I wish this wasn't so true. Especially when family members struggle with addiction, mental illness, manipulation and narcissism. Thank goodness for al-anon groups that have helped me to let go of people pleasing and toxic family ties.
The amount of family members that hide their toxic behavior, neglect and abuse behind family ties is astounding. I have gone no contact with both parents because of neglect and abuse I suffered as a child. If you gave these people an inch they took a mile every time. Every family member that enabled that narcissism and abuse cut me off afterwards. I joke that I've Marie Kondo'd my entire family because not a single person sparked joy for me, quite the opposite. Some people are unable to admit fault or change behavior, and if you call them on it or establish boundaries they go nuclear. Respect is earned and needs to continue to be maintained even for family. Think if this person wasn't a family member, if they were a friend or a partner would you tolerate their behavior? Why is it OK for my father to treat me this way because if it was a partner people would tell you to call the police, get a restraining order and never look back. But you throw a family relation in there and suddenly you need to give endless chances and excuses for them.
I really needed this right at this moment. I have a family member who I love dearly, but who has very strong opinions that they either want you to agree with, because if you're not with them you must be against them, or that you need to accept, because if you don't you must be stupid. I'm going through a tough time at the moment and this person has hurt me and knows they have, but refuses to reconnect with me, even though I'm the one constantly reaching out, because I hate confrontation and unpleasantness. Now I know what I need to do, and I know that I'm getting more support and love from my friends than I am from someone I'm actually related to. Thank you 🙏
I have cut my sister more than a decade ago …what ever I hear from her via my parents - she is mean, evil and unfair to my parents, thinks she can say everything..and my parents still are not able to drop her, even if she is bringing tears every week to my over 80 years old parents . My parents love the grandkids and that’s the way she as well blackmail my parents with. It makes me sooo angry and it is a very sad situation. Therefore I appreciate your Podcast very much ..and try to play it to my parents …maybe it helps if some view comes from outside any family member …
Latino culture is literally, “Famiilia por vida!” Family over everything tambien. I’m one of the first to be like :snip snip: ✂️✂️✂️I wish I had learned this lesson before I got married in 2015 lol. So many people I only invited out of respect for family. Also, we should show way more kindness to those closest to us.
Ryan, movethinkandagewell is correct; it sounds like your stepdad may be a pathological Narcissist. The "nice guy" is part of his facade and the "evil" side is his unconscious need to punish a family member who disrespects him, real or perceived. It's an assertion of control. You guys are fantastic! Thank you.
Fudge. You guys just talked about one of the things that I've been dealing with for years. And I just realized this along my real reset journey in 2019 with being mindfulness and being aware of everything I do and around me. And I just can't wait to move in to my own crib hopefully in "ber" of 2022! Thank you for talking about this. It was very eye-opening. ✨
Astounded by how many adults cling to abusive, controlling, manipulative, and toxic family members because of the financial safety net that's there, even though that financial safety net is precisely what makes these family members think they can behave so poorly. "You have to love and obey me because I have what you want." Who would stick around for that? Once you reduce your wants and needs and build independence, those dangling incentives have no power. It also clarifies who needs to be decluttered.
Really needed to hear this. I just moved back home to pay off debt and I feel this weight of pressure to help out constantly with my stepdad who has Alzheimer's in the early stages. I still want to help out but I need to let go of the expectations and pressure.
Hi I had to spiritually divorce my family - I am not related to a lot of them, too many issues with verbal abuse, addiction issues, financial abuse against my mother, family breakdown, and just using me, I let go of shitty friendships and colleagues. Let go of old and allow new frienships to emerge, allow new people into your life who have the same interests. I hate my family overseas, I hate them. I also know to practice mindfulness and let go of the anger, which I did do, I felt at peace.
Both me are my parents are pretty close. And we recently took the decision to get away from our other family members because the toxicity was insane. Every day they had some new problems and expected us to get involved in those issues because "we are family"
You do not owe your father or your mother anything for an accident of birth. You did not ask to be born - they made that choice. Childrearing is a responsibility they took on themselves and you do not owe them for having done so. From there, if they want love, they must deserve it; if they want respect, they must earn and maintain it in a healthy way. This is what I explained to my mother and father when I booted them out of my life 20 years ago when they tried to tell me I owed them love, respect, etc. They would have had those things from me had they been worthy.
I wish this wasn't so true. Especially when family members struggle with addiction, mental illness, manipulation and narcissism. Thank goodness for al-anon groups that have helped me to let go of people pleasing and toxic family ties.
The amount of family members that hide their toxic behavior, neglect and abuse behind family ties is astounding. I have gone no contact with both parents because of neglect and abuse I suffered as a child. If you gave these people an inch they took a mile every time. Every family member that enabled that narcissism and abuse cut me off afterwards. I joke that I've Marie Kondo'd my entire family because not a single person sparked joy for me, quite the opposite. Some people are unable to admit fault or change behavior, and if you call them on it or establish boundaries they go nuclear. Respect is earned and needs to continue to be maintained even for family. Think if this person wasn't a family member, if they were a friend or a partner would you tolerate their behavior? Why is it OK for my father to treat me this way because if it was a partner people would tell you to call the police, get a restraining order and never look back. But you throw a family relation in there and suddenly you need to give endless chances and excuses for them.
