Oh yes, sooo relatable! That feeling of bioling over and then a signal of "comminucating annoyance", like that headshake, rolling eyes, a "tss tss", or worse, using the horn when in a car. This happened to me the other day. I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day...
Indeed. If I don't communicate my annoyance, however harmlessly, I'm going to project the annoyance inwards...and there's enough inner turmoil going on, what with being autistic 'n' all. I should have been more patient, but the guy should've cut me some slack. And he would never have challenged me if, for example, I looked like my friend Paul (go see his TH-cam channel - Adult with Autism - it's very good).
These days it is not safe to show even mild annoyance. Head shakes and indeed sticking up a finger ( 🤚 guilty 🤭) sends people into paroxysms of rage even when they are in the wrong. I am finding that I am now invisible. I plucked up the courage to go out and get some food. People kept walking into me or stopping in front of me. Unfortunately, I have started saying, quite loudly, "I must be invisible!" I hope I am still alive to watch another of your videos 😁
It is safer to contain mild annoyance, as you never know who might overreact. People seem to sense that I'm autistic and 'lesser' than them, and therefore a target for bullying. And people wonder why I try to fade into the background!
I should have just done angry face, but only once my head was turned so he couldn't see me. The last thing I want is confrontation with a stranger...and yet, on this occasion, that is exactly what happened. I'm still learning!
I used to think that everyone got stressed in crowded environments. Turns out that 'claustrophobic airport mood' is quite the standard. I don't get it.
Totally relatable. The added stress of being in a non-comforting (I can't think of the correct word) area, for me at least will often lead to heated confrontations. I was once escorted out of an airport by 6 machine gun wielding security staff; that's a story for another time.
I know what you mean! I hate people getting in my way/ getting in other people's way. I usually walk down one side of the pavement to avoid this happening - sometimes i walk along the kerb to avoid people!!
I was on a demo in my local high street a few months ago, and someone shoulder-barged me. It's a minor miracle I didn't challenge them and/or have a meltdown.
That's uncannily similar to an encounter I had about 3 years ago, but in my case I didn't even knowingly give any sign of annoyance. I was just out for a walk in the afternoon in the week following Christmas, going along a road past some houses. The footpath was only wide enough for one person, and had a grass verge along either side. Ahead of me I saw a man in his 60's I guessed, getting a pile of Christmas presents out of his car, and at that stage he was on the grass verge by the road so my path was clear. As I got within about 15 Ft, he stepped onto the path as if to cross it to head to the gate to a house, but he just stopped in the middle of the path and stood there, so he was now blocking my way. Still approaching, the options raced through my head, I didn't want to cut across his path in front of him, so I opted to veer onto the grass by the road and pass behind him. I just kept looking a the ground as I passed because I didn't want to tread in anything nasty. When I was a little way past him, he called out at me: "Oi! Got a problem?!" I'd no idea I'd done anything wrong, so I turned round and said "No, I was just giving you space." To which he seemed get more angry and started yelling at me. I didn't want to stay and argue or fight, so I decided to just give up and continued on my way. When I was further down the same road, he caught up with me in his car, and drove past with his window down yelling expletives at me again and saying "Get a life, weirdo!" This was really unsettling for me, as I don't set out to deliberately annoy anyone, and would much rather go completely unnoticed and invisibly about my way, and not interact with any strangers. So it played on my mind for days, going over the scenario again and again in my head, trying to work out what I should have done differently. Maybe he stopped to let me pass in front of him, and was annoyed that I didn't do that and acknowledge him for it, but then why step into my way in the first place, he could have passed straight across before I reached him, or waited on the verge by his car. Maybe he expected me to stop in my track, and politely say "After you." and gesture to him to continue across, but I didn't think of that as a third option in the moment. Maybe as I was hurriedly thinking through the options my face gave an unintentional vexed expression and looked to him like I was annoyed at him, and that bothered him. Maybe it was just that I didn't acknowledge his presence and say hi as I passed, but not everyone does that so it hardly seems a massive offence. I'll probably never know for sure. I knew at the time, it must be an "ND meets NT" type conflict, and do I expect to have misunderstandings with people, but that encounter really made me think I must appear a lot more weird and Autistic than I mostly feel myself normally, tucked away in my safe space alone and only occasionally speaking to people who know me and don't appear bothered by how I might seem to them. I suspect I don't mask all that well. Apologies for the massive infodump 3 weeks after the video, I only just found your channel via Orion's, and am currently binge-watching your back-catalogue. This one resonated loudly for me, so I felt the need to share. Many thanks for your videos, and for reading this far, if you did.
