how to make female friendships EASY [4 mindset shifts]
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.พ. 2024
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In this episode, Elle discusses the topic of female friendships. She begins by sharing her past struggles with forming new female friendships, attributing it to her own mindset and experiences. She emphasizes that she's not anti-men, but acknowledges that she's been hurt by women in the past. Nevertheless, she argues that female friendships are still worth pursuing. Elle shares 4 key points to foster healthy female friendships. She concludes by expressing her hope that listeners too can experience the joy of healthy and supportive female friendships.
Keywords: authenticity, how to be authentic, how to make friends, I have no friends, friendship struggles, adult friends, I'm not a girls girl
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Some women are quick to avoid female friendships because of a few bad experiences but continue having hope chasing after toxic men numerous times
Internalized misogynistic double standards at play basically🤦♀️
HOT TEA 🍵🔥🔥
Fr I've been this way, I just wanna have female friends
I have trauma from the female friendships I chose, but my parents were neglectful and I wasn’t looking for the right friends back then. A lot of shitty family dynamics make you search for the similar toxic personalities out of the home. But I always knew that my experiences had nothing to do with every woman out there. It was my choice to stay with those friendship back then. Women, with positive energies, make life better 1000%. That’s most women tbh
I know right ?
Also, they give sooo much grace to what their toxic male friends do but as soon as their female friend slips up they remember their "high" standards.
The double standard is real.
female friendships are the one thing that keeps us sane, bonded and successful
100% agree🤎
and female friendship is why women (usually) NEVER die alone. We will always have our sisters, cousins, and friends at our deathbed. Men who don't act like devoted fathers are usually alone at their deathbed. You need to check the demographic of unclaimed bodies for each states in the US. Most are men.
.
Exactly
Women literally live longer when they maintain close friendships with other women after retirement age. We literally keep each other alive! Class is in session.
yes, you see all the japanese women in places like okinawa all getting together for a cup of jasmine tea and a board game and a chat. Ok they lived on fish beans cucumber but they look happy in their late 90s!
I don’t stress about any men being with me when I'll be old. I'll just hope my female friends stays with me. They are the ones who will keep me entertained more than anyone can
I avoid girls that say that girl friendships are dramatic and ‘boys are easier’. Like no babe, you just take more bs from boys because you need their validation and they’re only nice to you bc they want to do you. I’m a girls girl all the way, my girls have supported me through every awful moment in my life and I will continue to pursue female friendships for the rest of my life!
Exactly!! The girl who made the tik tok was so full of toxicity it was sad to see. Her body language even, was full of disgust towards women. No wonder she can't have friends, who'd want to be friends with her?
I used to say that as a teenager, but none of my male friends had any attraction to me because I was a complete tomboy. Sometimes, they forgot I was a girl, and I never had any issues with them. My issue is that I saw the girls that were abusive towards, bully to one up the other, so I thought every feminine girl was like that despite wanting to be having girl friends. I had a horrible relationship with my own mother, who probably contributed to the mindset because she criticized all women and put them down. It is different as you say now because I dress as I like, I actually miss dressing up like a tomboy because I can't have the male friends I used to have because sometimes you don't know if they are pretending to be your friends. It's so uncomfortable. Men are great friends... when both sizes have no attraction to each other, like you really are not his type or already have someone they really love.
Exactly
I mean yeah girls are more dramatic but dramatic isn’t always toxic. Sometimes girls are just dramatic because they’re passionate about their friendships. I actually managed to have a solid group of guy friends who I can be authentic around and I do probably have more of a funny easy going time with them, but when it comes to things that’s really matter like on a deeper level like those who are there to emotionally support you tough times, nurse you when you’re heaps drunk, and have your back when you’re dealing with drama, your girls are gonna be the ones to successfully pull through. It’s the same reason why guys are so desperate for female energy and only mature secure men can appreciate female friendships.
That absolutely used to be me. The internalized need for male validation was *real*
I now value and prioritize my amazing girlies above all. They're my biggest cheerleaders and I'm theirs 💖
My honest advice is to hang out with girls that make you smile and get your vibe. Girls that aren't mean or toxic, people you can relax around. All of my long-term friends were people that I could laugh, smile, and be chaotic with. I still smile sometimes when I remember them.
🤎🤎🤎
"Were"? Did they die?
Jk, I know what you mean.
@@persephone7708lol, everyone kind of moved after graduation :/
Oh, men being drama free is a LIE!!!
Men become the ultimate drama kings when things don't go their way or if something hurt their ego.
My former workplace's supervisor was the ultimate drama king. He always yelled and even cursed if we did not live up to his expectations.
Which was ridiculous because he did not do any work and made us work like machines while wanting to get credit for what we did!
thisssss😳
I agree some of them are lazy af too.
I hope it's not the same supervisor that left our department they all sound and act similar don't they?
