1.coversational narcissistic:love themselves talk 2.the straight jacket: who wants to control everything around them like thought and action and emotions 3.emotional moocher: they suck positivity around them, 4.Drama magnet: something is always wrong they want your empathy and sympathy 5.A jj: jealous jeadgement around them no one is ever enough gossip and 6.the fiber: liars exageraters it is impossible to trust them 7. A tank: constantly puts them first they see themselves important first How to deal toxicity Say no Have wonderful happy people around you
How do you deal with unavoidable toxic people? 2. Ask them for favor. 3. Accentuate the positives by thanking them for their kindness and good behavior. 4. Return the favor. 5. Rinse and repeat. Invite them to church, for Christ's sake, because knowing how to serve our Good Lord's Will always comes 1st. Remember that talk about a golden rule? Well, it's still applicable. And no one, not even our savior CHRIST, is an exception to God's Bidding.
I realised that I've been toxic in so many ways that u just mentioned. I'm not toxic anymore, atleast not according to me. But if u feel like u r one of these toxic people, don't beat urself up about it. The first step to becoming a better person is to acknowledge the fact that u r toxic. Be conscious about the way u act around other ppl, and talk to ur frnds and family about it. You will be okay, everything is amazing!!
Wow. I'm impressed of how you acknowledged it yourself and wasn't afraid to admit it, considering that you're willing to change for the better. Big respect for this commenter!
I wouldn't say everything is amazing if you're toxic, but it is good to know that you can work on your behaviors and stop yourself, or deliberately do the opposite of what you typically do. I myself am an emotional moocher, like Eeyore, but I try to keep a more optimistic attitude nowadays.
this video is a real eye opener :), kinda remind myself of when I was and still am toxic in certain settings :(. I feel it's also important to remind people not only to spot these traits in others but in ourselves as well, in a path to improve the way we interact with people as well as accepting and improving ourselves :)
I'm really glad you mentioned putting ourselves on a path of improvement. I think most people work on improving themselves. I was once a person who wasn't very skilled at conversation. There is no shame in not befriending somebody like that. You never know exactly why people talk too much, or are boring, or interrupt, etc. I think when people talk about themselves all the time it's like a step too far. That's just too much. I used to be shy and awkward because I had an overbearing sibling who teased me a lot. So school was hard for me. I said the wrong things at the wrong time and talked too little or too much. My sibling is still immature, but that's okay. I got through it. I'm just reticent to label somebody a narcissist when they might have other reasons for it, and especially if they haven't figured out the social amenities yet. PS, however... A really good way to get out of a horrible conversation is to say, "I'd love to talk, but I have things to do." It's a little rude, but they'll get over it.
@@kaihendee1139 Yes it is true. I caught myself in a mild projection with someone a few years ago. I apologized next time I saw them. They didn't know what I was apologizing for. I have been doing shadow work and watching for signs of disowning parts of myself. I likely still do it without awareness. Its why people have to call us on our stuff so we can evolve.
You guys are being intolerant and way too serious. She clearly didn't have the intention nor did she mean it in that way. She was using it as an expression. Meh, moral police.
This describes my ex so well it's chilling, specifically the part where our opinions always had to align. I was living in a black and white world where everything had a "right" answer, aka his answer. Glad it's over #hallelujah
+Heather LeBas Do you have a specific example. One thing I have learned on my own personal intellectual pursuits is that our western school systems don't teach us how to be human beings. The majority of the population don't actually understand how to have healthy conversations. So when I ask "do you have a specific example," I'm also asking "how do you know that you've had the healthiest conversations possible with that person. Did you do everything you reasonably can to come to a compromise.
Heather LeBas Rarely are our exes 100% responsible for things not working out. Instead of focusing on how toxic your ex was, how about considering what things in you might have been slightly toxic?
But sometimes as time passes, a straight jacket can learn to communicate well, open up about their vulnerability and thus become more normal ( not always but sometimes and also only if they are willing to listen to u even if they think their view is right.)
Thank you Vanessa for this helpful video :) I feel many who get offended when you consider them a hater / troll / toxic person, just don’t want to lose and need you so they can hurt you to feel better. We shouldn’t care, we should value our own happiness and values :) some in the comments did say you might have been a bit harsh on the toxic people, and that they need help not to be avoided. But I disagree, because I’ve been hurt too many times. I’ve even tried to help people before, it never works. So instead of wasting my time, I spend it on what I enjoy :) once again thank you for your lovely video. Have a good day :)
SYAvideo Had the same problem about a year ago. Very hard, but you have to drop him/her. It will be emotionally painfull, but in the long run it is the best solution. Good luck!
Cut them off totally and quit whining about it. No contact. It works. And when your other "family members" pressure you, as they will, then you tell them that if they breach that boundary one more time that you will cut them off. Then follow through when they do it. You do not need them. You will be much happier in the long run Yes it reads cold. But life is too short. She is right about that. Besides...it is all about you, right? (Of course this is SATIRE.) .
I have a toxic person in my life. She’s my best friend. But I just can’t cut her out of my life, we've been friends for so long, and she’ve always been with me through hard times. Don’t know what to do...don’t wanna break her heart... She just doesn’t understand the saying that people come and go but life goes on... 😟
I fall into these categories and I hate it when I do it. ( I'm sorry. ) I notice these things, and I do them. I can't control it. I want to be a better person.
Nobody wants to be in a toxic relationship because instead of making us to be a better person in which a relationship is supposed to be but it drag us down which is really traumatic. It's better to know your partner as early as you can before it's too late for you to get out in the relationship.
Very helpful thank you! I read some comments on here that express that we should try to not judge and help toxic people. I agree that coming from a non-judgmental loving place when dealing with toxic people is very good because yes they need love and yes they need help. However, I learned the hard way boundaries are very important because we should not allow anyone to emotionally abuse us. It doesn't help anyone and reinforces the toxic person's actions.
Good stuff right here, Vanessa. I just recently deleted my FB account because of the high amount of toxic individuals I was connected to on that SM platform. It feels amazingly good to cut the toxicity out and take care of me.
Ok so when you are wondering whether you are a toxic person this is the worst video to watch, some toxic people have serious underlying issues and to be called a weirdo and crazy is just as toxic, good for you 👌🏼
Pretty sums up almost every body I know. It feels SO good to have validation on why I feel yucky/upset/filled with self doubt/and exhausted after I get off the phone. Excellent video. 👍
Your first comment re: the conversational narcissist hit the nail on the head. The content in is a very useful video, as well as is your manner of speaking.
everybody's at least one of those things. its what makes us human and that's ok its how you deal with it and treat people that counts. I'm a total jj but I'm not proud of it.
Thanks for the great video. I have more. - They ask open question and have no interest in following up (drama magnet). - They make negative statements, that force you to defend yourself. - They replace the word "I" with "we", when it comes to their negative experiences, but stay "I" when they have good experiences. For example they will say, "We have bad parents", while what they meant is "I have bad parents" (emotional smoocher). - When they have good stuffs, they are not sharing. When they have bad stuffs, they want everybody to taste it.
To all the people commenting on this video suggesting that you might be 'toxic' and asking for help... My heart goes out to you, and I would like to suggest some things that helped me in my own personal journey. I highly recommend the book 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It'. This book couldn't be more vital in self healing. Also 'The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People' is a beautifully well thought out book that covers concepts like dependency and independence and more, that really helps one in understanding the human condition on a deeper level than the title of the book might suggest. I might also suggest that a healthy whole food diet could help. As having a healthy body also creates a healthy mind. I might also suggest the book 'Green For Life' as green smoothies have helped me tremendously in my own healing. I wish all of you people struggling with inner growth a beautiful journey towards health... and please do not let the judgements of other people sidestep you in your continued movement toward mental and spiritual health and growth.
