I was poor for a big part of my life, so now I'm a bit of a hoarder because I learned to save anything I could for the worse times to come, and even though I'm financially pretty stable now, I struggle to change that scarcity mindset.
Cynthia I think you are going to be all right. Real bad hoarders aren't aware of and strongly deny they have any problem. Stuff won't save you on a rainy day. The only thing us mere mortals own that will ever be worth anything in the future is a house. Everything else is pretty much worthless. We've seen people spend thousands of dollars on a storage unit to end losing it, and it gets auctioned off for $50
I completely understand where you are coming from. My grandmother lived through the depression on a small farm. This programmed her to be almost constantly in "survival mode". She had drawers full of sugar packages and napkins taken from restaurants (whenever we took her to a restaurant she would take every package and napkin within reach and put them into her voluminous purse). My mother didn't have the benefit of knowledge like that of Dr. Marks and would simply throw things away when my grandmother wasn't there or wasn't looking. Of course, this just made her feel more insecure, thus exacerbating the problem. You are doing the right thing by addressing the mindset, rather than the symptoms.
both of my parents tend to hoard things and they did have times when they were poor long before i was born, i myself nearly follow them until i realize the cluttering is one of the irritant factor in my lifed and made me feel depressed my room is still a bit messy now but i'm not stopping to organize the spaces around me
Wow! Me too. I haven’t been homeless in 11 years and I have a hard time getting rid of things. I also tend to ‘over-buy’. It’s like I need 2 to 3 of things just because it comes in different colors and or shapes. I’m a weirdo.
I notice a common theme with hoarders. They all suffered a significant loss that they never dealt with. They project their feelings on the items. Clutter insulates them from an unsafe world. They avoid facing their inner pain. They justify their behaviour in their mind.
My dad was a hoarder, and basically died as a result of it. When we had to sort out his hoard, it was so overwhelming. It made me so sad and angry that he lived like that, but at the same time I tried to empathise. It was hard to do. Thank you for the video
My Dad is also a hoarder, incredibly messy and disorganised, as well as saving just about everything he can for its utilitarian useage. My family's primary home, although I have some good memories of course, of love and care, is untidy and cluttered. We have an entirely brand new kitchen still in it's flatpack boxes, for about 25 years, which has been sat piled up in the extension building which we had built. I remember the significance of his Dad becoming unwell and dying around about the time we were having the extension built, and I think that those two events are connected. I feel that I've been affected by my Dad's experience and subsequent behaviour, in a way which has pointed the resentment I have towards it, back on myself. That is, because we're so similar in personality and also in my physical resemblance to him, I feel insecure within myself, like I'm aware to some degree that I have a similar MH trait and have developed a complex about what this experience has meant to me and I just can't seem to drop it. Reason I believe this is because I've always had issues with perfectionism and procrastination, fear of being judged. When I was younger, around 18/19 (now 41) I was diagnosed with symptoms body dysmorphia. It's been with me on and off for years since then, and I just cannot accept myself. I have an opportunity to get married to my girlfriend, who's very loving and understanding, but my own MH issues are sabotaging our future and I'm terrified that my pushing her away is because of my complex with perfectionism. I have been suffering sleepless nights, and my ability to work has been affected. My life feels as though it's in tatters or just about to be, and I have felt so suicidal about the uncertainty of what the future holds. From all the hoarded mess which will be left behind once my Dad has passed away and how difficult it will be to sort his whole estate. The pressure I feel is utterly immense and I just don't know how long my body and brain can take this before I develop a chronic illness or something.
@@mazklassa9338 i feel you so sorry for your loss, you need to have therapy and medicine. If you can contract a specialist on helping you with the organization of your dad's home, please be kind to yourself i hope you practice Exercise that help a lot . Best wishes 💛💛💛💛
@@marianaruiz213 thank you for your reply and empathy. I am due to have some psychotherapy in June (I've been waiting 5 weeks on the list to get it😔) and I have already been taking an SSRI for two months now, which I'm unsure of as to its effectiveness, but I'm still willing to give it some more time or perhaps increase dosage, depending on Doctor's advice. And while I would be willing to approach a therapist to help my Dad, the truth is that he doesn't see a problem about his hoarding at all. I shouldn't say this but he doesn't actually give a fuck about how anyone else feels about it within our family. He is very stubborn and I suspect simultaneously proud of his unruliness, because he's never felt like he has to answer to anyone in our home. It's his highway and no one else's. I wish I didn't feel this contempt but I do, and he's got no idea about the degree to which it has affected the harmony of our family life. I just know 1000% that he will not accept any wrongdoing.
My “collecting” has always been high. I grew up a little on the poor side and always was the last (if at all) to get the newest cool toy or shoes or clothes. I grew up feeling very second best because of it and always felt left out. I also grew up in the country and didn’t have any friends nearby, so I learned to fill my time and emotions with what little physical things I DID have. From childhood to an adult, I always had a pretty good handle on my collecting. I had a lot of stuff, but it was always organized and fairly clean. I stopped collecting most things in my 30s because I wanted to behave and look like more of a responsible adult. I wasn’t really happy not being able to collect or enjoy things. I was depressed some too. I missed having stuff. Then my 40s and the pandemic hit. I started to collect to curb anxiety about my age and the dangerous disease. I had major depression from the pandemic and the state of our world. I also started to realize more and more I’ve always had ADHD and a lack of dopamine. So the collecting filled my dopamine needs too. But I’ve let things pile up. I’ve collected way too many things. I try to collect everything because all kinds of things bring me joy. It’s just too much. I can’t collect everything and have every hobby. It only interests me for a while, then I move on to the next so I can get the dopamine high again. I’ve started medications for depression and anxiety, and I have a stimulant gif ADHD I haven’t started yet. The depression is lessening, but I still have the need for the dopamine of collecting things. I need to get rid of things so I can enjoy the few things more I love rather than it all just piling up on me. I have to pick favorites and that’s hard. I hope I can learn how to cope again and weed needless things out.
@@Yowzoe thanks! I’m trying. Ugh. I hate rereading my comments. This is how bad my adhd is. I have tons of spelling and grammar errors in my comment. It’s not because I’m stupid or lazy, but I just can’t be bothered to go back and reread things to make sure I write everything right. ADHD really has had a huge effect and I see it now just in that. I’ve gone through my whole life with people thinking I’m stupid or lazy just because of thing like this. I’m not. I’m neurodivergent. But it’s only added to my issues. Thanks for telling me I’m being self aware. I’ve needed to be that way more for years about thing like adhd. I finally am and have sought help. Hopefully it helps hoarding too.
@@tidalboxer I feel you, I really do. You are so much like me. I really encourage you to stay on the path you are on. You absolutely are very articulate. I have ADD and some hoarding tendencies as well, and it's been tough. Tough on every single aspect of my life. Fortunately I am pretty bright as well, and never fell into that death spiral of depression that so many in our tribe do, because I knew somehow that that it really wasn't my fault. Don't get me wrong in my 20s and 30s I kept banging my head against the walls of career and relationship and organizing my life, and there was so much lonely pain. I was not understood by my family, for example, with truly disastrous results. I missed your comment, it looks like seven months ago! All the best :-)
I believe a traumatic event can trigger hoarding. My grandmother started hoarding at 55 when my aunt ( her daughter) brutally murdered, before that she had a home that was featured in Home and Garden. When she died, there was only a pathway to the kitchen.
Goodness gracious..my, I am so sad to hear this happened to your dear grandmother. This is so tragic. It just goes to show that we have to learn to have compassion and empathy for others with this issue because it could happen to us as well.
I'm really sorry to hear that. It's so sad. I totally understand how such a tragic event could play a roll, in this case. I'd probably do the same thing. ❤
Hoarding is sad to witness, especially when you want to help and they won't let you. A horrible thing for a parent to leave as a legacy to their adult children.
I think many hoarders become this way in their so called 'golden years.' Getting older, aches and pains set in, no longer working, no longer able to drive. Many older people become lonely, don't or can't see their children often enough. Have no support system. So, they let themselves go, let the house go, become depressed, and a hoarder is born out of sadness and loneliness. We need to talk about depression in older/elderly people. We need to take better care of the senior citizens in our lives. I know my grandmother was so lonely and depressed when my grandfather passed. This is common. Why doesn't anyone talk about the elderly and depression? It's as if they don't exist, or are invisible, once they hit their 60's. They matter. They should be treasured.
I appreciate your comment, but it isn't an accurate theory. Hoarding isn't unintentional neglect of housework or carelessness or a build up from being unable to tend to things . It is the intentional accumulation of items and a strong aversion, almost inability, to discard items as it creates great distress.
I've had this tendency since I can remember, but it's gotten better over the years, especially after facing the consequences of what hoarding can lead up to. Emptying the flat of my deceased father, who also had hoarding tendencies, was one of the worst, most tedious experiences of our lives, not only because of the situation itself but because of how incredibly overwhelming it was for his family to decide what to keep and what to give away. The huge amount of things he owned (he had, for instance, 3 copies of the same exact DVD, not even special editions, some of which were still in their original plastic packaging, unopened) was so absurd and unnecessary, it made me realize 1: one day you die and you take nothing with you and 2: we should think about those who are left behind with the chaos we once created. I'm not blaming him. But I think it's important to think about certain things while we are still alive. Believe me, whenever I start accumulating stuff again, I think about this and I stop myself from getting and/or keeping things I don't need. I'm aware I have an issue with this, but I don't let it control my life and space.
Well said. Interestingly clearing my partner's parents' house (which was way bigger than mine and what little stuff they had was very well-organised) made ME realise I need to get my own s**t together and get organised!
I'm glad you are able to control it! My mom was a hoarder, but my brother and I got lucky when she passed. Most of her stuff was in a storage unit so all we had to do was not pay the bill and let the facility deal with it. A friend of hers took care of thr room she was staying in so we didn't have to do much.
I'm sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience with my mom . . . except she had a house with full attic and basement. She had stuff sitting there just like it was when my father and grandmother died--35 and 20 years ago, respectively. I'm not sure she was really able to deal with those losses. I had no choice but to clean out and sell the house. It was hard emotional labor; I can't blame her for never doing it. But I haven't been to an antique mall or gone crazy at a thrift store or yard sale since. My favorite thing in my own home is just the space.
My problem has been that when a loved one dies, I have problems getting rid of their stuff. It's like getting rid of it is getting rid of them all over again. :( It has taken me YEARS to get through this emotionally.
I can so relate. My father passed away last year and half of my garage is packed with his things that I haven't been able to part with even though it's alot of useless things to me.
I understand this one really well! When my mother passed, I had to clean out her house. I took so much of her stuff home, I had boxes all over my house. I actually put some of them in a storage facility. The rest, there are mementos of her in every single room of my house! I like to see them, as they bring back only happy memories. I'll never get rid of them! I even kept her coffee mug. It's kind of cluttered, but it's all here to stay. 💔
I'm a college teacher. Books and papers and publications and teaching materials. I have to be really strict with myself and keep moving them along out of my house as I read them. Books included. They get donated to the library on a regular basis. It's a struggle, but I'm good at it now. I used to have boxes of them that took up a whole room in my house. No more! That room is now a lovely home office and perfectly neat. No piles anywhere anymore. You can do it!
I struggle with books. I have 5 walls of books & many boxes in the garage. I can donate many of them to Goodwill but I still have too many books that I have not read yet whose subjects still interests me and yet I know with my work schedule I won't get to them. Getting rid of those books is admitting to failure, unfulfilled desires. I was able to stop buying books as the internet provides me instant access to information. But the books I have trouble throwing away have information that are so insightful and unique. Those are the books that are hardest for me to get rid of. Any suggestions would be helpful.
I'm a hoarder that's been ready to clear out everything for a few years. I've unfortunately been too sick with autoimmune diseases to fulfill my goals. It's frustrating to be ready, but not have the energy or physical abilities to accomplish what you know will be a huge improvement for mental health. But luckily I've found a new appreciation for life and all that it entails and I'm determined to get it done. 😊
Thank you for this video. I sent this to my dad to help explain to him part of why I’ve never been able to keep a space clean for a more than a short period of time. I thankfully am not at the extreme level of hoarding most people associate with the word, and am occasionally capable of cleaning an area when I get a burst of energy and hyperfocus. But it’s something that I struggle with and am deeply embarrassed about, so thank you for speaking on it in a compassionate manner.
What does it mean when you “ collect “ things because of abandonment issues, yet if someone said “ I like that “ you happily give it away, because it’s your control to give it away and not being forced too? 🤷🏽♀️ Great video!
