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Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
@Samson Omiunu If in a forest you meet the same tree twice, you know you have gone the wrong way ... So why should people pay money to get back with an ex? An ex is an ex for a reason. No need to prolong something that didn't work in the first place.
1- Saying "yes" to the instant relationship 2- Canceling your plans to accommodate his schedule 3- Try to get him to like you before you know if you like him 4- Saying yes to sex before you're ready 5- Investing more in the relationship than he does 6- Giving undeserved second chance 7- Self diminishing behavior
Kind hearted men will be attracted to you. It is a win win situation. This is not synonymous with being a pushover or desperate. Being kind to each other without games is what a relationship should entail. If you want a jerk who acts like a dick but will keep you because you passed his test of not tolerating his shit then stick with these games. Better to just have someone who treats you good in the first place snd doesn’t fault you for being nice and liking him “so early”.
You are on the right track and this video is wrong. It is not your job to manage the guys’ self esteem. You go on your dating journey and be kind, be nice. Be you. Be authentic. Learn from your mistakes and grow as you go. Treat men with respect and allow them to treat you with respect. If you are nice and he can’t handle it, it’s not because you have low self-esteem. It’s because he has low self-esteem.
When I was dating my now husband, I remember telling him clearly that I didn’t believe in sex before marriage and that if he disagreed with that, he needed to think about whether he wanted to continue dating me because I wasn’t going to be bending the rules. He never had any girl tell him that before. It helped that we had already established a friendship but he said he had no choice in the matter (I was my own boss). He respected me for standing up for myself and told me so. I never went out of my way to force someone to like me; it never felt right. The more I stuck to my standards, the more quality men I attracted. There are too many boys out there in need of training but we ain’t their mommas; it’s not our job to train them into gentlemen.
This is not just about attraction. This is about respect. If you respect yourself, he will have to respect you to keep you. You teach people how to treat you. You can be kind and still be assertive.
Ladies this is true it’s called being a high value woman, you always put yourself first. you are the one person that you spend your whole life with . “He’s got to earn the right” on point 💯. Great video
Former "nice girl" here and omg your points are spot on! I used to do all of those in order to feel like I was attracting someone, but all I was doing was hurting myself and ultimately hurt my self worth and self esteem. I took some time away from the dating scene, and recently got back into it. A guy I was interested in just kept bringing up sex constantly and he didn't respect my boundaries, so I let him go. It took me years to realize my worth, but I don't want someone like that in my life. I have myself and I have been able to see my worth
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together.......
Well most men just want sex. This is why most religions forbid pre marital sex. Im following Gods way...they can lead themselves out of my life. I want a godly man who wants to know each others qualities, problems, likes and dislikes, life projects. Not some perv. Those are easy to find anywhere
I'm sure Mat's intention generally is for women to do their inner work via his teachings, and this is overall solid advice. My only issue with it is the complete lack of mentioning of the deeper-seated factors usually responsible for such a behavior in a woman -- like the fact that women who behave in the way described in this video are typically doing so out of a profound association with the fawn survival response, which most likely had been picked up early on during the formative years. Make no mistakes -- something extraordinarily disturbing has to happen to a person for them to begin operating under the fawn response. This response is commonly associated with Stockholm Syndrome, so there's that. And we haven't even mentioned attachment styles yet... so much of the described in this video has to do with an Anxious attachment style, maybe even a Fearful Avoidant attachment style. Here's the issue with taking the advice given in the video without doing deeper work: it's a recipe for heartbreak. I know many women who ARE anxiously attached, and thus ARE genuinely hungry (even desperate) for connection. Because connection with others is their ultimate agenda, these women would do anything to ensure people not leaving them. They would hear the advice in this video and simply mimic it, without attempting to do any deep healing around it. They would take Mat's description of a self-respecting woman and sell an illusion of themselves being that, misleading the men they're with into thinking they are one thing... when in reality what they're about is something entirely different. Then, when one of these men finally finds out how clingy his woman actually is (and secretly has been all along), he will feel misled. A lot of women only reveal their attachment wounds AFTER marriage, when it's too late for the other person to back out. And you know where it goes from here... heartbreak, divorce, separation. Instead of simply mimicking this smart advice, I would recommend actually doing DEEP inner attachment work, so that you actually FEEL like you aren't desperate for a man's attention, approval or whatever else. Faking it is not enough. If you are operating under the fawn response, constantly "people-pleasing", it is because you had gone through something disturbingly traumatic during your formative years. Believe me when I say, no one is born dysregulated. Our early traumas are what cause us to misalign. Heal from deeper inside.
I agree with you. People pretend to get what they want but cannot maintain it in the long run because that substance is absent. It's not about getting it, it is about maintaining it.
I broke down and cried after reading this,God bless you 🙏❤️ Update:dear Annette, I just want to thank you for opening my eyes,ever since I read your comment I decided to do the inner work,it's really hard to go and look back, digging up all the hurt from my childhood but it has been worth every tear I shed,I'm not healed but I've atleast taken the step towards authentic healing and I have you to thank for that,so thank you and God bless you ❤️
This is great! Yes inner healing is essential(deep inner attachment work )before stepping into the world of dating. It's not an easy journey but a lot of patience is needed. 🙏🌸
This is gold!!!!!!! I always had boundaries in my younger years, but because of age I relaxed them and exhibited some of these behaviors mentioned in this video to keep the peace. Let me tell you, I ended up in the worst relationship of my life and I’m 37. He had absolutely no respect for me or the relationship. Every women needs to listen to this..multiple times!
I am glad you did this video. I always think highly of myself . Just recently I was dating a man and we went out on two dates and he was very upset that I was not willing to be touched and kissed by him . Finally he asked me to have sex. I told him that I don't encourage in any sex with a person I don't even know. He never came back So happy I have high expectations for myself and make me frist..
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
I love this. I hate how they waste your time though when you made it clear from the beginning. If they’re looking for something else they can definitely find it, they don’t have to trick us. Be up front with what you’re looking for and you’ll find someone looking for the same. Why do they have to hurt others and waste others time to try to get what they want this way? How do you not hate men because of this? Obviously I’m fed up with this behavior and wonder how you take it and not let it get to you. Thanks for sharing!
@@RickRorose you gotta ask smart questions and set boundaries....and look for red flags ...I know this is hard for us - women....but we need to be level headed and not emotional....just like men...best of wishes to you!
I realize that all I really have is myself and I am of the most importance in my life. This enables me to take great care of myself spiritually and physically. I radiate with love and desire. Smiling is extremely important to me and it actually changes chemicals in the brain to support self love and acceptance. I am 61 and have so many men asking me out...all you gotta do is love yourself and the floodgates open to a river of possibilities.
@@valentinanocross8677 hi yes..well these men are all around us..when you begin to practice genuine self love and acceptance they just appear!! At the park, at the gym, in the grocery store and online dating to name a few. It's all about loving yourself and then manifesting the man you would love to have in your life. So far, out of hundreds there is one that I pray for God to continue bringing us closer. It's been almost a year since I met him. He's ghosted me at times, ignored me sometimes and I refused to let his actions change the way I felt inside. I know these actions were not about me but instead issues he is experiencing I just keep coming from a place of love, understanding and patience. We as women have to stop worrying about the outcomes of desires. Just put them out into the universe..believe in yourself and God will work magic for you. I will get my man..in a slow and enduring kind of way.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
MAAAATTTT....This video is a must see for all single females. It is the holy grail of relationship videos!!! I've finally come to learn men don't get emotionally attached to the physical & sexual attributes as much as they do character & boundaries. Thank you for positioning us for success🔥🔥🔥
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yes a man is like ...NEXT afterwards. on to the next piece. It's a shame but this generation is so into social media sex is everywhere and so available they never get a chance to have a friendship, they move on to the next best thing. I would never change my plans until well into a relationship. If he splits or leaves, bye bye.
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This is exactly what I need someone to tell me! I'm confident and attractive to many guys when I'm single, but as soon as I start a relationship, I dimish myself in many ways!!! Let's break all those 7 bad habits! Thank you so much Matt.
People-pleasing isn't always just "a lack of confidence" though, in many cases it is something developed as a response to childhood trauma. Kids abandoned may become overly pleasing because they are desperate for someone to love them (they feel unlovable). Kids who are abused (physically, mentally, emotionally etc...) need to become "empaths" and always pick up on others' upset feelings, needs/desires and try to make them happy, because growing up they had to keep their abusive families happy, otherwise they would be beaten or have other bad things said or done to them. And sexually abused kids struggle most of all with extreme people-pleasing and struggle with saying no to sexual situations, they don't know how to set boundaries- and let's be honest here, so many men are super pushy when women do set boundaries and make it difficult to say no, because they continue to try to talk you into sex after youve said no and come up with all kinds of reasons, yet they just don't stop. It can be understandable if someone has been hurt in the past they may be scared and give in more easily and be over pleasing/accomodating. I am not saying there may not be some women who just enjoy sex though and simply want to. But he seems to miss this big point that people-pleasing and lack of good boundaries is usually from trauma in childhood (which affects 30% of the US population was abused as kids). They are just so used to people-pleasing everyone, they end up with people who are users /not good for them often too. I think the best advice would be to tell them to go to therapy and work on their issues first. Then they truly can break free of people pleasing or as you call it "nice girl syndrome"... just my 2 cents on the topic.
Not to discredit this, but describing the cause of low self confidence doesn't mean that it's not low self confidence. Knowing the why doesn't negate the point he made.
The video is eye open ending and the behaviors I want to grow towards. I agree that soul searching and some healing first is very necessary for many women.
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This video was amazing and spot on! I’ve always been the girl guys want to marry…I simply allow a man to show me his worth by working for my love and affection. Not every man deserves you. Incentivize his good deeds with acts of appreciation with appropriate rewards and feedback and don’t settle for low effort men! You’d be surprised how easy it is to earn his respect and loyalty 😌👑 cheers ladies!