The moment he left they put a Karen to supervise our department and now all the girls are either being over scheduled or given two days a week.
They probably saw that we were out working the boys and it did something to there egos so I started looking for a second job so they can't manipulate me like that anymore in order to compete with the boys you have to fight hard to keep your spots and sit on it even if they under schedule you.
You also really have to stop worrying about your schedules and go take your vacation it will really mess with them because even if they under schedule you that's sometimes a good thing then on one of your days off buy beer and go home if they want to sit on the clock for 60 hours and barely stalk a shelf or wear deodarant then let them maybe they should force men to work and support these women now it might teach them a lesson about disrespecting people because a lot of them have been slacking off and just standing around smoking staring at all the women and calling them bitches for just trying to do they're jobs and go home.
I've worked in a mostly male office before and I agree! Guys say women are drama because of gossip. The guys I worked with also gossiped but there was also the ego and anger element added into it.
Managers would yell and a couple of times, things were thrown off of desks, fists would pound on tables, the profanity would fly.
They'd excuse it as "that's how guys communicate"... well, if that's how guys communicate then why was there so much turnover, stressed out employees and people not wanting to show up for work.
Lmao this is true! My boss tried to triangulate me and a pick me co-worker who he knew was jealous of me and would thus try to attack me verbally ON PURPOSE
Why did he do all this?
He did it simply because he was upset that he tried to flirt with me and I curved tf out of him!! Men be petty af! It really be giving high school drama petty when their egos get bruised 🙄😂😂
@eeze5683 I can't find it, but I remember there was a study regarding if men or women are more gossipy, and it concluded that both men and women *perceive* women to gossip more than men when it's actually closer to equal amongst both groups.
bad female friendships from our youth really make many of us become loners. it wasnt until about 25 when I was able to have genuine friendships
im 25 rn & this is giving me hope :"(
Hey! I'm 25 and friendless right now! Do you mind if you can go into detail about the changes that were happening in your life around that time?
I'm in my 30s and I'm still a loner due to being bullied by girls in school. I also just can't connect with a lot of women in my peer group. They want to always talk about dating and I'm a nerd into my poetry, comedy and new age stuff.
@@EclecticECD 25 (soon to be 26) and lacking girl friends too! What was your secret?
I think I might be stuck being a lone female, since while I'm open to the idea of having a female friend - meeting the Jeane to my Bayonetta, or Dorothy/Rose/Blanche to my Sophia - I'm just not sure if it's possible for me. I seem to mostly attract back-stabbers in the worst case scenario, or otherwise just be stuck in the acquaintance zone with women who seem nice, who I could get along with, but aren't really that socially available... For me, it seems like there's no in between.
My granny is now at an age where her and most friends husbands have passed away or are passing away. She spends so much time with her "girls gang" as she calls it and you can really feel like shes happier. Female friendships matter
Honestly, female friendships can be so healing.
Having my first female sleepover at my place for spring break, it’ll be the four of us and no boys allowed 😂🎉
@@afrofaeries that's great! I'm so happy for you🤍
I'm neurodivergent and it just seems impossible sometimes to be authentic with people. People have a distaste for my natural way of being, and I literally can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
I know what you mean. I often find that people are attracted to me just enough to talk once or twice but I just can’t seem to come off the way I feel inside of that makes sense. So I think I drive them away as I don’t communicate with my body language or words in a way that people can really understand what I’m getting at. I feel mutual interest in many people but I think they don’t feel their interest is reciprocated or it’s inconsistent. I throw people off I think because of this at least in part. I have been told I am basically “too much” by some people. I think people don’t want to deal with my complexity/inconsistency. I’m autistic
I'm sure there are plenty of other neurodivergent people looking for friendships. you have to put yourself out there in really uncomfortable ways sometimes, whether you're neurodivergent or not.
Always been a girls girls, unfortunately the girls haven’t been a girls girl towards me. I’m pretty much a lone wolf.. I pretty much get lost in books, self care, music and even though I’d love to have girl friends, I rarely get the same energy back so I stay to myself. It’s not that easy for some of us unfortunately
I feel the same way
I relate to this so hard. The first time I actually had a girlfriend from work she ended up stabbing me in the back and I'm still hurt over it... I even defended her from literally creepers IRL at our food service job and was there for her whenever she needed me but never got that same consideration back
I'm in the same boat. I don't pursue men for friendship either, I just do my own thing now. I miss having women friends to laugh and chill with,but it seems like everyone I meet is trying to compete with me on some level, and it's just exhausting and sad.
Same
Same here 🔥😬💛
Female friendships are one of the best parts of being a woman, we're so lucky. 💕
I'm very fortunate to have an older sister, a younger sister and a close circle of friends for the past 25 years!
The Sisterhood is AWESOME!
