Wow. This is why I avoid these conversations with anyone. They take so much out of me. I avoid my family because they make me feel too many emotions in a short period.
You are so understanding and patient with the BPD person. I wish more people (and counselors) could understand and not judge or assume all borderlines are exactly the same attention seeking, manipulating, lying, and "awful" people... We aren't. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm quiet, shy... I do have a very hard time opening up and revealing whats inside, how I'm feeling. I have intense emotions, but I don't display them. I wish more people could realize there are different manifestations of BPD. Thank you so much for this video, really helpful and compassionate.
I need some advice if you have a moment. My best friend has BPD and jumps back and forth between wanting us to be roommates and saying she wants to end the friendship. She's close to getting a new job, September. I had a birthday party recently and she decorated my desk, gave me gifts, and I gave her cards to express my graititude, but she seemed angry the whole time, and think she may have been hurt and jealous because of all my other friends being around. I had a birthday party, light and jovial, and she was crying. When I hugged her, she squeezed me so hard it was like she was squeezing the life from me. Then just days ago, after two-years of friendship she accused me of being in love with her, lecherous, when I've never hit on her, asked for something more than friendship, only showed her I care and tried to be as generous with her and her son as she is with me. I know she's pushing me away because she fears it's about to end when she leaves our workplace anyway, but it really hurts. I don't know what to do when she withdraws. I don't know how to fix things. I don't want to abandon or hurt her, even if she sometimes does this to me. I understand she's going through something, and I'm not angry, I just want to help her. Is there anything at all I can do apart from giving her some space? I think she'll leave in a month and I fear she'll never speak to me again.
Thanks, Ryan. I recently gathered there are some NPD-like traits there too. It seems too be an approach-avoid type relationship, and I go from being idealized, to devalued, and now, discarded. I think you're probably right about her pattern.
From reading your comment I feel we both at the quiet end of BPD. I often envied the people who can act out instead of acting in (like I do). I'm annoyed at myself that I break down in tears when someone shouts and screams at me. I feel so weak and not fitting into this world because it feels like nobody can relate to my behaviour. And if I swallow all that anger and those insults down for a long time I'm able to freak out like a werewolf. It doesn't happen often, but it's scary when it does. Oh my God, it feels so good not to feel so alone with this condition! Every time you feel like you want to harm yourself or even worse: you are welcome to write me! Look for Lily Picta on Facebook. The 1st picture you'll see is my personal profile. The one below is my business page-wich I don't check anymore since my boyfriend died. People like us can get better, we just need support!
You may not have BPD. The quiet/shy BPD opposite would actually be someone with AvPD. People with AvPD tend to actually connect well at first with those with BPD and are good "matches", until the person with AvPD gets seriously and emotionally twisted. The reason why is that once they are together, the BPD gives the person with AvPD a feeling of fullness, a feeling of something they've been missing. A safe environment, etc. A lot of the feelings of depression, self hurt, self pain and fear, abandonment issues are all part of AvPD too, but they are shy/quiet as hell and tend to leave other people alone and not project their problems on others. I'm just bringing this up because shy/quiet is everything someone with BPD isn't. Someone with BPD needs to temporarily fill an empty void and without that desperation kicks in. If you're desperate to find company, or to feel "needed", then you probably have BPD, if you are quiet/shy and just feel lonely, and self blame, you probably have AvPD. Someone with BPD needs to blame someone else hence the always on the lookout for attention or people to connect with.
Better find a therapist so you can start your dialectical behavioral therapy, the only way to get better is to be consistent about the therapy be self aware get up after every slip and change your old habits, love yourself and be demonstrative about it. And after all this be patient, time will make this go away but it doesn't go away by itself, make your loved ones aware of this ill as of yours. And Whatever you do, don't seek alcohol to suppress this illness
Lazarus Nazareth - It's people like you who create nastiness in the world because you get away with being sarcastic and so-called "normal" and all the other "normals" can laugh along with you as you leave a trail of harm and couldn't care less. So-called BPDs are damaged. Damaged by the so-called "normals" who are just programmed followers. BPD is just another made up fake disorder created by the fake psychiatric profession. The world is run by evil people who damage and then make up a "disorder" for the damaged ones.
I had a friendship with a person with BPD. They would give me gifts of gadgets, which was helpful, but then they expected me to use those gadgets all the time, and if they thought I was not, would get offended. There was an expectation that I should, and others, should 're-parent' them. There were generally very high expectations of attention from other people, and when people were too busy to give this offence was taken. Also a tendency to out-stay a welcome when visiting, and be reluctant to go home. This behaviour drives friends away, so the BPD person becomes lonely until they modify their behaviour.
My gf has BPD and yes our relationship is stormy. I'm here to educate myself more about it,how to deal with it and what i can do to help my gf. Sometimes it's just too much that I'm hurting but i always try to be more understanding as long as i can.I asked advises to some people and all they told me is that i should run far far away for my sanity.I really do care and love her.& I know my gf loves me so much and I ain't going to leave her.I really want to help her,I told her to get a treatments because that's for her own good.That's why i need more understanding about BPD.
I think that reassuring her that you're not leaving would probably go a long way, even when you think you've said it enough, or too recently. That's all I want from someone, anyone in my life, and if I ask my husband... well, he's a good sport, but he gets annoyed and doesn't understand. I think if you put it in terms of not wanting to leave her, because you love her as she is, then sneaking in a story, even that you read, of someone who's been treated and is doing better might work, or if you could show her articles that come to some sort of consensus that isn't, "blah blah blah, toxic person, narcissism, blah blah blah," it will probably go a long way, just before another "I'm not leaving you," for good measure. Honestly, that's such a commonly huge and deep-rooted fear in BPD land. Also, maybe a, "hey, I'm trying to be a good bf, and I do x, y, and z, and it would really make me happy if you'd talk to this therapist my friend/ family member sees and highly recommends (last part only if applicable, of course!)," might work too, even if you have to offer to go with her, with a reason like wanting to make your relationship stay good and last a very long time. I'm not advocating deception here, just a framing in a very sensitive, handling with kid gloves way. I'm no expert, just someone who probably suffers, and has had a psychologist agree it's a rather strong possibility, and who has done a little bit of research. It's how I would want to hear it. I'm the one begging to go to therapy in my relationship, and my husband is like, "Naw, waste of time and money," lol, but if our roles were reversed, it's how I'd want to be approached, and I've been a card-carrying girl for blah, I can't do math for the time I've actually had a card that said that, but yeah... as soon as I got my license to drive my first dinosaur! Good luck! I really hope everything works out for you. You seem like a really good man.
We people who suffer from this have a very difficult time trusting anybody. We've been rejected so many times from friends when they find out about our illness. If she tells you she trusts you, believe her. I am usually very loving towards my husband and children and that's it. He was like you at the beginning, got educated on this illness and we've been married for 31yrs. He knows how to speak to me without me feeling like it's an attack. Btw, people are so ignorant. I've never harmed or even yelled at my children who are now all professionals. My husband is a saint and I treat him as such. Please, don't just abandon her like an ignorant person just replied. Everybody has something. We just have a label for ours. Good luck bud. One thing about us...if you've earned our trust, you've got it for life.
You sure nailed it! Exactly what I told him and I've had this illness for 30yrs. It's something I have but its not the whole of me. I'm way more than this fucking illness.
i so wish i had someone like u ma'am, high respet to u. we need more love and care then normal people, we r loving n kind. people out there dont know how it feels to be a bpd. thankyou so much for bringing a smile on my face n tears in my eye, i feel happy.
I have BPD. I usually control my ANGER and WEAR a SMILE mask just to let people know that I am strong even though I am not. Well I have to SMILE anyway :)
I keep smiling too, for the same reasons. From my own experience it only goes well for so long. The anger is like yeast dough: it will force it's way out somewhere, somehow. I don't have the ultimate answer, but it might be a good idea to learn to direct the anger to the right adress, even if it means to go to a few therapies, like CBT and DBT. That's what I'm going to do. I hope you will get well soon!!! Lily X
Only if I'm around people and engaged can I do that. I tend to be happy and sweet. Then if I let someone in, all the true emotions show. The second they do anything i perceive as they are against me, I feel so betrayed. I have gotten so hurt and angry I would have killed them. I honestly would have killed them. I was so close to killing them. I almost ruined their car. Almost slashed their tires. Almost did horrible things. I walked away. I left. For the safety of everyone and everything. I left. If I saw them tomorrow, though.... I'd kill them. Pretending everything is okay is so draining. I agree with Lily. The longer you pretend, the more violent the outbursts can become.
@What i want? Can you see the hypocrisy in that? If they can’t control anything then how would they know what they’re doing? They are absolutely not in control during an outburst. And then they’re full of intolerable shame afterwards..
My sister drove out into the desert and shot herself in the head last June. Thank you for providing this kind of education. I wish that I had had the kind of tools that you present. I viewed her as someone who was loving and close to me most of my life then suddenly acted as though she hated me for no reason that I could see. She seemed random and cruel. All of our interactions were painful for me. I did the opposite of what I wish I had...I said "Call me when you can be a better sister. Until then you are dead to me." If I had understood, I would have been more loving. I am forever changed.
I said something similar to my grandmother two weeks before she died, She grieved herself to death from my aunts murder the year before she herself died. God knows I wish I could have taken those words back. We have to be careful; of the words we speak because death and life lies in the power of our tongues.
EmpressBeauty She just described how she wishes she could take back what she said to her grandma. Now that she has more insight she realizes how words can be hurtful and to be mindful of our words. She clearly has regret. Have some empathy.
Very informative and interesting, but the BPDs I've dealt with were never this cooperative to talk so much about their feelings, no matter how interested or neutral you might seem to them. They would respond with like "why are you asking me all these things I don't want to talk about?".
Exactly! It was impossible to talk to my ex-gf about ANYTHING that was related to herself. She either said everything was fine, she didn't want to talk about it, or she would get angry and accuse me of criticizing her all the time. All I was trying to do was be close to her and understand.
BadReligion417 that is exactly what I experience. And he stayes angry for three days or so. I want him To move out of the house, but it seems like it’s gonna be a long and tirering road... He doesn’t want to get help. He’s angry a lot. And we have a child...
I have BPD but mine doesn't manifest like this. I DO have mood swings but it usually isn't in one conversation can usually stay stable or in one mood for about a minute up to an hour without change but I change a lot in a day unless I am numb then those days I don't change at all.
Same mines usually like that on my normal days but if something happens or I start getting asked questions about my feelings especially with a feeling like your being interrogated about your own thoughts and feelings rather than being listened too
The only problem listning to someone with BPD is that what they say cant be trusted. What is true and what is a lie?? Becuse a honest conversations from someone with BPD? Never gonna happen. Never
Well, I guess bullies, rapists, freeloaders, addicts, are still there and don't fall into the BDP group. So it's like the world is not something perfect with a 2% of BDP people.
Wow, that's awesome! Go you! If you can become a doctor with an obstacle like this in your way, you can do pretty much anything, and I admire that so much! Rawr!
i haven't been diagnosed professionally but i am pretty certain that i have bpd and have been doing lots of research on it. this video helped me understand this disorder better than anything else. thank you for making this.
Rayan Zahrani Oh wow. In a perfect world, everyone would have access to mental health care. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Especially if you're from the United States. Besides, I'm sure OP knows where her mental health stands better than anyone...after all, she is the only one living in her mind (hopefully). Now, unless you have something helpful to say, gtfo. Edit: Type-o.
Hey! I'm sorry to hear you can't get yourself professionally diagnosed. But being aware of what's going on in your head is already a big step! I hit rock bottom because of this disorder and it really stagnates me in life. I'm finally getting treated and hope I'll be able to contribute to society again!
Thank you so much for this video. I have been in a on and off again relationship for six and a half years with a girl with BPD. She told me in the beginning of relationship about her disorder. For the most part her disorder has not caused too much trouble in our relationship, but she has abandoned our relationship twice. I have done lots of research online about BPD but this video really hit home and really explained a lot as to what goes on in her head. Currently she broke up with me again last week, but I'm just going to be nice to her and patient and hopefully she'll return home soon. It's definitely not easy to date somebody with BPD, but I love her and I will never give up on her even if she chooses to give up on herself. Thank you again for this video, it helped me out tremendously
Trust me... I'm stuck due to a decade + marriage, DO NOT GO BACK. Your life will go by and you'll be miserable but this behavior will NEVER end. You'll always be the bad guy no matter how good you'll be to her. No matter what you'll do it will always be your fault... RUN!!!!
This was incredible. I was finally diagnosed back in January after 15 years of really, really horrible behavior on my part. I crashed emotionally and fell into a pit of guilt and was ready for treatment. I did DBT classes and my psychotherapist has been wonderful at helping me understand that I can express emotions without lashing out at others and that I do not need others to validate my feelings for them to be valid. I am so much calmer now and able to see myself 'switching' as it happens and then I can start reigning it in. Treatment has saved my marriage and probably my life. I would urge anyone diagnosed as a Borderline to seek active treatment and be open minded and nonjudgmental about it. Listening to others is so very important and one of the things that I struggled with the most.
Hiya,vanishedleprecaun, are you still on improvement? I was wondering ,from your own experience do you think so called narcissists are really different from bpd? Arent they sharing dominions they could as well discard from their life, following this kind of therapy?
@@UnfamousPlayers tx jesse. I didnt mean the personality disorder itself could be discarded, but "rages" for instance, or the manipulative bhaviour, violent behaviour towards the partner.
@yasminabelkacemi7938 self-awareness has to be achieved and it can be very painful when it hits a borderline. For me, it was like a bomb of guilt and shame going off. The pain of accepting responsibility for actions we justified previously could be one reason borderlines are hard to treat. But you have to want to get help. As soon as I had my diagnosis, (after about a month of just...disgust) I wanted to know what I needed to do to get 'better'. I had 7 out of 9 symptoms in the criteria so... not easy. And while it is NEVER an excuse, I can say for myself at least that I was not aware of my behavior and that it was wrong. It all made sense at the time.
