Thank you for talking about this subject!! I myself was abused by my biological dad for 13 years (3-17 years old. ) I left home at 17. I told so many people no one every believed me. Not even my own mother! I lived a very rough life but I'm 40 now and finally have got a wonderful officer to listen and help put my dad behind bars 2 days ago😊🙏. I for along time shoved the pain down. I then found out so many other woman have been hurt also!! We are standing together and trying to heal!! I will pass your video along it helped me tonight and I can't wait to help the other woman!!! Thank you for taking time out to help people. I truly look up to you and have hope I one day will be able to do the same for someone also.
Great page Peggy. im 43 and finally last night got this secret that has damaged every relationship i have ever been in. Was addicted to alcohol, recovered for 13 years from that still struggle with porn, sex addiction. Getting help in this area tomorrow night with local church mens group. Everyone please pray my gf opens her heart to understand. Just admitting this finally to my family and gf in mass message last night. Feels like the weight of shame and guilt is off me. Now i have to learn how to cope with triggers, etc. God bless you all
+Shane doss Thanks so much for commenting, Shane. Disclosing abuse is always a courageous step. I'm glad you've been able to share your secret. This, in and of itself, is huge in the healing process. It can be difficult for a partner to cope with the issues it creates in a relationship. It would probably be helpful for her to work with someone too. Good luck to you.
I, too, have suffered damage from the messages I told myself. This is something I have struggled with, and your video explains it all very well. Thank you, too, for stating that mothers, too, abuse.
+Stevens .Aaron Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment, Aaron. I'm so glad you were able to connect with what I shared. It's unfortunate there aren't more people who feel safe enough to talk about abuse by a mother, or even by women in general. The silence continues to perpetuate the idea only men perpetrate.
This has really helped today. I have "a bottom line" feeling that I can never quite escape from. I can go for sometimes months but in the end I always default to feeling that something is wrong with me, I am defective and people can tell... I get paranoid and feel like my life is a series of fake interactions - it's quite a surreal feeling. Listening and relating to others at these times really helps. I think self love and acceptance is key. Knowing the feelings will pass, finding joy and comfort in little things like a cup of tea, birdsong the ability to think. Still having the capacity to love.... Thank you for sharing I have just found your videos and find them very comforting and healing plus you have such a lovely calming voice. Thank you very much.
Thanks so much for commenting Dionne. Your description of "bottom line" feeling is exactly why I started doing these videos. I want people to understand we can move beyond this bottom line. True healing is possible. :)
I'm so glad I found your website and videos. I'm 53 and starting on my healing journey. I was so abused as a child: sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial. I didn't know where to start, but I think the sexual abuse has made the biggest impact. Out of an ACEs score, I have 8 out of 10. I found you through a search for support groups, which is a first step for me in self-care and healing. I think I have finally begun the journey. I'm very happy to hear that the beliefs we hold are learned and that we can change them. That is good news. Thanks for what you do and I look forward to watching more videos.
Welcome to the Courageous Journeys family! :) I'm so sorry for all you've endured. I'm so, so glad you've not given up on you. Healing it is not easy and it takes time and energy but it is so worth it.
Women and men who are in fact abussed run into a video like this and never click on it because the fact of being responsible on how it affected them and being able to change the longterm affect is not accepted, and even though the abuser is the wrong one for abusing them, that doesn't change the fact that they are now adults and they could be proactive in the solution,, it's easier to blame someone, that indeed has the blame, then to blame them and not let them control your life, being abused causes a trauma but talking about it and finding the root of the trauma brings that trauma from an open wound to a fully healed scar and unhinges the victim from the perpetual attachment, they don't need to forgive the abbuser but they need to forgive themselves and take back control of their actions ,, if you let the abuser control you then u are not free
Jeff Hensley Peggy thank you for your videos. I just came across them today and they helped me in my feelings of desperateness. I was abused from the ages 7 to 10 years old by 7 different perpetrators. My life has been a mess since. I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy over the years and read several books. I have received some benefit, but to honest I have spent most of my 56 years on the planet in self contempt, depression and powerlessness. I've gone on to get my master's degree in nursing to be a nurse practitioner and am still plagued with feelings of failure, self hatred and disgust. I've had two failed marriages, two of my kids don't seem to want much to do with me (I found out later my father abused them before he killed himself). You seem so at peace and I feel so tortured. Is there really hope for me. I have many acquaintances but no close friends. I''m alone most of the time and feel like I'm going crazy from the silence of aloneness. What should I do?
Hi Jeff. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulty you've experienced and that even through all the work you've done you still find yourself struggling. Though ,you are not alone. I have worked with so many people over the years who have tried a lot of different therapists and methods of therapy but continue to have difficulty. No matter the level of "success" a person may achieve, when you believe you are unworthy it is never enough. For many people, this compounds the difficulty. Always searching for the next success that will finally be the one to make you feel good about yourself...and it never happens because it's not about the external achievements. I absolutely believe there is always hope. It is not easy, as you already know, but it can happen. The most significant piece is letting go of the false beliefs about yourself as a result of the abuse (unworthiness, etc) and recognizing the truth of who you are. The second, and sometimes most difficult piece, is letting go of shame. And, it is never too late! I do believe it is necessary to work with someone who has a lot of experience in helping survivors heal, not just treating them (primarily treating symptoms only or using methods like EMDR as primary treatment) . If that has not been your experience, that would be the first step. If you have done that, I would recommend a support group specific for people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. If you live in the US, I'd be happy to try to find a therapist or a group for you. Just send me an email. Good luck to you and don't give up!
How can anyone dislike this video ,, if people think she has a flawed viewpoint and dislike her analysis, that still doesn't mean that is not a good video because that person that dislikes her view, ideas or expression still learned what, in their opinion, is a flawed ideal
Oh My Gosh.. Lady .. you have helped me so much.. I am 48 now and had a very unsupportive family.. I thought I had done a good job of healing. I didn't know about what was carrying on in my adult life although I new it was affecting me. I get it so much more.. I am Thankful to you young lady because I can see what I do.
kea rempel Thanks for watching and commenting. I'm so glad you were able to connect with what I shared and you found it helpful. Being able to recognize you've been affected is the first step in being able to heal it.
dont know if you will get this msg, however I just want to say thankyou for talking so wisely about an issue that needs to be brought to life. You gave me validation comfort and your beautiful energy is a blessing which can be HARD to find in a HARD reality.
I am so grateful for your reply--yesterday was a dark day. Yes, speaking out has definitely been a trigger--but also the realization that in wanting to promote positive sexuality without delving into the abuse, I have been keeping shame very much alive. I understand now that my story starts out as a victim, transitioned to survivor and now I am becoming a thriver--and that there is no shame that attaches to me. My reluctance to talk about my past is what was deepening my shame with the unspoken assumption that something is/was wrong with me. There isn't now--and never was anything wrong with me: it was each perpetrator who bears the shame and blame. Thanks again.
Jane Steckbeck Shame is the most destructive of all the emotional difficulties survivors experience. I'm so glad you recognize it is not yours to carry.
You tell me, how the hell can a person still have these horrible memories. 69 years old and I’m having depression and guilt after all these years. I don’t wish to helped, too old to go through the therapy. Go and save a young person put them on meds maybe the will have a better of getting over the trauma of being abused not once but several times.
Hi Brenda. It truly is never too late to heal. My oldest client came to me at the age of 77. You deserve to heal too. The memories come back over and over because there's so much to heal around them. I don't actually save anyone. I help people find freedom by letting go of the shame. I hope you give yourself this opportunity too with someone you feel safe with.
Brenda Joyce Spinella I am 44. and I thought the same thing when I began my healing journey 6 months ago. I thought I was “too old” to be talking about something that happened over 40 years ago! What’s the point? But here’s why I decided to reach out and get help/healing for my symptoms. I was becoming aware of how my pain was affecting others. My rage, was unbearable. And so out of character for me. My anxiety was through the roof, and I was loosing my ability to function in society. I’ll be honest this healing journey has plain sucked some days! I want to quit, I want to give up. Honestly things got worse for awhile as I faced the reality of what happened to me as a child. But I have these moments of hope, these glimmers of “knowing” that I will be free from my pain. Know, you are not alone, there is hope. I am finding EMDR therapy for me is way more healing than talk therapy. Blessings to you.
