I Review Amazon Self Defense Products

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @Va11ha11a
    @Va11ha11a 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5570

    "You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you, and you're about to be destroyed, exept ...you've got me on your side" ... I can already tell this is going to be a great video

    • @Daughter.of.Samyaza
      @Daughter.of.Samyaza 2 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      I wanted to be the 1st person to comment on this comment

    • @cassie4131
      @cassie4131 2 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      "Big mama jamba"

    • @HappyElsen
      @HappyElsen 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I like how this bit of silly nonsense he said kinda perfectly describes the relationship between his engineer Mark and Captain characters from in space with Markiplier. Fuckin Captain I trust you but I gotta kick your ass for the greater good, lmao

    • @localareakobold9108
      @localareakobold9108 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      UwU

    • @seynpurrp
      @seynpurrp 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      you're* kiddo gg ez

  • @katiaeisel5005
    @katiaeisel5005 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4355

    "Don't try this at home"
    *is trying it at home*
    "Be careful"
    *hits himself with the tactical whip*

    • @nicolea2839
      @nicolea2839 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      I WILL try at home

    • @halzion
      @halzion 3 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      "people might mistake me for some kind of a masochist..."

    • @goldenyam3010
      @goldenyam3010 2 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      But then people might mistake him for some sort of masochist

    • @lvbboi9
      @lvbboi9 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      "Do as I say, Not as I do" I guess

    • @ArthurMorganTheGOAT
      @ArthurMorganTheGOAT 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I was reading comments and then he hits him self with whip

  • @mihneazarojanu5761
    @mihneazarojanu5761 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6339

    Wait, so I'm confused. Am I supposed to buy one of these items to defend myself, or am I supposed to call Markiplier when a threat arises? Does he come with a self-defense item included, or should I have one on me? And when Markiplier attacks me, do I call Markiplier to protect me from Markiplier? I have so many questions.

  • @igorusz5747
    @igorusz5747 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +324

    "today we are going to test non lethal options of self defense items"
    *Pulls out a mini-axe with ten sharpened butt plugs*

  • @NeoMatrix5
    @NeoMatrix5 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12693

    Let this be a lesson to anyone willing to attack Mark. You could probably just stand still and Mark will end up hurting himself.

    • @iceninja1997
      @iceninja1997 3 ปีที่แล้ว +275

      You right

    • @TacitusKilgore347
      @TacitusKilgore347 3 ปีที่แล้ว +330

      Well yeah but who would even slightly want to hurt mark

    • @mewmewmofo
      @mewmewmofo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +129

      this had me dying and rotting on the floor

    • @SA-gl1ri
      @SA-gl1ri 3 ปีที่แล้ว +272

      Self offence

    • @krisdoesart9643
      @krisdoesart9643 3 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      @@SA-gl1ri brilliant

  • @saltytooth4u
    @saltytooth4u 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26584

    this feels like mark kidnapped us and is showing us how not to get kidnapped next time but he's not very experienced

  • @leosydlik4271
    @leosydlik4271 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17036

    Alternative Title: I’m a man who owns five ovens, several tactical shovels and now self defense weapons

    • @reap3514
      @reap3514 3 ปีที่แล้ว +200

      A true king honestly

    • @vampirevenus
      @vampirevenus 3 ปีที่แล้ว +450

      Don’t forget the inordinate amount of sex toys he bought as a business expense 😆

    • @joelmichaelviado1226
      @joelmichaelviado1226 3 ปีที่แล้ว +262

      And the most powerful handheld flashlight on the planet.

    • @ASLwithIris
      @ASLwithIris 3 ปีที่แล้ว +157

      And an ass load of poptarts

    • @AtomBrown69
      @AtomBrown69 3 ปีที่แล้ว +37

      Take my like

  • @hina-chan1721
    @hina-chan1721 ปีที่แล้ว +1291

    I love watching mark struggling to put together a dummy and realizing he went to college for engineering.

    • @LabyrinthFunkinDev
      @LabyrinthFunkinDev 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      Yowch.

    • @wolfcat1103
      @wolfcat1103 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      I mean, engineers are notorious for doing the least simple and least effective solution so...

  • @grantman5148
    @grantman5148 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4184

    I also like how Markiplier is actively trying to replace the one thing he truly lost, not unus annus, not even Ethan, his dearly beloved tactical shovel...

