8 Rules for loving an ENFJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
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CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ENFJ.
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11:17 Rule 1: Always tell them how you feel not what you think; say "I feel" instead of "I think"; what you value
18:16 Rule 2: Help them make the wise decisions based on what you stand for so they make decisions based off of your values
26:00 Rule 3: Allow your ENFJ to broaden your horizons - be there for them
28:35 Rule 4: Always give them their day in court (listen to them); recite back what they've told you as it means the world to them
31:08 Rule 5: Give them recognition and tell them they are a good person; share your status, share your pedestal and give them recognition for supporting you
34:12 Rule 6: State your intentions before doing them to subdue Ne critic
35:52 Rule 7: Help them remember things - write things down for them or recite things back to them
37:35 Rule 8: Don't make it all about what YOU think, be more subjective and be patient with them. Admit when you are wrong.
Thanks, this guy is unbelievably ranty and anecdotal.
Lecture starts @ 11:03
Rule 1: let them know what you value
Rule 2: help them make wise decisions
Rule 3: allow enfj to expand your horizons
Rule 4: always listen to them even if you know they're wrong; also DON'T TELL THEM THEY'RE STUPID
Rule 5: give them recognition and show them that they're a good person; make them a priority and show them gratitude
Rule 6: make your intentions clear to them so they don't use Ne critic to assume the worst
Rule 7: help them remember shit; it makes them feel like they're heard
Rule 8: don't judge them as stupid; be patient with them and allow them to be objective; if their Te demon is unleashed, then "bend the knee" so they take mercy and forgive you
Can you do this for all of his other videos please 😭 request from an intj, I don't remember shit and have to watch again and again because that's too much information to manage.
@@sagaragarwal369 sorry that would take too much time
But I can at least do this for this season ok?
Also if you watched these videos multiple times, why didn't you write your own comments summarizing the videos during one of your rewatches?
It would actually be more efficient that way since your comment would always be at the top of the comment section. instead of scouring each comment section without even being sure if my comment is even in a video's comment section, or if it's just buried because of a lack of likes from it being an older video
@@sagaragarwal369 do it yourself, should be easy as intj
@@frozenfire2634 I have the notes but if somebody already gave it to me it'll save some time and I can listen to my other lectures.. 😅 thankyou anyways
@@jobo8868 yes you are right, I also make my own notes by the way.
The top of your head is beautiful
🤣🤣🤣
😂You’re not wrong.
lmao
🤣🤣🤣
Oh no, I can't take this video seriously now 🤣
Love your content!! 🙏🤗 I’m a female ENFJ. I’ve been both devoted and very giving in my relationships and scared to death of commitment. I didn’t know it at first, I thought men were more commitment phobic but I eventually got to admit that I keep choosing emotionally unavailable men or partners I know I won’t commit to. I’m terrified of conflict and confrontation even if I look charismatic. I can’t wait to embrace intimacy and vulnerability and have the courage to step into a long term relationship.
Are you choosing “unavailable men” or just the good ole subconscious pair - the ISTP? Who appears unavailable in most ways. 😂
My ENFJ is smart! He's the smartest person I've ever known. And he has lots of common sense!
And, although he's extremely smart, he's not an arrogant know-it-all.
I completely agree! That's exactly my experience, too!
I think this guy based ENFJ's on the ones he has known in life. Certainly ENFJ'S can go down an arrogant path but I think most people will tell you that they are kind and uplifting people.
The open up your heart to an ENFJ they will open up their mind to you was.. 🔥
Often as an ENFJ male women will offer sex on the first date and I often feel it's not the right thing to do and I suggest we wait until a second date or till it's a healthier choice.
Take the "till it's a healthier choice"
I've actually recently had a couple of girls just say let's have fun or hook up.
I'm really not good with that because I like having a connection or at least going on some dates and seeing where we're both at first.
I've had my heart broken way too many times where women lead me on and even said they were falling in love with me only to end up going "We were just having fun."
@@joelklimkowski715 Female psychology reserves the right to change their mind at a moment's notice.. just the nature of it.. As an ENFJ it's easy to give that good experience Fe/Se but if Fi nemesis (lack of identity as well as fluctuations in self esteem) isn't squared away you lose frame and the woman's attraction will see the weakness in masculinity and it can cause issues as far as their hypergamy judging the situation of the relationship with you...
