Tom Saves America w/ Chris Porter | Your Mom's House Ep. 706
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
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Watch Chris Porter’s new TH-cam special “There’s No Money In Babies” available now: • Chris Porter: There's ... Tom Segura and Christina P are so incredibly excited for the Enny VS Ryan basketball game! Tom’s new soundboard is officially up and running, Christina shares some spoiler alerts, and shares things that made you laugh growing up that still make you laugh. Tom continues the fight for our country in virtual reality and the mommies discuss body inclusivity.
Then we welcome stand up comedian Chris Porter! We discuss wild snoring habits, totally being okay with not doing stuff with your spouse, airplane seating BS, and the Segura’s getting an invitation to the The White House! We learn more about blind people, Blind Bob, and quiz Christina on the difference between more animals. Then we wrap up with torturing Chris with some TikTok!
tomsegura.com/tour
christinaponline.com/tour-dates
store.ymhstudios.com/
/ yourmomshousepodcast
TH-cam Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro - Basketball and Spoilers
00:07:18 - Opening Clip And Things That Make You Laugh
00:17:22 - Tom Continues To Fight For Our Country
00:26:11 - Traveling As A Fat Person
00:42:11 - Chris Porter Intro
00:45:37 - Back to VR
00:55:40 - Snoring and Fitness
01:03:00 - Events and Flight Without Your Spouse
01:14:19 - White House
01:18:47 - Blind People and Attraction
01:22:48 - Seals vs Sea Lions and Blind Bob
01:31:57 - TikToks - ตลก
I'd like to pause for a moment to thank Tim for his service. And to condemn Christine for attempting to steal his valor and diminish his accomplishments
He fights to protect her freedoms.
Oh captain my captain
🫡
Toms captain Marcel I need backup.
@Goodb0b All Hail Tim Fallujah!
I have a friend in Bulgaria that told me he wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for Tom. Thanks tom, for your service.
Does anyone know the name of the vr game Tom was talking about the space one trying to find it but don’t know the name please and thank you
Onward
@@Stephenkillam no i know that one that’s the army game I’m talking about the space walk one he was talking about
@@kylebowers9012 I think its, Home - A VR Spacewalk
I'm from Bulgaria and I probably too wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Tom.
Christina: I dont waste my time playing video games
Also Christina: I get drunk and play bingo with other moms
She also spends god knows how many hours on Tiktok every week lmao
Shes fully toked dude. Pushitsky effect. Shes basically half re+@*4€4.
@@Christopher-md7tf Still love her tho ngl
@@macarena1234 oh yeah the hypocrisy of her making fun of things is so funny lmao she's great
It has been my experience that women who feel the need to constantly tell you they don't play video games cause it's a waste of time are usually the type of women that just go outside, sit on a bench for 2 hours and watch a youtube cooking channel or their insta feed.
Tom, Bert, Ari, and Joe playing VR Combat would be HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom don’t let that blonde civilian put you down. Thank you for your service, hero! 🙏
Make that broad grateful for your service, dont let her shit on you like those tali
Im guessing she wants her sons to be meat pockets. True shame.
She’s lucky to have you protecting her God damnit!!!! To be honest can you imagine if there really was an intruder in their house so instead of Tom grabbing a real gun and chasing off the criminal he’s locked into playing a game and is oblivious to what’s going on at all. Lol😂
@@ScorpionP2CShe wants Ellis to become RPC after tim and crystal die and the boys blow through their millions. She wants that boy to get turned out like homework. Stolen valor!
@@ScorpionP2C To be fair; any person that legitimately WANTS their kids to join the military is probably a bad parent.
As a woman who also identifies as a house can tell you for sure I hate my body. These “ body positive” influencers are only enabling addicts who are looking for excuses to not stop using their drug of choice. We need to seek help for this issue. This is why I am seeking help for my addiction to food. Christine made an excellent point, we wear our addiction on our sleeves. Our very large sleeves 😂 we houses need to get our collective shit together.
you're awesome melissa, wishing you all the best on your journey, you can do it!
yeye just get after it and try your best all anyone can do
Amen sister! This sort of honesty is what will make you the exception and the exceptional
You got this!
