Age Gap Relationships Onscreen - Why They Bother Us
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- When age-gap romances aren’t tainted by power imbalances, there’s a sense that getting to know someone from a different generation can unlock understanding about ourselves and others. Maybe being with someone who doesn’t share your particular set of references forces a greater level of authenticity - and pushes you to figure out who you really are.
If you like this video, subscribe to our channel and support us:
Shop our Weird Girl Trope Merch: the-take.creat...
Join our Patreon: / thetake
TikTok: / thisisthetake
Instagram: / thisisthetake
Podcast: open.spotify.c...
We are The Take (formerly ScreenPrism).
![ผัวเถื่อน - ยูริ โตเกียวมิวสิค [ OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/P08ORRVDGl8/mqdefault.jpg)
While Monica and Richard were both consenting adults when they started dating, it's still a little disturbing to think that he's watched her grow up, and probably even held her as a baby.
Yeah, that's gross
Disturbing, it couldn't be me. "I saw you shit your diapers, no"
It's true, however, he was depicted as a pretty decent guy. They do break up because of the age gap which makes them want completely different things and that's noteworthy.
What I appreciate the most though is the aftermath, seeing Monica go through one of the roughest periods of her life due to "The lack of Richard". He created a void that other guys just couldn't fill. He was so much more mature, together, and desirable than almost all guys her age...
So even though it was a good relationship, the breakup was not your average breakup, he was a guy that was very difficult to replace. It just goes further to say that even if it was good, it can still be bad when it doesn't last.
I just don't know why the writers wrote that Monica wants these "big family" things and didn't care to mention them when the relationship first started getting serious (It's not like she and Richard hooked up only a couple of times). It goes without saying that when you're dating a guy whose son is a doctor, then he probably may not want kids....
@@samf.s.7731 still creepy
@@Dk-ie4te no
Relationships like Jay and Gloria doesn't seem wrong to me, they're 2 adults who consent, Monica and Richard make me uncomfortable just because he's friends with her dad and probably saw her as a baby/toddler, and whatever was between Jacob and Bella's baby that's just wrong
I mean I love Gloria and Jay but didn't they say that Clair was older than her ?? That's a bit creepy
@@rayray7847 Gloria was almost 40 when they got together though, it's more okay. Claire just happened to be 14 months older.
@@rayray7847 yeah, but the thing is that jay and gloria don't actually have a big power imbalance, met as full grown adults, and they actually really are in love and complement each other well. He doesn't like gloria just because she is hot and young, and she doesn't like him just because of the money. The thing with age gaps is that they aren't always problematic, but most of the time the ones we see in both fiction and real life,are the problematic ones. That's why it's important to look carefully at the situation and considering specially how big is the gap, how young is the younger, what the older person gets from that relationship and how long they've known the younger person + the power dynamic.
@@user-ep3fo5vw1v yeah I guess I just wish they didn't add that detail cus it really didn't matter and they're such a cute couple
@@nessyness5447 yeah they're really cute , was just a bit uncomfortable with that detail .
Age gaps between people who just meet doesn't seem that bad , ex: Gloria was already grown when she met Jay, Monica and Richard is a little more unsettling since they meet when she was a child and was a friend of her father but at the very least he didn't see her grow up. The werewolfs in Twilight...those are just yikes
Agreed, the whole imprinting subplot is just so gross, and I don't care that they can't control the sensation, Renesme was still an infant when Jacob fell for her.
@@trinaq but it’s supposed to be in a guardian way. He’s just her protecter and also they know that not everyone you imprint on will love you back!
@@Bagelsandcreamcheese Can't talk about the other werewolfs but if Jacob proved that he doesn't take no for an awnser
@@Bagelsandcreamcheese Only until she comes of age, and yes they might not feel the same way but it's clear that it's expected they will.
Yeah plus Monica was also 27 when she dated Richard. She’s legit a fully grown adult. I don’t see any weirdness in it at all.
My dad didn’t really understand why I had an issue with Monica and Richard until my brother told him, “Imagine if Uncle Doofy and her started going out” and he immediately understood. Uncle Doofy is not our actual uncle by the way, but dad’s best friend for 25+ years.
Many times men don’t realize it until they think of their own daughters or sisters.
@@f3042 True. I’m glad my little brother understood though, and was actually the one to explain it to him.
@@cocob0l0 That is actually wonderful. I’m glad your brother realized it.
@athira 96 Right? I’m really proud of him for that! Whenever I look at him, I think maybe the future won’t be so bad :) thank you!
@@f3042 which is disturbing also, because it shows he has low level of imagination, has less empathy to people outside his circle and obviously toxic my daughter-my property mindset
Gloria and Jake's relationship just seems so healthy to me because we don't feel a power imbalance in the dynamic. Gloria is a grown up woman, with a son, that knows what she wants and what she's getting with Jake, an older man with adults children that just wants a peaceful life and to share his life with someone.
*Jay
The fact that she's beautiful and with low income and he's old, ugly and rich doesn't count in the power dynamic?
@@4651adri if you've watched all seasons, you should know she would have married him even if he was young and broke!
@@Lollilol1066 no hun. When I was reading about the show, they made it clear that she married him because she came from a really bad neighborhood and was struggling to survive as a single mom.
I remember explicitly reading somewhere that Gloria's situation got so bad that the show implies she had to resort to sex work.
It was a really long time ago though.
I think at best, their relationship is a sugercoated version of the relationships we see on 90 day fiance. Like how we hope they turn out.
He wouldn't give af about her if she was as old and ugly as him and she wouldn't give af about him (or atleast couldn't afford to as a struggling single mom) if he was poor.
@@Lollilol1066 I haven't watched all the series, just the first seasons and some other episodes. I thought it was sexist and based on same old stereotypes (just like HIMYM). I don't doubt she says that but is something we find out only later. Until then the relationship is pretty much old ugly loaded dude with stunning young woman (and foreigner). I understand there are a few tweaks to make the couple more interesting and less stereotypical but I don't think it saves it from a power dynamic relationship critique.
Woody Allen casting himself with younger, more attractive women is delusional at best. His real life...situation? Now that´s fucked up.
And that is why I loved Twiggy turning the tables on him.
Those movies were ironically funny for that, like girl, are you hard up?
Well he dated some of those younger more attractive women in real life like Diane Keaton and Mia Farrow, so Woody getting the gorgeous girl isn’t exactly far-fetched. 😂
To quote the Genie from “Aladdin”, *”A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh”.*
Yes yes yes totally agree. These poor children they called him father
@@beethovensfidelio Because he had bargaining power. He was powerful in the industry and these women (as talented as they are) subconsciously knew that he was their meal ticket....
@@beethovensfidelio ew, you must be a predator.
Lolitia pisses me off! The movies that is the creepy directors who made them completely missed the truth of the novel which was a depiction of how sexual predators justify themselves and try to control the narrative. The story was written by a man who faced the same predatory/ grooming behavior from his own uncle and told the story using a young girl who he gave agency to get away from her abuser. Even with her abuser trying to reframe her as a seductress. The directors wouldn't even let her act like a kid unlike the book where Dores acted like a sullen preteen.
I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I often have felt like I was watching soft core version of criminal material during movies like that. Like the ppl making these movies are counting on having plausible deniability. Then I wonder if I'm the pervert for seeing sexuality in these underage characters.
If you are referring to Kubrick, then he didn't miss the point. Having not seen the film he likely just reimagined the novel, he does that all the time.
Didn't Nabokov also write it inspired by Florence Horner? I actually read the book for the first time last year after a lifetime of pre-judging and had NO idea that it was very clearly not glamourising the abuse at all.
We gotta remember also this was the early 60s when full stop, some of our favorite celebrities were still getting away with 14 year old groupies and all kinds of predatory behavior.
@@thomasnielsen5580 are you defending a movie you never saw?
@@agnessofiacastrocarvalho774 yeah, since the point is not about the movie, but the director, which i happen to know a lot about. Don't engage in a conversation you dont understand.
If I could only give one piece of advice to a person in their late teens to mid twenties it's would be this: When someone significantly older tells you that you are mature for your age, DON'T FALL FOR IT. Don't let their attention flatter you. Many older people who go for 18-24 year olds only so because they know they will hold the power in the relationship as they are more powerful/more experienced/more financially stable than the younger person. They don't want an equal partnership, they want control.
👍👍👍👍👍👍
yes and also, that isn't always conscious behavior but can be unconscious as well and that doesn't make it any more okay.
I feel it’s prolly more that the older person has people their age who are better at detecting pathetic losers lol only a child wouldn’t be able to see it etc
I learned the hard way.
It's not always control, sometimes they have a whole bunch of red flags about their person that anyone in their own age group would easily pick up on, so they try and target considerably younger people who don't have the life experience & maturity to know any better.
How these heterosexual relationships are portrayed:
Men with a younger women = every man's dream.
Woman with younger man = desperate/why would he be with her?
Man with a girl under 18 = abuse
Woman with a boy under 18 = every boy's dream/good for him/what is he complaining about.
The last one really bothers me because it's still abuse!
I think it just further cements people’s belief that “women want hypergamy” and “men want to get laid”.
They are just comfortable knowing that a 50 yr old man can get young women, and an 18 yr old man can get laid as early as he can.
Precisely put
@@ConstanzaRigazio yes exactly
Yikes
The reason age gaps relationships are so prevalent in Hollywood media is because Hollywood has a problem casting older women but not older men and this double standards creates the perfect cast for age gap relationships. Old male leads and new, younger female leads
True
Absolutely true. It goes both way, though. Name male actors under 25 who are frequently cast in lead adult roles? Now name female actors that age, and you'll see that their number is at least five times bigger. Jennifer Lawrence got to play adult women at 21/22, while Tom Holland still plays ''kids'' at 26. On the other hand, as you say, older women are often cast as mothers, and not love interests to the male characters, even though they are practically the same age. 45-year-old action male leads often have 25-35-year old female love interests as a norm.
@@AlirioAguero2 Except the male actors will eventually age into roles, whereas female actors seem to have a sell-by date that is quicker than milk spoiling. It is ridiculous. It is like hollywood is allergic to actual mature women.
@@stellaoltre3572 A womans core value comes from her physical attractiveness so when shes past her prime its out with the old & in with the new. What makes a man attractive takes time so if he is willing to put the work in, he evolves & becomes more refined..............gaining attractiveness if that makes sense.