I'm sorry you had that experience, but I'm grateful you have shared it. Also, sorry for the delayed reply - I'm still catching up on comments after the Orion interview. I identified with these two comments in particular: 'I don't set out to deliberately annoy anyone, and would much rather go completely unnoticed and invisibly about my way, and not interact with any strangers.' 'I must appear a lot more weird and Autistic than I mostly feel myself normally, tucked away in my safe space alone and only occasionally speaking to people who know me and don't appear bothered by how I might seem to them. I suspect I don't mask all that well.'
@@Autistic_Not_Alien Many thanks for reading an replying Neil. Completely understand about the delay, I know it can take me all day to reply to about 4 or 5 work related emails with what I feel is sufficient depth of detail (they usually end up being quite lengthy), so can imagine the overwhelm of having hundreds of comments that you feel you should responded to.
I'm listenning to the song, I didn't know it. What you described happened to me so many times, I've never been able to be more patient in a street or a shop. And body language is a tricky thing... Excellent video !
I've programmed myself to utter a preemptive "pardon me", "excuse me", or "sorry" to avoid difficult interactions such as these, but it bears mentioning that I'm Canadian and that the "sorry" factor is quite common and almost ingrained in the Canadian DNA. Often times, it's an exchange of apologies for simply getting close to being in each other's space. I feel like there may be a real benefit for a sort of social conversation preperation class for neurodivergent and neurotypical alike that illustrates the many facets of what a social situation may entail. I practice social convention and courtesy, and it's proven invaluable despite how challenging these interactions still are. In the past I'd discuss practicing social convention with a coworker and we'd talk about the art of conversation and how to achieve a certain standard... I'm beginning to think they may have on the spectrum as well with how these exchanges manifested.
A couple of days ago, a cleaner came into my room unannounced (I was staying in college accommodation during a trip to my old university). I was still in bed and *I* was the one who said sorry!
I love hearing your thoughts and musings over how the situation might have been dealt with differently. In addition to the fact that you give me new things to consider in my day to day life, things that might help the day go more smoothly, I so enjoy your wonderful sense of humor. You are adorable and funny.
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. Helping the day go more smoothly is precisely why I started the channel, and making people laugh is a bonus.
I love the distinction you make in the beginning about the discomfort and exhaustion of being around other people not being equivalent with hating people in general. The part about avoiding an acquaintance in public is very relatable. I've done it more than once. And I think we can all relate to our autistic traits leading us to feel like curmudgeoning, angry old people...
Thank you very much, Jenn. Busy environments and being in a group of people is discomforting, and everyone wants to be comfortable if they can help it, right? Facilitating our own needs doesn't mean we're grumpy. We're important too.
Most people do not appear to have situational awareness about their surroundings... it isn't fair to everybody else they share the space with. The correct course of action that the man should have taken was to stop in a space that wasn't creating a blockade. Courtesy works both ways, you should be patient (and it sounds like you were since you didn't just run over the guy) but he shouldn't be creating the situation where others have to accommodate his choices when it could be avoided.
Yeah, he just stopped in the street, but I really should have just taken a deep breath and moved around him without any drama. And I have done what he did, I'm sure of that. But I doubt he gets so overwhelmed by crowded spaces.
Hah, too funny..thx. I would guess others would feel uncomfortable, confused with you as likley cannot with ease fake facial expressions and hide feelings in that way? And as myself you are adhd too. I read a girl say on reddit once (adhd) "I just want to say Sorry to everyone I have ever known, and will ever know" adhdr will appreciate that. Before i was aware. When I would feel like i was annoying with a transaction I would lie and say sorry, i have a brain injury from skiing accident. Oh my gosh..people would instantly be so nice, so accomodating. Call me son, sweetie etc. They got a genuine uplift so i didn't feel bad. Sometimes i might get a freebie burger. Lol i am all good with adhd now but get too much information asd so use that still. Get a better response then saying autistic and do not want to make it look like autism is at all a problem for me,, the disability myth.
