Jordan Peterson's Advice on Finding a Woman, Marriage and Having Children
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ย. 2024
- original source: • Q & A 2017 06 June
Psychology Professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson gives advice on finding a partner to marry and have kids with. He underlines the positive aspects of marriage and raising children.
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Great points. I would add that, for most men, your best years for finding a partner (both in terms of your attractiveness and your emotional maturity) will be your early-to-mid 30s. Spend your earlier years studying, earning, acquiring experience, learning useful skills like cooking and planning a foreign holiday, dealing with any mental health issues you have (no matter how mild) and cleaning your room.
My father waited until his late 30s and ended up having an absurdly happy marriage, ultra-successful career, three successful/happy kids, and he's now having lots of fun in his retirement. As a man, you have the option of waiting very patiently for the right time in your life and the right woman. Use it.
Wise man ^^^
Myndir Hindsight being 20-20 I so wish that I had done exactly that. But now I'm dealing with what I have to deal with and trying to do the right thing. it's been a real struggle for quite a few years now but I'm hoping Jesus and the Holy Spirit will get me through it.
John Chinn,
That sounds like a big challenge. I've known earlier fatherhood to both make or break different men. It's very admirable that you're not backing down from the responsibility. I hope that your faith, love, and courage give you all the strength that you need.
Myndir what do you suggest for a woman in her early twenties?
Sophia Bel,
I'm not sure, having never had to think about life in detail from that perspective.
For a start, accept that things are going to be confusing for the next few years. (Minimum.) Life is horrendously confusing for almost everyone in their late teens/early twenties. There are so many new responsibilities to master. If you focus on the basics, then by your mid-to-late twenties things will start to make sense AND you'll be a stronger, wiser person.
Developing good mental health is one way to be attractive and do yourself a huge favour at the same time. The year I sorted out my self-esteem issues was the year I started getting asked out regularly by women. It will also make everything else (friendships, better familial relationships, improving your physical attractiveness, career success, developing hobbies and culture parenting someday...) MUCH MUCH easier.
Writing in a journal every day for a few months about the toughtest times in your life has been proven to have lasting positive effects. CBT, REBT, and variations thereof have a lot of scientific evidence behind them, and you can achieve a lot at a low price with self-help. Peterson's work on self-authoring makes a lot of sense to me and has helped me, though as far as I know it's still in the early stages of testing.
In terms of women-specific advice, I don't know much that isn't easily available elsewhere from better-informed people. However, I have read quite a bit of psychotherapeutic literature and I know that many women suffer from at least mild love-addiction: thinking that their worth depends on a man's approval. Love-addiction can cause anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Yet women become so much more desirable to the best sort of man (assuming you're heterosexual) when they have a deep and unconditional sense of self-worth. That's maybe obvious: of COURSE a good man is going to want a woman who values herself and has her shit together mentally, because then she enriches his life by being a part of it. Women who have conquered love-addiction also tend to have better taste, so this is a great dragon to slay.
If you'd like to know more about love-addiction, you might like the video of an Albert Ellis lecture called "Conquering the Dire Need for Love" on TH-cam.
You can have an amazing life without marriage, wife and kids.
Jordan Peterson is saying that marriage is worth considering IF you find a good partner. But a bad marriage is much, much, much worse than being single.
and who wants an Amazing Life? Is good not good enough ?
In 20's: meeting women, traveling the world, working on $.
-- "You must be having the time of your life!!"
In 30s, 40s: meeting women, traveling the world, making $
-- "You are NOT happy. Settle down with a fat wife like the rest of us!"
@@-whackd except then there's your 50s and 60s and 70s, you die, you have no progeny and life has become pointless
@@feliDAdj Why can't a person's life have a point apart from raising kids? There are lots of important things out there in the world to focus on and give our lives meaning. Find something about society that you want to improve.
@@-whackd I don't mean to attack you if you're an older man without children, because of course childless people can be highly productive and be happy. Just think about what you'll feel on your deathbed and if you'll be satisfied with it all
I’ve been married 30yrs. My husband and I have annoyed the other into sticking around for so long by being brutally honest with one another in all things and trusting each other implicitly. He irritates me. I irritate him. He has so many foibles I could write a book. So could he. Sometimes we learn new crap about each other and sometimes we bore each other to tears. We argue and we disagree on stupid stuff. We’ve raised x6 kids and wish we were young and fit enough to raise x6 more. When he dies I won’t remarry. When I die he won’t remarry. (We’ll both go on mission most likely and annoy others!) Oh. And we agree on the big stuff. Always have.
haha! Love it!
my shitty ass wannabe wife didn't agree with me you can say those things to your significant other, and.. leave. over.. nothing (not infdelity). So i dated a marriot twat of a child who at age 40 just WANTED to be in love or hear those things, but ultimately had no integgrity. Sorry and beliees 2 different people, especially ones trying to soulmate should always agree. Freakishly sad abondoment skills. So, i'm happy to see (is it true?) that are women that know you're gonna argue like piss with someone you have a very intimate bond with. And it's not the end of the world. Now I don't know if you stay with him because he also for sure provides to your 6 kids, and if you would have put up with disagrreements, dull moments, mundanous of life, etc. FOR your partner. but you have no idea how many women live in the moment that they will not feel bad, about, falling, "in love" every 2-3 years.
Also toasts to you. She liked saying she was the one but she ain't it. very immature person imo. yes just my side, but you can imagine how I feel. I faught till the end. She knew I still loved her. She never doubted I was faithful. So frankly, I don't care what growing pains we were going through (oh ya, her impulsive need to threat to leave, give up, change her mind a day or two later, seriously consider taking steps back). It was fun. I dated an empty pit. And ya I just spent this much time talking ish about a person I cared for, precicely because I do and did and can write about my dissapaoointment for her more than any other person. :) take your successful bond that has all of life's problems not for granted. Even people who profess love and say they want it, leave it.
Earth is being severely overpopulated, yet people are still having 6 kids...
korpakukac corona: hold my beer
@@korpakukac how so?
Advice on Finding a Woman:
1. Be attractive.
2. Don't be unattractive.
And 3. Stop being a gay
Both men and women want someone they find a attractive thou
@zadose lol majority of men aren't rich and have a woman the reason woman dont want you is because you bitter and a fool
3. $$$ 😅
1:23 and don't smell like her brother.
