Seven Questions to Restart Love

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 928

  • @theschooloflifetv
    @theschooloflifetv  6 ปีที่แล้ว +66

    We made a box with all these questions and many more, available for you: www.theschooloflife.com/shop/relationship-reboot/

    • @angelgjr1999
      @angelgjr1999 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The School of Life Does this also apply to lost friendships?

    • @connorjohnston8524
      @connorjohnston8524 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      What's the title for the piece of music?

    • @fpvrous-8176
      @fpvrous-8176 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hi The School of Life, I'm actually about to restart a relationship with my ex-partner and I would love to try this tactic. Could you please let me know whether we each need to prepare answers for these questions beforehand, or just speak about what is in mind as an answer spontaneously at the moment when you are doing this practice? Much appreciated if you could help us practice this method.

    • @LVSnailSandwichContent
      @LVSnailSandwichContent 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@fpvrous-8176 restart a relationship with my ex partner. 😟😟. Saw title, sadly I thought maybe it was me they were talking about. Guess not. $#@#

    • @hannipdoonipsaenip
      @hannipdoonipsaenip 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      What’s the music used in this video?

  • @seyiojewale7907
    @seyiojewale7907 7 ปีที่แล้ว +548

    I think many modern relationships fail, especially marriages, because people tend to look at themselves as lovers instead of as friends, companions, and mutual assistants.

    • @MegaAdrian126
      @MegaAdrian126 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      I concur, they want eros but fail to understand that philia is an important part of a relationship

    • @sukritdubey2630
      @sukritdubey2630 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Yet, the complexities of being in a committed relationship far outweigh those of being mere friends, companions or mutual assistants. There are particular sets of expectations in a romantic relationship which you won't find in other relationships that people have which eventually make all the difference.

  • @Ursacke
    @Ursacke 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1077

    Those are not questions. These are questions:
    1. What do you want to be appreciated for?
    2. What do you do when you panic?
    3. What happened in your childhood to make you feel less normal?
    4. What do you want to be forgive for?
    5. Can you tell me where I hurt you?
    6. What can I do to help you change?
    7. What would you miss about me?

    • @Nettkin
      @Nettkin 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      THANK YOU

    • @joanamariecanlas4129
      @joanamariecanlas4129 5 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      I’ll start with the question “Why did you do what you did?”.

    • @jh7344
      @jh7344 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Thanks, took me forever to understand this video because of the shitty wording.

    • @JuarezWeiss
      @JuarezWeiss 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      @@joanamariecanlas4129 Hey. From experience, don't start with this specific question. It's a horrible question to be asked, especially when you have raw reactions that you can't really understand how it happened, and your partner keeps asking you "why did you do that?" and you don't know the answer for it. It's a horrible feeling.

    • @thnkmltr
      @thnkmltr 4 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      @@JuarezWeiss was about to say the exact thing! No matter our intentions, "why" comes off as an aggressive question - especially in such a vulnerable moment. It puts the person on the spot and can trigger reactions they might not be able to control or fully understand.
      It also puts you in a quite aggressive position in which you, having a higher ground, demand an answer to a difficult question which further separates you from that person.
      If only I would understand all these things earlier. :)

  • @arifnorkulis5229
    @arifnorkulis5229 7 ปีที่แล้ว +141

    These are two very calm, very emotionally-balanced individuals who could hold down a conversation like the adults that they are, or at least, that is how the conversation is being presented to us, dramatically, at least.
    The real trick is to find someone who you could converse with in a meaningful way, and is unafraid of opening up and being transparent about their emotion, and to speak freely of their deepest, and quite possibly, even darkest fears to us. But it is helpful since it breaks down 7 very basic questions which for most people who would rather be ”shut out“ from exploring their full-range of emotions and understanding their psyche better, seem very scary. Regardless, this video is enlightening, and kudos to The School of Life for doing it again and helping us in understanding ourselves better! I've never been more hooked on a TH-cam channel quite like this before.

  • @Lagarok1999
    @Lagarok1999 7 ปีที่แล้ว +582

    the problem is when the orther person don't feel confortable to talk, it makes things difficult to fix

    • @lizziegoodall7044
      @lizziegoodall7044 5 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      If they’re not comfortable talking about it you can try to get them to write it down. Just a thought.

    • @rodriogq
      @rodriogq 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      if this isn't too late, school of life has videos on attachment patterns, more specifically on a relationship between one anxiously attached person to an avoidant person. it's about finding this balance between being too attached and too distant. got check it out, might be helpful.

    • @jaysonrayabellar325
      @jaysonrayabellar325 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I agree

    • @4inaftermath454
      @4inaftermath454 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      true

    • @thomaswright1057
      @thomaswright1057 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Or if they just invalidate any feeling you have..... hard to fight the battle alone

  • @DJNHmusic
    @DJNHmusic 7 ปีที่แล้ว +406

    Me and my girlfriend can't see each other currently and as a consequence of this temporary long distanced nature of our relationship we seem to be deteriorating. Then we talked it out and in retrospective I basically recognized all of these components which helped us heal the wounds the two of us have been inflicting on each other lately. I did not take inspiration from this video specifically, but I feel this channel has taught me how to better communicate and think about my emotions and the emotions of others. I'm endlessly grateful for Alain and everyone at the School of life. You just add so much value to this short and ephemeral lifetime we've been given.