This video is so refreshing. Blood is NOT thicker than water.
Exactly! 👏👏👏
100%
I really needed this right at this moment. I have a family member who I love dearly, but who has very strong opinions that they either want you to agree with, because if you're not with them you must be against them, or that you need to accept, because if you don't you must be stupid. I'm going through a tough time at the moment and this person has hurt me and knows they have, but refuses to reconnect with me, even though I'm the one constantly reaching out, because I hate confrontation and unpleasantness. Now I know what I need to do, and I know that I'm getting more support and love from my friends than I am from someone I'm actually related to. Thank you 🙏
Thank you! This is exactly the pep talk I needed this morning!
Dr. Ramani on Narcissism is the best resource for freedom from people.
I have cut my sister more than a decade ago …what ever I hear from her via my parents - she is mean, evil and unfair to my parents, thinks she can say everything..and my parents still are not able to drop her, even if she is bringing tears every week to my over 80 years old parents . My parents love the grandkids and that’s the way she as well blackmail my parents with. It makes me sooo angry and it is a very sad situation.
Therefore I appreciate your Podcast very much ..and try to play it to my parents …maybe it helps if some view comes from outside any family member …
Have you tried to step in to defend them? Or are they blindly not seeing it how she is treating them?
Latino culture is literally, “Famiilia por vida!” Family over everything tambien. I’m one of the first to be like :snip snip: ✂️✂️✂️I wish I had learned this lesson before I got married in 2015 lol. So many people I only invited out of respect for family.
Also, we should show way more kindness to those closest to us.
Ryan, movethinkandagewell is correct; it sounds like your stepdad may be a pathological Narcissist. The "nice guy" is part of his facade and the "evil" side is his unconscious need to punish a family member who disrespects him, real or perceived. It's an assertion of control. You guys are fantastic! Thank you.
Fudge. You guys just talked about one of the things that I've been dealing with for years. And I just realized this along my real reset journey in 2019 with being mindfulness and being aware of everything I do and around me. And I just can't wait to move in to my own crib hopefully in "ber" of 2022!
Thank you for talking about this. It was very eye-opening. ✨
Hello! Thank you for addressing this challenging topic. I really appreciate the clarity.
Thank you for all the work you do!
Astounded by how many adults cling to abusive, controlling, manipulative, and toxic family members because of the financial safety net that's there, even though that financial safety net is precisely what makes these family members think they can behave so poorly. "You have to love and obey me because I have what you want." Who would stick around for that? Once you reduce your wants and needs and build independence, those dangling incentives have no power. It also clarifies who needs to be decluttered.
Really needed to hear this. I just moved back home to pay off debt and I feel this weight of pressure to help out constantly with my stepdad who has Alzheimer's in the early stages. I still want to help out but I need to let go of the expectations and pressure.
I need to pay more attention to those floodlights of attention... :-( Perfect talk for the weekend 👏
I needed this today.
Me too!
that is exactly how i feel, Ryan. hopefully i get out of my situation - been living as a hostage.
Great listening
Very good insight.
i’m literally in love with you guys! ah! thank you! i love this podcast so much 😍
Thank you guys💕💫
Hello~ Nice to meet you 👋 Thanks for sharing👍🥰 Wishing you stay safe & happy. God bless you 🙏🍀🤗🍒🌱🌿
Hi I had to spiritually divorce my family - I am not related to a lot of them, too many issues with verbal abuse, addiction issues, financial abuse against my mother, family breakdown, and just using me, I let go of shitty friendships and colleagues.
Let go of old and allow new frienships to emerge, allow new people into your life who have the same interests. I hate my family overseas, I hate them. I also know to practice mindfulness and let go of the anger, which I did do, I felt at peace.
Both me are my parents are pretty close. And we recently took the decision to get away from our other family members because the toxicity was insane. Every day they had some new problems and expected us to get involved in those issues because "we are family"
My husband is just like your stepdad. He has recently been diagnosed w ADHD-fire disorder.
My father told me I owe him loyalty. I need to be loyal to him. Those words have scarred me deeply.
You do not owe your father or your mother anything for an accident of birth. You did not ask to be born - they made that choice. Childrearing is a responsibility they took on themselves and you do not owe them for having done so.
From there, if they want love, they must deserve it; if they want respect, they must earn and maintain it in a healthy way.
This is what I explained to my mother and father when I booted them out of my life 20 years ago when they tried to tell me I owed them love, respect, etc. They would have had those things from me had they been worthy.
Could you do a talk about no spend or how to beat inflation as a minimalist please ? 😍 it would be awesome
Well said
Big difference between a bad day and npd lol. Family is an important topic in minimalism.
Ok, so…. How do I take that power back???
I just blocked my mother on my iphone only to find out her calls now go straight to the message service !! 😒
6:23 It looks like DID (dissociative identity disorder). There is also a sense of entitlement within the family.
Difficult subject
7:00 sounds like narcissistic person if he is evil when he is disrespected
No, I don’t have to “love” you at all