"Because if you leave a back door open, man you're gonna use it, that's for sure"
The back door is open and exists in all 50 states. I have no idea if the back door is open and exists in every Canadian province. I assume it does. In which case, the concept of being "stuck" and "handcuffed" to your spouse, that is all just meaningless talk and totally unenforceable. I agree that you should be "stuck" to remove the open back door, but that is not how divorce law is. So, we don't really have marriage in the United States anymore.
I wouldn't, but I'm afraid that the woman would. It's easy for me to be loyal, I just can't really trust anyone.
@@paulcolburn3855 My thoughts exactly, in the light of the family law in US/CA is this talk essentially confirming that marriage is dead?
@@s0lidniy pretty much. Feminism (and its insistence on "no-fault-divorce") killed it, at least its dead in "The West." I can't speak for "The East."
Marriage is giving a woman a loaded gun and a list of all the ways she will benefit from shooting you, and then expecting she won't.
right before this clip, Peterson told 3 stories about growing up and falling in love with his wife. They were super sweet, and even after 48 years of marriage you can see Peterson's eyes literally light up when he talks about his wife. It was super sweet to watch.
Raavek1 he said he knew his wife since he was 7 which is 48 years. He was not married for that long. He also mentioned they were discussing getting married when he was 28 if you would have paid attention.
Charlotte Bronte told better love stories.
And so did Jane Austen.
He cannot have been married 48 years. He was born in 1962...
48 years of marriage is an accomplishment for a 56 year old man.
He said that they've known each other for 48 years.
How to find the right partner:
Tell them the truth. Simple but brilliant.
indeed tell them the truth and if they are still willing to stay with you, well god damn you found a keeper.
NO. That will get you into serious trouble.You MUST ensure that she is telling YOU the truth also. This is how many men and women fall into the trap.
And don't be blinded by emotion.
Not that simple but still brilliant.
Mr Mr this is complete truth at it's core
Mr Mr
Yezzir. Can't agree with this more. It's a deadly trap, falling in love. It invariably corrupts you unless you have an IRON constitution.
But there is your Truth and the persons Truth and as we know Truth is a dangerous thing or can be.Are honesty and truthfulness the same thing
I had always dismissed girls growing up who I thought were quite boring or weren't super smart for interesting conversation. Then I realised those girls over-think everything causing psychotic arguments and put career ahead of family.
I got hitched with a nurse who was part of a large family who wants kids like her mother. She has artistic hobbies, our house looks fucking suave and I get along with her more so than any other. She's clumsy and as a result funny but confident and puts happiness ahead of being right. Changing my approach, realising I wanted to partner a mother rather than a drinking buddy helped me a lot.
More men need that mentality. Look for a potential mother to your children, not a fuck buddy....
Holy shit, this is me.
Thanks for this comment man.
Imperial Security some women are fun sex things. Why you think this is disgusting, is perplexing. It is the engine that drives humanity.
His last view words reveal he is an antisemite. Is it really that perplexing he likes to judge others and attack them?
I'm glad you backed down from the cream of the crop and settled for mediocrity. More alpha females for the rest of us, lol.
*HOW TO GET A SORTED 10/10 WIFE*
1. Save her dead father from the belly of a whale.
2. Crush the head of a snake in her yard.
3. Make sure she cleans her room.
Whats with the cleaning room?
So Noah and The garden of Eden? XD oh and Keep your room clean. So the Enemies are Temptation and Not running away from Responsibilities
she has to crush the snake's head. Not You. You just encourage.
So I did one and two , those were fairly simple. Having the hardest time with #3 though.
but my girlfriend loves snakes... if I did that im pretty sure she would dump me or be depressed for a very long time
To marry first and THEN start telling each other all the deep, dark, reprehensible truths, in that order, seems a horrible and absolutely suicidal idea to me...
well, peterson speaks to normal people, not some crazy motherfuckers, soo if you feel like you are soo corupt that the best thing for the other person is to run, than i think you might have a problem.
Agree. Disclosure should be done before marriage, not after
@@gilsai4990 Chill fanboy, you're being an asshole to a complete stranger for no good reason. He doesn't like you that much, trust me.
Welcome to arranged marriages!
@@visavis88 Disclosure is an ongoing process, You can live with someone for many years and still not know everything about them.
I'm not sure that it's the "contract" so much as the commitment that is important in this case, especially since the actual marriage can be undone so easily now days. You'd at least have to believe that your partner wont go out of his or her way to use your secrets against you otherwise you'll always hold something back.
This is from the recent Q & A. One of my favorite questions and answers so far, so I highly recommend checking out the full link in the description.
I know for a fact that many people here disagree with the message, which is why I put it here to discuss it.
Personally I find it refreshing to hear advice on this topic that is so rarely talked about in a serious manner.
Bite-sized Philosophy I cried when I heard this. My heart ached to hear someone, a hero I admire, say something so cruel, and so generic with such utter definitiveness. I am a very good woman, a conscientious healthy person, an asset to my relationship, friendships, community and family. Choice for no children does not make or break me. Truly heartbroken. Dangerously spoken.
lady, its an opinion, not an order. he may be intelligent, he may be right, but ultimately you decide what your life is and he won't even be there to judge you. don't be afraid of happiness, in whatever form you may find it. the Prophet once said : " work hard and diligently in the matters that benefit you,".
@@TheTrue32 same here...
@@TheTrue32 That's exactly what I thought too :(
Myself and my first and only girlfriend of 3 years now just had one of our bigger arguments. They're very rare for us to have. No yelling, name-calling, or anything else juvenile. We just talked through our disagreements openly and honestly and we both conceded grounds. I hate having to have these conversations, but part of me loves it because it forces me to understand just how functional we are. Even in the face of disagreement, annoyance, and stupidity, we can always talk to each other and figure it out. Plus I know I won't be due for another one of these for a while now ;) I guess I'm just trying to reinforce what the professor said. I trust her and she trusts me. It's only been 3 years and we're young, but trust has served us so well that I can't imagine actually fighting with her for any reason (but I recognize we likely inevitably will). I don't know if that helps, but yeah. Good luck on your relationships, people.
maybe for a Mestizo like you, but for Whites and Asians, Petersons advice will not work. Whites and Asians are far more risk averse, have lower sex drive, and are less social.
Poofters. Your relationships will be over soon
Also nearing three years on my first relationship. Good luck!