    • @emperorpalpatine373
      @emperorpalpatine373 3 ปีที่แล้ว +252

      We don't mention it around here, you know how he gets if it is named

    • @grantman5148
      @grantman5148 3 ปีที่แล้ว +91

      Yea, let’s hope he doesn’t make a video and call me out😂, let that piece of Markiplier history Rest In Peace

    • @MarinaaAria
      @MarinaaAria 3 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      He lost it???

    • @grantman5148
      @grantman5148 3 ปีที่แล้ว +74

      @@MarinaaAria he did, but it’s a mystery how???

    • @Monetenbursche
      @Monetenbursche 3 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      @@grantman5148 Dude how did he?

  • @TakedaIesyu
    @TakedaIesyu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1728

    Mark: "He's probably not got a lotta electrical resistance."
    Steve: *literally made of rubber*

    • @sunshinebuchanan2772
      @sunshinebuchanan2772 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I feel bad this whole time I thought his name was bob

    • @hahdb
      @hahdb 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I like the bold font there chief its prime

    • @AngryBilleh
      @AngryBilleh 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Idk man, he couldn't get steve off

    • @mangotail6808
      @mangotail6808 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Markiplier has a bed knife. No, really!

    • @Xansmist
      @Xansmist 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@mangotail6808 😐😑😐😑😐😑😐

  • @reinspartan
    @reinspartan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3102

    Mark: “He’s probably not got a lot of electrical resistance on him”
    Steve: Is rubber

    • @amildlydisappointingsalad6058
      @amildlydisappointingsalad6058 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      I just played the video, read your comment and he said it right as I read it

    • @azurejohnstun7976
      @azurejohnstun7976 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I said the exact same thing 😂

    • @llllexllll
      @llllexllll 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      i said the exact same thing

    • @Waylon-Pierce
      @Waylon-Pierce 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I was ur 1000 like lol

    • @Isa-pe5qp
      @Isa-pe5qp 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      lol I’ll mo now uio noilio noit’s okthe otheoiin the uuu o myo bo I uo moms momuuuu imiiiiiiouuuuuuuuuno

  • @Mernon4ym6661
    @Mernon4ym6661 ปีที่แล้ว +2719

    mark: “ im not a masochist”
    also mark: “ow this whip hurts real bad”
    *whips himself again*

    • @selkrasouza6262
      @selkrasouza6262 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      Just gotta make extra sure

    • @BumbleWick
      @BumbleWick ปีที่แล้ว +29

      @@selkrasouza6262yeah gotta make sure if the whip is hurting you or if your hurting the whip

    • @ladybloodymoon4512
      @ladybloodymoon4512 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Mark later: this is kinda kinky

  • @jaimebibelot4398
    @jaimebibelot4398 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2400

    "I'm NOT a masochist!" -Mark, literally hundreds of times right before he willing puts himself in pain, as if he was some sort of masochist.

    • @TheChordstruckPony
      @TheChordstruckPony 3 ปีที่แล้ว +80

      "I've always wanted my head to be crushed in between someone's thighs. And I know which part you're thinking, but that's just one of SEVERAL options."

    • @enter_feeling6042
      @enter_feeling6042 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @Jay dude... think for like 2 seconds before you write something. People that are the furthest from a masochist would avoid pain at all cost.

    • @FlaschenJoe11
      @FlaschenJoe11 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      He's not a Masochist.....he just wants to see what he can take

    • @enter_feeling6042
      @enter_feeling6042 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @@FlaschenJoe11 on the spectrum of masochist to not masochist he's pretty far in the masochist spectrum

    • @aliceh5289
      @aliceh5289 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      @@enter_feeling6042 dude please, he was obviously being sarcastic

  • @ChaseddiHondo
    @ChaseddiHondo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8253

    The chances of seeing Markiplier angrily walking towards you in a dark alleyway is low, but never zero.

  • @kronnorkronnor
    @kronnorkronnor 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7548

    mark’s not a masochist, he just wants to test the maximum of his self defense

    • @DyslexicMitochondria
      @DyslexicMitochondria 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      xd

    • @hammyhamster229
      @hammyhamster229 3 ปีที่แล้ว +74

      Just wants to test his limits

    • @rimuruains3601
      @rimuruains3601 3 ปีที่แล้ว +37

      that's what a masochist would said 😂😂

    • @Ori_nament
      @Ori_nament 3 ปีที่แล้ว +49

      He's minmaxing his defense stat by putting himself through trials and training

    • @snipershot6014
      @snipershot6014 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Marks next video: I went to the hospital cause I broke my ass.

