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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- Is it even possible to have zero dysphoria as some people claim? Watch as the gender psychologist explains.
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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!
I am a clinical psychologist specializing in the transgender field, working with adults only. For the past 18 years, my work has focused on Gender Dysphoria and the formation of gender identity. I provide online therapy for residents of California, New York, Texas, and Florida. My pronouns are she/her, and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
👉NOTE: I work solely with adults, and all video content is marked for adults only. As such, the information shared is based on my experience working with adults only.
DISCLAIMER: Note that as a clinical psychologist, I created this channel to share information. Therefore, I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information and not to provide medical advice, and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information and understanding and to gain awareness.
#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation
I think the feeling of gender euphoria can make you realize that you felt somehow less comfortable, even if it’s a small difference, before. Like being called a girl all your life and don’t think or feel a lot about it, but when someone refers to you as a male or uses they/them pronouns you feel more comfortable and happy with it.
Yes totally agree.
experiencing gender euphoria was a significant indicator that I had experienced some form of discomfort being referred to and treated as female
I’m non-binary and I get gender euphoria when people use they/them pronouns for me.
Oh shit I just realized something about myself lmao
The day I said to myself "This is who I am and that's okay" was the best day of my life. I'm not sure I ever felt ok before then and depression and anxiety ruled my life. The euphoria I felt when I finally accepted myself was amazing. The depression and anxiety I feel more now, I still experience dysphoria in relation to my body, is in regards to coming out and how I will be treated.
My dysphoria is mild, I usually feel empty when I present as Male and mild discomfort. I try to ignore it and pretend like I'm not experiencing any discomfort but I know I really hate being Male and I'm just trying to mak the best of my situation. When I present as a woman I feel this special feeling that I dont feel anywhere else, i feel free, amazing, euphoric. It's very easy for me to pass my dysphoria off as something else which just makes me feel even worse bc I end up imagining myself as Male for the rest of my life, after that I end up feeling worse bc I really want to be a woman.
Thanks for commenting. Yes mild dysphoria is still uncomfortable. In the very least it’s trying to tell you something.
I know exactly how you feel.
OMG. That’s exactly how I feel. I feel kind of dead most of the time. If I just imagine having a female body, I get at least very calm, but usually euphoric. Thanks for sharing that!
That’s how I feel to, :)
i feel similarly but the other way around for me
I wish I was a shapeshifter so I could be a pretty boy or a pretty girl or even an animal lol
I get really happy when people think I'm a girl & I've been questioning for a while. Your videos have been very helpful. Thank you!
You're so welcome!
Like when I get called “ma’am” over the phone it’s literally the best feeling in the world!
I've been questioning if I'm non-binary for a couple of months now. since I don't really have a good memory, I can't remember if I've felt this way since my childhood, because when I was kid I was never really forced into any strict gender roles. However, recently, I've started imagining myself in a body without breasts, and more androgynous features and voice, and it's made me happier then I've felt about myself in in a long time. But, I have anxiety, so I constantly question and second guess what I'm feeling and if I'm just lying to myself. I think I experience mild dysphoria and I have for a while, but the more I thought about changing myself, the stronger it's gotten about my other features (face, to be exact).
Thanks for sharing and sorry about your struggles. I recommend seeking help of a therapist in your area to help you sort out through feelings.
Hey, I'm literally in your situation too tbh. Considering you posted this a year ago, what did you do? I feel like it can be hard to distinguish between anxiety and dysphoria at times which makes it harder to specify issues to people like therapists.
@@thatoneguy3840 omigosh hi! so I've actually grown a lot more and realized I'm a trans man (yeah I know 💀) but my dysphoria is still on and off. It got better the more I made friends who had similar issues and just sort of let myself sit with the fact that YES I am trans and YES it's perfectly fine not to experience crippling dysphoria. Questioning phases are super hard especially if you already have mental illness and anxiety and I can say it was an awful time. but the more you explore the less scary it gets, and you just sort of have to realize it's perfectly normal to feel anxious over it. Certainy over your identity is hard to come by and I am definitely still figuring it out! I really hope it improves for you though, I've been there and it sucks
@@thatoneguy3840 anxiety and dysphoria can also overlap but I tend to think if you have a large amount of anxiety over your gender and being seen as your birth gender you probably aren't cis, although that's definitely something you should figure out. Therapists also help a lot just to sort of voice issues with, and to have a space where you can try new names and pronouns and ways of expression. They are there to help! there are also a lot of online spaces (like this channel) that have resources for you to look into. You're not alone in your struggles.
@@randomrat3150 thanks for the encouragement, I really needed that right now actually. I’m glad it gets better with new friends, I’m 17 and just moved to a new area so hopefully new friends incoming! But for now it just feels like I’m stuck in a lonely void by myself feeling like nothing.
since most trans people i know experience really strong dysphoria ( panic attacks / breackdowns being caused by it ) and me experiencing just discomfort (and social dysphoria), it really made me struggle a lot and still does because it causes me to have doubts about if i’m actually trans or if my dysphoria is actually just something else i’m confusing as dysphoria
Very common to experiences minor dysphoria. You are not alone.
Yea
Hello. I actually didn’t even know that I had dysphoria until very recently... I have been experiencing it for a long time but didn’t know. To me it feels very blank and empty and just like “okay this is me existing and that’s it”. It almost feels like I am infested or “everything feels wrong.” I used to say that to my family/partner a lot in regards to the way I looked and dressed and I didn’t know why “everything felt wrong.” No matter what I would wear (with very few exceptions) I would hate it even though I could see that some outfits looked aesthetically nice; it felt like nothing to me...like the clothing wasn’t mine even though I could objectively see it was an attractive outfit. My hair is probably the biggest distress for me, which is the easiest to adjust, I am just scared to. I also have wished that I could have a penis but also keep my vagina... it’s really hard to explain. Sometimes the feeling of not having a penis would really bother me (this was before I even understood what trans was). It’s so hard to explain. It just feels dull all the time.. almost like I’m dissociating or bottling everything up. I believe I feel more non-binary or genderqueer than binary, but I am still unsure of how that would present itself. I feel all and none of the genders simultaneously. Does any of this make sense or sound familiar based on others you’ve worked with?
Hi and thanks for commenting. You maybe describing a non-binary state of identity. Also, when we have been dissociating for some time we become detached from our body and it becomes harder to pinpoint our gender identity. Sorry to hear this. Just try to explore your gender in safe way without medical transition.
DR Z PHD thank you ❤️
I have the same thing, I didn't realize I was dysphoric until a month or two ago.
Thank you, I honestly don’t think I could’ve explained my feels any better than you did
i feel the same way. it’s like this mix of feeling everything and nothing at the same time, but no label seems to fit or feel good to me. no name can describe the feelings i have at the momeny. i relate to you, in that i wouldn’t mind having a penis, sometimes i fantasize about it. but i don’t mind having a vagina either. i feel super uncomfortable with my breasts though and any stimulation w/them. today i started binding and i kinda love it. i feel almost nothing on my chest and it feels really good. if i ignore the sight of my chest, it just feels flat and i really like that. i’ve also experimented with my hair and uh it’s had its ups and downs. i’d recommend small steps like i’m trying to do personally because i feel like i’m slowly coming to an answer. it’s scary doing simple things but having support from loved ones & doing it privately at the very least is so so helpful in my experience. 💖 i wish the best for you
I've been questioning my gender for a little more than four years although, it could be argued I've had dysphoria since starting puberty (40 yrs ago... yes, I'm a late bloomer). The thing is, like you discussed, I didn't recognize it. In fact, I still struggle to recognize the dysphoria because mine is so mild and I rationalize it by saying to myself, "well... other guys shave off all the hair on their body. You know like swimmers, cyclists, bodybuilders. Lot's of guys wonder, "when they will feel like a man" It's just that I'm still trying to feel like I've gotten there... at age 52.
To answer the question, my dysphoria is very mild so much that I even rationalize it as being normal for other people born with male anatomy. Although *hangs head* I've never really asked other guys if they feel that way as well.
Thanks for sharing. In my experience, it is not the severity of dysphoria that determines whether transit is a right step forward but the inner incongruence of gender. Older generation, due to the social context they grew up in, often have very rationalized view toward their dysphoria to the point of convincing their mind that it is not as severe.
I did the same rationalization about shaving my hair for the longest time but now I know it is dysphoria. I totally understand your experience.