I am amazed at all the negative comments here...maybe from people who recognise these character traits in their selves and feel the need to put you down. I think this video is very helpful to people who are victims of narcissistic abuse syndrome and who need validation to nurture themselves and not stay helpless people pleasers. Thank you.
+Michonne . Couldn't agree more. I too am amazed by the level of criticism, as well as the intentional misrepresentation of what she is actually saying. And yes, I too am now wondering if perhaps this is coming from people who have just now recognized themselves as the toxic people she so vividly described. Hopefully they will start doing something about their behaviour before they appear on other people's "Toxic people to dump" list. Kind of funny in a way. :)
NC with these abusers is the only answer - even if it's your family - ESPECIALLY if it's your family. I've been NC with them now for over three years and it just keeps getting better by the day.... and no, I don't miss any of them. Of course no one wants to separate from their tribe, but sometimes it's the only way to survive. Now I can spot a toxic person before they can do any damage because I have my nadar on (narcissistic radar).
Just found your channel and i really want to say thank you. I was debating seeking therapy for why I felt guilty about wanting to get rid of the toxic people in my life. I couldn't explain why they made me feel sad, angry, or even just depressed sometimes. I watched your video on people pleasing and it all made sense. And now watching this, it makes even more sense. I can't change the people around me but i can surely change myself. Thank you so much, your videos are informative and inspirational!
Such a well said explanation. I have known almost every type on this list. The people who slowly suck you into their drama and drain energy are the worst I think. These people never say 'thank you' or compensate you for your help.
they could be at some point. I guess is all about "how much" they do that. Like someone can really have a terrible moment in life and be dramatic about it, and that's ok. The problem comes if its their inner personality 24/7. At least that's how I understand it, we all can have this behaviours at some point in life the diference is how far you take them i guess.
I have to agree with some of the comments on here. "Toxic Person" has suddenly become a "trendy" and in my opinion nasty and spiteful way of describing someone who isn't all "sunshine roses and hysterically positive" all the time. Yes I daresay that there are folks who look on the gloomy side of life quite often. Maybe if all the "positive" all the time folks were to help these gloomy people, rather than say that they are "toxic", in other words "poison", they might start to feel a bit better about themselves! Yes I know I know! You have to learn how to feel better about yourself from yourself not others but maybe these "toxics" don't know how so.....how about all these life style experts show them how please? It is so very wrong, arrogant and smacks of bullying to call downhearted people toxic. I loathe that description of a person to be honest. The only people who could be called toxic are murderers or despots like Hitler. It's all over the internet now "how to deal with toxic people" etc. These people might just be severely depressed or have psychological problems from childhood. We must stop this dangerous name calling and generalising about people.
+Jools Factor-Jones Couldn't agree with you more. This is the result of a self obsessed society that lacks true interdepedence, humility, integrity and selflessness. I, myself used to embrace much of the independent lifestyle and mindset - but recently have been reading the well known book '7 Habits Of Highly Effective People'... and it has truly been opening my eyes. Introducing thoughts and ideas that I have always felt at my deepest core, but was not entirely sure how to incorporate them into my life. Feeling confused on many levels, by the plethora of information, like this video, that tells me in more or less words that it's wrong to care about the state of other people - especially when it gets in the way of your own mental or physical health. I agree that taking care of one's personal needs - physical and mental states are vital. But we live in a connected world - secluding others and condemning them for things that they probably are just uneducated on, seems dismissive, unmindful, demoralizing and even cruel. I understand that people want to live healthy lives, but my soul literally screams that true health is caring, concerned, enduring, empathetic as well as strong. Strong enough to show love, instead of hate. "How to spot a toxic person" feels almost toxic in its advice itself... We all need a helping hand and love sometimes in our life. And it is the Phoenix that rises from the flames... From what I've seen of this world, many people meet their darkest hour before blossoming into truly admirable characters.
+Jools Factor-Jones "I cried reading the last message you sent. You have such a beautiful soul if you only knew. You are a very special person. I know you are not much for God but I do thank him for you. Whether you believe it or not I want you to know that God has used you to answer one of my prayers." That was what I got one day from what here would be described as a Toxic Person. I won't go into her her personality, her issues. She has real problems. Some are horrible. My friendship, support for her, has been very stressful at times. Twice I have been able to keep her from killing herself. And the second time, knowing much more of her issues, I had a hard time coming up with a reason for her not to do it. I have known her now for over three years. It is an unusual relationship. My life would have been easier if I just abandoned her. But I haven't been able to. I care for her. She needs people to care for her. And I hope some of what I do will help her care about herself.
Jools Factor-Jones yes. i am quite of a positive person myself and i see the same way. i see good in everybody and for me the gloomy people are having something with their life and they don't know how to control their emotions yet. that's why i always try to bring my positivity to them by being myself around them. but, i should be balanced too because they do suck my energy. i do not think anyone should avoid those people and they should be called "toxic". we were all born nice and innocent, it's the circumtances that shape our personalities.
True, though sometimes you are struggling so much with your own stuff that dealing with people who behave in these ways takes too much energy...that you need to survive. If you have the energy to spare and be human with them, then that's great, but it's not always realistic and it's also important to take care of yourself first otherwise these people will drain you...and that helps no one. I think it's ok to cut people off if it really becomes a situation where they put all their issues onto you, via projection and play harmful psychological games, or emotional abuse is present. Helping people who are only interested in taking from you and don't want help is not helping them or you...it's actually enabling them to destroy you.
the person that popped into my head when you talked about all these toxic persons was actually me a few years back. Everything on the list was me, everything.
Sad when all the seven personality type apply to me. I need to work on myself no wonder I’m still single. The good news is that I’m willing todo what ever it takes to improve myself❤️
This is such a useful video! I live in the same building as a toxic person who is in the "tank" category and it finally makes sense why they are constantly looking to argue and shout but never to listen and are always seeking adversity, preferring to shout insults rather than make points. They would get instantly angry, try to find reasons to start loud arguments and, the worst thing, turn their TV up to be loud from 2am to about 5am every night (They don't have a job), just beacuse they knew it would make me come over and plead them to turn it down. I had tried every decent way to try to talk to them and help them understand that I needed to sleep, I had even promised to give them things in return. I took it to the management but they said there was little they could do and the people on either side have long since moved out. I am saving up to leave as soon as possible especially now I see that there are people who are just irrevocably toxic, and which I always, maybe naively, thought couldn't really exist.
+Princess Ariel ~ I honestly thought she was going to open up about her own experiences as a toxic person after saying that. But nope, she completely white washed over her own narcissism. Weirdo's would love to be told how to act properly, but then people just say "hahaha you fucking weirdo", making these people either desperate or toxic over time.
My mother matches all too! Sad is that my dad is on mom's side most of the time. Also watching the video I realized that I was sometimes toxic after her. Now I know she is toxic so I know what I was doing wrong.
it's great that you are aware of this. Awareness is always the first step to becoming the person you want to be! The 2nd step would be to start socialising more, and understand your weaknesses through your interactions
+Fred Herrera Almost everything that men are taught by society as attractive is some symptom of fulfilling the emotional void. Any woman who'd rather face the void and get in touch on the soul level, would be so initially unattractive to the majority of men it's depressing!
Marian Montagnino I understand what you are saying. But just like "women" are not all the same, neither are all "men" the same...we're human beings before we are anything else. I am always surprised when I hear ANYONE describe "men" as if they are talking about ONE person only, as if we have the same exact soul, instincts, feelings, thoughts, and hopes...WE ARE DIFFERENT from person to person. As for my comment, it was meant to be in jest, but it is actually TRUE of the wives who married my buddies and relatives...they are very much toxic, hurtful, insecure, and vindictive...and it's not because they are "women", it's because they have an instinct to destroy. I hope you are not depressed over such a silly comment like mine. "Society"? Don't know who you are referring to; mothers? the State? the Media industry? Whatever it is, I can tell you that most "men" don't even pay attention to what "society" says, demands, or thinks...which explains our hold on power, prestige, wealth, and just about everything else, except for secretarial work, veterinary medicine, and prostitution...but I'm just sayin'.
