Why Its Hard To Make FRIENDS In Sweden - Just a Brit Abroad
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2024
- Is it hard to meet friends in Sweden? Why is it hard to meet new people in Sweden? And how do you make friends when you're moving to Sweden? You've heard the rumours - but is Sweden really a hard country to make friends and if so, why? Why do foreigners find it hard to meet Swedish people? These are some of the questions I'll be answering in this week's video, all about what its like to move to Sweden and try and make friends. I'll also be covering some of the common challenges that foreigners face when they first arrive and how to overcome them!
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Even as a born Swede I've found it pretty hard to get new friends after 25-30.
Either ppl have their friends and arent very interested in meeting new people or those with family and kids dont have much time over for friends.
A sports, dance or hobby club is likely your best bet.
Godo point Anders! I think its probably pretty hard past a certain age wherever you live right?
I find it’s just hard to make friends in general after 23. It seems after the first few years of college people seem to stick to their own group for the most part (me included).
In regards to Swedes I think they are great! Maybe it’s because I am half Eastern European and Canadian we tend to stick our own more and be more reserved. Relationships, tend to be more treasured and less as a commodity which is a good thing to an extent. I found Norwegians and Finns to be similar in this sense.
@@JustaBritAbroad Im visiting Stockholm for a few days over the summer period from the UK. Hopefully the locals will be friendlier than the locals were in Copenhagen, dont know whether it is a Scandinavian thing because Copenhagen was probably the most unfriendly city I have ever visited.
@@rjflores438 totally
Friends and acquaintances. What I have noticed among English speakers (British & Americans) is that it is partly a linguistic issue. What you often call friends we call acquaintances. You have quite a few friends and have known a large part of your life.
For my part, I have 4 maybe 6 friends with a few dozen acquaintances. I have known 3 friends since the age of 10, the others maybe since my upper teens. This is just a small addition again explanation.
As a Brit I'd say you've hit the nail on the head. A Swedish friend is a true friend, not just a loose acquaintance.
could well be Krister, good point!
True! Im Swedish myself but lived for 8 years in Australia. I would say that Swedes are slower at making new friends than other nationalities. My top tip would be to join a study class. Twice a year you will get a large multipage pamphlet. It will tell you about different evening classes for the coming spring/autum. Try cooking or pottery. You will meet lots of swedish people, for months to come. Maybe you will find some friends.
I would say, be modest and have patience. Most Swedes move slowly when it comes to friendship. It might be because the other side of the coin is that if you get a Swedish friend, they are there to stay. To be friends means a lot for Swedes. Swedish friends will not leave you when/if times get bad. If you get a Swedish friend, I would say they are very loyal and supporting. No matter what. For Swedes, being a friend is a serious commitment. Might explain something.
With that said, it might actually be easier to get a Swedish friend when they are outside Sweden. Swedes on vacation put their guard down. There they have nothing to protect and might even search for new contacts. Just for the fun of it.
I would agree to that getting a Swedish friend is hard. But. If you get a Swedish friend, that person will never ever leave you. They will put the extra steps into it, to make sure you are ok. Or just enjoy your company.
I'd agree. Quality over quantity. A Swedish friend is a true friend, not an acquaintance.
totally agree Joker!
You can even see traces of the depth and meaning of a swedish friend in the english language 😋 sounds crazy, but basically the word "friend" in english comes from the old scandinavian word "frände" which basically means family or much more commonly "chosen family". Basically a swedish friend group is a chosen family with that level of commitment, support, and trust. Like you said, we're there for eachother once were friends, and its gonna take alot to break that connection.
i live in england... i find that unless you enjoy the pub and drinking it can be extremely hard to find friends. i used to live in japan for 8 years and it so much more easier to make friends in japan (even though many will say it's hard)
i think, for many, it's the language barrier... if you are trying to be part of the community and use the language, it will open a lot more doors...
Sorry to hear you've been finding it tough in England too Paul! Are you living out on the country, or nearby one of the bigger cities? Reason I ask, is because I'm noticing more and more that people in England aren't spending so much time at and around the pubs anymore. I know me and my friends never used to go to the pub for example.