Guilty as charged. Another important thing is that being "nice" doesn't make one a "good" person. In fact, most often, "nice" boys/girls will eventually have a lot of unresolved anger and resentment. We don't say what we want to say, we don't prioritize ourselves, we are not assertive even when required....and all of that leads to a weird discomfort building up inside. It makes us vent our anger on someone close to us (our parents, best friends, kids, etc). Or worse, it turns some of us into sociopaths. This is such an important video for young girls everywhere!
Yes, there is a big difference between "being nice" and "people-pleasing".... the feeling the need to people please and having a lack of good boundaries can leave you feeling used, resentful, etc....and those doing nice deeds only because then they think the other person will automatically "owe them" is also unhealthy thinking.
Because I was the oldest girl with 6 siblings and my natural personality wants to be of service, I've had a hard time saying "no". I'm better now, at age 71, than I was at 19, but it's still a challenge, so Mat Boggs' advice is helpful to women of all ages. And yes, I'm dating a delightful man but I'd like to make sure I date "better" than I did in the past... LOL Thank you, Mat!
#5. If you feel like you have to push in order to maintain or push the relationship forward, then he's just not that into you. He's wasting your time. Let it go. I speak from experience.
I can attest to all of this: I’ve never been a “nice girl” and always said no when I didn’t felt comfortable to do something. I never had problems dating or getting a guy’s interest. I would also add this: if you show interest and he becomes colder he is either: (i) not that interested; (ii) trying to manipulate you. Pull back and he’ll come running back, but girl, it’s not worth it.
I went through a specific issue in the beginning of my relationship with my now 7 years partner. Everyone said "you have to accept this, he is not going to stop it. You are being unrealistic". I stand back evaluated my values and said: no, I don't "have to" accept a behavior that hurts me. If this is so important for him, than he is free to go, because it is not the man I want to be with. For short, know your value, set your boundaries. And if the guy is unwilling to respect you, he is not the guy for you.
Thank you for this perspective. I'm having an issue with my partner of 10 months. Something in my spirit tells me he's prone to cheating. In my opinion, he enjoys commenting on provocative posts from women on social media entirely too much. He can't seem to control himself when staring at other women either. I realize men look at other women and that doesn't make them a cheater...it's the commenting on posts or staring at women in my presence that tells me he can't be trusted. I view his behavior as disrespectful, lacking self control, and lacking integrity. That is my belief system and his behavior disgusts me and shows me who he truly is. I don't feel I can trust anyone who behaves like he does...especially when he sees nothing wrong with what he's doing.
@@TheCornerofWhymsyAndBlyss you, my friend, have answered your own question. This is 100% unacceptable behavior. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about what you have said tells me - to tell you - to run. Don't walk...run. He totally lacks self control. He also thinks this is ok? Wow. Please don't let anyone, man or woman tell you "you should give him a chance to change." Nope...don't. This, my friend...is who he is. I'm sure you know the saying "When a person SHOWS you WHO they are, BELIEVE them....The FIRST time." (Yes, the FIRST time.) You must know that this will only get worse down the line and even your GUT is telling you that. So, don't be afraid to be alone. Better alone, than heartbreak. But if heartbreak was to happen, then you will have no excuse to say it came as a surprise. You saw the signs clearly, but chose to ignore them. Someone like that, I would not give 1 more day of my time. Not romantically at least. The right one is out there who will value YOU. Don't settle for what you KNOW is not right. Blessings to you my friend. Take care of You. You're worth it.
@GirlyGirl thank you so much for taking the time to share your encouraging words. I think I needed someone neutral to tell me I wasn't being ridiculous for being angry about comments on social media. I'm sure I wasn't expressing myself well enough to make it clear that my issue isn't social media...it's his behavior in general. Social media is just the avenue that really allowed me to see his behavior. The worse part of all of this is this man is 54 years old and a father of two daughters ages 21 and 24. I only hope they never encounter men who behave like their father.
@@TheCornerofWhymsyAndBlyss yes, and I'm 51 and I know that if he can't control the comments on social media, Lord help y'all if he comes in contact with a beautiful woman at the grocery store or at the gas station (lol). (just for chuckles.) Take care.
It was a blessing to watch this some of our fathers never talk to us in this way and some simply don't have one it's good to get a man's point of view this was really great Thanks❤️🥰
I had a mother that bent over backwards for my father and I watched him treat her so badly. Some of us have never seen a healthy relationship so we don't know what one looks like.
On Angel Wings Yes my mom treated my dad well and he later cheated on her, put everyone else first and other things. His current wife does hardly nothing for him and he respects her and overall treats her well! Never do too much for a man.
I think a lot of this comes from Christian upbringing in which the distinction between "esteeming others better than yourself" and "not esteeming yourself at all" is either blurry or not drawn at all. Christian women tend to grow up thinking that her entire purpose and identity is to abase herself for a man's needs and that will cause her to be viewed as the Proverbs 31 woman that "good Godly men should seek." Furthermore, if a man asks you to serve yourself and pay attention to your own needs, get rid of him because he's "obviously not the man God has for you" because he's expecting you to show yourself some love instead of give you all his love and you give him all your love. Church, Christians, all of you ... please understand ... Christ Himself went to the cross and to Hell and back to get His bride. Your man can shoulder up and earn you. Now if I can only find a man that will shoulder up for me. 😔🙄
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Excellent word. As a believer it can be hard to distinguish between gracious godliness and how people perceive low self esteem. I spoke to a man about serving him and dying to self and he lost it. The respect left immediately because he didn’t understand that concept. So, I need to take the high road and handle the situation from a real and honest standpoint. Not many are godly enough to respect and love and gracious women with a servants heart.
@@ZiggyLu-og3zp I think he lost it because he wanted an equal partner, not because he didn't understand the concept. Good men don't want slaves and servants, they want a woman who can stand up and fight the world /with/ him. Beside him, not behind or beneath him. Yes married people should serve each other in many ways, but dying to self is in reference to living for Christ, not living for another human being.
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I love being loving and kind. I am learning to prioritize myself, set clear boundaries, and stick to them and have someone pursue me. I was in a relationship where i felt like I wasn’t doing enough and now I feel like I do too much. It’s difficult trying to learn how to be the nice person you are within without people taking advantage of it or being turned off.
1) When a man has not earned the right to win your heart, when he has not invested in you, and you show him by your behaviour or words that you are bowled over or you consider him perfect, that is a turn - off for the man. 2) When you change your plans to accommodate him, that is a turn- off for the man. It shows your self-esteem is not strong enough, also you dont have the integrity to stick to your plan. 3) Trying to get him to like you before you know you like him. 4) Saying yes to sex easily before the relationship has reached a certain level. 5) investing more in the relationship than he does. 6) Giving him undeserved second chances 7) Self- diminishing behaviour saying no, I am not a sexy person, or that beautiful. Rather own your beauty and attractiveness
Nice girl here. I never thought I'd see anyone making a video about this. I really really appreciate it. I've learned most of this already , the hard way. But I will be showing this video to my teenage daughter (when I have kids). Teenagers don't listen to their parents so maybe she'll listen to you. :) Thank you again.
I’m older so I have learned a few things. First, I’m always myself which is confident, outspoken and actually like who I am. I do not change for a man or anyone. I like myself for who I am. I think I’m awesome and I exude those feelings. I have found that people treat you the way you allow them to. If someone is not treating me right, I tell them. If they keep up the negativity bye bye. I’m worth more than they deserve.
I really needed to hear this!!! I'm guilty of almost everything you said in this video!! LOL! I always thought I was just being a good person; I never realized the "good" things I was doing for people were actually wrong and/or just lacking boundaries. Thank you!!!
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
So True!I think I have all the nice girl attitude.I'm turning 37 few days from now.I promise myself I will break all the nice girl habits.I can do this!!!!
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you.......
Excellent. My dad, always said: "Never chase a man." All the suggestions you gave are great reminders to me. The tragedy is:. All girls should hear this when they are in middle & high school, at the latest. Girls have no idea what men are like or how to handle a successful relationship with a male. I believe fewer pregnancies in teen girls would result, if they were taught these principles. I am in the middle of deciding whether to take a guy back. Perfect timing. No, I don't need to take him back because he hasn't proven by his. "actions" that he is worthy or that he has been getting help to heal. I have been, the last 12 months. Thank you. You wisdom is exactly what is needed so badly. 💜
Thank you so much for explaining that forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that they get a second chance. It is possible to forgive someone but still not want any meaningful contact with them--especially if they haven't tried to make amends in some meaningful way. (And guys, a bouquet of flowers just doesn't cut it.)
Thank yoy Matt for this segment! I am the embodiment of "Nice girl behaviour" without the low self esteem part lol. I was married to a wonderful man for 31yrs, widowed now fir 7yrs. Being single at this stage in life after a most EXCELLENT marriage and husband has been a HUGE learning experience to say the least! ALL that you said is ABSOLUTELY 💯 true of me and my experiences in trying to find a new partner!! Again THANK YOU! This segment has changed my life, has empowered me and EDUCATED and has anwered 99% of my questions. I Feel a great sense a relief and a greater sense of understanding of myself! Thank you for all you do.
@Karen Lynch I hear you and I feel you! It seems I was truly blessed with my marriage and the relationship I shared with my late husband♡Once he passed and I found out very quickly what everyone meant when they would tell us HOW BLESSED WE WERE TO HAVE EACH OTHER THE WAY WE DID...I have to admit I did not have a clue at the time...Since trying to find a partner It brought so many things into focus for me...I will continue to be a nice forgiving and accessible woman however, will reserve the very best of me for the man that proves worthy😉
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This reminds me of my mistake I have done in my past relationships and love life in general .I just thought at that time that im just tryin be a good person but slowly he actually started taking me for granted. I started dating at an early age and i really had a lack of guidance and this video is really helpful reminder of maintaining a standard and to respect our own boundaries. especially for young ladies who just got into dating and stuff
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My experience with the "Nice Girl" phenomenon is similar to the "Nice Guy" phenomenon, meaning a girl who thinks she is nice by over-giving more than asked for, and quickly end up bitter and condescending, especially when you tell her those favors and gifts are unnecessary. I have met several women who immediately went in seeing me as a renovation project, not asking any questions to get to know me, but immediately tells me how she will improve me or fix me, while indirectly informing me that she thinks what I was was a looser who didn't live up to real standards. I knew then that I wasn't a person to her, but a thing she could remodel into something filling a role in her life that she defined. The last thing I want from someone I just met are "suggestions". Maybe after six months together and you see I am still struggling with something, then you can give "suggestions".