The more stable and developed you are as an ENFJ (Fi nemesis is much easier to deal with as an ENFJ after you develop and maintain a moral code and no longer question your identity or worth) the easier it is to show up with sustained value and you begin to qualify if the woman is the one you want.. not the other way around.
I know I felt that in my soul ❤️❤️❤️
I watched this video at the beginning of entering a non-romantic relationship with an enfj, and I WAS SO PREPARED today when they talked to me about how they’ve been “feeling unappreciated” lately and that I’m not doing as much as they are
As an ENFP, ENFJ's are a collectors item. I always try to keep them at least one of them around. INFJ's on the other hand are often exhausting given the level of paranoia they have. I really hate having to explain why I do something EVERY single time. ENFJ'S can get like this to occasionally. But after they learn your habits it goes away. INFJ'S on the other hand NEVER stop.
As an INFJ I admit that when young and immature I was very paranoid and was always questioning and on the look out (half the time or more yeah people were up to something). Im sure I was highly annoying and pushing people away. Now I just observe people see their nature...Im like okay this is how they are...I know if I get involved with them they have the potential or likelihood to do this. Am I willing to accept that and deal with it? If its yes I know that its not my job to try to change who they are. I can put down little guideposts...its up to them to come closer to having a higher morality or way of perceiving things or not. I've learned it's not my job to monitor and try to control.
@@treeroot7636 Glad you learned that lesson. My previous relationship with an INFJ failed because of her paranoia. There is one example I remember vividly where we were at an art museum. Two school girls had been admiring a work of art when I walked into that section. Me being mister ENFP friendly that I am. I went up and asked them what they had come to appreciate about the art work. We had a solid 5 min conversation about it exchanging perspectives. When I caught up with my INFJ girlfriend. She was asked " what the hell was I doing talking to school age girls that are minor." Needless to say, we broke up shortly after. I absolutely cannot stand that level of second guessing my intentions.
intp-enfj initial eye contact is the most amazing thing in life
it’s what i imagine heroin to feel like
As an ENFJ dating an INTP this is very true
@@JR-ow8xg who initiated? As an INTP I don’t usually have to initiate with women but with this enfj I’m always the one for the most part. But when we are talking we have intense eye contact.
@@bills1967 He initiated with me the dating part but I am very initiative with physical and eye contact. I can be very shy with me feelings though because they worry me (Fi nemesis) so maybe that’s is happening with your ENFJ.
@@JR-ow8xg thanks! 🙏🏾
Skateboarding is better than heroin but its takes 5 painful years to build a base of balance and skill
I m an INTJ, my girlfriend is an ENFJ, i expect doing my better to make she happy.
Thank you so much! I never understood an ENTPs ability to change other peoples principles until I listen to you. I hope you’re doing great
INTJ here with an ENFJ partner of several years. Great video, very helpful! I'm not sure why you say several times that nobody cares how smart you are. My ENFJ makes illogical assumptions sometimes and it bugs the hell out of me, but not as much now that I know it's just part of her MBTI. Intellect is very attractive to me though, just FYI.
Nah, bro's trapped in Shrek's basement
Record ALL your videos like this, amazing really fits the entp vibe
Not sure why randomly decided to look up and see if there are any new videos on this topic. I'm still trying to understand it myself and what I want or need.
Thanks, bro. From a thankful ENFJ
I really enjoyed listening to this lecture. I will try to express my love for my ENFJ brother more by using this rules.
Thnak you joseph for following your passion and sharing this with us, the ENFJs. I consider this very revealing for me. Great work!
Love this series! 💥 This really touches on the crucial points.. Chase has this down.. 🤯
The last point has actually scared me. I know that the possibility of a cheater regretting their actions is pretty low, but laying down and showing their belly like a puppy to "bend the knee" to appease our anger kinda counts as manipulation. If you are doing such an extreme action, seeking forgiveness is good, but please get out of our life if you cheat on us. It is cheap to beg for forgiveness after doing something extreme and hoping everything will go back to normal. Just leave. If the pardon is something of lesser importance, then please show that you regret it with your "actions" and change for the better. Making us pity you by begging for forgiveness and getting away with it is literally just another form of manipulation, especially if you are apologizing because you couldn't get away, not because you truly regret cheating on us. We have no stomach for that.