I don't know if this will make you feel better about this specific thing, but I want to talk about body hair. 1 in 10 women have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and that usually comes with excessive body hair. Both me and my mother, as cisgendered women, have hair ALL over our bodies. We both have to shave our faces. 1 in 10 may not seem like very big numbers, but it's also been found that many women who have PCOS remain oblivious to it because other symptoms could be things that are mild or overlooked like body acne, irregular menstruation, abdominal fat, or changes in mood. Now that I know I have it, I'm convinced there are many others who have no idea. So, I want to reiterate a little bit about why body hair shouldn't have anything to do with femininity. This is of course my own personal take/opinion and I wouldnt expect every person to feel the same way. I HATE my body hair. I shave everything from the neck down and I still have to shave my lip, chin, and forehead. But when I have it, I just hate the hair. It may be growing off of me, but I don't feel more beautiful or womanly when I get rid of it all. I just feel smoother, cleaner, brighter, lighter. I don't want to tell you how to live your life but if you can start to think about hair differently it could be one of the many things that lead you to a happier, more fulfilled life. Because you are beautiful. Your hair is just hair. You can get rid of it. You can grow it. It doesn't define who you are
@@jiltedlittle6868 I had an opposite experience, was born at 26 weeks in 1982, given diuretics that were also testosterone blockers (aldactone/spironolactone) til age 3, suffered night sweats from age 9 and then hot flashes, apnea and depression followed...i knew my hormones were out of balance from a young age due to getting frustrated when the testosterone kicked in but not relating the then unknown to me menopausal symptoms to the hormonal imbalance,
felt like calming my mind after menopause kicked in, first tobacco at 14, pot to balance the body at 16 and alcohol at 18, clicked that i was doing the things for a reason and not to get drunk fairly early on (age 20 or so), came out as trans first time when i was 21 after thinking about it since i was 15 or so, went back into the closet due to my parents (said they were supportive but actions and sense of their feelings said otherwise), same again age 32 and this time got onto hormones, felt way better but then an ex moved in and i went back into the closet again, after that i started again with hormones and all dec 2019 and am not looking back, my menopause has stopped, my addictions have gone and my health is better including my lungs it seems!
Seems i'd missed out on the estrogen and progesterone of the third trimester, is also why i got out of the womb early (to miss the third trimester testosterone which would have put me the wrong way) and now i look at things my mum is non binary trans masc and my dad is either gay or non binary trans femme, a friend of mine who was in her 60s said that if she didn't know they were my parents she would have said they were a gay couple!
Oh my god I cried. I thought I didn't have any level of dysphoria BUT I DO FEEL DISCOMFORT. About a 6 out of 10 on a good day. I was heartbroken when I heard people without dysphoria cannot transition, when i thought i had none. A weight has been lifted from my chest and i feel so much better and incredibly validated! Thank you so much ❤
I feel an incredible amount of euphoria when I a perceived as a biological male and I often draw a mustache on my face when I'm feeling sad and it makes me feel better. I get "triggered" mildly when I'm called by my "real" name and she/her pronouns. Ugh I feel so much better. I've been asking EVERYONE I TRUST, Am I allowed to be trans if I dont see myself as a girl, but rather a boy (disregarding my biological sex characteristics), they all said no and that I would NEVER be able to transition. I cried. I didn't want that to happen. I can't relate with severe dysphoria at all... but now I know the truth and that someone has my back and believes me. Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing. Glad it clarified things.
This really helped I’m still not sure I’m trans but I do experience discomfort when someone calls me a boy and then my mom corrects them I always hated when she corrected them , I’ve always liked being called sir I’ve just never really thought about it until about 2 years ago , I thought it had something to do with me wanting to be a masculine lesbian but now I’m really not sure
Glad it was helpful!
I don’t know how to classify my severity of gender dysphoria, I feel very disconnected from my physical body I’ve tried to explain it to my wife before as “when I look at myself whatever part it is I don’t feel like it’s me I feel like I’m looking at someone else” like my hands are not my hands, looking into mirrors for any long length of time really hurts me as I feel like there is a different person there like I know there is a woman in there but I only see a man who is definitely not me. As far a dressing and outward appearance goes I feel like I put on my “man uniform” all the time and I just go though all my days disconnected from my physical body because if I think about it for too long I begin to feel hurt inside because nothing matches who I really am inside myself
So sorry to hear this. Sounds like you are describing a feeling of dissociation, a common defense our mind employs when dealing with things which we perceive painful and traumatic. Hopefully when you are able to start transition, you will start feeling more present within yourself.
@Liam Greenfield yes thats exactly of how it feels
@Liam Greenfield I'm no professional but it seems to me it could be any of several things. Dissociation could be caused by gender dysphoria or by other causes of distress (or a combination of several causes).
I'd say mild dysphoria. I know that it's not as severe as some other people but it's definitely there. I started identifying as a woman only one week ago after a thorough reflection about my life that I started about 2 weeks ago. It was not a choice. It was a realization. It awakened an urge to change myself and feelings of dysphoria that I didn't feel before.
I had a hard time this week identifying if I had dysphoria or not though. Unlike Dr Z, a lot of people oversimplify or only consider severe disphoria when they explain the concept so I thought at first that it didn't apply to me. I would never express my feelings saying that I'm a woman trapped in a man's body for example. Also, what I understood first was that I felt an urge to change many aspects related to my gender. I did not understand how this urge was related to dysphoric feelings.
But it's only been a week. I have to give it some time. Maybe it will go away, but I'm still 99% sure that it won't.
Thanks for sharing.
heyy you got an update? :D
@@justfitz5843 I've been transitionning for 3 years. I'm 38 years old and I pass well enough that strangers no longer notice that I'm trans even when I don't wear makeup.
There hasn't been a single day that I've regretted transitionning. I'll never go back to the closet.
I was actually way more dysphoric that I was aware of at the time I made that comment. 35 years of living with untreated gender dysphoria has caused me a lot of trauma.
@@floria9565 thats so cool to hear, im glad youre doing better now :D
thanks for the update!
Dr. Z, you are some kind of saint for putting this information on YT for free. It’s cutting to the core of me, and helping me see myself in a very different light.
So glad you find it helpful.
DR Z PHD . Very helpful indeed. I honestly did not think of myself as trans, just thought it was some minor thing going on in the background. Then, just realized it was the main event.
My dysphoria varies between very mild and very distressing. Sometimes I feel discomfort around still being in the closet but other times I find it unbearable.
Misha
Hi and sorry to hear that. It is amazing how it can vary drastically during different times, which is exactly what causes confusion in many.
I have what is probably mild dysphoria mostly about my chest , face and hairline. It only started when I began to question and explore my gender identity. That being said, I knew something was unusual about my behaviour and the ways I liked dressing so "she" has always been in there, quietly saying hello in her own way.
Thank you for sharing. Glad she is here.
Oh my gosh you described this perfectly! I never noticed I felt dysphoric about my chest until I felt the euphoria of seeing it flatter.
Thanks for sharing.
I think i have mild disphoria, when being a girl, ill suddenly look at my chest and try to flatten it, and I get a knot in my stomach. I dunno, the knot usually goes away after an hour or so.
If not sure, take your time and just explore your gender without any medical interventions.
This is very informative. My dysphoria ranges from mild to moderately severe. My dysphoria centers mostly around my facial features (facial hair, brows, lips, eyes, hair). Something interesting is that my dysphoria drops to mild in relation to the bottom part of my body. I am not in a hurry to have SRS. Is that uncommon?
Hi and thanks for commenting :) Not uncommon at all. Many people express mild dysphoria toward their genitals. Partially this is due to our genitals being hidden from others, and therefore does not play a role in painful misgendering, whereas facia hair does. In addition, given high complication rates for bottom surgery, many people prefer to wait for better medical treatment. The important thing is to find what makes you most comfortable.
thank you. I've never heard/seen it broken down like this. Usually you hear dysphoria needed, or no dysphoria needed, but this was a very helpful way of teasing out the nuance that I didn't even know was there.
Glad it was helpful.
Honestly most of the time its just a mild "you dont pass" or "your body is wrong" but somtimes it makes me want to die it and it makes it feel like I cant survive in a werid body luckly I've found a way to just kinda chill when it's really bad but during school hours dysforia makes it really hard to act like my normal self
Thanks for sharing and I am so sorry to hear that.
To begin with I need to say that I don't know whether what I feel actually qualifies as disphoria. So I hope sharing my experience here is fine.
Another thing is that my memory is really fuzzy to non existent, especially in terms of what I felt, if not triggered by something. So I can't even say for sure that I don't have any prior experiences with discomfort and incongruence.
As much as I can remember - which isn't much - I never had any strong feelings towards my gender before. Quite the oppsite according to my brother I never really made a difference between the two genders from a young age on - which might be why have so much trouble discerning whether I actually experience disphoria. I was obviously born with a male body and that was good enough for me most of my life. As far as I can remember, I didn't question my gender.
In my mid to late teens I started to wish I had a female body. Often in relation to sexual thoughts, but also aside from that. It was never more than a side note, but it was consistently there over the last years, although not present all the time. Still, aside from not caring about my body at all, I didn't experience discomfort with my gender - just wishing my body was different. So I dismissed that as some sort of weird kink. I also was mocked and/or it was noted by people that I wasn't very manly neither in appearance nor behavior. I didn't act stereotypical male or female nor did I have to many typically female asociated interests, but it still was brought up fairly often. Aside from the discomfort of being mocked, I didn't have any strong feelings towards my gender being questioned.