Wait till you get married :D
You love each other so much that you couldn't hurt them
There are two primary types of people: Those who grew up in environments where lying occurs and those who did not. If liars stick with liars, then both understand the nature of the other, and perhaps they can get along. Likewise honest people with honest people. But when liars and honest people mix, it is not sustainable.
spot on ! I never even thought about that.
I like that. Its important to note though that some people who grow up in an environment of liars don’t always become liars themselves
Regardless if that is true or not, Jordan says lying is bad and it infects your life. You shouldn’t lie.
And those of us who have only been lied to won't mix with anyone, we will raise our kids from surrogates. Women be damned.
The cycle of Relationships and Romance:
1. Attraction
2. Bonding in Friendship
3. Commitment
4. Repeat
FRIENDZONE
I know that this isn't what you meant. I really do.
Buuut I prefer to look at it like you're saying that love simply gets renewed, reborn. Without breaking the commitment, you fall in love with your partner, again and again, whenever it feels like the flame is dying down.
Which I think is what actually happens in happy, successful relationships.
@@xArnold99x Forgiveness is Great but very hard!
🤯 3:28 the man isn’t the boss and the woman isn’t the boss, the boss of the relationship is the combined persona that comes from seeking the truth together.... this concept is so beautiful. 😍
Christ?
I genuinely believe that you should find a person that makes you want to be better than you are. You find someone that you can put your hopes, dreams and faith into, and you know that no matter how shit a situation turns, they'll always have your back.
Before you find your missing piece, you need to do a lot of self-reflection and understand yourself.
3. Look for compatibility.
2. Build trust.
1. Be attractive.
Thank's Doc, I was having a hard time figuring that out.
What did you expect my dude? Contrary to PUA shit, if a woman finds you attractive she will give you all the leeway you need when talking to her. She'll laugh at your shitty jokes etc because she is sexually attracted to you. There is no magic formula.
Yeah but that's also kind of exactly the same thing that men do. It's fun to joke about but regardless of which side you're on being attractive opens a lot of doors.
enginesnblades well of course it does. Why wouldn’t it?
Take a chill pill jp knows what's good
1. be attractive
2. dont be unattractive
Dostoevsky one said, and I paraphrase, that children recharge us spiritually. I know Peterson is a fan of that writer and I thought of that when he was talking about children and family.
Is it really recharging or just inadvertent soul sucking?
@@imdjc4 not everything is a zero-sum game
That's why i love babysitting my cousins! It just reboots me and i feel so much better.
Thank you!
A good women: She is with you when you have nothing.
A good man: He is with you when he has everything
I wish I was married to Jordan Peterson, or somebody like him.
Im a guy in real life and i admire Jordan
There are so many crappy sayings about life.. box of chocoates blah blah blah... But there’s one statement thats stands out all:
Life is a balance between holding on and letting go..
u pick anything or any event in ur life or any person for that matter u’ll see this statement fits in.. how much u wanna hold and how much u wanna let it go..
Im waaay better
@@loreenec8045 that's a girls name
@@spyrilleedinlarge5319 I do apologize for the confusion, but I value my privacy online is all.
I just realized the origin story of Rick from Rick and Morty. Rick is actually Jordan Peterson who finally went insane.
Lol, brilliant.
Max Wooks But...I'm 14.
It's a satirical cartoon ffs. Stop being a moralist and let the boy watch his entertainment.
Max Wooks, sounds like you're the one that needs sorting. Get your head out of your ass
How do you know Rick and Morty is a waste of time? did you watch it?
I feel like time not on my side. I'm 29 and I'm still single and I have no children. I want to get married and have kids, but at the same time I don't want to rush into a relationship. Not to sound like a douche but, I've always been very selective in choosing my girlfriends. The only girl I've could ever seen myself marrying got pregnant by another guy and got pressured into marrying him. For me, the most attractive thing about her was her sense of humor. Being able to laugh with someone at the same things is incredible. It creates a bond in which you feel like the two of you could take on the world. I hope I'll find someone, the right one.
ĄŋţђǫŋƴĢ
You’re a guy. Calm down. Your “biological clock” isn’t ticking dude. You can have kids whenever.
I've only ever met one girl I could picture myself with in a real relationship. All my friends say I'm just far too picky because I don't find most women attractive enough, smart enough, or just generally cool enough to be worth my time. So, for the time being and for the foreseeable future I'm flying solo. Where I'm at in life right now is if another one comes along, awesome, but if they don't then I'm just going to have to live for myself and find the things most people find in a relationship somewhere else. Good luck man.
AnthonyG You're an idiot.
"Just like women, it's BEST to have children in your early to late 20's." I think that this statement was very off. As a man the biological clock sets in at a far later stage then you suggested.
Clean your room, get talented at your talent that people value, and be honest to people you respect. You will find your inner strength and be fine. Made a hell of a difference to me. Women want honest, talented people. It's in there, you just gotta let it grow.
There is an inverse mathematical relationship between marriage success and the number of children couples have together. If they have 4 or more children together, the divorce rate is 3%.....if they have 3 children together the divorce rate is 10%.....if they have 2 children together the divorce rate is around 40%....if they have 1 child together the divorce rate is 60%....if they have no children the divorce rate is 70%....read into that, what you will.
so the more children you have you can't get out of marriage because you have all these kids to support ?
+surfingsuicune I think it stems from deeply loving one another and genetic compatability.
Some couples get divorced before they can have many children. That would explain part of the correlation.
true...
pretty much....
Oh my, this is all I wanted to communicate to the man I loved. What a wonderful statement "have someone that you can weave the rope of your being with, together to make your joint rope stronger". Love without trust is useless. Peterson always manages to articulate the soul, I hope everyone that needs to hear this does.
finding a Man:a strong man with morals that cherishes life not just work, but living; work to live not live to work.
I say that all the time to my cousin. I say you can not work 12 hours a day 6-7 days a week, you have to play some time. Work is not life. If you keep working like that before you know it 15 years or more are going to flash past you. You will wake up one day and suddenly realize that you don't have any memories because you spent the overwhelming bulk of your time at work. I'm always trying to get people to play, they always have some excuse. Am I the only adult that likes to have fun? Did everyone else forget how to play?
And 6 pack abs but will tolerate your 300 pound land whale body.