Very good advises! I think one part of the problem is that many women have been raised to take care of other people's needs and to please others. I hope we can break this pattern now and don't teach our young girls that dysfunctional behavior. I'll try to be more conscious of these behaviors in myself so that I can break this pattern once and for all.
Thank you for making this video! As a teenager and then a young woman I believed I had to bend to accommodate men’s desires and it got me nowhere. I’m still seeking my person but I’ve gotten so much closer to the person I want by calmly standing up for myself and not allowing anyone to treat me badly.
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Boy did my Nice Girl habits brought me to a fall! Never, ever take the responsibilities of a man onto your shoulders. That causes them to move into a comfort zone which they get stuck to. Never buy a man expensive cars, clothes, cell phones etc, or anything they don't deserve. They become users and abusers. They never give back but drain your resources. Once you loose interest in the relationship because of his constant weaknesses, they will drop you like a fly and go for the next victim. Very informative videos to watch, i have learned a lot. My nice girl habits has left me forever and many other things too
Very informative video to watch. I learned a lot.Never ever take man responsibilities of a man on your shoulders. Never again do I want to be good ,nice to please someone who doesn’t deserve me .Do not hold onto those who leave you otherwise the change will not come to your life . You soul will never be fully nourished anyone’s love but your own. Love respect your self first.🌺
Setting boundaries, know my worth and own it. I still want to learn more and get better at it. Because I was so done with that what I call "nice/sweet woman syndrome", that I kicked it out of the door. I had enough of it, and it doesn't give me the results I went. I continue to practice to build the live I want, confidence and knowing my worth.
Great video. My ex-wife and I ALWAYS behaved like two children playing in a sandbox when we were married, and it was a great marriage till she left. We were best buddies and have mutual understanding. Totally, we support one another. I still adore her and frequently find myself thinking about her despite my best efforts to do otherwise. I don't know why I am bringing this up, but I simply can't help it; I love her so much.
Thank you!! Men have found my authenticity, confidence & positivity attractive! My ex of 30 years wouldn’t even recognize me & my attitude lol…I’m happy & experiencing JOY despite being alone 💓
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
I agree with most of what you said. Personally I realized that I’m too much of a people pleaser because my father was a narcissist. Literally the way I learned to survive was pleasing him. My Stockholm syndrome mom wasn’t necessarily a people pleaser until stuck in this very bad marriage, sadly her behavior taught me unhealthy boundaries as well as fearful of standing up for myself. This affected a lot of my jobs and relationships. I finally got more courage to stand up for myself, then my father started being physically abusive. I didn’t ask to be born into a family who taught me this behavior. I’ve worked hard to survive as well as understand why I became such a doormat and people pleaser against my best wishes. I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others, not just pleasing them. People need better boundaries as well as the ability to forgive when appropriate. Growing up in the family situation took decades to better understand because until learning about narcissists on Facebook, I definitely saw certain similarities in various people yet now I realized they were narcissists. I found bad friends, other relatives, bad bosses, and countless people with way too much power. It was all I personally knew because my father found ways to isolate me which kept me from learning that how I was treated wasn’t normal nor remotely deserved. This definitely set me up for failure especially in romantic relationships. I’m too old and too inexperienced as well as the pool of men being rather inaccessible, too few, too damaged in other ways, and I don’t fit what they want. At least the last man I’d met was a bad experience but a great lesson. I knew that I didn’t know him well enough to have any true feelings for him except to know that I enjoyed his personality for the most part. Lack of experience and this man being an experienced player caused me not to be as clear about my feelings for him or who he was. He’d admitted to living with several women, married at least more than twice, and A LOT of girlfriends. He’s definitely good at reeling them in but I’d found out through someone who knows him that he too was a covert narcissist and possibly a sociopath and other bad behavior. I dodged a bullet. Oftentimes when a relationship doesn’t work out it’s a great result. I need to learn better ways of standing up for myself with strength and confidence instead of fear and uncertainty. Again, that was my survival in my family. My only brother refused to comply as easily or please my father as he demanded. He ended up getting very sick and needed help. My father outright refused to our cousin who told him he needed help. In fact when my brother died, I recently discovered there was a life insurance policy meant specifically for each of his kids and my father was the sole beneficiary. In my opinion, my father would’ve wanted me dead whatever way possible too. Never assume why someone is a people pleaser. I’m certainly far less of one but I’m also a work in progress. At least I learned why, now I need to stop. I’ve definitely said no to others who wanted me to comply, that cousin chose to cut me out of her life which was the best idea for both of us.
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever.
I'm glad your taking care of yourself Karyn! I've always been a people pleaser in all ways and I had to learn to take care of myself a long time ago! My mom and dad really didn't have a great relationship but they hung in there for us kids which they didn't really need to do but back in the sixties and seventies it was the the norm to do that divorce was frowned upon. I certainly don't blame my parents but we are all products of our environment and parents are a huge part of our lives. I had a good childhood I just needed to learn how to take care of myself. it's not easy to do and I'm still learning in my middle age. I just refuse to have anyone use me or ruin my life. We all have to take care of ourselves cause none else will do it. Take care tfs your story!
Ma'am you are strong, you are alive just so your life can inspire someone out there who went through or who is going through this. Happy International women's Day Ma'am.
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
Nah that’s minimal effort. Ofcourse show gratitude but don’t overcompensate with excitement and joy. We aren’t robots or therapists. Men use us emotionally but don’t pour back on us and that’s not fulfilling us.
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Thank you so much Mat. I learned the hard way. The nice girl died last year. I have been doing innerwork work since dating a covert narcissist. Codependent no more. I now have boundaries and this video of low self esteem is codependency and believing the programming from childhood. I know self- love and have respect for myself. If it wasn't for dating the narcissist, I wouldn't have known there was a much deeper innerwork needed. I feel free and alive.
Wow Matt, i see every single one of these in me and my past relationships. Thank you for making this video! Now that i am aware i can break the cycle ❤️
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever...
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
I have been guilty of doing a majority of these. Some more so when your younger cause u don't know better. But then you realise your time is precious and some you just grow out of.. Great content as your Matt 💯👍❤❤❤
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Yeah but as you get older luckily you can find someone that likes you for who you are without having to play the games and pretend to be aloof and hide your feelings.
“If you do not know/appreciate your intrinsic value you will settle for less than you deserve”, Thanks Mom!! Thank You for this content, I am Nice, and working on myself, on recognizing my value and having Strong healthy boundaries. Love begins with loving self. You simply must have a healthy self love (not narcissistic) before you can have healthy love for anyone else! No one is perfect. The knot in the stomach is because your waiting for reality to set in. Amen, let the men/women in your life earn your deepest secrets, your heart, and your commitment! Good guys should win! Bad guys, Nah!
I really appreciate this and wish this video had existed when I was dating. I had to learn all of this the hard way. Thankfully, I have an amazing partner now but the journey would have been easier if I’d had access to this back then. I also appreciate the caring delivery. Some of the other dating coaches deliver this type of information in condescending and/or sexist ways. This was a really good video!
I have definitely been guilty of all the things on this last . Currently single, enjoying my singledom and working on boundaries and self love. Always enjoy your advice!
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever...
Hello To Get back your ex specific person (sp) reunite with your soulmate save your marriage from divorce or bnish third party from your relationship inbox Dr Kelly right away ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️.
Stumbled upon this by accident, but must say. It's all true. I'm a very empathic loving and dedicated person, after a 3 year long toxic relationship that basically destroyed my mind I found myself becoming an anxious people pleaser and everything you mentioned here I was doing, and with that, attracting the wrong kind of people who kept hurting and disappointing and feeding my depression. This year after having a mental breakdown as a result of a few months toxic interaction in a friendship (which started becoming toxic after I confessed my feelings) and my 16year old cat dying, I suddenly had a let's say epiphany, things couldn't go on like that. I secluded myself from the internet from friends from everyone and did some self reflection, analyzed my behavior, identified the factors leading to that behavior and started working on changing them. It was hard, it's still ongoing, but I am happy to say that most of the things you've mentioned I succeeded in changing in myself, and now I've attracted so many amazing people in my life that I am grateful for and I have noticed especially one point, men find a confident woman extremely attractive, even though I have many things about my appearance that I dislike, some I'm working on changing some I'm learning to accept, I don't talk about them to people anymore, I don't point them out when I'm given a compliment (like if someone says I'm pretty, I used to go out of my way to point out flaws in response basically to show them that I already know about them and that was like a self defence let's say, I stopped doing that and started focusing on the things I like about myself and I have noticed different reactions from people and a little bit too much to handle attention now :)). So yes, being confident and making it clear that you value yourself and your time is extremely attractive to the people you interact, and that's not only in intimate relationships, applies to platonic ones.
ladies: if you are doing ANY of these habits, you are getting used and tossed as soon as the next better thing comes along or you'll find yourself with a cheater who comes back to you only because you're always there after he strays. What a GREAT video!
I'm 57 yrs.old I love your channel,I was raised old school,hey a man has to feel like he has a treasure,I raised two boys and i am proud of them,I them,I taught them old school,they take care of their kids and wives!
If someone truly wants you, they will show it through actions, how effective their communication is, their vibe, body language and how they treat you. If you have to constantly ask yourself if someone is into you or not, they act hot and cold towards you, then most likely, their not! Your Relationship Expert TH-camr
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
I had a friend who did all of the things discussed. What's strange is how many men came to her and tried dating her, meanwhile, I was on the sidelines getting very little interaction from men because I respected myself much more. It's like the men didn't want the challenge. They wanted something easy and quick. As a younger woman, it bothered me that she received all of the attention when we would go out because of her willingness to bend to what others wanted. It's just the complete opposite of what the video is discussing. As I've matured, I have learned, mature men want women who have more self-respect. The men going after the friend, were just looking for sex.
