2 Types of Controlling People | How to Manage Yourself around THEM!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 มิ.ย. 2024
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
*** PROGRAMS ****
Self-Parenting Course - (NEW Online Course) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
9 Weeks to Emotional Healing (online program) - BEST SELLER! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
The Bootcamp (online program) - Rebuilding and Goal Setting Course! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Bundle your Courses - (BEST DEAL!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
****** COACHING SERVICES ********
Book an Individual Session! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Private Coaching (BEST SELLER!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Coaching Bundle www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
🎧 iTunes Podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
✔️INSTAGRAM - / stephanielyncoach
✔️TIKTOK - vm.tiktok.com/ZMeg1m9pu/
✔️FACEBOOK - / stephanielyncoaching
Thank you for your love and support!
Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
Controlling people have no concept of your personal boundaries. Never submit to someone who is controlling in your life. It is their own insecurities that drive their behaviour. Have the sense to walk away.
Very wise advice
Yes
Sadly a lot didn't have a choice.
you cant always my dad kept me from getting a job and constantly tryed to cut me down and is now telling me i have to get a job if i got a job when i wanted i would have some money and i would already have moved out
I’m with that person now but I’m supposed to respect their boundaries. Sickening!
“Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can't allow others to shine, you're exhibiting signs of narcissism and showing a lack of self-confidence. It is isolation through ego.”
― Stewart Stafford
It's not fun being on the receiving end. Feel incompetent even when that's further from the truth
What do you do if a person exhibiting these things is the mother of your child? I am fairly aware of my flaws and willing to be called out on them as it helps me address them appropriately, but the other party has to live behind an identity mask of projection and manipulation. How do you begin to manage that?
God I have control freak, a sister, who ris going to lead me to suicide. Help me God?😭😭😭😭😭
It's an intolerable weakness
@@muralimurahari4038 Focus on creating at least one goal for yourself and make daily steps toward it. Put your sister on the back burner or do whatever you need to leave the situation with your sister and focus on self-love. That will help you tremendously. Start small if you need to. Don't pressure yourself.
Just tell them NO. DO NOT BACKDOWN. They will take it as a sign of weakness. They will throw a fit. It’s YOUR life even if they say something hurtful. THEY are the crazy one not you ❤
💯 agree. Thank you for that reminder🙏
People who try to control every single thing end up enjoying nothing!
I am this way... and you are correct
my cousin always force me into playing with him and when I kindly refuse, he almost break the entire friendship
My husband is a very controlling person…. I don’t know how to deal with it….
my aunt. 😔
A lot of people have been controlling me in the past few years, and I have got some mental health issues in the end. Actually I'm sick and tired of all of them.....I don't want them around me!
Controlling people are always the ones that lack direction and clarity in their life.
Be careful not to tell your problems to just anyone. Some controlling people do it via 'helping' you.
Better to take responsibility for your life, and only confide in the truly trustworthy
That's very hard to find these days.
Yes. I agree. I had someone in my life like that. She approached me based on the assumption that I was lonely because I was by myself often. She said she saw me crying. I told her that she wouldn’t even know what I was crying about and she tried to control my social life.
very true -
When u stop looking for validation from ppl and validate ur self u won’t share things with new freinds or strangers,
U need to understand that some ppl don’t care
And wil take advantage of u share ur weakness,
Focus on ur self share in therapy
,
It’s safer
Yeah exactly this is something or somewhat even I tried doing too.. controlling people will say that I am doing this for you
After you’ve politely declined help from them but they insist on it anyway just so they can control the situation. No respect for boundaries. “I want to help” can mean I need to control the situation.
Yes. My overfunctioning/overgiver neighbor lady came over every day. Sometimes 3 times a day! She ignored my boundaries. I thought I was rude when I told her, "Give me a chance to miss you!" Nope. I finally ended it and went no contact. Her last comment was "After all I did for you' . very transactional.
People are controlling because they are insecure. I believe this is the main reason for this behavior. By being in control they provide the security they so desperately need in their lives. They don’t like boundaries because that reduces their control. Thanks for the video Stephanie, excellent topic. Take care.
I'm pretty sure my sad little stepfather is on top of this control freak shit pyramid.
They strongly dislike no and will take if you even mention or allude to the word NO.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It is indeed true that some people exhibit controlling behavior because of their own insecurities. By exerting control over others and their environment, they may feel a sense of security and stability. Additionally, the aversion to boundaries could be related to their desire to maintain control and avoid any potential threats to their perceived security. It's important to approach and understand such behavior with empathy and support. Thank you for watching the video and take care as well!
Constant unsolicited advice and when I don’t want it, I’m made out to be the bad guy. Ask me my opinion but don’t care what I have to say because it’s their way or no way. I have to get away from this person soon. I have lost who I am and don’t know who I am anymore. Go with the flow people like me attract these people.
Agree
It sounds like you're in a difficult situation dealing with a person who constantly offers unsolicited advice and disregards your opinions. It's natural to feel frustrated and overwhelmed in such circumstances. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and take steps to distance yourself from this person if it's negatively affecting your sense of self and happiness. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Set boundaries: Clearly communicate to this person that you appreciate their concern, but you need space and don't want unsolicited advice. Let them know you value your independence and want to make your own decisions.
