dating as an autistic female
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- a few thoughts that were on my mind...I hope it helps 🥹
Reddit post I referenced: / are_we_more_prone_to_l...
Attachment style quiz: www.attachment...
Toxic relationship video I referenced: • My Relationship With A...
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I am exactly like you 😂. My last relationship (prior to diagnosis) was with a narcissistic lady. It was really terrible for me. I wasn't being myself anymore. But now as an AuDHD, I'm learning a lot about how my brain works and that I do not desperately need a relationship. Thanks for sharing this video, it's really comforting to know that someone else has struggles similar to mine.
Great work mate!
Thank you 🙏🏻
Hah, didn’t know when I clicked on this that you were going to talk about limerence and loving 0 or 100%. Big emotions. Yep. That’s me. But it’s getting better! Understanding my limerence has been a real big step in my mental health journey.
You have no idea how much this video means to me.
Aw this warms my heart
I was hoping it would. I was diagnosed at 17 with ASD and have always struggled with dating, especially now a days when so many seem to want things to move so fast in a relationship, and I'm still here like why don't we slow things down, take our time, and make it be more about the journey than the destination. Sometimes, it felt like I was the only one struggling.
Omg me too!!! I couldn’t understand why I just wasn’t able to even think about dating without severe anxiety, and was actually attracted to so so so very few guys. Thank you so much for this. I was always wondering if this was autism related!
@Lauren-kh1sv I believe it is at least partially. For example, my longest relationship with a woman, my love language, was cuddling, holding hands, kisses, and just general touch I wanted to be close to her, she was the first person I fell asleep on with my head in her lap, it was the first time I experienced true peace.
@@Mr.StarsAndStripes1776my first relationship was very similar. He was the first person I really felt comfortable touching, and I even became more comfortable with eye contact over time. True peace is a great way to describe it 😊
I was actually feeling a bit of limerence while watching your video. Then at 7:44 you put on your glasses and I was in love. TH-cam videos of attractive autistic woman talking about autism is my new special interest :)
Therapy can be amazing, but only with the right person! So know that it can be very helpful, but it may be tough to find what you need, and it's not your fault for that!!
You know what I've been thinking, Elena? There are a lot of long-term relationships wherein people don't put in 1/100th the amount of time and energy that we have to in order to figure out how much healing, grounding, or just psychoeducation is appropriate before we keep dating. My therapist, years ago, said I could get back into dating. I instead spent 6 years alone, and only came to this new understanding of myself this year. As a guy, what you described for the first half of the video mirrors my life. Self-identity is big. Self-esteem matters. You can't get steamrolled. I've been down this path: be gullible, get love bombed or manipulated, mask to get attention, can't identify red flags, get used and abused, rinse and repeat. Someone told me they were both a control freak and that they loved me within 1 week - I ignored both to the detriment of everyone, which had consequences that will last my entire life. thank you for being brave and having these conversations out in the open.
In some ways I'm very similar: Easily taken in by deceivers (I've been better at this in recent years), ignoring red flags, and being too forgiving. I know you can do great things! It will get better and one day that heart brain connection will be made. In fact I think for us it's actually stronger than most people. I think we autistic folks can make stronger connections with a loved one more than our neurotypical neighbors. You are great and lovable never forget that! Pray to be guided to someone that will treat you right.
This made me smile, thank you
Wow, limerance explains so much of my life.
Thanks!! You described me and the way I think very well. The most surprising thing you talked about was the difficulty in relaxing in a relationship and revealing your true self after years and years of masking. Wow, I never thought about that. I think you’re right. It makes sense. Great video.♥️
I wish I'd known about limerence when I was younger, it might've saved me from being gaslit by a narcissist into a dark place. Luckily, I survived the experience and things turned out OK in the end.
By the time one gets to middle-age, just about everyone has loads of baggage which makes relationships even more of a minefield. I can't be bothered with dating anymore.
If you really like the person why not.
@@georgecarlin2656 too hard with expectations & disabilities which have significant impairments
I relate to this so much. Thanks for talking about this subject, it's not easy. I was a late bloomer, got into relationships in my 20's because I felt I had to, gave up on them in my 30's as it was just too much and didn't know why. 42 now and realised I am on the spectrum, awaiting diagnosis. Videos like this help me realise I am not crazy and give me confidence and hope for future relationships.
