After 14 years of feeling alone I finally said to myself “Enough”. His excuse is always because he has depression, sometimes I beg for a cuddle, pretty desperate right? All these years I realized i am deeply affected mentally, I fell ugly, unworthy, stupid and my self esteem is at the bottom, I stopped going to church and seeing my friends because I was ashamed. Im asking God to help me heal and guide me.
Where was this 25 years ago when I felt so alone! People didn't know about this then. Nobody could or would help. I got divorced. I knew my body would turn on me if I stayed. I knew my sons would learn how to treat me from their father. Thankfully, it's out now.
I was thinking the same! One day sitting in a CVS parking lot shoving M&M's in my mouth to try and quell the horrible feelings, I heard a very clear directive, "if you don't leave, you will be dead". I knew I would not be physically dead immediately, but that I was withering away in every way. I divorced 25 yrs ago as a totally confused 25 yr old, feeling so ashamed that my husband would not touch me, would not talk about our marriage or collaborate on anything. Everyone else loved him and he loved to go out with friends and coworkers and he worked all the time, would help others. But at home he just had no interest in any intimacy on any level. It left such deep scars that, att 50, I've never really dated again. I just never want to be as lonely and confused as I feel in that marriage.
I am so sorry were going through this. I hope you are not suffering any longer. I just want to say that all intimacy anorexics do not cheat. I am sure many do. But it isn't a given trait for this situation.
I cried badly n prayed to lord .the same night I watched this . Now I know what is happening in my 4 years of marriage .each word he says is true...like a true picture of my life.
Jeseena Jose - thanks for posting about your painful situation. Here is a link to some resources that may help you move forward: www.boisenarcabusesupport.com/wnaad.pdf
jeseena jose, Knowing "what is happening" really helped me to stop going crazy. So glad that you found this video to be helpful. Here is a link to a boat-load of more educational help: www.boisenarcabusesupport.com/wnaad.pdf Enjoy! MF
Abusive - plan and simple, Denying a person relationship is abuse. You have to decide if u want to live like that. They will more than likely not change. The pain and abuse you suffer you can feel physically, emotionally and spiritually, it takes a long time to recover once you are away from them, Even a short amount of time (a year) will leave you with anxiety and depression or PTS. I cannot imagine living for years being ignored for long periods of time, then yelled at and devalued, blamed etc... I don’t think God ever intended for us to be abused in marriage, period.
This is why I’m single. Psych issues. Marriage is too complex and takes too much effort. I can’t stress myself over other people’s unresolved issues in their lives. Too draining. 1/2 the people I know are divorced, 1/4 remarried and most are still unhappy, 1/4 single.
And it gets even more difficult the older you get to invest yourself and your livelihood, esteem, and well-being into someone who is not emotionally, psychologically or spiritually healthy.
This happened to me. I was rejected, isolated, and lonely in a "Christian" marriage for 10 years. He made abusive comments to me to justify his behavior. Ultimately I got a counselor and divorced him. Unfortunately I was then blamed and criticized by many loved ones and friends because I was so embarrassed that I would not tell anyone that I had been rejected by him. I was young and beautiful and wanted to start a family. The repercussions of having this happen in my first marriage continued for years. Please please seek help.
Gee it sounds like me. I can't go on like this and at 75 I so regret that I didn't leave. I put my kids first they all in their 50s and have their own lives.
For those considering this issue as grounds for divorce, see the term "constructive abandonment". I have been watching many You Tube videos that address the topic of narcissism, and, yes, many cases such as you describe must certainly be rooted in that, on the part of the disinterested spouse. The consensus of the speakers/ coaches on dealing with narcissists is definitely that there really is no working with them. They may go to counseling with you, just as they may go to church with you, but it's all for show. It's God's right, and His alone to judge the motives of the heart, but we are told in Matthew 7:6 not to cast our pearls before swine. A longing, lonely heart is surely a pearl that should be protected.
I believe there are those that are unable to have sincere empathy. They really don’t care how you feel because it’s all about them. I don’t think they will ever be a good spouse. You may get to where it’s tolerable but it will never be a good marriage.
It is so helpful to hear this articulated. This was exactly my life for 9 years. We were young newlyweds and everyone loved my husband,. He worked all the time, went out with friends, coworkers and spent time with his family. But he would not spend time with me, my family, go to church with me, and he would not be physically intimate or affectionate. I felt he was a good human, but was so confused at his total lack of interest in meeting in the middle, working on our tension together, or addressing any of my concerns about our lack of intimacy. I just could not understand why he seemed to withhold exactly what I wanted most. We did divorce at age 25, and I've never been able to bring myself to date anyone else for 25 years. I just never wanted to feel so lonely in a marriage again. I wanted to be married, to him to take our vows seriously, but I felt like I was so close to no longer being able to keep going in life that it felt like the only way out. I hope others find this much earlier so that the wounds can be healed. Thank you for this info!
I think it is different than taking someone for granted. This is a more focused, intentional set of actions. For instance, this was happening in my marriage and it started on the wedding night and honeymoon. I've been watching a lot of videos on this and that is a pretty common scenario. It is about the person feeling suffocated by intimacy and purposefully (whether conscious or not) keeping barriers in place so no intimacy can occur.
Intimacy anorexia sum up my whole relationship for 23 years until I found out he was in a relationship with someone and the he left for 3 years now. Not yet divorce. It is the most painful thing to deal with. I don't know if I will get over it. He preached holiness on the pulpit but he treated me like outcast.
Oh😓I was there in my own marriage and I understand your pain!! It secured me to be close and getting closer to The Lord which revived me with His healing grace and love🖐🏽Trust Him♥️
A pastor said "her fulfillment isn't from husband but from the LORD" are spouses expected to fill God void to be all things to partner or tv dramas marriages ruining couples?
My Husband has emotionally abandoned me for 3 yrs. He can find time for neighbors, friends, unlimited time for family. He has no time for me. He means to hurt me by making me beg / sound pathetic. He doesn't want to give him himself to me & now i no longer want him. Moving forward, i am on to his abuse. He can't hurt me anymore, because he left me alone long enough to hurt & heal alone too. It is his loss. As far as i am concerned, i don't want him anymore either. I am not leaving the house. I will stay in the house & restart my life. i'm an emotional widow.
@@MendingFamily He either 1. goes into defense mode & starts bringing up every problem we've ever had (even a truck i totaled back in 1992 CTFU) / brings up every mean thing i have ever said in an argument. 2. Full on attack on me / my personality. "all you do is complain", "your so negative" (which i have to say i CTFU at also because it isn't true. It's just that is all he hears is the bitching. He literally tunes everything but the complaining out. It isn't as if i haven't been pushed to bitching tho.He has terrible coping skills. He has been overwhelmed at work for 3 yrs now and has taken it out on me. His mother, & my sister inlaws have to deal w/ the same emotional abuse and all deal w/ it by becoming Legit shopAholics. 3. He just goes completely petulantly quiet.
