Regarding Obsessive Thoughts, I believe the best solution is to truely stop caring about figuring out the truth - and accept all consequences. Moreover do as Mark says and do the things you care about in your life. Recently I had a period of almost two weeks without anxiety and without obsessive thoughts
It’s so awesome you say two weeks. Because I’m the same way. I’m happy though because before, I couldn’t go a day without it, then a few weeks. Now a few months. Next up a few years ! Yes 🙌
Mark, I am at Vietnam where mental health is not cared and tackled enough. Telling people I have OCD just make me look stupid. We do not have therapist, just psychology doctors who could not do more than provide medication and very simple reassurance. Sadly I have to rely soly on myself. You're an inspiration to me. Fact is while I am still ruminating on different theme, it got much better than 3 months ago, and this time without any medication. My head could be anxious, but it is clear at the same time. Please do not stop what you are doing right now...I'll treat you a big dinner if you come to my country.
Just to follow on my own comment and tell you I am very fine and happy now. Yes there is instrusive thought once in a while, yes there is baseless fear once in a while, that doesn't prevent me to make the most out of my day.
You just need to be patient with recovery , no matter the thought you need to change the way you react to the fear and anxiety that is accompanied with that thought . Do not react and over time it will diminish entirely :)
I've suffered with OCD/Ruminating thinking since 18 years old. I'm 39. All I've ever done is cope. It's become one FEROCIOUS monster. What works best for me is taking meds, (I tried not, I become a HUGE mess), staying active, and keeping sugar/fructose out of my diet, for the most. Still, from time to time I fight the urge to ruminate, or perform a compulsion, and if I can get my mind off it, I feel good. However, I keep falling back into the trap. I hate it, it is destroying me... My biggest fears is anything and everything I like in my life...my brain will come up with a reason to question whether or not it's real. What I like, who I care about, whatever happy moments I experience...basically ANYTHING that calms or is attractive to my spirit and means a lot to me...is threatened to be taken away. I can't live like this anymore...I want to let it all go...it is so painful to let it go...but I know I have to. Thanks for your videos...I'm trying.
How are you doing now? I struggle with this as well and it’s draining me of all my energy. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like everything that’s important to me is at risk of being taken away for good. I can’t even go relax on my days off because my brain thinks something that’s important to me is at risk and I ruminate for the whole day instead of living and embracing the present moment. Every time my mind thinks it comes to some sort of conclusion and I can move on with my life. It comes back as soon as I get anxious (which is almost always) And then the cycle continues. I’m tired.. :(
Learning so much from your videos in preparation for my grad degree. You explain things so well, and it is very obvious that you really truly care about helping people.
Love these videos. After I found out I had ocd I realized how the constant fear of abandonment in relationships, scary awful intrusive thoughts, fears of passing out in public, my social media usage, everything was a result of ocd. I used to have to sleep in th bathroom to “protect others from me”. I was heavily drinking to calm it for a long time before figuring out I have it. But I had to give up my cat before moving and my symptoms ramped up. Then I looked for help and now have tools that free me from them. I get an intrusive thought, I let it sit, I feel the fear, then it goes away. And hearing your tools and explanations have been a life saver. Truly.
cutting out the checking/controlling/coping in all the smaller areas of our life seems like such a great support in cutting out the larger “theme” related stuff
I literally cried watching this video. It has so much true in it. Thank you Mark for always saving my days with your videos ! You're a true inspiration !!!
You are a godsend. I feel better already a bit optimistic. I know it's hard I'm currently going through relapse but it's easier this time. Still sucks but this helps so much you have no idea! Bless your heart and all that you do!
I´m certain this is one of my biggest walls, always checking, always involving with intrusive thougths and anxiety, though i´ve got much better, thanks for everything Mark
7:34 Oh yes, it makes a lot of sense to me now! During last 2 years I have probably "got rid" of OCD and relapsed about 30 times! I was doing compulsion until it got so bad that it was 24/7 suffering. At this point I knew that the only way to improve is to accept all the pain and don't react to it (none of the compulsions worked at this point anyway). Then during next few days I started to feel better and in another few more days I felt good and quite happy. Then little anxieties crept in so I started to do little, "innocent" compulsions just to "maintain" good feeling. They worked so I kept doing them without noticing that anxiety become more intensive (as did compulsions). After 4-8 days I was back in constant pain and the cycle started again. Now I become very aware of those "Innocent" compulsions and damage they can lead to. So far it makes great difference!
@@qhhh4189 Much better. I can't say I am 100% OCD free but long term trend has always been up. I guess my case was very complicated - I have been "working" incredibly hard for 15 years practicing OCD in every possible part of my life with incredible dedication so it is not that easy to untangle myself.
@@qhhh4189 Yes, but for about 14 years I wasn't aware it was a condition called OCD. I was just trying to "sort out" things I believed had to be sorted out until it crushed me completely.
"What did you do this week?" "I had a lightbulb moment watching a scene in Durarara and while listening to an explanation about uncertainty and imaginary donuts." Why going after the smaller compulsions even more sense now. Before I was just thinking about it with the weight lifting like metaphor, but it does make complete sense that you're brain will be confused as to why you're reacting to the smaller less important uncertainty then the giant no donut one.
That's so true for me all the things... I just did the same thing today though i thought I'm finer than before. Its uncertainty which drives me anxious. I need to assume to a result so often. I need to feel secure often. Why. I'm so embarrassed and feeling so much uncapsulated within my own self. Anyway, I won't reject these feelings. I am going to embrace them all.
This is my thinking 24/7! At least some of it. Wow my brain has been in this thinking mode since I was little. I need and want help but there is not many therapist who are specialized or trained in ocd in my areas, and I’m willing to travel quite a ways..
When I am struggling with uncertainty in my relationship, I worry about my own feelings towards the relationship and this has been going on for years. I haven't had a second to feel peaceful in a long time with my relationship. I constantly, judge and analyze how "good" my relationship is, if what I'm feeling is a true gut feeling that this isn't right for me (which is my biggest trigger, I literally feel a pit in my stomach) or just my OCD. I've watched your videos for a while and I try to apply the tips in them and it seems when I take on step forward (focus on values in my life, doing healthy and positive things) something else comes up to bring me back to square one. How do I push through to get to the other end of this? I haven't had relief from this anxiety in so long it feels truly real and that I need to end my relationship. I can always start out great when I try to focus on my values, I just don't know how to continually make myself follow through with cutting out compulsions and reverting back to the same old judgments in my head.
I have the same issue. I think its important to recognize it is an issue and your thoughts really affect your feelings. If you can recognize them as intrusive/negative thoughts you can choose to engage them or let them pass. Meditation helps, but some days are rougher than others! I found when I recognized that I was anxious and went to a professional (Mark's videos are quite helpful) they can give you things to work on when you are overwhelmed. ERP or CBT "Thought Record". I have seen some improvements and have struggled with obsessional thinking for a few years now.
One thing that's useful to recognize is how all of the checking and analyzing and judging feelings are compulsions. As I was talking about in this video, if we do that stuff, then it's only natural the brain won't let us feel the feelings we're chasing. That's also why it's useful not to seek relief from anxiety. Trying to chase relief from anxiety only leads to having anxiety all of the time. So I find it's useful to look very broadly at lots of things in our lives, like beliefs and desires. I explain more in this video: th-cam.com/video/VeynBEFcRd4/w-d-xo.html Because if we're holding onto beliefs that we should have a specific feeling, then it's totally natural that we would check for that feeling. But if we want to cut out that compulsion, we'll need to throw out that belief as well.
