This sounds exactly like my mother. She has PTSD and deep depression, she has been to about 12 therapists and been hospitalized twice. She hits what she calls 'a wall' every time and she cannot make progress. She's given up on therapy and she seems to be better but not as good as I'd like to see. She is still the best she has ever been since this chapter of her life began and she has adopted ideas like what Dr. John is saying. She's accepted what happened in her life as something that 'just is'. It's been hard as her daughter to see her suffer, I want to *fix* it, I want to wipe the slate clean but it's not possible. We can't change the past and there is no magic sentence that will make everything better. Good talk Dr. John, this is good, not just for people who are suffering but for their loved ones too. This video validates me letting go of the dream of her getting 'all better'.
Well I've tried to help you but Dr. John's team keeps deleting my comments. Twice they've deleted my comments. So they don't care about you, only themselves. Noted. Hopefully you still got the gist of my comments in your notifications before they deleted them (:
Declaring ourselves as a victim is easy. It absolves us from moving forward and solidifies the attention to which we think we are entitled. Thank you for your commentary.
@@talyahr3302 If your comments get deleted within a minute of being posted, it's not the channel, it's TH-cam's censorship bot. And if it is the channel, they had a very good reason for doing so.
My sister always leaves therapy when the therapist hits a nerve or she doesn't like what the therapist says. Basically the way I see my sister's situation is that she just wants to be validated that she is A-OK and it is everyone else who has a problem. I think the first question you have to ask yourself when you start therapy is "Why am I here?" and also "What are my expectations?" And you need to be honest about yourself. Not everyone can do that.
@@roofieandraggy16 I cannot speak to the Avoidant Personality Disorder as that is not the only condition patients have when they go MIA with therapy. Sometimes patients with extensive trauma will also dip out bc it's too much for them to process. We also see early termination with people who were forced into therapy and don't feel invested or want to be there.
The people that feel or have lost a lot of control as a child (abuse, trauma, etc..) will often grow up to be very controlling in nature later in life..or so it seems to me.
Caller.....therapy is not a panacea. Therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists do not possess magical powers that will make all of your problems disappear. Therapists serve as a conduit to improved mental health but, it is a partnership. Stick with a therapist long enough to learn coping strategies instead of looking for one with a magic wand. Immediate resolution and gratification doesn't exist. Be willing to do the hard work over an extended period of time.
Okay.. and when you do all that and it still doesn't help, then what? It's easy to say, "just keep doing it it'll work eventually " when your litteraly paying 100 dollars a session
Not every therapist is good. Some are lightly regulated and supervised. Find a therapist who is an expert in your disorder, and don't stop until you get one. One idea is to read as much as you can in professional journals, and then bring the articles up in therapy. If you get a defensive or a blank response....move on. You have a dud.
COME to find out many therapists have 45 AND 60 MINUTE SESSIONS. Originally I had 60 minute appointments but we changed the time and it fell into the 45 minute or 30 minute slots. I spoke up and now have only 60 minute slots. YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF - difficult to do but necessary. My therapist has cut our weekly appointments early about 4 times in 8 months- work meetings scheduled, he had doctor appointments. A previous counselor at another practice did the same I remember her cutting several appointments short. Is this normal ? Am I being defensive when I think " do I not matter? " Am I doing so well they think I don't need it ? Am I just wasting their time ? I really need it. I have little support and want to build better relationships.
I am no expert but I was in counseling before and that never happened. I always had my scheduled time, at most my provider rescheduled our meeting time ahead of time in order to accommodate their change in schedule but it was always planned in advance and was never a surprise. You are very much in your rights to feel that way! I'd feel the same!
Therapists are people too. Some are narcissists that decided fixing other people is more fun than dealing with their stuff. And they smell people willing to put up with this behavior. Decide that you are worth being treated well, and tell people, including therapists, how you should be treated.
Jill, I’ve been in therapy for 19 months now & I went through 2 other therapists before landing on a good one. A good therapist won’t do that to you. They’d give you the fully allotted time slot that you scheduled. To me, once in a blue moon would make sense. But this often? Absolutely not okay & it’s a disregard and disrespect of your time. You’re paying for the full 50-60 minute sessions and you deserve that time that was agreed upon. Yes, they’re human. They have lives, too. But they often set their own schedules and make you work around their schedule. They should have buffer times in between appointments or have you re-schedule if they have doctors visits or whatever lined up right before or right after you. The 2nd therapist I had did something similar. She canceled a lot or re-scheduled, after I booked a handful of appointments in advance. She eventually told me flat out that her availability significantly reduced and admitted we both had too many scheduling conflicts. So I stopped going to her after a month. I’m frustrated for you. Sit with this, reflect, and really think about this. If you’re making progress with your provider, then I’d consider staying. Otherwise, cut the cord and find someone that will be better with time management.