    • @NathanBonline
      @NathanBonline 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      My relationship didn't make it I wish i had seen this video sooner...

    • @conman823
      @conman823 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      Is your mate in prison

    • @LVSnailSandwichContent
      @LVSnailSandwichContent 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@NathanBonline keep trying. If this keeps up I'm gone. Soon. I can't take it anymore.😭💔

  • @opedromagico
    @opedromagico 3 ปีที่แล้ว +81

    I just LOVED how the video used a real couple with real problems!

  • @finnegan4443
    @finnegan4443 7 ปีที่แล้ว +126

    I love these types of conversations. I often have them spontaneously with my boyfriend, and afterwards we both feel enriched as human beings, like we've helped each other grow once more :) One of the crucial parts is that you can both laugh with yourselves and truly listen. Great work, The School of Life!

  • @kishenrao4597
    @kishenrao4597 7 ปีที่แล้ว +670

    This is one of the most truly romantic, adorable, mature, powerful, revealing and sweetest scenes I've ever watched, I feel so calm, collected and in peace. This is lovely. 😍😊😄

    • @theschooloflifetv
      @theschooloflifetv  7 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      Thanks so much!

    • @kishenrao4597
      @kishenrao4597 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      The School of Life You are very much welcome. And thank _you_ for enlightening us about life with your wonderful videos. 😊😄

    • @Bubbles99718
      @Bubbles99718 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Kishen Rao It's mostly her voice I think. It's a very nurturing sweet voice. And the piano. :)

    • @kishenrao4597
      @kishenrao4597 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Sean O Yeah 😄

    • @hellybelle5
      @hellybelle5 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      The School of Life it made me cry. I sent it to my husband and I took a screen shot of the questions 😊

  • @rebecca69629
    @rebecca69629 7 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    one can't relate properly with others until one learns how to relate properly to oneself! knowing yourself on a psychological level is a fundamental prerequisite for having such a mature conversation with your significant other. most of the times it is not the significant other that drives us crazy, it is us not knowing how to deal with ourselves. but also talk is super important too.

  • @anamariana7009
    @anamariana7009 7 ปีที่แล้ว +143

    The images, the dialogue, the piano; it just oozes Khyan's artistry. Bravo.

    • @Truthseeker.1001
      @Truthseeker.1001 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      its because you're an artist too

    • @ThisIsMyFullName
      @ThisIsMyFullName 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wow, you got a lot more from this then I did. I thought it seemed rather amateurish, to be honest. The imagery is poorly lid, and the repetitive camera angles during the conversation made it a bit tiresome to watch. The music was reminiscent of an old black/white movie, which was a distraction to me. But the actors did a great job, and the dialog was very authentic.

    • @anamariana7009
      @anamariana7009 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      ThisIsMyFullName, interesting view. Rather than amateuristic, I found it more... unassuming? The simplicity of the shot allowed the actors work and the dialogue to really shine through. Also, I just love Khyan's storytelling in general haha. But enough about the technicalities. I hope you appreciated the message of the video at least! :)

    • @ThisIsMyFullName
      @ThisIsMyFullName 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      anamariana Well it isn't bad by any means. I just wish he had explored the room a bit more, so it wasn't as much about the words that were spoken, but also the body language and the emotions in a visual sense. You know, like focusing in on her hand, fiddling with a ring on her finger as an act of nervous behaviour, or focus on his face with him touching his chin as a sign of curiosity. Then get a shot of each of them from a bird perspective, to make them appear small as a imagery of vulnerableness or reflection. Also to get a sense of it being two people sitting alone in a room, having an intimate moment. But I guess then it wouldn't be unassuming :)

    • @AsiaThinks
      @AsiaThinks 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      Love Khyan

  • @gleelee2008
    @gleelee2008 6 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    "There is no love, only proofs of love" ---a favorite quote, and this video illustrates it quite well.

  • @faitht347
    @faitht347 7 ปีที่แล้ว +106

    Communication is key for any relationship, always. I wish I could admit my relationship flaws as publically as these two. Bravo!

    • @DJNHmusic
      @DJNHmusic 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      why can't you?

    • @process6996
      @process6996 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Faith Thompson as these two are pretending to*

  • @opedromagico
    @opedromagico 3 ปีที่แล้ว +73

    Question 7 easily make me cry.. We broke up 4 months ago and I'm still missing everything about her :`(

    • @MikeJackson690
      @MikeJackson690 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Nearly 2 years for me and I still miss her so much. I feel your pain but I wish you luck and a speedy recovery.

    • @blaked.2261
      @blaked.2261 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I feel like i will join very you soon guys. I don't know, it's very hard dealing with our situation it kills me when she's ignoring me.

    • @GiganticPyro
      @GiganticPyro 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      We broke up a month ago and the memories of argues and bad things had vanished to let place to good old times memories. It used to be so fresh and recent, yet so far in the past, forever in the past... I'm free from argues with her but I miss this person and I'm feeling lonely.

    • @Diogolindir
      @Diogolindir 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@MikeJackson690 this year to me is going to be 2 years but we've been connecting lately and having such a good time. It is nice to witness that we love each other very deeply and it seems that we want to be in each other's life. There is a lot of compassion required to connect again and I wish we could heal enough.

