Don’t Smoke Weed If Your Life Sucks - Cristela Alonzo

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ต.ค. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 157

  • @Nakamichi_Jun
    @Nakamichi_Jun 3 ปีที่แล้ว +178

    Her response to the guy yelling "liar" was lightning fast.

    • @Andre141795
      @Andre141795 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      yeeeeeeees hahahaahhaha

    • @RichWeigel
      @RichWeigel 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      She gave him the eye after that. Like soon as I’m done here you won’t be making it back to your car.

    • @aaareonjaems6836
      @aaareonjaems6836 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wait timestamp?

    • @mangarda
      @mangarda ปีที่แล้ว +2

      She was already gonna say that I think. She never got to any other punchline so I think that was it. It just coincidentally fit really well as a clap back lol

  • @ZeacorZeppelin
    @ZeacorZeppelin 3 ปีที่แล้ว +160

    Smoking weed unemployed during a pandemic was rough, but I felt better by the end of the night

    • @dolikemymotto
      @dolikemymotto 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      It doesn’t get better homie

    • @SeefBausage
      @SeefBausage 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      that’s how it goes bro. You feel better at the end of the night because the only thing you’re supposed to do at that point is go to sleep. You take comfort in that. But during the day, when everyone’s supposed to be moving and working it gets rough again.

    • @todo8328
      @todo8328 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Getting high when you’re unemployed is a sign that it might not be recreational anymore... it is now an irrational addiction.

    • @Jeannek4493
      @Jeannek4493 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Same here I’m going through that right now

  • @ekdaufin1485
    @ekdaufin1485 3 ปีที่แล้ว +28

    I LOVE the gymnast walking the straight line. And the slow mo! This is so smart and funny. She is so smart and funny.

  • @mmrw
    @mmrw 3 ปีที่แล้ว +143

    She’s like a cool aunt

    • @ScottCasonRealtor
      @ScottCasonRealtor 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      a hot cool aunt.

    • @mmrw
      @mmrw 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@ScottCasonRealtor Hey idk if I would go that far, but you do you bro

  • @cdmp777
    @cdmp777 3 ปีที่แล้ว +125

    I haven’t actually laughed in a while, this was funny. I needed that. Lmao

    • @waltertx.6020
      @waltertx.6020 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yeah me too man 😂

    • @MrOneNye
      @MrOneNye 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Go watch Nikki Glazer then...

  • @MGeKaaja
    @MGeKaaja 3 ปีที่แล้ว +104

    So true...
    Life's good = weed
    Life's suck = drink

    • @GapofLove
      @GapofLove 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Truth lol

  • @liligman
    @liligman 3 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    She’s like the female fluffy, and that’s the ultimate compliment because he’s one of the best comics today 👍

    • @harveyquinn
      @harveyquinn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Meh, fluffy ist way better. His energy alone is awesome, plus his jokes are mostly clean.

    • @ekdaufin1485
      @ekdaufin1485 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      She’s better. At least in this sample no weight stigma yet still plays on the inequity.

    • @liligman
      @liligman 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@ekdaufin1485 I still love Fluffy’s voices and sound effects though! The 2 just have a similar style

  • @christinarodriguez7642
    @christinarodriguez7642 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Just love watching you!! Thanks for the laughs.

  • @blackdynamite5016
    @blackdynamite5016 3 ปีที่แล้ว +56

    Naaaaaaaaa, my life sucked during the quarantine. Weed helped ALOT😁😁 smoke up everybody 💯💯

    • @lslewis
      @lslewis 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      The problem is, unless you're naturally very driven, weed will only make you feel good for a moment, even masking the feeling-like-a-loser. It'll make you feel good with the loser state you're in without doing anything about it. That's it...thus, promoting complacency.

    • @blackdynamite5016
      @blackdynamite5016 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@lslewis Bruh, we get all that. I'm just talking about during quarantine. I had trouble coping with America burning all year my bad

    • @Tayl0r_
      @Tayl0r_ 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@lslewis It makes me feel human enough to function. I can’t work rn due to health issues anyway, so Im toking up so I can actually eat, and not waste away bedridden in pain.

    • @lslewis
      @lslewis 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@blackdynamite5016 I hear you, man

    • @lslewis
      @lslewis 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@Tayl0r_ Yeah, I understand. There are pros, cons, and exceptions to it. To clarify, I was just highlighting a common situation I see where people allow a substance to take control of their lives rather than use that substance to better it.

  • @maha333g5
    @maha333g5 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    I needed a good laugh and she definitely made me crack up!!