In my early twenties things changed a bit. My depression got a lot better and I had the energy to focus on other aspects of my life instead of just feeling miserable all the time. While developing some sense for my style, I noted that while not being interested in male clothing or body styles, I got interested in what females wear. I spent a lot of time watching what they wear and how I liked that. At this point I still thought it was just me being a shallow socially and sexually underdeveloped boy. But it was always more from the view of how I would like it if I wore that or if I would like looking like that.
During the last year I discovered a strong dislike for my body hair and that I liked my finger nails fairly long.
I also got even more interested in how I would look in female clothing until I tried it out like three weeks ago - starting with undergarnments over stockings to my first skirt and top. I really feel comfortable in it - way more than I ever did in male clothing to which I felt indifferent
But then the incongruence started. While I enjoyed the way how I felt wearing female clothing, my male body structure suddenly felt completely out of place. I shaved my beard and that eliviated the discomfort a bit. This feeling only got stronger the more things I tried, like nail polish today. I like the way it looks and feels, but the rest of the body just doesn't matches up. When this started after crossdressing I started asking myself if I might be trans. I tried to research, but I find more questions than answers. And it's really confusing and challenging, especially since my discomfort with my body increases the more things I try out.
So after watching your videos, I have no doubt I am experience increasing body disphoria. Come to think of it, not caring about my body at all before could be mild signs of body disphoria.
But I am don't know if I experience gender disphoria though. A lot of things speak against it:
- I don't care about pronouns as they are just an outsiders perception on what I look like and have no impact on how I feel
- I know I was biologically born male and while I am really discontent with my body, I still don't think I am female. If I could change that magically, I would, but I don't think I am a woman. I don't really differentiate between the genders other than biologically and corresponding experiences. So I have a hard time grasping the concept of feeling like a woman. And I think that matters in terms of gender dysphoria. To sum it up, I feel like a man who would rather have been born a woman, but I don't feel like I am one. If that makes sense.
- I have no strong discomfort about having a male genital. Again, if I had the choice I'd like to be physically completely female. But it's a "would rather" instead of a "don't like it".
Sorry for the stream of thought and hopefully it didn't blow the intended framework of sharing experiences with mild dysphoria. It's 5 AM here and I didn't sleep, I really hope it's atleast somewhat coherent to read.
And summing it up, helped a bit in terms of clarity although leading to more questions regarding the implications of having body but not gender dysphoria.
Thanks to everyone made it though that slog of a wall of text. I hope this reading might help someone who experiences something similar , because while reading and listening to dysphoric experiences, I never read something that closely resembelled this. And that made me feel pretty desperate in the beginning as I doubted my feelings harshly.
To anyone struggling atm: Whatever you are experiencing and feeling, it's valid and there is no wrong way here. It's a very individual experience and the challenge is simply figuring out what these feelings mean to you and how you wanna proceed going forward :) Take all the time you need to figure it out, you can do it
Thanks for sharing. I always advice taking things slow if you are not sure because gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, gender expression and even sexuality are all interconnected and add a lot of confusion.
This describes me perfectly! Especially the bit about pronouns... finally a story like mine. I really, really, wish I was born a woman or could just magically become one over night.
This better summarizes how I feel as well.. I do magically wish I was a girl..sometimes very badly.. but me as a guy, I dont feel like I hate it.. but I did loved dressing up so so so so so much! Like I cant even begin how great it felt! But i still dont know if I'm "a girl".. I dont hate being a guy..but everyone always points out how feminine I am, in behavior and how i talk to things i like..and I'm just in hardcore questioning mode... I honestly need clarity so badly...but the more I look into it the more questions continue to come up.. I do hate this feeling of being so confused now
Snap. Pretty much all of it.
This almost perfectly describes me, I might even save this for later for personal use and change a few things here and there because there are some things which don't describe me (very few though). I am identifying as under the nonbinary umbrella at the moment.
This video was a relief to see after watching the one about what gender dysphoria is. When watching that video or hearing a lot of more severe accounts of gender dysphoria, it gives the impression that what I experience isn't really dysphoria. I'm not really someone who feels like it's outright painful to be a man. I don't look in the mirror and feel distressed or disgusted. It doesn't eat away at me on a daily basis and leave me absolutely miserable.
At the same time, I feel like, on some instinctive, subconscious level, I always would've preferred to be a woman had I been given the choice. I've had fantasies about it on and off from a very young age. I have a voice in my head that instinctively wishes I had a more feminine body or that I could dress in certain feminine clothing or that I could experience sex as a woman or that society treated me more like a woman in certain ways. Often times, that's followed by another voice in my head trying to "talk sense into me" and remind me of all the things that would suck about being a woman, but the instinctive reaction is still there.
Although I wouldn't say I view being a man as completely miserable, I also can't say I've ever really enjoyed it. In fact, I've sometimes been genuinely frustrated at the gender roles that go along with it, which often feel like a bad fit for my personality. I don't HATE looking at myself in the mirror, but I don't LIKE it, either, and I strongly dislike having to deal with body and facial hair, for example. Overall, I feel like my experience being a man is one of disappointment and frustration rather than outright misery. I've spent most of my life reluctantly accepting it even though it has often felt disappointing. It's like that ugly sweater that someone gives you for Christmas that you don't dare to tell them you don't like. I would've much rather gotten a different gift, but I guess I can still wear it to keep me warm.
I used to think that these gut feelings were just a case of "the grass is greener on the other side," but I'm beginning to think maybe those reactions mean something about me even if my gender doesn't cause me a lot of noticeable distress. Granted, I HAVE had noticeable distress, but I usually don't see any obvious connection to gender.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
As someone who's been questioning and flipping back and forth on it for a while now this and your other videos have been really helpful for trying to figure out who I am. Thank you for that!
For me I never really considered myself to have any form of Dysphoria really. I've just always had certain thoughts, even from a young age about wanting to be a girl or what it would be like to be a woman. When I was really young, around 6 or 7 or so, I was jealous of the kinds of outfits girls would be allowed to wear, the things they could do with their hair and stuff, looking pretty etc. I wasn't allowed to do any of that because I was a boy, boys had short hair and wore boys clothes and I just accepted it. I'd go to bed most nights wishing that I'd wake up the next day and I'd be a girl and allowed to do all of those things but it never happened.
As I got older I experimented with it a few times when I was a teenager but always just put it down to being a weird sexual thing because that's what it was always painted as in the media and on TV. I'd feel good and comfortable whenever I'd try on female clothing but afterwards I'd just feel this intense shame. I'd always do my best to try and push it out of my mind but I was never really satisfied with the way I looked. I've never really been comfortable with my voice either, whenever I hear it back it never feels like *me* speaking but always assumed that's something everyone experiences.
I guess for me it's more like a longing to be seen and become something different and be validated as that. I've just never truly been comfortable with being called a "man" - being referred to as that even now just makes me feel weird and just doesn't seem right. I figured it was just down to me getting older and not coming to terms with what it means to be an adult. I'm now fairly confident that all of this is probably a milder form of Dysphoria. I'm still not sure if I know what the correct answer to all of this is but hey, it's a start!
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I think i'm just dysphoric with the fact that i'm not masculine as enough to the pattern, i always think i was too female to the masculine standard, i remember in the begin of my puberty, of me crying of dont being tall as my friends or, spending 3 years on exercises to get a muscular body, theese days ago this trans possibility was in my head, but i never felt that way with my gender, i always considered myself as he/him, i sincerly can't imagine myself being treated as she/her
Yes a lot of times we hold ourselves to very high societal standards.
Hey ! Can we talk About this?
My dysphoria is mostly just OK, I'm almost a year out of a very controlling relationship where I pushed my feelings aside, that lasted 8 years. At that time a had many reoccurring dreams of being a woman, and I was disappointed when I woke from those dreams. I feel like I would be sad if it turned out I was not trans... which feels weird to say because people mostly don't want to be trans. So I'm not sure what I am, but I do know if looked like a woman i would be happier about myself.
Thank you for sharing. It is hard to accept who we are and we can often box it in.
Right? I feel almost the same way except for the relationship and dreams. (I don't ever remember my dreams, and I'm really sorry about that relationship, you deserve better) Whenever I start doubting and decide, you know what, I could live as a girl, right? But then I feel this tug, like aw man, then you won't be able to look like and be viewed as a guy. I still don't want to be trans in the aspects that it's scary and my whole life would be completely different, but whenever I seriously consider living the rest of my life as a women, I feel, I dunno, bummed out on a serious level? It's difficult because I bottle up my feelings, being sorta on edge for a bit but then finally breaking down and crying a ton every so often. I'm not sure how to fix this part, I was doing okay before the pandemic with this aspect, and felt a lot less doubt, but the pandemic is messing with everyone, so I dunno. Best wishes to you! I hope you figure it out
what's a "very controlling relationship" look like?
if you would be so kind.
Wow this comment ended but being pretty long but thanks for this. Your videos have been pretty eye opening to me.