I think the fact that some people "collect" things like newspapers, gift wrapping (that's used), pens that don't work is an issue. My mother would take the pens out of the trash after I threw them away. I told her they ran out of ink or simply didn't work, but she would take them out of the trash and say she would fix them. But she never fixed them. She hoarded them. I understand that she felt the need to hoard because she grew up very poor. It's like (in her mind) she couldn't let the pens go because she didn't have any as a child. The best way I can explain it is that if you have a very poor upbringing, you tend to hoard things that aren't necessary or working as opposed to someone who collects miniature cars for display..
I think giving that thing away could be your way of saying that the person is important to you, and gifting them so quickly could be a means of getting them to continue to like you or keeping a piece of yourself with them. Just one interpretation :)
@@emilymarie9796 I think her mentality is that while she enjoyed the item for a time, she within her own control has decided that she will happily let someone else enjoy it. She is not concerned whether they like or continue to like her based on her giving an item away. Having been a recipient of her generosity, my friendship and liking her is not contingent of what she gives or doesn’t give me or any of our mutual friends. There many collections that she has and it does not block any type of living and daily activities...it’s just a LOT of things lol. I respect her way of living her life as long as it is not a safety issue, which it is not. So I guess I was wondering if it would be determined as hoarding, I don’t think it is. I do believe the collecting stems from abandonment issues but in her mind that giving away let’s her decide when something goes, rather then leaving her. Knowing the origins of where it stems from is her heartbreaking story, but I think she is coping with what makes her feel comfortable.
My mother is a heavy hoarder. She has already cluttered her whole bedroom which was a pretty big room. She now can't even enter the room and she doesn't even know what is inside it anymore. Furthermore every corner in our apartment is cluttered and sometimes she puts things in my room so I don't notice... She loves to buy things from the flea market and also takes things that people put beside or in dumpsters. Sometimes those things are broken or they don't work properly but she sees is at as great deal. Her main motivation is because "this will once be worth a lot" or "this is worth a lot I am sure, I payed so little for it". She always talks about selling these things to make big money but she never even sold ONE single thing. I think her big trigger was the war she had to flea with my two brothers and when she basically had to leave everything behind and having no money when she came to a new country but she also didn't have a lot when she was growing up, too. I also think that my father's abuse triggered a lot, too (they are still together). I was never particularly hard on her because I know that she would go crazy without those things and this was her coping mechanism. But I am glad that she is starting therapy soon! (but not because of that, but I hope she will talk about this problem, too)
@@Moietmyself Even tho i love being "perfect" , i feel like if i erase a lot of stuff i feel like i am moving on, i feel like i won't be imperfect anymore and that is what makes me sad
I have this problem too. I'll back things up on a flash drive every so often and put them in a Cloud but I have a panic attack everytime I go to delete stuff to make space.
I’m a case manager for a mental health center in a major city and I found you because I also suffer from ADHD and I really like some of your videos but it seems totally serendipitous that you post a video like this and I just got a new client on my caseload with the exact same issue😮💨😂
Excessive clutter through to hoarding can go hand in hand with ADHD too, due to the executive functioning issues typically caused by the condition. I write this as a fellow ADHDer who is only getting on top of a lifetime of issues with severe clutter now that I'm finally diagnosed and medicated. ADHD meds help no end when it comes to sorting out years of clutter!
Not sure if you meant me but I need some bookcases and a dumpster to pitch the stuff I moved with and couldn't throw out here at my new building. It wouldn't take long to pitch maybe 15 minutes. Then I need under bed storage and clothes hangers. Otherwise it's fine. Lots of times people invade my space and try to use it. Clutter is used as a defense mechanism to stear people from coming in and hanging out. The exes aren't deterred, this level of clutter is the same as clean for them!
I just got back from taking a large load of my stuff to Goodwill. It is very hard for me to get rid of things. When I got back, I had to sit and do my progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing to try to control the panic attacks. I feel as if a part of me is missing. I am getting up there in years and am not in the best of health. I don’t want my sister and her son to have a lot to shovel out if I should die. I still have a long was to go but today I did make some progress. If it is just stuff I can throw away, I have to bag it and take it out to the trash right away or I will go through it and take things out. I am not as bad as those that they show on tv but bad enough that I know a lot of it needs to go.
Good for you! I love that I can take things to the thrift store. It makes me feel better when I think “Well, someone else can love this object, too. And I can still love it, even if I don’t have it any more.”
My mom is the borderline between horder and junky. She just can't pass up a deal and shopping is one of her hobbies. I remember she used to try to put clothes in my closet growing up lol
My mother passed nearly 6 years ago. I hold onto everything that was hers because it is all I have left. When anything that was hers breaks or is damaged it really hurts me. It's like her things are so important to me. I can't let them go. It's like letting her go and I'm not ready or willing to do that. My guest room is a shrine for her. I have abandonment issues. Have no siblings and Dad lives over 1000 miles away. I love him so much, but can't make him move here. I feel like I've lost almost everything important in my life. Grieving is a monster. As my family shrinks and I get older it becomes so much harder.
We were able to pick out hoarders without ever seeing or hearing about their stuff in the first 10 minutes.(we operated self-storage) Difficulty making even the smallest decision on their own, so they procrastinate, lose their keys, wallet, credit cards. We had one customers credit card for 3 week (she was usually there every other day) she had no idea it was missing. They required a lot of patients to deal with because they had a hard time following rules. We would just take a deep breath and try to guide them to their next step understanding they are God's most tortured creature.
Please keep being kind. I'm not a hoarder but Im a young adult dealing with family trauma and I began compulsively shopping to get away from my house and create a "safe space". I realized it was starting to be an issue and stopped, but for me it was a coping mechanism for terrible life circumstances that I felt I couldn't change, and I often couldn't think clearly when I was shopping because I was trying not to overspend and felt guilty the whole time. It's a weird state.
@@emilymarie9796 I hope you didn't think that we are judging hoarders? We were in self storage for 12 years and saw varying levels of hoarding ...everybody has some degree hoarding instincts. I hoard obsolete cables and cords. In our humble opinion hoarding is not a disease but a symptom of deeper issues. (not even sure I would consider you a hoarder) My wife has CPTSD (caused by consistent childhood trauma) so I know where you are coming from, and how difficult dealing with childhood trauma can be. Look up the "Crappy Childhood Fairy" on TH-cam ...we found it helpful
Inseparable - I wouldn't be surprised if those people you spotted a mile off were neurodivergent. Neurodivergent conditions like ADHD, dyspraxia etc. often have executive functioning issues as core symptoms, which can present as things you mention like losing your keys, wallet, phone, procrastinating, struggles with decision making and also difficulty managing your stuff and not ending up with too much of it! Thank you for being kind... about 15% of the population are "wired differently" (i.e. neurodivergent).
As a master's level CMHC student who`s entering a Ph.D. program; I find Dr. Marks` videos quite helpful. Please keep up the good work. There`s not a lot of people from my community working in the MH field. It`s truly an encouragement!
Grew up in a hoarded home. I would put bags of stuff together like unwanted toys together to the good will. My mom would pull them out and tell me how sad they were I didn’t want them etc. I hated it. My husband has lots of stuff. You have to make rules about where his stuff can go. Not anywhere that impedes my ability to live so not on the washer or drier or not in front of the fridge or on the counter. It makes me very uncomfortable when I don’t have clear space to operate. That being said I’m not a clean freak by any means.the one that makes me the most frustrated is that these people can never find anything.
Thank you Dr. Marks. I am familiar with this topic. Very helpful information. You giving us comfort without expecting in return, is commendable. Appreciated.
To me, when someone hoards, the underlying reason is some form of early loss or abandonment issue. It can, I think, also come about from a victim mindset - where people don't necessarily hoard, but when they, say, eat, they just (because they're depressed) throw the scraps on the floor near them. I used to do this.
After going through a rough few years and feeling very lonely, I began compulsively shopping as a way to both get out of my house due to stressful family dynamic and to make me feel like I was improving myself (ex: buying this plant will make my life better because it will freshen up air in my room and make it more calming). I would get an anxious rush when I bought something I new I shouldn't be and began letting go of many of my financial goals as a young adult because I didn't have any hope of being independent. I recently had a bit of a lightbulb moment and realized that it was the beginning of a hoarding issue; I've had some success at backing off but I still get these 'projects' I need to complete like a cute little shade garden I'm growing in our backyard that I sometimes buy plants for. The more I've focused on strengthening my self care habits, the better this has gotten and I don't feel the same need to compensate with items, because my distress tolerance is improving :). Hoarders are always shown in a garish way, when the home is so cluttered you can't move and it appears very difficult to relate to. But every person who deals with it started somewhere; something happened where it became a problem and the stigma associated with the label makes it harder for people to notice it within themselves or their loved ones before it gets out of hand.
This was a very useful video. The weird thing is that at times, I have been wondering if I had hoarding disorder but I don't have the urge to acquire new things. I'm a doll collector but because I lack the space I actually don't acquire dolls often. My issue is getting rid of items which have been gifted by loved ones or old love letters... As if somehow it could make up for the overwhelming feeling of not being wanted... Old clothes too remain here for ages without being used because... And it really can get out of hand, cluttering my living spaces... And suddenly I get fits of throwing stuff into trash bags and out without warning... And all is well for a while... 🙄
My grandma animal and insect hoarded and it made me so uncomfortable :( I secretly gave out a few small reptiles and insects to friends who had others who I knew could take care of them, and the fact she never noticed really spoke to her care level of them :////
I would like to see a video on overlap between hoarding and neurodivergence, most notably ADHD or Executive Function Disorder. Because in my experience, they seem to force-multiply: Having trouble scheduling things makes it hard to deal with the mess, and having trouble *remembering* things makes it feel like losing objects in which memories are stored is literally losing part of my mind. I quite commonly get to the end of a period of time and realize that I've failed to do a thing I'd intended to do, or said that I'd do. Maybe it's hanging up the socks, maybe it's dealing with a computer issue, maybe it's making an appointment or looking up some key information for something that needs to happen the next day. I can have every intention in the world of doing this, and yet I'll pass the entire night without thinking about it, until it's too late. (I've started using timers.) The trigger for recalling the thing is something in that mind-sorting process at the end of the night. Now extrapolate that to more long-term things. Said I'd eventually do something for someone, make something for them, contact them to touch bases again after six months. I might literally have no recollection of this detail *until* I run across the object that reminds me that the detail exists -- at which point I get a flood of detail, and maybe a pleasant "oh yeah, that thing!" or maybe an unpleasant "oh crap, I forgot to do the thing again!" Therefore, getting rid of that object is tantamount to destroying that memory, because it destroys the trigger *for* that memory. On a more personal level, a lot of my creative projects are long-term, in large part due to that executive dysfunction, so I flit about among various projects and put many projects on the shelf for months or years or even decades. And my notes are *always* a mess. So I have all these messy, half-formed notes that I can't seem to bring to order, and then I have a time disconnect between stages of the project. If the project notes just vanish (e.g. someone throws away a random set of papers), well, it might as well be that the project never existed. No matter how dear it was to me at the time. (Also, I have a paranoia issue with things just vanishing where I know there's an absence but don't know what that absence *is* -- especially with online things vanishing, but also with objects vanishing. It distresses me.) So while it's pretty clear that hoarding is an issue for me, it also feels like a lot of related functions play into that. My difficulty organizing *anything* I want/need to organize, focusing on tasks, not getting distracted or sidetracked. My Intuitive-Perceptive (MBTI) nature, which wallows in possibilities but finds it excruciating to narrow down, cut, prune, get rid of options. My aphantasia, which makes it significantly harder to picture things I'm not actively looking at (split-screen is a godsend). I also derive pleasure from the knowledge that I possess certain things, even if I'm not currently interacting with them even visually -- e.g. it pleases me that I own a box of pretty marbles, even though I haven't laid eyes on that box in years and I'm not sure where in my bedroom it's located at the moment. I enjoy the fact that I own a couple dozen random plushies, even though I don't play with them and don't often look at them. And when I come across a thing I own that I haven't thought of in a long time, I tend to get pleasure just from it sparking that memory. Objects can make me recall creative projects, phases of my life, friendships of old, musicians I used to enjoy (and still do, upon being reminded that they exist), shows I used to watch, games I used to play, plans I used to have (and might still intend to do, once I'm reminded of them)... large chunks of my awareness through time, chunks that are lost to me unless triggered somehow. So it's not merely that I have trouble letting go of worthless items; it's that (a) the stuff I value might seem worthless or low-value to others, because they don't grasp the memories and emotions I have invested in a particular object, and (b) I have trouble sorting the worthwhile from the worthless, due to my other mental health issues / neurodivergence.
Wow. This is me. I never broke it down like this and really appreciate the level of introspection you've achieved. Thank you for sharing. (And now that I have this breakdown, where do I go from here?)