I am so lonely.....
the tip about people already having their close friends & that the reason why the connection hasn't become deep isn't because there's something wrong with you is rly comforting to hear bc idk im rly searching for my close girl friend(s) but i keep running into this problem i just hope those ppl who are searching for close girl friends are still out there bc this scarcity mindset is kicking my ass lately
girl same
yeh, in the same boat, I can have female friendships but yet I don't because as much as I enjoy and value them, I can't acquire the skill to move friendly acquaintances in to the ''Friend'' role. And the first stage has to come first surely?
Please be in an abundance mindset because that may be one of the things to be holding you down. There's millions and millions of women out there for you waiting you just need to start and make the change within yourself. Scarcity mindsets are the biggest time wasters because all they do is just hold you back. Take your time improving and learning about your true self and yours girlies will come along to elevate you even more. Don't wait around for girlfriends to come change your life, make the change and your life will be as you desire. Much love and good luck with your journey ✨💕
Acquaintances don't need to become your only source of potential friendship, there's millions of ways to become friends with someone but it doesn't need to start from acquaintanceship. I made 1 of my close friends through a time where I was just living life in a foreign country in summer, she approached me saying that she loved my vibe and that I gave off "it girl" vibes and I was extremely happy at that compliment because I was truly so happy at that time eland enjoying my own company, once I found out we lived in the same home country only a city away from each other, we hit it off and became inseparable. We still reminisce on that day and we visit that country we first met in for memories and nostalgia. I have 2 more close friends and both our experiences were just as beautiful. I believe that once you secure yourself and enjoy your presence and your just radiating happiness because of your self confidence, your life will just be going exactly the way you desire. So in conclusion don't stress too much on how to make new friends, at the end of the day focus on yourself, learn more about yourself and everything will be cool! Much love and goodluck ✨💕
@@s.0007 thank you so much for this comment it really means a lot to me i will try my best bc my negative mindset has been a little too persistent lately !! :_: have a great day btw
I think it’s important to know how you show up for other people as well. One of my colleagues got SOOO offended when I told her I don’t have friends at work. She saw me as a friend even though I saw her as an “acquaintance I’m cool with at work” - lesson from that is, you may have a label for someone in your mind, but you don’t need to say it out loud.
Did you hang out outside of the workplace, like on the weekends etc?
It probably depends on the workplace, at my workplace a lot of people got married to each other. A lot. And there are also a lot of friendships.
@@FoundSheep-AN No, I literally only saw her at work. We did not even have each others phone number.
She might be one of those people who think a friend is everyone. They tend to think all classmates, schoolmates, coworkers, etc. are friends.
Noted!!!
yes, those labels are really just to be for your own benefit. having a mental catalogue of who is indeed a friend, and who is simply a friendly acquaintance is for your own peace of mind and guidance on how to act. there is generally no use in announcing it unless directly asked 💁♀
I am almost 50. I have always had deeply emotional and supportive friendships with women. I think it has saved me from many predatory men. Pour into your female friendships ladies they will get you through life.
As a very lonely/ isolated person, this topic feels like a weight on my chest. Its been a personal goal of mine to get out there and find my tribe, but due to my life circumstances right now it just feels kind of impossible.
I really appreciate this video. I really needed to hear this. As soon as I'm able to get out into the world I feel like I have a better idea of where I can go to meet other like minded women.
I feel the same way. I basically just go to work and the gym everyday and I hang out with a girlfriend like once a month max. And I call my mom on the phone everyday. That's basically my whole social life. I have no idea where to find friends
@@sarahd9272 I was the same would just go to work and gym and talk to my sister. I've found joining women's social groups through Facebook, instagram or meetup and going to dinners or social walks helpful to build up social skills. Hope this helps and that you find your circle 🙂💫
This is dumb but try Bumble Friend
@@sarahd9272 I think your life sounds lovely! For attracting friendships, I think lots of sleep and meditation is key because good women are attracted (like, platonically) to women with relaxed energy and who can take things slow. I work on this myself in the hopes of making myself open and available for friendship.
@@audreyandrea460 that's a good insight. I think I really do need more sleep and rest for sure
As a 22 year old girl I’ve always had problems having friends with girls and boys in general because I have always been considered to be extremely attractive. I get along with girls but after a while things happen and they start to get jealous weather it’s a guy they like shoes interest in me or I keep getting called the prettiest right in front of them by others. Making friends with guys is also hard because after some they will ALWAYS admit feelings and the friendship dies so it’s just not the same. I know I probably sound extremely conceded and full of myself but these are struggles I’ve had my entire life. Having friends is hard for people who just shine bright weather it’s being really good looking or just being talented or having a cool af personality since people will see you as competition most of the time
2 of my closest girl friends are a lawyer and a therapist. LOL. I admire their intelligence and love to hear about all the different aspects of their work but I am careful because those careers are stressful! I don't want to add to their stress by making them 'work for free' in our friendship.
