This is Difficult to Point Out to Women | Jordan Peterson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
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ABOUT DR. JORDAN PETERSON
Jordan Peterson is a renowned Canadian psychologist, author, and professor, widely acclaimed for his profound insights into the human psyche and his contributions to the field of psychology. With an illustrious career spanning several decades, Peterson has earned a remarkable reputation for his thought-provoking ideas and transformative teachings.
Peterson's academic achievements are truly exceptional. He holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Alberta and has served as a professor at the University of Toronto. Throughout his career, he has published numerous influential papers and articles, making significant contributions to the field. Notably, his work on personality psychology and the psychology of religious and ideological belief systems has garnered widespread recognition.
One of the striking indicators of Peterson's impact is his exceptional citation count on Google Scholar of over 20,000 citations. His research has been cited by scholars and researchers worldwide, highlighting the significance and relevance of his ideas. This recognition reflects the profound influence he has had on the academic community and the intellectual discourse surrounding psychology.
Beyond his academic accomplishments, Peterson's influence extends to a global audience through his bestselling books and captivating lectures. His book, "Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief," explores the psychological foundations of belief systems and offers a compelling framework for understanding human motivation and meaning-making. Peterson's subsequent book, "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos," has become an international phenomenon, captivating readers with its practical guidance on personal development and the pursuit of meaning in life.
Peterson's lectures and public appearances have attracted millions of viewers, demonstrating the immense impact of his insights on individuals seeking guidance and personal growth. His ability to articulate complex ideas in a relatable and accessible manner has resonated with people from diverse backgrounds, fostering deep introspection and inspiring positive change.
While Peterson's accolades and achievements are numerous, it is his unwavering commitment to exploring the depths of human nature and empowering individuals to take responsibility for their lives that truly sets him apart. Through his profound understanding of psychology, his dedication to research, and his compelling storytelling, Jordan Peterson has emerged as a leading figure in the quest for personal transformation and the pursuit of a meaningful existence.
In college, I was ridiculed by other females for openly admitting I wanted to get married and have a family. My instincts told me to make finding a suitable mate as important as obtaining my degrees. Today, I have a wonderful family, including grandchildren.
Sounds like you successfully navigated what you wanted. Thanks for bringing some hope and positivity into this comment section
@@Vextrove I married at 24 and my husband and I had years of fun and travel before I got pregnant at 30. All as per my plan. As it turns out, planning and thinking does usually tend to work out better than strictly running on emotions and spontaneity.
Honestly having a suitable mate is a thousand time more important than degrees.
Good for you! Making time and room to date and get married and have children is a very important part of life.
@@Jean-ix7qk do you still have your ‘mate’?
3:30 those “5 people” are genuine relationships, not hookups. So many of my sisters out there think that they’re giving themselves more choices by hooking up with multiple men. They’re just depriving themselves of the opportunity to genuinely meet a good brother who is A: not playing that game and B: not interested in women who do. Self sabotage.
It's the sad dichotomy of choice
Absolutely. Nothing wrong with getting to know multiple people at the same time to see if any are candidates, but getting involved with more than one at a time just decreases your options. Playing the field filters out anyone who's confident enough in their own value to be uninterested in anyone who doesn't see it. Restricting your involvements to a single individual at a time only filters out people who aren't interested enough in you to try something real, so actually increases your pool of suitable partners.
Very well put.
They have no idea that the man they imagine marrying will not tolerate a woman who has been with 100 guys, and they ruin their futures because there is no flashing warning light telling them that they're becoming completely unwifeable
Women cheat themselves out of the relationships they say they want, then cry foul and blame the men.
The scariest part: Most 35 year old women I meet aren't any more mature than the 25 year olds, but the 35's sense of entitlement are through the roof.
40 years ago a 35 year old woman’s cultural influencers would’ve been 60 year old grandmothers. Now their cultural influencers are 15 year old TikTokers.
Once they hit the brick walls... They'll start humbling real quick whether or not they ever realize it. Because you will always pay the price for lies in some ways or many other.
What rubbish. Ur faukt for u not hunting in the right pool
What sense of entitlement?
@@annaburns2865the idea that they deserve the 6’s due to a perceived sense of value through their physical attractiveness despite being mental and emotional minors, evidenced by thinking the 6’s are or should be the normalized or attainable standard
My only criticism here is that hot, hypersuccesful women aren't intimidating to men in general. They tend to be very hard to deal with. So the kind of man she's looking for, who's living the same high-octane professional life as her, wants to come home to some peace.
There is another model. I know quite a few successful mid 30 women, actually in legal profession, who have family, and whose husbands are basically sweet useless guys in comparison, doing odd works leading nowhere and taking care of children.
@@dmitripogosian5084and those women constantly cheat on them
Many men who are not supremely confident will avoid women who are clearly "out of their league". Life's too short.
@@dmitripogosian5084 "I know quite a few successful mid 30 women...whose husbands are basically sweet useless guys..." - yes, because she's an asshole. Men uniformly want a peaceful life. If you marry an asshole, the easiest way to achieve peace is not to fight her every day on small things, it's to do what she doesn't want to do - take care of the children and house. It's way more peaceful.
one of the best advices I was given in life:
never start a relationship with a woman in a legal profession.
You build a relationship, you don't find one. That hit home for me. My son is 28. He met his girlfriend when he was 14. They are the most stable and happy couple I know. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't leave him if all he had to offer was a card board box to live in. All that matters to them is that they are together.
My wife and I met when we were teenagers and immediately clicked to the point of staying up until 5am just talking. We lived in different cities though, so became friends instead of dating. After being friends for several years we didn't understand that the things we shared and made us important to each other were the things that are actually important to a relationship. We both wasted 20 years dating other people and trying to find the right "butterflies" and excitement/passion. Eventually we decided to give things a try and discovered that the butterflies and excitement can come later, and when they do they are more tied to your appreciation and awe at each other and can be sustained as long as you cultivate appreciation for each other.
I'm thankful for the random set of circumstances that eventually opened our eyes, but also wish that either of us had clued in a decade or two earlier.
Lol how naive of you to write that. If he's 28, in a year he'll be going through his first Saturn return that will bring difficulties into his life. By age 36 he will actually mature. By 38 he'll enter a North Node return cycle that might take away what he though was stable. Momma, you misunderstand life cycles. Study astrology amd don't assume that 2 kids would stay together forever just because they've been together for over 10 years. That's not how reality works. But it sure is nice that they are making it work for now. Gives people hope. :)
@@valshiro515 Imagine wasting your time trying to explain to someone on the internet how they're wrong when your opinions are based entirely on superstitious nonsense.
@@valshiro515 the women I know who take astrology seriously are some of the most miserable people I've ever met
@@kostiemuirhead8187 I thought they were trolling at first, but...I'm not actually sure right now.
"Difficult to Point Out"? That is the understatement of the century. A man telling a 30+ yr old woman this is likely to have his head ripped off.
@@JimBillyRayBob And what would be the point? “You should have got a man earlier because now you’re 30 it’s too late.” Huh???
@@mellocello187 No, how about: stop wasting time and get your priorities straight
@@JimBillyRayBob Bossy much? You know who decides how I spend my time? Me.
@@mellocello187 You chose to use your time to ask me a question and engage in this conversation with me. If you find it not to your liking, perhaps a differnt choice would make you feel better.
@@JimBillyRayBob Again, I will decide. Is that a difficult concept for you?
The high-value men that every woman wants can afford to be extraordinarily picky because they are extraordinarily rare.
High value men are rarer than beautiful women. This is something that generally speaking isn't understood by most. Women's value is given from nature, Men's value is built from society. They expect those men to cater to them but they need to be asking the reverse question.
@@michaeljeffery7466 The don’t want to ask the tough question: what do I have to offer that will convince him to give up access to all the other women interested in him?
@@kellygreenii It's because the culture - & all other men have been telling them since birth that they're perfect the way they are. Constantly inflating their Ego's, & sense of self-esteem. So, their perspectives out-of-touch with reality.
I got no time for that.
Can you explain what makes a man a “high value man that every woman wants”? Because I don’t think these men exist.
“Her career is so hot” said no man ever
It is said that doctors only marry other doctors. This is not true for all high-paying professionals, but there are actually men like that if you can believe it.
@@thegardener3650As a doctor, the only doctor-doctor marriages I know were relationships which started in medical school or earlier. You tend to marry within your social group, and, especially in medical school, that social group is other medical students-you don’t have time for anything else.
This is a half-truth. I've heard MEN say this but not a boy. 🤣😂
A career is a must because husbands die. What do you do then?
I had no issues marrying a man who wasn't going to or doesn't earn as much as I did or have the status I did. The problem I had when dating was meeting men who are insecure about my capabilities and tries to compete with me that they can do better than me. I actually married someone poorer than me with a small debt. But he was a great stay at home dad and had no qualms telling people I'm the ONLY financial provider. Kids grew up well and I was able to focus on growing my career. He finished college and we're both earning 6 figures now. While many people thought he was a loser for marrying "above him" or that he can't be "man enough" for not providing to allow me to stay home. Glad I married a modern man, not a traditionalist one.
