North Korea's First COVID-19 Outbreak, Biden's New Press Secretary: Late Night's News of the Week
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- All the news and jokes you missed from the week of May 9.
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North Korea's First COVID-19 Outbreak, Biden's New Press Secretary: Late Night's News of the Week
• North Korea's First CO...
Late Night with Seth Meyers
/ latenightseth
"The mafia is now heavily invested in the fight against climate change." - I applaud whoever wrote that one-liner! Spot on!
I think this was one of the best sets ever! Good morning from Finland!
Roe Vs Wade being taken away *will* result in more poverty, crime and child abuse. I've never understood why anti-humanity people want to force everyone to be parents and then in the same breath, complain about poverty and people who aren't ready to be parents having kids.
Putin. vs Biden.
th-cam.com/video/bWnW9WZYXGc/w-d-xo.html
It’s all about control over those that can’t afford it
Because pro-life is a hoax, that's just anti-choice.
We've faced this in our country in 2020, and the same people who installed an additional Supreme Court justice that helped overturn a bill saying it's "to protect kids' lives" reduced funding for already underfunded children's psych hospitals, where suicidal or severely disabled kids are. So go figure... :(
@@Vynextus that can’t afford what? Condoms? Plan B pills? Birth control pills?
A few more people deciding the world isn't fit to bring children into.
I cannot believe the Philippines legitimately elected Ferdinand Marcos Junior. Have they forgotten about his father‘s atrocities?!?! Wouldn’t that be like us electing Barron Trump someday? 🤦🏼♀
Sandi - Sshh. Don't give them any ideas!!
@@maryknight4109 I know it’s a horrible analogy, but both those families are cut from the same cloth.
If you knew more Filipino's you would understand why. As a general rule they are not strong critical thinkers and most live in a world manufactured by social media. This is why they elected Duterte and now Marcos. They are easily fooled to believe whatever strongman says.
you elected Bush twice
Misery loves company, and if you can make thousands of people like you. You're basically amongst friends.
There’s SO many reasons why forced birth is beyond wrong! It’s every person for themselves, people are getting poorer, wages don’t get better, it’s a mess out here! I planned to space my kids out and ended up with twins for my first…it would literally punish them if I was forced to have more. Focus on and prioritize the kids that are here!
Isn't it funny how the only people who insist on women being indentured incubators are those at no risk of getting pregnant themselves, by dint of either age or gender?
The bible-thumping breeding slavers out there have no skin in the getting knocked-up game.
Agree. If they did a good job making it easier and affordable to take care of kids in this country, it wouldn't even be an issue. Not only would people relax their opinions about abortion being a necessary option, but abortion rates would plummet. And, weirdly, we'd be doing the right thing for once.
Maybe you should look into ways how one can prevent getting pregnant? Its not like they forcepregnant you.. you have unprotected sex and get pregnant.
And, of course, the two dumbest replies are from dudes.
@bepowerification you realize contraception fails sometimes right?
Btw, it is should be law for men to get a vasectomy if they impregnate a woman who can not have an abortion. Or they lose half of their money every year. No, never had an abortion and I talked my daughter out of it. The right to bodily autonomy should be protected.
More likes sent this way....x
One in four women have had an abortion but somehow it’s never the person arguing for choice in any comment section.
First ‘reported’ case.
Definitely not the first case.
So true👍
“Don’t have children if you can’t afford them!” Also: “You have no choice now.”
They could take Plan B. Oh wait… Tennessee is already trying to pass a law to give the death penalty for that. There’s still birth control pills, though. Oh wait.. the same bill would call for the death penalty for combination birth control pills, too.
What rolls down stairs
and gets big stares...
Rolls over your neighbors dog.
Everyone knows its pregnant Mary Bell trying to lose the kid.
Its prego
Its prego
Its fun for a girl or a cousin... slightly deranged boy from next door that got it on with both your daughters...
From Balmo !!
@@toddjones1480 for folks who profess to love the right to life, they sure are cool with killing born people.
@@toddjones1480 also plan b doesn’t help you if your long term birth control fails because you have no way of knowing in time
Keep an eye on the Lake Meade situation. That and Lake Powell supply water to a very, very large number of people and the only upside to them running this low is that the US might finally have to start taking climate change seriously when Vegas is abandoned due to lack of water.
Amazing how they'll wait till it's dry to decide to run a pipeline from the north where flooding will be a real problem. 🙄 But say it's for OIL and everyone is on board! We really are fukked.
That President statue is 50% Seth Meyers 50% Craig Ferguson.
