Well, we know plenty of people around the world and at the same time I bet an embarrassingly high number of us don't know much about their literal neighbors let alone the community we live in. Thus we're simultaneously more isolated from one another and more connected to those whose physical distances span continents. So we gravitate to the echo chambers of the internet rather than the uncomfortable compromises one has to make to make friends in real life. It's the best and worst case scenarios since we're the first generation for such a globalized world.
I agree. I'm closer to people online whose real name I don't even know than a lot of people around me in real life. I think the fact that everyone has such diverse interests these days makes it hard to find people physically around you that share those same interests. You may just live in a place where nobody has the same primary interests as you, and I think it's ok to spend time online making friends instead. We've evolved from physical social circles to digital social circles.
That’s because your neighbors are nosy and judgmental due to your proximity. It creates competition but don’t ask me why. The internet and online shopping is so much less judgmental…directed at me. Try going to a store and buying 3 bags of candy and so dude making 10 dollars an hour gives you a look like he went to medical school and changed careers. 😂
As I get older I'm realizing that there are many connections a person could have but the ones that show up during time of personal crisis aren't always the ones you think would. At the start of COVID- it was my loosely tied connections from my university days that proved most important. On the other hand, I've also learned that some people are better in the abstract- the idea of them is much more interesting than the reality of who they are on a daily basis (I am also putting myself in the same category as I know how other ppl experience me is different than how I experience myself.) Ultimately, I'm SUPER picky about who I let into my inner circles- my time, energy and my personhood is most important to me.
I FEEL IT Is harder for me to find friends because im less open. im in mid 20s and ive gone through a lot of hell in my social life that im just not as open as i used to be. i noticed in high school i made as much friends as i did because i was open to being vulnerable, my friends and i are just exploring life and figuring things out, we often mess up and experience things together, take risks together, good and bad things come out of it, but in the end we have this shared experiences that bring us closer together. now as i get older i realize i have fewer opportunities to do that. im not muh of a risk taker anymore, im more stable and im sure people around my age are more stable, and everyone my age also dont feel comfortable being vulnerable.
Friendships that last forever usually require people Involved in it to struggle together for few to some number of years for the bond to make strong. This is the reason strongest friendships are formed during school or in army.
Nhi, Obviously, what you said in this video is true in terms of individual personality and characteristics and your avoidance of things like gossiping, living in your own head, etc. contributing to loneliness is true. But in terms of why there are so many people who are feeling lonely these days, I don't think those are the majority's main reasons nor think it's overly complicated. The Internet was sold in the early days as a social force that would bring everyone together to foster connections with other people and engage with them. But the opposite is actually true. People don't understand the macro effects of the technology itself, and its inherent tendency to isolate people and keep them from engaging with other actual human beings out in the real world. The technology's ability to isolate and disengage individuals from others is even portable/mobile now since the advent of smart phones. You see this effect where everyone's faces are pointed down engaging with their devices rather than other living humans around them - all the people staring at their phones while they are out on the streets or standing at a crosswalk means that they are essentially isolated even when they are in a crowd - there is a much smaller chance of someone striking up an impromptu conversation with another person when everyone is "busy" and engaged on their phones. This technology also seriously exacerbates any isolationist tendencies of introverted or socially awkward people, where they are not forced to learn interpersonal interaction skills with live humans or learn how to navigate socially, but rather just interface with others impersonally online. There's also the effects of the way modern people live in terms of the environments of the suburbs and cities - neither of which lend themselves to intimacy, and much more foster a transitory, less personal way of interacting with others. Modern living is much less community oriented, where people are essentially just living AMONG one another, but not WITH each other. And then there's the modern global media (and social media of course) that makes its money off of sewing fear and reactionary thinking, breeding contempt for other people, and doing everything it can to promote the idea of "the other." There is no real journalism or neutral news media anymore - everything is designed to provoke emotional reactions to get clicks and keep people reading their tabloid, deliberately provocative "news." This has had an deeply caustic effect on human society as a whole over the last two decades that is visible to anyone paying attention - no one wants to have civil debate anymore, everyone distrusts their neighbors and doesn't respect them, and people's "better angels" are nowhere to be seen. If there's a bigger influence on killing intimacy and empathy in the 21st century (or on democracy and a healthy social and political climate) and precluding any potential of people fostering positive relationships with one another, I'm not aware of it. Of course there are other factors that are lending to the loneliness trend and people's reduced capability to make friends, but what I mentioned above are some of the highlights I think.
Very well said. Your first paragraph is mesmerising. I also think technology and social media contribute a great deal to how people these days interact with each other. Your point about how introverts and socially awkward individuals feel more complacent to learn social skills is also something I didn't think about. What an irony. Social media was invented to make people feel connected. Now it's become the catalyst of the dissolution of social bonds. I also think that those factors mentioned in my video are not relevant to the majority. But those are the main factors for me. I don't spend so much time on social media so I don't want to blame all on it haha. TH-cam is the only platform I spend most time on. And even when I'm on here, I often watch videos to learn how big channel edit their videos and their story telling skills.
Here are a couple of hints from someone nearly 57 yo. Life was better before widespread access to the internet and mobile phones. Social / political discourse was more fact based and civil. Relationships, from my observation were more plentiful and more rewarding. People were less anxious. Here, I'm talking of my early working career in the late 80's early 90's. What's the logical takeaway from all this? Put all the "devices" in a drawer, and let them out in a very "time boxed" manner, such that they don't infect your life. Engage with your community. Have hobbies, actual, tangible ones, preferably outdoors and among others. When I retire, my goal is to not have ANY mobile phone, smart or otherwise. That will be bliss, and I can't wait!
Thanks so much for your sharing. Even though I only started to spend time on the internet when I was finishing high school, I now forget how life used to be before the internet. My phone is insperable to me. It's scary. I don't spend much time on social media. So that's a good thing. But I do consume too much information on the internet. I'm currently working on spending more time outside, reading books, instead of being on my devices these days.
@@confusedavocado5787 Good for you. I do think that "devices" are a huge time suck, but it's the "social media" that is 100% poison, and sounds like you keep that at arms length. By the way, I work for a tech company, and I consume all my news via the internet, but it is from reputable sources like the NYT, BBC, etc., so my initial comments may be misinterpreted by some as "the internet is evil." It's not "evil," however, now we've got some very bad actors globally who take advantage of "social media" and the fact that there are some disturbingly large segments of the population in many countries like mine (the US) who are very "low information" folks and are susceptible to being manipulated....anyway, you know the story. Keep up the good work on this channel...it's fun!
I thought a lot about this, and I think 2 basic things bring people together. And both are disappearing with the advance of technology: 1) Boredom. If you have nothing better to do, you will look for social interactions - With the internet, you are never THAT bored. You will always find something to spend your time with 2) Scarcity. If you need something, and you have to come together with people, to get it - With the rise of consumerism, you can buy most thing cheaply. With more quality control, your stuff breaks down less often, and when it does break down, there are cheap and easy to find services to fix it or replace it. Story behind it: When I moved to a new city, my dad asked: did you get to know your neighbours? And I said: why the hell would I get to know my neighbours? And then he said these things. You can hang out with your neighbours, and you can get their help if you need something. Well, I have the internet to hang out, and if I need something I can get it without them... So, on the one hand, my life is easier. But on the other hand, I missed out on a bunch of social interactions. In my parents' time, it was normal, and it was vital to know your neighbours. Nowdays, the reasons are gone. This was a year ago, and I still don't know the name of my neighbours. The forces that forced people together in the past, are disappearing. I think this is why most people don't have many friends.
I've been asking my peers "How do you meet new friends?" for over a decade now. People from all walks of life, and all demographics. And it does seem that it's a very common problem, at least here in the United States. I have come to the conclusion that its partly thanks to globalization; people can live further away from their hometowns than previous generations, and instant/digital communication accelerated the pace at which it was normalized. I have also found that the problem seems to be felt more by single people. Married people that have kids tend to build friend circles through their children. Just my observations from my own experiences.
Thank you for your sharing. I used feel lonely, but the moment when I started loving basketball, I gradually find some good friends . Friends with a common interests are basically necessary
very endearing brand of honesty you have there. i think 'teasing' is a sure sign of closeness. very important in fact..kinda impossible to have one without the other.
