Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…We are here BECAUSE you are real and vulnerable. I’ll speak for myself, but I don’t like videos that are edited and I feel they are not real because the creator choose what they want us to see. Sooo…I can relate to you. Yes, life is hard. Yes, I know what it feels to have all we need to be happy but not be. It’s hard work. Please continue to be you on the screen because you do a great job at communicating what you feel and you’re interesting, funny and just so authentic. ❤️
Aww thank you so much ❤️ It makes me feel very reassured to know that not including edits is okay. I appreciate your comment and am so happy you are enjoying the videos. Hope you have a great week!
Unedited, raw, uncensored…that’s why I like your channel…never feel pressured to upload if you don’t want to…we’re the ones who are privileged to have you as a friend 😊
Honestly Maddie, this is what I appreciate about your videos... that fact that you are so extremely real and depict real addiction recovery (because I will always say this, eating disorders are an addiction, either it is to being sick or the control) and I relate to all of what you are saying, specially since I'm taking advanced calculus in the summer. All of the videos I see are so edited and are like "give yourself permission" and "be kind to yourself" but THAT'S NOT HOW MOST OF US FEEL!! and I feel like that is like this special recovery image that it's not true. Thank you for being honest Maddie, and depicting most of our chaotic minds how they should be😂😂
Ana, I am so happy to hear that you like these types of videos. I honestly wasn't sure what the response would be like from people but it has been really positive. You are also right about eating disorders being an addiction, and one that is very hard to break! Good for you for taking advanced calculus! I was always horrible with numbers which is why I went into arts and writing 😂 I am glad you appreciate the honesty and I will always be open and honest with my channel. Hope you have a great week!
i dont even think you understnd how much u have helped me in my recovery!!!! thank you so much. I hope that brightens your day a little! im super proud of u
This video was honestly extremely helpful for me this morning. I just cancelled plans because I’m so burnt out. I also have a 9-5 job but it’s counselling people alllll day about diabetes and sitting on my ass. I constantly feel so angry and annoyed that my job burns me out giving me less time for what I really want to do- read, yoga, move my body, be outside, bake, cook lovely meals but no. By Friday night I’m miserable. I totally relate and sometimes wish I could quit and find something else that wouldn’t burn this introvert out. So thank you. I feel your pain. And honestly from an outside perspective every time I watch you I think in my head that you’re gorgeous. You have a natural beauty. Thanks for posting even though you didn’t want to! Xo
Ashley, thank you so much for your comment. Burn out is REAL and we all need to recognize that, including myself. I also feel miserable by Friday night and find my weekends are just recovering and prepping myself to do it all over again. Hopefully we can start to find joy in the little things and begin incorporating more of the things we love. I am finding it a struggle to not work when my "work hours" are over and want to start abiding by set working hours so I'm not doing overtime. I am sending you lots of love and hope you have a great week. ❤️
I hear you!!!!!!! What I see and feel is that weight is more important than career, family, and other successes. But that isn’t the truth for any other people I admire. They value their journey, goals, accomplishments outside of weight loss. The big work is finding fulfillment in pursuits other than weight loss. This is for good reason bc it has been a friend, partner, hobby, obsession etc. Until I learn how to fill all of the holes where the Ed once was , I am always going to go back to it when I’m sad, lonely, board, anxious, happy, sad. That’s a lot of new pathways, thoughts, and behaviors. BTW, you are beautiful, blonde, funny, smart, have blue nails, and ride a surfboard. Being thin was the least interesting thing about you! I love this format for your videos. I don’t need wHat I eat in a day videos. I need to be reminded that the thinking that leads me back to Ed has to be addressed. My weight isn’t the problem. Alas, as soon as I type that my Ed thinking floods back in. Let’s keep fighting!💗💗💗💗
You are so right! Our weight has nothing to do with success. Our bodies are just the vessel we have been given to get through this life, not the while focus of our lives. I like what you said about finding fulfillment in pursuits other than weight loss, I need to find a goo hobby haha. I love your comment a lot and thank you for your words. Weight is not the problem, society is! We will keep fighting together ❤️
Take as much time as you need for yourself. Recovery is tough, but so are you. I’m going through exactly the same things as you at the moment, and the other day I decided to take time for myself and return to therapy because atypical bulimia isn’t done with me yet. Exercise is still a problem, and it hurts my knees, but I try to focus on the number of fear foods I have overcome, and how much better my relationship with myself is. It’s not the best, but it’s better. Let’s all focus on progress not perfection together.
Hannah, thank you for your comment ❤️ I think what you said is great: focusing on how far you've come! I am proud of you for continuing to fight! We can all get through this together 💪
Girl, ITS OK if your videos aren’t perfect! We aren’t here for the fancy smancy editing, we are here to help each other on this journey. Uuuggghhhh Ed’s are so hard when you reach your target weight sometimes….I totally understand what you mean when you mentioned the thought “ you don’t need to eat since you are at your target weight.” But, like you said, we just gotta keep going… I would definitely suggest going to see a therapist again. As much as I hate going, it’s sooooo helpful. Keep it up Maddie, you got this💪❤️
Hi Maddie, sending you a big hug from New Zealand! This is what your 20s are about, finding what works for you. It can be really really hard; every decision you make is one step closer to contentment. Wouldn’t it be cool if you could work as a travel writer specialising in ED recovery suitable retreats or accommodations? Goals are important for structure and focus. That said, ‘achieving goals’ in and of itself isn’t necessarily fulfilling. Similar to how achieving success financially doesn’t (in itself) bring the fulfilment that some people hope, achieving a set weight won’t necessarily (or ever, really) change anything mentally. Achieving ever further goals doesn’t = happiness. Discovering what WILL equal happiness, for you personally, is the journey. Life isn’t linear, it meanders through waves of experience, it loops around and idles in some parts, racing in others. I’m so glad to be with you on the ride 💜 Alli in NZ
Hi Alli, I love what you said about being in your 20s: it's all about finding what works for you. I love what you said about becoming a travel writer specializing in ED recovery suitable retreats, that would be great! Unfortunately, I mostly focus on conservation, the climate crisis and wildlife in my writing but maybe I need to branch out! As you said, life is not linear and this will hopefully just be one of my downs. I appreciate your comments every week and really hope you are doing well! Sending love to you ❤️
I’d rather watch a “what’s on my mind” video than a polished, edited video any day. I think if you’re feeling really low, a check-in with a therapist just never hurts. For me mentally it helps so much to have something on the calendar to look forward to, especially during precious summer weekends. They have roller skating at the bentway which looks like a laugh, or maybe Toronto zoo with a friend! thank you for posting, thank you for sharing as always! xx
Hey Tesa, thank you for the comment :) I am glad to hear that you like these kinds of videos as there will probably be more like them haha I will be seeking help from a therapist as I think it will be great to have someone to turn to for advice. Checking out roller skating at the bentway or the Toronto zoo sounds like a great idea! Today I'm going for a walk around the brickworks with a friend so that will be nice to get outside for a bit. Hope you have a great week!
This video is real, honest and hit on so many things I’m struggling with right now. Thank you for posting it. I know you might not think it but it’s so helpful to hear someone express the thoughts that run through my mind. Hang in there, girl. Take care of yourself first!