@@stellaoltre3572 the problem is that you have to work for years as a male actor to be a star, as a female one you get to be a star really soon, even if it has an expiration date, you have to put in less time in total.
The only relationship i ever saw that didn't make me feel weird about it was jay and gloria
Same because they met as adults and seemed to be pretty equal in the relationship
@@madelinevlogs5898 yes it’s often about power dynamic too
How did you feel about Harold and Maude?
@@pegacorn13 i have no idea who those are
@@kiramantzos6617 They are the characters from the movie Harold and Maude. It's an absolutely beautiful film and one of my favorites ever made. I highly recommend it!
I think Jay and Gloria continue to be a stand out example because no matter how cliche their premise is, they're both fully realized individual characters. They are two people with their own long, complex personal stories that met organically and Jay just happens to be older than Gloria.
Agreed. And the age difference is actually brought up and poked fun at several times in the show itself. It's the main plot point for a few episodes like the one where Claire calls Gloria a "gold-digger" before getting to know her and the several times strangers thought Jay was Gloria's father.
Not only was the relationship a healthy one but the show went out of its way to acknowledge it's unusual to see in everyday life without making some pretty negative assumptions.
I’d also be interested in The Take’s perspective on the casting of older men and younger women in films and tv as characters of the same age. I’ve been noticing a lot recently that adult characters are portrayed as having grown up together as children, but the actors portraying their adult counter parts are sometimes 20 or more years different in age. Why is this culturally acceptable, and do audiences even realize there’s an age gap when they aren’t familiar with the actors?
I forgot what channel talked about it (I think pop culture detective) but they said that an older man with a younger women was normalized, to the point that a movie won’t draw attention to it. But for opposite, that’s usually the plot of the movie.
Its a little weird, but the older actor tends to be a massive draw, that's why he's in the movie. Also, people are more comfortable with older men being with younger women. Resources and all that, blah, blah, blah....
I remember seeing that in the movie about Gustave Eiffel, she's his childhood friend but the actress is way younger than the actor, as if older women were not attractive enough to play the love interest.
I'm also pissed they focused more on that romance than the building of the Eiffel tower itself.
It's because it's so normalized in Pedowood so creepy directors actively put it in their content to normalize it to the masses. We aren't doing enough to call it out and I'd wager money it's gonna lead to lowering the age of consent
I agree funny cause in Euphoria the oldest actress is the girl who plays Cassie at 31 and she's the one who is playing the youngest character
I've heard porn stas say there are basically only two categories for girls. Young looking enough to be a "teen", and old enough looking to be a "milf". There's a middle ground there which is apparently difficult to market. I think that's telling.
It certainly is 🤔
Yeah, it's pretty fucked up how categories of porn go from "barely legal" to "MILF." It says a lot about how men view women, since the porn is all created by and marketed to them. The recent explosion of "incest" porn is also quite disturbing in that regard.
Accprding to Jon Ronson's Butterfly Effect podcast, the middle ground is known as 'The Fallow Years', and a lot of female pornographic artists either move into directing or doing niche request work until they age into Milf years.
@@beckybrynolf962 Interesting. I like his work.
Girl there's a lot to unpack there lol....
Age gaps bother us because they should raise questions about power and exploitation. The first guy I ever dated was 23 and I was 18. It might as well been a ten year age gap considering how much more experienced he was in relationships. I tried to not judge him but he ended up being someone who used my loving nature against me. I am in an age gap marriage to another man, and we often joke we had to meet in my mid twenties because it would have looked strange (or just plain wrong) otherwise. Hollywood has a long history of exploiting young people and movies and shows should NOT be the litmus test for healthy relationships. Also, critiquing age gaps in same sex relationships shouldn't be off limits, because some ARE exploitative and inappropriate. I once heard an older gay man make a terrible remark about "turning" young closeted men one way or another. I know not all gay men are like this, but the ones that are are giving everyone else a bad name.
18 and 23 isn't bad. It's 5 years apart and still within bounds of school elementary. He'd be 7th grade while you were in 2nd grade. You'd know the same teachers, principals, same events going on etc during your time. That's how I judge if someone is too old for a relationship with someone.
@@suzygirl1843 I am taking less about technical years and talking about experience levels. Let's put it like this, at his age he had already lived with a couple of his exes and I had never even held a guy's hand before. It can cause issues with manipulation because he knows better how to navigate everything and you're running to catch up.
@@lauraberg6872 Ah, I see. Men like that are manipulative, all my uncles had a "starter family" before they legitimately married and started a more stable family with their next wife - 5 out of 8 my uncles have 2 families. They spend their 20's shacking up next to "throwaway" women (their terminology) and have no intention of marrying them (they'll give her a baby, tho) so that once he is good and ready and knows how to deal with women, he uses his first hand experience on the virgin wife to predict and control her emotions.
@@suzygirl1843 I think my ex really did care about me but he was a liar (fear based and not vindictive). He later apologized for how he treated me and it was obvious one 4th of July when he visited that he didn't know how to act around me. He was conflicted. He was also really racist and I couldn't stand that.
I had a very similar age gap I was 14
I don’t mind an age-gap relationships when the age-gap is actually mentioned. What I HATE in hollywood in when they pair young and beautiful actresses with older man, WITHOUT mentioning the obvious age-gap, making us believe that they’re the same age…
You mean like when Vanessa Kirby (34) is the sister of approximately the same age to Jason Statham (54) and dating Dwayne Johnson (49) as if they were the same age? :)
@@AlirioAguero2
Or when Catherine Zeta-Jones (30) falls head over heels for Sean Connery (69)?🤢
@Anjali I don't mind them dating at all. We are talking about how funny it is that they are supposed to pass as same age on screen.
I've been watching a lot of Asian dramas lately, and I find I really like the older woman/younger man relationships in them for this exact reason. In these shows, generally, if the man's older, it goes entirely unmentioned (unless he's old enouhg to be her dad). But when the woman's older, it'll be at least a major plot point but usually will be part of the premise that she's older, even if only by a few years.
Age gap relationships aren't inherently weird or creepy, but not acknowledging that age gap and the affect that can have on a relationship always makes them 10 times creepier to me.
There is also this expectation that older women look 25-35 forever (like well into their 50s+), resulting in that even when more age appropriate women are cast, they almost always don't look anything like what women their age normally do.
This was one of the things that was pointed out about Keanu Reeves girlfriend some years back; it wasn't simply that she was age-appropriate, but people were shocked that she actually looked her age too (which is a says a lot about the culture when such stuff draws so much attention and is deemed newsworthy).
I’m glad this touched on the non romantic age gap relationships. There is so much the generations can learn from each other it can be one of the most enriching things we can experience in life.
One of my best friends is 60 and I'm 38. It helps that she never has kids like me or got married, so we have a bunch of stuff to talk about. I just went out to dinner with 2 coworkers who are at least 15 years older than me. With friends, i tend to just have more in common with people older than me.
@@seppyq3672 You comment made me recall that when you grow up in a joint family situation, you have uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents that have the same proximity to you as siblings.
You get to be close to them, have any type of age gap with them and you learn so much from them and their friends.
I think a same age person who's the same sex is basically like an older sister you feel like you could say anything to and you speak to as an equal after a certain age.
Ma'am that should be a given.
The problem is: when you are in an toxic relationship like that (for example as a minor whith an older person) you don´t see it. Especially when other people try to talk to you about it. You brush off every criticism and as a friend you really have no other choice than wait until the person realizes it themself.
yup. and this video played as if it was made by someone who is justifying these types of relationships because they currently have those blinders on
The problem is: what you call “toxic” is really subjective at the end of the day. You say “for example as a minor with an older person”, and I agree with that. However, what if someone says “it’s toxic to be in a relationship with an age gap of more than 15 years, and if you agree to it, you just don’t see that it’s toxic”, what would you say? (btw, there was a woman on TikTok who actually said that)
At the end of the day, we should be concerned of two things: whether the relationship is legal & whether we are entitled to have an opinion on it (which is not the case 99% of the time)
It takes so long thou, my co-worker is 21 dating a 54 year old man, she is so unhappy and he constantly manipulates her but she believes only he can see her true self... like that man was in jail for sexual assault and is violent, they have been together for five years and she has been saying they broke up and she is going to live since the first month they got together..... Everyone is the man's family tell her to leave but she just won't
my bf is ten years younger and it’s not perfect but it’s definitely a great relationship we have a lot of fun
@@SieMiezekatze its because she doesn't believe she deserves better than that. She thinks she deserves to be treated that way.
I will say there's a big difference between coincidentally ending up in a relationship with someone older/younger than you than there is someone who INTENTIONALLY, ACTIVELY seeks out those age gaps. The former is just an interesting aspect of adulthood: The older you get the less of an emotional/intellectual difference there is between you and others, regardless of age. The latter, however, comes off as very predatory (even if legal) since people with less experience are less likely to notice your red flags.
Cofcofdicapriocofcof
That's very true. The main reason people are quick to judge age gap relationships is because they don't know which of the two is the case -- the coincidental or the intentional. (My wife is 14 years younger than me. When we met, I was 44 and she was 30. I never had any intention of dating someone that much younger; that's just how old she happened to be. My mom was skeptical when she first found out about the age difference, but all skepticism went out the window as soon as she met my future wife.)
Exactly. When my husband and I met I was 18 and he was 30. We were both at college and our friends were in their 20s so we just assumed we were both in our early to mid 20s. We didn’t find out how old the other was until we were already dating.
Absolutely. I think that's an important point to make explicit actually, rather than assume that everyone gets that immediately.
Excellent point. We should all wonder if they just happened to have fallen in love with each other or if the older one of them was specifically looking for someone younger
Monica and Richard were gross in my opinion, because he watched her grow up, possibly held her as a baby. If the couple meet as adults, truly have love for each other, then I say go for it, but being able to say you remember them swimming in your pool as a little child while you were an adult, a parent to someone the same age as her, is just creepy. They tried to convince the audience that Monica and Richard were sweet, but I felt grossed out by it
Plenty of couples with age gaps are healthy and good together, but most of them met as adults so there are no lines being crossed. Those are the real relationships that should be highlighted as not explicated strange or unfair in power, while the ones that show one partner being a literal child or minor at some point should be viewed as not humorous but a need to rethink what we view as okay
OMG SAME
Hey darling, remember when I changed your diapers ? 😂
He explicitly said he hadn’t seen her since she was younger, that doesn’t make it creepy and even so, he didn’t go after her stalking wise
It’s honestly not a big deal that people make it, people just love to judge what isn’t “normal” age gaps are the least of society’s issues
People find it creepy or they don't.