You are a legend of comedy for this
My wife walks in the room while I’m laughing and she says, “you watching your husband and wife videos?” Yea, yea dear.😂
🥹 she loves you💐
Chris Porter's standup is insanely underrated!!! Didn't know he had a new special out -- stoked to give it a listen!
As a 6'6 man over 400lbs who's currently working on weight loss I can't even comprehend how your mind gets as twisted as that fat woman. I've never gone anywhere and seen a weight limit sign and gotten angry that there is one. It's my own fault I let myself get this heavy that's why I'm working to fix it. Also Tommy thanks for your service 🫡
Im 6 foot 4 and weigh 300lbs. However, when I was 240lbs in high school, I was at 15% body fat and still couldn’t fit comfortably on a plane. Planes truly only fat shame because they don’t want to lose money. Ever seat they make bigger is profit lost.
This is the first episode I feel like Tom and Christina are being unreasonable. They were both fat for like 15+ years until they got a hit podcast and millions of dollars. Let’s see Tom go work as a Registered Nurse 4 twelve hour shifts a week and see how skinny he is. He has no idea how lucky he is with his career and money to be able to be so stress free to afford healthy food and a trainer. Hell, he’s even on testosterone. The majority of society can’t even afford health insurance to afford testosterone.
He lost a long time fan on this one. REALLLLL out of touch with society Tom. News flash, you’re still fat bud. You’re just not morbidly obese anymore.
We need more gay sized people like you. Good luck on your journey! Hope your jeans get low and loose for all the right reasons
Good luck king! Stay disciplined, stay consistent, and stay strong... The results will always come in due time
@@WBOMBS1232 😂😂😂😂
@@WBOMBS1232 best comment for sure
My favorite part of any Nadav laugh is when he mutes his mic right as it’s about to get loud. He’s such a company man.
My favorite part was when he was on vacation for a month.
@@8thlvlMage 💀
Me too man. Me too
@@8thlvlMage “on vacation” is a weird way to say “at rehab”
And u can still hear em
I’ve literally had a window seat next to someone who was overweight and I was crushed up against the wall/window because she was spilling into my seat. Neither of us were probably comfortable but I don’t know how that’s now my problem..
I'm 400lbs and totally agree on what the were saying about fat people. Ive lost over 50lbs and still going. Being fat is a choice. Its self neglect emotionally and physically. We need to talk about it more.
NGL a stream of Tom, Enny, Nadav, and the boys playing VR would be HILARIOUS.
The injury video of Tom afterwards would be even HILARIOUSER
I want Tina in it to, even tho I know she’ll be the stereotypical chick walking her character into a wall in the corner saying ‘I don’t get it! How do I turn??’
I WOULD LOVE THIS
throw Christine in there too and watch her change her mind lol
Bro having them play terrorist hunt
This show has done more to make me a straight sized person than any other influence in my life.
Lol I promise that fat chick’s mentality is uh hundred percent t a result of living in the American delusional entitlement bubble. I traveled to Europe (Norway) for the first time when I was about 170. What would be considered curvy or a bit chunky in the states. In Norway it was literally impossible to find clothing in most stores, the chairs are tiny if you’ve got a big booty, and even the stairways are skinny af lol. But amazingly, instead of going on the news to complain that the world isn’t accommodating my fatness I just lost some weight so I could enjoy more things in life. Shocking I know 😌
Idk why everyone thinks companies need to cater to the minority of people. If you're too fat, lose weight lol. I was 215 and now I'm 170 🤷♀️ I went to the gym and stopped eating as much. I'm tall but I don't expect everything to fit me because I'm literally taller than 98% of women and 60% of men. It's ridiculous.
@@MrsStudley1 who asked?
Lol that lady said she does everything possible to "make herself smaller" on an airplane except for diet and exercise.
@@MrsStudley1 super cool story
Chris Porter is one of my favorites, love his style.. he needs to be on this show more!
"I wouldn't even say it's VR. I'd say I was really there." 😂 😂 😂
As a straight sized person, I always pray I never get stuck next to someone like her on the airplane
you gotta be a real asshole to be that big and not fly first class, I know its pricey but I would just not go til I could afford it, or lose the weight
@Kenneth Hardcastle use them for warm like a ton ton from Star Wars
I've told told this story on TH-cam before, but it seems time to retell it. Got put in between two 300 pounders who were friends so I was getting fat girl spit in my hair and sweaty thighs all over me.