"All the glorious country of North Korea is from now on confined!"
"Uh?"
"He meant: Business just as usual".
Seth your hilarious! Love starting my day watching your show!
the house thing reminds me of in the bob newhart show when mr carlin, trying to sell houses which are literally floating away, urges potential clients to act quickly--"they're moving fast"
Lol!
Listening to American doing Irish accents is like watching a dog eat a toffee: no matter how hard you try you'll never get it quite right and that's quite sweet.
HOW DARE YOU. I’ll have you know Seth went to impression camp TWICE 😠
@@MsLul123 well now, when he goes TREE times, he'll have the Irish accent down pat! (Or is it 'paddy')😆
What is toffee?… am American🤷🏼♂️
I think that was the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
Ba mhian liom go stopfadh Seth ag déanamh an chaint Ghaelaigh. Tá sé ach uafásach. Fuaimeann sé cosúil le leipreachán
(Joke) CORRECTION:
“…Former president Trump was the biggest leaker of all”
“Well that’s the last time I show him the Russian pee tapes”
It would’ve been more funny if the line was: “Bill Gates got the virus because he forgot to UNINSTALL McAfee”
I think he only has windows defender installed.
Missed a joke in there about the line behind the alligator. Crock complains "what's taking so long".
Alligator says. "After a while crocodile "!
Omg thank you….lunatic-Clarence Thomas, classic!
Jokes aside, contracting CoVid does not give you any significant long-term immunity.
no but it can lead to long-term health issues. but who cares? no one apparently.
Contracting covid-19 is likely gives you other medical problems later in your life if you do not recover quickly.
Apparently neither does the vaccine
@@theblah9316 I am glad that you mentioned that as I am myself one of those people dealing with long-term health issues. I contracted CoVid-19 in March 2020, long before any of the vaccines existed. I am strongly affected by the resulting health issues to this very moment.
That was a terrible Bono. Not enough smugness.
Sticking to the counter at Dunkin' Doughnuts made me LOL.
I really REALLY hope Wally did roll his eyes. My Irish grandfather is spinning in his graves so hard he hit the centre of the Earth.
Gave a like for that Bono impression
Accent/impression camp is still paying off, Seth
Pres.Biden is doin a lot for black women. He’s given us the first black female Supreme Court judge, press secretary, and Vice President!
It's about time that women of color were represented in government. They ARE a large part of our population, after all.
i would have accepted 'ratter up' for the baseball rat
this guy for the nxt congressional correspondence dinner host
I agree 💯%😂
NO!!!!!!!!!!!😂😂😭🤣
Seth is why we got Trump in the first place😂😭🤣
He already did that in 2011
@@calebk9111 2011 wow he’s due
The three branches of government are executive, legislative and judicial. Democrats only control two! But the legislative branch is composed of both the house and senate. Get your act together Seth! Love you and your show, Dr. Jackal
I'd say they control 1 and have control of the house but not the senate.
Manchin continues to be a DINO
Only control 2 .. like 3 is even a possibility.. smh
Tell it to Mr. Biden. Here is the quote from whitehouse.gov: "The first is, we’re in power. That’s the first thing. And you - justifiably right, we control all three branches of government."
Sincerely, A Jackal's Jackal
There was Democratic control of all branches for decades…. After the Republicans caused the great depression…
Imagine that… When Republicans had all three branches of government, they caused the Great Depression. Years later, when they had all three branches of government again under George Bush Junior, they had the great recession! Isn’t that a coincidence?
Answer: not if you’re paying attention…
Gates looked just like RBG in those pics 🤣🤣🤣
Nice Bono-logue! 😂
With the bono impression and the catholic curse joke I’m pretty sure Seth just hate-crimed the whole of Ireland!
Seth is ready for the week to be over. Me too... thanks for the early post. Now I'll go to bed.
Edit: Snort. Rat joke.
Putin. vs Biden.
th-cam.com/video/bWnW9WZYXGc/w-d-xo.html
Seth Meyers Rules All Late Night Bar None
Putin. vs Biden
th-cam.com/video/bWnW9WZYXGc/w-d-xo.html
Yep. I’m still mad at U2 for that forced download.
That was a pretty good "your dad" joke 😹
Edit: these are straight fire who wrote today's jokes?
Lots of writers in his stable.... good folx ❤
@@michelehemlokhexwhite4310 good folks?
That baseball rat pic 🤣
the mcafee joke got me
Piss on Oz. He can Gtfo of pa...and stay out
The joke about zuch was on point 😂
That bit about the Mafia was wonderful! The other stuff too! Love it!