@@ninjanibba4259 if he had not seen her in 10 years, then the last time he saw her she was 17. That means he watched her grow up. It is very creepy.
Its odd I’m fine with all relationships except the age gap ones. I think because I have seen so many men only want a young pretty girl because they don’t like them to grow up. Also I saw this often in church and it bothered me.
Absolutely agree with you, same here. Can't stand an idea of an age gap with older men. Nothing but gross.
I guess your feelings are valid and it's fine that you think that way. But the way I see it it's more like personal responsibility, as in, you may have those thoughts and apply them for your life, but you can't expect other people to live in that mindset, given that usually those relationships just happen organically.
no surprise since they go to church.
@@jennyrodriguez811 💯
@@olganova3058 is it really hard for you guys to understand that men favor youth, fertility and feminity in women its not that hard come on now
I often get approached by people older than me by 15 to 30 years. I can vouch that those relationships were completely toxic and exploitative. I have learned my lesson and now steer clear of big age gap relationships. Often, those older people aren't even interested in you for the right reasons. They're attracted to you because of the life stage you're in, maybe they're having a life crisis of some kind and want to reclaim their youth by dating a younger person, or they are emotionally and developmentally stunted in someway. Either way, it can spell big problems for a relationship. They often love bomb you early on because they see younger people as a prize or trophy of some kind... Then the problems start to happen because love bombing is manipulation and doesn't last. Honestly the whole dynamic makes me sick but I'm happy for people who make it work
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas FTW.
@@annaeverette8960 didn't Catherine Zeta-Jones meet Michael Douglas when she was 29?
i’m a decade older than my boyfriend and i don’t even think about it until it’s brought up
yup!
@@nini-qc1qd 29 isn't mature enough?
It feels important to contextualize also that we're still only a few generations removed from a world in which women in particular were expected to get married and start families soon (see the Conservative backlash on women rights). We're still shifting it feels like from a world where accepting the affections of someone older and the financial and societal benefits that come with to one where as we live longer, we now have an opportunity to grow fully into our emotional, professional, and sexual maturity.
I was someone who was always interested in older men. I started puberty early, had a very curvy body, and growing up in the Heroin Chic era that was construed as a "mom body" by guys my age. Older men made me feel beautiful, and I thought I was mature without an understanding that my maturity was really surface level due to a background of abuse that left me with the emotional maturity of a teenager.
Now I'm still open to older men, though with a lot more caution. And my bias does not at all extend to older women, as it just feels different. I've had older women acknowledge "actually, I need to think about this because you're so you and feels wrong" which is something I've never experienced with a male parter or prospect.
Lastly, I think the age at which these gaps exist do matter. Someone who is 20, starting some semblance of a career, having little knowledge of their own autonomy, sexual pleasure, dreams, etc. is going to have a lot of inconsistencies with a 40 year old who is a lot further in this journey. Alternately though a 50 year old and 70 year old may not have shared experience in years, but experienced some of the same major milestones that negate the balance of power and promote a more equitable relationship.
Thank you! I find it hard to believe age gaps will even be a thing in future relationships because parents moving forward will erase parentification, eldest daughter syndrome, boys will be boys, men can't control themselves, men don't cry (this has to do with disproportionate emotional labor expectation on female children making girls more "mature" and compromising), and overall equal distribution of chores (no more weaponized incompetence) will lead to girls maturing at a more natural pace, (probably naturally doing more dumbshit like doja cat idk) and boys matching the maturity (and even sometimes exceeding) the emotional maturity of girls their age (we don't know what boys are capable of).
People do boys a real disservice when they grow up to say they can't wipe a counter as adults.
It is important not to let sexism blind us. There are many men who would not feel comfortable dating a much younger woman and there are women who enjoy being cougars and dating younger men. We shouldn't judge others based on their gender.
I was in a relationship with a 16-year age gap, but as we were both well into adulthood, there was no issue with grooming or even a power imbalance. In the end, it has to come from a place of understanding, equity, and, yes, emotional maturity. Even with the sexual aspect of the relationship functionally over, we are still incredibly close friends and confidantes.
Honestly I find relationships between some kind of medical/care provider and their patients to be much more predatory and creepy, and that’s a trope that almost never gets critically discussed. Even in the movie Hereditary, when Toni Collete’s character is starting to feel the effects of the supernatural attacks on her family, her husband dismisses everything she says as histrionics - because before they were married he was her psychiatrist. Honestly that’s more disturbing than the demon-worshipping cultists.
It's still wrong, there's a reason the rule is half your age plus 7.
i am 100% sure dating ur clients/patients is illegal. that's the kind of move that gets ur license irreversibly revoked. this applies to doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, lawyers, etc. the principle is that as long as u have a business arrangement with that person they are off the dating list.
@@jasonhaven7170 I mean, you can have a huge age gap in your relationship and still follow that rule. for example, if you're 30, and your partner is 46.
@@sirichandanaakarapu378 you are correct. The code of medical ethics even said that a physician should not treat their families or themselves as the potential for biases is huge.
I agree that doctor-patient relationships are unethical, however let's not use that as a justification for age gap relationships, doing so would be a logical fallacy. I do not think that your relationship with your partner has a power imbalance or is any worse than non-age gap relationships. The problem is there is a greater potential for harm. More so, if one person is under the age of 25, they are not fully mature and that relationship has huge potential to be exploitative and studies have shown those relationships are much more likely to be harmful. You can understand that there are systemic problems with age gap relationships while still knowing your age gap relationships is unproblematic and positive.
As a Trope, it makes for interesting storytelling. In reality, it can work so long as the people involved accept and allow for the differences. No one in any relationship should have to drop everything they are for the other person.
I generally find age gap relationships to be an issue when it comes to developmental stages.
So like, between a 13 and a 19 year old, there's a big developmental gap. The 13 year old is practically still a child, barely pubescent, while the 19 year old is practically an adult and moving on into the real world.
But a 35 and a 45 year old, while very possibly in different places in life, don't have the same developmental gap. They're both adults who have been out in the real world adulting on their own.
So it's a lot less about age and a lot more about where you are in life
My parents have a 19 year age gap. They seem fine. They’re doing better than other marriages I’ve seen.
Actually I disagree with that, as a trope it’s old and tired and additionally it distorts our perspective of how common or good it is. In that sense it is harmful, as it basically „grooms“ an entire society into believing there is nothing wrong with it or that it is „natural“ and „how things have always been“. When in reality young women were mostly forced to marry older men bc of family and circumstances. Doesn’t take a whole genius to realise who was really profiting off of that…
It’s also highly misogynistic in that young women with old men are mostly portrayed as normal and good and somehow just the „natural order of things“, whereas older women with young men are ridiculed.
Im not a fan of AGR either way, but while I do think that older woman/younger man relationships can be abusive, they’re a lot less inherently so, compared to disgusting older men creeping after barely legal girls and justifying it with „biology“ lol
@@uniraffesaur Excellent point, That bothers me a lot in films when they treat the 18 or 19 year old as "kids" over them being still in there late teens. Are they young, of course its the first years of young adulthood so why do shows like Stranger Things seem to be so comfortable making 18 and 19 year olds hang around and flirt with teenage kids in high school.
@@anonymmynona8219 I get your point but the sexist origins of the age gaps for older men dosen't change the fact that people in different stages of life can still for eachother. Is it harder too? Yes, is it weird and bit creepy? Of course but it dosen't change the fact that middle aged men and women can fall in love with someone with a younger adult and even raise a family. Now elders dating adults? Yeah thats just gross and easily abusive
Dunno about age gap but aged grapes are raisins and I hate those
Me too
My husband trying to cite Tupac lyrics and oof
When I was 19 I worked at a store where all the other employees were aged 45 and up. I used to work evening shifts with this one lady and we had such a fun time. We had similar tastes and hobbies but due to her age and life experience she was able to give me tons of great advice. She also showed me that it was okay to be different from the standard in our small town and to stop caring what others thought. And she preferred to be friends with younger people because most of the people around her age in that town tended to be very old fashioned in their way of thinking and judged her for being a bit "weird." She even ended up marrying a guy about 15 years younger who was clearly madly in love with her. She was exactly the person I needed to befriend when I was just becoming an adult and trying to figure out myself and my life.
Age gap relationships really depends on context.
A 20-year-old dating a 15-year-old is creepy and gross, but a 20-year-old dating a 25-year-old is completely fine in most cases
Yes, a lot happens between 20 and 25 too, but not to the same degree as between 15 and 20. When you're under 20, you haven't really lived on your own, and you are still taken care of by adults in your life. By the time you're 20 and over, the majority of people have lived and experienced things, and after that your maturity is not solely determined by age.
Someone can be 30, but not necessarily more "experienced" than a 23-year-old, so them dating is not a power imbalance NECESSARILY. This is where context and the level of maturity of the indivuals in the relationship kick in.
And, at some point we just got to let people make their own mistakes, regardless of what we think.
I have a friend who constantly goes for older men (she's 22 and her last boyfriend was 40). Did I approve? No. Did I believe she was being abused/manipulated? Also no.
Yeah, i think it is important to understand that there are no hard and fast rules for these things. Not everyone (mentally) ages at the same rate.
I think an age gap can be POTENTIAL red flag. I wouldn't tell anyone over 21 to not be in an age gap relationship, but i would also advice them to be wary as there is a higher chance they could get manipulated compared to someone dating someone of their own age. Expect if they're in their early twenties.
@@user-ny1wo1vp9r agree!
I agree. My aunt and uncle are about 20 years apart but they met when she was 40 and he was 60. They had both been independent adults for a long time so no one really thinks it’s weird
Yea but why do people expect different things from people at different ages? And a lot happens between 40 and 60 you don’t stop changing during your adulthood
@@oooh19 well I can't speak for OP's family, but I doubt a man in his 60s dating a 40 year old woman is expecting or hoping for kids or be going through the more temoutous parts of building a life. So a lot of the really big life decisions in a marriage are relatively settled.
The fallacy in this video is that there are age-gap relationships *without* any sort of power imbalance. There aren't. There is *always* a power imbalance - the older partner will always have more life experience. They will always have the advantage of knowledge. The question is how the couple chooses to navigate this inherent power imbalance - does the older partner help the younger partner grow and come into their own? Or do they manipulate and groom the younger partner to fit their idea of who they ought to be?