Yeah, my friend group are consist of people I met during Junior/ Highschool. I still hangout with them (smaller group) until these days. During my Uni years, i was a member of a student council organization and pretty involved for at least 2 years. But we barely hung out after we graduated because most of us belong to a different friend group outside the council.
Hi Nhi, fella Vietnamese here! Truly impressed with the videography and the efforts you put in these videos. Honestly admire you ^^ Keep up the good work!
it's probably why I find it hard to make friends these days, I don't communicate well on social media but during physical contact........I still don't interact that well but I honestly am more comfortable. I have probably lost friends that way. I tend to make more friends easily but due to social media..kinda hard to keep
Didnt realize till u said it, but the friend-friends i still meet up with and talk to regularly are those where we tease each other, talk cock and joke around often. I think a huge part of me has been socially conditioned to not say something if it might hurt someone's feelings, and frame problems and mistakes in a way that seems like its not blaming the person, but appear as constructive feedback. These habits make people seemingly civilized and mature, and constitute a recipe for anti-teasing. But yea, how well can we know people if we are always so serious, formal and self-censoring abt things. Teasing brings out a different kind of energy that makes people warm up to one another, if reciprocated
I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't have friends that I hang out with, on a regular basis, but I do work with a group of people, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in person, even through the pandemic, and that seems to be enough for me. I don't hang out with my co-workers, outside of work. I got used to not having friends around, after high school, when my friends moved away. I don't know if that's healthy or not.
I used to hang out with my colleagues all time. I even hung out with them outside work. During that time I didn't have other friends so I considered my colleagues my friends. I don't see anything wrong about that. People could be surrounded with friends and still feel lonely. As long as you feel fine, it's fine!
My parents also never had any close friends except for their immediate family. It's just that they never really expected more... Because they have their own kids and they were busy raising us, and also they were busy working and taking care of family drama. With neighbors it's just weird to me how their generation is all about 'saving faces' and they pretend to be friendly but never really had any 'real' connection to anyone. They don't even have a good relationship with each other lol. Now that we've gotten older i start seeing them (well, my father mostly) get clingy to my brother and i. Maybe humans have always been lonely, and only now people are being honest about it. My parents' generation care more about what other people think of them much more than their own happiness. It's so weird to me.
Good points. The whole saving face and caring what mere acquaintances or strangers think of you thing is just mostly dumb (I say mostly, because there are certain circumstances where your reputation or how you are thought of matter - like by your employer or a potential employer for example.) I'll never understand why people care what total strangers or simple acquaintances think. However, I will say that, even if you don't care what others think, you shouldn't use that as free license to be an a-hole or as an excuse to be discourteous. I don't really like most people all that much, but I still try to be mindful of my public behaviors and have a courteous attitude toward others.
Are you Asian by any chance? Because the 'saving face' thing is one thing annoying me about my culture. People often say collectivistic culture such as Asians often have better social bonds. But from what I observe, those 'social bonds' can be very superficial, at times even toxic.
Such a great topic! Just take into consideration that making and keeping friends gets harder as you get older. So make time at any age to build friendships. Me: Realizing I am the Pot calling the kettle black. I would also say that we as a society discount the value and closeness developed from in person contact. Social media and electronic interactions will never substitute for in person contact. Just be in a long distance relationship and you'll realize that.
Thank you for sharing this! Very good quality video and funny! Finding "true" friends can be hard no matter where you are especially moving to a new place. A lot of people are comfortable with their current friend groups but I think if you can keep trying eventually it will become easier to find friends
Rock climbing is how I made most of my close connections. Join an indoor gym but it is hard if you don't have a hobby like that. I also was pretty lucky with work- most of the time in the staffroom is making fun of each other and I also put myself out there asking people to do things outside of work time, coffee, climbing, hiking etc. I am about to move overseas again and to avoid the nearly 9 months of severe depression I had when I moved to Sydney I have a plan which basically involves joining the local climbing gym, taking a 1 month break from social media (as a time suck- I can still use fb if I'm finding local groups and setting up meetups) and trying to put myself out there- asking people I see regularly if they wanna hang out. Fingers crossed because loneliness sucks and I don't know if I can go through it again. My advice is find something you are passionate about- or interested in learning more about, some random tafe course or a political group or something.
Ada Gang!!! I am a loner and I am about to ask someone if they would like to hang out and become friends. It’s definitely hard to break cycles. Social media and para-social relationships don’t make anything easier. If anything it’s kept me from interacting with ppl because I always easier. Also cheaper. But the quality of life isn’t good. I’m making effort.
It's funny thinking that you are sharing a conversation you have with yourself, and my mind is listening and then having a conversation in my head with you. Does this creative insanity which I really enjoy have anything to do with reality? hmmm Yeah, I don't care... can't wait for another video!
Hey thanks for sharing @confused Avocado. I suffer finding close friendships too, yet a lot of my hobbies are solitary including following philosophy, reading books, researching something online just to build my knowledge for the fun of it. Though, I have found that *balance* between my own time and spending time with others is the key. What the exactly looks like varies person to person. For me, the time I can connect with others is when I do Brazillian Zouk (Partnered) dance classes, video games at gaming lounges and possibly rock climbing and book clubs in future. Yes, going to a bar and just being a plain fool is fun, but not the type of fun I can do weekly. Developing myself through new hobbies that challenge me - yes, I can do this weekly and voila, perhaps I have the "Consistency" you refer to, in meeting people regularly, rather than getting stuck in my own solitary world. Perhaps that's the core challenge for all HSP's or philosophical introverts - getting lost in our own rich, deep inner world. At times it sure beats outside. Alas, we must reconcile our tenancy to go inward and find ways to enjoy activities outward! Everyone let me know your thoughts!
Moving around countries isn't easier and sometimes even change of diet and schedule can have impact in the mood. I dont' try to downsize the difficulty but there are components of the pic that are also based on your pillars. When you move you prioritize tasks like setting the house, get up to speed with the new country paperwork and obviously get ok with the job is the main. The narrow focus on these priorities self-inflict to prioritize tasks in a way that combined with the social adaptation efforts, will find you struggling in the first six months. You don't get out in relax when you think which drama will be if you don't pass the new country job probation or having a pressure for a Visa. I suppose as expats we always ask the top from ourselves. I think a mix of that is part of the picture. When you expat once the others time become a process based on previous experience and jobs are not always a place where social interaction are on the top quality list. When you finish all set-up tasks, you could be drained (especially if you moved to a country where you didn't speak the language) and fell like you did the wrong choice that can trigger the same loop again.... who is confident to move is willing to risk and risk comes with stress and prioritization, in my experience works on priorities, decrease expectations (sometimes we have an opinion of a country based on travelling, not living there) and don't being too harsh on evaluating your own performance can easy... but like any expat it is a learning curve than never ends... and still in the process. Be an expat as couple is also different than being as a single...with pros and cons but for sure not being alone and have a shared adventure makes everything way easier, if the couple is solid (a good test). Interesting channel, congratulations
Wow, I'm glad I found this video I really appreaciate the realness and can relate with a lot of the points especially with the internet-usuage habits. Now time to go and find some friends :)
Why the fuck I've been thinking about this... and why the fuck I watched some of those videos you featured in the beginning and now I'm watching your video lol. You are the ALGORITHM!
Thanks for your video, it resonated with me so much... I recently moved from Brazil to study in the UK and I can relate with a lot of things that you said.
I live in the U.S and realized when I'm about to become close friends with one another they start to tease or roast me then my mind just goes blank not knowing what to say. I want a friednship with minimal teasing but I guess adapting to the environment is the only way
wish I had a small authoritative friend like you to keep me in line from time to time lol its so easy to underestimate and neglect social interaction nowadays and everyone's too much in their comfort zone to reach out or make an effort
The answer is simple and you can find it with common sense; More advanced tech = more convenience and options More convivence and options = more laziness, less tolerance and higher expectations More laziness, less tolerance and higher expectations = Less friends coz your standards are higher, your options are greater and you can't be bothered doing what u need to in order to maintain a friendship or a relationship. You generally make the greatest friends when you go through hardship together and you make superficial friends when all you do is go out for a coffee, shopping, the restaurant or something superficial. If you want a good friend, you also need to be a good friend, you might need to show up when your friend invites you even if you didn't really wanna go or feeling lazy, you'll need to help your friend and also ask for help, you'll need to communicate with your friend even if its abit boring sometimes and you need to initiate as well. Friendships and relationships need to be maintained and be mutually beneficial. You don't get a good friendship or relationship off the shelf, its something people need to build and work towards. But since the entire modern world is all about off the shelf instant gratification products, you're never going to find anything deep or meaningful with anyone following this trend.