Your abuser is abusing others also, you were not alone.., but this doesn’t help you. Is sadder., it has changed your character. Victims didn’t realize there was something wrong with them. It stopped the emotional , mental even the physical maturing process.
You beautiful soul! Thank you so much for this video it was so informative and you have such a peaceful voice/aura. I love the ending about reframing the abuse and having self-compassion 🙏🏼🤗👁
Hi Precious Peggy,i been threw all the same that you were threw as your talking about,so this is why I can really relate to all of everything that happened,and it sure was a lot of shame, and then traumas which carried on with no ending forever,and there is a lot of other things that occurred from it all,the continuous shame,depression,anxiety,ocd,social anxiety,mood disorders,confidence,self esteem,insomnia,nerve tensions,inability to function naturally,etc.,and then realizing there’s no escape from it all completely because there’s something always lurking inside you that basically gets triggers,and now your in it all over again,and then it’s like a repetitive cycle as perhaps addictions with addictive behaviors which are very hard to overcome least to say,and now at this point you might need proper help,and might not be able to get it,and then your really stuck at this point not knowing where to turn to,never ending in mind as I hope this sums it all up for what really happened🙏🦋🥵🐊🐯
Thank you for watching and sharing. I'm sorry there is still so much present for you. I hope you have the support you deserve as you continue this journey. ❤️
Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty
Thank you 2nd video and I have had loads of excellent healing therapy. But you articulating the how and what if recovery at a cellular level again perhaps as a survivor you can experience the recovery truly fro the inside out. As I am up with insomnia your videos are very healing. Thank you
Denial is incredibly strong and can serve a really important purpose... for a time. I hope feeling connected to what I shared helps you feel less alone and hopefully hopeful about your own healing... healing you deserve.
Hello Peggy. I think that this is the video that I like the most from you because I think that you really get what it's like to go through this topic, or (you learned a lot about it to share with others). I definitely don't mean to hurt your feelings by saying that. I just understand a lot of the stuff you said in this video especially. Hearing that probably the most significant effect of my childhood, is the reason that when I was younger I didn't go after my dream of becoming a veterinarian, just because I didn't think I could make it through what it takes to become one and I don't even deserve that future. Saying that these feelings are learned and can be unlearned.
+Kachun Gamble-Marshall Thank you for taking the time to comment and watch my videos. I'm so glad you were able to really connect with this one. I do really get it. I lived for many, many years with the struggles of being a survivor. My feelings are not hurt. ;) I think most of us are held back by our beliefs of unworthiness. It's amazing to see the experiences and careers people are able to go after as they move through healing. It's never too late to decide to be a veterinarian if that's what you want to do. :) I certainly wouldn't have thought I could do what I do now, especially since I dropped out of high school @16.
I know this video is 8 years old but I feel compelled to comment anyway. Peggy thank you so much for making this video. Everyone has said this and it's true: it feels like you were speaking directly to me. For years, since the abuse took place, I have struggled with everything you talk about, but I never understood why. Part of that IS because of denial - because the nature of the abuse was partially covert (and far too complicated to explain), I never really thought of it as abuse. Rather, I thought I was insane and even horrible child for believing the worst of my parent when I wasn't sure (self-blame!). That self doubt had a huge impact on me. I truly thought, and still think at times, that there is something inherently wrong with me because of it. That has always been some inexplicable void in me that can never be filled. Over time, unbeknownst to me, my self hatred got buried under layers of "muck" and was more far removed from the truth. I hated myself for being stupid, for procrastinating, for the constant, endless self sabotaging. I only went to a therapist because my avoidance tactics (that I had learned as a result of the abuse) and self sabotage had gotten so bad that I was ruining opportunities and relationships for myself, to the point that I question my ability to hold a job. It took me YEARS to even define what happened as abuse and as traumatic, much less connect my current state to the abuse, and only did so with the help of my therapist. This video has helped me so much - I identify with everything you've given us here. It feels like the key to my lock. In a way, that validates my experiences, because it's so certain, it must be true that the abuse I so often doubt happened did have a profound effect on me. The 20 minutes of watching this video have been valuable to me and I have no doubt that I will rewatch it. Thank you so much again. You're doing incredible work by putting these videos out and educating people about healing from sexual abuse. I can tell how much this matters to you and I hope you know that with these videos, you are - in however a minute way - helping people on their healing journey. Much love
Thank you so much for watching, taking the time to share, and your kind words. ❤️ I'm sorry for the delayed response. It's an honor to know that it's helped you trust that you're not insane, nor is there something inherently wrong with you. What you've written is exactly why I do these videos... we all have felt so terribly alone and damaged. ❤️
Thanks so much for watching. I'm glad you were able to connect with the video. I'm also so glad you've decided to take this journey. It's never too late.
I always wondered why that i was so different and now i know that i am not the only survivor. Thanks for the videos and for the comments by other peoples story too. I need this because my life is changing and i want to let go of my past but i am taking baby steps. I have been Dancing my whole life to express myself that`s when i feel alive. I put some on You Tube but then I took them off because of peoples criticism. Thx again and for anyone else that is reaching out. My heart goes out to you all.... :) ;) p.s Maybe this will encourage me to put my videos back on You Tube....
+Mimps T Thanks so much for commenting. I'm glad you found the video helpful. You are certainly not alone. Putting yourself out there in a public way can be difficult. I've learned there will always be people who judge or criticize, no matter how good or valuable something is. We can't take it personally. I hope you choose to share your videos again. Just make sure you have support around you to remind you of who you are. :)
I do have support thank you!! but its nice when people experience the sort of the same abuse. Now i am realizing that I am this way because of it. I hope i can directed it in ways to help others... I am still taking baby steps but i will get there someday. I keep telling myself that. :) ;)
thanks for this video, what you said make a lot of sense, i like what you said in the end about not making our struggles define us and i trully believe that. i was abused at the age of 7 or 8 by a close family member and i felt all the yhings you mentioned (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, unworthiness, trust issues, fear of relationships), but i manage somehow to overcome some of these and it was by my true belief that im not define but what happened and that i was only a child, i still have trust issues and i never been in a close relationship with anyone but im willing to try and see what could happen thanks again
+Lm bl Thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you were able to connect with some of the things I shared. I'm also glad you are open to allowing yourself true connection. You deserve to heal all the parts of you. :)
Oh thank you for that information Peggy! I want to do whatever will allow me to make a difference in as many people'a lives as possible. I will look into that!!
Thank you Peggy for your videos. I've been in therapy several times but this time I've stuck with it for over a year now, even still I feel sometimes like my therapist doesn't get what I'm saying so your videos are very helpful. I want to be an LPC some day so I can help people.
Paige Loria Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm so glad you've found the videos helpful. I know it can feel really frustrating when it seems the person who is suppose to help you doesn't seem to understand. If you feel comfortable with the person (hopefully you do since you've been working with her or him for over a year) I would encourage you to bring it up the next time it happens. Good luck to you as you pursue your career. Though I would suggest becoming an LCSW instead ;). Just kidding. I'm obviously a little biased ;)
I wanted to say that I created my history of multiple marriages. I kept thinking that I was bad and I'd caused all the problems in the relationships and then horrible things about this one or that one would surface and people would say, oh you just need to find a nice guy - he wasn't good enough for you. I was confused because I "knew" I was bad and I wanted to believe them because it seemed like a solution and I sure couldn't believe I was hopeless because i had to go on. I kept thinking that "now I'm good enough" "I'm older now, and I've read all these books, and I've gone to Bible studies and I'm good enough now to be a good wife". I said all that to say that I kept ending up with the same man. And I got sicker and sicker. I felt like I wanted to say this to help any man or woman who is like this to know they aren't alone. I'm now learning from Peggy and suddenly (HAPPILY) I am seeing many things..life is making sense. It's a mess but I'm not hopeless or crazy. Thank you for letting me say that.
Hi Bethy. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and sharing your experience. I know there are many people who can relate to what you shared and who will benefit from hearing it. I smiled when I read that your seeing many things and life is making sense. This is exactly my hope in doing what I do...to help people see themselves, their lives in a different way. Thanks again!
