rapidly cycling emotions + bpd triggers + trying to like myself (vlogtober day 12)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ย. 2024
- In today's vlog (vlogtober day 12), my emotions take a strange turn. I'm exploring and learning techniques to better manage my bpd triggers (including fear of abdandonment and disappointment). I'm also finding things I like about myself in unexpected ways. Thank you for watching!
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Cindy L.
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I will always care about and support Cindy!
Thank you! 🖤
I have a MAJOR problem with catastrophizing and react strongly to negative words and emotions. I've learned to step away and breathe in the moment but still struggle with catastrophic thoughts in the long run. So while i dont have BPD, I can definitely sympathize with you on this and am thankful for you sharing the techniques!! ❤❤
🤗
I hope the weekend is easier for you, and you’re able to enjoy some of the things you love the most.❤️
Thank you! I appreciate that!
You got this Cindy its all part of the process, the important thing is that your following through. Maintanenance is exactly how it sounds, its work and its not always fun. Watching you everyday is helping so many people in so many different ways. We all see you and are working right along with you💜
I beat myself up a lot and I don't speak kindly to myself very much either. When I do this, my fiancé says to me, "Don't talk bad about the woman I love." and it makes me step back and think of myself as another person, and if I wouldnt talk to someone else that way, I shouldn't say it to myself either. You're doing so well, Cindy. Keep going. 💜
That is so sweet❤
Relationship goals ✨
I'm honestly so proud of you for realizing something about yourself that you like!! That truly isn't an easy thing to do when you're not feeling great - speaking from personal experience & sometimes I can't even find one minor thing about myself I like. But once you find one thing, the rest will pop up over time too! Also, totally agree with the person who said you shouldn't be too hard on yourself with your healing! It's not a linear process & being too hard on yourself can be counter-productive (again only from personal experience). Sending you lots of love & hope you have a great weekend! ♥
It's the need for validation of your choices that make you feel rejected. We need to be open to choices of others and learn to negotiate
I literally checked all day for your update. Please don’t underestimate your place in this world Cindy. ☺️🌹🍁
"they need their Cindy fix" 😂 for real though these daily vlogs have been a real treat, our YT feed is gona feel empty when the regular upload schedule returns (it'll be a well deserved work break for you though)! 🎃👍
Lol! Thank you! I'm glad you like them!
Just remember to keep being honest and remember that this is normal. And it will get harder before it gets easier… if you fail, you can keep going tomorrow.
Thank you! 🖤
@@LifePlusCindyyou know damn well you’re not and have not been honest ffs
Hey Cindy, what works for me to step out of my own triggers and negativity is helping other people. I have a personal saying : “I help myself by helping other people.” Like I’m doing little chores for an elderly neigbour. It takes me out of my self and I get rewarded by a smile from the other person. I hope this makes sence? 😊 love your vlogtober!❤
when you are in the thick of things it gets ugly. Lean on people who you KNOW will support you and be honest with you. the truth is that is when you are pushing past things holding you back. You are fighting now for the better tomorrow. fill those bad thoughts / bad moments with positive ones. Please do not go back to numbing with anything because you need to face what you are blocking to move forward. I say that all easily but it is hard and it sucks. Hugs
Love and support from the Netherlands! And again Cindy: I admire you and the journey you have the courage of showing us! Rooting for you girl! 🌷XXX🌷
Thank you so much!
26:02 GIRL WRITE THAT DOWN AND PUT IT ABOVE YOUR BED SO ITS THE FIRST THING YOU SEE EVERY DAY!! Finding things we like about ourselves is a big feat!! 😅
You should be proud of yourself. You may not feel well, but you are accomplishing so much. ❤️❤️
Cindy, I admire your clarity and intelligence. You are able to really articulate feelings and behaviors in a way that is very useful to other people. Godspeed as you heal!
Thank you! I appreciate that!
Awwwww some Bella and Morty playtime. Keep going Cindy.