Thanks for this video ❤ it’s so unfortunate that autistic people are so susceptible to abuse in relationships. Unfortunately I too am part of the statistic. I completely relate to what you’ve said in this video, especially the inability to unmask in romantic and sexual situations. It’s ruined basically every relationship I’ve had so far. I’m hoping that after taking a few years off to learn about my neurodivergence that I’ll be able to return to dating soon in a healthier way.
What you said about being predisposed to getting into abusive relationships, that is so true regardless of our disability. I have a poor short term memory and while that doesn't affect being able to read facial expressions, I think due to ableism, guys might still try to exploit me. Hence, why I'm very careful and have hardly dated in my life. I had one boyfriend in my late twenties. He was dyslexic, so had issues of his own. It was strange as he tried to push for sex early when I told him repeatedly that I'm abstinent. After we broke up, I didn't date that much, went out for coffee a few times, liked one guy but he assumed I was very experienced, although I'm still a virgin. It's awkward because I wonder should I let guys know early on that I'm abstinent, but on the other hand, I don't want them to try to take advantage of me if they were to know I'm a virgin. It's scary to date as a disabled woman.
FYI there is a 23% chance that Ed’s Real Scoop on Queen St on the east side will reconnect your heart and brain.
But seriously, this is a beautifully lucid take, thank you
Oooh sounds amazing! 🥹
I don't think I have ever related to a video more 😭 I feel so seen
I live for these comments- thank you for watching 🌈
Yeah that's all far to relatable XD. Glad a learnt the word limerence as it accurately explains me.
not dated for a long time. i am autistic, adhd and cptsd. i am not capable of maintaining a relationship. sucks, but there it is.
Ooohmg that makes so much sense! I'm in my first true relationships after so many fails that didn't feel real - you know what's different?
He's neurodivergent ADHD and totally got me to unmask to an extent that I finally realized after decades of thinking "no I can't be autistic, I'm nothing like they describe these white autistic boys" - that I'm autistic.
4:51 THISS!! This sis.💯omg idk how many times I've told myself "I'm too much" and felt/ thought that I'd be too much. Alot more thinking is happenin in our brains ;-;
6:16 😭 "If you know, you know." DEF gonna agree and up on this 1!! Def do🤧
YESSSS!! Not reading as much red flag to those you "befriend" or that you feel are good decent friends is another thing I struggled with. And still do to this day. I really put and gave my all to every relationship I made. It really is hard to get my brain to click that this person is obviously a red flag that I should leave. But instead, I stay... I can't say it's due to me being autistic or having adhd - processing things differently. Bc I have had a lonely and antisocial life. I've live up to the age of 13 socialising and 14 dropped out of school and never made friends irl, nor round my age except online. I'm 19 turning 20 this coming few months.
I can't tell if it's the part of me being autistic cause I barely show much autistic traits but still am on the spectrum. I *feel* I more struggle w adhd but who knows?!
Wish I did and could/ did more
Hi Elena, just watched your interview with Orion. Welcome to Toronto! My name is Dima and I’m a kayaking instructor here on Lake Ontario. I am interested in strategies for teaching kayaking to neurodivergents. On the one hand, being on the water is therapeutic, on the other hand, there could be quite a few stressors and fears throughout the learning process. Would this topic be of interest for you to discuss? Thanks!
Attachment styles is also a theory that only directly applies to neurotypicals, who intuitively compartmentalize their environment by social relations. Attachment theory in the current form was around in the 1960s already when autism was considered an emotional disorder. Only from 1979 it was accurately described through the term of “triad of impairments”by Lorna Wing and Judith Gould. The character of autists as deficient in social cognition also means that they indeed lack empathy. If they seemingly attach to people it is also their cognitive peculiarity: After 1979 one added “repetitive and restricted behaviours” as a diagnostic requirement, which extends to inflexible thinking patterns, in a 2005 paper by Dinah Murray their attention was then distinguished as monotropic. There is your “all-or-nothing vibe”. It all has matches in psychiatric terminology.