I actually recently did a video about England and getting by when you move there here: th-cam.com/video/6GSjZxtbMFk/w-d-xo.html&pp=sAQA which might be interesting and useful for you! Its got a couple of ideas and suggestions for how you can meet people and make the most of England :)
But you make a really good point about making an effort with the language. That's really appreciated!!
One thing I really dislike about Swedes (I am one) especially in bigger cities is the way we shelter ourselves going out on town. Let's say someone has a day off and are out to buy shoes. They can spend hours on that one thing and yet.. When they meet someone on town they try to avoid eye-contact or act like they are in a hurry when they are every but. I thought first it was shyness or that someone is listening to music / a podcast with none visible ear plugs but it's something else. I think it can be incredible rude instead of just making a notion that "I see you" or if you know the person you'll meet a bit better that just stop for one minute with some "Hey, how are you? Nice to see you! I'm gonna get some shoes... Have a great day mate!" sort of thing. Why is SO many almost afraid of that? I get some people are shy or in a hurry at times... But all the time / everyone? No. That sort of behavior is something people should think about. The little they gain but showing a little social skills goes a long way. I can imagine being from another country how bad that behavior comes off as. It sends really negative vibes. If people just opened up a little it would be easier to become a familiar face with someone both as a Swede and someone from abroad.
As you say... Many form their close relationships in early years. So if you haven't got many close friends at 25-30 of age as a Swede... It's hard to get one. Often you are friends with Adam and he in turn invites Eric to parties. You get to know Eric some. Perhaps Eric gets a girlfriend Amanda. You get to know Amanda. But if you are not friends with Adam at first.. It's really hard getting into the inner-circle that spends new years eve, birthdays and other things together. Just having someone "new" at those gatherings doesn't work for many people. I am not sure how that works in other countries.. But I would guess people are more open to having a new face at these events in many other countries than here.
Swedes are either outdoorsy with playing soccer, hockey, running or such but what about those who aren't into sports at all? They spend way too much time at home. Netflix, Steam (playing games) or such all day as soon as they are free. How are you suppose to become friends with someone who never go outside the door? And what happens to them if they don't have many friends who they nurture or don't connect with new internet-friends online? I think this is a serious issue here and makes it harder to know some new people.
interesting Jack, thanks for sharing!
I'm living in Sweden and totally agree. If you go to school it's more easy to form bonds instead of acquaintances.
It's harder to get friends as an adult from lets say work if you don't have the opportunity to have a workplace that have a focus on bonding the team together.
I've moved from my home area 1,5 year ago and due to covid I haven't been able to meet my old friends since.. Just two weeks ago I were able to meet some of them for the first time since and it were like yesterday. As a swede I can say that most of us (or at least the people I know) are like this.. if you see each other every week or once per year we still have a bond we don't break. Thanks to social media we can still comment and keep up to our friends and if something happen.
I agree that the best way to form friends in Sweden outside common friends are through hobbies.
I'm in a pickle though because I've been moving to a whole new city just as covid came and I've been working from home and only met my co-workers once in person since I've started my job. I've been interacting with my girlfriends friends but they are mostly her inner circle of female bff's.
The closest friends I have today are people I've met through playing professionally e-sports with and keep up with today and I also found a group of friends that I meet up with sometimes to play D&D with. It's a hobby I found in my teens that reignited during covid as you could do it from distance. My passion for MMA and training went on ice during covid so I couldn't train or spar with anyone as I moved so I haven't been able to form a togethernes with a group here -but as soon as the restrictions are lifted for my age group I can find a gym and start to seek out a community there as well.
For people moving to Sweden as it's "post pandamic" I think that if you join some sort of activity or group I think the Swedes will be more open than ever to recevie your contact because of how this 1,5 years have been. And if you are a nerd I highly recommend to find a gamer or roleplaying group on social media. Don't let stereotypes come in the way.
