Thank you for your work! As an amateur writer, I am really appreciate your advices and really happy to hear familiar things being explained to others so they can become better.
There didnt seem to be ANY consequence for cersei blowing up the sept. You'd think blowing up the lords of the reach and the leaders of the faith would consequently start an other war in the south, not like cersei was in with the florents or old town before the bomb went off. Buuuut. It was a good scene
@@matias250 Ah yes, because something that was stored under the sept for 20 years blowing up at the exact same moment a fuckton of important people are inside of it would totally be regarded as an accident
@@wurzel9671 but jeffrey epstein apparently committed suicide and the surveillance video had a magical technical problem and the guards werent there and he was supposed to be under suicide watch and the guy who did the autopsy says it was not consistent with suicide.
@@wurzel9671 and no one is rioting or protests that the government and powerful people are all part of a big pedophile ring?? This worldbuilding makes no sense! Someone needs to fire the writers.
I'm not sure I agree on the accuracy of your emulation attempt. I enjoyed it, it was positive, but I felt like a few things were off. I don't think the first two words should be "Cersei watched" for a start, partly because the chapter titles are character names anyway and that'd seem repetitive, and partly because my instinct is that "The Lords of the Reach sauntered into the throne room" is stronger. GRRM would probably list their sigils too xD A couple lines later I think it's more GRRM to just say the italicised "That is the bedside he most often takes" without the explaination about her thinking to herself - we know she is, it's in italics. I liked the overall feel, but a couple of those specifics felt odd. That's all :) I still enjoyed it, particularly Randyll's pushback.
I don't think so, fellow reader. In a game of thrones, George RR Martin starts by writing Catelyn in chapter 2, so, if you tell me, he did a pretty good job, in my opinion. But yes, I do think he would've list the sigils of the lords' banners.
@@clancy1379 I see where you're coming from, but that's early in the first book - the pattern of chapter title/POV hasn't been fully established in the reader's mind yet. It's a while since I've read the later ones so I'm not sure if I've remembered rightly, that initial phrasing just felt a tad off to me. I do understand that it's something he has done, it just didn't feel right to me initially in the context of a scene set in the time of one of the later books in the series.
@@jackwhite8204 I have returned, fellow reader. George RR Martin does usually start the chapter with a character's name not to retell the reader whose pov it is but to empathize what the character's background or situation. Like in a Storm of Swords, chapter 11-Jaime, just like Catelyn's.
Fantastic! But you'll never write like George R. R. Martin. That is, not until you spend 17 pages describing what Cersei ate for lunch! I kid, of course, great video.
It always puzzled me to what happened to season 7/8. Since the show runners and writers clearly showed us they could write very well.. But I can only assume that the issue became GRR himself and what they left out of the show.. Not to mention its a series following multiple story lines.. I think they wrote themselves into a box that they didn't have enough material for to make a flowing show anymore.. Maybe one day we'll find out!
They writers of GOT couldn't write well at all. They had zero experience and lied to George. In hindsight everything about GOT is terrible in all aspects of TV. The only good things about the earlier seasons is its closer adapted to the books. Later on its just terrible lack of cinematography, bad writing, no care of characters etc. (Which it also lacked all these things in earlier seaspns but it was closer adapted to the books and thats what made it 'great' because georges material is great) And completely goes away from the books with bad made up scenes and own writing
@@HKotolos GRRM will never finish the books. He fumbled hard. He had years to finish them.. yet he chooses not to. Seasons 1-4 are amazing because of every component. D&D did amazing work for those seasons.
Tarlys are loyal bannermen of House Tyrell which as Cersei pointed out are in open rebellion. It's not like they'd call the banners or something. No, instead they will allow their loyal bannermen to go to King's Landing cause they'll definitely be allowed to leave when they refuse to bend the knee.
It’s funny cause cersei dismissing the throne cutting her means the throne is rejecting her and she would totally just pass that off as fantasy, because the throne did the same to jeoffery
That was pretty good! The emulation was pretty spot on, though I'll admit I'm not a super good judge of that. Still, it was a much more interesting scene than "Lady talks, old men stand around and barely react." BTW, as an editor, what are your rates? How does work with an editor go? I've been working on a book series but I have no idea how to approach editors.
This was an interesting alternative scene. But as a professional editor, I wouldn't expect you to be making mistakes in grammar...there were 3 that jumped out at me, and here are the corrected versions: "But most important was the Iron Throne beneath Cersei, which stabbed her thighs unmercifully" (unmercifully is an adverb modifying the verb stabbed; unmerciful is an an adjective, and they modify nouns) "Forgive me, Your Grace, but it seems that your current solution is to move us lords out of your path and into a dragon's" (change we to us - we is only used as the subject of a sentence, phrase or clause. Also removed conveniently placed, as it doesn't fit with the rest of the sentence; the lords don't appear to be conveniently placed currently if Cersei wants to move them, but that's a different issue) "Pray leave Lord Tarly and *me* to speak" (me is the correct pronoun for first person singular object, not I, which is only used as the subject of a sentence, phrase, or clause) In GRRM's writing, Cersei and Randyll Tarly use proper grammar. If this were dialogue spoken by small folk, grammatical mistakes might be appropriate.