Could it be helpful to write down reminders to prevent falling into old mind habits? For example I found it helpful to be okay with relapsing and that avoiding it actually made me relapse. On one hand it makes sense to write it down but on the other it feels like it could be a compulsion to prevent me from losing control.
Could you go into detail in a video or blog post about what we're supposed to do instead to deal with that uncertainty? For example, if my girlfriend hasn't responded to me all day despite me being on read or hasn't responded to me in a week, should I just accept the uncertainty and do something else? Or how about if your daughter went missing. Not reacting to that uncertainty might absolve anxiety in the long-term, but how does it deal with these kinds of circumstances? What is the alternative to compulsions that still makes sense?
I find it's useful to look at what we value. For instance, if I value supporting my family and my daughter is missing, I'll put my time and energy into helping her find her way back to her family. If my girlfriend isn't messaging me, then she's not messaging me. There's nothing I need to do there. And I'd look to what my values are related to building a healthy relationship. If I care about my relationship, that's great to recognize, so instead of waiting for problems to come up and get reactive to them, instead, I'll focus my time and energy on proactively building a healthy relationship and understanding what actions go into that.
Fantastic video Mark. Thank you! I had to listen several times before I ‘got it’. It’s the little experiences that affect the big experiences. Basically, all behavior is related. Thank you!
hey, great video! And you totally clocked me with the social media refreshing. I can tell this is probably part of the "mental illness Stockholm syndrome" but where I have trouble with this is that I'm not sure I know what it looks like to act responsibly *without* doing checking/ruminating compulsions. I can point to a lot of times in my life where double-checking something would have prevented something bad from happening, for instance, and I've been criticized for acting/speaking in ways that were unintentionally hurtful that I could have avoided by thinking more about what I was going to say or do. What does it mean to value acting with consideration for others and conscientiousness, without checking/ruminating being part of that? Any thoughts?
Another example from a different sphere might be valuing honesty with your partner without compulsively confessing things to them. I think the theme here is: how do you take valued actions when your obsessions tend to "hijack" your values?
Thanks for the video! Just had a question, in your opinion what does it look like to check and eliminate uncertainty in everyday situations without it being related to OCD? Do these types of checks exist? I guess I'm wondering where to draw the line in terms of checking in an everyday way. Is checking your bank balance before buying something, or checking the address for an appointment you are going to, or checking how much milk you have before going to the supermarket an acceptable check to make or do you think even checks such as these encourage your brain to reward uncertainty?
Lol I just realised how ironic this question is. It's a check to make sure I do something properly... Still would be interested to know how you decide where to draw the line though.
I find it helps to make a massive switch with everything. In The Mind Workout, the book is split into two sections because the entire second section is about how you make the switch from a life that's all about constantly reacting to uncertainties, to one that's about proactively doing things you care about. We still end up doing some of the same behaviors but when we do them and why we do them often changes. Definitely, for me, I'd say the way I handle my finances and plan meals and buy groceries are things that have changed. It's a switch to proactively planning things around values. I find it's useful to consider how you would fly an airplane well. You can't afford to be constantly correcting once you're up in the air. As much as possible is done in advance to fly the plane well where it needs to go. You also don't want to leave things up to pilots feeling uncertain and then reacting to their anxieties about the plane crashing. And this is where you can see one of the subtle shifts that help us unhook from fuelling life with uncertainty: take the milk, you mentioned--if your plane was fuelled by milk, you want the necessary amount of milk, but you don't want to leave it up to uncertainty popping up in your brain to remind you to check at the last minute. You also want to confirm the amount of milk consistently. It's not something that can get left up to the brain. You know you need a specific quantity to fly your plane. So it might simply become a thing you do: "Before I leave to buy groceries, I always confirm how much milk, cereal, and chocolate I need to buy..." Does that make sense? It's a really subtle shift. The action stays the same but the timing likely changes and the motivation changes. This is really about removing uncertainty as the motivator. We're not reacting to uncertainty or fear as the reason for the action.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a well considered reply!! That all definitely makes sense to me - I better get the mind workout I think :) P.s. I have just started ERP with a psychologist and I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t found your videos. Thank you!
Is it normal when you stop to ruminate that you just do not know what to Think about anymore? Now my mind goes, o do not know how to Think… now i feel my feetagainst the Ground… should i Think now my feet are against the Ground? And with other things as Well.. it does not give me anxiety but it feels a bit weird….
It is so difficult to decide whether I,m doing some stuff the way it should. When I don't check something I fear that I'm being fussy about going back to OCD. When I stop checking and something needs to be really dealt with, I fear that I'm being so irresponsible by not dealing with that. It became a loop. What can I do, Mark?
Ege Yaldız not mark but just want to tell you I run into this too. Like for example; I felt anxiety and communicated those feelings with someone else, I wondered if this was avoidance? I second guess so many things I do. In reality, in that situation it was a PTSD trigger so I was trying to communicate calmly how I felt rather than going off on them and raging like I did in the past, and reacting to these feelings. I still wonder if I did it wrong and should've done nothing and just sat with the feelings.
Aras Küçükyalçın Bugün sanki bi şey oldu ve aştım gibi sanki mucize oldu. İnşallah bu çizgide devam edeceğim çok rahatım şu an. Yorumun ve desteğin için çok sağ ol
Aras Küçükyalçın İyiye gidiyorum gibi, kontrol etmiyorum ama belirsizlik zorluyor. Dayanmaya çalışıyorum ve umutluyum, çok az kaldı tünelin sonundaki ışığı görmeye
I find that even if I'm not consciously thinking of said anxiety, it's like subconsciously there. Example; at night, that's when panic sets in, and it's a pattern. I'm not sure what to do cause cutting out compulsions doesn't seem to be doing much :/ I'm realizing that my obsessions have always been there but I was able to cope with them because I was sleeping, months of little sleep due to environment changes have exasperated the issue. I'm afraid of sleep but also not sleeping. I get "performance anxiety" aground sleep even when it's quiet and therefore don't sleep at all, I mean, AT ALL. I get heart palpitations and heart pain and sweating and I'll try and just wait for it to past and accept it and not judge it but that doesn't make it go away. I'm finally seeing a therapist on Tuesday and going to try medication because right now I can't handle this level of anxiety (it's causing suicidal thoughts, I need assistance until I can manage it,) I am just so so worried that my OCD is so unique and too severe to get better. Feel like no one can help :/ I am really trying hard. But I'm so exhausted that this is all I can think about. Can't even grieve the loss of a pet right now. My fears have come true soooo many times so that's what's scary. And not getting sleep is bad so idk what to do with this OCD. I've gone 4 days without it due to the anxiety. I really wish I had contamination OCD instead or details OCD. I am trying to use the skills with anxiety and they sometimes give me short relief. Like being mindful that I'm not moving yet (moving out to a quiet place ironically is making me anxious cause I rather be kept up by kids than anxiety.) I really am trying to change my relationship with anxiety but it's so hard because I've puked from anxiety, and gone 4 days without sleep because if it, and now I'm having severe chest pains. God I hope recovery is possible... I always have taken over an hour to fall asleep so coupled with anxiety is scary. I try and expose myself to the thoughts and "not react" but then I have to avoid the thought because it's too scary at that point cause the anxiety unfortunately doesn't pass. Sorry for the word vomit. Appreciate your work. I'm honestly so scared I'm gong to die that I want to die at this point.