My partner is a hoarder. It makes my life miserable. What can I do? He insists he has no problem. He has more than 50 credit cards and a debt of more than a million dollars, which he pays taking money from one credit card and transferring to another. Our house is out of this world. Piles and piles, layers and layers of rubbish! He buys shoes and clothes that he nerves wears, he collect newspapers to read one day but never reads them, he collects watches, fluffy dolls, shirts, papers, newspapers, small toys from McDonald’s or 7 eleven, wires, plugs and adapters, mobile phones… and much more. We travelled to Australia, Southeast Asia, Europe and the only thing I remember from these places is the souvenir shops, he would spend hours in them.
ya it's good to work on your relationships before giving them up but 50 cards and a milli in debt? hell nah, you should defintely run away. if he keeps it up,it's a matter of time before he gets locked up and it's not your responsibility to look after him while he is there or pay off his debt
@@MsBhappy zero self awareness. He doesn’t believe he has any problem. He left him twice, he promises he will change, then changes for awhile and slowly starts bringing back to the house his things and one day buy a small adaptor, the other day a pair of shoes, the other day something else (it can be anything, from clothes to shampoo, useless kitchenware, body moisturiser, magazine, a dog leash -we don’t hv a dog) . He rented a space in a warehouse, put all his rubbish there and a couple of months later brings all back home because he can’t pay the warehouse anymore. We opened a tutorial center for children/teenagers and now the Center looks and smells like a dumpster. It is embarrassing. He did with the Center exactly what he did with our house.
@@anthonykonstantinou5378 till recently I was helping him to pay the interest of the cards (pay off the debt is totally utterly impossible) but I stopped doing so. Now I refuse to give money. It pains me seeing him trying to get money to pay his credit cards. If I left I think he would die buried under a pile of rubbish.
How have I not run into Dr. Marks before?! Subscribed! 😁 My alphabet soup: Bipolar, ADD, hoarding disorder, PTSD, med-related EPS, and I used to get panic attacks where I'd derealize. I'm already picking up techniques from your videos that I want to try. Thank you!!
@@DrTraceyMarks dearest Doctor , you know and understand the pain of the souls of those suffer silently, not just the mental health issues , but the stigmas , the silent struggle , always wearing the smile mask. __ God bless you . I dont miss a single video of yours , I found them not just by accident , but because I always usd multiple key words when serching for subjects that I am studying about , been doing for years. I have watched almost all your past videos & even commented on some. Looking forward for more Videos from you that makes lot of sense similar to all your past videos , for me your videos are a wealth , gives hope , who knows may even save lives Fehim Sri Lanka
I used to struggle with a sense of low self worth and was messy and hording all my life. Now I fixed a large part of the self worth issues and I notice that I am way more organized. It's easier now to correctly assess stuff's value. Do you think there is a relation between low self worth, and feeling stuff is too valuable for you to throw away? Do we assess the value of stuff by comparing it to our perceived value of ourselves? Thanks a lot!
Aside from traumatic experiences and needing therapy, I would love to hear someone talk about how hormones affect certain disorders. For myself, I have PCOS. Long story short, due to my progesterone being rock bottom I felt weak,tired,depressed and had zero motivation. My living space suffered, and I didn't care. Fast forward to now I've been taking progesterone and vitamins and supplements that help me better manage my pcos symptoms and balance my hormones. I now suddenly want a nice, functional living space. I've been decluttering like crazy and I feel like I've been given a new life. I can see how if someone never seeks treatment for hormone disorders it can spiral into hoarding situations.
I recently found your channel.. so pleased that I did! Dr Marks, your videos are very informative. Even more, you very kind and approachable. Your videos are easy to follow and understand, and add clarity to complicated subjects. I have subscribed and look forward to future videos. PS- why are all the kind and empathetic Drs all on TH-cam??? If only I could find a Dr like Dr Tracey Marks or Dr Todd Grande locally!! You guys are a tough act to follow. And you’re very pretty too Dr Marks. 🥰
My mother is a hoarder. Her house...well, I am estranged from her currently for other reasons but I actually felt so stressed that I would have to deal with her house after she passed that I mailed a letter asking to be completely removed of all power of attorney responsibilities, so now one of her sisters is first on the list. I don’t blame my mother for it, I just don’t want that awful stress and anxiety added to my life. It’s overwhelming.
I wonder, is there a term for people who compulsively throw away stuff instead of holding on to it? And might the root cause of that perhaps be the same as when people become hoarders?
I do this (not compulsively, whatever that means) , meaning tossing stuff as often as it looks like it needs it. To counter affect the feelings of not wanting to. To purposely do the opposite of hoarding so NOT to haord, but also while still feeling all the same major ptsd feelings and being unable to go anywhere from the ptsds feelings.
@@ms.anonymousinformer242 I see. How would you describe those feelings that your PTSD is causing you when you throw away things? Are there maybe feelings such as the fear of losing control or the fear of losing someone you love? Or the need to stay independent and flexible because you never know what might happen? The fear of having to leave your home due to unpredictable circumstances?
Aha! Like minimalists? Curious question. What about landfills? Stuff doesnt vaporize once someone tosses it in the trash. Nope! It just gets moved to another bigger location. Consumerism kinda drives hoards of landfills 🤯. Speaking of which, look at how much stuff gets produced constantly! Well, it all ends up somewhere.
It's an interesting question. I have a relative who "doesn't do leftovers". Any leftover food goes right in the trash. Is that a taste preference? (Yes, leftover food sometimes doesn't taste as good.) Or is that part of some mental obsession that leftover food is actually slowly decaying and is somehow diseased?
Listening closely to the " how to treat it". I'm only in my twenties and I'm leaving my parents home. I can't walk in it from one angle to the other. That's when I understood there was a problem.
Hi Tracey, thank you always for your thoughtful and useful videos. I live with my mother who has been a hoarder through my entire life. She has become better in the last few years and we've been working through her clutter (and the dilapidated apartment) a little at a time, which has been nice, but when she is feeling bad and can't control her hoarding, I feel like what she's suffering is executive dysfunction. She simply cannot process any item in front of her and categorize it as "needed" or "unneeded" because even a single object becomes unmanageable and overwhelming in her brain. I've also seen some professionals speculate about a connection between ADHD and hoarding. Do you have any opinion on this? And of course, as others have pointed out in the comments as well, traumatic events have a lot to do with hoarding... and my mother has had plenty of those, starting with her own bipolar mother being hospitalized periodically all through her childhood, and growing up very poor with no access to things she needed and wanted. So there's definitely also that aspect! The reason my mother is feeling better lately and can manage her hoarding better is definitely also because she has finally retired, and major work stress has been removed.
Dr. Marks, there are so many comments on this video from people who are loved ones of hoarders. Might you consider doing a follow up video at some point on this topic that addresses how those loved ones should deal with hoarders? Maybe along the lines of what will or will not help a hoarder? Some people are suffering financial/emotional/etc. losses doing major house decluttering, arranging buying a hoarder another place to live in or even taking in a relative to live that hoards. It can be hard determining if one is helping a hoarder out versus if one is not having healthy boundaries one should have for themself and is rather enabling behavior that may not even change. Thanks for your consideration.
Not by my definition! Read into that what one may! Then again, my grandfather had not only barns and garages but multiple warehouses full of items he never used but could never part with. If he who died with the most stuff wins then my grandfather won that lottery by a landslide! By comparison, most everything I own has actually been used or is actively being used, but I do have a *lot* of stuff as I tend to buy and collect items to cope with my anxiety issues from C-PTSD, AvPD, and quiet BPD as well as intense loneliness (my last date or relationship was nearly 30 years ago with a very violent partner…on top of an abusive childhood) as I have never met anyone who could actually deal with even a fraction of my physical health issues. But I also struggle with letting go of many items as many have emotional memories attached to them as well as they remind me of certain people from my past or of certain moments in time. That said, it is a habit that has also served me very well at times such as our COVID pandemic as I already had most of the necessary items on hand to get through a pandemic at a time when those items were next to impossible to attain as I tend to prepare for such eventualities to soothe anxiety around future uncertainty. However, even I will never understand the people who felt compelled to buy a 20 year supply of toilet paper for not only their own household but their entire subdivision, as if owning enough toilet paper would somehow protect them from COVID! By comparison, I had enough supplies on hand to last me a few months to get through crisis periods (i also struggle with agoraphobia at times).
One time I was at my mother's Hoarding home and went to the kitchen looking for a bottle opener and inside a drawer were over 200 Gatorade caps. I threw them all away and later when she found out they were gone she got upset and when I asked her why she was saving them she said " I lose my Gatorade cap sometimes while I am drinking, and I can just go get a new one from the drawer. She actually has more of an emotional relationship with material things than her own family.
Tracey I think it's worth mentioning ADHD here too. So many of us ADHDers struggle with excessive clutter all the way through to hoarding due to issues with executive function. All the things mentioned at 4.15 in the video are common in people with ADHD. Personally, I've found having recently been diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and starting stimulant medication, that I am finally able to keep on top of things and start getting through my historic clutter too (though it's not a quick process!). The change has been quite radical, I'm finally starting to live life like I always wanted to but was previously unable to manage. I know you mentioned other anxiety disorders too.. skin picking is quite common in the ADHD community as well, though it's thought to be more related to over or under stimulation than anxiety. That being said, plenty of us have anxiety too anyway as a spin off condition from years of daily struggles (my anxiety is much reduced on ADHD meds as I can finally DO stuff rather than feeling stuck, paralysed and overwhelmed most of the time). I know you mentioned antidepressants as a possible help but these seem to have a reduced effect, if any, in those with ADHD as it doesn't treat the root of their issues, so I thought it was worth flagging ADHD in relation to hoarding as you didn't mention it, as if someone does have the condition, getting diagnosed and treated for that might be the best way to help with hoarding issues.
Where is the threshold between collection and hoarding? Crafters who keep huge acquisitions of supplies and materials (in hopes of selling handmade items made with said materials).
I have a friend who has become a hoarder, and it seems to have gotten very extreme. Her entire apartment is filled with stuff-it's not untidy, just packed with things, mostly clothes. She seems to collect items she finds outside, including clothes and other things like speakers. I suggested she sell some of it, especially the clothes, since she has far more than she could ever wear. But she wasn't very open to the idea and came up with excuses for why she can't sell them. I also suggested moving a lot of the stuff to the cellar, but her partner told me that the cellar is already full. Now I'm watching videos online to learn how I can help her. She used to be different, a normal person with a normal apartment. I hope I can somehow help her return to how things were in the past.
Interesting thought. It wouldn’t really be hoarding disorder if the person was focused on one kind of item. Someone growing up in extreme poverty could also stockpile food or be over consumed with financial security and overwork themselves. With hoarding the person is acquiring meaningless objects that lose their intended purpose because they get in the way.
@@DrTraceyMarks I would have to disagree. I'm definitely a horder & it's all clothing and makeup. It interferes with the use of our living spaces. My clothes are all on the dining room floor & table. In the living room, basement, hallway. I cannot use my bedroom as it is filled with clothes,shoes & jewelry. I have slept on a couch for 8 years. I use to have a very clean house. You could see the floor. It started in my 30's which also coincides with when I started using drugs & became an addict. It got worse as my addiction progressed. I am over 6 years sober now but still can't clean. It's an overwhelming task. I have tried. I've gotten rid of many bags of clothes with the assistance & moral support of my children telling me I don't need the item, it doesn't fit or look good any longer & it will help someone else if donated. The last time I attempted it I ended up crying on the floor! I have trouble deciding to part with an item of clothing even if I haven't worn it in years as I think I might need it in future & not have the money to get it. I also have been diagnosed bipolar 2 rapid cycling, BPD & ADHD. I think the latter may be part of the problem. I find it difficult as there is not enough space in the house for all my clothes. If I can't find something I repurchase something similar. I keep things in bags or the trunk of my car to try & keep track of them. I know it is effecting my family. We can't have friends over. Embarrassing. We also can't call in plumbers or electricians when needed. The one time an electrician came he refused to help unless the clutter was cleared.This is a BIG problem. A BIG secret I hide. It's ruining my life & I am a burden to my family.
I agree with this. I used to work as a cleaning lady. Most of my clients were average but I had one that was a minimalist and super organized. Their house had any clutter. No shoes, laundry, newspapers, etc... to pick up. I loved cleaning that place. Everything in their pantry was in matching containers and labeled. Everything in the storage room in the basement was in matching plastic totes, labeled, on matching shelf units. It felt 'zen' like or 'peaceful'. But these were working professionals with kids, and I realized the amount of time they must have taken to constantly keep everything 'perfect' was probably an unhealthy obsession. Plus, they were my only clients that ever complained about my cleaning.
If you have been treated like an object for your whole life, you feel objects are people, because you can't get the people around you to treat you like a person so you relate to objects as a way to subconsciously protect yourself. This is lived experience, take if you like, ignore if you don't. You need to get rid of the people who treat you like objects (you can't change the people), and the clutter will go. This is harder than it sounds. Bless you if hoarding is a habit - You are valuable and I love you.