Love this content. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can say that many of these tips are extremely accurate. Over the years I have learned many of these lessons the hard way not only in my romantic relationships but also friendships and family relationships. Being your true authentic self can be scary and tricky at first but with some practice and time, it becomes very clear it should be the only way to be. Your future self will thank you ❤
His all points in this video are absolutely correct . I'm feeling happy that i found his channel. Girls yes it is a little hard when you've been "a nice girl" , kept pleasing others rather than validating your own feelings and instincts. I've been in this situation too and now i realise what a huge mistake i did pleasing especially wrong people. I'm ready for a change , a change for MY Own Good. I'm ready to accept, apply and learn all the tips Mat gave . Thanks Mat😊
Habits Ive cultivated in myself that havé led to a great connection with men: - A mischievous, cheeky, irreverent sense of humour. Loving laughing and being a bit of a joker in a surprising and intelligent way. Having fun that way. Fooling around. - Not being afraid to honestly state how I feel and how I feel about something in a way that may feel vulnerable at the time. - Listening to my body and what it’s telling me.
I'm a people pleaser , but no trauma or narcissistic parents. I just realized earlier on in life that making other people makes me happy. I had an ephipany with this when my older sister ask me to borrow my favorite pants & they were expensive.We were poor refugees & I worked hard for them. When I said yes, her reaction made me realized wow a simple yes made her ecstatic. She kept saying I love you & thank you. It felt good.🥰😍
Matt, I'm in tears right now. Thank you for this. I understand why I've been so miserable 😭 😖 I wish I saw this months back. I've just been doing all the nice girl things, earning no respect in return...can I still flip things around😞
Every young woman should watch this. Wish I could have when I was single. My love life was mostly a big waste of time and very painful. High fives on this video.
I’ve never had a guy pay attention to me so I don’t need to worry about this. 😆 But it’s exceptional advice for every kind of relationship - set boundaries, keep things real, and value yourself.
At a desperate moment in my life this guy approached me, and I did the whole 'nice girl' thing. It was a total turn-off for him, and he actually emphatically called me "WEIRD". Sadly, too nice+desperate=weird. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, yet it made me realize who I really am and the value my Maker put in me.
Good video, thank you. I don't have self steem issues, BUT I am overly generous, humble and kind and adding not having boundaries is a huge path for all kinds of self destruction, as I repeated #5all the time without realizing it 🤦🏽♀️. Once I realize I didn't have boundaries, nobody gets away with bs with me any longer.
Hello To Get back your ex specific person (sp) reunite with your soulmate save your marriage from divorce or bnish third party from your relationship inbox Dr Kelly right away ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️
This is very good advice Being what they call swept off your feet is another thing to watch. Don't let the man pick you up and get in your home because they want to hand you a gift in person
I love this spiritual take on this and as a Divine Feminine dealing with a Divine Masculine, this helps a lot! I was bit like the "nice girl" in the beginning but through my Twin Flame journey I learned to break these habits fast!
This is so good! I resonate with a lot. I have learned a lot of these lessons through my life experience. I wish I saw these sooner. Thank you for this educational video.
Omg 😮 I am all of this 😢 your contents are getting better and better.. woooow I need more.. it feels like I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to date someone.. I just had a break up 2months now, I was in that 7years of toxic relationship.. I need more of this..
#5 INVESTING IN THE RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN HE DOES. This is my issue right now in my relationship. I don’t want to connection to wither so I do the most (initiate dates, buy gift,etc) and I’m sad because he never does. This video confirmed what I already knew.
Knowing my self-worth has been the hardest thing ever, for me to do. I've never in my life been respected by family or boyfriends. Therefore I had no idea what my own self-worth should feel like, or act out like. EMDR & effort in counseling ❤️
Good video. I got divorced from a man who became an abuser and it was HARD. My promise to myself as I packed my bags was to never, NEVER, put myself second again. No compromises when getting to know a new man. I had many dates and had my fun. I went into bad boy modus. Well, bad girl modus🤣 something didn’t click? Next! When I met my now husband it started as a one night stand that turned into a many nights stand. After a while I had to take a decision for myself and I told him as much. He was cool and I liked him, but if he was still only in it for fun after a month then our ways would part. He took a few minutes to think about it and said he’d like to see where this goes. We agreed on not seeing other people for a while until we could know that we match outside of the bedroom too. No nice girl ish from me by then. I even told him that if we find out that it were to remain a sex thing, I wouldn’t have that much time for him anymore and sure as hell wasn’t going to make him a sandwich🤣 We’re going on 9 years now and it’s the best thing ever. He is my dude and sometimes I catch him staring at me with a puppy look on his face. So ladies, if you filter out all the noise and unapologetically go for what you want, you’ll find happiness
I am such a "nice girl" ! I hope it's not too late to change myself. Now I know why I am not happy in the relationship. This video is so significant and so helpful! Thank you!
Loved this video thank you! I’m trying to being less of a people pleaser, it’s hard work because we’re all taught to be nice girls since we’re kids. It’s time to be self assured and respect ourselves 🙏🏼
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
I think these advices are true for life in general, not just for love life directly. I learned (and i will learn certainly) these points as experiences in my whole life. Everybody should get self-respect in a friendship or in a workplace, and yes, in a family, too.
Matt, as an older woman i can really sgree with you. We were much more demanding when we were young and we certainly took our time to let a relationship develop.
Good advice. It’s always nice to hear from a man’s perspective. I can look back into the past and see where I went wrong in some dating scenarios by being nice and not making myself a priority.
Yes I agree to always make yourself a priority but we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for being the recipient of some caveman behavior and then beat ourselves up for wanting a relationship.
Thank you so much for making this video. I never knew the pitfalls of being a "nice" girl and the consequences that followed. The description and examples of each point shared, really provided clarity for it so many ways. I will be teaching my daughters as well. Thank you. God bless
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together ......
Just Saying... Much Appreciation & Admiration for Men’s Patience & Gut Feeling about times when Our Hottest isn’t Modest... ...Seeing Our Intention to be Beautiful. THANK YOU
Hello To Get back your ex specific person (sp) reunite with your soulmate save your marriage from divorce or bnish third party from your relationship inbox Dr Kelly right away ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️
I’ve cultivated the habit of being direct, honest and I’m not afraid to speak my truth. The right men (for me) really appreciate and even find it sexy.
Great suggestions but tricky to manage when you're just plain romantically lonely. I guess I just don't get how owning your worth, knowing your value and having high self-esteem removes that desperation to have a relationship when you're starving for romantic love. You can be all of the above and lonely as all get out. That's where I struggle. I don't cancel plans with friends, alter my personality or have sex before I'm ready but I am willing to dive right into a relationship if he's a good guy that treats me well and we have a good time together. I don't want to date around.
If someone is reacting to the compliment: 'you are perfect' and his heart 'drops to his stomach' right before they are about to go to bed with someone after only four dates. He said how can she say that 'I am perfect and she doesn't know me'. If that is the case then, they definitely should not be going to bed with one another 🙄. Going to bed with someone should be very sacred and precious and treated as such.
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Haha I hit every point in being a nice girl… gawd so true! Now I’m 66 and finally get it,single old and wondering what the heck happened? Thanks sooo much for your channel.
Ooh, this video hit me hard! I recognize too many of these "nice girl" habits 😳 this is absolutely true! Yesterday I watched a video about being kind vs nice, where being nice comes from a place of insecurity in men. The same must be true for women. Insecurity is not attractive. This opened my eyes to why I don't have a love life 😯 nice guys and girls really finish last, or not at all.
Join the *Manifest Your Man* program and get *coached by Mat Boggs TODAY* : www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/mym/offer/strategy-session
I’ve rooted out a lot of men by having boundaries. And when I haven’t set boundaries things have felt wrong. So stick to your boundaries, ladies.
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^
This is so true
@Samson Omiunu If in a forest you meet the same tree twice, you know you have gone the wrong way ... So why should people pay money to get back with an ex? An ex is an ex for a reason. No need to prolong something that didn't work in the first place.
Amen!!
1- Saying "yes" to the instant relationship
2- Canceling your plans to accommodate his schedule
3- Try to get him to like you before you know if you like him
4- Saying yes to sex before you're ready
5- Investing more in the relationship than he does
6- Giving undeserved second chance
7- Self diminishing behavior
@@abdullahiayala7365 was it Matt?
I appreciate you! Lol
@@juliafisher5844 😂👌🏼
ThankYou
#8 8:00
We are living in a sad world ,when it's considered to be " bad" when you are just a kindhearted ,helpful person 😔
Kind hearted men will be attracted to you. It is a win win situation. This is not synonymous with being a pushover or desperate. Being kind to each other without games is what a relationship should entail. If you want a jerk who acts like a dick but will keep you because you passed his test of not tolerating his shit then stick with these games. Better to just have someone who treats you good in the first place snd doesn’t fault you for being nice and liking him “so early”.
I think we can be kind hearted and spontaneous with other women but with men it's a different story.
Being kind hearted is totally different than what he described. Jumping into bed before you are ready isn’t being ‘nice’.
You are on the right track and this video is wrong.
It is not your job to manage the guys’ self esteem.
You go on your dating journey and be kind, be nice. Be you. Be authentic. Learn from your mistakes and grow as you go. Treat men with respect and allow them to treat you with respect.
If you are nice and he can’t handle it, it’s not because you have low self-esteem. It’s because he has low self-esteem.
(sigh)
When I was dating my now husband, I remember telling him clearly that I didn’t believe in sex before marriage and that if he disagreed with that, he needed to think about whether he wanted to continue dating me because I wasn’t going to be bending the rules. He never had any girl tell him that before. It helped that we had already established a friendship but he said he had no choice in the matter (I was my own boss). He respected me for standing up for myself and told me so. I never went out of my way to force someone to like me; it never felt right. The more I stuck to my standards, the more quality men I attracted. There are too many boys out there in need of training but we ain’t their mommas; it’s not our job to train them into gentlemen.
I got married to the guy that I had sex with on the second date. 😂 We were married for 16 years.
Each to their own.
@@Raquel-jv1hi the point is stick to your standards whatever they be. As long as you do that, you’re golden.
This is not just about attraction. This is about respect. If you respect yourself, he will have to respect you to keep you. You teach people how to treat you. You can be kind and still be assertive.