Kareem Gameel I got one, maybe 2, hours of sleep last night, because my asshole neighbor kept tapping my wall every ten minutes. It's painful to think let alone respond but I'm responding. My OCD and codependency are honestly interlinked. It's like if I'm consumed by my sleep I assume others are so when people ask about my sleep it's like "wow they're obsessing!" (Asking how I slept, if I'm a light sleeper, etc, plus, one time a social worker invalidated the difficulty of my living envirment when I shared I wanted to move due to my neighbors, it wasn't "wow Shaylen that's awful! Ok well we'll defiantly look into housing for you.") I didn't want to work with them anymore because of that and got panic attacks so didn't sleep two days until my case worker finally listened and ended services with them (there were other issues before this like not respecting my boundaries so I cut them off for that reason.) then my pyschatrist told everyone I was having a hard time sleeping so I felt damned. I felt like now even if I did move somewhere quiet, I wouldn't be able to sleep due to them thinking I couldn't sleep; it's like if I can sleep it's not valid if other people think I can't. My obsessions have just grown since then. Now I'm worried someone will tell me I look tired after waking up with severe bags and I'll get more anxiety around sleep. Just because I remembered 2 assholes who once told me I looked tired (and the thing is at those times I wasn't tired.) Being in this living environment has driven me to insanity. When people would make comments about my sleep before it bothered me but I was living in an envirment that allowed better sleep (my parents.) now I have tried the whole "just accept you'll experience anxiety tonight and not get much sleep tonight. It's ok." It just doesn't work. I've emptied my mind and done belly breathing a few times (somehow I was able to empty my mind,) and I still felt like I was having a heart attack. I don't know of anyone who can't sleep due to prolonged sleep deprivation and feeling like others are obsessing over my sleep. This situation and other people's comments has damned me for life. I had to call a crisis councilor because when I laid down I had chest pains so bad it felt like my heart was bursting and I had heat radiating from it and I couldn't breathe. I know what you mean about anxiety about not being able to sleep, when I lived with my parents for a while I couldn't sleep due to their noise and thus when they left at 4 am to take my sister to school I thought; shit that's how inconsiderate they are to be loud at 4 am! I'll never sleep again'! This weekend is my only opportunity! And then I slept 1 hour for 3 days. Somehow I managed sleep again. Like next time they left my mom texted me sorry it was so loud and in my mind it was like "oh they care" and then I slept. That kind of sleep anxiety is easier to manage because it's not me thinking anyone else is obsessing about my sleep it's just normal sleep anxiety that is easier to work past. I seriously feel like I'm going to die. I want to try Luvox so those obsessive thoughts can be managed easier when I'm running on no sleep. It's a vicious cycle because I literally can't think of anything but wanting sleep when I'm exhausted and feeling distressed about never getting it. I wish someone would "curse" me to fall asleep at 12 and wake up at 8 each day or something. I am so sorry I feel like I should like "as she has an answer for everything" but I feel like the only one with this. In every ocd group no one else can't sleep because they're worried others are obsessing or might say something negative
Kareem Gameel I'm seeing her Tuesday. She's $40 a week and it's going to be $43 to get there. Unfortunately I'll only be able to afford to see her 3 times a month due to low fixed income. Some months may not be able to see her but it's better than nothing. She is specialized in OCD and does ERP and ACT and CBT and I hope she is some kind of miracle worker honestly. I'm going to try Luvox and maybe sleep aids as well because I honestly can't cope.
Kareem Gameel I feel like a lost cause. Like honestly wish I'd die in my sleep:/ I felt suicidal the second I moved into a noisy apartment; I knew this would be bad! Other therapists have made my OCD worse by suggesting counter thoughts. I hope she has better mechanisms.
Hey Mark, how did you manage to not become bitter with life? I've noticed that although I cut out compulsions for the most part, and can go about my days normally, my mental health struggles left with me this low self-esteem and self-loathing. After highschool I finally built up self-confidence that I lacked before, only to have been struck by OCD. Now although having done a lot of progress through recovery, I feel I have failed at life, even though I have two degrees, a successful company, own property and having people who love me. The trauma from all this mess, makes it hard for me to experience lasting joy and feel love towards myself and others. Part of my mind still believes I'm a sick pervert with a broken brain.
Hello Mark, love your videos and its so easy to understand. But is there also a book you would rekommend to learn more about this topic? or for me more of the OCD pureO topic?
I have a book. It's called THE MIND WORKOUT in the UK or YOU ARE NOT A ROCK in the US. It's available on any bookstore sites and it has lots in it about cutting out mental compulsions.
Awww, I love donuts!😉😉 Such an awesome reminder to take an Holistic approach to EVERYTHING that goes on in our Brain when it comes to uncertainty! For some reason I always comes back to Meditation that really helps🤔😉... and of course your videos mate!🤣🇦🇺🇨🇦
I am honestly uncertain regarding what should I think about on a daily basis. I know it s funny, but being used to thinking about anxiety 24/7, it feels like if i want to think about sth else, i am “betraying” my anxiety and running away from it, which is not the case. How can I focus on what I m doing (for example, listening to music) if the thought of anxiety fires up constantly in my brain? Is the music distraction? I m not certain how to think anymore, i feel like i forgot to think😂
Reading Dr Steven Phillipson and you completely changed my life in the past 2 weeks. I am feeling normal for most of the day.... While a few months ago I was having debilitating existential OCD and DPDR.
Do you have experience with existential "pure O" OCD? It always evolves into DPDR, its really scary and its almost like I am scared of my own existence and senses. Started one day after I woke up from a strange nightmare, and I had intrusive thoughts like "what if this existence is a trap for my soul and it is evil", things like that, and things like "I must kill myself to escape this existence or my soul will be lost forever". Of course I didn't believe these things because otherwise I might have done it but it caused me great distress and I was basically 24/7 anxious for the past year, ofc I went on meds and not actually 24/7 right but a lot of the time was anxiety and panic. I was very proactive and tried many things, and now it is much better I am off meds and about 50% of the day I am completely normal, but the other 50% I have uneasyness and anxiety... rarely panic but I've had an attack twice in the past 2 months. What should my next step be? Other than trying to get rid of checking and compulsions in my daily habits, this is hard though since its making my anxiety rise a bit lol. I should mention I had a very bad panic attack on Weed a few months before this whole DPDR thing started. Could that have something to do with it? One of my biggest fears is that what if the weed permanently damaged my brain. I think this is just an anxious thought based off uncertainty that I want to check about... but would be nice to know that weed cannot damage brains.
It could help not to approach this as "pure O". I saw your later messages first, before this one, and I was surprised to see the mention of Pure O here. Something I find very useful and important is switching the focus away from trying to solve these issues. It can really help to not see ourselves as a problem to fix. If there's anything in your life that you care about that you've been avoiding, or things you've delayed, or behaviors you've changed because of these challenges, it can help to recognize that those are compulsions. So you can just put your time and energy into living your life. You don't have to stop things to fix feelings. You can live and do all of the things you've ever wanted to do. That gives you the opportunity to accept whatever your brain throws up, and to continue living your life. As long as we try to fight feelings we don't like, we make those unwanted feelings necessary in our lives.