Great video. You just described my ex lol. I'm so glad I walked away from that horrible relationship. I'm sad that I had to go through the pain, but now I know how to spot these types of people.
I agree with that totally but for some reason youtube videos never mention the flip side. 'What to do if you're a toxic piece of s***' Uhhhhhhh, most people are at least sometimes especially us Americans just listen to yourself sometimes and pay attention to other's facial expressions and body language.
I wouldn't say I'm toxic, but after a lot of friends passed away, I became very negative for about a year. I was very cynical and argumentative...I ended up losing a lot of friends. If you see that you're toxic, make an effort to change your behavior because what you put out there is what you get back, be it good or bad. Just my 10 cents...
Pat M. At least you were honest about it. You can't change what you don't acknowledge and there are many people walking around that are too damn stubborn to admit they're wrong full behavior.
sakshi pathak We ALL are when we are at our worst because it's one of the flaws that makes us human. The fact that you just admitted it - clearly indicates that you are not particularly toxic because a truly toxic person would NEVER admit such a thing. They would be completely outraged and deeply 'wounded' by the mere suggestion. A toxic person is devoid of self-insight and will go to their grave unashamed of ANYTHING they have done because they truly believe that they are 'special'.
Sometimes it can be difficult when the toxic person was a close family member that turned into someone you can no longer be around. Though, you are absolutely right. You have to just say no and make room for more worthwhile relationships.
If you think that it is probably because you're trying to rationalize being a toxic and manipulative person. Whether it is intentional or not, that's what it is. And I know many people, including myself, who do not act like this. So.......... That's the tea sis
My mom was the "straight jacket" when I was growing up. I began to think I was some bad Barbie, according to her; nothing I said, did or thought was right; she regularly let me know she could have done all of it better. I assessed her with mental illness after she became violent over my F in chemistry. This helped me build a distance and a basis for my own personhood. Ultimately, she broke my spirit and I became more servant. My work and college boyfriends provided escape from regular drama. Someone helped me see my mental prison in 2013; that I could be Happy!! I stopped allowing people to be verbally abusive towards me; that I might return if they could manage themselves. Years later now, she gives me my own space and her time is taken up with her boyfriend and their causes. I am working towards a better life now with The Motivation Manifesto, Brendon Burchard. Great Timing!!
I understand that identifying a toxic person is important. There are a billion videos on TH-cam about how to spot them. Why isn't there even one video to help the toxic person change? Being aware of the situation is only half the battle. The other half is working to fix the negative aspects of ourselves. That's the video I want to see!
If we all ignore all the toxic people they will get completely alone and will commit suicide. I had such a friend. Ignoring them can lead to drama. They don't need ignoring, they need help and your warmth.
+Castle of Costa Mesa So how do I deal with one? Help 'em out? I'd rather not concern myself with them anymore. Dealing with them just drains me emotionally and physically. Losing friends is something new to me.
+Yokky I don't think we shouldn't try to help people who are down and have problems, but it's different when it becomes apparent that they're just trying to bring the attention to themselves and do not care about your feelings. Unfortunately I have a "toxic" friend who is always upset about something. I've considered ignoring her because our conversations are always about her problems, and her legitimately telling me that my advice to her was ignorant and vacuous -_- So I agree with +Dei. If someone is leaving you physically and emotionally drained it's time to wring them out of your life and move on.
I was hoping to recognize which type of toxic person am I. No luck. However, images of couple of my closest friends came up during the video. So, thank you for this.
Empathy and compassion is lacking here, many of the traits she mentions are from the person being abused or neglected as a child and so they are defence mechanisms and signals the person is in emotional pain. What about trying to help them??
Mel A wow, really? Only because i deal w this in my significant other, and I always tell myself that..but the emotional abuse us just hard to take, day after day after day..but then I'm like"he was abused" ugh
Yeah if it really is affecting you then don’t worry, you’re not a therapist. But traits like someone who “exaggerates their stories” isn’t toxic, or negative people who don’t harm a fly. They shouldn’t just be abandoned.
You should also add what it can also mean when someone displays these behaviours as it is not cut and dry as you put it. I don't think it's nice to be so judgemental to a person as everyone comes from a different environment. Your videos may mislead people into ignoring people who need help or that extra bit of attention.
I work with TWO NOT ONE BUT TWO NARCISSIST people, my boss and his assistant, thanks to your videos I now understand and deal with it,,,,, with empathy, this is their disorder not mine. thank you Vanessa Van Edwards :)
I had a coworker for 4 years who had the straight jacket and the drama magnet trait. He used the smear campain, gaslighting me and some people in my work place too. I've quited this job and work alone for now. If you are dealing with this kind of individual, the best thing to do is to quit the place, job, home, area who you are and never contact the piece of crap again. You deserve better in your life.
Very poor generalities. Is there any science for this too? Love much of your work, but obviuosly this message has no system or logic, it's just a sequence of human flaws and mistakes.
Points are valid but the sarcasm and "rising above" energy combined with a lack of compassion left me cold. Lots of potential but I will not be sharing this video with anyone.
I agree. The tone of this is saddening. This feels like a workshop on how to validate and encouradge lack of empathy and modesty by calling others "toxic". Wow. I'd be ashamed to give lessons on "toxic" people by starting off with calling others "crazy" and saying that I smell "the scent of a weirdo". Wow... Is this typology of "toxicity" valid scientifically? No. Scientists wouldn't make those generalisations and wouldn't use those words because they are not valid. The fact that some of these examples remind about some people to some extent doesn't give any merit to these generalised claims. All in all, this mode of thinking is more callous than helpful, more inhuman than human.
truth be told most people are not empathic, they are sympathetic maybe. u guys all sound like empaths that like to help people but most people are not like that. obviously the maker of this vid is not empathic either. most people just dont wanna help anyone just use people it seems
This describes a friend of mine pretty well. I don't really know what to do, I still like her. It's just getting so difficult from time to time... I believe that she's actually a sweet person but it's going downhill every now and then and she's everything you mentioned in this video. I've cried so much because of her in the past, nowadays I've gotten kinda numb.
Toxic doesn’t necessarily mean “bad person”. It’s up to you how to define it. They just mess up/hurt your head. Move on, there are more worthy causes to help, like starving children and such.
I'm glad I clicked. So tired of the same old same old terms being used by self appointed experts.. sorry, I'm jaded at this point.. but this presentation was surprisingly refreshing, and actually helpful with new terms, accurately depicting the subject matter. Im going to listen again, and will be checking out your other vids. I'm at the stage of life where there is no time for bullshite books, music, movies or videos. No hate, just no tolerance for the garbage clogging up the pathways to learning, healing, or any kind of joy, so I appreciate pleasant surprises, especially when initially skeptical. Thanks!!
The scent of a weirdo? Sniff out toxic people? You know what's toxic? This video. If you're in a toxic relationship, distance yourself...i mean, if you feel like the bad outweighs the good. But don't talk about people as if they were some kind of disease. This world needs more compassion, not casting people in categories, when absolutely everyone is struggling. The world needs people who take their responsibilities and do something about their relationships instead of whining on the internet. Seriously this is awful.
Tatjana Uskokovic Thanks I feel both toxic and really low never put myself first and feel like all do is try to help others maybe I need to put myself which I find Hard but defo need to change my bad behaviour some of this hit home
My mother was a malignant narcissist of epic proportions. Right up until I was 48 - I never stopped trying to 'win' her, make her 'see' me. One day, after one of her harrowing phone calls - I turned calmly to my husband & said, 'well, that's it. I'm done.' I never spoke to her again & when she died 2 years later - I was just fine because finally, I was at peace within myself. No guilt & no regrets. I was so angry & hurt that 1st year until the knowledge that it was never ME - it was HER sunk in. With that acceptance & without my even being aware of it - came forgiveness & compassion for her & her choice to live a life filled to the brim with bitterness & a sense of entitlement, only surpassed by her nastiness. I began to think about WHY she was like that. I am healed & continue to blossom.