Good luck to the people who have this unfortunate illness, may God help you all, and may God help my ex girlfriend who I loved so so much :( but broke me into tiny little pieces.
My boyfriend did the same when he jumped to conclusions, as usual. He did the worst thing you can do to someone with BPD: he abandoned me. For good. He just thought, "I'll abandon you before you can abandon me!", and just killed himself. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I would give anything to have him back, even though it was he'll sometimes. But the love was just as extreme.
You are fantastic it’s so true,I think you’re video will help so much I support you x This is to my wife Hayley Ashton who has bpd,yeah there are some bumps in the road but she is truly a amazing person I am lucky to have married my best friend and the only true family I have The only true sadness I feel is she doesn’t see what I do and so many other people do in her,but no matter how hard or how angry we get I’m your safe place I love her deeply I no feelings can change but I need her to know I will always be at the bottom and will catch you you will never have to be alone you are a remarkable woman I am prevailed to know forever my love xxx
i am currently diagnosed with BPD and in DBT Treatment. This video found to be ten times more illuminating and helpful than the slow, almost condescending pace at DBT. I am amazed to see a guy (sorry, that's my own warped perception based on experience with men talking) - surprised to see a man so genuinely caring...Thank you!
I am actually very surprised, because I feel like I've rarely ever expressed the anger inside me and generally therapists and doctors told me I'm not a "typical" borderline (which sounds harmful for others, sadly) but now that I think of it, it's probably mostly because I've been self harming so much that all the anger just went into it and I didn't have to lash out so much...
You probably have what’s called quiet or silent BPD. It’s where we don’t have that angry outbursts but instead internalize those angry feelings and project them at self.
I just discovered your videos. I wanted to thank you for sharing both your intellectual knowledge of BPD, but also the emotional knowledge, which arises from your personal experiences. I appreciate that you are helping me to understand myself and others, that you are giving me the practical tools to deal with BPD and an understanding of what is going on emotionally for the person trying to cope with BPD. I am a foster parent. Many of the children I care for have BPD and your videos provide me with methods to help them, communicate with them, and make my home a safer environment for everyone. Thank you!
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
this is the most accurate conversation with myself and my family can have. i'm only outward to my family but am inward in public and self harm and just beat myself down later alone. i can't imagine having a person close enough to me like a VERY long time boyfriend staying with me after seeing this side. im afraid to show me
I was diagnosed with BPD about a decade ago, and have not had any therapy or taken any medicine to pacify the variations of emotional intensity. While I feel deeply, on the outside it can be assumed that I care less. How does one go about being fully authentic without lashing the true depths of thought in the given moment? My intentions are not to hurt people which is why i lack expressing myself to others as i feel as though i myself is a burden.
I was diagnosed about 14 years ago and my only advice is take your meds, I never did for about ten years but now I do I feel a lot better! I still have bad bad days and I'll never be cured but look after yourself, take your meds! Also talking to ppl really helps me.
I don't do medications, I've just been dealing. As a person that is medication free i have found a very effective remedy but it calls for consistency which is meditation and affirmations. Because i am relatively sensitive in many facets, i am also very introspective which is the very reason as to why meditation appears to have worked well so far. I find it difficult to talk to people, 9 times out of ten what ever i express seems to be misconstrued or misunderstood. An introvert's way of life i suppose....
Haha i thought it was me typing as i feel same as you and too am not taking any medication the professionals try and understand me and my story and you know, as i learn to feel and express more and more operating in faith as oppose to fear, that those around me genuinely love care and wanna be around me even for this moment, i am learning to re learn some unhealthy mindsets or unlock some fears and control by gods grace through Jesus Christ.
This is a remarkable representation. It actually made me cry. The punitive parent is so loud and critical in me and I'm sure is the biggest cause of my meltdowns (or arrival of my angry or abused child personas/faces). You are so understanding. Wonderful effort. Sincere thanks.
I found your videos (and some others) browsing through the web trying to find answers to what I have been feeling for so many years. I was diagnosed with major depression about 10 years ago and they put me on Effexor, which I continue taking today. At the time, I was so confused that the diagnosis made sense to me, since I was feeling so sad, but it was short-lived! I understood later that my problem had to do with mood swings and personality-based disorders, but I still held on to the pills for fear of the sadness coming back. Now, I have found your videos (and others) and I clearly understand that what I suffer from is nothing else but BPD!!! I comply with 6 of the 9 traits you are supposed to have and I totally identify with everything you (and others on TH-cam) say!!! This has made me think about so many things about my past, present and how to face the future. Unfortunately, I live in a country where psychological treatments are very expensive so, that's totally out of the question. I must try to understand this by myself. This is why I THANK you so much for posting these videos. I am doing everything you guys say on the videos. I have even started doing the DBT myself!!! Too sad there might be more people in my country who are unaware of what they feel.... At least I am bilingual and I can understand what you guys say on your videos... I wish I could do more to help people here....but how could I? I still have BPD!!! Thanks!!!!!
im honestly so glad this video exists!! i now understand my disorder better and now how to talk with other people with bpd in a healthy and less passive aggressive way...thank you!!!
I was recently diagnosed BPD and I can't believe how accurately you described my symptoms, thank you for the insight and I'm going to pass this on to my family!
The original term is not "schema modes" but "transactional analysis" which describes the "parent, adult, child" triangle within each of us. They, the author's you mention, must have built upon the original theory, and work, of Eric Berne. You might want to check out the book, "Games People Play"... it's very interesting, and it's original.
Until I found out about BPD, I never understood how it was possible for me to feel like a cold, detached person who ignores their emotions and yet also an extremely irritable and impulsive person controlled by those emotions. It makes so much more sense to me now.
My daughter and I *need* to be alone for the episode to end. It can take seconds, but we need the person triggering the emotions to just go and leave us alone. As soon as the adrenaline's gone, we're bewilderingly fine, as if nothing happened. If the person/people will not stop "trying to reason with us", then it escalates very quickly into a survival mode and we say and do the craziest stuff and then don't remember it until someone brings it up. I never get psychotic except under severe stress, so please, no Brady chats, just give me my Time Out.
I don't think you guys understood what I said. And no, my daughter and I seperately are emotional people, though I have since cured myself through diet. There is no form of abuse going on; I'm feeling like you're not really understanding BPD. She gets really upset when something can't happen exactly the way she wants, for example, or when she thinks something's not fair, as another example. If anyone tries to talk to her to try and help calm her down, she goes into a state where she's completely losing it, doesn't understand what we're saying and needs to just calm down alone. Talking makes it much worse. Within seconds of being in her room, she's completely fine. It's a chemical snowball effect that gives her a runaway emotional response. I've been in that state a few times over the past couple of years, so I completely understand what's happening with her. I feel it's abusive to obsessively try and talk someone out of this state since it causes extreme distress. A time-out is the best answer since it is effective and does not cause harm. From first-hand experience, I can say that is what I used to want, and from second-hand experience, that is what my daughter responds to. We talk later at bedtime.
I do suspect narcissism, but that's controversial because she just turned nine. I don't like to use labels, anyway; I would rather interact with her as a person. The dissociation insight is interesting; I think you're right. In a stressful situation, it used to feel like my otherwise useless memory (now healed and sharp again) would pull every single traumatic event I've had and attack me with them all at once, so I would shut down. Maybe that's what's happening with her. We've been in some bad situations that caused the damage to our amygdalas. We've learned and grown a lot and with diet and lifestyle modifications we're doing much better, but I do believe BPD is a PTSD, and I'm wondering if you know an effective way for a child to clear this trauma?
This girl I know that is my recent new BFF that I really liked confused the heck out of me and it was hard for me to figure her out. It wasn't I realized that she had BPD and when she told me about it, everything now makes sense the way how I think about her. This video was very helpful! I hope it will help me learn more, help her with her future, and make our friendship stronger.
I mean no disrespect and I am not criticising BUT schema therapy is not the best therapy for BPD although there is a section in the course of therapy that focuses on interpersonal relating. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is a program that is multidisciplinay, skills based, and designed specifically for borderline personality disorder. Marsha Lineham is the therapist.
Dexter Pair i am currently diagnosed with BPD and in DBT Treatment. This video found to be ten times more illuminating and helpful than the slow, almost condescending pace at DBT. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your videos ! I finally realise: I'm not alone, I'm not crazy. There are so many misconceptions about BPD. Even my mother was breaking down in tears, finally understanding that I wasn't putting in a show. she as well as me realised: oh my God, that's you down to a T. I talked to my family, apologising, telling them that I never wanted to hurt anyone, and that I wasn't aware that my behaviour is so hard to understand for them. Your videos helped me and my family a lot! Thank you! Lily X
I have BPD and found your video very on point. The switch happens that fast and I often do not know which way to respond...Any of the 5 feelings can come out. It's a battle to keep the child hidden at all costs...yet still wanting help. I see the 5 different schemos in myself and thought they were accurately portrayed here. Well done! Nice to be understood!
I pray to God for the person with BPD and the family. This video brings me into being aware of importance of warmth,and love instead of punition in development of child hood Thank youtube for this video.
THANKS FOR THIS... this is really helping me to understand what I am going through and have been going through for years now... I just have to find a therapist to treat me for this. My therapist is on bullshit. What I mean is the facility's policy that I currently attend is they do not diagnose or treat personality disorders. Yet she has told me off the record that she feels I have BPD. When I asked her for a referral to a therapist or facility that diagnoses and treats BPD she started feeding me a line about she didn't know if that would be good for me - if the services would overlap their services etc. All I'm trying to do is get a definitive diagnosis as anyone else would who has any other disorder mental or physical. I want to continue general psychotherapy services with her and group therapy at the facility I am currently attending. I only want to go see a specialist for BPD treatment since she isn't allowed to do it. I think she is looking out for the facility's purse and not my well being. I am so pissed but I remained calm as she told me this. She asked me several times why I wanted to have an actual diagnosis. I was like to myself what don't you understand about what I am saying to you? She told me she will let me know if she feels this will be good for me and will give me her answer next week. I may be forced to either stay there and not get proper treatment for this or leave the facility to see a specialist and leave all of my friends at the facility that I've made in group. Frustrated...
***** thanks for your insight. I don't feel stigmatized in any way by the potential diagnosis. Just relief to finally get a name and an accurate description to what I have been experiencing for years... I want a clinical psychologist to do the treatment. In my brief experience with them they seem to be much more highly trained and diverse in psychotherapy methods than the Licensed Clinical Social Workers I've dealt with in the past. There seemed to me there were marked limitations with them although they were very knowledgeable. Can you expound on that in any detail? Thanks so much!
My sister suffers from BPD and she is very frustrating to deal with. She has gone through hundred's of thousands of dollars and claims she has no idea where it went. She is also self destructive and incredibly naïve. This causes her to trust people she barely knows and then be victimized. This video is helpful in dealing with such behavior.
I watched this video and I wanted to tell you i found this one of the most helpful videos for practical help for family members I have watched. Great Job on communicating this to the world. You have overcome, and are helping others! KUDOS!! More please ;)
Is it possible that there is a physical problem causing the depression? The diagnostic protocol is supposed to begin by ruling out underlying causes such as chronic infection, hormonal imbalance, injury, chemical dependence or toxicity. All too often a diagnosis is given on the basis of a very short interview, and the possibility of a physical problem isn't addressed.
You also see these syntoms in depression, PTSD and anxciety as well. Maby also bipolar.. And if you have borderline you probably wouldnt ask your self if you have borderline.
this was very good the girl I'm dealing with has this disorder. and for years I thought she had issues. but now fully understand. that sounds like a lot of work just to have a simple conversation
I got diagnosed today at the age of 25 and probably have been dealing with this since I was a little kid, and it explains so much about why I have been doing the things Ive been doing and feeling the way I feel all the time. I was encouraged to read and watch as much stuff about it as I could to understand it. And this was the first video I watched and I sent it to my mom. Thank you for making this
It's difficult to be with someone with any disorder if they aren't getting the help they need. If you are suffering, get help, you won't believe me but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You deserve to heal. You deserve to be happy. You're going to be okay.