I say pure O cause it felt like the compulsions were in my head, for example everytime I had an existential thought I would have to "disprove" it with all my might... I couldn't leave it alone or it would cause me a lot of anxiety, and disproving it gave me slight relief or at least held off a panic attack. It became a thing where I had to do it everytime. Also when I was a kid whenever I thought of something bad happening or had an intrusive thought of something bad or weird, I would feel an urge to think of all the possibilities of that thing happening which would give me relief because I thought if I thought of all those things then it wouldnt happen. To explain it better I would have the thought "my mom will die in a car accident" in which I would think of all the scenarios like her driving and crashing, someone else crashing into her, etc, etc, all the possibilities as a way of making that not happen.
@@everybodyhasabrain really great stuff, Mark, and thank you. A musician here who has run into a bit of trouble with intrusive thoughts after 8 months of lockdown! I thought "I've never had anything like this before" but then remember my OCD nature and have ignored this type of thing in the past! You have brilliant insight and it has helped a lot. Love from Ireland. Mindfulness really is a buzzword until it's absolutely imperative!! 😬
We don't have stop the urge to check. It's like any other experience. We can have the urge to check and choose to do something else. A place I often suggest people start is by learning how to notice the urge to check their phones but choose a different action instead.
Remy Margaux Aren't those obvious? The brightest shade of neon green. And the North Star is always in the same spot, so if you're having trouble finding it, let somebody else navigate your catamaran across the ocean.
Mark Freeman ah, I understand. I just thought of uncertainties as also obvious questions. This had me always trying to not ask any questions. Thank you Mark
Hi mark, I said a intrusive thought on purpose I said to myself I wanted to say and I didn't care. But it's something that I could of ignored as I was able to ignore but I chose to it at least had a strong urge to say the thing on purpose... after I said it I felt bad as I didn't really mean it because it was a horrible blasphemous thought and I believe in God. Please can you tell me can OCD give you or make you feel like doing or wanting the thing you most fear?or Does it mean you really want it? Thanks Mark appreciate your help x
It can help to see that asking these types of question is actually what OCD is all about. OCD is all about trying to get rid of uncertainty and feelings we don't like, but the more we do those compulsions to check and avoid and control those experiences, the more we create uncertainty and unwanted feelings. It can help to start cutting out compulsions and just let the stuff in our heads be there while we do things we care about in life.
Hi 😀 that smile is not true though.... I watched ur previous video (overcoming the ocd thoughts).I had this thoughts before and I struggled a lot and it gone but before 3 days It came back. What my thoughts are like the things I see other people doesn't see..but I know what I see or hear also all people see and hear but frequently this thoughts come and make anxious...even I think this video may be I am the only one sees.. What should I do now ? I stopped medication its been 3 months now.
Something I found helpful was learning not to engage with thoughts, like I explained in this video: th-cam.com/video/VnDsZSIWUDU/w-d-xo.html We can have any thought. It's totally ok to have a thought that you're the only one that sees things, but that's no different than somebody in the street telling you that you're an alligator. We don't have to believe the things we hear. The things we experience in our heads are no different than shouts in the street. It's important that we cut out the compulsions we engage in as a reaction to that stuff. If we engage with the guy shouting in the street and argue with him or try to check that he's wrong, then we put that guy in charge and that causes more anxiety.
An impulse is something you feel, a compulsion is something you do to control uncertainties and things you don't like. You might have an impulse to buy a donut at the mall, and a compulsion would look like ruminating in your head about whether you can fit it into your diet or if you're deserving of it etc. or if by wanting a donut you're some deranged fat person.
Hi Mark, I have a question, For me, I'm self-conscious about having bags under my eyes, but that's definitely not my biggest problem. Is it unhealthy for me to often check in the mirror or my reflection in windows if my baggy eyes are still there? Could that be negatively influencing the way I think of myself and lead to problems?
I would see that as a common compulsion that's useful to cut out. It would very naturally learn to obsessing about what others think about you and trying to control yourself and others.
Thanks Mark. Obsessing about what others think is one of the things I'm struggling with, your videos are helping me recognize the unhealthy compulsions.
Sorry one more question- I know there are many many OCD themes, like harm OCD, HOCD, contamination, etc, but is it possible to have an obsession that is unique? I am only asking because I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should be treating anxiety or if it's also OCD. I keep wondering because my obsessions just seem so "out there." I did see a therapist Tuesday, wasn't ready to fully open up so I peeled back slowly and it was more of a getting to know the idea around my obsessions.
That's great you saw a therapist! No, there are no unique obsessions. I find it's very important not to believe in themes. They're just more of the OCD--trying to judge and discriminate and put things in tiny boxes. All obsessions are the same--just uncertainty about something happening.
Mark Freeman that helps. The themes make me feel alone and isolated- I've only once been the stereotypical OCD type and that was when I was a child. Now I can't relate.
Winchestah This made me cry. My obsessions have only sometimes followed “common” themes, and a lot of mine are just down right bizarre, which then makes me panic and doubt if it’s even REALLY OCD, and as you said, the vicious cycle continues. What a beast OCD is.
Hey - I have a question about your videos in general. Why do you put the picture of a brain over your face at the end of every video with “everybody has a brain?” I’m curious because my level 15 anxiety “topic” settles on brains (i sound like a zombie) and existential stuff blah blah blah and the brain at the end of every video serves as an exposure for me. I’m wondering if there is a story behind it.
any suggestions of how to stop intrusive thoughts I’ve had them for a couple of weeks and I keep worrying about the bad thoughts and I don’t even know what to do I just need suggestions on how to stop these thought because they are really bugging me and I don’t know how to stop them.
I find it's useful to recognize that trying to stop intrusive thoughts is not the solution, it's the problem. It's just like any addiction--they more you get relief from the feelings you don't like, the more your brain gives you those feelings you don't like so you can chase relief from them. By trying to stop the thoughts, you're only encouraging your brain to give you more of them. Instead of doing that, it can help to learn how to stop judging them and hating them. Thoughts are like trees we pass on the street. If you had to stop at every tree and solve it, you'd never get anywhere. You can look at why you're spending time and energy trying to solve these thoughts and that might show you a way out of this.
OCD Sufferer: "Ill never feel normal again, ill always have anxiety. Ill never get better"
Mark Freeman: "Hold my beer"
:D
Regarding Obsessive Thoughts, I believe the best solution is to truely stop caring about figuring out the truth - and accept all consequences. Moreover do as Mark says and do the things you care about in your life. Recently I had a period of almost two weeks without anxiety and without obsessive thoughts
It’s so awesome you say two weeks. Because I’m the same way. I’m happy though because before, I couldn’t go a day without it, then a few weeks. Now a few months. Next up a few years ! Yes 🙌
Single best mental health channel on TH-cam.
Mark,
I am at Vietnam where mental health is not cared and tackled enough. Telling people I have OCD just make me look stupid. We do not have therapist, just psychology doctors who could not do more than provide medication and very simple reassurance. Sadly I have to rely soly on myself.
You're an inspiration to me. Fact is while I am still ruminating on different theme, it got much better than 3 months ago, and this time without any medication. My head could be anxious, but it is clear at the same time.
Please do not stop what you are doing right now...I'll treat you a big dinner if you come to my country.
Thanks for the message! That's great you're seeing progress and things are getting better. I love Vietnamese food. I look forward to the dinner :)
You can do it!
Just to follow on my own comment and tell you I am very fine and happy now. Yes there is instrusive thought once in a while, yes there is baseless fear once in a while, that doesn't prevent me to make the most out of my day.