  • @AustinTexasPowers
    @AustinTexasPowers 7 ปีที่แล้ว +131

    Question 1: the things I would like to be appreciated for...
    Question 2: when I'm in a panic, I...
    Question 3: I'd probably be more normal if the following hadn't happened to me In childhood...
    Question 4: what I would like to be forgiven for...
    Question 5: where I'd love you to realize you hurt me is...
    Question 6: what would help me change is if you...
    Thought about answering theses too lol, but maybe that's too personal for me lol. Hope all is well and Wish you the best!

    • @RL_IRL
      @RL_IRL 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The things I wild like to be appreciated for
      When I'm in a panic I ..
      I'd probably be more normal if the following hadn't happened to me in childhood
      Where I love you to realize you hurt me is..
      What would help me change is if you...
      What i miss about you..

    • @d.2542
      @d.2542 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Thank you

  • @user-og8mu4ff4m
    @user-og8mu4ff4m 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Relationships take *so* much work. Love languages, attachment styles, communication styles, upbringing, childhood wounds, triggers, domineering personality traits, all have to be taken into consideration and be balanced just so (if one or both are even aware of these things) just in order to get to the very step shown in this video.
    And even then, people change over the years, life changes, new curve balls are thrown and new needs/desires discovered as the partners evolve and grow, which requires constant upkeep, re-evaluation, and commitment.
    I had no idea how many variables, how much work it takes *from both parties* to cultivate a successful, supportive, monogamous relationship until my own marriage failed. Having a conversation like this would have been welcomed as well as helpful, but unfortunately would not have gone well.
    Kudos to all who are in long term partnership. I have much respect for you.

  • @Missing_Balloon
    @Missing_Balloon 7 ปีที่แล้ว +815

    I'm going to try to use this to fix a friendship of mine. Wish me luck!

    • @sonarbuge7958
      @sonarbuge7958 7 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Jeanne-Marie Tchoumak
      Good luck

    • @iknowknowthing
      @iknowknowthing 7 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      All the best. In case it fails always remember there are 7 billion people on this realm. Never make your life miserable just cause of one individual especially the one who doesn't recognize your efforts. Have a great day ahead. :)

    • @MentolPecah
      @MentolPecah 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      good luck!

    • @anaraquel7841
      @anaraquel7841 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I'm doing the same. We've got this!!!

    • @moongrass
      @moongrass 7 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      NEVER EVER DO IGOT LESS THAN 7 ...Did we watch the same video??

  • @kenrhea23
    @kenrhea23 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2383

    You guys must think we are speed readers

    • @emilyd9747
      @emilyd9747 7 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      i am

    • @lovecharisma8284
      @lovecharisma8284 6 ปีที่แล้ว +78

      No, for real 😂😂 I had to pause it to read things smh

    • @uraneis1
      @uraneis1 6 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      English is not my first language and I thought the same!

    • @binhan6432
      @binhan6432 6 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      for some seconds I thought it's my own problem since I am a Chinese...

    • @IronMan-cu2qu
      @IronMan-cu2qu 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Bin Han well it is

  • @stoenchu122
    @stoenchu122 7 ปีที่แล้ว +683

    Now lets have a video about - Seven ways to move on after a heartbreak

    • @aeid99
      @aeid99 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Look up Noah Elkrief!!

    • @stoenchu122
      @stoenchu122 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Thank you

    • @bolivar1789
      @bolivar1789 7 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Hello there! They have a video called " How to get over someone" on this channel. It may help:-)

    • @llai8501
      @llai8501 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      I agree.

    • @prettyhamburger6462
      @prettyhamburger6462 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Or 365 ways... one way for every day of the year. Baby steps my darling.

  • @NjBou
    @NjBou 7 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    How beautiful, thank you! There's too much content out there about "finding someone new" and the like. It's nice when it's about the continuance of something long term

  • @simongore29
    @simongore29 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I don't know if this was done by actors, but she has one of the sweetest, calmest voices I've ever heard. She should be narrating audio books

  • @silverhiker4549
    @silverhiker4549 7 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    I hope you guys know how much better you are helping me make my life and marriage ad relationships with my kids. You guys are amazing and I am so grateful and appreciate you so much. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

    • @theschooloflifetv
      @theschooloflifetv  7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Thank you so much! And if you're ever tempted, take a look at everything we do around relationships here: www.theschooloflife.com/shop/love

  • @franzabananza
    @franzabananza 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I couldn’t even get through this without crying. This is so beautiful. I felt the way I’ve felt when I was a child and watching the 80’s movies or old English movies and in relationships how people really loved and understood the other person. I never thought I’d have that feeling again of like ‘wow I’m excited to experience this’ . This was really fantastic to watch

  • @mmwafflez
    @mmwafflez 7 ปีที่แล้ว +744

    Who is the girl? Her voice is angelic :(

    • @MrChrisPalmer
      @MrChrisPalmer 7 ปีที่แล้ว +133

      She's absolutely angelically beautiful too.

    • @justtheouch
      @justtheouch 7 ปีที่แล้ว +78

      IanV111
      Her name is Dr Hannah Roxburgh, she also hosted the art/architecture series on this channel which I can thoroughly recommend.

