It really blew my mind when I realised that doing anything with thoughts to try and 'resolve' them is just a cleaning compulsion in essence, even if I'm trying to accept the thoughts, it can turn into that with the wrong intention. From that moment on I just remembered to let the mind be 'dirty' and do what I care about.
That’s really resonated with me, thank you. OCD with me has never focused on cleanliness, but really it’s all the same thing - a feeling of mental contamination.
Don’t judge your progress by what you are thinking and what you’re feeling. Do judge your progress by the actions you are taking towards your goals and who you want to be.
Feelings are like a dividend of taking certain actions. If we take actions in line with our values, needs, culture, style etc, it is quite likely that we will have more positive feelings, but they are not really something we directly control. Focusing on good feelings as a sign of improvement can be distracting from the important thing, the actions.
this kind of re-orientation sounds so freeing and amazing and makes so much sense, but it's also practically inconceivable to me. It feels so deeply conditioned in me to judge everything based on feelings. It actually sounds scary to let go of that. I'm afraid I would end up living in some state of constant pain as I went from one "useful" action to the next to the point that my life could become completely unbearable.
That's a common thing to think, but it's just the brain's usual Stockholm Syndrome. We can tell ourselves the cage is protecting us, but the reality is it's trapping us.
I sometimes have the same thought, too. I feel like it is the brains way to resist change. Because logically it doesn't make sense that you will get worse when you give up on your compulsions. Of course there is a possibility (!) that you implement change and the symptoms dont get any better. There are some people who just don't get better. Acknowledge that as one of many other possibilities. This unweapons your anxiety, because you actually accept the uncertanty of your situation more. I think to myself "Well I dont know if I'll get any better. But at least I want to try. If it wont play out, at least I tried". That said, the group of people who believe they will never get better (and thus sabotage their recovery) is probably bigger than the group of people who actually dont get better. Best wishes :)
Thank you so much Mark, I thought that I had to cut out all compulsions before taking any action that is helpful to me ,to grow and get better at skills .You explained cognitive flexibility in simple words
There's a new Netflix series called "Living with Yourself", which reflects what you have been talking about. A guy that is fed up with his life that is full of compulsions and somehow gets a clone of himself. He then gets to watch his new self (the clone) doing all the things he values, like taking care of his health, work, and social life, and how his life got a lot better. The viewer then realizes that the problem is not with the characters own self, but with his actions, that if changed, makes him a happier and a more loveable person. Here is the trailer: th-cam.com/video/gm1pIZT09ek/w-d-xo.html
Hey Mark, how do you see rumination focused erp?? I have come across the article of Michael J Greenberg who has shared new way of approaching OCD treatment through rumination based ERP. I am curious to know what are your thoughts on this new approach.
Jeez, this video was super helpful. My measure of progress would probably be the same as yours: "Did I write today? If yes, success!" I had a question, though. Is your measure of progress any more specific than that? Do you have a certain word count goal, or an amount of time you want to spend writing, does more writing mean more progress, or is it just writing (any amount) today = progress?
Thanks, Erica! What you're touching on there is a great thing to look at. And it is about deciding in advance which it will be. With mental health content right now, I'll just set it more generally as: "Did I share some mental health tools or content with people today already?" and if I did, then I consider that accomplished, regardless of the amount, and if I notice the urge to check something or make some more mental health content, then I don't. Same when I'm making it: if I get an idea to add something or change something, I would thank my brain for that excellent idea but share what I was already planning to do instead of taking up more time on it. And I'll save the wonderful brain idea for the next day. With writing at the moment, though, I have specific word counts I have to hit each day. And I use those word counts to write at times that feel wrong or like I don't have a good idea or whatever. I have to hit the number. The word count has no adjectives in front of it. It's a number. 10 good words or 10 bad words are the same. I have little "buy-ins" setup in my Google calendar at the moment. They pop up and I have to do 500 or 1000 words before I go on to the next activity. Right now I've divided the week up between 1000 or 2000 word days.
Trying to find my ducks. So far I’ve been liking working out and seeing the weights I can handle increase, but the compulsions and thoughts make me feel like it’s a Canadian goose.