My Heart and my prayers go out to all those people, men and women that have been sexually abused as children, and yet they have been brave enough to survive their abuse. I pray that with God's help you all will find healing.
I had the blatantly obvious signs I had been sexually molested when I was a baby. I had the scarring and stretch marks on my private of an adult male involved with pornography when I was six years old in the first grade. The trauma caused me to have learning disabilities and I was held back in the 3rd grade, and I was stricken with depression starting in grade school ... all blatantly obvious signs of early childhood sexual abuse. I have been victimized by covert narcissists and gaslighting my entire life. I have been poisoned and am sick from it, attempts have been made on my life and I believe people that wanted to help me have been murdered and other people are in such fear of being harmed they cannot help me. All of this because the public schools decided to cover up the crime of sexual abuse and they cannot tell the truth because of the amount of trouble they would face.
Thank you so much for uploading this video... I recently uploaded my sexual abuse story on my channel. I've gone through all those phases you mentioned as well. ( denial being my main growth block) I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's been less than a year that I've removed myself from that position. I'm just starting on my process towards healing... Some of your advice would really help a whole lot...
Oh my Gosh! My step dad, the only dad that I knew violated me at 7 years old; I must had repressed that because I did not remembered that first act until I was 41. He later had sexual contacts between 10 to 12 years old, I couldn't put words to my feelings until therapy from 2012 tell now.
My father says he does not remember anything. I remember the bone- breaking physical abuse, it come sin flashbacks, but I do not fully remember my childhood. I know some children fondled me, but I suspect there was more going on, probably with adults (Too much of my attractions and desires are too twisted). But I do not remember, either! I do not want to undergo hypnosis because it cannot be trusted. I am waiting for God to help me. Maybe I am not ready to know what really happened, yet.
Thank you for commenting, Tundrawolf! Our mind has an incredible way of protecting us from things that have the potential to overwhelm our ability to cope. I've worked with many people over the years who don't have many specific memories, but more a sense of abuse...and living with all the difficulties abuse creates. It is possible to heal without remembering everything that happened. It might be a good idea to speak to someone who specializes in working with survivors of childhood abuse to help determine what the best avenue may be.
Hi Claremarie. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm happy to know this video helped to give you hope and inspiration; both very important for healing.
I have a silly question. Can a person also be effected long term in physical ways? I mean besides what may be an obvious physical effect directly afterwards, for example: you may be considered healthy but feel sick to your stomach or nauseated often years after even if it's been a long time since you've even considered thinking about your abuses in any way.
No silly questions here :). For every person who has the courage to ask a question, there are hundreds of other people who have wondered the same thing. Yes, absolutely, people are effected physically as well. There is a strong correlation between survivors of abuse and gastrointestinal issues (nausea being one of them) and fibromyalgia. However, with healing there is often a significant decrease in symptoms. I believe both of these conditions are a result of the chronic stress our bodies go through when experiencing and living with abuse. Until you've been able to truly heal abuse, even when you are not consciously thinking about it, it is with you. It is always in the background.
I agree with Peggy - no silly questions! Psychosomatic symptoms are common - headaches (including recurrent migraines), stomach issues, body aches, sore throats, urinary tract infections, etc. They are symptoms of suppressed anxiety, stress, rage and are sometimes a form of self-punishment.
Yes because the trauma is mental but the repulsion of the act might affect a reflex in their body, thus I'm affraid of mice so I step back is an example of this trauma,
Thanks so much for watching. I hope you find them helpful. Don't forget, if you have a question you'd like me to answer you can send to qanda@courageousjourneys.com
Hey Peggy ! So happy to find your channel it is so needed. I just wanted to say can you make the videos bit smaller like upto 30 mins or 45 mins max cause there are many videos with bigger span so I cant watch them with that momentum. Thank you!
Thanks so much for watching. I'm glad you find the videos helpful. Sorry some are too long for you. Hopefully there are enough (already created and going forward) within that time frame you can continue to watch. Many of the live videos have the information I share within the first part (in your time frame) and the remainder is often addressing questions or comments.
Thank you, Carol, for taking the time to watch and comment :). I hope you were able to find something helpful. If you'd like more, you can join the conversation on my blog & Facebook.
What makes it bad is revictimization! I never blame myself I told right away! The law did nothing that is what ruined me and I lost my family they sided with the uncle! Please talk about this! I am numb to life!
I'm glad you've never blamed yourself and you were able to tell. I'm sorry your family and the justice system added more betrayal to your experience. This definitely adds additional layers to healing. Thank you for the suggestion to cover this topic. Thank you for watching and commenting.
Trauma in many cases produces a trance state which is an altered state of awareness in which many things are assumed true which are not. In my therapy practice I would focus on the structure of the problem rather than the content. This would be the equivalent of changing a program within our bio-computer without addressing the content. When done through hypnotherapy and communicating with the higher mind without interference of the conscious mind many underlying programs can be changed without bringing up the traumatic memories or accessing hidden memories.
Hi Kristy Sparkles. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. Depending on who you ask, you could get many different answers. The general population uses the terms interchangeably. In the field of SA, we use the terms to describe the type of sexual violence someone experiences. Sexual assault is generally used when there is penetration (any type of penetration). Abuse is any other type of unwanted sexual behavior. I hope that helps.
I was told by my daughter about her abuse on jan 17 2017. It is still in the court system. How does a mother heal? What does healing actually mean? The pain becomes less? The memories are less? Triggers lessen? How do I as her mom stop crying, feeling guilty.angry.sad.and revengeful
Learning your child was abused, especially if it was by someone you know or were in a relationship with can be absolutely devastating. I'm sorry you are both going through this. I would encourage you to find a therapist who can help you navigate this process. Your daughter needs and deserves help, as do you. Many rape crisis centers offer counseling for family members of survivors. You can search your zip code or area with "rape crisis center".
+Peggy Oliveira, MSW if you have the time please check out my channel. I am also a survivor of rape and am talking about these things on my channel in a very different way than you do. I would love to collaborate with you in the future if you would ever be interested. So much love! 🙏🏼
Hi Peggy, how are you? I love your videos/please could you do one on those who have a delayed anger response to abuse (like when people have been through therapy but later in life, anger and irritability starts to come out unexpectedly at random people) I hope you understand that. Thanks for your videos xx
first i want to thank you for your helpful videos. im a 24 years old woman, i was sexually abused as a child and as a result i have trust and commitment issues and a serious fear of emotional and physical intimicy. i know i need help, but now i cant afford therapy. so can you please recommend some self help books to deal with this. thank you
Hi Fouad. I have a FB group survivors can join. I also have a program I run a couple of times a year for survivors. You can sign up for the FB group here courageousjourneys.com/courageouswarriors/?fbclid=IwAR1hI2KMd2XOsFcnoxj8UdjF2C_zfxno8FbmYRhVGGuCgmNcphB49bozNYQ. I am also planning to create a series for Sexual Assault Awareness Month this April (2019) for people to share their stories. You can sign up for my newsletter to stay connected and get information as those things become available. www.courageousjourneys.com
Let me clarify, I don’t want to talk about the actual acts of sexual abuse that was done to me. I can talk about anything else but why do I have to talk about those times?
@@staceyburns7666 Generally speaking, you don't have to share all the details of abuse in order to heal. It's more about sharing that you have an abuse history and the impact it's created. If you have flashbacks or carry a lot of shame around specific aspects of your abuse, sometimes it can be important to share those pieces so you can work to release the intensity of feeling associated with it. Sharing with your therapist who the perpetrator(s) is in regards to your relationship with them is also important in terms of impact. You don't have to give a name, just how close the relationship was/is. I hope this helps.