So glad you enjoyed the video but sorry to hear that you are also struggling. I like to be honest and vulnerable on my channel so people can relate and hopefully feel less alone. Thanks for the comment ❤️
Hang in there... I'm in the exact same position I'm feeling so uncomfortable in my myself even though everything is going right. I don't even want to get out bed and I don't want to eat and yet I am still eating... my treatment teams tells me it is about mechanical actions.... we have to keep faith that it is going to be worth it.. .because restricting and being sick isnt going to help us either or make anything better. Everything feels impossible right now but it is just a season and it is going to be temporary. Doing this whole recovery thing as an adult alone is so dam hard... but we have to try fake it till we make it... at least that is what I'm trying to do. It should be this hard.. and even though you feel alone you're not.. I relate to everything and wish I could make it better. x
Sarah, thank you for the comment. I am sorry to hear that you are also not doing so great. It's hard to battle an eating disorder but we can fight this together 💪 The hard part about recovery is that all the right things feel wrong. Eg: Eating is what you SHOULD do but your head is screaming at you to restrict. But you are right in that it's just a season and it's going to be temporary. Going backwards will not help anything. Try to remember that you are not alone. I created this channel to help support others going through similar situations and believe that we can all help each other. I acknowledge that it's hard, I have no doubt about that. But there will be ups and downs and this is just a down. It won't be like this forever. You've got this ❤️
I'm really grateful that you filmed this video even though you are feeling burnt out. Your vulnerability and honesty are exactly why I watch your videos and I am never disappointed. In fact, the videos where you are open about your struggles help me the most. I cannot recommend therapy enough for dealing with the deeper, internal work. For so many of us, food and weight restoration alone will not heal an eating disorder. The eating disorder is the symptom but there is always something deeper that is the cause. For me it was depression, anxiety, trauma and self hatred. I could eat all the food in the world but I had to figure out why I believed I was so worthless. It's ok to not be ok right now. I'm struggling too. We will get through this. 💕
Dorothy, I think it's important to be open and vulnerable not just for myself, but others as well. I will be seeking out help from a therapist. I only stopped because I got so busy and was traveling but know I should be prioritizing my health. What you said about the eating disorder being the symptom for something deeper is so true and we need to work the deeper stuff to really heal ourselves. We can get through this together ❤️
Our brains aren’t wired to be happy. You keep shaming yourself for your feelings, you get worse. You also don’t give yourself enough credit! You can find balance. You can eat mindfully without relapsing into your disorder. You feel guilt for your food choices, but you feel guilt for not ‘embracing’ recovery by doing the opposite of the ED’s abstinence. Food isn’t only about immediate gratification or suppression, but how it feeds your soul and what it gives you in terms of mental and physical nourishment. You can’t have a normal relationship with food now, but that not a bad thing. Most don’t understand the roll food has in their lives, the good and the ugly. But coming to peace with food is seeing it as the building blocks to construct the most thriving version of your body, and that takes TIME to truly listen and process. I find my BDD gets worse when over exercising OR sedentary because I lose touch with my sensations. Too much exercise is destructive but sustaining enough energy while staying still I was hyper aware of my flesh and that buzzing on my skin I couldn’t release. I felt uncomfortable in my body, but it wasn’t the size in the end, it was the sensations. Weight lifting really saved me. Nothing about calories, nearly impossible to overdue like that ‘one more mile’ on the treadmill, and I felt strong and in tune with each body part in this way no other exercise gave me. Even tired, I can start and feel more rejuvenated by the end if I trust the process. You can believe in yourself to fight the urge to engage in behaviors, your wise mind is strong. Also keep in mind, you’re depressive state, but I don’t think it’s only eating disorder caused. You’re a young adult challenged in our modern world. So many young women feel defeated, it’s our charge but it isn’t our destiny. You have the feelings we all have, the ‘should’ and the dissatisfaction. It’s because we are in a society not made for our primitive brains, our intellectual mind and our biology are always fighting. So yes, do see a therapist! They will help guide you. And your feelings are normal! I struggle with them, so do many others. We just keep it to ourselves out of shame. But you’re doing great, just keep heading forward and find new goals, and forgive yourself for your feelings :)
Thank you so much for your comment and you bring up a lot of great points. It's okay to not feel great all the time - that is normal. At the moment, food is a struggle for me and that is okay. Everything can be done in moderation: food, exercise, being social etc. I am actually set to join a new gym in September that will be focused on strength and weight lifting, I am really excited for that :) As you said, the modern world is challenging and many women feel defeated. I will be seeking out a therapist as I think it will be good for me to have someone to talk to and to provide me with advice. I hope you have a great week! Take care.
This is so relatable. Thank you Maddie for making this video. This is true, this is real, and this is so difficult in recovery. It slips people up so much in recovery and it's so hard. You are completely right, it's when you do need to keep going, but it doesn't take away how horrible it feels and it's okay to feel that and acknowledge that and have to sit in that. I know you can get through this and we all can get through this, together, because we can all sit in it feeling crap and laugh about it and get through it with compassion together because we know deep down were doing the right thing and it's the only way that this feeling is going to end. Going back to the ED is unfortunately not the solution although it 100% does feel like it is at the time. Deep breath, we all got this, together. Thank you again Maddie for making this. Hope you're having a better day today xxxx
I am glad that you enjoyed the video. We just need to keep going when things get tough because turning back will only make things worse. Sending love to you and hope that you have a great week ❤️
I legit have nothing to say but I love you, I have written a comment much longer than this but deleted it because it would probably not have helped anyone. But just throwing it out to you that I've seen every video of you (actually for real every single one), and whatever you upload, I'll watch it because it's you who posted it.
Thank you so much for you comment and support - it means a lot to me. I am happy to hear that you will watch anything as it takes the pressure off me to post a "perfect" video. Hope you have a great week! ❤️
I've watched pretty much every video since the beginning, and you're one of my favorite TH-camrs. Because you are the most real and relatable recovery TH-camr imo. We started our recovery journeys at the same time too so it's been nice to kind of go through it with you (well, at least from my perspective, since you have no idea who I am haha). I struggle with a lot of the same things you do, both before and during recovery. I'm feeling a lot of the same way you are now too. I feel like it's been long enough and I should be happier/feeling better. But all I do is hate my body and feel trapped inside it. I've actually started to relapse, and I don't feel bad about it. Apparently recovery and having the life I wanted doesn't make me happy, so might as well go back to being skinny and unhappy. But anyway, I just wanted to say that I'll keep watching no matter what videos you put out because I'm here for you and your personality and the fact that you don't try to present everything like butterflies and rainbows. Your sincerity and rawness is refreshing.