I'm curious about the relationship of hoarding disorder to consumerism. I mean, do people in less developed countries develop hoarding? 🤔 Is hoarding a relatively new phenomenon since mass production became a thing? Is it less common in societies with strong family and community bonds, where a person is maybe less able to shut out others and fill up a home with stuff?
Here’s another angle to a hoarding motivation: an unresolvable concern that the items find a disposition where if they can’t do someone some good, they will at least do no harm, e.g. broken glass, unserviceable knives, unrecyclable plastic waste, or appliances that will not be repaired. Combine this with impaired decision-making, and stuff is going to pile up for sure.
Trauma therapy is the best therapy to discover WHY behind hoarding. There is no medication or cbt to help get out of the hoarding if you don't work on traumatic triger of the hoarding.
ADHDer here, got my TH-cam set to 1.25 speed by default but I just started watching this video on my phone and oh my god you have completely different energy than what I actually thought 😂 can't go back though, 1.25 for life 😂😂
She also forgot how hand-me-downs, momementos over time and heirlooms can be overwhelming. These can often be the hardest to let go because of the providence of the items as well as usually more unique items that cannot be purchased or replaced if they are gone. This is my primary problem at the moment that some items are connected with trauma so I just can't process through them. All the therapists within 30 miles of me are fully booked and telemedicine was a sh*Tshow. So, just don't know what to do from here
Keep hanging on❤️ doing things to work on my own health such as meditation and morning habits has helped me a lot. I try to be consistent but I fumble here and there, and over time I have felt stronger and more confident which has greatly lessened my attachment to items. I hope things get better for you :)
Guy in his 60’s was a maintenance man at a local university and went to the hospital with pneumonia. His family went into his home and cleared everything out to clean it up. However he also was a collector on top of the hoarding and they threw out some historical letters that he had among other things. He was a regular at the store I worked at and I remember his anger and disappointment towards his family that did that to him and I found it no coincidence that he died a couple of years later.
Okay. I feel attacked for sure. I have had attempts at Decluttering (KonMari). And I guess it is about time, I go for it again and downsize mindfully even further. I surely have a lot of unwanted stuff in my room, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and well, almost everywhere. 🤷🏻♀️🙈 I stopped shopping for clothes 3 years ago, and determined to go buying only when I have created a lot of space. I feel that was one of the best decisions ever. ☺ Need to apply it in other areas as well. 😊😇
Oh wow. This is my mom and her side of the family. My mom lives with me now due to dementia, but her home (in another state) will be so overwhelming to clear out. My grandma had a 3 story house, and I only saw the 3rd floor one time because of how full it was. Is there a diagnosis for someone with the opposite tendency? I tend to be minimalist with my belongings. I acquire things, but I also am ok with giving things away easily. It doesn't cause me any distress or cause my loved ones any problems, but since I'm very opposite of my family, i just wonder if the opposite exists? Thanks!!
My mother in law is like this. Apparently her father was a hoarder and this caused her great stress. She is the complete opposite probably in reaction to this. She is elderly and now disabled and living in a specialized facility. I personally find it a little depressing when I visit her because her room looks like a monk cell. No color, no decor, no drapes, nothing on the walls. We bought her a plant to try to liven up her space but she gave it away after a few weeks. We used to give her flowers on her birthday but she doesn't want us to anymore. A bed, a dresser, a table and 2 chairs that's all her decor and she's in her room 24 hours a day, especially since the pandemic. Her husband still lives in their apartment and visits her every other day. He is a painter and now that he lives alone, he has hung several beautiful and colorful of his paintings on his walls. He restrained himself while living with her because he knew it would upset her. She only allowed a small painting in their living room and in their dining room. I like a clean and decluttered space, but I like color and artwork and plants so I always feel kinda sad after visiting her.
Did you mention those other conditions at the start - tilipiphilia etc - because they're related or often occur together? I ask cause I have traits of all of them. Also, the reason I hoard valueless things is because of environmental anxiety. Any advice for me? I can't stop thinking that if I can turn it into something else, I compulsively keep them.
I believe I have a hoarding disorder, I am working with a psychologist to be diagnosed. One day he asks me "Does having someone else touch your things to be discarded cause you to feel as though you were assaulted?" I told him I have no idea because the idea of someone touching my things causes mental distress. A family member asked me why I still had a certain item that was most definitely rubbish, I told her to get out of my house
I laughed reading this. No disrespect. I've been hoarding for 11 since I starting living on my own. I had a therapist ask the same question. My mum used to come round and tidy up and I'd tell her not to touch anything, leave everything where it is. Made me mad.
i think my mum is a mild hoarder. when 3 of us work overboard, our bedrooms + living room, kitchen turned into her storeroom, where she keeps empty bottle, old paper bags, foods (she will keep food that is expensive, then forget about the foods when they are expired), new plates (which she will never use or want to give it to us, she will only use the broken plates), broken chair etc. when i went back to visit my parents, i feel like i am living in a big messy storeroom, which is hard for me because i am kind like a minimalist. Dr. you are right, we tried to get rid of the stuff when she was sleeping or went out, when she realized that, she was so upset with us and the space that we just cleared, filled up very soon. we told her the hoarding problem and how this is affecting our life, she doesn't admit it, get angry and cry, so we just keep it to ourselves. we never or hardly (i can't even remember the last time that happened) have friends or relative coming over because of the hoarding. whenever, i went to relative house, how i wish my parents house is like that- clean and tidy. Don't get me wrong, my mum is a great mum.
Yeap, you described me to a tee. I am 61 and my father was the same way at this age. I will look for free or low cost help as I am tight for funds. Thanks at least there is some help available.
Congratulations on acknowledging you have an issue. I am happy for you that you recognize this and want to change. That is a huge deal. Wishing you the best.
Mine is because of procrastination also living alone, if someone is coming to my home I will make an effort to declutter , sad really because I much prefer living in an organised space, so procrastination/mild depression are my enemies
Grandmother was a hoarder. I didn't know my father and his siblings lived like that until my grandfather passed...he had a stroke and was found sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a cleared out spot the kitchen (the rest was covered in papers and thick layers of dust and boxes of random stuff). The stove was also slowly leaking gas, which may have contributed. This happened when I was an early preteen and it took me a very long time to figure out how it impacted me mentally. Im better now but I still have some hate toward my grandmother, it's hard to let go of.
I always feel like I'm a hoarder-light, but I sort of binge and purge. Things get to a point where, if I have the time, I go through and break ties to things and throw things out. It's painful, but not as much as if someone else was doing it. I've had some traumatic events surrounding destruction or loss of personally important yet mixed value items, so sometimes it feels like I'm deadened to the upset once it gets bad enough.
I used to keep things like Pringle cans and water bottles and literally anything you can store stuff. I always told myself that I would use them to store things or put plants in them. Everything was strewn all over my room. Clothes, trash, makeup, full pill bottles bc I wasn’t taking my meds. There are pictures of me in my room on my mom’s Facebook and looking at them makes me so embarrassed. Luckily, I got better when I moved in with my boyfriend, who is tidy and minimalistic. I had a dorm room at that point and most of my stuff stayed there, but when it came time to move out and filter through stuff, I had a harder time. There was a lot of clothes that I could have donated, but I would’ve just ended up keeping it and that would’ve just stressed me out, so I threw it all away without allowing myself to think about it. Although I did dig through the trash bag of stuff to grab some unnecessary stuff with the whole “I’ll do something with it!” mindset. But I did end up throwing it away! I did allow myself to have a keepsake box with stuff I absolutely could not let go of, which helped a ton. I was never really bad to the point of piles to the ceiling, but it had been a big issue in my life until I got the proper medication, therapy, and a really active support system. It’s definitely still hard not to go to the dollar tree and load up on stuff I totally won’t use but convinced myself I will, but luckily my boyfriend helps me categorize things in terms of “am I just saying I will use it or will I actually use it ? And what will I use it for EXACTLY?” Things do get easier with time, patience, and the right mindset
Now I hoard but in a collective way. Like my room is cluttered but it’s organized in a collective manner. The things in my room are gifts and therefore feel more personal towards a person who gave it to me. Especially when i don’t see them again because it’s personal. To me throwing things away Is like throwing away the person that gave me the gift away. I don’t see everything as junk but more like trophies of having friends and going through fun or sad past experiences. So I guess you could say I hoard in a random personal collective manner that is an obsession. So my room is more like packed with a lot of cool things organized on shelves around an experience in life. And unlike letting it sit there I sometimes interact with them because it’s easier to keep me stimulated. And not like hoarding junk without thought of it
I think I am a low level hoarder. I have a lack mentality. All the traits you named describing hoarders, I associate with. ALL OF THEM. But, like I said, I think I hoard because I remember (after financial abuse by my ex husband) not being able to afford simple basic things and if I could afford them, it was all I could afford until my next paycheck. So, I started “storing up” just in case. My financial situation is way, way better along with some of my thought processes but I still have a hard time letting go of “things” that I don’t use, want or need. I only recently (within a few years) stopped buying “just in case” things. I have a junk car and another car that’s on its last leg and cannot move myself to get rid of them. 😩
SORRY ABOUT THE AUDIO CHANGES - I see now that I can't lean forward and talk. 😊
Audio was fine. 😇
It’s all good, thanks for all your work! I really love your channel.
I didn't know any problems
Sounds fine to me. Thanks for the great work
No worries. We just appreciate YOU!
I was poor for a big part of my life, so now I'm a bit of a hoarder because I learned to save anything I could for the worse times to come, and even though I'm financially pretty stable now, I struggle to change that scarcity mindset.
i can understand your logic
Cynthia I think you are going to be all right. Real bad hoarders aren't aware of and strongly deny they have any problem. Stuff won't save you on a rainy day. The only thing us mere mortals own that will ever be worth anything in the future is a house. Everything else is pretty much worthless. We've seen people spend thousands of dollars on a storage unit to end losing it, and it gets auctioned off for $50
I completely understand where you are coming from. My grandmother lived through the depression on a small farm. This programmed her to be almost constantly in "survival mode". She had drawers full of sugar packages and napkins taken from restaurants (whenever we took her to a restaurant she would take every package and napkin within reach and put them into her voluminous purse). My mother didn't have the benefit of knowledge like that of Dr. Marks and would simply throw things away when my grandmother wasn't there or wasn't looking. Of course, this just made her feel more insecure, thus exacerbating the problem. You are doing the right thing by addressing the mindset, rather than the symptoms.
both of my parents tend to hoard things and they did have times when they were poor long before i was born, i myself nearly follow them until i realize the cluttering is one of the irritant factor in my lifed and made me feel depressed
my room is still a bit messy now but i'm not stopping to organize the spaces around me
Wow! Me too. I haven’t been homeless in 11 years and I have a hard time getting rid of things. I also tend to ‘over-buy’. It’s like I need 2 to 3 of things just because it comes in different colors and or shapes. I’m a weirdo.
I notice a common theme with hoarders. They all suffered a significant loss that they never dealt with. They project their feelings on the items. Clutter insulates them from an unsafe world. They avoid facing their inner pain. They justify their behaviour in their mind.
😨😨😢😢😢😢😢😢😭😭😭😭😭😭😤 hit home hard for me I KNOW THIS.... and it’s funny how I can see it in others but your comment hit home for me
YES. THIS.
This was definitely my experience for sure.
My grandpa after my uncle died in a car accident
Very True ....
My dad is a hoarder and it had a big impact on me growing up. We never had friends over when we were kids.
Same.
Same here - and quarantining/staying at home has a whole new dimension of difficulty when your home isn't "normal".
Same
Did he suffer a significant loss in his life prior to the hoarding?
@@trudyfox938 As a child he suffered poverty, malnutrition, neglect, and his mother abandoned him.
My dad was a hoarder, and basically died as a result of it. When we had to sort out his hoard, it was so overwhelming. It made me so sad and angry that he lived like that, but at the same time I tried to empathise. It was hard to do. Thank you for the video
You’re welcome Sara. And yes it is hard to understand and empathize
My Dad is also a hoarder, incredibly messy and disorganised, as well as saving just about everything he can for its utilitarian useage. My family's primary home, although I have some good memories of course, of love and care, is untidy and cluttered. We have an entirely brand new kitchen still in it's flatpack boxes, for about 25 years, which has been sat piled up in the extension building which we had built. I remember the significance of his Dad becoming unwell and dying around about the time we were having the extension built, and I think that those two events are connected. I feel that I've been affected by my Dad's experience and subsequent behaviour, in a way which has pointed the resentment I have towards it, back on myself. That is, because we're so similar in personality and also in my physical resemblance to him, I feel insecure within myself, like I'm aware to some degree that I have a similar MH trait and have developed a complex about what this experience has meant to me and I just can't seem to drop it. Reason I believe this is because I've always had issues with perfectionism and procrastination, fear of being judged. When I was younger, around 18/19 (now 41) I was diagnosed with symptoms body dysmorphia. It's been with me on and off for years since then, and I just cannot accept myself. I have an opportunity to get married to my girlfriend, who's very loving and understanding, but my own MH issues are sabotaging our future and I'm terrified that my pushing her away is because of my complex with perfectionism. I have been suffering sleepless nights, and my ability to work has been affected. My life feels as though it's in tatters or just about to be, and I have felt so suicidal about the uncertainty of what the future holds. From all the hoarded mess which will be left behind once my Dad has passed away and how difficult it will be to sort his whole estate. The pressure I feel is utterly immense and I just don't know how long my body and brain can take this before I develop a chronic illness or something.