I was r twice. And other things too. I dont like saying or writing the words sorry. I did alot of this. This was years ago. Between the ages of 14 and 18. I did drugs and otherthings to make my self numb. It worked for the most part. I'm 24 now. Im fostering my brother. His mom is one of my triggers and have been fostering my brother for 6 months. Iv seen her several times even talked to her and was fine until the other day. . now Im having nightmares again. At first it wasnt too bad. I brushed it off and moved on. But its been 4 days now. And they wont stop. I dont do anything drugs cut nun of that anymore not in the last 4 years. Which as i said i used before to numb my self. So now I have no way to stop them. I'm already looking into going to a theirapist but thats a chalange for me on its own. . But my question is why would it just come back. I mean why now. Iv seen and talked to her plenty of times before. The thing with her wasnt nearly as bad as the second. And the first night was the thing with her. But the second and third and 4th night are just about the second time. and now its like its stuck in my head on replay. Idk how to talk to my spouse about it he doesnt understand. I want too talk to him and I want him to understand why I'm being off but i dont know how too. I dont really know if I had an actual question. Sorry. Mostly just wondering if theirs anytricks to talking to him.or atleast making the dreams stop again. I already know i need therapy iv been told that but that wont happen for a few more weeks. I dont want to sleep bc I dont want to dream. And I oviously have to sleep bc im a mom and my kids need me to be able to function. If im preocupied it's not so bad. But at night. Everyones asleep or at work. So I'm stuck.
Hi Melodie. I'm sorry things have been so hard lately. There are many reasons things can come back to the surface. The fact that you're taking care of your brother may be the biggest reason right now. Obviously it's not about him but he is connected to the woman who feels triggering to you. Hopefully you can get in to see someone soon. You deserve to have the right type of support to heal.
random question ... why are the words ("hope" & I think the other is "dream") in the background backwards? I've noticed them in all your videos. And the clock runs backwards as well. I am assuming that it is because of how it was filmed ... ??
Very observant :). Apparently I had the video camera set to "flip" when I recorded the videos. I realized it when I noticed one time my hair was parted on the wrong side :)
I know what it is like to have been abused as a child. I've been dealing with the repercussions of such a significant life event. I seriously doubt that there can ever be any full healing from that trauma. I do not doubt that there is a way to completely blot out the stain from my memory. I hold a kind of anger for the whole thing. There is a natural way about predators and prey. For example, the natural way about the predatory Lion and the prey like gazelle. The Lion can and will strike its prey the gazelle at any given moment. So long as the Lion can strike, it will strike. It's inevitably natural. You see the gazelle are wise too. They can feel when the Lion is looking to strike. The Gazelle's ability to identify the perceived threat and the imperative movement that is attached to it, will have to make a swift judgement to hold on to its integrity. In every hunt the Lion strikes successfully or it fails to complete the objective. The Gazelle will Live or it will die after any attempted hunt from the Lion. So many are and so many will be yet the Lion and the Gazelle.
MrJontheboat Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your lion & gazelle analogy. I tend to think it is possible to heal the damage, but not ever forget that it happened or have memory of it. That certainly doesn't mean that you may not still have difficulties at times (but so does everyone, regardless of history). It just means the burden of abuse no longer controls your life as you've let go of unworthiness, shame, and all the other struggles.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW hi I know this is an older video but I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I have sudden anxiety/panic attacks sometimes would you say this might have to do with what happened to me ? Thanks hope to hear from you
@@blondiexoxo1286 It is definitely possible, probably likely, they are related in some way. In large part because of the way our body experiences the abuse and the connection to fear and uncertainty. Thank you for watching.
Paige Loria An LCSW is a Clinical Social Worker and and LPC is a Clinical Professional Counselor. You can be a therapist with either one. Though as a Social Worker you have additional opportunities too. Whenever someone talks to me about considering getting into "the field" of helping other survivors, or helping people in general, I generally encourage people to consider Social Work.
Does anyone else have a nearly impossible to completely impossible ability to take compliments from others... Friends, family, or strangers? Not only can I not take a compliment of any kind seriously, I immediately shoot it down by pointing out a bunch of flaws to invalidate the compliment. I also feel like people are just patronizing me when they try to compliment me because I'm so pathetic and they see right through me and my traumas... I honestly don't know how anyone can overcome these traumas. My level of self-hatred is incredible. I've have numerous people tell me that they've never met anyone that hates his or herself as much as I do. While I won't go through with it, I am plagued with vivid thoughts of suicide... How I want my funeral, who can and can't be there, every detail is stuck in my head nearly all day almost everyday. I'm so lost.
Melissa Marie Thank you for taking the time to comment. While I don't struggle with this anymore, it was a huge thing for me in the past and it is generally big for people who struggle with self-worth. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Healing is difficult, but it is possible. As I said, this was a big thing for me and through my healing I've been able to heal that among many other things. I'm releived to hear you say you would not act on your thoughts. If you haven't found someone to work with, I would really encourage you to find someone who has a lot of experience working with survivors. Don't give up.
+Melissa Marie oh yeah i have this. Guitar player here so i get them alot. I super inflate my ego to get onstage, Admitted my dark secret last night ion private msg to my family and my partner. I put out this ultra confident vibe even cocky to keep people away. Had best nights sleep last night finally telling someone. Now im prepared for people to think im crazy and not believe me. Im starting therapy tomorrow night. Please pray my gf ( lead singer ) understands.
Mine is honestly the opposite. I was sexualized so young that I grew up to believe that my body and outer beauty is all I have that makes me worthy. Sad but just affects different people differently
+Megan Nolder Hi Megan. Thank you for watching. I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but I am now providing virtual mentorship/coaching. If that's something you might be interested in, you can find more info @ courageousjourneys.com/work-with-me/ I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about the possibility of us working together.
I'm not sure what I said that you interpreted as a suggestion to excuse SA but I assure you that is not what was said. I also would not suggest that you trust someone who perpetrated SA. If you'd like to share what part you believe suggested that, I might be able to clarify.
Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty.
Thanks for commenting and your question. You learn to "love yourself" by believing in your worth. This is a process of undoing all the false beliefs about yourself (often unconscious) and learning to see the truth of who you are... a worthy, lovable person.
Thank you for talking about this subject!! I myself was abused by my biological dad for 13 years (3-17 years old. ) I left home at 17. I told so many people no one every believed me. Not even my own mother! I lived a very rough life but I'm 40 now and finally have got a wonderful officer to listen and help put my dad behind bars 2 days ago😊🙏. I for along time shoved the pain down. I then found out so many other woman have been hurt also!! We are standing together and trying to heal!! I will pass your video along it helped me tonight and I can't wait to help the other woman!!! Thank you for taking time out to help people. I truly look up to you and have hope I one day will be able to do the same for someone also.
Thank you so much for watching, commenting, and sharing your story.
Great page Peggy. im 43 and finally last night got this secret that has damaged every relationship i have ever been in. Was addicted to alcohol, recovered for 13 years from that still struggle with porn, sex addiction. Getting help in this area tomorrow night with local church mens group. Everyone please pray my gf opens her heart to understand. Just admitting this finally to my family and gf in mass message last night. Feels like the weight of shame and guilt is off me. Now i have to learn how to cope with triggers, etc. God bless you all
+Shane doss Thanks so much for commenting, Shane. Disclosing abuse is always a courageous step. I'm glad you've been able to share your secret. This, in and of itself, is huge in the healing process. It can be difficult for a partner to cope with the issues it creates in a relationship. It would probably be helpful for her to work with someone too. Good luck to you.
I, too, have suffered damage from the messages I told myself. This is something I have struggled with, and your video explains it all very well. Thank you, too, for stating that mothers, too, abuse.
+Stevens .Aaron Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment, Aaron. I'm so glad you were able to connect with what I shared. It's unfortunate there aren't more people who feel safe enough to talk about abuse by a mother, or even by women in general. The silence continues to perpetuate the idea only men perpetrate.
This has really helped today. I have "a bottom line" feeling that I can never quite escape from. I can go for sometimes months but in the end I always default to feeling that something is wrong with me, I am defective and people can tell... I get paranoid and feel like my life is a series of fake interactions - it's quite a surreal feeling. Listening and relating to others at these times really helps. I think self love and acceptance is key. Knowing the feelings will pass, finding joy and comfort in little things like a cup of tea, birdsong the ability to think. Still having the capacity to love.... Thank you for sharing I have just found your videos and find them very comforting and healing plus you have such a lovely calming voice. Thank you very much.
Thanks so much for commenting Dionne. Your description of "bottom line" feeling is exactly why I started doing these videos. I want people to understand we can move beyond this bottom line. True healing is possible. :)
I'm so glad I found your website and videos. I'm 53 and starting on my healing journey. I was so abused as a child: sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, financial. I didn't know where to start, but I think the sexual abuse has made the biggest impact. Out of an ACEs score, I have 8 out of 10. I found you through a search for support groups, which is a first step for me in self-care and healing. I think I have finally begun the journey. I'm very happy to hear that the beliefs we hold are learned and that we can change them. That is good news. Thanks for what you do and I look forward to watching more videos.