2. Limit contact: Reduce the amount of time you spend with this person or engage in conversation with them. If possible, try to distance yourself physically and emotionally to regain a sense of personal freedom and identity.
3. Surround yourself with supportive people: Seek out individuals who respect your opinions and value your input. Cultivating relationships with people who appreciate and listen to you can help rebuild your sense of self.
4. Rediscover yourself: Take time to reflect on your own thoughts, desires, and goals. Engage in activities that bring you joy, explore your interests, and invest in self-care. This can help you reconnect with your authentic self and regain your sense of identity.
5. Seek professional support: If you find it challenging to cope with the impact this person has had on your self-esteem and identity, consider reaching out to a
The best way to handle those people at the workplace:
Stay calm
Don't say anything
Wait for someone else to talk to him/her.
Mind your own business.
You don't want control freaks as your friends no matter who they are.
Years ago someone told me "help" is the sunny side of control. That has proven to be so true in many people I have met!!
@youvilleatzebugs some altruistic helpers help without agendas - embrace those. Some helpers have prurient motives and agendas they want to gain access, power, control etc - leave those. You will only figure this out after their help because they will expect or demand something from you and insinuate that you owe them or are obligated and beholden to them. Watch for patterns.
When someone points out stuff so much about you or others that it becomes annoying and you find your inner voice assuming what they would say about a certain thing or situation or wanting to hide certain things from them for that reason.
Care to elaborate further? Is helping others the sunny side of control, or is asking for help the sunny side? 🤔
I've dealt with many people with control issues...its a matter of trust or the lack there of..they don't trust anyone to do the job as well as they do.. their insecurity and fears of failure and blame overwhelm them..I believe it comes from being raised by a domineering and critical parent with the same issues
It is common for individuals with control issues to have trust issues as well. Their lack of trust is often rooted in their own insecurities and fears of failure or being blamed for any mistakes. This can be traced back to their upbringing, particularly if they were raised by domineering and critical parents who also exhibited similar control issues.
Growing up in such an environment can shape one's perspective, leading them to believe that they must handle everything themselves in order to avoid potential criticism or disappointment. They may have been constantly criticized or made to feel inadequate, which instilled a fear of failure and a need to maintain control in order to prove their worth.
As a result, these individuals struggle to delegate tasks or trust others to handle them competently. They may have a deep-seated belief that they are the only ones who can do something properly, causing them to micromanage every aspect of a situation. This need for control can create significant stress and strain on both personal and professional relationships.
Resolving control issues requires addressing the underlying factors such as the lack of trust and fear of failure. Therapy or counseling can be helpful in understanding these root causes and developing healthier coping mechanisms. It is important for individuals to recognize that relinquishing control does not mean failure or inadequacy, but rather a more balanced and trusting approach to relationships and tasks.
Controlling people, sneakily and cunningly wangle their way into your life, to be in the position of control they wish, and then exercise that control over you and your stuff.
Best course of action is to carefully take back control, then be rid of them, and be happy they know you saw them for what they were and outsmarted their sly devious ways.
AKA: Victory! From that experience in the future you’ll ‘smell’ control freaks a mile off, and avoid what is a HORRIBLE experience.
Dealing with people who think they have a better perspective on our lives than we do can be very difficult, especially when they enjoy telling us about all the things we should be doing to improve ourselves (then get annoyed when we don't do what they say). Setting boundaries is very important. Someone told me she was "sorry" for this behavior, but she didn't take responsibility, and so I had to cut back on the friendship. She is a very kind person, but it was just getting to be too much for me
Well said. I can relate.
This is exactly what happened to me and my ex mentor/friend. We met at work and later we got close and she became my work mentor. I appreciate it a lot.
Things drastically changed after i moved into that house with her. She has so many rules in the house and expect me to follow. She started to tell me how i should eat, live my life better and wanted me to be a “great” person. She told me that because she’s more successful than me(she’s at management level in a big company) she’s more correct. It fast turned into that she disagreed with everything i said/did because I couldn’t keep up to her expectations. She proved herself being so bitchy and even yelled at me for tiny things.
I was confused as she said it’s mentorship. Her husband kept quiet all the time.
Now I’ve moved out and realized that what happened was abuse not care ( yes she said all she did was because of care LOL). I was manipulated.
This type of personality will never change as they think they are smarter/ work harder than others so they are entitled to give advice to others.
They are usually attached to people with high empathy, who will put up with them.
i’ve cut off on her and start to heal by watching these videos! Thanks to this video and people sharing similar situations.
And here you are on a self help site where someone tells you what you've been doing wrong and how to improve😄😁😊...
@@mariankeller5852 There is a difference between choosing to take someone's advice versus someone assuming that you want to take it.
Each disorder has its own unique characteristics. I could relate to your comment thx
The best part about this channel is there is no co pay
Lol
dave m..... What's a co-pay?
Exactly👌🏾😂
@@Julie-7605 you must not be from America or you are being sarcastic. Either answer is ok
@@davem3708 I don't know what co pay is either.