I don’t understand the ENFJs who cheat on their partner. As an ENFJ. I thought integrity was core to ENFJ.
One of my best friends is an ENFJ woman. This video is dead accurate. Thanks, Chase!
Not how I thought an ENFJ lecture would start
At the start I noticed there was animosity to ENFJ’s. I didn’t listen to the entire video partly because of this. Intuition.
@@doloresjanet I'm completely on the same page with you here.
Yeah. His bitterness towards ENFJs makes it difficult to get much from his lectures on them.
I agree with ur father on this. I think enfjs have to learn to be articulate and clear and not expect from others the same response we might give. Basically make "overt contracts." Otherwise it's too much responsibility and pressure placed on others to say the right thing (moral ethical fair) and it will defo backfire. This is what I have learnt in my 37 years as an ENFJ. I have learnt to be more subjective. Still hard but its worth it. Makes relationships less stressful.
Chase- is your knowledge about us ENFJs so extensive because you have so many in your life or that you remain fascinated by us or both? It kinda feels to me that these relationships with ENFJs have prompted you to give warnings in the form of YT videos. I personally have curbed everything negative you have said except the demon part for hurting me for no reason or accusing me for something i have never done. It took alot of work to overcome my negative personality traits of distrust. I also REMEMBER everything i have said and everything other parties have said too. It’s like i have a mind of dictation.
Thank you for this lecture, Chase! I really love the series so far!
Lol. I was literally thinking today i need to look this up and youre just posting it now. 😂
Enfj. Married 25 years to an entp. Defo do not patronise an enfj they hold up the bridge you walk on. You are so right.
Listening is huge. Totally it's true if you don't you will get your arse kicked in via mirroring. I agree Enfj love a little words of affirmation, quality time.
🥰😍♥️🌹 CSJoseph
A butterfly net of direction to fly within that I can’t see…yes. No box. I would see a boring old square box.
Need to be seen as having objective truth not just subjective…super helpful expression of our needs. In fact this is an application of needing to be smart…and probably the core of our angst being seen as useless stupid nfs…bc what outcome of objective truth will we be counted for? Will use this to help an NFJ struggling as I do…thx!
I am always very impressed by how you just lecture in such a clear and informative manner. You really are intelligent. Also, great video! Very wholesome.. - ENFJ
I find it difficult to describe how repellent I find C.S. Joseph to be, but the content here is valuable.
He's about as opposite of me as I could imagine, but being an INFP, I have such a high regard for authority figures, and thus, I listen closely and respect what he says, even though I just....I don't know. I love the message and his "I don't care what anyone thinks" way, even though that is soooo not me.
ENFJ ARE THE FURTHEST FROM BEING A NARCISSIST. ABSOLUTELY FULL OF EMPATHY AND GENUINELY ARE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLE AND PAY ATTENTION AND ARE CAREFULLY AWARE TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS BEING TREATED EQUALLY.
Only narcissists will use that many caps. The thing about narcissistic people is they want to control the area around them to prop their ego. Instead of just working and accepting people as they are.
I honestly think the shadow of an ENFJ is a narcissist. A healthy ENFJ is charismatic and a great communicator and uses that to help and uplift others. But an unhealthy one will use those gifts to control and manipulate others for their own benefit.
*My golden pair!* 🥰
Me too x)
Me too!❤❤❤
I feel like u wud just do it subconsciously without knowing the effects lol
Ahhh the Fi hero energy in this comment thread is too much! 😩
Cuuuuute
Me too
CSJoseph was probably the reason youtube introduced playback speed.
True
Man how to you remember so much information it's almost impressive
According to the Socionics 4-D model the inferior function is valued 4/4. So ENFJs care a lot about being smart (Ti.)
Congrats on 60k plus subscribers.
The video Feels like my ceiling has cracked and a hole is made on it and at the middle of the night csj has came and put his head in it and starts speaking to my face 😂
Very great lecture though
And the content is amazing as always
Haa. I an ENFJ who is definitely fade up of people who make things about themselves and who try to manipulate others for their own benefits. (And these are usually Narcissists).