I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy my videos :) I am sorry to hear that you are also struggling but we can get through this together! I think what's important to remember is that there is no set timeline in recovery. There are no "shoulds" as things take time and everyone heals at their own pace. Yes, there can be similarities, but everyone is different. What we all have in common, however, is that we need to keep going! I am sorry to hear that you are not in a great place right now but think about how far you have come! Relapsing might feel comfortable but it will only cause more harm in the end - that is what I keep telling myself. I believe in you, we've got this ❤️
Breathe….TH-cam is a strange but wonderful thing. Some people have qualities that just mean it feels possible to really connect even via videos - like yours - amazing- but that’s because of your authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable. I want you to know that yes you have helped me think about doing things differently and encouraged me but I want you to know I (we I suspect- the community on TH-cam) are doing it alongside you. We are all in this together the good the bad and the ugly. I don’t come here to just hear the amazing- I come here to hear the real. That’s what helps. Honestly. Validating your struggles validates mine and others. We are all learning and growing and I don’t think personal growth every stops. Therapy for me has always felt a bit like maintenance- the way you would continually maintain a car - sometimes you need it in a crisis (car breaks down) but you should also be changing tyres/oil etc routinely. Also … you have been doing your new job for 6 Weeks?? Give yourself a good few months. With the benefit of age (not sure I can say maturity!) but new jobs take a lot of settling in time… I’ve often given myself a hard time for not doing better quicker (perfectionistic traits!) but I have learnt to almost accept I will find first 4-6 months of a new job (especially an ‘adult’ job!) tough ….. I just want to connect with you via whatever content you need to post. Big hug, and care for you 💕💕💕💕😘
Jen, thank you. I always find your comments to be very supportive and comforting. As you said, we are all in this together and I am very grateful for my TH-cam community - even if it is a strange thing. I think it's important to be vulnerable and open with my struggles because life is not perfect and I want to show that. I do think I will be seeking out therapy again as I know I need the support. It is important for all of us to take care of ourselves, physically and mentally. You are also right about the job, I am still very new. I think I just want everything to go smoothly but know there will be a big learning curve. Thank you for the advice and thoughtful comment, I appreciate it. Big hug back to you ❤️
hi Maddie, I found pretty recently your channel and been loving watching your content as I really appreciate your honest video style, you should know we all appreciate YOU so much, so don't put pressure on your here to be anything else than what you truly are!! also, maybe it would be a great idea to try therapy again?.. just give a shot and see how you feel after a while. also, I love to go for a walk at the end of the day after work as its my me-time where I can just let out all the stress and thoughts I've been putting aside while been focusing on work all day, so highly recommend doing that as a routine after a day of working xx
I am so glad to hear that you are enjoying my channel :) It's hard to be vulnerable but I think it's important to help others feel less alone. I will be seeking out therapy as I think I need the extra support at the moment. Going for a walk at the end of the day is also a great idea. After being cooped up inside it's nice to listen to some music and walk in nature. Thank you for the comment and hope you have a great rest of the weekend ❤️
Maddie, the thing that fills you up and seems to out you in the best place with recovery is travelling. You sound ( not to simplify it) burnt out bevause all you can manage right now is work and hanging on to recovery, which is fair - it's fucking hard to spin all the plates. Advice you didn't ask for :therapy, plan a trip, skip the TH-cam vid (it's cool) and use extra time to get outside, if you cant walk further as the energy is low go somewhere pretty and calm and just be outdoors, work 2 things into your week that are just for you and fill you up a bit, this should also make you feel more in control. I, like you, find a 9-5 desk job draining but the stability is necessary sometimes. And stop being so hard on yourself for what your 20s should look like, most of us are in the same boat and Instagram is selling us the '20s dream' as a lie!
I do really love travelling but with this job, unfortunately can't do it as often. I am hoping that opportunities will arise with my work, but in the meantime, I need to stay put. I like the advice you gave :) I will be seeking out therapy and planning a trip for my time off. Although that most likely won't be until next year. I do love being outdoors and like to take the time to be in nature - that helps a lot. At the moment, I think I need the stability of my job but will hopefully have more flexibility with travel later on. You are also right about being in my 20s, it's supposed to be hard. Thank you for your comment and I hope you have a great week!
Go easy on yourself Maddie ❤️ Thank you for showing all sides of recovery. These vids are very relatable and show the true ups and downs that come with recovery. They also help me understand my thoughts and the process of recovery from another perspective. Always do what is best for you and your health.
I am glad that you are enjoying the videos. I think that's why it's important to be real and vulnerable - so people feel less alone. We've got this together 💪
I don't tell anyone about my disorder and sometimes I feel as if no one understands me. However, when I watched this video I felt like I wasn't alone. I suffer from ED too. And this year I also moved into my dream apartment and went to my dream university but I'm really unhappy. All my thoughts revolve around food and my body which I can't accept. ED poisons my life and I can understand how you feel. You know, it seems like I have everything I have been going after for so long but inside I hate myself and my life. I'm sorry that some people have to suffer from ED. That's incredibly sad.
I know how hard it can be to feel so alone in the disorder, but trust me, you are not alone. I was shocked at how much support I revived from friends and family when I opened up about my struggles. I know it’s different for everyone but I would suggest seeking help. EDs are absolutely horrible and can make you hate yourself, I still struggle with this. That’s why is so important to try and be kind to yourself - I know it’s hard. I’m here for you, we’ve got this 💪❤️
Maddie is taking the words from my heart and saying them and i don't know how i feel about that. 🤭 exposed? i relate 110% ❤ but being open and talking about it to close friends who'll help and a professional has been helping me! and reading articles to help me change for the better 😄 *MADDIE KEEP GOIIIINNNN! IF YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH HELL OWN THE PLACE*
I LOVE that quote you said at the end and wrote it down ❤️ I think it's important to be open and vulnerable so people feel less alone. We can get through this together. 💪
MaddIe I agree, I think you are tired and burnt out with the pressure of your new job. You need some time for yourself to relax or go for a walk. Some exercise is still important for your mental health. As much as I love your videos, what about having a break from TH-cam or perhaps posting fortnightly instead of weekly. It sounds like your life is way too busy at the moment. I will always be here for when you come back! Please take care of yourself 💕
Thank you Dianne. I will see how next week goes. People don’t seem to mind these types of videos so it might just be another like this next week 😂 I appreciate your support, as always, and hope you are doing well ❤️
Hey Maddie, been watching you since the beginning! Thanks for always being honest and open x I've never struggled with an ED myself but I've loved watching your growth over the past couple years :) Your content is great so don't ever doubt yourself!! Your vids make me want to go for a walk and get high with you hahaha so you're doing something right!! Enjoy your week and don't work too hard 😉
Beth, thank you for your comment :) I think it's important to be honest and open so people know that they are not a long in what they are going through when it comes to ED recovery. If you are ever in Toronto, let me know! I am always happy to go for a high walk 😂 I hope you enjoy your week as well. Take care ❤️
Hi Maddie!! I love your videos and relate a lot and understand what you say and feel! Sorry I have not commented in a while, but I had my own stuff going on in the past month or so. Keep making videos! There is nothing with this video! as long as you are being honest ! try not to worry about pleasing others with your videos or "making them good". Your videos are GREAT! I do not even know how to do it, so your way ahead of me! And even if i knew how, i would not be brave enough to share so openly and honestly about myself and my thoughts and food struggles! I am always so encouraged by your videos! I know the feeling you describe and I just want to say that I think you are SO beautiful! BOTH INSIDE AND OUT!!!!!
So glad to hear that you are enjoying the videos! I think it's important to be honest so that people feel less alone ❤️ I am proud of you for continuing to fight! You've got this ❤️
I love your honesty and I relate so much to your mixed up emotions about everything and anything at times,its depressing and one feels alone and helpless.Strongs from South Africa.🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Beautiful Maddie - you are at a very tough age (I can say that - I’m old - 53) and you are normal and doing awesome. Look, Stephanie Buttermore went through the same thing. Do you watch Megsy recovery? She too went through hell. Caroline Dooner from The Fuck It Diet changed my life. You. Are. Amazing. You’re successful and beautiful and funny. You’ll get there but yes! You CANNOT quit. You CANNOT. You’ll hate yourself even more if you do. After competing, I too went through what you’re going through. I gained weight and I felt horrible. Especially at my older age. I just gave into it and when I stressed about it less, my body took notice and I got myself back on track without effort - the Fuck It podcast did that for me. Stay the course. Keep doing you. Life does work out. ❤️
Thank you so much Deb. Your comments are always wonderful. I have heard of Megsy recovery and love her channel a lot! I haven’t heard of Caroline Dooner but will have to look her up :) you are right, I cannot quit.. I have come too far. I appreciate the support, as always. I hope you have a great week ❤️
A few points maddie. Never ever feel like you have post here. We understand if you cant post.you need to look after you. You need to remain stable or go forwards and not go backwards regarding the ed because now you have the foundations and baseline of balance all you have do is make small adjustments to your life like maybe reconsider the job, taking breaks from youtube etc. Then the things that are having a negative affect right you can easily make adaptions and keep experimenting with jobs etc to find what works for you aslong as you keep going forward on that background baseline of positivity and dont go backwards you'll get through ok and hopefully feel alot better all around including ed wise. F*ck it..... That makes no sense at all. I know what i mean but dont know how to explain it sorry. I have autism and not great at explaining things. Just dont go backwards because small things like jobs can be adjusted basically and then itl all be better hopefully eventually :) and yes maybe therapy is a maybe.