I run a business, so I meet lots of people. I am a professional and know my stuff. I do have boundaries, but I can be flexible for my clients. I recently had a business venture and one of the partners immediately gave me a weird control freak vibe. I’m like whoa it’s a one up game every interaction. They can never let someone shine or have their moment. Along with sabotaging things so they can come fix it/be the hero. The most bazaar behaviors. For seemingly no reason. Very covert. But if you pay attention you can see exactly what’s happening. This person was controlling every detail, or as much as they can. I take my time as to not make any snap judgments about people, observe then come to a conclusion. I used to be blind to these types of people, and I am sure there are lots of people out there who have no idea they even exist. I never knew what passive aggressive was, or a narcissist etc. As I am understanding what a control freak is more and more my intuition / discernment is always right. Trust your gut feeling about people. Know when to detach. The earlier the better. You don’t need to save these types of people or show them the light. You can’t.
It seems like you have encountered someone in your business venture who exhibits controlling and manipulative behavior. It's important to trust your intuition and be aware of such traits in people. Observing their actions and behavior over time can give you a clearer understanding of their intentions and motivations.
Setting boundaries and being flexible for clients is a good approach, but when dealing with individuals who display controlling behaviors, it's crucial to maintain your own autonomy and not allow them to dictate your actions or mindset. It's also important to recognize that you cannot change or save these types of people.
Detaching from such individuals and protecting yourself from their toxic behavior is essential for your own well-being and the success of your business. Trusting your gut feeling about people and being discerning in your interactions can help you navigate these situations and maintain a healthy working environment.
Additionally, educating yourself about different personality traits, such as passive-aggressive behavior or narcissism, can further enhance your ability to recognize and deal with such individuals. Ultimately, prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is crucial when encountering people who exhibit controlling and manipulative tendencies.
I had to break off a friendship with an abusive controlling person. He was passive aggressive towards me for months, and the last straw for me was when he tried to take over my wedding plans. The worst part is that he presented himself as a nice guy, so everyone around me would make excuses for his behavior.
How did you end up meeting this deeply insecure controlling person?
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you've had to experience. It can be extremely challenging and emotionally draining when you have to end a friendship with someone who exhibits abusive and controlling behavior. It's important to prioritize your well-being and surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals.
Dealing with someone who is passive-aggressive can be especially taxing, as their behavior may be manipulative and hard to confront directly. The fact that he presented himself as a nice person might have made it even more challenging for others to recognize his problematic conduct.
Breaking off a friendship with someone like that is a courageous and healthy step. It's essential to establish boundaries and protect yourself from any further toxicity. Remember, you have the right to prioritize your own happiness and mental well-being.
If others around you are making excuses for his behavior, it might be helpful to explain to them how his actions have affected you, how they crossed boundaries, and the reasons behind your decision. Sometimes people need more information or perspective to understand the gravity of the situation.
Seeking support from friends, family, or even a counselor can be beneficial during this time. They can provide a safe space to vent, receive advice, and validate your feelings. It's important to remember that you're not alone and that there are people who care about your well-being.
Moving forward, focus on yourself and your upcoming wedding plans. Surround yourself with people who genuinely support you and your happiness. It may take time to heal from the emotional wounds caused by the abusive friendship, but with the right support and self-care, you can regain a sense of peace and happiness.
Ppl do not change, and majority of time controlling ppl don't think they need too. Both of my parents are controlling (one through money, and the other through eliciting emotions). The only thing you can do is control yourself, and decide what is best for you and your path. Nothing is worth your sanity, that must always come first. If others don't understand that, or try to bully and shame, then so be it.
I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such difficulties with your controlling parents. It's true that people can be resistant to change, especially when they don't recognize the need for it. In these situations, it's important to focus on what you can control, which is your own actions and decisions.
Prioritizing your own well-being and mental health is crucial. If being in a situation where you feel controlled and unhappy is negatively impacting your sanity, it's essential to consider what is best for your own personal growth and happiness. Sometimes this might mean setting boundaries or even distancing yourself from harmful influences.
Remember that you have the right to live your own life and make choices that are in your best interest. It can be challenging when others don't understand or try to manipulate you, but staying true to yourself and your own path is important. Seek support from trusted friends or professionals if needed, as they can offer guidance and encouragement along the way.
@@PoisonelleMisty4311 Thank you
My ex was a control freak (abuser type) and sadly could never accept responsibility for his actions. His justification was “I did this for your benefit and want you to be a better person”. Boundaries didn’t work as he never respected them. When I hit enough emotional exhaustion, I left. 🙏🏼 Stephanie for your excellent support.
Sanjeev Bains,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
It's funny because what you type d here it's some from my ex girlfriend.
Same with me...I had to leave once I felt our feelings were no longer the same. I was in a very stressful state with my family, work, life in general and he helped me calm myself and gave me real advice. Not in a controling anyway even though he knows he's a control freak. I fully knew this going into our relationship.
Once he started showing the more forceful control (i was not abused) my feelings went to anger and vindictivness. Terrible ending to what started as a beautiful relationship. Stay strong ❤️ Anyone whos been in a similar situation feel free to reach out ❤️
Yes that sounds familiar
The person that is controlling needs to work on being a better person.