1. Envy culture..don't know too much about a thing, you'll be called a know it all 2. No culture these days, only 'entertainment', thus little to talk about. 3. Consumerism...two pillars of consumerism are disinterest and need for convenience. Without interest there is little basis for friendship. 4. Political conformity...infighting over trivial difference creates an environment of strict conformity..not good for forming friendship.
bitching is fun. A nice editing video and love your humorous side of you. Not everyone could get the Expected friendship although they are staying at one place for a long time period, at least it is true for me. Stay cool !
oh boy. I have an irrational fear of people judging me or finding any action I do out of their definition(s) of normal (people say it could be social anxiety, but I also crave socializing in small amounts throughout the day??). I swear this started in elementary when there were girls who always commented on my dresswear and conforming was such a big thing (cuz if you don't "belong" in your own class or clique, you will have no social life apparently). No matter what age finding great people in your life is fricking HARD because compromising on your own principles, ideas, and lifestyles can be either an opportunity or a spiral downwards to identity crisis.
Wow I love this video, you look so much more professional now amd very interesting topic. I could understand how hard it is to have a "long distance friendship" lol, so i wanna share 1 simple technique i'm using: block it on the calendar, e.g: write A at 10am on Sat, call B at 11 am on Sun... I felt kinda a little "forced" at 1st but then its become natural. We could even write each other about very little things, like this morning a friend sent me a pic of what she ate and i sent her kim chi i just finished salting. It feels great that we still maintain long distance friendship and could talk about anything, but sure i also miss hanging out with them in real life. P/s cant wait to meet u here in Germany hehe
As a migrant who is trying to build a new life in Australia, I feel you. I used to have lots of friends back in my home country but since I came here, I struggle to connect with people. I'm not entirely sure why - it could be the cultural differences, different sense of humour etc. Not having any close friends around me made me feel very lonely and sad. Gradually I became more and more anxious when it came to social settings, where I tried to make connection but had this fear that I would get rejected. Luckily, I have finally got past that depressed/ anxious state and am now open and willing to make new connections. You seem like a very cheerful person and I'd love to be your friend :)
Great to hear that you got over the negative phase :) It's really tough for migrants like us. But I'm pretty sure there're plenty of nice people out there. Don't be to harsh on yourself!
I am also a migrant / expat in Australia. I come from Europe and I also have struggled so much with making friends here. Please know that it has NOTHING to do with you. It is not a reflection on You. Its THEM. Aussies have a very peculiar mentality. They are very nice on the surface but they will always keep you at a distance , making it nearly impossible to forge deep friendships with them. Of course there are some exceptions, usually the Aussies who have lived overseas but they are few and far between. Which city do you live in ? I am in Brisbane.
Hello, i hope this finds you well. There is a solution. There are 4 parts: what you do during social interaction, emotional perspective-taking lifestyle outside of social interaction, and the self. For social interaction, start off with small talk. To move past small talk, just use the vertical questioning techique after small talk. This gets you into vulnerability through middle talk. As the person is talking, pay full attention by listening. Drop your thoughts.. Be attuned to the emotions and share in the emotions. People feel more connected to you when you listen so they feel understood as well as being attuned to their emotions. Relate back to the comments. Once the topic has been exhausted, mention something they previously mentioned and ask a vertical question to dig deeper. When it is your turn to speak about yourself, speak from the inner spirit. Getting in touch with yourself and your emotions enable you to speak from the spirit. Remember, the grand majority of human conversation is socio-emotional. The small portion is verbal. It is just a matter of tapping into the socio-emotional channel. For emotional perspective-taking, we consider how the person feels about the interaction. Getting in touch with your emotions. Engage the concept itself by imagining how a social interaction feel to you. Imagine how a social interaction feels to someone and adjust your behaviour to make them feel well during an interaction. For lifestyle we will use a backwards approach. Live your own lifestyle and be interesting. Be superproactive. Live by the idea of 30000 days and make history. Make your day memorable. What interests do you have and get involved in that. If you liking baking, do that. If you want to go to a stadium concert, go to that. Travel to places geographically and enjoy it. Spend time with your family. Pursue goals. In vulnerability through middle talk, the topic of conversation is lifestyle. living a lifestyle gives you stuff to throw out there to make middle talk and connect with people. In the caveman brain, we have an affiliation and trust with people we know. When we know what a person does outside of social interaction, we trust them. For the self, we take into consideration the topics we are interested and the things we like to do. We be our best selves and demonstrate our best qualities/characteristics. Find out what your values and principles are as well as what you stand for. More importantly, we be a person of substance. People are looking for substance to connect with. Be a person of substance by - thinking big - becoming knowledgeable - building new skills - diverse experiences and stories - be well versed in many topics - prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things - try new things and traveling to new places - going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world. - Expansiveness and Exploration in your life Be the beacon first and stand on your own two feet first. Be ok with being alone. Be independent first to be interdependent. Do your own thing and be your own person first. Enrich and expand your world first to bring people into. Lifestyle and being your best self enables you to tap into the socio-emotional channel of human interaction. It builds vibrancy which attracts people to you. Our limbic systems reacts favourably to vibrancy. You would come from a place of wholeness where you have give, rather than take. This is a long-game big picture solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy. Take it one fulfilling deep and meaningful interaction at a time, one day at a time. Keep on living your best life. It's counterintuitive. We should be more concerned with living a memorable life than getting a social life I cannot guarantee any particular results. It is quality of interpersonal relationships that matter. The quantity tends to be variable for each person and take care of themselves. Interpersonal relationships take time. Once again, play the long game. No matter what happens, keep on living your best life and being your best self. But I can say this. In my experience, the most fulfilling and long-lasting interpersonal relationships came from taking it one fulfilling deep and meaningful interaction at a time, one day at a time. I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon and potentially change lives. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you.
Finding friends is the same as finding a partner (gf or bf) takes patience and can be difficult to find a match, however you don’t give up you keep trying. Even after rejection you keep trying and it will happen for you. You will find your friends.
I had a lot of friends in my late teens/early twenties... nowadays I'm more focused on quality over quantity. Got tired of hanging out with a buncha scumbags all the time 😅 A lot of them probably still owe me money now that I think about it...
@@confusedavocado5787 I moved out of that area of the country so I never see those people anymore. I miss them sometimes, but I reconnected with a few of them through Facebook a while back & it made me realize that they've changed, I've changed, times have changed, and it would never really be the same.
you can make friends... but theyll prob be guys... and how long will that friendship last until they wanna date you? when it comes to same sex friendships. its not easy once u graduate college. ull prob go out to lunch with ur co workers but i bet ur not gonna hang out. its not like school where you can study together, go out after class. ur co workers work just as much as u do. im sure they wanna spend time with their friends and family.
cool channel !! The writer Kafka said he wished he could quit being a lawyer and become a waiter at a restaurant, but societal pressure would stop him from this.
I think people these days move too much. For most of human history the norm was you grew up, lived, and died in the same community. The friends you made when you were young were your friends for life. Now people move and abandon their friends all the time. Social media has made this trend worse in my opinion. Staying in one place for a long time is considered boring and small minded. Moving around is seen as what you're supposed to do. A sense of community is something that takes decades of the same people living in the same places having the same experiences to form. That doesn't happen anymore, which has led to much more shallow relationships. I think large scale work from home will make this trend even worse as going to work is one of the last communal events people still do.
I agree with this. I think the excess movement is also due to a lack of relationship with the land we're on. People in certain communities in Africa (and other places) don't ever move due to their ties with the land that their family grew up on. Social media really does play up moving around and being a tourist to seem interesting.
Yep totally. Mobility is a factor that makes social bonds even more fragile. Yeah I also don't know how this work from home thing will play out when it becomes a norm...
I don't know if I'm talking to myself here since you haven't posted since the end of 2021, but those feelings are not exclusive to Gen 21. I'm Mid Gen 20 & introversion, self reflection & comfort with my own company is nothing new. Reading & bouncing ideas off social media is a favoured past time. I often reject people wanting to be FB Friends if their home page does not present an essence of what makes them tick. At the same time though, I find it odd that I'm in their list of Followers. I often want time to myself to determine what my view of the world is, free of distraction. I am far more articulate in print than in person & in company I often get swallowed up by people with a faster wit & stronger personality. Yet, at the same time I find I have a much broader view of the world than many who possess the force of character to get a message across.
i haven’t made a platonic friend since college. I mainly socialize with either my cousin or a friend i made in 7th grade. i see my friends from college once or twice a year because they moved to a different city.