Welcome to the Courageous Journeys family! :) I'm so sorry for all you've endured. I'm so, so glad you've not given up on you. Healing it is not easy and it takes time and energy but it is so worth it.
You don’t realise how much you’ve helped me gaining some clarity in my situation. Thank you Peggy. You’re living angel.
I'm so glad you found this video helpful. Thank you for watching and commenting.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW You're welcome. Thanks once again. I'm all set on my healing journey again.
You deserve way more views you are amazing
Thanks so much Missy. :)
Women and men who are in fact abussed run into a video like this and never click on it because the fact of being responsible on how it affected them and being able to change the longterm affect is not accepted, and even though the abuser is the wrong one for abusing them, that doesn't change the fact that they are now adults and they could be proactive in the solution,, it's easier to blame someone, that indeed has the blame, then to blame them and not let them control your life, being abused causes a trauma but talking about it and finding the root of the trauma brings that trauma from an open wound to a fully healed scar and unhinges the victim from the perpetual attachment, they don't need to forgive the abbuser but they need to forgive themselves and take back control of their actions ,, if you let the abuser control you then u are not free
Jeff Hensley
Peggy thank you for your videos. I just came across them today and they helped me in my feelings of desperateness. I was abused from the ages 7 to 10 years old by 7 different perpetrators. My life has been a mess since. I've spent thousands of dollars on therapy over the years and read several books. I have received some benefit, but to honest I have spent most of my 56 years on the planet in self contempt, depression and powerlessness. I've gone on to get my master's degree in nursing to be a nurse practitioner and am still plagued with feelings of failure, self hatred and disgust. I've had two failed marriages, two of my kids don't seem to want much to do with me (I found out later my father abused them before he killed himself). You seem so at peace and I feel so tortured. Is there really hope for me. I have many acquaintances but no close friends. I''m alone most of the time and feel like I'm going crazy from the silence of aloneness. What should I do?
Hi Jeff. Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm sorry to hear about all the difficulty you've experienced and that even through all the work you've done you still find yourself struggling. Though ,you are not alone. I have worked with so many people over the years who have tried a lot of different therapists and methods of therapy but continue to have difficulty.
No matter the level of "success" a person may achieve, when you believe you are unworthy it is never enough. For many people, this compounds the difficulty. Always searching for the next success that will finally be the one to make you feel good about yourself...and it never happens because it's not about the external achievements.
I absolutely believe there is always hope. It is not easy, as you already know, but it can happen. The most significant piece is letting go of the false beliefs about yourself as a result of the abuse (unworthiness, etc) and recognizing the truth of who you are. The second, and sometimes most difficult piece, is letting go of shame. And, it is never too late!
I do believe it is necessary to work with someone who has a lot of experience in helping survivors heal, not just treating them (primarily treating symptoms only or using methods like EMDR as primary treatment) . If that has not been your experience, that would be the first step. If you have done that, I would recommend a support group specific for people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. If you live in the US, I'd be happy to try to find a therapist or a group for you. Just send me an email.
Good luck to you and don't give up!
How can anyone dislike this video ,, if people think she has a flawed viewpoint and dislike her analysis, that still doesn't mean that is not a good video because that person that dislikes her view, ideas or expression still learned what, in their opinion, is a flawed ideal
I guess sexual predators disliked the video
Oh My Gosh.. Lady .. you have helped me so much.. I am 48 now and had a very unsupportive family.. I thought I had done a good job of healing. I didn't know about what was carrying on in my adult life although I new it was affecting me. I get it so much more.. I am Thankful to you young lady because I can see what I do.
kea rempel Thanks for watching and commenting. I'm so glad you were able to connect with what I shared and you found it helpful. Being able to recognize you've been affected is the first step in being able to heal it.
dont know if you will get this msg, however I just want to say thankyou for talking so wisely about an issue that needs to be brought to life. You gave me validation comfort and your beautiful energy is a blessing which can be HARD to find in a HARD reality.
I am so grateful for your reply--yesterday was a dark day. Yes, speaking out has definitely been a trigger--but also the realization that in wanting to promote positive sexuality without delving into the abuse, I have been keeping shame very much alive. I understand now that my story starts out as a victim, transitioned to survivor and now I am becoming a thriver--and that there is no shame that attaches to me. My reluctance to talk about my past is what was deepening my shame with the unspoken assumption that something is/was wrong with me. There isn't now--and never was anything wrong with me: it was each perpetrator who bears the shame and blame. Thanks again.
Jane Steckbeck Shame is the most destructive of all the emotional difficulties survivors experience. I'm so glad you recognize it is not yours to carry.
You tell me, how the hell can a person still have these horrible memories. 69 years old and I’m having depression and guilt after all these years. I don’t wish to helped, too old to go through the therapy. Go and save a young person put them on meds maybe the will have a better of getting over the trauma of being abused not once but several times.
Hi Brenda. It truly is never too late to heal. My oldest client came to me at the age of 77. You deserve to heal too. The memories come back over and over because there's so much to heal around them. I don't actually save anyone. I help people find freedom by letting go of the shame. I hope you give yourself this opportunity too with someone you feel safe with.
Brenda Joyce Spinella I am 44. and I thought the same thing when I began my healing journey 6 months ago. I thought I was “too old” to be talking about something that happened over 40 years ago! What’s the point? But here’s why I decided to reach out and get help/healing for my symptoms. I was becoming aware of how my pain was affecting others. My rage, was unbearable. And so out of character for me. My anxiety was through the roof, and I was loosing my ability to function in society.
I’ll be honest this healing journey has plain sucked some days! I want to quit, I want to give up. Honestly things got worse for awhile as I faced the reality of what happened to me as a child.
But I have these moments of hope, these glimmers of “knowing” that I will be free from my pain.
Know, you are not alone, there is hope. I am finding EMDR therapy for me is way more healing than talk therapy.
Blessings to you.
Your abuser is abusing others also, you were not alone.., but this doesn’t help you. Is sadder., it has changed your character. Victims didn’t realize there was something wrong with them. It stopped the emotional , mental even the physical maturing process.
You beautiful soul! Thank you so much for this video it was so informative and you have such a peaceful voice/aura. I love the ending about reframing the abuse and having self-compassion 🙏🏼🤗👁
Thanks so much for watching and commenting. I'm glad you found it helpful.
Hi Precious Peggy,i been threw all the same that you were threw as your talking about,so this is why I can really relate to all of everything that happened,and it sure was a lot of shame, and then traumas which carried on with no ending forever,and there is a lot of other things that occurred from it all,the continuous shame,depression,anxiety,ocd,social anxiety,mood disorders,confidence,self esteem,insomnia,nerve tensions,inability to function naturally,etc.,and then realizing there’s no escape from it all completely because there’s something always lurking inside you that basically gets triggers,and now your in it all over again,and then it’s like a repetitive cycle as perhaps addictions with addictive behaviors which are very hard to overcome least to say,and now at this point you might need proper help,and might not be able to get it,and then your really stuck at this point not knowing where to turn to,never ending in mind as I hope this sums it all up for what really happened🙏🦋🥵🐊🐯
Thank you for watching and sharing. I'm sorry there is still so much present for you. I hope you have the support you deserve as you continue this journey. ❤️
Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty
"You can unlearn it".
Thank you.
❤
You're very welcome. ❤️ Thank you for watching.
Thank you 2nd video and I have had loads of excellent healing therapy. But you articulating the how and what if recovery at a cellular level again perhaps as a survivor you can experience the recovery truly fro the inside out. As I am up with insomnia your videos are very healing. Thank you
Hi Carolanne. Thank you for taking the time to comment and your kind words. I'm so glad you found this helpful.
am still in denial...i cried throughout the video coz its like you were actually talking about me😭😭😭
Denial is incredibly strong and can serve a really important purpose... for a time. I hope feeling connected to what I shared helps you feel less alone and hopefully hopeful about your own healing... healing you deserve.
Thanks Peggy, this is so helpful in articulating my own experience and coming out of avoidance.