I’ve just left my narcissistic emotionally controlling abusive husband, (12 years) I didn’t see it till a number of people told me that they didn’t like him so I started to look at things, ended in hospital with pneumonia icu for 5 days, I then caught the flu so was in isolation he was vile, he thought no one could hear him. But the nurses did so as he stormed out in came a very kind lady who deal with abuse. For 14 months you kept me strong and to love myself. I’m in my new house for 10 weeks so thank you for your videos 🙂
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you went through, but I'm glad to hear that you were able to leave the abusive relationship and find support during that time. It takes a lot of courage and strength to make such a significant change in your life. Moving into a new house is a positive step towards a fresh start, and I hope you find happiness and healing in your new space. Remember to take care of yourself and reach out for support whenever you need it.
I have a friend who is controlling. Anytime we are planning to meetup ex: restaurant, coffee etc. she ALWAYS insists to pick me up & drive me there. It really bothered me!! I like my freedom and driving my own car ( this way I can leave at my own time). So I started just driving myself there, before she could even get to my place to pick me up.I can tell this really bothers her. Oh well 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I know of some who can help you attract back your lover or ex he once helped too and I'm sure he can help you
Contact him via WhatsApp
+1 ( 4 0 5 ) 3 6 2 - 7 3 6 5
Be proud of yourself.
you've told her how you want to be treated using clear language. She understands just fine, she just doesn't give a sh*t. Her doing what she wants is way more important to her than your comfort levels.
Now that you're setting boundaries, don't let her guil-trip you.😌
Why don’t you suggest that you take it in turns to drive? Taking one car is environmentally better and the experience of not being in control may teach her a new way - to sit back and enjoy being driven.
My partners control freak areas:
-in the car/back seat driver
-working on projects/building something
-living space/shared environment
-opinions/morality/right&wrong
-plans/leisure activities/schedule
-social interactions/say this, not that!
-my appearance/grow your hair out/wear this, not that!
-their agenda/their way or the Highway/getting what he wants/rigid about goals
My Mom definitely uses control to feel secure in herself. She makes passive aggressive remarks more in the past during my childhood that made me feel
So reactive and rattled inside. She always wanted take over whenever she sensed you didn’t know what to do. She wants to suck you into responding a certain way too to her conversation. She is mostly unaware of this. You feel pressed down by her until you can assert your boundaries according to the situation she put you in too. Overall she took more than she gave and still does and now she needs saving because she’s mentally emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
Very sad tale you tell and I’ve dealt with it 40 plus years, don’t wanna tell you but it never gets better and never changes. Best thing I can do is bite my tongue and accept what I can and ignore most of it, people like this needed therapy that wasn’t available I guess. Control wasn’t addressed. Guilt wasn’t addressed. Narcissist personality wasn’t addressed, glad we are familiar with it now at least.
Being a controlling person it’s definitely a sign of the lack of self confidence. Being in control is a false sense of dominance.
From a self love content creator to another; very well said Stephanie! ❤️
It seems that the "self confidence" that is lacking is the capacity to deal with emotions that controlling people don't know how to process. By maintaining (the illusion of) control they avoid feelings and the situations that trigger those feelings (childhood trauma) that they never developed the emotional skills (maturity) to be able to self soothe and internally Any feelings they can't "control" they either project onto others (blaming /fight), flee the situation (flight) or shut down (freeze)
@@philipburdick8160 Indeed!
@@philipburdick8160 Very well said
Thank you again, for saving my life, back in 2018. Until then I didn't know a thing about personality disorders, about boundaries and so on. I have a new life now.
Beautiful! Me too
I've observed controlling from someone that isn't the most organized person. But definitely is always moving, and finds contentment in knowing the flow of things. Also does the passive aggressive thing, and has a way of being negative opinions or judges other people's lifestyle.
My relationship is so healthy because neither of us are control freaks but instead we control ourselves and focus on that which doesn't fit well with a bunch of ppl with no self control so seeking others to control. ..
That's great to hear that you and your partner prioritize self-control and have a healthy relationship. It's important to acknowledge and respect each other's boundaries while allowing yourselves the freedom to be independent individuals. Avoiding control issues can lead to a more balanced, trusting, and fulfilling partnership.
SIL: asks personal/intrusive question sprinkled with “and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to”
I find it so MANIPULATIVE. Obviously that quick tactic is the quickest way to build trust and showcase empathy but it’s BS.
This is the 2nd time she has asked me a personal question after I told her to NOT ask me because it causes me stress and anxiety.
Covert narcissists gather personal information that will be stored up as ammunition.
I had a neighbor “friend” get mad at me, because I verbally, but respectfully, disagreed with her on a matter. I had a problem with my back and she said that when I got to about her age I was going to have all kind of horrible back problems. I respectfully disagreed with her and she got so mad at me!! I explained to her that when someone says something like that about me and my life, I have to verbally disagree with that, because it’s basically a curse being spoken over me. She didn’t understand and I told her I understood that she didn’t understand and I wasn’t being rude, but from a Christian standpoint, I had to speak out of my own mouth what I was believing God for, for my life. She had the nerve to say that, well, I can disagree with her, but do it quietly and not verbally. I told her that there are times that I will disagree quietly, but times like those were going to be times when I was going to have to say something to her and disagree that way. She and I are no longer in communication with one another.