@@Vention1MGTOW Hey buddy. 😎✌
If you dont value his work, that he is putting in so many hours of himself into, then you are undeserving of such man and wealth he can provide you with. If you question value of his work, than you question value of man himself, and he should question value of you in his life.
@I like Pancakes Depends on context.
Jordan Peterson for Eternal Emperor of the Universe.
Count Dooku he's the only man who would deny the position if it was presented to him ironically.....
He'd be a better dark lord than Palpatine. Ain't that right Dooku?
Psycho Zebra
Well, Palpy got dooku killed. I think he got a right to be mad.
Someone drank ALL the kool-aid.
Honestly, if we colonize mars he should be the first president.
This video made me book my first facial surgery
How'd it go
Omg😂😂😂
You don't need to be a brad pitt to get a woman lol
I'd shop for a perfume after, if I were you
I did have a look at one of those studies. The relationship between the scent and symmetry was really poor. Like the line of best fit was barely more than horrizontal. If someone was to show you the scatter graph without the line of best fit you would really struggle to draw much conclusion. In other words there were tons and tons of guys who were ranked as attractive despite scoring low on facial symmetry.
To find a great partner:
If you are a giver, marry a giver.
If you are a taker, marry a taker.
But a giver with a taker = disaster and tragedy.
Also - I don't believe it's all about looks - I've found some very odd types of guys severely attractive, even sometimes totally not "my type" guys have been seriously appealing to me. I think *genetically* we were a good match, it's all in the science of things.
Me and my husband are opposite. He is very logical while I am very sensitive. At the beginning of our relationship, we had so many fights; "on and off" sort of thing. We got engage twice coz with the issue of trust. After 4 years of knowing each other's flaws, we become much more understanding, appreciative and loving with each other. In my conclusion, conflicts are not there to break you but it will teach you in knowing each other much better. It will guide you on how to become an amazing partner to your spouse. It will get you closer and much more connected. If you choose each other, no huge hurdles can tear you apart.
But you guy's core values were still similar? Y'all both wanted to have kids right?
@@gangstaelegantproductions2780 yes, we want to have even if we are already almost in our 40's. At the moment, I have problem of conceiving but my husband usually find options to solve this matter and we usually talk what is good for both of us...
I think that being an integral part of a tribe is even more important than finding a partner and having children. If you have a group of people that you are tightly interwoven with, you will be okay. What's even better is if you can find something to do that sets your soul on fire. Such as painting, or making music... something that stirs you within and aids in the transcendence of feeling separate from the universe. What's more important than asking, "will I ever find a partner to have children with?" is asking the question, "what am I?" When the outside is in, and the inside is out, and you realize that the "I" you carry around is an illusory prison, then you begin the path of deep and peaceful fulfillment. When you can see the moment for what it is, for what you are, and that your body is nothing but a rental, you are not here forever, then all the petty cultural pressure will fall away. Then, if you find a partner and have kids, that's wonderful, if you don't, it will not take away from your experience as a human being. Jordan's advice here is incredibly polarizing and quite thin. It is the picture on the magazine cover in the supermarket, pedaling an image that is probably not who you are, but rather who everyone thinks you should be. Everyone is convincing everyone else to be a particular way because they don't take the time to figure out who it is they actually are. "Yeah, get married, have kids... that's the road to happiness! It always is!" Is it? Always? It's complete dis-empowerment. Take the time to empower yourself, you are here, do you know what that means?? Not intellectually, but deeply within the core of you... you are here. Fuck, don't pretend like the beauty depends on the standards that others portray. You already possess the magic. Don't give it away for an image.
Completely agree.
He wasn't saying that. I think you may have misinterpreted his message.
I don't think you've accurately taken in what Jordan is saying here, this video does not seem intended to persuade anyone that they must have kids and a family. Rather, it is intended for those who *already know* that they would like a family someday, and what his dating advice (for guys) regarding that goal is. I agree with you however, that understanding "what" you are in a highly spiritual/metaphysical sense can help one come much closer to their true selves (not Ego), and therefore closer to meaningful and authentic relationships (again, should you choose to pursue them).
I disagree with your assessment that marriage and kids is "complete dis-empowerment". Sacrifice is not the same as subjugation. Marriage and kids requires making a large sacrifice of yourself, but you do not cease to be your own person. It's up the individual to decide how much they really value their individuality though. For some this a sacrifice that seems un-palpable, to me it seems incredulous that one wouldn't want a family someday.
I'd also ask you to point me to specifically what you thought was polarizing about his "thin" advice. Jordan is more than willing to give you his opinions on what a good life might look like. He does *not* say his advice (a common road-map) is the only way, on the contrary he points out that there ARE people who are exceptional. They're just that though - exceptions to the rule of an otherwise overwhelmingly large percentage of humanity. You can be exceptional, but exceptional or not, overall you must be *honest* with yourself. What do you *really, really* want out of your life? Until you figure that out, no girl will touch you with a ten-foot pole, you just aren't attractive.
I think part of the problem with the internet these days and the advice Jordan often gives is that kids think he is telling them they must follow traditionalist ways of living a meaningful life. Topics like these are naturally divisive then, because they're "old-fashioned" ideas. It's not that simple, and again, he makes it clear that it isn't the only way. As a side-note, I think the reasons people end up mixed up in bad marriages is often due to the pitfalls of western societal norms and our heinously materialistic culture. Bad marriages can't be blamed on the concept of family itself - that concept dates back to the beginning of human history my friend.
Wow....I think people on this comment section didn't get the powerful mesage you are giving. I advocate for first, becoming the best version of yourself, then see if you find a person who matches you. And if you dont, you are complete anyways. But people are obsessed in following the "mold" thats been put to us to fit in, instead of looking your own path. Know yourself....thats the key.
Do you want to be my friend? 😄
no wonder i feel so empty. im living 1/3 of my life
HiveTyrant36 Same
Michael_S_K that is so true! Definitely have more interesting conversations after doing interesting things! And yes if you fill up your time with these kinds of things you’ll start to wonder how parents manage it all and have time for anything...
Find a hobbie or something that moves you....then you will feel good 👍
I don't know if I want Kids, but I think its because I need to meet someone I know I can trust 100% & feel were are in a good settled place as a unit.
Find someone who you can trust with anything.
And "anything" can be a lot of things.
"Honey, I broke the blender. "
"Dear, um, I just killed our neighbour."