This is much easier said than done. Especially in the case of my ex husband of 14 years. Who has BPD, NPD, ASPD with psychopathic traits. No matter how empathic, compassionate, or understanding I try to be with him he projects his entire world onto me. I'm an evil drug addict who denies his parent time. The truth is he is that in his own eyes and denies himself parent time. I've extended an open invitation for over a year and he hasn't come to see her because he wants the power of making me drop her off to him. But it's receiving parent pick up and she's terrified of him. So I won't take her but he's more than free to come talk to her. Nope. Not good enough for him. He even drove past our house once and didn't stop to try and talk to our 14 year old. I have been patient with him for 13 years then he opened a case against me a year ago now trying to get custody. He stands no chance based off his own actions towards our child, his violent nature, drug use and sales, etc. I could go on for days in what I've learned in the last year since he pathologically lied to me and about me for 14 years I've found out in the last year. I've given him everything he ever wanted. Every weekend when he got every other in the papers, extra holidays, even some mother's days. I think the saddest part is for a parent who has had their child every weekend for 13 years doesn't have a clue who their child is. I have still kept my cool even with everything I've learned in the last year and I've been the new target for the last year because he can't take it in that his own child is the one severing their relationship. So of course I've brainwashed her along with everyone he couldn't conquer. I've tried very hard to be there for him and tried to get him to get help but to absolutely *no* *avail* . I've offered counseling for all of us, or just the two of them, every Wed an open door, and he's supposed to pick her up every other Fri. We have not seen him in over a year now after *one* counseling session with our child and the therapist. Our child told him she didn't want to see him anymore and she was afraid of him. After the therapy appt I asked what they were going to do and our 14 yr old refused to go telling him in front of me then as well that she wasn't going anymore and she was afraid of him. He just started screaming at our child to get in the damn truck over and over while our child backed up and her hands started shaking. That's when I finally told our child to get into our car and we left after he told me I was having a child fight my battles for me. It's multiple times now that our 14 year old has told him. He still refuses to believe it or take any responsibility for what he's done. I've read books on BPD, NPD, everything I can and most say (and I agree) it's best for your health to end the relationship. If you're the parent of someone with the condition obviously you keep it up. But in our case I think it's best to let him fade off when he gives up because neither of us will bend to his will and controlling behavior. He brought the case into court but refuses to pay for the things he needs to fight the case, such as the custody evaluator. If it's not his way it's no way. I will do what it takes to protect my child. I understand this is a serious disorder but he absolutely *refuses* help. I think this video should be for family members dealing with a BPD personality in their family only. Because anyone who has to rewire themselves to walk on eggshells to have a relationship with someone like this is not ok to me. If they want to accept treatment then I think that is different. But if they don't all you're doing is changing yourself to keep them in your life and possibly encouraging their lying to cut corners through their mind because it's easier for them and the way their brain works. And remember, dealing with one like I've got they can just pathologically lie about whatever they want and believe it. I feel for those of you suffering with this frustrating disorder, but it seems to me most of you suffering from this condition in the comments understand what you're up against and are trying to seek help and for that I absolutely congratulate you! Seriously and with all my heart, congratulations you've gotten beyond the denile. I pray frequently my ex husband will eventually step out of denile and get help. But no matter how solid the evidence put before him, he refuses and gets furious. I've known him since 4th grade as well. So I know his childhood and all. I just wish he would try, but as far as our 14 year old goes, unfortunately I think it is way too late. 😕 😢 Namasté to all of you and I hope your lives will be very happy ones. ✌ 💞
Ma’am with all due respect, I have has the similarities of your situation and I can absolutely tell you that your ex does not have bpd but is a narcissist and a bipolar same as my ex husband who is a pathological liar and same as you I did not find out until we finally divorced that he was cheating and lying to me our whole marriage of 7 years. It’s always his way or the highway and always making me to be the bad guy. He also does the same thing to our son. My son loves him but he says he will never live with his father.
@@ivybacani9287 I don't know what's with the "all due respect" and internet diagnosis of someone you've literally never met, but my ex husband was *_professionally_* diagnosed in a psychiatric ward. He was held for 30 days. I think they would know better than a stranger on TH-cam. But your allowed your opinions. Our daughter didn't speak to him for 3 years by her choice. She finally has mended their relationship and I'm glad to say they have a great relationship now. Not that she'd want to live with him, like your son, because she knows he will always have the capacity to revert back to his way or no way. But at least she's happy with what they do have. She's a fighter and has done the work to keep herself emotionally healthy and not abusing drugs or alcohol to cope with her anxiety disorder and PTSD (professionally diagnosed, again). So with all due respect to your right to your opinion, I'd have to give it to the professionals. I've known this man since he was in 4th grade. So he wasn't a later in life relationship. He has his demons to deal with as we all do, like your ex does. Some are just more devious unfortunately for the sufferers. I'm sure we have way more in common than not, but I'm not sure why you'd approach me in such a manner. Which reminds me, in a day in age where people are so quick to diagnose other's, especially internet diagnose, is your ex husband you speak of professionally diagnosed or is this your opinion again? One of the things that bothers me most in this world right now is people doing just that, diagnosing other's with no professional expertise in the field. These are serious disorders we're speaking about that people throw around all too casually these days. Smh... So who diagnosed your ex husband?
The hard part is, how do you deal with a,family member who has this and possibly other mental disorders, but they won't admit it and they won't get help? What do you do if they insist that everyone else has the problem and they are just fine?
+hothamandfauri If you are ragging on someone to force them admit they have bpd.. you're never going to accomplish anything. They need to discover it for themselves. Admitting it won't help until they actually talk to a professional and are diagnosed, YOU CAN NOT DIAGNOSE THEM and they shouldnt diagnose themselves.
I am not even exactly sure why at this moment - but I have two tears running down my face. I have been a Psychology student in both my college and personal life for many years and never have I felt so drawn into a "lecture" on any of the topics studied. You have a real talent for getting your point across, and if your pain was not real in this video it certainly felt like it was. Thank you for your contribution to Psychology.
Bas.....you are well versed in this Subject. 1. Detached protector 2. Abandoned/abused child (can't find the solution to his problems) 3. Angry/Impulsive child (fighting against punitive parent, could lead to bad things) 4. The punitive Parent (in conflict with the child, not allowed to express feelings, looser, i am a failure) 5. The healthy Adult Staying in control.... Good work Man!
I came looking for people hating on BPD and it's abuse. I have it and came to see how people around me feel. Because I hate how I treat them. This.... was about support. Why is this not treated like NPD? I thought it would be. *about to cry*
I have been diagnosed with bpd. I usually try my best to be emotional. Too afraid I would blow up. When I blow up I look like an idiot and the next day I'm very exhausted. My brothers and sisters don't show emotions either. We have been accused by others for being a hard read.
@@racheldiederich838 I agree in some ways because I’m the only one in the family who is very expressive in emotion and has BPD, everyone else is very very neutral and stable all day. I feel like I can stick out when I feel something a lot and usually remove myself. It’s not been something in my childhood to be very angry together or see each other cry a lot. There’s this distance where I can’t fully express myself and I think that contributed to being a quiet BPD type.
You are definately the most high functioning self aware guy I know - this was thoughtful and amazing. I am dating a wonderful boy with BPD and this is so helpful. I am going to try and find the schema book - to realise crystalize all this information. This video is a really good introduction/summary.
I know what you are trying to say. When I took too long coming home from town he used to say "Where were you? I felt abandoned!" He actually had panic attacks that I would leave him. I often felt like that too. It doesn't mean that you are a child, but there is a part of you that is a child, a part that refused/couldn't grow up. This is very hard to explain to people, and I could fit pages with trying to explain it. My father's girlfriend phoned me up angry after I was the 3rd time in hospital because of borderline related issues (plus the suicide of the man that I loved more than all the words in the world can say), and told me that it's all in my head and I just need to pull myself together. I replied that my head is exactly the problem, and I would love to see her giving that speech to the other patients in the hospital. Once I'll get over the death of my boyfriend, I have to learn to appreciate life again. He was the love of my life and died in my arms. That was in March, just a few months ago. I need time to get over this like everybody would. It is possible to feel abandoned, it's like a horrible, irrational fear of being left alone forever by the person you love most, almost like an animal that waits for a human to come back from the shops, not sure if he will ever come back, even though it should know that all is ok. It's a horrific feeling, and I can't just switch it offa
I am a BPD and I make sure my mates know to avoid people with BPD!!!! They are dangerously toxic they DO manipulate you in the sense that they are usually loveable. Real deep emotional thinkers but they have the potential to ruin your day and ruin your life. Ive tamed my urge Ive tamed that side of me but my emotions and personality is always gonna be fractured. I have the potential to hurt and manipulate, I choose not to but Ive had years of training of self discipline. The only way that we learn is if you look after yourself (something that borderlines do not know how to do btw) if they hurt you get rid of them! Dont enable them look after yourselves.
Thank You for doing this video....Everybody has a hard time explaining this! Some videos are horrible pics with sad music. Docs saying we are dangerous ! Fantastik
This video was so refreshing! My loved one has BPD. I try to be as supportive and understanding as possible, but any time I assert myself with her, she pulls away. No matter how gently and reassuringly I do so. I’m exhausted from the push/pull and seldom feeling heard and understood. She comes and goes so much that I never know if she’s splitting or just needs space. We loved ones are grateful for every bit of insight that those with BPD provide.
This video so awesome, thank you!! It allows me to understand my constant internal conflict ...punitive parent ...impulsive angry child fighting back and forth and back and forth omg it's a constant struggle to get anything done I always feel out of control!
My daughter has mild to moderate BPD. The DBT classes helped and regular counseling helps also. But she has done neither in months. It can be extremely challenging and depressing at times to live with a person like this. You love them so much, but they distance themselves from you and you feel like you have to walk on egg shells every day. Today is a bad day. This week is a bad week. Will just have to ride the wave and hope next week is better. But it truly is hell.
as a matter of fact.... get ur kid out of counseling, quit acting like she's the problem, and how bout u go get help? mild to moderate? but hard to deal with? ur weak... and ur making ur kid think her issue is bigger than it is. Which is probly nothing but ur inability to deal.... and so u make her feel more and more like she is the issue... cause ur too blind to fix urself, cause u can't realize that people are different, and ur expecting too much of ur kid.... and ur fucking her over.
we don't show our emotions because I feel like if I really show my emotions I will break the boundary like when a werewolf sees a moon ,and plus,no one wants to know my thoughts and emotions I believe,my true thoughts are dark and not funny at all even I don't want to know my feelings.
People with BPD suffer from mood swings and black and white thinking (and many other troubling symptoms) so it is really difficult for people suffering from this disorder and also for their loved ones. Thank you for making this video and sharing vital information about BPD.
Thank you so much for helping me understand what goes through my mind. I was tearing up while watching this video because I finally feel free. I now know that I'm not a horrible person for being so X & Y with my emotions, it's a mental illness. I'm not alone. I beyond grateful for the time, effort, and education you put into this video. I need to make an appointment to see my Dr. ASAP.
I have some of these issues, but I am skeptical of all these ready-made diagnoses and labels. We all have these tendencies in varying degrees, and the idea that you have a "disorder" when you pass some arbitrary threshold is dangerous. I would caution people not to jump into these labels, and to question any diagnosis given by a professional. Also be aware that some physiological diseases like Lyme Disease can cause extreme mood and behavioral problems.
+baconlatte The wisest comment I've read so far. I couldn't have put it better myself. It's all about getting insurance to cover therapy, in my opinion, but it ends up messing up a lot of people.
(I'm 17) I probably don't have BPD and I most likely am just being a hypochondriac but I have huge mood swings, one minute I will be talking with my parents completely fine and the next they will say something that makes me a bit angry and I will completely over react and flip, I hate being angry, especially with my parents so this leads to me being upset and getting even more angry with myself usually resulting in a panic attack meaning I need time to calm down, in this time all I can think about is 'there's something wrong with me' 'why am I so weird' 'why can't I just be fucking normal' generally leading to a great deal of self loathing. This can happen unexpectedly too, I don't even have to be angry I will just go into my room, catch myself in the mirror and hate the way I look, this tends to happen at college too when I'll see someone who is gorgeous or something and it will just get me really down instantly. I struggle with being seen as equal and I always feel 2nd best, like there is always someone better than me and more important than me and it just make me feel so fucking shitty.... all of this can happen and then soon after I will be fine again and laughing and joking ect... as I said it's probably just my age and me being a hypochondriac but I hate it!
i luv that u are so aware of the implications of your age. U are a super intellectual person. Thus the issues u are having. Your ahead of the game. I guarantee u that, i can read right through to ur intelligence form ur comment. Any how >... I read your message, and I remember being your age. And I hear what you are saying. We all hate the way we look, this is normal.... We all feel like we are not good enough. This is just human nature. It leads to relationship issues, and divorce, and suicides. The main thing I can recommend to u is to find happiness in anything, and any way u can. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down... But i remind u ... arent' the moments of being, and feelign on top, and laughter and such... worth it? I have been told i'm bipolar. But u know what? We all came form a line of genetic material from the past, and we don't get to choose who we are... but here we are and we made it thus far. All we can do is find some type of happiness, wether it falls on us or we take it, we are all different in how we find it.... Relax.... And always remember..... We can all be better, and we are all 2nd best. :)
I was like that at 17. I have boderline and I always thought I wasnt normal. It's good to catch when you're young so it doesn't ruin your life. Also, if u do have bpd, I recommend not drinking or doing drugs. They regulate your intense emotions and make you feel "normal", but at great cost.
Very good way of showing a healthy way to talk to borderline people. The only thing i think people Who dont have borderline should be aware of is that these people is not your responsibility to save these people.. Even with the right tools the conversations can be very hard. Even professional struggle with borderlines.. Many people often feel the need to save them and gets so emotionally attached and become a victim and gets a trauma. Bpds can also be very dangorous so i think its important for people to understand its almost always best to just walk away.. I do understand you should very gentle dealing with borderlines BUT what about everyone else around.. Its unethical to not warn about their narcisistic side.
ABSOLUTELY TRUE...thanks for sharing...I've been going through this for 30 years. After all the suffering and induced self-grudge, after repeating the scheme modes over and over again, at the umpteeth time that your life fucked up, I've become finally aware of dealing with this desorder that have many aspects in common with other kinds of disorder (like mood swings). It looks like you are the manipulative person, beacuse of the angry-impulsive asset. In reality, you end up with letting people and bad behaviours take control of you, seeking for constant approval and neglecting your inner emotions, feelings, needs and thoughts, like your parents did most of the time. You develop anxiety-preoccupied attachment style (shifting from dependent to avoidant), your vision of life tends toward pessimism, insecurity about your identity and qualities, lack of hope and fullness. This sense of deep void and this sort of "sabotage" voice are your natural companions...But I'd like to face and try to overcome that (also by theraphy), beacuse I just want it to stop ruining and wasting my life! Ps. Miss Riley, you're right. You're the other side of the moon =)
What are you laughing at? A man who obviously speaks English as a second or third language? Trying to help people with a disorder that is almost unheard of. Go laugh at fatal car crashes. This is a place where people want to learn about themselves and their loved ones.