Mark , i would like some advice.In my period of temporary relief from my thoughts i fear that I'll go back into the cycle and ruin my mood , so to reassure myself my brain brings those thoughts up and then i become sad and depressed.
Oke Mark. Thanks for video. But for example i can write 10 page when i feel okay or enjoying with friends 9/10. But with anxiety i can just write 1 page a day and not enjoying with my friends that much. So how do you approach ? We should accept it as it be also ? I cannot stop comparing before my ocd years and right now.
There are a bunch of things I'd explore here: 1) You've mentioned a lot of other compulsions in previous comments, so it's useful to recognize that doing compulsions is like hitting ourselves in the face with a frying pan. It's not useful and it'll also create a lot of pain that can get in the way of things we want to be doing in life. We can practice accepting that pain but it's still important to stop hitting ourselves with the frying pan. 2) If you noticed there are times you can write and times you can't write, I'd look at what you're doing in your head. Are the things you're doing up there part of writing well? 3) Comparing to the past is a very definite compulsion. It helped me to see that the way I did things in the past got me into my struggles with mental illness. It creates a lot of struggle if you're trying to go back to the past because you see that as some better way of doing things. That just gets us trapped because we're trying to solve the symptoms we hate by going back to the practices that created the symptoms we hate.
I hope Mark answers this, as I’m going through this also! With anxiety I’m much less effective and focused, much like a train wreck inside. I’m hoping as we practice acceptance of thoughts/feelings, the anxiety will be less and less
I really like this approach however one of my questions is what if we build obsessions and compulsions around that duck.. for example I started playing the guitar again, but one day I got stuck on a song and I played it for 10 hours continuously to get it just right.... but I still kept on feeling I made some kinda mistake... I made myself listen closely playing again and again but the more I practiced it felt like I was making more mistakes than less... what to do in such a situation?
@@everybodyhasabrain🤔🤔 Maybe you're right, I was thinking my duck was improving at playing the guitar but I was focusing on not making mistakes more instead of improving or enjoying to play...but there's a thin line ig 🤔
@@everybodyhasabrain I used to enjoy playing when I was younger but I had given up on a lot of my hobbies because of busy schedule with my university studies, tbh part of the reason I gave up playing guitar was also because I felt my skills were plateauing... so anyways when my recent ocd phase started in september, I thought part pf the reason was I was focusing only on studies and not doing things I enjoy, so I started playing agan
@MaxwellBurkeBell if it was to help with cutting out compulsions, then it could be useful to see that as the goal. It's about playing the guitar without doing compulsions. So it could help to identify what actions are part of enjoying the guitar, and what actions you won't practice on the guitar (like the compulsions you mentioned). It can really help to see that OCD is something we do. Bringing a hobby into our lives doesn't automatically mean we're not going to do compulsions anymore. If we want to cut out compulsions, that'll be something we intentionally choose and practice
Hi Mark, so I had a question. I have been going through different OCD themes this year and I think I have done lot of compulsions around them. But I consistently watched your videos since April and even read your book 'You are not a rock', and kept focusing on my goals and values. Still, my OCD keeps morphing into different themes. I currently have HOCD and ROCD and I am having a hard time dealing with it. But a part of me has stopped battling the monster and decided to just accept the thoughts. But now I am having a new kind of OCD where I am obsessing over why I am accepting these thoughts now on this particular theme, does this mean i am gay or i do not want to be with my boyfriend (even though I love my boyfriend a lot!) . I do not understand what's happening in my brain and I hope this question makes sense to you and you can offer me some clarity on it. BTW, my root problem in OCD is an inability to handle uncertainty and living a life I don't want to live or associate myself with.
It can really help to shift the focus to compulsions. OCD doesn't change themes. OCD is THE COMPULSIONS. That checking and controlling and chasing certainty. When we shift the focus to actions, then it doesn't matter what uncertainty comes up, because it's an uncertainty and we're not going to do compulsions around uncertainties. So it might be useful to expand how you're defining goals and values. Spending time on the uncertainties you mentioned isn't something I'd see as a goal or value. It's just practicing OCD. So unless practicing OCD is a value, then spending time on those uncertainties is NOT going to be useful. In YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, there are chapters near the start on coping, checking, and controlling. Check out that section if you want to explore exercises around having uncertainty and not putting it in charge of actions.