It's sad that telling someone you have a skiing-related brain injury can lead to kinder treatment than if you were to tell the truth that you're autistic. However, as an autistic person, I'm rather partial to the truth, and people's aversion to autism is a problem to overcome. I wonder how many TH-cam videos it will take? Maybe I'm just screaming into the void? Oh well, as long as there are some laughs to be had.
@@Autistic_Not_Alien strange world. I love my differents . So many positives. Even when someone asks me why i can pull off cool beneficial out of box solutions for them and others. If I explain that is a positive trait with my autism. Our brains neurons for cognitive thinking fire off highly. Just is. They invariably behave suspect. Cause of course I don't look or behave autistic. If I toe walked and hit my head they will believe. It is so exhaustive. I didn't realise all my life people were so entrenched in their beliefs. Not accepting, interested in diverse types until aware. Did I slip into an alternate world with autistic? Friggin feels like it sometimes. Most will accept sexual diversity. Celebrate that but diverse brains is a no go. Most often I just share autistic and brace for the response. Great if their adult son is say an aspie..they love sharing. But if a boy they can't make the jump to adults asd. I hear your frustration. If I was rich still I would hire to have a t v. Series that is awesome and depicts autistic truthfully so a wider population gets us. Very much enjoying your channel. Thx
Oh yes, sooo relatable! That feeling of bioling over and then a signal of "comminucating annoyance", like that headshake, rolling eyes, a "tss tss", or worse, using the horn when in a car. This happened to me the other day. I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day...
Indeed. If I don't communicate my annoyance, however harmlessly, I'm going to project the annoyance inwards...and there's enough inner turmoil going on, what with being autistic 'n' all. I should have been more patient, but the guy should've cut me some slack. And he would never have challenged me if, for example, I looked like my friend Paul (go see his TH-cam channel - Adult with Autism - it's very good).
These days it is not safe to show even mild annoyance. Head shakes and indeed sticking up a finger ( 🤚 guilty 🤭) sends people into paroxysms of rage even when they are in the wrong.
I am finding that I am now invisible. I plucked up the courage to go out and get some food. People kept walking into me or stopping in front of me. Unfortunately, I have started saying, quite loudly, "I must be invisible!" I hope I am still alive to watch another of your videos 😁
It is safer to contain mild annoyance, as you never know who might overreact. People seem to sense that I'm autistic and 'lesser' than them, and therefore a target for bullying. And people wonder why I try to fade into the background!
@@Autistic_Not_Alien Yeah, and an added plus is that fading into the background is one of my special interests.
the head shake is so relatable i wish i could just do thumbs down and make angry face to people to convey annoyance
I should have just done angry face, but only once my head was turned so he couldn't see me. The last thing I want is confrontation with a stranger...and yet, on this occasion, that is exactly what happened. I'm still learning!
Yep! Crowds and bustle; I always try to considerate and polite, but dysregulation happens.
More and more, I try to avoid going inside stores, lol.
I used to think that everyone got stressed in crowded environments. Turns out that 'claustrophobic airport mood' is quite the standard. I don't get it.
Totally relatable. The added stress of being in a non-comforting (I can't think of the correct word) area, for me at least will often lead to heated confrontations. I was once escorted out of an airport by 6 machine gun wielding security staff; that's a story for another time.
Oh goodness, that sounds stressful!
I know what you mean! I hate people getting in my way/ getting in other people's way. I usually walk down one side of the pavement to avoid this happening - sometimes i walk along the kerb to avoid people!!
I was on a demo in my local high street a few months ago, and someone shoulder-barged me. It's a minor miracle I didn't challenge them and/or have a meltdown.