'Hot Lung Summer' doesn't have the same ring to it, though..
It is no surprise now! We must change now! Be well now😃!
Not having control over your own body wouldn't that be slavery.
The u2. Itunes bit was fantastic but now I can't do a stand up bit I had written that is almost identical. I love and hate you
Seth, your doppelganger seems to be Franklin Pierce, one of the most handsome and charming of our Presidents. On the other hand, he was dogged with family tragedy, became a raging alcoholic, and is universally ranked in the bottom five, just beating out Buchanan, Trump, and maybe Harding.
Fun fact: A relative of barbara Bush.
like the revamp - you look good & jokes are funny. don't mess it up, xoxox
Seth, lousy Bono impression, check out the north Dublin accent, as opposed to Geldoff who's south Dublin. 😀
It's Nevada!!! not Nevadah
Nada about Nurses March?
As a hater of Microsoft Teams, I really appreciated that Zoom/Teams joke.
Haters of Microsoft Teams, unite!
Me too!!!
Another impression to add to the list!
Put my phone on the counter, listening while cleaning up, and had to bend over real close to the screen to see that the Kavanaugh item was a beer hat. It looked like Pikachu from far away. 😅
The full curse is Katherine, Mary, Margaret. In an Irish household it is Katie, Mamie, and Maggie.
Great show! He really does know how to make us laught!
7:00 Excellent micro skit. 🤣
Seth, if I could be your husband, I wouldn't because I'm straight but you're still kind of cool.
I'd be his husband.... hang on, I'm a chick... but dang it, I'd do it anyway! (I think it's called a wife, but I'm not the marrying type. So I found out last time a yank tried to marry me!)
Good luck to ye!
Every time my car starts, it stops playing Spotify. It starts playing U2 on Apple Music instead. 🤦♂️
All 3 branches? Judicial is not democrat.
that's just how *philadelphia* says hello
5:50. Gates looking like Ruth Bader Ginsburg
I AM IN LOVE WITH SETH! 🤪
Baseball Rat! 😭
Peter Gabriel forever !!
Good Bono- keep it up
That's Seth Meyers in "The Hall of Presidents"??? I thought that was young Johnathan Price.
You realize Meyers is a comedian, not a newscaster.
Thank you captain obvious.
Fox 'news' is a comedic joke
people are liking the chocolate cream cold brew
that game was in Philly... with all of the other brother rats that love each other
It wasn't just Wally who rolled his eyes.
Suddenly Bono sounds like community stage actor auditioning for a Northern Irish Steve Buscemi 🥸
Great night
Ginni Thomas leaked it.
awesome
The bono was 7.9/10
Upping security for the Supreme court, what could rhey possibly be doing that would be so stupid it would incite justified violence? /s
I use Teams at work...
Your "Bono" was really more like Martin Shorts' "Ed Grimley" Listen again and tell me I'm wrong.
That is not how you pronounce Nevada
How about what happened in Palestinian
Hand stuck to the desk was good . Did you consider , following with pulling both hands apart ? Just curious . Learning that Comedy is a Basic Survival Skill ..
I've always been PRO-LIFE, PRO-CHOICE, and PROPHYLACTICS. They'll probably try to wreck that next.
Um…that’s senate majority leader. 2 Dems vote with the republicans.
They thought you were Gavin Newsom or Josh Hawley.
7:45 Is that kids name Bu Bonic
Covid is not good thing.
❤️ McAfee
Liber Primus
I can't unsee the president thing
same thought i had about bono when i heard about the gig, he's determined to get that nobel prize, i mean he has already tried to steal one from mandela
Great dog voice, rather Scooby.
2:16 Wally's going to friend jail
Never noticed Seth looks like he’s inna jail cell
Know what sucks. Years ago a Dr said I can have serious mental issues... Cuz I laugh when I wanna cry. I laugh when I'm angry. I laugh when I'm depressed. Us Jokers never cry cuz we just wanna make u laugh 😆🥺🤡
First Shotokan Position ?
Last SEC Fine
Have you ever heard an Irish person?
I just have to weigh in. “Burglarized” is a stupid word. It is “Burgled”. You are so, so much, better than that Seth. Jackal alert.
I thought James Cromwell was dead. Huh ...
Did you see how close that lunatic got to Clarence Thomas? 😂
Seth, are you using a laugh track? Jc
You don't have to say its a monologue. We know! If you feel you have to say it it, you aren't doing it right.