You are right, I need to focus on not going backwards. I know I will most likely need to make adaptions to help make my life a little easier but just need to evaluate and figure out what those adaptions are. I do really enjoy my job, I just find it to be a lot of responsibility. What you said does make sense :) Going backwards is not where I want to go, we just need to keep going forward. Thank you for you comment. Take care ❤️
I relate to a lot of the specific struggles you are dealing with right now - being too busy for exercise, body changes, sports injury. No advice, but just expressing understanding and empathy. Also, this is just a shallow thing to say, but if I saw you walking down the street I would just think you have an enviable summertime glowing vibe with your beautiful blonde hair.. Your internal feeling of shame or embarrassment is of course valid, but I can assure you that it's not reflective of what the external world sees in you. Finally, do you think those what I eat videos with themes like "only red food" are helpful? Sometimes they seem to me like a way to perpetuate the weird food habits or obsessions. So anyway, just my 2c, you're not shortchanging your viewers if you skip those and just keep posting the raw content.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate you kind words. I want to share my story so others who can rely are don’t have to feel like they are going through life alone. I feel as though I would be lying if I posted “happy” content and said life was great. I want to be real and honest even if it’s not always the most positive thing. Sending love to you ❤️
Why did you think it would stop at "magic number" in the first place? Isn't it like an imagination of yours, something your illness tells you? Maybe you can give it time. Really, Maddie, time is an amazing thing. Like - you will grow into the role. Recently somebody said to me: It is growing pains. I loved that imagination in my head. That growth causes pain. Maybe you can relate to that analogy, too?
I am not even exactly sure why but I have been told many times that our bodies will reach a natural set weight based on our movement and eating patterns. It is something I have been told by several professionals so it is something I trust. What I am finding hard is that fact that my "set weight" will most likely not be where I want it and that is something I need to accept. I like the analogy you said and will keep that in mind. ❤️ Have a great week!
MJ, I won’t bore you with a long comment, just know that we hear you, we see you and we care about you ❤️ Please NEVER feel pressured to post, we will be here waiting for you when you have time to post ❤️ Sending love to you and Fig ❤️
I understand your pain so well. I am trying to recover for over 2 years now and my weight is still creeping up despite being stuck in quasi recovery (I never have fast food, anything with sugar or oil even, no carbs etc plus exercising) which makes the weight gain even more frustrating. I don't think I'll ever get out of this hell as my depression seems to get worse with each added pound.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It is so hard to be in a place where you think you are eating an appropriate amount but still gaining - I understand your pain. I would suggest seeking out help from a professional (that is what I am doing). It is always a good idea to have someone to speak to who knows what they are talking about. Just remember that you were not put on this planet to lose weight. I know it's hard, but try to let yourself enjoy the things you want. Sending love to you ❤️
@@maddiejaneec Hey Maddie :) Thanks so much for your kind words. I honestly didn't think you would read my comment but now that you did I just wanted to say that I love watching your videos and I can relate to soo many things you're adressing. You really don't know how much you've helped me. Wishing you the best for your recovery and sending love to you too 🌼
Hi Maddie. I dont usually comment on videos, but I just wanted to say, try to not look at the scale. It really increased my body dysmorphia when I was literally okay! I had a better relationship w food and better body image at that time. But i decided one day that I was going to step on the scale, and it said a way bigger number than the last time I checked and I was so shocked and it completely derailed me. I think this might happen to you, but you dont know if its muscle you are gaining or fat that is supporting the proper functioning of your body. One day you will feel comfortable with how much weight you have gained, how much muscle and fat you have and you will be happy, it just feels like its taking forever to get there. But you will get there.
I can't even remember why I subscribed or what your first video I watched was. Ok towards the end of the video now I realise. Yes and yes shouldn't be overeating and fat or the opposite undereating and malnourished. You will reach your balance I believe. I am a mess personally and a male so some things different.
Blijf liever gewoon posten want dan kun je ventileren en hardop jouw gedachten uiten. Dat schept waarschijnlijk rust en inzicht. Ikzelf weet wat je voelt ik ben een paar jaar geleden door een hevige depressie gegaan. Het is en blijft gruwelijk maar ook jij wordt beter. Blijf vertrouwen hebben lieverd. Echt heus het komt goed. Je doet het goed. Liefs uit Nederland
Hartelijk dank voor uw commentaar. (Ik gebruik Google translate, dus ik hoop dat dit in orde is). Ik weet dat er ups en downs zullen zijn in het leven en dit is gewoon een moeilijke tijd. Het spijt me te horen dat jij ook een moeilijke tijd hebt doorgemaakt. We kunnen hier samen doorheen. Verzend liefde ❤️
I can really relate to this emotions and thoughts. I love your personality, you´re so amazing and i wich that you coukd see yourselfe through our eyes. Keep fighting!! ❤
Maddie you are amazing ❤️ Have you had your thyroid checked? I myself have hypothyroidism, got it during anorexia. I know a few people with ed’s which have gotten it too so its not uncommon. It can affect the overall mood and wellbeing in different ways.
Helena, I have actually had my thyroid checked and do have a few issues that we're hoping will level off once by body is at a healthy weight for a certain amount of time. I have been diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea and working towards fixing that ❤️
Hope you feel better soon. Regardless of situations take it easy on yourself : ) Started the end of last year 165lb jan-may dropped to 123lb hated myself for everything i did both at high and low weight
Hiiii Dear Maddie❤ its ok, just loke u i love to stay fit. I want my wight ti stop at some point too without skipping. Its ok, plz know im allways here for u, i love u and ur vidieos no metter what. Stay helthy, love u so much❤ hugges!!
So sorry you are feeling so down. I feel the same way. I wish I didnt have to sit around for 10h a day on my butt :( at work too. Are you just thinking you will naturally eat less when you are at your "set point"?
I'm not exactly sure what I expect for when I reach my set weight. I am mostly hoping that I will continue to eat and exercise the way I am and my weight will just level off. What has me upset is that it just seems to be increasing. However, I know that recovery takes time and if I restrict and exercise more I will be going backwards. Just gotta keep going!
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Maddie, Maddie, Maddie…We are here BECAUSE you are real and vulnerable. I’ll speak for myself, but I don’t like videos that are edited and I feel they are not real because the creator choose what they want us to see. Sooo…I can relate to you. Yes, life is hard. Yes, I know what it feels to have all we need to be happy but not be. It’s hard work. Please continue to be you on the screen because you do a great job at communicating what you feel and you’re interesting, funny and just so authentic. ❤️
Aww thank you so much ❤️ It makes me feel very reassured to know that not including edits is okay. I appreciate your comment and am so happy you are enjoying the videos. Hope you have a great week!