I'm 180+cm's long, have a brown belt in jujutsu and worked out 2 times per day 6-7 days per week before covid and did both jujutsu and started doing mma for 6 months before the pandamic came.. I still love to play d&d and are nerdy as hell.
In one of the d&d games I play through discord we had one girl, me along three other males where one were gay and another one told us he were a furrie. We have been playing for over a year and nobody cares. Due to work we lost one of the players but have two other games with other people but the most of the main group are still playing in both.
Hope that my post isn't all over the place and that some things stick. :)
Just wanted to give out my personal experiences and I salute you for doing this videos. They are both fun for me as a Swede to see your perspective and I imagine that the non-swedes find it interesting as well.
yeah good reflections here Jon!
I'll be moving to Sweden in 3 weeks so we'll see! But I've already approached some online communities and I was surprised by the offers to get drinks, hang out or show me around town.
If you're really afraid of loneliness, perhaps join some expat groups on Facebook. It's an excellent place to make some new friends when you're just moving to Sweden.
welcome to Sweden Sander! Well, for 3 weeks time at least🤗 as I mentioned in the video, I actually covered this topic just because its something I've had lots of questions about because of the rumours and stereotypes that exist. But my own experience has been that Swedes are fantastic people and very loyal. As I mentioned though, much easier to meet expats so that's definitely a good place to start. Good luck!! hope you enjoy Sweden!
@@JustaBritAbroad Thanks! And yes you're right, I wrote the comment halfway through the video
Been in Sweden for 35 years. You will love it if you're open and learn the language
I lived most of my adult life abroad and I just returned to Sweden... and I have to say your analysis is on the spot correct. I previously had loads of friends in all countries/cultures I lived in short/long term. But having returned "home" it's like moving into an ice-cooler, people are socially handicapped and they do not have the courage to stretch outside their own comfort zones.
Just like you, I mostly hang around foreign people instead of Swedes, it's so much easier because they are much more open-minded.
I think most swedes have a few friends that they have had for a very long time. Take myself as an example: My two best friends I have known since the ages of 6 and 13. Combine that with a few other friends, having a full time job, husband, a kid and a hobby that takes a few hours twice a week and my time to put into new aquaintances is very limited. I think a lot of swedes are in the same position as me.
Interesting, could well be the case actually! and I get it, its kind of like what I meant in the video - its a big time commitment!
The most important things in society dailies lifestyle is showing friendliness with open hearts , just to say HI to each other’s with warmth smiles without any conversations that is good enough, make dailies life more easy and lighter for the days even busy with jobs and outside is cold and dark, is not necessary to get so many best friend .
you make some good points! it doesn't cost anything to smile and say hello to people - and can definitely make someones day!
I moved from Norrland to south of Sweden and I had to make all new friends as an adult. Start volenteering at your local church of sweden. I'm not kidding. I was even atheist like the swede I am but honestly I made so many friends and I helped so many people in need. I even got a new job from it. That's the tip I have for you
It is my impression that Swedes form close friendships in their childhood that last well into and through their university years. So it may be still difficult to find Swedish friends, despite being a student at a Swedish university.
yes we do form close friendly bonds with our classmates or one or two in the class. it is tricky finding friends later in life but if you have a shared activity with people you have more of a chance to make friends.
Yea this was also my experience growing up in Ireland. I am still friends with all my secondary school friends (and am 27 now)
I think you make a good point actually, and something I agreed with in the video😊 its quite admirable really that Swedes make such robust, longstanding friendships, but it can mean that it takes a lot more effort on your part to try and work your way into these groups (if they want you too of course, I'm not advocating make a nusiance of yourself haha)
totally agree with you about the influence of finding shared activities and interests!!
how interesting! I had no idea that this was a similarity between Ireland and Sweden! because I don't really get the impression that its *as* important in England - fun to learn how things are different!!
It's also very easy to disconnect with friends as "just one phone call away" is more daunting to many swedes than you might think.
haha really?
As a swede I think it has a lot to do with what you said with people already having friends. At least in my case this means I'm not necessarily looking to make more friends. Sure I can be friendly with people I meet at the pub or at work etc but I probably wouldn't hang out with them outside of those special situations and since "we" aren't looking for friends then maybe "we"aren't as receptive to people trying to find friends.
