Whether you have kids, are CNBC or Childfree, please don’t be nasty towards other groups with your comments as you really don’t know how others are feeling about this subject. 🧡
Enaknya jadi manusia = 1. Ada makanan 2. Fisik sehat 3. Panjang umur 4. Punya keluarga 5. Ada tempat tinggal bagus 6. Manusia Jujur 7. Saling toleransi 8. Masuk surga 9. Dapat rezeki. 10. Damai dengan orang. Dll Gak enaknya jadi manusia = 1. Kelaparan 2. Kadang merasakan sakit 3. Suatu hari meninggal 4. Ada yang Gak punya keluarga 5. Ada yang tidak punya tempat tinggal atau tempat tinggal jelek 6. Ditipu orang 7. Rasis SARA ( suku , agama, ras dan budaya) , Rasis yang lain. 8. Masuk neraka 9. Harus bekerja kalau mau punya harta 10. Di hina orang Dll. Maka dari itu gue memutuskan tidak punya anak . Ada gak enaknya jadi manusia. Mungkin anak gue mengalami hal buruk tersebut . Yaa walaupun ada enaknya jadi manusia, gue tetap tidak punya anak . ( Indonesia language)
Hi Stephanie Thank you so much for recording this video. It takes a huge amount of courage to discuss something so personal. I can completely relate to the "oh @*"&!^!$ I've just recording this and the microphone wasn't switched on." Been there, done that, and got a drawer full of the T-shirts. I'm childless-not-by-choice because I only met my 2nd husband when I was in my mid-30s. When I was 40 I discovered my body was hiding the fact that I had very aggressive Stage 4 endo. I was as regular as clockwork yet I either struggled to conceive or to carry full term. 3 miscarriages, failed cycle of IVF, and 2 major surgeries to remove endo and a twisted tube/ovary. This is my insensitive (cruel?) comment: A VERY close friend of mine knew everything that Andrew and I had been through. She was like a mum to me (my own mother had died when I was 27.) She didn't know me when we had our 1st miscarriage. However, had seen me falling to bits after the failed IVF when I was 42 and the other two miscarriages I had. I was probably about 44 by this time and the grief I was experiencing was overwhelming. One day Andrew and I were just about to leave a bar/cafe when this woman and a group of friends entered. About 10 people in total. I knew all of them although I hadn't seen most of them for about 2 years. She sat on the other side of the large round table, so a considerable distance from me. At one point she called out to me "Nicci, how's Bailey? He's such a gorgeous dog." Everyone stopped talking to listen. When I replied "he's fine" she then announced loudly, "I don't know why you want children when you've got him. You are so much better off with a dog than kids. I wish I'd never had my kids". [I know both her children and was particularly close to her daughter]. I actually can't remember what I said in reply. Luckily a couple of people closer to me started to ask about Bailey, so I could focus on them instead. However, I can remember how I felt VERY clearly. I was shaking everywhere. My glass of wine was almost finished, and Andrew asked me if I wanted to have another glass. I managed to say "No. Drink up. We need to leave." Luckily Andrew realised that he needed to get me out of there. I gulped down the last mouthful of wine and got up. Said our goodbyes and took our "empties" to the bar. As I passed this so-called friend, I thought "If I still had wine in my glass you would be wearing it now!" I just managed to hold it together. However, the tears were streaming down my face before we reached the street. I'm now 56, so this happened about 12 years ago. Yet as I type I can feel my anxiety raising. We hardly spoke to this woman again. For several years, if I saw her in a distance, I would turn around and walk the other way. About 6 years ago we did go to a party at her house. We were catching up a little and I explained I was busy launching an on-line magazine for the CNBC community. Her response "Oh, is there really a need for that? I mean it's not as though anyone you know died. Besides having children is horrendous and I wish that I'd . . . " I put my hand up to her face, about an inch from her nose and said very slowly "DON'T. YOU. DARE. SAY. THAT. TO. ME. SO. INAPPROPRIATE." She almost choked on her wine. Stammered "I guess it wasn't nice." Gulped down half a glass of wine and said "Oh my glass is empty. I'm going to get a refill!" It was SOOOOOOO empowering.
Wow! I have goosebumps just reading that and I’ve never even met you. I am appalled at her ignorance and proud of you for both standing up to her and also for adding a voice to the CNBC community. She is very wrong, it was needed!
It never ends Steph, even when I eventually became a mum it’s then ‘when are you having another?’ And the shock when you say you’re one and done. I imagine you would then have the second and it’s then ‘when is the next one?’ People need to mind their own business. Thanks for covering this topic!