You're amazing. Even on your tough days, you pull yourself up. Like you said, you are determined to transcend this...and you will! I'm right there with ya.
the to-do list being a ✨suggestion✨ 💀 lmfaoooo
I am new to your channel, and want you to know that no matter what you are battling or how many times you mess up, I accept you as a person and am rooting for you! We will never be cured or fully healed from some situations, but it’s about being the best version of yourself and believing that your life is just as valuable as anyone else’s. You are enough!! I have a feeling you haven’t felt that way in a while… so how could you possibly figure it all out over night? I make jewelry as therapy and I would love to send you some things, I just wanted to make sure that was ok? No obligation to wear any of it, just want you to have something to open up randomly on a low day. I hope you and everyone else on your channel has a wonderful and safe weekend. 🙂❤️
I get so excited when I see a new vlog. Take it easy. Don't be so hard on yourself.youre doing the best you can and you're doing great
🖤🖤🖤
THAT'S RIGHT! YOU ACCOMPLISH EVERYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO!
lol i watched this last night (all caught up) but forgot to come back and say this!
🖤🖤🖤
@Lodane you are such an awesome friend!! Thank you for being a friendly human being on this unpredictable and chaotic spinning rock that we all inhabitate. Best of luck to you both 🖤
i hope tomorrow get better for you, it seems like you put in a lot of work to get better so results are definitely coming!
U make me feel not so alone I'm almost 4 months pregnant and single lost my job and about to lose my car and everything so u help my brain calm down when I watch u ❤
Hi Cindy my name is Crysti and I was just diagnosed with BPD last week so that’s about when I found your channel. just want to let you know how much I appreciate watching you and you teaching so many things about BPD has really helped me I’m proud of you for sticking with your Vlog Tober and I look forward to your videos every day and I always learn some thing I am definitely going to order that workbook and I’ve also got PTSD which I was just diagnosed with about a year ago when I started going to therapy in my 50s LOL never too late to try to get better ..anyway I just wanted to say I’m proud of you for sticking to it and even when I can tell everything in you is not feeling it you still do your daily Vlog and your journaling and your BPD workbook I’m proud of you I’m starting a new therapy next week for people with BPD so wish me luck but I think you’ve already helped me more than I can even express 24:56 good to know I’m not alone and you are a sweet kind soul and I wish you nothing but growth and blessings
🖤🖤🖤
Thank you for sharing your BPD notebook work. It’s helped me focus on some things that give me pause for thought. The wake of broken bonds left behind during my life is substantial. I have become more forgiving with myself as well as others. I live with my black Labrador. Animals have been a significant source of companionship all of my life.
I’ll be 64 on Monday and I have finally started making peace with this condition.
That feels really good as I’ve fought this beast my entire life.
Again, thank you.
🌻
Omg stop the Wednesday night scenario is literally me 😭😭😭
I know you want to work through your workbooks as quickly as possible and I know you decided to not do them on the weekends and on Wednesdays but have you considered only doing one a day. Either back and forth or whichever one you feel like. That way you can spend more time with a single focus for working on your mental health?
It could be the coffee?? 😊 Caffeïne can be tricky.
@@nikolaasdigi What are you talking about?
Expectations cause disappointment. Learned to not have expectations
Maybe add to your list to speak kindly to yourself, as kind as you would to a friend - if you have a hard time doing that all day, start with being mindful about it. Also, everyone needs rest, and it’s a key element needed to rejuvenate and heal. Maybe put downtime on your list as an accomplishment! You do a lot to take care of yourself, your pups, and your home. You take care of your shit and important things, and you’ve made this lifestyle for yourself that allows you to rest when needed, and that is a huge accomplishment and something you should be proud of.
About feeling abandoned- it could be rejection sensitive dysphoria or rejection sensitivity. I recognize it in myself and I’m autistic. Childhood rejection, particularly emotional abuse and neglect, appears to be linked to rejection sensitivity, and rejection sensitivity is linked to BPD.
Some days are simply harder than others. Keep up the good work, Cindy! You've got this 💪
Write it down. Write down what you like about yourself. 🎉🎉🎉
Oh my god the abandonment part, I feel it SO MUCH GIRL. Like just today my friend forwarded me some messages and then followed them by a phrase "I wrote that first to a different person because [reason] and not because you are not important" and I was like "hahaha what ok yeah thank you!" but then like... they were right, that would absolutely trigger my issues 😅
And at work when my daddy-issues-crush tells a story or explains something or jokes or whatever else to any other colleague I feel SO BETRAYED OH GOD
It sucks to live like that! I know. I'm trying to challenge those beliefs so I don't feel that way. It's not easy!