@@mazklassa9338 i feel you so sorry for your loss, you need to have therapy and medicine.
If you can contract a specialist on helping you with the organization of your dad's home, please be kind to yourself i hope you practice
Exercise that help a lot .
Best wishes 💛💛💛💛
@@marianaruiz213 thank you for your reply and empathy. I am due to have some psychotherapy in June (I've been waiting 5 weeks on the list to get it😔) and I have already been taking an SSRI for two months now, which I'm unsure of as to its effectiveness, but I'm still willing to give it some more time or perhaps increase dosage, depending on Doctor's advice. And while I would be willing to approach a therapist to help my Dad, the truth is that he doesn't see a problem about his hoarding at all. I shouldn't say this but he doesn't actually give a fuck about how anyone else feels about it within our family. He is very stubborn and I suspect simultaneously proud of his unruliness, because he's never felt like he has to answer to anyone in our home. It's his highway and no one else's. I wish I didn't feel this contempt but I do, and he's got no idea about the degree to which it has affected the harmony of our family life. I just know 1000% that he will not accept any wrongdoing.
My mom's death was similar. Fortunately a friend of hers offered to clean up the place she was living in, and we let her storage units go.
ADHD can make it hard to finish things and make decisions and organize your space.
Absolutely 💯
This ^
Yes 🥺
My “collecting” has always been high. I grew up a little on the poor side and always was the last (if at all) to get the newest cool toy or shoes or clothes. I grew up feeling very second best because of it and always felt left out. I also grew up in the country and didn’t have any friends nearby, so I learned to fill my time and emotions with what little physical things I DID have.
From childhood to an adult, I always had a pretty good handle on my collecting. I had a lot of stuff, but it was always organized and fairly clean.
I stopped collecting most things in my 30s because I wanted to behave and look like more of a responsible adult. I wasn’t really happy not being able to collect or enjoy things. I was depressed some too. I missed having stuff.
Then my 40s and the pandemic hit. I started to collect to curb anxiety about my age and the dangerous disease. I had major depression from the pandemic and the state of our world. I also started to realize more and more I’ve always had ADHD and a lack of dopamine. So the collecting filled my dopamine needs too. But I’ve let things pile up. I’ve collected way too many things. I try to collect everything because all kinds of things bring me joy. It’s just too much. I can’t collect everything and have every hobby. It only interests me for a while, then I move on to the next so I can get the dopamine high again.
I’ve started medications for depression and anxiety, and I have a stimulant gif ADHD I haven’t started yet. The depression is lessening, but I still have the need for the dopamine of collecting things. I need to get rid of things so I can enjoy the few things more I love rather than it all just piling up on me. I have to pick favorites and that’s hard. I hope I can learn how to cope again and weed needless things out.
You're very self-aware, honest, and are focusing on changing your dopamine-seeking habits. I believe you're on a good path.
@@Yowzoe thanks! I’m trying. Ugh. I hate rereading my comments. This is how bad my adhd is. I have tons of spelling and grammar errors in my comment. It’s not because I’m stupid or lazy, but I just can’t be bothered to go back and reread things to make sure I write everything right. ADHD really has had a huge effect and I see it now just in that. I’ve gone through my whole life with people thinking I’m stupid or lazy just because of thing like this. I’m not. I’m neurodivergent. But it’s only added to my issues.
Thanks for telling me I’m being self aware. I’ve needed to be that way more for years about thing like adhd. I finally am and have sought help. Hopefully it helps hoarding too.
@@tidalboxer I feel you, I really do. You are so much like me. I really encourage you to stay on the path you are on. You absolutely are very articulate. I have ADD and some hoarding tendencies as well, and it's been tough. Tough on every single aspect of my life. Fortunately I am pretty bright as well, and never fell into that death spiral of depression that so many in our tribe do, because I knew somehow that that it really wasn't my fault. Don't get me wrong in my 20s and 30s I kept banging my head against the walls of career and relationship and organizing my life, and there was so much lonely pain. I was not understood by my family, for example, with truly disastrous results.
I missed your comment, it looks like seven months ago! All the best :-)
Thank you for talking about this in a respectful way.
You’re welcome Rebecca 😊
My mother used to be a huge hoarder we had an intervention with her and as time passed she decluttered her home.
I'm glad that worked!
Patricia Asention, How angry was she?
I'm glad she was able to work on herself!
I am so happy for her.
That’s inspiring
Top mental health content in TH-cam. We are all so thankful, Dr. Marks.
I believe a traumatic event can trigger hoarding. My grandmother started hoarding at 55 when my aunt ( her daughter) brutally murdered, before that she had a home that was featured in Home and Garden. When she died, there was only a pathway to the kitchen.
I'm so sorry to hear that
I'm sorry to hear that as well. And I agree with you, as far as trauma triggering hoarding.
Goodness gracious..my, I am so sad to hear this happened to your dear grandmother. This is so tragic. It just goes to show that we have to learn to have compassion and empathy for others with this issue because it could happen to us as well.
I'm really sorry to hear that. It's so sad. I totally understand how such a tragic event could play a roll, in this case. I'd probably do the same thing. ❤
I agree with this. Grief can cause people to want to hold onto memories.
Hoarding is sad to witness, especially when you want to help and they won't let you. A horrible thing for a parent to leave as a legacy to their adult children.
my situation right now 😢
I think many hoarders become this way in their so called 'golden years.' Getting older, aches and pains set in, no longer working, no longer able to drive. Many older people become lonely, don't or can't see their children often enough. Have no support system. So, they let themselves go, let the house go, become depressed, and a hoarder is born out of sadness and loneliness. We need to talk about depression in older/elderly people. We need to take better care of the senior citizens in our lives. I know my grandmother was so lonely and depressed when my grandfather passed. This is common. Why doesn't anyone talk about the elderly and depression? It's as if they don't exist, or are invisible, once they hit their 60's. They matter. They should be treasured.
This is so thoughtful of you to write. Thanks for raising this valid issue!
I appreciate your comment, but it isn't an accurate theory. Hoarding isn't unintentional neglect of housework or carelessness or a build up from being unable to tend to things . It is the intentional accumulation of items and a strong aversion, almost inability, to discard items as it creates great distress.
What you’re describing is not hoarding
I've had this tendency since I can remember, but it's gotten better over the years, especially after facing the consequences of what hoarding can lead up to. Emptying the flat of my deceased father, who also had hoarding tendencies, was one of the worst, most tedious experiences of our lives, not only because of the situation itself but because of how incredibly overwhelming it was for his family to decide what to keep and what to give away. The huge amount of things he owned (he had, for instance, 3 copies of the same exact DVD, not even special editions, some of which were still in their original plastic packaging, unopened) was so absurd and unnecessary, it made me realize 1: one day you die and you take nothing with you and 2: we should think about those who are left behind with the chaos we once created. I'm not blaming him. But I think it's important to think about certain things while we are still alive. Believe me, whenever I start accumulating stuff again, I think about this and I stop myself from getting and/or keeping things I don't need. I'm aware I have an issue with this, but I don't let it control my life and space.
Well said. Interestingly clearing my partner's parents' house (which was way bigger than mine and what little stuff they had was very well-organised) made ME realise I need to get my own s**t together and get organised!
I'm glad you are able to control it! My mom was a hoarder, but my brother and I got lucky when she passed. Most of her stuff was in a storage unit so all we had to do was not pay the bill and let the facility deal with it. A friend of hers took care of thr room she was staying in so we didn't have to do much.
WAY TO GO
I'm sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience with my mom . . . except she had a house with full attic and basement. She had stuff sitting there just like it was when my father and grandmother died--35 and 20 years ago, respectively. I'm not sure she was really able to deal with those losses. I had no choice but to clean out and sell the house. It was hard emotional labor; I can't blame her for never doing it. But I haven't been to an antique mall or gone crazy at a thrift store or yard sale since. My favorite thing in my own home is just the space.
Thank you for your post. You have given me a mirror and shown me I have work to do. Breaking generational curses is tough but rewarding and necessary.
My problem has been that when a loved one dies, I have problems getting rid of their stuff. It's like getting rid of it is getting rid of them all over again. :( It has taken me YEARS to get through this emotionally.
That right there is where you start. Your loved one is in your heart, not the stuff. Those are just things. Good luck to you.
🧘🏾♀️ I get it...
I can so relate. My father passed away last year and half of my garage is packed with his things that I haven't been able to part with even though it's alot of useless things to me.
I understand this one really well! When my mother passed, I had to clean out her house. I took so much of her stuff home, I had boxes all over my house. I actually put some of them in a storage facility. The rest, there are mementos of her in every single room of my house! I like to see them, as they bring back only happy memories. I'll never get rid of them! I even kept her coffee mug. It's kind of cluttered, but it's all here to stay. 💔
@Michelle I get it!!!!
I'm a college teacher. Books and papers and publications and teaching materials. I have to be really strict with myself and keep moving them along out of my house as I read them. Books included. They get donated to the library on a regular basis. It's a struggle, but I'm good at it now. I used to have boxes of them that took up a whole room in my house. No more! That room is now a lovely home office and perfectly neat. No piles anywhere anymore. You can do it!
I struggle with books. I have 5 walls of books & many boxes in the garage. I can donate many of them to Goodwill but I still have too many books that I have not read yet whose subjects still interests me and yet I know with my work schedule I won't get to them. Getting rid of those books is admitting to failure, unfulfilled desires.
I was able to stop buying books as the internet provides me instant access to information. But the books I have trouble throwing away have information that are so insightful and unique.
Those are the books that are hardest for me to get rid of.
Any suggestions would be helpful.
Thank you for this. *I know I have hoarding tendencies due to scarcity fears and then emotional attachments.*
You’re welcome Justice 😊
I'm a hoarder that's been ready to clear out everything for a few years. I've unfortunately been too sick with autoimmune diseases to fulfill my goals. It's frustrating to be ready, but not have the energy or physical abilities to accomplish what you know will be a huge improvement for mental health. But luckily I've found a new appreciation for life and all that it entails and I'm determined to get it done. 😊
You are so incredibly helpful. Thank you for taking the time to create this content.
Thank you for this video. I sent this to my dad to help explain to him part of why I’ve never been able to keep a space clean for a more than a short period of time. I thankfully am not at the extreme level of hoarding most people associate with the word, and am occasionally capable of cleaning an area when I get a burst of energy and hyperfocus. But it’s something that I struggle with and am deeply embarrassed about, so thank you for speaking on it in a compassionate manner.
What does it mean when you “ collect “ things because of abandonment issues, yet if someone said “ I like that “ you happily give it away, because it’s your control to give it away and not being forced too? 🤷🏽♀️ Great video!
I think the fact that some people "collect" things like newspapers, gift wrapping (that's used), pens that don't work is an issue. My mother would take the pens out of the trash after I threw them away. I told her they ran out of ink or simply didn't work, but she would take them out of the trash and say she would fix them. But she never fixed them. She hoarded them. I understand that she felt the need to hoard because she grew up very poor. It's like (in her mind) she couldn't let the pens go because she didn't have any as a child. The best way I can explain it is that if you have a very poor upbringing, you tend to hoard things that aren't necessary or working as opposed to someone who collects miniature cars for display..
Ppl pleasing is also associated with abandonment issues
I think giving that thing away could be your way of saying that the person is important to you, and gifting them so quickly could be a means of getting them to continue to like you or keeping a piece of yourself with them. Just one interpretation :)
@@emilymarie9796 great interpretation. Imo
@@emilymarie9796 I think her mentality is that while she enjoyed the item for a time, she within her own control has decided that she will happily let someone else enjoy it.
She is not concerned whether they like or continue to like her based on her giving an item away. Having been a recipient of her generosity, my friendship and liking her is not contingent of what she gives or doesn’t give me or any of our mutual friends.
There many collections that she has and it does not block any type of living and daily activities...it’s just a LOT of things lol. I respect her way of living her life as long as it is not a safety issue, which it is not. So I guess I was wondering if it would be determined as hoarding, I don’t think it is.