Sometimes it's just two people with an age gap between them who happen to fall in love. Not all age-gap relationships are automatically toxic or abusive. *But older people who serial-date much younger ones? Who deliberately and consistently target youngins? Yeah. Stay the fuck away from those, kids. Avoid, avoid, avoid.*
The first part of your comment is simplistic. Power imbalances can happen for all kinds of reasons; often this is for the reason you describe, but it's certainly not impossible for a younger person to have a degree of knowledge and insight that an older partner lacks. I suspect it's fairly common, in fact, for a younger person to have something in this area that the older partner is attracted to precisely because they know they are lacking it. But in other areas of their lives the older partner may have the balance of power. My point is, it's complicated, and we should be very careful about over-generalizing, which seems to be a bad habit of many online who express rage at every public relationship where an age-gap exists, even when they have no real idea of what's happening in that relationship.
@@colonelweird exactly
Thank you, I'm glad I came to the comments first cause I knew they've been having some sketchy, problematic takes lately🙄
Yer age gaps aren't always bad it just depends. If the older person new the younger one for a large chunk of their children that's always a huge red flag. I dated older much older partners for a while. The biggest gap being almost 30 years. I found them to be very immature who never grew up and it was easy to manipulate them. But my partner now is 7 years older then me and we're a perfect match. I'd never date anyone who was younger than me.
I think we often rely on this very fuzzy notion of 'experience' to justify power imbalances in these cases. Yes greater age does mean more time do things, and gather knowledge, but as any school's test results would tell you that doesn't always mean it's done effectively.
I think it's more useful to be specific with power dynamics. In these relationships it's not age but stuff like high position in work, societal prestige from fame or wealth, freedom of being able to drive or have more control over hours (Scott Pilgrim springs to mind) or prior experience in relationships that tend to be important power dynamics (obviously this list is comprehensive). In the case of targeting young people that seems to generally be using prior relationship experience to trick someone into thinking of toxic behaviours as normal, which isn't so much a feature of age as it is of practice. (Red Rocket as covered here would be a good example of this). Whereas in other works its the security of having a job and income (which also helps explain abuses of the elderly by established adults).
I think the advantage of seeing power imbalance as something structural and not as a woolly notion of 'experience' is that it helps us articulate precisely what is wrong with the relationship and whether it's a foundational aspect in the relationship or just a tangential feature. This is important because it gets us away from relying on truisms or generalisations to actual specifics as to what is wrong with a relationship and how to tell (and also reframes it in a way that has potential to interlock with wider criticisms of power structures which I'm always up for). It's true that many age difference relationships are abusive, but I think that's often a feature of abuse and power generated by society's tendency to lock certain age groups (the young and the elderly) out of access while simultaneously eroticising youth and rewarding abusive behaviour by people in power.
Sorry, that got a little woolly there itself as an explanation.
Even though Monica and Richard didn’t start dating until adults, I find it a tad uncomfortable since they met when one of them was a minor, especially a young child. I think what makes it different than gr//ming is that Richard didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings for her until she became an adult (in her mid twenties, I believe), so it wasn’t like he was waiting for her to turn 18 so he can get with her. I think that’s a very important distinction to make. People are still allowed to be uncomfortable about it though. 🤷♀️
Yes agree. It's not grooming. And people CAN be uncomfortable with it because of their "morality" and since it is a relationship in media, just as they can be uncomfortable with an lgbt couple. The same "nothing wrong with it, but i don't like it" mindset of trad, cis, and straight people.
And of course, since the older partner is a man, people are more critical of it than if the older partner is a woman.
The thing is about Richard, he'd only been with his wife before Monica and definitely didn't seem like he liked them young. Still creepy though!
I like that Monica had more partners than Richard by the time they got together. Ironically, none were as poised or mature as she was, making Richard all the more appealing. It literally didn't work out because of the age difference, he couldn't give her what she wanted.
Still not nearly as bad as the licorice Pizza relationship.
Driving Lessons starring Rupert Grint, Julie Walters, Laura Linley, ect is such a beautiful example of a fully platonic relationship developing between a teen boy and much older woman, that ends up being hugely beneficial for all involved. Love doesn't always have to equate to romantic love, platonic relationships can be just as important/significant.
Sad not many know this film, it's honestly so good
I feel like a lot of the platonic age gap relationships are so much more positive in the long run then the romantic ones. I really enjoy the movie Mrs Palfrey at the Claremont where a lonely older woman becomes friends with a young man who is trying to become a writer.
@@tiptoes209 They definitely can be! I think because a platonic relationship does have different types of needs and expectations than a romantic one, it can end up leaving more room for independence.
+
If a 30 something y.o is only interested in dating under 25, it’s because they want a partner whose brain isn’t fully developed yet and is still easy to manipulate. Bear that in mind ladies.
i would agree until i met my now boyfriend of over a year. hes 23 and i’m 33. didn’t know his age at first and figured he was 26. doesn’t matter though. the attraction is there and we both respect and love each other.
@@mariecait You weren't interested in him because of his age though, that's the difference.
For some reason, every time I say this, everyone throws a hissy fit. “If they’re legal, they’re legal” but there is so much different between even a 25 year old and an 18 year old.
thank you!
@J if you have to justify the relationship 'if they're legal, they're legal' then there's something wrong, hence the need for a justification.
Age gaps in fandoms tend to be overtly confusing and double standard. You have ships that are tease in shows yet some viewers don't like them cause there's a 4 or 3 year difference (like GF Dipper and Wendy) Yet are completely fine with a non-canon crossover ship where you have a 20 something Elsa with 300 year old eternally young Jack Frost.. who is often drawn stalking/spying on Elsa since she was a toddler. Then again the Twilight books and movies created that whole weird Centuries age gap dynamic with fangirls justifying loving a centuries old guy as long as they are "hot".
Elsa is lesbian. But you are correct.
That’s so true. We are okay with non human characters dating teens, because they look the same age, when their minds are actually much older. Sometimes they act like teens, which makes it easy to forget they’re not, and other times they act their age. But yeah, it’s really not appropriate. They should do a separate video on supernatural characters and age gaps.
Twilight did not create that.
@
I think Idina Menzel said she seen Elsa as ace more than anything
Dipper is a child and Wendy knew him as a young child. Jack and Elsa are both adults.
When it comes to age gaps. It's OK as long as the younger person has been an adult for a while and has a equal dynamic with the older person. It's not necessarily wrong but there is a line and the good thing about this day and age is, we are starting establish that line. My grandmother is a black woman from the south. She had her first child at 11 with my Grandfather, whom was in his thirties. No one ever really said their relationship was wrong because when he died she never married again. They said she loved him. But it was wrong as hell to me. Disgusting even.
It's definitely wrong. So sorry to hear that.
11!!?? Your grandad was clearly a paddy. Sad
He was a pedophile
Maybe 11 year olds shouldn't having children with ANYONE? Stop with this "power dynamic" nonsense. If every other situation we consider the presence of an older, wiser person a good thing.
The thing with an age gap friendship or relationship being a possible learning opportunity is that the older person HAS to feel like they’re learning something from the younger partner instead of just always “teaching” or guiding. If the older person can’t value the input of the younger person, then there will ALWAYS be a power imbalance.
👍
+
Thats how I feel about all age differences of any type relationship. Its arrogant to think somebody younger than you cant teach you anything.
south korea is examining the taboo of age gap relationships with a relatively new type of kdramas, the noona romances. it offers an exploration of what it is to be a 30 plus woman in this modern world and how relationships work
So r they supporting the age gaps or trying to reduce it
@@vector3d654 supporting in the sense of older women younger men, wich is a great feminsit subversion of the trope! All noona romances i watched had healthy romances and dealt with it very maturely
@@ilincabogza BTW just outta curiosity what's feminsit subcersion? Couldn't find it on Google. Thanks for replying anyways
@@vector3d654 I think they meant subversion.
@@vector3d654 it's not a duality of support/ be against, more a matter of exploring what age difference means for each culture. In Korean society, which is very conservative and looks based, many noona stories show healthy loving relationships that are trying to hold up against society's pressure
Let's also mention the SNL sketch "meet your second wife" to show why the 15+yrs difference is just gross.
That video was disturbing.
Yeah, the "Teacher Trial" sketch they kept mentioning was actually critiquing the double standard, NOT endorsing it. It was doing the exact same thing as the South Park episode where Ike starts dating the teacher, and the cops all just say, "Niiiiiice."
"Meet Your Second Wife" straight-up calls out how gross it is that we accept relationships between older men and women who could be their daughters. And it was especially great because Amy Poehler had a hand in writing it... right after she divorced Will Arnett and he was dating a bunch of 18-to-20-year-old women.
That is a great caustic satire. It reeks of Tina Fey! Oh, wait, I forgot about Amy Poehler.... Every detail about that sketch was just so perfect.
@@amityislandchum I think most people understand that it would be wrong for a 20 year old to date a 10 year old, but if those same people were 50 years old and 40 years old, it would be fine. Age gaps become less important the older you get.
All the concerns being discussed in the comments are valid regarding age gap relationships, but very few people bring up elder abuse or different potential power imbalances in an age gap relationship. When the older partner goes through an illness for example.
There are a lot of people who ignore that the idea that a younger partner could be abusive or exploit a power imbalance and I wish it were acknowledged more often.
Old person shouldnt have sought them out
I have been in age gap relationships, the key thing is mutual respect, which many are missing.
We gonna talk about ACS Impeachment? I wonder how Beanie and Clive got through the weird kiss scenes, cause they made me uncomfortable. And not just because I was afraid Clive's fake nose was going to eat Beanie's pretty face.
My most enriching relationships have always been with people older than me or younger. Platonic and romantic. I love learning from others who didn't experience everything the same way I did. It's a great way to reflect and understand people better
what are you on about
Consenting adults being together is obviously fine, but power imbalances and abuse can take *any* form
When I watched Friends as a teen, I thought Monica and Richard were sweet, because they were just 2 attractive people who fell in love. But as an adult, I had my own "Richard" pursue me... I was 26 and ran into an old friend of my dad's, who started chatting with me ostensibly to "catch up with the family." Soon, it became flirting with me and asking me out. I felt *incredibly* creeped out by it, because this guy had known me as a child. And he wasn't even that close to my dad, unlike Richard, who is said to be Monica's dad's best friend. I can't even watch that storyline anymore.