Men are not intimidated by successful women. They just know that if they are not as successful, they are out of the running. So they don’t waste their time trying.
I think that it has more to do with the fact that by definition, a successful man is not going to be interested in the character of a successful woman. I have seen these career women: they are often incredibly combative, hold contradictory political views, and consider themselves the "queens" of the open office landscape. A man in the same position is not going to be attracted to this energy, because he has more than enough of it himself. There is no basis for a solid relationship between two people that are exactly the same and in many ways are competing with each other.
@@eadamic17 The problem isn’t that competitive, disagreeable energy in the workplace. The problem is that she usually can’t turn it off after hours. Thats what’s unattractive. So interacting with her in a relationship becomes an exhausting power struggle.
But this is why the men “at her level” (and above aren’t interested in her. My point is that the men “below her” aren’t intimidated. They just aren’t interested in walking into a situation where they aren’t going to be respected. No healthy person is going to do that.
Successful women are also very expensive. I'm not broke, but I'm not living frugally trying to acquire as much property as possible only to splash money on shit like handbags and fancy af dinners all the time. Occasionally maybe.
Accurate take on the situation
True story right there. I met a guy online. We spent 5 months with hours every week face-timing and getting to know each other. He traveled 2000 miles to meet up with me. We had a fun weekend date. He went home at the end of it and ghosted me. One comment he made that sticks out is I'm overly independent, and he was concerned he would not be able to care for me better than I can care for myself. I pointed out that this was his red flag, not mine. If he's insecure about his abilities to care for a wife and family...then he needs to step it up. This guy has been married and divorced twice and has 4 kids between the 2 other women.....I have a lot more red flags on you, mister, than you have on me. So, it's fine he ghosted me. He realized he's wasting time for both of us. Like most men I've dated, it was apparent that all he cared about was sex.
Dating apps are the new evil. They made it way worse for both parties. I strongly prefer real-life dating. May be more challenging socially yet, a lot simpler. Why are people so afraid to get out there and put themselves in the world??
one of the best conclusion & comment!
Because nowadays men are afraid they will be filmed, put on social media, publicly shamed, and humiliated.
And women have been saying for a while now on social media, “Leave us alone!” when they’re out in public.
So for most men (apart from the pick-up artists), it is simply not worth the risk.
People may have baggage such as unresolved traumas. The Lord said "choose life" this seemed good advice 😂😅😊
Yup. Dating apps amplify the apparent abundance of choice and reinforce expectations of more or better. Combine that with the social media landscape that makes people consistently feel like everyone else is doing better than them, and it's a disaster.
Absolutely 👍🏽
In my 20s I never thought like this or heard of the dating hiarchy between men and women. I was 26 dating a 22 year old. Anyways she was immature and found out after a year she wasn’t trustworthy. I met a girl who was my age at 28 years old and she was a breathe of fresh air. She was pretty, she spoke logic and we wanted the same things. 2 years in she became pregnant with our daughter and now 13 years later we have 2 children and happy. Never thought of her “hitting the wall” or competing with 18-35 year olds. But if you can find a women who’s a little older with little baggage with decent values and mature it’s not a bad gig lol. She never dressed scandalous or even really wore makeup so I’m guessing guys over looked her because she didn’t stand out. Look for the diamond in the ruff guys!
@@Mugsey1984 I think not wearing much make up is a very good sign. Woman plastered in make up are a huge red flag as far as I am concerned.
Exactly! I don’t get this whole “hierarchy” thing. It’s not as if we are competing for a job. We are just trying to get a guy. If we lose one guy there are always more fish in the sea.
The only reason women compete is because of the Bachelor.
So you're 43 years old? Or thereabouts.
This means that the woman you dated didn't grow up with social media. Well, that's great for you two, but young men are having to date women who grew up with social media (because all young women did), and that's exponentially more difficult than dating a woman who didn't grow up with social media.
@@annaburns2865 Your thinking is flawed. Dating just like jobs hunting is a zero sum game. There is a limited amount of fish in the sea. And the more requirements you have for that fish, the less options you get. If you want above certain height that cuts a lot of men out, certain income, another chunk is lost, you may want someone who is pretty masculine or like to read books, - more cuts, ect ect. And now the biggest cut - the majority of guys - WILL NOT WANT YOU LONG TERM. And older you are - the bigger that cut is. And women in general like the same guys who have the same traits. There are no women going out hoping to meet some short and bald dude living with his mom. So yeah, you are in competition with the other women who want the same type of a man you are looking for.
@@lightworker2956 Not all women grew up with social media, and unfortunately, the vast majority of current men are still watching pornography. I don’t think the men are so much better than the women these days. I really think this is something that men tell themselves over and over again to make themselves feel better about the fact that women don’t want them. The reason women don’t want modern men is because they are also immature.
My cousin was the lawyer he talked about. At the end of her 20s she married a doctor. He got testicular cancer twice, and became irate any time the hormone patch that gave him sexual function was mentioned. Marriage over in less than three years. Then she was an arrogant, hyper competent woman, divorced, and in her 30s. She had to find a way to settle that she could accept. She did, but she's not happy with her relationship, and now she's 53.
How sad
Sad man, life is not what most people think it is.
I’d be irate too if I was neutered, or in my case spayed. I couldnt imagine leaving the man I love after he got cancer not once, but twice. I dont have context, but it sounds like she abandoned him.
@@ava4689 I heard he sexually abandoned his wife or did I read that wrong "got irate when the patch that gave him functioning was mentioned..." Meaning he wasn't disabled if he helped himself with the hormones medically provided to him. But I can read 50 other problems into this marriage based on the scant info provided and was likely doomed either way. But, OP made their point all the same.
I feel sorry for her husband and ex husband.
The most unhappy/hateful/embittered/resentful/humans I've come across in my life have been those in or after a miserable marriage. Life today is simply too complicated and challenging to marry the wrong person OR when you are not ready. This goes for both men and women. To get married because you are afraid of being alone is weakness not wisdom.
I feel this in my soul. Glad you put it out there
"Life today is simply too complicated and challenging to marry the wrong person OR when you are not ready"
There's another hypothesis: women simply don't know how to keep a relationship together. They aren't taught by anyone, and when the knowledge is shown to them, it is instantly called "sexist, patriarchal, oppressive". Life is too complicated and challenging NOT to teach women how to keep a relationship together. Women are their own worst enemy.
God first, and choose with Godliness, at least on the most expensive investments, such as mate selection.
That is certainly the other end of it. Like all things there is a difficult balanced middle path to find but is also essential to have the fullest, healthiest life.
It takes luck. Most people don't get lucky.
They don't want to be alone so, they marry someone that is available.
❤❤ you dont find the right relationship, you BUILD it❤❤
@mmoro143
Tell that to my stupid now recently ex-girlfriend who is already over 35 yrs old. 😂😂😂😂
@MG007. I am sorry, that things did not work out between the two of you. Wishing you both the best.🙏
@mmoro143
Much appreciated for the well wishes.
Don't waste any on her. She doesn't want good things and stability. She wants excitement and adventure, if you know what I mean. A foolish and immature mindset she has
@MG007. I understand..some people are "late blooms"..if you can, forgive her for not knowing better (yet)..and I know it hurts and it is not easy!! I guide people through times like this and always tell them :"I didn't say it will be easy, I say you can do it!" 😉😁 ..hey, heal soon✨️🎉🎁
@mmoro143
Thanks buddy. But I'm good 👍
The irony is that women reject 80% of men on dating sites as below average in attractiveness, yet that same percentage of women is perceived by men as below average. Where's the disconnect? Women tend to rate themselves as way above average when they are actually average or below, so women need to get realistic about themselves and they'll suddenly discover that there are more eligible men than they imagined. And, the idea that women who are intelligent intimidate men is silly.
Men on dating apps are looking for h0les to add to their "body count". It's not a "privilege" for women to be chosen by men to be their human cvm socks.
Do you just make stuff up for fun? Men rate 50% of women as below average attractiveness, not 80%. Look up the OkCupid data
Women need to be disabused of the notion that they are heterosexual. The proportion of women who are actually attracted to any non mythical males is probably less than 5%
It's not about the exceptions, there're always exceptions. it's about statistics. And it's a message, which is good to be known before someone hits 35, no mater if it's a man or a woman. When we are 20 y. o. we have an illusion that we will be young, attractive and full of energy forever. You better know you have limits and spend your time wisely than find out you are late.
As a 65 year old I've known lots of couples who have been married for decades, including myself, and have never been divorced. The one thing that almost all of them have in common is that they married their high school sweetheart. Hand me downs are looked at as cheap and disposable. Don't make yourself cheap and disposable by playing the field.
The truth can be a painful thing..
Wish I had heard this when I was 18. My parents, especially my mother, didn't tell me ANYTHING. I made a lot of mistakes and ended up alone.
So I'm not alone in having to figure out everything in life on my own due 2 my parents not teaching me anything about the world. Really didn't figure alot out until my 30's.