@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you for your reply, Mark. Really appreciate it. And thank you for writing such an amazing book. It has helped me a lot! Would you recommend that I practice ERP for my themes?
@@juyeesabade6236 ERP is about cutting out compulsions. So it's not about a theme. It's very useful to cut out compulsions. But if you're asking about whether to use ERP, I'd be curious what you think ERP is. An example of ERP would be choosing to spend time growing something you care about instead of ruminating on fixing uncertainties. The uncertainty is the Exposure. It's already there. And then your get to do the Response Prevention component, which means not doing the compulsions.
@@everybodyhasabrain that makes sense. I guess I thought ERP meant constantly exposing myself to the sexual orientation theme. That is, seek out those thoughts rather than running away from them when they come. And I felt better for a while doing that. But now that I don't get much anxiety regarding those thoughts, I am getting anxiety about why I am not reacting to them and if that means anything about me. I have difficulty watching movies/shows and I get uncomfortable when I see attractive women. And when I wake up in mornings w no intrusive thoughts, I am worried why they went away or scared that will they come back. There are so many layers to this disorder. But I get that this is all compulsions. But i do not understand how to ignore so many layers of uncertainities, scared that one day all these worst case scenarios will come true. At the same time, I am focusing on my goals and values and my relationship as well. So at least i am happy about that.
@@juyeesabade6236 they will never come true. I also have hocd and also get uncomfortable around attractive men. I've watched so much gay porn trying to convince myself my compulsions are true and they never were. Allow the uncertainty to exist but don't respond to it. It's hard sometimes because it happens so suddenly you have no time to choose. Stay strong friend and don't let it keep you down.
I feel good during the day and doing what i love and mostly forget the intrusive thoughts, but when it comes to sleeping at night, i couldn't sleep, my anxiety starts, the intrusive thoughts come back, help?
@@everybodyhasabrain Hi Mark, I’m not too bad. Great video btw. What i picked up on is when you mentioned not getting rid of any though or feeling, by that do you mean getting more skilled at having any thought or feeling. Im still doing the things I value regardless of how the brain is behaving.
@@Teddies_Channel Excellent! Yes, I could've mentioned more explicitly in this video that it's about what we're doing inside of our heads, too. So just as we look at different ways to do actions outside of our heads, we can also explore different ways to do actions inside of our heads and how to get skilled at those. Or sometimes it's about getting skilled at NOT doing things up there.
but isn't cutting out compulsions a necessary part of building better mental health? or are you talking about only focusing on not doing the compulsions and disregarding valued actions?
@@everybodyhasabrain um this isn't the same question but I'm able to stop rumination for only a few seconds. After that I start ruminating again. I'm having a really hard time stopping rumination and I often find myself ruminating about ruminating. I wanna be able to sustain rumination and honestly i don't even know if that's possible. Any advice would be helpful. Infact, I think I'm making myself worse by trying to stop rumination idk if that makes sense.
That does make sense! If you turn rumination into the new contamination to perfectly clean away, then it works just like any contamination compulsion, and you end up struggling with more of the whatever you're trying to clean away.
@@hridyanshu4694 I find it useful to start learning how to make changes first. Learning the basics of how to make changes and how to do things differently, inside and outside of our heads, is where I usually suggest people start. That's why the first exercise in my book is just to learn how to feel the urge to check your phone and not check it. If we haven't learned the basic skills, then it can seem very strange and difficult to change a habit we've practiced for so long
It really blew my mind when I realised that doing anything with thoughts to try and 'resolve' them is just a cleaning compulsion in essence, even if I'm trying to accept the thoughts, it can turn into that with the wrong intention. From that moment on I just remembered to let the mind be 'dirty' and do what I care about.
This is such a useful thing to recognize. Thanks for sharing that!
That’s really resonated with me, thank you. OCD with me has never focused on cleanliness, but really it’s all the same thing - a feeling of mental contamination.
Thank you for all you do Mark. Your approach to mental health is so refreshing and revolutionary in many ways.
Thanks, Gavin!
Don’t judge your progress by what you are thinking and what you’re feeling. Do judge your progress by the actions you are taking towards your goals and who you want to be.