@Kaylee Weber It is your Home. You don't have to leave it in order to start over w/o him. Hell, CTFU, sometimes when i see him, it is like i just live w/ a ghost of my past.I literally think 'there is the ghost of who i use to share everything with. The ghost of who i use to laugh with'. It took me a long time to decide to start detaching myself emotionally from him, the way he has from me. I am invested in this house. I made a life here, it is nice & it is where i want to live. Financially, selling / splitting the money & it wasn't part of the freaking plan we made together. He left emotionally, i am staying & starting over w/o him! CTFU, he can't afford leave unless i slit my own throat & move out .Moving out would mean i don't retire early as i planned. I can't travel as i planned. I would have to take on new holy F debt which i never planned (we never planned). Start over, make a life w/o him. Your disabled but not dead. Find your joy, make your own joy!! He lied like mine did...promised to always be your partner emotionally & left. Now you are an emotionally widow living with a ghost. Survive it ... start doing you. Even w/ disability & age, there are things you can do. You are Alive. Go online & look up 'meet up group' join a book club, go feed the ducks, go to a movie, look into your local recreation centers (all kinds of programs there to be involved in or classes that would be free to someone on fixed disabled income) He shut down on you Kaylee Weber, that is on him, it is his loss. Don't you shut down on you. Start over Kaylee, Live, find your own joy.
I made excuses for my husbands behavior for a long time before I realized it was intentional....it’s his choice, his loss. I’m done! It no longer matters to me what it is because he would refuse to do anything about it anyway.
Everything he said is me. My husband avoids me. Fighting is his way to go do work around the house. It’s a LONG story. What shocked me the most is when you said they even think about DIVORCE!!!! Please pray for us WE REALLY NEED IT 😇❤️🙏✝️😂
24 years I have been in a marriage like this ughhh I want out I no who I am in Christ Jesus that's the only way a person can endure this kind of pain from their spouse never knew it was this to me I looked up narcissism and there is a lot of the same characteristics
Hey Patricia Jones it sounds like you have been down much the same research path as myself trying to bring help to your relationship or simply to avoid going insane as you continue to remain in it. But I would suggest one more step which could take you from coping (In Christ) with a bad situation, into having a heart of peace no matter what's happening or NOT happening in the case of IA. Please contact my friend Jim Tanner (he is working under the supervision of Dr. Doug Weiss) and let him get you plugged into a ladies IA phone group. Reach Jim through his website here: tnrccounseling.org/ And would you please let all of us know what happens? Thanks so much for sharing. MF
Patricia, I urge you to schedule an intensive with Heart2heart counseling in Colorado Springs ASAP. I set a boundary with my husband that caused him to get it scheduled. God worked an amazing work in his heart. It is worth it!
@@MendingFamily Thank you for the suggestion. We have none here. Maybe in the future I could start one. My husband and I had a huge breakthrough in mid summer. I cry from thankfulness because I didn't want to live without my husband but thought I'd die from the pain. It was unbearable. He's so different now. But I'd like to share hope with others. This message though truly helped lift off the feeling of craziness off if me because I was sooo incredibly confused about his behavior and everyone else loved him. I thought it was all my fault. It's such a deep pain but God came to heal the brokenhearted. Thank you Jesus for breakthroughs!
This brought me hope to healing now while I’m single. I am saved and Heavenly Papa has awakened me about marriage and I’m absolutely fine with singleness...it’s because of intimacy...but this is affecting all my relationships. And knowing I’m hurting and the ppl in my life feel as if I don’t love them... is truly convicting me...wowwwwww revelation
Oh I can identify with your situation. Too late for my marriage - he's passed. I was married to a man for 19 years before I had enough and divorced, remarried after 5 yrs. because of promises made and there were no promises kept still I was alone. I'd tell him that so many times" I'm married but I feel so alone" cuz he just would not give of himself to me.
Oh yes!!!! My ex husband did not speak to me for 6 months…. I left!!! Remarried a wonderful man. We had 31 years the Lord took him home🥹. Remarriage after a divorce. God forgives .
By popular demand Dr. Doug Weiss is going to be taping a new DVD “When You Marry a Child, Don’t Expect a Man (right away).” This DVD is to intelligently address what so many women regularly tell us as a team at Heart to Heart about feeling like they are raising another child with their SA/IA husband. Addictions rob men of spiritual, emotional, moral and sexual development. Dr. Weiss will be addressing the maturing process. Also he would like to address some of the questions you might have about this topic on this DVD. Send your questions or thoughts pertaining to this subject to heart2heart@xc.org
This sounds so intentional and like a total narcissist! I can’t help but feel that my husband is doing this on purpose. I need out because I will soon come to hate him . 🥵
Personally I would not take any advice from an individual who would make the statement "Jesus died on the cross so we can have great sex". These words came out of Doug's mouth when he was a guest on Joni Table Talk (Sexless and Married / May 28, 2019)
WOW - this video is just a little older than my SM. My wife knows my love language is physical touch, so she denies it to the degree that I used to respond out of frustration and anger - giving her the excuse to continue to deny intimacy. Been developing for 15+ years and steadily over the last 10, and nothing for 7. Always some reason as to why, justifying the distance.
I'm so happy to hear this 😭😭😭🙏married for 18 my husband spend most of his time working, with friends every word u said it fits my my life 1 thing I'm not giving up on God 🛐
Wow.. I'm not crazy after all. My husband becomes like a monk, I can't bear the hurt of sleeping next to a corpse who doesn't want anything to do with me, so ask him to sleep in the spare room, then he says it's me that doesn't want sex because I said "no", this is after satisfying him then nothing for me. So 20 years now, no sex, even though he gets aroused near me, he pushed me away. Exactly as is being said here, to the outsider, looks loving & helps everyone else except me. It's affected my already bad health..65 now & how's that going to change if he won't even tell me what the problem is, even though I'm the most understanding person. It is a bad day today!!
@@rachaelireland9467 We have tried counselling before but he's a closed book. Having said that things are better than they were in terms of getting a bit closer. He knows he has a problem but just won't talk about it, and he says he'll come along for counselling then he'll have something else to do & I'll end up going on my own.
So that pretty interesting that he has somehow admitted that he has a problem but just won't follow through with counseling. He may be AFRAID of facing what is wrong with himself. There's definitely TONS of God's promises you can pray on behalf of your husband about that. I am not trying to sound preachy to you. But honestly, God truly helped me pray for him even though my heart hurt so badly. I had to fight our real enemy, satan, even though it was my husband acting out. Let me tell you...it's totally worth it! That's how Jesus fought for us. Anyway, do you know if he is addicted to pornography? That may be one reason he is admitting he has a problem but won't go. That was part of the problem in my marriage. I gave him an ultamatum. He took me seriously and finally went to counseling with our pastor and then a men's sexual recovery group called Conquer Series which has Dr. Doug Weiss in it. Hope this helps
@bravoman so that just means your balls hadn't dropped when you married. If you had the BALLS you would have thought for yourself. Now you're just playing victim. You're no BRAVOman ...you're a LAYMAN
After about one year of marriage, 32.5 years ago, my wife got angry at me for some reason I've long since forgotten and told me to leave the marriage bed. I left, of course, but the event got me to realize that if a wife has the right to kick her husband out of his bed, then the husband has no rights at all since in my case I would never kick someone out of their own be. I never again thought of the bedroom as "ours" and we have never shared a bedroom since. Thus, the end of our sorry marriage. Since we are Catholic it is till death do...Our marriage is just a waiting game until death. Yes, I think I am the anorexic.