@@LifePlusCindyoh it sure isn't! Best of luck to all of us!
Hi Cindy
You looked so down hearted at the start but you put way too much pressure on yourself beautiful girl. Xxx
I cook my chuck in an Instapot and it is done, from pressure up to pressure down, in a little over an hour.
I wish I had one!
Cindy-I think you (especially as a fellow Pagan!) might find some ancient Greco-Roman writings on Stoicism EXTREMELY helpful for coping. Stoicism essentially IS the origin for DBT/CBT-they are near-identical. There’s a heavy focus on intellectualizing situations vs just feeling feelings, temperance in all things, and how sometimes your REACTION to a negative event is what makes it so painful.
Considering sending you some Marcus Aurelius and Seneca! Keep working!
Thank you! I have been watching videos on stoicism recently and find them incredibly helpful.
I agree. For me it’s science and philosophy that centers my emotions versus my ability to think with my brain. Heart versus brain stability. ❤🧠
I wanted to share a youtuber im new to and find helpful. Hes actually a phycologist. Healthy gamer. You are doing really good. Im very proud of u.u are an encouragement.
Yes, I love him! Have learned a lot about BPD from him as well.
New viewer here!!! I never knew anyone else to do the color the of the day. I live by the color of the day! Blessed be Cindy!! Sending you all of the love and light.
Thank you! You too! 🖤
Abandonment is probably my greatest trigger as well. I’ve actually been abandoned a few times & it is soooo rough to get over. It’s ghetto. :/
🤗
i hope your day gets better cindy we love u u arent alone
I really appreciate you sharing excerpts/exercises from the books. I am not in a position to heal actively at home (abusive household is why I’m in this mess), so while I do own both books, I can really only work on them after class before heading home and that’s IF my ADHD lets me remember… Anyway. It’s nice that I am still learning about this stuff despite not being able to do it myself. It’s honestly keeping me more engaged in my own healing journey, too. I really appreciate it Cindy! It’s very encouraging.
Everyday there is chance to grow and get better it's consistent mindset! And we are here for you!
I am proud of you and I believe in you wholeheartedly!!!!!
Ur so hard on urself. And I get it. I am too. But I hate to see someone else be like that.
U really are doing so fucking good.
When u talk about ur depression mess…. If u saw my apartment u would literally cuss me out how bad it is.
U get up everyday and do at least something.
Comparatively ur doing so freaking good. Ur going to therapy doing ur daily work. Reflecting. Not everyday is perfect but ur doing so freaking good.
I need to dust too. Always helps me to watch these❤
🖤🖤🖤
I get so offended too when someone doesnt like the same tv shows as me, its so messed up how it makes me feel lmao
I’m proud of you, Cindy. I had a tough childhood, my Mom was killed by a drunken driver when I was 4 years old and I only had my Dad from that day forward. It’s affected my life in so many ways, mostly abandonment issues, anxiety and horrible panic attacks in my 20’s/30’s. I have overcome all of those things thankfully but the work I had to do internally was ROUGH! You are doing great, day by day, minute by minute Sis. ❤
You should try danos seasoning! It’s the best. I use it when I meal prep! ❤️ sugar & salt free.
I am sorry you started out having a hard day. I am glad it gets better! Just shows you are human and trying. ❤
Sending love to you always Cindy, you’re doing great ❤️
Thank you so much!
Sending so much love. I'm restarting my therapy journey as well. Thank you for sharing yours with us.
Good luck to you!
Hey Cindy, sounds like you moved past the morning blahs, FYI, noticed you put the roast on high, should put alittle water in there so doesn't over cook on bottom..I don't have BPD, but have aniexty pretty bad and it comes out of nowhere . Not fun..glad to see your plowing through and trying to get healthy, ....gwen
Just wanted you to know that someone cares about you ❤🤗
Thank you!