I actually connect more with other Fe dominant users; ENFJs and ESFJs and I do know what I stand for.
There is also the issue of what each individual enfj may consider ethical. There are those who consider faithfulness in a relationship as their ethical value and you will not find them sleeping around.
*If you know an ENFJ alcoholic and they'd like to quit alcohol, tell them kombucha is a great alcohol substitute.* 🍶
Thanks
Wow. I get called “stupid”
All the time 😈. This is spot on.
Being an ENFJ male sucks
I don’t remember if it was in this video or another one, I’ve been bing watching the last few days but I think it was this one. You made a statement along the lines of “When you take things for granted, you get taken for granted.” I keep reflecting on that , I spoke with my friend, (he’s an ENFP, I myself an INFP) I asked him what he thought your thought process was behind your statement. We came up with a few ideas, but I am hoping maybe you can explain? I feel like I agree, but can not yet articulate exactly why.
sorry he is ENFJ not ENFP
@@emilyn.defalla2608 If you click the 3 dots to the right of your comment, you can edit it. I used to reply to myself, too, but then figured...eh. Nobody look at me! Hehe. I'll just edit the comment and pretend that I was right the first time! :P
4:36 as an infj the only issue I have with character. Is making others feel alienated as I follow my desired path with integrity
Thank you youssef .these are real and very valuable tiips for me
Glad you found inspiration within them
I always told my brother not to act like like a know it all , 😬 MAJOR MISTAKE.
Thanks man 👍 Great video as always / ENFJ 31M.
Ooooo mysterious intro!
So ironic bc I just got broken up bc I assume everything
More of a coincidence than irony
But yeah, I hope you've had some character development and are in a better place now
@@jobo8868 trying my best
How do you present what you value once you realise it. INTP asking haha. I just imagine infodumping my values in one go at the dinner table 😂
Honestly when I first watched this I was like
“Why does Chase keep talking about the ENFJ’s using credentials example ? “
…Until I walk on a film set with a woman who I believe is a ENFJ (not 100%) but she did just that and everyone hated her lol.
Just my opinion, I am not an ENFJ, but if I were, I would much rather be an ENFP vs ENFJ. The description makes them sound dull and lifeless compared to ENFPs (Rules for Loving videos, specifically). 26 minutes in, not finished yet. I would be dejected if I were just starting to learn these concepts, even though you did say none of the types are superior or inferior.
What is a kinded relationship? Could you recomend some reading material in the subject?
Trauma Bond
That was amazing . Theres alot to remember . Thanks for breaking it down . I need all the help i can get im Isfp 9w8 and shes Enfj 8w9 . 🙏🏻
Who understands an Enfj spouse?
Ask Alice Cramden or Wilma Flintstone
I'm a templar and I'd be exhausted myself with that many ppl going around talking about RighTEoUSNesS all the time...
Do you have one of these for INFJs?
Sorry Joseph important question here: Is it me or TE takes a little more responsability than FE and is it me or it is more a "judging function" than Fe (cuz to me FE changes too much while TE is more ordered and rationale)
You are on the right track but not true in all cases
Wait... people listen to me?! haha - ENFJ
That was so harsh but I appreciate it
You make them sound undateable
Is infj coming anytime soon?
Most likely somewhere around 4th February.
@@mrflyingace where did you get this information from?
@@tanziel123 I guessed, since it appears that he's uploading a video from this season every 2 days, except for sundays.
@@mrflyingace ok
I can back you up on that my ENFJ friend makes SO many assumptions
yeah me too, but infj, so Ne shadow form ig😶
@@aladdout9454 it's probably an xNFx thing
@@micahzeitlin9278 no it’s an NJ thing. Ne nemesis and critic. In terms of intentions.
@@jonathan1584 gotcha gotcha
@@micahzeitlin9278 👍
Love u can u coach me please enfj developed
What about ENFJ - ISFP intimate relationship? Not recommended?? That sucks.
Two Se users can certainly work, it's just harder. I wouldn't recommend seeking that one out.