My appointment was for 10:45 it was close to 11 before he came to get me. Then it was 11:25 when he apologized but said he had a scheduled work meeting. And looks at his phone often during the session - I had another one who used to leap up to get hand lotion during the session and once yawned ! I asked if she was bored [ rhetorical question] and then went on to say she had tousyen. I was back at school age 58 and all I could think of was an 18 year old suicidal and her behaving this way as a counselor- by the time I left school she had changed to being supportive, caring
Empathy vs solutions. Therapy and the outcomes rely mostly on the rapport between the therapist and the client, not the actual solutions or actions. The impact of merely sitting with someone, talking and being understood is the foundation of therapy. If that doesnt work then the chances of therapy working are significantly reduced. Its why therapy works far better for women than it does for men. After a certain point talking about ones problems as a man reaches its limit and solutions or a path to those solutions are needed. I left my therapist after 20 something sessions, when I decided to leave I told them it wasnt working and if there was something I was doing wrong. They told me that therapy is really based feeling heard and understood, if that wasnt beneficial then it might not be worth continuing. After reading Cark Rogers book Client Centered Therapy it clicked that this was what therapists were largely trained in and used as a foundation of their approach. It does mention in the book about ppl who have very little self-awareness and how talking in a sense reveals back to them insight about their situation. If you are a more self-aware person then therapy again will have less of an effect, if any.
She says she gives it 6mo to a year but then a minute later says she gives up after 4-5 sessions. She's obviously not going often enough for her and the therapist to build rapport ... right?
it's not for everyone. we need to expand to other therapies. some people need the mind/body connection for breakthroughs to happen. sitting in a chair and just complaining doesn't help everyone.
She probably just needs a guy that will plan things out for her, pull that sweet hair properly, and hold her accountable. Hiding behind therapy distracts her female instincts from what she actually needs.
Dr. John hit it on the nail. I need a therapist that will hold me accountable and judge me
this actually makes sense.
I wish I could speak with this caller - our backgrounds are extremely similar. Relate so much to her story.
This sounds exactly like my mother. She has PTSD and deep depression, she has been to about 12 therapists and been hospitalized twice. She hits what she calls 'a wall' every time and she cannot make progress. She's given up on therapy and she seems to be better but not as good as I'd like to see. She is still the best she has ever been since this chapter of her life began and she has adopted ideas like what Dr. John is saying. She's accepted what happened in her life as something that 'just is'. It's been hard as her daughter to see her suffer, I want to *fix* it, I want to wipe the slate clean but it's not possible. We can't change the past and there is no magic sentence that will make everything better.
Good talk Dr. John, this is good, not just for people who are suffering but for their loved ones too. This video validates me letting go of the dream of her getting 'all better'.
Well I've tried to help you but Dr. John's team keeps deleting my comments. Twice they've deleted my comments. So they don't care about you, only themselves. Noted.
Hopefully you still got the gist of my comments in your notifications before they deleted them (:
@@talyahr3302 The only notification I have is for this comment. No others. Sorry :(
Also, help me with what exactly?
Declaring ourselves as a victim is easy. It absolves us from moving forward and solidifies the attention to which we think we are entitled. Thank you for your commentary.
@@talyahr3302 If your comments get deleted within a minute of being posted, it's not the channel, it's TH-cam's censorship bot. And if it is the channel, they had a very good reason for doing so.
My sister always leaves therapy when the therapist hits a nerve or she doesn't like what the therapist says. Basically the way I see my sister's situation is that she just wants to be validated that she is A-OK and it is everyone else who has a problem. I think the first question you have to ask yourself when you start therapy is "Why am I here?" and also "What are my expectations?" And you need to be honest about yourself. Not everyone can do that.
Look up avoidant personality disorder. Just a thought.
@@roofieandraggy16 Nah, doesn't apply to my sister. She is a very social person.
And this is the issue. I am a psychologist and I tell patients they are not always going to like what we have to say.
@@roofieandraggy16 I cannot speak to the Avoidant Personality Disorder as that is not the only condition patients have when they go MIA with therapy. Sometimes patients with extensive trauma will also dip out bc it's too much for them to process. We also see early termination with people who were forced into therapy and don't feel invested or want to be there.
That was navigated expertly
The people that feel or have lost a lot of control as a child (abuse, trauma, etc..) will often grow up to be very controlling in nature later in life..or so it seems to me.
"...Driving forward and looking in the rearview mirror... " Wow. Needed to pause here.
Caller.....therapy is not a panacea. Therapists, counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists do not possess magical powers that will make all of your problems disappear. Therapists serve as a conduit to improved mental health but, it is a partnership. Stick with a therapist long enough to learn coping strategies instead of looking for one with a magic wand. Immediate resolution and gratification doesn't exist. Be willing to do the hard work over an extended period of time.
HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHH 🔥 🔥 🔥
Okay.. and when you do all that and it still doesn't help, then what? It's easy to say, "just keep doing it it'll work eventually " when your litteraly paying 100 dollars a session
Thanks, Dr. John! I have many issues with people and trust, too.
This hit home. Thanks Dr. John.
Wow, John!
Remarkable , this should be in movies , this segment
This was awesome!
Not every therapist is good. Some are lightly regulated and supervised. Find a therapist who is an expert in your disorder, and don't stop until you get one. One idea is to read as much as you can in professional journals, and then bring the articles up in therapy. If you get a defensive or a blank response....move on. You have a dud.
