5 Steps to Recovery from Codependency
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
- Counselor Carl (serenityonlinetherapy.com) offers 5 steps to becoming a recovering codependent. He stresses the importance of preparation for changing well-ingrained childhood patterns of dysfunction. He encourages you to be kind and patient with yourself as you take the first steps toward healthier behaviors in relationships. He asks you to "trust the process" and keep the focus on "progress not perfection." Counselor Carl's straight-forward teaching style makes complex concepts easy to understand. Counselor Carl is a licensed, professional counselor with 19 years of clinical experience both online and face-to-face.
"The shame of codependent tells them they are unloveable, but once codependents in a recovery they discover that they are worthy of being loved"
very powerful. Thanks, Carl!
Yes, it is. The most important relationship you will change in recovery is your relationship with yourself.
This resonated so strongly with me. I am in tears. I hope to find this love!
that bit made me cry
I started to listen to my body, especially when I am being rejected, when I feel lonely, or my fear of being imperfect ( especially with my body). I take deep breath and calm my body and say to myself " it is okay, I am safe, I love myself and I am enough." It is truly helping me so far. Before, when I got these crisis, I would call my ex or a friend to avoid my feelings, particularly the feeling of emptiness. I am trying to be aware of what is going on, and take a moment to process what ever my feelings are. I have more work to do about pleasing people especially men, I don't give all my things to friends and family so that they can love me or say hoo look how nice she is. I am more peaceful now, also I started to notice that I am not attracted to the same men.
Hi, Keira, thank you for sharing. Best wishes on your journey to healing and True Self!
Love this 🤍 Thank you for sharing and for the tremendous hope here 🙏🏼💫
@keira thanks for sharing. I am a codependent and trying to overcome it. How is your progress? Did you take therapy also or could overcome it with only self help. Please help me as to what might work as I am so clueless as to where to start. I keep listening to videos and get over whelmed when it comes to actually making a routine to sort the codependency issue. I have started waking up early and following a healthy morning routine including medidation. I have also been observing my thoughts lately.
Thank you for sharing your tips and story . I will try that
@@thankfulone2574 hi friend,!! Just saw this video..comment...um...yeah I don't know if you can see this but wow Lisa Romero on ten tips to overcome codependency changed my life yesterday. I was about to be friends with my ex abuser. Then I remembered he was never my good friend and what's more..I feel fear 😨 when I think I see hear or smell him soooooo listen to our bodies! But noooo! It goes against being the ppl pleaser. Dig deeper. Why do you please? It's like if I do this for you..which I loathe..at least you will take care of me. My needs..seems reasonable but #1 ppl can't read your mind/ your needs#2 now you resent them if they don't take care of your needs and #3 JUST ask for your needs!! If no can do..walk away..no shame no guilt! I'm 56 just did three abusive relationships and I'm healing. Don't give up!!!
I stood up to my three adult siblings for the first time this year after six years of taking care of our Alzheimer mother by myself. Mom is now in an institution. The minute Mom was checked in, the three of them began the asset grab of trying to secure her home located in a desirable location for their kids. None of which ever visited mom the whole time I cared for her. Anyway, long story short, I was ganged up on and told that I was not helping the family. After six years of free Alzheimer care for our mom, I am not helping the family!!! Wow! These people are a bottomless pit of take. Even though I am sad and lonely and feel like I no longer have my family of origin, I feel I am taking care of myself finally by getting away from my three sisters.
Sadly, recovery from codependency often means sorting out one's unhealthy relationships from the healthy ones, but it is necessary for creating a healthy environment and support system for yourself. Best wishes!
M M All you lost are a nest of vipers who don’t care about your needs.....your better off without them. Stay focused on yourself and getting healed....awareness is the first step toward recovery. Get into counseling....you deserve to be loved and respected. Good luck
Keep working your recovery. Good job .
I hope you lawyered up. This makes me angry.