I've lived abroad aswell and felt them same way, it's much easier to make friend with other foreigners since they are usually also looking for friends.
Glad to hear its not just me whose reached that conclusion!
It also depends on where in Sweden you live; it's easier to get to know people in smaller cities and villages on the countryside than in the big cities. I know my neighbours quite well around my holiday home, but I can't say that I know my neighbours in town, even if we say hello when we meet.
good point Staffan! size definitely has a lot to do with it!
Studies and research regarding Swedish men show that their best friends
are often men's girlfriend / wife's female friends' men
often becomes a best friend.
If there is a breakup from girlfriend / wife, the relationship with the
friends the man had on his wife's side can also be distanced as friends.
oh really? I wonder how that happens
I agree on the planning aspect.
Maybe I don't need a couple of weeks but I have a Chinese friend who always calls me and be like "Hey! Wanna go for lunch in half an hour??!" and I'm like ffs I just had breakfast and 30 min is nowhere near enough time for me to get mentally ready to go outside and be around people xD
in half an hour?!😆 I wouldnt be able to survive with a friendship like that😱😱
I don't know if you are religious at all but I've found that visit a church can give you opportunities to get to know new people. If it is a good church.
I agree. When I moved from Germany to the UK I instantly made great friends at a lovely church that I found. Over the years that I've lived here they have become like a family.
good tip!
In smaller villages it easier to find friends
good point Hanna! I reckon that's true in lots of countries actually, its a different kind of culture in the country
@@JustaBritAbroad In small villagers it easier to join the local clubs. Yeah Sweden on the countryside is so different from Sweden in Stockholm
Join a club.
I met my 3 best friends in High School and then I took interest in a hobby and found others also liking it. Swedes tent to make friends since kindergarden and keep those friends for life
that's what I did too :)
"Don't brag..."
"I'm not an expert..."
You are truly swedenised now.... ;)
I agree. Välkommen till den svenska ödmjukheten. Haha
haha love this😆
tack Michel!
If you want to understand Swedish behavior. You must read Swedish history.
Swedes lived on farms for generations. And it was a long way to the next house. Farms in other countries are often closer to each other.
At the beginning of the 20th century, more Swedes moved to cities. But they had the same social behavior.
Swedes learned to be social at school and at workplaces. But, the Swedes only learned to be social at times when they had to be social. That is why many Swedes only make friends at school and at work.
Swedes are not silent because they won’t to be silent. For many decades, Swedes only hung out with their immediate family. They do not have the same social habit as the rest of Europe.
good point!
I'm Swedish and i think i finally made an IRL friend because she gave me an entire box of sushi at work, left over from her other work place. So i "had" to buy her fika. Then she "had" to buy me fika, and then i "had" to buy her fika, and...
Edit: I mean, I'm reasonably certain we're friends now, bc we go to the cinema together.
haha love the edit!
....and I am much older than "Brit Abroad" ....but if a younger person from another country would like to be friends with me I would be very happy! I like to put my English to test and it would be so nice to be an "old wise friend" ❤️ 🤗
nice :) thanks for your welcoming attitude!
It maybe is hard to make friends here, as a swed I have nothing to compare to, but most if not all people that you can call friends. BUT when you do. You got friends for life and they really are you friends not just acquaintance that you can talk to from off and on, but are really there for you when you need it the most
I'm late to the party I know. But an example of swedish friendship among my friends. Hapened quite few years ago, one friend got robed in france (alone) and couldent board a flight without the pasport. With no card/ID we couldent send money so we hade to do something else. We got notified and decide the two people that was gona drive in shifts to get there asap. Within 1 hour from us knowing what hapened 2 people had called there jobs explained the situation and was already in a car driving to france.
And when you tell thia story to other swedes they are mostly like, ofc what else could you have done. Or comes with some sort of solution to get the friend home that would have been faster.