Unedited, raw, uncensored…that’s why I like your channel…never feel pressured to upload if you don’t want to…we’re the ones who are privileged to have you as a friend 😊
Aww thank you ❤️ So glad to hear that you like the videos :)
Honestly Maddie, this is what I appreciate about your videos... that fact that you are so extremely real and depict real addiction recovery (because I will always say this, eating disorders are an addiction, either it is to being sick or the control) and I relate to all of what you are saying, specially since I'm taking advanced calculus in the summer. All of the videos I see are so edited and are like "give yourself permission" and "be kind to yourself" but THAT'S NOT HOW MOST OF US FEEL!! and I feel like that is like this special recovery image that it's not true. Thank you for being honest Maddie, and depicting most of our chaotic minds how they should be😂😂
Ana, I am so happy to hear that you like these types of videos. I honestly wasn't sure what the response would be like from people but it has been really positive. You are also right about eating disorders being an addiction, and one that is very hard to break! Good for you for taking advanced calculus! I was always horrible with numbers which is why I went into arts and writing 😂 I am glad you appreciate the honesty and I will always be open and honest with my channel. Hope you have a great week!
i dont even think you understnd how much u have helped me in my recovery!!!! thank you so much. I hope that brightens your day a little! im super proud of u
Aww thank you ❤️ And I am proud of you for continuing to fight 💪
This video was honestly extremely helpful for me this morning. I just cancelled plans because I’m so burnt out. I also have a 9-5 job but it’s counselling people alllll day about diabetes and sitting on my ass. I constantly feel so angry and annoyed that my job burns me out giving me less time for what I really want to do- read, yoga, move my body, be outside, bake, cook lovely meals but no. By Friday night I’m miserable. I totally relate and sometimes wish I could quit and find something else that wouldn’t burn this introvert out. So thank you. I feel your pain. And honestly from an outside perspective every time I watch you I think in my head that you’re gorgeous. You have a natural beauty. Thanks for posting even though you didn’t want to! Xo
Ashley, thank you so much for your comment. Burn out is REAL and we all need to recognize that, including myself. I also feel miserable by Friday night and find my weekends are just recovering and prepping myself to do it all over again. Hopefully we can start to find joy in the little things and begin incorporating more of the things we love. I am finding it a struggle to not work when my "work hours" are over and want to start abiding by set working hours so I'm not doing overtime. I am sending you lots of love and hope you have a great week. ❤️
I hear you!!!!!!! What I see and feel is that weight is more important than career, family, and other successes. But that isn’t the truth for any other people I admire. They value their journey, goals, accomplishments outside of weight loss. The big work is finding fulfillment in pursuits other than weight loss. This is for good reason bc it has been a friend, partner, hobby, obsession etc. Until I learn how to fill all of the holes where the Ed once was , I am always going to go back to it when I’m sad, lonely, board, anxious, happy, sad. That’s a lot of new pathways, thoughts, and behaviors.
BTW, you are beautiful, blonde, funny, smart, have blue nails, and ride a surfboard. Being thin was the least interesting thing about you! I love this format for your videos. I don’t need wHat I eat in a day videos. I need to be reminded that the thinking that leads me back to Ed has to be addressed. My weight isn’t the problem. Alas, as soon as I type that my Ed thinking floods back in. Let’s keep fighting!💗💗💗💗
You are so right! Our weight has nothing to do with success. Our bodies are just the vessel we have been given to get through this life, not the while focus of our lives. I like what you said about finding fulfillment in pursuits other than weight loss, I need to find a goo hobby haha. I love your comment a lot and thank you for your words. Weight is not the problem, society is! We will keep fighting together ❤️
Take as much time as you need for yourself. Recovery is tough, but so are you. I’m going through exactly the same things as you at the moment, and the other day I decided to take time for myself and return to therapy because atypical bulimia isn’t done with me yet. Exercise is still a problem, and it hurts my knees, but I try to focus on the number of fear foods I have overcome, and how much better my relationship with myself is. It’s not the best, but it’s better. Let’s all focus on progress not perfection together.
Hannah, thank you for your comment ❤️ I think what you said is great: focusing on how far you've come! I am proud of you for continuing to fight! We can all get through this together 💪
Girl, ITS OK if your videos aren’t perfect! We aren’t here for the fancy smancy editing, we are here to help each other on this journey. Uuuggghhhh Ed’s are so hard when you reach your target weight sometimes….I totally understand what you mean when you mentioned the thought “ you don’t need to eat since you are at your target weight.” But, like you said, we just gotta keep going… I would definitely suggest going to see a therapist again. As much as I hate going, it’s sooooo helpful. Keep it up Maddie, you got this💪❤️
Thank you ❤️ And EDs are SO tough but as you said, we just gotta keep going! Proud of you for continuing to fight 💪
Hi Maddie, sending you a big hug from New Zealand!
This is what your 20s are about, finding what works for you. It can be really really hard; every decision you make is one step closer to contentment.
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could work as a travel writer specialising in ED recovery suitable retreats or accommodations?
Goals are important for structure and focus. That said, ‘achieving goals’ in and of itself isn’t necessarily fulfilling. Similar to how achieving success financially doesn’t (in itself) bring the fulfilment that some people hope, achieving a set weight won’t necessarily (or ever, really) change anything mentally.
Achieving ever further goals doesn’t = happiness.
Discovering what WILL equal happiness, for you personally, is the journey.
Life isn’t linear, it meanders through waves of experience, it loops around and idles in some parts, racing in others.
I’m so glad to be with you on the ride 💜
Alli in NZ
Hi Alli, I love what you said about being in your 20s: it's all about finding what works for you. I love what you said about becoming a travel writer specializing in ED recovery suitable retreats, that would be great! Unfortunately, I mostly focus on conservation, the climate crisis and wildlife in my writing but maybe I need to branch out! As you said, life is not linear and this will hopefully just be one of my downs. I appreciate your comments every week and really hope you are doing well! Sending love to you ❤️
I’d rather watch a “what’s on my mind” video than a polished, edited video any day. I think if you’re feeling really low, a check-in with a therapist just never hurts. For me mentally it helps so much to have something on the calendar to look forward to, especially during precious summer weekends. They have roller skating at the bentway which looks like a laugh, or maybe Toronto zoo with a friend! thank you for posting, thank you for sharing as always! xx
Hey Tesa, thank you for the comment :) I am glad to hear that you like these kinds of videos as there will probably be more like them haha I will be seeking help from a therapist as I think it will be great to have someone to turn to for advice. Checking out roller skating at the bentway or the Toronto zoo sounds like a great idea! Today I'm going for a walk around the brickworks with a friend so that will be nice to get outside for a bit. Hope you have a great week!
This video is real, honest and hit on so many things I’m struggling with right now. Thank you for posting it. I know you might not think it but it’s so helpful to hear someone express the thoughts that run through my mind. Hang in there, girl. Take care of yourself first!
So glad you enjoyed the video but sorry to hear that you are also struggling. I like to be honest and vulnerable on my channel so people can relate and hopefully feel less alone. Thanks for the comment ❤️
Hang in there... I'm in the exact same position I'm feeling so uncomfortable in my myself even though everything is going right. I don't even want to get out bed and I don't want to eat and yet I am still eating... my treatment teams tells me it is about mechanical actions.... we have to keep faith that it is going to be worth it.. .because restricting and being sick isnt going to help us either or make anything better. Everything feels impossible right now but it is just a season and it is going to be temporary. Doing this whole recovery thing as an adult alone is so dam hard... but we have to try fake it till we make it... at least that is what I'm trying to do. It should be this hard.. and even though you feel alone you're not.. I relate to everything and wish I could make it better. x
Sarah, thank you for the comment. I am sorry to hear that you are also not doing so great. It's hard to battle an eating disorder but we can fight this together 💪 The hard part about recovery is that all the right things feel wrong. Eg: Eating is what you SHOULD do but your head is screaming at you to restrict. But you are right in that it's just a season and it's going to be temporary. Going backwards will not help anything. Try to remember that you are not alone. I created this channel to help support others going through similar situations and believe that we can all help each other. I acknowledge that it's hard, I have no doubt about that. But there will be ups and downs and this is just a down. It won't be like this forever. You've got this ❤️
I feel you Maddie. I don't usually leave comments on your videos but whatever you post helps. I am so so sorry you feel this way.