I agree we have to stop allowing people speak negatives in our lives. Proud of you great job
@@preciousheavenlyculture8886 Thank you!
It seems like you had a disagreement with your neighbor over a personal matter and it escalated to the point where you both decided to stop communicating with each other. It's unfortunate when disagreements lead to strained relationships, especially with neighbors.
It's important to remember that everyone has different beliefs and perspectives, and disagreements are bound to happen. In situations like these, it's crucial to maintain respect and understanding for one another's viewpoints, even if you don't agree.
While it's understandable that you wanted to disagree and clarify your stance, it might have been beneficial to approach the situation with more sensitivity. It's important to find balance and choose the appropriate time and manner in which to express your disagreement.
In the future, if you find yourself in a similar situation, consider having an open and calm conversation with the person involved. Seek mutual understanding and respect, and try your best to find a common ground or agree to disagree without damaging the relationship.
It's unfortunate that this disagreement led to a cessation of communication, but sometimes it's necessary to prioritize our own well-being and mental peace. If you feel that keeping distance from this person is in your best interest, then it might be better to maintain that distance and focus on nurturing positive relationships elsewhere.
The controller in my life is not doing it out of a desire for order, its to keep the household in a state of chaos. Any effort to bring decency ( like caring for her neglected pets) is a threat because not being neglectful casts a negative light on her neglect.
You look milion dollars! Thank you for everything you do for the abused and confused souls!
I live in Public housing and my next door neighbor and I instantly became close friends. But I noticed that she was getting mad at me every week over little things. And she would always try to scare me about the office saying we're not allowed to have anything living here. And always trying to scare me about inspections. I suffer severe anxiety. Everything's too hard for me as it is.
So my aunt is very controlling. She has OCD and is a perfectionist and a neat freak and she will go to almost any lengths to get her way. Now, I don't know if it breaks over into narcisissim per-say but it's close. But the one thing that I'm actually learning from her, as someone who is codependant and a people pleaser and doesn't know how to stick up for myself at all, is watching how she goes to any lengths to get her voice across. So obvioulsy she is borderline dealing with some issues of her own, we all are, but I can look up and admire that she is able to do something so easily that I have such a hard time with! So it's almost like I need to learn a little bit from her about standing up for myself and she needs to learn from me how to put others first. We could both use a better balance in that area.
I love a clean, organized & tidy home and I'm not controlling. I know plenty of controlling people who are unorganized scatter brains.
We have the same aunt???
@@candyluna2929haha we have the same aunt??? Comment very funny. How about we have the same in-laws!!!!!! 😵💫😵💫😵💫😳😳😳🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's interesting that you can recognize both the positive and negative aspects of your aunt's behavior. Learning from each other and finding a balance can indeed be beneficial for both of you. Here are a few suggestions to help you develop healthier ways of standing up for yourself while still considering others:
1. Assertiveness training: Seek resources or courses on assertiveness training, which can teach you how to effectively communicate your needs and boundaries without being overly submissive or aggressive.
2. Build self-confidence: Work on improving your self-esteem and self-worth. Understanding your own value and knowing that your opinions and feelings matter can empower you to assert yourself more.
3. Practice boundary-setting: Start by identifying your boundaries and what is important to you. Learn to communicate your limits respectfully and stick to them. Remember, it's okay to say "no" when necessary.
4. Seek support: Surround yourself with supportive and understanding individuals who can encourage and guide you in developing healthier assertiveness skills. Consider therapy or counseling to explore your codependency and people-pleasing tendencies in a safe environment.
5. Find compromise: While it's important to stand up for yourself, strive to find a middle ground where you can consider others' needs as well. Seek win-win solutions that benefit everyone involved.
Remember, change takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself, celebrate small victories, and continue learning and growing.
I started identifying most people around me wanted to control the way I spend my money, who I want to spend on, where and how I want to spend the funny thing is it starts as they care about me and upon my disagreeing they starts to show agitation. The second thing they want to control is my TIME. How I spend my time, who I spend my time with, where I spend my time, How much time I spend etc. You can see once they failed the blame and shame you for hurting their feeling. Well if one expect others to be in certain way, and it doesn't work than his pain is caused by no one except himself.
We going run into controlling toxic people.We must know the signs and how to set and enforce the boundaries. Some of us wasn’t taught this. I former coworker she tell her own mother want to do. I have some ex like that. One of them want to come back. I told him no. I told him go back to the other woman . I’m working on loving myself and goals.
It's great that you are recognizing the importance of setting boundaries and learning how to deal with toxic people. Everyone deserves to be in healthy and respectful relationships.