I have amazing female freinds and I've had girls who were vicious to me. I always thought that getting rid of bad company in general was a part of life and never developed any negativity regarding female friendships. Conversely, some male friendships were good but most were terrible. I felt that when I started doing well in my career many guy friends started competing with me. They'd pretend to be happy for me, then try to indulge in some subtle fault finding. They'd try to put me on a spot to insult my intelligence or say normal-sounding things with a slight accusatory twist. I've learned that men are emasculated very easily, and sometimes our mere existence is enough for them to spiral into some form of madness. Women should be way more careful with male friendships than female friendships. Many toxic chicks aren't subtle about their toxicity, its easy to get rid of them but men intellectualise their garbage to feel good about themselves. Thats very harmful in the long run, especially if those men keep getting away with it.
I’m noticing exactly this in all my male friends . I thought maybe I’m tripping but this comment to validates exactly how I’m feeling .
@@Goddess_Infinityim a guy. in my experience guys with "low consciousness" get emasculated easily. just avoid those people if possible
I know some people judge others quickly if women can’t make female friends. But the truth is, every circumstance is different and it’s better to keep an open mind and heart. I struggled a lot growing up due to my parents secluding me from others over religious beliefs so making friends was difficult. I was also homeschooled most of my life and when I would go to school I was heavily bullied by female students. I wanted to make female friendships more than anything growing up but it just wasn’t possible. It really impacted me during my formative years and now in my 20s, it’s harder to connect but I still try. It’s been easier to connect with guys and yes they bring drama too lol, they are human beings after all, but in a way I did feel more comfortable. As I heal and go through my nursing profession, I find that female friends are a beautiful thing to have, but it’s still somewhat difficult for me relate to them and I hope that I will be able to make many female friendships in the future.
Such people lack depth and insight if they judge you for that
Female friendship is the one of the best things about being a women. Men would never understand nor can ever experience anything similar to the very deep bond women share with their girl friends.
Being an autistic woman makes authenticity extra hard. I’ve had to mask my difference and weirdness all my life to stay safe. Picked up so much people pleasing and fawning on top of having a differently wired brain. Social communication is hard, even with women of my own neurotype. 😢
girl preachh
same. its just a struggle having to learn where to speak and join in group conversations and they'll tell me how fcking quiet and shy I am. making deep connections is even harder, when people tend to distance away from me after a while. that's how masking is ingrained in my own identity since I was a kid. I feel alone now more than ever, but at least I dont have to deal with the complications of talking with people lol
The last 6 months I have been putting in work getting to know other women around me, at church, at work, other groups with the purpose of making friends. I have spent my adult life thinking that being best friends with my boyfriends was all I need. Once I moved away from my home state to live with a boyfriend, I got so lonely and just sad because I had no friends!
Some of us don’t have female friends because of narcissistic abuse. Which I realized later on what NPD was, and that anyone can have it. Even a friend. Women are narcs too and whatever boundaries you have with guys, should be applied to girls unless you want to become their supply. And you are worth more than that.
I’ve had some wild/unhinged friendships… one girlfriend hit and kicked me and my other girlfriend 😭 so I really feel this! That was in college - we left the abusive situation.
Now I have 1 long distance friendship, and I’m close with my mom and sister, but mostly I hang out with my husband. As i’m recovering from a health condition (that’s a thing - note who shows up with servant mindset if you get sick :/ you’ll learn fast who actually cares and who is just using you) I’m looking at getting into hobbies again when I’m feeling better and will hope to organically meet new people. I feel like the pandemic really shook things up for our social lives but the dust is thankfully settling.
I’d recommend doing something like volunteering! I’ve made a couple friends through a volunteer group I’m in and they’re pretty cool 😁
Mum and sisters are enough as a female friendship! Especially the sisters cause you are close in age
Honest to god, I have a hard time making friends with women my age (I’m 28), so I just end up making friends with a lot of middle aged and older women (40+). It works out great so I don’t really mind. It feels peaceful!
Having female friendships have been supertough .. i think we all have experienced it.. although i know i am going to find my tribe and there is nothing as awarding as a female friend
I'm a teacher and wherever I worked I have always been surrounded by nasty, gossipy, twisted women... I'm 34 and so far I had not ONE female friend from work... But I'm always craving it so much, it breaks my heart again and again! I tried to change my ways, my clothes, my voice... Nothing helps, they are who they are. They feel in their element in their circles with their like-minded narrow-minded people...
Making females friends has always been hard for me bc I have been unfortunate enough to encounter women who only see each other as competition 😢 I almost gave up making new friends as a result until I met my lesbian best friend 2 years ago!!!! She’s also hypergamous but we’re never in competition because we date different genders!!Maybe that will help some girlies 💖
Never dim your light to be accepted!
