Build self-respect, conquer nice guy syndrome, establish and communicate your boundaries. Become the man people respect and admire (& women desire). Stop being a pleaser, start being a leader in 12 weeks: www.olivercowlishaw.com/pleasertoleader/
Today I wokeup at 7:30AM and 🫂 my parents and told them 👉👉 *I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE* I read a sentence in front of them what my healer told me 👇👇👇👇👇 """""" Take time to understand your parent's generation & accept where they are coming from instead of putting your needs first & having more expectations. *WHAT YOU WANT MAY NOT BE FULFILLED BY YOUR PARENTS?* As they are human creators, they do & show what they have experience & what defines their behavior & understanding.
And it's mindblowing when you are dealing with disrespectful people that they actually feel that they have the right to disrespect you and are shocked when you stand up for yourself and feel how dare you stand up for yourself i have delt with those people and it's truly disturbing how they think.
I experienced 50/50. I noticed when i spoke up for myself, some folks actually became closer to me and want to socialize with me more. And i also experienced the shaming part and making people uncomfortable even some family members, because they werent use to me speaking my mind. Conflict avoided is conflict amplified. Great video!
My next challenge is to recognize when I am being disrespected by slights, subtle insults and mockery, and criticisms etc that I barely notice because I'll used to it. My response has been to avoid somebody who would do that instead of sticking up for myself. I also don't want to get so prickly that people avoid me. That causes isolation which is worse than uncomfortable interactions. I'm working on that now.
great video, i suffer from this as well. I think one thing to add when you talk about conflict, for the longest time i was afraid of the "mess". but then i realized the mess wasn't the only thing holding me back "sounding wrong" was also holding me back. I noticed people who dont give af, will rather die on a hill than admit their wrong, but with a nice guy architecture we try to go through every path of reasoning and question ourselves to see if we are in the wrong, while the opposite side only cares about making themselves feel good at that given point of time. remember humans are inherently greedy creatures
Hi Oliver, for the record- I love your content, and it really speaks to me! I wish we were neighbors, cause I think we’d have a lot to talk about. And then of course a pint or two! Cheers mate!
Hey mate! I wonder, what dit took you that long to tell us these gems... but I think i tend to know why... it comes only when prepared for it isn't it? Will call you soon Oliver.. thanks for opening our (nice guys) eyes! This sounds like freedom! Finally
It's a great question, mate. I think things just align at the right time. As a creator, it's hard to really find your unique voice and the topics that both resonate with you and the audience. Sometimes it takes a creator years. Other creators it might take weeks. Some creators never find it. It's taken me years to reach a point where I finally feel like I'm speaking to you guys directly about something I've been through, passionate about and something you actually want to hear about. But I'm glad you recognise it. I appreciate it, mate.
@@OliverCowlishaw appreciate your answer. It's only about 1 year I realize i wear this mask (for more than 15 or more years!) and mostly thanks to your videos. But this one it's a special one; it's like that light we see at the end of a (long) tunnel. but I know i still need a lot of work with myself to get there. However, this message, like you said, appeared at the perfect moment (that cold drink in the dessert - so well said). And i want you to know that. So, thank you Oliver and let me tell you again that your videos are so underrated! This is because a lot of people are struggling with their nice guys mask but they don't even realize it. They only see the effects on them and their life. I'm glad therefore I started to SEE this now.
Wait a minute Oliver Robert Lucas… You said you’re no longer a people pleaser, but at the end you explained how you decided to not record yourself by hand because people complained about the shakiness of it.. Mate you fell back into loop, tell these online geeks to find another TH-camr to watch if they have a problem with the way you film.. Anyways love your content, you’ve helped me think in ways I never have before when it comes to mindfulness & women. So thank you very much for that brother!
Haha fair play for mentioning that, mate. But here's the nuance. Since I got a few comments about the shakiness in the last video, I checked in with myself and made a conscious decision that aligned with MY values (some of them being clarity, simplicity, impact) If I personally wanted a shaky shot OR it aligned with my values/vision for the channel, I would disregard the comments and invite them to go elsewhere (as I have done before when people disagreed with me about other stuff). Recovering from people-pleasing doesn't mean being rigid or deaf to feedback. We still need to value wisdom and humility. But thankyou for raising it. Maybe someone will read this comment and take something away from it. Hope you're well, brother.
@@OliverCowlishawSomeone has indeed read your comment and taken something away from it. Sums up how simple it all needs to be despite the difficulty of embracing it. Appreciate it and all the content mate
@OliverCowlishaw I actually was hoping someone would mention something like this, because I know when people see advice like this, they tend to go the other way too far sometimes and become rigid like you said. It's good to be able to tell the difference between trying to make someone happy vs benefitting yourself.
Build self-respect, conquer nice guy syndrome, establish and communicate your boundaries.
Become the man people respect and admire (& women desire).
Stop being a pleaser, start being a leader in 12 weeks: www.olivercowlishaw.com/pleasertoleader/
Today I wokeup at 7:30AM and 🫂 my parents and told them 👉👉 *I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE*
I read a sentence in front of them what my healer told me 👇👇👇👇👇
"""""" Take time to understand your parent's generation & accept where they are coming from instead of putting your needs first & having more expectations.