I think we have substituted real social networking environments for virtual, and semi-voyeuristic ones. As a Christian, I feel that church keeps me connected and more social than I would otherwise be. And that makes me wonder if urbanization and technology haven’t destroyed a community space. A town centre, a camp fire, or a religious space to connect with others and to foster long and deep relationships.
Gen X’er, here with a few words..I have six friends I interact with on a weekly basis via phone, text and/or in person. All the friends know each other but not all the friends hang out together. I have different relationships with each person/inner group. My youngest friendship is 8 years and my oldest one is 23 years. Met during college, sorority, thru other friends and at work. I think the younger millennials have so much connection it’s also too much at the same time. Most of you all don’t have in person contact to actually get to know people vs online. Now I have a Gen Z’er and she only has three friends and that’s enough for her, all met in college and/or our sorority. Now is a good time to try put different things to meet new people. Some friendship will stick and others won’t but that’s part of the friendship journey.
Australia is a difficult place to make real friends but we tend to be casually social. Most of us have some friends from school/uni maybe a couple from work but thats about it. Could also be your getting old 😁
Editing of the beginning cinematic was [fire emoji]. Teasing/roasting does seem to be on decline. And not to larp on about people being more sensitive... BUT I think there's some of that in there. Plus, our social circles feel more fickle these days, so it's difficult to find people's "offence line." Also, yeah, very odd that, increasingly, we spend more time with influencers than we do our own friends and families. Very normal world we live in :))))))))
Yeah, and this whole relationship between 'influencers" and 'viewers' is a whole different thing that I still can't wrap my head around lol. We'd rather spend time with these 'virtual' people than real ones. It's like we want the connections and don't want them at the same time. Weird.
I know loads of people but dont really feel close to anyone. I feel like I've drifted from all my close friends and now instead just have loads of acquaintances. I did this to myself, started just getting to know loads of people and spreaded myself so thin that all the friendships I think might be quite superficial. I think i might be a very superficial person now. I just really dont understand why I've done this when I used to value always having close friends, I also dont know how I feel about that fact that I've done this. Dont really feel happy or sad about it. Dont really know what I feel
I feel you. I thought I had to have a change in my life after Covid and moved to a different city away from my friends and family with only 1 friend at that city. Well my friendship with him is ok but he’s always busy and I’m in an apt in a relationship I don’t like struggling career wise and money wise and scared out of my mind because I’m mostly alone now. I did this to myself, and I hate myself for it
If you believe you have no friends or "it's hard to make friends," it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also, being alone is not a bad thing. And by the way, maintaining friends as you get old is harder. People go in different directions and things change. But also, it takes work and generally speaking people get a bit lazy. I am 40 so my perspective might be different. I think most of the friends I made were friends I made during my childhood and maybe my college years. Even when I lived in NYC, people would say "I feel lonely" or "I am alone," meanwhile, there's literally millions of people around you. I guess it all depends on how you see the world. And social media and people being unable to remove their hands from their phone hasn't helped. Just look around, walk by any restaurants and you see friends "hanging out" while texting other people letting them know how "great time" they are having. I mean...
Yeah being alone is different from being lonely. Some people, though have plenty of friends around, still feel lonely. Living in a big city, ironically, may make it worse. I grew up in a small town and I remember that I knew at least ten households around my neighborhood. Now I don't even know the neighbor sharing the same wall with my apartment.
@@confusedavocado5787 I agree. I grew up in a very small country and moved to the US when I was 18. I miss the small town feel for sure. Love your channel!
Start reaching out to your K-College friends through FB. My middle school/high school/sunday school friends and I are having a reunion in 3 weeks! We're all vaccinated though.
I also have discourse, with my inner voices... doesn't everyone? People are generally assholes, I prefer the company of my few close friends. It takes a lot of work to make new friends, an it gets harder the older you get.
Whoa! Hold your horses. Too much emphasis on meaningless thinking and friendships among today's youth. Instead, get married to someone nice, have kids, and be done with it. Try to be the best wife and parent you can (very challenging work). Look for ways for self care on a regular basis (that's a tough one). Didn't Shakespeare say, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players"? Just act happy, act prosperous, act confidant, and so on, even if you're not feelin' it. That's it. That's life. If you can do something more that changes the world for the better along the way, that'd be icing on the cake.
Idk bro, there is only 1 best friend. You are lying to yourself if you think you can have more. And you know it deep down too. If you are hanging out with 2 ppl. Or 3, or 5. There will always be that one who you are the closest, and it feels like the others are accompanying you two. With that friend, doesn’t matter if you talk to them for a week or not, or if you haven’t seen or never have seen each other. You will be alright if you just get one of them.
lol loved the intro, had me in giggles :P good video though... and poignant for the time. Maybe a thought though, leave Australia and move to New Zealand :D
I think having friends has been much rarer than people think throughout history. Through my life I've had very few friends - sometimes none but seldom more than 1-2. I think many people consider workmates, drinking buddies or people they hang out with by default to be friends. It's not in my opinion. I do like meeting people to DO something. Play a game or do an activity. But I have no use for casual friendships. Usually, my closest friends are women and this becomes problematic when I or they are in a relationship. Tricky problem - it there a solution?
Having no friends is far better than having shitty ones that disappoint you. Technology has been a curse in that social skills have been eroded - people who criticize others online often have no guts to do so face to face. Be happy.
Want real friends, dump you cell phone, tv, x box and computer and find older people to talk to, They will be your google you will learn how to really work and how to talk to people and most important how to respect people, you will experience less drama a lot less promises broken less fake people and everything will be hands on, The more people you meet, the more you learn and it's all free.
This is hilarious. Super underrated channel.
Well, we know plenty of people around the world and at the same time I bet an embarrassingly high number of us don't know much about their literal neighbors let alone the community we live in. Thus we're simultaneously more isolated from one another and more connected to those whose physical distances span continents. So we gravitate to the echo chambers of the internet rather than the uncomfortable compromises one has to make to make friends in real life.
It's the best and worst case scenarios since we're the first generation for such a globalized world.
I agree. I'm closer to people online whose real name I don't even know than a lot of people around me in real life. I think the fact that everyone has such diverse interests these days makes it hard to find people physically around you that share those same interests. You may just live in a place where nobody has the same primary interests as you, and I think it's ok to spend time online making friends instead. We've evolved from physical social circles to digital social circles.
Well said. And interesting handle. I gotta wonder now if you're an Argento fan. :)
That’s because your neighbors are nosy and judgmental due to your proximity. It creates competition but don’t ask me why. The internet and online shopping is so much less judgmental…directed at me. Try going to a store and buying 3 bags of candy and so dude making 10 dollars an hour gives you a look like he went to medical school and changed careers. 😂
@@atlfun08 🤣
As I get older I'm realizing that there are many connections a person could have but the ones that show up during time of personal crisis aren't always the ones you think would. At the start of COVID- it was my loosely tied connections from my university days that proved most important. On the other hand, I've also learned that some people are better in the abstract- the idea of them is much more interesting than the reality of who they are on a daily basis (I am also putting myself in the same category as I know how other ppl experience me is different than how I experience myself.) Ultimately, I'm SUPER picky about who I let into my inner circles- my time, energy and my personhood is most important to me.
I FEEL IT Is harder for me to find friends because im less open. im in mid 20s and ive gone through a lot of hell in my social life that im just not as open as i used to be. i noticed in high school i made as much friends as i did because i was open to being vulnerable, my friends and i are just exploring life and figuring things out, we often mess up and experience things together, take risks together, good and bad things come out of it, but in the end we have this shared experiences that bring us closer together. now as i get older i realize i have fewer opportunities to do that. im not muh of a risk taker anymore, im more stable and im sure people around my age are more stable, and everyone my age also dont feel comfortable being vulnerable.
Friendships that last forever usually require people
Involved in it to struggle together for few to some number of years for the bond to make strong. This is the reason strongest friendships are formed during school or in army.