I've been questioning myself for probably 5 years now (I'm 19) and I somehow managed to ignore it for that long. I've felt mild discomfort in being gendered as feminine for a long time, especially when someone refers to me as a "woman." Whenever I see myself in photos or videos something just feels wrong, like there's a disconnect. It's such a strange relationship with my body. I have a conventionally attractive feminine body and I know it looks nice but when I see myself attached to it it's just not right. I feel mildly uncomfortable no matter what it is that I wear, some days it's easy to ignore and other days it's not. I never really thought that it was actually dysphoria that I was experiencing though, since in my experience it has never been so debilitating that I can't go out like others have described it to be. I have to go out and live my life going to school (I'm in college currently) and I can't do anything about it, so I ignore it. But since I've been in quarantine by myself in my apartment it's gotten a lot worse. It's easy to ignore when I know I can't do anything about it in public, but spending this last month by myself has made me realize that maybe this is affecting me more than I gave myself credit for.
The worst part is though that I still don't feel like I can do anything about it. I'm on the track team at my university and it's a very gendered sport. It doesn't help that I'm in a more conservative area and if I did do anything the majority of my team would likely be unsupportive and that hurts a lot. I think that knowledge only pushes me further into this denial that I've been experiencing for years. I'm hoping though that, even if I can't do anything until after I graduate, at the very least I can find a gender therapist nearby and hopefully try to understand myself better.
Anyway, thanks for making these videos and helping me recognize that my mild dysphoria is still dysphoria :)
Hi and thanks for commenting. Yes dysphoria can be incredibly mild but it is there. The key is to not confuse feelings of dysphoria for an indication that you are transgender, as dysphoria can also mean discomfort with gender and how you see yourself in the gender role. So give yourself some time to explore safely such as social transition.
@@DRZPHD Yeah, thank you. Either way I hope to speak with someone about it soon to try and figure things out :)
I never had words to express the happy/excited feeling I felt when people ‘mistook’ me for a sir and how happy I was to be misgendered as male. My dysphoria isn’t awful or constant and unbearable which triggers doubt. Although I’m 27 I feel more comfortable identifying as a boy or a femme/soft boy rather than a man as I fear losing my looks from transition. I can look at my body and say Aww cute/nice body but at the same time feel weird/disconnected or as though something is wrong when I can see it’s not a bad body. I felt horrible presenting as female, an almost constant discomfort and as though I was wearing drag but wearing men’s clothes has eliminated that
Thank you for sharing.
I would be a transgender person with as close to having zero dysphoria as you could get. As a cis, straight, male I was happy with my body, my looks, the size of my genitalia etc... In short, I was a handsome, well-endowed man who recieved plenty of female attention. Indeed, I would be only to happy to parade around my house naked in front of my girlfriend or wife. But... I also used to love presenting female. Any opportunity I got to shave my legs, paint my nails, dress in drag etc... gave me immense happiness (sometimes alone, sometimes in the company of others). This was not just a sexual thing, as this started in my very early childhood and often as an adult, had nothing to do with any type of sexual act. Also, the vast majority of my friends were female and I always felt happier socialising with females. I felt I could develop deeper and more intimate friendships with females. Finally, the tipping point for me was getting out of an extremely abusive relationship with my second wife. She would often tell me; you are a man so you need to do this, you are not acting like a man, men don't cry, a man's job is to pay for this, do this etc, etc... (She was Russian, probably narcissistic and had a very set view of how men should behave). She cheated on me constantly, despite me trying to be the best "man" I could for her and in the end I just decided... well, maybe it would be better for me to be a woman. So, I transitioned.
It is now 8 months on HRT and this has been the happiest year of my life. I have zero libido, can no longer maintain an erection but experience a euphoria that I could never have imagined. I just adore being female. I am completely happy with my choice to transition and could never imagine going back. My only regret is that I didn't do this decades ago. So, I don't think that I experienced any type of dysphoria as far as my body was concerned (although maybe I experienced dysphoria in terms of what I felt were societal expectations of me as a man). I may have got here via an unusual path, but I am so glad that I am finally here.
In short, I am just happier as a woman than as man.
Oh, I should add however, that I do now experience dysphoria! I now hate having any facial hair and sometimes shave multiple times per day, I hate that my hair (on my head) is taking so long to grow, I hate the bulge when I try to wear skinny pants, I wish my boobs would grow bigger and faster and I worry constantly about wrinkles and aging (whereas before they didn't bother me at all).
This is something I find very interesting, and appreciate a professional take on. I have very severe dysphoria, but I have had moments in life where I could push things away enough to lessen it. So I can definitely understand there are varying strengths of dysphoria. That said, it was so foreign a concept to me when someone told me that there were trans people who have absolutely none at all. I was like, "I don't understand?" I couldn't comprehend someone feeling the need to change something if they were comfortable the way things were.
Thanks for sharing. I truly think ppl mean Dysphoria when they experience discomfort.
This was really helpful! As someone who has always had a strong need to move my body and has a passion for training and sports, the idea of experiencing extremely strong feelings of hate towards my body (even if it would be on the appearance and gender related aspects) has always been alienating for me. Especially since training and the desire to go pro since I was 13 has given me way more muscle and thus has made me like my body more. But the moment you talked about the spectrum from severe dysphoria to mild discomfort, something clicked with the word discomfort. Suddenly the feelings towards certain body parts (currently my hips are the most common one since not much I can do to that) make sense as well as my actions and feelings back when puberty hit me.
What's worth noting in my case though, is that although I experience very mild discomfort about my body relating to my gender, I experience a lot of discomfort/feel very awful possibly anxious just thinking about other people seeing and treating me as a woman. And I've been wondering is that related to dysphoria or is it just something else? 🤔
Thanks for sharing. When people have mild discomfort it is with exploiting more if it is related to body dysphoria vs gender dysphoria. I know it seems very confusing but it is important and can help clarify things.
I have felt discomfort since I was seventeen. I've had problems with not identifying myself in the mirror, I had problems and a lot of anguish when the hair grew on my arms and many other things.
I believe it is mild or medium dysphoria. Today, at 28 years old, I still live with my parents and feel tolerable anguish, I recently bought panties and started using them in my daily life and the anguish has become a joy, but I still feel like I'm not completely satisfied, do I need to make a transition? , until you get a female body?
This idea of being a woman hasn't left my mind since I was 16 or 17 years old when it all started!
Help me, please!
I had to hear the message (multiple times!) that it is not required to identify as trans to have dysphoria, before I could really acknowledge that I am indeed trans. And after that, the strong realizations of dysphoria kicked in...We cannot stress enough, that dysphoria is not required. Gate-keeping regarding this question is hurtful. Thank you for your work.
Thanks for sharing.
My gender dysphoria is between okay and bad, and it waxes and wanes with varying intensity. When I look at myself in the mirror, with my hair done and makeup on, I have had euphoric moments. At the end of the day, when I take off my makeup and I see some of those masculine features, dysphoria can really hit hard. The dysphoria with my genitalia is mild, but over time, it has become stronger. Great video! Thank you!
Thanks for your comment! Sorry to hear it hits toward the end of the day. That sucks, especially since anxiety can keep you up through the night.
I didn't even know what gender dysphoria was until a few years ago, I would have been 42 or 44 at the time. Usually it seems pretty mild and even to the point of not existing. But every once in a while, be it after months or occasionally years, it'll flare up. Under conditions of severe stress for example. I'm so good at compartmentalizing and rationalizing it away, but every time it comes back it gets harder to ignore. Especially now that I have a name for it.
I'm feeling it right now. While I don't hate my body or its parts, as I did for a couple of months after my wife and I separated, I feel edgy and unsettled. Distracted and irritable. The old tricks of appeasing the beast don't seem to be working like they used to.
Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry you are going through this!
I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about, but as a kid, I called myself a boy (ftm) and didn't really have episodes of dysphoria until I was past puberty and being told I couldn't transition. I was such a clear case of being trans but had to exaggerate and seek second opinions to get diagnosed with GID 15 years ago as a kid. It's why I have a personal vendetta against people who say you need be drowning in dysphoria to transition. And I love your channel by the way. It's very informative, and I've learned stuff I can use to help my other trans friends.
This explains a lot. Beceaus I was confused why I didn’t feel dysphoric but stil wanted to transition. I now understand I feel uncomfortable with my body parts.
Glad it was helpful.
My dysphoria is probably right smack in the middle of mild and severe, but it's weird. Like, I can take a shower and not feel dysporic really (dysphoria is still there but I can distract myself better), but when I'm out in public, I'm panicking because I'm so dysporic. I think it's because I'm in front of people and I know I'll get misgendered whereas in the shower I'm alone and I have music to distract me n' shit
HI and thanks for commenting. Yes I can see that making sense because there are no outside eyes looking at your, trying to size up your gender. Wonder if listening to music on headphones when you are out and about may be helpful?
I realized that i am very uncomfortable with people using she/her pronouns and referring to me as a girl. I came out as trans and then realized so many things made sense- like buying baggy clothes on purpose or always playing male characters in school. I got my binder a few days ago and seeing myself flat is very euphoric, but i still don't feel like i have enough dysphoria to be valid
Thanks for sharing. Take your time and explore. Let each step be affirming guide.