This is a tough one for me because i put out a lot of love and gentleness with my female friends, but they just turn around and shoot me in the face
I am going to guess based purely on my unscientific personal observation that your current female friends are pick-mes or pick-me-adjacent. When pick-mes say "women aren't your friends": it's projection.
Female friendships are great, but I've noticed that when there's a big group of female friends, the group dynamic can turn toxic and fake very quickly. I've seen it happen many many times in different groups, it scares me a bit because it's honestly so disappointing to see a girl you thought it was a friend to start gossiping and talking shit about some girls of the group and then being nice and close with them when they're around, kinda makes me feel insecure as if they could be doing that behind my back as well, so to have a deep frienship with girls I prefer avoiding big groups or trios (most of the time there's a duo haha), kinda sad but I guess I will find some healthy female group in the future :') (i hope)
Perfect timing! I'm 51 and I'm about to say goodbye to one of my friends because she is so different from the strong, independent woman I thought she was when I first met her. She is recently divorced (good thing), but she met a guy right away. She was always pining for a man even before her divorce, to cuddle, to do things with. And, I realized that she kind of has a low EQ. Her ex wants her to help him, and instead of just saying NO and telling him he needs to now do stuff on his own, she texts me asking for the lawyer I used in the past. I'm all for great female friendships, but at this point in my life, I want someone who has moved on from man drama.
Same, I had to let a friendship dwindle. Once we were two strong single mothers who were building new lives. I got a job, I avoided my abusive x, but over the years, I felt frustrated by the number of times we were having the same conversations and eventually I realised she was still sleeping with her abusive x. I was BAFFLED. She unlike me had a university education and a masters in something fashionable, like environmental law, or sustainability! And yet she was so afraid that her x would stop paying the paltry 400 euro per month, she couldn't say no to him??? I got out there and earned (with no degree) 3000 euro per month so I could ignore my abusive x's demands. I do still think of her wit and her humour though. Argh, so sad.
Same here, it's so difficult to make friendships as a lot of women just want to be with a man, any man. If they are married, they only do things with their husbands, if they are not married/divorced they seem to be on the search for a new bf.
I had the same thing! Lifelong friend. We both got out of abusive relationships and I thought we had grown so much. She just carried on repeating the same patterns, coming around with the same problems and I felt like I was enabling madness.
I have a couple of good guy friends who I've known for decades but my friends who are women are my deepest relationships where I feel the most understood. Women just notice things that guys don't notice. If I want to vent or get advice, my women friends have the curiosity to ask the questions to help me problem solve with more nuance.
When you ask guys, it's more like one-note advice where they only look at what benefits one side. I find good women look more for solutions that work for everyone involved.
Well said!
People used to call me fake and a pick me because my behavior towards individuals was diffrent. They said that to me so many times that even I started doubting my self concept. BUT. FAST FORWARD. I dont change my behavior to be liked by others I change my behavior depending on how I feel about the person. They say its a me problem but actually its a them problem. I treat people diffrently I dont change myself they try to make me feel bad for not giving them more reactions those f**ers
The gal at the start who said all her "pretty" acquaintances say that havibg girl friends is hard is telling on herself. Like its so obvious she is a pickmesha who feels all gals are her competition.
You are so spot on with you attract the energy you put out btw!
My bestest friend is my mother, she's just so kind hearted and amazing!🌷✨ My sister is wonderful too, she's one of the most smartest people in my life💕 as has a heart of gold
I want to make new friends, but I have social anxiety and experience social burnout quickly. I prefer to have friendships that meet up once a week. I still consider my friends to be my most relevant/inner circle, even though I prefer to see them only once in a while. Also, what you said about knowing whether a friend is an acquaintance or an actual friend really resonated with me. I've been learning more about boundaries lately since things have been getting harder to tell or to draw a line.
I also have social anxiety and burn out on interaction quickly and I have had great luck by doing hobby stuff with more general groups and then once you find a couple people you vibe with you make a private group chat to talk in and meet up outside the hobby group for not hobby things like getting lunch. Works really well!
All my girlfriends were so happy when i got my first baby and would be aunties to my babygirl. Girltribe yesss. Welp no one even came when my daughter was born. Just got ghosted. I have one female friend and she is gold. I havent met other females i vibe with. Im not going to be someone im not. Thats my hill i will die on
My long-term friendship that I could be my most authentic self in ended last year. I long for female friendships that I can be my authentic self with. Men will be nice but I know that it's only because they want something from me. I cannot wait to meet my girls 🤞❣
Yeess! Soon after I dropped my toxic, low value, social media stalking “friends”, I attracted good, hv women whose values are aligned with my own!