@@robinrubendunst869 Sadly, all getting the lawyer did was cost me money (and more mental anguish) that I could not truly afford to spend trying to protect my mom's assets for my mom's care. It was just a new way of getting sucked into the toxic situation and codependency. My sisters are making a great show of "cleaning out the house and getting it ready to rent". So, if this is just one knick knack at a time, then so be it. In the meantime, their kids live there, ( or in the sister's version "stay there, house sit, work there helping to clean it"). The sisters are suppose to go through my lawyer to make sure they are renting it out a fair market value but there is no enforcement on a time limit for when that will be. It's going on two years now. I have to make peace with it because it already cost me thousands of dollars to get nothing. They spend my mom's money answering my lawyer so it's lose-lose for me and my mom. I read a book called, Mobbed! What to Do When They Really Are Out to Get you, by Janice Harper, Ph.D. The book covers group dynamics for scapegoating individuals which is essentially what happened to me in the family. Silver lining is I learned so much about codependency, toxic narcissistic families, but mostly, how to begin truly caring for myself probably for the first time in my adult life. Thank you, though, Robin, for your concern and understanding. I feel better about the world knowing you care.
Codependents do often train people to think they have no needs. So, when they begin to make healthy changes in recovery, they are changing the rules of the "family system." It is important that you let others who you can about know that you will be making changes, such as speaking up for yourself more about what you want and don't want so they don't misinterpret what you are doing ("you don't love me any more"). Now, healthy people will respect your new assertiveness, but unhealthy people who have been using or abusing you might not. It takes two people to make a healthy relationship. If you are trying to be healthy and build a healthy relationship and your partner does not want you to be healthy (so they can use or abuse you), then you will have consider other options, such as ending the relationship or insisting the other person join you in learning how to be healthy in a relationship.
Thank you so much.
Counselor Carl. How can people believe they aren't intitled to have needs?! And still be determined to guess and meet other's needs?
Counselor Carl , Your words touch me deeply.
I just tried to set a boundary with a friend. 'please don't make jokes with those subjects, I am sensitive about them', and my friend was offended because it was 'just a joke' and 'how could I didn't find it funny'?
So, my attempt to set an assertive boundary had a bad reaction. I only regret that I didn't start setting boundaries with him from the begining. I would have really know him earlier.
Living, educating myself and growing- those growing but essential pains.
Thanks again!
God bless you
So grateful for the advice. I know now why some family members are reacting so badly to me speaking up for myself. I had not informed them I am making changes but for some family members I feel it would not have made a difference. I know I have options with these relationship but I find it hard to let them go because of guilt. I know I have to as I am recovering from a serious illness and need to edit stressful and demanding people out of my life.
Spiritual36 those people may be best in small doses. I do that with my negative, rude relatives.
Step #4: "I must feel the fear and shame and do it anyway. " You're right, this is by far the most difficult thing for me to do. I'm in a 15-year long relationship where I have almost never made my own needs a priority out of fear that he will leave me. I recently made a need of mine known to him and even though it was disregarded, I did feel a small seed of growth planted in myself. I faced the fear and will do my utmost to continue doing so to the best of my ability. I don't know where my relationship will end up as I grow but I think that for the first time in my life, I will put the relationship with myself before my relationships with others. A relationship that can only thrive while I live in fear is most likely not a relationship I need to be in.
Congrats on your progress! I wish you the best on your journey.
Theresa Robinson.
I am so proud of you...I am in the same place and I know how difficult the decision can be, to be true to ourselves.
Thank you for sharing your strength to srep into your new and healthy relationship with yourself...you are such an encouragement to me.
Bless you dear lady...I hope all is well for you.🤗🤗🤗
Yes, do put yourself first. My husband always hung over my head that if I didn’t like the way things were I could leave and he would easily replace me. Then 34 years into our marrige, in our mid-fifties, building our dream home where we would soon retire, and as I finally thought we were ‘over the hump’ and I could relax… he left me for his young secretary. Yes, please make yourself secure - mentally, physically and financially.