Nhi,
Obviously, what you said in this video is true in terms of individual personality and characteristics and your avoidance of things like gossiping, living in your own head, etc. contributing to loneliness is true. But in terms of why there are so many people who are feeling lonely these days, I don't think those are the majority's main reasons nor think it's overly complicated. The Internet was sold in the early days as a social force that would bring everyone together to foster connections with other people and engage with them. But the opposite is actually true. People don't understand the macro effects of the technology itself, and its inherent tendency to isolate people and keep them from engaging with other actual human beings out in the real world. The technology's ability to isolate and disengage individuals from others is even portable/mobile now since the advent of smart phones. You see this effect where everyone's faces are pointed down engaging with their devices rather than other living humans around them - all the people staring at their phones while they are out on the streets or standing at a crosswalk means that they are essentially isolated even when they are in a crowd - there is a much smaller chance of someone striking up an impromptu conversation with another person when everyone is "busy" and engaged on their phones.
This technology also seriously exacerbates any isolationist tendencies of introverted or socially awkward people, where they are not forced to learn interpersonal interaction skills with live humans or learn how to navigate socially, but rather just interface with others impersonally online.
There's also the effects of the way modern people live in terms of the environments of the suburbs and cities - neither of which lend themselves to intimacy, and much more foster a transitory, less personal way of interacting with others. Modern living is much less community oriented, where people are essentially just living AMONG one another, but not WITH each other.
And then there's the modern global media (and social media of course) that makes its money off of sewing fear and reactionary thinking, breeding contempt for other people, and doing everything it can to promote the idea of "the other." There is no real journalism or neutral news media anymore - everything is designed to provoke emotional reactions to get clicks and keep people reading their tabloid, deliberately provocative "news." This has had an deeply caustic effect on human society as a whole over the last two decades that is visible to anyone paying attention - no one wants to have civil debate anymore, everyone distrusts their neighbors and doesn't respect them, and people's "better angels" are nowhere to be seen. If there's a bigger influence on killing intimacy and empathy in the 21st century (or on democracy and a healthy social and political climate) and precluding any potential of people fostering positive relationships with one another, I'm not aware of it.
Of course there are other factors that are lending to the loneliness trend and people's reduced capability to make friends, but what I mentioned above are some of the highlights I think.
Very well said. Your first paragraph is mesmerising. I also think technology and social media contribute a great deal to how people these days interact with each other. Your point about how introverts and socially awkward individuals feel more complacent to learn social skills is also something I didn't think about. What an irony. Social media was invented to make people feel connected. Now it's become the catalyst of the dissolution of social bonds.
I also think that those factors mentioned in my video are not relevant to the majority. But those are the main factors for me. I don't spend so much time on social media so I don't want to blame all on it haha. TH-cam is the only platform I spend most time on. And even when I'm on here, I often watch videos to learn how big channel edit their videos and their story telling skills.
Here are a couple of hints from someone nearly 57 yo. Life was better before widespread access to the internet and mobile phones. Social / political discourse was more fact based and civil. Relationships, from my observation were more plentiful and more rewarding. People were less anxious. Here, I'm talking of my early working career in the late 80's early 90's. What's the logical takeaway from all this? Put all the "devices" in a drawer, and let them out in a very "time boxed" manner, such that they don't infect your life. Engage with your community. Have hobbies, actual, tangible ones, preferably outdoors and among others. When I retire, my goal is to not have ANY mobile phone, smart or otherwise. That will be bliss, and I can't wait!
I concur.
Thanks so much for your sharing. Even though I only started to spend time on the internet when I was finishing high school, I now forget how life used to be before the internet. My phone is insperable to me. It's scary. I don't spend much time on social media. So that's a good thing. But I do consume too much information on the internet. I'm currently working on spending more time outside, reading books, instead of being on my devices these days.
@@confusedavocado5787 Good for you. I do think that "devices" are a huge time suck, but it's the "social media" that is 100% poison, and sounds like you keep that at arms length. By the way, I work for a tech company, and I consume all my news via the internet, but it is from reputable sources like the NYT, BBC, etc., so my initial comments may be misinterpreted by some as "the internet is evil." It's not "evil," however, now we've got some very bad actors globally who take advantage of "social media" and the fact that there are some disturbingly large segments of the population in many countries like mine (the US) who are very "low information" folks and are susceptible to being manipulated....anyway, you know the story. Keep up the good work on this channel...it's fun!
I enjoy having no friends. My own company is good.
I thought a lot about this, and I think 2 basic things bring people together. And both are disappearing with the advance of technology:
1) Boredom. If you have nothing better to do, you will look for social interactions
- With the internet, you are never THAT bored. You will always find something to spend your time with
2) Scarcity. If you need something, and you have to come together with people, to get it
- With the rise of consumerism, you can buy most thing cheaply. With more quality control, your stuff breaks down less often, and when it does break down, there are cheap and easy to find services to fix it or replace it.
Story behind it:
When I moved to a new city, my dad asked: did you get to know your neighbours?
And I said: why the hell would I get to know my neighbours?
And then he said these things. You can hang out with your neighbours, and you can get their help if you need something. Well, I have the internet to hang out, and if I need something I can get it without them... So, on the one hand, my life is easier. But on the other hand, I missed out on a bunch of social interactions. In my parents' time, it was normal, and it was vital to know your neighbours. Nowdays, the reasons are gone.
This was a year ago, and I still don't know the name of my neighbours.
The forces that forced people together in the past, are disappearing. I think this is why most people don't have many friends.
haha yeah we learn how to stay away from our neighbors. I still don't know a thing about the neighbors sharing the same wall with my apartment XD
I've been asking my peers "How do you meet new friends?" for over a decade now. People from all walks of life, and all demographics. And it does seem that it's a very common problem, at least here in the United States. I have come to the conclusion that its partly thanks to globalization; people can live further away from their hometowns than previous generations, and instant/digital communication accelerated the pace at which it was normalized. I have also found that the problem seems to be felt more by single people. Married people that have kids tend to build friend circles through their children. Just my observations from my own experiences.
Thank you for your sharing. I used feel lonely, but the moment when I started loving basketball, I gradually find some good friends . Friends with a common interests are basically necessary
very endearing brand of honesty you have there.
i think 'teasing' is a sure sign of closeness. very important in fact..kinda impossible to have one without the other.
i have a feeling this channel will blow up :D great content
Yeah, my friend group are consist of people I met during Junior/ Highschool. I still hangout with them (smaller group) until these days. During my Uni years, i was a member of a student council organization and pretty involved for at least 2 years. But we barely hung out after we graduated because most of us belong to a different friend group outside the council.
Hi Nhi, fella Vietnamese here! Truly impressed with the videography and the efforts you put in these videos. Honestly admire you ^^ Keep up the good work!
thank you!
it's probably why I find it hard to make friends these days, I don't communicate well on social media but during physical contact........I still don't interact that well but I honestly am more comfortable. I have probably lost friends that way. I tend to make more friends easily but due to social media..kinda hard to keep
Didnt realize till u said it, but the friend-friends i still meet up with and talk to regularly are those where we tease each other, talk cock and joke around often. I think a huge part of me has been socially conditioned to not say something if it might hurt someone's feelings, and frame problems and mistakes in a way that seems like its not blaming the person, but appear as constructive feedback. These habits make people seemingly civilized and mature, and constitute a recipe for anti-teasing. But yea, how well can we know people if we are always so serious, formal and self-censoring abt things. Teasing brings out a different kind of energy that makes people warm up to one another, if reciprocated
I absolutely love your insights into corporate culture and the clarity to see your way forward. So good.
I'm not sure what to make of it. I don't have friends that I hang out with, on a regular basis, but I do work with a group of people, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, in person, even through the pandemic, and that seems to be enough for me. I don't hang out with my co-workers, outside of work. I got used to not having friends around, after high school, when my friends moved away. I don't know if that's healthy or not.
If it works for you, then it's ok as long as u feel fine about it 👍
I used to hang out with my colleagues all time. I even hung out with them outside work. During that time I didn't have other friends so I considered my colleagues my friends. I don't see anything wrong about that. People could be surrounded with friends and still feel lonely. As long as you feel fine, it's fine!
The right question, will guide you through the process of finding the right things done.
My parents also never had any close friends except for their immediate family. It's just that they never really expected more... Because they have their own kids and they were busy raising us, and also they were busy working and taking care of family drama. With neighbors it's just weird to me how their generation is all about 'saving faces' and they pretend to be friendly but never really had any 'real' connection to anyone. They don't even have a good relationship with each other lol.