You just need to be patient with recovery , no matter the thought you need to change the way you react to the fear and anxiety that is accompanied with that thought . Do not react and over time it will diminish entirely :)
I've suffered with OCD/Ruminating thinking since 18 years old. I'm 39. All I've ever done is cope. It's become one FEROCIOUS monster. What works best for me is taking meds, (I tried not, I become a HUGE mess), staying active, and keeping sugar/fructose out of my diet, for the most. Still, from time to time I fight the urge to ruminate, or perform a compulsion, and if I can get my mind off it, I feel good. However, I keep falling back into the trap. I hate it, it is destroying me...
My biggest fears is anything and everything I like in my life...my brain will come up with a reason to question whether or not it's real. What I like, who I care about, whatever happy moments I experience...basically ANYTHING that calms or is attractive to my spirit and means a lot to me...is threatened to be taken away.
I can't live like this anymore...I want to let it all go...it is so painful to let it go...but I know I have to.
Thanks for your videos...I'm trying.
Jason W Baccaro I know how you feel brother - OCD is a bitch. Try to find a true OCD expert and do ERP-based therapy
How are you doing now? I struggle with this as well and it’s draining me of all my energy. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel like everything that’s important to me is at risk of being taken away for good. I can’t even go relax on my days off because my brain thinks something that’s important to me is at risk and I ruminate for the whole day instead of living and embracing the present moment. Every time my mind thinks it comes to some sort of conclusion and I can move on with my life. It comes back as soon as I get anxious (which is almost always) And then the cycle continues. I’m tired.. :(
"Dying alone in the corner of a Dairy Queen basement -hated by everybody." Pretty much sums up the ridiculousness of my anxiety. Literally lol'd.
Lol yea realizing how silly our thoughts can be helps a bit. 😅
Learning so much from your videos in preparation for my grad degree. You explain things so well, and it is very obvious that you really truly care about helping people.
Thanks! That's great you're finding them useful :)
Love these videos. After I found out I had ocd I realized how the constant fear of abandonment in relationships, scary awful intrusive thoughts, fears of passing out in public, my social media usage, everything was a result of ocd. I used to have to sleep in th bathroom to “protect others from me”. I was heavily drinking to calm it for a long time before figuring out I have it. But I had to give up my cat before moving and my symptoms ramped up. Then I looked for help and now have tools that free me from them. I get an intrusive thought, I let it sit, I feel the fear, then it goes away. And hearing your tools and explanations have been a life saver. Truly.
God bless you, brother. Can’t thank you enough❤
With the end of a relationship I find my patterns of reacting towards uncertainty now latching onto other aspects of my life, so thank you for this!:)
cutting out the checking/controlling/coping in all the smaller areas of our life seems like such a great support in cutting out the larger “theme” related stuff
Yes! It's so helpful!
I literally cried watching this video. It has so much true in it. Thank you Mark for always saving my days with your videos ! You're a true inspiration !!!
You are a godsend. I feel better already a bit optimistic. I know it's hard I'm currently going through relapse but it's easier this time. Still sucks but this helps so much you have no idea! Bless your heart and all that you do!
:) All the best on the steps ahead
I just want to say how much you’re videos are helping me, thank you so much for these
You're welcome!
I´m certain this is one of my biggest walls, always checking, always involving with intrusive thougths and anxiety, though i´ve got much better, thanks for everything Mark
Love checking out your old videos too
Thanks!
7:34 Oh yes, it makes a lot of sense to me now! During last 2 years I have probably "got rid" of OCD and relapsed about 30 times! I was doing compulsion until it got so bad that it was 24/7 suffering. At this point I knew that the only way to improve is to accept all the pain and don't react to it (none of the compulsions worked at this point anyway). Then during next few days I started to feel better and in another few more days I felt good and quite happy. Then little anxieties crept in so I started to do little, "innocent" compulsions just to "maintain" good feeling. They worked so I kept doing them without noticing that anxiety become more intensive (as did compulsions). After 4-8 days I was back in constant pain and the cycle started again. Now I become very aware of those "Innocent" compulsions and damage they can lead to. So far it makes great difference!
That's awesome you're aware of it!
How r u now bob
@@qhhh4189 Much better. I can't say I am 100% OCD free but long term trend has always been up. I guess my case was very complicated - I have been "working" incredibly hard for 15 years practicing OCD in every possible part of my life with incredible dedication so it is not that easy to untangle myself.
@@bobhill2483 means that u have lived with it for 15 years
@@qhhh4189 Yes, but for about 14 years I wasn't aware it was a condition called OCD. I was just trying to "sort out" things I believed had to be sorted out until it crushed me completely.
"No donuts = maximum pain"
Can relate.
"What did you do this week?"
"I had a lightbulb moment watching a scene in Durarara and while listening to an explanation about uncertainty and imaginary donuts."
Why going after the smaller compulsions even more sense now. Before I was just thinking about it with the weight lifting like metaphor, but it does make complete sense that you're brain will be confused as to why you're reacting to the smaller less important uncertainty then the giant no donut one.
Yeah! We're just making things less confusing for the brain.
That's so true for me all the things... I just did the same thing today though i thought I'm finer than before.
Its uncertainty which drives me anxious. I need to assume to a result so often. I need to feel secure often. Why.
I'm so embarrassed and feeling so much uncapsulated within my own self. Anyway, I won't reject these feelings. I am going to embrace them all.
The feelings can be there!
This is my thinking 24/7! At least some of it. Wow my brain has been in this thinking mode since I was little. I need and want help but there is not many therapist who are specialized or trained in ocd in my areas, and I’m willing to travel quite a ways..
This was spot on. Holy cow.
When I am struggling with uncertainty in my relationship, I worry about my own feelings towards the relationship and this has been going on for years. I haven't had a second to feel peaceful in a long time with my relationship. I constantly, judge and analyze how "good" my relationship is, if what I'm feeling is a true gut feeling that this isn't right for me (which is my biggest trigger, I literally feel a pit in my stomach) or just my OCD. I've watched your videos for a while and I try to apply the tips in them and it seems when I take on step forward (focus on values in my life, doing healthy and positive things) something else comes up to bring me back to square one. How do I push through to get to the other end of this? I haven't had relief from this anxiety in so long it feels truly real and that I need to end my relationship. I can always start out great when I try to focus on my values, I just don't know how to continually make myself follow through with cutting out compulsions and reverting back to the same old judgments in my head.
I have the same issue. I think its important to recognize it is an issue and your thoughts really affect your feelings. If you can recognize them as intrusive/negative thoughts you can choose to engage them or let them pass. Meditation helps, but some days are rougher than others! I found when I recognized that I was anxious and went to a professional (Mark's videos are quite helpful) they can give you things to work on when you are overwhelmed. ERP or CBT "Thought Record". I have seen some improvements and have struggled with obsessional thinking for a few years now.
One thing that's useful to recognize is how all of the checking and analyzing and judging feelings are compulsions. As I was talking about in this video, if we do that stuff, then it's only natural the brain won't let us feel the feelings we're chasing. That's also why it's useful not to seek relief from anxiety. Trying to chase relief from anxiety only leads to having anxiety all of the time. So I find it's useful to look very broadly at lots of things in our lives, like beliefs and desires. I explain more in this video: th-cam.com/video/VeynBEFcRd4/w-d-xo.html Because if we're holding onto beliefs that we should have a specific feeling, then it's totally natural that we would check for that feeling. But if we want to cut out that compulsion, we'll need to throw out that belief as well.