"You know how I've had this lifelong battle with body dysmorphia, hun...?"
"... I'm thinking Mormonism might be the religion we need to follow."
If you two are not ready to deal with anomalies like these and many more, you may not be ready for marriage.
True
I think there needs to be a serial killer clause.
Seriously. Trust is number one. People need to get a little more Sapiosexual.
@@cameron.on.canvas thanks for teaching me that word. I google it and I'm a sapiosexual. Of course I also look at the physical, but if smarts isnot there, im not going for it, no no 😂
"Ok, we'll get a new blender."
"Ok. Off to jail with you. Sign this divorce paper. Your kids will grow up to be better than you."
"We'll do what we can to work through that nasty condition"
"Im not following that lifestyle."
peterson is like the dad i never had
He’s such a likeable chap - Definitely on my dinner guest list. I’d just sit him at the head of the table and treat him with kindness and respect he has earned.
Exactly. If your partner does not have the emotional maturity to tell the truth, you need to let that person go. They will betray you again.
That being said, I was going to make a point on your view of marriage. While I do agree that it is necessary for a person to experience having a family, some people (including myself) feel they have been sent here to send a message. I am a highly creative person, and I notice that when I am in a relationship, but volume of creativity is staggered by obligations to my partner. The constant fighting over finances, whether or not I'm doing the "right" positions in bed, the fucking string of shame tactics that elicit my anger and frustration... It's too much.
Moreover, I'm from low ses circumstances, and almost every girl I date assumes that I have money, based on my appearance (tall, muscular, symmetrically attractive). A lot of these girls have lived pampered lives, hoping to continue their string of free theme parks, empty Facebook likes, and white knights. Ill tell you this: if your partner supports you unconditionally, and you can absolutely trust them 100%, the build a family with that person. But if they're constantly complaining, a soul sucking siren that feeds on your tangible good faith, and belittles your dream in front of her friends/family... you're better off shooting for the stars by producing something of value for others, than producing children with a woman who despises having them. What's the point of just getting married and having kids, if both parties do not live each other equally, and the children bear the burden of two incomplete people that facilitate a broken home? I think we're trying to move away from the divorce generation.
Speaking of which, my most recent ex gf of two years did exactly that: shamed me for having a nervous breakdown, ridiculed the thought of having children with me because of my financial background (broke: dad's side of the family thinks I'm a mistake, and I have plenty of reasons to be dead), and mocked my dream in front of her snooty, spoiled fucking brat upper middle class friends... In fact, although I distanced myself from my friends to strengthen our relationship, she lied to me and told them everything behind my back. For all I know, she migbt have been sleeping with them. Whatever.
Well, guess what I decided...
I let the bitch go, cut her ass off, and am now following my dream full time. The heartbreak hurts, but it will pass. I cannot say that for someone who has wasted their life to please someone who doesnt care. True, Children and families are important from a biological standpoint. But values and trust within that umbrella term of a family are as equal in importance.
My advice to men suffering from the fear of losing and lonliness: build up yourself, build up your value, and then pass it on. Without a foundation of value stored within yourself, a family with children is meaningless, and you leave yourself open to be taken for granted.
Respect yourself, and lead by example. Never depend on a significant other to complete the puzzle.
Zol Galon i raise my eyebrow in interest.your words seem trustworthy
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Wow this is brilliant
Apenas leí el primero párrafo, no mames :v
Bless up brother, artist here too. Unless we are lucky to find that unconditional loving partner as we would do for them, fuck it, let’s mount the manticore and make art for the souls seeking an escape, we have a purpose on this earth, and it is that ❤️
I’ve tried my whole adult life to obtain this type of relationship, I am a sensitive, sensible woman but the men I have put my precious time into have let me down by dismissing my needs. I’m now 43 with no partner, no children and I’m still putting my best foot forward to dating but at this age it is brutal.
More lies than ever before now and at the exact time I am at my most honest and confident about who I am. I certainly don’t go on dates and open with ‘I want children etc etc’ because I know it’s too late for that and deep down I don’t hold much hope for the men I meet in their 40s & 50s. They are incredibly unrealistic about life. I would still like to look after a man and still hope to get married but this gets further and further away from me everyday.
Some of it is dating fatigue but most of it is spending lots of time & energy on a relationship that only ever last 6 months.
I’m very tired of being used and thrown away. It has shaped me unfortunately and unfairly.
I also wish the love of my life had not taken my best years (my whole 20s) then left me to marry another 6 months later.
I'm around your age and it is very hard for single men too.
Maybe but you don’t have to stand being called a spinster. And a special stigma exists for women who never married, all because she trusted the men she loved.
Or loved the men she trusted...
@@kaseyMmm I agree, there is less stigma for single man, he is called a bachelor, made his choice, etc. I do still kind of want children so I can understand your issue. Women have a very high sexual market value under 25 and they have to strike while the metal is hot. Women have high value for childbearing, beauty and innocence. Men are earners and protectors/providers. It is said a Ferrari could make ANY man on the planet superattractive, but would do little for a woman.
Feminism twisted that and is ruining many women by telling them to delay marriage and have causal sex. I see your problem, if a man can't commit in a year or two it is time to move on. Years back men may have to wait for engagement or marriage for sex, so that may motivate them to make a decision. Now sex is a swipe away, or easy to get because women are giving away product for free. If I can borrow a car for a few years with little commitment and money I'm certainly NOT paying for it.
Men, theoretically could have kids until their last day, and have less sexual market value when younger because of their earning potential.
I’m not a car! I’m a human being, I matter more than a car.
Society has trusted men too much.
In the "t-shirt" study, the outcome wasn't exactly how Jordan said it was. When the women weren't on the pill, they were more attracted to men with opposite genes and were less attracted to those with similar genes. However! when the women were on the pill (which puts them in a similar state to being pregnant), they were more attracted to those with similar genes.
women's mating preference also changes according to their ovulatory cycle, which boils down to their dualistic mating strategy of finding one man with the best genes and another man with the best resources.
Vulnerable Growth What exactly are “opposite genes”?
The daughters of Eve are a strange bunch.
+perliva ''Women who are not taking oral contraceptives and who are dissimilar to a particular male's MHC [genes] perceive his odor as more pleasant than women whose MHC [genes] is more similar to that of the test man,'' Dr. Wedekind...
I really meant to say dissimilar genes instead of opposite.