@@MrsJudyR did you become obese? Or was your marriage sexless?
For those who don't know what he means when he says lower brain he's referring to your subconscious mind. When he says lower in general it's because it's below your conscious awareness. You can access it through consistent curiosity and questioning what makes you do certain things and why? Why you attract certain types of relationships or friendships. Journaling your answers(epiphanies) will help you to track progress/growth in mindset shift and emotional healing.
Thanks for sharing, Diamond!
I learned more in this short video of yours then i have learned in my 2 years of over coming co-dependency. Short, simple, and TO THE POINT. Bless you and THANK YOU
You're welcome, Cathy. Best wishes!
This really helped me because I’ve noticed every time I try to do better and take care of myself I get shamed for it by my parents and I’m so called being selfish and they try to make me feel like I need them instead of trying to make me grow to be independent on my own
Video might be 8 years old, but my realization today, through therapy, that I am codependent is an eye opener for a lot of my self esteem issues. This video definitely explained and helped me conceptualize how I can begin working on myself and on my codependency.
I'm glad you found my video helpful. I wish you the best in your recovery!
I actually started crying when you said the word "selfish."
Omg
Ms. B. Yes that is the unfounded fear of many codependents on early recovery.
yep, my hugest fear.
@@Serenityonlinetherapy my narcissistic mother told me I was selfish from a young age so I would become co dependent.
I’m growing away from the mindset I had when my father left me and I felt like I wasn’t enough. Things are shining in a new light lately.
Progress Not Perfection. My favorite AL Anon slogan as well! ❤
“I will be a people respecter, including myself, my own needs and feelings.”
Whaaaaahoow!
Yes, please!
That's why I watched that movie so much! Groundhog Day love it! Recovering from Narc abuse.
Yes, it is a great movie that many of us can relate to even if we don't realize why!
I'm quitting this video after step 1 to go watch groundhog day.
Thank you for this video. I married my ' narcissistic mother' and have very recently separated after 33 years of telling myself it was my job to make everybody happy and if I tried harder and was a better person everything would be alright. She controlled by temper tantrums and so did he. Your advice is practical and gives me steps to help myself. This video is so helpful.
+Kate moore Thank you for your kind words. Best wishes on the road to your recovery!
Struggled with this my whole adult life and have a long string of bad relationships to show for it. When will I learn? I can see now why pathologically selfish narcissists attach to co-dependents.....it’s the perfect dysfunctional fit. I have a long road of healing ahead of me. Thank you for your insights.
You're welcome! Best wishes on your road to recovery.
Thank you for help
Great help
Thank you very much!
Thank you so much! This was great.
I need to learn so much about this
+Natasha Hughes Best wishes on your road to recovery!
Natasha Hughes me too actually
Thank you., the film you describing which exactly what I needed to hear, I must focus on getting to know about me more& my own recovery first before focusing on others. I love hearing about the end story of that film how she fell in love with what she saw in him.That's inspiring. I started to pay more attention on Coda these days & melody Beattie guide of recovery. Thank you.
Hmmm yes nice thought. I'm thinking the 'progress' road may be a long one...better late than never. I'm so glad to have found your videos. I'll stay tuned. Thank you again.
thank you very much for this video. i am currently going through it and everything you said resonated
You are wonderful, thank you so much.
Just found your channel.
So glad I did. I am co dependent for as long as I can remember. I am a carer for my husband and have been through cancer 2 yrs. Yet I put my husband & everyone else ahead of me. I am finding it very difficult to change. I have lost myself. I am like an attachment to him and others. Thank you for your great channel
This is GOOD! What you say is GOOD! I've just found you. I am a CD. Resently came to that conclusion. Ended a marriage to a narcissist as i found i had no voice, my thoughts and feelings never valued. listening your videos is giving me clarity. And some idea of how to put things right in my life.