I'm married and alone 😥.. I've taken care and supported my wife for all the years we been together.. fought and forgave her over and over again.. she just got into the military, and now she treats me really horrible.. she looks and treats me like I'm disgusting. 😥. I go church every Sunday and I pray for us! I've done literally everything in my power, I don't know start else I can do. Please help
This. is. me. Been. married. 46 years. on November 12th. Married. to a controller!! I have. chronic. pain. and am. on. meds....3. grown. Xn. kids......all. radicals. for. Jesus
I'm reading the comments and many people conflating this to narcissism. I'm inclined to see more passive-aggressiveness than narcissism. (Granted they are on the same wave lenght)
After all of this interview with Doug weiss in the marriage ministry And there was no hope for his marriage with Lisa he Divorced her and married joni lamb this is adultery he needs to get out from counseling married couples sit back God is not mocked
I am the person who is living with a spouse who suffer from anoroxia as I gelt he exactly describing all what I am feeling and being saying to my spouse, true he is a nice sweet person help everybody but not me, not true that they don't cheat its not a fact as mine cheated used porn, private video chats, prostitutes, phone sex you name it . Plus I am the one who is being blamed and critised matried 5 years.
Thanks for sharing Mary J Russel! I also am a senior citizen and in a similar situation to yours (add 10 years) but amazingly am now walking in peace through the help of others who understand this issue. You might consider joining an IA phone group like the one I have been helped by. For more information check out this link: tnrccounseling.org/groups
Mary J Russell That is how i use to feel ALL the time, before practicing detaching from him the same way he has from me. Overall, i've now just begun to create a completely separate new life, that he isn't part of. There are times that we still present as couple & it is just an odd feel, like standing next to a ghost of my past now. All i can feel is that i am "not really with" him. Sometimes, i hurt when i see my friends that still lol together/ makes me a lil jelly...but i like me w/o him, i like me not begging him to love me & that is enough.
@@calgal5752 Now that i've accepted i'm an emotional widow. That he made a choice to leave me. Now that i am no longer constantly trying to fix the marriage...i don't feel alone anymore. When i am truly alone, i like me now. His abandonment turned me into a weak, begging, bitching, crying, lonely, needy mess. Not AnyMore Tho..I like me W/o him...his choice, his loss.
@@annak8083 Hi, Anna! You can find details about the intensives offered at Heart to Heart Counseling Center here: www.drdougweiss.com/intensives/ If you're looking for support, Heart to Heart offers specialized therapy and phone support groups for people who are looking for help. Here is the phone number - 719-278-3708 or email heart2heart@xc.org I additionally sponsor a free online support group here: facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Google it. It is ran by Dr. Doug Weiss and other Christian therapists. It's in Colorado in the U.S....a long way from Ireland. But I believe they do sessions via phone. It would be worth it.
You are correct Wendy, Intimacy Anorexia seems to simply be a fresh new term to describe the somewhat worn out term of Narcissism. "Hijackals" is another (fun) name for these very difficult people. Learn more here: th-cam.com/users/ForRelationshipHelp - MF
So sorry fjones63. But there is definitely help available for you, and even also for your spouse if they are willing. Checkout this material by Milan & Kay Yerkovich. It has begun to eliminate loneliness in my own marriage: th-cam.com/play/PLqEV_ocYVi8OXHOT_tXaLArJ4T4XrkqnO.html MF
In my case, my intimate anorexic husband did have an emotional affair after 29 years of marriage! Even though he is staying in the marriage, I’m now the intimate anorexic! I can’t get close to him because he’s not safe. Even though he understands how much he’s hurt me by the lying & cheating, he doesn’t do anything to help me heal or have the difficult conversations! He’s been sleeping in the guest room for 3 years, since D-day & seems to be OK with it! If it’s really intentional on his part, why should I want to continue hoping for a restored relationship with him?
@@Webbgurl2000 Thanks, Tu. I had a feeling it was something like that. I’ve noticed that you and I are on a lot of the same discovery trail of resources regarding betrayal. You usually give others good advice. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and that there are others out there like me who are trying to make sense of the life they now have that they didn’t choose. I always read what you have to say when I run across your comments. You seem pretty sensible.
You need to start by defining intimacy. Often men can't have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy and women vice versa and neither will compromise so you have an impasse.
A lot of times - women start off having it from men, and then once they settle in and get everything they want - the withholding starts and the distance from the husband begins.
I hear you and I agree with everything you are saying but one person can't fix a relationship. What if the other partner is really tired and depressed. Is it even worth it to keep fighting, reading for a relationship with a person who does not see your worth?
Great question. Don't rule out the possibility of Autism Spectrum Disorder. You might look for an online test and work through it from the perspective of your partner. Good luck - MF
Dr Doug Weiss said , all marriages can be healed , him a preaching , and didn’t take heed to anything he said , I think he has a lot of narcissist behavior. He should never counsel again ,after he divorced his wife , and Joni sits up there and claims , you can get a divorce if there’s abuse , addiction, adultery ,or abandonment, Joni said it’s not my place to say why Doug divorced biblically , maybe Joni should preach family’s pray together and get the lust out of there eyes , stay together , and old Doug an his wife were so spoken highly of being such good Christian counselors , and Doug did counseling with Marcus and Joni , pretty ugly why he came back after Marcus passed , the devil , comes to kill steal and destroy .
Where are the restoration couples in a sexless marriage? This is painful. My self esteem.I am deeply wounded from years of my husband not making love to me. I am heartbroken. Please God unite us in intimacy and love. Pleas restore our marriage Jesus. I know all about sexual anorexia. My husband finally has started testosterone therapy and now he feels good and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I am broken and Clinically depression. How do I give my husband love and intimacy now?
Here’s the typical situation: The relationship is great at the beginning. The man does everything to meet his wife’s needs, and the wife meets the husband’s sexual needs. The As time goes on, the man continues to do everything he’s always done. He works long hours. He works extra jobs. He cooks. He cleans. He does laundry. He does the dishes. He sweeps. Vacuums. Dusts. Mops. Picks up after himself. He does the lawn work. He buys her gifts. Takes her to dinner. To the movies. Takes her shopping. He doesn’t abuse her physically or mentally or emotionally. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t do drugs. He doesn’t gamble. He gives up golf. Softball. His motorcycle. Hanging out with his friends. As time goes by, she begins to reject his intimacy needs. Yet he continues doing everything he’s always done. And she rejects him more and more and more. The rejections turn into weeks. The weeks turn into months. The months turn into a years. Now the man is angry all the time. He is moody. He is irritable. In short, he walks around pissed off all the time because he’s been rejected countless times. NOW....now the wife uses his anger as justification to reject his intimacy needs. She says, “You walk around pissed off all the time, and then you expect me to have sex with you!” And once again, you’re up til 3am because you’re so angry that you can’t sleep. And your wife is over there sleeping like a baby, because she got exactly what she wanted. And THAT is how most situations are.