    • @maxijay8979
      @maxijay8979 7 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Veela

    • @shstrng5474
      @shstrng5474 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Roisin O'Mahony

    • @FirstLast-cf4mi
      @FirstLast-cf4mi 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Get a pulse.

  • @blissfulpetrichor
    @blissfulpetrichor 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I wish all people realized this is what you need to do. Opening up to your partner on a deeper level and communicating like this is key to becoming so much closer and having a much more beautiful relationship.

  • @BULLTRONHERO
    @BULLTRONHERO 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The loving, tender honesty of these videos elicits a profound emotional response within me. I'm holding back tears. As someone who was never able to experience honest communication either indirectly through watching parents do so, or directly with said parents or with previous partners, this gives me so much comfort, through hope and a real belief that this is possible. It's so difficult, when you've been taught that honesty will lead to abandonment and neglect.

  • @justtheouch
    @justtheouch 7 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Dr Roxburgh is a wonderful member of the school, deeply emotionally and academically intelligent, with a voice that can wash away any worries. An excellent video, as always.

    • @dreamingsophie5792
      @dreamingsophie5792 7 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Josh Cottle and directly under your comment is someone saying "Jeez, she's hot". Makes me appreciate your comment even more

  • @adiecakes
    @adiecakes 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    This type of conversation took gentle but straightforward approach to handling relationships, but I feel like it depends on you and your partner's attachment styles. I find it hard to engage in certain conversations with an avoidant person because they have the tendency to just dismiss the whole thing.
    Learning and being in tune with not just your own attachment style but also your partner's could be another step towards understanding each other better. The School of Life made videos about the attachment styles 😊

  • @spiddlemyfiddle
    @spiddlemyfiddle 7 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    this channel gives me hope. im never hopeful. thank you xo

  • @rafael-rossi
    @rafael-rossi 7 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    Truly lovely. For sincere and open dialogue is a fundamental part of any relationship, but most times passive-aggressive communication takes its place. It's so comforting to find videos that highlight the complexity of individuals and how to cope with the challenge of imperfect beings teaching each other how to best love them. =)

  • @opedromagico
    @opedromagico 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    One thing that would change in that is to get close to her, touching her hands, slightly sideways.. Being front to front (confrontational stance) and having a table diving us make the conversation harder..

  • @liaforubeb
    @liaforubeb 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    i really wish i find someone who can be vulnerable and be able to talk about this kind of conversation, instead of saying im being oversensitive whenever i open up to my partner. its just sad. to remember my past relationship with someone who totally shut down his feelings

  • @Naedyn
    @Naedyn 7 ปีที่แล้ว +338

    Most of the guys I've been with are afraid to sit down and have this kind of a talk. Always finding excuses or postponing it. And when it's time to talk, they blow up in aggression, despite me holding my own and being calm. Difficult to find a man in a sea of aging boys.

    • @Ancient_Strength
      @Ancient_Strength 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      date men above 21 years age and you wont have this problem

    • @keraatkins7833
      @keraatkins7833 7 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      Naedyn amazingly í have also dealt with the same problem with the women I date. it seems right​ tough for them to handle the fact that not every guy they date cares so much about sex in their relationships. Some of us men would rather talk and have nice moments with our women like in this video, instead of always trying to have sex. its like living in a desert full of aging girls.

    • @lindalemoni5428
      @lindalemoni5428 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      story of my life

    • @ThisIsMyFullName
      @ThisIsMyFullName 7 ปีที่แล้ว +61

      Teach yourself to recognise this type of person, _before_ you get into a romantic relationship. Ask him some honest questions after you've gotten to know each other, to get a sense of his reaction. You can't just get into a relationship with any random guy, and then expect him to be someone ells when you want him to. If you're looking for a relationship with a person who you can have these kinds of conversations with, then make it a part of your personal criteria from the beginning of the relationship. It's okay to reject someone because you don't find them mature enough for you. Some people never grow up.

    • @RonShenkar
      @RonShenkar 7 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      In your opinon, what can I - as a guy who has once prouded himself on being comfortable to talk about pretty much anything and at a certain point realized that he's like most other men when it comes to these kinds of talks - do to stop or maybe feel less vulnerable and more open to dialogue in such conversations?

  • @kaycee8323
    @kaycee8323 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    You guys really changed my perspective on relationships, it's truly amazing. I read the book "relationships" and ever since I'm no longer the same. Thank you Allan!

  • @itsana9753
    @itsana9753 7 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I wish I would've seen this sooner.
    it's too late, but I thank you deeply either way.

  • @cakecrumb095
    @cakecrumb095 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I feel like this is helpful for relationships with already good communication. Say if one of the members in the relationship just can't/won't communicate, then these questions won't do anything.

  • @gigglysamentz2021
    @gigglysamentz2021 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Wow. That was powerful... The words, the music, the acting... I almost cried...

  • @theeopulentprincess
    @theeopulentprincess 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The power of true & honest conversations are unimaginable

  • @ATrueLoveOfficial
    @ATrueLoveOfficial 7 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    This thing called "fall out of love" does exist in a relationship. But before you choose to leave, at least somehow try to do something first. Try to sit down and have a calm conversation with your partner and use the tips given by this video. :)

  • @LEBO1LEBOGANGSELEMEL
    @LEBO1LEBOGANGSELEMEL 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Sometimes I feel like falling in love is like falling into a live land mine. The falling bit is effortless, exciting and without friction. Once you land, I feel it's an all out war where if you don't tread lightly... you are open to total destruction.
    Yet seeing these two, discussing in such a mature, loving way gives me hope that what I believe is necessary in a relationship... i.e. real, honest, reflective "over-the-belt" communication is possible.
    It didn't hurt that the man in the video is so attractive.