I'm so glad you found this video helpful. Thank you for watching and commenting.
Hello Peggy. I think that this is the video that I like the most from you because I think that you really get what it's like to go through this topic, or (you learned a lot about it to share with others). I definitely don't mean to hurt your feelings by saying that. I just understand a lot of the stuff you said in this video especially. Hearing that probably the most significant effect of my childhood, is the reason that when I was younger I didn't go after my dream of becoming a veterinarian, just because I didn't think I could make it through what it takes to become one and I don't even deserve that future. Saying that these feelings are learned and can be unlearned.
+Kachun Gamble-Marshall Thank you for taking the time to comment and watch my videos. I'm so glad you were able to really connect with this one. I do really get it. I lived for many, many years with the struggles of being a survivor. My feelings are not hurt. ;) I think most of us are held back by our beliefs of unworthiness. It's amazing to see the experiences and careers people are able to go after as they move through healing. It's never too late to decide to be a veterinarian if that's what you want to do. :) I certainly wouldn't have thought I could do what I do now, especially since I dropped out of high school @16.
I know this video is 8 years old but I feel compelled to comment anyway. Peggy thank you so much for making this video. Everyone has said this and it's true: it feels like you were speaking directly to me. For years, since the abuse took place, I have struggled with everything you talk about, but I never understood why. Part of that IS because of denial - because the nature of the abuse was partially covert (and far too complicated to explain), I never really thought of it as abuse. Rather, I thought I was insane and even horrible child for believing the worst of my parent when I wasn't sure (self-blame!). That self doubt had a huge impact on me. I truly thought, and still think at times, that there is something inherently wrong with me because of it. That has always been some inexplicable void in me that can never be filled. Over time, unbeknownst to me, my self hatred got buried under layers of "muck" and was more far removed from the truth. I hated myself for being stupid, for procrastinating, for the constant, endless self sabotaging. I only went to a therapist because my avoidance tactics (that I had learned as a result of the abuse) and self sabotage had gotten so bad that I was ruining opportunities and relationships for myself, to the point that I question my ability to hold a job. It took me YEARS to even define what happened as abuse and as traumatic, much less connect my current state to the abuse, and only did so with the help of my therapist. This video has helped me so much - I identify with everything you've given us here. It feels like the key to my lock. In a way, that validates my experiences, because it's so certain, it must be true that the abuse I so often doubt happened did have a profound effect on me. The 20 minutes of watching this video have been valuable to me and I have no doubt that I will rewatch it. Thank you so much again. You're doing incredible work by putting these videos out and educating people about healing from sexual abuse. I can tell how much this matters to you and I hope you know that with these videos, you are - in however a minute way - helping people on their healing journey. Much love
Thank you so much for watching, taking the time to share, and your kind words. ❤️ I'm sorry for the delayed response. It's an honor to know that it's helped you trust that you're not insane, nor is there something inherently wrong with you. What you've written is exactly why I do these videos... we all have felt so terribly alone and damaged. ❤️
Amazing video. Everything you said resonates. I'm now 55 and only now am I dealing it thank you
Thanks so much for watching. I'm glad you were able to connect with the video. I'm also so glad you've decided to take this journey. It's never too late.
I always wondered why that i was so different and now i know that i am not the only survivor. Thanks for the videos and for the comments by other peoples story too. I need this because my life is changing and i want to let go of my past but i am taking baby steps. I have been Dancing my whole life to express myself that`s when i feel alive. I put some on You Tube but then I took them off because of peoples criticism. Thx again and for anyone else that is reaching out. My heart goes out to you all.... :) ;) p.s Maybe this will encourage me to put my videos back on You Tube....
+Mimps T Thanks so much for commenting. I'm glad you found the video helpful. You are certainly not alone. Putting yourself out there in a public way can be difficult. I've learned there will always be people who judge or criticize, no matter how good or valuable something is. We can't take it personally. I hope you choose to share your videos again. Just make sure you have support around you to remind you of who you are. :)
I do have support thank you!! but its nice when people experience the sort of the same abuse. Now i am realizing that I am this way because of it. I hope i can directed it in ways to help others... I am still taking baby steps but i will get there someday. I keep telling myself that. :) ;)
+Mimps T Big things happen by taking baby steps. :)
it sure does..... :) ;)
Numb is right...
thanks for this video, what you said make a lot of sense, i like what you said in the end about not making our struggles define us and i trully believe that.
i was abused at the age of 7 or 8 by a close family member and i felt all the yhings you mentioned (depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, unworthiness, trust issues, fear of relationships), but i manage somehow to overcome some of these and it was by my true belief that im not define but what happened and that i was only a child, i still have trust issues and i never been in a close relationship with anyone but im willing to try and see what could happen
thanks again
+Lm bl Thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you were able to connect with some of the things I shared. I'm also glad you are open to allowing yourself true connection. You deserve to heal all the parts of you. :)
Oh thank you for that information Peggy! I want to do whatever will allow me to make a difference in as many people'a lives as possible. I will look into that!!
Thank you Peggy for your videos. I've been in therapy several times but this time I've stuck with it for over a year now, even still I feel sometimes like my therapist doesn't get what I'm saying so your videos are very helpful. I want to be an LPC some day so I can help people.
Paige Loria Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm so glad you've found the videos helpful. I know it can feel really frustrating when it seems the person who is suppose to help you doesn't seem to understand. If you feel comfortable with the person (hopefully you do since you've been working with her or him for over a year) I would encourage you to bring it up the next time it happens. Good luck to you as you pursue your career. Though I would suggest becoming an LCSW instead ;). Just kidding. I'm obviously a little biased ;)
I wanted to say that I created my history of multiple marriages. I kept thinking that I was bad and I'd caused all the problems in the relationships and then horrible things about this one or that one would surface and people would say, oh you just need to find a nice guy - he wasn't good enough for you. I was confused because I "knew" I was bad and I wanted to believe them because it seemed like a solution and I sure couldn't believe I was hopeless because i had to go on. I kept thinking that "now I'm good enough" "I'm older now, and I've read all these books, and I've gone to Bible studies and I'm good enough now to be a good wife". I said all that to say that I kept ending up with the same man. And I got sicker and sicker. I felt like I wanted to say this to help any man or woman who is like this to know they aren't alone. I'm now learning from Peggy and suddenly (HAPPILY) I am seeing many things..life is making sense. It's a mess but I'm not hopeless or crazy. Thank you for letting me say that.
Hi Bethy. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and sharing your experience. I know there are many people who can relate to what you shared and who will benefit from hearing it. I smiled when I read that your seeing many things and life is making sense. This is exactly my hope in doing what I do...to help people see themselves, their lives in a different way.
Thanks again!
My Heart and my prayers go out to all those people, men and women that have been sexually abused as children, and yet they have been brave enough to survive their abuse. I pray that with God's help you all will find healing.
I appreciate your kind words and support. ❤
Spot on about self-worth. So much truth in this video...
Thanks so much for watching and commenting.
I had the blatantly obvious signs I had been sexually molested when I was a baby. I had the scarring and stretch marks on my private of an adult male involved with pornography when I was six years old in the first grade. The trauma caused me to have learning disabilities and I was held back in the 3rd grade, and I was stricken with depression starting in grade school ... all blatantly obvious signs of early childhood sexual abuse. I have been victimized by covert narcissists and gaslighting my entire life. I have been poisoned and am sick from it, attempts have been made on my life and I believe people that wanted to help me have been murdered and other people are in such fear of being harmed they cannot help me. All of this because the public schools decided to cover up the crime of sexual abuse and they cannot tell the truth because of the amount of trouble they would face.
Thank you so much for uploading this video... I recently uploaded my sexual abuse story on my channel. I've gone through all those phases you mentioned as well. ( denial being my main growth block) I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it's been less than a year that I've removed myself from that position. I'm just starting on my process towards healing... Some of your advice would really help a whole lot...
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. So glad you are standing in your truth and are no longer in an abusive relationship.
You have a lot of courage to talk about it, it will help others. Have a wonderful day:-)
Thanks so much for watching and commenting. Wishing you a wonderful day too. :)
Oh my Gosh! My step dad, the only dad that I knew violated me at 7 years old; I must had repressed that because I did not remembered that first act until I was 41. He later had sexual contacts between 10 to 12 years old, I couldn't put words to my feelings until therapy from 2012 tell now.