You need patience. Suddenly it just happens and you get invited to someones crayfishparty and then you know you are amongs friends. 😊
I think so too Daniel!
My own experience: after living 4 years in Sweden and after going regularly there I feel same alone like the first day. Just to compare - Germany: complete other story. First of all Germans are very keen to eye contact when you speak to them, then the usual graduations- a must. Exactly opposite in Sweden.
It’s hard to make friends as a Swedish person too. It takes quite a lot work.
sorry to hear that Ellinor! hope that means the friendships you are making are deep and meaningful ones
Usually because they are unapproachable, cold and umemotional. They are not intouch with their emotions and hide their trueselves, depression is very common problem and the law of jante makes it hard for them to enjoy life. Generally Swedes are trained to be emotionally inexpressive. Swedish society is based on equality and individualism. It might be no surprise then that expats find it hard to make friends in Sweden. Some claim it is because of the harsh climate and the geography of Scandinavia. Add in the relatively small population. Norway is another great country for introverts thanks to its small population and introverted culture. One of the key characteristics of Swedish culture is that Swedes are egalitarian in nature, humble and find boasting absolutely unacceptable. Do not criticize Swedish lifestyle, sexual habits, suicide rate, prices, etc. Swedes have exalted passive-aggressiveness into an art form. Sweden is considered one of the most egalitarian countries in the world. So why is it so tough to build a strong professional network? Swedes are often described as reserved, introverted, serious, reticent and unfriendly. Small talk is rare, as is spontaneous laughter. For introverts, Sweden might be the ideal destination. Some of the Swede's introvert-like features originate from the Swedish Gustavian era at the end of the 18th century. Swedes, more often than not, seem shy or even rude to non-Swedes. King Gustav III had big plans for Sweden and wanted to unite the people with one unified Swedish language, founding the Swedish Academy to curate it, and by dressing up the people in different official Swedish costumes, which would make it easy to spot who belonged to which class in society. He introduced the same etiquette used at the French court to his own court, thus pushing aside the old medieval habits like eating with your hands and using the table cloth as a handkerchief. Now there were a real set of rules to follow. Like all things royal, these “rules” spread across the nation, first to the nobility, of course, and then to the common people, taming the Swedes and laying the foundation to the shy, rude, and inaccurate image that Swedes have today. The fact that Swedes rather speak English than Swedish to foreigners despite being addressed in Swedish, the Swedish mentality that we are equals and that no one is better than the other, the Swedish envy (den svenska avundsjukan), nurture this image. At Swedish work places everyone gets to speak their mind and have a saying in different decisions. Already in the Chronicle of Erik from the 15th century, it is claimed that jealousy and greed are typical Swedish traits, and in the 16th century, the historian Johannes Magnus considered that "stubborn mutual envy" is one of the causes of Sweden's misfortunes. Gustav Sundbärg who in 1911 wrote "Det svenska folklynnet" also believes that envy is a particularly Swedish problem. "Swedes have nothing against Sweden being honored and respected - only that it can happen without any individual Swede, especially among one's own acquaintances, becoming famous and respected. And the Swedes would probably like to see Sweden become rich - if only it could happen without any individual Swede becoming rich." At the end of the 19th century, people even started talking about the "royal Swedish envy". You can't buy a new car without them glaring at you. If you dress in nice clothes, you get piqued all the time. You should not think that you are something. They just whine even though they have a house, a car, go on vacation x several times a year. They spread bullshit about you in the workplace when you do a good job. No one should stand out at work and no one should love their job. There are some authorities who believe that anger is the root of jealousy and that it comes from unfortunate childhood experiences buried in the subconscious. Anger can be like waves that destroy self-confidence and make it impossible for a person to tolerate another person's success and luck. People who suffer from jealousy are usually dissatisfied with who they are. Have you ever told a person about your new and better job or showed them your new car or told them something about your child's achievements? The split, ambivalent look you get back shows that you have hit the nerve of jealousy - royal Swedish jealousy has shown its face. The fact that the neighbor has more money and greater opportunities to renovate his home also creates envy. Sweden became a democracy late, and the welfare society may have reduced class differences, but the old class mentality remains, for example Swedes who do not know a rich acquaintance have negative prejudices about the rich. Historically, the rich nobility have mistreated, stolen and destroyed the poor, therefore there is envy and hatred towards the rich. It's a nice country, but you also have to understand their culture and history to understand their personality.💜💜
I lived in Sweden as a young American. It was a great place to make friends! The main issue was that the swedish people were very honest socially. If they liked you they were wonderful. If they did not they let you know. They were very honest which saved time and energ
It is quite hard, well making friends when ur not at school, work etc. Is just almost impossible.