Best wishes!
J F You just described my 38 year long marriage. It didn’t start out that way but for the last 25 years, I have progressively NO VOICE, and my THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS are not valued. It makes me sick in the stomach to type this. I am sad. I realize I may have to leave to stay well or even get well. It will cost me the only thing that is important to me: my church and service. My family is not close.
Thank you!🌼
You are an excellent therapist! I'm so blessed that I came across your TH-cam channel.
Thanks Counselor Carl. 💙💫✨
Nazzy, thank you for your kind words.
Thank you sir ..everything you said make absolute sense !!!
You're welcome! I'm glad you found the video helpful. Best wishes!
I really needed to hear this, thank you so much!
You're welcome! Best wishes!
Simply put thank you 🙏🏼
Natalie Butt. You're welcome!
Ty so much Carl! This was soooo helpful! A great guideline!!
Janeen Pellicane You're very welcome!
I needed this for so long but never took action to do some research and Im so happy I found your channel, from the inside of my heart thanks so much Carl!
You're welcome, Oriolys!
You make so much sense. Thank you
You're welcome!
Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart and soul.. I’ve recently discovered I have these patterns in me and it is now one of my biggest missions to steer towards the path of myself, my own love and my own needs.. Thank you Namaste
Cynthia Cardenas. You're very welcome. Best wishes!
Simple GREAT!!!!! God Bless!!!! THANK you so much👍😊😊😘
Very very helpful and insightful. I just discovered my struggle with codependency and having gone through recovery for some bad situations in my past, my soul is now ready to explore this and heal from it. Thank you for this-- seeing how it will all likely play out puts my mind at rest.
How are you now?
lovely words..and a great tool box kit for understanding what you need to know as a codependent in recovery. thank you.
+M Rojas Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad you found this video helpful.
Carl that is TREMENDOUS!!! Wonderful BLESS YOU!!! 👍🙆
Just found your channel and am really glad. You have helped me understand codependency more than I have before. It has always seemed confusing to me. After watching a few of your videos, I feel hope.
Carl Gulbransen. I'm glad you found my video helpful. Best wishes!
Thank you for this video
greenpugfighter You're welcome!
Thank you beautiful human. This is so helpful. You are a blessing.
S k W You're welcome! And thank you!
This video is absolutely brilliant! The best video on self help I've ever seen on youtube. I recently discovered the concept of inner child and it lead me to codependency. This video guides and tells you exactly what to do to recover, amazing!!!
Thank you so much for the wonderful videos!!!
You're welcome! And thank you for your kind words. I wish you the best in your recovery.
I am so greatful for this video😇 Tons of thanks to you Carl for these amazing ,powerful words.You came to my life like a positive vibe.I 've found this video just recently as I made up my mind to start healing recovery.Being codependent is so burden ,I remember the time when I moved out from my family home to study in a different city and I had to live in other people's house with whom I had never felt comfort ,felt like walking around eggshells around them ,couldn't voice out my feelings .But from now on You're with me,God with me and my determination to change with me ,I believe I can change
Hi, Feruza. Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you found my video helpful. I wish you the best in your recovery
Thank you counselor Carl
Carolyn Cervantes You're very welcome! Best wishes!
Counselor Carl, Thank you for this wonderful lesson and for your other videos as well as your terrific website, your wisdom, and your thoughtful teachings. I have followed you for years and these videos are a marvelous, fantastic addition to your work. Thank you so much, Counselor Carl.
Thank you, Jill!
Thank you for your video, for some reason it popped on my suggested videos. You came like fresh water. Codependent and empath coming from alcoholic, drug abuse and narcissistic family where emotional abuse was a daily meal.
Married a narcissist. Divorced after 18 years when I “discovered” the toxic relationship.
It is sad, shameful, and all sorts of confusing and scary things to face.