*WHAT YOU WANT MAY NOT BE FULFILLED BY YOUR PARENTS?* As they are human creators, they do & show what they have experience & what defines their behavior & understanding.
And it's mindblowing when you are dealing with disrespectful people that they actually feel that they have the right to disrespect you and are shocked when you stand up for yourself and feel how dare you stand up for yourself i have delt with those people and it's truly disturbing how they think.
There is a price paid for avoiding conflict.
Love the work you're doing. And to all my brothers out there, remember to be kind, not nice.
I love this. Thankyou.
Well said.
I experienced 50/50. I noticed when i spoke up for myself, some folks actually became closer to me and want to socialize with me more. And i also experienced the shaming part and making people uncomfortable even some family members, because they werent use to me speaking my mind. Conflict avoided is conflict amplified. Great video!
Thanks for sharing your experience, mate. Sounds like you had a bumpy ride at times but you got there in the end. Happy for you.
Fantastic talk. Great points
Appreciate you, mate.
Thanks for sitting still man!
Hahaha I rewatched my last video and even I was like "woah."
Hahaha thanks for coming back bruv
My next challenge is to recognize when I am being disrespected by slights, subtle insults and mockery, and criticisms etc that I barely notice because I'll used to it. My response has been to avoid somebody who would do that instead of sticking up for myself. I also don't want to get so prickly that people avoid me. That causes isolation which is worse than uncomfortable interactions. I'm working on that now.
great video, i suffer from this as well. I think one thing to add when you talk about conflict, for the longest time i was afraid of the "mess". but then i realized the mess wasn't the only thing holding me back "sounding wrong" was also holding me back. I noticed people who dont give af, will rather die on a hill than admit their wrong, but with a nice guy architecture we try to go through every path of reasoning and question ourselves to see if we are in the wrong, while the opposite side only cares about making themselves feel good at that given point of time. remember humans are inherently greedy creatures
Cheers bro
You're welcome, mate.
Correct!
You experienced something similar, mate?
Thank you. Very good video.
Thank you. I need to have a nice, long 1:1 with you about my bullshit.
Link for solo sessions is in the description, mate. Happy to help you untangle it all.
Hi Oliver, for the record- I love your content, and it really speaks to me! I wish we were neighbors, cause I think we’d have a lot to talk about. And then of course a pint or two! Cheers mate!
It's funny to know what will come after me after getting out from this syndrome...I'll start to hear " you used to be a nice guy" 😄
I think the main character in Fight Club (great movie) says that about himself after integrating his dark side..
"and I used to be such a nice guy."
Hey mate! I wonder, what dit took you that long to tell us these gems... but I think i tend to know why... it comes only when prepared for it isn't it? Will call you soon Oliver.. thanks for opening our (nice guys) eyes! This sounds like freedom! Finally
It's a great question, mate.
I think things just align at the right time. As a creator, it's hard to really find your unique voice and the topics that both resonate with you and the audience.
Sometimes it takes a creator years.
Other creators it might take weeks.
Some creators never find it.
It's taken me years to reach a point where I finally feel like I'm speaking to you guys directly about something I've been through, passionate about and something you actually want to hear about.
But I'm glad you recognise it.
I appreciate it, mate.
@@OliverCowlishaw appreciate your answer. It's only about 1 year I realize i wear this mask (for more than 15 or more years!) and mostly thanks to your videos. But this one it's a special one; it's like that light we see at the end of a (long) tunnel. but I know i still need a lot of work with myself to get there. However, this message, like you said, appeared at the perfect moment (that cold drink in the dessert - so well said). And i want you to know that. So, thank you Oliver and let me tell you again that your videos are so underrated! This is because a lot of people are struggling with their nice guys mask but they don't even realize it. They only see the effects on them and their life. I'm glad therefore I started to SEE this now.
@@claudiantenegri2612 love to hear it, mate. Keep walking the path. Reach out if you ever need some guidance. Here for you 🙏🏻
yes sir im people please
Wait a minute Oliver Robert Lucas… You said you’re no longer a people pleaser, but at the end you explained how you decided to not record yourself by hand because people complained about the shakiness of it..
Mate you fell back into loop, tell these online geeks to find another TH-camr to watch if they have a problem with the way you film..
Anyways love your content, you’ve helped me think in ways I never have before when it comes to mindfulness & women. So thank you very much for that brother!
Haha fair play for mentioning that, mate.
But here's the nuance. Since I got a few comments about the shakiness in the last video, I checked in with myself and made a conscious decision that aligned with MY values (some of them being clarity, simplicity, impact)
If I personally wanted a shaky shot OR it aligned with my values/vision for the channel, I would disregard the comments and invite them to go elsewhere (as I have done before when people disagreed with me about other stuff).
Recovering from people-pleasing doesn't mean being rigid or deaf to feedback.
We still need to value wisdom and humility.
But thankyou for raising it.
Maybe someone will read this comment and take something away from it.
Hope you're well, brother.
@@OliverCowlishawSomeone has indeed read your comment and taken something away from it. Sums up how simple it all needs to be despite the difficulty of embracing it. Appreciate it and all the content mate
@OliverCowlishaw I actually was hoping someone would mention something like this, because I know when people see advice like this, they tend to go the other way too far sometimes and become rigid like you said. It's good to be able to tell the difference between trying to make someone happy vs benefitting yourself.