The people in my life: 1- Conversational narcissist: my mother and a friend of mine. Impossible to talk with and wont shut up. 2- the straight jacket: my cousin. She is much older than me. She is nice otherwise but is a control freak 3- emotional moocher: my mom 4- drama magnet: my sister. VERY toxic to be around. I avoid her as much as possible 5- no one 6- the fibber: my other sister. She tries to manipulate people to do her bidding by making tons of lies 7- no one It’s really nice to know that there are labels to these people so i can understand what i’m going through
This is so great! I thought I was being too picky, wanting someone who supports me and doesn't make me feel like crap half of the time. My intuition is correct again, I have had a 'feeling' for a while, and I believe they do too from comments they have said. AMEN
Sounds like my sister who is a master minuplater & liar & uses people to get what she wants & then tosses them to the side. She will stab you in the back like she did me & talks bad about you like she does me behind my back. My sister is definitely a toxic person. Life is to short to let toxic person ruin your life.
I have suffered of a really bad toxic with a roommate that I had felt very slef-free after I moved out. Couldn't understand why he acted with so judgmental and jealous mind. thanks for this awesome video, I got it now 👍
OMG this is my former co-worker. Every one of these 7 categories applies to her. Every. Single. One. She was incredibly draining and toxic, and she loved to stir the pot. So many of us were happy when she quit. I feel so sorry for the people at her new job who have to put up with that monster.
Jealousy should never have a place in friendship. Unfortunately there will always be people who are too jealous of you to be happy for you, these people are not your friends.
Thank you so very much for this video. I will be trying to commit some to memory to better help me in spotting these people. It has been a rough year in having to deal with so many of these types. I would much rather sit back and listen to them bang themselves so, I don’t have to waste my energy and time anymore and move on to people who appreciate me and my friendship. Thanks again.
Sometimes you need to support your friends who slipped into a toxic path themselves. You can't just run away from all people, nobody is perfect. All people turn into their worse selves when in stress, depression or pain.
I've met lots of people who call others toxic, only to turn out to be toxic themselves. Who's more toxic? The one who's toxic, or the one who's accusing the other as being toxic? Virtually everyone I know has the traits in this video, including myself. Toxicity is a symptom of an unhappy and disgruntled society. We need to fix the world, rather than avoiding each other for the rest of our lives. Otherwise, we're all going to end up even more lonely than we already are. We're ALL becoming self obsessed, intolerant, toxic narcissists, who are too busy accusing everyone else of being self obsessed, intolerant, toxic narcissists.
What if they're a spiritual vampire and a drama magnet wrapped into one package that believes I should be available to cater to their every whim 24/7? Seriously. One day I got 6 25+ minute phone calls, over a dozen email, and between 1-200 texts from someone complaining how miserable he was, nobody had it worse, and wanted to die over the fact his boss was making him do a part of his job he hated...while I was dealing with food poisoning. What's worse. If I don't answer, he'll show up at the house.
Wow-I wish I found you long ago. Your videos help me immensely. Thank you for your words and wisdom. I can fix myself all day, but I can’t control others. Now I can identify who to eliminate from my life. You are a true gem! 💎 💎 💎 Thanks!!
You nailed this one Vanessa. I've had many scenarios and names of people that I thought of throughout this video. You have to ask yourself if you have these kind of people around you, what is it about me that allows or needs this person? What is the pay off for being with this person? If I cannot learn from this person or want to become like them then it's time for them to go
Thanks Mrs Vanessa., your tips are very precious and humankind needs improvents in these subjects. I have put myself in all kinds of personalities you presented and I deep analized MYSELF! Thanks again!
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Read more about toxic people in the article: www.scienceofpeople.com/toxic-people/
1.coversational narcissistic:love themselves talk
2.the straight jacket: who wants to control everything around them like thought and action and emotions
3.emotional moocher: they suck positivity around them,
4.Drama magnet: something is always wrong they want your empathy and sympathy
5.A jj: jealous jeadgement around them no one is ever enough gossip and
6.the fiber: liars exageraters it is impossible to trust them
7. A tank: constantly puts them first they see themselves important first
How to deal toxicity
Say no
Have wonderful happy people around you
Fiber vs fibber
One lies, the other clears you out.
How do you deal with unavoidable toxic people?
2. Ask them for favor.
3. Accentuate the positives by thanking them for their kindness and good behavior.
4. Return the favor.
5. Rinse and repeat.
Invite them to church, for Christ's sake, because knowing how to serve our Good Lord's Will always comes 1st.
Remember that talk about a golden rule?
Well, it's still applicable. And no one, not even our savior CHRIST, is an exception to God's Bidding.
This is why I don’t have anyone left in my circle. No friends no family.
I realised that I've been toxic in so many ways that u just mentioned. I'm not toxic anymore, atleast not according to me. But if u feel like u r one of these toxic people, don't beat urself up about it. The first step to becoming a better person is to acknowledge the fact that u r toxic. Be conscious about the way u act around other ppl, and talk to ur frnds and family about it. You will be okay, everything is amazing!!
Wow. I'm impressed of how you acknowledged it yourself and wasn't afraid to admit it, considering that you're willing to change for the better. Big respect for this commenter!
I wouldn't say everything is amazing if you're toxic, but it is good to know that you can work on your behaviors and stop yourself, or deliberately do the opposite of what you typically do. I myself am an emotional moocher, like Eeyore, but I try to keep a more optimistic attitude nowadays.
Funny how quickly people pop into you're head.
OMD YEEEESSS!!!
YES!!!!!!!! lots of them are in the workplace!
Yes, because she decribes a range of people that are annoying, but not toxic.
Exactlyy
This used to be everyone in my old "friend" group. Fortunately they have been since removed with strong boundaries and standards.
this video is a real eye opener :), kinda remind myself of when I was and still am toxic in certain settings :(. I feel it's also important to remind people not only to spot these traits in others but in ourselves as well, in a path to improve the way we interact with people as well as accepting and improving ourselves :)
Agreed. I was raised by a narcissist and it's so hard to go against the default I was raised with. I'm really trying! 😔
I'm really glad you mentioned putting ourselves on a path of improvement. I think most people work on improving themselves. I was once a person who wasn't very skilled at conversation. There is no shame in not befriending somebody like that. You never know exactly why people talk too much, or are boring, or interrupt, etc. I think when people talk about themselves all the time it's like a step too far. That's just too much.
I used to be shy and awkward because I had an overbearing sibling who teased me a lot. So school was hard for me. I said the wrong things at the wrong time and talked too little or too much. My sibling is still immature, but that's okay. I got through it. I'm just reticent to label somebody a narcissist when they might have other reasons for it, and especially if they haven't figured out the social amenities yet. PS, however... A really good way to get out of a horrible conversation is to say, "I'd love to talk, but I have things to do." It's a little rude, but they'll get over it.
The most toxic ppl I know believe Everyone else is toxic!!!! lol
Sheila Gibson YES
I was just thinking this! We often project those attributes we like least about ourselves onto other people unconsciously.
They tend to blame shift, they lack internal awareness so the problems are always external. Narcs are like that in spades.
@@kaihendee1139 Yes it is true. I caught myself in a mild projection with someone a few years ago. I apologized next time I saw them. They didn't know what I was apologizing for. I have been doing shadow work and watching for signs of disowning parts of myself.
I likely still do it without awareness. Its why people have to call us on our stuff so we can evolve.
@@silentgrove7670 good for you! Having accountability for your actions.
i never realised I was so toxic' thanks for cheering me up.