Not bad advice, but I think we can agree that getting seven bad therapists in a row is something other than bad luck.
Bring the articles? Never done that, sounds dumb. Why would you do that?
she's been to 7 therapists...not everyone has the time or money to spend years shopping around for therapists.
This is great advice for everyone!
Great talk! Keep practicing looking forward Alicia:)
COME to find out many therapists have 45 AND 60 MINUTE SESSIONS. Originally I had 60 minute appointments but we changed the time and it fell into the 45 minute or 30 minute slots. I spoke up and now have only 60 minute slots. YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF - difficult to do but necessary.
My therapist has cut our weekly appointments early about 4 times in 8 months- work meetings scheduled, he had doctor appointments. A previous counselor at another practice did the same I remember her cutting several appointments short.
Is this normal ? Am I being defensive when I think " do I not matter? "
Am I doing so well they think I don't need it ? Am I just wasting their time ? I really need it. I have little support and want to build better relationships.
I am no expert but I was in counseling before and that never happened. I always had my scheduled time, at most my provider rescheduled our meeting time ahead of time in order to accommodate their change in schedule but it was always planned in advance and was never a surprise.
You are very much in your rights to feel that way! I'd feel the same!
Therapists are people too. Some are narcissists that decided fixing other people is more fun than dealing with their stuff. And they smell people willing to put up with this behavior. Decide that you are worth being treated well, and tell people, including therapists, how you should be treated.
Jill,
I’ve been in therapy for 19 months now & I went through 2 other therapists before landing on a good one.
A good therapist won’t do that to you. They’d give you the fully allotted time slot that you scheduled. To me, once in a blue moon would make sense. But this often? Absolutely not okay & it’s a disregard and disrespect of your time. You’re paying for the full 50-60 minute sessions and you deserve that time that was agreed upon.
Yes, they’re human. They have lives, too. But they often set their own schedules and make you work around their schedule. They should have buffer times in between appointments or have you re-schedule if they have doctors visits or whatever lined up right before or right after you.
The 2nd therapist I had did something similar. She canceled a lot or re-scheduled, after I booked a handful of appointments in advance. She eventually told me flat out that her availability significantly reduced and admitted we both had too many scheduling conflicts. So I stopped going to her after a month.
I’m frustrated for you. Sit with this, reflect, and really think about this. If you’re making progress with your provider, then I’d consider staying. Otherwise, cut the cord and find someone that will be better with time management.
My appointment was for 10:45 it was close to 11 before he came to get me. Then it was 11:25 when he apologized but said he had a scheduled work meeting. And looks at his phone often during the session - I had another one who used to leap up to get hand lotion during the session and once yawned ! I asked if she was bored [ rhetorical question] and then went on to say she had tousyen. I was back at school age 58 and all I could think of was an 18 year old suicidal and her behaving this way as a counselor- by the time I left school she had changed to being supportive, caring
Ask them point blank. Plus the front desk can let you know if your insurance is being charged for half hour or full hour.
Empathy vs solutions. Therapy and the outcomes rely mostly on the rapport between the therapist and the client, not the actual solutions or actions. The impact of merely sitting with someone, talking and being understood is the foundation of therapy. If that doesnt work then the chances of therapy working are significantly reduced. Its why therapy works far better for women than it does for men. After a certain point talking about ones problems as a man reaches its limit and solutions or a path to those solutions are needed. I left my therapist after 20 something sessions, when I decided to leave I told them it wasnt working and if there was something I was doing wrong. They told me that therapy is really based feeling heard and understood, if that wasnt beneficial then it might not be worth continuing.
After reading Cark Rogers book Client Centered Therapy it clicked that this was what therapists were largely trained in and used as a foundation of their approach. It does mention in the book about ppl who have very little self-awareness and how talking in a sense reveals back to them insight about their situation. If you are a more self-aware person then therapy again will have less of an effect, if any.
FREEDOM!!!!
Great video.
I often think that coaching would be far more valuable than therapy, mainly because of that accountability component.
Seven different therapists says that maybe, therapy is not for her.
is not for her.
Therapy doesn't work for me either, they usually tell me I don't need it, so funny.
I want therapy to understand myself and why I do what I do....that's all.
She says she gives it 6mo to a year but then a minute later says she gives up after 4-5 sessions. She's obviously not going often enough for her and the therapist to build rapport ... right?
6 months to a year once a week is plenty of time to build rapport.
If it’s not working it’s not worth it
Define “working” in the context of seeing a therapist?
@@l-train7876 it’s a scam anyways
@@auroramothergoddess so you have no idea what you’re talking about in your first comment, noted.
@@l-train7876 I do
it's not for everyone. we need to expand to other therapies. some people need the mind/body connection for breakthroughs to happen. sitting in a chair and just complaining doesn't help everyone.
Therapy is guesswork
Great!!
Wow
She probably just needs a guy that will plan things out for her, pull that sweet hair properly, and hold her accountable.
Hiding behind therapy distracts her female instincts from what she actually needs.