Anxious Ambivalent Attachment Style (from childhood to adulthood)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
- Jessica Dufour is an expert on the art and neuroscience of personal change and transformation. Subscribe to this channel now to get new videos created weekly to help you transform your life now.
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💚 Disclaimer: All content contained in in these videos contain personal knowledge, experience and opinion and are intended for personal development purposes only. These videos are not to be taken as medical advice. Subconscious Designs LLC does not claim to be a medical doctor, licensed therapist or mental health professional. Any information received here should not be used in place of professional medical and/or psychological treatment. You alone are solely responsible for any of your choices, your decisions and your actions in life.
I have received a lot of comments that the audio is too low... apologizes for that #learning... you can watch all the attachment style videos in one long format video here and the volume is much louder: th-cam.com/video/cdHMZnnm4xI/w-d-xo.html
Just to be clear I do not heal anxious preoccupied / anxious ambivalent attachment with hypnosis alone. I am a master at reprogramming the subconscious mind from the limiting beliefs we acquired in childhood about ourself, others and what it means to be loved. Hypnosis is a tool I use but not the only one. I have created a method with different tools called The Reality Reframe Method that is getting people tremendous results in a short period of time. If you are interested in learning more you can sign up for a 15-min complimentary Zoom call with me here: www.subconsciousdesigns.com/15-min-intro-zoom-call-with-jess
I've went through a lot of online research on this subject and this was the most accurate and insightful take on ambivalent personalities. Will be following up.
THISSSS I never knew I was this till now
Wow! Everything you are saying is so spot on! My girlfriends this kind of style and unfortunately I’m the avoidant style! But I don’t want to continue in this vicious cycle anymore! I want to learn and have a different approach in love! I want to be better with fulfilling my partners needs :( and not being so cold on my behalf.
This sounds like a mix between anxious and ambivalent. Im ambivalent and while I pursue relationships, when I achieve it I feel terrified or suffocated and neurotically create distance so I'm not merged with someone ever again who might reject me for a core thing about me.
I used to be clingy when I was younger, but now I'm 34 and avoid bonding to healthy people and pursue people who are not capable of getting close. I've never had a romantic relationship.
I would love to help you shift that if you are interested. Feel free to reach out if you are looking to shift your experience to something that is more in alignment with what you would like.
@@Jessica_Dufour I'm kinda scared and ambivalent about wanting to change it too. Sometimes it sucks, and other times I'm like why would anyone sign up for that stuff? It's like society makes us feel bad for not pairing off when I may be fine the way I was? I dunno.
@@jrg305 It is more about living life in a way you would like. If you are happy that is all that matters. :)
I found one person in my whole entire life who made me feel love yet I didn’t know how to handle going deeper into my heart and I found out that this was my attachment style in therapy after completely sabotaged and fucking everything up I feel like if I was only a little bit more aware I could’ve stopped myself but I sabotaged everything
Thank you for sharing that. If you'd like to shift that please feel free to reach out and schedule a complimentary 30-min call: jessicadufour.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=16715509
I did the same thing. I sabotaged something amazing and now I’m basically going crazy years later and I can’t function
I know that you help professional women get out of their old dating habits and patterns, but this really helped me out as a guy. I've been working with a counselor closely about my attachment style very recently due to my feelings in a relationship. Everything I experienced and felt during that time is exactly what you describe as a person with anxious-ambivalent. The closer I get to understanding myself and my attachment, the more hopeful I am that I can move that insecure attachment to a more secure attachment.
Thank you for your video! This has helped me out tremendously gain insight about myself and my attachment.
This is probably the best advice video on TH-cam. I’m ambivalent and it’s pretty much spot on. Every relationship I’ve ever had has been with someone who’s on a rebound or completely unavailable so I know it’s only a question of time before I get dumped or ‘run away’.
Your videos are amazing and have helped a lot. Thank you 🙏
Thank you, SJ. I appreciate your kind words and support.
Jessica Dufour yes I would like that! How do I contact you?
Same here, i only get in a relationship when I know it will end soon due to availability or distance.
I think I’m ambivalent, but one thing that doesn’t relate to me is the need to be in a relationship. I find that I am afraid to be with someone because I know I’ll become anxious. So I typically drop things before they start, or sabotage it so I can go back to stability and I don’t jump from relationship to relationship. Been single for almost 6 years.
Currently trying to work this out as I met an avoidant and that put me through 4 months of hell, lots of other things mentioned do relate to me though.
Thank you for sharing. Not everything I mention is a one size fits all. It is more of a listing of common attributes. Every human being is unique and so are the experiences they have and the meaning their brain makes of it.