Same, after watching this Vid, I realized that they are all about me. Thanks for this, i may grow and I will. Hayyyyyssss
You’re welcome ! :)
Yea it’s just geared towards feminist man hate lol
Buddy are yau still alive
Calling someone "crazy" without having a deeper conversation is a form of toxicity.
+goaliedude32
It's also a way of devaluing a person. Feel the disrespect and don't pretend as if it means anything else.
Joey Tully
Devaluing a person without addressing any root causes or offering any constructive criticism. It's lazy and toxic.
goaliedude32
Agreed!
Calling people Crazy because you don't understand them is Dismissive. That's Toxic in itself.
You guys are being intolerant and way too serious. She clearly didn't have the intention nor did she mean it in that way. She was using it as an expression. Meh, moral police.
This describes my ex so well it's chilling, specifically the part where our opinions always had to align. I was living in a black and white world where everything had a "right" answer, aka his answer. Glad it's over #hallelujah
+Heather LeBas Do you have a specific example. One thing I have learned on my own personal intellectual pursuits is that our western school systems don't teach us how to be human beings. The majority of the population don't actually understand how to have healthy conversations. So when I ask "do you have a specific example," I'm also asking "how do you know that you've had the healthiest conversations possible with that person. Did you do everything you reasonably can to come to a compromise.
same
Heather LeBas Rarely are our exes 100% responsible for things not working out. Instead of focusing on how toxic your ex was, how about considering what things in you might have been slightly toxic?
But sometimes as time passes, a straight jacket can learn to communicate well, open up about their vulnerability and thus become more normal ( not always but sometimes and also only if they are willing to listen to u even if they think their view is right.)
😭😭😂😂😂
thank you for telling me that my decision of not getting involved with people who makes me feel bad about myself was right!! really thank you
described my ex bestie completely. so glad i dumped her.
Same here !! 👏
Mind if I ask how you did It? I'm currently trying to unfriend someone.
Aspyn J. Ughh just dumped mine. She was awful - def a horrible experience
What that mouth do
Valkyrie_117 Just block and move on
Thank you Vanessa for this helpful video :)
I feel many who get offended when you consider them a hater / troll / toxic person, just don’t want to lose and need you so they can hurt you to feel better.
We shouldn’t care, we should value our own happiness and values :) some in the comments did say you might have been a bit harsh on the toxic people, and that they need help not to be avoided. But I disagree, because I’ve been hurt too many times.
I’ve even tried to help people before, it never works. So instead of wasting my time, I spend it on what I enjoy :) once again thank you for your lovely video. Have a good day :)
What if the toxic people are your family members 😩
SYAvideo Had the same problem about a year ago. Very hard, but you have to drop him/her. It will be emotionally painfull, but in the long run it is the best solution. Good luck!
SYAvideo i was just thinking that!
Cut them off totally and quit whining about it. No contact. It works.
And when your other "family members" pressure you, as they will, then you tell them that if they breach that boundary one more time that you will cut them off. Then follow through when they do it.
You do not need them.
You will be much happier in the long run Yes it reads cold.
But life is too short. She is right about that.
Besides...it is all about you, right?
(Of course this is SATIRE.) .
You can't pick your family, but you can always prune the tree.
ー
I have a toxic person in my life. She’s my best friend. But I just can’t cut her out of my life, we've been friends for so long, and she’ve always been with me through hard times. Don’t know what to do...don’t wanna break her heart...
She just doesn’t understand the saying that people come and go but life goes on...
😟
"Life is too short to spend time with people who don't help you be your best self". Absolute gold advice!
Thank you! So glad it resonated ♥️
sounds like nobody should be meeting anyone.
I notice most toxic people don't even realize they. are toxic ,petty unfair, small minded,and jealous, and judgemental.....
I fall into these categories and I hate it when I do it. ( I'm sorry. ) I notice these things, and I do them. I can't control it. I want to be a better person.
@@laineyq At least you're admitting it you. can change.Most people Deny.Good Luck.
Nobody wants to be in a toxic relationship because instead of making us to be a better person in which a relationship is supposed to be but it drag us down which is really traumatic. It's better to know your partner as early as you can before it's too late for you to get out in the relationship.
Very helpful thank you! I read some comments on here that express that we should try to not judge and help toxic people. I agree that coming from a non-judgmental loving place when dealing with toxic people is very good because yes they need love and yes they need help. However, I learned the hard way boundaries are very important because we should not allow anyone to emotionally abuse us. It doesn't help anyone and reinforces the toxic person's actions.
Damn, I am highly toxic, 6/7.
You must be hot
It's great that you can spot your flaws, that is the most important step. I hope you can find the tools to become a less toxic person. Good luck!
You can change. Step #1 is acceptance of the hard truth and not being in denial DrIncognito
You can change.
Good stuff right here, Vanessa. I just recently deleted my FB account because of the high amount of toxic individuals I was connected to on that SM platform. It feels amazingly good to cut the toxicity out and take care of me.
Ok so when you are wondering whether you are a toxic person this is the worst video to watch, some toxic people have serious underlying issues and to be called a weirdo and crazy is just as toxic, good for you 👌🏼
Pretty sums up almost every body I know. It feels SO good to have validation on why I feel yucky/upset/filled with self doubt/and exhausted after I get off the phone. Excellent video. 👍
oh my god my ex friends have sooo many of these qualities. im glad i've pushed them out of my life.
Your first comment re: the conversational narcissist hit the nail on the head. The content in is a very useful video, as well as is your manner of speaking.
everybody's at least one of those things. its what makes us human and that's ok its how you deal with it and treat people that counts. I'm a total jj but I'm not proud of it.
SuzieBoo54 or everybody has at least done/been one of those things at one point in life ... people change all the time
Thanks for the great video. I have more.
- They ask open question and have no interest in following up (drama magnet).
- They make negative statements, that force you to defend yourself.
- They replace the word "I" with "we", when it comes to their negative experiences, but stay "I" when they have good experiences. For example they will say, "We have bad parents", while what they meant is "I have bad parents" (emotional smoocher).
- When they have good stuffs, they are not sharing. When they have bad stuffs, they want everybody to taste it.
To all the people commenting on this video suggesting that you might be 'toxic' and asking for help... My heart goes out to you, and I would like to suggest some things that helped me in my own personal journey.
I highly recommend the book 'Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It'. This book couldn't be more vital in self healing.
Also 'The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People' is a beautifully well thought out book that covers concepts like dependency and independence and more, that really helps one in understanding the human condition on a deeper level than the title of the book might suggest.
I might also suggest that a healthy whole food diet could help. As having a healthy body also creates a healthy mind.
I might also suggest the book 'Green For Life' as green smoothies have helped me tremendously in my own healing.
I wish all of you people struggling with inner growth a beautiful journey towards health... and please do not let the judgements of other people sidestep you in your continued movement toward mental and spiritual health and growth.
+IdiomofSad Downloading the 7 Habits Of Highly Effective people now. I'm liking the description you've given.
+Midnight Marauder I hope it offers you the same deep insights it's given me. :) Happy reading!
Doctor Scientist Read it; good book.👍
IdiomofSad Thank you so much 😙
IdiomofSad came back to this comment after reading the book to say thank you. 7 habits is a life changer 😊 thanks for telling us about it
I am amazed at all the negative comments here...maybe from people who recognise these character traits in their selves and feel the need to put you down.
I think this video is very helpful to people who are victims of narcissistic abuse syndrome and who need validation to nurture themselves and not stay helpless people pleasers. Thank you.
+Michonne . Couldn't agree more. I too am amazed by the level of criticism, as well as the intentional misrepresentation of what she is actually saying. And yes, I too am now wondering if perhaps this is coming from people who have just now recognized themselves as the toxic people she so vividly described. Hopefully they will start doing something about their behaviour before they appear on other people's "Toxic people to dump" list. Kind of funny in a way. :)
omg!!! this is everyone I know n probably this gorgeous Lady
+Dony Sandley Attitude, cancels gorgeous, should be compassionate ,sympathetic not act toxic her self.