I did a whole two years of self recovery and I was doing so well, or I thought I was, and now I am here, back again, realizing I still have more inner reinforcement to do.
The hardest part is to keep nurturing myself and validating my own needs, because I am aware of what I am doing, but sometimes the patterns are so strong and it makes me sad and frustrated to be able to see it but not able to break it once for all.
Hi, Myriam. It is progress not perfection in recovery. Healing and "reprogramming the brain" take time. It helps to attend Codependents Anonymous and/or Al-Anon, where you can learn self-care and self-compassion in an environment that is highly supportiveof your healing and recovery. Best wishes!
Don the deepest part of my soul I thank you for this video. It really was an eye opener. Thank you for you kindness and knowledge. Thank you for helping me be honest with myself and go giving me some hope and direction. I give you my greatest gratitude...
You're very welcome! I'm glad you found my video helpful. Best wishes!
this gave me so much hope. thank you.
I feel safer when you talk.
I listened and this made sense ☺
Becky Parry. You're very welcome! I'm glad you found this video helpful.
LIKE ALL YOUR VIDEOS: GREAT ADVICE, DIRECT AND TO THE POINT. FIRST I TOOK NOTES ON THEM, NOW I LISTEN TO THEM OVER AND OVER IN THE BACKGROUND. WHILE MULTITASKING, DOING OTHER THINGS, AND ARE BECOMING SECOND-NATURE. THANK YOU.
Tricorn Tom You're very welcome! Best wishes!
Like how you're not blaming anybody this is calming me down a lot.
What a great video! Thank you!
Victoria Long You're welcome!
Thank you for your nice way, to convey this valuable knowledge on :)
Namaste
I appreciate your kind words!
I found this video so helpful! Thank you! I need to watch that movie 😊
Hi, Sandra. I'm glad you found the video helpful. And it is a great movie. Best wishes!
I love this man right now
Very helpful.
Thank you very much for all your helpful videos. Great job helping others to heal.
Thank you! And you're welcome!
Thank you
You're welcome!
Thanks for your simplified ways of expressing the issues!...I now understand... and PS. You're Welcome Carl.
Keri caye,you are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌷🌹
Thank you Carl for your guidance! Just started my journey to recover from codependency! I have had a relationship and now I know why I lost it because today I found out about codependency and I do think I have this issue. I'm trying to work on myself, hoping someday I will recover. And also thank you for the movie suggestion, I did enjoy it very much!
You're welcome! I wish you the best in your recovery!
So helpful and easy to understand. So much appreciated! Thank you very much
You're welcome!
Thanks for the video it’s uplifting to hear your words!
You're welcome! Best wishes!
amazing video - thank you for explaining it so well !
You're welcome, Steven! Best wishes!
Outstanding Thank you so much!!! Hence patience has been the
You're welcome, Jimmy! Best wishes!
This was so enlightening. I'm just beginning to scratch the surface and it is scary. But I feel hopeful and am ready to do the work!
Hi, Princess VaVa. I'm glad you found my video helpful. I wish you the best in your recovery and good health!
I am really glad to see this. I finally understand what exactly I was in these days. I was unaware about codependency. . now, i can step forward to live a life out of this with the steps u mentioned, thank you in advance...
Hi, Pragati, you're very welcome! I wish you the best in your recovery.
Awesome video thanks!
Thank you! Best wishes!
This is so helpful and practical. Thank you.
You're very welcome! Best wishes!
Thankyou Carl for taking the time to prepare and share this video - I am about to start CoDA and have a lot of apprehension about it. Thankyou for your offering.
Simon You're very welcome. I wish you the best!
So helpful Carl! Thank you!
You're welcome! Best wishes!
This is GOLD.
Clear and pure message. I know what I have to do now. Thank you
You're welcome, Jari! Best wishes!
This is good stuff.. It is late at night and my brain is mush but if you have more stuff I will probably watch it..