Me enfj and my mom esfp and its horrible 😌😂
Am entp with enfj wife advice me
Watch the video...??? Lol
@@KGS922 hahah
This sounds alot like a Narcissist....
Other than the forgiving part. Everything else sounds like the classic needs/expectations/gaps a narcissist has.
Not to be rude. Just curious...
Thoughts?
Everyone is a narcissist if you think about it
@@CSJoseph @C.S. Joseph thank you for the reply. I appreciate that. I think to some degree every person is self-oriented. And going through life looking for the things that will satisfy themselves.
But just about everything discussed in this videos is not healthy. Just about everything is almost word for word the classic patterned of a Narcissist. (There is a difference on between "Narcissistic Personality Disorder- NPD", and "Narcissists" which have malformed personality patterns, and more secure and regulated people.) I am commenting only on "Narcissists" here.
As always, your work is great and your videos are thought provoking! I just wonder if ENFJs like INTJs are the MBTI types that are actually pattern recognizong Narcissists.
(Or perhaps the people in your own life who you were thinking of as you explained this ENFJ type are in fact Narcissists and you were simply describing that pattern instead of the ENFJ)
(Longer message below. )
@@andrewmorgensen326 the infj one of this series especially sounds like a horrible narcissist noone would want to be around. But almost every description here could be interpreted as such.
@@Kakukk321 dang, really. I'm curious to watch that one now. I really hope that isn't the case, bc this video was a really great outline of very problematic people. (As outlined in my post further above)
Healthy people, no matter their MBTI, don't cause drama, are accountable, arnt hyper reactionary or get upset when other don't listen to them. Healthy people have moral principals, are not controlling, and dont worry about their self worth. Healthy people dont linger in debauchery, gluttony, or abuse.
Healthy people are not fragile and don't seek ways to get back at you or hurt you or manipulate you or win.
And this video painted ENFJs as very unhealthy people...
@@andrewmorgensen326 i think mbti only works at a certain ego developement level, if at all. You should always strive to surpass your type, your fears and worries. At least if you want to be happy. But idk if mbti is even worth it. The most important thing in my opinion is to stop fear. You need to integrate those parts of yourself you don't like. Idk if mbti can help identify those but simple introspection is probably worth more. Don't let anyone tell you what you are. As for understanding and manipulating others, you're probably better off experiencing people and seeing what they are like, what works for yourself.
Holy sh*t, i had an ENFJ friend once and did call him stupid in an indirect way, i mean he was and he was incredibly toxic about it when i called him out about it. When i disagreed with him about a true/false statement and i got to the point of even proving that he was wrong he just got all butt hurt about it. Also he always seemed that he has no real personality of his own and just follows the crowd and what they value, he seemed like an empty shell with no soul inside which kinda creeped me out about him. Long story short i couldn't stand his behaviour anymore and abondaned/ghosted him in 8th grade. I don't understand who would willingly put up with this toxic behaviour of ENFJs it's actually really horrible
He was very young. 8th grade is a very young phase to understand oneself completely. He was just looping like any adolescent with an irresponsible parent function.
@@JR-ow8xg He was also a despicable bully and the only thing i regret is that i actually thought he might be a good friend. He got worse overtime too and behaved more and more like a jackass to get laughs and attention
@@ashuranero5721 In that situation he is just an immature person with chaotic cognitive transitions and expedient thinking. And you’re right, no one should be willing to put up with any toxic behavior ( this applies to any of the 16 types). Just remember that aside of personality type, everyone is it’s own individual and there are mature ENFJs in this world willing to make wise and healthy decisions. :)
@@JR-ow8xg I hope so, are you one?
@@ashuranero5721 Yes :)
How and when does premarital sex is common in the US?
Just triggered of how an ENFJ could have sex with another person other than her/his lover. Is this a common cultural thing or a templar thing? I'm curious...
It's encouraged anywhere religion is not. Many religions pay abstinence lip service but turn a blind eye to it.
But you’re acting like an infp in this
Ain't ENFJ's pedagogue an ISFP?