Door closed for takeoff, and 30 seconds later the door opened again and the stewardess asked if anyone could take a later flight. I won the hands up, got the free first class ticket, $500 to gamble in the airport, and dinner anywhere I wanted. Also got First Class on my next flight, 3 hours later.
Life was good that day.
As a fat poor myself, im sorry for sitting next to you on that southwest flight but im glad u weren't another fat poor. I hate sitting next to fat poors also.
@@joshuabrown3376 I got sandwiched between two of you on a spirit flight a couple years ago...I still remember the claustrophobia. Though, it was obvious from the way they looked at each other that they were glad they had me as a buffer in between them...the one dude with the window seat fell asleep ON ME multiple times. That's what I get for booking a $78 flight to Florida lol. We can't all get the small quiet asian woman with headphones and a mask. To be fair though, sitting next to someone who orders coffee on a 4am flight and won't STFU the whole flight while you're clearly trying to sleep is arguably as bad or worse. At least the bigger dudes were quiet while they smothered me.
The way Nadav rubs his hands together every time gambling is brought up 😂
I can't tell if it's a long-con or real because of shit like this lol
@@davidpaz4119 it’s the best real long con ever.
Very "J" of him.
It appears the propaganda wrote itself
I sat next to one of these swimsuit models recently around 400lb. This beast made it for our flight miserable. I’m 6’5 and muscular not fat at all and she said to the flight attendant she didn’t have room because of my size and I laughed out loud. It didn’t go over well
Gotta quit listening to these when I'm working out 😂😂 tough to lift heavy shit when you're laughing but... worth it!
I can tell the difference between Cheetahs and Alligators because of this show 🙌❤
Alligators are lean and fast. Cheetahs are chompy in the water 💦
@@samdavis456 gah I always get those mixed up... Thanks for clarifying!
I know I can't tell the difference between elephants and giraffes.
@@RolandSpecialSauce yeh they’re both way too big to tell apart
Cheetahs will drown you under the water, Alligators are blind and like to listen to you on the toilet
Chris Porter’s “Ugly and Angry” is still one of my favorite specials of all time. Can’t wait to see this new one.
Its on youtube.. so good. _"There's No Money In Babies"_
“Lost and Alone” is a hidden gem
37:26 I love how Tom describes how the flight attendant knows when you need a seat belt extender😂😂😂
Haha Fr funniest part
Chris is the best! Tom, I sleep better at night knowing you're on the wall. I don't think it's right that Christine rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that you provide, then questions the manner in which you provide it. Thank you for your service.
I'd like to give a shoutout to YMH for releasing in the AM so I can listen throughout my workday. Thanks!
As a Midwesterner, I fully support going to the lake and lighting shit on fire
Same
I moved to the Midwest 6 years ago and the amount of times I’ve been invited to light things on fire has been shocking and indeed fun as shit
who dey
Being mad at the cruise ship because you might break a toilet is like being mad at Chevy because you might wreck a car when you drive drunk. The problem is your addiction. Get help. You deserve it, and you owe it to yourself, but no one has to accomodate your addiction.
Tom was in Fellujah making 6 Bulgarians touch his camera through the fence and he saved the fucking day! He's a HERO
I’ll sleep much safer knowing Tom is out there fighting for my safety and freedom, thank you comrade segura
“There’s no better feeling than killing the enemy”
That grin of pure enjoyment on Tom's face when Chris says he has a Switch 🤣
Chris Porter is one of my favorite comedians. Seen him live and I've seen Ugly and Angry like 5 times. So good to see him on YMH.
The noises Christine makes when the seal/sea-lion came on.. i would jab my ears with chop-sticks until i can't hear anything anymore
The fact that Tom plays onward is absolutely amazing 😭😭.
Christina playing bingo with depressed moms is hilarious.
At least she's not wasting her time.
@Dave Lane why are you even here?
@Dave Lane thats subjective, highly subjective especially when she had paying comedy writing etc jobs long before Tom did. And there's definately nothing "hog" about her, but with a comment like that Im sure you're such a catch🙄
@Dave Lane Going through your comment history has told me one thing: you need to get back on your meds. It's pretty fuckin creepy
@Dave Lane Christina P > Dave Lane
34:16 I’m HOWLING at this bit! “You eat too much” 😂
Thank you for your service Tom 🫡🫡🫡
Enny about to get smoked if he doesnt practice
He needs the humility in his life. I hope he gets destroyed
" I just get high alot....got stuff to do....."