  • @bagplant
    @bagplant 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The school of life always seems to upload these when I most need them.

  • @venust.4119
    @venust.4119 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    We hear a lot that communication is the key to a good relationship. This video explains exactly how to communicate. Brilliant video guys!

  • @nimmishsany3260
    @nimmishsany3260 7 ปีที่แล้ว +156

    Halfway through the video I realised I was single and forever lonely.

    • @Saddam.Eusafzay
      @Saddam.Eusafzay 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      me too , i wish i also had such pretty wife , especially the way she was listening to him with those eyes

    • @lelisalelo1597
      @lelisalelo1597 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Are you still lonely a year later?

  • @kevinz11ca
    @kevinz11ca 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    going through some small bumps and insecurities issues with my own relationship, kinda lost that initial spark, but all relationships do, but i understand it is not the end of the world. and this video has helped a lot to open my eyes, Thank you!

  • @johngoodridge7815
    @johngoodridge7815 7 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    This would be more complete if the titular questions were actually questions, not statements. For instance rather than concentrating on what I want to say about 'the things I would like to be appreciated for...' I'd be better preparing myself inwardly to ask my lover 'What things would you like me to appreciate you for?', and truly reach to hear, clarify and understand the answers. I suspect you're trying to start change and model behaviour, commencing with knowing-self in this video which is great, but in my experience these kinds of conversation provoke far stronger emotions than those pictured, and being able to handle that maturely rather than spraying your partner with it, will help ensure it's a restart, rather than the start of the end. Focus on the Other, because without an Other how do we know ourselves? IMHO A more complete telling would be 'Seven questions to restart your relationship, and how to listen to the answers.' Having said that I really do like this video, and am sure that the discipline of listening, and 'allowing you lover to change you' is also covered by The School of Life. Put a link at then end when you re-edit it perhaps?

  • @diamondsky1798
    @diamondsky1798 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    Communication is so essential... and can assist in avoiding many problems.. and a lifetime of regret.

  • @hakanyldz5636
    @hakanyldz5636 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You know, as crude as that sounds, sometimes its easier to try again and again when you have such a well-groomed person as your partner. If she was my partner i would be more than willing to have these conversations. But hey, its not so easy when the other person simply does not try.

  • @minerchick1258
    @minerchick1258 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    The way they are looking at each other by the end 😫💗 how beautiful.

  • @user-iy3gx9qg4y
    @user-iy3gx9qg4y 7 ปีที่แล้ว +315

    Better do Seven questions to START love

    • @Ideaman47
      @Ideaman47 7 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      Tinder hate him. With these 7 simple question she'll be yours.

    • @hindalawadhi5390
      @hindalawadhi5390 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      Батыр Аминов I'd like that

  • @michaelasultan4599
    @michaelasultan4599 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    TH-cam recommending me this seems like they are following my love life. But he don’t want to work us out anymore. He don’t want me back anymore. However thanks anyway youtube for feeling me sometimes.
    In the process of healing and letting go🌸💛🦋

  • @Edith.G.G.
    @Edith.G.G. 7 ปีที่แล้ว +62

    OMG this guy have a sweet, shy and super lovely facial expressions.

  • @spencercava1815
    @spencercava1815 6 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    They're speaking about the very fabric of what a relationship is, its that simple to solve problems. The truth.

  • @13yooldrhino79
    @13yooldrhino79 7 ปีที่แล้ว +84

    I don't have a relationship why am I watching this?

    • @x2y3a1j5
      @x2y3a1j5 7 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      To be (better) prepared for the future, when you'll have one?

    • @michaelwilliamson2255
      @michaelwilliamson2255 7 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Because you are growing as an individual.

    • @davidmeijer1645
      @davidmeijer1645 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Self flagellation.

    • @kiwi9065
      @kiwi9065 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      To Recover your Non existent breakup

  • @cassysholeylarson7108
    @cassysholeylarson7108 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    It also seems that the pattern of the conversation is:
    1) Explain situation
    2) Explain feelings that come along with it
    3) Come up with a solution

  • @SD1Chargers
    @SD1Chargers 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    These two brought me to tears - what a sweet couple and an intense 8 minutes - very powerful

  • @sonarbuge7958
    @sonarbuge7958 7 ปีที่แล้ว +314

    Maybe make the texts between the people talking a bit longer please?

    • @graishawnlandry6558
      @graishawnlandry6558 7 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      A friendly Spazmoid Exactly! The video was great but I kept having to pause it bc of the text. That was quite irritating

    • @doitlive1279
      @doitlive1279 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It's not hard to pause it. Why make the video twice as long when you can just pause.

    • @daddydojang
      @daddydojang 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Do It Live, one or two times would be fine, but that was a lot of pausing to read. It actually made watching the video unpleasant and took longer.

    • @daddydojang
      @daddydojang 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      A friendly Spazmoid, just a second or 2 would have helped right?