Sam O'd wow you're spot on, I do laugh at fatal car crashes, beheadings, cartel murders and suicides because lets face it, they are just too funny....., I admire that he is bi/tri/multi-lingual, I am unbelievably sorry if my fleeting moment of slight amusement offended you...., BPD Is well known by those with interest in psychology, in fact it is one of the better known personality disorders, perhaps you and/or your family members should seek help if they suffer from a disorder I would advise they seek help from a professional. btw im currently studying psychology.
frontal labotomy So tell me, I have a fairly decent understanding of psychology ... how did you find out about schema therapy? Perhaps you would be willing to share some of your resources with me. I only discovered it recently and am fascinated by the amazing success a small group of psychologists in California have had. Someone very near to me suffers from Narcissitic Personality Disorder which most professionals won't even touch. Anything you can provide would most appreciated.
kafkaesque I never mentioned schema therapy, he is just describing schema's and acting out what they look like, I'm not very trained yet I start my first case study in a fort night, I have a friend with BPD and I tried to use a few techniques to improve her mind set and the way she related to people but the second she started showing signs of improvement she just relapsed, personality disorders are very stubborn. I feel you are giving far too much praise to this small group of psychologists, what proof do you have of their success? how old is this person with NPD? i'll try and give you some advice
You aren't studying psychology, you are taking the seat of someone who deserves to be. FYI don't get into the field. People with your sense of humour (sadistic) are picked out by the patients before the nurses have a chance to talk to you. I know. I'm one of them
I had much sadness about the wife of a good friend who experienced an unstable relationship with her dad and they married early. My friend was often absent due to work and during those periods she had no internal resources; she was intensely lonely and turned to addictive behavior and eventually became increasingly abusive toward her husband. She hid it magnificently so that no-one saw her over-compensating behaviour when there was an audience. Eventually they divorced and he took all this on himself and in turn had a mid-life breakdown. He found in his next marriage a stable haven and before he died had 17 yrs of good boundaries and adult love and commitment. There was no-one to blame and on one level he never stopped loving her. It was so sad for both of them and he made a new life but she wasn't able. My heart goes out to her.
My God-this was like watching myself. I am convinced that my personality was not allowed to emerge and was stolen from me in childhood. No matter what I said, or did, I was always punished, struck, or mocked. This was constant. (I bit my nails until they bled, pulled out my eyelashes, eyebrows and hair, picked at myself and constantly bit off skin inside my mouth. I was a nervous wreck. (A lot like a little bird in a cage pulling off feathers) I was never guided or taught, but was constantly on my mother's and grandmother's radar. Every breath was monitored. As I grew older I would "rehearse" scenarios and situations that I thought might happen to me in the future and think about how I would respond. The more I tried to be a good person and say the right thing, the more inappropriate I became. I was corrected and put down emotionally and physically. I grew up not knowing anything about myself, always looking to find someone I could copy, and always feeling i was outside of life events until i decided to take action-which came across as acting out. I just always wanted to be ok and fit in, but never did.
Uhm, i thought that i had this dissorder but maybe i don't... Generally, when someone asks me how i feel and i'm angry at the person who is asking i just don't answer, i look the other way and get angry about the fact that they're asking me how i feel, i think they are just faking, i think they are just asking to get out of the situation, i get angry at them and wish them death, i feel a complete lack of empathy, i don't answer and when a lot of time passes and i feel that i have to answer or we are just gonna sit there discussing all day, i tell them how i feel or lie about it if the reason of my anger is unjustified, and then everything it's ''okay''. Or if they don't ask me how i feel i get even angrier. That's something that happened a lot with my boyfriend. Yes i'm a really cruel person but at the same time i feel like i'm normal, even if i don't feel much empathy, i truly care for people sometimes. But when i'm bad i'm really bad. If somebody knows what i might have please tell me and excuse my poor english
missbkwards2 Everyone deals with borderline differently. Dissociation comes along with Borderline since the emotions are so intense Post traumatic tress occurs often which draws to dissociation. From time to time I deal with depersonalization. My emotions become very disconnected from my emotions and I am very aloof. I can't feel empathy or receive it. I thought I was anti-social for a while but I am not. I just suppress any emotion that triggered any anxiety defense mechanism without me knowing. ( fear of connecting) Which draws to abandonment even when it's not there. However, you could possibly be in fact anti social (sociopath) because it usually does go hand in hand with borderline. But I honestly think the traits are mistaken for depersonalization ... Also People with borderline think they are evil. Anti-social don't care because they simply do not understand society on a empathy scale. They truly believe they are the fittest therefor they can not experience anxiety. Which leads to not giving a flying fuck.
missbkwards2 Yes I think this is more how the person I have a relationship with acts as well. They will totally stop talking to me when they get in that angry stage sometimes for days on end. And they always feel they are in the right and that there is nothing wrong with them although they will admit there is at other times. But yes they tell me the thoughts in their head are really REALLY bad like they wish people dead and stuff when they are in this state.
Bazeef Bazeef oh, i'm sorry to hear that :( yes i sometimes think those things, for example i had been in a rough situation with my boyfriend some weeks ago, we had broken up and we both have been seing other people, i was really liking the other guy i was going with, but when i found out my ex had another relationship i went to his house and waited for him to come back because i knew he was at a party, and my mindset was that someone, either me, he, or his new girl was gonna end up dead. I was seriously thinking of killing one of them or myself. Of course i was exaggerating, i'm back with my boyfriend now and i'm really trying hard to be normal and have a normal relationship but i know it's gonna be very hard.
I have it and am 46 and male. I know it affects girls differently in some respects, especially self harm I think imo the extra dimension of expectations to look a certain way in society these days, which is particularly shallow and sad. I see the acts or traits as a diversion from the inner experience, as well as a defence mechanism. BPD people also have mu opioid receptor deficiencies, and acts stimulate an adrenaline rush that compensate for those produced which are lacking naturally. Also as an act of self punishment, which I understand completely, which only reinforces the negativity on many levels, albeit gives momentary relief. The good thing is that when you understand you have BPD learn about it and yourself it does get better the more you learn about the triggers and yourself. It begins with liking and loving who you are. It took me many years but it does come with maturity and experience. Dont give up, cos through those dark clouds comes the odd beam of light, and those beams with time will become more frequent, until they connect, and you look back with a eureka moment when you know you have cracked it, and look back knowing you have passed those terrible times. god bless all BPD peeps.xx
Description says: _"How to deal with people that have a borderline personality disorder."_ My thoughts: Burn all the bridges and blacklist them from your life forever?
I think my big sister had bpd from very young childhood and eventually it triggered mine. She would play with me for a while and suddenly say that she doesn't want to see me. As she got older she would get these intense moment of rage when she would throw things around the house and scream. I was always a quiet kind child and this traumatized me. Every single day she would terrorize our home and I couldn't do anything but stay in my room and pray it would be over. Eventually I got depressed and I shut down from the world. I wouldn't talk about my feelings and thoughts, no one cared about my feelings cause I wasn't loud like her. Now I'm seeing these BPD symptoms in me and her. She has the classical type and I have the silent type. The silent type is the same but you don't take your feelings out on people, you deal with them inside your head. My mood changes rapidly, I can't keep a realtionship even though I'm not mean to anyone. It's more that I don't even try to keep a friend because I'm scared of abandonment. I'm really lonely and sad, but I'm not mean to anyone. People tell me that I am really polite and kind, a bit quiet person actually. I have hard time processing all of this. But I guess it's about time. I'm ready to seek help and I hope I will get better. But please people, don't be so harsh on people with BPD . Everyone is different and no-one behaves in similiar ways. If someone treats you cruel you are allowed to be hurt but you can be above that 'calling them evil and tellin people to run away from BPD'-type of victim of BPD. These people are ill and need help but not hate or pity.
I have Borderline personality disorder and this helped me understand some things. 1. Don't judge myself too much. 2. Keep trusting my partner in the fact that he isnt leaving me all the time. 3. Be patient with myself and others.
dont ever date with someone who got borderline. Or you will get tru a living hell. Let those people liv their own life. Its not theyr fault they are like that. But its very very fuckin hard. Just stay away from then and you will be saved from depression and misluck in life.
+Mojos Bigstick BPD vs normal people is a matter of quantity, not quality, so it is entirely possible you engage in these things without having full-blown BPD.
You've been replying with hate to every single comment. Show us on the doll where the person with BPD hurt you. On the other hand, no... don't. You're the most unstable person I've seen in these comments.
Thank you SO MUCH for making this video, and for making BPD easier to understand, by doing it in a ‘real world’, ‘demonstrative’ way, I really feel that it has helped me to understand my adult Son better! He hasn’t contacted me at all in the last four months, and the last time he did send me a message, he said that he would NEVER contact me again! Every day, my heart is broken and crying for him, I am so sad without him in my life, but if he ever DOES contact me again, at least I now have a deeper understanding of his mental turmoil, thanks to your video, so a huge thank you.
This honestly helped me so much. I'm really trying to learn more about my disorder. This pretty much nailed it. After watching this I try to catch myself and see the difference of the way I communicate. It's really a big challenge. This really shed alot of light. Thanks again.
+anthropologeist If you would say this to me (I'm a borderline myself) you would be amazed by the amount of agression I would release on you. As I am thinking in black and white... you are defenitely on the dark side. Respect for all people who have a mental disease.
So that must be why there is a waiting list for people to do DBT in my area and why i have the most amazing CPN, psychologist, psychiatrist and therapists. Thanks for explaining so clearly, you obviously have done your research and know better than most. NOT !
Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds What an awful thing to say to someone. Seriously. The only one who seems to have anything wrong with them is you. Truly a nasty person.
I have too much to live for thank you but , if you have seriously come through your bpd Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds I suggest you now seek help with your disgusting and sick attitude. Troll someone else! veggiesaremurder Thank you x
OMG I´ve been trying to find information about how to deal with these feelings, weather I have BPD or not, and no therapist or doctor seem to comprehend the things I say that are wrong... and within minutes you helped me not only understand exactly what, how and when I feel the things I don´t know how to describe to the doctor, but how to engage a patient with the possibility of having this diagnose (because I work in mental health area). Besides you are a great actor too lol. Thanks for this video.
Thank you for this video. It has given me a good insight to my problems. I will be showing my family this video and hopefully it will help them to understand me more and help me recover one day.. The way you did the video was very good. Thank you so much.
![[Live สด] การออกรางวัลสลากกินแบ่งรัฐบาล งวดวันที่ 16 พฤศจิกายน 2567](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wPd7VFfWHIA/mqdefault.jpg)
I love how he hesitates before he answers a questions. I do the same thing, thinking what can I say to sound "normal"
Same
.. I know this too well ..
Ohh that's what's happening there. Thanks for sharing
Yes!
i'm like a landmine im antisocial till someone speeks to me then they learn EVERYTHING about me in about the span of a day.
ScRuBlOrD9 yep
this right here! this is me exactly
Same lol
Yup
Lol me too
Wow. This is why I avoid these conversations with anyone. They take so much out of me. I avoid my family because they make me feel too many emotions in a short period.
+GoNuts! my dad is fucking selfish and punative.
@GoNuts! no, it's not specific to bpd, but they do it a lot. But people without boderline do it too.
@An angel lol what
Really..? I remember saying "I could listen to you talk for hours" It feels great for someone who can't feel emotions easily..
@Bad Im sorry u feel that way.
You are so understanding and patient with the BPD person. I wish more people (and counselors) could understand and not judge or assume all borderlines are exactly the same attention seeking, manipulating, lying, and "awful" people... We aren't. I'm on the other end of the spectrum. I'm quiet, shy... I do have a very hard time opening up and revealing whats inside, how I'm feeling. I have intense emotions, but I don't display them. I wish more people could realize there are different manifestations of BPD. Thank you so much for this video, really helpful and compassionate.
I need some advice if you have a moment.
My best friend has BPD and jumps back and forth between wanting us to be roommates and saying she wants to end the friendship.
She's close to getting a new job, September. I had a birthday party recently and she decorated my desk, gave me gifts, and I gave her cards to express my graititude, but she seemed angry the whole time, and think she may have been hurt and jealous because of all my other friends being around. I had a birthday party, light and jovial, and she was crying. When I hugged her, she squeezed me so hard it was like she was squeezing the life from me.
Then just days ago, after two-years of friendship she accused me of being in love with her, lecherous, when I've never hit on her, asked for something more than friendship, only showed her I care and tried to be as generous with her and her son as she is with me.
I know she's pushing me away because she fears it's about to end when she leaves our workplace anyway, but it really hurts.
I don't know what to do when she withdraws. I don't know how to fix things.
I don't want to abandon or hurt her, even if she sometimes does this to me.
I understand she's going through something, and I'm not angry, I just want to help her.
Is there anything at all I can do apart from giving her some space?
I think she'll leave in a month and I fear she'll never speak to me again.
Thank you so much for your help!
Thanks, Ryan.
I recently gathered there are some NPD-like traits there too.
It seems too be an approach-avoid type relationship, and I go from being idealized, to devalued, and now, discarded.
I think you're probably right about her pattern.
From reading your comment I feel we both at the quiet end of BPD. I often envied the people who can act out instead of acting in (like I do). I'm annoyed at myself that I break down in tears when someone shouts and screams at me. I feel so weak and not fitting into this world because it feels like nobody can relate to my behaviour. And if I swallow all that anger and those insults down for a long time I'm able to freak out like a werewolf. It doesn't happen often, but it's scary when it does. Oh my God, it feels so good not to feel so alone with this condition! Every time you feel like you want to harm yourself or even worse: you are welcome to write me! Look for Lily Picta on Facebook. The 1st picture you'll see is my personal profile. The one below is my business page-wich I don't check anymore since my boyfriend died. People like us can get better, we just need support!
You may not have BPD. The quiet/shy BPD opposite would actually be someone with AvPD. People with AvPD tend to actually connect well at first with those with BPD and are good "matches", until the person with AvPD gets seriously and emotionally twisted. The reason why is that once they are together, the BPD gives the person with AvPD a feeling of fullness, a feeling of something they've been missing. A safe environment, etc. A lot of the feelings of depression, self hurt, self pain and fear, abandonment issues are all part of AvPD too, but they are shy/quiet as hell and tend to leave other people alone and not project their problems on others.