  • @ModernGoddess81
    @ModernGoddess81 3 ปีที่แล้ว +56

    Lol it’s true! I was a dancer growing up and anytime I e had a sobriety test I walk just fine in heels lol

    • @magnolia2
      @magnolia2 3 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Anytime? Sheesh how many times have you gotten pulled over for a sobriety test?😅🤣

    • @amandaphillips4344
      @amandaphillips4344 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      That's cool as hell😎 🍻

    • @YoureWokeYoureBroke
      @YoureWokeYoureBroke 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@magnolia2 LOL

    • @hy73092i
      @hy73092i 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      the key is to wear heels while taking the sobriety test so u can just say "oops sorry heels r so hard to walk in hahahaaa"

  • @LawNerdAmber
    @LawNerdAmber 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    She doesn't get near enough attention as a comedian! She's amazing!

  • @trevorclausen2994
    @trevorclausen2994 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Geez, I love this girls character 🤭 she's a natural.

  • @carrie765259
    @carrie765259 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Slept w/ 3 lmfao I love her

  • @Ceci_et_Cela
    @Ceci_et_Cela 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    I would watch a couple hours of her telling jokes!

    • @Andre141795
      @Andre141795 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Totallyyyy

    • @yenchiu7290
      @yenchiu7290 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Netflix has a few of her best specials ! Totally recommended.

  • @maurawhelan3530
    @maurawhelan3530 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Love her! CSI episode after a blackout!

  • @cieralashay1921
    @cieralashay1921 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    🤣🤣🤣 “I think I’m getting a warning” 💀😆

  • @NgataNare
    @NgataNare 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    She killed it!

  • @cheezenation
    @cheezenation 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I laughed so hard at this while eating popeyes high that I choked on my chicken. thank you.

  • @stormnasca6497
    @stormnasca6497 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I am a gymnast and when I was young I had the walk the line a couple times. I learned quickly the first time DON'T DO A CARTWHEEL on the line. It gives you away.

  • @andersonash9059
    @andersonash9059 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    Home girl looks like she’s a smooth 4’5” of Hilarity.

    • @surenittyboyle3137
      @surenittyboyle3137 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Haha try 4,6 we short people stick together LMFAO

    • @andersonash9059
      @andersonash9059 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@surenittyboyle3137 😂😂I’m 6’4” the inverse of that n I wish there was some sort secret society or something of us for sure.

    • @surenittyboyle3137
      @surenittyboyle3137 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@andersonash9059 LMFAO im 4,6 and im not getting any taller and sorry to break it to you only short people have secret society's

    • @undergroundsalmon2815
      @undergroundsalmon2815 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      4’9 club ayyye

    • @surenittyboyle3137
      @surenittyboyle3137 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@undergroundsalmon2815 yes that it is tho lmfao

  • @gnarnrawsteezem5894
    @gnarnrawsteezem5894 3 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    As a white guy who's dated alot of woc, I can say, accurate as hell

    • @audio3980
      @audio3980 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Uummm what the heck is a “woc”? we have enough acronyms to deal with already in 2021!

    • @shin7998
      @shin7998 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@audio3980 women of color

    • @Person1865
      @Person1865 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You better be taking them to Nordstrom.

    • @cieralashay1921
      @cieralashay1921 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Screaming @ the confession 😂😂😂 (me now realizing why my friend dates white guys and she’s a poc) 😅

  • @alaynaeosze6532
    @alaynaeosze6532 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My favorite person in the world from Rio Grande Valley

  • @shopkeep9710
    @shopkeep9710 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    My life sucks and when i drink by myself i end up sobbing, weed for me

    • @idaahtoong5187
      @idaahtoong5187 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I'm sorry you think that. But it maybe better by now. My life was tough when I was younger. Jesus changed my mind and he showed me what love is 💜 He loves you. Happy day ahead for you ✝️❤️

    • @shopkeep9710
      @shopkeep9710 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@idaahtoong5187 thanks ida

  • @KellsSmith1244
    @KellsSmith1244 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Oh yeah, drinking jokes take me back! I kind of remember my 20s. (This is good!!)

  • @dominiqueparnell7910
    @dominiqueparnell7910 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Yes , yes , and yes she funny , more please .

  • @XHxneyOppz
    @XHxneyOppz 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I literally laughed so much she is so funny, and weed helped me through tough times, id rather only be high ☺️😌

  • @eliotgardner1856
    @eliotgardner1856 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    She's real good!!

  • @vivianbenck9638
    @vivianbenck9638 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    You are hilarious! Love this one!

  • @Tfwd1891
    @Tfwd1891 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    I forgot about her she's pretty good

  • @xtscarfacem8255
    @xtscarfacem8255 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Productive smoker here !!!👍
    I'm high BTW

  • @jaredknapp6832
    @jaredknapp6832 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    You're amazing!

