Getting Back With An Avoidant (Poker Player Strategy)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 มี.ค. 2024
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I will never knowingly get involved with an avoidant again. I would much rather be alone than to have anxiety over whether or not they will just walk out on me one day. Why would I put so much work into someone who I can't trust to be there for me?
AMEN!!!!
If you can’t communicate correctly and work with your partner in a secure way yes you’ll only end up pushing them away by smashing their boundaries and blindly snowballing both of your attachment behaviours. The fact you might be unaware of is that all the insecure attachment behaviours are only ever triggered by their opposite, if your avoidant partner creates space it’s because you’ve acted anxious and tried to pull them closer, or you’ve been too needy, you’ve disrespected their bids for space, you’ve dumped too much emotion on them, you’ve shown poor emotional regulation or conflict management, worse yet you’ve forced conflict based conversations onto your partner, etc, etc.
If you are secure your partner, anxious or avoidant will relax into a safe space, they won’t be afraid to voice their boundaries and feelings because they know you’ll listen and validate their needs - because you love them. Attachment is only expressed as defence, if you’re aware and have good comms there’s no reason why that person you’re sad/angry about couldn’t be secure with you.
Wanting to discuss a problem is the mature, secure thing to do. That's not anxious, that's communicative.
An avoidant leaning person actually doesn’t mind talking through conflict if they know they’re safe with you to be vulnerable. People have extremely warped views on this subject, they assume all people with avoidant style behaviour are all extreme and will leave you for no reason, not true at all.
If you used to be an avoidant, why not dedicate your channel to AVOIDANTS? Teach them how to become more secure, instead of encouraging more securely attached people to jump through hoops to cater to their toxic behavior, Why would anyone in their right mind want to win back an avoidant ex??
PREACH!!!!
No lies, I co-sign this message. As a secure attachment person.... Never again 🚫
Playing poker with an avoidant aka manipulate the avoidant and deceive them by hiding your intentions. Wtf dude! A relationship based on manipulation is so unhealthy. Open and honest communication is the only way to have an healthy and adult relationship. If the avoidant is incapable of being an adult, they need to not be in a relationship until they are ready. They need to work on themselves not have us learn to be manipulative.
Too much work to do for an avoidant. Especially when they stonewall.
Over time ive learnt that sharing vulnerability even through hurt, is not my job. I can share vulnerably but if they build a super giant brick wall around themselves, what can i do, seriously.
Wanting to discuss a problem doesn’t make you anxious. That is actually the adult thing to do. Discuss the problem. Determine what needs to occur to fix the problem. Decide if you are willing to do those things or not. And then either fix it and move forward or realize this won’t work and end the relationship amicably and with closure. That’s an adult relationship not an anxious one.
Its like talking to the wall 🧱 with this kind of person.so draining, him discarding me is a blessing in disguise.
the probleme is people never know they have this avoidant attachement style my ex girlfriend cried when we broke up the first time and she told me that she dont know what the hell is wrong with her and i fixed it but later we broke up for different reasons but now we are back again the probleme is they dont know that this is a mental health disorder and in order to fix it they have to see therapy and to journal to know that that physical discomfort is the trauma from the past experiences or early childhood stuff if they know i think the world would be a happier place cuz the first step into recovery is to know your probleme for it to solve , if you have anxiety you need to work on your self first and then fix ur relationships with people
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So things have to change, but you can't talk about what needs to change with a DA...
Let's just make the world more dysfunctional!
Don’t shrug off the responsibilities you need to address as someone with anxious attachment - anxious people are just as chaotic and guilty of stressing relationships as avoidant leaning people.
Alexis actually does have videos on managing avoidant attached behaviours. The problem is 85% of watchers are bitter anxiously attached people, here to deny any part in their broken relationship and only concerned with showing everyone how little they understand about how to succeed in a loving relationship with a person with avoidant behaviours - here’s a fact, avoidant behaviours are only ever expressed as a defence or reaction to anxious behaviours and vice versa. Anxious leaning people always point the finger and blame avoidants, when really they were way too clingy and needy, suffocating with their time, emotionally unregulated and typically give too much of themselves into the other person, putting an unfair pressure on them… so you wonder why someone would want a bit of space or push for more of their own autonomy?
Understanding is the first step and most anxious exes in the comments are too concerned with being bitter and anti avoidant people. If you love someone who will react with avoidant behaviours you need to become more secure, and just like magic those behaviours mellow out on both sides.
Alex - please help. I have to pass my ex at work. The first few months of being broken up we would cordially say hello. In last few weeks he has started behaving strangely and literally running and hiding when he sees me. What gives?
mine is the same even after almost 2 years after the breakup. If I dont look he stares at me for minutes, if I look or we walk past each other he not even acknowledge me, look at me or greet me. Only stares into the ground angrily.
Ignore him. Don't let shitty behaviour affect you, see it as it is.