A real winner's mentality
We’re gonna see his butthole most likely
@@modularoutput funny thing is, he probably actually believes that lol
@@TurbulenttJuice you aren't wrong.
As a 6'4, 420 pound man. The only problem ove had traveling is that sometimes airplane seats be tight 😂😂 I've never had ANY of her issues traveling.
Christine: "I am so unattracted to men who play video games"
The boys discuss video games
Christine grumbles: "I wanna play video games"
You know the “Straight weight” lady has eaten nachos out of that sombrero.
God damn dude, I'm wheezing 😂😂😂
Cutting to Nadav rubbing his Jingers together when Tom mentioned gambling was hilarious 😆
Lmfqp jingers
Jew fingers! Dunno if it was a typo or deliberate. First time I've heard the term. From Urban Dictionary: Jingers
Describes the action of a person who is a penny-pincher or very cheap taking anything they can get for free. A combination of Jew and fingers. Is seen on comedy central presents Rachel Feinstein.
@johnpaterson1984 as much as I love to take credit, the term "Jingers" was coined in a Rachel Feinstein bit.
The rap at the end was fire.
I'm immediately reminded of Tom accusing Christina of stolen valor during his war rants.
i love y'all mommies thanks for giving me some free entertainment to keep me distracted at work so that i can remain a fat poor ❤
❤️🔥
Wash rags for you too, huh? 😂
@@michellef9465 you already know! lol
😂
The laughter in the background levels up this show lol
I love you Christina!!! Thank you for representing for us goth moms!! The Sisters of Mercy- Marian should be your intro song!!
She is 0% funny. I imagine her comedy shows are cringe
Wish there were sticker versions of the Cool Guy portraits. I’d buy them all
Or small size versions of the cool guy portraits.
Fans make and sell them on Etsy
9 years ago I was recovering from surgery, high on percocet, and watched Ugly & Angry. I loved Chris from then on.
YES that is such a hilarious special!!!
Transitioning?
Percs sure are awesome 🤣
When you get stuck beside someone that large it’s not them who is trying to make themselves smaller, it’s us.
The COD convo is priceless! Lol. Greetings from Coconut Grove
Dude, at my High School graduation I sat next to an enormous girl with a hairy,sweaty mustache breathing heavy and the entire time I had to pull my right arm over in front of me to make room for her and it was one of the most miserable experiences. Something that’s supposed to be an exciting memorable experience is memorable for all the wrong reasons because it’s the only thing I could focus on is how uncomfortable and miserable I was. Everyone do you but when you impose on someone’s life due to your size, that’s when it’s a problem.
"An exciting memorable experience" 🤮🙄
Imagine you're boarding a plane and the seat next to yours has a belt extension on it...
Lmaooo🤣
Dear Tom and Cristina, thankyou for bringing Blind Bob into our lives, cure to crippling depression. A legend will be missed
As a flight attendant, there is always a look of 👀 “you gonna try to close that belt instead of asking for an extension,huh?”
Loving the massive LENOVO ad I got during this episode
Love Chris Porter! Ugly and and Angry is one of my go to specials for a great laugh
I still want to talk about Hawaii.
Ok but lady Bert Kreischer actually had a good idea about the seat belt extender during a res
How has nobody acknowledged that Blind Bob looks and sounds like Bob Odenkirk?
I turned into a telescope when Tim started talking about PTSD, because I knew it was gonna be video games lol. I hope it dries up like Lake Mead.
Finally! Chris Porter is such an underrated comic! One of my all time favorites.
Agreed
@boogermcphee2847@@carmen3091 came here to post this. THE most underrated comic out there today
The algorithm is wild. I haven't even watched this episode until today and I got an ad about that sleep tape this morning on Instagram and here they are talking about it.
Christina laughing at BBQueens is such a joy
The level of production startin the show was top notch all those different slide exits lmao
You guys literally just summarized the plot of ready player one
50:30 hey Tim that's exactly the plot of the book/movie Ready Player One 😂
i have never heard Christinas stand up until watching this show and i have to admit pretty good stuff i love your guys podcast it has became my favorite part of my day
Every week, I am patiently waiting for Dan Soder to be the next guest.