Thank you for the comment, I really appreciate it ❤️
Thank you for coming on and being so open and honest. I've only recently come across your channel and I love your realness. Keep being you!
Thank you :) so glad you like the videos ❤️
I'm really grateful that you filmed this video even though you are feeling burnt out. Your vulnerability and honesty are exactly why I watch your videos and I am never disappointed. In fact, the videos where you are open about your struggles help me the most. I cannot recommend therapy enough for dealing with the deeper, internal work. For so many of us, food and weight restoration alone will not heal an eating disorder. The eating disorder is the symptom but there is always something deeper that is the cause. For me it was depression, anxiety, trauma and self hatred. I could eat all the food in the world but I had to figure out why I believed I was so worthless. It's ok to not be ok right now. I'm struggling too. We will get through this. 💕
Dorothy, I think it's important to be open and vulnerable not just for myself, but others as well. I will be seeking out help from a therapist. I only stopped because I got so busy and was traveling but know I should be prioritizing my health. What you said about the eating disorder being the symptom for something deeper is so true and we need to work the deeper stuff to really heal ourselves. We can get through this together ❤️
Our brains aren’t wired to be happy. You keep shaming yourself for your feelings, you get worse. You also don’t give yourself enough credit! You can find balance. You can eat mindfully without relapsing into your disorder. You feel guilt for your food choices, but you feel guilt for not ‘embracing’ recovery by doing the opposite of the ED’s abstinence. Food isn’t only about immediate gratification or suppression, but how it feeds your soul and what it gives you in terms of mental and physical nourishment. You can’t have a normal relationship with food now, but that not a bad thing. Most don’t understand the roll food has in their lives, the good and the ugly. But coming to peace with food is seeing it as the building blocks to construct the most thriving version of your body, and that takes TIME to truly listen and process.
I find my BDD gets worse when over exercising OR sedentary because I lose touch with my sensations. Too much exercise is destructive but sustaining enough energy while staying still I was hyper aware of my flesh and that buzzing on my skin I couldn’t release. I felt uncomfortable in my body, but it wasn’t the size in the end, it was the sensations. Weight lifting really saved me. Nothing about calories, nearly impossible to overdue like that ‘one more mile’ on the treadmill, and I felt strong and in tune with each body part in this way no other exercise gave me. Even tired, I can start and feel more rejuvenated by the end if I trust the process. You can believe in yourself to fight the urge to engage in behaviors, your wise mind is strong.
Also keep in mind, you’re depressive state, but I don’t think it’s only eating disorder caused. You’re a young adult challenged in our modern world. So many young women feel defeated, it’s our charge but it isn’t our destiny. You have the feelings we all have, the ‘should’ and the dissatisfaction. It’s because we are in a society not made for our primitive brains, our intellectual mind and our biology are always fighting. So yes, do see a therapist! They will help guide you. And your feelings are normal! I struggle with them, so do many others. We just keep it to ourselves out of shame. But you’re doing great, just keep heading forward and find new goals, and forgive yourself for your feelings :)
Thank you so much for your comment and you bring up a lot of great points. It's okay to not feel great all the time - that is normal. At the moment, food is a struggle for me and that is okay. Everything can be done in moderation: food, exercise, being social etc. I am actually set to join a new gym in September that will be focused on strength and weight lifting, I am really excited for that :) As you said, the modern world is challenging and many women feel defeated. I will be seeking out a therapist as I think it will be good for me to have someone to talk to and to provide me with advice. I hope you have a great week! Take care.
This is so relatable. Thank you Maddie for making this video. This is true, this is real, and this is so difficult in recovery. It slips people up so much in recovery and it's so hard. You are completely right, it's when you do need to keep going, but it doesn't take away how horrible it feels and it's okay to feel that and acknowledge that and have to sit in that. I know you can get through this and we all can get through this, together, because we can all sit in it feeling crap and laugh about it and get through it with compassion together because we know deep down were doing the right thing and it's the only way that this feeling is going to end. Going back to the ED is unfortunately not the solution although it 100% does feel like it is at the time. Deep breath, we all got this, together. Thank you again Maddie for making this. Hope you're having a better day today xxxx
I am glad that you enjoyed the video. We just need to keep going when things get tough because turning back will only make things worse. Sending love to you and hope that you have a great week ❤️
I legit have nothing to say but I love you, I have written a comment much longer than this but deleted it because it would probably not have helped anyone. But just throwing it out to you that I've seen every video of you (actually for real every single one), and whatever you upload, I'll watch it because it's you who posted it.
Thank you so much for you comment and support - it means a lot to me. I am happy to hear that you will watch anything as it takes the pressure off me to post a "perfect" video. Hope you have a great week! ❤️
I've watched pretty much every video since the beginning, and you're one of my favorite TH-camrs. Because you are the most real and relatable recovery TH-camr imo. We started our recovery journeys at the same time too so it's been nice to kind of go through it with you (well, at least from my perspective, since you have no idea who I am haha). I struggle with a lot of the same things you do, both before and during recovery. I'm feeling a lot of the same way you are now too. I feel like it's been long enough and I should be happier/feeling better. But all I do is hate my body and feel trapped inside it. I've actually started to relapse, and I don't feel bad about it. Apparently recovery and having the life I wanted doesn't make me happy, so might as well go back to being skinny and unhappy. But anyway, I just wanted to say that I'll keep watching no matter what videos you put out because I'm here for you and your personality and the fact that you don't try to present everything like butterflies and rainbows. Your sincerity and rawness is refreshing.
I'm so glad to hear that you enjoy my videos :) I am sorry to hear that you are also struggling but we can get through this together! I think what's important to remember is that there is no set timeline in recovery. There are no "shoulds" as things take time and everyone heals at their own pace. Yes, there can be similarities, but everyone is different. What we all have in common, however, is that we need to keep going! I am sorry to hear that you are not in a great place right now but think about how far you have come! Relapsing might feel comfortable but it will only cause more harm in the end - that is what I keep telling myself. I believe in you, we've got this ❤️
Breathe….TH-cam is a strange but wonderful thing. Some people have qualities that just mean it feels possible to really connect even via videos - like yours - amazing- but that’s because of your authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable.
I want you to know that yes you have helped me think about doing things differently and encouraged me but I want you to know I (we I suspect- the community on TH-cam) are doing it alongside you. We are all in this together the good the bad and the ugly.
I don’t come here to just hear the amazing- I come here to hear the real. That’s what helps. Honestly. Validating your struggles validates mine and others. We are all learning and growing and I don’t think personal growth every stops. Therapy for me has always felt a bit like maintenance- the way you would continually maintain a car - sometimes you need it in a crisis (car breaks down) but you should also be changing tyres/oil etc routinely.