Intp is their pedagogue
@@user-xk9cr3mu3k I've already been informed but thanks
I have no idea which personality type you’re talking about… But a lot of what you say doesn’t make sense for ENFJ’s. ENFJ’s are the least likely of all types to cheat because they are on a moral high-horse, absolutely triggered by the concept of “unfairness”, with a secret and deep disrespect for anyone who selfishly hurt others. As an ENFJ I stand firmly on the moral high ground and look down my nose at unfaithful people, like they’re less evolved humans, of course in most cases they may not know I’m judging, Because I’m super friendly, but I am. I have never and would never lower myself to morally selfish acts like that, and find it very difficult to have any respect for someone once I know they’re like that.
As for the “covert contract”, ENFJ’s expectations aren’t “covert”, we’re straight up about fairness and equality, and we will talk your ears off about that all day. Fairness says “we take care of each other” so I help you, you help me, that’s not a covert contract, that’s completely overt, we’re totally upfront about equality in all aspects of life, it’s the reality of fairness. If you are the type of person who wants to find a “giver” to use, and don’t ever give in return, you’ll always be rejected by people who want a healthy relationship with you.
Also, actual ENFJ’s are very rare, so there’s no way you’re surrounded by them as you say, you’re obviously mistyping in a big way.
You'll come around if you keep watching.
@@CSJoseph watched again, still can’t agree on the cheating thing. Had a husband who had a personality disorder, and he was a terrible cheat, manipulative and abusive and even then I didn’t cheat, not even to find validation elsewhere. i forgave and forgave and then tried to fix him for years. I look down on cheaters, makes me feel superior and them weak. Never cheated in my life, never will, moral code comes first. But used to like to fix weak or broken things too, the novelty has worn off there now lol.
I totally agree with the whole “bend the knee” thing. I don’t understand why ppl think Daenerys Targaryen was anything other than ENFJ, an extremely broken, wrathful and traumatised ENFJ who had lost empathy granted, but ENFJ nonetheless. Bend the knee and I’ll forgive anything… literally anything. I think the best way to love us is how dany needed to be loved: stable guidance, honesty, loyalty, accountability, credit where it’s due (but never fake niceties) and yeah like you said we need people to help organise the mundane things for us, because we’re focused on idealism and bigger picture, not minor things like writing things down.
My enfj ex bf cheated multiple times during the relationship, gave him multiple chances until i couldn't anymore- infp
I agree with Angie here, also let's see the point that one rotten apple doesn't mean all other apples are, too. No healthy person would cheat on their partner, whether they are an Enfj or not, especially considering there are types infamous for their infidelity and "adventure"-seeking nature. So yeah, just because one Enfj partner cheated on their partner, it doesn't define the whole, and the same goes for the others, too. And generally speaking, it makes even less sense for an Enfj to cheat on their partner due to the moral code most of us have and are even told to have.
I’ll say what others won’t- yeah they will cheat mostly to punish you if you didn’t listen to us when we TOLD you exactly what you were lacking to give us and we gave you every chance to rectify it. And if you confront us, we don’t care because it will be your fault.
as an infp i still have to find a mature and smart enfj out there, not that i am smart or 330 iq but many times listening to their way of thinking is just painfull, cuz 90% of times their thinking is the most irrational thing out there and makes me cringe, or they may reeeeeeally be bad to express themselves (which cmon TE inferior is aswell) to the point of making other people not trusting 1 word they say cuz is just all put in a caotic way and makes no sense. This being said no type is better than another but as every TE inferior has to do research i think that every TI inf should try to have more sense, because as humans we live in a society, this means that there are rules and norms to at least understamd (not to mention how many careless shoplifting ENFJs i've met). Anyway joseph great chapters and organization of doing lectures (ofc as a TE inf i loved the board so much into the functions lessons)
Or find an ISTP with Fe aspirational… then you get the benefit of strong Ti (also better listeners, naturally smarter, better problem solvers, and open to being wrong) and strong Fe. I am biased btw.
Thanks you for your feedback on Ti inferior! I was wondering what is it that I need to improve on my Ti inferior and you’re right. Personally, I don’t talk unless I thought everything through but I am the most irrational person. I need someone to bring me the input so I can think about things correctly and that’s exactly what healthy INFPs do for me. I feel so happy when they have the patience to explain to me their rational process. :)
LMNOP QRST U….
You went too far with this shot