer, just no need to pee off the back porch (well, after midnite is sorta ok?).
Thanks, my friend.
You are so reasonable and intelligent. I think your journey has been monumental and yet somehow gentle and smart. Your message on masculinity has relevance for our entire culture. I really admire your simple, direct voice. You're a good man.
Thank you. This is expressed beautifully.
Looking awesome man. Thanks for the video and wise words.
Thank you, Dade, for this important and insightful video. I think that while your message is directed specifically at transmen, all of us [I am a cis man] need to hear it and abide by it. Great to see you back, bro..........Ray
1st point. Perfect. All the way up until the the last word, which I will not repeat. You’ve already given it more mention than it deserves here. NEVER apologize for this most articulate pinpointing of a most destructive social construct. NEVER. Bc you are correct about it. End story.
Last point. As a trans man I have had this exact same struggle. A mighty one. Until one day, I stopped. I stopped fighting THEIR battle for THEM. I no longer do. And while I never really know how much of what I am doing is by my own choice rather than by compulsion driven by how I’ve been socialized, what I do know is that if I ever feel I am doing whatever I’m doing bc of them, then I simply stop what I am doing. I do not let them decide whether I can wear my hair long, and sweep it instinctively out of my face if I am so inclined. I do not let them decide whether I can wear a pair of shoes bc the blue is too soft and not royal blue enough. I do not let them decide whether my jeans are too tight. I don’t let them decide whether my hands are big enough. I don’t let them decide whether my penis is okay. I do not let them decide...
Enough is enough. They have had their say, and plenty of it. Now I’ll have my say. About me. Fact is, women love me b4 they know I’m trans. If they wanna struggle with whether they still love me after they know, then that’s their struggle and their business. I do not care. I cannot care. Experiencing me requires a woman to shift her thinking and for her mind to expand in a way she is either ready for or not. Same goes for the world in general. End story. Moving on.
Overall point being, if we stand our ground and continue to be awesome individuals, then that it what shines through. Then the world will realize, we are not asking their permission. We are extending them an invite to be apart of something/someone exceptional. Bc we are not status quo, but we can be exceptional. True story. End story.
On point, Dade. Thank you for vocalizing this. Find it, own it, and do good.
I am really liking the discussions being initiated about masculinity across all kinds of platforms, about the expectations society has and about how to move past those into a genuine form of being, individually. This was a great video, thanks for putting it out there.
This is all so true. You hit the nail on the head!
Right on! I’ve been watching your channel the past several months (since I started transitioning) and you’ve been very helpful. This is the best message so far and something I think about all the time. I’m just as much of a feminist if not more now than I’ve ever been.
I’m still not passing most of the time so far, but this is going to be interesting on multiple levels. Social constructs are a real thing.
Great to have you back! Thanks for posting. You were/are so influential in my journey. Just a few days ago Earl Cornbread and I were saying what an influence you've been..and POW! Here you are!
Brother, Thanks for being willing to be vulnerable and share your insights. From your videos, it seems like we're on very similar journeys through this world. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and your ability to speak on deep topics in a meaningful way without bogging down in the details. It's easy to get sidetracked by the minutiae and difficult to stay present and real. You're truly amazing at keeping that balance. Keep up the amazing work. I don't generally subscribe to TH-cam channels and never ask for notifications but I did with yours. Looking forward to your next videos.
Thanks, my friend.
wow. this video is exactly what the world needs to see and is exactly what I, as a trans man have been trying to comprehend. thank you for this, I admire you greatly
Wow! Five years ago I posted a comment in your "1 year transition video". Now I see this one, and you look incredible!
I was just thinking about this the other day thank you for this video.
Agree 100%. Well said.
That. Was. Awesome. Very well said Dade. You are a wise man. Im proud to say that I dont contribute to the toxic masculinity that seems to be putting people and even other transmen down. Thanks Dade!!
Thank you for making this video. This is something I’ll need to really think about and ponder. I’ want to be a open, caring, sensitive, loving, educated, and level headed man.