+perliva, there's also the immune system to consider. I'm fairly certain pheromones can also indicate one's resistance to disease. So we find people with "opposite" or at least complementary resistances more attractive because it means that the resulting children will be more widely protected.
This man makes having kids sound very appealing! I knew I wanted to have them but that's awesome
You know someone is good at what they do when it takes a handful of short videos for him to completely change your world view, built up in the twenty plus years that you've been self-aware and help you realize what's really important in life. Thank you, sir, for being a substitute father to us and thank you Bite-sized philosophy for making these vital clips so accessible to us all.
As always, Dr Peterson is on point. My girlfriend is pregnant with twins. She is everything I could ever imagine. Before I met her, my ex wife left me, I was in a dark place. Then I met my girlfriend and she has never left my side. Has always helped me whichever way possible. I just hope I xan do the same for her.
i have an asymmetrical jawline
fucking kill me
At least you have a jawline
if that's your first thought, you have bigger issues
I have a bsymmetrical jawline
INAUDIBLE SCREECHING i have asymmetrical hair cut please help
I agreed up until the end. I am a mid-20s female, who my entire life wanted children with a passion. Now I have a great career and I see the kind of commitment that it takes to raise children, and I cannot decide if this is for me or not. I feel so much passion for the work I do, and I know I am good at it. I know I would put that much passion into my children, but I cannot even comprehend how much selflessness and patience that would take. People talk about how much love they feel for their kids, and I feel that for my work. I am fearful of the intensity of the maternal response I would have with my own children. As I get older I get less sure.
Crimson the father is going to be the child’s life? That’s who shares time/responsibilities of raising the child
All the money in the world won't replace the role of father figure for a child, hopefully the woman has a friend/family member who can play the fatherly role for the child's mental/spiritual development. I wish we had some system that kept men accountable so they couldn't leave their children :(
@@sp123 There are systems in place for paternal responsibility, too many guys find ways to defy the system. Watch any episode which takes a person back through their genealogical lineage. It's all right there. For a millennial, sperm spreaders have been contributing to fatherless children. Having what they call "fun" then taking off, never contributing anything to the raising of a child or children.
You can have a career any time, for the rest of your life. You give your time to strangers. With children you can have them in a limited time, once in your life. They last until you die most likely and the work you put into your children is directly proportional to the amount of love you get back, the rest of your life. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment.
@@TheMusterionOfRock In a perfect world a parent will get back the love directly proportional to the love you gave them. That happens far less than you might think.
He's right about trust. And I also agree when he says marry a woman you think would make a great mother. A lot of men don't think of that type of thing but, it's always been something that's been on the back of my mind. One of these days I really hope I find my wife.
I'm sure at some point in history marriage wasn't even a word and people loved each other enough to be honest and trustworthy without a vow. Now thats real love, love that held nothing over your head.
Nah, people in the past married either because the marriage was arranged or for financial convenience. There wasn't much love, honesty, understanding or romance going on. The couples were sorta like roomates
@@nftmonkey4506 Or mainly due to geographical proximity. I think some just get married because of insecurities or it's what their friends do and they don't wanna be "one-upped".
@Ramon Garcia Aren't arranged marriages depressing though?
what if the person you are with is incapable of introspection and thinks nothing is their fault in spite of enormous amounts of evidence?
Alex Morgan don't start a marriage I'd say.
Roland xB lol too late. we divorced years ago! :p
It's complicated. We get along for the benefit of our children but divorce was the best thing we ever did for each other. It was killing us both, living with a person who was incompatible. But yes, I don't regret leaving that relationship one bit. :)
I have many. But I have no regrets with regards to leaving that unhappy marriage. It was wrong for us both. Only thing worse than being alone is being tied to someone who makes you miserable.
Free will doesn't exist so it's not their fault.
"If they're well behaved"...Now that's a very big "if", Dr. Peterson...
Raw Gameplay - There are a few genuinely difficult kids, but generally speaking, if the kids are jerks, it's a direct inheritance from lousy parenting.
Then quality parenting must be at an all time low.
@@zeveria7206 thats an understatement
It's on the parent mostly, how they act in front of kids and how they raise their kids
The back door in marriage is open and it's called no fault divorce.
I AM Z I thought the back door in marriage was anal
Well look who missed the point and will likely miss out on a meaningful and fulfilling relationship in their life.
He didn't miss the point, he just corrected J.P on 'no back door' idea.
Okay so I'm just going to repeat what I just said before: He didn't miss the point, he just corrected J.P on 'no back door' idea.
Society created the back door via no fault divorce and as family courts are gynocentric women are incentivized to file for divorce as it suits them and they are the ones that most often do. My opinion is that JP's advice works best in the classroom and not in real world application.
I once had a girl as a friend. She was pretty much into me and I could easily tell that I could make up with her if I had wanted to. She smelled like my grandma so I kept distance to her ever since I decided that I could not bear her presence. It wasn't just the smell but this is definitely a big factor also for men liking a woman!!
Actually now that I reflect on this the first girl I've been with smelled like my sister. From then on I became more distant and liked her less and less.
What did she do that hinted she was into you?
@hgfd Smells are not social-constructs, plus you cant just ignore it
@hgfd Anyone can smell like strawberries if they apply some perfume, he means his gf smeels like her grandma, when you smell like someone else there's nothing you can do, and it's non "no reason" to avoid someone you may end up fucking if it wasn't for that fact, unless you are some kind of weirdo who is ok sticking his dick inside someone who smells exactly like and reminds you of your grandma, then there's no point in writing so much to explain something so simple to a oblivious stranger
Its not smell per se its pheromones, women with the same or similar immune system as you will be less desirable or will be less attracted to you because the more different your immune systems are the more likely youll have a healthy offspring
That's why I fart around my girlfriend so she understands and gets the full value of my sent
You know, in Canada, there's a rule about that.
If you fart in front of her, she's your girlfriend.
If you hold her head under the covers, you have to marry her.
True story 😜
Humour of a 12 year old boy
@zadose 🤣
john woodworth scent*
@@missnukkinfutz why torture your girlfriend lol
“The boss is the mutual personality composed by the seeking of truth in both of them.”
Been watching Jordan Peterson for the last 4 hours now. Love this guy!
i've always been taught to never have children and have my career as my highest priority and i thought that most millennialist have been thinking this way too, and statistically speaking, things like having children and moving out are being pushed to a much later date in the 21st century than before
Nah its imperative to move out
In this economy?