Thank you very much for this video. It was very helpful.
You're welcome, Larissa! I wish you the best!
You are great! thanks.
Azar Shahraz Thank you!
SO SO super helpful - thank you!!!
Hi Laura, how’s your day going with you?
Thank you Carl!!!
Debalina Dey You're welcome, Debalina!
Excellent counseling.
Steve Stacey Thank you! Best wishes!
Very helpful! Thank you
You're welcome!
Thank you so much
You're welcome, Brett!
Wow stuff you present! Thank you so much
You're welcome!
This is a very informative video.
Thank you.
You're welcome!
thank you!
wildrider40k. You're welcome!
Thank you for this great video + the wonderful way you communicate. :)
Thanks, Natalie. I appreciate your feedback.
Thank you, you speak clear and calm. Very soothing.
You're welcome, Bitia!
Thank you🙏
Your welcome!
thank you! gracias!
+Marybel lopez serrano Con mucho gusto!
Thank you. Thank you. 🙏🏼
You're welcome! Best wishes!
This was very helpful. I’ve seen countless videos and articles about what codependency actually is, which were great for backing my belief that this is something I struggle with, but none of them said what the steps are to work on it.
Hi, Brianna. I'm glad you found my video helpful. I wish you the best in your recovery!
This is a a wow! I’m 56 years old and beginning to understand myself. It has been emotionally exhausting but I am willing to put in the work and recover once and go all
Hi, Pina. I'm glad you found my video helpful. Best wishes on your journey to healing and recovery.
Wow thank you!
Cyn th You're very welcome!
Hi! I’m sitting in my car and watching after standing up for myself and leaving the area to get healthy air. I am happy I found your video. I am in good progress and your video affirmed that to me. Not to beat myself up for perceived weakness but to be mindful. I’m relieved I am where I am. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. PS I love that movie but didn’t “get it” until very recently watching. It was all about bill Murray Not the repetition of the day itself which I always thought it was. It is so clear now to me and I totally get it! It’s a mile marker I will remind myself of. Didn’t get it to got it. I’m on the right road!
Hi, Ann Marie. I am so glad you're on the road to recovery and that my video was a small piece of the puzzle in your journey to allow your True Self to emerge. I wish you the best!
ann marie rice, you got a smile 😊 that can make the news
Thank you. ..very nice and arranged steps
You're welcome, Soso!
I am really loving your videos, thank you. Your kindness and compassion really shine through.
Thank you, Rebecca! I'm glad you find my videos helpful. Best wishes!
Hi Rebecca, how’s your day going with you?
Very good. Thanks
You're welcome!
What a beautiful tie!
Anderson Silva. LOL!
Literally, every single sentence sounds like a quote !
thank you so much. 5 years of successful recovery for drinking and now due to life matters now finally able to see my destructive ways as mentioned here. it hurts but i said id go to any length to get better in 2012 so i seek help. my sponsor and my WE are there and my own God. there is good from all this not bad. it was long overdue so the chem dpndcy stops and the people one remains UNLESS i change today. THIS IS ALL SO GOOD AND FEEL SCARED YET EXCITED. thanks CC.
Kris Scanlon Very often recovering addicts/alcoholics can benefit from getting help for relationship issues, including codependency. Best wishes!
Just listened to five steps to recovery and I think I am codependent. Wow. It’s a big thing to admit to. My denial has been very strong. And I’ve been the one to leave in relationships sometimes has looked, even to me, like I’ve been the strong one. But I’ve been “lucky” enough to fall in love with someone on line and I’ve seen many of my dysfunctional patterns playing out with him. Even though we’ve never met and don’t intend to. I’ve started to look into my needs, feelings and thought patterns. It’s very painful but well worth it. Growing. Becoming more of,oneself is so worth it. Thanks for these five steps. I’m on the journey!
You're welcome, Gleni! I wish you the best in your recovery!