Coke zero squad❤
Hey Cindy! Maybe you should try giving yourself even fewer goals to do each day. I think you could scaled it back a bit. You are doing incredibly hard emotional work and part of that means you need down time to take a break from work. I know you like to keep your days full so perhaps you could add goals throughout the day if you find yourself with nothing to do after completing all your goals? Keep it up Cindy! We're all rooting for you (*cue the Tyra Banks GIF*)
Yes, that's definitely a good idea and I am working on it. 🖤
Hello Cindy, I just wanted to let you know that I think you do so well, as its hell to live with BPD. Not sure I have it, but clearly I have some traits of it, like your abandonment thing you say, in my own word, I used to say I felt betrayed by simply thinking someone who laught at a tv show or show some signs they love it and, me feeling like a belong to that person to only find out they dont love the show and that kind of small things create also a overreaction from my part, and the hardest part for me is to accept they are not betraying you, or they did not lie and that I CAN love something my own and it does nothing between you and the other person, does not make you not friend, nor ennemies or dont belong... accepting this, is the hardest, and managing the emotions on the spot, when most of the technique dont work on me, like breathing and other small stuff. A few things works for me, including, touching my beard, I dont know why it does south me lol, and also, do a workout. Exercising is recommended to BPD people as it helps regulate hormones and also let some frustration out, give you a sense of accomplishment etc... I mean exercising but hard exercises, I dont find it especially helping to walk by myself, so I am just saying as it helps exercising with others, and doing muscular work also give you a personal goal, seeing results, and provide a self care routine, very important... I am sure you know all of it. I am about to try meditation, because I find getting out of certain situation, physically helps sometime, like walking away from arguments, where you cant win, because the emotions are overhelming. I used to fight, my instinct but I better go when I feel crap inside, instead, I can find peace somewhere else.
Last thing, I dont know if you know Star Wars, but I stumble upon this show on youtube, where a therapist goes over certain character of movies/tv shows and evalutate them in therme of mental illness and this one is about BPD, watch it to the end, this is very touching. Here is the link.
th-cam.com/video/a9liFjwDHbY/w-d-xo.htmlsi=ASxL-9fsgHPhjmbM
I have the same symptoms of you a lot of them. I wonder they’re changing my Prozac to Cymbalta because I have fibromyalgia as well.
Just wanted to let you know I think you are amazing!🍄
As annoying as it can be to watch you go through it, one thing I can say is that once you put your mind to something, there's no stopping you, and you get that *ish done. I believe you in girl. You've got this!!
Hello Cindy hope you are better. I don't know why but i totally see you living in a tiny house, surrounded by nature with all the things you like an enjoy. Maybe someday if you like that kind of living 🖑
I'll be doing the bpd workbook alongside you too now. thanks so much Cindy. and also. if I've said anything to upset you I am sincerely so sorry. I hope you are having a good day or night.. lol..🥰❤
I've struggled with disappointment a lot too. I'll get my hopes all up and it doesn't go exactly as I pictured and then sometimes I'll be really depressed and frustrated the rest of the day. Like "I will avoid even looking at anything related to it and feel on the verge of tears" type of feelings. I think for me it's part of OCD or perfectionism, and all or nothing thinking. Still have a hard time having hopes though because of how much that can hurt haha. ;-;
You’ve got this! ✊
I don't 'think' I have BPD but I do have issues as most of us do. I do wonder if because you have BPD, if you maybe have a hard time separating what is a BPD reaction vs. what is a normal reaction. A lot of the things you mention as triggers, trigger 'normal' people too. The people not texting back...ugh, I don't text because of it. So, while the TV show thing seems weird if you take it for face value, when you did a little deeper, I can see where it may feel like a betrayal if someone acted like they liked it for a while and then out the blue, nope don't like it, never liked it. But see, this is where, in my opinion, people will do the bait and switch on you and it may not be you that is the problem. Your gut tells you things and sometimes you do need to listen. Those little nagging feelings, triggers, can sometimes be there for a reason.
Yes but she mentioned that for her the reactions can ruin a whole week! I don’t think ‘normal’ people expierence such intense reactions. I’ve had a burn-out that melted into a deep depression and the only thing that helped me personely was talking to my docter (I’ve cried to her for 1 hour in her practice and used up her whole box of tissues). I’m on Paroxetine for over 3 years now and I’m doing so much better now. I’m 48 years and if I could change one thing is that I wish I would have done that earlier.
yeah hey, you can totally have BPD symptoms w/out having the condition itself -- i do. my mom was BPD and when you learn how to be a person from someone with BPD, ASD, etc. you totally pick some stuff up. as a result, i find a lot of DBT stuff helpful, even tho i'm specifically *not* diagnosed w/ it.