Love how your channel is so uplifting. ❤
thank you for being here🤎
Agreed! Truly the Best❤🥂💃
I had a couple terrible female friendships…and I healed from them with my amazing female friendships 😂❤
The perspective that there's nothing wrong with me and that people I was connecting with just already had close friend slots filled is eye-opening to me. I struggled with the definition of friendships because of this. I know people have close friends, but I felt envy that I couldn't establish that same connection. Almost like I started thinking that maybe they really didn't like me and pitied me. I started to question, "Are we really friends?" But there the reality is that everyone's time is scarce and sometimes that's just how it is. This video really helped me feel a lot more peaceful
When I was friends with horrible women, it was because I was not my authentic self. I thought I have to be friends with anyone who tried to be friends with me. Ladies be in your discernment, there are women who are good for you. Jealousy is a real thing.
Aww, I love the sphere of familiarity! My family and I call it the 'circle of trust'. It's so important to sort people into their 'circle' and understand their roles as well as your roles in relation to each other. People are not multi-tools! They cannot be expected to fulfill every Maslow need. Putting people into their 'circle' is not cold, it's insurance for your desired reality ;D
I feel like being a pick-me is a stage that every girl has to go through to realize how valuable sisterhood really is. I too have had bad experiences with girls but the things is they still cared and supported me emotionally. Some girls are stuck in this phase longer than others but I hope they heal.
Most of my male friendships were awful. Men are drama too even though they claim not to be. They gossip, spread rumors, ruin relationships due to jealousy and are entitled. Ultimately they wanna get with you. Catering to their fragile egos is the worst. Well ofc not all men are like this but get this I only have 3 guy friends in all my years of having guy friends.
This video is giving me hope. I'm in high school right now, and it's hard for me to make deep friendships at this point. I have so many acquaintances, but I want to connect with girls who have a lot of big goals as well. I understand it's hard to be driven in this day and age. It might just be my environment, but I will be patient.
Well, can you become part of any extracurricular groups with likeminded people? In high school I was on a sports team and made some very good friends through that. I think in general trying to narrow down the pool of people you’re around by filtering by interests and personality types is helpful. As an artist it’s really helpful for me to be around people who are passionate about art, a community of like minded people. But I will say it’s much harder in high school, at least it was for me than after high school. You don’t get to be around as much of a variety of people as you do after high school. So have hope, it’s easier in college (if you attend).
OMG! This is LITERALLY how I’ve identified my closeness to people for YEARS now. I learned the hard way that not everyone is your “friend” and some ppl will really do you dirty or do your clown makeup for you which is such an ugghh and an ick. “Friends” are the family you choose so if they’re not someone you’d be like “If I could make you my sister I would” then yeah no they can go to an outer circle. Outer circle friends are more like mutuals that aren’t in your inner circle. Like you’re not associates business contacts, etc., but your not super close either. Then the associates circle which consists of ppl you come into contact with but don’t spend significant amount of time to develop a personal connection.If you have a view in between circles to further differentiate that’s up to you but these are the most hard core circles that I believe really helped me to give less of myself away to others and focus on myself and are really great tools as well as reminders to whom you choose to allocate your resources to (including time which is the one currency you cannot get back).
its crazy how similar our paths have been. thanks for sharing your stories
thank you🤎🤎
Good common sense advice. I really like this video, helpful for lonely women with bad social skills who often get overlooked, because of the assumption that women inherently have good social skills
When you find that beautiful group of girls who share your value, morals and love seeing women thrive, its truly a blessings!
Proud to be girls girl. Women are amazing! Yes, there are immature ones, jealous/envious, competative women, I am not talking about those (they tend to be pickmes too).
I am talking about kind, compassionate, funny, lovely women who love seeing people win, pursue their goaks, share experiences, boost each other up and celebrate each others wins! I am so glad I have girlie girl friendship like this. You are right, it is AMAZING! I have prayed for friendships like this all my life.
Funny thing was, I had to do the work on myself to receive it! It started with no longer putting down any if my fellow ladies. If I say something negative (being a pickme) about a woman, I am ultimately saying it about myself. So, I worked on that and now, I have beautiful relationships with women. ❤
In my experience, it’s wise to stay away from those who come in “packs.”
Thats what i find too, if youre free spirited, off beat and you value your autonomy the packs are wack.
I ended up losing myself to people who didn’t like my authentic self and pretended to be my friends. Now I find it difficult to be myself anymore or to trust these friends. I am currently in therapy for this, so hopefully this year I can be more myself and take more steps to make friends 😊
You aren’t alone I feel the same 🤝
i really want to find like minded women to be friends with. i have no friends atm, and starting to make new friends again feels so intimidating, like grade school 😭🤦♀️
I found my bestie in Graduation, and all my female friends before that used to be really like really good in school but they would just cut me off after big changes in school life. Like when we move to high school or when school ended. But this also prepared me mentally to enjoy the good times and deal with lonliness and being literally ghosted point blank from the beginning.
