Also important to understand that we are absolutely horrible at managing our emotions. Quite likely, the reason he explodes when you put up boundaries is that he thinks, "wow, she might actually leave", and doesn't know how to handle it. This is a whole other subject, but that is why we blow up.
Simply stated, boundaries will not work on us until we actually value the relationship, and it is us who have to do the digging. It took me breaking down and screaming I hate my father for not being in my life to do that. And that is the thing. None of us hate women. We use women. We hate men. More specifically, we hate the ones who abused us emotionally, and neglected us, till we were shadows of our former selves. We don't cheat because we want to. We cheat because we are desperate to prove to ourselves that we are attractive, that we matter, that someone could actually want us. Someone only does this if they have been deeply damaged. But since most of us weren't beaten, weren't physically degraded, most of us don't see that. But a father who was never around, is still abusive. You end up constantly chasing and trying to get his attention. Oh yeah, and we absorb all of the toxic behaviors we saw him do with our mothers. If that isn't enough, we then go out into a society that reinforces this with a sex industry (strip clubs, night clubs,) and tells us to avoid responsibility, to not hold ourselves accountable for how we use our sexuality (hook up culture, sleep around), and tells us to exploit women ("take it easy." 'You're too young to get married." A narcissist has to unroot all of this damage and then walk away from this narcissistic world of hell. Most won't do that.
Also important to understand that we are absolutely horrible at managing our emotions. Quite likely, the reason he explodes when you put up boundaries is that he thinks, "wow, she might actually leave", and doesn't know how to handle it. This is a whole other subject, but that is why we blow up.
Thank you Ben
This really helped me
When i tried to say "you're not gonna be with me then anymore" she didnt care anyway.
Great channel
Happy to help!
Simply stated, boundaries will not work on us until we actually value the relationship, and it is us who have to do the digging. It took me breaking down and screaming I hate my father for not being in my life to do that. And that is the thing. None of us hate women. We use women. We hate men.
More specifically, we hate the ones who abused us emotionally, and neglected us, till we were shadows of our former selves. We don't cheat because we want to. We cheat because we are desperate to prove to ourselves that we are attractive, that we matter, that someone could actually want us.
Someone only does this if they have been deeply damaged. But since most of us weren't beaten, weren't physically degraded, most of us don't see that. But a father who was never around, is still abusive. You end up constantly chasing and trying to get his attention. Oh yeah, and we absorb all of the toxic behaviors we saw him do with our mothers.
If that isn't enough, we then go out into a society that reinforces this with a sex industry (strip clubs, night clubs,) and tells us to avoid responsibility, to not hold ourselves accountable for how we use our sexuality (hook up culture, sleep around), and tells us to exploit women ("take it easy." 'You're too young to get married."
A narcissist has to unroot all of this damage and then walk away from this narcissistic world of hell. Most won't do that.
😢
F them