You're absolutely right, toxic people will drag you down!
NC with these abusers is the only answer - even if it's your family - ESPECIALLY if it's your family. I've been NC with them now for over three years and it just keeps getting better by the day.... and no, I don't miss any of them. Of course no one wants to separate from their tribe, but sometimes it's the only way to survive. Now I can spot a toxic person before they can do any damage because I have my nadar on (narcissistic radar).
Just found your channel and i really want to say thank you. I was debating seeking therapy for why I felt guilty about wanting to get rid of the toxic people in my life. I couldn't explain why they made me feel sad, angry, or even just depressed sometimes. I watched your video on people pleasing and it all made sense. And now watching this, it makes even more sense. I can't change the people around me but i can surely change myself. Thank you so much, your videos are informative and inspirational!
Doesn't everyone sort of skew into these areas at some point? We are human after all.
at some point, yes. All the time that it becomes a part of their everyday habit/personality/mood then no
Of course, not a single human being is perfect. The problem arises when those attitudes are pervasive and constant thus hurting others.
Such a well said explanation. I have known almost every type on this list. The people who slowly suck you into their drama and drain energy are the worst I think. These people never say 'thank you' or compensate you for your help.
You mean all people are toxic?
they could be at some point. I guess is all about "how much" they do that. Like someone can really have a terrible moment in life and be dramatic about it, and that's ok. The problem comes if its their inner personality 24/7. At least that's how I understand it, we all can have this behaviours at some point in life the diference is how far you take them i guess.
#4 is so dangerous, #5 is terrible, #6 my dear god, #7 is so snaggy.
Yes so better get a dog instead
What she says is so true. Life is too short. You do need to surround yourself with people that will help you be the best you. My Mom is a ‘tank’. 😔
I have to agree with some of the comments on here. "Toxic Person" has suddenly become a "trendy" and in my opinion nasty and spiteful way of describing someone who isn't all "sunshine roses and hysterically positive" all the time. Yes I daresay that there are folks who look on the gloomy side of life quite often. Maybe if all the "positive" all the time folks were to help these gloomy people, rather than say that they are "toxic", in other words "poison", they might start to feel a bit better about themselves! Yes I know I know! You have to learn how to feel better about yourself from yourself not others but maybe these "toxics" don't know how so.....how about all these life style experts show them how please? It is so very wrong, arrogant and smacks of bullying to call downhearted people toxic. I loathe that description of a person to be honest. The only people who could be called toxic are murderers or despots like Hitler. It's all over the internet now "how to deal with toxic people" etc. These people might just be severely depressed or have psychological problems from childhood. We must stop this dangerous name calling and generalising about people.
+Jools Factor-Jones Couldn't agree with you more.
This is the result of a self obsessed society that lacks true interdepedence, humility, integrity and selflessness.
I, myself used to embrace much of the independent lifestyle and mindset - but recently have been reading the well known book '7 Habits Of Highly Effective People'... and it has truly been opening my eyes. Introducing thoughts and ideas that I have always felt at my deepest core, but was not entirely sure how to incorporate them into my life. Feeling confused on many levels, by the plethora of information, like this video, that tells me in more or less words that it's wrong to care about the state of other people - especially when it gets in the way of your own mental or physical health.
I agree that taking care of one's personal needs - physical and mental states are vital. But we live in a connected world - secluding others and condemning them for things that they probably are just uneducated on, seems dismissive, unmindful, demoralizing and even cruel.
I understand that people want to live healthy lives, but my soul literally screams that true health is caring, concerned, enduring, empathetic as well as strong. Strong enough to show love, instead of hate.
"How to spot a toxic person" feels almost toxic in its advice itself...
We all need a helping hand and love sometimes in our life.
And it is the Phoenix that rises from the flames... From what I've seen of this world, many people meet their darkest hour before blossoming into truly admirable characters.
+IdiomofSad Thank you. Your comments are very well received.
+Jools Factor-Jones
"I cried reading the last message you sent. You have such a beautiful soul if you only knew. You are a very special person. I know you are not much for God but I do thank him for you. Whether you believe it or not I want you to know that God has used you to answer one of my prayers."
That was what I got one day from what here would be described as a Toxic Person. I won't go into her her personality, her issues. She has real problems. Some are horrible. My friendship, support for her, has been very stressful at times. Twice I have been able to keep her from killing herself. And the second time, knowing much more of her issues, I had a hard time coming up with a reason for her not to do it.
I have known her now for over three years. It is an unusual relationship. My life would have been easier if I just abandoned her. But I haven't been able to. I care for her. She needs people to care for her. And I hope some of what I do will help her care about herself.
Jools Factor-Jones yes. i am quite of a positive person myself and i see the same way. i see good in everybody and for me the gloomy people are having something with their life and they don't know how to control their emotions yet. that's why i always try to bring my positivity to them by being myself around them. but, i should be balanced too because they do suck my energy. i do not think anyone should avoid those people and they should be called "toxic". we were all born nice and innocent, it's the circumtances that shape our personalities.
True, though sometimes you are struggling so much with your own stuff that dealing with people who behave in these ways takes too much energy...that you need to survive. If you have the energy to spare and be human with them, then that's great, but it's not always realistic and it's also important to take care of yourself first otherwise these people will drain you...and that helps no one.
I think it's ok to cut people off if it really becomes a situation where they put all their issues onto you, via projection and play harmful psychological games, or emotional abuse is present. Helping people who are only interested in taking from you and don't want help is not helping them or you...it's actually enabling them to destroy you.
the person that popped into my head when you talked about all these toxic persons was actually me a few years back. Everything on the list was me, everything.
Sounds like most of the people in my family
Sad when all the seven personality type apply to me. I need to work on myself no wonder I’m still single. The good news is that I’m willing todo what ever it takes to improve myself❤️
it's not surprising to me, how many of these points fit my family
I have a friend like this. They keep telling me that I’m the only person they trust and so whenever I distance myself I start feeling guilty.
i am all of the above mentioned points.
This is such a useful video!
I live in the same building as a toxic person who is in the "tank" category and it finally makes sense why they are constantly looking to argue and shout but never to listen and are always seeking adversity, preferring to shout insults rather than make points.
They would get instantly angry, try to find reasons to start loud arguments and, the worst thing, turn their TV up to be loud from 2am to about 5am every night (They don't have a job), just beacuse they knew it would make me come over and plead them to turn it down.
I had tried every decent way to try to talk to them and help them understand that I needed to sleep, I had even promised to give them things in return. I took it to the management but they said there was little they could do and the people on either side have long since moved out.
I am saving up to leave as soon as possible especially now I see that there are people who are just irrevocably toxic, and which I always, maybe naively, thought couldn't really exist.
'do i smell desperation or is that just the scent of a weirdo?' ...damn vanessa i've never been outed so quick :(
+Princess Ariel ~ I honestly thought she was going to open up about her own experiences as a toxic person after saying that. But nope, she completely white washed over her own narcissism. Weirdo's would love to be told how to act properly, but then people just say "hahaha you fucking weirdo", making these people either desperate or toxic over time.
Great video I have certain people pop into my head including family members, which is the hardest to accept and stay away from.
My father matches all of these🙃
Same here . . .
oh no we are made of toxins:)
My mother matches all too! Sad is that my dad is on mom's side most of the time. Also watching the video I realized that I was sometimes toxic after her. Now I know she is toxic so I know what I was doing wrong.
My mother
As I saw the whole video ... I figured out how TOXIC I am and how much of TOXICITY I possess ... 💗 THANK YOU SO MUCH... for such a wonderful video 💗💗💗
I think, I'm a toxic person. How can I fix myself...?
Bryan Cruz lower your ego and care about other people. give and don't expect receive. then your positivity will increase.