Now that we've gotten older i start seeing them (well, my father mostly) get clingy to my brother and i. Maybe humans have always been lonely, and only now people are being honest about it. My parents' generation care more about what other people think of them much more than their own happiness. It's so weird to me.
Well said! Sad but true.
Did you come from Asia?
Good points. The whole saving face and caring what mere acquaintances or strangers think of you thing is just mostly dumb (I say mostly, because there are certain circumstances where your reputation or how you are thought of matter - like by your employer or a potential employer for example.) I'll never understand why people care what total strangers or simple acquaintances think.
However, I will say that, even if you don't care what others think, you shouldn't use that as free license to be an a-hole or as an excuse to be discourteous. I don't really like most people all that much, but I still try to be mindful of my public behaviors and have a courteous attitude toward others.
Are you Asian by any chance? Because the 'saving face' thing is one thing annoying me about my culture. People often say collectivistic culture such as Asians often have better social bonds. But from what I observe, those 'social bonds' can be very superficial, at times even toxic.
You are great person to connect with because you are unfolding life and sharing with people. I adore your intellect. Enjoyed your video 👍
The day you upload is a good day
Thanks! That's so sweet
I feel so relatable to all the points you mentioned in your video ;D. This is exactly what i've been thinking as i continue to grow older.
Such a great topic! Just take into consideration that making and keeping friends gets harder as you get older. So make time at any age to build friendships. Me: Realizing I am the Pot calling the kettle black.
I would also say that we as a society discount the value and closeness developed from in person contact. Social media and electronic interactions will never substitute for in person contact. Just be in a long distance relationship and you'll realize that.
I've been in 2 long distance relationships. Didn't work out. Second your last point!
@@confusedavocado5787 Had 2 myself. And yes both failed miserably.
And I love your videos!
Love your upbeat and bubbly personality.
As a foreigner myself, also in WA I can definitely relate.
Thank you for sharing this! Very good quality video and funny! Finding "true" friends can be hard no matter where you are especially moving to a new place. A lot of people are comfortable with their current friend groups but I think if you can keep trying eventually it will become easier to find friends
Rock climbing is how I made most of my close connections. Join an indoor gym but it is hard if you don't have a hobby like that. I also was pretty lucky with work- most of the time in the staffroom is making fun of each other and I also put myself out there asking people to do things outside of work time, coffee, climbing, hiking etc. I am about to move overseas again and to avoid the nearly 9 months of severe depression I had when I moved to Sydney I have a plan which basically involves joining the local climbing gym, taking a 1 month break from social media (as a time suck- I can still use fb if I'm finding local groups and setting up meetups) and trying to put myself out there- asking people I see regularly if they wanna hang out. Fingers crossed because loneliness sucks and I don't know if I can go through it again. My advice is find something you are passionate about- or interested in learning more about, some random tafe course or a political group or something.
Joining a book club has been the best thing for me, esp with the right group :)
Ada Gang!!! I am a loner and I am about to ask someone if they would like to hang out and become friends. It’s definitely hard to break cycles. Social media and para-social relationships don’t make anything easier. If anything it’s kept me from interacting with ppl because I always easier. Also cheaper. But the quality of life isn’t good. I’m making effort.
It's funny thinking that you are sharing a conversation you have with yourself, and my mind is listening and then having a conversation in my head with you. Does this creative insanity which I really enjoy have anything to do with reality? hmmm Yeah, I don't care... can't wait for another video!
Hey thanks for sharing @confused Avocado. I suffer finding close friendships too, yet a lot of my hobbies are solitary including following philosophy, reading books, researching something online just to build my knowledge for the fun of it. Though, I have found that *balance* between my own time and spending time with others is the key. What the exactly looks like varies person to person. For me, the time I can connect with others is when I do Brazillian Zouk (Partnered) dance classes, video games at gaming lounges and possibly rock climbing and book clubs in future. Yes, going to a bar and just being a plain fool is fun, but not the type of fun I can do weekly. Developing myself through new hobbies that challenge me - yes, I can do this weekly and voila, perhaps I have the "Consistency" you refer to, in meeting people regularly, rather than getting stuck in my own solitary world.
Perhaps that's the core challenge for all HSP's or philosophical introverts - getting lost in our own rich, deep inner world. At times it sure beats outside. Alas, we must reconcile our tenancy to go inward and find ways to enjoy activities outward!
Everyone let me know your thoughts!
This is the type of girl I want to meet …amazing
Moving around countries isn't easier and sometimes even change of diet and schedule can have impact in the mood. I dont' try to downsize the difficulty but there are components of the pic that are also based on your pillars. When you move you prioritize tasks like setting the house, get up to speed with the new country paperwork and obviously get ok with the job is the main. The narrow focus on these priorities self-inflict to prioritize tasks in a way that combined with the social adaptation efforts, will find you struggling in the first six months. You don't get out in relax when you think which drama will be if you don't pass the new country job probation or having a pressure for a Visa. I suppose as expats we always ask the top from ourselves. I think a mix of that is part of the picture. When you expat once the others time become a process based on previous experience and jobs are not always a place where social interaction are on the top quality list. When you finish all set-up tasks, you could be drained (especially if you moved to a country where you didn't speak the language) and fell like you did the wrong choice that can trigger the same loop again.... who is confident to move is willing to risk and risk comes with stress and prioritization, in my experience works on priorities, decrease expectations (sometimes we have an opinion of a country based on travelling, not living there) and don't being too harsh on evaluating your own performance can easy... but like any expat it is a learning curve than never ends... and still in the process. Be an expat as couple is also different than being as a single...with pros and cons but for sure not being alone and have a shared adventure makes everything way easier, if the couple is solid (a good test). Interesting channel, congratulations
Wow, I'm glad I found this video I really appreaciate the realness and can relate with a lot of the points especially with the internet-usuage habits. Now time to go and find some friends :)
Why the fuck I've been thinking about this... and why the fuck I watched some of those videos you featured in the beginning and now I'm watching your video lol. You are the ALGORITHM!
This video is what I needed! Thank you so much keep them going I love your personality!
Thanks for your video, it resonated with me so much... I recently moved from Brazil to study in the UK and I can relate with a lot of things that you said.
"I want to be your friend!" I commented. Empty words, drowned in hundred similar ones. In sea of bytes.
I do have some friends but I still do feel lonely.
Thanks for being so relatable!
I live in the U.S and realized when I'm about to become close friends with one another they start to tease or roast me then my mind just goes blank not knowing what to say. I want a friednship with minimal teasing but I guess adapting to the environment is the only way
wish I had a small authoritative friend like you to keep me in line from time to time lol its so easy to underestimate and neglect social interaction nowadays and everyone's too much in their comfort zone to reach out or make an effort
The answer is simple and you can find it with common sense;
More advanced tech = more convenience and options
More convivence and options = more laziness, less tolerance and higher expectations
More laziness, less tolerance and higher expectations = Less friends coz your standards are higher, your options are greater and you can't be bothered doing what u need to in order to maintain a friendship or a relationship.
You generally make the greatest friends when you go through hardship together and you make superficial friends when all you do is go out for a coffee, shopping, the restaurant or something superficial.
If you want a good friend, you also need to be a good friend, you might need to show up when your friend invites you even if you didn't really wanna go or feeling lazy, you'll need to help your friend and also ask for help, you'll need to communicate with your friend even if its abit boring sometimes and you need to initiate as well. Friendships and relationships need to be maintained and be mutually beneficial.
You don't get a good friendship or relationship off the shelf, its something people need to build and work towards. But since the entire modern world is all about off the shelf instant gratification products, you're never going to find anything deep or meaningful with anyone following this trend.
1. Envy culture..don't know too much about a thing, you'll be called a know it all 2. No culture these days, only 'entertainment', thus little to talk about. 3. Consumerism...two pillars of consumerism are disinterest and need for convenience. Without interest there is little basis for friendship. 4. Political conformity...infighting over trivial difference creates an environment of strict conformity..not good for forming friendship.