I'm glad you got help and were able to connect with your feelings. Thank you for sharing.
My father says he does not remember anything. I remember the bone- breaking physical abuse, it come sin flashbacks, but I do not fully remember my childhood. I know some children fondled me, but I suspect there was more going on, probably with adults (Too much of my attractions and desires are too twisted).
But I do not remember, either! I do not want to undergo hypnosis because it cannot be trusted. I am waiting for God to help me. Maybe I am not ready to know what really happened, yet.
Thank you for commenting, Tundrawolf! Our mind has an incredible way of protecting us from things that have the potential to overwhelm our ability to cope.
I've worked with many people over the years who don't have many specific memories, but more a sense of abuse...and living with all the difficulties abuse creates. It is possible to heal without remembering everything that happened.
It might be a good idea to speak to someone who specializes in working with survivors of childhood abuse to help determine what the best avenue may be.
MARK 11:23,2425 ; Tundrawolf, You are awesomely loved! Psalms 139: 1-16 (Message bible)
Thanks Peggy, this video is so clear and grounded and real that it gives me hope and great inspiration.
Hi Claremarie. Thanks so much for taking the time to watch and comment. I'm happy to know this video helped to give you hope and inspiration; both very important for healing.
I have a silly question. Can a person also be effected long term in physical ways? I mean besides what may be an obvious physical effect directly afterwards, for example: you may be considered healthy but feel sick to your stomach or nauseated often years after even if it's been a long time since you've even considered thinking about your abuses in any way.
No silly questions here :). For every person who has the courage to ask a question, there are hundreds of other people who have wondered the same thing.
Yes, absolutely, people are effected physically as well. There is a strong correlation between survivors of abuse and gastrointestinal issues (nausea being one of them) and fibromyalgia. However, with healing there is often a significant decrease in symptoms. I believe both of these conditions are a result of the chronic stress our bodies go through when experiencing and living with abuse.
Until you've been able to truly heal abuse, even when you are not consciously thinking about it, it is with you. It is always in the background.
I got physically sick when I first had to tell my story to a group of women!
Read Marilyn Van Derbur's book or watch her videos. She was paralyzed for 11 years!
I agree with Peggy - no silly questions! Psychosomatic symptoms are common - headaches (including recurrent migraines), stomach issues, body aches, sore throats, urinary tract infections, etc. They are symptoms of suppressed anxiety, stress, rage and are sometimes a form of self-punishment.
Yes because the trauma is mental but the repulsion of the act might affect a reflex in their body, thus I'm affraid of mice so I step back is an example of this trauma,
Thank you so much for your videos, I just came across them today. 😭😭😭😭
Thanks so much for watching. I hope you find them helpful. Don't forget, if you have a question you'd like me to answer you can send to qanda@courageousjourneys.com
Hey Peggy ! So happy to find your channel it is so needed. I just wanted to say can you make the videos bit smaller like upto 30 mins or 45 mins max cause there are many videos with bigger span so I cant watch them with that momentum. Thank you!
Thanks so much for watching. I'm glad you find the videos helpful. Sorry some are too long for you. Hopefully there are enough (already created and going forward) within that time frame you can continue to watch. Many of the live videos have the information I share within the first part (in your time frame) and the remainder is often addressing questions or comments.
Thank you, Carol, for taking the time to watch and comment :). I hope you were able to find something helpful. If you'd like more, you can join the conversation on my blog & Facebook.
What makes it bad is revictimization! I never blame myself I told right away! The law did nothing that is what ruined me and I lost my family they sided with the uncle! Please talk about this! I am numb to life!
I'm glad you've never blamed yourself and you were able to tell. I'm sorry your family and the justice system added more betrayal to your experience. This definitely adds additional layers to healing. Thank you for the suggestion to cover this topic. Thank you for watching and commenting.
What a great video! Thank you so much!😊🌷💜
I'm so glad you liked it. Thank you for watching and commenting. ❤️
Trauma in many cases produces a trance state which is an altered state of awareness in which many things are assumed true which are not. In my therapy practice I would focus on the structure of the problem rather than the content. This would be the equivalent of changing a program within our bio-computer without addressing the content. When done through hypnotherapy and communicating with the higher mind without interference of the conscious mind many underlying programs can be changed without bringing up the traumatic memories or accessing hidden memories.
I agree, healing is not about having to replay traumatic experiences. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Thank you for posting videos. May God bless you.
I'm glad the videos feel helpful to you. Thank you for watching and commenting.
Hi Kristy Sparkles. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. Depending on who you ask, you could get many different answers. The general population uses the terms interchangeably. In the field of SA, we use the terms to describe the type of sexual violence someone experiences. Sexual assault is generally used when there is penetration (any type of penetration). Abuse is any other type of unwanted sexual behavior. I hope that helps.
I was told by my daughter about her abuse on jan 17 2017. It is still in the court system. How does a mother heal? What does healing actually mean? The pain becomes less? The memories are less? Triggers lessen? How do I as her mom stop crying, feeling guilty.angry.sad.and revengeful
Learning your child was abused, especially if it was by someone you know or were in a relationship with can be absolutely devastating. I'm sorry you are both going through this. I would encourage you to find a therapist who can help you navigate this process. Your daughter needs and deserves help, as do you. Many rape crisis centers offer counseling for family members of survivors. You can search your zip code or area with "rape crisis center".
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW been in therapy since 2017.
Thank you so much for your videos 🙏🏼✨❤️✨
+Jessica Prado Hanson You're very welcome Jessica. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
+Peggy Oliveira, MSW if you have the time please check out my channel. I am also a survivor of rape and am talking about these things on my channel in a very different way than you do. I would love to collaborate with you in the future if you would ever be interested. So much love! 🙏🏼
+Jessica Prado Hanson Congratulations on your channel. I'd love to hear your thoughts about collaborating! Feel free to send me an email.
thank you so much .. this help me a lot
I love you .. you are amazing
Thank you Neen. I'm glad it helped.
Hi Peggy, how are you? I love your videos/please could you do one on those who have a delayed anger response to abuse (like when people have been through therapy but later in life, anger and irritability starts to come out unexpectedly at random people) I hope you understand that. Thanks for your videos xx
Thanks to your details explaination peggy
It makes me more clearer although it hurts
I'm sorry you're hurting. You're not alone. ❤️ I'm glad the videos are helpful for you.
Is ok. Feeling the feelings that we have also part of the healing process.
first i want to thank you for your helpful videos. im a 24 years old woman, i was sexually abused as a child and as a result i
have trust and commitment issues and a serious fear of emotional and physical intimicy. i know i need help, but now i cant afford therapy. so can you please recommend some self help books to deal with this.
thank you
Hi. Do you know Teal Swan? Her book and videos might help as well. And I love Peggy's videos too.
thank you . please make a group to join and share our stories
Hi Fouad. I have a FB group survivors can join. I also have a program I run a couple of times a year for survivors. You can sign up for the FB group here courageousjourneys.com/courageouswarriors/?fbclid=IwAR1hI2KMd2XOsFcnoxj8UdjF2C_zfxno8FbmYRhVGGuCgmNcphB49bozNYQ. I am also planning to create a series for Sexual Assault Awareness Month this April (2019) for people to share their stories. You can sign up for my newsletter to stay connected and get information as those things become available. www.courageousjourneys.com
Thank you Peggy!!!
I want to heal and start therapy but I don’t want to talk about my abuse. Why do I have to talk about it??
Let me clarify, I don’t want to talk about the actual acts of sexual abuse that was done to me. I can talk about anything else but why do I have to talk about those times?
@@staceyburns7666 Generally speaking, you don't have to share all the details of abuse in order to heal. It's more about sharing that you have an abuse history and the impact it's created. If you have flashbacks or carry a lot of shame around specific aspects of your abuse, sometimes it can be important to share those pieces so you can work to release the intensity of feeling associated with it. Sharing with your therapist who the perpetrator(s) is in regards to your relationship with them is also important in terms of impact. You don't have to give a name, just how close the relationship was/is. I hope this helps.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW Thank you so much for your response. That makes so much sense. I'm currently looking for a therapist and I hope to start healing.