I enjoyed your video. I relate with some much of what you’ve said and I am so glad to hear about how you have come to acceptance with it. I am childfree. I did get married at 28 to a wonderful man. He wanted to wait for two years and just enjoy us before trying to have kids. I agreed to that. At 30 we started trying and found that he was infertile. It turns that there are many knowledgeable doctors for female infertility, but not so much for male. The first doctor had no clue and later we learned that the treatment he tried was futile and he should have known that. We went from doc to doc and then 5 years later my husband began producing. At about that time my fertility took a nose dive. At the 7 year mark, we were both done. By far the hardest battle I have ever fought. Will forever have deep scars. We are now 41. It has gone easier and there is no choice, but to accept it. Adoption was never a possibility for us. I wish, but it just isn’t in the cards for us. It is freeing when the desire to have kids subsides. I still wish things were different, but I have given up all hope and a weight has been lifted. Sadly, We live in a society where parents often have a superiority complex. I have had several nasty comments made to me. I once commented that when there is a child screaming in a restaurant or store, the parents should take it out so that customers don’t have to endure that. I was told that since I don’t have kids, I don’t know how it is. I know that when I was a kid my parents had the decency to do that with us. They didn’t subject everyone to it. I know that as the customer, I didn’t plan on eating my meal unable to visit with my company. At a work meeting we were divided into groups and asked to discuss which personality type we identified with. Each took a turn speaking and when it was my turn, I said I felt like the perfectionist. Some ass face lady interrupted my turn and said that she felt like when you become a mother, perfection goes out the window. I have had someone tell me that I don’t know what tired is. Um, I have a sleep disorder where I don’t get the normal amount of non-rem sleep I should. I always feel tired. I don’t go through that for a few years - it’s for a lifetime so shut up! One woman said who barely knew me told me that she couldn’t see me with kids. At work, if I choose to sit with others, all they do is talk about their kids. That’s fine, but it sucks. I can handle it now. Years ago I couldn’t. I would end up in the bathroom in tears. People may think I don’t know anything, but for 18 years I have been a teacher, and I DO know what kids are like.
Just because you didn’t know something (love, selflessness, tired) before having kids doesn’t mean that I don’t know. It might just mean that you are immature.
What an unnecessary comment from her to cut in with. I’m so pleased for you that you have been able to come to terms with it, especially since it was such a cruel twist and turn with the fertility treatments. Thank you for sharing 🧡
Whether you have kids, are CNBC or Childfree, please don’t be nasty towards other groups with your comments as you really don’t know how others are feeling about this subject. 🧡
Enaknya jadi manusia =
1. Ada makanan
2. Fisik sehat
3. Panjang umur
4. Punya keluarga
5. Ada tempat tinggal bagus
6. Manusia Jujur
7. Saling toleransi
8. Masuk surga
9. Dapat rezeki.
10. Damai dengan orang.
Dll
Gak enaknya jadi manusia =
1. Kelaparan
2. Kadang merasakan sakit
3. Suatu hari meninggal
4. Ada yang Gak punya keluarga
5. Ada yang tidak punya tempat tinggal atau tempat tinggal jelek
6. Ditipu orang
7. Rasis SARA ( suku , agama, ras dan budaya) , Rasis yang lain.
8. Masuk neraka
9. Harus bekerja kalau mau punya harta
10. Di hina orang
Dll.
Maka dari itu gue memutuskan tidak punya anak . Ada gak enaknya jadi manusia. Mungkin anak gue mengalami hal buruk tersebut . Yaa walaupun ada enaknya jadi manusia, gue tetap tidak punya anak . ( Indonesia language)
Hi Stephanie Thank you so much for recording this video. It takes a huge amount of courage to discuss something so personal. I can completely relate to the "oh @*"&!^!$ I've just recording this and the microphone wasn't switched on." Been there, done that, and got a drawer full of the T-shirts.
I'm childless-not-by-choice because I only met my 2nd husband when I was in my mid-30s. When I was 40 I discovered my body was hiding the fact that I had very aggressive Stage 4 endo. I was as regular as clockwork yet I either struggled to conceive or to carry full term. 3 miscarriages, failed cycle of IVF, and 2 major surgeries to remove endo and a twisted tube/ovary.
This is my insensitive (cruel?) comment:
A VERY close friend of mine knew everything that Andrew and I had been through. She was like a mum to me (my own mother had died when I was 27.) She didn't know me when we had our 1st miscarriage. However, had seen me falling to bits after the failed IVF when I was 42 and the other two miscarriages I had. I was probably about 44 by this time and the grief I was experiencing was overwhelming.
One day Andrew and I were just about to leave a bar/cafe when this woman and a group of friends entered. About 10 people in total. I knew all of them although I hadn't seen most of them for about 2 years. She sat on the other side of the large round table, so a considerable distance from me. At one point she called out to me "Nicci, how's Bailey? He's such a gorgeous dog." Everyone stopped talking to listen. When I replied "he's fine" she then announced loudly, "I don't know why you want children when you've got him. You are so much better off with a dog than kids. I wish I'd never had my kids". [I know both her children and was particularly close to her daughter].