Succinct and valid. Well done you.
bitching is fun. A nice editing video and love your humorous side of you. Not everyone could get the Expected friendship although they are staying at one place for a long time period, at least it is true for me. Stay cool !
oh boy. I have an irrational fear of people judging me or finding any action I do out of their definition(s) of normal (people say it could be social anxiety, but I also crave socializing in small amounts throughout the day??). I swear this started in elementary when there were girls who always commented on my dresswear and conforming was such a big thing (cuz if you don't "belong" in your own class or clique, you will have no social life apparently). No matter what age finding great people in your life is fricking HARD because compromising on your own principles, ideas, and lifestyles can be either an opportunity or a spiral downwards to identity crisis.
Wow I love this video, you look so much more professional now amd very interesting topic. I could understand how hard it is to have a "long distance friendship" lol, so i wanna share 1 simple technique i'm using: block it on the calendar, e.g: write A at 10am on Sat, call B at 11 am on Sun... I felt kinda a little "forced" at 1st but then its become natural. We could even write each other about very little things, like this morning a friend sent me a pic of what she ate and i sent her kim chi i just finished salting. It feels great that we still maintain long distance friendship and could talk about anything, but sure i also miss hanging out with them in real life.
P/s cant wait to meet u here in Germany hehe
As a migrant who is trying to build a new life in Australia, I feel you. I used to have lots of friends back in my home country but since I came here, I struggle to connect with people. I'm not entirely sure why - it could be the cultural differences, different sense of humour etc. Not having any close friends around me made me feel very lonely and sad. Gradually I became more and more anxious when it came to social settings, where I tried to make connection but had this fear that I would get rejected.
Luckily, I have finally got past that depressed/ anxious state and am now open and willing to make new connections. You seem like a very cheerful person and I'd love to be your friend :)
Great to hear that you got over the negative phase :) It's really tough for migrants like us. But I'm pretty sure there're plenty of nice people out there. Don't be to harsh on yourself!
I am also a migrant / expat in Australia. I come from Europe and I also have struggled so much with making friends here. Please know that it has NOTHING to do with you. It is not a reflection on You. Its THEM. Aussies have a very peculiar mentality. They are very nice on the surface but they will always keep you at a distance , making it nearly impossible to forge deep friendships with them. Of course there are some exceptions, usually the Aussies who have lived overseas but they are few and far between.
Which city do you live in ?
I am in Brisbane.
Hello, i hope this finds you well.
There is a solution.
There are 4 parts: what you do during social interaction, emotional perspective-taking lifestyle outside of social interaction, and the self.
For social interaction, start off with small talk. To move past small talk, just use the vertical questioning techique after small talk. This gets you into vulnerability through middle talk. As the person is talking, pay full attention by listening. Drop your thoughts.. Be attuned to the emotions and share in the emotions. People feel more connected to you when you listen so they feel understood as well as being attuned to their emotions. Relate back to the comments. Once the topic has been exhausted, mention something they previously mentioned and ask a vertical question to dig deeper. When it is your turn to speak about yourself, speak from the inner spirit. Getting in touch with yourself and your emotions enable you to speak from the spirit.
Remember, the grand majority of human conversation is socio-emotional. The small portion is verbal. It is just a matter of tapping into the socio-emotional channel.
For emotional perspective-taking, we consider how the person feels about the interaction. Getting in touch with your emotions. Engage the concept itself by imagining how a social interaction feel to you. Imagine how a social interaction feels to someone and adjust your behaviour to make them feel well during an interaction.
For lifestyle we will use a backwards approach. Live your own lifestyle and be interesting. Be superproactive. Live by the idea of 30000 days and make history. Make your day memorable. What interests do you have and get involved in that. If you liking baking, do that. If you want to go to a stadium concert, go to that. Travel to places geographically and enjoy it. Spend time with your family. Pursue goals.
In vulnerability through middle talk, the topic of conversation is lifestyle. living a lifestyle gives you stuff to throw out there to make middle talk and connect with people. In the caveman brain, we have an affiliation and trust with people we know. When we know what a person does outside of social interaction, we trust them.
For the self, we take into consideration the topics we are interested and the things we like to do. We be our best selves and demonstrate our best qualities/characteristics. Find out what your values and principles are as well as what you stand for. More importantly, we be a person of substance. People are looking for substance to connect with.
Be a person of substance by
- thinking big
- becoming knowledgeable
- building new skills
- diverse experiences and stories
- be well versed in many topics
- prioritizing what matters in the grand scheme of things
- try new things and traveling to new places
- going outside of your comfort zone to explore the intricacies of the world.
- Expansiveness and Exploration in your life
Be the beacon first and stand on your own two feet first. Be ok with being alone. Be independent first to be interdependent.
Do your own thing and be your own person first. Enrich and expand your world first to bring people into.
Lifestyle and being your best self enables you to tap into the socio-emotional channel of human interaction. It builds vibrancy which attracts people to you. Our limbic systems reacts favourably to vibrancy. You would come from a place of wholeness where you have give, rather than take.
This is a long-game big picture solution. It is an ongoing journey that you enjoy. Take it one fulfilling deep and meaningful interaction at a time, one day at a time. Keep on living your best life.
It's counterintuitive. We should be more concerned with living a memorable life than getting a social life
I cannot guarantee any particular results. It is quality of interpersonal relationships that matter. The quantity tends to be variable for each person and take care of themselves. Interpersonal relationships take time. Once again, play the long game. No matter what happens, keep on living your best life and being your best self.
But I can say this. In my experience, the most fulfilling and long-lasting interpersonal relationships came from taking it one fulfilling deep and meaningful interaction at a time, one day at a time.
I said all of this in the hopes that the above will be taken action upon and potentially change lives. Hopefully this helps. Feel free to let me know how it goes for you.
Finding friends is the same as finding a partner (gf or bf) takes patience and can be difficult to find a match, however you don’t give up you keep trying. Even after rejection you keep trying and it will happen for you. You will find your friends.
I just discovered your channel and I like it so much I can finally relate to someone
I had a lot of friends in my late teens/early twenties... nowadays I'm more focused on quality over quantity. Got tired of hanging out with a buncha scumbags all the time 😅 A lot of them probably still owe me money now that I think about it...
hahaha better ask them for your money back!
@@confusedavocado5787 I moved out of that area of the country so I never see those people anymore. I miss them sometimes, but I reconnected with a few of them through Facebook a while back & it made me realize that they've changed, I've changed, times have changed, and it would never really be the same.
you can make friends... but theyll prob be guys... and how long will that friendship last until they wanna date you? when it comes to same sex friendships. its not easy once u graduate college. ull prob go out to lunch with ur co workers but i bet ur not gonna hang out. its not like school where you can study together, go out after class. ur co workers work just as much as u do. im sure they wanna spend time with their friends and family.
cool channel !! The writer Kafka said he wished he could quit being a lawyer and become a waiter at a restaurant, but societal pressure would stop him from this.
This a topic that everyone should talk about more often. Relatable
I think people these days move too much. For most of human history the norm was you grew up, lived, and died in the same community. The friends you made when you were young were your friends for life. Now people move and abandon their friends all the time. Social media has made this trend worse in my opinion. Staying in one place for a long time is considered boring and small minded. Moving around is seen as what you're supposed to do. A sense of community is something that takes decades of the same people living in the same places having the same experiences to form. That doesn't happen anymore, which has led to much more shallow relationships.
I think large scale work from home will make this trend even worse as going to work is one of the last communal events people still do.
I agree with this. I think the excess movement is also due to a lack of relationship with the land we're on. People in certain communities in Africa (and other places) don't ever move due to their ties with the land that their family grew up on. Social media really does play up moving around and being a tourist to seem interesting.
Yep totally. Mobility is a factor that makes social bonds even more fragile. Yeah I also don't know how this work from home thing will play out when it becomes a norm...
I don't know if I'm talking to myself here since you haven't posted since the end of 2021, but those feelings are not exclusive to Gen 21. I'm Mid Gen 20 & introversion, self reflection & comfort with my own company is nothing new. Reading & bouncing ideas off social media is a favoured past time. I often reject people wanting to be FB Friends if their home page does not present an essence of what makes them tick. At the same time though, I find it odd that I'm in their list of Followers. I often want time to myself to determine what my view of the world is, free of distraction. I am far more articulate in print than in person & in company I often get swallowed up by people with a faster wit & stronger personality. Yet, at the same time I find I have a much broader view of the world than many who possess the force of character to get a message across.
Thank you for your insight. That really helped process my own thoughts. Great channel.
i haven’t made a platonic friend since college. I mainly socialize with either my cousin or a friend i made in 7th grade. i see my friends from college once or twice a year because they moved to a different city.