I love this video, thank you for sharing 💚
Thanks for sharing! This is some good stuff!
Great video. I wish I was your hight I’m 5’2 and can’t decide whether to go for transitioning or not. It’s just difficult for many reasons.
uk/amr.a have you made a decision yet?
Thank you so much for posting this.
Wonderful insight! Thanks for sharing.
I just found your channel. I'm glad I did.
I am so glad I stayed subscribed on this glorious day. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
you're such a good energy I like the way you talk
I think about this almost every day since starting T. It reminds me of the feeling I had in college trying to pick a major and not wanting to choose a bad one and screw up my life. No pressure.
brother, try not to stress too much about it. The good news is that you want to make the right choices and be a good human. You'll make mistakes and that's okay. You'll find your way as long as you remain mindful and keep seeking ways to be better than you were yesterday.
Dade, you’ve hit the nail on the head, I’ve read so many counter comments to this such as ‘girls love a bad boy’ well guess what? I’ve got the worlds most perfect woman and she met and fell in love with me when I was a ‘woman’ and she still loves me now that I’m living as a man. If your woman only likes you because you are an aloof, hyper masculine, aggressive oaf then perhaps she was treated badly by her father and needs to talk to a psychotherapist. The phrase gentleman comes from a long forgotten period of time where men were gentle but men nonetheless
applause!Profound words!
Can I just say that I think what you said needs to be addressing ALL men !
Great message and you sure know how to articulate yourself. Impressive.
Amazing and very necessary words to throw out there. Very important - you are an inspiration, never stop being a voice in this community!
Very interesting and mind opening video!
Dont be sorry,What you said needs to be said..
Very good video 100% real... thanks you
Dude you make my soul soar. I just discovered your channel and I ❤️ your vibe.
Thanks, friend.
Here, here. Well said. Deep, yes. Dark, no. Nothing to apologize for.
Really nice to see you as always. Very helpfull as well. Since the very beginning of my transition I really work on my own masculinity because each man has to have his and not copy. I think transmen have the power to help change the way men are in the world. Peace
You have clearly thought about the subject of masculinity. A lot of what you said can also be applied to other than transmen. As a non-transman, I started to reflect on why I do like very masculine men. Is that a part of a social construct or something more deeply "me" - I could not figure it out. Btw, I started to look at your videos because you looked really good and masculine (I had no idea you were trans when I started).
I have no idea what you said. But it sure sounded like be kind. I follow you even though I have no trans family/friends. Just wondering how life is afterwards. You are more man then some people born with male parts. You are a very kind person. Love the way you speak. So intelligent. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Atlast i saw another new video of you.You still looking good
very well said.
Woof, and thanks for all your videos!
Always inspiring!
What a wonderful message. Thank you for sharing a very real, and very poignant thought process.
Thank you. ❤️
Great insights and really important for all of us to hear, thanks for sharing pal.
Love you and your intentional masculinity!
How do you feel while communicating with other men? Do you feel like the odd man out? How has your friendship been with other men, do you go to bars to drink with them? Plus thank you for the videos, brother.You make a great dad
ambarish kumar I have never had an issue communicating with other men, and my friendships have mostly been with men. This is true even pre transition.... and yes, I have been know to go to bars... drink... and play pool poorly, haha!
I wonder what that pressure to be masculine is, Dade. Is it something you feel, or something people said to you? I find this interesting to hear from a trans man.
I personally did not feel pressure to be masculine, but just because I happen to fall on a very masculine side of things. I did however feel and intense pressure from people trying to prove I wasn't man enough, or not a real man. The majority of my issues came from my work situation, which has remained constant throughout my transition. Transphobic people, or people threatened by my transition would go out of their way to make things difficult for me in an attempt to make me emotionally crumble... their sexist thinking being that a "woman" would emotionally crumble under pressure. Additionally, just the act of someone refusing to us your new name and pronoun is a way of them telling you you are not a real man. I'm six year in and still have one person who refuses to gender me.