I'm so sorry :( Take care.
For queer relationships, we face a smaller dating pool and have to branch out more to find the right person.
I am kind of squicked by dating someone much younger (or older), but compatibility is more important than age.
It should not matter to hetrosexual relationship neither
+
I love the commentary about the importance of non-romantic relationships between different generations. Growing up as a kid almost all of my friends where my parents and grandparents friends or seniors I met in our neighborhood. Their ages ranged from 45 - 85 and then I had a handful of friends my own age and some that were younger. At age 34 I have friends from every generation ranging from 19 to 93. Additionally, I'm friends with some of my younger cousins and my older friends kids so that means teenagers, older kids, and little tykes.
I learn and get so much from every age group. I especially love that my elder friends taught me at a very young age, life is too short to care what other people think. And you should never regret not dying your hair a weird color, getting piercings, or getting tattoos, or dressing a certain way because of what other people might think. Honestly, I totally see why the generations combat each other. But I also see it's mostly caused by miscommunication, stereotypes, and fear.
For the older generations it comes from fear of being forgotten and having the worst parts of your time thrown back in your face when there is nothing you can do about the past now. All while the most beautiful parts of your time are ignored. Are the progess they made is minimized by today's standards even though it was huge at the time. Or they feel like the world is changing too fast and leaving them behind and the younger generations aren't listening to them to gain some of their wisdom and can outright dismiss the or the experiencs they have had throughout a life time.
The middle generations are coping with the lose of being the relevant generation. And much like the older generation being picked apart without the younger realize the progress the generation before them made directly influenced the progress they are making today. And the younger generation just wants to step up and take an active role in society.
However, they are being picked apart for being stupid and lost and that they are going to ruin the world when they are literally at an age when we were all a little stupid, figuring out who are, making mistakes, and realizing what we stand for. Additionally, every generation before said the younger would bring about ruination and yet here we are. Furthermore, the older generations tend to take what a handful of zummers did and spread it across all of them. Partly due to the sensationalized reportings of 24 hour news channels. For example only like 5 kids actually ate tide pods. The rest of the videos were done with editing, which is pretty impressive. And yet the news broadcast it as the trend sweeping the nation's youth.
I really wish people could stop generational wars. It's literally a viscous cycle that serves no purpose other than to hold us back and make us stagnant. I wish we could start learning from each other and growing.
I love the rounded out person I have become. The way I'm better able to understand other people, put myself in their shoes, sympathize with them and find common ground. I wouldn't be able to do all that without all the things I have learned from being friends with people many different age groups.
If you read this all the way through I thank you for being one of few people willing to read something that is a little more than a few paragraphs long. Sadly people are becoming more and more unwillingly to do so. And it really isn't a good thing.
I wouldn't mind seeing more younger men with older women...I've had some horrific experiences with older men and I've noticed younger men of today seem to be more considerate and open minded I had a guy 12 years younger than my ex treat me way better than he ever did.
I'm not gonna add any thoughts about creepiness or grooming or double standards or Hollywood, that's all already in the comments. I'm gonna talk about my parents instead, maybe as a cautionary tale? Or maybe not.
There was a 10-year age gap between my parents. They met in her 30s and his 40s. They had some problems, but the vast vast majority of them were from them coming from an "old fashioned" way of living where mental health problems are ignored and swept under the rug. They never got help for their problems and my dad staunchly refused to believe anything could possibly be wrong with *me*, despite the deck being stacked against me by two family trees.
Anyway, the biggest problem they experienced actually came from Dad's end of life. He didn't get help for his physical health until it was far too late (stage 4 cancer). The problem here came from him expecting Mum, his younger wife, to be his nursemaid. But, he was pushing 80 and she was pushing 70 at the time, and *she* had a ton of her own physical problems that came from genetics and age. He thought: she was 10 years younger than him! She should have been able to be his nurse! She was both physically and mentally incapable (she had trouble with *my* physical needs when I was a baby, ffs--she also didn't want to be a mother, but that's a whole other story).
So I think actually my biggest takeaway for real, when there's no weird power imbalances or "grooming" or anything like that, is that if there's a 10-year or more age gap between couples looking to genuinely spend their lives together, they need to be *very* clear with each other what you are and are not capable of dealing with for end-of-life. The younger partner needs to know if they're going to be expected to be a nurse, and the older partner needs to know whether or not the younger partner is actually going to be capable of that, and they must act and plan accordingly. I can say with a lot of certainty that my dad, whether it was true or not, died feeling lonely and neglected because my mum wasn't capable of taking care of him the way he thought she would because of their age difference.
@Mihael Keehl Hey, then it means me being born is wrong, too, right? And, uh, that's not true for either of us!
(And get this: my folks met at work and also she is 4'11" and he's 6'1" and people think *that* is gross and weird.)
I'm kind of surprised more people haven't yelled at me about saying that in my estimation they only thing age-gap couples need to keep in mind is end-of-life care. And, like, I have to admit that I have a lot of side-eye for dudes whose girlfriends stay the same age as he gets older, but I really don't have a problem with age differences when everyone's an adult and one partner doesn't have some kind of power over the other.
The one that I hate the most is Batman and Batgirl from the Animated Series, now that ticks all the "creepy power dynamic" boxes.
You mean 'The killing Joke'. Yeah that was unbeilable bad.
It's from the movie not the series. The series is a work of art.
@@tonyofhousestark1511 The Animated Series had the relationship, Batman Beyond even confirmed it, because for some reason Bruce Timm was in love with that pairing. The scene in the Killing Joke was some shit that should have gotten whoever came up with it slapped in the back of the head.
@@Lordx718 that came from bruce timm weird obsession too
Here’s my two cents on this topic.
I met my boyfriend, now fiancé, three years ago. At the time, I was twenty-four and he was forty-one. Neither of us had dated someone significantly older or younger before that, and neither of us had the desire to find a partner with a specific age gap. We just ended up clicking due to mutual wants, interests, and feelings.
When we first started dating, we did have a few people that were skeptical about our relationship. One person in particular said some especially hurtful things to me about it. I admit, these kind of comments did get to me and I wasn’t initially sure that we’d work out. But over time, our age difference became less and less important. It’s pretty rare that we even think about it now.
I get why people may be concerned about relationships with age differences, and it’s important to acknowledge that abuses of power can happen in this dynamic. But sometimes, love just happens regardless of age. As long as it’s a legal, healthy, and happy relationship, age really can be just a number.
I think after a specific age it doesn’t matter but when someone targets someone specifically younger that’s what makes it weird. My parents have an age gap and it shows up in a bad way, and I think the case with you and your fiancé is that you both clicked due to personality but sometimes age gaps don’t guarantee a healthy or mature relationship and that’s what people who normalize it do. If one was a teen and their lover/spouse an adult it gets creepy. If you’re not above 21 age gaps don’t have a healthy dynamic especially if it started in a situation where one person met the other while they were really young.
I’m sorry someone said those hurtful things to you as wish you both well and a happy marriage.
@@BleedingLiar17 yes it doesn't matter if attraction works
This is so refreshing and similar to what I've heard from a lot of other couples with similar stories of how they connected, as well as their respective age gaps. I happen to enjoy the connections I've had with older partners, as well as some my age, but feel very little attraction to folks younger than me. We're all consenting adults who have cared for and respected each other.
So glad it has worked out well for you and your fiance, but I do hope you have settled with the fact that you will probably end up being his caretaker and maybe even a young widow.
@@yolandatoba5665 This comment was just rude and unnecessary. They've likely heard this argument from people who actually know and care for them.
I’m 40 and as I get older I get more and more disgusted with guys my age or older chasing women young enough to be their daughters. There’s definitely a double standard the other way around. But it’s the same. When I was 21 I dated a 37 year old. Feel like we were definitely both using each other. What I’m getting at is at the time I just figured we were both consenting adults. But she held all the power in our dynamic. My parents were 41-42 at the time and I see now why they were disgusted and disappointed in me.
Them being "disgusted and disappointed" doesn't sound very supportive though.
Interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what were you using each other for, and what was the reason you started dated?
There shouldn't be a double standard. Men and women should be free to date other adults regardless of age. Enough of this neo-puritan garbage. If your 40 year old friends were dating minors I could see your point.
@@anakinthemannequin69
Not gonna comment on the broader Occident or non-White W.E.I.R.D.-allied/aligned countries(like Japan).
But across lower 48 America+the Anglo commonwealth, new strains of explicitly fundamentalist "trad" busybodies & woke puritans are ramping up.
Stop with this "power dynamic" non sense. What does that even mean? Mental power? There's no other situation where we think the best thing for a stupid, immature mind, is another stupid, immature mind. If your daughter was an airhead and she brought home the class valedictorian for dinner, you wouldn't say "Oh noes, power imbalance!" You'd say "Oh good, someone smart and well put together who will keep her out of trouble." Financial power? The only financial power someone could have over someone else in a relationship is the power of the carrot. That's like complaining about your boss exercising power over you by raising your salary and thus making your more reluctant to leave your job.
A woman dating a younger man is fine. If that man is an adult. Again for the people in the back ADULT. Just don't get into a relationship with a minor if you are an adult. It's not so hard. Don't do thing to kids you wouldn't want done to YOUR kids ( it's kind of unsettling that many child preditors are married and have kids )
Don't forget Sam and Rebecca on Ted Lasso. It's played up a bit like a "You've Got Mail" situation as they fall for each other anonymously (through texts) but once they find out who the other person is, they still go for it. I thought it was refreshing that neither was turned off by the age difference, but it was a little weird that the writing never addresses the power dynamic of an club owner dating a player.
By the way, on Ozark, **spoilers** Darlene is a psychotic drug dealer who murdered her own husband and stole an infant, so yea, there was concern for young Wyatt being with her!
Rebecca brought up her being his employer before they even got started
For me, the line is around the 10 year gap where couples strike me as normal, or to have a significant gap. Like the difference between Olivia Wilde/Jason Sudekis; or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. The first pair seem like peers to me, a typical couple. But with Tom and Katie, their gap seems noticeable. I think their gaps are 10 and 14, respectively.
Exactly. 10 years isn't an issue, obviously in adult ages. It's when it gets passed that that it starts to get a little weird.
As someone who works in a nursing home with two older man young woman relationships I'm going to tell you the not always the sexy older man. Sometimes you're just pushing around an old man in a wheelchair. You're in your Prime of your adulthood and you're Tethered to an old man. As long as you're a consenting adult I don't feel I have the right to tell you what to do but I'm just saying sometimes you got to think about the end not just the beginning and middle.