Ok, maybe I truly have dysphoria BUT I'm not accepting it even though deep down I know I'm not a girl, I still feel likr I'm not transgender... Maybe I'm faking everything idk
I am sorry you feel so much confusion. Talking to someone in your area will help.
I have lived with depression for most of my life (I'm 32 now). Since I realized that I'm trans recently, I've been feeling much lighter and actually kinda happy with myself, so I decided to analyze why that is. What I learned is that my perception of myself changed in a massive way. I used to think I was doomed to an unsatisfying life due to having been born in a male body, that I would only ever possibly be a woman in a next life, if there even is such a thing. That was subconsciously tied with hating myself, the person that I was, which I thought was only due to my failures in life. I now realize that this feeling was gender dysphoria all along. I thought I didn't feel dysphoric at all because I never atributed it to my depression and because all of my suicidal episodes were actually triggered by unrequited love, therefore my experience was nothing like the ones reported by other trans people. Learning that I am a transgender woman made me realize that I get to be who I want to be in this life, not a next one. I accepted myself for who I am and it feels like a massive weight has been lifted from my chest. I am allowed to love being who I am, and that truly makes me happy. I don't know how severe that puts my dysphoria on the scale. I used to think I had none, then mild, but I guess it was actually more towards the middle, maybe inbetween middle and severe even, I'm not entirely sure.
Anyway, I just recently found this channel and it has already become an important part of my journey, so thanks for that Dr Z!
I really like this video :)
If i had to say, i think my gender Dysphoria is pretty mild :). I really want to identity as a women, but its not that i feel nearly as much pain as other trans that ive talked to. This has caused alot of confusion for me ( even if ive been exploring my gender identity for nearly 12+ years )
Thank you :). This makes me feel better,, as Ive wondering if i should transition even if im not going under as much discomfort as those around me. At the end of the day, it doesn't make me any less of a women, it just means i get to live a happier life xD!
I really do appreciate the advice :)
Thank you for sharing.
At the begining I was serene....then mom explained to me I was in the male gender and since there I had a severe gender dysphoria...I was comfy with my body but I always had desire of facial feminization. Since I was 8y/o, studying my face and the picture of the models on vogue magazines of my sister I discovered the differences between male and female forehead, nose, lips and so on...the mystery for me is why my happy sex life with girls didn't distracted me from this painful stress called gender dysphoria.
I didn't think I was experiencing dysphoria at first, probably because my subconscious really suppressed a lot of my trans feelings because of religion. Now that I think about it and have had euphoria (i.e. painting nails, removing hair, wearing a skirt), I think my dysphoria presents as disappointment, I'm disappointed by having male pattern baldness, I'm disappointed in how I look in a dress due to weight distribution. These are all things that can change and get better over time or have some other way of addressing it. Since it is just disappointment and doesn't have a sense of urgency or discomfort, it really gets me doubting myself.
Thank you for sharing.
I experience severe dysphoria, but for a long time I couldn't identify what it is and why it happens (before my realisation it was just discomfort, feeling naked and "fake" in "girly" clothes, feeling very awkward in dressing rooms, dreaming and daydreaming of myself as a man, but also having huge breakdowns over how my body looks, especially the "curvy" parts, that even made me try unhealthy eating patterns and have suicidal thoughts). But it got even more severe when I found the name for it, because then I finally consciously understood how I want to be treated and who I want to be, so every small thing that wasn't "in line" with who I am inside became way more painful. But also I experience a lot of derealization/depersonalization - had episodes of it for a very long time going back to childhood, but I have no idea what could cause them (and what causes them now) besides dysphoria (a lot of times my own voice or feeling what body I have triggers them). And during these episodes I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. I was planning to finally start taking testosterone this year, but somehow I am dissociating a lot and that makes me obsessively question myself. I have no idea if HRT could help me with these feelings, or if I should deal with them first. When I feel myself, I feel "male", I feel comfortable and at peace. But when my "self" is detached from my body and even sometimes from my head (idk how else to explain it), I don't feel like any gender and honestly I don't even feel like a person, so my brain tries to convince me I'm just my birth gender, but this makes my anxiety and discomfort even worse since it puts my dysphoria through some weird "tests" that just trigger it even more. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's so tiring.
I already have a psychological opinion (one of many pieces required in my country to start medical transition) and supporting family and friends (well, my mom doesn't always support my desire to medically transition and maybe I have internalized this a little). I was so happy to finally be closer to start hormones but now my mind just does some weird flips and I don't know if it's a good idea to make this decision now (even though I basically made the decision already).
I have no idea what to do and where to go now.
Thank you for sharing and I am sorry to hear. If you are not sure what to do, best to seek a help of a professional in your area.
Haven't watched the whole video yet, but I can agree with a lot of these comments, I've had experiences that could mean I'm trans but at the same time don't mean anything. I've been thinking I'm nonbinary/genderfluid lately and I really think enbies are cool and sometimes I don't know if I identify as enby myself or just think is some kind of ''trend'', since I'm a teen and in my classes my teacher said some of the normal traits of adolescence are trying to be unique.
Thanks for sharing. Please keep in mind my channel content is for adults only
@@DRZPHD Oh ok sorry!!
It's also good to point out, that dysphoria can range from mild to severe, depending on the day. I realized, that my dysphoria can peak when I go outside (and I accidentally wear clothes that don't hide my chest very well for example) and I have a lot of people around me.
Again, thanks for making all these videos. They are so useful for our community! And they are also great for cis people, who seek to educate themselves.
Dysphoria ranges for sure! Thank you! Glad they are helpful.
I thought I wasn’t trans for so long because I didn’t hate my body. I realized later that the reason I didn’t hate my body is because I’m basically as naturally feminine as you can get while being born male. Thinking about how it would feel if I was tall, or had wider shoulders or a deep voice made me feel awful.
Trying out being a girl brought to light the mild dysphoria you’re talking about because of how masculinity felt worse by comparison
Thank you for sharing.
So I a while back I was using that artbreeder website (for those who don’t know artbreeder is an ai website that makes realistic portraits of fake people) to make realistic photos of characters from one of my favorite book series. I had seen it done with anime and cartoon characters and I wanted to take it a step further and try characters from a book since it would be visualizing characters never technically seen before. It was very fun but what I noticed is that where the cartoon characters looked perfect and 100% how they would look in real life, the book characters where off. I followed all the descriptions of them in the book but they all looked wrong, and worse yet, I couldn’t change them to look right. Everything was in place, but it never clicked. This is how my mild dysphoria feels for me. There’s no one thing blatantly wrong or problematic about how I look and feel, but it never clicks, and I don’t know what to change to make myself feel like the cartoon characters/ non dysphoric people would feel.
Thank you for sharing. This feeling of fragmentation and not being whole is very common.
Since yesterday, I’ve started binge watching your videos. I’ve always felt something was wrong with me and my body. Then, I discovered drag which I love doing but when partying I often cried, asking my friends (especially the trans ones) for help and telling them I am lost. The prime reason is than I don’t hate my male body and I thought it was an indication that I’m not trans. However I’ve watched this video and I understand now I experience mild disphoria. When I’m not in drag I feel I’m in drag (like my male presentation is like a costume) and when I’m in drag I feel myself. When people adress to me as « he » or « she » in everyday life, it doesn’t bother me at all but when then adress me as « he » when I’m in drag it hurts and makes me angry. When I’m in drag and they tell me « you don’t look like like a man in drag you just look like a woman » I have butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly, I remember how I use to put my sister’s clothes when I was little, how I cry so hard when I got ken dolls for Christmas because I asked for barbies, how I’ve never ever understood men and felt so much closer from women. Everyday is like acting, I fake a male walk and I force a strong male voice when my voice is kind of sweet. I unconsciously correct my attitude for it to be more male (in the archaic way of seeing it). When I was 14 I used to tell my friends I was a girl in a boy body and I thought that this was what every gay boy feel. My father forced me to be much male, to dress much like one, to act more like one and the more I grew up the more I felt discomfort with person I was. 2 years ago I came out as gender-fluid but I still don’t consider it to be true. I think it’s an feeling like when you realize you are gay but you convince yourself and tell everyone that you are bi. You say it in your videos : deeply we already know who we are. I’m a woman inside and I want it to be seen outside. I don’t want to hide behing drag anymore, I want to be myself all the time. I do have mild disphoria and that’s your video which made me realize it. So thank you so much and Love bless you. 🥰
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
I have somewhat severe dysphoria. There are some days (rarely) where I feel comfortable in the gender I am. But I think it’s a temporary feeling of remembering past pleasant experience rather than not having the dysphoria in the first place.
thanks for sharing
I think my dysphoria is between moderate and severe, but there are some days where I am just a bit uncomfortable. Just wanted to write this down as an affirmation to myself, I know I'm trans (ftm) but sometimes I doubt myself, so I'm writing this to look back on when I need it! Have a great day!! Remember whatever you are doing, do it safely!!!