I'm just bringing this up because shy/quiet is everything someone with BPD isn't. Someone with BPD needs to temporarily fill an empty void and without that desperation kicks in. If you're desperate to find company, or to feel "needed", then you probably have BPD, if you are quiet/shy and just feel lonely, and self blame, you probably have AvPD. Someone with BPD needs to blame someone else hence the always on the lookout for attention or people to connect with.
I could seriously cry right now. Thank you so much for helping me understand what's going on in my head.
Better find a therapist so you can start your dialectical behavioral therapy, the only way to get better is to be consistent about the therapy be self aware get up after every slip and change your old habits, love yourself and be demonstrative about it. And after all this be patient, time will make this go away but it doesn't go away by itself, make your loved ones aware of this ill as of yours. And Whatever you do, don't seek alcohol to suppress this illness
I actually did cry, this video was so helpful.
Lazarus Nazareth - It's people like you who create nastiness in the world because you get away with being sarcastic and so-called "normal" and all the other "normals" can laugh along with you as you leave a trail of harm and couldn't care less. So-called BPDs are damaged. Damaged by the so-called "normals" who are just programmed followers. BPD is just another made up fake disorder created by the fake psychiatric profession. The world is run by evil people who damage and then make up a "disorder" for the damaged ones.
I had a friendship with a person with BPD. They would give me gifts of gadgets, which was helpful, but then they expected me to use those gadgets all the time, and if they thought I was not, would get offended. There was an expectation that I should, and others, should 're-parent' them. There were generally very high expectations of attention from other people, and when people were too busy to give this offence was taken. Also a tendency to out-stay a welcome when visiting, and be reluctant to go home. This behaviour drives friends away, so the BPD person becomes lonely until they modify their behaviour.
I wish the best for u I hope u get through this honey
Oh god. *buries face in hands*
I feel like I'm watching myself.
"Oh, you're gonna cry now?"
My gf has BPD and yes our relationship is stormy. I'm here to educate myself more about it,how to deal with it and what i can do to help my gf. Sometimes it's just too much that I'm hurting but i always try to be more understanding as long as i can.I asked advises to some people and all they told me is that i should run far far away for my sanity.I really do care and love her.& I know my gf loves me so much and I ain't going to leave her.I really want to help her,I told her to get a treatments because that's for her own good.That's why i need more understanding about BPD.
I think that reassuring her that you're not leaving would probably go a long way, even when you think you've said it enough, or too recently. That's all I want from someone, anyone in my life, and if I ask my husband... well, he's a good sport, but he gets annoyed and doesn't understand. I think if you put it in terms of not wanting to leave her, because you love her as she is, then sneaking in a story, even that you read, of someone who's been treated and is doing better might work, or if you could show her articles that come to some sort of consensus that isn't, "blah blah blah, toxic person, narcissism, blah blah blah," it will probably go a long way, just before another "I'm not leaving you," for good measure. Honestly, that's such a commonly huge and deep-rooted fear in BPD land. Also, maybe a, "hey, I'm trying to be a good bf, and I do x, y, and z, and it would really make me happy if you'd talk to this therapist my friend/ family member sees and highly recommends (last part only if applicable, of course!)," might work too, even if you have to offer to go with her, with a reason like wanting to make your relationship stay good and last a very long time. I'm not advocating deception here, just a framing in a very sensitive, handling with kid gloves way. I'm no expert, just someone who probably suffers, and has had a psychologist agree it's a rather strong possibility, and who has done a little bit of research. It's how I would want to hear it. I'm the one begging to go to therapy in my relationship, and my husband is like, "Naw, waste of time and money," lol, but if our roles were reversed, it's how I'd want to be approached, and I've been a card-carrying girl for blah, I can't do math for the time I've actually had a card that said that, but yeah... as soon as I got my license to drive my first dinosaur! Good luck! I really hope everything works out for you. You seem like a really good man.
We people who suffer from this have a very difficult time trusting anybody. We've been rejected so many times from friends when they find out about our illness. If she tells you she trusts you, believe her. I am usually very loving towards my husband and children and that's it. He was like you at the beginning, got educated on this illness and we've been married for 31yrs. He knows how to speak to me without me feeling like it's an attack. Btw, people are so ignorant. I've never harmed or even yelled at my children who are now all professionals. My husband is a saint and I treat him as such. Please, don't just abandon her like an ignorant person just replied. Everybody has something. We just have a label for ours. Good luck bud. One thing about us...if you've earned our trust, you've got it for life.
You sure nailed it! Exactly what I told him and I've had this illness for 30yrs. It's something I have but its not the whole of me. I'm way more than this fucking illness.
i so wish i had someone like u ma'am, high respet to u. we need more love and care then normal people, we r loving n kind. people out there dont know how it feels to be a bpd. thankyou so much for bringing a smile on my face n tears in my eye, i feel happy.
please never give up on her..she can get better believe me..Just try hard to get into her head..get to know her like you're a part of her. Study her.
I have BPD. I usually control my ANGER and WEAR a SMILE mask just to let people know that I am strong even though I am not. Well I have to SMILE anyway :)
I keep smiling too, for the same reasons. From my own experience it only goes well for so long. The anger is like yeast dough: it will force it's way out somewhere, somehow. I don't have the ultimate answer, but it might be a good idea to learn to direct the anger to the right adress, even if it means to go to a few therapies, like CBT and DBT. That's what I'm going to do. I hope you will get well soon!!! Lily X
Only if I'm around people and engaged can I do that. I tend to be happy and sweet. Then if I let someone in, all the true emotions show. The second they do anything i perceive as they are against me, I feel so betrayed. I have gotten so hurt and angry I would have killed them. I honestly would have killed them. I was so close to killing them. I almost ruined their car. Almost slashed their tires. Almost did horrible things.
I walked away. I left. For the safety of everyone and everything. I left. If I saw them tomorrow, though.... I'd kill them.
Pretending everything is okay is so draining. I agree with Lily. The longer you pretend, the more violent the outbursts can become.
Whyntir really? If these people did wrong did you never make up then?
Whyntir did you go in therapy to solve this problem? It sounds nasty.
@What i want? Can you see the hypocrisy in that? If they can’t control anything then how would they know what they’re doing? They are absolutely not in control during an outburst. And then they’re full of intolerable shame afterwards..
My sister drove out into the desert and shot herself in the head last June. Thank you for providing this kind of education. I wish that I had had the kind of tools that you present.
I viewed her as someone who was loving and close to me most of my life then suddenly acted as though she hated me for no reason that I could see. She seemed random and cruel. All of our interactions were painful for me. I did the opposite of what I wish I had...I said "Call me when you can be a better sister. Until then you are dead to me."
If I had understood, I would have been more loving.
I am forever changed.
I said something similar to my grandmother two weeks before she died, She grieved herself to death from my aunts murder the year before she herself died. God knows I wish I could have taken those words back. We have to be careful; of the words we speak because death and life lies in the power of our tongues.
coreycox2345 so so sorry for your loss I have borderline personality disorder it’s a hard thing to live with I feel for you and your family
EmpressBeauty
She just described how she wishes she could take back what she said to her grandma. Now that she has more insight she realizes how words can be hurtful and to be mindful of our words. She clearly has regret. Have some empathy.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Im so sorry for your lost
Very informative and interesting, but the BPDs I've dealt with were never this cooperative to talk so much about their feelings, no matter how interested or neutral you might seem to them. They would respond with like "why are you asking me all these things I don't want to talk about?".
Exactly! It was impossible to talk to my ex-gf about ANYTHING that was related to herself. She either said everything was fine, she didn't want to talk about it, or she would get angry and accuse me of criticizing her all the time. All I was trying to do was be close to her and understand.
BadReligion417 that is exactly what I experience. And he stayes angry for three days or so. I want him To move out of the house, but it seems like it’s gonna be a long and tirering road... He doesn’t want to get help. He’s angry a lot. And we have a child...
I hate being asked not because I don’t want to show about me but because it seems not sincere..or care about me
That you know of 🤭
Cathay Lee that’s part of the disorder.
I have BPD but mine doesn't manifest like this. I DO have mood swings but it usually isn't in one conversation can usually stay stable or in one mood for about a minute up to an hour without change but I change a lot in a day unless I am numb then those days I don't change at all.
Underwoodish I understand this all to well
I think people change a lot more when confronted or dealing with a lot of emotions like in therapy
Same mines usually like that on my normal days but if something happens or I start getting asked questions about my feelings especially with a feeling like your being interrogated about your own thoughts and feelings rather than being listened too
Can we talk?
The only problem listning to someone with BPD is that what they say cant be trusted. What is true and what is a lie?? Becuse a honest conversations from someone with BPD? Never gonna happen. Never
I can't believe how only 2% of the world suffers from this...I get to be that lucky 2% :(
Well, I guess bullies, rapists, freeloaders, addicts, are still there and don't fall into the BDP group. So it's like the world is not something perfect with a 2% of BDP people.
NeitouSama me too
Im in the same boat took 3 quarters of my life an over 15 psychologist and psychiatrist to diagnose me an over a hand full of hospitols
Its more like curse
@@iamyourimpossible addicts do fall in bpd
im borderline happy and im borderline sad
im borderline good and im bordeline baad
you almost got it. proof read before you type art like this.
I love that song so much
Borderline by Tove stryke
Nice one :))
Lmao
This is a gold mine, thanks for making BPD awareness! I'm a BPD patient, also a doctor, and this is so accurate, congrats!
Wow, that's awesome! Go you! If you can become a doctor with an obstacle like this in your way, you can do pretty much anything, and I admire that so much! Rawr!
Karla Lopez YOUR A DOCTOR???? Wow im encouraged now.
you people are so mean
Wow a bpd doctor, you give me and others like us so much hope! You're awesome!
Thats so encouraging! I want to be a nurse! God bless you❤
i haven't been diagnosed professionally but i am pretty certain that i have bpd and have been doing lots of research on it. this video helped me understand this disorder better than anything else. thank you for making this.
+Rayan Zahrani i will once i actually have money
+Rayan Zahrani
Your an ASS
Rayan Zahrani
Oh wow. In a perfect world, everyone would have access to mental health care. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. Especially if you're from the United States. Besides, I'm sure OP knows where her mental health stands better than anyone...after all, she is the only one living in her mind (hopefully).
Now, unless you have something helpful to say, gtfo.
Edit: Type-o.
Hey! I'm sorry to hear you can't get yourself professionally diagnosed. But being aware of what's going on in your head is already a big step! I hit rock bottom because of this disorder and it really stagnates me in life. I'm finally getting treated and hope I'll be able to contribute to society again!
devin martin same here
Thank you so much for this video. I have been in a on and off again relationship for six and a half years with a girl with BPD. She told me in the beginning of relationship about her disorder. For the most part her disorder has not caused too much trouble in our relationship, but she has abandoned our relationship twice. I have done lots of research online about BPD but this video really hit home and really explained a lot as to what goes on in her head. Currently she broke up with me again last week, but I'm just going to be nice to her and patient and hopefully she'll return home soon. It's definitely not easy to date somebody with BPD, but I love her and I will never give up on her even if she chooses to give up on herself.
Thank you again for this video, it helped me out tremendously
Trust me... I'm stuck due to a decade + marriage, DO NOT GO BACK. Your life will go by and you'll be miserable but this behavior will NEVER end. You'll always be the bad guy no matter how good you'll be to her. No matter what you'll do it will always be your fault... RUN!!!!
Superbly done! Very interesting and informative. Thank you for taking the trouble to put this together.
This was incredible. I was finally diagnosed back in January after 15 years of really, really horrible behavior on my part. I crashed emotionally and fell into a pit of guilt and was ready for treatment. I did DBT classes and my psychotherapist has been wonderful at helping me understand that I can express emotions without lashing out at others and that I do not need others to validate my feelings for them to be valid. I am so much calmer now and able to see myself 'switching' as it happens and then I can start reigning it in. Treatment has saved my marriage and probably my life. I would urge anyone diagnosed as a Borderline to seek active treatment and be open minded and nonjudgmental about it. Listening to others is so very important and one of the things that I struggled with the most.
Hiya,vanishedleprecaun, are you still on improvement? I was wondering ,from your own experience do you think so called narcissists are really different from bpd? Arent they sharing dominions they could as well discard from their life, following this kind of therapy?
@@yasminabelkacemi7938 But no. I do not think personality disorders can be 'discarded'. Just managed.
@@UnfamousPlayers tx jesse. I didnt mean the personality disorder itself could be discarded, but "rages" for instance, or the manipulative bhaviour, violent behaviour towards the partner.
@yasminabelkacemi7938 self-awareness has to be achieved and it can be very painful when it hits a borderline. For me, it was like a bomb of guilt and shame going off. The pain of accepting responsibility for actions we justified previously could be one reason borderlines are hard to treat. But you have to want to get help. As soon as I had my diagnosis, (after about a month of just...disgust) I wanted to know what I needed to do to get 'better'. I had 7 out of 9 symptoms in the criteria so... not easy. And while it is NEVER an excuse, I can say for myself at least that I was not aware of my behavior and that it was wrong. It all made sense at the time.
Good luck to the people who have this unfortunate illness, may God help you all, and may God help my ex girlfriend who I loved so so much :( but broke me into tiny little pieces.
My boyfriend did the same when he jumped to conclusions, as usual. He did the worst thing you can do to someone with BPD: he abandoned me. For good. He just thought, "I'll abandon you before you can abandon me!", and just killed himself. It broke my heart into a million pieces. I would give anything to have him back, even though it was he'll sometimes. But the love was just as extreme.
Lily PictaBPD777 (starts chanting) jerry jerry jerry jerry jerry.