Sometimes it is not so simple to trace back what started the disconnection in the marriage. In my case I have a trust issue and because I do not trust my partner to give me the emotional support as he didn't give me the support I needed in many cases and I do not feel loved. For this reason I distance myself from him physically. It might be seen as a revenge but I cannot trust him when the only interest he shows me is sexual. So who is the one that is intimacy anorektic in this case? Is it both of us?
You woman on here saying yeah my husbands this and that need to take a look in the mirror and see what it is that u are doing and or done to make him be how he is... y’all think it’s ok to act like psychopaths once a damn month and we are all just supposed to keep bending over backwards to u
Education and knowledge wont bring the anorexic help at all. especially if that person hates your advice or has massive pride issues on top. So the anorexic shuts down with everything but marrige advice? Doesn't make sense doc.why would the person you said shuts down when you try to talk about ANYTHING listen to your advice about the marrige?
Margaret, yes based upon my understanding that Intimacy Anorexia is the direct equivalent to Narcissism, I would recommend this very detailed video by Dr. Grande. Hang with him to the end where he seems to answer your good question: th-cam.com/video/IQy7Lofj2Pg/w-d-xo.html
I don't think so. These behaviors were probably rooted deeply in our husbands before we showed up in their lives. We can soberly own our own mistakes and give them to Christ and let His grace and truth transform us but don't allow satan to accuse you or lay on guilt. It's just that when they are in a close relationship like marriage I think their problems really come to the surface. Dr. Weiss is saying it's not the spouses fault.
Dr. Weiss failed to follow his own advice. He divorced his wife and married Joanie Lamb before the ink had dried on the divorce papers. Was he in a IA marriage?"
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, Josh. You are not alone. There are many men who are experiencing the feeling of being married and alone in their marriage. I have a support group for men who are experiencing this very issue. You can find it here: facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/
I'm just wondering if by any chance you have done anything in your past to hurt her or perhaps she was sexually or physically abused by someone in her past. I know I had a problem with being hugged and I could never look my husband in his eyes. I would always look down at the floor because of past hurt.
These ppl are A).a narcissist or B).asexual....ive lived w one for 7 years and Christian counseling never swayed them to heal or change...i quit trying...just not wirth your heart and soul.
I was alone fore most of my 40 yr marriage. Very passive aggressive man. It destroyed me. The church doesn't know what to do with us. I was glad when he died.
VanessaSimon26, There is an active one in Costa Mesa, probably not that far from you. www.meetup.com/OC-Narcissism-Counter-Intelligence-Cell/ It also looks like 4 people in Irvine want to form a group and need an organizer, but maybe you are not ready for that leap YET! Please check back with us on how it goes ok? In my state - Idaho - there were none so I am in the process of forming one. Blessings to you on your journey to wholeness... MF
After 14 years of feeling alone I finally said to myself “Enough”. His excuse is always because he has depression, sometimes I beg for a cuddle, pretty desperate right? All these years I realized i am deeply affected mentally, I fell ugly, unworthy, stupid and my self esteem is at the bottom, I stopped going to church and seeing my friends because I was ashamed. Im asking God to help me heal and guide me.
Iwillprayforyou.
💯 true
🙏🙏🙏……hope your doing better…♥️
Same story
Me too! Yrs of loneliness no intimacy 😞
“How can you hit the bullseye over 10 to 20 years exactly every time with no intention?” Wow... that is so true.
Where was this 25 years ago when I felt so alone! People didn't know about this then. Nobody could or would help. I got divorced. I knew my body would turn on me if I stayed. I knew my sons would learn how to treat me from their father. Thankfully, it's out now.
Good for you. My sister didn't and now her health has completely fallen apart.
I was in that type of marriage for 5 years and I am now happily divorced!
I was thinking the same! One day sitting in a CVS parking lot shoving M&M's in my mouth to try and quell the horrible feelings, I heard a very clear directive, "if you don't leave, you will be dead". I knew I would not be physically dead immediately, but that I was withering away in every way. I divorced 25 yrs ago as a totally confused 25 yr old, feeling so ashamed that my husband would not touch me, would not talk about our marriage or collaborate on anything. Everyone else loved him and he loved to go out with friends and coworkers and he worked all the time, would help others. But at home he just had no interest in any intimacy on any level. It left such deep scars that, att 50, I've never really dated again. I just never want to be as lonely and confused as I feel in that marriage.
This is narcissism, and they will cheat...and blame the other spouse...they will also financially ruin you...I've been living it.
Agreed. They do cheat and many times.
Right. My husband fucked another woman. He just said he had to fuck her because he was so horny. That was his excuse.
I am so sorry were going through this. I hope you are not suffering any longer. I just want to say that all intimacy anorexics do not cheat. I am sure many do. But it isn't a given trait for this situation.
I started listening to this doctor, and it's helping me understand more about my marriage. I need this doctor in my life. 🙏
I cried badly n prayed to lord .the same night I watched this . Now I know what is happening in my 4 years of marriage .each word he says is true...like a true picture of my life.
Jeseena Jose - thanks for posting about your painful situation. Here is a link to some resources that may help you move forward: www.boisenarcabusesupport.com/wnaad.pdf
jeseena jose, Knowing "what is happening" really helped me to stop going crazy. So glad that you found this video to be helpful. Here is a link to a boat-load of more educational help: www.boisenarcabusesupport.com/wnaad.pdf Enjoy! MF
I had the same experience when watching this. Totally a true picture of my life.
Can't divorce your wife just because you want to get together with another woman,!
Abusive - plan and simple, Denying a person relationship is abuse. You have to decide if u want to live like that. They will more than likely not change. The pain and abuse you suffer you can feel physically, emotionally and spiritually, it takes a long time to recover once you are away from them, Even a short amount of time (a year) will leave you with anxiety and depression or PTS. I cannot imagine living for years being ignored for long periods of time, then yelled at and devalued, blamed etc...
I don’t think God ever intended for us to be abused in marriage, period.
100 percent correct!
Marriage is more for needy women anyway.
This is why I’m single. Psych issues. Marriage is too complex and takes too much effort. I can’t stress myself over other people’s unresolved issues in their lives. Too draining. 1/2 the people I know are divorced, 1/4 remarried and most are still unhappy, 1/4 single.
And it gets even more difficult the older you get to invest yourself and your livelihood, esteem, and well-being into someone who is not emotionally, psychologically or spiritually healthy.
God looks at the heart man looks at the outside. Depend on God for eternal purpose,blending and blessings
This happened to me. I was rejected, isolated, and lonely in a "Christian" marriage for 10 years. He made abusive comments to me to justify his behavior. Ultimately I got a counselor and divorced him. Unfortunately I was then blamed and criticized by many loved ones and friends because I was so embarrassed that I would not tell anyone that I had been rejected by him. I was young and beautiful and wanted to start a family. The repercussions of having this happen in my first marriage continued for years. Please please seek help.