That's uncannily similar to an encounter I had about 3 years ago, but in my case I didn't even knowingly give any sign of annoyance. I was just out for a walk in the afternoon in the week following Christmas, going along a road past some houses. The footpath was only wide enough for one person, and had a grass verge along either side. Ahead of me I saw a man in his 60's I guessed, getting a pile of Christmas presents out of his car, and at that stage he was on the grass verge by the road so my path was clear. As I got within about 15 Ft, he stepped onto the path as if to cross it to head to the gate to a house, but he just stopped in the middle of the path and stood there, so he was now blocking my way. Still approaching, the options raced through my head, I didn't want to cut across his path in front of him, so I opted to veer onto the grass by the road and pass behind him. I just kept looking a the ground as I passed because I didn't want to tread in anything nasty. When I was a little way past him, he called out at me: "Oi! Got a problem?!" I'd no idea I'd done anything wrong, so I turned round and said "No, I was just giving you space." To which he seemed get more angry and started yelling at me. I didn't want to stay and argue or fight, so I decided to just give up and continued on my way. When I was further down the same road, he caught up with me in his car, and drove past with his window down yelling expletives at me again and saying "Get a life, weirdo!"
This was really unsettling for me, as I don't set out to deliberately annoy anyone, and would much rather go completely unnoticed and invisibly about my way, and not interact with any strangers. So it played on my mind for days, going over the scenario again and again in my head, trying to work out what I should have done differently. Maybe he stopped to let me pass in front of him, and was annoyed that I didn't do that and acknowledge him for it, but then why step into my way in the first place, he could have passed straight across before I reached him, or waited on the verge by his car. Maybe he expected me to stop in my track, and politely say "After you." and gesture to him to continue across, but I didn't think of that as a third option in the moment. Maybe as I was hurriedly thinking through the options my face gave an unintentional vexed expression and looked to him like I was annoyed at him, and that bothered him. Maybe it was just that I didn't acknowledge his presence and say hi as I passed, but not everyone does that so it hardly seems a massive offence. I'll probably never know for sure.
I knew at the time, it must be an "ND meets NT" type conflict, and do I expect to have misunderstandings with people, but that encounter really made me think I must appear a lot more weird and Autistic than I mostly feel myself normally, tucked away in my safe space alone and only occasionally speaking to people who know me and don't appear bothered by how I might seem to them. I suspect I don't mask all that well.
Apologies for the massive infodump 3 weeks after the video, I only just found your channel via Orion's, and am currently binge-watching your back-catalogue. This one resonated loudly for me, so I felt the need to share. Many thanks for your videos, and for reading this far, if you did.
I'm sorry you had that experience, but I'm grateful you have shared it. Also, sorry for the delayed reply - I'm still catching up on comments after the Orion interview. I identified with these two comments in particular:
'I don't set out to deliberately annoy anyone, and would much rather go completely unnoticed and invisibly about my way, and not interact with any strangers.'
'I must appear a lot more weird and Autistic than I mostly feel myself normally, tucked away in my safe space alone and only occasionally speaking to people who know me and don't appear bothered by how I might seem to them. I suspect I don't mask all that well.'
@@Autistic_Not_Alien Many thanks for reading an replying Neil. Completely understand about the delay, I know it can take me all day to reply to about 4 or 5 work related emails with what I feel is sufficient depth of detail (they usually end up being quite lengthy), so can imagine the overwhelm of having hundreds of comments that you feel you should responded to.
I'm listenning to the song, I didn't know it. What you described happened to me so many times, I've never been able to be more patient in a street or a shop. And body language is a tricky thing... Excellent video !
It's good to know I'm not the only one!
I've programmed myself to utter a preemptive "pardon me", "excuse me", or "sorry" to avoid difficult interactions such as these, but it bears mentioning that I'm Canadian and that the "sorry" factor is quite common and almost ingrained in the Canadian DNA. Often times, it's an exchange of apologies for simply getting close to being in each other's space.
I feel like there may be a real benefit for a sort of social conversation preperation class for neurodivergent and neurotypical alike that illustrates the many facets of what a social situation may entail. I practice social convention and courtesy, and it's proven invaluable despite how challenging these interactions still are.