I’m 22 and after being in a couple sad sad relationships and getting my hopes way to high with some people who ended up pushing me away, I just learned today that I have a ambivalent relationship style. It hurts so bad realizing how my childhood really was and why I am the way I am because of it :( . At this point I AVOID relationships because I’m so scared to be hurt :( thank you so much for this video
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing.
Hopefully you have healed your attachment style ❤
The most well delivered videos on this subject
Can you please stop telling everyone my business. 😂😂 Seriously though this was amazing thank you for being brilliant and helping people through this!
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Not even three minutes in and I'm already having an uncomfortable memory from childhood pop up lol
Thank you for sharing that, Thomas. In the work that I do those memories are the files that get stored in the brain. Those memories are encoded with subconscious beliefs. Those files / memories are what I work with, I help to change the structure of those memories (I don't change the facts of what happened) I change the vibration around specific memories by cleaning up any distortion. I help the brain see the memory from a different perspective and then store that in your brain so that we can have that memory be in service to you and get it more energetically in alignment with what you consciously desire to have in life. If that doesn't make sense let me know and I will try and describe it in another way. :)
I'm definitely ambivalent and this video really opened my eyes. One thing you didn't mention that I read somewhere else is that it's common for ambivalents to switch between idealising and devaluing our loved ones based on how they're currently meeting our needs. I feel like that's an important one for me, because it can lead to me pulling away because I get so scared of being hurt. Also, I am not scared of being physically alone, but I constantly need to feel that love is available to me and that can be hard. Being single is something I have struggled with and never fully been or embraced after I first started dating at 16. I am now 24
Thank you for sharing Ida. That is a very important point. I will make sure to include that in videos to come. You are still very young. All these characteristics are about survival patterning. We adapt to our environment growing up, in these ways to keep us safe. It is all revisable. If you choose to revise it. Thank you again for your share. ❤️
You and I both🗿
I’m definitely this but I have been single for 11 years now and I’ve managed to find peace in being single , the problem is for me I am scared to have a relationship and I don’t feel worthy deep inside, I’m doing my best to shift this and the trigger of anxiety that being ignored or ghosted . I can handle rejection but not being ignored
I definitely get jealous and when I feel
It coming on I dive into TH-cam to find answers to stop myself from doing it
This video should have gone VIRAL! So many people need to know about this, just in case they don't! Thank You Jessica
Thank you for your kind words and support. I’m glad you found it helpful ❤️
You have to keep making these videos. I've watched this 3 times today.
I just found your channel so glad I did, I did the personality attachment test and scored 32.6% on ambivalent/anxious which makes me this attachment style. I don’t really know why I have this attachment style my mother was very loving and caring toward me and we still have a close relationship. My father on the other hand was a good care taker but wasn’t there for me emotionally and I felt he always never would need my emotional needs growing up maybe that’s why I have this attachment style. I’m still in contact with my father and we do spend time together but I’m trying to heal myself and become a secure attachment so I can have a healthy relationship. thank you this video was helpful.
It’s actually heartbreaking that I would have passed that onto my children 😢
Thank you so much! You've helped me understand my attachment style after a day of hell. Finally, someone who can really get the information out in a way that makes sense. A breath of relief to know what's causing my jealousy and other behaviours. I'm so so grateful bro you. Thank you. Now I can finally heal this. 🌹💥💕
Glad I could help! Thank you for your feedback. And thank you for your comment and support.
Thank you for clarifying such an important topic. I am yet to fully comprehend my own pattern
Thank you for your comment. If you feel open to sharing, what is your experience in love? Maybe I can help in some way to point you down a path of exploration.
@@Jessica_Dufour happy to share. Maybe just for you to know, I have been working on my self a lot and being a Coach, I also benefited from many hours of self-reflection, therapy, holotropic breathing, MDMA therapy and Somatic Coaching etc....I recognize a oombination of ambivalent and avoident attachment in me. My story explains a lot why but now I feel I am ready, mature and aware enough to approach a healthy, loving and committed relationship. I am not in a relationship right now, but have been for 10 years (long distance) and prior married for 7 years with a daughter now 13 yrs. I only started recognizing this love pattern in recent years, attracting men that are not emotionally available as I wasn't much either. Long story short, the time is now so i want to explore what and where I can to fulfill this desire to lead a healthy and loving relationship. (independent yet committed, passionate yet not fusional) Thank you Jessica.
12:45 Oh , i thought that me , but i tend to get suspicious of people and over self protective, and dont feel good enough that affect my relationships and why i dont have deep relationship with anyone.
Really informative, thank you very much. I’m ambivalent and am dating a secure 🙏 my mind knows what’s good for me and I’m trying to force my heart to follow cause these avoidant chicks keep wrecking me
I´m doing paper on college about attachmetn styles. Your videos on every attachemt have been really good help to support theory im reading. But listening to this video, i just started crying by eyes out. I had feeling already when reading, but this video gave me the feeling that i might have this one.... Anyway, thankyou for these videos.