Gee it sounds like me. I can't go on like this and at 75 I so regret that I didn't leave. I put my kids first they all in their 50s and have their own lives.
For those considering this issue as grounds for divorce, see the term "constructive abandonment". I have been watching many You Tube videos that address the topic of narcissism, and, yes, many cases such as you describe must certainly be rooted in that, on the part of the disinterested spouse. The consensus of the speakers/ coaches on dealing with narcissists is definitely that there really is no working with them. They may go to counseling with you, just as they may go to church with you, but it's all for show. It's God's right, and His alone to judge the motives of the heart, but we are told in Matthew 7:6 not to cast our pearls before swine. A longing, lonely heart is surely a pearl that should be protected.
I agree. In most cases I would definitely say most marriages should end in divorce for the sake and sanity of the other spouse.
God Bless you! I've never heard of that term. I've always said to myself, "this is not the abundant life that God has promised me"
Thank you!
I believe there are those that are unable to have sincere empathy. They really don’t care how you feel because it’s all about them. I don’t think they will ever be a good spouse. You may get to where it’s tolerable but it will never be a good marriage.
It is so helpful to hear this articulated. This was exactly my life for 9 years. We were young newlyweds and everyone loved my husband,. He worked all the time, went out with friends, coworkers and spent time with his family. But he would not spend time with me, my family, go to church with me, and he would not be physically intimate or affectionate. I felt he was a good human, but was so confused at his total lack of interest in meeting in the middle, working on our tension together, or addressing any of my concerns about our lack of intimacy. I just could not understand why he seemed to withhold exactly what I wanted most. We did divorce at age 25, and I've never been able to bring myself to date anyone else for 25 years. I just never wanted to feel so lonely in a marriage again. I wanted to be married, to him to take our vows seriously, but I felt like I was so close to no longer being able to keep going in life that it felt like the only way out. I hope others find this much earlier so that the wounds can be healed. Thank you for this info!
It's all about taking each other for granted. Period!!
I think it is different than taking someone for granted. This is a more focused, intentional set of actions. For instance, this was happening in my marriage and it started on the wedding night and honeymoon. I've been watching a lot of videos on this and that is a pretty common scenario. It is about the person feeling suffocated by intimacy and purposefully (whether conscious or not) keeping barriers in place so no intimacy can occur.
Married. and. Alone.....thats me.
im. crying. on the inside.....believe in. marriage. pls. PRAY. for. us
Intimacy anorexia sum up my whole relationship for 23 years until I found out he was in a relationship with someone and the he left for 3 years now. Not yet divorce. It is the most painful thing to deal with. I don't know if I will get over it. He preached holiness on the pulpit but he treated me like outcast.
😥
Oh😓I was there in my own marriage and I understand your pain!! It secured me to be close and getting closer to The Lord which revived me with His healing grace and love🖐🏽Trust Him♥️
Every marriage can heel? What a blanket statement, especially since he devioced....a better offer came alomg
ONLY if BOTH are willing to co-operate!
A pastor said "her fulfillment isn't from husband but from the LORD" are spouses expected to fill God void to be all things to partner or tv dramas marriages ruining couples?
My Husband has emotionally abandoned me for 3 yrs. He can find time for neighbors, friends, unlimited time for family. He has no time for me. He means to hurt me by making me beg / sound pathetic. He doesn't want to give him himself to me & now i no longer want him. Moving forward, i am on to his abuse. He can't hurt me anymore, because he left me alone long enough to hurt & heal alone too. It is his loss. As far as i am concerned, i don't want him anymore either. I am not leaving the house. I will stay in the house & restart my life. i'm an emotional widow.
When you ask him to explain why he has deliberately cut you off emotionally, what kind of answer do you get?
@@MendingFamily He either 1. goes into defense mode & starts bringing up every problem we've ever had (even a truck i totaled back in 1992 CTFU) / brings up every mean thing i have ever said in an argument. 2. Full on attack on me / my personality. "all you do is complain", "your so negative" (which i have to say i CTFU at also because it isn't true. It's just that is all he hears is the bitching. He literally tunes everything but the complaining out. It isn't as if i haven't been pushed to bitching tho.He has terrible coping skills. He has been overwhelmed at work for 3 yrs now and has taken it out on me. His mother, & my sister inlaws have to deal w/ the same emotional abuse and all deal w/ it by becoming Legit shopAholics. 3. He just goes completely petulantly quiet.
Email me I feel the very same hun.....an emotional widow kathybuckley0@gmail.com be nice to chat 👍 x
@Kaylee Weber It is your Home. You don't have to leave it in order to start over w/o him. Hell, CTFU, sometimes when i see him, it is like i just live w/ a ghost of my past.I literally think 'there is the ghost of who i use to share everything with. The ghost of who i use to laugh with'. It took me a long time to decide to start detaching myself emotionally from him, the way he has from me. I am invested in this house. I made a life here, it is nice & it is where i want to live. Financially, selling / splitting the money & it wasn't part of the freaking plan we made together. He left emotionally, i am staying & starting over w/o him! CTFU, he can't afford leave unless i slit my own throat & move out .Moving out would mean i don't retire early as i planned. I can't travel as i planned. I would have to take on new holy F debt which i never planned (we never planned). Start over, make a life w/o him. Your disabled but not dead. Find your joy, make your own joy!! He lied like mine did...promised to always be your partner emotionally & left. Now you are an emotionally widow living with a ghost. Survive it ... start doing you. Even w/ disability & age, there are things you can do. You are Alive. Go online & look up 'meet up group' join a book club, go feed the ducks, go to a movie, look into your local recreation centers (all kinds of programs there to be involved in or classes that would be free to someone on fixed disabled income) He shut down on you Kaylee Weber, that is on him, it is his loss. Don't you shut down on you. Start over Kaylee, Live, find your own joy.
Star Belly Me too
I contend that withholding intimacy IS cheating.
Even while hearing this... My heartbeat got faster... As every word spoken matched with my husband.
Jersuha look for resources to help you... you don't deserve to be alone
I made excuses for my husbands behavior for a long time before I realized it was intentional....it’s his choice, his loss. I’m done! It no longer matters to me what it is because he would refuse to do anything about it anyway.
Everything he said is me. My husband avoids me. Fighting is his way to go do work around the house. It’s a LONG story. What shocked me the most is when you said they even think about DIVORCE!!!! Please pray for us WE REALLY NEED IT 😇❤️🙏✝️😂
24 years I have been in a marriage like this ughhh I want out I no who I am in Christ Jesus that's the only way a person can endure this kind of pain from their spouse never knew it was this to me I looked up narcissism and there is a lot of the same characteristics
Hey Patricia Jones it sounds like you have been down much the same research path as myself trying to bring help to your relationship or simply to avoid going insane as you continue to remain in it. But I would suggest one more step which could take you from coping (In Christ) with a bad situation, into having a heart of peace no matter what's happening or NOT happening in the case of IA. Please contact my friend Jim Tanner (he is working under the supervision of Dr. Doug Weiss) and let him get you plugged into a ladies IA phone group. Reach Jim through his website here: tnrccounseling.org/ And would you please let all of us know what happens? Thanks so much for sharing. MF
Yup...it is a lost case if 2 people are never on the same page about anything.