Also … you have been doing your new job for 6 Weeks?? Give yourself a good few months. With the benefit of age (not sure I can say maturity!) but new jobs take a lot of settling in time… I’ve often given myself a hard time for not doing better quicker (perfectionistic traits!) but I have learnt to almost accept I will find first 4-6 months of a new job (especially an ‘adult’ job!) tough ….. I just want to connect with you via whatever content you need to post. Big hug, and care for you 💕💕💕💕😘
Jen, thank you. I always find your comments to be very supportive and comforting. As you said, we are all in this together and I am very grateful for my TH-cam community - even if it is a strange thing. I think it's important to be vulnerable and open with my struggles because life is not perfect and I want to show that. I do think I will be seeking out therapy again as I know I need the support. It is important for all of us to take care of ourselves, physically and mentally. You are also right about the job, I am still very new. I think I just want everything to go smoothly but know there will be a big learning curve. Thank you for the advice and thoughtful comment, I appreciate it. Big hug back to you ❤️
hi Maddie, I found pretty recently your channel and been loving watching your content as I really appreciate your honest video style, you should know we all appreciate YOU so much, so don't put pressure on your here to be anything else than what you truly are!! also, maybe it would be a great idea to try therapy again?.. just give a shot and see how you feel after a while. also, I love to go for a walk at the end of the day after work as its my me-time where I can just let out all the stress and thoughts I've been putting aside while been focusing on work all day, so highly recommend doing that as a routine after a day of working xx
I am so glad to hear that you are enjoying my channel :) It's hard to be vulnerable but I think it's important to help others feel less alone. I will be seeking out therapy as I think I need the extra support at the moment. Going for a walk at the end of the day is also a great idea. After being cooped up inside it's nice to listen to some music and walk in nature. Thank you for the comment and hope you have a great rest of the weekend ❤️
Maddie, the thing that fills you up and seems to out you in the best place with recovery is travelling. You sound ( not to simplify it) burnt out bevause all you can manage right now is work and hanging on to recovery, which is fair - it's fucking hard to spin all the plates. Advice you didn't ask for :therapy, plan a trip, skip the TH-cam vid (it's cool) and use extra time to get outside, if you cant walk further as the energy is low go somewhere pretty and calm and just be outdoors, work 2 things into your week that are just for you and fill you up a bit, this should also make you feel more in control. I, like you, find a 9-5 desk job draining but the stability is necessary sometimes. And stop being so hard on yourself for what your 20s should look like, most of us are in the same boat and Instagram is selling us the '20s dream' as a lie!
I do really love travelling but with this job, unfortunately can't do it as often. I am hoping that opportunities will arise with my work, but in the meantime, I need to stay put. I like the advice you gave :) I will be seeking out therapy and planning a trip for my time off. Although that most likely won't be until next year. I do love being outdoors and like to take the time to be in nature - that helps a lot. At the moment, I think I need the stability of my job but will hopefully have more flexibility with travel later on. You are also right about being in my 20s, it's supposed to be hard. Thank you for your comment and I hope you have a great week!
Go easy on yourself Maddie ❤️ Thank you for showing all sides of recovery. These vids are very relatable and show the true ups and downs that come with recovery. They also help me understand my thoughts and the process of recovery from another perspective. Always do what is best for you and your health.
I am glad that you are enjoying the videos. I think that's why it's important to be real and vulnerable - so people feel less alone. We've got this together 💪
I don't tell anyone about my disorder and sometimes I feel as if no one understands me. However, when I watched this video I felt like I wasn't alone. I suffer from ED too. And this year I also moved into my dream apartment and went to my dream university but I'm really unhappy. All my thoughts revolve around food and my body which I can't accept. ED poisons my life and I can understand how you feel. You know, it seems like I have everything I have been going after for so long but inside I hate myself and my life. I'm sorry that some people have to suffer from ED. That's incredibly sad.
I know how hard it can be to feel so alone in the disorder, but trust me, you are not alone. I was shocked at how much support I revived from friends and family when I opened up about my struggles. I know it’s different for everyone but I would suggest seeking help. EDs are absolutely horrible and can make you hate yourself, I still struggle with this. That’s why is so important to try and be kind to yourself - I know it’s hard. I’m here for you, we’ve got this 💪❤️
Maddie is taking the words from my heart and saying them and i don't know how i feel about that. 🤭 exposed?
i relate 110% ❤ but being open and talking about it to close friends who'll help and a professional has been helping me! and reading articles to help me change for the better 😄 *MADDIE KEEP GOIIIINNNN! IF YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH HELL OWN THE PLACE*
I LOVE that quote you said at the end and wrote it down ❤️ I think it's important to be open and vulnerable so people feel less alone. We can get through this together. 💪
@@maddiejaneec ❤ much much love being sent over 🤭💨😙❤
keep going!
MaddIe I agree, I think you are tired and burnt out with the pressure of your new job. You need some time for yourself to relax or go for a walk. Some exercise is still important for your mental health. As much as I love your videos, what about having a break from TH-cam or perhaps posting fortnightly instead of weekly. It sounds like your life is way too busy at the moment. I will always be here for when you come back! Please take care of yourself 💕
Thank you Dianne. I will see how next week goes. People don’t seem to mind these types of videos so it might just be another like this next week 😂 I appreciate your support, as always, and hope you are doing well ❤️
Hey Maddie, been watching you since the beginning! Thanks for always being honest and open x I've never struggled with an ED myself but I've loved watching your growth over the past couple years :)
Your content is great so don't ever doubt yourself!! Your vids make me want to go for a walk and get high with you hahaha so you're doing something right!!
Enjoy your week and don't work too hard 😉
Beth, thank you for your comment :) I think it's important to be honest and open so people know that they are not a long in what they are going through when it comes to ED recovery. If you are ever in Toronto, let me know! I am always happy to go for a high walk 😂 I hope you enjoy your week as well. Take care ❤️
Hi Maddie!! I love your videos and relate a lot and understand what you say and feel! Sorry I have not commented in a while, but I had my own stuff going on in the past month or so. Keep making videos! There is nothing with this video! as long as you are being honest ! try not to worry about pleasing others with your videos or "making them good". Your videos are GREAT! I do not even know how to do it, so your way ahead of me! And even if i knew how, i would not be brave enough to share so openly and honestly about myself and my thoughts and food struggles! I am always so encouraged by your videos! I know the feeling you describe and I just want to say that I think you are SO beautiful! BOTH INSIDE AND OUT!!!!!
So glad to hear that you are enjoying the videos! I think it's important to be honest so that people feel less alone ❤️ I am proud of you for continuing to fight! You've got this ❤️
I love your honesty and I relate so much to your mixed up emotions about everything and anything at times,its depressing and one feels alone and helpless.Strongs from South Africa.🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Thank you so much for your comment ❤️ I am glad you enjoy the honesty 😂 Take care!
Beautiful Maddie - you are at a very tough age (I can say that - I’m old - 53) and you are normal and doing awesome. Look, Stephanie Buttermore went through the same thing. Do you watch Megsy recovery? She too went through hell. Caroline Dooner from The Fuck It Diet changed my life. You. Are. Amazing. You’re successful and beautiful and funny. You’ll get there but yes! You CANNOT quit. You CANNOT. You’ll hate yourself even more if you do. After competing, I too went through what you’re going through. I gained weight and I felt horrible. Especially at my older age. I just gave into it and when I stressed about it less, my body took notice and I got myself back on track without effort - the Fuck It podcast did that for me. Stay the course. Keep doing you. Life does work out. ❤️
Thank you so much Deb. Your comments are always wonderful. I have heard of Megsy recovery and love her channel a lot! I haven’t heard of Caroline Dooner but will have to look her up :) you are right, I cannot quit.. I have come too far. I appreciate the support, as always. I hope you have a great week ❤️
A few points maddie. Never ever feel like you have post here. We understand if you cant post.you need to look after you.