I do believe the collecting stems from abandonment issues but in her mind that giving away let’s her decide when something goes, rather then leaving her.
Knowing the origins of where it stems from is her heartbreaking story, but I think she is coping with what makes her feel comfortable.
My mother is a heavy hoarder. She has already cluttered her whole bedroom which was a pretty big room. She now can't even enter the room and she doesn't even know what is inside it anymore. Furthermore every corner in our apartment is cluttered and sometimes she puts things in my room so I don't notice... She loves to buy things from the flea market and also takes things that people put beside or in dumpsters. Sometimes those things are broken or they don't work properly but she sees is at as great deal. Her main motivation is because "this will once be worth a lot" or "this is worth a lot I am sure, I payed so little for it". She always talks about selling these things to make big money but she never even sold ONE single thing. I think her big trigger was the war she had to flea with my two brothers and when she basically had to leave everything behind and having no money when she came to a new country but she also didn't have a lot when she was growing up, too. I also think that my father's abuse triggered a lot, too (they are still together). I was never particularly hard on her because I know that she would go crazy without those things and this was her coping mechanism. But I am glad that she is starting therapy soon! (but not because of that, but I hope she will talk about this problem, too)
“Some people are just more junky”
Feeling attacked
I'm junky and cluttered. I don't hoard though fortunately. I can still sit on my couch and cook in my kitchen.
College professors??? Enter one typical office. Oh, the stacks of paper! Yikes!
Right there with you. Struggling with clutter. I struggle letting go of things.
🙋🏿♀️
Same 😂
This happens to me but with the photos in my cellphone..haha sometimes it gets harder erasing them from it.
Digital hoarding is an increasingly common issue. I have it too.
@@MsBhappy haha indeed
@@Moietmyself
Even tho i love being "perfect" , i feel like if i erase a lot of stuff i feel like i am moving on, i feel like i won't be imperfect anymore and that is what makes me sad
I have this problem too. I'll back things up on a flash drive every so often and put them in a Cloud but I have a panic attack everytime I go to delete stuff to make space.
@@KatAdVictoriam nothing happens!
Keep on facing
I’m a case manager for a mental health center in a major city and I found you because I also suffer from ADHD and I really like some of your videos but it seems totally serendipitous that you post a video like this and I just got a new client on my caseload with the exact same issue😮💨😂
Excessive clutter through to hoarding can go hand in hand with ADHD too, due to the executive functioning issues typically caused by the condition.
I write this as a fellow ADHDer who is only getting on top of a lifetime of issues with severe clutter now that I'm finally diagnosed and medicated. ADHD meds help no end when it comes to sorting out years of clutter!
Not sure if you meant me but I need some bookcases and a dumpster to pitch the stuff I moved with and couldn't throw out here at my new building. It wouldn't take long to pitch maybe 15 minutes. Then I need under bed storage and clothes hangers. Otherwise it's fine. Lots of times people invade my space and try to use it. Clutter is used as a defense mechanism to stear people from coming in and hanging out. The exes aren't deterred, this level of clutter is the same as clean for them!
I just got back from taking a large load of my stuff to Goodwill. It is very hard for me to get rid of things. When I got back, I had to sit and do my progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing to try to control the panic attacks. I feel as if a part of me is missing. I am getting up there in years and am not in the best of health. I don’t want my sister and her son to have a lot to shovel out if I should die. I still have a long was to go but today I did make some progress. If it is just stuff I can throw away, I have to bag it and take it out to the trash right away or I will go through it and take things out. I am not as bad as those that they show on tv but bad enough that I know a lot of it needs to go.
Good for you! I love that I can take things to the thrift store. It makes me feel better when I think “Well, someone else can love this object, too. And I can still love it, even if I don’t have it any more.”
@Supper@6 That makes me so happy!
Sounds like you're doing a good job though!
💪🏾💪🏾💜 one thing is better than no thing!!
My mom is the borderline between horder and junky. She just can't pass up a deal and shopping is one of her hobbies. I remember she used to try to put clothes in my closet growing up lol
Same!
My mother passed nearly 6 years ago. I hold onto everything that was hers because it is all I have left. When anything that was hers breaks or is damaged it really hurts me. It's like her things are so important to me. I can't let them go. It's like letting her go and I'm not ready or willing to do that. My guest room is a shrine for her. I have abandonment issues. Have no siblings and Dad lives over 1000 miles away. I love him so much, but can't make him move here. I feel like I've lost almost everything important in my life. Grieving is a monster. As my family shrinks and I get older it becomes so much harder.
*hugs from afar*
We were able to pick out hoarders without ever seeing or hearing about their stuff in the first 10 minutes.(we operated self-storage) Difficulty making even the smallest decision on their own, so they procrastinate, lose their keys, wallet, credit cards. We had one customers credit card for 3 week (she was usually there every other day) she had no idea it was missing. They required a lot of patients to deal with because they had a hard time following rules. We would just take a deep breath and try to guide them to their next step understanding they are God's most tortured creature.
Please keep being kind. I'm not a hoarder but Im a young adult dealing with family trauma and I began compulsively shopping to get away from my house and create a "safe space". I realized it was starting to be an issue and stopped, but for me it was a coping mechanism for terrible life circumstances that I felt I couldn't change, and I often couldn't think clearly when I was shopping because I was trying not to overspend and felt guilty the whole time. It's a weird state.
@@emilymarie9796 I hope you didn't think that we are judging hoarders? We were in self storage for 12 years and saw varying levels of hoarding ...everybody has some degree hoarding instincts. I hoard obsolete cables and cords. In our humble opinion hoarding is not a disease but a symptom of deeper issues. (not even sure I would consider you a hoarder) My wife has CPTSD (caused by consistent childhood trauma) so I know where you are coming from, and how difficult dealing with childhood trauma can be. Look up the "Crappy Childhood Fairy" on TH-cam ...we found it helpful
Inseparable - I wouldn't be surprised if those people you spotted a mile off were neurodivergent. Neurodivergent conditions like ADHD, dyspraxia etc. often have executive functioning issues as core symptoms, which can present as things you mention like losing your keys, wallet, phone, procrastinating, struggles with decision making and also difficulty managing your stuff and not ending up with too much of it! Thank you for being kind... about 15% of the population are "wired differently" (i.e. neurodivergent).
As a master's level CMHC student who`s entering a Ph.D. program; I find Dr. Marks` videos quite helpful. Please keep up the good work. There`s not a lot of people from my community working in the MH field. It`s truly an encouragement!
Grew up in a hoarded home. I would put bags of stuff together like unwanted toys together to the good will. My mom would pull them out and tell me how sad they were I didn’t want them etc. I hated it. My husband has lots of stuff. You have to make rules about where his stuff can go. Not anywhere that impedes my ability to live so not on the washer or drier or not in front of the fridge or on the counter. It makes me very uncomfortable when I don’t have clear space to operate. That being said I’m not a clean freak by any means.the one that makes me the most frustrated is that these people can never find anything.
Wow...that is amazing your mom assigned objects with having emotions by telling you that 'things' were sad you didn't want them.
Jadexplores ..like mom wanted her to share in the pain of letting go too.. and inadvertently trying to share her disorder with her daughter. yikes!
Thank you Dr. Marks. I am familiar with this topic. Very helpful information. You giving us comfort without expecting in return, is commendable. Appreciated.
You’re so welcome glorfia. I enjoy educating people. 😊
To me, when someone hoards, the underlying reason is some form of early loss or abandonment issue. It can, I think, also come about from a victim mindset - where people don't necessarily hoard, but when they, say, eat, they just (because they're depressed) throw the scraps on the floor near them. I used to do this.
After going through a rough few years and feeling very lonely, I began compulsively shopping as a way to both get out of my house due to stressful family dynamic and to make me feel like I was improving myself (ex: buying this plant will make my life better because it will freshen up air in my room and make it more calming). I would get an anxious rush when I bought something I new I shouldn't be and began letting go of many of my financial goals as a young adult because I didn't have any hope of being independent. I recently had a bit of a lightbulb moment and realized that it was the beginning of a hoarding issue; I've had some success at backing off but I still get these 'projects' I need to complete like a cute little shade garden I'm growing in our backyard that I sometimes buy plants for. The more I've focused on strengthening my self care habits, the better this has gotten and I don't feel the same need to compensate with items, because my distress tolerance is improving :). Hoarders are always shown in a garish way, when the home is so cluttered you can't move and it appears very difficult to relate to. But every person who deals with it started somewhere; something happened where it became a problem and the stigma associated with the label makes it harder for people to notice it within themselves or their loved ones before it gets out of hand.
Well said!
This was a very useful video. The weird thing is that at times, I have been wondering if I had hoarding disorder but I don't have the urge to acquire new things. I'm a doll collector but because I lack the space I actually don't acquire dolls often. My issue is getting rid of items which have been gifted by loved ones or old love letters... As if somehow it could make up for the overwhelming feeling of not being wanted... Old clothes too remain here for ages without being used because... And it really can get out of hand, cluttering my living spaces... And suddenly I get fits of throwing stuff into trash bags and out without warning... And all is well for a while... 🙄
You are awesome Dr. Tracey! Thank you, for all that you do 🙏🏻
My grandma animal and insect hoarded and it made me so uncomfortable :( I secretly gave out a few small reptiles and insects to friends who had others who I knew could take care of them, and the fact she never noticed really spoke to her care level of them :////
Insects...wow. That would be hard to live with in the house. 😯
Man I have a problem you nailed not just one but a hole row of nails, really glad I found your channel very insightful thank you
I so smiled when I saw that thumbnail.
😊 so glad
I would like to see a video on overlap between hoarding and neurodivergence, most notably ADHD or Executive Function Disorder. Because in my experience, they seem to force-multiply: Having trouble scheduling things makes it hard to deal with the mess, and having trouble *remembering* things makes it feel like losing objects in which memories are stored is literally losing part of my mind.
I quite commonly get to the end of a period of time and realize that I've failed to do a thing I'd intended to do, or said that I'd do. Maybe it's hanging up the socks, maybe it's dealing with a computer issue, maybe it's making an appointment or looking up some key information for something that needs to happen the next day. I can have every intention in the world of doing this, and yet I'll pass the entire night without thinking about it, until it's too late. (I've started using timers.) The trigger for recalling the thing is something in that mind-sorting process at the end of the night.
Now extrapolate that to more long-term things. Said I'd eventually do something for someone, make something for them, contact them to touch bases again after six months. I might literally have no recollection of this detail *until* I run across the object that reminds me that the detail exists -- at which point I get a flood of detail, and maybe a pleasant "oh yeah, that thing!" or maybe an unpleasant "oh crap, I forgot to do the thing again!" Therefore, getting rid of that object is tantamount to destroying that memory, because it destroys the trigger *for* that memory.
On a more personal level, a lot of my creative projects are long-term, in large part due to that executive dysfunction, so I flit about among various projects and put many projects on the shelf for months or years or even decades. And my notes are *always* a mess. So I have all these messy, half-formed notes that I can't seem to bring to order, and then I have a time disconnect between stages of the project. If the project notes just vanish (e.g. someone throws away a random set of papers), well, it might as well be that the project never existed. No matter how dear it was to me at the time. (Also, I have a paranoia issue with things just vanishing where I know there's an absence but don't know what that absence *is* -- especially with online things vanishing, but also with objects vanishing. It distresses me.)
So while it's pretty clear that hoarding is an issue for me, it also feels like a lot of related functions play into that. My difficulty organizing *anything* I want/need to organize, focusing on tasks, not getting distracted or sidetracked. My Intuitive-Perceptive (MBTI) nature, which wallows in possibilities but finds it excruciating to narrow down, cut, prune, get rid of options. My aphantasia, which makes it significantly harder to picture things I'm not actively looking at (split-screen is a godsend).
I also derive pleasure from the knowledge that I possess certain things, even if I'm not currently interacting with them even visually -- e.g. it pleases me that I own a box of pretty marbles, even though I haven't laid eyes on that box in years and I'm not sure where in my bedroom it's located at the moment. I enjoy the fact that I own a couple dozen random plushies, even though I don't play with them and don't often look at them. And when I come across a thing I own that I haven't thought of in a long time, I tend to get pleasure just from it sparking that memory.
Objects can make me recall creative projects, phases of my life, friendships of old, musicians I used to enjoy (and still do, upon being reminded that they exist), shows I used to watch, games I used to play, plans I used to have (and might still intend to do, once I'm reminded of them)... large chunks of my awareness through time, chunks that are lost to me unless triggered somehow. So it's not merely that I have trouble letting go of worthless items; it's that (a) the stuff I value might seem worthless or low-value to others, because they don't grasp the memories and emotions I have invested in a particular object, and (b) I have trouble sorting the worthwhile from the worthless, due to my other mental health issues / neurodivergence.