Aaaaaand that’s my concern. I met someone 14yrs older than me and thought to myself “He’s going to slow down considerably in the next 14 years)” 🤔
Yepp
It sounds like some of the women who are dating older men are hoping to marry them and then inherit their money when he dies.
@@greywolf7577 Usually older men aren’t looking for younger women because of their personalities or character lol
@@greywolf7577 way to judge a whole group of people you don't know. Do you always make sweeping statement about a whole group of people or is it just women
There's a big difference between a 50 year old with a 60 year old and a 25 year old with a 18 year old.
My sister was 10 years older then me, I grew up with her age groups influence. When I met my husband who is 9 years old than me in my 20s I was just finishing up my degree and was financially independent. I had more in common with him than I did men my own age. I also wanted marriage and men my age were not ready for that. 10 years later we are both still married and in love, and about to have our first baby. I didn’t think twice about age because my Mom was 12 years older than my Dad. I can understand how certain situations are clearly inappropriate but not always the case.
That's not really an problematic "age gap" though.
@@gamma21285 who decides
what age it becomes problematic?
@@sgtigereye Honestly nobody because it's really none of nobody's business what two consenting adults do
In the end, it's still depends on the people in relationships.
My uncle and aunt's age difference is around 13 years, and they worked well as a couple and loyal husband-wife, even until now. They met when my aunt was in highschool and he was already got a stable position in his job. They didn't really date but they're close. My uncle ended up waited until she finished her college, got stable job, and was ready to marry him... (He waited for more than 10 years)...
And, while some people still could say they're way too far apart in age, whenever I met them, I don't see these problems people usually said about them. They're amazing as husband and wife, as parents, and especially as uncle and aunt
I hope you don't mind me asking, he was single for more than 10 years for your aunt?
about straight age gap vs a gay one, I think it's important to note that from our culture, there is a gender-powered system (that works for both men and women, as you state in the video), and so I think in a same sex relationship, we accept it more because they both have the same (or more similar) cultural struggles regarding their respective gender. That's a theory though, and I don't believe it completely but I think there's something to consider about sharing some experiences through having the same gender in a relationship.
Bullshit, you are just trying to justify it for one type or relationship. Either for both is ok or not ok.
@@rmv9194 yeah dude you tell her! and by her i mean the me from three weeks ago
Honestly, I still don’t understand why same-Sex relationships aren’t as closely scrutinised in movies. I.e. call me by your name - I loved that movie and the story itself is beautiful, but the age gap was uncomfortable to me, especially because one of them is underage (17 I think)
Yeah, I like the film, but I am bothered by that as well. They could have made him 18 (Timothee Chalamet, who plays him, was 20 at the time) and it wouldn't be so glaring. As his young age is never a plot-point in the film, I am surprised they went with it to begin with.
@@AlirioAguero2 I'm glad you agree. He could've been a university student that still lived with his parents or whatever - whatever isn't glorifying a relationship with a minor --,--
@@excessivelyfangirlingbookw3339 The film is set in Italy, so an adult, especially a young adult, still living with his parents, wouldn't be out of place. Southern Europe has higher percetange of adults still living at home compared to Western Europe or the US. I am baffled by the choice to make him only 17, since it's never even important to the plot.
@@AlirioAguero2 Italians on average care WAY less about age gap moralizing than Americans do.
Technically consensual adults dating is not grooming, grooming requires exploitation or manipulation from one person to the other.
However, age gaps = knowledge gaps, and knowledge is power, so the relationship has a power imbalance, and is inherently unfair. That alone should be enough to make both parties, cautious.
The older party has more knowledge & life experience - they can draw on that experience to (1) manage their emotions so they don’t become vulnerable until they want to, (2) set the tone for how serious or casual the relationship will be, and (3) protect their self-interests - not putting anything on the table that they can’t afford to lose.
Imagine a fight between two people where one is 200 lbs. and the other is 100 lbs… can the larger person “go easy” and keep it a clean fight? Sure. Might they still lose? Sure. But during the entire fight, the smaller person will be giving it their maximum effort to compete, and the larger one will be able to “do their fair share” by putting forth minimal effort… does that sound like a fair fight to you?
You could argue fairness is not all a relationship is about. But which fighter would you rather be?
With that reasoning, relationships were one partner is smarter, more rational, wealthier and/or a better decision maker are all imbalanced.
My first love was 49 and I was 24. I loved him very much, but the power dynamic was huge. He had alot more knowledge, sexual experience, and financial stability (he was a physician)than me. At the end of the day he just didn't take me seriously. He'd switch between treat me like a child and treating me like a woman as it suited him.
@@stevenlannister184 It probably has more todo with experiacne, mature & growth. Smart young people probably feel so mature & special that their able to get someone older, but their just older.
It's not as black and white as that. I'd argue that there's a diminishing return in terms of the knowledge (or power) gained, the older the parties are.
A knowledge/power imbalance within a relationship of a 60 yo and a 40 yo - is very different to a relationship between a 40 yo and 20 yo.
In both cases, the gap is 20 years. But a 60 year old's mental maturity is not going to far surpass the 40 year old's - if at all (depending on the person). And the the 40 year old likely knows what to expect from the relationship.
You can also be older but kind of socialy akward and have very little experience in relationships. Does that make it ok?
I know someone who is forty and was in a relationship only once in his life for a few month. I think if he told me "I met a 25 year old and we are in love" I would see no power imbalance here...
My boyfriend is 13 years younger. Before I had those relationships with guys twice my age - never worked out. They wanted a simple, "uncomplicated", very "open minded" girl, who didn't ask too much questions. They also gaslit me, told me, I am too old (them being twice my age), no one would ever want me, I am "done" when turning 30, that was it for me and so on. I would end up alone, older women are gross (them honestly being gross in some areas), I should be happy to have them, because no one else would want me. And after all these years of being gaslit by older men I have a young boyfriend, who healed everything they destroyed. He treats me like a princess and loves everything about me, unconditionally. Why are older men like this? Is it some sort of revenge or something? It almost broke me.
Well not only do I think ppl r trolls and that they have no real clue of what sh is like. But most importantly there is way too much sh going for any similar things to even be that similar. LOL I'm sure my husband doesn't think I'm gross. But I'm sure he thinks others are 🙄. Am I that crazy desperate bish that proposed to him? Nope! He initiated all that. Although I used to think his mom put him up to it. But then thought no way could a dude ever be so much of a mommy's boy, he'd play himself... this damn hard. I dont even know y im here. It's taken some time but haha I think we've beaten so many odds already. And w/ out even trying. ...I made the 1% in something at least... wasn't even aware we made that statistic. W/ however many others. my husband def has mentioned older men being his competition. They're just not tho. Bc too late, I got blinged up. Sometimes he still does kid ish. But so do I. Other things, simply there's just not another him. As far as older guys calling sh gross, they absolutely have no room to talk. I remember when this guy watched me grow some. I'm not gonna be specific about him. Not bc of some weird Stockholm thing or wever ish but bc nunya. I dont exactly remember his phrasing but he pretty much hit on me. Then I think I tried to pull a bratty wtf antic... I think he said ok but ure older now. My head ok but ure already even older than how u was back then. Bc back then, I still thought u were old.
Older men who go for younger women have a lot of baggage already and grew up in more misogynistic times. Some are divorced and bitter or they're going through mid-life crisis. If they wanted a partner on their level of experience, they would look for a woman their age. The fact they don't tells you a lot about them. Sadly, I've had the same experiences with older men, them trying to destroy a woman's self-esteem and seeing them as a plaything.
Yup it's a problem even in real life where 99% cases has male as much older party whereas women are younger ..and their previous exes that is their older female partner either dead , erased , forgotten or made into villains ...this cannot be ignored
Secondly when the other party whether it is men or women are teenagers and other much older party groomed them ..it's disgusting
I’ve noticed a trend in r/relationships that there’re a lot of men grooming, using, and causing problems for much younger women. I’ve always side-eyed age gap relationships.
nah i see alot of older women doing the same
Your completely delusional if you think men are the older ones 99% of the time. Woman don’t do it that much less than men, it’s just not reported as much and people because of double standards.
People tend to blame men for dating younger women, but you have to realize that the younger women were also seeking the older men. They are just as much to blame. Younger doesn't automatically mean innocent.
@@greywolf7577 do you blame younger men who are rapped abused or forced into drugs ..or joined some harmful gangs ...do you sympathise with them or just equate them to those monster just like you perceived young women ..because I don't blame young men
A cute pairing that had an age gap was Hazel and Agnes from the Umbrella Academy. Yes, she was older but he was a time traveling assassin who wanted a simple life. They were one of the most wholesome pairings in the show
Age gap relationships can be weird but sometimes I don’t blame younger women going for older men. Younger men are setting the bar realll low.
Younger women are so bad they're driving men to Japanese sex pillows 🤣
Older men are sexier.
Eh, personally I don't go in for massive generalisations like that! It will depend on the guy. The same as it does for women.
@ No all..some do....but they are actually rare...he has to be married to the gym, have healthy life style..because it is seen on him very easily. If he just sit and drinks, he will look like he is going to pass to the next life in min, in his 40s. But there are some very attractive, depends on dna and how well they take care of themselves. Same goes for woman too. If you do not take care of yourself, it is easily seen in your 30s and later.
@@HodajuciParadoks true. There are some exceptions, though. I'm 31, but people give me 22, 23 everytime.
Here's the thing. Automatically pathologizing age-gap hetero relationships makes women vulnerable. If dating a younger woman is seen as socially unacceptable, guess what's going to happen? It will give the man a very convenient justification to keep the relationship a secret from the outside world and keep the women isolated from relevant parts of his life. Treating this type of relationship as toxic actually makes it easier for abusers to get away with abuse.
We also shouldn't forget that the woman or younger person can be just as much of an abuser as the older man can, so keeping the relationship hidden hurts everyone.
When you want to keep something hidden is because you know it's wrong
My ex was 3 years younger than me (both in our 20s) and I got so much shit for it from all my friends I considered breaking up with him because everyone said the age gap was too big (21 & 24)
So weird, my roommate and friend just told me yesterday that he is starting to date someone who is 10 years older than him. He is 25 and the other guy is 35, my friend is being mature and communicative about that. He told me, that he appreciates having someone who is in different stage of his life than him.