    • @sonarbuge7958
      @sonarbuge7958 7 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      daddydojang
      Yeh, I was reading the last sentence and then it would skip and I would be like, shit, then I'd have to look for the text again and pause it to read

  • @lilelly16
    @lilelly16 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Wow. This video is so incredibly insightful. Now this is some quality content. And what a good example to actually SEE people going through the experience of sharing such a talk, which is far from easy - and it is something that we are never shown in the process of growing up/living in our culture! (Or at least, I wasn’t). Thank you!!!

  • @KnowArt
    @KnowArt 7 ปีที่แล้ว +96

    This format is kinda nice, but it's less clear and not easy to oversee what has been said and why that was said.
    I think a big part of that is the necessity of switching between reading and listening. Maybe your wonderful narrator for the written parts would be enough, just alongside of the written text. Or... well I'm sure you guys are keen enough to find a solution for it.

    • @coyotemadness
      @coyotemadness 6 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I think it's a good point. I think it comes down to how I am digesting the information; I'm trying to listen to this fairly intense conversation and switching to reading and digesting that takes me a few seconds to adjust. By the time I adjust I have to pause and go back. The video is great and I don't think Aldo said otherwise - it's just a bit hard to follow for me. I think I have to watch videos in this style twice to fully internalize the content. I think the narration idea solves that.
      Also... dontzenyourselfout, you sound like you could be a bit more zen... chill out. Aldo just shared a thought.

    • @quintenvanneck6070
      @quintenvanneck6070 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      68 likes op je youtube comment damn

  • @dakotapeters5654
    @dakotapeters5654 ปีที่แล้ว

    Lol, I did have to pause the video a lot, but it was worth the advice... I'd like to express my gratitude to you guys. You're amazing, and so is the advice it's helped me, and I am sure it will help many others. I really hope it makes a big change. The biggest problem I see with advice and therapy is that it's extremely hard to reach the people who are tired of being told they are damaged. And are the problem or have been made feel that they are the problem and haven't received healthy criticism much in life they don't even understand what healthy criticism is... and honestly, a lot of people who think that they know what it is still don't know. My best knowledge of it is that it is to let them know that the way they handled a situation was not necessarily bad but instead lay out a pros cons of what effect the way they handles it causes and why or atleast a few pros and cons that are more common. After the first step, let them know a couple of better ways of handling it and give them the pros for those choices. If there are cons and there shouldn't be, but if so, list those. It's important to be on the same page. If they point out how that wouldn't work, then ask why he heard them out process the information trying to spot logical fallacies, misconceptions, etc.. it's not hard, but it's time-consuming, and this day and age patience is extremely important as always, but especially I feel it's needed in this era. I'm actually going to look for all pros all cons of all problems history has or has ever had put them in orders of most common to least common, biggest to smallest, first to last, cause and effects leading up to and from each other. Then map it as a historical type of family tree network and link to them all what the most effective fixes would have been for each of them that way as a whole of humanity for our sake the sake of our ancestors and descendents to come and for the entire environment I'll even do modifications for each belief system and when and where the problems were as well as useing 2-3 points of perspective the mine and both sides involved with whatever conflicts have occurred. There will be a bunch of stories I'm sure to run into. I'll attach those to the problems and fixes. As examples for exactly how the fix was used and proof that the problems have occurred because of this that and another... I'm sincerely bewildered at how much division, chaos, and confusion I've seen in the short 27 years of my life. Some people have problems over what I'd consider nothing and others don't believe it's a problem at all its a matter of what was learned / taught from birth on up and whatever personal perspectives have been formed because of the many people's many different cultures and ways of handling things... I've been through so much in life, my pain has been more than anyone should have to put up with however not as great as many others and so I'd love for nothing more than to end unnecessary suffering. Sadness anger and fear do serve a purpose but not one that would be as effective as just pure happiness from the very start and when or if there is a lack of greatfulness, it's as simple as don't spoil eachother. There has been to much information that's very misleading and misinterpreted, causing too much overload lately, and it would fix everything if we simply filter it and organize it and slim it down by categorizing it... I'm slacking cause I'm lacking confidence in it, but wish me luck. Maybe someone has already done the information gathering, idk. Maybe someone has already done this sort of thing, but I really doubt it.

  • @theaxisofinsight
    @theaxisofinsight 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Cutting down on self-praise is another very important ingredient.

  • @danielcaceres4821
    @danielcaceres4821 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    So much could be saved if people were honest with each other and talked. Talking goes such a long way; I just came out of a relationship and I struggle with the fact that it could have been saved if we had talked, but we didn't

  • @goofycawfee
    @goofycawfee 7 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    I need to love again

    • @BassForever44
      @BassForever44 7 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      have fun in the meantime!! not necessarily sex, just fun in general

    • @hugorsricardo
      @hugorsricardo 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      you will. just give it time. this things come naturally.

    • @jbhann
      @jbhann 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      There's always oneself

  • @NathanHarrison7
    @NathanHarrison7 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Very excellent video. The type all of your subscribers have come to appreciate and need to survive the confusing chaos of being human beings. I absolutely love the slide about the Alhambra tile. I believe that’s one of the key factors why relationships fail. Because people stop trying to find the beauty inside our partners. Otherwise, all of the beauty of our partner, that surrounds us, becomes overlooked as it is taken for granted. Personal thought sessions reflecting on how we can have a mindset of gratitude would help.