Feelings are like a dividend of taking certain actions. If we take actions in line with our values, needs, culture, style etc, it is quite likely that we will have more positive feelings, but they are not really something we directly control. Focusing on good feelings as a sign of improvement can be distracting from the important thing, the actions.
Thankyou for all you do
Thanks for watching!
This one's a gem. Thanks for the video!
Thanks! 😁🙌
this kind of re-orientation sounds so freeing and amazing and makes so much sense, but it's also practically inconceivable to me. It feels so deeply conditioned in me to judge everything based on feelings. It actually sounds scary to let go of that. I'm afraid I would end up living in some state of constant pain as I went from one "useful" action to the next to the point that my life could become completely unbearable.
That's a common thing to think, but it's just the brain's usual Stockholm Syndrome. We can tell ourselves the cage is protecting us, but the reality is it's trapping us.
I sometimes have the same thought, too. I feel like it is the brains way to resist change. Because logically it doesn't make sense that you will get worse when you give up on your compulsions. Of course there is a possibility (!) that you implement change and the symptoms dont get any better. There are some people who just don't get better. Acknowledge that as one of many other possibilities. This unweapons your anxiety, because you actually accept the uncertanty of your situation more. I think to myself "Well I dont know if I'll get any better. But at least I want to try. If it wont play out, at least I tried". That said, the group of people who believe they will never get better (and thus sabotage their recovery) is probably bigger than the group of people who actually dont get better. Best wishes :)
Really great word, Mark. Thanks for this one.
Thanks for watching, Scott!
Thank you so much Mark, I thought that I had to cut out all compulsions before taking any action that is helpful to me ,to grow and get better at skills .You explained cognitive flexibility in simple words
Now is always a great time to take action that's helpful to you!
There's a new Netflix series called "Living with Yourself", which reflects what you have been talking about. A guy that is fed up with his life that is full of compulsions and somehow gets a clone of himself. He then gets to watch his new self (the clone) doing all the things he values, like taking care of his health, work, and social life, and how his life got a lot better. The viewer then realizes that the problem is not with the characters own self, but with his actions, that if changed, makes him a happier and a more loveable person.
Here is the trailer: th-cam.com/video/gm1pIZT09ek/w-d-xo.html
Hi Mark! Awesome video once again😍
One question though...what the heck is that blue thing in the back? I need reassurance😜
Thanks! I don't know what that blue thingy is either. Maybe it's only in our heads.
This video is awesome! Thanks Mark.
Thanks, Andrea!
Hey Mark, how do you see rumination focused erp??
I have come across the article of Michael J Greenberg who has shared new way of approaching OCD treatment through rumination based ERP. I am curious to know what are your thoughts on this new approach.
Great video as always, Mark. Cheers for sharing!
Thanks, Jack!
What a great video! Thank you Mark!
Thank you!
Amazing video Mark, this is really helpful
Thank you!
Jeez, this video was super helpful. My measure of progress would probably be the same as yours: "Did I write today? If yes, success!" I had a question, though. Is your measure of progress any more specific than that? Do you have a certain word count goal, or an amount of time you want to spend writing, does more writing mean more progress, or is it just writing (any amount) today = progress?
Thanks, Erica! What you're touching on there is a great thing to look at. And it is about deciding in advance which it will be. With mental health content right now, I'll just set it more generally as: "Did I share some mental health tools or content with people today already?" and if I did, then I consider that accomplished, regardless of the amount, and if I notice the urge to check something or make some more mental health content, then I don't. Same when I'm making it: if I get an idea to add something or change something, I would thank my brain for that excellent idea but share what I was already planning to do instead of taking up more time on it. And I'll save the wonderful brain idea for the next day. With writing at the moment, though, I have specific word counts I have to hit each day. And I use those word counts to write at times that feel wrong or like I don't have a good idea or whatever. I have to hit the number. The word count has no adjectives in front of it. It's a number. 10 good words or 10 bad words are the same. I have little "buy-ins" setup in my Google calendar at the moment. They pop up and I have to do 500 or 1000 words before I go on to the next activity. Right now I've divided the week up between 1000 or 2000 word days.
Wow, i love this man
Trying to find my ducks. So far I’ve been liking working out and seeing the weights I can handle increase, but the compulsions and thoughts make me feel like it’s a Canadian goose.