In the past I'd discuss practicing social convention with a coworker and we'd talk about the art of conversation and how to achieve a certain standard... I'm beginning to think they may have on the spectrum as well with how these exchanges manifested.
A couple of days ago, a cleaner came into my room unannounced (I was staying in college accommodation during a trip to my old university). I was still in bed and *I* was the one who said sorry!
I love hearing your thoughts and musings over how the situation might have been dealt with differently. In addition to the fact that you give me new things to consider in my day to day life, things that might help the day go more smoothly, I so enjoy your wonderful sense of humor. You are adorable and funny.
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. Helping the day go more smoothly is precisely why I started the channel, and making people laugh is a bonus.
Ah yes, autism for the Good, the Bad and the _Misunderstandings_ ; relatable!
Yes! More autistic film titles please. :)
I love the distinction you make in the beginning about the discomfort and exhaustion of being around other people not being equivalent with hating people in general.
The part about avoiding an acquaintance in public is very relatable. I've done it more than once.
And I think we can all relate to our autistic traits leading us to feel like curmudgeoning, angry old people...
Thank you very much, Jenn. Busy environments and being in a group of people is discomforting, and everyone wants to be comfortable if they can help it, right? Facilitating our own needs doesn't mean we're grumpy. We're important too.
Was that part of the Jetsons theme song in the beginning?
Yay! You're the first person to recognise it! Well spotted!
Oh my, yeah, lol! I used to watch the Jetsons when I was very young.
Maybe it explains why I like to make the sounds of this opening song. 😀
😊
Most people do not appear to have situational awareness about their surroundings... it isn't fair to everybody else they share the space with. The correct course of action that the man should have taken was to stop in a space that wasn't creating a blockade. Courtesy works both ways, you should be patient (and it sounds like you were since you didn't just run over the guy) but he shouldn't be creating the situation where others have to accommodate his choices when it could be avoided.
Yeah, he just stopped in the street, but I really should have just taken a deep breath and moved around him without any drama. And I have done what he did, I'm sure of that. But I doubt he gets so overwhelmed by crowded spaces.
Hah, too funny..thx. I would guess others would feel uncomfortable, confused with you as likley cannot with ease fake facial expressions and hide feelings in that way? And as myself you are adhd too. I read a girl say on reddit once (adhd) "I just want to say Sorry to everyone I have ever known, and will ever know" adhdr will appreciate that. Before i was aware. When I would feel like i was annoying with a transaction I would lie and say sorry, i have a brain injury from skiing accident. Oh my gosh..people would instantly be so nice, so accomodating. Call me son, sweetie etc. They got a genuine uplift so i didn't feel bad. Sometimes i might get a freebie burger. Lol i am all good with adhd now but get too much information asd so use that still. Get a better response then saying autistic and do not want to make it look like autism is at all a problem for me,, the disability myth.
It's sad that telling someone you have a skiing-related brain injury can lead to kinder treatment than if you were to tell the truth that you're autistic. However, as an autistic person, I'm rather partial to the truth, and people's aversion to autism is a problem to overcome. I wonder how many TH-cam videos it will take? Maybe I'm just screaming into the void? Oh well, as long as there are some laughs to be had.
@@Autistic_Not_Alien strange world. I love my differents . So many positives. Even when someone asks me why i can pull off cool beneficial out of box solutions for them and others. If I explain that is a positive trait with my autism. Our brains neurons for cognitive thinking fire off highly. Just is. They invariably behave suspect. Cause of course I don't look or behave autistic. If I toe walked and hit my head they will believe. It is so exhaustive. I didn't realise all my life people were so entrenched in their beliefs. Not accepting, interested in diverse types until aware. Did I slip into an alternate world with autistic? Friggin feels like it sometimes. Most will accept sexual diversity. Celebrate that but diverse brains is a no go. Most often I just share autistic and brace for the response. Great if their adult son is say an aspie..they love sharing. But if a boy they can't make the jump to adults asd. I hear your frustration. If I was rich still I would hire to have a t v. Series that is awesome and depicts autistic truthfully so a wider population gets us. Very much enjoying your channel. Thx