Generational in my case. Paternal grandparents divorced due to abuse, parents divorce, I'm divorced. Demeaned, slandered, decieved-but others were also. I'm struggling, but consciencly working to forgiveness every day. Church lack of insight, insistence on staying together, reconciling without understanding the problems nor holding him accountable. Serious problems in homes and church's today, thank you Leslie for providing insight and guidance. Those that haven't gone through the trauma bonding and constant double binds don't have a clue. I didn't believe my ex was capable of such self deception , but there it is. The problems can be extremely evil, more than I want to go into here. No trite cliches can fix, church needs to get a clue.
Sometimes a person that's been in an abusive situation wants to own their own stuff, but the gaslighting and emotional abuse may be generational, hard to sort out. I think pastors and others need to be very careful when trying to discern the situation. "Deceiving and being deceived" is very possible.
I have to agree with the idolatry statement. We cannot rely on a single person to completely be our everything. That will exclude Christ from being our first love and consideration.
For years I thought I was in a difficult marriage that was more and more disappointing. What I didn’t realize was it was a destructive marriage. Leslie, could you do a video on that? When you think it’s difficult but it’s actually destructive. Gaslighting, invalidation and other not do clear behaviors that make it confusing? Thankfully, I found a great therapist and my church became involved. Unfortunately, the marriage couldn’t be repaired.
I love Christ, love the church , but when behavior is evil and by default sanctioned by the church, it's time to get out. Can't call evil good, nor enable evil.
If you're disappointed with your husband, guess what? Yup, he's probably disappointed with you. Now that you have a realistic view of marriage, something great can be built. Get to work.
Useful measures and advice 👍
Generational in my case. Paternal grandparents divorced due to abuse, parents divorce, I'm divorced. Demeaned, slandered, decieved-but others were also. I'm struggling, but consciencly working to forgiveness every day. Church lack of insight, insistence on staying together, reconciling without understanding the problems nor holding him accountable. Serious problems in homes and church's today, thank you Leslie for providing insight and guidance. Those that haven't gone through the trauma bonding and constant double binds don't have a clue. I didn't believe my ex was capable of such self deception , but there it is. The problems can be extremely evil, more than I want to go into here. No trite cliches can fix, church needs to get a clue.
Hard truth to take on " Marriage may be sicker that we thought"," another diagnosis may be required"
Sometimes a person that's been in an abusive situation wants to own their own stuff, but the gaslighting and emotional abuse may be generational, hard to sort out. I think pastors and others need to be very careful when trying to discern the situation. "Deceiving and being deceived" is very possible.
I have to agree with the idolatry statement. We cannot rely on a single person to completely be our everything. That will exclude Christ from being our first love and consideration.
Very good advice!
For years I thought I was in a difficult marriage that was more and more disappointing. What I didn’t realize was it was a destructive marriage. Leslie, could you do a video on that? When you think it’s difficult but it’s actually destructive. Gaslighting, invalidation and other not do clear behaviors that make it confusing? Thankfully, I found a great therapist and my church became involved. Unfortunately, the marriage couldn’t be repaired.
I love Christ, love the church , but when behavior is evil and by default sanctioned by the church, it's time to get out. Can't call evil good, nor enable evil.
this is so good
Leslie I feel like God is speaking directly through you. How do you stay married and endure the pain?
Thank you so much for the video it gave me clarity on my situation
If you're disappointed with your husband, guess what? Yup, he's probably disappointed with you. Now that you have a realistic view of marriage, something great can be built. Get to work.