Could it be helpful to write down reminders to prevent falling into old mind habits? For example I found it helpful to be okay with relapsing and that avoiding it actually made me relapse. On one hand it makes sense to write it down but on the other it feels like it could be a compulsion to prevent me from losing control.
I find it useful to write down reminders about the actions I want to be. They're like direction signs pointing me towards where I want to go.
Could you go into detail in a video or blog post about what we're supposed to do instead to deal with that uncertainty? For example, if my girlfriend hasn't responded to me all day despite me being on read or hasn't responded to me in a week, should I just accept the uncertainty and do something else? Or how about if your daughter went missing.
Not reacting to that uncertainty might absolve anxiety in the long-term, but how does it deal with these kinds of circumstances? What is the alternative to compulsions that still makes sense?
I find it's useful to look at what we value. For instance, if I value supporting my family and my daughter is missing, I'll put my time and energy into helping her find her way back to her family. If my girlfriend isn't messaging me, then she's not messaging me. There's nothing I need to do there. And I'd look to what my values are related to building a healthy relationship. If I care about my relationship, that's great to recognize, so instead of waiting for problems to come up and get reactive to them, instead, I'll focus my time and energy on proactively building a healthy relationship and understanding what actions go into that.
thank you!
Fantastic video Mark. Thank you! I had to listen several times before I ‘got it’. It’s the little experiences that affect the big experiences. Basically, all behavior is related. Thank you!
You're welcome!
hey, great video! And you totally clocked me with the social media refreshing.
I can tell this is probably part of the "mental illness Stockholm syndrome" but where I have trouble with this is that I'm not sure I know what it looks like to act responsibly *without* doing checking/ruminating compulsions. I can point to a lot of times in my life where double-checking something would have prevented something bad from happening, for instance, and I've been criticized for acting/speaking in ways that were unintentionally hurtful that I could have avoided by thinking more about what I was going to say or do.
What does it mean to value acting with consideration for others and conscientiousness, without checking/ruminating being part of that? Any thoughts?
Another example from a different sphere might be valuing honesty with your partner without compulsively confessing things to them. I think the theme here is: how do you take valued actions when your obsessions tend to "hijack" your values?
Thanks for the video! Just had a question, in your opinion what does it look like to check and eliminate uncertainty in everyday situations without it being related to OCD? Do these types of checks exist?
I guess I'm wondering where to draw the line in terms of checking in an everyday way. Is checking your bank balance before buying something, or checking the address for an appointment you are going to, or checking how much milk you have before going to the supermarket an acceptable check to make or do you think even checks such as these encourage your brain to reward uncertainty?
Lol I just realised how ironic this question is. It's a check to make sure I do something properly... Still would be interested to know how you decide where to draw the line though.
yes would also love to get a response to this question!
I find it helps to make a massive switch with everything. In The Mind Workout, the book is split into two sections because the entire second section is about how you make the switch from a life that's all about constantly reacting to uncertainties, to one that's about proactively doing things you care about. We still end up doing some of the same behaviors but when we do them and why we do them often changes. Definitely, for me, I'd say the way I handle my finances and plan meals and buy groceries are things that have changed. It's a switch to proactively planning things around values. I find it's useful to consider how you would fly an airplane well. You can't afford to be constantly correcting once you're up in the air. As much as possible is done in advance to fly the plane well where it needs to go. You also don't want to leave things up to pilots feeling uncertain and then reacting to their anxieties about the plane crashing. And this is where you can see one of the subtle shifts that help us unhook from fuelling life with uncertainty: take the milk, you mentioned--if your plane was fuelled by milk, you want the necessary amount of milk, but you don't want to leave it up to uncertainty popping up in your brain to remind you to check at the last minute. You also want to confirm the amount of milk consistently. It's not something that can get left up to the brain. You know you need a specific quantity to fly your plane. So it might simply become a thing you do: "Before I leave to buy groceries, I always confirm how much milk, cereal, and chocolate I need to buy..."
Does that make sense? It's a really subtle shift. The action stays the same but the timing likely changes and the motivation changes. This is really about removing uncertainty as the motivator. We're not reacting to uncertainty or fear as the reason for the action.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a well considered reply!! That all definitely makes sense to me - I better get the mind workout I think :)
P.s. I have just started ERP with a psychologist and I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t found your videos. Thank you!
That's great you're getting started on therapy! I hope you find it very useful and pick up lots of tools.
I have a compulsion of "trying to find out a patterns!" of my thinking & behaviors.. 😖
It'll be useful to cut out that compulsion!
Is it normal when you stop to ruminate that you just do not know what to Think about anymore? Now my mind goes, o do not know how to Think… now i feel my feetagainst the Ground… should i Think now my feet are against the Ground? And with other things as Well.. it does not give me anxiety but it feels a bit weird….
It is so difficult to decide whether I,m doing some stuff the way it should. When I don't check something I fear that I'm being fussy about going back to OCD. When I stop checking and something needs to be really dealt with, I fear that I'm being so irresponsible by not dealing with that. It became a loop. What can I do, Mark?
Ege Yaldız not mark but just want to tell you I run into this too. Like for example; I felt anxiety and communicated those feelings with someone else, I wondered if this was avoidance? I second guess so many things I do. In reality, in that situation it was a PTSD trigger so I was trying to communicate calmly how I felt rather than going off on them and raging like I did in the past, and reacting to these feelings. I still wonder if I did it wrong and should've done nothing and just sat with the feelings.
shaylen sanders The depressing stuff is that you know it's bullshit but it does not leave you. Not even a mass murderer of babies deserves OCD
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I find that even if I'm not consciously thinking of said anxiety, it's like subconsciously there. Example; at night, that's when panic sets in, and it's a pattern. I'm not sure what to do cause cutting out compulsions doesn't seem to be doing much :/
I'm realizing that my obsessions have always been there but I was able to cope with them because I was sleeping, months of little sleep due to environment changes have exasperated the issue. I'm afraid of sleep but also not sleeping. I get "performance anxiety" aground sleep even when it's quiet and therefore don't sleep at all, I mean, AT ALL. I get heart palpitations and heart pain and sweating and I'll try and just wait for it to past and accept it and not judge it but that doesn't make it go away. I'm finally seeing a therapist on Tuesday and going to try medication because right now I can't handle this level of anxiety (it's causing suicidal thoughts, I need assistance until I can manage it,) I am just so so worried that my OCD is so unique and too severe to get better. Feel like no one can help :/ I am really trying hard. But I'm so exhausted that this is all I can think about. Can't even grieve the loss of a pet right now. My fears have come true soooo many times so that's what's scary. And not getting sleep is bad so idk what to do with this OCD. I've gone 4 days without it due to the anxiety. I really wish I had contamination OCD instead or details OCD. I am trying to use the skills with anxiety and they sometimes give me short relief. Like being mindful that I'm not moving yet (moving out to a quiet place ironically is making me anxious cause I rather be kept up by kids than anxiety.) I really am trying to change my relationship with anxiety but it's so hard because I've puked from anxiety, and gone 4 days without sleep because if it, and now I'm having severe chest pains. God I hope recovery is possible... I always have taken over an hour to fall asleep so coupled with anxiety is scary. I try and expose myself to the thoughts and "not react" but then I have to avoid the thought because it's too scary at that point cause the anxiety unfortunately doesn't pass.
Sorry for the word vomit. Appreciate your work. I'm honestly so scared I'm gong to die that I want to die at this point.
Kareem Gameel I got one, maybe 2, hours of sleep last night, because my asshole neighbor kept tapping my wall every ten minutes. It's painful to think let alone respond but I'm responding.