Patricia, I urge you to schedule an intensive with Heart2heart counseling in Colorado Springs ASAP. I set a boundary with my husband that caused him to get it scheduled. God worked an amazing work in his heart. It is worth it!
Renola Jodie Yup, there are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak.
You hit the nail on the head. Now I know I'm not crazy. I want to have compassion. There's just so much pain. How do you get over this wall?
@@MendingFamily
Thank you for the suggestion. We have none here. Maybe in the future I could start one. My husband and I had a huge breakthrough in mid summer. I cry from thankfulness because I didn't want to live without my husband but thought I'd die from the pain. It was unbearable. He's so different now. But I'd like to share hope with others. This message though truly helped lift off the feeling of craziness off if me because I was sooo incredibly confused about his behavior and everyone else loved him. I thought it was all my fault. It's such a deep pain but God came to heal the brokenhearted. Thank you Jesus for breakthroughs!
Call Dr Weiss’s Heart to Heart clinic, I did just last week.
Why doesn’t the person that is intimacy anorexic leave the person? If they want space why don’t they just leave?
This brought me hope to healing now while I’m single. I am saved and Heavenly Papa has awakened me about marriage and I’m absolutely fine with singleness...it’s because of intimacy...but this is affecting all my relationships. And knowing I’m hurting and the ppl in my life feel as if I don’t love them... is truly convicting me...wowwwwww revelation
Oh I can identify with your situation. Too late for my marriage - he's passed.
I was married to a man for 19 years before I had enough and divorced, remarried after 5 yrs. because of promises made and there were no promises kept still I was alone. I'd tell him that so many times" I'm married but I feel so alone" cuz he just would not give of himself to me.
Went through this “ roommate” stage 32 years.. then he got sick.. passed away and again.. I’m left alone
It sounds a lot like narcissism to me.
Yes it is what came to my mind
It's narcissism
Oh yes!!!! My ex husband did not speak to me for 6 months…. I left!!! Remarried a wonderful man. We had 31 years the Lord took him home🥹. Remarriage after a divorce. God forgives .
my husband spent more time playing video games than with his family . i start to fantasize a life without him.
Help me doctor 😢😢😢😢😭🙏🙏🙏 Jesus im going through this now. I'm suffering 😢😢
By popular demand Dr. Doug Weiss is going to be taping a new DVD “When You Marry a Child, Don’t Expect a Man (right away).” This DVD is to intelligently address what so many women regularly tell us as a team at Heart to Heart about feeling like they are raising another child with their SA/IA husband.
Addictions rob men of spiritual, emotional, moral and sexual development. Dr. Weiss will be addressing the maturing process. Also he would like to address some of the questions you might have about this topic on this DVD. Send your questions or thoughts pertaining to this subject to heart2heart@xc.org
This sounds so intentional and like a total narcissist! I can’t help but feel that my husband is doing this on purpose. I need out because I will soon come to hate him . 🥵
Cal Gal I understand this and your feelings...
Jenni Oxley Thank you Jenni. I hope you’re not in this situation too.
Personally I would not take any advice from an individual who would make the statement "Jesus died on the cross so we can have great sex". These words came out of Doug's mouth when he was a guest on Joni Table Talk (Sexless and Married / May 28, 2019)
WOW - this video is just a little older than my SM. My wife knows my love language is physical touch, so she denies it to the degree that I used to respond out of frustration and anger - giving her the excuse to continue to deny intimacy. Been developing for 15+ years and steadily over the last 10, and nothing for 7. Always some reason as to why, justifying the distance.
I'm so happy to hear this 😭😭😭🙏married for 18 my husband spend most of his time working, with friends every word u said it fits my my life 1 thing I'm not giving up on God 🛐
Wow.. I'm not crazy after all. My husband becomes like a monk, I can't bear the hurt of sleeping next to a corpse who doesn't want anything to do with me, so ask him to sleep in the spare room, then he says it's me that doesn't want sex because I said "no", this is after satisfying him then nothing for me. So 20 years now, no sex, even though he gets aroused near me, he pushed me away. Exactly as is being said here, to the outsider, looks loving & helps everyone else except me. It's affected my already bad health..65 now & how's that going to change if he won't even tell me what the problem is, even though I'm the most understanding person. It is a bad day today!!
Would he watch this or go to counseling. I understand. He has a problem.
@@rachaelireland9467 We have tried counselling before but he's a closed book. Having said that things are better than they were in terms of getting a bit closer. He knows he has a problem but just won't talk about it, and he says he'll come along for counselling then he'll have something else to do & I'll end up going on my own.
So that pretty interesting that he has somehow admitted that he has a problem but just won't follow through with counseling. He may be AFRAID of facing what is wrong with himself. There's definitely TONS of God's promises you can pray on behalf of your husband about that. I am not trying to sound preachy to you. But honestly, God truly helped me pray for him even though my heart hurt so badly. I had to fight our real enemy, satan, even though it was my husband acting out. Let me tell you...it's totally worth it! That's how Jesus fought for us. Anyway, do you know if he is addicted to pornography? That may be one reason he is admitting he has a problem but won't go. That was part of the problem in my marriage. I gave him an ultamatum. He took me seriously and finally went to counseling with our pastor and then a men's sexual recovery group called Conquer Series which has Dr. Doug Weiss in it. Hope this helps
If I had to guess without going into a long story, I would say he has had a very long term addiction to pornography.
@bravoman so that just means your balls hadn't dropped when you married. If you had the BALLS you would have thought for yourself. Now you're just playing victim. You're no BRAVOman ...you're a LAYMAN
This also applies for a covert narcissistic personality
If its the same. Well I know for a fact that n narccisis will never change!!! Because I am married to one...!
Me too and it's a hard life to live
I hear you on that. They love seeing you beg for anything genuine and pandering like a needy dog year after year
After about one year of marriage, 32.5 years ago, my wife got angry at me for some reason I've long since forgotten and told me to leave the marriage bed. I left, of course, but the event got me to realize that if a wife has the right to kick her husband out of his bed, then the husband has no rights at all since in my case I would never kick someone out of their own be. I never again thought of the bedroom as "ours" and we have never shared a bedroom since. Thus, the end of our sorry marriage. Since we are Catholic it is till death do...Our marriage is just a waiting game until death. Yes, I think I am the anorexic.
I'm married and alone 😥.. I've taken care and supported my wife for all the years we been together.. fought and forgave her over and over again.. she just got into the military, and now she treats me really horrible.. she looks and treats me like I'm disgusting. 😥. I go church every Sunday and I pray for us! I've done literally everything in my power, I don't know start else I can do. Please help
Praying for you
It’s a narcissistic sham! They are two faced. Loving in public and rejecting in private.
This. is. me. Been. married. 46 years. on November 12th.
Married. to a controller!!
I have. chronic. pain. and am. on. meds....3. grown. Xn. kids......all. radicals. for. Jesus
Sounds a lot like narcissism… if it’s narcissistic personality disorder … this cannot be changed.