ElectricDade
Thanks for explaining this. I get what you're saying.
Hope I'm not out of place here.... But from a trans woman's perspective (born male) I can tell you growing up as a guy, when sh*t hits the fan, men will generally always look at you as just a man, masculine or not. I was SO feminine and gay.... and even that was not enough to prove to straight men, "Can you please treat me like a girl?" LOL They'd look at me like, "What?" You have nothing to prove my loves. Living life as a man comes with many privileges, none of which I as a trans woman miss.
I appreciate your perspective. What you are saying is actually exactly what I am saying. Just like cis men would not buy into you being a woman, no matter how feminine you were, transmen face the same issue... but in reverse. No matter how transitioned we are, people still struggle to see us as men... so there is the pressure (like I mentioned in the video) to be hyper masculine to prove we are men. By doing so, though, we are in danger of adding to toxic masculinity.
Thanks for responding. So glad I subscribed to you today. Also, I only see you as alllllll man, hon.
Thank you.
Absolutely. I can relate to this feeling of pressure although lesser on me personally than on my American rans friends and some of those from my own continent. I knew that I could never be hyper masculine and most of my feeling of pressure came from uncertainty about what the clinicians wanted to see (turns out they're pretty decent where I am) so I did the balance, the young, slightly goth boy and that allowed retain a part of myself whilst feeling less uncertain I would be denied transition. The further I got on in transition the more I felt like I could be myself. Luckily I have a fairly worldly background from a young age and I knew all sorts of different types of men. But I did feel like it would be easier to be a effeminate cisman than effeminate transman (when it comes to family who know me) because they have this badly informed image of what being trans is. The idea we have to try harder. No idea why. To strangers I am of course just an effeminate man so I get the grief that comes with that for cisguys too (luckily not really much of an issue where I am, I'm very lucky). It's weird where the pressure can come sometimes and sometimes less so.
Thank you for making this in depth video, it felt like something that needed to be made.
I have just discovered you. I don't even know why your channel popped up on my browser. I personally don't understand transgender . I don't know what you looked like as a woman but as a man you are gorgeous. I wish you the best of luck on your Journey.
Thanks for this kind comment.
Thx for share! Great videos! ...and you have really, really, really beautiful wonderful eyes!!!
That was really valuable you've said. I am for example a little bit faminane lets say with some of my behaviours. Then I am sometimes afraid of being get as a gay. Why afraid? Becasue simply I am not. I even had two situations like this when someone who saw me for a first or second time, thought I'm a gay and one of them even tried to convience our friend about that. I think that part of my behaviours are very well learned in the past. Because I felt obligated to...
Your a beautiful man , such a wonderful role model , I wish you a very joyous life
I can relate to what you are saying, but the only pressure that you may feel is all coming from your own head. I am a gay man, growing up the pressure to butch it up was awful, up until Rupaul drag race even in gay community being fem. was seen as weak. Now that I am older, Someone if anyone questions my gender, masculinity, my manhood that is their problem. My business is to nurture my body, to listen to my true self, and to be empathetic to other human. Now whatever opinion anyone has about my masculinity, it has ZERO to do with me. and that makes me a free man!
I don't agree that it is in my head, but I do agree with your point. What we do with pressure is completely within our power.
you are what a real man should be
Hey man, you look great. I just watched your video about hormone blockers as I have been told by my new doctor I need to go on them. I am the most scared about losing my hair tbh. Have you been on blockers this entire time? If so, have you noticed a great deal of hair loss?
I tried blockers for about a month... all I noticed was some aggression.
I haven't watched your videos in a couple years. You look so much like Ryan Reynolds in the thumbnail!
Man! With all due respect...you are unbelievably handsome! Whew!