My OCD and codependency are honestly interlinked. It's like if I'm consumed by my sleep I assume others are so when people ask about my sleep it's like "wow they're obsessing!" (Asking how I slept, if I'm a light sleeper, etc, plus, one time a social worker invalidated the difficulty of my living envirment when I shared I wanted to move due to my neighbors, it wasn't "wow Shaylen that's awful! Ok well we'll defiantly look into housing for you.") I didn't want to work with them anymore because of that and got panic attacks so didn't sleep two days until my case worker finally listened and ended services with them (there were other issues before this like not respecting my boundaries so I cut them off for that reason.) then my pyschatrist told everyone I was having a hard time sleeping so I felt damned. I felt like now even if I did move somewhere quiet, I wouldn't be able to sleep due to them thinking I couldn't sleep; it's like if I can sleep it's not valid if other people think I can't. My obsessions have just grown since then. Now I'm worried someone will tell me I look tired after waking up with severe bags and I'll get more anxiety around sleep. Just because I remembered 2 assholes who once told me I looked tired (and the thing is at those times I wasn't tired.) Being in this living environment has driven me to insanity. When people would make comments about my sleep before it bothered me but I was living in an envirment that allowed better sleep (my parents.) now I have tried the whole "just accept you'll experience anxiety tonight and not get much sleep tonight. It's ok." It just doesn't work. I've emptied my mind and done belly breathing a few times (somehow I was able to empty my mind,) and I still felt like I was having a heart attack. I don't know of anyone who can't sleep due to prolonged sleep deprivation and feeling like others are obsessing over my sleep. This situation and other people's comments has damned me for life. I had to call a crisis councilor because when I laid down I had chest pains so bad it felt like my heart was bursting and I had heat radiating from it and I couldn't breathe.
I know what you mean about anxiety about not being able to sleep, when I lived with my parents for a while I couldn't sleep due to their noise and thus when they left at 4 am to take my sister to school I thought; shit that's how inconsiderate they are to be loud at 4 am! I'll never sleep again'! This weekend is my only opportunity! And then I slept 1 hour for 3 days. Somehow I managed sleep again. Like next time they left my mom texted me sorry it was so loud and in my mind it was like "oh they care" and then I slept. That kind of sleep anxiety is easier to manage because it's not me thinking anyone else is obsessing about my sleep it's just normal sleep anxiety that is easier to work past.
I seriously feel like I'm going to die. I want to try Luvox so those obsessive thoughts can be managed easier when I'm running on no sleep.
It's a vicious cycle because I literally can't think of anything but wanting sleep when I'm exhausted and feeling distressed about never getting it. I wish someone would "curse" me to fall asleep at 12 and wake up at 8 each day or something.
I am so sorry I feel like I should like "as she has an answer for everything" but I feel like the only one with this. In every ocd group no one else can't sleep because they're worried others are obsessing or might say something negative
Kareem Gameel I have no energy for the things I enjoy anymore.
Kareem Gameel I'm seeing her Tuesday. She's $40 a week and it's going to be $43 to get there. Unfortunately I'll only be able to afford to see her 3 times a month due to low fixed income. Some months may not be able to see her but it's better than nothing. She is specialized in OCD and does ERP and ACT and CBT and I hope she is some kind of miracle worker honestly. I'm going to try Luvox and maybe sleep aids as well because I honestly can't cope.
Kareem Gameel I feel like a lost cause. Like honestly wish I'd die in my sleep:/ I felt suicidal the second I moved into a noisy apartment; I knew this would be bad! Other therapists have made my OCD worse by suggesting counter thoughts. I hope she has better mechanisms.
I hope all is well shaylen and trust me I've felt the same way in my own circumstances I hope all is well! Much love
Hey Mark, how did you manage to not become bitter with life? I've noticed that although I cut out compulsions for the most part, and can go about my days normally, my mental health struggles left with me this low self-esteem and self-loathing. After highschool I finally built up self-confidence that I lacked before, only to have been struck by OCD. Now although having done a lot of progress through recovery, I feel I have failed at life, even though I have two degrees, a successful company, own property and having people who love me. The trauma from all this mess, makes it hard for me to experience lasting joy and feel love towards myself and others. Part of my mind still believes I'm a sick pervert with a broken brain.
Hello Mark, love your videos and its so easy to understand. But is there also a book you would rekommend to learn more about this topic? or for me more of the OCD pureO topic?
I have a book. It's called THE MIND WORKOUT in the UK or YOU ARE NOT A ROCK in the US. It's available on any bookstore sites and it has lots in it about cutting out mental compulsions.
Awesome video Mark :)
One of the most helpful videos you have done
Thanks!
That 'on the edge' metaphor is so relatable
Awww, I love donuts!😉😉 Such an awesome reminder to take an Holistic approach to EVERYTHING that goes on in our Brain when it comes to uncertainty! For some reason I always comes back to Meditation that really helps🤔😉... and of course your videos mate!🤣🇦🇺🇨🇦
Meditation and mindfulness (and donuts) are great antidotes to checking!
I am honestly uncertain regarding what should I think about on a daily basis. I know it s funny, but being used to thinking about anxiety 24/7, it feels like if i want to think about sth else, i am “betraying” my anxiety and running away from it, which is not the case. How can I focus on what I m doing (for example, listening to music) if the thought of anxiety fires up constantly in my brain? Is the music distraction? I m not certain how to think anymore, i feel like i forgot to think😂
That's great!
Thanks Mark
Reading Dr Steven Phillipson and you completely changed my life in the past 2 weeks. I am feeling normal for most of the day.... While a few months ago I was having debilitating existential OCD and DPDR.
That's great you're seeing how to overcome these challenges!
Do you have experience with existential "pure O" OCD? It always evolves into DPDR, its really scary and its almost like I am scared of my own existence and senses. Started one day after I woke up from a strange nightmare, and I had intrusive thoughts like "what if this existence is a trap for my soul and it is evil", things like that, and things like "I must kill myself to escape this existence or my soul will be lost forever". Of course I didn't believe these things because otherwise I might have done it but it caused me great distress and I was basically 24/7 anxious for the past year, ofc I went on meds and not actually 24/7 right but a lot of the time was anxiety and panic.
I was very proactive and tried many things, and now it is much better I am off meds and about 50% of the day I am completely normal, but the other 50% I have uneasyness and anxiety... rarely panic but I've had an attack twice in the past 2 months. What should my next step be? Other than trying to get rid of checking and compulsions in my daily habits, this is hard though since its making my anxiety rise a bit lol.
I should mention I had a very bad panic attack on Weed a few months before this whole DPDR thing started. Could that have something to do with it? One of my biggest fears is that what if the weed permanently damaged my brain. I think this is just an anxious thought based off uncertainty that I want to check about... but would be nice to know that weed cannot damage brains.
It could help not to approach this as "pure O". I saw your later messages first, before this one, and I was surprised to see the mention of Pure O here. Something I find very useful and important is switching the focus away from trying to solve these issues. It can really help to not see ourselves as a problem to fix. If there's anything in your life that you care about that you've been avoiding, or things you've delayed, or behaviors you've changed because of these challenges, it can help to recognize that those are compulsions. So you can just put your time and energy into living your life. You don't have to stop things to fix feelings. You can live and do all of the things you've ever wanted to do. That gives you the opportunity to accept whatever your brain throws up, and to continue living your life. As long as we try to fight feelings we don't like, we make those unwanted feelings necessary in our lives.