I actually can't remember what I said in reply. Luckily a couple of people closer to me started to ask about Bailey, so I could focus on them instead. However, I can remember how I felt VERY clearly. I was shaking everywhere. My glass of wine was almost finished, and Andrew asked me if I wanted to have another glass. I managed to say "No. Drink up. We need to leave." Luckily Andrew realised that he needed to get me out of there.
I gulped down the last mouthful of wine and got up. Said our goodbyes and took our "empties" to the bar. As I passed this so-called friend, I thought "If I still had wine in my glass you would be wearing it now!" I just managed to hold it together. However, the tears were streaming down my face before we reached the street.
I'm now 56, so this happened about 12 years ago. Yet as I type I can feel my anxiety raising. We hardly spoke to this woman again. For several years, if I saw her in a distance, I would turn around and walk the other way. About 6 years ago we did go to a party at her house. We were catching up a little and I explained I was busy launching an on-line magazine for the CNBC community.
Her response "Oh, is there really a need for that? I mean it's not as though anyone you know died. Besides having children is horrendous and I wish that I'd . . . "
I put my hand up to her face, about an inch from her nose and said very slowly "DON'T. YOU. DARE. SAY. THAT. TO. ME. SO. INAPPROPRIATE." She almost choked on her wine. Stammered "I guess it wasn't nice." Gulped down half a glass of wine and said "Oh my glass is empty. I'm going to get a refill!"
It was SOOOOOOO empowering.
Wow! I have goosebumps just reading that and I’ve never even met you. I am appalled at her ignorance and proud of you for both standing up to her and also for adding a voice to the CNBC community. She is very wrong, it was needed!
@@StephanieSaintRemy - thanks. I actually felt very proud of myself for standing up to her. She no longer had any power over me and that felt great.
It never ends Steph, even when I eventually became a mum it’s then ‘when are you having another?’ And the shock when you say you’re one and done. I imagine you would then have the second and it’s then ‘when is the next one?’ People need to mind their own business. Thanks for covering this topic!
Thanks! It’s actually a weird relief to hear that mothers get it too. 🧡
I enjoyed your video. I relate with some much of what you’ve said and I am so glad to hear about how you have come to acceptance with it. I am childfree. I did get married at 28 to a wonderful man. He wanted to wait for two years and just enjoy us before trying to have kids. I agreed to that. At 30 we started trying and found that he was infertile. It turns that there are many knowledgeable doctors for female infertility, but not so much for male. The first doctor had no clue and later we learned that the treatment he tried was futile and he should have known that. We went from doc to doc and then 5 years later my husband began producing. At about that time my fertility took a nose dive. At the 7 year mark, we were both done. By far the hardest battle I have ever fought. Will forever have deep scars. We are now 41. It has gone easier and there is no choice, but to accept it. Adoption was never a possibility for us. I wish, but it just isn’t in the cards for us. It is freeing when the desire to have kids subsides. I still wish things were different, but I have given up all hope and a weight has been lifted.
Sadly, We live in a society where parents often have a superiority complex. I have had several nasty comments made to me. I once commented that when there is a child screaming in a restaurant or store, the parents should take it out so that customers don’t have to endure that. I was told that since I don’t have kids, I don’t know how it is. I know that when I was a kid my parents had the decency to do that with us. They didn’t subject everyone to it. I know that as the customer, I didn’t plan on eating my meal unable to visit with my company. At a work meeting we were divided into groups and asked to discuss which personality type we identified with. Each took a turn speaking and when it was my turn, I said I felt like the perfectionist. Some ass face lady interrupted my turn and said that she felt like when you become a mother, perfection goes out the window. I have had someone tell me that I don’t know what tired is. Um, I have a sleep disorder where I don’t get the normal amount of non-rem sleep I should. I always feel tired. I don’t go through that for a few years - it’s for a lifetime so shut up! One woman said who barely knew me told me that she couldn’t see me with kids. At work, if I choose to sit with others, all they do is talk about their kids. That’s fine, but it sucks. I can handle it now. Years ago I couldn’t. I would end up in the bathroom in tears. People may think I don’t know anything, but for 18 years I have been a teacher, and I DO know what kids are like.
Just because you didn’t know something (love, selflessness, tired) before having kids doesn’t mean that I don’t know. It might just mean that you are immature.
What an unnecessary comment from her to cut in with. I’m so pleased for you that you have been able to come to terms with it, especially since it was such a cruel twist and turn with the fertility treatments. Thank you for sharing 🧡