Marriage requires love and love is build on mutual respect which in turn requires being truthful to each other.
I usually like Jordan Peterson's talks. But here he says you should first get married and then reveal the truth about yourself. That's a really stupid advice.
Never understood why this guy gets so much hate. Seems perfectly reasonable, and has very good insight
Take it as a great indicator for the number of mentally disoriented people in our society, you'll smile.
Together for 7 years, married for 5-was my best friend before that-we basically share all the same philosophies and principles-had open lines of communication-regarded her feelings-took her critiques, basically changed completely who I was over the time of the relationship-now getting divorced because she cheated because I got really busy with my Masters and TA for two months...two months of not the amount of attention she wanted, and 7 years gone-didn't see it coming.
I had the real thing as far as I'm concerned; I'm not at all superstitious and I still tacitly bought into the notion that we were "meant" to be, and it still failed, suddenly and unexpectedly. The only relationships I've seen last are those under threats....threats from the spouse, family members, or threats of damnation by God. Not an MGTOW, just sharing my experience and thoughts on the matter. It might be a human thing, not a woman thing, but I've never cheated despite many opportunities, never came close, and now I definitely never will because I simply don't believe in together forever anymore. We're here until one of us gets bored of the other, plain and simple. Doesn't matter how communicative or open or even compatible we are.
+Honest that sucks man, at least now if you do want to get married again, get a rock solid prenup and don't live in CA or NY
No, actually. So far, we've pretty much got what was ours. I got the house and stuff, but we still aren't divorced yet, so we'll see how it turns out.
I'm not getting married again, so I don't have to worry about a prenup.
Simple Arguments
But you were pursuing a Master's! You were "upping" things! Isn't this what women want their ideal man to be like? Always setting *higher goals for himself and not settling for whatever level that he certainly posesses the capacity to move on from? I'm confused now...
He messed up, by being friends first. Women have no use for our friendship, they need leaders and protectors. As is inherent to that that kind of relationship there needs to be an element of fear and respect as much as love, if you re lucky to have love.
They say they want equality in a relationship but if they ever get it, they hate you and will disrespect you with another man.
Maybe Islam had a point that people who commit adultery and pretend that it is not wrong to do so should be executed. That will keep them in line.
I love the logic of this man!
All makes sense.
Perfectly understandable
Yes true
"For My hand made all these things, Thus all these things came into being," declares the LORD. "But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word.
"Jordan Peterson"
The Movie
after 17 years...
I want to hear the truth first before deciding on the handcuffing to each other forever part.
Sex plays a big part in a healthy relationship, when a couple commit themselves to not have sexual intercourse until after marriage, then they will have a very healthy relationship due to the fact that they resist temptation because these days lots of people confuse lust with love, young people think that just because the sex is good the relationship must be good to, which is not the case at all.
Yes but /where/ do you find them.. Sure, "get out the house".
TO do what, walk around the shopping mall and watch all the couples spend money
.: Freddy G' :. well ya gotta change that attitude first buddy
get out of the house means get to know some humans outside the family since humans know other humans i.e even a potential future wife and helps you develop the skills to communicate your personality to others making them more likely to introduce or recommend you to a potential partner
Volunteer somewhere, go to weddings and social events, that's how you meet people. You would not believe the amount of people who meet their future spouses at mutual friends' weddings!
No matter how beautiful a woman is, once you know who that person really is, and the only way to really know who that person is, is to be handcuffed to her for life! Makes staying single seem so much more bliss!
This man is that little light that keeps your hope alive in a chaotic time like 2020 so far.
I wonder what Dr Peterson thinks of long term relationships without marriage. I met a couple that had been together for 24 years and married for 1.
There's really no reason to be in a relationship for that long and not get married, unless you're just terrified of losing that option of an easy escape from the relationship if the need arises. If that is the case those kind of people should obviously never get married. Divorce is too expensive it's just a waste of money.
Ok then, if you're so informed about the issue, what are all these reasons to not marry someone that you're in a long term relationship with? Other than not wanting to go through the hassle of divorce? Which by the way, if you're going to be with someone for a long time anyway, isn't really an issue on your mind at all.
Hey man my parents have been together for over 35 years they never got married, and come to think of it, I don't think they ever will. . . Im 24 my older brother is 30
I find it extremely unlikely in life to meet a woman with all those qualities, and in a time in which you are also ready for commitment. Most men have to forget about being fussy and just be ok with what they find, if expectations are high one might very easily end up alone. With all due respect I think that dr. Peterson was lucky enough to have met his soul mate... with perfect timing.
@rathalomaniac6212 Sadly those are qualities.
You and me can think it should be a normal standard but it isn't
I told you a couple of years ago that you are the only hero that I have ever had. I introduced my 20 year old son to you and he has become a huge fan. Here is a statement from his most recent email to me: "Been listening to some Jordan Peterson recently and trying my best to implement his advice in my life. It feels really good to take responsibility for as much as I can."
There are so many really smart people in this world and so few of them are wise. It is difficult, for those of us who pay attention, to understand why those who are blessed with intelligence do not seek wisdom. You are true Philosopher sir. You seek the truth and you have the intelligence necessary to incorporate all that you have exposed yourself to with your message.
Truly brilliant!
You are the Buddha/John the Baptist of our time. May God bless you sir.
Jordan Peterson is the father figure and mentor all men want. God bless you Jordan.
I love how his brain process reasons, logic, and emotions. I love the way he delivers his thoughts and reasoning. I like his face and body type. I wish I’d meet a man like Dr. Peterson in real life.
Be a better person first.
100 percent! My husband was 39 when I was 24 when we first met. Knowing he had experienced life, made me trust him more. Like he’s pretty much done it all! And now he wants what really matters.. a home and family. You can’t buy that. Only a good women can create that warmth. . And older men just appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.
The guy at the end who claims women build their careers on their looks, forgets to add that men aren’t sexualized as much as women in their careers. Most men anyway. With the exception of someone like brad Pitt.
"you should get married because if it works out you will become happy, and if it doesn't you'll become a philosopher"
-some smart greek guy probably
Finally found one Jordan Peterson video with good audio quality.
The hand cuff idea is awesome. It really was my idea on marriage. Unfortunately, my last fiancée planned an escape route. Lesson learned. Never marry a woman who has planned an escape route. No commitment. No real love.