Here are some signs of controlling and toxic behavior:
1. They try to control your actions and decisions.
2. They constantly criticize and belittle you.
3. They isolate you from friends and family.
4. They are overly possessive and jealous.
5. They exhibit manipulative and gaslighting behavior.
6. They show a lack of respect for your boundaries and individuality.
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with toxic people. Here are some steps to help you establish and enforce them:
1. Identify your limits: Determine what is acceptable and what is not in your relationships.
2. Communicate clearly: Express your boundaries in a calm and assertive manner.
3. Be consistent: Stick to your boundaries and don't let anyone violate them.
4. Surround yourself with supportive people: Surrounding yourself with positive influences can help you strengthen your
I came here to find some clarity on reasons why my relationship with one of my siblings has always been so hurtful over the years. I do not like conflict and I am the type to want resolve and to move forward. The latest event of being hurt by this sibling I did not voice how their reaction was making me feel, it feels like too easy a way for them to victim shame me. After watching this video, I understand a bit more as to why we have always seemed to come into conflict. Will be working with therapist on the boundaries for this relationship moving forward. Thank you for putting this video together, clearly it has helped so many
It's the subtle controller that catches one spouse by surprise years into a marriage. When the controlled spouse identifies it and the years of unhappiness, they are tempted to divorce due to their newfound awareness that they've been mistreated for so long. BUT - divorce isn't the best option most of the time - LEARNING NEW SKILLS and new ways of dealing with the controlling partner is a better option. And Stephanie is right, the need to control is often grounded in weakness / brokenness / insecurity. New ways of relating CAN be adopted. Great video!....If you feel you are at the other end of controlling behavior, deal with it as it arises. Don't go silent and live in resentment and avoidance.
How does a person determine that divorce is not the best option? I'm in this situation now.
@@cynthiaboles884 So many other factors come into play that it's not wise to type a few ideas in a youtube comment section. I will say though, if you're both willing to have a long discussion with each other and face things honestly, that's a good start. Over time, in our long-term marriages, we discover weaknesses and brokenness about ourselves and each other. These are opportunities for growth.
ANY UPDATE lynn?
@@tamim2315 I will be releasing 7 consecutive videos on my TH-cam Channel Feb 7-13, in honor of National Marriage Week USA 2023. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's true that sometimes people may unknowingly find themselves in controlling relationships and may only realize it after many years. Instead of immediately opting for divorce, it can be beneficial to explore alternative solutions such as learning new skills and finding healthier ways to deal with the controlling partner. Addressing the issue as it arises and not allowing resentment and avoidance to build up is also crucial. Your insight regarding the roots of controlling behavior being linked to weakness, brokenness, or insecurity is an important perspective to consider.
I was friends with someone who was controlling. Thankfully, for myself, I ended the friendship because I finally woke up to who the person was.
I am dealing with same issue at the moment.
@@agrav2474 I’m also dealing with something similar at the moment. This friend has been so demanding and controlling but I don’t know how to tell him. Ive tried to slowly fade away by not answering his phone calls as much, but then he freaked out on me demanding for explanations as to why I’m not answering my phone or haven’t called back. Then I pretend and act like everything is fine via text message. When he calls, he interrogates me asking where I am and who I’m with. We aren’t even in a romantic relationship, he’s gay and has a boyfriend. So I don’t understand why he won’t let me go be free. I’m a single female and have struggled to find a partner over the years so he uses that to his advantage to make me codependent on him but it’s like I want my own life, not a be a random 3rd wheel in his homosexual relationship
@@tinybrit3225 he souns jealous... It is just my opinion, but I would avoid him...
Thank you Stephanie. I am a Magnate for Controlling People. This helps SO MUCH !!!
Great video Stephanie!!!! I have learned to focus on my own recovery, and not worry about what others say, think, or do. Because taking care of myself is a full-time job.
A "little" bit of judging? More like a LOT of judging!
Excellent.. I like the way you contrast between the two… and the bad thing is that many of them are in denial and don’t believe there this way. I know because I used to be controlling because I didn’t feel safe when I lost my mom at age 18 and had to grow up quick .. and then abandonment from my husband who turned out to be a narcissist.. whew!!.. as I reflect I thank God that he helped me let go. Someone told me how to improve without being overwhelmed.😊😊😊❤️
I used to have control issues but God has helped me a lot. I have learned to be more accepting and I tend to negotiate or let go depending on the case.
Thank you for explaining this topic! Very helpful
I dated a women who is controlling, VERY RIDGED! And many signs of a Narcissist. NEVER wrong, always right, can't apologize, can't say sorry even if they are wrong. Left her several months ago. I'm going through recovery....
Another interesting and useful video, thank you, Stephanie 😊
The narcissist accuses me of what he is guilty of and doesn't like me saying no. Too bad for him! He thinks that because he is my parent,, that he can boss me around, punish me for saying "no" him. He has the problem attitude, not me.
I would pack a suitcase and Get Out FAST ! I personally have permanently Severed family relationships so I can have PEACE of Mind & high quality health. Remember! Abusers are predators & snakes!!
I love this video it spoke to me very well it is my relationship with my wife and we are in it do or die situation now I'm trying to better myself and I came across your videos they are truly inspiring me thank you
I just got ripped off by someone. So uncomfortable. Will not speak to this person. This is a pattern...need to get stronger. Thank you so much. This is a serious problem.
Appreciate this advice.