  • @epgchannel
    @epgchannel ปีที่แล้ว +102

    2:14 “DYSLEXIA OVERLOAD”
    *Me, bursting out laughing in the corner of the room.*

  • @vladedin3024
    @vladedin3024 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1685

    Mark: "I'm not a masochist."
    Also mark: hates manaquins (buys one), whips himself, flogs himself with a wallet, plays with a knife (scaring himself in the process), and stabs his hand with a spike.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 3 ปีที่แล้ว +60

      That's just pushing the limits of his own body.

    • @grewleo
      @grewleo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      @@gamepapa1211 This is what it means to go even further beyond.

    • @the_moon_gazer
      @the_moon_gazer 3 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Every masochist

    • @JUN0100
      @JUN0100 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      And also gets into the hospital alot

    • @carlover_1298
      @carlover_1298 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      *pain is our speciality*

  • @reformed1trick739
    @reformed1trick739 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10716

    Every time Markiplier claims he's "not a masochist" it's immediately followed by him getting hurt somehow

    • @joelvz8639
      @joelvz8639 3 ปีที่แล้ว +133

      Omg fucking true can't stop laughing at that

    • @ohheyitsguy
      @ohheyitsguy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +316

      "guys, stop calling me a masochist, I'm just testing myself" says as he pours salt into his eyelids
      "I just wanna know my limits" he lies, sewing sandpaper into his jockstrap
      "Honestly, the joke needs to die now" comes his voice from an actual Iron Maiden

    • @amerk5456
      @amerk5456 3 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      As if it was meant to be done

    • @ZANEKO-
      @ZANEKO- 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      THATS SO TRUE LMAO

    • @tristenarctician6910
      @tristenarctician6910 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      999th like

  • @ThirtyVirus
    @ThirtyVirus 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22686

    "because people might mistake me for some kind of masochist, which isn't true"
    *thinks back to the 100,000 steps in a day video*

    • @DyslexicMitochondria
      @DyslexicMitochondria 3 ปีที่แล้ว +102

      Lol

    • @danielretardo7075
      @danielretardo7075 3 ปีที่แล้ว +314

      @@DyslexicMitochondria I was curious about your username so clicked on your profile. Your channeI is a hidden gem bro

    • @saliosnoctin7797
      @saliosnoctin7797 3 ปีที่แล้ว +195

      ...then proceeds to hit himself with a whip...

    • @c0n22
      @c0n22 3 ปีที่แล้ว +45

      *Doom music intensifies*

    • @ibzenjoyer8822
      @ibzenjoyer8822 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      What are you doing here ThirtVirus

  • @MlemVideos
    @MlemVideos 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +66

    "You're under attack from me! Who's protecting myself from you!"

  • @blacksaphire7773
    @blacksaphire7773 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24196

    Sometimes it hits me occasionally, to think this is the same guy who comforted my crying sister at a comicon once upon a time.

  • @ethanhunter1567
    @ethanhunter1567 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3630

    Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
    Also mark: "Tactical whip."

    • @Ousseaghymn
      @Ousseaghymn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +79

      "Attract a mate" lol

    • @TryNotToLie
      @TryNotToLie 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      the comment right under says the same thing the same thing-

    • @ayefu
      @ayefu 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      "He likes his ass the way it is"

    • @8-ball350
      @8-ball350 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Noice

    • @icyhot8167
      @icyhot8167 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      What are you doing here???..go hunt crankgameplays or something

  • @kikidoesitall
    @kikidoesitall 3 ปีที่แล้ว +665

    The public: Why does Mark go to the hospital so much?
    Mark: Records himself showing off cheap self defense weapons and pointing a taser at his face.

    • @swiftlyaswiftie
      @swiftlyaswiftie 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Mark is the real life equivalent of Luke shining the lightsaber to his face

  • @spencercox8571
    @spencercox8571 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +58

    14:47
    *rattles of list*
    "I'm not going to remember any of those"
    Relatable

  • @jippo91
    @jippo91 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3513

    Markiplier "i'm not a masochist"
    Also markiplier "i need a woman who can crush my head between her thighs, it's not sexual it's a power thing"

    • @thetruth7264
      @thetruth7264 3 ปีที่แล้ว +33

      What horror has Mark committed to anger out pirate king Monkey D Luffy

    • @Pixal_Dragon
      @Pixal_Dragon 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      I need that too, except they have to be anime thighs

    • @nastyfoxz8021
      @nastyfoxz8021 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      DAMN IT YOU STOLE MY JOKE

    • @ThwipThwipBoom
      @ThwipThwipBoom 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      I can't wait to watch his playthrough of RE8, it's gonna be so good.