They most likely didn't know... They just had dogma that they couldn't explain and you rightfully rejected it... Tradition had some wisdom but it was devilishly filled with dogma... Many many suffered it in many many different ways
Just cuz you're alone now, doesn't mean that's how you'll "end up". Of course I don't know how old you are
I heard a woman on radio who had listened to her feminist mother and was sorry. One bit of advice she gave to women was "find someone while you're young and cute."
And in 10-15 years be divorced when you have three kids, are tired and look much older, and have no income of your own, and the father of the kids just moves on to the next best young and cute.
A woman of any age should solve her own problems, and stay resourceful and capable of doing just that - that is the advice young women need to listen to. Especially a mother needs to be strong and able to provide what kids need on her own. Don't use other people as an means to an end, that's important both for men and women, don't marry for sex, for money, for kids, or any other "good use" or win. Because they don't hold in the long run. Be wiser! And you still might have bad luck.
@DNA350ppm True, but you can heighten your chances at a good life. You also don't put all your stock in anyone (including yourself). You need something outside of yourself.
@@lindamusser7370 Maybe, but it is a huge risk, when you are young and cute. You might win in any game. When it comes to marriage and serious relationships, it seems, statistically, that most young women haven't had good luck. Odds are very bad. It also seems that middle-aged and older single/divorced women are not thriving that badly as ditto men. It seems chances are that in women's lives men can be huge problems! Something new must be done!
@@DNA350ppm any ideas?
@@lindamusser7370 I'm not sure what would help with young men, as they probably need to find out ideas from other men, because they still might think any guidance from their girlfriend is unacceptable - but it worked for us, when we had a second chance in our late 40's - and it was outright unforgettable when my hubby exclaimed again and again: "Why has nobody told me this before!" I showed him several books for us to discuss and read, for a common language and mutual understanding. Among my suggestions then for reading in English, all written by men:
Covey: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People;
Gray: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars;
both spouses taking a personality-type test and reading about it, like the 16 personality-types (free on line; everybody is a mix of several types);
studying "The Gottman Four Horsemen";
studying Thomas Gordon's ideas about good communication;
researching about auhtentic happiness, as with the free resources of Penn State University - questionaires and scores...
None of the resource above is the one and only key - they need to be sifted, discussed, and customized. Probably parents need to teach psychological tools to young children appropriate to their age, to get boys started early enough on the right track to become good husbands later on, as it is crucial for a man's mental and physical health to have a good marriage. Already with 5 years of age, many boys have contempt towards females and femininity, to their own detriment.
I guess it helps couples if one partner asks for reading and discussing these issued, when both are young and cute, but maybe also when divorce is looming large, or when as, in our case, when cautiously taking a second chance.
"You build a relationship you don't find one." Best truth I've ever heard. I so wish someone had told me that when I was in the "market."
It's a miracle to find a partner with whom you share the best possible union emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Thankfully, God specializes in miracles. It was a miracle of God that my husband & I met each other. We were in our early 30's. Now 20 years married with 5 children, I still thank God for the blessing & miracle of our good marriage. Spoiler alert: we were both fully putting God first in our lives, delighting in Him, and living our lives worshipping & serving Him when we met. We still aim to keep God first in our lives.
Thank you for your comment! It’s very encouraging.
Thank you for sharing your experience! 😊
"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all of these things will be added unto you."👍
God blessed us like this, too, and we weren’t even putting Him first (yet). Gratitude, and the desire to do what is best for our children, has pointed us toward God. He is so good. I have no doubt that the prayers of our parents on both sides played a big role, too!
👏
It’s so refreshing to hear someone say that there’s a lot of pressure on men
Yeah, I feel bad for you guys. As a woman, men are paradoxical to me. I know that generally most are safe and fine and would even go so far as to help me if I needed it. But on the flip side, pretty much every man could also dominate me easily. Plus the societal pressures on men to not be creepy, but do approach first, dont be pushy, but do be persistent… it must be hard to know what’s right sometimes.
It always was. It is just that men are reluctant to talk about that.
I'm glad I'm not in the dating pool these days. If I become the sole survivor, I'll just enjoy my solitude. It seems like things have become so unnecessarily complicated, and out of sync when trying to meet someone. I'm not sure it's worth the grief I see so many people experience.
Makes me glad that I have never been attractive, nor terribly bothered about having children. It gives one a lot of freedom and less anxiety. I know it’s not for everyone, but I think it worked out best for me.
Me to , I now look back on women ignoring me as one of the best things that ever happened to me.
“You BUILD a relationship, you don’t FIND one” - this should be taught in schools along with sex education.
Imagine you're 1 in 10 million, IQ
It is impossible to BUILD with an 80 IQ
It might be better to FIND a 110 IQ.
@@aolvaar8792 I’m 99.6th percentile so I feel this
@@elbowstrike ??????
@@aolvaar8792 it’s true it’s extremely difficult to form a bond with somebody more than two standard deviations of IQ away from yourself but once you FIND someone within two standard decisions you still have to BUILD that relationship
31 male here all i want is a woman that is fun and caring someone who isnt a magnet for drama ... thats it
You sound like a dream...but sorry I'm 2x your age and taken. I know you' ll find her.
Unfortunately, most women love drama and are attracted to it. If you don't like drama, most women will think of you as "boring".
I think women underestimate how much men are looking for less drama
As a woman, I can tell you that we are all dramatic. It just depends on what type of drama you want. Even the logical female gets lost in the sea of estrogen.
You’re probably a dramatic pain yourself but you’ve been told your whole life that only women are dramatic, so when you are. You just tell yourself it’s not drama it’s something else. Because men aren’t ever dramatic right? 😬
Most men do not find high achieving women very attractive.
Most men find no women attractive according to y’all’s logic lol. I believe you all only like fictional women, not real ones with thoughts, desires etc. I always looked up to Maria in the sound of music as someone i relate to and emulate (her personality) and I’m sure the red pillers and incels of today would find something about her they hate, like her beauty or the fact that she’s a woman and happy. I’m sure they’d find something to hate about her relationship with the general as well honestly, so at the end of the day, it’s really red pillers that have a problem with human relationships in general. I don’t think y’all like people, because people are human they make mistakes etc they have desires and do things wrong and then they make up and forgive eachother for it. It’s called human reality. I’m convinced internet people just do not understand or desire to participate in a human relationship at all because they are painful sometimes, and you guys just want to avoid pain at all costs. You’re cheating yourself on real life
@@Dialogos1989 Well mediocre men do not. Smart ones do. So speak for yourself.
@@mellocello187 Observe! Here is Mellocello187, he has solved the mating habits of men and women! As you can see, because of his one post, being a "smart man" after all, there is now no longer any evidence that men mate across and down dominance hierarchies! Congratulations, and thank you, I shall now begin caring about what my female romantic interest has accomplished, and hold that in higher regard than her personality and her beauty.
@@mellocello187There's nothing mediocre about avoiding career women. It is just the right thing to do, hypergamy will eventually destroy any semblance of a relationship between a career woman with a huge ego and high on her own supply and an average guy.
>>Most men do not find high achieving women very attractive.
I think the flipside to this is that these women are generally more open to dating men older them (as indicated), which perhaps their 20-something-year-old competitors wouldn't be as likely to go for.
But the older men are either already taken, or they simply aren't interested in a career-driven asshole woman.
And there seems to be ongoing confusion why some of us would rather stay single than chase down another mess.I don't have to marry up per se, but finding someone who can work at my level, or contribute in some way that being with them beats living,traveling ect. alone is very hard. I keep a small friend group. I'm hesitant to help someone up now because so often, what I have done for them is forgotten and they show off for their next fling with resources I helped them get.
Are you male or female? You weirdly didn't specify, but the tone of your comment as well as your picture suggests you're female. If men had your attitude of needing a woman who is at their level or can contribute in some way nobody would be in relationships. Women get to act this way for a small window of time because their reproductive organs are so valuable. That is your only real value that lets you be so choosy, and it doesn't last. If you really do want to be single and do not see the immense intrinsic value to your wellbeing of having a lasting, loving relationship with a man who cares about you as much as he cares about himself, then yes, relationships aren't for you. In terms of your hesitancy to help someone up, certainly any failed relationship involves pumping resources (even simply time and attention) into a tree you will not eat the fruit of, and you should try to be discerning in choosing a partner so that you can feel confident you are not wasting your time. But if you can't feel that way about any man that you're physically attracted to then you need to lower your standards to men who are actually in your league, and thus won't leave you as soon as they can do better.
Yes I have been a rung up the ladder for two lower status males
@@mickeymine52 I would urge you to not view yourself and others in terms of status alone. There are many more factors to dating, such as emotional connection, shared goals, attachment or communication styles, etc.
What you've done for them in the past is the past. They are only committed if they have yet to receive it
A nearly ironclad rule of thumb is that if you think he's similar attractiveness to you, that means he's miles out of your league and using you for the short term. If you want a partner who will treat you well, that means finding someone of similar value, which unfortunately means almost by definition that you will be unattracted to him. It's a game where almost no one wins; the number of married women who are physically attracted to their husbands is vanishingly small.
Women struggling with their own unrealistic standards?
Noooooooooooo!
There's this idea these days that women should spend the entire decade of their 20s just running around having fun, with respect to their social lives. This seems self-defeating, as that decade is the optimal time for a lady to attract and nail down a good guy.