I am not sure if you are Vietnamese but if you are I LOVE YOU >.< :)) Great topics always
I think we have substituted real social networking environments for virtual, and semi-voyeuristic ones. As a Christian, I feel that church keeps me connected and more social than I would otherwise be. And that makes me wonder if urbanization and technology haven’t destroyed a community space. A town centre, a camp fire, or a religious space to connect with others and to foster long and deep relationships.
Animals voice are much much more beautiful than annoying humans……
when this pandemic ends, i wanna fly over and make friends with you.
yes. i dislike humanity in general more and more as the years go by.
I just want friends in my area and to not feel like a loser. I really miss the days of having common goals with others
7:20 high five girl, I got you. 😂
Gen X’er, here with a few words..I have six friends I interact with on a weekly basis via phone, text and/or in person. All the friends know each other but not all the friends hang out together. I have different relationships with each person/inner group. My youngest friendship is 8 years and my oldest one is 23 years. Met during college, sorority, thru other friends and at work. I think the younger millennials have so much connection it’s also too much at the same time. Most of you all don’t have in person contact to actually get to know people vs online. Now I have a Gen Z’er and she only has three friends and that’s enough for her, all met in college and/or our sorority. Now is a good time to try put different things to meet new people. Some friendship will stick and others won’t but that’s part of the friendship journey.
I worked overseas for almost 2 years but I have not make any new friends over here.
Well, now seems like normal as I'm not the only one hahaha.
Australia is a difficult place to make real friends but we tend to be casually social. Most of us have some friends from school/uni maybe a couple from work but thats about it. Could also be your getting old 😁
I myself live one of the biggest city # the big apple 🍎 NYC , I have no friends near NYC. It's really 😥
Hopefully, you make that one or two lasting connections over time there. Wishing for the best! 🦄
I Really REALLY LOVE your content! I am definitely your friend.
really enjoy your videos! no new uploads though? did something happen? hope everything is well
The internet has increased the number of people you can come in contact with, but there are so many phonies and scam artists online.
Wow this channel is so relatable for me
Editing of the beginning cinematic was [fire emoji]. Teasing/roasting does seem to be on decline. And not to larp on about people being more sensitive... BUT I think there's some of that in there. Plus, our social circles feel more fickle these days, so it's difficult to find people's "offence line." Also, yeah, very odd that, increasingly, we spend more time with influencers than we do our own friends and families. Very normal world we live in :))))))))
Yeah, and this whole relationship between 'influencers" and 'viewers' is a whole different thing that I still can't wrap my head around lol. We'd rather spend time with these 'virtual' people than real ones. It's like we want the connections and don't want them at the same time. Weird.
I love your channel and I joined your stake pool!
I know loads of people but dont really feel close to anyone. I feel like I've drifted from all my close friends and now instead just have loads of acquaintances. I did this to myself, started just getting to know loads of people and spreaded myself so thin that all the friendships I think might be quite superficial. I think i might be a very superficial person now. I just really dont understand why I've done this when I used to value always having close friends, I also dont know how I feel about that fact that I've done this. Dont really feel happy or sad about it. Dont really know what I feel
I feel you. I thought I had to have a change in my life after Covid and moved to a different city away from my friends and family with only 1 friend at that city. Well my friendship with him is ok but he’s always busy and I’m in an apt in a relationship I don’t like struggling career wise and money wise and scared out of my mind because I’m mostly alone now. I did this to myself, and I hate myself for it
This video Hit exactly the right time thank you so much that's really all I have to say
If you believe you have no friends or "it's hard to make friends," it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also, being alone is not a bad thing. And by the way, maintaining friends as you get old is harder. People go in different directions and things change. But also, it takes work and generally speaking people get a bit lazy.
I am 40 so my perspective might be different. I think most of the friends I made were friends I made during my childhood and maybe my college years. Even when I lived in NYC, people would say "I feel lonely" or "I am alone," meanwhile, there's literally millions of people around you. I guess it all depends on how you see the world. And social media and people being unable to remove their hands from their phone hasn't helped. Just look around, walk by any restaurants and you see friends "hanging out" while texting other people letting them know how "great time" they are having. I mean...
Yeah being alone is different from being lonely. Some people, though have plenty of friends around, still feel lonely. Living in a big city, ironically, may make it worse. I grew up in a small town and I remember that I knew at least ten households around my neighborhood. Now I don't even know the neighbor sharing the same wall with my apartment.
@@confusedavocado5787 I agree. I grew up in a very small country and moved to the US when I was 18. I miss the small town feel for sure. Love your channel!
Start reaching out to your K-College friends through FB. My middle school/high school/sunday school friends and I are having a reunion in 3 weeks! We're all vaccinated though.
I resonate with this so much and also don’t have many friends but tbh I kind of like it that way haha
Welcome to Imma-die-alone gang XD
I also have discourse, with my inner voices... doesn't everyone? People are generally assholes, I prefer the company of my few close friends. It takes a lot of work to make new friends, an it gets harder the older you get.
Try reading "Sapiens". It delves into some of the topics you are talking about.
I read it :D Great book
@@confusedavocado5787 nice!
Whoa! Hold your horses. Too much emphasis on meaningless thinking and friendships among today's youth. Instead, get married to someone nice, have kids, and be done with it. Try to be the best wife and parent you can (very challenging work). Look for ways for self care on a regular basis (that's a tough one). Didn't Shakespeare say, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players"? Just act happy, act prosperous, act confidant, and so on, even if you're not feelin' it. That's it. That's life. If you can do something more that changes the world for the better along the way, that'd be icing on the cake.
Idk bro, there is only 1 best friend. You are lying to yourself if you think you can have more. And you know it deep down too.
If you are hanging out with 2 ppl. Or 3, or 5. There will always be that one who you are the closest, and it feels like the others are accompanying you two.
With that friend, doesn’t matter if you talk to them for a week or not, or if you haven’t seen or never have seen each other.
You will be alright if you just get one of them.
lol loved the intro, had me in giggles :P good video though... and poignant for the time. Maybe a thought though, leave Australia and move to New Zealand :D
Man, I met New Zealander who moved to Australia because it's boring over there...
@@confusedavocado5787 lol yes it can be but depends what sort of lifestyle your looking for. Id move if i could 🤣
hard to make genuine friendships
I think having friends has been much rarer than people think throughout history. Through my life I've had very few friends - sometimes none but seldom more than 1-2. I think many people consider workmates, drinking buddies or people they hang out with by default to be friends. It's not in my opinion. I do like meeting people to DO something. Play a game or do an activity. But I have no use for casual friendships. Usually, my closest friends are women and this becomes problematic when I or they are in a relationship. Tricky problem - it there a solution?
Also - the more intelligent we are the fewer friends we have - so I heard. So I must be a genius!
Moving to immigrant counties (particularly NZ and Aus smaller cities) I think this is common
Having no friends is far better than having shitty ones that disappoint you. Technology has been a curse in that social skills have been eroded - people who criticize others online often have no guts to do so face to face. Be happy.
Started counting my very close friends and wondering about my friend situation 😆
At least you can still count them XD
Because social media is not face to face contact. Get in involved in a close nit church or even an adult sport group.
I have 0 friends for 7 years now lol
Nice video shots
I would say probably the pamdic didn't make it easier but then I remembered Australia was probably one of the only places where that didn't matter.
yeah the pandemic didn't affect me much over here. Just the fact that Australia is upside down makes it so hard for my energy overall.
@@confusedavocado5787 damn I didn't even think of that. Hoe do you guys stay down to earth over there at all? Magnetic shoes? Velcro socks?
I wish I had a friend like you!
how come i instantly associate your persona similar to Uncle Roger's style lol
Gossupping has been useful in the past 4 women but nowadays I dont think rhat gossip brings anything postivive to your frie dships
Forget about those intellectual topics, I just want to talk shet with my friends (Agree)
Have you seen the new economic theory book "Ages of American Capitalism: A History of the United States", by historian Jonathan Levy ?
No. But I'll put it into my reading list and will check it out :)
Want real friends, dump you cell phone, tv, x box and computer and find older people to talk to, They will be your google you will learn how to really work and how to talk to people and most important how to respect people, you will experience less drama a lot less promises broken less fake people and everything will be hands on, The more people you meet, the more you learn and it's all free.