I really loved/appreciated this video! I had a situation in particular where I introduced two friends and became the complete outsider - it really screwed with my self worth and felt like a genuine heartbreak! I have one close friend and have been scared to go through another situation like that again. It’s amazing to remember that it could be worth it! ❤
1. 5:03 you attract the energy you put out, be authentic. Stay iconic. If you still attract toxic friends your authentic self is either toxic or they're taking advantage of your positive qualities.
2. 8:54 stop expecting everyone, or anyone, to be everything for you. Set realistic expectations. Each relationship has it's own unique set of standards, boundaries and expectations. 11:04 your social circle- the sphere of familiarity. Curate your energy carefully and avoid people pleasing and or sharing private affairs.
3. 13:57 If you want to be close friends with someone, you have to be looking for someone who is looking for a close friend.
4. 16:23 the more authentically and enthusiastically you pursue your goals, passion, and fulfillment, the easier it is to make girlfriends. Dare to put yourself out there
I’ve recently made some new girl friends for the first time in my adult life. I was so shy around women and kind of intimidated too but let me tell you… I have never felt so aligned with my feminine energy, so supported and loved as I do now! I literally love women we are amazing!
OMG IVE NEVER BEEN THIS EARLY!!!! yes for the girliesss
purrrrrr🤎
Just yesterday I realized that, although I’ve come a long way in being selective with my friendships (I was very much a pushover growing up) and distancing myself from people who don’t serve me the same way I serve them, I haven’t really been able to build a lot of relationships with women who are giving and generous like I am.
I decided that I wanted to make more of an effort to build new connections and finding good, girl’s girls to be friends with.
This video came exactly at the right time. Thank you!
So glad to see all the girlies finding their girl friends! 🌟 💙
I want to add that as well as we decenter men, we should also decenter friends. The less people I have messing around and taking my energy, the better I feel 🎉
Thank you so much. I needed this video. I've been trying to find female friendship for a while without success but this video really put things into perspective for me. Right now I'm just going to focus on myself and my creative hobbies and be my best self. Hopefully I will finally attract the right people who also want close friends.
I was literally just talking to my therapist about the struggle with my female friendships😮
So glad you mentioned to stop expecting everyone to be everything to you! Gold. ✨️ How specific we have to be when it comes to people's roles in our lives. It's ok to have boundaries with people and know what level of friendships they have with you. Thank you for mentioning this! 💕
Especially when you start the dating journey, it’s IMPORTANT to have friends. A good friend will be honest in a way that supports your growth as a person. Bad friends are like a stain in your teeth, they stick to you and never help you grow. Sometimes they’ll manipulate you into doing worse for yourself.
i had many guy friends and 1 girl friend she betrayed me and i really leaned on my guy friends but… eventually i learned that guys were the same if not more problematic because NONE OF THEM WERE PLATONIC as i thought. I had a guy friend for 3-4 years who would constantly dip in and out of my life. He really hurt me and left me questioning my self worth. The last time he told me it was my fault but refused to tell me why. I later found out he said that he had liked me for a long time but i talked about other love interests in front of him. 😀😐 MY BAD anyways, i have 3 close female friends and im so happy now 😊❕
It also helps if you come from a culture that celebrates having daughters. Where men are taught to take care of women & treasure everything that makes her feminine. Our Levantine mid eastern culture & faith does this. Yes there always narcissistic families everywhere in the world, but for the most part...women aren't told they're burdensome or dramatic. In the west, I was made to feel so uncomfortable by many ppl about this, in Lebanon I'm accepted about it.
"They have to be in a servant mindset to be in your inner circle in the first place"💯 Your breakdown is so on point! I had to learn these same lessons because I'm a naturally warm, giving person. However, I was giving theses traits to the wrong people. Friends and acquaintances are two different levels🙂. Also, very true that when you focus on your goals and passions, you will run into your "tribes."
I really value my female friendships with other women and they are very important to me. Female friendships are more meaningful than romantic relationships with men and women keep other women healthy.
I literally had a conversation yesterday about struggling and being insecure of barely having female friendships ... the universe works in fantastic ways (thanks for the amazing video as usual!)
Thanks for this video, Elle. Really appreciate it! I've always been pursuing and living my dream while being supportive and helpful to all my friends. I just didn't expect some long-standing friends, whom I've only done good to, would be plain nasty to me. When I asked whether I've unknowingly hurt or harm them in any way, they said I didn't. If being my authentic self repels them or triggers their worst selves for reasons unknown to me, I would just go elsewhere where I'm appreciated.