  • @agent5758
    @agent5758 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Weed makes my days go by faster

    • @waltertx.6020
      @waltertx.6020 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Slows my day up.. 😂

    • @bashwill236
      @bashwill236 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@waltertx.6020 they prolly smoke sativa

    • @waltertx.6020
      @waltertx.6020 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@bashwill236 yeah I don't smoke thc very often. But if I do, I smoke a vape pen.
      It slows me down where I can sleep better.

  • @HamburgerMolester
    @HamburgerMolester 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Fast forward. I like that. Until now I've been calling blackout drinking "time travelling."

  • @allisonomar8443
    @allisonomar8443 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Too real

  • @deblay7347
    @deblay7347 ปีที่แล้ว

    LOL, that actually happened to me one time. I am was a gymnast most of my childhood and teens and when I got pulled over at 21 and had a few beers the police asked me to walk a straight line. I did and I even pointed my toes. 😂

  • @allisonomar8443
    @allisonomar8443 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    So many times I've gotten warnings lol my Lincoln gets me pulled over but my white accessory as passenger gets me off

  • @jeangarcia6432
    @jeangarcia6432 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Thats 1 of the best advices only smoke if ur life doesnt suck

  • @jerzeyrebel4797
    @jerzeyrebel4797 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    So True 😂

  • @xxletm3loveyouxx734
    @xxletm3loveyouxx734 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Lmaooo she slept with 3 😴 LOL

  • @reversed2489
    @reversed2489 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I actually like this a lot

  • @skpjoecoursegold366
    @skpjoecoursegold366 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    she's good.

  • @crisb3460
    @crisb3460 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Love it

  • @bandoreacts6500
    @bandoreacts6500 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Next fluffy ?😭😆

    • @waltertx.6020
      @waltertx.6020 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Man, I love Fluffy too 😂😂😂

  • @capribolanos7985
    @capribolanos7985 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Shes awesome

  • @bobbib5779
    @bobbib5779 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    bill burr alec baldwin head bit came to mind watching this lol

  • @chrisvlogz6206
    @chrisvlogz6206 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Cruz ramirez talking about DUI😂😂

  • @pazsince8180
    @pazsince8180 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I hitt that fast forward button every Friday my cheat days are Thursday

  • @valm.5920
    @valm.5920 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    this was fucking funny, thanks yt algorithm

  • @marvinhacutina8685
    @marvinhacutina8685 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    She is great

  • @bustownbc2787
    @bustownbc2787 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    4 real....un....em....ployed.....😂😂😂

  • @thechazzler8934
    @thechazzler8934 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I can’t unhear her as Hester now,

  • @diaryofasneakerhead1290
    @diaryofasneakerhead1290 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I smoke ... she is Comic genius

  • @CaptainSanchez
    @CaptainSanchez 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    smoke regardless ^_^;

  • @robertdesmarais3821
    @robertdesmarais3821 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Funny

  • @HammadFitness1
    @HammadFitness1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    she is incredibly hot and sooooo funny. god blessed her.

  • @Kee-khan
    @Kee-khan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    She’s hilarious 😂 is the

  • @Lewbog64
    @Lewbog64 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Rate the sneakers

    • @AbdallahMassoud1
      @AbdallahMassoud1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ALWAYS IN STOCK AT MODELLS IN ALL SIZES

  • @azothamenti3378
    @azothamenti3378 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    This chick is funny

  • @Matthew6418
    @Matthew6418 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    So this is who is going to be hosting the new legends of the hidden temple. Interesting choice. May be good may be terrible lol

  • @steveoconnivo9666
    @steveoconnivo9666 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Calling out stoners everywhere lol

  • @MrBrownnn696
    @MrBrownnn696 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Haha ask the right question...

  • @gxbbybxby
    @gxbbybxby 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Sup comedy central

  • @aerynandaisya3271
    @aerynandaisya3271 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Cruz Ramirez Singing

  • @familybonds4154
    @familybonds4154 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Anyone here after listening to her on the rebirth podcast
    Check it out if you haven’t 🙂😊

  • @gabrielguttierrez4045
    @gabrielguttierrez4045 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Yo best Female comic alive..the brown lady is killing the white girls who always talking about their periods and ect. Feminists..hating on guys ect. This chick the type to commentate the superbowl party

    • @MsGnor
      @MsGnor 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Gabriel Guttierrez, love you buddy ❤️ & here's me talking about *my* periods
      😂
      Day 1 .........
      Day 2 ......................................................
      Day 3 ......
      Day 4 ...
      Day 5 ...