You are fantastic it’s so true,I think you’re video will help so much I support you x
This is to my wife Hayley Ashton
who has bpd,yeah there are some bumps in the road but she is truly a amazing person I am lucky to have married my best friend and the only true family I have The only true sadness I feel is she doesn’t see what I do and so many other people do in her,but no matter how hard or how angry we get I’m your safe place I love her deeply I no feelings can change but I need her to know I will always be at the bottom and will catch you
you will never have to be alone you are a remarkable woman I am prevailed to know forever my love xxx
i am currently diagnosed with BPD and in DBT Treatment. This video found to be ten times more illuminating and helpful than the slow, almost condescending pace at DBT. I am amazed to see a guy (sorry, that's my own warped perception based on experience with men talking) - surprised to see a man so genuinely caring...Thank you!
If you had BPD you'd have gotten angry and clicked off the video, let alone left a comment. FFS
Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds
Have you tried 137 grams of Thorazine? I think it may solve your problem.
how was your date with MAPR?
Helpful. I am just now understanding me. Its scary.
I am actually very surprised, because I feel like I've rarely ever expressed the anger inside me and generally therapists and doctors told me I'm not a "typical" borderline (which sounds harmful for others, sadly) but now that I think of it, it's probably mostly because I've been self harming so much that all the anger just went into it and I didn't have to lash out so much...
Self-harm does the same for me. If I hurt myself physically, I can hold back the anger a little longer.
Jigoku Chou This is me, entirely. I take my anger out on myself so I don't need to express that emotion as much.
Jigoku Chou same here self harm is best.. no drama with others
You probably have what’s called quiet or silent BPD. It’s where we don’t have that angry outbursts but instead internalize those angry feelings and project them at self.
I just discovered your videos. I wanted to thank you for sharing both your intellectual knowledge of BPD, but also the emotional knowledge, which arises from your personal experiences. I appreciate that you are helping me to understand myself and others, that you are giving me the practical tools to deal with BPD and an understanding of what is going on emotionally for the person trying to cope with BPD. I am a foster parent. Many of the children I care for have BPD and your videos provide me with methods to help them, communicate with them, and make my home a safer environment for everyone. Thank you!
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams..
this is the most accurate conversation with myself and my family can have. i'm only outward to my family but am inward in public and self harm and just beat myself down later alone. i can't imagine having a person close enough to me like a VERY long time boyfriend staying with me after seeing this side. im afraid to show me
I was diagnosed with BPD about a decade ago, and have not had any therapy or taken any medicine to pacify the variations of emotional intensity. While I feel deeply, on the outside it can be assumed that I care less. How does one go about being fully authentic without lashing the true depths of thought in the given moment? My intentions are not to hurt people which is why i lack expressing myself to others as i feel as though i myself is a burden.
I was diagnosed about 14 years ago and my only advice is take your meds, I never did for about ten years but now I do I feel a lot better! I still have bad bad days and I'll never be cured but look after yourself, take your meds! Also talking to ppl really helps me.
I don't do medications, I've just been dealing. As a person that is medication free i have found a very effective remedy but it calls for consistency which is meditation and affirmations. Because i am relatively sensitive in many facets, i am also very introspective which is the very reason as to why meditation appears to have worked well so far. I find it difficult to talk to people, 9 times out of ten what ever i express seems to be misconstrued or misunderstood. An introvert's way of life i suppose....
ArdentAmbrosia yep.... u are awesome. I totally agree with u. Sounds to me like your too smart..... :)
:)
Haha i thought it was me typing as i feel same as you and too am not taking any medication the professionals try and understand me and my story and you know, as i learn to feel and express more and more operating in faith as oppose to fear, that those around me genuinely love care and wanna be around me even for this moment, i am learning to re learn some unhealthy mindsets or unlock some fears and control by gods grace through Jesus Christ.
He's kinda cute.
Thinking the same 🙈
I believe so too, if only I could find myself a fittie for a run. 😉
He sounds so French (or something) too!! Lol 😍
You're cute 😊
That smirk at the end caught my attention! Lol
This is a remarkable representation. It actually made me cry. The punitive parent is so loud and critical in me and I'm sure is the biggest cause of my meltdowns (or arrival of my angry or abused child personas/faces).
You are so understanding. Wonderful effort. Sincere thanks.
I found your videos (and some others) browsing through the web trying to find answers to what I have been feeling for so many years. I was diagnosed with major depression about 10 years ago and they put me on Effexor, which I continue taking today. At the time, I was so confused that the diagnosis made sense to me, since I was feeling so sad, but it was short-lived! I understood later that my problem had to do with mood swings and personality-based disorders, but I still held on to the pills for fear of the sadness coming back. Now, I have found your videos (and others) and I clearly understand that what I suffer from is nothing else but BPD!!! I comply with 6 of the 9 traits you are supposed to have and I totally identify with everything you (and others on TH-cam) say!!! This has made me think about so many things about my past, present and how to face the future. Unfortunately, I live in a country where psychological treatments are very expensive so, that's totally out of the question. I must try to understand this by myself. This is why I THANK you so much for posting these videos. I am doing everything you guys say on the videos. I have even started doing the DBT myself!!! Too sad there might be more people in my country who are unaware of what they feel.... At least I am bilingual and I can understand what you guys say on your videos... I wish I could do more to help people here....but how could I? I still have BPD!!! Thanks!!!!!
im honestly so glad this video exists!! i now understand my disorder better and now how to talk with other people with bpd in a healthy and less passive aggressive way...thank you!!!
I was recently diagnosed BPD and I can't believe how accurately you described my symptoms, thank you for the insight and I'm going to pass this on to my family!
The original term is not "schema modes" but "transactional analysis" which describes the "parent, adult, child" triangle within each of us. They, the author's you mention, must have built upon the original theory, and work, of Eric Berne. You might want to check out the book, "Games People Play"... it's very interesting, and it's original.
Until I found out about BPD, I never understood how it was possible for me to feel like a cold, detached person who ignores their emotions and yet also an extremely irritable and impulsive person controlled by those emotions. It makes so much more sense to me now.
My daughter and I *need* to be alone for the episode to end. It can take seconds, but we need the person triggering the emotions to just go and leave us alone. As soon as the adrenaline's gone, we're bewilderingly fine, as if nothing happened. If the person/people will not stop "trying to reason with us", then it escalates very quickly into a survival mode and we say and do the craziest stuff and then don't remember it until someone brings it up. I never get psychotic except under severe stress, so please, no Brady chats, just give me my Time Out.
do you think you may possibly be projecting your emotions on your daughter?
if so... its an abusive relationship.
I don't think you guys understood what I said. And no, my daughter and I seperately are emotional people, though I have since cured myself through diet. There is no form of abuse going on; I'm feeling like you're not really understanding BPD. She gets really upset when something can't happen exactly the way she wants, for example, or when she thinks something's not fair, as another example. If anyone tries to talk to her to try and help calm her down, she goes into a state where she's completely losing it, doesn't understand what we're saying and needs to just calm down alone. Talking makes it much worse. Within seconds of being in her room, she's completely fine. It's a chemical snowball effect that gives her a runaway emotional response. I've been in that state a few times over the past couple of years, so I completely understand what's happening with her. I feel it's abusive to obsessively try and talk someone out of this state since it causes extreme distress. A time-out is the best answer since it is effective and does not cause harm. From first-hand experience, I can say that is what I used to want, and from second-hand experience, that is what my daughter responds to. We talk later at bedtime.
*separately
I do suspect narcissism, but that's controversial because she just turned nine. I don't like to use labels, anyway; I would rather interact with her as a person. The dissociation insight is interesting; I think you're right. In a stressful situation, it used to feel like my otherwise useless memory (now healed and sharp again) would pull every single traumatic event I've had and attack me with them all at once, so I would shut down. Maybe that's what's happening with her. We've been in some bad situations that caused the damage to our amygdalas. We've learned and grown a lot and with diet and lifestyle modifications we're doing much better, but I do believe BPD is a PTSD, and I'm wondering if you know an effective way for a child to clear this trauma?
This girl I know that is my recent new BFF that I really liked confused the heck out of me and it was hard for me to figure her out. It wasn't I realized that she had BPD and when she told me about it, everything now makes sense the way how I think about her. This video was very helpful! I hope it will help me learn more, help her with her future, and make our friendship stronger.
Thanks for this vid. I was crying because that is my life. Especially the punitive parent lately. This gives me some hope I can be better to myself.
I mean no disrespect and I am not criticising BUT schema therapy is not the best therapy for BPD although there is a section in the course of therapy that focuses on interpersonal relating. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is a program that is multidisciplinay, skills based, and designed specifically for borderline personality disorder. Marsha Lineham is the therapist.
Yea DBT is normally the best treatment for someone who has BPD.
Thank you for sharing!
Dexter Pair i am currently diagnosed with BPD and in DBT Treatment. This video found to be ten times more illuminating and helpful than the slow, almost condescending pace at DBT. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your videos ! I finally realise: I'm not alone, I'm not crazy. There are so many misconceptions about BPD. Even my mother was breaking down in tears, finally understanding that I wasn't putting in a show. she as well as me realised: oh my God, that's you down to a T. I talked to my family, apologising, telling them that I never wanted to hurt anyone, and that I wasn't aware that my behaviour is so hard to understand for them. Your videos helped me and my family a lot! Thank you! Lily X
I have BPD and found your video very on point. The switch happens that fast and I often do not know which way to respond...Any of the 5 feelings can come out. It's a battle to keep the child hidden at all costs...yet still wanting help. I see the 5 different schemos in myself and thought they were accurately portrayed here. Well done! Nice to be understood!
I pray to God for the person with BPD and the family. This video brings me into being aware of importance of warmth,and love instead of punition in development of child hood Thank youtube for this video.
i have BPD and this is amazing thank you for making these videos, thankyou for sharing 💚💙💛ive liked and subscribed thankyou from Australia
THANKS FOR THIS... this is really helping me to understand what I am going through and have been going through for years now... I just have to find a therapist to treat me for this. My therapist is on bullshit. What I mean is the facility's policy that I currently attend is they do not diagnose or treat personality disorders. Yet she has told me off the record that she feels I have BPD. When I asked her for a referral to a therapist or facility that diagnoses and treats BPD she started feeding me a line about she didn't know if that would be good for me - if the services would overlap their services etc.
All I'm trying to do is get a definitive diagnosis as anyone else would who has any other disorder mental or physical. I want to continue general psychotherapy services with her and group therapy at the facility I am currently attending. I only want to go see a specialist for BPD treatment since she isn't allowed to do it.
I think she is looking out for the facility's purse and not my well being. I am so pissed but I remained calm as she told me this. She asked me several times why I wanted to have an actual diagnosis. I was like to myself what don't you understand about what I am saying to you? She told me she will let me know if she feels this will be good for me and will give me her answer next week. I may be forced to either stay there and not get proper treatment for this or leave the facility to see a specialist and leave all of my friends at the facility that I've made in group. Frustrated...
+Talako (Gray Eagle In The Sky) have you asked your doctor to refer you to an Occupational Therapist? It may be helpful
glitters73
No, I haven't. Can you tell me exactly how an Occupational Therapist would be able to help my specific situation? Thanks.
*****
thanks for your insight. I don't feel stigmatized in any way by the potential diagnosis. Just relief to finally get a name and an accurate description to what I have been experiencing for years... I want a clinical psychologist to do the treatment. In my brief experience with them they seem to be much more highly trained and diverse in psychotherapy methods than the Licensed Clinical Social Workers I've dealt with in the past. There seemed to me there were marked limitations with them although they were very knowledgeable. Can you expound on that in any detail? Thanks so much!
*****
thanks so much!
+motchka Linehan's work as well as several others - have been paramount in my healing in bpd.
My sister suffers from BPD and she is very frustrating to deal with. She has gone through hundred's of thousands of dollars and claims she has no idea where it went. She is also self destructive and incredibly naïve. This causes her to trust people she barely knows and then be victimized. This video is helpful in dealing with such behavior.
I watched this video and I wanted to tell you i found this one of the most helpful videos for practical help for family members I have watched. Great Job on communicating this to the world. You have overcome, and are helping others! KUDOS!! More please ;)
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences with us. Your honesty is much appreciated...
All this time I just thought it was just depression.... Now i'm confused...
Is it possible that there is a physical problem causing the depression?
The diagnostic protocol is supposed to begin by ruling out underlying causes such as chronic infection, hormonal imbalance, injury, chemical dependence or toxicity. All too often a diagnosis is given on the basis of a very short interview, and the possibility of a physical problem isn't addressed.
***** I'll give you a great big whopping Doy! You haven't got a clue.
Another brainless troll chases my comments around. How extraordinary. Blocked!
You also see these syntoms in depression, PTSD and anxciety as well. Maby also bipolar.. And if you have borderline you probably wouldnt ask your self if you have borderline.
this was very good the girl I'm dealing with has this disorder. and for years I thought she had issues. but now fully understand. that sounds like a lot of work just to have a simple conversation
I got diagnosed today at the age of 25 and probably have been dealing with this since I was a little kid, and it explains so much about why I have been doing the things Ive been doing and feeling the way I feel all the time. I was encouraged to read and watch as much stuff about it as I could to understand it. And this was the first video I watched and I sent it to my mom. Thank you for making this
It's difficult to be with someone with any disorder if they aren't getting the help they need. If you are suffering, get help, you won't believe me but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You deserve to heal. You deserve to be happy. You're going to be okay.
This is much easier said than done. Especially in the case of my ex husband of 14 years. Who has BPD, NPD, ASPD with psychopathic traits. No matter how empathic, compassionate, or understanding I try to be with him he projects his entire world onto me. I'm an evil drug addict who denies his parent time. The truth is he is that in his own eyes and denies himself parent time. I've extended an open invitation for over a year and he hasn't come to see her because he wants the power of making me drop her off to him. But it's receiving parent pick up and she's terrified of him. So I won't take her but he's more than free to come talk to her. Nope. Not good enough for him.