Totally normal and common to have dysphoria shift around.
@@DRZPHD Thank you!
I am quite literally brain-gender switched, but experience zero dysphoria around my gender.
I totally get some of this. I experienced zero dysphoria around stuff like what pronouns or gendered language people use for me, I almost never considered wearing women's clothes until I came out because I'm just as comfortable in men's, couldn'r care less if I pass as one gender or another unless for safety and that's rare, gender has nothing to do with why I hate my deadname and I was using my middle name, James, almost exclusively online for years when I came out. Which I kept as a 3rd name, the other being Renay. Like I never even thought about this stuff until after I started talking to other trans people online after I decided to transition. For the second time tried in 05 but I wasn't binary enough. Probably for the better I'm in Toronto and I'd have been sent to Blanchard. But it never occurred to me to even think about stuff like this because none of it makes me dysphoric. But I do find I very much like broadening my presentation to be masc, fem, and varying forms of androgyny. Basically it's all good for me. Except agender, that's a no.
But my body has caused me large amounts of very bigender dysphoria and euphoria for almost 30 years and that has shaped my priorities. And it very much shows.
Overall I'm not nearly as dysphoric as most other trans people I know even at my worst but actually dealing with it is not nearly as easy. Sometimes I envy binary trans people but I wouldn't want to be binary.
Thanks for sharing.
Mine has always been severe. When I look in the mirror, I see the exact opposite of what my brain expects to see. So severe that most times I wish I wasn't even alive. So severe I hurt myself. So severe that I attempted to end it. Now I am getting help, after so long of punishing myself for something I wasn't even responsible for.
I am so sorry to hear and wish you all the best.
I experience gender dysphoria since middle school (not before or I have no memories of it) most often mild, no bottom dysphoria, sometimes it gives me anguish. But I'm afraid it's the result of my PTSD, depression or anxiety and that it will eventually go away so I don't mention it I just live with it and maybe someday if I stay alive long enough I'll act on it, although the idea of aging as a man is horrific to me.
As I'm agoraphobic, I avoid people, when I'm around people I tend to feel self conscious about my gender. If I'm alone, most of the time it's meh. I have a very grim outlook on life and future and my gender is part of it, but not the most of it, it's my sense of worthlessness, my social skills and my apathy if not disgust to everything so...
I wish I could just test having a girl body so I could see it clear and figure it out. I do "crossdress" and enjoy it, but it's not the same as the real thing 24/7.
Hi and thanks for sharing. With uncertainty I always recommend social transition. Picking a name, pronouns, and starting to express self more via external expression. This often helps you figure out how you feel with your gender identity.
for me it varies a lot, ranging from fairly mild and ignorable to mid-high where i feel genuine hate towards my body and can't look in the mirror without wanting to vomit. One thing i've noticed is whenever it feels like my life is better and i got things working ok, the dysphoria gets worse, almost like my brain is holding it back on purpose to better focus on getting my life in order. It got especially bad recently after i met my boyfriend
Thank you for sharing.
i get gender euphoria when ppl refer to me by he/him. while im fine wirh being refered to with she/her, and i dont really get gender dysphoria persay, it just feels wrong idk
Before transitioning I would feel strong dysphoria. Then as soon as I transitioned it went away. This literally confused the hell out of me because I no longer hated myself and my body. I thought I had made a mistake. But I’ve come to realize that this is how I’m suppose to feel all along. I’m not suppose to have this inner battle of feeling like a boy and being a girl. For the first time in my life I’m comfterable in my own skin and I love myself.
Thanks for sharing.
I've known since about age 10 that I'd be more comfortable as a woman, but I didn't even hear the word "transgender" until my late teens. When I initially saw what it was, I'm ashamed to say I rejected it and was quite transphobic. Fast forward 6 years and here I am, questioning my gender. I watched a video uploaded by BoyCamryn (check him out) about androgynous fashion tips, and I really liked him. He mentioned in a different video that you don't need severe dysphoria in order to be trans, and since then I have spiralled into questions and uncertainty regarding my gender. I haven't spoken to anyone about it yet, but I've tried a few things to see how they feel. I've never been happy with my body, but when I tried on some womens underwear and looked in the mirror, I liked what I saw, but not in a sexual way. My body just felt more like my own? I've since removed as much hair from my body as I can, and I love it. I want to paint my nails, grow out my hair and try to find a perfume that isn't too feminine, so I can wear it daily without too many questions.
But the infuriating thing is... I still don't feel sure that I am trans. Everyone's story that I've heard is drastically different to my own experience. I've been having an identity crisis in general for a few years now, and it's confusing and scary. I've been severely depressed for as long as I can remember, but I'm fairly certain I have undiagnosed CPTSD aswell.
I'm worried that maybe I just want the empty feeling I've always had to go away so badly that I'm grasping at whatever cause I can find. If I am trans, as scary as that would be to transition, it would be a huge relief to be able to envision a future that I actually want to live in, because right now I just don't want to carry on like this.
Sorry to ramble, I just needed to get that off my chest. I love your videos and they're really helping me through this x
Thank you for sharing.
Wow I really cried this was so awesome brought so much to light.
Thanks for sharing
When the dam first broke for me I really did not experience much dysphoria. That changed after a few weeks. But, those first experiences telling me I must do something took a life their own. Quickly, I knew I could not go on the way I was. If there was dysphoria in those early stages it was the realization that I would have to begin a journey that had difficult pathways which I would need to learn to navigate. Soon I understood that for much of my life I had a sense my body does not match my mind. That was the beginning of gender dysphoria as typically experienced by trans people. Interesting though, the dysphoria was intertwined with euphoria because as I became clearer that my body did not match my mind I knew my authentic self is of female gender. That knowledge is euphoric. Now, I am ten months into transition and know it is the best life choice I have made. Like many trans people, I only wish I had done it earlier. Thankfully, the right time to start transition is when you start it.
Wow. Um. Mine fluctuates. Some days I feel fine and go out with confidence or just being me, then there are days that I want to curl up in bed and eat chocolate while watching a gay romance movie or something. That doesn't sound right does it? Some days I just live and others I have to meditate while crying to calm things. Anyone else get that?
She explains it so well thank you, I personally experience a lot of dysphoria but I’m really happy their are people like this lady who are sticking up for people and explaining well
Thank you and thanks for sharing.
Every since about middle school, i would break down about 4-8 times a month about my chest, and not looking like a boy,
But other times I would be “fine” I could look at myself with some discomfort but not like the those other days, I feel unforforatble presenting as a female, and others addressing me as female, however I don’t have overwhelming dysporia all the time, I really want to be a boy, and ever since I started binding , using he/him pronouns and wearing the clothes I prefer, and going by my nickname to robin. I’ve been feeling more confident but more discomfort towards my chest,
Idk if this is what you would call dysporia idk if I’m trans either, all I know is I hate this feeling,
Thanks for sharing your experience.
My dysphoria in general is probably a 5 out of 10 normally. It's enough to make me think about it constantly but not enough to make life unlivable. I think that is how I managed to suck it up this long. I do however get very dysphoric when I see a female who has traits I wish I had or even just clothes I wish I was wearing. This is true for real-world and fantasy world stuff. One of my earliest signs of being trans as a child was watching cartoons and identifying far more with the female characters than any of the male ones. I didn't really "get it" back then but looking back on it it makes sense.
Thanks for sharing.
My dysphoria was at level ten at one point. I got in shape & got ripped. Made my Dysphoria was worse not better. I actually thought it'd make me feel better. It didn't, it pushed ne over the edge to get on hrt. On hrt for a month now couldn't be happier.
Thanks for sharing and so glad you feel better.
I absolutely love how scrolling through these comments, I see comments from years ago questioning if they're not cis, and see profile pictures that clearly show they've transitioned and are happy with themselves :)
It is amazing how many subscribers have moved forward with their lives.
So I have been transitioning medically for about year and a half and finally came out at work about a year on hormones (best thing iv ever done) now working toward vaginoplasty but it got me thinking, I'm never going to be able to kick my dysphoria of which before I came out at work was about a 5 out of 10 (now around 3 out of 10). Of course being misgendered because of my voice dosent help but it's really depressing knowing there will always be a peice in the back of my brain telling me I'm to masculine.
I am so sorry to hear about your worries. For many, dysphoria does go away and for others, it just becomes concern over other things. I would focus on how much better you feel starting transition as it is a good sign.
I feel very uncomfortable when people use my birthname, reffer to me as a woman or girl, I'd much rather be percieved as male. But I don't feel strong dysphoria towards my body unless it's on photos or people point it out how feminine it is. I never really cared because I didn't know that this was "not normal for a female" so now I am questioning if I might be ftm or somewhere outside the binary. Another reason why I might have ignored this feeling is my unsupportive parents who hate anything LGBTQ+, but since I'm moving out soon I will finally be able to be a little more myself in terms of my gender identity and sexuality.
Thanks for sharing.