Go to therapy.
it's great that you are aware of this. Awareness is always the first step to becoming the person you want to be! The 2nd step would be to start socialising more, and understand your weaknesses through your interactions
th-cam.com/video/XUSrccjrOzk/w-d-xo.html
Thank you so much im moving out at the end of the month. So helpful
This video just described EVERY girlfriend I've ever had...and ALL of my buddies wives. Hahaha.
+Fred Herrera ~ What does that say to you?
Because I'm wealthy, that's why. Also, can you learn to spell ATTRACT? Thanks, stupid.
+Fred Herrera Almost everything that men are taught by society as attractive is some symptom of fulfilling the emotional void. Any woman who'd rather face the void and get in touch on the soul level, would be so initially unattractive to the majority of men it's depressing!
Marian Montagnino
I understand what you are saying. But just like "women" are not all the same, neither are all "men" the same...we're human beings before we are anything else. I am always surprised when I hear ANYONE describe "men" as if they are talking about ONE person only, as if we have the same exact soul, instincts, feelings, thoughts, and hopes...WE ARE DIFFERENT from person to person. As for my comment, it was meant to be in jest, but it is actually TRUE of the wives who married my buddies and relatives...they are very much toxic, hurtful, insecure, and vindictive...and it's not because they are "women", it's because they have an instinct to destroy. I hope you are not depressed over such a silly comment like mine. "Society"? Don't know who you are referring to; mothers? the State? the Media industry? Whatever it is, I can tell you that most "men" don't even pay attention to what "society" says, demands, or thinks...which explains our hold on power, prestige, wealth, and just about everything else, except for secretarial work, veterinary medicine, and prostitution...but I'm just sayin'.
Fred Herrera men are part of society eg. 50%. Also, why do all the "men" marry or date toxic women in ur life?
Great video. You just described my ex lol. I'm so glad I walked away from that horrible relationship. I'm sad that I had to go through the pain, but now I know how to spot these types of people.
I Am toxic sometimes
I think we all are! You just have to be aware of your negative behaviors so you can check yo self
I agree with that totally but for some reason youtube videos never mention the flip side. 'What to do if you're a toxic piece of s***' Uhhhhhhh, most people are at least sometimes especially us Americans just listen to yourself sometimes and pay attention to other's facial expressions and body language.
I wouldn't say I'm toxic, but after a lot of friends passed away, I became very negative for about a year. I was very cynical and argumentative...I ended up losing a lot of friends. If you see that you're toxic, make an effort to change your behavior because what you put out there is what you get back, be it good or bad. Just my 10 cents...
Pat M. At least you were honest about it. You can't change what you don't acknowledge and there are many people walking around that are too damn stubborn to admit they're wrong full behavior.
sakshi pathak We ALL are when we are at our worst because it's one of the flaws that makes us human. The fact that you just admitted it - clearly indicates that you are not particularly toxic because a truly toxic person would NEVER admit such a thing. They would be completely outraged and deeply 'wounded' by the mere suggestion. A toxic person is devoid of self-insight and will go to their grave unashamed of ANYTHING they have done because they truly believe that they are 'special'.
Sometimes it can be difficult when the toxic person was a close family member that turned into someone you can no longer be around.
Though, you are absolutely right. You have to just say no and make room for more worthwhile relationships.
99 percent of all humans fall under this category
Totally disagree. 👎🏽
@@juns597 Hes right, stupid. See above.
@@revenueeeeeee I disagree, stupid. See my comment.
If you think that it is probably because you're trying to rationalize being a toxic and manipulative person. Whether it is intentional or not, that's what it is. And I know many people, including myself, who do not act like this. So.......... That's the tea sis
@@monicalako8533 you make no sense 🤔 whatsoever 😑
My mom was the "straight jacket" when I was growing up. I began to think I was some bad Barbie, according to her; nothing I said, did or thought was right; she regularly let me know she could have done all of it better.
I assessed her with mental illness after she became violent over my F in chemistry. This helped me build a distance and a basis for my own personhood. Ultimately, she broke my spirit and I became more servant. My work and college boyfriends provided escape from regular drama.
Someone helped me see my mental prison in 2013; that I could be Happy!! I stopped allowing people to be verbally abusive towards me; that I might return if they could manage themselves.
Years later now, she gives me my own space and her time is taken up with her boyfriend and their causes. I am working towards a better life now with The Motivation Manifesto, Brendon Burchard. Great Timing!!
My wifes toxic then! Thanks for the advice. I will go get a lawyer. 4:43
I understand that identifying a toxic person is important. There are a billion videos on TH-cam about how to spot them. Why isn't there even one video to help the toxic person change? Being aware of the situation is only half the battle. The other half is working to fix the negative aspects of ourselves. That's the video I want to see!
Fr(-iend)+Enemies = Frenemy
You described my mother whom I dearly love but draining me out how unhealthy depressed I'm when I seek to get close or be around
If we all ignore all the toxic people they will get completely alone and will commit suicide.
I had such a friend. Ignoring them can lead to drama. They don't need ignoring, they need help and your warmth.
That is wonderful. However, sometimes toxic people can drag me down unless i am well balanced.
+Castle of Costa Mesa So how do I deal with one? Help 'em out? I'd rather not concern myself with them anymore. Dealing with them just drains me emotionally and physically. Losing friends is something new to me.
+Yokky then we must develop unconditional love towards all people and not expect something in return.....but this is hard for all of us
+bangmeister2012 Ooh that's baaad. He sounds quite hurtful and evil.
+Yokky I don't think we shouldn't try to help people who are down and have problems, but it's different when it becomes apparent that they're just trying to bring the attention to themselves and do not care about your feelings.
Unfortunately I have a "toxic" friend who is always upset about something. I've considered ignoring her because our conversations are always about her problems, and her legitimately telling me that my advice to her was ignorant and vacuous -_-
So I agree with +Dei. If someone is leaving you physically and emotionally drained it's time to wring them out of your life and move on.
Thank You, because You've learn me lot about my self. Peace to every living being. Let all that Creator creates be prosperous and flourish.
I was hoping to recognize which type of toxic person am I. No luck. However, images of couple of my closest friends came up during the video. So, thank you for this.
Stevo Ilišković I read closet friends as if you keep ur friends in your closet
Dishonesty keeps me on an edge..... how can a relationship exist when all trust vanished?
is it possible someone has all of these?
Yes
Absolutely right on that
Empathy and compassion is lacking here, many of the traits she mentions are from the person being abused or neglected as a child and so they are defence mechanisms and signals the person is in emotional pain. What about trying to help them??
+Mel A You hit the nail on the head, She sounds like she is better than hurting people, That is narcissitic.
Mel A wow, really? Only because i deal w this in my significant other, and I always tell myself that..but the emotional abuse us just hard to take, day after day after day..but then I'm like"he was abused" ugh
Yeah if it really is affecting you then don’t worry, you’re not a therapist. But traits like someone who “exaggerates their stories” isn’t toxic, or negative people who don’t harm a fly. They shouldn’t just be abandoned.
Nah that has been proven wrong, being neglected or abused doesnt give you an excuse to be a dick.
Emotional responses are just as valueable as intellectual responses.
My God! One of best video on internet. Thank You!
You should also add what it can also mean when someone displays these behaviours as it is not cut and dry as you put it.
I don't think it's nice to be so judgemental to a person as everyone comes from a different environment.
Your videos may mislead people into ignoring people who need help or that extra bit of attention.
Thank you Vanessa! The best video!
What if you are a "toxic person"?
I work with TWO NOT ONE BUT TWO NARCISSIST people, my boss and his assistant, thanks to your videos I now understand and deal with it,,,,, with empathy, this is their disorder not mine. thank you Vanessa Van Edwards :)
My ex best friend
My ex best friend
My ex best friend
My ex best friend
My ex best friend
My
Ex
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*my-ex-best-friend*
I had a coworker for 4 years who had the straight jacket and the drama magnet trait. He used the smear campain, gaslighting me and some people in my work place too. I've quited this job and work alone for now. If you are dealing with this kind of individual, the best thing to do is to quit the place, job, home, area who you are and never contact the piece of crap again. You deserve better in your life.
what about her eyebrows
SO TRUE! Thank you, this is very helpful.