I’m so overwhelmed with my thoughts and feelings disconnected. Thank you for your help. It recently came back after almost 2 years.
Mark , i would like some advice.In my period of temporary relief from my thoughts i fear that I'll go back into the cycle and ruin my mood , so to reassure myself my brain brings those thoughts up and then i become sad and depressed.
Oke Mark. Thanks for video. But for example i can write 10 page when i feel okay or enjoying with friends 9/10. But with anxiety i can just write 1 page a day and not enjoying with my friends that much. So how do you approach ? We should accept it as it be also ? I cannot stop comparing before my ocd years and right now.
There are a bunch of things I'd explore here: 1) You've mentioned a lot of other compulsions in previous comments, so it's useful to recognize that doing compulsions is like hitting ourselves in the face with a frying pan. It's not useful and it'll also create a lot of pain that can get in the way of things we want to be doing in life. We can practice accepting that pain but it's still important to stop hitting ourselves with the frying pan. 2) If you noticed there are times you can write and times you can't write, I'd look at what you're doing in your head. Are the things you're doing up there part of writing well? 3) Comparing to the past is a very definite compulsion. It helped me to see that the way I did things in the past got me into my struggles with mental illness. It creates a lot of struggle if you're trying to go back to the past because you see that as some better way of doing things. That just gets us trapped because we're trying to solve the symptoms we hate by going back to the practices that created the symptoms we hate.
I hope Mark answers this, as I’m going through this also! With anxiety I’m much less effective and focused, much like a train wreck inside. I’m hoping as we practice acceptance of thoughts/feelings, the anxiety will be less and less
@@sweetAZhoney01 I answered it!
I really like this approach however one of my questions is what if we build obsessions and compulsions around that duck.. for example I started playing the guitar again, but one day I got stuck on a song and I played it for 10 hours continuously to get it just right.... but I still kept on feeling I made some kinda mistake... I made myself listen closely playing again and again but the more I practiced it felt like I was making more mistakes than less... what to do in such a situation?
So your duck is fixing "wrong" things?
@@everybodyhasabrain🤔🤔
Maybe you're right, I was thinking my duck was improving at playing the guitar but I was focusing on not making mistakes more instead of improving or enjoying to play...but there's a thin line ig 🤔
@@MaxwellBurkeBell I don't know if I'd see it as a thin line. Why do you want to play guitar?
@@everybodyhasabrain I used to enjoy playing when I was younger but I had given up on a lot of my hobbies because of busy schedule with my university studies, tbh part of the reason I gave up playing guitar was also because I felt my skills were plateauing... so anyways when my recent ocd phase started in september, I thought part pf the reason was I was focusing only on studies and not doing things I enjoy, so I started playing agan
@MaxwellBurkeBell if it was to help with cutting out compulsions, then it could be useful to see that as the goal. It's about playing the guitar without doing compulsions. So it could help to identify what actions are part of enjoying the guitar, and what actions you won't practice on the guitar (like the compulsions you mentioned). It can really help to see that OCD is something we do. Bringing a hobby into our lives doesn't automatically mean we're not going to do compulsions anymore. If we want to cut out compulsions, that'll be something we intentionally choose and practice
Hi Mark, so I had a question. I have been going through different OCD themes this year and I think I have done lot of compulsions around them. But I consistently watched your videos since April and even read your book 'You are not a rock', and kept focusing on my goals and values. Still, my OCD keeps morphing into different themes. I currently have HOCD and ROCD and I am having a hard time dealing with it. But a part of me has stopped battling the monster and decided to just accept the thoughts. But now I am having a new kind of OCD where I am obsessing over why I am accepting these thoughts now on this particular theme, does this mean i am gay or i do not want to be with my boyfriend (even though I love my boyfriend a lot!) . I do not understand what's happening in my brain and I hope this question makes sense to you and you can offer me some clarity on it. BTW, my root problem in OCD is an inability to handle uncertainty and living a life I don't want to live or associate myself with.