The levels of dysphoria I've experienced throughout my life literally and physically range from zero to suicidal ... and are as fluid as my genders. I've gotten pretty skilled at coping and adjusting, as well as denying and suppressing...unfortunately. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is my reality and will likely/sadly remain as such since I am nearly 50
Thanks for sharing.
I guess I have mild dysphoria. Like I've felt discomfort with my sex and especially my gender role since I was 10 years old. But I always figured I couldn't be trans because I didn't have that "rip your skin off" dysphoria people claimed a requirement. In the end that idea really fucked me over and stopped me from transitioning for more than a decade. That I wasn't trans enough.
Now that I've started transitioning, I'm actually capable of perceiving what caused me discomfort before and adress it. I'm not sad, that I'm not horribly suffering in my body as it is, but I still wasted my youth unnecessarily in my AGAB because of this myth.
Mine has fluctuated. It was very mild when I was a kid, and I only began to notice it when I hit puberty. It certainly has not been mild ever since. As I get further in my transition, the more dysphoria I feel towards my agab. I don’t regret transitioning at all - I wish I had started sooner. But the more male my body becomes, the more I focus on the things that aren’t going to change without more time or surgery. Hoping that makes sense.
Makes perfect sense and it is common to start zeroing on body changes you want. Hence dysphoria will increase.
I'm pushing 70. I've always wanted to be a girl. That doesn't make me one. I was 25 before I ever heard of a possibility of SRS. Since then, I've considered it, along with all the other necessary surgeries, to be prohibitively expensive. I have never considered it probable that I could ever choose to be an acceptably attractive woman. Stoic acceptance is what I have always believed to be my only course. My dysphoria remains low simply because I can't afford to feed that wolf.
Personally, I have experienced very extreme dysphoria throughout my whole life! Often, it gets so intense, I just want the pain to end! Many times I have begged God to change me, but that hasn't happened! I'm living one day at a time and that's how I can "cope" with the true me for the moment!
Wishing you all the best.
It’s weird how my discomfort is severe but i express it as mild, but my hatred is mild most times but i do start to feel it severe at other times. I don’t recognize who i see in the mirror. The breasts and genitals don’t match. It looks like I’m a butch lesbian but i can’t connect those part to me.
I am so sorry to hear how you feel.
My Dysphoria is with my hips and face and hairline and not so much the breast I don't know why. Maybe because it's easy to get breast implants. The butt and the face and hairline are what you see on a female and I wish I had those things to not only be able to pass but for me to feel good about myself. I really dislike having a man's body. I also feel dysphoric about my genitals but not as much. Mostly my hips and face and hairline and I'm loosing hair as well.
Thank you for sharing. Yes sadly dysphoria can also be intense in regards to body parts that are not so easy to change or surgically modify. I am really sorry you feel this way.
Is it weird to say it's been growing.
Lived pretty comfortable as a cis man for years and never thought a thing about it.
But since exploring my identity I get really bothered with people call me bro, or man, even when I know they aren't directly saying it in reference to me, it's just part of their vocabulary.
The more I feminize and wear makeup the more I want to do it (right now I don't go to crazy with it cuz I live with people who don't know) and I even got a someone over the phone to think I was female and that made me extremely happy, like happier then I been in years.
It's to the point I'm thinking of coming out to my family cuz I don't want to have to hide it and I know it's something I wanna continue to explore
Thank you for sharing.
I'm so confused
I'm afab and I never questioned my identity until i learned more about lgbt+ things. A couple months ago I started considering myself non binary or maybe agender
I don't dislike my body,, but I also don't really resonate with it, I don't think about it at all most days - I just feel neutral
But isn't that how everybody feels?
But sometimes I'll watch/read something with a male character and just feel this.. Jealousy.. About the way he looks
It's just weird
My gender expression is femine I suppose, I like my hair long, I like my nails long but something just feels wrong and I can't put my finger on it
I wish I could just switch how people perceive me on a day to day basis..
Sorry to hear you are feeling confusion. Its best to seek professional help in your area to help you clarify things.
im so confused. I'm non-binary and a few days ago my gender dsyphoria was the worst. But now its just gone - and i don't really know what to do....
Best to seek professional in your area to explore your feelings and gender dysphoria.
@@DRZPHD I would like to do that, but i still very deep in the closet...And i can't ask my parents to hire someone to help me with my dsyphoria, without coming out... (if thats waht you meant ?)
I don't feel the traditional idea of dysphoria, like hating my genitals or the shape of my body. What I feel is very specifically related to hair and body hair:
My body hair can be shaved so it's smooth, but I wish I didn't have to do that. My facial hair feels like dirt on my face, so the process of shaving or epilating my facial hair feels like cleaning my face so I can see my real face underneath. And my m-shaped hairline makes me so insecure that I often feel that I look more masculine than I really do; I get pleasantly surprised if people say I look pretty or feminine or female because even though I'm trying very hard to look that way, I focus on the masculine parts that make me feel dysphoric.
Also I have some mild dysphoria about my prominent eyebrow ridges, but since there are cis women who have those too I can deal with it.
Thanks for sharing.
Hello! your video's help me a lot, but I've been questioning my gender as of recent, and have a question :
I feel like I want to me a boy, I don't want to be female, I don't feel comfortable with my gender, I like using male pronouns and such, it makes me feel good, but, does this mean It's possible I'm trans? I don't know if this is an easy question, but it's something I'd like to know. I don't hate my body. I don't mind it, it's just that, I feel like I'd be happier as a boy.
Hi and thanks for sharing. I cannot comment if you are transgender or not. If you are not sure about your gender identity, it is always best to safely explore without medical interventions and seeking help of a therapist in your area as well.
@@DRZPHD Thanks for the advice!
Mine isn't severe, but it has been nagging at me. I am going to much happier with a masculine chest. If I don't focus on my body, I can usually keep it down to a 4. If I have to wash my body, my disphoria jumps to a 6.
Sorry to hear that.
i’ve never described myself as having gender dysphoria until this year, even though i’ve had a lifelong struggle of feeling like there’s “something wrong”. i have vivid memories from as early as 5 years old, such as being on the playground for the first time and not being able to socialize. i couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but in hindsight it was directly related to perceptions about my gender and everyone around me. ever since then, i’ve reluctantly socialized with guys, though i also feel like i’ve never had a single friend my entire life. it’s not quite true, but there’s validity to the feeling. i can count on 1 hand the number of good friends i’ve had, and it just feels like i’ve been missing out on true friendships due to my gender dysphoria which i hadn’t associated with until this year. there’s so much i could explain about my struggles with sexuality and gender that i couldn’t type it all into this comment. the feelings have gotten worse over the past year and caused me to radically change how i present myself, who i socialize with, what kind of music i listen to, etc (my youtube account is outdated and doesn’t really represent this). i’m now actively thinking about hormone replacement therapy, but i’m still too afraid to make any significant changes like that. it feels like it needs to happen soon rather than later though, because one thing that causes debilitating episodes of gender dysphoria are my own emotions (or lack thereof) and inability to see myself as a woman and socialize in that way. occasionally, despite dressing and presenting the way i feel most comfortable, my mind still sees itself as part of the men’s “club” and falls into certain social tendencies. it causes me to feel like i betrayed myself.
Thank you for sharing.
this is why i don't understand people who say you can be trans without any dysphoria, or get mad when transmed people say you need dysphoria to be trans. Ive never heard them say the exact level of dysphoria needed, just that having the dysphoria is what causes your brain to make that realization.....
Thanks for sharing.
Ftm here. I don’t think I ever realized how disconnected and unattached from my body I felt in the context of gender until I started allowing myself to see myself as a man. In my mind and online, I see myself as a guy, and it makes me so happy and just feels right. In spaces where I don’t feel comfortable, like at home, school, or just out in public in general, I tend to withdraw and daydream or indulge in some solo activity. But, in the presence of my boyfriend of 2 years, who I feel so incredibly comfortable with to be my true self with no filters, shame, etc and where I feel loved and accepted, I feel more present. Although I feel this way around him, these feelings of wishing I had a male body and that people saw me as a guy have never gone away; they just laid dormant for a while while other parts of myself were being nurtured.
I recently told my boyfriend about my history of hating my body, my struggle during puberty and my overall disconnection with my body and how presenting as a guy makes me feel happy and more like myself. Although my overall emotions have been very numb for a long time, I started violently sobbing just from discussing this with him, which I was not expecting at all. It was so incredibly hard to even just start talking about it with him (I didn’t have nearly as much difficulty bringing up my childhood emotional/psychological trauma which had consumed my life for so long). The experience and my emotional reaction during it really affirmed how much discomfort I’ve been feeling for so long.
I may have only mild dysphoria, but I’m finally starting to accept that the joy I feel from presenting as a man is enough for me to go through with this. Since then, I’ve started letting this part of me show itself in reality, and it feels so amazing. I just ordered my first binder today and I’m about to email some local gender therapists to hopefully set up an appointment :) tysm for making these videos. I’ve been leaving a lot of comments recently on them as I sort out my thoughts haha. I hope it’s not too much. And to anyone else reading, I’d love to know if anyone has had a similar experience
Thanks for sharing.