This is really interesting and also you kinda look like Ryan Reynolds
Great info. 😘
😍 am in love
You make such wonderful videos and you are so impressive. But I would love to see you smile more 😘
Lot's of people would... I actually made a video about that :)
We have to realize that all of us have some of males and some of females energy, which in terms of trans mans doesn't make us any less of a man.
I couls listen to you talk forever😎 lol
嗯..
This may sound superficial, but the unmade bed is a serious distraction from an otherwise strong message.
Well... I have to admit... I never make my bed. I'm not into busy work.
I am a very organised person in my work place and life but not in my bedroom
Omg. Look at you 😍😍😍
Is tif still with you
Yep.
Where I could buy Testosterone Cyanate dade? How much is the cost of testosterone cyanate in your country? Can you pm it to me?
you get it from a doctor. There are people who sell it that aren't doctors but do yourself a favor and don't do that. You never know what you're really getting and sometimes there can be complications from taking T (liver failure to name 1). Are you in a country that has access for trans people to get medical transition?
U look like gentleman...
Tina N the side gray hairs add up so much too :)
Main Character even he look young and very much manly ...!!! he is handsome
Why do you feel that you have the right to tell other trans how they should feel and where they should be going with their masculinity, I myself find that, in itself that is pompous and arrogant. The exact thing that you are so strongly against. Something to think about.
You must have missed the part where I said choose the man YOU will become... namely the whole video. Asking people to choose to be good people is not arrogant. But ya, totally... me asking people to choose kindness is exactly the same as men who choose to use their masculinity to be harmful. Wait... nope.
😃
I'm glad your transition went well but it honestly sounds like I'm listening to someone with a warped view on masculinity hating on ultramasculine men. Why so much hate?
What about us who like hypermasculine men?
What about the hypermasculine transmen who actually help trans acceptance by showing people that they can actually physically look and behave like men?
And why do you associate hypermasculinity with negative behaviour and putting people down?
What about all those hypermasculine men who are heroes and help people? The firemen? The cops? The strong man who defends a weaker person in a fight? The "sheepdogs" who protect the flock? That's the true purpose of hypermasculine men. To be protectors and guardians of the weak.
I get that some hypermasculine men can do bad things, but lumping them all together in the same category is discriminatory and damn right offensive.
Also, don't forget that bad behaviour and physical violence isn't limited to hypermasculine men. It is also shown by beta males and women alike.
Also, as our LGBT community fought for acceptance and not judging people for their appearance and how they live their lives, I find it strange that many of the very same people who needed the most acceptance to be who they are in society (trans, fem gays, butch lesbians) are hating on hypermasculine men and hypermasculine trans men for just being who they are and expressing themselves as they feel is true to themselves.
Just let them be who they want to be and stop telling them how they should look and behave. Don't you get that this is EXACTLY the same thing we fought against when society was telling US how we should look and behave? Stop being so oppressive.
Also, I think it's pretty ironic coming from a transman who chooses to present with masculine muscular pecs and a beard complaining about hypermasculinity.
Finally, please stop associating hypermasculinity with "toxic masculinity". Toxic masculinity actually has nothing to do with masculinity per se, but is a neo feminist term for men who have psychopathic behavioural traits in the psychiatric sense (and this affects less than 1% of men).
Please pause and reflect on what I have said. Good luck in your life and videos.
😘
Hey, my friend. I appreciate your comments. First, please remember this video was targeted to a specific group, and about a specific group of problems - transmen feeling like they need to be hyper masculine to be accepted. This is absolutely not to say there are not a plethora of other social issues involving men, women, non-binary, everyone. Also, I think we must have definitions of hyper masculinity. Ultra masculine is definitely appreciated and has its place, but personally, when I say hyper masculine I am speaking of those who do not emulate the positive qualities of being very masculine, but rather, they emulate the destructiveness that can be masculine. There must be a better word for these... thoughts?
You said it perfectly. I tried to explain a lot of the same feelings that you have, but it looks like he deleted my comment.
COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF!!!