Do you have any plans for Friday the 13th or Halloween?
I do have plans tonight! Not sure about Halloween yet.
Maybe you can practice some more herbalism maybe based on the moon that night, stay safe and have fun tonight :) @@LifePlusCindy
What kind of dogs do you have?
We all have our days of struggling....keep up the strength ...it will get better....love you😊❤❤ all in good time....😊❤
Is there something in the air because I have been feeling really bad the last few days too. Could barely do anything yesterday or today. Hope you are feeling better soon 💜 Seeing you still working on your mental health and completing some daily goals is inspiring to me. Thank you :)
🤗 Hope you feel better too.
I feel it too. I think its the seasonal changes. we are bouncing around weather wise and at least for me my body doesnt adapt well to temp extremes. I have auto immune issues and seasonal changes always throws me into flairs which make me want to just sleep it off because thats the only thing that helps is actual rest. But i also have sleep issues so its a no win kinda thing.
@@gigglesandhugs5690 Hope you feel better!
@@kristinab8326 you too Kristina
Is your blood sugar ok?hypoglycemia can cause a lot of issues.also, undiagnosed MVP can cause a lot of strange symptoms 🤔
you look great in burnt orange girl
Thanks! I like earthy tones.
❤
love you cindy
Isolation is the worst thing when we are going through stuff. Have you thought about joining a gym? Exercise has pushed my anxiety away 80% of the time. You need change in your life.
👋 ❤ Hello Beautiful Cindy🌹Everytime I see your eyes of pain, I wish I could give you a Big Tight Hug 💔 allowing yourself grace is the greatest gift you can give yourself 🕊 If you truly want to heal you MUST give yourself grace. Don't listen to the negative comments because those of us that ❤ Love you will always love you and want the best life for you.
Just keep moving forward no matter how long it takes you. You are such an inspiration to me because of your independence ❤💪❤ Which is great because you are not having to rely on a man for 🤚 imagine how much worse your life would be if you did 😳
I hope you have a good evening, and keep focussing on getting even stronger.
Keeping you in my Prayers always my friend ❤
~KaYe
If you’re trying to drink more water maybe get a larger tumbler. That one doesn’t look very big and that’s not quite enough. Maybe when you’re used to 2 of those you can move on to 2 larger ones. It may be mentally easier to do than 3 of the smaller size.
🫂
first
Thank you for watching!
of course Cindy, remember to put yourself first I hope you can make some friends in your community!@@LifePlusCindy
I do a rolling ‘to do’ list . If I don’t get them done I write them on the next day. They’ll get done when it’s their turn. Don’t be hard on yourself Cindy. It’s a lot of work editing and publishing every day plus living your life with your errands and fur babies and cleaning plus your self care. You are doing great. Believe in your progress lovely girl. 🇬🇧🤓💐
@@Kimonwatersedge Thank you! And that's a great way to look at the to-do list!
An observation: I don’t think the witchcraft is working. You and I starting going through similar experiences and I can tell you turning to Jesus Christ helped me soo much!
You keep trying to lean on your own strength and understanding and it’s not working because you need God.
I say this with love, I watch your videos because I relate to you in a strange way. But living in darkness will not allow you to live in the light.
God bless you.
Yes! I agree!
Idk man, so much of this just sounds like Autism (sensory issues, plans changing) and RSD and just being a traumatised woman.
You should try to pray to God and not witchcraft. Just my opinion 😞
It’s the same. As long as you can focus on something it doesn’t matter if it’s one of the many many gods people have invented. Imo ✌️🧀
she doesnt believe in god
@@edit6588 That could be part of her problem. 🤷🏻
@cutypieable don't try to force ur beliefs onto others please...
I had a bad day yesterday also. It was like a damn roller coaster alllll day. 🥴
Love from VA🌄❤✨
Hope you're okay cindy! Wishing you the best always 💕 love nikky xx