  • @ivankaseljanka
    @ivankaseljanka 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Neither weed or alcohol help me... sucks either way 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • @nicoleowens2318
      @nicoleowens2318 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Try stronger psychedelics than weed lol. It's life-changing. I can't say you won't still think your life sucks, but at least you'll see the world differently. I was pretty suicidal my entire life until I tried acid the first time. I've used them carefully for a few years, with meditation, and I'm a different person. You might also wanna check that you don't have any problems with your thyroid or adrenal glands. Stress can mess up all your body functions and major organs, including and especially mental health. A healthy diet with lots of raw foods, and adequate sleep, exercise, and fresh air. Just to give a few suggestions, if you really think the world sucks, I used to too and it was really shitty. If you think the world sucks there's no reason to have motivation, to be the best you you can be, so it's worth a shot if you don't want to feel at the end of your life that it was wasted. When you're out of the fog you'll see what I mean, you lived under a cloud and you didn't have to. Anyway, just these things changed my life and a lot of other people's, I try to share when I can. I wish you luck, hope things get better for you soon!

    • @ivankaseljanka
      @ivankaseljanka 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@nicoleowens2318 thank you for this answer, I really appreciate it 🙏 thanks for taking the time, and for the advice. I have managed recently to put myself together, a bit, I don't even know how, it just happened. But, yes, trying out things is important, when done in a right way, I am sure it can help. 💕

  • @shamanllama
    @shamanllama 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    yeah nah, smoking weed when your life sucks is the only thing keeping you from ENDING IT so im good.

  • @demitriusprosise4722
    @demitriusprosise4722 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    She reminds me of gabriel iglesias idk why

  • @bruceaskew2107
    @bruceaskew2107 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    the day after Halloween is my birthday

  • @angiebega5915
    @angiebega5915 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    😂👍

  • @paleamigo8575
    @paleamigo8575 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    🤣🤣🤣

  • @tomarchibald5631
    @tomarchibald5631 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    ❤️😀👏

  • @limmieyaz4583
    @limmieyaz4583 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Smoking weed while driving 🚗 is the best
    Mellow & focus on driving

  • @nazmievoz5767
    @nazmievoz5767 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Cruz why you do that?

  • @robertsmithfan877
    @robertsmithfan877 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    "i got a dui that sucked" lol maybe dont drink and drive then👍

  • @AlecRBorden
    @AlecRBorden 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Cristela, whoever thought you should be our LOTHT guide was obviously on drugs.

  • @thrattjaouhard3372
    @thrattjaouhard3372 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I think she should try singing

  • @YUNG_Biped
    @YUNG_Biped 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    💨💨💨

  • @ElegantprojectsCo
    @ElegantprojectsCo 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I’ll smoke weed I don’t need your comedy to tell me otherwise

  • @seanmayo206
    @seanmayo206 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    She talking bout unemployed . I guess so the gov we got will pay u to stay home to be on social media

  • @patricefrancq2277
    @patricefrancq2277 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    You aint white?

  • @dalefirebirdd
    @dalefirebirdd 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    This isn't funny

    • @d4mdcykey
      @d4mdcykey 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      You're not a rope

    • @dewaynemartinjr8660
      @dewaynemartinjr8660 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      At all I thought I was the only one

    • @T_Alexa
      @T_Alexa 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      She is terrible

    • @Liz-wc5ry
      @Liz-wc5ry 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      You’re not funny.

    • @waltertx.6020
      @waltertx.6020 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yeah I don't think it is either 😖

  • @RealThisisA
    @RealThisisA 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I guess she's not one of "those" girls, huh... that's what we were supposed to pick up on.

  • @seanwells7778
    @seanwells7778 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    It's like her comic influence was just a compilation of worn out/over used stand up comedy garbage. Maybe the video was edited poorly and missed the part immediately before this started, where she said, "shitty comedians in the late 90's be like..."

    • @Punchpuppet
      @Punchpuppet 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      I liked her but this comment was also funny 😂

  • @spleniuscervicis1734
    @spleniuscervicis1734 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Puro malinchismo.

    • @jaredknapp6832
      @jaredknapp6832 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I wouldnt say that. Its an appropriate reaction to the racial bias in our culture, which is deplorable. She is creating humor and entertainment from a frustrating reality.

  • @desecrator8979
    @desecrator8979 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Damn, still not a funny Wemon. Do they exist?

  • @PhantomGenius
    @PhantomGenius 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Don’t smoke weed if your life sucks, cause you’ll gain a 100 pounds like Cristela and your life will suck worse. Oof

    • @machotaco1356
      @machotaco1356 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      You really thought you did something

    • @stefanieb9241
      @stefanieb9241 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Why are you so rude. If you don’t like her, don’t watch!

  • @johnrife7134
    @johnrife7134 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Shes not that good. She's okay.