  • @baluvideo
    @baluvideo 7 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    Really useful video but the explanation texts disappear waaay too fast.

    • @angiekelly2281
      @angiekelly2281 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Agree! Text too fast to read.

  • @mephistophelesthesilentchi3446
    @mephistophelesthesilentchi3446 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    Honesty and respect towards oneself and one's partner, is essential to having constructive communication.

  • @natalieann9710
    @natalieann9710 7 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Yep, relationships definitely would work better, like at work, if we had weekly "team meetings/roundings." As long as both people are into it, showing up, and participating. I'm not a fan of meetings, but if it included some yummy food, and drink I might like them a little bit more. ;^)

  • @ShiruSama1
    @ShiruSama1 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    Most useful video of the around 20 videos of your channel that I have already watched. Thank you. I had an idea of what to do but watching this has helped me to put all together.

  • @yejinsuh8388
    @yejinsuh8388 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    i'm not in a relationship neither in love what am i doing here? but still i love your videos~

  • @timlucaturan3171
    @timlucaturan3171 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'am usually annoyed by this x questions bs, but this was a really calm and honest video. Thanks

  • @victorcraraujo
    @victorcraraujo 7 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This is amazing, really

  • @ImCalebRosengard
    @ImCalebRosengard 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My ex had a question that made me love her everytime she asked me that, it was "how can I love on you tonight?", it is by far the most beautiful question I was ever asked.

  • @TheSolidfoxhound
    @TheSolidfoxhound 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    One of the best videos have ever seen.

  • @CrownedMeadow
    @CrownedMeadow 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Didn’t finish the whole thing yet, but this is a BRILLIANT thing to do as a couple. Not just once, but as often as it takes to understand one another.
    (I only have one little criticism that I hate to even bring up, but:
    The “questions” aren’t questions. They’re prompting statements. Might be more helpful to the viewer to title them as such. Thanks in advance. Again, the information here is great. 👏)

  • @lucasfunkt
    @lucasfunkt 7 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    these are not questions

    • @tupisamba211
      @tupisamba211 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I had to scroll all the way down to the end to find this. Why? (that's a question, producers)

  • @allisonventures7268
    @allisonventures7268 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    I did this with my partner. we kinda cried at some points. Thank you so much

  • @MC-up9nx
    @MC-up9nx 7 ปีที่แล้ว +111

    Weird, "why did you fuck my friends?" didn't come up.

    • @sof9546
      @sof9546 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      :'(

  • @elinag5743
    @elinag5743 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    This was therapeutic to watch; I don't have a relationship to fix, but maybe observing healthy communication like this will make me a better friend in the future.

  • @NESherv
    @NESherv 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I like the silent-film-style title cards. However, I do think they go by too quickly and you don't leave them up long enough for the viewer to read. Having to quickly read a short paragraph in five seconds *and* fully comprehend it is really difficult, especially when half your brain is trying to appreciate and listen to the music. I found myself having to pause and go back several times.

  • @madelinewhite9501
    @madelinewhite9501 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    I don't know why, but I cried so hard. This touched me and was really beautiful. Thank you

  • @jamestree6697
    @jamestree6697 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I'm way too single for this!

  • @michaelwilliamson2255
    @michaelwilliamson2255 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    They are a beautiful couple, and I really do appreciate how they talk to each other. It inspires me to one day be a better communicator with my best friend.

  • @PersonalPower
    @PersonalPower 7 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    gosh, these animations almost seem real!
    Oh wait..
    -Personal Power, is using cheap animations

  • @colleenbrown92
    @colleenbrown92 6 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I found this so beautiful you can see how much they love eachother. Communication is so important my boyfriend has taught me so much I'm this relationship he grounds me so much ❤

  • @Firafighter808
    @Firafighter808 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Before watching these videos I used to try to communicate these question in a relationship. Whenever I would, it would turn into argument or my significant other at the time just wouldn't acknowledge what I was trying to do and would resist these types of conversations. How do you get a person to realize that these conversations need to be had? Or, if they are so resistant, does that mean it needs to end?

    • @x2y3a1j5
      @x2y3a1j5 7 ปีที่แล้ว

      Me too I went through something similar at times. I think that in cases like yours, when the communication is blocked, you are left with no other option than use a 3rd party, a trusted and very well-meaning, very close relative or friend or someone from your partner's circle who can keep a secret. You don't necessarily need to enter into the details, but just openly recruit this 3rd party help's into convincing your partner "that these conversations need to be had". That party will hopefully be more successful into convincing him. If it doesn't work, then maybe the next best option (if you don't want to break up yet) would be to go see on your own a professional couples/marriage/family counselor. Perhaps the two of you will be able to work out a way to have your partner come along/join you in your next appointment (or, if your partner would feel uncomfortable talking in front of you, to have him have his own session(s) with your therapist, until the two of you can talk in front of your therapist). Now, tbh, if your own tries at talking with your partner they all fail, and so fail too the eventual talks from that trusted close friend/relative and/or the eventual talks from a therapist/counselor; in a word, your partner is too stubborn... well, that very probably means you will have to end the relationship. Perhaps after some time your partner will realize and will ask you to be back together: Would you be open to it? Under which terms and conditions? How long after the break woulds be acceptable? In any case, I wish you the best of lucks with all that.