He even drove past our house once and didn't stop to try and talk to our 14 year old. I have been patient with him for 13 years then he opened a case against me a year ago now trying to get custody. He stands no chance based off his own actions towards our child, his violent nature, drug use and sales, etc. I could go on for days in what I've learned in the last year since he pathologically lied to me and about me for 14 years I've found out in the last year.
I've given him everything he ever wanted. Every weekend when he got every other in the papers, extra holidays, even some mother's days. I think the saddest part is for a parent who has had their child every weekend for 13 years doesn't have a clue who their child is. I have still kept my cool even with everything I've learned in the last year and I've been the new target for the last year because he can't take it in that his own child is the one severing their relationship.
So of course I've brainwashed her along with everyone he couldn't conquer. I've tried very hard to be there for him and tried to get him to get help but to absolutely *no* *avail* . I've offered counseling for all of us, or just the two of them, every Wed an open door, and he's supposed to pick her up every other Fri. We have not seen him in over a year now after *one* counseling session with our child and the therapist. Our child told him she didn't want to see him anymore and she was afraid of him. After the therapy appt I asked what they were going to do and our 14 yr old refused to go telling him in front of me then as well that she wasn't going anymore and she was afraid of him. He just started screaming at our child to get in the damn truck over and over while our child backed up and her hands started shaking. That's when I finally told our child to get into our car and we left after he told me I was having a child fight my battles for me.
It's multiple times now that our 14 year old has told him. He still refuses to believe it or take any responsibility for what he's done. I've read books on BPD, NPD, everything I can and most say (and I agree) it's best for your health to end the relationship. If you're the parent of someone with the condition obviously you keep it up. But in our case I think it's best to let him fade off when he gives up because neither of us will bend to his will and controlling behavior.
He brought the case into court but refuses to pay for the things he needs to fight the case, such as the custody evaluator. If it's not his way it's no way. I will do what it takes to protect my child. I understand this is a serious disorder but he absolutely *refuses* help. I think this video should be for family members dealing with a BPD personality in their family only. Because anyone who has to rewire themselves to walk on eggshells to have a relationship with someone like this is not ok to me.
If they want to accept treatment then I think that is different. But if they don't all you're doing is changing yourself to keep them in your life and possibly encouraging their lying to cut corners through their mind because it's easier for them and the way their brain works. And remember, dealing with one like I've got they can just pathologically lie about whatever they want and believe it. I feel for those of you suffering with this frustrating disorder, but it seems to me most of you suffering from this condition in the comments understand what you're up against and are trying to seek help and for that I absolutely congratulate you! Seriously and with all my heart, congratulations you've gotten beyond the denile.
I pray frequently my ex husband will eventually step out of denile and get help. But no matter how solid the evidence put before him, he refuses and gets furious. I've known him since 4th grade as well. So I know his childhood and all. I just wish he would try, but as far as our 14 year old goes, unfortunately I think it is way too late. 😕 😢
Namasté to all of you and I hope your lives will be very happy ones. ✌ 💞
Ma’am with all due respect, I have has the similarities of your situation and I can absolutely tell you that your ex does not have bpd but is a narcissist and a bipolar same as my ex husband who is a pathological liar and same as you I did not find out until we finally divorced that he was cheating and lying to me our whole marriage of 7 years. It’s always his way or the highway and always making me to be the bad guy. He also does the same thing to our son. My son loves him but he says he will never live with his father.
@@ivybacani9287 I don't know what's with the "all due respect" and internet diagnosis of someone you've literally never met, but my ex husband was *_professionally_* diagnosed in a psychiatric ward. He was held for 30 days. I think they would know better than a stranger on TH-cam. But your allowed your opinions.
Our daughter didn't speak to him for 3 years by her choice. She finally has mended their relationship and I'm glad to say they have a great relationship now. Not that she'd want to live with him, like your son, because she knows he will always have the capacity to revert back to his way or no way. But at least she's happy with what they do have. She's a fighter and has done the work to keep herself emotionally healthy and not abusing drugs or alcohol to cope with her anxiety disorder and PTSD (professionally diagnosed, again).
So with all due respect to your right to your opinion, I'd have to give it to the professionals. I've known this man since he was in 4th grade. So he wasn't a later in life relationship. He has his demons to deal with as we all do, like your ex does. Some are just more devious unfortunately for the sufferers.
I'm sure we have way more in common than not, but I'm not sure why you'd approach me in such a manner. Which reminds me, in a day in age where people are so quick to diagnose other's, especially internet diagnose, is your ex husband you speak of professionally diagnosed or is this your opinion again? One of the things that bothers me most in this world right now is people doing just that, diagnosing other's with no professional expertise in the field. These are serious disorders we're speaking about that people throw around all too casually these days. Smh... So who diagnosed your ex husband?
The hard part is, how do you deal with a,family member who has this and possibly other mental disorders, but they won't admit it and they won't get help? What do you do if they insist that everyone else has the problem and they are just fine?
+hothamandfauri If you are ragging on someone to force them admit they have bpd.. you're never going to accomplish anything. They need to discover it for themselves. Admitting it won't help until they actually talk to a professional and are diagnosed, YOU CAN NOT DIAGNOSE THEM and they shouldnt diagnose themselves.
I hope you ran, quietly.
I have bpd. I find I open up more when others open up about their problems. It is kinda like a need to have that connection so they won't leave you.
I have borderline personality disorder sometimes I'm depressed then I'm happy then I'm nervpus
batack obama then angry and impulsive and the god dam cycle goes again
I am not even exactly sure why at this moment - but I have two tears running down my face. I have been a Psychology student in both my college and personal life for many years and never have I felt so drawn into a "lecture" on any of the topics studied. You have a real talent for getting your point across, and if your pain was not real in this video it certainly felt like it was. Thank you for your contribution to Psychology.
Bas.....you are well versed in this Subject.
1. Detached protector
2. Abandoned/abused child (can't find the solution to his problems)
3. Angry/Impulsive child (fighting against punitive parent, could lead to bad things)
4. The punitive Parent (in conflict with the child, not allowed to express feelings, looser, i am a failure)
5. The healthy Adult
Staying in control....
Good work Man!
I came looking for people hating on BPD and it's abuse. I have it and came to see how people around me feel. Because I hate how I treat them. This.... was about support. Why is this not treated like NPD? I thought it would be. *about to cry*
Very insightful video. Thank you for putting the time and thought into this
I have been diagnosed with bpd. I usually try my best to be emotional. Too afraid I would blow up. When I blow up I look like an idiot and the next day I'm very exhausted. My brothers and sisters don't show emotions either. We have been accused by others for being a hard read.
I mean to not show emotions
@@racheldiederich838 I agree in some ways because I’m the only one in the family who is very expressive in emotion and has BPD, everyone else is very very neutral and stable all day. I feel like I can stick out when I feel something a lot and usually remove myself. It’s not been something in my childhood to be very angry together or see each other cry a lot. There’s this distance where I can’t fully express myself and I think that contributed to being a quiet BPD type.
You are definately the most high functioning self aware guy I know - this was thoughtful and amazing. I am dating a wonderful boy with BPD and this is so helpful. I am going to try and find the schema book - to realise crystalize all this information. This video is a really good introduction/summary.
I know what you are trying to say. When I took too long coming home from town he used to say "Where were you? I felt abandoned!" He actually had panic attacks that I would leave him. I often felt like that too. It doesn't mean that you are a child, but there is a part of you that is a child, a part that refused/couldn't grow up. This is very hard to explain to people, and I could fit pages with trying to explain it. My father's girlfriend phoned me up angry after I was the 3rd time in hospital because of borderline related issues (plus the suicide of the man that I loved more than all the words in the world can say), and told me that it's all in my head and I just need to pull myself together. I replied that my head is exactly the problem, and I would love to see her giving that speech to the other patients in the hospital.
Once I'll get over the death of my boyfriend, I have to learn to appreciate life again. He was the love of my life and died in my arms. That was in March, just a few months ago. I need time to get over this like everybody would. It is possible to feel abandoned, it's like a horrible, irrational fear of being left alone forever by the person you love most, almost like an animal that waits for a human to come back from the shops, not sure if he will ever come back, even though it should know that all is ok. It's a horrific feeling, and I can't just switch it offa
Very helpful thanks.
Thanks Mr. Grannon very interesting. I've subed.
Amazing. Great work.
I am a BPD and I make sure my mates know to avoid people with BPD!!!!
They are dangerously toxic they DO manipulate you in the sense that they are usually loveable. Real deep emotional thinkers but they have the potential to ruin your day and ruin your life.
Ive tamed my urge Ive tamed that side of me but my emotions and personality is always gonna be fractured. I have the potential to hurt and manipulate, I choose not to but Ive had years of training of self discipline.
The only way that we learn is if you look after yourself (something that borderlines do not know how to do btw) if they hurt you get rid of them! Dont enable them look after yourselves.
Oh sure Joel, you're the one *special* guy who can control the disorder.... the only strong willed enough bpd sufferer out there.. give me a break
Thank You for doing this video....Everybody has a hard time explaining this! Some videos are horrible pics with sad music. Docs saying we are dangerous ! Fantastik
This video was so refreshing! My loved one has BPD. I try to be as supportive and understanding as possible, but any time I assert myself with her, she pulls away. No matter how gently and reassuringly I do so. I’m exhausted from the push/pull and seldom feeling heard and understood. She comes and goes so much that I never know if she’s splitting or just needs space. We loved ones are grateful for every bit of insight that those with BPD provide.
This video so awesome, thank you!! It allows me to understand my constant internal conflict ...punitive parent ...impulsive angry child fighting back and forth and back and forth omg it's a constant struggle to get anything done I always feel out of control!
My daughter has mild to moderate BPD. The DBT classes helped and regular counseling helps also. But she has done neither in months. It can be extremely challenging and depressing at times to live with a person like this. You love them so much, but they distance themselves from you and you feel like you have to walk on egg shells every day. Today is a bad day. This week is a bad week. Will just have to ride the wave and hope next week is better. But it truly is hell.
as a matter of fact.... get ur kid out of counseling, quit acting like she's the problem, and how bout u go get help? mild to moderate? but hard to deal with? ur weak... and ur making ur kid think her issue is bigger than it is. Which is probly nothing but ur inability to deal.... and so u make her feel more and more like she is the issue... cause ur too blind to fix urself, cause u can't realize that people are different, and ur expecting too much of ur kid.... and ur fucking her over.
Best wishes to you and your family, hope everything works out in the end :)
we don't show our emotions because I feel like if I really show my emotions I will break the boundary like when a werewolf sees a moon ,and plus,no one wants to know my thoughts and emotions I believe,my true thoughts are dark and not funny at all even I don't want to know my feelings.
Thank you, it's good to feel understood. I've had a rough BPD week..
People with BPD suffer from mood swings and black and white thinking (and many other troubling symptoms) so it is really difficult for people suffering from this disorder and also for their loved ones. Thank you for making this video and sharing vital information about BPD.
Thank you so much for helping me understand what goes through my mind. I was tearing up while watching this video because I finally feel free. I now know that I'm not a horrible person for being so X & Y with my emotions, it's a mental illness. I'm not alone. I beyond grateful for the time, effort, and education you put into this video. I need to make an appointment to see my Dr. ASAP.
I have some of these issues, but I am skeptical of all these ready-made diagnoses and labels. We all have these tendencies in varying degrees, and the idea that you have a "disorder" when you pass some arbitrary threshold is dangerous. I would caution people not to jump into these labels, and to question any diagnosis given by a professional.
Also be aware that some physiological diseases like Lyme Disease can cause extreme mood and behavioral problems.
+baconlatte The wisest comment I've read so far. I couldn't have put it better myself. It's all about getting insurance to cover therapy, in my opinion, but it
ends up messing up a lot of people.
I have bpd. Have 7 licensed professionals in agreement.
(I'm 17) I probably don't have BPD and I most likely am just being a hypochondriac but I have huge mood swings, one minute I will be talking with my parents completely fine and the next they will say something that makes me a bit angry and I will completely over react and flip, I hate being angry, especially with my parents so this leads to me being upset and getting even more angry with myself usually resulting in a panic attack meaning I need time to calm down, in this time all I can think about is 'there's something wrong with me' 'why am I so weird' 'why can't I just be fucking normal' generally leading to a great deal of self loathing. This can happen unexpectedly too, I don't even have to be angry I will just go into my room, catch myself in the mirror and hate the way I look, this tends to happen at college too when I'll see someone who is gorgeous or something and it will just get me really down instantly. I struggle with being seen as equal and I always feel 2nd best, like there is always someone better than me and more important than me and it just make me feel so fucking shitty.... all of this can happen and then soon after I will be fine again and laughing and joking ect... as I said it's probably just my age and me being a hypochondriac but I hate it!
i luv that u are so aware of the implications of your age. U are a super intellectual person. Thus the issues u are having. Your ahead of the game. I guarantee u that, i can read right through to ur intelligence form ur comment. Any how >... I read your message, and I remember being your age. And I hear what you are saying. We all hate the way we look, this is normal.... We all feel like we are not good enough. This is just human nature. It leads to relationship issues, and divorce, and suicides. The main thing I can recommend to u is to find happiness in anything, and any way u can. Sometimes we are up, sometimes we are down... But i remind u ... arent' the moments of being, and feelign on top, and laughter and such... worth it? I have been told i'm bipolar. But u know what? We all came form a line of genetic material from the past, and we don't get to choose who we are... but here we are and we made it thus far. All we can do is find some type of happiness, wether it falls on us or we take it, we are all different in how we find it.... Relax.... And always remember..... We can all be better, and we are all 2nd best. :)
I was like that at 17. I have boderline and I always thought I wasnt normal. It's good to catch when you're young so it doesn't ruin your life. Also, if u do have bpd, I recommend not drinking or doing drugs. They regulate your intense emotions and make you feel "normal", but at great cost.