He's fantastically funny and likable.
Discovered him a few months back and can't get enough of em... Good dude right there
I miss him on the bonfire all the time, even though I love Bobby Kelly.
The master of accents meeting the king of impressions??? Yaaasssss crackle crackle
I just started listening to him on ayg and I would love him on here
I’m so excited to see Chris Porter on the pod. He has been one of my favorite comics since “ugly and angry special”. I always associate Tim and Chris as came out on Netflix around the same time. I was starting to think that Chris might’ve been one of the comics they have a silent beef with because I haven’t seen him on prior.
When Tom has the Flu , he looks exactly the same when he's been laughing too hard and all Glassy eyed 😅.
"How come there's not a 64 oz. soda here?"
That had me rolling lmao. That's 5 cans of soda....Jesus.
Im glad to see a new video but i wanna talk about Hawaii
Christina is gonna have the most horrifying laugh when she’s like 75
She looks 75 RN
@@MrSpeedyAce just like your mom
@@stubstunner How do you know his mother?
She already does
Damn, where do you all live that 75 looks hot? 75 looks terrible in Florida
"Yeah we'd like to keep our boat intact" ~T. Segura Why the fuck did this make me spit out my drink?
"13... Heinz Ketchup?!" Christina kills me everytime! @44:29
Lmao wtf 🤣🤣 was she thinking of the 57 that's on the bottle bc she totally lost me there
Tom when you're training in Fallujah you need an omni directional treadmill. It's a neat tool to add to your arsenal to keep Christine's freedoms. You will be able to train harder👌cool stuff, slick stuff
That was the best COD monologue ever. Thanks for another great video
I vote we take weight limits off of everything and make stronger release of liability forms. Let the plus size community take the risk!
It would make for a lot more Horrible or Hilarious videos.
There is a way to put on your airplane reservation that you would like special seating accommodations. It’s where you buy two seats for yourself.
I absolutely love that claiming to find the mailbox key was stolen valor, but Tom is just accepting earned valor through the oculus. lol
I love sitting next to "non straight-sized people". Sharing a seat with another person is always a great opportunity to form an intimate bond over a four hour flight.
Omg! Thank you!! So tired of hearing how it's okay to be MORBIDLY OBESE.
Thank you Tim and Christine. You to Benny, Navidad, Zoloft and the rest of the crew.
“I am stupid on a lot of things” I can finally back something Christina says
I can finally relate with her.
To be honest some of my favourite things to watch and laugh at are the videos of protestors blocking traffic and then getting destroyed when they get hit by cars, or when the police use water cannons on them. They are comedy gold.
Operator Tom is the best! Thank you for your service
Early 90s: Central Illinois school, 3rd grade... our teacher openly called the special needs class "the retard group".
The good ole days.
Right after a rough game of Smear the Queer that we played between smokes during recess! I'd give anything to be 9 yrs old again!
16:20, like seeing a movie opening night and then the subsequent nights you tell people in line what happens?
Christina acts like she doesn't shill phone game ads lol
So good to see chris porter on here. Such a fantastic comic
Tom is a true patriot. I salute you! 🪖🎖️
You and your wife both use the iconic “nahh” When you’re saying “no” 😂🤣
This was another great episode, the comedy being discussed was great. I’m really interested in laughing. It’s one of my hobbies, and I want to thank you for this episode. This is just a fun thing I like to listen to. That being said, I’d like to say I also appreciate how you explain the videos discussed on the podcast.
I'd like to train Enny in basketball. I've never played, but i just got a feeling i can do it
As a straight sized person I always pray I never get stuck next to a gay-sized person on an airplane
I want to apologize that I’ve not given Tom his due credit on past Veterans’ Days. I won’t make that mistake again. 🇺🇸 🇺🇸
Chris Porter!!! Fuck yeah 🎉
We need the booth boys and Tom to play onward and stream it!!!!
YES!
This would be top tier content!!
@@gavinrush4995 no ugh🤮 nerdville
so lame
"we'd like to keep the boat intact" Holy fuck Tom I was crying
"I wouldn't try a canoe" 😂