It’s about priorities. Some
people are clear for almost their entire life (up till family) that they are called to the role. Others don’t have that as a top level goal.
it's considered rude to point out that the 20s are optimal since it implies that a woman in her 30s is less attractive than she was in her 20s. try telling that to 10 women and see how well that goes for you.
One of the most pernicious false beliefs is the idea of soulmates (antiquated term), or the perfect person, or "not settling for less", or "I know what I want". Whatever you call it, the idea that holding out for something better will result in you actually getting the relationship you want is fasle. Peterson said it right, you build a relationship, you don't find one.
That said, there is some truth and wisdom in this popular idea to a small point. You do have to have some basic compatibility. It helps a lot if you have the same values, the same basic goals in life. It helps a lot that you communicate effectively and can resolve conflict without excessive irrational emotion. And even much of that is learned and negotiated.
I've been happily married for 16 years. We have 5 wonderful kids. My wife is wonderful. We're great friends. We desire one another. But could I have that with someone else? Yeah, probably. Could I be happier in some ways with someone else? Maybe. But That's not the point of marriage. Marriage isn't a buffet where you try all the flavors to find the perfect one. Marriage is about finding someone you're basically compatible with, choosing them, and COMMITTING to them.
Marriage is, above all, a spiritual matter. It's a union made by God where the back door out of it is closed. It's not about my maximal moment to moment happiness. Though building a good marriage will increase your happiness, that isn't the goal. The goal is not getting everything you want. The goal is giving yourself in love to someone else and building a family with them. It's about devoting yourself to something higher than your own selfish satisfaction.
Our culture of virtually infinite options (Netflix, Hulu, 31 flavors, etc) has ruined us. We're less happy with what we end up choosing when there is more to choose from. Dating apps give you the illusion that you have infinite options. You don't. You have a hand full of serious dating relationship opportunities before you're out of time to choose. After that your chances of getting married and having a happy one decrease dramatically.
You just summed up everything I believe about marriage. The only difference is that I dont personally believe in God. But yes, marriage is a choice, you could make that choice with someone else sure. But thats not the point, just like you said.
So true. Marriage is a spiritual matter. People who are committed to God above all are truly committed to their mates. You've burned your boats and even if you want to, you can't go back. Hubby and I were both 39 when we married (first and only time for both of us) and we've been married 30 years now. When you're building a relationship you're going to hit your thumb with the hammer occasionally. There will be bumps in the road; pretty bad bumps sometimes. But if you understand what you did when you said "I Do", you know that you are in it permanently. Permanently, even if you are not happy. Even if you are miserable. And I think that is what divides the real marriage from the "If it doesn't work out, I'll just throw it away" marriage. And that understanding produces perseverance, and perseverance is what it takes to build the relationship into what God intended it to be. I am so happy that I found my husband, I love him so much and am so thankful that God gave him to me --- but I can see how people who are not truly committed can give up when the going gets tough. PS - A trite-but-true tip someone might find useful: use the magic words sincerely and often (please, thank you, you're welcome, I'm sorry).
I know a lot of women in their late 50s early 60is who all their lives have told me how happy they are without a husband & now in their later years they wished they had married & had a happy life.
Many women my mom's age who got married and became housewives often wish they had done more with their lives. They regret not having careers and talk about it a lot. As people get older, they often feel unhappy with their past choices, thinking they could have been happier. My aunt once told me, "It doesn't matter what you choose; what matters is making the best of it."
If you don't have children, you might think your life would have been better with them, but you can't know for sure. It could have been better, worse, or the same. What's important is to make your life good with the choices you made. People who regret not having kids are likely the same people who would regret having them. In the end, happiness comes from making the most of your life as it is, not wishing it were different.
I’m 65 and I am grateful everyday. Living alone can also be a real spiritual calling for oneness, finding true happiness.
@@generalnikkerson It is truly up to ourselves to be happy as no 1 can do that for us.
As Paul said in the Bible. I have learned to be content in every situation.
I'm 53. I got married several times when I was younger and had 3 incredible children who I couldn't be prouder of. I regret absolutely nothing and I am single by choice as I am making a beautiful life everyday. I take good care of my health these days and I am truly living a charmed life. I don't even really have time for a man because a relationship would slow my progress. I'm also on the autism spectrum and I've always been very different and always thinking outside the box. Everything I have experienced has been utilized by God to make me who I am now. I have wisdom, happiness, a family who loves me and much more. Ladies don't ever regret anything. Everything has its purpose and a spiritual life is the key that will open the doors of wisdom and success in whatever you put your hands to. Blessings and love to everyone here!
@@jst2708Amen✨💖✨
I’ve met professionally successful women that won’t budge on their dating requirements, especially on height.
I like tall dudes, but I've had a huge crush on this guy I know who is maybe 5'6" or 5'7" cuz he is so hot.
I knew this already, when I was in my teen years. (I am 32yo now). So I met my husband when I was 16yo, he was 19yo.
And anytime I met new people (or new men), I compared them to him. And appreciated my husband every day more and more. No degree was more important than my relationship. As long as we were together, I knew we could do anything. I never said that to anyone. But I knew it, so I acted accordingly.
We have beautiful daughter now and we are happy as ever.
We deal with marriage life on daily basis,but we are stronger together everyday.
Takes me back to a co-worker who told me flat out she was looking for a guy that was a retired millionaire. Said co-worker was in her 40's and making $15/hour as a CNA.
Trying to keep a straight face through that one was...difficult. 😊
What if you had a long term relationship and break up? Oh and you're 30. Or the man you wanted to marry passed away unexpectedly? And yup, you are 30. Or you finally left the abusive relationship through divorce? And there you are at 30. So many women at the age of 30+ have been dealt a crap hand of relationships and life slapped them in the face. We are all figiring it out just as one is in their 20's, 40's and so on. I met more men interested in maturity of 30+ women instead of 20 year olds. The younger, the prettier and chattier and annoying. Just as peterson also says in other statements how a relationship cannot be grounded on a lustful nature. Same applies for all ages. Either you get the love story or you don't, we don't get to choose how life occurs to us, or when we meet our compatible person. Just be healthy and care for the people around you.. thats all we can do.
some things you can't control, like someone dying early, or the other persons actions. But actions and choices do have consequences. When you date, you're supposed to be vetting to see if they would make a good long term mate. There are plenty of avg good guys around, that many girls don't give a fair shot
I’m 47 so I’m from a time when women tried hard to find someone before 30 for fertility reasons. The pressure made them settle in important ways they shouldn’t have. Many did have children but were extremely miserable in the marriage later and divorced. And many people realized having children does not necessarily make you happier - it makes your life way harder, more stressful, and requires large sacrifices. Some say it was worth it to marry just to have kids, but many wished they never married that man.
Sure that happens, but what also happens (and I bet happens more often) is that modern women are so extremely picky that they end up alone.
And while being a 20- or 30-something year old woman is fine, being a 50- or 60- or 70- year old single childless woman is typically miserable. There's a reason why antidepressant use is through the roof, and why we think of older childless single women as crazy cat ladies.
Furthermore, current culture has below-replacement-level fertility. Hence our current culture simply doesn't work in the medium term.
@@lightworker2956 And 50- to 70-year-old single men are often depicted as demented creeps who linger around in inappropriate places.
What's your point?
Maybe some stereotypes need to be challenged.
There are those findings by a professor for behavioral science from the London School of Economics who has come to the conclusion that on average, unmarried and childless women are actually happier, healthier and live longer than their counterparts who are married with children.
For men, however, it's the other way around.
@@lightworker2956 I would honestly rather be headless than married to an awful person. That’s why I’m single right now. I would love to have children, but I don’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t have the same values or whose personality is grading to me. I will gladly die a virgin instead of marrying the wrong man.
@@lightworker2956It is important to remember that overall we humans have an extremely high global population.
Declining birth rates has a lot of reasons but there is a reason we see it everywhere above a certain local quality of life, even where there's very strong pressures to have kids: we instinctively want to procreate less when our population gets too high.
If our economic structure requires the young to greatly outnumber the old, we need to change our economic model
@@lightworker2956and yet, many older single women are quite happy as they have these other people called friends. Women build community with each other where men often do not. Men who are single and childless are miserable, not women so much.
What about mental illness issues.. It took me exactly 10 years to figure out my self.. Up until that point the guys I was attracting/ attracted by were so narcissistic.. So now .. in my late 40s .. I’m hoping for a better future in relationships… May God be my helper..
You have a lot of work to do
U chose guys who turned u on. Narcissists know how to fool young women easily. U dismissed all the long term potential males when younger. Their fear is that you nail down a good guy and continue to run off with a narcissist on occasion for excitement, or worse dump him and take the kids and everything he owns. Nothings in it for him. Why should he?
God doesn't exist. A nonexistent entity is not going to help you find a non narcissistic man at your age, or any age.
What does find or figure out yourself even mean....
@alicat398 Never heard of self discovery / self development/ self actualization ?
I went to a high school reunion a few years ago, and I was amazed that a lot of my classmates were envious of my situation (45, single, no ex-wife).