This is an answered prayer💞thank you💞
Oh my gosh. You nailed it! 40 years has worn me out! My councilor said I’m living on table scraps!
Let me just say this... some men are hiding 'bearded" about their sexuality, not interested in wife/female .. keep that in mind.
Exactly!
Thank you all
I'm reading the comments and many people conflating this to narcissism. I'm inclined to see more passive-aggressiveness than narcissism. (Granted they are on the same wave lenght)
Abuse is abuse no matter what form it takes
@@pratiksridhar3459 Agreed
Covert narcissism
@@Webbgurl2000 Agreed!
Stay SINGLE!
👍👍👍
Is there really hope...I doubt it!
I have been through this now, i become fat because of my self esteem is low, because my husband is starving me, i felt lonely after marriage
If ones spouse refuses to sleep wt partner for years...is divorce permissible? Bcos they have broken their marriage covenant .
I believe you absolutely have every right and reason to divorce.
After all of this interview with Doug weiss in the marriage ministry
And there was no hope for his marriage with Lisa he Divorced her and married joni lamb this is adultery he needs to get out from counseling married couples sit back God is not mocked
Wow I had no idea. Need to research this - Thanks Joyce - MF
I am the person who is living with a spouse who suffer from anoroxia as I gelt he exactly describing all what I am feeling and being saying to my spouse, true he is a nice sweet person help everybody but not me, not true that they don't cheat its not a fact as mine cheated used porn, private video chats, prostitutes, phone sex you name it . Plus I am the one who is being blamed and critised matried 5 years.
Oh my gosh! This is exactly. If they can blame you for the issue that is the good coin.
I am a senior now & I am still so hurt & lonely when I am with (not really with) my husband. We have been married for 34 years.
Thanks for sharing Mary J Russel! I also am a senior citizen and in a similar situation to yours (add 10 years) but amazingly am now walking in peace through the help of others who understand this issue. You might consider joining an IA phone group like the one I have been helped by. For more information check out this link: tnrccounseling.org/groups
Mary J Russell Me too Mary 😪. Interestingly, I am never lonely when I’m truly alone. Good luck to you...
Mary J Russell That is how i use to feel ALL the time, before practicing detaching from him the same way he has from me. Overall, i've now just begun to create a completely separate new life, that he isn't part of. There are times that we still present as couple & it is just an odd feel, like standing next to a ghost of my past now. All i can feel is that i am "not really with" him. Sometimes, i hurt when i see my friends that still lol together/ makes me a lil jelly...but i like me w/o him, i like me not begging him to love me & that is enough.
@@calgal5752 Now that i've accepted i'm an emotional widow. That he made a choice to leave me. Now that i am no longer constantly trying to fix the marriage...i don't feel alone anymore. When i am truly alone, i like me now. His abandonment turned me into a weak, begging, bitching, crying, lonely, needy mess. Not AnyMore Tho..I like me W/o him...his choice, his loss.
Star Belly Good for you! Best wishes 👍
After marrying, stay chaseable. Do the things u did before marriage. Communication & respect helps! 🤷♀️🇦🇺
It didn't help me because I wasn't the one with the control, o wasn't the withholding partner
Anorexics don’t care about being available or chaseable because they fear closeness.
If you find yourself in an IA marriage, I urge you to schedule an intensive at Heart2heart ASAP!
What is this and is it available through Skype or similar? I'm based in Ireland. Thank you☺
@@annak8083 Hi, Anna! You can find details about the intensives offered at Heart to Heart Counseling Center here: www.drdougweiss.com/intensives/
If you're looking for support, Heart to Heart offers specialized therapy and phone support groups for people who are looking for help. Here is the phone number - 719-278-3708 or email heart2heart@xc.org
I additionally sponsor a free online support group here: facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Google it. It is ran by Dr. Doug Weiss and other Christian therapists. It's in Colorado in the U.S....a long way from Ireland. But I believe they do sessions via phone. It would be worth it.
What is the difference between this person and narcissist? Honesty want to know. I thought mine was a narcissist but sounds like this as well.
You are correct Wendy, Intimacy Anorexia seems to simply be a fresh new term to describe the somewhat worn out term of Narcissism. "Hijackals" is another (fun) name for these very difficult people. Learn more here: th-cam.com/users/ForRelationshipHelp - MF
They want distance but they can’t stand living alone, just sick!
Very informative video. Really helpful
I am married and very alone. Married for 37 years and can't even touch the partener.
So sorry fjones63. But there is definitely help available for you, and even also for your spouse if they are willing. Checkout this material by Milan & Kay Yerkovich. It has begun to eliminate loneliness in my own marriage: th-cam.com/play/PLqEV_ocYVi8OXHOT_tXaLArJ4T4XrkqnO.html MF
Wow going through the same thing. I'm on my way out of this he will never admit to this, so starved for love and intimacy, touch
Lolo Glow Me too...
Same 4 me
@@MendingFamily They have to be willing to get help though.. And if they're not...?
I never understood till i heard this. Thank you
In my case, my intimate anorexic husband did have an emotional affair after 29 years of marriage! Even though he is staying in the marriage, I’m now the intimate anorexic! I can’t get close to him because he’s not safe. Even though he understands how much he’s hurt me by the lying & cheating, he doesn’t do anything to help me heal or have the difficult conversations! He’s been sleeping in the guest room for 3 years, since D-day & seems to be OK with it! If it’s really intentional on his part, why should I want to continue hoping for a restored relationship with him?
It’s called reflexive intimacy anorexia. It’s because you’re being rejected over and over.
@@Webbgurl2000 Thanks, Tu. I had a feeling it was something like that. I’ve noticed that you and I are on a lot of the same discovery trail of resources regarding betrayal. You usually give others good advice. It’s nice to know I’m not alone and that there are others out there like me who are trying to make sense of the life they now have that they didn’t choose. I always read what you have to say when I run across your comments. You seem pretty sensible.
GET OUT......RUN DON'T WALK!
Wow, thank you for helping me understand.
You need to start by defining intimacy. Often men can't have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy and women vice versa and neither will compromise so you have an impasse.
A lot of times - women start off having it from men, and then once they settle in and get everything they want - the withholding starts and the distance from the husband begins.
I hear you and I agree with everything you are saying but one person can't fix a relationship.
What if the other partner is really tired and depressed. Is it even worth it to keep fighting, reading for a relationship with a person who does not see your worth?
Great question. Don't rule out the possibility of Autism Spectrum Disorder. You might look for an online test and work through it from the perspective of your partner. Good luck - MF
It sounds to me that this is the same as a narccisist!!!!
Correct
Yes exactly and that person needs deliverance
It can be the narcissist or the codependent
Many of them do cheat! Even if its just telling OTHER women how beautiful they are while they NEVER compliment their spouse!!!
tell you whats wrong with you and you stick up for your self then theirs just defense
6:50-9:00
Whoa I didn't understand it's intentional
It is well.