To sum it up: don't be a doormat. Solid advice for both men and women.
Ladies this is true it’s called being a high value woman, you always put yourself first. you are the one person that you spend your whole life with . “He’s got to earn the right” on point 💯. Great video
@@abdullahiayala7365 was it Matt ?
@Atoo Timothy Aondonenge is it Matt?
Always put my happiness first. Guy has to earn me. Not the other way around
Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^
Absolutely wrong
Former "nice girl" here and omg your points are spot on! I used to do all of those in order to feel like I was attracting someone, but all I was doing was hurting myself and ultimately hurt my self worth and self esteem. I took some time away from the dating scene, and recently got back into it. A guy I was interested in just kept bringing up sex constantly and he didn't respect my boundaries, so I let him go. It took me years to realize my worth, but I don't want someone like that in my life. I have myself and I have been able to see my worth
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together.......
I have hardly ever seen a nice girl. Women are only nice to Chad and Tyrone... and then cry when getting ignored.
Good for you girl 😁!
Your video is misleading,in many cases untrue and gives poor advice.
Well most men just want sex. This is why most religions forbid pre marital sex. Im following Gods way...they can lead themselves out of my life. I want a godly man who wants to know each others qualities, problems, likes and dislikes, life projects. Not some perv. Those are easy to find anywhere
I'm sure Mat's intention generally is for women to do their inner work via his teachings, and this is overall solid advice. My only issue with it is the complete lack of mentioning of the deeper-seated factors usually responsible for such a behavior in a woman -- like the fact that women who behave in the way described in this video are typically doing so out of a profound association with the fawn survival response, which most likely had been picked up early on during the formative years. Make no mistakes -- something extraordinarily disturbing has to happen to a person for them to begin operating under the fawn response. This response is commonly associated with Stockholm Syndrome, so there's that.
And we haven't even mentioned attachment styles yet... so much of the described in this video has to do with an Anxious attachment style, maybe even a Fearful Avoidant attachment style. Here's the issue with taking the advice given in the video without doing deeper work: it's a recipe for heartbreak. I know many women who ARE anxiously attached, and thus ARE genuinely hungry (even desperate) for connection. Because connection with others is their ultimate agenda, these women would do anything to ensure people not leaving them. They would hear the advice in this video and simply mimic it, without attempting to do any deep healing around it. They would take Mat's description of a self-respecting woman and sell an illusion of themselves being that, misleading the men they're with into thinking they are one thing... when in reality what they're about is something entirely different. Then, when one of these men finally finds out how clingy his woman actually is (and secretly has been all along), he will feel misled. A lot of women only reveal their attachment wounds AFTER marriage, when it's too late for the other person to back out. And you know where it goes from here... heartbreak, divorce, separation.
Instead of simply mimicking this smart advice, I would recommend actually doing DEEP inner attachment work, so that you actually FEEL like you aren't desperate for a man's attention, approval or whatever else. Faking it is not enough. If you are operating under the fawn response, constantly "people-pleasing", it is because you had gone through something disturbingly traumatic during your formative years. Believe me when I say, no one is born dysregulated. Our early traumas are what cause us to misalign. Heal from deeper inside.
I agree with you. People pretend to get what they want but cannot maintain it in the long run because that substance is absent. It's not about getting it, it is about maintaining it.
I broke down and cried after reading this,God bless you 🙏❤️
Update:dear Annette, I just want to thank you for opening my eyes,ever since I read your comment I decided to do the inner work,it's really hard to go and look back, digging up all the hurt from my childhood but it has been worth every tear I shed,I'm not healed but I've atleast taken the step towards authentic healing and I have you to thank for that,so thank you and God bless you ❤️
@@MissUniverse1111 same here
Yeah I realize that. He's talking more about the visible behaviors instead of the underlying causes.
This is great! Yes inner healing is essential(deep inner attachment work )before stepping into the world of dating. It's not an easy journey but a lot of patience is needed. 🙏🌸
This is gold!!!!!!! I always had boundaries in my younger years, but because of age I relaxed them and exhibited some of these behaviors mentioned in this video to keep the peace.
Let me tell you, I ended up in the worst relationship of my life and I’m 37. He had absolutely no respect for me or the relationship. Every women needs to listen to this..multiple times!
Thanks for sharing....God bless you with the right one 🙋🙏
I am glad you did this video. I always think highly of myself . Just recently I was dating a man and we went out on two dates and he was very upset that I was not willing to be touched and kissed by him . Finally he asked me to have sex. I told him that I don't encourage in any sex with a person I don't even know. He never came back So happy I have high expectations for myself and make me frist..
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^
I love this. I hate how they waste your time though when you made it clear from the beginning. If they’re looking for something else they can definitely find it, they don’t have to trick us. Be up front with what you’re looking for and you’ll find someone looking for the same. Why do they have to hurt others and waste others time to try to get what they want this way? How do you not hate men because of this? Obviously I’m fed up with this behavior and wonder how you take it and not let it get to you. Thanks for sharing!
Charlita Good for you. Men are such jerks! I’ve know only a very few who aren’t.
@@RickRorose you gotta ask smart questions and set boundaries....and look for red flags ...I know this is hard for us - women....but we need to be level headed and not emotional....just like men...best of wishes to you!
I realize that all I really have is myself and I am of the most importance in my life. This enables me to take great care of myself spiritually and physically. I radiate with love and desire. Smiling is extremely important to me and it actually changes chemicals in the brain to support self love and acceptance. I am 61 and have so many men asking me out...all you gotta do is love yourself and the floodgates open to a river of possibilities.
Thank-you for posting this. It gives me strength!
@@valentinanocross8677 hi yes..well these men are all around us..when you begin to practice genuine self love and acceptance they just appear!! At the park, at the gym, in the grocery store and online dating to name a few. It's all about loving yourself and then manifesting the man you would love to have in your life. So far, out of hundreds there is one that I pray for God to continue bringing us closer. It's been almost a year since I met him. He's ghosted me at times, ignored me sometimes and I refused to let his actions change the way I felt inside. I know these actions were not about me but instead issues he is experiencing
I just keep coming from a place of love, understanding and patience. We as women have to stop worrying about the outcomes of desires. Just put them out into the universe..believe in yourself and God will work magic for you. I will get my man..in a slow and enduring kind of way.
Hello I'm so excited my relationship was fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
@@abdullahiayala7365 was it Matt?
@Christina Megan was ot Matt?
MAAAATTTT....This video is a must see for all single females. It is the holy grail of relationship videos!!! I've finally come to learn men don't get emotionally attached to the physical & sexual attributes as much as they do character & boundaries. Thank you for positioning us for success🔥🔥🔥
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yes a man is like ...NEXT afterwards. on to the next piece. It's a shame but this generation is so into social media sex is everywhere and so available they never get a chance to have a friendship, they move on to the next best thing. I would never change my plans until well into a relationship. If he splits or leaves, bye bye.
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This is exactly what I need someone to tell me! I'm confident and attractive to many guys when I'm single, but as soon as I start a relationship, I dimish myself in many ways!!! Let's break all those 7 bad habits! Thank you so much Matt.
*diminish
Oh did that too!!
yes break them
So freakin true for me too
People-pleasing isn't always just "a lack of confidence" though, in many cases it is something developed as a response to childhood trauma. Kids abandoned may become overly pleasing because they are desperate for someone to love them (they feel unlovable). Kids who are abused (physically, mentally, emotionally etc...) need to become "empaths" and always pick up on others' upset feelings, needs/desires and try to make them happy, because growing up they had to keep their abusive families happy, otherwise they would be beaten or have other bad things said or done to them. And sexually abused kids struggle most of all with extreme people-pleasing and struggle with saying no to sexual situations, they don't know how to set boundaries- and let's be honest here, so many men are super pushy when women do set boundaries and make it difficult to say no, because they continue to try to talk you into sex after youve said no and come up with all kinds of reasons, yet they just don't stop. It can be understandable if someone has been hurt in the past they may be scared and give in more easily and be over pleasing/accomodating. I am not saying there may not be some women who just enjoy sex though and simply want to. But he seems to miss this big point that people-pleasing and lack of good boundaries is usually from trauma in childhood (which affects 30% of the US population was abused as kids). They are just so used to people-pleasing everyone, they end up with people who are users /not good for them often too. I think the best advice would be to tell them to go to therapy and work on their issues first. Then they truly can break free of people pleasing or as you call it "nice girl syndrome"... just my 2 cents on the topic.
You are right in most ways, only the rate of abuse is wayy higher!! In most cases 70%
Not to discredit this, but describing the cause of low self confidence doesn't mean that it's not low self confidence. Knowing the why doesn't negate the point he made.
The video is eye open ending and the behaviors I want to grow towards. I agree that soul searching and some healing first is very necessary for many women.
Yep. Try saying no to a hike after saying no 5 times
@@baaro-v2x I agree with you. 👍
Put yourself first ! If value yourself , he will value you ! Don’t let him ever put you down .
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This video was amazing and spot on! I’ve always been the girl guys want to marry…I simply allow a man to show me his worth by working for my love and affection. Not every man deserves you. Incentivize his good deeds with acts of appreciation with appropriate rewards and feedback and don’t settle for low effort men! You’d be surprised how easy it is to earn his respect and loyalty 😌👑
cheers ladies!
"low effort men". Great description.
@@Sonyag1 thank you!
Guilty as charged. Another important thing is that being "nice" doesn't make one a "good" person.
In fact, most often, "nice" boys/girls will eventually have a lot of unresolved anger and resentment. We don't say what we want to say, we don't prioritize ourselves, we are not assertive even when required....and all of that leads to a weird discomfort building up inside. It makes us vent our anger on someone close to us (our parents, best friends, kids, etc). Or worse, it turns some of us into sociopaths.
This is such an important video for young girls everywhere!
Well said!
Most concisely put comment on the topic I've ever seen across several platforms. Reddit needs to hear this lol
So true .
Yes, there is a big difference between "being nice" and "people-pleasing".... the feeling the need to people please and having a lack of good boundaries can leave you feeling used, resentful, etc....and those doing nice deeds only because then they think the other person will automatically "owe them" is also unhealthy thinking.