But, Damn, I loved that woman. Still do even though she is 1000’s of miles away. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing and it can be most hellish thing. It took three years for my heart to heal. When I found her plan, it was over for me. It was the hardest thing I ever done and probably the smartest thing I ever done.
I'm a big Peterson fan, but its funny how he says people exceptional in some way maybe should not have kids, but an every day slub is perfectly capable of raising a family...
I agree, it really sounds contradictory.
in fact I would say it's quite the opposite. It takes à lot of ingeniosity to raise children properly.
It may be better for someone who is massively improving society through their career, and is simultaneously extremely happy in the process, to go full-bore on their career.
It's less likely that low IQ people will be in careers that are saving society, although they can be happy during their work. The qualities needed to be a good parent are less related to intelligence and more related to compassion. Hence why men think a sweet 25 year old Columbian family orienated Catholic girl will be a better wife and mother than some New Yorker 30-something Sex and the City career lady.
I am watching some of his videos and I have to say they should be tought in school! So educational and wise that I cannot express my gratitude enough for this kind of insights.So beautiful idea about the spiritual bond of the family which trascend the 2 persons and its based on the fundamental truth. This kind of education would have helped so much people not making big mistakes in life. Thanks again for your videos😊
I hope my Woman watches this video before she comes into my life
Self confidence, hard working, good sense of humor. Also regular bathing
3:14 the truth is what we’re both seeking, that is why telling/speaking/acting/sharing your truth is so important because it’ll reveal inconsistencies and get you closer to the objective/ideal truth
I never had relationship and never understood why. Maybe there's something wrong with me but thinking about it is even worse.
Jordan, if you see this comment, which is unlikely, then thank you a thousand times for being so strong and steering our sick society to the right direction.
Just make sure she looks good to you. Make sure she has good healthy habits. Exercises, reads, is politely and respectful to all she comes across. Make sure she makes her own money. This is a big one. A woman who makes her own money is with you because of your energy. Not your money. Make sure she is emotionally available and align to your personality. Make sure she can make you laugh and can talk to her for hours. She in that sense will become your best friend, your soulmate. Your energy. And at all cost avoid women who need $40 for the light bill listen to Cardi B, curse, drink hennesy, have some type of strong desire for cosmetic surgery and lots of ‘friends’ on their phone. That’s a waste of time and an insult to your time management skills.
Grand thanks.. And very merry Christmas
He's right about telling the truth. If you tell the truth and be honest and tell them what you're thinking your relationship will last forever. Even if you don't due to other reasons that is the key to a good relationship. You will become best friends and you will fall in love with each other. It works with guys and girls. And if that doesn't work than you can know that it wasn't your fault because you always told the truth and never lied. You obviously can ruin things other ways by physically abusing them or treating them horribly.
I love how smelling the other person was more the forefront of the topic than trust.
If women don't like the smell you may be trustworthy but still a smelly trustworthy guy.
my word, this is what I yearn for (but a guy instead). also love how he hit the nail on the head about Biblical marriage. it's not oppressive of women, it's the mutual submission of each one to the other under God.
1) Search for wife
2) Talk to divorced men who got thrown into the woodchipper by the family courts, and jail if they can't pay.
3) Make a better decision
Sorry Dr. Peterson. I didn't get married or have kids and I'm happy and free. Don't impose your goals and values on others, then tell them what they will like or not. Or regret or not.
Chris Ashcroft he didn’t tell you to get married. Why are you watching a video on choosing a partner when you don’t want to get married?
Being truthful is paramount. It builds trust. Trust is so very important. It makes a person feel safe. Safety builds stability in any relationship, especially in marriage.
If I find this person, I am ready from now to marry her
How to be confident
1. Be attractive
2. Get validation
You find an attractive woman then you realize they are clueless and have no futuristic approach in life. The hard part is to find someone you have things in common. Imagine ending up with a smoker when you don’t smoke 🚭
Come to your crush and clean her room, then she will let you out of friend zone and you can go and slave dragons together.
Rinat Sharifullin wow.
Rinat Sharifullin Poor dragons did not see it coming
Person cleans my room
Me: *Bruh I had a system!*
Ffs, I really, REALLY wish I would've found out about this guy when I was 20 years old.........
great advice; love how he is so direct... and willing to say what we need to hear rather what we want to hear
I don't usually comment on youtube videos but from 2:25 to 3:00 was just beautiful, god bless Jordan Peterson
Couldn't imagine my life without my kids. By them I was able to know the amazing love that we as humans are able to giveaway.
Being parents extend your heart, your empathy grows and you get more conscious about the important things on life; such as love, mercy , compassion, empathy, solidarity.... as well the AMAZING creation we are , it is just WONDERFUL to realize that part of that tiny human have your ADN data. AMAZING !!!!!!!!
This is so vintage Peterson. He throws pearls of wisdom at us, beautiful nuggets of timeless advice, just blows people's minds with how he can siphon centuries worth of thought down into simple, seamless little tidbits... and then "if women don't want children there's something wrong with them..." wtf, lol...
Not sure how I feel about that sweeping statement about women must having psychological issues if they don’t want children by the time they’re in their mid-20s.
Yeah, that one was pretty harsh.
Well, he acttually mentioned that if a woman decides not to have children is ok, and some women shouldn’t have them. I agree on that some people (men and women) are not fit to have kids, but what he actually criticizes is the fact that people don’t have strong reasons to do some things or make those decisions.
He said GENERAL rule of thumb.. And before that he said that this doesnt apply to everyone. He also said an execeptios is a very good reasons (maybe a career goal). I'm on my early 20s im a guy I know i want kids. Im not going to have them until im 30ish. He just says they should know they want kids by their mid 20s. Not have them by their mid 20s. Also Rewatch 4:40
@Sheep Shagger you're puting words that arent there. He never claimed that wanting kids or not defines your character. On average man and woman know if they want kids by their mid 20s. If you want kids and your woman doesnt and shes in her mid 20s, either understand her reasons and stay (domt expect to have kids) or find someone else. We dont need to have kids. But you should have an idea by mid 20s. Basicallly what be said.
Call Anita Sarkesian
“You’re so fortunate if you can manage that”
I’m so grateful I randomly stumbled on Jordan Peterson’s videos, he’s amazing