Thanks Dr
Dr Doug Weiss said , all marriages can be healed , him a preaching , and didn’t take heed to anything he said , I think he has a lot of narcissist behavior. He should never counsel again ,after he divorced his wife , and Joni sits up there and claims , you can get a divorce if there’s abuse , addiction, adultery ,or abandonment, Joni said it’s not my place to say why Doug divorced biblically , maybe Joni should preach family’s pray together and get the lust out of there eyes , stay together , and old Doug an his wife were so spoken highly of being such good Christian counselors , and Doug did counseling with Marcus and Joni , pretty ugly why he came back after Marcus passed , the devil , comes to kill steal and destroy .
Sir , science can not justify biblical principal
Yup all of the above 😳
He is describing what he knows because it is who he is. Let the Holy Spirit give you
discernment . Get real Christian help. This is not it!
Where are the restoration couples in a sexless marriage? This is painful. My self esteem.I am deeply wounded from years of my husband not making love to me. I am heartbroken. Please God unite us in intimacy and love. Pleas restore our marriage Jesus. I know all about sexual anorexia.
My husband finally has started testosterone therapy and now he feels good and wants to be with me. Unfortunately I am broken and Clinically depression. How do I give my husband love and intimacy now?
I went through this for years. I ended up having an affair which of course he blames me for. We divorced and I'm so glad I did.
How is it now
Here’s the typical situation:
The relationship is great at the beginning. The man does everything to meet his wife’s needs, and the wife meets the husband’s sexual needs. The
As time goes on, the man continues to do everything he’s always done. He works long hours. He works extra jobs. He cooks. He cleans. He does laundry. He does the dishes. He sweeps. Vacuums. Dusts. Mops. Picks up after himself. He does the lawn work. He buys her gifts. Takes her to dinner. To the movies. Takes her shopping. He doesn’t abuse her physically or mentally or emotionally. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t do drugs. He doesn’t gamble. He gives up golf. Softball. His motorcycle. Hanging out with his friends.
As time goes by, she begins to reject his intimacy needs. Yet he continues doing everything he’s always done.
And she rejects him more and more and more.
The rejections turn into weeks. The weeks turn into months. The months turn into a years.
Now the man is angry all the time. He is moody. He is irritable. In short, he walks around pissed off all the time because he’s been rejected countless times.
NOW....now the wife uses his anger as justification to reject his intimacy needs. She says, “You walk around pissed off all the time, and then you expect me to have sex with you!”
And once again, you’re up til 3am because you’re so angry that you can’t sleep. And your wife is over there sleeping like a baby, because she got exactly what she wanted.
And THAT is how most situations are.
Or Your Husband.
Is there a support group in Burbank, Pasadena or LA Area? Please help. So much darkness and depression again.
Holy wow I get it now!!!
Sometimes it is not so simple to trace back what started the disconnection in the marriage. In my case I have a trust issue and because I do not trust my partner to give me the emotional support as he didn't give me the support I needed in many cases and I do not feel loved. For this reason I distance myself from him physically. It might be seen as a revenge but I cannot trust him when the only interest he shows me is sexual. So who is the one that is intimacy anorektic in this case? Is it both of us?
How do I talk to my wife about this? She has 7 of the signs of being both sexual and intimacy anorexic.
You woman on here saying yeah my husbands this and that need to take a look in the mirror and see what it is that u are doing and or done to make him be how he is... y’all think it’s ok to act like psychopaths once a damn month and we are all just supposed to keep bending over backwards to u
Victim Blaming
Both people can have Intimacy Anorexia
Education and knowledge wont bring the anorexic help at all. especially if that person hates your advice or has massive pride issues on top.
So the anorexic shuts down with everything but marrige advice? Doesn't make sense doc.why would the person you said shuts down when you try to talk about ANYTHING listen to your advice about the marrige?
Yes. Not everyone changes when they hear the truth.
I think that with narcissists is more difficult because they also need to realize the are narcissists
where are the support groups
That's the REALLY BIG question isn't it! Real Lady, these folks seem to be working on the answer: wnaad.com/ MF
I have started a free online Married and Alone Group which you may find helpful: facebook.com/groups/MarriedandAlone/
Support Groups here: www.meetup.com/topics/narcissism/all/
Hi one question. Can there be a marriage both people with intimacy anorexia ?
Margaret, yes based upon my understanding that Intimacy Anorexia is the direct equivalent to Narcissism, I would recommend this very detailed video by Dr. Grande. Hang with him to the end where he seems to answer your good question: th-cam.com/video/IQy7Lofj2Pg/w-d-xo.html
This Dr Weiss looks shady.
i wonder if my husband and i both have this.....10 years
Whenever anyone wonders if they have this issue (or Narcissism) - they don't have it!
Make the test!
What if they caused it?
I don't think so. These behaviors were probably rooted deeply in our husbands before we showed up in their lives. We can soberly own our own mistakes and give them to Christ and let His grace and truth transform us but don't allow satan to accuse you or lay on guilt. It's just that when they are in a close relationship like marriage I think their problems really come to the surface. Dr. Weiss is saying it's not the spouses fault.
Jesus thank u.... like honestly not a damn single word mentioned about that.
Dr Weiss is Married to Joni Lamb now
Dr. Weiss failed to follow his own advice. He divorced his wife and married Joanie Lamb
before the ink had dried on the divorce papers. Was he in a IA
marriage?"
Doug is a False prophet, sex addict narcissist ... seek the truth ✝️
Doug weiss needs Jesus
FALSE PROPHET, NARCISSIST ADULTERER 👹
Hit the nail on the head... I just want a hug!!!! And watch, if i go try to get one she will sigh or roll her eyes..:( 😖
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, Josh. You are not alone. There are many men who are experiencing the feeling of being married and alone in their marriage. I have a support group for men who are experiencing this very issue. You can find it here: facebook.com/groups/supportgroupSAIA/
U r not alone dude. Sometimes a woman wont allow u to even see her in her bra for years. Can a Christian man still stay in this marriage?
I'm just wondering if by any chance you have done anything in your past to hurt her or perhaps she was sexually or physically abused by someone in her past. I know I had a problem with being hugged and I could never look my husband in his eyes. I would always look down at the floor because of past hurt.
These ppl are A).a narcissist or B).asexual....ive lived w one for 7 years and Christian counseling never swayed them to heal or change...i quit trying...just not wirth your heart and soul.
Another good vid where I wish the female interviewer will shush and let the man speak!
I believe she asked some good questions.
I was alone fore most of my 40 yr marriage. Very passive aggressive man. It destroyed me. The church doesn't know what to do with us. I was glad when he died.
@@ruthketchum2140 Ruth, you are so right! The church doesn’t care either
wow
I need the support groups. Where are they? I am in Irvine,CA
VanessaSimon26, There is an active one in Costa Mesa, probably not that far from you. www.meetup.com/OC-Narcissism-Counter-Intelligence-Cell/ It also looks like 4 people in Irvine want to form a group and need an organizer, but maybe you are not ready for that leap YET! Please check back with us on how it goes ok? In my state - Idaho - there were none so I am in the process of forming one. Blessings to you on your journey to wholeness... MF
MendingFamily thank you so much!!!!! I appreciate it! Trying to heal my marriage and seeing a sex therapist together!