Sounds really great, though I wasn't a huge fan of the lines about Jamie and childbirth. Both of them felt a bit forced and like they weren't really relevant to what was happening right now. Very good overall though.
To be fair, GRRM also does that sometimes when writing Cersei. Her role as a mother and as a woman is very often brought up in her thoughts, as well as the fact that Jaime was born after her, clinging to her heels.
I could agree on Jamie since he doesn’t have any lines. If he did it might show another reason he was arguing so much for Cersei. The childbirth makes sense though because it shows she a superiority complex. Though I do have to admit it is a bit out of touch since at this point all of her children are dead. I don’t think childbirth would be something she’d be thinking of with pride right now.
After having read the books, I have to say that, to be fair, even if your job is well done here, this doesnt sound like GRRM because the source material doesnt sound like him at all. The universe is just to corrupt at this point compared to what he wrote, things got to simple
Really good stuff. I wouldn't have been able to tell it apart from GRRM. And yes, it was out of character for Lord Tarly to not mention Cersei's murder of the Tyrells!
Hey guys! If this video seems familiar, it I actually uploaded it a few weeks ago but had to take it down. Now it is back! Hope you guys enjoy!
Thank you for your work! As an amateur writer, I am really appreciate your advices and really happy to hear familiar things being explained to others so they can become better.
There didnt seem to be ANY consequence for cersei blowing up the sept. You'd think blowing up the lords of the reach and the leaders of the faith would consequently start an other war in the south, not like cersei was in with the florents or old town before the bomb went off. Buuuut. It was a good scene
I think people saw it as a """""accident"""""
@@matias250 Ah yes, because something that was stored under the sept for 20 years blowing up at the exact same moment a fuckton of important people are inside of it would totally be regarded as an accident
@@wurzel9671 but jeffrey epstein apparently committed suicide and the surveillance video had a magical technical problem and the guards werent there and he was supposed to be under suicide watch and the guy who did the autopsy says it was not consistent with suicide.
@@lastword8783 And literally no one with more than two brain cells thinks that was a suicide
@@wurzel9671 and no one is rioting or protests that the government and powerful people are all part of a big pedophile ring?? This worldbuilding makes no sense! Someone needs to fire the writers.
You did good. The "end in flames, green or otherwise" part felt very true to his writing style.
I'm not sure I agree on the accuracy of your emulation attempt. I enjoyed it, it was positive, but I felt like a few things were off. I don't think the first two words should be "Cersei watched" for a start, partly because the chapter titles are character names anyway and that'd seem repetitive, and partly because my instinct is that "The Lords of the Reach sauntered into the throne room" is stronger. GRRM would probably list their sigils too xD
A couple lines later I think it's more GRRM to just say the italicised "That is the bedside he most often takes" without the explaination about her thinking to herself - we know she is, it's in italics.
I liked the overall feel, but a couple of those specifics felt odd. That's all :) I still enjoyed it, particularly Randyll's pushback.
I don't think so, fellow reader. In a game of thrones, George RR Martin starts by writing Catelyn in chapter 2, so, if you tell me, he did a pretty good job, in my opinion. But yes, I do think he would've list the sigils of the lords' banners.
@@clancy1379 I see where you're coming from, but that's early in the first book - the pattern of chapter title/POV hasn't been fully established in the reader's mind yet.
It's a while since I've read the later ones so I'm not sure if I've remembered rightly, that initial phrasing just felt a tad off to me. I do understand that it's something he has done, it just didn't feel right to me initially in the context of a scene set in the time of one of the later books in the series.
@@jackwhite8204 I have returned, fellow reader. George RR Martin does usually start the chapter with a character's name not to retell the reader whose pov it is but to empathize what the character's background or situation. Like in a Storm of Swords, chapter 11-Jaime, just like Catelyn's.
This only makes me crave for The Winds of Winter more than I already do.
3 pages of description, in wich "onion" is mentioned 15 times.
Martin would be proud.
Fantastic! But you'll never write like George R. R. Martin. That is, not until you spend 17 pages describing what Cersei ate for lunch!
I kid, of course, great video.