  • @arienava8960
    @arienava8960 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This is good thank you, I love my husband so much but we have a hard time. Not letting go of past issues this is a good starting point for couples that want to be together are still and the chemistry is still there.

  • @0413jshon
    @0413jshon 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    anyone knwo what the background piano music is? it's really pretty

  • @Mr.Oct___
    @Mr.Oct___ 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    This was positively one of the most brilliantly executed vids done by SOL. The actors did a wonderful job in their portrayals. I have been wanting & trying to have this kind of honest, open, & really bonded communications w/ significant others for decades now. I simply have not found the kind of partners brave enough or mature enough for the kind of dialogue displayed here. I have long since believed in taking inventory of our performance in relationships as they relate to hitting the marks that are important to our loves are concerned...rooting out perceived shortcomings &/or injustices w/ the aim to correct or improve upon them...just like one would at a job they really care about or perhaps as a player on a team. These sorts of real heart to hearts are invaluable. But often times, I've been met w/ scorn, fear, heightened defensiveness etc. which lead to no progress or renewed sense of purpose in relationships. I believe Steven Covey talked about something like this as well in his 7 habits book regarding group mission statements & developing them as a unit together. It's been quite disheartening to say the least. Bc I believe family relationships...friendships...romantic partnerships...business partnership...virtually all forms of relationships would benefit from this kind of discourse...Either to renew one's purpose, focus & commitment, or to discover that the cost is too high & it's time to move on. & obviously the process of improvement is just that. But the clarity between everyone involved would be liberating. Alas...I'm just not sure how doable this is. As stated in other vids...life is complicated...relationships even moreso...& we're all monsters...wearing masks we're to afraid to take off. I want to believe this kind of mature loving dialogue is poss. But I just don't know. ..

  • @larap.1850
    @larap.1850 7 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Oh, wow. This is so beautiful.

  • @BakaNeBaka
    @BakaNeBaka 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    Beautiful!
    Heartwarming to see such maturity and pretty much how life can be made simpler and lovelier if we did practice these in our lives!
    Cheers!

  • @JoseSanchez-wd8im
    @JoseSanchez-wd8im 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I just broke up with my girl and this isn't really helping 😥

  • @birboartt6598
    @birboartt6598 ปีที่แล้ว

    I Love this so much! Healthy relationships look so far away in our modern world perspective.

  • @MrSpaztastic23
    @MrSpaztastic23 7 ปีที่แล้ว +174

    Im still looking for a women that wont reject me

    • @vineshdarshan6051
      @vineshdarshan6051 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Brother i can help you with that

    • @DeepValueOptions
      @DeepValueOptions 7 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Rory try tinder

    • @BassForever44
      @BassForever44 7 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      I don't want to sound harsh, and maybe while writing this I am also saying it to myself (lol): have you tried lowering your standards a little bit?
      Oh and I seriously advice against Tinder if you are looking for something more serious.

    • @velcrotastesgood
      @velcrotastesgood 7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      BassForever44 you can definitely find something serious on tinder. When your meeting up to 3 girls a week like I am through tinder your bound to find someone

    • @lareinathelassa
      @lareinathelassa 7 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      don't create the image of the 'perfect' woman in your mind. don't go around saying "I have a type", let everyone have a chance

  • @wengunawan
    @wengunawan 6 ปีที่แล้ว

    been together for 17 years, i'd say, it is difficult to maintain a relationship. you think you know someone, but you will never stop learning something new about your spouse. we do had couple of restart moments, and i tell you, they were painfull to go through. the questions and statements were not exactly like these, because the moment you realise you need a restart, is the moment when the relationship is crumbling, its just natural. the determination and commitment to try to understand each other, when all of the reasons to abandon this relationship are on the table, are the ones that keep us going strong together. contrary to becoming cold over the years, we do love each other more each year, just by simply, not giving up on each other.

  • @wayoftheblue1528
    @wayoftheblue1528 7 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Not everyone can be as British as her, ok?

  • @Headintheclouds0ind
    @Headintheclouds0ind 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    This video understands me and my relationship more than I ever did myself, once again, thank you.

  • @lovegomna
    @lovegomna 7 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Love.exe crashed and is not responding.

  • @kaspartambur
    @kaspartambur 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    I think the final thing the guy said... was the most powerful. Whether they are real or actors, then even that actor clearly was thinking of someone in his life like that.

  • @youtwaat
    @youtwaat 7 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Who eats mussels with a fork.

    • @simeon54
      @simeon54 6 ปีที่แล้ว

      People who don't use question marks when asking a question?

  • @cgortz89
    @cgortz89 7 ปีที่แล้ว

    Getting to hear the issues and thoughts of this couple was so wonderful. Well done to them!

  • @MikefromTexas1
    @MikefromTexas1 7 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    How come interracial couples are always "Black man/White woman"??? What about "Black Woman/White Man"??? We exist too!

    • @trelosgatos
      @trelosgatos 7 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Stone Bull 0728 why complain? I don't think they're doing it on purpose, chill

    • @MikefromTexas1
      @MikefromTexas1 7 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      trelosgatos Haha, I'm not actually mad about anything. It's just a common occurrence I like pointing out.😂

    • @trelosgatos
      @trelosgatos 7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I see then, have a good day.