I think the language plays a big part, some people might find it annyoing talking english all the time, and some might find it exciteing doing it.
I also think most swedes are liveing in their bubbles and have their "close" friends already and are not really that open minded to meet new people at the time, Or have a shallowly friendship.
it will be 100% easier to meet new people when you find your first swedish friend, he or she most likely will let you meet their friends and that will leed to more contacts.
you could be right actually! maybe that's what changed then, I became more confident in Swedish!
@@JustaBritAbroad yea, i for one like speaking english. I do it everyday with friends down in europe over discord. But yea, the swedish language can be a bit tricky sometimes, you just have to hang out more with swedes :D
If you`re introverted it`s very hard to make friends in sweden or everywhere in the world..
True but how to you find girlfriends there if very introverts?
Actually i think being introvert is the norm in Sweden. If you're extroverted it gets even worse, you become too much to handle and people withdraw. Also, you have to read people that you are trying to become friends with, because everyone's different. Your best bet is to stay ambivalent, thus open to opportunities.
This is a very good observation.
thanks Michael!
@@JustaBritAbroad You are most welcome. I would curtsy but a 7'1 powerbuilder curtsying a Brit would just be weird. Actually, it don't know why I specified Brit there either...
Making new friends can be hard, whether you're a newcomer or a Swede. Many have childhood friends or friends from school that they keep throughout life. Many people don't even socialise with close co-workers, outside of work - even if they've been close co-workers for 10 years. Unless it is some kind of organised "after work" get together for all the co-workers at a bar or somewhere.
yeah, exactly! its just a different type of workplace culture that maybe takes a little bit longer to learn and adapt to!
Per and his family are always on the go, I doubt I'll even have time to worry about making new friends in Sweden. Plus, there are Per's friends. They'll be hanging out every Friday, so I'll have people to be acquainted with. Besides, I've already seen that some folks in Söderhamn aren't that friendly anyway haha.
Livin in Hudiksvall and been living along the 100 Linjen (Edsbyn-Söderhamn) for a while I know that there is quite the few unfriendly Söderhamns-bor. But then again, one of my favorite people that I know comes from Söderhamn so I guess it is the kind of city/town that just produces either fantastic or... disappointing people. Lol
Eh, in all seriousness though, Söderhamn used to be known as Purpletown. Lol but it is a fine enough place honestly and they got a great Sibyllas last time I was there. :)
@@SocietyFilth Per and I both love purple, so that's a good thing lol. Yes, it has some very nice people, but every place has its bad seeds
@@herkcollins4263 yeah in all seriousness that is how it is. 😃
sounds like a good arrangement Herk!
Svenskar kan vara väldigt reserverade. Det är ganska vanligt att man inte är kompisar med sina kollegor, många verkar tycka att man lämnar jobbet, på jobbet. Det är lite tradition att man tycker sina grannar är idioter. Förresten så vill jag lägga till att du verkar super härlig att ha som vän! So it's their loss :)
It's a very accurate and fair statement regarding having similar interests and realities
I don´t know how to say this without sounding really mean and cold, but I find it hard to become friends with someone who desperately wants a friend. Like in school, you know you should become friends with that someone who doesn´t have friends, the teacher or the parents tell you to, but when you do you become a little bit too important to that person and it feels like you have nothing in common.