10 years isn't an issue. Hardly an age gap really
@@gamma21285 lmao it's definitely an age gap, not bad overall after 20-25 tbh
@@snowfrosty1 it's not huge and it's acceptable(although I stand by the fact it's really none of nobody's business what two consenting adults do no matter if it's an 15, 20 or 30 gap.).
BTW I hope this comment don't make you "lmao" like the last one 🙄
I was skeptical just from the Title of the video (since the world is up in arms about "Sexual Grooming" and most don't even fully understand what those terms mean), but I was very happy to see a very nuanced and measured take about the history, the pros and cons of age gaps, and how not every relationship of this nature is evil, but that we as a society should be better at telling the difference.
Wonderful work!
I agree with everything you said here! :)
The video still isn’t perfect. Despite acknowledging the double standards in how society views these relationships based on gender, there still show clear double standards on there own part by essentially justifying the relationship in licorice Pizza, being the only age gap relationship with an underage character that they defended.
Friendships between generations are all fine. But when the the younger person isn't fully developed (brain doesn't mature until mid twenties) and it's romantic/sexual then it becomes toxic and/or abusive. Older persons who pursue younger then mid twenties persons romantically/sexually are usually toxic in one way or another. These relationships shouldn't be normalized in pop culture. If they're both over mid twenties, then there isn't much difference, other than experience, so that's fine.
And yet there are age gap relationships that started before the younger party was 25 that are in fact healthy. Talking is absolutes is not wise when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
@@AD-ry7br Younger than 25, yes. Younger than 20, hardly (unless there's a very small 5/6 age difference). Younger than 18, no.
@@AlirioAguero2
Again, depends. The younger they get, the less likely it is, but talking in absolutes will always means you'll end up being wrong somehow.
I respect your opinion a that´s it.
I personally had an ex who was 36 years my senior. It ran on for 3 years but it was essentially the age gap that ended the whole thing. Age isn't "just a number" it actually does matter when the other person is more than twice your age. I was divorced at 26, and rebound dated a man in his 60s. It didn't work in the end, he didn't want marriage or children and I was in a season of my life where I wanted those things and he didn't. He also didn't want the baggage I came with, a young toddler. So lesson learned. I marry my fiance who is 8 years older than me, in three weeks time. I'm so glad that age gap relationship ended!
wait, no front for you and glad you are in a happy, fulfilling relationship. But aren't 8 years also an age gap? Of course much smaller than 36 years, but when are we starting to call it an age gap and when is it around the same age? I thought people would find everything over 3-4 years to be an age gap...
@@mandydiao2805 No anything 10 and under is hardly an "age gap". Yeah there's some ignorant people who would think that but anybody with half a brain would know it's not bad at all.
It does matter I wish I understood it at the time but as he got older I felt less attracted to him
@@gamma21285 I mean, my bf is 9 years younger and no one has been shocked when we told them but before beginning the relationship we both struggled with the age difference because we thought it could be a potential issue. Turns out it isn't, at least until now. We're together for a year now. Never had someone that treated me as good as he does. But I always thought that our difference would be considered an age gap 🤷
@@mandydiao2805 It's not. It's only a small gap. Not enough to make a huge difference in relationship or enough for people to make a big deal out of, which I always say it's none of nobody's business how big an age gap is in a couple's relationship, as long as it's legal and they're happy that's really all that matters. There shouldn't be worry of it being "socially acceptable".
We need to explore more May-November Romances. Of course, it does not excuse predatory behaviour.
I'm so glad that Harold & Maude was discussed here.
Well Steve Martin has looked basically the same for at least 20 years, so it's hard to tell his age relative to her in Only Murders in the Building. He's one of those who got middle aged early, and then just stayed there.
Lolita is not a love story
I just hope young women can detect when they're in a toxic relationships which don't benefit them emotionally.
The paradox with power imbalances in relationships is that the less powerful one is usually attracted to the other person explicitly because they are more powerful. Traditionally women are attracted to more powerful men and this can play out when you look at famous, good looking, powerful in their own right women, they tend to go for men that potentially could be more powerful than them ie Jay-z & Beyonce. Men typically on the other hand arent really concerned about overt power in women, in fact it can actually be a turn off, however their partner having more emotional intelligence than them could be something really important for them, (you can argue whether this is socially learned or inherent but it is what it is and im just talking generally).
Either way, theres no getting away from there always being some sort of power imbalance in a relationship, even if you think youre equal most likely one side has dampened their power to achieve this. The issue is how to navigate the inevitable power difference and the key is the more powerful one has to be very cognisant of not abusing their power, these are where the problems lie not in just the power itself. If they are able to do this then of course it will be a healthy relationship.
I didn't think it needed to be said when I started this video, but let's be clear: adults sleeping with minors is wrong. I didn't expect The Take to have such "nuanced" attitude toward pedophilia.
I’m glad they showed how nuanced these types of relationships can be. I have a cousin who is 35 dating a 23 year old. Sounds bad at first until you realize he spent 26 years in and out of the hospital, 7 months in a coma, and was unable to experience most of what his peers have. At 35 he has his first big boy job, is on his own for the first time. His girlfriend has been on her own longer and is farther into her studies (he has just earned a bachelor degree while she’s working on her PhD) and are actually doing really well together.
I'm wondering, though, does he LOOK way older than his girlfriend? That's about the only reason I could imagine people might judge their relationship. Otherwise, if they know him at all, it should make perfect sense to people how their relationship is totally appropriate. (My wife is 14 years younger than me, but people have always said I look a lot younger than I am, so a lot of people don't even realize there's that big of an age difference.)
Unfortunately he looks older than his years thanks to a lot of treatments leaving him a physical wreck. Damaged hair follicles leaving him balding, weakened physically (though this one is improving as time goes on), immune system issues. Most people think he’s in his 40’s.
Unfortunately he looks older than his years thanks to a lot of treatments leaving him a physical wreck. Damaged hair follicles leaving him balding, weakened physically (though this one is improving as time goes on), immune system issues. Most people think he’s in his 40’s.
Unfortunately he looks older than his years thanks to a lot of treatments leaving him a physical wreck. Damaged hair follicles leaving him balding, weakened physically (though this one is improving as time goes on), immune system issues. Most people think he’s in his 40’s.
Unfortunately he looks older than his years thanks to a lot of treatments leaving him a physical wreck. Damaged hair follicles leaving him balding, weakened physically (though this one is improving as time goes on), immune system issues. Most people think he’s in his 40’s.
I am surprised you didn't discuss Leon and Mathilda! It's a classic Lolita set-up, Leon being a grown man and Mathilda being 12 years old. However, he never touches her or acts inappropriately, despite her trying multiple times to seduce him, and him being a very lonely person. At the end, he tells her he loves her. He never says he is "in" love with her, merely that he loves her. And that's an important distinction. Throughout the movie you see him battle between his desire to be loved, and the realization that he is the older and more responsible party in the relationship. He chooses to do the right thing by her and sacrifice his own wants and desires for her wellbeing, in more ways than one. I won't spoil it any further!
I really wish we could have more positive representation on the media.
I'm 25 and my bf is 45 and ever since we started dating i noticed that almost every ship with the age gap trope ends up badly.
Someday i'll write a sitcom or something😂. This relationships can be healthy and good for some people.
If you haven’t watched Modern Family, you should give it a try! It’s a sitcom with a really fun, sweet, loving age gap relationship 💕💕
Please, do, Drea. We have to stop demonizing this trope. It feeds ageism, by the way.
U have found a good man. Girl u r lucky.
Unfortunately most older men are predatory by nature. They prey on the innocence of naive young girls/women. I mean look at DiCaprio he always dates women around the age of 20 and dispose them at the age of 25/26 I've heard. Look at Elon musk, brilliant man but with every passing wife the gap seems to grow. Sometimes he doesn't even wife them up Grimes for instance she even gave birth to his son then they broke up
Nevertheless u r a lucky girl so u better enjoy that girl 🤗🤗🤗
@ You're a predator
@ Exactly. Young doesn't always mean better.
My family on my dad side said to me: "He's the lucky one. You're young, pretty and he's almost 50... who would want that? Never let him forget that you're in charge, you can always drop him and do better".
My boyfriend is the better person, the secure one, the stable.
Meanwhile, i'm insecure, inmature and a lot to deal with😂.
When I was a teen in the ninetees I went to a pretty posh school in Amsterdam. For a while I tried to ingratiate with a group of - let's say - precosious, pretty, high-status girls (the Plastics, as Mean Girls would later call them). Among these girls it was absolutely not done to date someone your own age. A boyfriend had to be a college student at least, have a driver license (you can only drive in the Netherlands when your 18) and have his own place. Also I know for a fact there was some fooling around with the younger teachers at our school.
And trust me, these girls knew very well what they were doing. When I started dating a boy my own age - who is now my husband and the father of my child, by the way - my stock plummeted, so to speak. I'm just telling it how it went. What I take from it to this day is that a relationships with age gaps is not always just a matter of a creepy guy and a manipulated girl.
Sounds like we went to the same school.🤣
"relationships with age gaps is not always just a matter of a creepy guy and a manipulated girl" is the most delusional and shallow minded statement stop pretending like not all age gaps are wrong you're making zero sense age gap relationships are only about the insecurity of men when it comes to their obsession with women's fertility or women contributing to their own misogyny and becoming pick-me's
It is a little weird. Not just in how it makes us feel but how it works. I mean take say a 90 year old man together with an 80 year old woman or vice versa. It doesn’t carry the same sort of feeling you’d get from a say 28 year old man dating an 18 year old woman. The math checks out, the age gap is the same and if you imagine that the former couple had been together since they were the latter couple’s age suddenly it becomes less weird.
Maybe there’s a sort of disconnect that gets felt due to the age gap, where it’s like the place you found love was with someone pretty significantly outside your own age bracket and so likely someone you share very little life experience with. With age there’s this sense that you get more mature and so dating far outside your age bracket means you’re dating someone who is far more or less mature than you. Like you were a preschooler while they were graduating college and if you’d dated then it would literally be pedophilia. But the line is very thin and sharp, I mean my parents are less than 2 years apart, but it’s like if they were dating in high school it’d still be weird. I think this is just another stigma that we need to let go of and grow up from, so that we can look at individual relationships for what they are rather than what they look like from our culturally biased point of view. I mean if Hugh Hefner dated 20 year old porn stars that’s one thing, but if a 30 year old man dates a 50 year old woman or vice versa, maybe we just need to let go of our biases there. I mean the whole you were X when they were Y is nonsensical, because you can go “while he was a newborn baby you were a single sperm cell” even if you’re born the same year. When you’re young and growing up, it’s probably a lot healthier to date within your approximate age bracket, but as you get older, which I can attest to even though I’m only 23, you’re getting to a point where your maturation tapers off, the rate it grows is slowing down. At that point, age differences in relationships becomes far less objectively meaningful.