There must have been some bad marriages in that group.
Nuh
A bit delusional. Wait until you are 55-60. You either have no kids then, or have babies - your fellow men will be freer and proud with adult kids, and moving on in new relationships.
This is one type of woman. Then there is the women who spend her 20'es in a relationship with a seemingly good man. A man who suddenly stops caring, stops loving her or suddenly don't want children (even though he knew that was a deep desire for her). The men who drags it out, and promise the world. And suddenly, someone more interesting comes along, and this woman is now 30 and single. So what do women in that situation do? Women who have not had unreasonable standards. Women who trusted the wrong man. Is she just supposed to accept her fate, and be put in the same box as this small percentage of women?
I am all for having reasonable standards. But it sometimes seems the men claiming that women's standards are 'too high', are men who are not putting in an effort in their own lives. Who feel they are entitled to a 'high value woman', without having to be a high value man. Men who just want short term or casual arrangements.
This video would be more meaningful, if it actually looked from more perspectives, didn't just blame women alone, and actually came with some useful advice for women who find themselves in that situation. Instead of shaming them for what they have been brainwashed to do.
@@HereIAm247 Thank you!
Because he does not mention a main reason: men do not need to marry nowadays in order to have all the benefits of marriage , but without any responsibility!
Life has risk. Yes, you can make a decision and have it blow up in your face without it being your fault.
You can also go the career woman route, and end up alone and be miserable because men don't tend to like career women.
There is no path in life that leads to 100% guaranteed happiness.
The woman you speak of has always existed, which is why, back in the old days, she would demand a ring on the finger or move on. If you are looking for a marriage and are in your 20's, get the ring or move on. As a guy who was in a relationship with a woman when we were both in our 20's that is the ultimatum I was given. I moved on, ended up dating a few more years, got married at 29 to a woman who was 6 years younger. BTW, I am now 64 and still married to the same woman.
@@dagduesund5175agreed. Unfortunately, I am one of the women OP mentioned. When I was a young woman, I chose a young man who, all throughout my 20s, promised to marry me and always take care of me. And unfortunately, I believed him. Then, like a cliche, at 29, he left me for someone else (she was also 29 yrs old). So, in all, yes, you’re absolutely correct, if a woman wants marriage in her 20s, she needs a ring or move on. Otherwise, she can be left in a dangerous situation.
0:42 Four years is only slightly older.
Women lose 1000 eggs a month and they start puberty with 300-400k eggs. At 25 most women have half of their eggs left, and only 60-75% of THOSE eggs have 23 chromosomes.
So in 4years at that age you lose 50k eggs. So out of 100-150k eggs left you have 60-75% of them that are viable. That means in the time that it takes you to have one child you could be infertile afterwards. Thats given that you are able to concieve in 3 years.
The likelyhood of a 29yr old woman being able to have 3 children is low. Certainly possible, but low.
no, it is older than enough! :-)) I have always preferred younger guys.
@@beaj.h.1017 4 years apart is essentially the same age on the scale of a lifespan. It only matters 20 and below.
Jordan Person politely dropping Red Pill ideas
poisoning society with clever word salads.
@@holynationclub It's not word salad to say that women have a limited amount of time to find a partner if they're looking to get married and have children. That's the reality of the situation.
@@gamera5160 do you believe in God? Have you ever heard of Abraham and Sarah?
Opinions aren’t facts. But, by your logic you should assume the same about men. I never met any decent woman who wants much older guy, it’s gross. By pressuring women with your view you tell them that they are the hunters and men are the prize. It’s feminine to think you’re the prize. I’d suspect the worst.
@@holynationclub What are you talking about?
@@gamera5160 Let me spell it out. IF A MAN THINKS HE’S THE PRIZE, THERE ARE THREE POSSIBILITIES: HE’S A NARCISSIST, A GAY, OR BOTH.
I accepted my fate at being a “leftover woman” from a very early age. I think it’s easier to just accept it instead of being bitter
Out of curiosity, at what age and why did you come to this acceptance?
Same I knew I was ugly when my friends would all talk about the guys that hit them up on social media in highschool and I never got any of that. 28 and never had a boyfriend 🤷🏽♀️
@Maiseymax696 I know good looking guys at work. One in his 40s the other in his 30s. Neither have had a gf.
@@Durka-Durka why and how :D
Does he ever say sorry to men that any woman that they can attract will always want someone better than them
"It's rude to point such things out"
And we're not allowed to question how it got to be "rude".
Such an important point. The use of labels - including the "ism"s and "phobias" - to do an end run around any discussion whatsoever - is simply a form of name-calling, a behaviour children should be socialized out of by the time they're 6.
It didn't "get" rude, it always was. Because such biologistical statements go against every humanistic and romantic narrative we are taught to believe in. Love is supposed to be about inner values, plus we are supposed to judge people individually. So pointing out that, statistically, that isn't what is happening, and that, most likely, if you belong to a certain group of people, you might be facing a problem, is quite obviously rude.
Times have changed. We abandoned the traditions that protected us from these problems, but we haven't adjusted the rules of etiquette. The truth of the matter is that unlike back in the days where women simply did not get to face this problem, now that we have it, we need to get used to talking about it.
@@Volkbrecht "Rude" is a word that has as many unique meanings as there are humans on the planet. What I consider rude is unique to me. What you consider rude is unique to you. But I don't consider that my definition of rude is, has been, and will continue to be the sole meaning of the word.
Do you?
@@Volkbrecht
No it did get to be rude.
All your excuses are lies.
Biological is _real._ Your shit is fake.
@@ABC-yt1nq What is and isn't offensive to you personally doesn't matter in the context of societal conventions. And those are needed if you don't want to spend all your time getting to know people to figure out their intentions. We all need there to be certain standards of acceptable behaviour. The world at this point is simply too complex to allow for the kind of anarchy you suggest.
Then layer on the reality that many young people don't even know themselves. So many are raised to think a certain way, and more often than not, that way is not aligned with their core divine essence, call it true personality or purpose or who they really are, and so much of ones twenties and thirties, and even, for some, their forties and fifties, is 'righting the ship.'
As a guy I'm more focused on being happy with who I am as a person. If a woman likes me it's cool but personally I just want to be proud of who I am. That I think is a better battle to win.
Before someone loves you, you have to love yourself...
Really helpful Bible verse I'll paraphrase: Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought but think with sober judgment in proportion to the measure of faithfulness (i.e. to your resolutions, responsibilities) God has given you (as you applied yourself).
Helpful b/c it doesn't say pretend you're worthless and grovel, or pretend you're eternal and perfect (with the perfect mate waiting in the wings) but look at how steadfast or how weak you were when big challenges came and prepare to hang in there a little better next time.
I'm 65 now. Been divorced a long time. 10 years ago I met the nicest guy. I think I could've been very happy with him, but the timing wasn't right. Plus he didn't know how old I was but he was younger, about 40 I think. We didn't get that far in the conversation. But 2 things stopped it happening, I was grieving the loss of my Son 6 months earlier( he didn't know that either), I just wasn't up to starting a relationship, and I lost his phone Number. I hadn't given him mine so he couldn't ring me. I also didn't know his Surname. Months later I was able to track him down, but he'd met someone else so I was too late.
Most men will marry whoever they find appealing, irrespective of social class or education, women want money, status and power. We are not the same. Men look for love, women look for whatever will benefit them. We are 100% not the same.
Love? Don't men just look for respect + looks?
I don't think men are so pure in their pursuit of marriage
@@cinnamonparsley6384 looks are what catches the eye first, as I said, appealing. How a woman behaves, her character, her personality, how nice she is, how she speaks and what she does are all part of it. If we find those characteristics positive in any woman of any class we will happily go for them.
Looks are not the be all and end all if she has a shitty personality behind them. This is what many women fail to grasp. If looks are all she brings then the prospects for a happy marriage are bleak. It’s not that hard.
Men look for physical attractiveness
Men look for s3x
I'm 40, I have teenage kids and no pressure or window of time but I struggle just as much. My issue is that I'm too niche for my own good. I have a successful career but also play extremely hard mountaineering, climbing, surfing, skiing. I have been in relationships with men that I teach all this to and get held back by and then realise that the match is not for the long run. I've worked on myself enough to know what I am worth but that man for me is like a needle in a haystack. I don't want to spend any more time on the wrong guy but feel heartbroken that it's highly likely someone who complements me and contributes to my growth doesn't exist.
So, if youre not a reasonably attractive, you're screwed. Yet, I see plenty of unattractive women (inside and out) in successful, long-lasting marriages. Riddle me that.
The problem with the career women is that they're incredibly picky.
The women you describe weren't picky, and so they're in happy marriages.
@@lightworker2956 The actual problem with career women is that they are insufferable. No man wants to come home to a 2nd boss. Unattractive women know that they can't compete on looks, so they have to compete on personality - you know, old school values like actually doing things that keep the man interested in sticking with her - being nice. It's not a hard riddle to solve.
Us ugly broads are thankful for what we get, so we put in actual effort to our relationships instead of using looks as our crutch.