Wow. This is me. I never broke it down like this and really appreciate the level of introspection you've achieved. Thank you for sharing. (And now that I have this breakdown, where do I go from here?)
Tracey!! You’re looking gooodt. Curls popping and I love the color.
My partner is a hoarder. It makes my life miserable. What can I do? He insists he has no problem. He has more than 50 credit cards and a debt of more than a million dollars, which he pays taking money from one credit card and transferring to another. Our house is out of this world. Piles and piles, layers and layers of rubbish! He buys shoes and clothes that he nerves wears, he collect newspapers to read one day but never reads them, he collects watches, fluffy dolls, shirts, papers, newspapers, small toys from McDonald’s or 7 eleven, wires, plugs and adapters, mobile phones… and much more. We travelled to Australia, Southeast Asia, Europe and the only thing I remember from these places is the souvenir shops, he would spend hours in them.
Wow. I feel for you. Is he ever self aware? Has he ever sought professional help? Have you? It seems he needs an ultimatum, a reason to change.
ya it's good to work on your relationships before giving them up but 50 cards and a milli in debt? hell nah, you should defintely run away. if he keeps it up,it's a matter of time before he gets locked up and it's not your responsibility to look after him while he is there or pay off his debt
@@MsBhappy zero self awareness. He doesn’t believe he has any problem. He left him twice, he promises he will change, then changes for awhile and slowly starts bringing back to the house his things and one day buy a small adaptor, the other day a pair of shoes, the other day something else (it can be anything, from clothes to shampoo, useless kitchenware, body moisturiser, magazine, a dog leash -we don’t hv a dog) . He rented a space in a warehouse, put all his rubbish there and a couple of months later brings all back home because he can’t pay the warehouse anymore. We opened a tutorial center for children/teenagers and now the Center looks and smells like a dumpster. It is embarrassing. He did with the Center exactly what he did with our house.
@@anthonykonstantinou5378 till recently I was helping him to pay the interest of the cards (pay off the debt is totally utterly impossible) but I stopped doing so. Now I refuse to give money. It pains me seeing him trying to get money to pay his credit cards. If I left I think he would die buried under a pile of rubbish.
@@feliciofeliz then stay and watch while it's happening? lmao you know what has to be done bye
Thanks so much for another thoughtful, informative mental health video.
You’re welcome Keith!
How have I not run into Dr. Marks before?! Subscribed! 😁 My alphabet soup: Bipolar, ADD, hoarding disorder, PTSD, med-related EPS, and I used to get panic attacks where I'd derealize. I'm already picking up techniques from your videos that I want to try. Thank you!!
Good info. I appreciate the definitions provided & the clarification of symptoms.
She is unique ,awsome ...
very different approach , and very effective.
Thank you
Doctor & bless your heart
Fe'him
Sri Lanka
Thanks so much Fe’him!! 🙏🏽 Sri Lanka, wow 🤩
@@DrTraceyMarks dearest Doctor , you know and understand the pain of the souls of those suffer silently, not just the mental health issues , but the stigmas , the silent struggle , always wearing the smile mask.
__
God bless you .
I dont miss a single video of
yours , I found them not just by accident , but because I always usd multiple key words when serching for subjects that I am studying about , been doing for years.
I have watched almost all your past videos & even commented on some.
Looking forward for more Videos from you that makes lot of sense similar to all your past videos , for me your videos are a wealth , gives hope , who knows may even save lives
Fehim
Sri Lanka
I used to struggle with a sense of low self worth and was messy and hording all my life. Now I fixed a large part of the self worth issues and I notice that I am way more organized. It's easier now to correctly assess stuff's value. Do you think there is a relation between low self worth, and feeling stuff is too valuable for you to throw away? Do we assess the value of stuff by comparing it to our perceived value of ourselves? Thanks a lot!
This video presentation is so helpful in my preparation for the NCMHCE. I must explore your other videos. Thank you.
Aside from traumatic experiences and needing therapy, I would love to hear someone talk about how hormones affect certain disorders.
For myself, I have PCOS. Long story short, due to my progesterone being rock bottom I felt weak,tired,depressed and had zero motivation. My living space suffered, and I didn't care.
Fast forward to now I've been taking progesterone and vitamins and supplements that help me better manage my pcos symptoms and balance my hormones. I now suddenly want a nice, functional living space. I've been decluttering like crazy and I feel like I've been given a new life. I can see how if someone never seeks treatment for hormone disorders it can spiral into hoarding situations.
Insightful!
I recently found your channel.. so pleased that I did!
Dr Marks, your videos are very informative. Even more, you very kind and approachable. Your videos are easy to follow and understand, and add clarity to complicated subjects. I have subscribed and look forward to future videos.
PS- why are all the kind and empathetic Drs all on TH-cam??? If only I could find a Dr like Dr Tracey Marks or Dr Todd Grande locally!!
You guys are a tough act to follow.
And you’re very pretty too Dr Marks. 🥰
I appreciate you more than you know! I have been watching your videos for three days straight. Thank you 🙏🏾❤️
My mother is a hoarder. Her house...well, I am estranged from her currently for other reasons but I actually felt so stressed that I would have to deal with her house after she passed that I mailed a letter asking to be completely removed of all power of attorney responsibilities, so now one of her sisters is first on the list. I don’t blame my mother for it, I just don’t want that awful stress and anxiety added to my life. It’s overwhelming.
I wonder, is there a term for people who compulsively throw away stuff instead of holding on to it?
And might the root cause of that perhaps be the same as when people become hoarders?
I do this (not compulsively, whatever that means) , meaning tossing stuff as often as it looks like it needs it. To counter affect the feelings of not wanting to. To purposely do the opposite of hoarding so NOT to haord, but also while still feeling all the same major ptsd feelings and being unable to go anywhere from the ptsds feelings.
@@ms.anonymousinformer242 I see. How would you describe those feelings that your PTSD is causing you when you throw away things?
Are there maybe feelings such as the fear of losing control or the fear of losing someone you love? Or the need to stay independent and flexible because you never know what might happen? The fear of having to leave your home due to unpredictable circumstances?
Aha! Like minimalists? Curious question.
What about landfills? Stuff doesnt vaporize once someone tosses it in the trash. Nope! It just gets moved to another bigger location.
Consumerism kinda drives hoards of landfills 🤯.
Speaking of which, look at how much stuff gets produced constantly! Well, it all ends up somewhere.
I have experienced that a few times in my life
It's an interesting question. I have a relative who "doesn't do leftovers". Any leftover food goes right in the trash. Is that a taste preference? (Yes, leftover food sometimes doesn't taste as good.) Or is that part of some mental obsession that leftover food is actually slowly decaying and is somehow diseased?
Listening closely to the " how to treat it". I'm only in my twenties and I'm leaving my parents home. I can't walk in it from one angle to the other. That's when I understood there was a problem.
Hi Tracey, thank you always for your thoughtful and useful videos.
I live with my mother who has been a hoarder through my entire life. She has become better in the last few years and we've been working through her clutter (and the dilapidated apartment) a little at a time, which has been nice, but when she is feeling bad and can't control her hoarding, I feel like what she's suffering is executive dysfunction. She simply cannot process any item in front of her and categorize it as "needed" or "unneeded" because even a single object becomes unmanageable and overwhelming in her brain. I've also seen some professionals speculate about a connection between ADHD and hoarding. Do you have any opinion on this?
And of course, as others have pointed out in the comments as well, traumatic events have a lot to do with hoarding... and my mother has had plenty of those, starting with her own bipolar mother being hospitalized periodically all through her childhood, and growing up very poor with no access to things she needed and wanted. So there's definitely also that aspect! The reason my mother is feeling better lately and can manage her hoarding better is definitely also because she has finally retired, and major work stress has been removed.
Exactly like my best friend who committed suicide.
Thank You for the the clip, I will definitely be conscious about my STUFF
thank you for shining light on this from a place of empathy and understanding. i’m not a hoarder but i can sympathize with the disorder.
Dr. Marks, there are so many comments on this video from people who are loved ones of hoarders. Might you consider doing a follow up video at some point on this topic that addresses how those loved ones should deal with hoarders? Maybe along the lines of what will or will not help a hoarder? Some people are suffering financial/emotional/etc. losses doing major house decluttering, arranging buying a hoarder another place to live in or even taking in a relative to live that hoards. It can be hard determining if one is helping a hoarder out versus if one is not having healthy boundaries one should have for themself and is rather enabling behavior that may not even change. Thanks for your consideration.
Yayyyy finally one about my disorder 💜(unless i missed a previous one!)
😊👍🏽 I hope it was helpful!
The uncluttered space looks cluttered to me 😅 3:54
😃 yeah me too
It looked like there was NO clutter at all, in the first 2 pics.
Not by my definition! Read into that what one may! Then again, my grandfather had not only barns and garages but multiple warehouses full of items he never used but could never part with. If he who died with the most stuff wins then my grandfather won that lottery by a landslide! By comparison, most everything I own has actually been used or is actively being used, but I do have a *lot* of stuff as I tend to buy and collect items to cope with my anxiety issues from C-PTSD, AvPD, and quiet BPD as well as intense loneliness (my last date or relationship was nearly 30 years ago with a very violent partner…on top of an abusive childhood) as I have never met anyone who could actually deal with even a fraction of my physical health issues. But I also struggle with letting go of many items as many have emotional memories attached to them as well as they remind me of certain people from my past or of certain moments in time. That said, it is a habit that has also served me very well at times such as our COVID pandemic as I already had most of the necessary items on hand to get through a pandemic at a time when those items were next to impossible to attain as I tend to prepare for such eventualities to soothe anxiety around future uncertainty. However, even I will never understand the people who felt compelled to buy a 20 year supply of toilet paper for not only their own household but their entire subdivision, as if owning enough toilet paper would somehow protect them from COVID! By comparison, I had enough supplies on hand to last me a few months to get through crisis periods (i also struggle with agoraphobia at times).
One time I was at my mother's Hoarding home and went to the kitchen looking for a bottle opener and inside a drawer were over 200 Gatorade caps. I threw them all away and later when she found out they were gone she got upset and when I asked her why she was saving them she said " I lose my Gatorade cap sometimes while I am drinking, and I can just go get a new one from the drawer. She actually has more of an emotional relationship with material things than her own family.
Tracey I think it's worth mentioning ADHD here too. So many of us ADHDers struggle with excessive clutter all the way through to hoarding due to issues with executive function. All the things mentioned at 4.15 in the video are common in people with ADHD.
Personally, I've found having recently been diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and starting stimulant medication, that I am finally able to keep on top of things and start getting through my historic clutter too (though it's not a quick process!). The change has been quite radical, I'm finally starting to live life like I always wanted to but was previously unable to manage.
I know you mentioned other anxiety disorders too.. skin picking is quite common in the ADHD community as well, though it's thought to be more related to over or under stimulation than anxiety. That being said, plenty of us have anxiety too anyway as a spin off condition from years of daily struggles (my anxiety is much reduced on ADHD meds as I can finally DO stuff rather than feeling stuck, paralysed and overwhelmed most of the time).
I know you mentioned antidepressants as a possible help but these seem to have a reduced effect, if any, in those with ADHD as it doesn't treat the root of their issues, so I thought it was worth flagging ADHD in relation to hoarding as you didn't mention it, as if someone does have the condition, getting diagnosed and treated for that might be the best way to help with hoarding issues.
What a beautiful and calming backdrop! 😌🍃
Where is the threshold between collection and hoarding? Crafters who keep huge acquisitions of supplies and materials (in hopes of selling handmade items made with said materials).
I have a friend who has become a hoarder, and it seems to have gotten very extreme. Her entire apartment is filled with stuff-it's not untidy, just packed with things, mostly clothes. She seems to collect items she finds outside, including clothes and other things like speakers. I suggested she sell some of it, especially the clothes, since she has far more than she could ever wear. But she wasn't very open to the idea and came up with excuses for why she can't sell them. I also suggested moving a lot of the stuff to the cellar, but her partner told me that the cellar is already full. Now I'm watching videos online to learn how I can help her. She used to be different, a normal person with a normal apartment. I hope I can somehow help her return to how things were in the past.
Great video...would love to learn about the correlation between hoarding clothing and childhood poverty 👆🏽
Interesting thought. It wouldn’t really be hoarding disorder if the person was focused on one kind of item. Someone growing up in extreme poverty could also stockpile food or be over consumed with financial security and overwork themselves. With hoarding the person is acquiring meaningless objects that lose their intended purpose because they get in the way.