You are absolutely right.
Ladies, this is so true. Listen to his advice! I was the nice girl who put my self worth last & learned the hard way with heartbreak too late.
Totally understand you.....been there myself....
Same here😢😢so sad😢
What did you do to change that?
Because I was the oldest girl with 6 siblings and my natural personality wants to be of service, I've had a hard time saying "no". I'm better now, at age 71, than I was at 19, but it's still a challenge, so Mat Boggs' advice is helpful to women of all ages. And yes, I'm dating a delightful man but I'd like to make sure I date "better" than I did in the past... LOL Thank you, Mat!
#5. If you feel like you have to push in order to maintain or push the relationship forward, then he's just not that into you. He's wasting your time. Let it go. I speak from experience.
Oh my God. I have done every single one of these things in past relationships. This guy is so spot on
I can attest to all of this: I’ve never been a “nice girl” and always said no when I didn’t felt comfortable to do something. I never had problems dating or getting a guy’s interest.
I would also add this: if you show interest and he becomes colder he is either: (i) not that interested; (ii) trying to manipulate you. Pull back and he’ll come running back, but girl, it’s not worth it.
I went through a specific issue in the beginning of my relationship with my now 7 years partner. Everyone said "you have to accept this, he is not going to stop it. You are being unrealistic". I stand back evaluated my values and said: no, I don't "have to" accept a behavior that hurts me. If this is so important for him, than he is free to go, because it is not the man I want to be with.
For short, know your value, set your boundaries. And if the guy is unwilling to respect you, he is not the guy for you.
Thank you for this perspective. I'm having an issue with my partner of 10 months. Something in my spirit tells me he's prone to cheating. In my opinion, he enjoys commenting on provocative posts from women on social media entirely too much. He can't seem to control himself when staring at other women either. I realize men look at other women and that doesn't make them a cheater...it's the commenting on posts or staring at women in my presence that tells me he can't be trusted. I view his behavior as disrespectful, lacking self control, and lacking integrity. That is my belief system and his behavior disgusts me and shows me who he truly is. I don't feel I can trust anyone who behaves like he does...especially when he sees nothing wrong with what he's doing.
@@TheCornerofWhymsyAndBlyss you, my friend, have answered your own question. This is 100% unacceptable behavior. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about what you have said tells me - to tell you - to run. Don't walk...run. He totally lacks self control. He also thinks this is ok? Wow. Please don't let anyone, man or woman tell you "you should give him a chance to change." Nope...don't. This, my friend...is who he is. I'm sure you know the saying "When a person SHOWS you WHO they are, BELIEVE them....The FIRST time." (Yes, the FIRST time.)
You must know that this will only get worse down the line and even your GUT is telling you that. So, don't be afraid to be alone. Better alone, than heartbreak. But if heartbreak was to happen, then you will have no excuse to say it came as a surprise. You saw the signs clearly, but chose to ignore them. Someone like that, I would not give 1 more day of my time. Not romantically at least. The right one is out there who will value YOU. Don't settle for what you KNOW is not right. Blessings to you my friend. Take care of You. You're worth it.
@GirlyGirl thank you so much for taking the time to share your encouraging words. I think I needed someone neutral to tell me I wasn't being ridiculous for being angry about comments on social media. I'm sure I wasn't expressing myself well enough to make it clear that my issue isn't social media...it's his behavior in general. Social media is just the avenue that really allowed me to see his behavior. The worse part of all of this is this man is 54 years old and a father of two daughters ages 21 and 24. I only hope they never encounter men who behave like their father.
@@TheCornerofWhymsyAndBlyss yes, and I'm 51 and I know that if he can't control the comments on social media, Lord help y'all if he comes in contact with a beautiful woman at the grocery store or at the gas station (lol). (just for chuckles.) Take care.
@@angel9749 count me in!
It was a blessing to watch this some of our fathers never talk to us in this way and some simply don't have one it's good to get a man's point of view this was really great Thanks❤️🥰
I had a mother that bent over backwards for my father and I watched him treat her so badly. Some of us have never seen a healthy relationship so we don't know what one looks like.
On Angel Wings Yes my mom treated my dad well and he later cheated on her, put everyone else first and other things. His current wife does hardly nothing for him and he respects her and overall treats her well! Never do too much for a man.
that's the truth.
@@johndre8673
I think a lot of this comes from Christian upbringing in which the distinction between "esteeming others better than yourself" and "not esteeming yourself at all" is either blurry or not drawn at all. Christian women tend to grow up thinking that her entire purpose and identity is to abase herself for a man's needs and that will cause her to be viewed as the Proverbs 31 woman that "good Godly men should seek." Furthermore, if a man asks you to serve yourself and pay attention to your own needs, get rid of him because he's "obviously not the man God has for you" because he's expecting you to show yourself some love instead of give you all his love and you give him all your love.
Church, Christians, all of you ... please understand ... Christ Himself went to the cross and to Hell and back to get His bride. Your man can shoulder up and earn you.
Now if I can only find a man that will shoulder up for me. 😔🙄
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Excellent word. As a believer it can be hard to distinguish between gracious godliness and how people perceive low self esteem. I spoke to a man about serving him and dying to self and he lost it. The respect left immediately because he didn’t understand that concept. So, I need to take the high road and handle the situation from a real and honest standpoint. Not many are godly enough to respect and love and gracious women with a servants heart.
@@ZiggyLu-og3zp I think he lost it because he wanted an equal partner, not because he didn't understand the concept. Good men don't want slaves and servants, they want a woman who can stand up and fight the world /with/ him. Beside him, not behind or beneath him.
Yes married people should serve each other in many ways, but dying to self is in reference to living for Christ, not living for another human being.
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I love being loving and kind. I am learning to prioritize myself, set clear boundaries, and stick to them and have someone pursue me. I was in a relationship where i felt like I wasn’t doing enough and now I feel like I do too much. It’s difficult trying to learn how to be the nice person you are within without people taking advantage of it or being turned off.
1) When a man has not earned the right to win your heart, when he has not invested in you, and you show him by your behaviour or words that you are bowled over or you consider him perfect, that is a turn - off for the man. 2) When you change your plans to accommodate him, that is a turn- off for the man. It shows your self-esteem is not strong enough, also you dont have the integrity to stick to your plan. 3) Trying to get him to like you before you know you like him. 4) Saying yes to sex easily before the relationship has reached a certain level. 5) investing more in the relationship than he does. 6) Giving him undeserved second chances 7) Self- diminishing behaviour saying no, I am not a sexy person, or that beautiful. Rather own your beauty and attractiveness
Nice girl here. I never thought I'd see anyone making a video about this. I really really appreciate it. I've learned most of this already , the hard way. But I will be showing this video to my teenage daughter (when I have kids). Teenagers don't listen to their parents so maybe she'll listen to you. :) Thank you again.
Me too
I’m older so I have learned a few things. First, I’m always myself which is confident, outspoken and actually like who I am. I do not change for a man or anyone. I like myself for who I am. I think I’m awesome and I exude those feelings. I have found that people treat you the way you allow them to. If someone is not treating me right, I tell them. If they keep up the negativity bye bye. I’m worth more than they deserve.
I really needed to hear this!!! I'm guilty of almost everything you said in this video!! LOL! I always thought I was just being a good person; I never realized the "good" things I was doing for people were actually wrong and/or just lacking boundaries. Thank you!!!
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I wanted to comment exactly this way. Guilty of almost all. Its not too late to write them on walls n iny heart for me n my growing daughters.
Same!
Me too! I feel horrible about it because I really just did not know. 🤷🏾♀️
So True!I think I have all the nice girl attitude.I'm turning 37 few days from now.I promise myself I will break all the nice girl habits.I can do this!!!!
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The book, "The Nice Girl Syndrome" by Beverly Engel is a such a good book. It changed me in a good way.
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@@wasilaibrahim6302 For what?
Excellent. My dad, always said: "Never chase a man." All the suggestions you gave are great reminders to me.
The tragedy is:. All girls should hear this when they are in middle & high school, at the latest.
Girls have no idea what men are like or how to
handle a successful relationship with a male.
I believe fewer pregnancies in teen girls would result, if they were taught these principles.
I am in the middle of deciding whether to take a guy back. Perfect timing. No, I don't need to take him back because he hasn't proven by his. "actions" that he is worthy or that he has been getting help to heal. I have been, the last 12 months. Thank you. You wisdom is exactly what is needed so badly. 💜
Thank you so much for explaining that forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean that they get a second chance. It is possible to forgive someone but still not want any meaningful contact with them--especially if they haven't tried to make amends in some meaningful way. (And guys, a bouquet of flowers just doesn't cut it.)
Thank yoy Matt for this segment! I am the embodiment of "Nice girl behaviour" without the low self esteem part lol. I was married to a wonderful man for 31yrs, widowed now fir 7yrs. Being single at this stage in life after a most EXCELLENT marriage and husband has been a HUGE learning experience to say the least! ALL that you said is ABSOLUTELY 💯 true of me and my experiences in trying to find a new partner!! Again THANK YOU! This segment has changed my life, has empowered me and EDUCATED and has anwered 99% of my questions. I Feel a great sense a relief and a greater sense of understanding of myself! Thank you for all you do.
@Karen Lynch I hear you and I feel you! It seems I was truly blessed with my marriage and the relationship I shared with my late husband♡Once he passed and I found out very quickly what everyone meant when they would tell us HOW BLESSED WE WERE TO HAVE EACH OTHER THE WAY WE DID...I have to admit I did not have a clue at the time...Since trying to find a partner It brought so many things into focus for me...I will continue to be a nice forgiving and accessible woman however, will reserve the very best of me for the man that proves worthy😉
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@@abdullahiayala7365 was it Maty?
@@modupeadewale425 is it Matt?
Truthbomb💥 There is nothing nice about having weak boundaries.