Back in ancient history, there was a poster (a picture you hang on a wall, not a person who posts) of a gorgeous young woman, with the caption: Somewhere, some guy is sick and tired of her shit.
Physical attractiveness will get a woman noticed. It may be sufficient for a guy who only cares about that in a mate. But long term stability requires much more that just a pretty face.
@@ABC-yt1nqI've seen that poster. It's true.
Better to be alone than to settle down out of desperation or fear of loneliness, 'cause you will literally be lonely anyway, only it will be with another person. This is true for literally everyone. You will never BE with someone if you have not found yourself first and cannot be with it. There cannot be a couple, there cannot be anything really, if there is no real self. What is said in the video is true, beauty starts fading, biology is a thing, all true. But man is chasing this stuff with the illusion that it will make you happy useless if there hasn't been any self discovery and self awareness earlier. I'm a woman in her early 30s and due to trauma and an inherent psychic weakness I've been alone all my life, I too would like to find someone although luckly I've never wanted kids, but I also know that if I don't make peace with myself first and enstablish a real sense of self, I will only attract situations and people that mirror that current, disrupted state of being and that would be a loneliness even heavier than actual loneliness. Also let those hyper achieving and hyper independent women be, let everyone be as long as they are being themselves and expressing the Life within them truly, we all have different desires and paths and lessons to learn.
Well said. Late bloomer here as well, hopefully we'll find our people🥂
You sound incredibly wise and mentally accomplished. Just remember that having had trauma in life actually makes you a better, wiser and kinder person and certainly a better partner for someone. Your self awareness does you credit. Good luck and all the best.
Spoke like a woman with lots of cats.
I think the things you said are important, however, waiting to get into a relationship until you have those things isn't always the best answer either. Finding someone you can build a life with and build yourself with can help you develop your self-awareness. I've found this to be true with my marriage. Both my husband and I came from very different families and have helped each other to understand ourselves better by providing a more intimate and different perspective. We both helped each other to communicate better and helped each other deal with things from our past. We both received our diagnosis' together (he has OCD and I have ADHD) which neither of us might've had if we hadn't been together. There are still hard times and we've had to lovingly point out behaviors that we both have that damage our relationship but we've only grown stronger by doing so.
I'd say getting into a relationship is less about the "when" and more about the "who."
I agree that working on your self is important, but that is a life-long process that can continue while you're looking for a partner, dating a prospective partner, and committing to a partner. If you are honest with the people you date about where you're at, you will weed out the weak candidates quickly. Being alone in your 30's is way different than being alone in your 50's to 80's. Companionship and help with your aging body are things no one thinks about when they're in their 20's. Having children is not for everyone, but they add long-term benefits if your relationships are good: mental, emotional, and physical. My husband and I are currently helping 3 aging parents.
This is the most logical, true, and undeniably honest video dealing with this issue, and thus will have liberals and feminists howling with rage.
They can watch Sex and The City endlessly as compensation...
It's not dealing with anything, it's just point out a social problem
@@PESCEKebabbaro I dont see it as a social problem, I see it as a social reality. It's women who think of it as a problem. Men never have done so. It's just reality.
Not really. Being single leaves more time to watch Doctor Who uninterrupted, TexasTimeLord! 😂💙💙
@@private-private You are correct- it's social reality but herein lies the modern tragedy. In centuries past men got away with this attitude because most humans were underdeveloped and didn't have a wide range of choices esp. women. Now they DO have a choice and are rejecting these "cradle - snatching" creeps. So now we have 60%+ single people, many of which are unhappy and lonely. Look into the MGTOW movement. A large % of them are divorced, many of which could have been prevented have these men
made good choices with the right head in stead of choosing mates like a baboon on heat. Their bitterness and pain and anger are palpable. Many advanced and good humans today want a life partner who is decent, loving and loyal,not just something to copulate with. How do we find them???? 🤔Any ideas???
Me, a 30 y.o woman scrolling through the feed thinking "just one more video before bed"
The video:
💀
Not to mention many women in their 30's have "had their fun" with dozens of men by the time they're "ready" to settle down.
@@s.e.studios1386OMG. How old are you people??? 90?
Yup been ran thru by dozens of narcisstic men and have nothing but vengefulness in their hearts.
Oh, like men down plough through multiple women?! So it's ok for the men but not the women. Err, ok then, glad we cleared that up.
@@Secret-sw8ih nobody said anything about that but thanks for assuming and showing everyone that you're exactly who we're talking about.
@@Secret-sw8ih Oh we do. But for every girl a guy might smash, a girl has 3 other dudes currently on the side she's also currently getting blown out by, or if she's "monogamous", has had each one about a week apart from each other after each breakup.
Having scrolled through the babble of comments I'm SO grateful to turn away from these threads and not look back.
I'm 65 and if my beloved dies first I will never have to deal with the 'mating game' ever again, thank God Himself.
Don’t give up hope. My son and his wife were 33 when they met on Facebook. Neither one had been married previously, nor even had a serious relationship. After hitting it off, they discovered they lived less than 6 miles away from each other, which was remarkable considering he had lived in several large cities across the US, whereas she had rarely traveled more than a few miles from the small town of less than 6000 people in which they both now lived. They began dating. They were so compatible, no one was surprised when he popped the question and she readily accepted. A year later they were happily married, and 9 months later had their first child.
"You should have some sense" the man says. OK, we're doomed before we start.😊
Yep hahaha
@@RIForg😂 ❤
Successful women tend to lean into their masculine (assertive, dominant, non-agreeable) side, and that's not intimidating, it's simply unattractive to most men. Saying it's unattractive doesn't mean it's 'bad', but still, men want to date women who act like women, not women who act like men. Men want someone who can cooperate with them, not compete. Plain and simple.
In honest words - they want a servant. They give money got home service and sex. And never ever pay any attention to his wife - no, reacting to her ass and wanting to fuck her is not paying attention. My husband was unable to understand that and how deeply offended hurt and humiliated I felt with his actions.
Men attracted to masculine traits end up being gay for a reason. Why go date a woman trying to be manly when you can just date an actual man? I fail to understand how so many women do not understand this. Straight men that want to date women are not interested in any masculine trait other than logical thinking. That is the only one you can adopt and still be found attractive my straight men.
"And they were not that interested in someone who did not have the same ability and status they did."
But the reverse is not true. A driven, high status, high earning man isn't interested in pairing with a driven, high status, high earning woman. He wants a woman who is feminine, attractive, fit, agreeable, and affectionate. He couldn't care less about her status or how much money she makes.
Exactly, especially since all that status comes with ego. Might say things about how she wants to wear the pants in the relationship, which just means everything is an exhausting competition.
But the woman cares how much money she makes. It appears to be important for survival, especially if she stays alone. Basic logic
@@tyranosaurusrex1361 And the desirable men will choose the more pleasant family-oriented woman over the career woman "who cares how much money she makes." That's also basic logic.
You can go the career woman path out of fear if you want, but it is going to make it less likely that you're going to end up in a happy marriage.
@@lightworker2956 that sucks, but what sucks even more is digging through trash cans when you retire. And i don't know about you, but where i live that is directly connected to your income, length of service, education and all of those "career" things. To neglect them for a stroke of luck is equal to madness. Finding people unattractive for doing what's necessary to secure themselves is rather odd, but you are entitled to your opinion, and so am i.
Men don’t have pressure from biology driving us to have kids, it’s age. We have a window to have kids because if we don’t, then we’re 80 when the kid is 18
Nothing wrong with that. Some of us age better than others.
@@Caracajou Keith Richards outlives Richard Simmons
>>We have a window to have kids because if we don’t, then we’re 80 when the kid is 18
@@alexmuenster2102 in fairness no one wants to be in a wheelchair and on oxygen while they watch their kid graduate
@@alexmuenster2102 Tastes differ, regardless of gender. Some men like older women, some women like older men. Many women, just like many men, are not attracted to people much older than they are.
Beauty fades; dumb is forever.
Not only is mate selection a viable consideration but, so is biology of pregnancy and childbirth. The fabrication and dream that women have been sold, (and they bought hook line and sinker,) is the myth of easily delaying childbearing. I'm a former medical worker and watched it first hand. Child bearing is a young body's ground. Sure, some women may have an easier time of it but, likely the easier over 30+ labors are not the first time mom's. This great lie has caused much emotional devastation to many women who just waited too long. Too long comes a decade before they think.
Thank you for your insight. I have a step mother/ dad‘s new wife and she insisted on a child at age 44 by using donor eggs. The pregnancy was complicated and ended 2 month earlier in emergency C-Section; thankfully all went well.
She underestimated how exhausting pregnancy can be on older moms because she was used of seeing her young relatives give birth easier
I left my long term GF when I was 28, she was 28. She wasn't sure if she wanted kids, wanted to focus on herself still etc. I'm married with a kid at 38 to a 30yr woman now. We've been together nearly a decade now. No regrets 🎉🎉🎉
I can’t help but feel that while wholly valid, JBP logic is devoid of nuance or the chaos that is: real people. Fascinating dude, it would be nice to converse instead of constantly being dictated to.
Then watch a full interview. It's the algorithm showing you clips, and it's you who chooses to open them.