I was r twice. And other things too. I dont like saying or writing the words sorry.
I did alot of this.
This was years ago. Between the ages of 14 and 18. I did drugs and otherthings to make my self numb. It worked for the most part. I'm 24 now. Im fostering my brother. His mom is one of my triggers and have been fostering my brother for 6 months. Iv seen her several times even talked to her and was fine until the other day. . now Im having nightmares again. At first it wasnt too bad. I brushed it off and moved on. But its been 4 days now. And they wont stop. I dont do anything drugs cut nun of that anymore not in the last 4 years. Which as i said i used before to numb my self. So now I have no way to stop them. I'm already looking into going to a theirapist but thats a chalange for me on its own. . But my question is why would it just come back. I mean why now. Iv seen and talked to her plenty of times before. The thing with her wasnt nearly as bad as the second. And the first night was the thing with her. But the second and third and 4th night are just about the second time. and now its like its stuck in my head on replay. Idk how to talk to my spouse about it he doesnt understand. I want too talk to him and I want him to understand why I'm being off but i dont know how too.
I dont really know if I had an actual question. Sorry.
Mostly just wondering if theirs anytricks to talking to him.or atleast making the dreams stop again.
I already know i need therapy iv been told that but that wont happen for a few more weeks. I dont want to sleep bc I dont want to dream. And I oviously have to sleep bc im a mom and my kids need me to be able to function. If im preocupied it's not so bad. But at night. Everyones asleep or at work. So I'm stuck.
Hi Melodie. I'm sorry things have been so hard lately. There are many reasons things can come back to the surface. The fact that you're taking care of your brother may be the biggest reason right now. Obviously it's not about him but he is connected to the woman who feels triggering to you.
Hopefully you can get in to see someone soon. You deserve to have the right type of support to heal.
Thank you for your video...
Thank you for watching and commenting. :)
Thank you so much for this
My pleasure.
random question ... why are the words ("hope" & I think the other is "dream") in the background backwards? I've noticed them in all your videos. And the clock runs backwards as well. I am assuming that it is because of how it was filmed ... ??
Very observant :). Apparently I had the video camera set to "flip" when I recorded the videos. I realized it when I noticed one time my hair was parted on the wrong side :)
I know what it is like to have been abused as a child. I've been dealing with the repercussions of such a significant life event. I seriously doubt that there can ever be any full healing from that trauma. I do not doubt that there is a way to completely blot out the stain from my memory. I hold a kind of anger for the whole thing. There is a natural way about predators and prey. For example, the natural way about the predatory Lion and the prey like gazelle. The Lion can and will strike its prey the gazelle at any given moment. So long as the Lion can strike, it will strike. It's inevitably natural. You see the gazelle are wise too. They can feel when the Lion is looking to strike. The Gazelle's ability to identify the perceived threat and the imperative movement that is attached to it, will have to make a swift judgement to hold on to its integrity. In every hunt the Lion strikes successfully or it fails to complete the objective. The Gazelle will Live or it will die after any attempted hunt from the Lion. So many are and so many will be yet the Lion and the Gazelle.
MrJontheboat Thank you for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your lion & gazelle analogy. I tend to think it is possible to heal the damage, but not ever forget that it happened or have memory of it. That certainly doesn't mean that you may not still have difficulties at times (but so does everyone, regardless of history). It just means the burden of abuse no longer controls your life as you've let go of unworthiness, shame, and all the other struggles.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW hi I know this is an older video but I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I have sudden anxiety/panic attacks sometimes would you say this might have to do with what happened to me ? Thanks hope to hear from you
@@blondiexoxo1286 It is definitely possible, probably likely, they are related in some way. In large part because of the way our body experiences the abuse and the connection to fear and uncertainty. Thank you for watching.
@@PeggyOliveiraMSW thanks for getting back to me ☺
@@blondiexoxo1286 My pleasure. :)
What is an LCSW? I just decided LPC because I wanted to help people like me and LPC was the only thing I had heard of?
Paige Loria An LCSW is a Clinical Social Worker and and LPC is a Clinical Professional Counselor. You can be a therapist with either one. Though as a Social Worker you have additional opportunities too. Whenever someone talks to me about considering getting into "the field" of helping other survivors, or helping people in general, I generally encourage people to consider Social Work.
This has been super helpful, thank you.
arubiana Thank you for taking the time to comment. I'm glad you found it helpful.
Thanks for making these videos, I hope you'll continue to make them. I learned so much from this video in particular.
arubiana It's my pleasue to do the videos. I will continue to do them, hopefully on a bit more consistent basis soon. :)
I'm looking forward to them, I can't tell you how helpful these videos have been, thanks again. :)
I hope this is true
I'm not sure what you're referring to specifically, but if it's something I shared about the ability heal, I absolutely believe it's true.
Beautiful
Wow good video, I have question I need help and advice
Thanks for watching. If it's something I can help answer through Q&A, you can send to qanda@courageousjourneys.com
Does anyone else have a nearly impossible to completely impossible ability to take compliments from others... Friends, family, or strangers? Not only can I not take a compliment of any kind seriously, I immediately shoot it down by pointing out a bunch of flaws to invalidate the compliment. I also feel like people are just patronizing me when they try to compliment me because I'm so pathetic and they see right through me and my traumas... I honestly don't know how anyone can overcome these traumas. My level of self-hatred is incredible. I've have numerous people tell me that they've never met anyone that hates his or herself as much as I do. While I won't go through with it, I am plagued with vivid thoughts of suicide... How I want my funeral, who can and can't be there, every detail is stuck in my head nearly all day almost everyday. I'm so lost.
Melissa Marie Thank you for taking the time to comment. While I don't struggle with this anymore, it was a huge thing for me in the past and it is generally big for people who struggle with self-worth. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Healing is difficult, but it is possible. As I said, this was a big thing for me and through my healing I've been able to heal that among many other things. I'm releived to hear you say you would not act on your thoughts. If you haven't found someone to work with, I would really encourage you to find someone who has a lot of experience working with survivors. Don't give up.
+Melissa Marie oh yeah i have this. Guitar player here so i get them alot. I super inflate my ego to get onstage, Admitted my dark secret last night ion private msg to my family and my partner. I put out this ultra confident vibe even cocky to keep people away. Had best nights sleep last night finally telling someone. Now im prepared for people to think im crazy and not believe me. Im starting therapy tomorrow night. Please pray my gf ( lead singer ) understands.
+Shane doss Thank you for connecting with Melissa. It's so important to know we are not alone.
Mine is honestly the opposite. I was sexualized so young that I grew up to believe that my body and outer beauty is all I have that makes me worthy. Sad but just affects different people differently
Are you a professional therapist or you speaking from experience???
Hi Natalie. I am a survivor of abuse and a therapist specializing in working with survivors. I now do my work as a Mentor and facilitate retreats.
I would love to be able to talk to you on a personal level about the things that I am dealing with at the moment...
+Megan Nolder Hi Megan. Thank you for watching. I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but I am now providing virtual mentorship/coaching. If that's something you might be interested in, you can find more info @ courageousjourneys.com/work-with-me/ I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have about the possibility of us working together.
How do I contact you ?
You can send a message through my website courageousjourneys.com
Bull I cannot trust anyone that forced intercourse destroyed my life . How dare you excuse my brother!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what I said that you interpreted as a suggestion to excuse SA but I assure you that is not what was said. I also would not suggest that you trust someone who perpetrated SA. If you'd like to share what part you believe suggested that, I might be able to clarify.
Dear Peggy, I am recovering from sexual abuse and aware of all the things you shared. I yust want to add one thing. Because the abuse started to took place, very urly, in my childhood, I onely hat feelings about it. It learned my that love or bying loved, was a feeling you get, when you do, what makes others feel good about themselfs, whatever that is. They don't see you for who you realy are and that is who you become. Pleasing others and not yourself, thinking that's what love is all about! I'm learning to love myself and no therapist tells me how. No, they yust say, 'You have to love yourself more'! How? You have to find that out on your one! Thank you for shareing and have a nice day. Marty.
Thanks for commenting and your question. You learn to "love yourself" by believing in your worth. This is a process of undoing all the false beliefs about yourself (often unconscious) and learning to see the truth of who you are... a worthy, lovable person.