Valid points to self empowerment ~
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This reminds me of my mistake I have done in my past relationships and love life in general .I just thought at that time that im just tryin be a good person but slowly he actually started taking me for granted. I started dating at an early age and i really had a lack of guidance and this video is really helpful reminder of maintaining a standard and to respect our own boundaries. especially for young ladies who just got into dating and stuff
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My experience with the "Nice Girl" phenomenon is similar to the "Nice Guy" phenomenon, meaning a girl who thinks she is nice by over-giving more than asked for, and quickly end up bitter and condescending, especially when you tell her those favors and gifts are unnecessary. I have met several women who immediately went in seeing me as a renovation project, not asking any questions to get to know me, but immediately tells me how she will improve me or fix me, while indirectly informing me that she thinks what I was was a looser who didn't live up to real standards. I knew then that I wasn't a person to her, but a thing she could remodel into something filling a role in her life that she defined. The last thing I want from someone I just met are "suggestions". Maybe after six months together and you see I am still struggling with something, then you can give "suggestions".
That's rude & odd.
Very good advises! I think one part of the problem is that many women have been raised to take care of other people's needs and to please others. I hope we can break this pattern now and don't teach our young girls that dysfunctional behavior. I'll try to be more conscious of these behaviors in myself so that I can break this pattern once and for all.
Thank you for making this video! As a teenager and then a young woman I believed I had to bend to accommodate men’s desires and it got me nowhere. I’m still seeking my person but I’ve gotten so much closer to the person I want by calmly standing up for myself and not allowing anyone to treat me badly.
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Man your calling me out on everything I did😂😂
Boy did my Nice Girl habits brought me to a fall! Never, ever take the responsibilities of a man onto your shoulders. That causes them to move into a comfort zone which they get stuck to. Never buy a man expensive cars, clothes, cell phones etc, or anything they don't deserve. They become users and abusers. They never give back but drain your resources. Once you loose interest in the relationship because of his constant weaknesses, they will drop you like a fly and go for the next victim. Very informative videos to watch, i have learned a lot. My nice girl habits has left me forever and many other things too
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Very informative video to watch. I learned a lot.Never ever take man responsibilities of a man on your shoulders. Never again do I want to be good ,nice to please someone who doesn’t deserve me .Do not hold onto those who leave you otherwise the change will not come to your life . You soul will never be fully nourished anyone’s love but your own. Love respect your self first.🌺
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Setting boundaries, know my worth and own it. I still want to learn more and get better at it. Because I was so done with that what I call "nice/sweet woman syndrome", that I kicked it out of the door. I had enough of it, and it doesn't give me the results I went. I continue to practice to build the live I want, confidence and knowing my worth.
Great video. My ex-wife and I ALWAYS behaved like two children playing in a sandbox when we were married, and it was a great marriage till she left. We were best buddies and have mutual understanding. Totally, we support one another. I still adore her and frequently find myself thinking about her despite my best efforts to do otherwise. I don't know why I am bringing this up, but I simply can't help it; I love her so much.
@Paul Jones That's incredible, but how did you find a spiritual conjurer, and how can I get in touch with him?
@Paul Jones Thank you for this valuable information,i just looked her up now online. impressive
@Paul Jones "CONJUROR???? REALLY???? THAT IS FLAT-OUT DEMONIC!!!!!!!!!!
Did your relationship turn into more like roommates and friends with no sexual attraction from her ?
Why did you break up? Was it from her side? Cause it sounds like you should still be together.
Thank you!!
Men have found my authenticity, confidence & positivity attractive!
My ex of 30 years wouldn’t even recognize me & my attitude lol…I’m happy & experiencing JOY despite being alone 💓
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I agree with most of what you said. Personally I realized that I’m too much of a people pleaser because my father was a narcissist. Literally the way I learned to survive was pleasing him. My Stockholm syndrome mom wasn’t necessarily a people pleaser until stuck in this very bad marriage, sadly her behavior taught me unhealthy boundaries as well as fearful of standing up for myself. This affected a lot of my jobs and relationships. I finally got more courage to stand up for myself, then my father started being physically abusive. I didn’t ask to be born into a family who taught me this behavior. I’ve worked hard to survive as well as understand why I became such a doormat and people pleaser against my best wishes. I enjoy doing thoughtful things for others, not just pleasing them. People need better boundaries as well as the ability to forgive when appropriate. Growing up in the family situation took decades to better understand because until learning about narcissists on Facebook, I definitely saw certain similarities in various people yet now I realized they were narcissists. I found bad friends, other relatives, bad bosses, and countless people with way too much power. It was all I personally knew because my father found ways to isolate me which kept me from learning that how I was treated wasn’t normal nor remotely deserved. This definitely set me up for failure especially in romantic relationships. I’m too old and too inexperienced as well as the pool of men being rather inaccessible, too few, too damaged in other ways, and I don’t fit what they want. At least the last man I’d met was a bad experience but a great lesson. I knew that I didn’t know him well enough to have any true feelings for him except to know that I enjoyed his personality for the most part. Lack of experience and this man being an experienced player caused me not to be as clear about my feelings for him or who he was. He’d admitted to living with several women, married at least more than twice, and A LOT of girlfriends. He’s definitely good at reeling them in but I’d found out through someone who knows him that he too was a covert narcissist and possibly a sociopath and other bad behavior. I dodged a bullet. Oftentimes when a relationship doesn’t work out it’s a great result. I need to learn better ways of standing up for myself with strength and confidence instead of fear and uncertainty. Again, that was my survival in my family. My only brother refused to comply as easily or please my father as he demanded. He ended up getting very sick and needed help. My father outright refused to our cousin who told him he needed help. In fact when my brother died, I recently discovered there was a life insurance policy meant specifically for each of his kids and my father was the sole beneficiary. In my opinion, my father would’ve wanted me dead whatever way possible too. Never assume why someone is a people pleaser. I’m certainly far less of one but I’m also a work in progress. At least I learned why, now I need to stop. I’ve definitely said no to others who wanted me to comply, that cousin chose to cut me out of her life which was the best idea for both of us.
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If you need to talk to someone on this... I've done five years of mass e work on this.. Its a very deep well, don't swim in it alone.
I'm glad your taking care of yourself Karyn! I've always been a people pleaser in all ways and I had to learn to take care of myself a long time ago! My mom and dad really didn't have a great relationship but they hung in there for us kids which they didn't really need to do but back in the sixties and seventies it was the the norm to do that divorce was frowned upon. I certainly don't blame my parents but we are all products of our environment and parents are a huge part of our lives. I had a good childhood I just needed to learn how to take care of myself. it's not easy to do and I'm still learning in my middle age. I just refuse to have anyone use me or ruin my life. We all have to take care of ourselves cause none else will do it. Take care tfs your story!
Ma'am you are strong, you are alive just so your life can inspire someone out there who went through or who is going through this. Happy International women's Day Ma'am.
When he offers something- be grateful!! Embrace it with joy and excitement!! He feels like your hero! Learn to enjoy receiving!
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Nah that’s minimal effort. Ofcourse show gratitude but don’t overcompensate with excitement and joy. We aren’t robots or therapists. Men use us emotionally but don’t pour back on us and that’s not fulfilling us.
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Thank you so much Mat. I learned the hard way. The nice girl died last year. I have been doing innerwork work since dating a covert narcissist. Codependent no more. I now have boundaries and this video of low self esteem is codependency and believing the programming from childhood. I know self- love and have respect for myself. If it wasn't for dating the narcissist, I wouldn't have known there was a much deeper innerwork needed. I feel free and alive.
This was amazing. Thank you for not just giving the advice but also explaining to us women why the advice is effective.
Wow Matt, i see every single one of these in me and my past relationships. Thank you for making this video! Now that i am aware i can break the cycle ❤️
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever...
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I really needed to hear this , somethings I’m doing great as me but some I didn’t realize I was doing until now! Thank you so much!
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I have been guilty of doing a majority of these. Some more so when your younger cause u don't know better. But then you realise your time is precious and some you just grow out of..
Great content as your Matt 💯👍❤❤❤
Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever....
Whatz'app him for help
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
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Yeah but as you get older luckily you can find someone that likes you for who you are without having to play the games and pretend to be aloof and hide your feelings.
“If you do not know/appreciate your intrinsic value you will settle for less than you deserve”, Thanks Mom!! Thank You for this content, I am Nice, and working on myself, on recognizing my value and having Strong healthy boundaries. Love begins with loving self. You simply must have a healthy self love (not narcissistic) before you can have healthy love for anyone else! No one is perfect. The knot in the stomach is because your waiting for reality to set in. Amen, let the men/women in your life earn your deepest secrets, your heart, and your commitment! Good guys should win! Bad guys, Nah!
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I really appreciate this and wish this video had existed when I was dating. I had to learn all of this the hard way. Thankfully, I have an amazing partner now but the journey would have been easier if I’d had access to this back then. I also appreciate the caring delivery. Some of the other dating coaches deliver this type of information in condescending and/or sexist ways. This was a really good video!
I have definitely been guilty of all the things on this last . Currently single, enjoying my singledom and working on boundaries and self love. Always enjoy your advice!
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Hi sweetie, may I introduce you to the same powerful relationship restorer who helped me win back my ex-fiancée. It can also help you get back with yours and make your relationship blossom forever...
Whatz'app him for help...
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Stumbled upon this by accident, but must say. It's all true. I'm a very empathic loving and dedicated person, after a 3 year long toxic relationship that basically destroyed my mind I found myself becoming an anxious people pleaser and everything you mentioned here I was doing, and with that, attracting the wrong kind of people who kept hurting and disappointing and feeding my depression. This year after having a mental breakdown as a result of a few months toxic interaction in a friendship (which started becoming toxic after I confessed my feelings) and my 16year old cat dying, I suddenly had a let's say epiphany, things couldn't go on like that. I secluded myself from the internet from friends from everyone and did some self reflection, analyzed my behavior, identified the factors leading to that behavior and started working on changing them. It was hard, it's still ongoing, but I am happy to say that most of the things you've mentioned I succeeded in changing in myself, and now I've attracted so many amazing people in my life that I am grateful for and I have noticed especially one point, men find a confident woman extremely attractive, even though I have many things about my appearance that I dislike, some I'm working on changing some I'm learning to accept, I don't talk about them to people anymore, I don't point them out when I'm given a compliment (like if someone says I'm pretty, I used to go out of my way to point out flaws in response basically to show them that I already know about them and that was like a self defence let's say, I stopped doing that and started focusing on the things I like about myself and I have noticed different reactions from people and a little bit too much to handle attention now :)). So yes, being confident and making it clear that you value yourself and your time is extremely attractive to the people you interact, and that's not only in intimate relationships, applies to platonic ones.
ladies: if you are doing ANY of these habits, you are getting used and tossed as soon as the next better thing comes along or you'll find yourself with a cheater who comes back to you only because you're always there after he strays.