It really helped to see how someone with BPD acts/communicates. I agree with the poster who said the book Stop Walking on Eggshells is a good read.
Very good way of showing a healthy way to talk to borderline people. The only thing i think people Who dont have borderline should be aware of is that these people is not your responsibility to save these people.. Even with the right tools the conversations can be very hard. Even professional struggle with borderlines..
Many people often feel the need to save them and gets so emotionally attached and become a victim and gets a trauma. Bpds can also be very dangorous so i think its important for people to understand its almost always best to just walk away.. I do understand you should very gentle dealing with borderlines BUT what about everyone else around.. Its unethical to not warn about their narcisistic side.
ABSOLUTELY TRUE...thanks for sharing...I've been going through this for 30 years. After all the suffering and induced self-grudge, after repeating the scheme modes over and over again, at the umpteeth time that your life fucked up, I've become finally aware of dealing with this desorder that have many aspects in common with other kinds of disorder (like mood swings). It looks like you are the manipulative person, beacuse of the angry-impulsive asset. In reality, you end up with letting people and bad behaviours take control of you, seeking for constant approval and neglecting your inner emotions, feelings, needs and thoughts, like your parents did most of the time. You develop anxiety-preoccupied attachment style (shifting from dependent to avoidant), your vision of life tends toward pessimism, insecurity about your identity and qualities, lack of hope and fullness. This sense of deep void and this sort of "sabotage" voice are your natural companions...But I'd like to face and try to overcome that (also by theraphy), beacuse I just want it to stop ruining and wasting my life! Ps. Miss Riley, you're right. You're the other side of the moon =)
LOL, do you recommend people talk to themselves like this in order to deal with BPD?
Is it possible to have extreme BPD and depression combined?
"comorbidity"
no
Donna G yes theyre super comorbid. ppl w bpd usually also have depression, anxiety, other personality disorders, ptsd, and eating disorders.
Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds Are you fucking stupid?
"Furious, I mean i was at the Lie berry, not doing drugs or anything, I was at the lie berry" that made me lol
What are you laughing at? A man who obviously speaks English as a second or third language? Trying to help people with a disorder that is almost unheard of. Go laugh at fatal car crashes. This is a place where people want to learn about themselves and their loved ones.
Sam O'd wow you're spot on, I do laugh at fatal car crashes, beheadings, cartel murders and suicides because lets face it, they are just too funny....., I admire that he is bi/tri/multi-lingual, I am unbelievably sorry if my fleeting moment of slight amusement offended you...., BPD Is well known by those with interest in psychology, in fact it is one of the better known personality disorders, perhaps you and/or your family members should seek help if they suffer from a disorder I would advise they seek help from a professional. btw im currently studying psychology.
frontal labotomy So tell me, I have a fairly decent understanding of psychology ... how did you find out about schema therapy? Perhaps you would be willing to share some of your resources with me. I only discovered it recently and am fascinated by the amazing success a small group of psychologists in California have had. Someone very near to me suffers from Narcissitic Personality Disorder which most professionals won't even touch.
Anything you can provide would most appreciated.
kafkaesque I never mentioned schema therapy, he is just describing schema's and acting out what they look like, I'm not very trained yet I start my first case study in a fort night, I have a friend with BPD and I tried to use a few techniques to improve her mind set and the way she related to people but the second she started showing signs of improvement she just relapsed, personality disorders are very stubborn. I feel you are giving far too much praise to this small group of psychologists, what proof do you have of their success? how old is this person with NPD? i'll try and give you some advice
You aren't studying psychology, you are taking the seat of someone who deserves to be. FYI don't get into the field. People with your sense of humour (sadistic) are picked out by the patients before the nurses have a chance to talk to you. I know. I'm one of them
I had much sadness about the wife of a good friend who experienced an unstable relationship with her dad and they married early. My friend was often absent due to work and during those periods she had no internal resources; she was intensely lonely and turned to addictive behavior and eventually became increasingly abusive toward her husband. She hid it magnificently so that no-one saw her over-compensating behaviour when there was an audience. Eventually they divorced and he took all this on himself and in turn had a mid-life breakdown. He found in his next marriage a stable haven and before he died had 17 yrs of good boundaries and adult love and commitment. There was no-one to blame and on one level he never stopped loving her. It was so sad for both of them and he made a new life but she wasn't able. My heart goes out to her.
My God-this was like watching myself. I am convinced that my personality was not allowed to emerge and was stolen from me in childhood. No matter what I said, or did, I was always punished, struck, or mocked. This was constant. (I bit my nails until they bled, pulled out my eyelashes, eyebrows and hair, picked at myself and constantly bit off skin inside my mouth. I was a nervous wreck. (A lot like a little bird in a cage pulling off feathers) I was never guided or taught, but was constantly on my mother's and grandmother's radar. Every breath was monitored. As I grew older I would "rehearse" scenarios and situations that I thought might happen to me in the future and think about how I would respond. The more I tried to be a good person and say the right thing, the more inappropriate I became. I was corrected and put down emotionally and physically. I grew up not knowing anything about myself, always looking to find someone I could copy, and always feeling i was outside of life events until i decided to take action-which came across as acting out. I just always wanted to be ok and fit in, but never did.
DIALECTICAL BEHAVIORAL THERAPY - DBT - MARCIA M. LINEHAN
Uhm, i thought that i had this dissorder but maybe i don't...
Generally, when someone asks me how i feel and i'm angry at the person who is asking i just don't answer, i look the other way and get angry about the fact that they're asking me how i feel, i think they are just faking, i think they are just asking to get out of the situation, i get angry at them and wish them death, i feel a complete lack of empathy, i don't answer and when a lot of time passes and i feel that i have to answer or we are just gonna sit there discussing all day, i tell them how i feel or lie about it if the reason of my anger is unjustified, and then everything it's ''okay''.
Or if they don't ask me how i feel i get even angrier.
That's something that happened a lot with my boyfriend. Yes i'm a really cruel person but at the same time i feel like i'm normal, even if i don't feel much empathy, i truly care for people sometimes. But when i'm bad i'm really bad.
If somebody knows what i might have please tell me
and excuse my poor english
Sounds like NPD
missbkwards2 Everyone deals with borderline differently. Dissociation comes along with Borderline since the emotions are so intense Post traumatic tress occurs often which draws to dissociation. From time to time I deal with depersonalization. My emotions become very disconnected from my emotions and I am very aloof. I can't feel empathy or receive it. I thought I was anti-social for a while but I am not. I just suppress any emotion that triggered any anxiety defense mechanism without me knowing. ( fear of connecting) Which draws to abandonment even when it's not there.
However, you could possibly be in fact anti social (sociopath) because it usually does go hand in hand with borderline. But I honestly think the traits are mistaken for depersonalization ... Also People with borderline think they are evil.
Anti-social don't care because they simply do not understand society on a empathy scale. They truly believe they are the fittest therefor they can not experience anxiety. Which leads to not giving a flying fuck.
Face Less It's nothing like that.
missbkwards2 Yes I think this is more how the person I have a relationship with acts as well. They will totally stop talking to me when they get in that angry stage sometimes for days on end. And they always feel they are in the right and that there is nothing wrong with them although they will admit there is at other times. But yes they tell me the thoughts in their head are really REALLY bad like they wish people dead and stuff when they are in this state.
Bazeef Bazeef oh, i'm sorry to hear that :( yes i sometimes think those things, for example i had been in a rough situation with my boyfriend some weeks ago, we had broken up and we both have been seing other people, i was really liking the other guy i was going with, but when i found out my ex had another relationship i went to his house and waited for him to come back because i knew he was at a party, and my mindset was that someone, either me, he, or his new girl was gonna end up dead. I was seriously thinking of killing one of them or myself. Of course i was exaggerating, i'm back with my boyfriend now and i'm really trying hard to be normal and have a normal relationship but i know it's gonna be very hard.
like this.. halped me understand myself :)
I have it and am 46 and male. I know it affects girls differently in some respects, especially self harm I think imo the extra dimension of expectations to look a certain way in society these days, which is particularly shallow and sad. I see the acts or traits as a diversion from the inner experience, as well as a defence mechanism. BPD people also have mu opioid receptor deficiencies, and acts stimulate an adrenaline rush that compensate for those produced which are lacking naturally. Also as an act of self punishment, which I understand completely, which only reinforces the negativity on many levels, albeit gives momentary relief. The good thing is that when you understand you have BPD learn about it and yourself it does get better the more you learn about the triggers and yourself. It begins with liking and loving who you are. It took me many years but it does come with maturity and experience. Dont give up, cos through those dark clouds comes the odd beam of light, and those beams with time will become more frequent, until they connect, and you look back with a eureka moment when you know you have cracked it, and look back knowing you have passed those terrible times. god bless all BPD peeps.xx
I'm so glad i found your channel. Your videos about bpd have helped me a lot
fuckkkkk I have all of these symptoms.... what do I do...
talk to a therapist maybe or a doctor
Show me a 'normal' adult and I'll show you a liar (the one who claims to be normal or the one labels them as such?)
Description says: _"How to deal with people that have a borderline personality disorder."_
My thoughts: Burn all the bridges and blacklist them from your life forever?
I think my big sister had bpd from very young childhood and eventually it triggered mine. She would play with me for a while and suddenly say that she doesn't want to see me. As she got older she would get these intense moment of rage when she would throw things around the house and scream. I was always a quiet kind child and this traumatized me. Every single day she would terrorize our home and I couldn't do anything but stay in my room and pray it would be over.
Eventually I got depressed and I shut down from the world. I wouldn't talk about my feelings and thoughts, no one cared about my feelings cause I wasn't loud like her.
Now I'm seeing these BPD symptoms in me and her. She has the classical type and I have the silent type.
The silent type is the same but you don't take your feelings out on people, you deal with them inside your head. My mood changes rapidly, I can't keep a realtionship even though I'm not mean to anyone. It's more that I don't even try to keep a friend because I'm scared of abandonment. I'm really lonely and sad, but I'm not mean to anyone. People tell me that I am really polite and kind, a bit quiet person actually.
I have hard time processing all of this. But I guess it's about time. I'm ready to seek help and I hope I will get better. But please people, don't be so harsh on people with BPD . Everyone is different and no-one behaves in similiar ways. If someone treats you cruel you are allowed to be hurt but you can be above that 'calling them evil and tellin people to run away from BPD'-type of victim of BPD. These people are ill and need help but not hate or pity.
I have Borderline personality disorder and this helped me understand some things. 1. Don't judge myself too much. 2. Keep trusting my partner in the fact that he isnt leaving me all the time. 3. Be patient with myself and others.
holy shit i have BPD...
dont ever date with someone who got borderline. Or you will get tru a living hell. Let those people liv their own life. Its not theyr fault they are like that. But its very very fuckin hard. Just stay away from then and you will be saved from depression and misluck in life.
Saying "it's not their fault" but still continues to blame the, and reinforcing their black and white thoughts of "everyone hates me for being me"
Hang on a minute, that's me, to a tee, but I don't have BPD. That's just life.
+Mojos Bigstick BPD vs normal people is a matter of quantity, not quality, so it is entirely possible you engage in these things without having full-blown BPD.
Jazeraca Good point.
You've been replying with hate to every single comment. Show us on the doll where the person with BPD hurt you. On the other hand, no... don't. You're the most unstable person I've seen in these comments.
Thank you SO MUCH for making this video, and for making BPD easier to understand, by doing it in a ‘real world’, ‘demonstrative’ way, I really feel that it has helped me to understand my adult Son better! He hasn’t contacted me at all in the last four months, and the last time he did send me a message, he said that he would NEVER contact me again! Every day, my heart is broken and crying for him, I am so sad without him in my life, but if he ever DOES contact me again, at least I now have a deeper understanding of his mental turmoil, thanks to your video, so a huge thank you.
This honestly helped me so much. I'm really trying to learn more about my disorder. This pretty much nailed it. After watching this I try to catch myself and see the difference of the way I communicate. It's really a big challenge. This really shed alot of light. Thanks again.
most men have this disorder.
How to deal with people with BPD. Step 1: run away. fast.
anthropologeist good one , whats your doinoiseis fuckwit
anthropologeist like your ex wife did hey
+anthropologeist If you would say this to me (I'm a borderline myself) you would be amazed by the amount of agression I would release on you. As I am thinking in black and white... you are defenitely on the dark side. Respect for all people who have a mental disease.
Wim Hulpia cool, thanks for proving the point.
+Wim Hulpia I'm going to discontinue the conversation now, but I wonder if projection is another symptom of BPD.
You don't deal with people that have BPD, you get as far the fuck away from them as possible. Even psychotherapists won't touch them.
Truth
So that must be why there is a waiting list for people to do DBT in my area and why i have the most amazing CPN, psychologist, psychiatrist and therapists.
Thanks for explaining so clearly, you obviously have done your research and know better than most. NOT !
Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds Not true. My doctor was very patient. Took 3 years, but I recovered.
Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds What an awful thing to say to someone. Seriously. The only one who seems to have anything wrong with them is you. Truly a nasty person.
I have too much to live for thank you but , if you have seriously come through your bpd Mohammad Ate Pork Rinds I suggest you now seek help with your disgusting and sick attitude. Troll someone else!
veggiesaremurder Thank you x
OMG I´ve been trying to find information about how to deal with these feelings, weather I have BPD or not, and no therapist or doctor seem to comprehend the things I say that are wrong... and within minutes you helped me not only understand exactly what, how and when I feel the things I don´t know how to describe to the doctor, but how to engage a patient with the possibility of having this diagnose (because I work in mental health area).
Besides you are a great actor too lol. Thanks for this video.
Thank you for this video. It has given me a good insight to my problems. I will be showing my family this video and hopefully it will help them to understand me more and help me recover one day.. The way you did the video was very good. Thank you so much.
Excellent video! I am a therapist and I pick up some very helpful tips in this demonstration. Thanks!