Appreciate this podcast. 💪🏻
Thanks for these questions. It's a more helpful way to think about where specifically are they most prone to be controlling, which parts of it specifically trigger me, and where I am responding well and where am I responding unhealthily. My manager at work has OCPD and perhaps some narcissism. One habit I could improve consistency with is physically removing myself when I notice the controlling person's "tells". They start getting enthusiastic and verbose and into personal space, and I realize that doesn't seem like a bad thing on the surface for them, but I feel overwhelmed, distracted, and preyed upon. When I acknowledge the signs, instead of sitting through them, I usually get up and go somewhere else in the building.
That's great that you are becoming more aware of the specific triggers and signs of control in your interactions with your manager. Recognizing when those "tells" appear and physically removing yourself from the situation is a healthy way to protect yourself and maintain your well-being. It's important to set boundaries and create distance if you feel overwhelmed or preyed upon. Consistently practicing this habit can help you maintain a healthier mindset and emotional state when dealing with your manager's controlling behavior. Remember to prioritize taking care of yourself and finding ways to cope with their behavior in a way that works best for you.
I really try to focus on the one thing, but hearing you talk about it will help me remember. I'm trying to help a friend that has that laundry list about someone else, and she has a difficult time sticking to one thing at a time.
I subscribed! So happy to hear the wisdom
I love your insight!
The explanation of why is invaluable
So brilliant, insightful and, even In casual attire, so stunning, cheers
So happy i found this channel
The comments alot of you made were fantastic,and helpful to me.thanks!!
Everything you said exactly describes our neighbour, acts nice in wanting to have conversation with you bout half way out of now where he’ll go at you for things not wanting how he wants it to be, bullying us daily in a consistent manner, he is always on about money “ it’s not my problem “ the family would know about his harassment but does nothing about - he keeps going and doesn’t feel sorry.
The thing is I know I "shouldn't" have boundaries in the first place. Telling a abuse victim what they shouldn't have done can be very triggering.
This was really helpful for me thanks
First time I seen you without makeup and hair. FYI...you are naturally beautiful and good to see you embracing that.
My family member who is the control freak is commonly known as MYOHY (my way or Highway). Sadly this has never changed in 30 plus years and their control has alienated everyone as well as causing much anger toward them, i hope these videos help others, in my case the control freak is defensive, in denial holds a grudge opinionated cruel to others and I can’t see much that can be done, one thing that is true in videos, these people NEVER work on their issues, bc they don’t have issues. (According to them).
Omg ty I love your soothing voice n how easily you explain things👍👏
My paw paw and I were literally jus talking about this , thanks for the info
Tell paw paw I said hello 👋😄
Thank you! You are amazing
Venting, but I need to get this out. I'm at a fast food restaurant yesterday and this guy starts yelling at the staff telling them his food was getting cold and has been sitting there for five minutes. He says "next time make everything at the same time" so that's it's not cold. This is at a major fast food chain, in the middle of the day, and they have the manager working and several staff. As the manager is bring him his food he says "I'm a regular customer, and I have to drive 10 minutes to get here, don't do this again". Just imagine working alone or with no manager and not having a really rigid fast-food system in place while someone like this barking at you in front of other customers.
This is my sister and we are having to navigate through the rough waters of helping our 90 year old mom. I am not allowed to have any input or decisions. She has taken control over every. Financial and medical! I am trying to learn how to have a healthy connections and conversation.
You came at the right time
You are amazing! Love your videos!
Love your chats- female friendships do not come with instructions!! LOL and your skin is Amazing!!!!
Oh my gosh that's so funny you specifically mentioned female friendships. Cause I've had so many issues with my friends over the years and my husband hasn't had to deal with this crap at all! He is supportive of me figuring out the problems but his friendships are so easy in comparison, I'm actually quite jealous! In general men just don't pull this crap on other men, women can be so mean!
Yes, "even if I believe my option is the best option why can't I be flexible to any other options or possibilities," this is the space we hoped to work in, but no. The person in control says they're doing what they think is best and it doesn't matter what you think is best or anyone else thinks is best - their best is the only one that matters. Period. And that is repeated ad nauseum. So, no one gets around that wall this person has built: 'I am doing what I believe is best. Do it my way or don't do it at all.' That's where we are.
Very useful video ...thank you .
great video with a balanced perspective
This helped alot thanks
Yeah, I have met one very pretty woman which is controlling people like crazy and she is trying a lot to find somebody however the guys will always leave her. Definitely, she needs help but I am sure she doesn't see it that way.
They know what they are doing but they are choosing to do it anyways despite what u want because they truly are evil. Like for real. They choose evil. So we need to choose good and take them down. How do u take them down? Abandon them
Absolutely true!
I find my sister very controlling when it comes to family events and insists on organising even though she is in another state and not attending. It bothers me because it is impacting my autonomy and she want all of us to run everything by her. She acts like the family director. I don't like feeling controlled.
I love this channel.
But how do you deal with abusive/controlling people who DENY being controlling and claim to be ''liberal'', maganimous, ''too permissive'' and whatnot. They are so controlling and dictatorial they even deny being controlling!!