What a GREAT video!
I'm 57 yrs.old I love your channel,I was raised old school,hey a man has to feel like he has a treasure,I raised two boys and i am proud of them,I them,I taught them old school,they take care of their kids and wives!
If someone truly wants you, they will show it through actions, how effective their communication is, their vibe, body language and how they treat you. If you have to constantly ask yourself if someone is into you or not, they act hot and cold towards you, then most likely, their not!
Your Relationship Expert TH-camr
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together...
Whatz'app him for help
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^
I had a friend who did all of the things discussed. What's strange is how many men came to her and tried dating her, meanwhile, I was on the sidelines getting very little interaction from men because I respected myself much more. It's like the men didn't want the challenge. They wanted something easy and quick. As a younger woman, it bothered me that she received all of the attention when we would go out because of her willingness to bend to what others wanted. It's just the complete opposite of what the video is discussing. As I've matured, I have learned, mature men want women who have more self-respect. The men going after the friend, were just looking for sex.
Love this content. I’ve been married for over 20 years and can say that many of these tips are extremely accurate. Over the years I have learned many of these lessons the hard way not only in my romantic relationships but also friendships and family relationships. Being your true authentic self can be scary and tricky at first but with some practice and time, it becomes very clear it should be the only way to be. Your future self will thank you ❤
His all points in this video are absolutely correct . I'm feeling happy that i found his channel. Girls yes it is a little hard when you've been "a nice girl" , kept pleasing others rather than validating your own feelings and instincts. I've been in this situation too and now i realise what a huge mistake i did pleasing especially wrong people. I'm ready for a change , a change for MY Own Good. I'm ready to accept, apply and learn all the tips Mat gave . Thanks Mat😊
Habits Ive cultivated in myself that havé led to a great connection with men:
- A mischievous, cheeky, irreverent sense of humour. Loving laughing and being a bit of a joker in a surprising and intelligent way. Having fun that way. Fooling around.
- Not being afraid to honestly state how I feel and how I feel about something in a way that may feel vulnerable at the time.
- Listening to my body and what it’s telling me.
Great advice. Sometimes you know something but you just need to hear it. Thank you!
I'm a people pleaser , but no trauma or narcissistic parents. I just realized earlier on in life that making other people makes me happy. I had an ephipany with this when my older sister ask me to borrow my favorite pants & they were expensive.We were poor refugees & I worked hard for them. When I said yes, her reaction made me realized wow a simple yes made her ecstatic. She kept saying I love you & thank you. It felt good.🥰😍
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Matt, I'm in tears right now. Thank you for this. I understand why I've been so miserable 😭 😖 I wish I saw this months back. I've just been doing all the nice girl things, earning no respect in return...can I still flip things around😞
Every young woman should watch this. Wish I could have when I was single. My love life was mostly a big waste of time and very painful. High fives on this video.
same here. thank you for being honest.
I wish this video was around 20 years ago. I could’ve avoided a lot of heat aches. This is great advice!
I’ve never had a guy pay attention to me so I don’t need to worry about this. 😆 But it’s exceptional advice for every kind of relationship - set boundaries, keep things real, and value yourself.
No thanks. I’m happily single.
@@emilyg.8155 LOL, you go, Girl ✊
At a desperate moment in my life this guy approached me, and I did the whole 'nice girl' thing. It was a total turn-off for him, and he actually emphatically called me "WEIRD". Sadly, too nice+desperate=weird. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, yet it made me realize who I really am and the value my Maker put in me.
Good video, thank you. I don't have self steem issues, BUT I am overly generous, humble and kind and adding not having boundaries is a huge path for all kinds of self destruction, as I repeated #5all the time without realizing it 🤦🏽♀️.
Once I realize I didn't have boundaries, nobody gets away with bs with me any longer.
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Texting with honest thoughts, expressing myself without hesitation and with boundaries.
This is very good advice
Being what they call swept off your feet is another thing to watch.
Don't let the man pick you up and get in your home because they want to hand you a gift in person
How I wish I had this information a long time ago - I learned all these lessons from years of trial and error. Great advice ❤❤
I love this spiritual take on this and as a Divine Feminine dealing with a Divine Masculine, this helps a lot! I was bit like the "nice girl" in the beginning but through my Twin Flame journey I learned to break these habits fast!
This is so good! I resonate with a lot. I have learned a lot of these lessons through my life experience. I wish I saw these sooner. Thank you for this educational video.
Omg 😮 I am all of this 😢 your contents are getting better and better.. woooow I need more.. it feels like I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to date someone.. I just had a break up 2months now, I was in that 7years of toxic relationship.. I need more of this..
'he's not weird, he's not crazy' oooh the bar has been set so high🤣😅
#5 INVESTING IN THE RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN HE DOES. This is my issue right now in my relationship. I don’t want to connection to wither so I do the most (initiate dates, buy gift,etc) and I’m sad because he never does. This video confirmed what I already knew.
Knowing my self-worth has been the hardest thing ever, for me to do. I've never in my life been respected by family or boyfriends. Therefore I had no idea what my own self-worth should feel like, or act out like. EMDR & effort in counseling ❤️
Good video. I got divorced from a man who became an abuser and it was HARD.
My promise to myself as I packed my bags was to never, NEVER, put myself second again.
No compromises when getting to know a new man. I had many dates and had my fun. I went into bad boy modus. Well, bad girl modus🤣 something didn’t click? Next!
When I met my now husband it started as a one night stand that turned into a many nights stand. After a while I had to take a decision for myself and I told him as much. He was cool and I liked him, but if he was still only in it for fun after a month then our ways would part. He took a few minutes to think about it and said he’d like to see where this goes. We agreed on not seeing other people for a while until we could know that we match outside of the bedroom too. No nice girl ish from me by then. I even told him that if we find out that it were to remain a sex thing, I wouldn’t have that much time for him anymore and sure as hell wasn’t going to make him a sandwich🤣
We’re going on 9 years now and it’s the best thing ever. He is my dude and sometimes I catch him staring at me with a puppy look on his face.
So ladies, if you filter out all the noise and unapologetically go for what you want, you’ll find happiness
Amazing video! So invaluable! I wish I had access to this information years ago. ❤
I am such a "nice girl" ! I hope it's not too late to change myself. Now I know why I am not happy in the relationship. This video is so significant and so helpful! Thank you!
Loved this video thank you! I’m trying to being less of a people pleaser, it’s hard work because we’re all taught to be nice girls since we’re kids. It’s time to be self assured and respect ourselves 🙏🏼
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Thank you. This was extremely helpful. I spotted all the mistakes I’m making by thinking I’m being gracious. Well done. Thanks so much!
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
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I think these advices are true for life in general, not just for love life directly. I learned (and i will learn certainly) these points as experiences in my whole life. Everybody should get self-respect in a friendship or in a workplace, and yes, in a family, too.
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together, l got help from a great man who brought us back together.
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Matt, as an older woman i can really sgree with you. We were much more demanding when we were young and we certainly took our time to let a relationship develop.
This is the TRUTH. 💯 I will watch this again to get myself into the right frame of mind before talking to another man.
Good advice. It’s always nice to hear from a man’s perspective. I can look back into the past and see where I went wrong in some dating scenarios by being nice and not making myself a priority.
Yes I agree to always make yourself a priority but we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for being the recipient of some caveman behavior and then beat ourselves up for wanting a relationship.
Thank you so much for making this video. I never knew the pitfalls of being a "nice" girl and the consequences that followed. The description and examples of each point shared, really provided clarity for it so many ways. I will be teaching my daughters as well. Thank you. God bless
Hi my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we loving and happily together,I got help from a great man who brought us back together
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Just Saying...
Much Appreciation & Admiration for
Men’s Patience & Gut Feeling about
times when
Our Hottest isn’t Modest...
...Seeing Our Intention to be Beautiful.
THANK YOU
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This is GOOD. You're very intuitive and well-spoken - your explanations add so much to the points
I’ve cultivated the habit of being direct, honest and I’m not afraid to speak my truth. The right men (for me) really appreciate and even find it sexy.
No. 6 - Is the main rule!
Great suggestions but tricky to manage when you're just plain romantically lonely. I guess I just don't get how owning your worth, knowing your value and having high self-esteem removes that desperation to have a relationship when you're starving for romantic love. You can be all of the above and lonely as all get out. That's where I struggle. I don't cancel plans with friends, alter my personality or have sex before I'm ready but I am willing to dive right into a relationship if he's a good guy that treats me well and we have a good time together. I don't want to date around.
If someone is reacting to the compliment: 'you are perfect' and his heart 'drops to his stomach' right before they are about to go to bed with someone after only four dates. He said how can she say that 'I am perfect and she doesn't know me'. If that is the case then, they definitely should not be going to bed with one another 🙄. Going to bed with someone should be very sacred and precious and treated as such.
Hello my relationship is fixed back again my ex is back to me we love and happily together, I got help from a great Dr Kelly who brought us back together. and if you need any kind of help he can help you❤️❤️🙏🙏
Whats@app him now^_^^_^^_^
I agree! Had the same thoughts hearing that
Haha I hit every point in being a nice girl… gawd so true! Now I’m 66 and finally get it,single old and wondering what the heck happened? Thanks sooo much for your channel.
Ooh, this video hit me hard! I recognize too many of these "nice girl" habits 😳 this is absolutely true! Yesterday I watched a video about being kind vs nice, where being nice comes from a place of insecurity in men. The same must be true for women. Insecurity is not attractive. This opened my eyes to why I don't have a love life 😯 nice guys and girls really finish last, or not at all.