That person who only have you as their friend might want to hang out way more often, because you´re the only one they hang out with, and you might feel mean to say no all the time when they want to meet, when you just want to be left alone. When things were more normal, and everyone spent a lot of their waking hours at a workplace meeting a lot of people all day, the days, nights, hours you get off work that you could use for alone time becomes so valueble. Overtime, aw with the collegues, other things you have to take care of, helping or hanging out with family and other friends...Your alone time "account" gets smaller and smaller, so to speak.
So when a potential new friend shows up, and that person have like this desperate aura of "I have no Swedish friends! Please become my Swedish friend! Help me learn Swedish! Do you want to fika/go to the movies/grab a beer sometime? Can I come with you to your relatives/other friends summer house on Midsommer, can you ask them, please, I've never celebrated Midsummer? Please show me around Stockholm! Do you know any good pubs/cafes/museums/parks/shops?" it might just get a bit overwhelming for a Swede who just want to have some peace and quiet and sit at home spending a bit of their time alone, relaxing, writing way too long youtube comments...
I know what you mean Åsa! without sounding rude, friendship is something you earn and it should grow over time!
Writing way to long TH-cam comments 😁 But cool and good if Swedes open themselfs :)
My close friends are from my childhood and also a few old colleges
interesting! cool that you've been able to hold onto those close bonds :)
Det är intressant hur mycket jag blir påmind om före 2020 i din video!
Förhoppningsvis får så vi återgå till tiderna när jag skickade en vän ett meddelande och vi gjorde en spontan träff utan att planera sönder allt och behöva tänka på att inte resa i onödan pga et virus!
jaså Sina? det kan vi verkligen hoppas!!
Could it be that the swedish instinct is to allow friendship to take seed and grow without fertilizers?
What I mean is that perhaps that we don't force friendships to happen, just allow them to.
could well be, and I totally get that to be honest!
Very insightful!
thanks Martin!
I've been here 10 years and have plenty of acquaintances but not a single friend. Years of having regular fikas and lunch with someone and I still know nothing about them.
One person I was regularly having fika with had apparently gone through a divorce and I didn't even hear about it. I only found out because she mentioned in passing something about decorating her apartment and after I asked some confused questions, I learned it was a new apartment where she was now living alone. When my fika acquaintances heard that my mother died, they avoided me for a few months. Not a single "I heard your mother died. How are you holding up?" Just treated me like I was a leper.
Years of fikas and lunch with a Swede does not graduate from acquaintance to friend. I can solve the problem of meeting Swedes but how do you make it into an actual friendship?
I think you got this right too, but it probably aplies to other contryes too?
But what is friendship about, its about confirmation.. "tell me wich your friends is, and I can tell wich person you are"!
It goes even further with the realtion with your girlfriend, she seems to like you, its a confirmation you is a nice guy, that can be evolving to a whole new family.
We are social animals, that need comfirmation, to find our place in the whole society.
And then to Sweden, actualy I dont think that is that different then UK, at least in northen parts, its this, "My home is my castell", there is a lot indoor living in Sweden, exept three months a year, or even at July!
Yes it may be tricky at times, even for a Swede. However, don´t expect people to be American friendly in Sweden, then you are in the wrong country. If you take the leap of actually moving to this, or any, country, please consider the entire package before packing the bags.
A question one may ask oneself, is how many actual friends are you leaving behind when you move to Sweden? And how many are just people you like to hang out with at the monthly/weekly hobby club/gym/after work drink/chess/book club meeting?
It is one thing to go have a few drinks and share a few laughs together at a bar than actually be invited to a Swede´s home and be sober for the entire stay. If you get to the latter stage, you have really made it and before you know it have a Swedish partner, country house at a lake and living the true Swedish dream!
I'm not actually from America Stellan, I'm British! but I think I know what you mean when you say "American friendly". Its important to recognise that your coming to a different country, with different customs and habits and to factor what that means into your decision when you decide to move. As you say, in Sweden, its the gateway to some enchanting experiences!
@@JustaBritAbroad British? Who would have guessed ;)
Good thing I already have a British friend in Sweden ; )
oh you do?😳 where?!🙄 only kidding😋 sorry, I couldnt not haha
Going outside of my comfort zone would be a bit difficult. What were the things you did outside of your comfort zone to make more friends?