Good luck on your paper! Would love to read it if you’re interested in sharing my email is nlpwithjessica@gmail.com
So helpful and informative! Best explanation and examples I’ve found so far 👍🏼
Please pray for me, I need healing and it seems I'm getting worse in my fifties. I'm a good person, I always try and help everyone, I believe deeply in God but my thoughts are no good. I'm regressing into my adolescent years and that wil be dangerous. I know I'm a good person.
Praying for you 🙏🏼
You could be like me and have this condition. Then to make things better, you find that love with a mate and then she dies. In this instance your greatest fear (your love leaving you) actually comes true.
This was useful. Thank you!
I just found your chanel, I've been working on being the best version of myself and this information will be so helpful for me. I absolutely LOVE your explanation, it's so thorough!! Thank you♡!! You and your voice feel like sunshine, your so kind and peaceful 😊!!
Thank you for your kind words. I am filled with so much gratitude right now.
@@Jessica_Dufour You're welcome 😊 ! Seeing your comment put a big smile on my my face ♡! Thank you for taking the time out of your day to respond 🙏 .
Thank you! Your explanations of the attachment styles is so valuable and the details so clearly described. Wonderful!
You are so welcome. Thank you for your kind words. :)
this was extremely helpful, thank u so much
Wow that hurt so much, it just resonates so much
I had a secure partner for 4 yrs & it def helped me alot super greatful & i like that you mentioned that. Also agree with all you’ve said. Thank you🌻
Is this why I always fall (hard) for people I know I cannot be with? Because unrequited love really hurts and I’m not here for that 💔
It could be.
thank you! can you please make a video about how to help ourselves to have secure attachment ? i would love to watch it
Hi Jessica! Can you please teach us how to change our Ambivalent attachment to a Secure attachment? Thanks!
lilac rose if you’d like to do that please reach out to me at nlpwithjessica@gmail.com that’s what I help people with. :)
Teach me to fix this
Very well put together and to the point. Great work. I'm ambivalent by the way. Love your work.
Much appreciated! Thank you :)
that's interesting u say it this way. Both of my ex's were ambivalent. However, I'm not avoidant, I'm disorganized.
And for those of us that just stopped trying? Who couldn't allow to connect and be loved.
Thank you so much! Such a helpful video! Your explanation was very clear & easy to understand! :)
Well explained BUT is this not a description of INSECURE ANXIOUS STYLE? you just described the anxious, don’t you? I’m Very confused, If anyone knows the answer please clarify this 🙏🙏
You have great video with great knowledge, i heard all others videos and found you share straight to the topic in details. Very helpful
But i have request to make your sound louder or i think microphone closer...
Thank you. I did purchase a new microphone. I appreciate your kind words and helpful comments.
incredible. thank you.
Can I fix myself please. Every single relationship whether it be platonic or romantic makes me feel like I am in a living hell. I am so desperate to have people love me but I can’t go on like this. Everytime I feel like I did something wrong or imperfect I feel like it’s the end of the world and that they’re going to leave me. I need constant reassurance from people and I am just so tired. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Feel free to reach out. My info is in the description and we can talk more about either working together or I can help point you in the right direction. I can understand no wanting to live like that anymore.
Wow. She punched my ticket!
Great video
Thank you ❤️
A great, informative video. Thanks
Glad it was helpful! Thank you.
Wow this video helps a lot!
I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for watching.
I found this video by searching for ways to repair or secure my attachment with my 5 year old. I myself have a dysregulated nervous system and it didn’t help that I had postpartum depression and anxiety. He is very clingy but also pushes me away when I try to comfort him when he’s physically injured (he accepts the comfort when emotionally injured). I know your focus is on adult romantic relationships but I’d like to repair now so that his life can be better, fuller, happier. Any recommendations?
Hi Melissa, I highly recommend this book "Raising A Secure Child" (smile.amazon.com/Raising-Secure-Child-Attachment-Resilience/dp/1462527639/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=secure+attachment&qid=1631891826&sr=8-3) It will teach you how to be there for your child in a loving way and how to notice your own insecurities as it relates to his push pull dynamic. It is really all about being with your child during his experience and trying your best to not take it personally. I hope this helps, let me know what you think about the book.
I would like to see you repeat this episode with your improved quality mic..... If you do let me know, I am having so much trouble hearing it on my computer.
I am working on this this month! :)
How do you differentiate between a narcissist and someone with an ambivalent attachment style?
The extreme form of the anxious ambivalent / anxious preoccupied attachment is narcissism. Dr. Ramini even talks about that on her channel. Good job noticing that!
This is me. Perfect description. How do I reach out to you to shift it?!