You need to remain stable or go forwards and not go backwards regarding the ed because now you have the foundations and baseline of balance all you have do is make small adjustments to your life like maybe reconsider the job, taking breaks from youtube etc. Then the things that are having a negative affect right you can easily make adaptions and keep experimenting with jobs etc to find what works for you aslong as you keep going forward on that background baseline of positivity and dont go backwards you'll get through ok and hopefully feel alot better all around including ed wise. F*ck it..... That makes no sense at all. I know what i mean but dont know how to explain it sorry. I have autism and not great at explaining things. Just dont go backwards because small things like jobs can be adjusted basically and then itl all be better hopefully eventually :) and yes maybe therapy is a maybe.
You are right, I need to focus on not going backwards. I know I will most likely need to make adaptions to help make my life a little easier but just need to evaluate and figure out what those adaptions are. I do really enjoy my job, I just find it to be a lot of responsibility. What you said does make sense :) Going backwards is not where I want to go, we just need to keep going forward. Thank you for you comment. Take care ❤️
I relate to a lot of the specific struggles you are dealing with right now - being too busy for exercise, body changes, sports injury. No advice, but just expressing understanding and empathy.
Also, this is just a shallow thing to say, but if I saw you walking down the street I would just think you have an enviable summertime glowing vibe with your beautiful blonde hair.. Your internal feeling of shame or embarrassment is of course valid, but I can assure you that it's not reflective of what the external world sees in you.
Finally, do you think those what I eat videos with themes like "only red food" are helpful? Sometimes they seem to me like a way to perpetuate the weird food habits or obsessions. So anyway, just my 2c, you're not shortchanging your viewers if you skip those and just keep posting the raw content.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate you kind words. I want to share my story so others who can rely are don’t have to feel like they are going through life alone. I feel as though I would be lying if I posted “happy” content and said life was great. I want to be real and honest even if it’s not always the most positive thing. Sending love to you ❤️
Why did you think it would stop at "magic number" in the first place? Isn't it like an imagination of yours, something your illness tells you?
Maybe you can give it time. Really, Maddie, time is an amazing thing. Like - you will grow into the role. Recently somebody said to me: It is growing pains. I loved that imagination in my head. That growth causes pain. Maybe you can relate to that analogy, too?
I am not even exactly sure why but I have been told many times that our bodies will reach a natural set weight based on our movement and eating patterns. It is something I have been told by several professionals so it is something I trust. What I am finding hard is that fact that my "set weight" will most likely not be where I want it and that is something I need to accept. I like the analogy you said and will keep that in mind. ❤️ Have a great week!
@@maddiejaneec I totally get that (and feel it!)... I wish you all the best!
I love your content 💜 specially on this summer is being very helpful to me
Thank you! I’m glad you are enjoying the videos :)
MJ, I won’t bore you with a long comment, just know that we hear you, we see you and we care about you ❤️ Please NEVER feel pressured to post, we will be here waiting for you when you have time to post ❤️ Sending love to you and Fig ❤️
I'm never bored with a long comment 😂 Thank you so much for your constant support and sending love back to you and Kitty ❤️
I understand your pain so well. I am trying to recover for over 2 years now and my weight is still creeping up despite being stuck in quasi recovery (I never have fast food, anything with sugar or oil even, no carbs etc plus exercising) which makes the weight gain even more frustrating. I don't think I'll ever get out of this hell as my depression seems to get worse with each added pound.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It is so hard to be in a place where you think you are eating an appropriate amount but still gaining - I understand your pain. I would suggest seeking out help from a professional (that is what I am doing). It is always a good idea to have someone to speak to who knows what they are talking about. Just remember that you were not put on this planet to lose weight. I know it's hard, but try to let yourself enjoy the things you want. Sending love to you ❤️
@@maddiejaneec Hey Maddie :) Thanks so much for your kind words. I honestly didn't think you would read my comment but now that you did I just wanted to say that I love watching your videos and I can relate to soo many things you're adressing. You really don't know how much you've helped me. Wishing you the best for your recovery and sending love to you too 🌼
Hi Maddie. I dont usually comment on videos, but I just wanted to say, try to not look at the scale. It really increased my body dysmorphia when I was literally okay! I had a better relationship w food and better body image at that time. But i decided one day that I was going to step on the scale, and it said a way bigger number than the last time I checked and I was so shocked and it completely derailed me. I think this might happen to you, but you dont know if its muscle you are gaining or fat that is supporting the proper functioning of your body. One day you will feel comfortable with how much weight you have gained, how much muscle and fat you have and you will be happy, it just feels like its taking forever to get there. But you will get there.
I love your videos. I feel like you have the same exact thoughts I have. If you can, we’d all love to see videos regardless of editing, etc.
So glad you are enjoying the videos :)
I can't even remember why I subscribed or what your first video I watched was. Ok towards the end of the video now I realise. Yes and yes shouldn't be overeating and fat or the opposite undereating and malnourished. You will reach your balance I believe. I am a mess personally and a male so some things different.
You are right, everything in moderation and balance. ❤️ Thank you.
Blijf liever gewoon posten want dan kun je ventileren en hardop jouw gedachten uiten. Dat schept waarschijnlijk rust en inzicht. Ikzelf weet wat je voelt ik ben een paar jaar geleden door een hevige depressie gegaan. Het is en blijft gruwelijk maar ook jij wordt beter. Blijf vertrouwen hebben lieverd. Echt heus het komt goed. Je doet het goed. Liefs uit Nederland
Hartelijk dank voor uw commentaar. (Ik gebruik Google translate, dus ik hoop dat dit in orde is). Ik weet dat er ups en downs zullen zijn in het leven en dit is gewoon een moeilijke tijd. Het spijt me te horen dat jij ook een moeilijke tijd hebt doorgemaakt. We kunnen hier samen doorheen. Verzend liefde ❤️
I can really relate to this emotions and thoughts. I love your personality, you´re so amazing and i wich that you coukd see yourselfe through our eyes.
Keep fighting!! ❤
Awww thank you ❤️ I appreciate the comment :)
Maddie you are amazing ❤️
Have you had your thyroid checked? I myself have hypothyroidism, got it during anorexia. I know a few people with ed’s which have gotten it too so its not uncommon. It can affect the overall mood and wellbeing in different ways.
Helena, I have actually had my thyroid checked and do have a few issues that we're hoping will level off once by body is at a healthy weight for a certain amount of time. I have been diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea and working towards fixing that ❤️
Hope you feel better soon. Regardless of situations take it easy on yourself : ) Started the end of last year 165lb jan-may dropped to 123lb hated myself for everything i did both at high and low weight
It’s weird how much we think our weight will dictate our mood but it’s really what is inside that we need to fix. Sending love to you ❤️
It’s weird how much we think our weight will dictate our mood but it’s really what is inside that we need to fix. Sending love to you ❤️
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Hiiii Dear Maddie❤ its ok, just loke u i love to stay fit. I want my wight ti stop at some point too without skipping. Its ok, plz know im allways here for u, i love u and ur vidieos no metter what. Stay helthy, love u so much❤ hugges!!
Thank you for the comment ❤️ So glad you like the videos :) I hope you stay healthy as well ❤️ Sending hugs back to you!
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So sorry you are feeling so down. I feel the same way. I wish I didnt have to sit around for 10h a day on my butt :( at work too. Are you just thinking you will naturally eat less when you are at your "set point"?
I'm not exactly sure what I expect for when I reach my set weight. I am mostly hoping that I will continue to eat and exercise the way I am and my weight will just level off. What has me upset is that it just seems to be increasing. However, I know that recovery takes time and if I restrict and exercise more I will be going backwards. Just gotta keep going!