Very poor generalities. Is there any science for this too? Love much of your work, but obviuosly this message has no system or logic, it's just a sequence of human flaws and mistakes.
Владимир Лютин my thoughts exactly !
OMG I'm a STRAIGHT JACKET and a PEOPLE PLEASER at the same time! Without this video I wouldn't have known myself!
Points are valid but the sarcasm and "rising above" energy combined with a lack of compassion left me cold. Lots of potential but I will not be sharing this video with anyone.
I agree. The tone of this is saddening. This feels like a workshop on how to validate and encouradge lack of empathy and modesty by calling others "toxic". Wow. I'd be ashamed to give lessons on "toxic" people by starting off with calling others "crazy" and saying that I smell "the scent of a weirdo". Wow... Is this typology of "toxicity" valid scientifically? No. Scientists wouldn't make those generalisations and wouldn't use those words because they are not valid. The fact that some of these examples remind about some people to some extent doesn't give any merit to these generalised claims. All in all, this mode of thinking is more callous than helpful, more inhuman than human.
THANK YOU. I was so shocked after about 20 seconds cause this is just so wrong and judgmental...
Yes, exactly. I found the delivery toxic in how demeaning and compassionless it was.
I agree with this. I was thinking the whole time where is the empathy
truth be told most people are not empathic, they are sympathetic maybe. u guys all sound like empaths that like to help people but most people are not like that. obviously the maker of this vid is not empathic either. most people just dont wanna help anyone just use people it seems
This describes a friend of mine pretty well. I don't really know what to do, I still like her. It's just getting so difficult from time to time... I believe that she's actually a sweet person but it's going downhill every now and then and she's everything you mentioned in this video. I've cried so much because of her in the past, nowadays I've gotten kinda numb.
I think whoever labels the other person as 'toxic' is the one with the problem.
Toxic doesn’t necessarily mean “bad person”. It’s up to you how to define it. They just mess up/hurt your head. Move on, there are more worthy causes to help, like starving children and such.
I'm glad I clicked. So tired of the same old same old terms being used by self appointed experts.. sorry, I'm jaded at this point.. but this presentation was surprisingly refreshing, and actually helpful with new terms, accurately depicting the subject matter. Im going to listen again, and will be checking out your other vids. I'm at the stage of life where there is no time for bullshite books, music, movies or videos. No hate, just no tolerance for the garbage clogging up the pathways to learning, healing, or any kind of joy, so I appreciate pleasant surprises, especially when initially skeptical. Thanks!!
The scent of a weirdo? Sniff out toxic people?
You know what's toxic? This video.
If you're in a toxic relationship, distance yourself...i mean, if you feel like the bad outweighs the good. But don't talk about people as if they were some kind of disease. This world needs more compassion, not casting people in categories, when absolutely everyone is struggling. The world needs people who take their responsibilities and do something about their relationships instead of whining on the internet. Seriously this is awful.
Tatjana Uskokovic
Thanks I feel both toxic and really low never put myself first and feel like all do is try to help others maybe I need to put myself which I find
Hard but defo need to change my bad behaviour some of this hit home
My mother was a malignant narcissist of epic proportions. Right up until I was 48 - I never stopped trying to 'win' her, make her 'see' me. One day, after one of her harrowing phone calls - I turned calmly to my husband & said, 'well, that's it. I'm done.' I never spoke to her again & when she died 2 years later - I was just fine because finally, I was at peace within myself. No guilt & no regrets. I was so angry & hurt that 1st year until the knowledge that it was never ME - it was HER sunk in. With that acceptance & without my even being aware of it - came forgiveness & compassion for her & her choice to live a life filled to the brim with bitterness & a sense of entitlement, only surpassed by her nastiness. I began to think about WHY she was like that. I am healed & continue to blossom.
Lol Donald Trump
The people in my life:
1- Conversational narcissist: my mother and a friend of mine. Impossible to talk with and wont shut up.
2- the straight jacket: my cousin. She is much older than me. She is nice otherwise but is a control freak
3- emotional moocher: my mom
4- drama magnet: my sister. VERY toxic to be around. I avoid her as much as possible
5- no one
6- the fibber: my other sister. She tries to manipulate people to do her bidding by making tons of lies
7- no one
It’s really nice to know that there are labels to these people so i can understand what i’m going through
This is so great! I thought I was being too picky, wanting someone who supports me and doesn't make me feel like crap half of the time. My intuition is correct again, I have had a 'feeling' for a while, and I believe they do too from comments they have said. AMEN
MY sister in law is a MAJOR DRAMA magnet, and a terrible FIBBER....and also a FULL ON COW....( you left that one out Vanessa)
Sounds like my sister who is a master minuplater & liar & uses people to get what she wants & then tosses them to the side. She will stab you in the back like she did me & talks bad about you like she does me behind my back. My sister is definitely a toxic person. Life is to short to let toxic person ruin your life.
I have suffered of a really bad toxic with a roommate that I had felt very slef-free after I moved out. Couldn't understand why he acted with so judgmental and jealous mind. thanks for this awesome video, I got it now 👍
OMG this is my former co-worker. Every one of these 7 categories applies to her. Every. Single. One. She was incredibly draining and toxic, and she loved to stir the pot. So many of us were happy when she quit. I feel so sorry for the people at her new job who have to put up with that monster.
Jealousy should never have a place in friendship. Unfortunately there will always be people who are too jealous of you to be happy for you, these people are not your friends.
Thank you so very much for this video. I will be trying to commit some to memory to better help me in spotting these people. It has been a rough year in having to deal with so many of these types. I would much rather sit back and listen to them bang themselves so, I don’t have to waste my energy and time anymore and move on to people who appreciate me and my friendship. Thanks again.
Sometimes you need to support your friends who slipped into a toxic path themselves. You can't just run away from all people, nobody is perfect. All people turn into their worse selves when in stress, depression or pain.
I've met lots of people who call others toxic, only to turn out to be toxic themselves. Who's more toxic? The one who's toxic, or the one who's accusing the other as being toxic? Virtually everyone I know has the traits in this video, including myself. Toxicity is a symptom of an unhappy and disgruntled society. We need to fix the world, rather than avoiding each other for the rest of our lives. Otherwise, we're all going to end up even more lonely than we already are. We're ALL becoming self obsessed, intolerant, toxic narcissists, who are too busy accusing everyone else of being self obsessed, intolerant, toxic narcissists.
What if they're a spiritual vampire and a drama magnet wrapped into one package that believes I should be available to cater to their every whim 24/7? Seriously. One day I got 6 25+ minute phone calls, over a dozen email, and between 1-200 texts from someone complaining how miserable he was, nobody had it worse, and wanted to die over the fact his boss was making him do a part of his job he hated...while I was dealing with food poisoning. What's worse. If I don't answer, he'll show up at the house.
Wow-I wish I found you long ago. Your videos help me immensely. Thank you for your words and wisdom. I can fix myself all day, but I can’t control others. Now I can identify who to eliminate from my life.
You are a true gem! 💎 💎 💎
Thanks!!
Is it crazy that this person that I was thinking about, fits into each and every single frame that she talked about?
You nailed this one Vanessa. I've had many scenarios and names of people that I thought of throughout this video. You have to ask yourself if you have these kind of people around you, what is it about me that allows or needs this person? What is the pay off for being with this person? If I cannot learn from this person or want to become like them then it's time for them to go
Thanks Mrs Vanessa., your tips are very precious and humankind needs improvents in these subjects. I have put myself in all kinds of personalities you presented and I deep analized MYSELF! Thanks again!