It can really help to shift the focus to compulsions. OCD doesn't change themes. OCD is THE COMPULSIONS. That checking and controlling and chasing certainty. When we shift the focus to actions, then it doesn't matter what uncertainty comes up, because it's an uncertainty and we're not going to do compulsions around uncertainties. So it might be useful to expand how you're defining goals and values. Spending time on the uncertainties you mentioned isn't something I'd see as a goal or value. It's just practicing OCD. So unless practicing OCD is a value, then spending time on those uncertainties is NOT going to be useful. In YOU ARE NOT A ROCK, there are chapters near the start on coping, checking, and controlling. Check out that section if you want to explore exercises around having uncertainty and not putting it in charge of actions.
@@everybodyhasabrain Thank you for your reply, Mark. Really appreciate it. And thank you for writing such an amazing book. It has helped me a lot! Would you recommend that I practice ERP for my themes?
@@juyeesabade6236 ERP is about cutting out compulsions. So it's not about a theme. It's very useful to cut out compulsions. But if you're asking about whether to use ERP, I'd be curious what you think ERP is. An example of ERP would be choosing to spend time growing something you care about instead of ruminating on fixing uncertainties. The uncertainty is the Exposure. It's already there. And then your get to do the Response Prevention component, which means not doing the compulsions.
@@everybodyhasabrain that makes sense. I guess I thought ERP meant constantly exposing myself to the sexual orientation theme. That is, seek out those thoughts rather than running away from them when they come. And I felt better for a while doing that. But now that I don't get much anxiety regarding those thoughts, I am getting anxiety about why I am not reacting to them and if that means anything about me. I have difficulty watching movies/shows and I get uncomfortable when I see attractive women. And when I wake up in mornings w no intrusive thoughts, I am worried why they went away or scared that will they come back. There are so many layers to this disorder. But I get that this is all compulsions. But i do not understand how to ignore so many layers of uncertainities, scared that one day all these worst case scenarios will come true.
At the same time, I am focusing on my goals and values and my relationship as well. So at least i am happy about that.
@@juyeesabade6236 they will never come true. I also have hocd and also get uncomfortable around attractive men. I've watched so much gay porn trying to convince myself my compulsions are true and they never were. Allow the uncertainty to exist but don't respond to it. It's hard sometimes because it happens so suddenly you have no time to choose. Stay strong friend and don't let it keep you down.
I feel good during the day and doing what i love and mostly forget the intrusive thoughts, but when it comes to sleeping at night, i couldn't sleep, my anxiety starts, the intrusive thoughts come back, help?
How are you now?
Hello Mark, how’s it going? Graham
Hey, Graham. It's going well. How are your adventures?
@@everybodyhasabrain Hi Mark, I’m not too bad.
Great video btw. What i picked up on is when you mentioned not getting rid of any though or feeling, by that do you mean getting more skilled at having any thought or feeling.
Im still doing the things I value regardless of how the brain is behaving.
@@Teddies_Channel Excellent! Yes, I could've mentioned more explicitly in this video that it's about what we're doing inside of our heads, too. So just as we look at different ways to do actions outside of our heads, we can also explore different ways to do actions inside of our heads and how to get skilled at those. Or sometimes it's about getting skilled at NOT doing things up there.
but isn't cutting out compulsions a necessary part of building better mental health? or are you talking about only focusing on not doing the compulsions and disregarding valued actions?
Sorry, I don't understand the question.
@@everybodyhasabrain um this isn't the same question but I'm able to stop rumination for only a few seconds. After that I start ruminating again. I'm having a really hard time stopping rumination and I often find myself ruminating about ruminating. I wanna be able to sustain rumination and honestly i don't even know if that's possible. Any advice would be helpful. Infact, I think I'm making myself worse by trying to stop rumination idk if that makes sense.
That does make sense! If you turn rumination into the new contamination to perfectly clean away, then it works just like any contamination compulsion, and you end up struggling with more of the whatever you're trying to clean away.
@@everybodyhasabrain then what's the alternative? Keep on ruminating? Or is there a healthier approach to cutting out this compulsion?
@@hridyanshu4694 I find it useful to start learning how to make changes first. Learning the basics of how to make changes and how to do things differently, inside and outside of our heads, is where I usually suggest people start. That's why the first exercise in my book is just to learn how to feel the urge to check your phone and not check it. If we haven't learned the basic skills, then it can seem very strange and difficult to change a habit we've practiced for so long