Mild but I've only started exploring those feelings
I've repressed my feeling for most of my life and now feel nothing most of the time. i still feel things at times i just feel empty. I was made fun of by my mother and others growing up for being feminine so I've had to repress that for 34 years to avoid that. by lying about what i like and pretending to be more male than i am. i want to be a woman, not a man and I've known that for the past 14 years. i would love to change my body and just be myself. i have a million things to say, but do not know what to do.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best.
Your clips have really been helping me understand and put things into a better perspective. There's so much none sense information about gender dysphoria/Trans that it's hard to form a more neutral opinion about it.
So glad to hear you find it helpful.
I'm glad I found your channel. I don't know how to rate or want to think about how I rate it.
When I was younger it was chronic to severe. I explored transitioning when I was 20 but money, support and just fear stopped me. The next decade I planned on it and would try to identify as a gay man and just gave up and learned to repress it and tried (and struggled alot) to be a gay man. The repression and struggling to find social validation just subconsciously repressing it led to very unhealthy behaviors: depression, anxiety, suicidal behavior, isolation, and alcohol and drug use. My dysphoria thoughts but I push out but when I actually thought about it a few weeks ago it led to binge drug use and suicidal behavior over money and passing was a question.
I am in a good place today. My primary needs to refer me to therapist and I have that appointment set and just practicing alot of self care. So I'm relatively okay. I'm not sure if I can even consider transition right now but addressing my dysphoria with a professional and others is a good step. :) and I have other work I need to do then looking at transition and I can only do it one day at a time.
Hi and thank you for sharing your story. I am glad to hear you at a better place in your life and agree take it one stride at a time! I wish you well!
Physically, I am male, but genderwise I identify as trans/non-binary/ambigender because I can present without discernible discomfort as either binary male or binary female, and indeed can swap freely between those presentations with no discernible shift of inner identity. Neither ever feels in any way "wrong", and I simply have no sense of "I am male" or "I am female" in terms of gender.
That said, I do definitely feel *more* comfortable in a female expression, which is why I do so more often, and indeed now do at work full-time. Maleness is not "uncomfortable" in any way I can sense or define except that it lacks the joy and "rightness" of femininity. Since I adopted a full-time female identity at work, co-workers have commented that I seem more relaxed, more confident and simply happier in myself. So there is a definite preference for one over the other, but it is because one is more right, not because one is right and one is wrong.
So it seems to me that the terms are basically broken! If I compare two chairs, one does not have to uncomfortable, even "mildly", for it to be less comfortable than the other. It can be but doesn't have to be. One number does not have to be negative, even slightly, for it to be smaller than another. And to me that is exactly analogous with gender.
And in fact the analogy goes further because one chair can be more uncomfortable than another without either necessarily being "comfortable". One negative number can be smaller than another negative number. People can be dysphoric in *both* binary genders, indeed is that not an exact description of many non-binary individuals? And if genders can be differently dysphoric, why not also differently euphoric?
To me, insisting that almost all trans people are dysphoric is clinging desperately to a terminology that doesn't quite work. In denial, I might even say... :-)
Thank you for sharing. Well said.
Hey Dr. Z. My comment is about the eff up health care system. A little background I’ve been in the medical field for over 20 years. Living as a gay person. For the last 3 years
I identify more non-binary. I’ve had a double mastectomy. Gender dysphoria isn’t something I feel! My point is this: straight people please don’t judge. Men that suffer from erectile dysfunction are given a medication for it. Women that suffer from
Low libido are also treated with a medication. Do you suffer from migraines..there’s also a treatment for those people. I say this because Our community who identify as a trans people. Deserve the same access to prescription medication as the rest of the planet. If they suffer from acne and have low esteem and or are bullied. They get a prescription to clear up there acne. And poof they feel good in there skin. The list of medical issues goes on and on for the straight and gay world. I’m outraged with our health care system. What do we do as trans people to get access to medication...could it help with so many that experience gender dysphoria. There’s a whole lot of straight people that don’t feel good about themselves. And when they go through those feelings, they are heard, seen and treated without judgement!! Thanks for letting me vent.
Hi and thank you for commenting. Ohhh I hear your frustrations! Not to get too political but in a nutshell: if medical treatment for gender dysphoria was accessible to everyone, that would mean society would recognize gender diversity, and that would threaten political, religious and financial institutions and their foundations. SO its quite a huge issue with many implications and many benefits for society to continue avoid providing health access which is horrific.
I have pretty severe dysphoria around my chest/upper body. Aside from the obvious, I feel like my upper body isn't muscled enough or masculinely shaped. I have only mild dysphoria around my genitals, but it does heighten to moderate when I get my p*riod and when sex comes up. I have a fair amount of voice dysphoria and facial dysphoria too.
I think I have mild dysphoria, I feel discomfort being a boy but it’s not really intense however I feel happy if I imagine myself as a girl. I am still questioning if I am a trans girl or non binary since when people ask me what gender do I imagine myself as in dreams, I would say I don’t know because I don’t see myself as a boy or a girl in my head bur I feel happy when I imagine as a girl. Also I heard that when you feel misgendered as a trans person, you feel very strong emotions of sadness. However, for me, I don’t feel much when people misgender me as a boy even though I don’t really identify as one, is it a sign that I don’t have dysphoria at all?
Thanks for sharing. If you are questioning if you have GD please seek support of a local therapist.
I am biologically female, woman married to a man but I have always wanted to have a male chest and now at the age of 38 I still feel trapped by my quite large breasts.. I hate wearing binders,bras,skirts and dresses but I still can't identify myself as a man.. I identify myself as a non binary person biologically female, but with a male chest in my inner image.. I don't feel comfortable if people now called me with a male name.. because biologically I am female... and not intersex... however, because I suffer strongly from breast dysphoria over many years, I believe that in fact I suffer from gender dysphoria and that I am in fact a trans non binary person, biologically female with uterus and female periods...
My dysphoria is from non exsistent to really bad but when it is non exsistent it makes me question if I am trans enough and jump into depressive thoughts that I can`t do what I want because if I don`t suffer 100 % it means I will make mistake with transitioning in my case having TOP surgery despite me feeling euphoria when I imagine having it so I don`t know how to put it as intensity .
Thank you for sharing and I hope you reach some level of sureness.
Hello, I want to ask: is possible to have full symptoms of GD later in life and after exploring the possibility of transition? Like, not very much signs during puberty, but after finding the possibility of change/hide some sexual characteristics develop dysphoria? Like a sort of addiction to "appear more male" for FTMs or "female" for MTFs?
Yes very very possible and happens all the time.
@@DRZPHD thank you for answering!
But how can be possible? I mean, if someone have little discomfort but didn't think about transitioning for example from 10-15 yo, it means that were cis ? Why dysphoria can manifest at the end of teenage age?
I'd say my dysphoria is probably a 2 or 3 out of 5. It also shifts and changes along with my gender as I experience genderfluidity. So the type of dysphoria I experience and the severity of it can also change. This is why the topic of medical transition is a difficult one for me, because I know that my current feelings may change in a day, a month, or any amount of time, so I have to think carefully about what I can do for myself to make sure that I don't make decisions that are regretful.
Thank you for sharing and I am glad you are mindful about medical transition. I can see how with Dysphoria shifting due to genderfluidity, it may be tricky.
Haven’t watched yet but I’m pretty sure I’m genderfluid..and whenever I feel overly masculine I get sorta awful dysphoria. I sometimes think of cutting my hair but I tried that before and I hated it, so now I believe I can be a boy with long hair! When I feel overly feminine I wish I was prettier and able to dress in skirts and makeup.
My issue is that I can’t do anything about the boy disphoria because sometimes I still really want to be a girl. So now I have to find ways to deal with it without hormones-
It doesn’t help that I have no one to talk to about it either.
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes I feel depressed or down about "things" (nothing specific) and I'll go take a shower, shave my 5 o' clock shadow, legs and arms. I'll wash my hair and do other things to make my appearance more feminine. I'll change into a cute feminine t-shirt and shorts. I noticed that it immediately improves my mood. I feel light and nice. I've been wondering if this might be a symptom of dysphoria?
Thank you for sharing and it is hard to answer your question without working with you more closely. Best to seek support of a therapist in your area.
@@DRZPHD Thanks for the response! I'll def do that!
I usually don't really feel my dysphoria, as long as people don't let me know they see me as female. Which is why it never bothered me much when I worked in an all female environment. As soon as I started working in a male dominated field it got worse. The constant "yeah, but you're a woman" finally got me to realize that the grin I got when people called me a man may have been an indication that there was some gender fuckery going on. I'm going to keep working in the male environment for a while though, because it pays a lot better than 'female' jobs, and it will enable me to save up for top surgery.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best.
This is like a year late but eh
For me I've never been comfortable, I couldn't tell you how severe my discomfort is, when I've never felt comfortable to begin with, it's also why I took so so long to realize something was wrong, I always thought it was normal to feel that way
Thanks for sharing.