I have learned not to even expect to perceive feelings that allists are guided by. Though sure simulating them helps your life in dating and elsewhere. Still you should be aware that with autism the intellectual operations preponderate, by which you infer the feelings of others and yourself, instead of intuitively or directly perceiving them: hence the lack of desire or increased uncertainty about emotional preferences in autistic females when the allistic ones desire to be desired by men in certain frames, which requires a level of theory of mind that little a male aspires for mating purposes, in other words autistic women misunderstand their own desire in a fashion of concretism as a consequence of subnormal social cognition, and miscommunicate this to themselves and each other because discourses, terms and concepts about what women can expect are shaped by neuro-typical understanding; the same explains how we autists of both sexes fail to even experience stress, as you described in another story about moving countries.
considering your a small creator this video was made so well and is photography very impressive
Looking beautiful as always darling lady ❤
Thank you ☺️
Amen sister, rather ask you to go for a coffee. I feel your pain ❤
Really spoke to me
Thanks for the video - Iearned a lot even though I’ve been with my partner for 16 years.
In the past, you have said you are "scared to be happy'. Do you think this might be playing into how you chose your relationships?
I ask because what you describe about day dreaming about potential future interactions with someone usually happens when there is little interaction with someone. I can't speak for your experiences of course, but usually with a healthy relationship, going out and doing things with them leaves little time for our imaginations to run wild, and the little down time we have would be used for brainstorming the next activity to schedule with them rather than daydreaming about interactions.
Or would this be more so a function of the person becoming a 'special interest', and day dreaming takes up the time a person with ASD would normally be spending researching a special interest?
Interesting video, thanks for sharing your perspective! Can relate to daydreaming.
Has anyone else in here never dated at all before? I'm in my mid-20s now.
I've either been to scared to proceed, unsure of how to proceed, not had strong enough feelings to justify making moves or, in multiple cases where girls have shown interest in me, something has seemed "off" about them in a way that has alarmed me, and that has kept me away
Brilliant 🤩 thank you
Love your videos, I can relate
Yea I think I def am guilty for Limerance T^T that's also partially why I left relationships I really cherished, but felt really disappointed. It wasn't all, or mostly I thinkk, their fault... But it's just the expectation and loss of time I really get hung over on. If I really like someone and have done fun activities with them. I'll want to do sm more with them. It's the moments where they are free but don't bother to try and hang out is when I start to feel that they don't want to hang out anymore, so I end up leaving due to feeling being left aside. When I'm not *exactly* left aside.. I'm not too sure. That's what's frustrating, you could be being used, you could be being left aside. But the struggle to differentiate from those can be really challenging and actually worrying for both us and close ones that know us and care for us
I miss my ex, he says hes trying to get better in every possible way. Weve both never felt such a connection.. But we dont live in the same city. He wouldnt txt everyday or support me enough. Made me feel alone when we wernt together physically. So confusing.
I wish someone would ask me to text often. Everyone I'd met was extremely avoidant, it's crazy.
I wish i fully understood how all that works, i have a communication issue that until i resolve it i do not trust that type of situation to play out in an honest manner, far too often what i say gets a response that is like i am speaking a foreign language in a way plus my temper/aggressiveness does not help either. It is not for certain that I am autistic and i do not trust any medical personel since I have found severe flaws in many of their common offerings. I wish i could just find the bits of information that I am obviously missing that is blocking me in understanding this seemingly basic feature of society, but as of yet no one seems to have anything other than "you need confidence" lines, if confidence was an issue I would not be admitting to this 'flaw' of mine nor would I bother speaking the little that I currently do, just get annoyed and tired with the string of failures at a basic task.
I took the quiz and didn' know how sad I'd get finding out my results😭 I got Disorganised.
Want to hug you, platonic ❤
You are talking to Mt soul xx❤
Never do them just do you
You are beautiful, godwss
I am your very old subscriber and follow you on instagram as well, i have seen your all life phases whatever you share
I suspect you underestimate how sheety people are IRL (as opposed to what they think about themselves). I knew a nice dude at work... but who was "secretly" cheating on his pregnant wife with a fat lady he knew from school years. I was thinking to myself - wtf, he has a wife, apartment, car, job, soon a kid, and his wife is a good lady (and not fat), wtf is wrong with him??!!
I read somewhere that 90% of people end up cheating at some point in their lives, and from my observations - seems to be an accurate estimation.
So if you're looking for a truly safe relationship - you have to be lucky or you'll marry someone at 70 :)
If you don't want kids you should be uhm.. fine, but if you do and you (will) have a mothership instinct .. you'll have it very rough, so don't wait for life to show you the way or smth like that, your age matters a lot, the older you are the smaller the pool of nice and free guys you'll have a chance with.
Do autistic people like to date other autistic people or are they often incompatible?
The spectrum is different, higher levels don't date.