Hi Kristin, you can schedule a complimentary 30-min call with me here: jessicadufournlp.com/contact or you can send me an email at nlpwithjessica@gmail.com... talk soon! :)
Great video, please your next one more closer to the mic, voice too soft
Thank you. Yes this video was made a while ago. I have invested in a much better mic. Glad you enjoyed it.
Can you recommend a professional such as yourself who works with men? Preferably one with videos I can watch?
Thank you for your content.
This is me. Fuck, I need to fucking fix this. Thank god I fixed most of this.
This totally describes me.
I feel that my husband is anxious ambevolent .. my LO says Im sad bc I love daddy .. but im the primary giver .. im working in my self do that they can have a more secure attachment.. I give my LO’s one in one attention.. help them express them selves ..
Id like some feed back.. pls
👏👏👏
Whats the difference between ambivalent an disorganised attachment style?
Check out the disorganized video here to learn more about the differences: th-cam.com/video/dS-ttSajvHI/w-d-xo.html
This video is about ANXIOUS AMBIVALENT, is it the same as just ANXIOUS (also referred as PREOCCUPIED) ?
Preoccupied is the name that is given to the attachment style for adult / parent (which is very similar to anxious ambivalent). Anxious ambivalent is the name given to the attachment patterning noticed in children. Hope that helps.
Hi is disorganised and Ambivalent attachment the same thing?
No they are different. You can watch all four of the attachment styles here if you want to nerd out. Hope this helps: th-cam.com/video/cdHMZnnm4xI/w-d-xo.htmlsi=Vj_tZ-3ghMTZXSPo
@@Jessica_Dufour I’m very glad I can be informed properly. I’m very grateful for this.
Is there a difference between ambivalent attachment and disorganized attachment?
Yes. I have a video specifically on disorganized that you can watch to lean the differences. It is the most popular video on my page if you go to my homepage on TH-cam. Hope it helps! :)
do you have videos on how to help heal the attachment style?
Not at the moment. The work I do with people one-on-one helps to heal insecure attachment styles. I have to see what is going on for your specifically to heal the wounding deep in the subconscious mind. Once we heal that everything in one's life starts to shift for the better.
as someone who's with borderline: jesus this is very bpd
Thank you for sharing.
And what happens with the pairing of ambivalent + ambivalent in a relationship?
Thank you for your comment. Are you in this dynamic? From my experience usually an ambivalent will gravitate and be attracted to someone who is more avoidant. I have heard from people that an avoidant has dated an avoidant (they never saw each other in their relationship, which makes a lot of sense). Usually what I have experienced is 2 disorganized people will date but what will happen is when one is more ambivalent the other partner will switch more into avoidant, and then when that same partner switches from ambivalent to avoidant, the other partner will become more ambivalent. I am curious to know more about your dynamic if you are open to sharing.
This might lead to a codependent relationship I'd say
Me!!!
How do I work with U?
Can you be my therapist and help me 😅
Omg this video just said to me I need help
What if you have core characteristics of all of these attachment styles?
Check out the disorganized attachment style video and see if you relate to that one. That one contains both the ambivalent and avoidant. Let me know if that video resonates with you.
Yes, LIFE itself is Ambivalent, what isn't? 😅😢
how do you become secure if you have this type of attachment: (Ambivalent)?
The way I help people is to reprogram the unconscious beliefs one carries about themselves and the world. That is what worked best for me. But this is one tool of many. Other ways are to date someone who is secure and allow their behavior to be modeled to you. It can take years of dating a secure person to have it rub off. Hope that helps. Shifting our attachment style doesn't happen over night.
Would be good to explain what regulating means
Hi Michelle, regulating means being able to manage and be in control of our own emotions, versus letting them control us. Sometimes for people with an insecure attachment style the parents (sometimes more specially the mother) never shows the child how to handle and manage their emotions. What some parents (in a dysfunctional household) will do is punish and yell at a child who cries or feels upset or they will send the child away to their room to be all alone until they "get over" their upset emotional state. A parent who helps the child regulate their emotions, takes the time to be with the child and to validate that what they are feeling is a normal feeling and that it will soon pass, and it is ok to be upset. The parents will hold and soothe the child and in doing that teaching the child how to return back to their balanced emotional state. When we have trouble regulating our emotions what we can experience as an adult is how I phrase it "being drunk with emotion." In this state we are consumed by the negative emotions that we are experiencing at the time and have a hard time returning back to our rational self. Let me know if that makes sense, if not I can try to explain it in another way. :) Thank you for your question.
Lol, unfortunately this happens very oftenly in Hispanic families
This basically explains lots of things that had been going on, with my relationships and also the behavior manifested by my little brother lately
👍
Are you taking new clients
Hi Mariam. Yes I am taking new clients, I have a few more spots left. :)
I became schizoid because of that