ElectricDade thank you for your reply. Hypermasculine for me is the traditionally masculine qualities in the extreme. Physical Strength. Bravery. Muscular. Dominance. Sexual Power. Loyalty. Like a superhero. Superman is Hypermasculine. A hulking firefighter leaving a burning building who risks his own life to carry someone out is Hypermasculine. A Marine who runs into battle in almost sure risk of death for his country is Hypermasculine.
The negative qualities of aggression, violence etc are as I described. Criminal and psychopathic. It should be called criminal behaviour.
I don't think transmen should have to act any specific way.
Just be yourself and be happy.
*edit-marine
Hey, I don't delete comments. I like everyone to have a voice. If it's gone... I'm not sure where it went.
You always appear unhappy to me
Kara Nardolillo To me, he always appears very sober and contemplative due to a life which perpetually requires that of him. His life is complex in so many ways that most people are too privileged to have to consider. It’s so funny. I was writing this comment during the video, and I actually typed the word “privileged” before he said it in the video.
He’s broken..childhood trauma
I’m only speaking from my own experience, but I appear unhappy as well, because my voice is calm and I’m not facially expressive. But inside I’m just having a good time. Conveying emotions through body language takes a lot of energy and this seems like a simple way to just convey information
I agree with about 99% of what you just said Dade.
Its interesting to hear how my "trans" brethren face this already highly charged topic and have to navigate this maze without the "benefits" of being socialised as boy's to man by man in a male environment.
But don't build it up too much m8. There are an enormous amount of boy's whom have absent father's (either in single female parent situation or even if they're still around) that lack the benefits of that direct male role model in their formative year's and have to discover it in a very similar way to you, but again, i agree with 99% of your analysis of this topic, especially in regards to "trans" man.
On the topic of Machismo,...that's even more divisive, it really depends on your culture/country in the first place, your ethnicity in some case's, your religion even or the one you've grown up in, to what degree it expresses itself and to what degree it define's you.
I know "trans" is a way to describe boy's&man whom started out getting "cheated" by mother nature of their true gender, hence i really don't like the accolade personally, to me all my "trans" brother's/brethren are and have always been full on male, they've just had to fight harder to reclaim that,....massive respect for that to all of you btw 👊.
P.S. I don't mean to diminish the term "trans" and all the struggles they have to go trough, but i just wanted to emphasise the fact that you guys don't need to be seen as "trans"....you are full on male and always have been period.
And "cheated" was strong,....but then again, my words are laden with testosterone ; ).
I was in TX Prison for a half of a gram of meth for 7years. I was a slave in prison. They took my food until I performed. Gang raped, there is no amount of drugs is worth that. I have been clean and sober for over 10 years jest me and Jesus.
LADane Thanks for the feedback. I have been arrested in TX and CA. & FL. For drugs. A total of 10 felony charges. The TX. Judge looked at my record with no convention's and sead I was going to pay this time
U look handsome and very gentle
please subscribe me and hes with his wufe tif
Embrace manhood shirts off as much as possible,
Aye Dave just wanted to ask about you're bottom surgery meto
It took you nearly half the video to get to your main point because you were so busy apologizing for existing, as a trans man who wants to speak to other trans men. You do not need to apologize for that! That's your female socialization at work urging you to consider everyone's feelings, even as you hem and haw about how we can't always do so. Would a cis man talking about masculinity apologize that his video wasn't made for the female viewer? No. He would just say, "This is a video for and about men and their masculinity." One second recap of who is his intended viewer, then onto the nitty gritty.
emmadirthera Nope. Has nothing to with socialization. My soft introduction is that way for two reasons: a) To keep the message palatable and keep people watching, and b) I have spent 7 years making these videos and having them picked apart... just like you are doing... when speaking of subjects that are sensitive, it is always a good idea to formulate a soft introduction. Always, always consider your audience.
I apologize. I didn't realize you're transgendered.
U Look Like A True Man But I Still Notice The Girl Signs But They're Not Too Obvious
How can you make a program about masculinity? Youre not a man