My sister is exactly what you said. In her mind, she's ahead of the times liberal 😂
However , she does fall into all of the categories Stephanie said 😰..... In m going to practice the steps Stephanie said. It has taken me over 5 videos to deal with my sister 😱
Also my sister is 14 years older 😰 as her brother , I can't argue FULL FORCE because of gender
Believe your eyes and ears. It doesn't stop EVER it only goes quiet for short times
Thank you Stephanie🥰...and the casual look is lovely😁 #yougogirrlll
I know of someone who can help you attract back your lost love or ex he once helped me and I'm sure he can help you too
Contact via WhatsApp
+1 ( 4 0 5 ) 3 6 2 - 7 3 6 5
Nice....well explained.... Many blessings
I was married for 26 years and I remember telling my husband if he could give me just 1/4 inch (represented by my fingers) I could make this marriage work. The next night, my nephew was staying with us from out of town, he was finally opening up with me about some of his experiences during his deployment in Iraq. My husband had already gone to bed and I didn't follow because of the importance of my nephew's conversation. I did eventually cut the conversation short despite my desire not to, because I heard my husband throwing things in our bedroom. When I ventured into our bedroom he had packed a suitcase and stated he couldn't take this anymore. All I felt in that moment was relief. It wasn't long until he returned wanted to talk about what happened. This time I told him I couldn't do this anymore. He insisted we pack my things the next day and if that was how I felt I should leave. I honestly didn't know if I would be able to leave. When I drove away I felt such relief. I call my divorce papers my emancipation. I never thought I would ever be that person
Wow wow wow wow wow 👐🏼 🤯 3 minutes in and I’m mind blown. 💯 truuuuuuue all of it in this person I know 😆 it was actually hilarious because it was so spot on. Actually really reassuring.
Wow this makes so much sense...
I made a boundary with a family member I was clear about it .
They went to my friends and played the victim wasnt honest about any of it...so I am a little lost in what to do next or where to go from here 🤔
I am right there wiith you my friend, I'm dealing with the same thing. From what I've read and researched on the topic you just don't engage and basically ignore the person. So far it's working. I had suspicions about this person being a narcissist and when the smear campain started it basically prooved I was right. I chose to go as much no contact as possible. It sucks but I'm realizing the friendship I thought I had was all a farce anyway...
I took the nine week course recently just wondering what wound this falls under ...I see myself in some of these characteristics so I’d like to work on myself in making me a better person
What 9 week course
I work at a place that has absolutely no routine and it's pretty much a s h i t show. So I think having routine especially in a workplace and yes even your home is really not always a bad thing as long as you always are open to other opinions and ways of doing things.
My dad is one on a daily bases 😆 😯 very argumentative with my mom ,and yep always has a schedule every day he’s retired , saving my 💰 to get out of the house 🏠 so I can finally have peace 😮
No amount of money can buy Peace of mind. Get out as Quickly as You can
Well that was very informative thank you. I realized that I am a bit of a control freak (the nice helpful type), I am always cleaning, taking charge when ppl come to me with problems, I don't help I take over. If the kids had deadlines in school I would get it done, If at work there was a problem, I took it and got it fixed and it was my baby, don't get involved, just let me fix it lol...I know I know but never once did I use my crazy for bad or harm. My two children are grown adults, they are awesome and well-adjusted so i guess I didn't screw them up lol, they finished college, are happily married and are homeowners and parents. I was raised with a very controlling parent and there was abuse so lucky I am as nice as I am. I would help anyone, and I am a good soul. I am also an empathic person and have the ability to put myself in your shoes very easily. I do not judge others; I am compassionate, and I am a live and let live person but with me and mine I am controlling. I am learning to ease up in my retirement now and I feel a bit lighter. I still have lots of work to do. I do have a bit of OCD (so did the parent) I am working on that too. My other parent was very very very passive so maybe I have some of that in me too because I let others push me around sometimes. meh, we all have issues as long as we don't hurt anyone, we are all ok. :)
Thank u much appreciated
I used to be this person in my last 2 marriages- nonetheless those marriages didn’t last. Now that I’ve healed and have moved past having to control my atmosphere and am more secure than I’ve ever been because I really stopped giving a fck about ppls opinions- I’m in a relationship with my old self 😒. I still don’t like surprises, but I’m at peace and not attached to any outcome like I used to be.
Your mum total inspiration xxx
This all fits my younger sister to a T...unfortunately, When I try to confront her about it, she manages to wrangle her way out be putting on the defensive mode. It's easy for her to confront others, but not the other way around. She's let her materialistic ways drive her to sheer madness. When our mother and grandmother died, it was she who decided to take the lion's share of family heirlooms, furniture, jewelry, etc and sell it without consulting the rest of the family. I was completely hurt and angry as were my brother and his wife and the rest of the family. I wrote a letter to her a few years ago and it's doubtful if she even read it...I've even been tempted to send a copy of the letter to her current husband because I have my doubts he doesn't know fully about my situation.
Been under control by my husband for 30 years. I am a passive person, just let a lot of it go, but my kids are the 1’s who suffered the most by him.
There are some extremely controlling and manipulative people involved in healthcare doing their best to keep me from working as a registered nurse. The lies and dishonesty is psychopathic!!!
I love this video .
Abusers are always intolerable
This is exactly like someone who I knew