Really smart people critizing JBP (also here at youtube) came to the conclusion: JBP does know a lot of things and he is really smart. But at the point, where he goes from philosophy to practical advice, his own political ideas creep in. He is absolutely entitled to that ideas, but that is just politics, not the insight he is praised for.
In this special case he just unconditionally takes for granted that everybody wants to raise kids. Well, most people, but not everybody.
When I was 17-22 I started off rough and dated around and didn't care what happened to me. When I started dating seriously at 22+ and really getting to know people, I would say I had four relationships. The last being my husband. I was 26, he was 30 when we met. We've been together four years, married for a couple months.
Also, many younger women haven’t been abused by a series of jerks, and so don’t have the emotional baggage that comes with that history abuse.
Yeah but they don't have neither the experience nor the self awareness, it's like dating clueless kids. It's disgusting if you're an older guy and look for them for this reason, 'cause let's be serious it's done because they are easier to control and manipulate, and only shows you're just as emotionally childish.
Edit: imagine being able to reply to the comments below without this cen soring machine making my comments disappear in 0.1 sec
@@s.e.studios1386 apes*, men are a different category.
@@slq4358
If you're an older guy who is single then you are the one with baggage.
@williamfriar6295 it's even dumber when you realize women tend to choose the jerks to get abused by and cry about it later for the rest of their life.
@@s.e.studios1386And women call boundaries insecurity and toxic masculinity.
Married at 34. Hubby was 31. Both had our own money, investments, career already, and neither had the slightest interest in having kids. I remember him shortly after we met and learning of my stance on kids, comically looking skyward, hand on heart, smiling and declaring, "At last, an attractive, intelligent woman who doesn't either have 'em or want 'em!" Still happily married and blissfully child-free 14 years later.
You were both smart enough to make sure your dreams and aspirations align before getting stable. Most people don't do that and rely on physical attraction only. Later on, they face bitter surprises. Wish you the best.
Everyone who triumphantly tell anecdotes of how they or someone they know was successful, or bucked a certain trend miss the point. As statistical analytics and probability goes, the minority doesn't disprove the majority. Despite our personal success stories, if the majority still remains, then the introduction of our success story is simply anecdotal at best, nothing more. It is to simply say that there are possibilities, while ignoring probability.
The probability of endangering my life and deferring responsibility for my well-being is high if I make a habbit of crossing busy streets without looking both ways. Yet, everyone has moments when, or remember people they know who have done it. It still doesn't make the practice an optimal solution for longterm health.
If you are well aware of this almost common sense concept and still insert your success in triumphant defiance, you're placing yourself into the focus of the narrative and getting offended on a personal level.
Multiple things can be the case at the same time, and that's ok. It's true that your life story wasn't affected by the concepts discussed, but it's also true that there was deliberate and stressful trials as well as lady luck involved in your "exactly what I'm looking for" outcome. This perfect alignment is a hit or miss across people's lives and folks only encounter 1 - 4 of them.
As a result, the target audience is for folks that should still be looking when they cross the street regardless of the folks they know that didn't, and are still healthy. Balking in the face of probability and considering ourselves uniquely special and different, however true we may believe it to be, is at the root cause of "how did this happen to me".
@@maximumvelocity6542
Lol. Chill out, Captain Obvious. Your dry little term paper diatribe gets filed under 'D' for Duh, as everyone knows this. Just putting in my two cents and experience, like any other commenter. If you had any relationship to speak of, you'd be able to share your experience as well, instead of regurgitating statistical findings and pop psychobabble. Have a good day.
I find the term "child-free" hilarious. It makes me think people are saying they're allergic to children in the same way that someone is "gluten-free" or "lactose-free."
@@youtubecommentator6023
I see the humour in the term, of course. Even jokingly made those comparisons myself. But we in the child-free community use that term in order to distinguish it from "childless," as they are not the same thing. The former denotes a deliberate choice to not have a kid. The latter denotes a lack of what is desired (kid) due to biological issues, not having found a suitable partner, finances, whatever.
This is certainly somewhat true but at the end of the day true love is about finding someone you truely connect with and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. I feel like age is only s small factor for people who seek this.
My husband and I met when we were both 29 and he was back in college to get a graduate degree. I’m sure he would have preferred me to be a little younger and I personally would have preferred being with someone who’s done with school (I literally paid for all our dates in the beginning) but when the right person comes along this stuff doesn’t matter anymore right?
Wrong. "This stuff" is the filter that prevents a lot of relationships to happen, it's what in the language of the internet is called "ick". It takes two fairly reflected, self-conscious people to overcome these preferences, to even become aware of them being there. It's less than half the people that are capable of this kind of reasoning, probably closer to 20 %, which is the reason the statistics on dating look the way they do.
I was a 25yr old and married a 45yr old. He did at 65 of heart failure now I’m 45 and destined to spend the rest of my life alone because I’ve “hit the wall” My mother and father were together since they were 15. He left her for a 30 year old when they were 50. There’s no way to win out here sisters.
Do people not adopt children anymore?
I think some do, but adoption is surprisingly difficult and expensive. Those unaware tend to think there are orphanages all over with kids you can pick up on a weekend, but it's actually not the reality. Some estimates say there are up to 36 families wanting to adopt for every kid put up for adoption.
@@thedanishviking88
In My State and most States
The State pays all cost of adoption,
and provides a stipend of $600/mo/child
In my 2 sqmi zip code 1200 children
20K children available
Babies are not done this way; they are easy to adopt out.
Sibling groups of 3 or more, very good chance.
I am German, and apotion here is nearly impossible. Part of the problem is the fear of the state agencies, that the adopting parents may turn out bad in any way: then they are crucified in public. If they just say no every time - no problem.
This leads to absurd preconditions on economical stability (most couple with young children struggle finacially occasionally), theoretical knowledge of child-rearing (most young parents have none) and age restrictions - you have to be in exactly the right age and no big age difference. This means, that when a couple not suspecting any medical issues does find out that children will not come naturally in their case, it is rather late to start the adoption process. And, btw. the couple has to officially promise to use contraception to make sure there will not come a sibling soon.
I married at 40 and we have a healthy child. We built a wonderful life together. Relax and trust that it will all work out.
That's terrible advice, statistically you are an anomaly, the chances of having a healthy child or even conceiving at 40 are slim. You just got lucky.
The density of information is astounding. In less than 5 minutes, he described the entire dating landscape. Unbelievable.
All this "target" business is nonsense. If you're a loving person, you'll find someone to love. If you're goal-oriented about it, you won't. Freeze your eggs, and don't worry about it. Look for LOVE, not babies. Being deeply in love is the greatest feeling in the world, and lasts a lifetime. Babies grow up and leave, they are not the answer. Deep, true love is, that's my perspective as a 67 year old woman.
Meh.
I know MANY woman who found and married their optimal partners after their 30s. Sometimes they were divorced too. Sometimes they had kids too. Each time I see this happening, the men they end up marrying are far superior to the men they were with when they were younger. The key is to be a woman who has value outside of your youth/beauty. This doesn’t necessarily mean a career either - it means maturity, a full breadth of hobbies/interests, being interesting, etc.
We do a disservice to men by painting them as creatures who care mostly about youth rather than a mature mind whose company they enjoy on a cognitive level. It’s just not true.
Thanks for a better view on this
Right, this video paints men as completely shallow. My brother was divorced with 3 kids in his 40s and married a woman slightly older than him with no kids and they are living happily ever after. It never struck me as anything but normal.
"The notion that the right person for you will just come along at the right time" is every Hollywood movie.
Someone get Rollo on the phone…
Yeah, boil it down to statistics (works for a hypothetical average person), to psychology and general tendencies. There is such a thing called love that can transcend and shatter all of these assumptions.
You're actually referring to 'limerence' and not 'love'...and the reality is that limerence is very temporary.
Love is a decision...a commitment and is not based on feelings/emotions. Too many are ignorant of this truth.
This is so right on. I married a man 14 years older than me and it was not for money because I made more. It was because I have an important, serious job and so did he. Unlike someone my age, 26, he understood that I had to put my job before our schedules And that was reciprocal and respected and not to be taken personal. We've been married 39 years. The however is that I will probably have to live many years without him at death do we part. ❤
Mmm. When you were 14 he was 28… thats just. The age gap is still the same. He’s 14 years more wise. I dont comprehend how people can overlook that, and never will. But nevertheless, I’m glad you’re happy.
@@ava4689 we got married when I was 29 and he was 42. lol!
@@ava4689 And when she was born, he was 14...and when she was 26, he was 40. That type of age difference is hardly unique and has been common for millennia.
What, exactly, is your point?
You sound jealous...but I may be incorrect...maybe.
@@elmoomle4565 What do I have to be jealous of lmfao. I'm happy my husband isnt the same age as my dad, I dont want to date a man who's gonna get dementia when I'm 40 XD. "this has been around for millennia" what a trash argument, if that's true, its been weird and gross for millennia. That's like saying "Japan's age of consent was 13 for over a century, so its a shame they ruined it"
well educated women most of the time are looking for the man that has it all and having a good man is not enough no wonder you never find the one we have been watching too many rom com but life’s not a rom com
He is wrong. The right person does show up at the right time. You need to build a relationship, but the luck to meet the right person is real.