Whenever the fuck did that happen
@@Anicius_ he was making a joke
09:17 no that's GRRM's rephrasung done exceptionally👌
It always puzzled me to what happened to season 7/8. Since the show runners and writers clearly showed us they could write very well.. But I can only assume that the issue became GRR himself and what they left out of the show.. Not to mention its a series following multiple story lines.. I think they wrote themselves into a box that they didn't have enough material for to make a flowing show anymore.. Maybe one day we'll find out!
They writers of GOT couldn't write well at all. They had zero experience and lied to George. In hindsight everything about GOT is terrible in all aspects of TV. The only good things about the earlier seasons is its closer adapted to the books. Later on its just terrible lack of cinematography, bad writing, no care of characters etc. (Which it also lacked all these things in earlier seaspns but it was closer adapted to the books and thats what made it 'great' because georges material is great) And completely goes away from the books with bad made up scenes and own writing
@@HKotolos GRRM will never finish the books. He fumbled hard. He had years to finish them.. yet he chooses not to.
Seasons 1-4 are amazing because of every component. D&D did amazing work for those seasons.
Tarlys are loyal bannermen of House Tyrell which as Cersei pointed out are in open rebellion. It's not like they'd call the banners or something.
No, instead they will allow their loyal bannermen to go to King's Landing cause they'll definitely be allowed to leave when they refuse to bend the knee.
Outstanding job!
It’s funny cause cersei dismissing the throne cutting her means the throne is rejecting her and she would totally just pass that off as fantasy, because the throne did the same to jeoffery
Damn this is an amazing idea
I liked. Very well made choice of words.
That was pretty good! The emulation was pretty spot on, though I'll admit I'm not a super good judge of that. Still, it was a much more interesting scene than "Lady talks, old men stand around and barely react."
BTW, as an editor, what are your rates? How does work with an editor go? I've been working on a book series but I have no idea how to approach editors.
Great job man
It's not quite Martin, but I already like it so much more than GoT's last seasons.
This was an interesting alternative scene. But as a professional editor, I wouldn't expect you to be making mistakes in grammar...there were 3 that jumped out at me, and here are the corrected versions:
"But most important was the Iron Throne beneath Cersei, which stabbed her thighs unmercifully" (unmercifully is an adverb modifying the verb stabbed; unmerciful is an an adjective, and they modify nouns)
"Forgive me, Your Grace, but it seems that your current solution is to move us lords out of your path and into a dragon's" (change we to us - we is only used as the subject of a sentence, phrase or clause. Also removed conveniently placed, as it doesn't fit with the rest of the sentence; the lords don't appear to be conveniently placed currently if Cersei wants to move them, but that's a different issue)
"Pray leave Lord Tarly and *me* to speak" (me is the correct pronoun for first person singular object, not I, which is only used as the subject of a sentence, phrase, or clause)
In GRRM's writing, Cersei and Randyll Tarly use proper grammar. If this were dialogue spoken by small folk, grammatical mistakes might be appropriate.
Sounds really great, though I wasn't a huge fan of the lines about Jamie and childbirth. Both of them felt a bit forced and like they weren't really relevant to what was happening right now. Very good overall though.
To be fair, GRRM also does that sometimes when writing Cersei. Her role as a mother and as a woman is very often brought up in her thoughts, as well as the fact that Jaime was born after her, clinging to her heels.
I could agree on Jamie since he doesn’t have any lines.
If he did it might show another reason he was arguing so much for Cersei.
The childbirth makes sense though because it shows she a superiority complex.
Though I do have to admit it is a bit out of touch since at this point all of her children are dead.
I don’t think childbirth would be something she’d be thinking of with pride right now.
I dont know if you write like him, but you just convinced me to have a look into the books of GRR x)
Thanks for your work, you did a really good job !
First comment here! U r great . . . Savage, one might say!
4:36 You're welcome.
The descriptive bit about Tarly being the lead lord in the room felt way off...
The dialogue preceding wasn't bad though
Wait, is this a . . . Re upload?????????? But why???????
Great job (even though I can only give feeble praise, as I am not so familiar with English).
After having read the books, I have to say that, to be fair, even if your job is well done here, this doesnt sound like GRRM because the source material doesnt sound like him at all. The universe is just to corrupt at this point compared to what he wrote, things got to simple
👍🏻
I swear I've seen this before...
Bojack?
What happened to Aqua Man? 😜😜😜
It's still coming! Just taking longer than expected haha
“The nobles in slavers bay”........YOU MEAN THE SLAVERS?!? Like idk if that’s bad writing or just Cersei’s stupidity.
Season 6 ep 10? Really?
Really good stuff. I wouldn't have been able to tell it apart from GRRM. And yes, it was out of character for Lord Tarly to not mention Cersei's murder of the Tyrells!
Eggon?
Comment.
That episode sucked, they just liked of a bunch of characters with no consequences. It was a splashy piece of Cinema, but it was also awful
....people liked Season 6? lmao
Yep, pretentious