Thanks for the question Freeman! When I first arrived, I was looking on Facebook and meetup.com for fika and interest groups in my local area, and I found it quite uncomfortable at first to rock up to these events alone.
I remember several occassions where I got to the door and I was stood there thinking "what am I doing? just turn back!!". That said, I'd say its about doing everything in moderation. So, of course, I'm not advocating things that make you really distressed or uncomfortable. Its just about perhaps trying a handful of new hobbies. Looking on the noticeboards for social events that are coming up that you can try, asking your local community centres and libraries if they have different interest groups you can join etc. For example! Hope that helps :)
In Nordic countries, they call a friend "acquaintance". Then they call their best friends, "friends".
I have 100% same experience. 👍
Where are you located in Sweden? I'm near Lund/Malmö, if you're here, let's meet up! I'm a swede who used to live abroad in the UK!
Östergötland, so sadly not that close!
It's hard for me to get new friends, and i'm a Swede. I can't even find a girlfriend/boyfriend
oh really? hope you find someone soon!
@@JustOneGirl81 maybe. I'm just glad i have a life right now
@@JustOneGirl81 i'm a man. True. Sweden does have many beatiful men and women. I'm a bit overweight and i'm only 22. I have started working out though, mostly by taking strolls and mowing lawns, but i see myself as the ugliest man ever known to mankind. No one wants me, and that's why i feel so lonely. I've just gotten so used to be alone that i've become so introverted, that i now don't really know how to speak with others
@@JustaBritAbroad i wish it was easy, as i'm both overweight and quite introverted. I don't really know how to speak with others really. I'm only 22 and weighs 120 kg. I have begun taking strolls in the local woods though, and i do work with cutting lawns, which is both fun and it sure makes me move a lot when working
Making new friends is difficult, but i've always been a bit of a loner so it doesn't bother me so much.
yeah, I think it would be difficult wherever you go in the world to be honest - its just tougher when you're an adult right?
It's Hard to make Friends Even for Swedes. I met my Friends in sports. Handball ⚽😎
The matter is simple . Neutralities rooted in each brain of people of Sweden .)
interestng!
Jantelagen.... destroys a lot of things.
hadn't thought about the impact of that before!
@@JustaBritAbroad Not many thinks of it, but Jante is no good.
who needs friends. frisnds only stab you in the back and talk shit about you when you are not there. Being alone without friends is awesome
haha interesting!
plz dont say that agin because i liv in swedenn
If you think it’s hard to make friends in Sweden you shoulden’t go to Norway..
is it harder? everyone tells me people in Norway are social?
@@JustaBritAbroad Norwegians are really hard to get to know.They have friends from way back and are not keen on getting to know anyone.Sad but true..
Some people said West and South Norway people are more open and friendly. Is that true or no?
@@sucram1018 No,I think people in the north are more open and direct.But they still think you are crazy if you talk to strangers!Unless you are drunk..
... also, I think it is quite common for us to have that one or two nerdy interrest. For me, my nerdy tendencies tend to create lots of openings to make friends. However I am also selective it may just as well work as a social lubricant at more general social situations. :D
Very good point actually Michel! didn't think to bring that up in the video. As you say, if people dig deep into what their more niche or nuanced interests are, they might find people with the same commitment to that hobby as them which they can use a space to bond and make good friendships. Nice idea!!
@@JustaBritAbroad yeah, I thought it was going to be lifted as a sub topic in your hobby section.
Ps, I also used the term nerdy as a geeky expression. :P
The old school nerdy with star trek vs star wars and table top things etc etc.
In my opinion, it's just like most other things in Sweden, it takes time to happen. You are right that trying to rush friendships doesn't work, and might even be counter productive.
I as an introvert, also think this make easier for introverts in Sweden, as we like our time away from people, and don't need to be with people all the time.
Don't forget that the Swede is also working out if they want to be a friend with you.
I think you're right - it does take time and that's how you make the best friendships!