Love seeing your uploads every single time♥️
I remember when I was in middle school, I was friends with this girl who was very popular with a lot of other girls. I would ask her to hang out, and the few times we did, we really bonded on a lot of interests and I thought we were becoming best friends. Then she’d blow me off for two other girls all the time. I thought something was wrong with me that I was so unlikable compared to them. Now I understand. She had her circle decided before befriending me. It wasn’t my fault. Thanks for helping me heal some childhood trauma there ❤ (Also now I have two awesome besties who are my circle)
This channel is such a positive force in my life! So happy to be here ❤
9:03 such a good episode. This has been on my mind a lot lately. I live with two women and people outside of me have told me that they’ve observed them being in a codependent friendship. I’ve been functioning as a third wheel for about three years now. And for a long time I blamed myself for not being “in“ with them, when they wouldn’t invite me to things, would exclude me from events, or wouldn’t communicate clearly with me. It’s taken a lot of growth and discernment to realize that actually, they are just really insecure around me for some reason, and they purposefully exclude me from things when their egos can’t handle my presence. It makes me sad because I really want to be close with them, but I’ve accepted that they just aren’t able to be secure with me, and there’s a reason for that even if I can’t see it. I have plenty of other close, healthy female friendships in my life that are a better use of my time.
YESSS I WANTED THIS VIDEO FOR SOOO LONG THANK U GIRLIE
Elle, this shifted my mindset drastically. I could mentally imagine compartments and spheres for people and I feel so light. I can't believe I have been living for the past 20 years with so much clutter. I feel like the nucleus now. Hehe. Thank you so much. I adore you. 💖💖🙏
OMG something just clicked for me when you mentioned it takes a lot of energy and labour to maintain the fakeness! And now I can explain one of my biggest personal riddles of all time: how can these ppl that are so fake and far removed from anything authentic eat SO MUCH and be skinny AF?!... I didn't realise it takes much effort to put on a different face and act, huh the more you know... 🙃🙌🏻
Ive actually been thinking about this topic a lot. I'm the only girl in a friend group of very kind, empathetic, and amazing guys. I love my friend's but i often find myself missing the aspects of female friendships i used to have.
I do wish it wouldn't be stigmatized to be friends with any sex though
I struggle with this a lot. I'm always the person reaching out. Trying to maintain friendship with people who wouldn't even respond back to me or if they did it it would be days later(missing the invite time I set). But what you said about those friends already have their small group set, clicked in my head. There was never a spot for me. Eventually I would stop trying with that person.
Just recently, a person that I gave up on showed me an old photo telling me I looked cute in it. I politely said thank you but that was it( She had never reached out to me first before this, if It wasn't for a random photo. I would have continued to be forgotten) I just found out I wasn't invited to her bridal shower, but it didn't hurt like it would have a year ago. Technically, my family is invited to her wedding.
Which technically includes me, but I'm not that invested anymore. I'm giving my energy to the girls who want me in their life as much as I want them because we both have positions in our intercircle that still need filled ❤
Thank you for this video 🙏🏽 it came at the right time and really resonated with me 🌺
Great vid! I love the point about timing, when the position has already been filled, and it's as simple as that. I've felt that both ways, and I think the concept really lets us off the hook.
Just the other day I was talking about not having women friends and how sad that made me feel. I grew up in a military town so it was already pretty difficult for me to form lasting relationships without either me or the other person moving away, losing contact, etc.
I want more friendships with women but most think that I'm too weird or just don't like me at all. :') I still have hope...
This was perfect! Thank you!
Love love love!! I love my inner circle besties so much! They get me and just VIBES
Great video! Thank you! This is such a good topic ❤
Thank you. I appreciate all of your classes but this... I really needed to hear this today
Love your insight, really needed to hear this. I miss being a friend
:( but this advice helps fs!
You give the best advice. I love your logical approach to relationships, it gives beauty and brains 💕
Just moved to a new city and really needed to hear this! Thanks girl 💖
A woman can destroy you like no other man can, cause she knows how you feel, i truly feel we generally also form deeper relationships than men, so friendship is either heavenly and healing or a hell like no other.
And the thing is you just never know what youre gonna get.
I love my sister tbh, i keep my circle small and i generally stay clear of friendship groups, men or women.
So much sage advice! Every young woman should hear this: it will bless their existing and future relationships with female friends. Thank u!
I love your healthy perspective on many topics, you don't go extreme against men or women 💗💗💗💗💗
Such a great view on the topic! Tysm ❤
I WISH I had seen this video in my late teens. Was in a lot of pain because of this. Your words make so much sense! Subscribed ❤
Tysm for the guideeeee. I struggle socially and I have a hard time building deep connections. I have guy friends but I'm a girly girl so I want more girl friends whom I can relate more with and vice versa.
I spent this New Years with my girlies. We rented an AirBnB with a heated pool and a huge screen TV, and rang in the New Year with a Disney movie. Their boyfriends went on their own 'camping adventure' for New Years. And the ONLY REASON they were stuck going camping rather than renting their own AirBnB with a pool was because they couldn't cooperate enough to coordinate AirBnB selection and payment. I'm sure they had fun sharing a tent on New Years with each other? XD XD XD
Catching the video this earlyy?? Im happy! Btw you are a GREAT motivation!