Maybe it did for you, but that doesn't prove that it does for everyone.
I have a good job. Does that mean that a good job will just show up for everyone at the right time? Of course not, some people are burger flippers their entire life. Similarly, some people are single for most of their life, just look at statistics.
The moment you said 'luck' it means that it happens not to everybody and not that frequently. Otherwise it would be rule and some level of certainty, not "luck"
@@lightworker2956 Or not even perhaps single, but in relationship far from their dream
God brings people together.....where is that teaching, Mr. Peterson?
The problem is that people don't allow God to do His job...
@@msgoldenemerald you have a point
When both people truly love God= best, most successful scenario❤
He is a phycologist not a priest.
A good psychologist ought to understand God's plan. If not, they miss the point.
There is zero proof god exists. There is however some decent proof that a significant portion of your holy book was plagiarized from a few other sources. Furthermore, if it turns out god is real and the words in your holy book are accurate.....have you actually read that thing? If you think the world is bad for women now maybe reference how it was for them in the bible. If you think the world is violent now maybe reference how much violence happened in your holy texts in the name of god. If you think racism is a problem now check in on it during biblical times. If you think slavery is bad check it out in the bible. The bible even comes with rules on how to treat your slaves.
it's true only if the way we choose relationships is cost-benefit analysis in terms of having kids
Why does it feel like the next logical step is 'back to Stepford wives?' (Ivy League PhD woman, married at 23, mother at 30, working as a professional throughout this time, can't wait to be a grandmother when the time is right). Do not agree one bit with this deliberate, panic-driven discourse.
No 30 year old wants to "mate" with someone who only values appearance though.
That man is likely superficial, unable to connect on a deeper level and certainly emotionally immature. Basically not the kind you want to raise children with, or even LIVE with.
"All things being equal" is impossible statement, basing dismissing female humanity and depth arising from a decade more life experience... The only 30 year old woman that would relate to this assessment, and comparing themselves to 20 years olds, is one that has spent the last decade sitting around thinking about boys and men and not living her own life and developing herself.
Well said ❤
This is a uniquely female point of view, based on absolutely no understanding of men. Men ARE attracted to looks, routinely across all ages of men. Looks convey: health, age, personality, fertility. Men's hearts open when they see someone beautiful, but women's hearts don't open the same way, which is why OP is confused. OP simply doesn't understand men, and seemingly doesn't want to.
"All things being equal" IS a good starting point. It can be used as a generalization: all things being equal, women want an older guy, a taller guy, a guy that makes more money, a guy that is deeply competent in his field, a guy that is kind to animals and children. If you dismiss "all things being equal" as dismissing female humanity, then you likewise have to dismiss it for dismissing male humanity. Your call.
Most 30yo women have NOT done any soul-searching, or "developing herself". They still have the emotional intelligence of a 14yo when her brain literally stopped maturing. 30yo women are desperate to snag and hold down a man - any man who can provide - not because her brain and emotions have matured, but simply because her ovaries have matured and are now on the decline.
I must admit, I had several opportunities to settle with a fine man, but I could never fall in love with them. I'm always attracted to bad boys. I've spent the last 20 years trying to heal from that with multiple therapies, now 35 yo and still single. I still struggle to form true bounds with good men, but immediately fall for impossible relationships. I think I'm doomed.
As a man who dated (sought a good partner) for 4 decades, I can tell you this is very very common in women. You are not alone. Doomed, but not alone. There is a reason the phrase "nice guys finish" last exists in our culture. It is because we live it in our lives trying to find a partner. Maybe it is evolutionary biology. Maybe it a fallen world. But all women fall into that self destructive trap. Some never get out.
I have to disagree on one point. The women aren't intimidating, they are insufferable.
Nope simply DELUSIONAL
I’m 35 and don’t want children. Had a vasectomy at 32. Have never had a real, serious date, let alone something I could call a relationship. I can’t stand the childishness of most women I see out in the world now, so I tend to wind up attracted to those aged 45 or older, simply because of the maturity I’m looking for. An issue is that they all come with children in tow. Many of them still with relatively young children. I’m not sure how to reconcile that, and not sure if I’m okay with adult children. I definitely don’t care to be a hands on grandparent, especially when I’ve spent so long (and counting) waiting to be seen and given any priority and attention. So…🤷♂️
As the new/old red pill saying goes ... these women JP's describing in this video have become the men they wanted to marry, and in doing so, leave themselves no room to find a suitable mate. Feminism and career ascendancy mantras don't mention what happens on the backside of female success - until it's too late.
Im a 38 year old man. 6'4", athletic. Not bragging, but I am "attractive". I am an outlier. I married a woman 5 YEARS older than me, when I didn't have to. I could have waited until I was 30 or 35, and found a woman in her 20's. I met a wonderful mate when I was 20. We started dating on my 21st birthday. Married at 23. My oldest is now 14 years old. youngest is 11. We've always had a great relationship. I struggled in my 20's to get my empire going....which was a lot of pressure on a man, with a wife 5 years older, expecting me to keep up with all her friends' husband, who had a 5 year leap on me. We had two children immediately....then we decided to wait a little, and with each passing year, it got harder and harder as she got up into her 30 to have another child. she is 43 now. We have no hope for a 3rd child. However, God has taken this, and turned it into something great. We've had 7 children in our home now. Our two sons, and 5 foster kids. All of whom we consider our children. I understand my life is not like most, and I could realistically have a wife 15 years younger than my wife, and have more children....but I do love my wife, and will until the day I die. She has stuck with me through good times, and tragedy.
I dont think this video is for you, my guy, lmao
It's still better to be single without kids but with money and a career.
It's better than being a old single mom with 3 kids and no job in the street.
Those women with a career are simply too stupid to understand that they escaped a worse fate.
I mean, there's way worse fates in the world. Those women should be happy and thankful for what they have.
Yes! And ditched by a "high value man" who is 10 years older than you and robbed you of your youth.
@@Olga-pq8qg for real. It's sad but it's safe.
Same people have nothing to eat in the world, those single childless independent women are lucky.
She chosed... poorly.
He's right. According to the medical field, a pregnancy after age 35 is "geriatric".
Then you can add feminism and Me-too on top of that. No thank you. You have done this to your selves ladies.
So you’re saying women were better off as men’s property, being unable to vote or have their own money, being unable to work many jobs, being dependent on men for survival, having no recourse for abuse, being baby factories whether they wanted to or not? What exactly did women do to themselves? Just want to be equal human beings, which is what feminism is by definition? And me-too is literally about women speaking up on SA by men. Do you want them to just shut up and be graped? For the love of god, why? Would you not want your mother or sister to have justice against their attacker? Or no, since women aren’t equal human beings to you?
Agreed. Stopped dating or pursuing and went Monk Mode over a decade ago. Peace and contentment followed.
Not to mention, that highly successful men over 30 genuinely don't like being challenged by anyone, and especially a woman like themselves. So they will almost always marry down. Generally both younger & less educated, because the last they want at home in their personal lives is being challenged there as well. He wants home to be comfortable and a place of rest, not stress & drama. And he now has the will & means to achieve that, so the choosey 'high value' woman will not be chosen, unless he decides it's for social/financial benefit. That's her 1 in a 10 million lottery win.
25 year olds are also more immature, selfish, and less advanced in their career (i.e. less money and success). They probably would be less inclined to want to settle down with someone by that time.
They’re all selfish. It’s instinct
@joesoap8125 No, that is what you tell yourself to excuse it. We have a lot of bad instincts. That's why we've evolved morals. Morals are in place to override our instincts for the greater good of our species. It is instinctive for us to literally murder each other, but we don't do that because it is better for the species if we don't. So enough of this bullshit argument that goes "x is OK because it is our instinct." No, it's not OK.
@@joesoap8125Why should they not be? It's not like you're making it very difficult.
99% of girls between the ages of 18-24 are not ready for a marriage, and the rare ones that are ready between 24-27 are scooped up immediately. I am a 28 year old girl, single, and I’m open to finding the right one. But I’m not out here chasing men.. I’m just patient
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v I'm sorry it's over
Ok.
So what’s the advice for divorced women in their 40’s and 50’s?
Enjoy the consequences of your life choices.
No man is intimated by a woman's position in her job, or her income. Most men do not give a damn how much a woman makes, or about her income.
True.
Not unless he's a nasty little parasite that won't financially do well enough for himself, or some narc who just wants a second wallet.
Yeah it's a cope
Only good men don't care or those who make more. Whenever I told a man honestly how much I make, after HE insisted to know, I saw envy on his face. This includes a few of my male relatives. 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ Sadly, I've seen spouses sabotage women's careers and making passive agressive comments that showed envy and resentment, instead of being happy for their spouses.
@@CS-bu7lo You're full of shit.
Yes and no. There are lots of ways in which income disparity influences a relationship, and the more intelligent and aware one is of these the more it becomes a thing to consider. Most men probably don't get into the kind of situation where this matters, because women vet potential partners, and if you don't visually display the signs of success that match her ambition you won't even find out.