I'm 43, my fiancee is 31 and if we were to list 100 things we each love about the other, neither would list the age difference among the top 100. On the other hand, the age difference never caused us any problem in life. So what I find most inaccurate about age gap relationships is that couples are together "because" or "despite" the age gap, when "regardless of" would be the realistic option. I also strongly dislike fetishized age gaps. This is not not kink-shame anyone, as long as all people involved are consenting adults, enjoy what you like, just be aware that age gap couples in real life and age gap couples in movies are at the very least as different as lesbians in real life are from lesbians on Youporn.
What I was expecting you to mention was the double standards in Friends! Monica + Richard was seen positively, but the relationship between Phoebe's brother and his teacher was wrong. Also! Monica calls her relationship with the high school senior "icky". So, old men and young women = good, and the reverse = bad.
Not condoning anything, but I wonder whether the 'ick' factor was due to differences in emotional maturity. The high school senior and Frank Jr (Phoebe's brother) both seemed 'young' and immature and were still in school. Whereas Monica and Tag (Rachel's 24yo boyfriend when she was 29) were around mid-twenties, living independently, already started their careers. Perhaps physical maturity/appearances also adds to this.
The relationship betweent Frank and Alice was wrong on all the levels. Monicas icky HS bf basically manipulated her and she rightly put an end to it. Both these relationships were wrong, but in the former it was not treated wrong but in the latter it was given the right treatment.
Monica and Richard is extremely close, yes but not icky snd illegal . Rachel with Tag was wrong because there were workplace rules against dating assistants rightfully because of the power imbalance. She had to cut it because they were in different stages and she wanted something serious while Tag didn't.
It seems like these days if a man is much older than his girlfriend, people call him a creep, but if a woman is much older than her boyfriend, she's approvingly called a cougar. So there seems to have been an over correction in society and another double standard developed.
I think (it's just my personal opinion) that an age gap relationship could work only when both parts are consenting adults, when both have the best intentions to one another and are mature enough to have a realistic point of their relationship... The thing is, a toxic relationship doesn't necessarily means the older/younger counterparts, for example, the After movies, where, both of them are same age (I think, if not, very close age) and are super toxic
It certainly depends on the intentions and maturity
Um . . . in the brief section where they talked about queer relationships, did they imply that Matilda was about a grown woman having a romantic relationship with a little girl who was, like, six? Am I thinking of the wrong movie? Because I'm pretty sure Matilda was a children's movie and the woman ended up adopting the girl,. not seducing her.
I think they were just referring to what made a certain character "hot" in the quote and showing how women attracted folks find certain more "motherly" qualities attractive.
Ms. Honey definitely exemplifies the "motherly" quality, because her kindness, caring, and compassion is what makes her attractive. Like they also describe a character from Charmed in the same way and she is in a straight relationship if I remember correctly. She is just "hot" when she is showing those nurturing qualities in that particular person's mind. Like the character quality of "nuturing" is what ia being discussed.
Like please consider taking some time to review what is said in the video rather than make a knee jerk comment. The context is really important in this case cause no, they were not implying that Matilda and Ms. Honey were anything other than adoptive-mother/teacher and adopted child/student.
Like the quote was "Much of what I like is actually quite maternal. Like Whoopi Goldberg looking out for her fellow nuns was hot. Shannen Doherty as an overprotective sister was hot. Ms. Honey adopting a child and creating the blueprint for cottage core living in "Matilda" was hot."
Honestly I personally don't find age gaps unsettling. Maybe because my grandparents have an age of 11 years and both were in adult age(20+ and 30+) when they met or maybe my aunt and uncle as well. What's really important is people should be wise enough in a relationship. Just because someone is your age doesn't mean they're all heaven,just because is older you doesn't mean they're hell. If both are consenting adults,both know what they're doing then i don't see a problem
I have always thought that Johnny Deeps infatuation with Winona Ryder was creepy. I'm 26 going 27 and a teacher, so it is inconcebible for me to be attracted to a 17 year old kid...
It is weird to see someone be with someone who knew them as a baby and child. Creepy-weird.
I am married to a man who is 31 years my senior, and I am now in my 50's. (We never set eyes on each other until I was 20 years old.)
We have been together for 32 years and married for 28 years, and while it is not for the weak or uncommitted, my life has been good, and is good.
We've raised two sons. I have wonderful relationships with my husband's other children, some of whom are a decade older than I am.
While this is essentially a theoretical discussion, Winter-Spring romances (as they used to be called) can work and be productive and happy and life-long. I wanted to put in my two-cents as someone who is actually living the situation.
(EDITED FOR CLARITY)
I'm more used to people finding big age gaps off-putting when the man is older than the woman he's with. Seen as inherently creepy or sleazy. When the other way around, the women have a title; cougars. Unlike an older man, the older woman is even seen with a "still got it! Hah-cha-cha!" vibe.
Either way is nothing to have an issue with as long as it doesn't begin the way Aaron Taylor-Johnson and his wife began their relationship. As she, as an adult, knew Aaron since he was underage (I forget what age). That's creepy.
French president Emmanuel Macron met his wife when he was in high school and she was his teacher, that's weird not only because of the age gap but also the power dynamic, even if they only dated when it became legal for Macron.
@@jujublue4426 Oh dear. There's probably even less attention given to that creepy dynamic in Europe.
THANK YOU! This video still shows clear double standard in how they view the two relationships, like they would not have defended that Licorice Pizza relationship if the genders were reversed.
I'm 61 and my wife is 34. We've been together since December 2017 and married since January 2019. We couldn't be happier. Don't forget that Bogart and Bacall were 25 years apart and they were together until he died.
One of the interesting things about age gaps is how much of a role they play in porn videos, such as all the stepmothers, stepdaughters, schoolteachers, etc. (Granted, most of these "age gaps" require a lot of suspension of disbelief, since most of the "teenagers" are obviously played by older actors.) It's an effective way to play with a kind of "soft" dominance and submission, as opposed to the more hardcore BDSM stuff.
yeah, that is super interesting!
About this topic and power imbalances, you all need to watch A teacher. It's a series about a female teacher grooming a male student, but they both think it's the student who goes after her. It felt so realistic that it made me feel sick.
The only age gap I won't approve of is adults dating minors. However, I don't mid 20 year olds dating other people that are older than them or someone in their 40's or 50's to dates someone who's in one's 20's and 30's.
Exactly. Dating a teenager is a should be illegal. However... if one is over 21, and by law allowed to film adult films, enlist to war, and be trialed in the court like anyone else over that age... I find it hypocritical that it's sex where people draw the line. If a 22-year-old man can choose to be enlisted to war, he can choose to marry a 45-year-old woman. If a woman can work two full-time jobs at 22, she can choose to date a 45-year-old man. Of course, they have to have a lot in common, and treat each other as equal partners. No student-teacher or boss-employee relationships, please. :)
the fact that this video didn't bring up the friendship in the intern is surprising Anne Hathoway's character is so young and idealistic but she gains a lot of understanding from her older friend who comes in and brings her back to seeing the world in a true unfiltered glasses
i find this so fascinating, while im in my early 20s I've always had a special connection with older people i find it so easy to talk to them and mostly listen to them, is not romantic in most cases but i feel more comfortable and open with older people. And truly i find it so hard to find older people that actually validate what i do and see me asa equal with as good opinions as they may have, when i do find people open like this it's wonderful i wish we as humans knew the mark we leave in each other with just a single nice conversation
There really isn’t a “special connection.” You’re just being exposed to a much larger and older age group. I used to think that same way and now that I’m older, I see younger people who are trying desperately to want to have the older person experiences.
@@sarcasticallyrearranged English is not my first language so I must have not phrased correctly but yeah it's pretty much what you said, young folks just want to know the experience of other people, sadly they don't know how to do it and other generations are not as welcoming I think, we're also not very nice to eachother so...
Interesting, ive been called mature for my own age but also childish by old people- the same people, i seem to understand them since initally they find me mature but they dont seem to understand me. On the whole idk I seem not to be able to get along with them
It's disturbing.
My dad' s wife is my age. She is younger than my brothers and sister. And my dad is older than her parents.
EW! I would literally disown my dad if he dated anyone close to my age, or younger.
Licorice Pizza was praised for its Screenplay. Meanwhile if Gary was 25 and Alana's character was high school everyone would have destroyed it
To me age gap romantic relationships are only okay when they're both over 40, at that age they ideally have had time to figure themselves out and be independent as to nullify the power imbalance that will happen when someone who is just starting their professional career and still developing psychologically. Age gap platonic relationships are indeed super important and I wish we got to see more of that, however film makers need to make everything creepy and almost always feel the need to ruin it with romantic and/sexual feelings. Although some examples of older women in film were shown it bothers me that's so rare to see older women on screen (especially an older and well written female character) like only men are allowed to grow old and still be celebrated instead of being banished into obscurity
Lot's of American (I assumed) here seems to "gross out" by age-gap relationship here, is it a uniquely American thing? Coz you see, France just re-elected President Macron (Age 44), and his wife Brigitte is 70 years old. I assumed if he ran in the US, he won't stand a chance because of who he married?
america is still puritan obsessed society.. disturbed by anything but guns that kill
The best age-gap relationship for me is the one of Jo and Friedrich Bhaer in Little Women. I know many people hate Friedrich, but I love him.
Another age-gap relationship which I like is the one between Namura and Meiko in Marmalade Boy. Yes, he used to be her teacher, yes, he is 8 years older than her, but I still think they are cute, Namura did everything he could to make sure that Meiko was doing well, he moved away after resigning because he didn't want to trouble her anymore, even though he loved her very much. (I am talking about the Manga version.)
I agree. The umbrella scene in the novel is gorgeous and really cemented my love for them as a couple. However, I had no idea people hated Professor Bhaer - he's such a kind character! I presume it's often because they'd prefer if Jo ended up with Laurie, or that she remained single, which I understand.