@@DrTraceyMarks I would have to disagree. I'm definitely a horder & it's all clothing and makeup. It interferes with the use of our living spaces. My clothes are all on the dining room floor & table. In the living room, basement, hallway. I cannot use my bedroom as it is filled with clothes,shoes & jewelry. I have slept on a couch for 8 years. I use to have a very clean house. You could see the floor. It started in my 30's which also coincides with when I started using drugs & became an addict. It got worse as my addiction progressed. I am over 6 years sober now but still can't clean. It's an overwhelming task. I have tried. I've gotten rid of many bags of clothes with the assistance & moral support of my children telling me I don't need the item, it doesn't fit or look good any longer & it will help someone else if donated. The last time I attempted it I ended up crying on the floor! I have trouble deciding to part with an item of clothing even if I haven't worn it in years as I think I might need it in future & not have the money to get it. I also have been diagnosed bipolar 2 rapid cycling, BPD & ADHD. I think the latter may be part of the problem. I find it difficult as there is not enough space in the house for all my clothes. If I can't find something I repurchase something similar. I keep things in bags or the trunk of my car to try & keep track of them. I know it is effecting my family. We can't have friends over. Embarrassing. We also can't call in plumbers or electricians when needed. The one time an electrician came he refused to help unless the clutter was cleared.This is a BIG problem. A BIG secret I hide. It's ruining my life & I am a burden to my family.
Thank you for inspiring me! I'm going back to school to become a doctor, just like you!
I have impression that de-cluttering became an obsession too (hope just a fashion though :).
I agree with this. I used to work as a cleaning lady. Most of my clients were average but I had one that was a minimalist and super organized. Their house had any clutter. No shoes, laundry, newspapers, etc... to pick up. I loved cleaning that place. Everything in their pantry was in matching containers and labeled. Everything in the storage room in the basement was in matching plastic totes, labeled, on matching shelf units. It felt 'zen' like or 'peaceful'. But these were working professionals with kids, and I realized the amount of time they must have taken to constantly keep everything 'perfect' was probably an unhealthy obsession. Plus, they were my only clients that ever complained about my cleaning.
If you have been treated like an object for your whole life, you feel objects are people, because you can't get the people around you to treat you like a person so you relate to objects as a way to subconsciously protect yourself. This is lived experience, take if you like, ignore if you don't. You need to get rid of the people who treat you like objects (you can't change the people), and the clutter will go. This is harder than it sounds. Bless you if hoarding is a habit - You are valuable and I love you.
I'm curious about the relationship of hoarding disorder to consumerism. I mean, do people in less developed countries develop hoarding? 🤔 Is hoarding a relatively new phenomenon since mass production became a thing? Is it less common in societies with strong family and community bonds, where a person is maybe less able to shut out others and fill up a home with stuff?
Here’s another angle to a hoarding motivation: an unresolvable concern that the items find a disposition where if they can’t do someone some good, they will at least do no harm, e.g. broken glass, unserviceable knives, unrecyclable plastic waste, or appliances that will not be repaired. Combine this with impaired decision-making, and stuff is going to pile up for sure.
Trauma therapy is the best therapy to discover WHY behind hoarding. There is no medication or cbt to help get out of the hoarding if you don't work on traumatic triger of the hoarding.
ADHDer here, got my TH-cam set to 1.25 speed by default but I just started watching this video on my phone and oh my god you have completely different energy than what I actually thought 😂 can't go back though, 1.25 for life 😂😂
She also forgot how hand-me-downs, momementos over time and heirlooms can be overwhelming. These can often be the hardest to let go because of the providence of the items as well as usually more unique items that cannot be purchased or replaced if they are gone. This is my primary problem at the moment that some items are connected with trauma so I just can't process through them. All the therapists within 30 miles of me are fully booked and telemedicine was a sh*Tshow. So, just don't know what to do from here
Keep hanging on❤️ doing things to work on my own health such as meditation and morning habits has helped me a lot. I try to be consistent but I fumble here and there, and over time I have felt stronger and more confident which has greatly lessened my attachment to items. I hope things get better for you :)
Meditation and sticking with it is life changing! Keep up the good work!
Guy in his 60’s was a maintenance man at a local university and went to the hospital with pneumonia. His family went into his home and cleared everything out to clean it up. However he also was a collector on top of the hoarding and they threw out some historical letters that he had among other things. He was a regular at the store I worked at and I remember his anger and disappointment towards his family that did that to him and I found it no coincidence that he died a couple of years later.
oh, that's so sad.
Boy that’s a sad story
@@DrTraceyMarks I think he felt betrayed and not taken seriously since it was a seemingly indiscriminate dumping.
Yeah, was is the worse way to handle this man's belongings. I can imagine the betrayal and disrespect he felt. Poor guy.
Okay. I feel attacked for sure. I have had attempts at Decluttering (KonMari). And I guess it is about time, I go for it again and downsize mindfully even further. I surely have a lot of unwanted stuff in my room, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and well, almost everywhere. 🤷🏻♀️🙈
I stopped shopping for clothes 3 years ago, and determined to go buying only when I have created a lot of space. I feel that was one of the best decisions ever. ☺ Need to apply it in other areas as well. 😊😇
Oh wow. This is my mom and her side of the family. My mom lives with me now due to dementia, but her home (in another state) will be so overwhelming to clear out. My grandma had a 3 story house, and I only saw the 3rd floor one time because of how full it was. Is there a diagnosis for someone with the opposite tendency? I tend to be minimalist with my belongings. I acquire things, but I also am ok with giving things away easily. It doesn't cause me any distress or cause my loved ones any problems, but since I'm very opposite of my family, i just wonder if the opposite exists? Thanks!!
Unless you feel compulsed to get rid of your belonging and that causes you distress then it may just be a lifestyle choice/mindset.
My mother in law is like this. Apparently her father was a hoarder and this caused her great stress. She is the complete opposite probably in reaction to this. She is elderly and now disabled and living in a specialized facility. I personally find it a little depressing when I visit her because her room looks like a monk cell. No color, no decor, no drapes, nothing on the walls. We bought her a plant to try to liven up her space but she gave it away after a few weeks. We used to give her flowers on her birthday but she doesn't want us to anymore. A bed, a dresser, a table and 2 chairs that's all her decor and she's in her room 24 hours a day, especially since the pandemic. Her husband still lives in their apartment and visits her every other day. He is a painter and now that he lives alone, he has hung several beautiful and colorful of his paintings on his walls. He restrained himself while living with her because he knew it would upset her. She only allowed a small painting in their living room and in their dining room. I like a clean and decluttered space, but I like color and artwork and plants so I always feel kinda sad after visiting her.
Dr. Marks You make great content thank you .
you make very nice and informative videos Dr. Marks.....Thank You!
Did you mention those other conditions at the start - tilipiphilia etc - because they're related or often occur together? I ask cause I have traits of all of them. Also, the reason I hoard valueless things is because of environmental anxiety. Any advice for me? I can't stop thinking that if I can turn it into something else, I compulsively keep them.
I believe I have a hoarding disorder, I am working with a psychologist to be diagnosed. One day he asks me "Does having someone else touch your things to be discarded cause you to feel as though you were assaulted?" I told him I have no idea because the idea of someone touching my things causes mental distress. A family member asked me why I still had a certain item that was most definitely rubbish, I told her to get out of my house
I laughed reading this. No disrespect. I've been hoarding for 11 since I starting living on my own. I had a therapist ask the same question. My mum used to come round and tidy up and I'd tell her not to touch anything, leave everything where it is. Made me mad.
Am a dignosed bp 20yrs suffering bad certainly not a hoarder. Very much a declutter type. ..thanks Dr.Marks from the other end of globe
You’re welcome. Is that end Australia?
i think my mum is a mild hoarder.
when 3 of us work overboard, our bedrooms + living room, kitchen turned into her storeroom, where she keeps empty bottle, old paper bags, foods (she will keep food that is expensive, then forget about the foods when they are expired), new plates (which she will never use or want to give it to us, she will only use the broken plates), broken chair etc.
when i went back to visit my parents, i feel like i am living in a big messy storeroom, which is hard for me because i am kind like a minimalist.
Dr. you are right, we tried to get rid of the stuff when she was sleeping or went out, when she realized that, she was so upset with us and the space that we just cleared, filled up very soon.
we told her the hoarding problem and how this is affecting our life, she doesn't admit it, get angry and cry, so we just keep it to ourselves.
we never or hardly (i can't even remember the last time that happened) have friends or relative coming over because of the hoarding. whenever, i went to relative house, how i wish my parents house is like that- clean and tidy.
Don't get me wrong, my mum is a great mum.
Hoarders also acquire by taking things from the streets, dumpster diving and taking things from drop-off areas intended for second-hand shops.
Thank you for these informative videos! Takes the mystery out of psychiatry.
Dang you cover ALL of my issues!!
Yeap, you described me to a tee. I am 61 and my father was the same way at this age. I will look for free or low cost help as I am tight for funds. Thanks at least there is some help available.
You may find a self-help book on Amazon that can help with this.
Congratulations on acknowledging you have an issue. I am happy for you that you recognize this and want to change. That is a huge deal. Wishing you the best.
I learned my hoarding from my grandparents, but it's not like what you see on TV. What she say is true in this video.
Mine is because of procrastination also living alone, if someone is coming to my home I will make an effort to declutter , sad really because I much prefer living in an organised space, so procrastination/mild depression are my enemies
I'm glad how I for once don't relate to a mental disorder video 🤣
Thanks Dr. Tracey
I wish I could join you. But I can't its real.
Grandmother was a hoarder. I didn't know my father and his siblings lived like that until my grandfather passed...he had a stroke and was found sleeping on a mattress on the floor in a cleared out spot the kitchen (the rest was covered in papers and thick layers of dust and boxes of random stuff). The stove was also slowly leaking gas, which may have contributed. This happened when I was an early preteen and it took me a very long time to figure out how it impacted me mentally. Im better now but I still have some hate toward my grandmother, it's hard to let go of.
Excellent video as always.
Thank you 🙏🏽
I always feel like I'm a hoarder-light, but I sort of binge and purge. Things get to a point where, if I have the time, I go through and break ties to things and throw things out. It's painful, but not as much as if someone else was doing it. I've had some traumatic events surrounding destruction or loss of personally important yet mixed value items, so sometimes it feels like I'm deadened to the upset once it gets bad enough.
I used to keep things like Pringle cans and water bottles and literally anything you can store stuff. I always told myself that I would use them to store things or put plants in them. Everything was strewn all over my room. Clothes, trash, makeup, full pill bottles bc I wasn’t taking my meds. There are pictures of me in my room on my mom’s Facebook and looking at them makes me so embarrassed. Luckily, I got better when I moved in with my boyfriend, who is tidy and minimalistic. I had a dorm room at that point and most of my stuff stayed there, but when it came time to move out and filter through stuff, I had a harder time. There was a lot of clothes that I could have donated, but I would’ve just ended up keeping it and that would’ve just stressed me out, so I threw it all away without allowing myself to think about it. Although I did dig through the trash bag of stuff to grab some unnecessary stuff with the whole “I’ll do something with it!” mindset. But I did end up throwing it away! I did allow myself to have a keepsake box with stuff I absolutely could not let go of, which helped a ton. I was never really bad to the point of piles to the ceiling, but it had been a big issue in my life until I got the proper medication, therapy, and a really active support system. It’s definitely still hard not to go to the dollar tree and load up on stuff I totally won’t use but convinced myself I will, but luckily my boyfriend helps me categorize things in terms of “am I just saying I will use it or will I actually use it ? And what will I use it for EXACTLY?” Things do get easier with time, patience, and the right mindset
Excellent video. Thankyou.
Now I hoard but in a collective way. Like my room is cluttered but it’s organized in a collective manner. The things in my room are gifts and therefore feel more personal towards a person who gave it to me. Especially when i don’t see them again because it’s personal. To me throwing things away Is like throwing away the person that gave me the gift away. I don’t see everything as junk but more like trophies of having friends and going through fun or sad past experiences.
So I guess you could say I hoard in a random personal collective manner that is an obsession.
So my room is more like packed with a lot of cool things organized on shelves around an experience in life. And unlike letting it sit there I sometimes interact with them because it’s easier to keep me stimulated.
And not like hoarding junk without thought of it
I think I am a low level hoarder. I have a lack mentality. All the traits you named describing hoarders, I associate with. ALL OF THEM. But, like I said, I think I hoard because I remember (after financial abuse by my ex husband) not being able to afford simple basic things and if I could afford them, it was all I could afford until my next paycheck. So, I started “storing up” just in case. My financial situation is way, way better along with some of my thought processes but I still have a hard time letting go of “things” that I don’t use, want or need. I only recently (within a few years) stopped buying “just in case” things. I have a junk car and another car that’s on its last leg and cannot move myself to get rid of them. 😩
Great video.
Is hoarding connected to Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder?
Very useful info. thanks 🙏🏽🙏🏽