I say pure O cause it felt like the compulsions were in my head, for example everytime I had an existential thought I would have to "disprove" it with all my might... I couldn't leave it alone or it would cause me a lot of anxiety, and disproving it gave me slight relief or at least held off a panic attack. It became a thing where I had to do it everytime. Also when I was a kid whenever I thought of something bad happening or had an intrusive thought of something bad or weird, I would feel an urge to think of all the possibilities of that thing happening which would give me relief because I thought if I thought of all those things then it wouldnt happen. To explain it better I would have the thought "my mom will die in a car accident" in which I would think of all the scenarios like her driving and crashing, someone else crashing into her, etc, etc, all the possibilities as a way of making that not happen.
@@rbmma1883 hey.. same OCD for me. I saw you posted 1 year ago. How are you doing atm? Did you manage to overcome this?
Great video Mark! Tackle the beast as one. 👹
Dan Young Thanks! That's a great emoji for the beast
"What kind of background things", says I, as I repetitively nibble on my inner lip 😂
😂
@@everybodyhasabrain really great stuff, Mark, and thank you. A musician here who has run into a bit of trouble with intrusive thoughts after 8 months of lockdown! I thought "I've never had anything like this before" but then remember my OCD nature and have ignored this type of thing in the past! You have brilliant insight and it has helped a lot. Love from Ireland. Mindfulness really is a buzzword until it's absolutely imperative!! 😬
How to stop/resist that urge to check any tips cuz every time you check ocd becomes stronger😖
We don't have stop the urge to check. It's like any other experience. We can have the urge to check and choose to do something else. A place I often suggest people start is by learning how to notice the urge to check their phones but choose a different action instead.
So what about uncertainties like what color should my fresh coat of paint be? Or which star is the north star?
Remy Margaux Aren't those obvious? The brightest shade of neon green. And the North Star is always in the same spot, so if you're having trouble finding it, let somebody else navigate your catamaran across the ocean.
Mark Freeman ah, I understand. I just thought of uncertainties as also obvious questions. This had me always trying to not ask any questions. Thank you Mark
So doesn't this make every single question we have in our minds an uncertainty(maybe even some important ones)
Is the question directly related & is helpful to the thing you're doing right now?
Hi mark, I said a intrusive thought on purpose I said to myself I wanted to say and I didn't care. But it's something that I could of ignored as I was able to ignore but I chose to it at least had a strong urge to say the thing on purpose... after I said it I felt bad as I didn't really mean it because it was a horrible blasphemous thought and I believe in God. Please can you tell me can OCD give you or make you feel like doing or wanting the thing you most fear?or Does it mean you really want it? Thanks Mark appreciate your help x
It can help to see that asking these types of question is actually what OCD is all about. OCD is all about trying to get rid of uncertainty and feelings we don't like, but the more we do those compulsions to check and avoid and control those experiences, the more we create uncertainty and unwanted feelings. It can help to start cutting out compulsions and just let the stuff in our heads be there while we do things we care about in life.
:)) I liked the end message
Hi 😀 that smile is not true though.... I watched ur previous video (overcoming the ocd thoughts).I had this thoughts before and I struggled a lot and it gone but before 3 days It came back. What my thoughts are like the things I see other people doesn't see..but I know what I see or hear also all people see and hear but frequently this thoughts come and make anxious...even I think this video may be I am the only one sees.. What should I do now ? I stopped medication its been 3 months now.
Something I found helpful was learning not to engage with thoughts, like I explained in this video: th-cam.com/video/VnDsZSIWUDU/w-d-xo.html We can have any thought. It's totally ok to have a thought that you're the only one that sees things, but that's no different than somebody in the street telling you that you're an alligator. We don't have to believe the things we hear. The things we experience in our heads are no different than shouts in the street. It's important that we cut out the compulsions we engage in as a reaction to that stuff. If we engage with the guy shouting in the street and argue with him or try to check that he's wrong, then we put that guy in charge and that causes more anxiety.
Mark Freeman thank you sir 😊
Does anyone know what the difference is between an impulse and a compulsion? That's something I'm having trouble deciphering.
An impulse is something you feel, a compulsion is something you do to control uncertainties and things you don't like. You might have an impulse to buy a donut at the mall, and a compulsion would look like ruminating in your head about whether you can fit it into your diet or if you're deserving of it etc. or if by wanting a donut you're some deranged fat person.
PokeyMeansBusiness ahhh! Got ya! I've been over analyzing my impulses lately.
Hi Mark, I have a question,
For me, I'm self-conscious about having bags under my eyes, but that's definitely not my biggest problem. Is it unhealthy for me to often check in the mirror or my reflection in windows if my baggy eyes are still there? Could that be negatively influencing the way I think of myself and lead to problems?
I would see that as a common compulsion that's useful to cut out. It would very naturally learn to obsessing about what others think about you and trying to control yourself and others.
Thanks Mark. Obsessing about what others think is one of the things I'm struggling with, your videos are helping me recognize the unhealthy compulsions.
"Mmmm.. donuts."
- Homer Simpson
Sorry one more question- I know there are many many OCD themes, like harm OCD, HOCD, contamination, etc, but is it possible to have an obsession that is unique? I am only asking because I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should be treating anxiety or if it's also OCD. I keep wondering because my obsessions just seem so "out there." I did see a therapist Tuesday, wasn't ready to fully open up so I peeled back slowly and it was more of a getting to know the idea around my obsessions.
That's great you saw a therapist! No, there are no unique obsessions. I find it's very important not to believe in themes. They're just more of the OCD--trying to judge and discriminate and put things in tiny boxes. All obsessions are the same--just uncertainty about something happening.
Mark Freeman that helps. The themes make me feel alone and isolated- I've only once been the stereotypical OCD type and that was when I was a child. Now I can't relate.
Winchestah This made me cry. My obsessions have only sometimes followed “common” themes, and a lot of mine are just down right bizarre, which then makes me panic and doubt if it’s even REALLY OCD, and as you said, the vicious cycle continues. What a beast OCD is.
Mark I think you must be studying karate with all those swift ninja hand chops you just did!hiyaaaaaa!🤘🤘
I am a warrior fighting the air.
Hey - I have a question about your videos in general. Why do you put the picture of a brain over your face at the end of every video with “everybody has a brain?” I’m curious because my level 15 anxiety “topic” settles on brains (i sound like a zombie) and existential stuff blah blah blah and the brain at the end of every video serves as an exposure for me. I’m wondering if there is a story behind it.
It's the EVERYBODY HAS A BRAIN logo.
I bought vegan doughnuts this morning and thought of you. Now I see your doughnuts emotional pain scale. Hahaha.
any suggestions of how to stop intrusive thoughts I’ve had them for a couple of weeks and I keep worrying about the bad thoughts and I don’t even know what to do I just need suggestions on how to stop these thought because they are really bugging me and I don’t know how to stop them.
I find it's useful to recognize that trying to stop intrusive thoughts is not the solution, it's the problem. It's just like any addiction--they more you get relief from the feelings you don't like, the more your brain gives you those feelings you don't like so you can chase relief from them. By trying to stop the thoughts, you're only encouraging your brain to give you more of them. Instead of doing that, it can help to learn how to stop judging them and hating them. Thoughts are like trees we pass on the street. If you had to stop at every tree and solve it, you'd never get anywhere. You can look at why you're spending time and energy trying to solve these thoughts and that might show you a way out of this.
Omg this is me