    • @GoodnightStories234
      @GoodnightStories234 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      That’s not what that word means

  • @jasonshannon7768
    @jasonshannon7768 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4983

    While everyone's thinking about how much a masochist Mark is, I'm just thinking how much fun Lixian had with this video.

    • @doodlefawn4742
      @doodlefawn4742 2 ปีที่แล้ว +120

      Don't forget Rachel helped, lol. Both of them seemed to have a ball.

    • @orang1921
      @orang1921 2 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      if you lo0ok in the description it seems as though lixian was just the help this time for rachael being the main editor

    • @b_star_14
      @b_star_14 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@orang1921 I think both edited it equally, it doesn't say lixian was only the help

    • @orang1921
      @orang1921 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@b_star_14 when all 3 editors worked on one video before, i noticed that it said "edited by" for 2 of them and had the "and" for one, so i assumed it just meant that the "edited by" were the main ones and the "and" was the help

    • @b_star_14
      @b_star_14 2 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      @@orang1921 it's just how you're supposed to write it. Like an enummeration. F.e.
      "Yesterday I went to school, to the doctor and to my friend's house"

  • @Freyjinn
    @Freyjinn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +48029

    this video is a perfect summary of Mark's being

    • @hydracobaron9013
      @hydracobaron9013 3 ปีที่แล้ว +495

      Oh hey. I know you. Your animations are amazing. They are hilarious.

    • @allisonfaith7284
      @allisonfaith7284 3 ปีที่แล้ว +66

      Omg I love your videos!

    • @ThePyroNeko
      @ThePyroNeko 3 ปีที่แล้ว +57

      At a discount?

    • @sopro2543
      @sopro2543 3 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      @Freyjinn I love you animation.. 💕💕

    • @thehomlessward2797
      @thehomlessward2797 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Love your animations

  • @anni6572
    @anni6572 ปีที่แล้ว +406

    Honestly is someone pulled out a collapsible staff when squaring up I’d be terrified

    • @donaldfleming1242
      @donaldfleming1242 27 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      The staff is only for magic purposes

  • @mamakoolkat8871
    @mamakoolkat8871 3 ปีที่แล้ว +269

    Lixian is a miracle worker when it comes to editing Mark's videos. He just knows how to make it work and, at times, adds even more humor to them. The perfect match to this lovable and chaotic human being.

  • @aaa.-.6831
    @aaa.-.6831 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2107

    It’s a competition...
    Mark: rates takis
    Ethan: rates fries
    Mark: *pissed* .. rates self defence tools

    • @paulinaderegowska4757
      @paulinaderegowska4757 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      And it's def. the most useful.

    • @aaa.-.6831
      @aaa.-.6831 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @@paulinaderegowska4757 I don’t know the talkies video was very informative

    • @prynxeofdarkness
      @prynxeofdarkness 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Its deleted channel,,, from a distance

    • @aaa.-.6831
      @aaa.-.6831 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I didn’t realize I wrote friends not fried until now omfg I wrote this half hour ago

    • @TravelerZ24
      @TravelerZ24 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Just give me an entrenching shovel and I'm good

  • @Bodhi_Zypha
    @Bodhi_Zypha 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30677

    Favorite Mark Quote, “Newton’s Laws are a bitch”

    • @DyslexicMitochondria
      @DyslexicMitochondria 3 ปีที่แล้ว +122

      hahaha I started lookingg for pepper sprayyy after someone staaaalked me on my yt chaaannnellll yesterday. Please stay safe everyone and everybody

    • @caroleisvibing
      @caroleisvibing 3 ปีที่แล้ว +128

      Me learning Newton’s Laws in school: *taking notes*

    • @mattearenzi8972
      @mattearenzi8972 3 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      @@DyslexicMitochondria Hi ily and OMG i loooooove ur chaaaaaanelllllll

    • @dhaniel6328
      @dhaniel6328 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Best.

    • @theenduriangamer5509
      @theenduriangamer5509 3 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      As a Physicist, I can unironically agree with that statement. Newton's laws ARE a bitch.

  • @pearlmarley3833
    @pearlmarley3833 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    This is literally on the top of my list of videos that make me laugh every time! Mark has literally pulled me out of depression countless times. With Mark tries, Mark’s mom, Unus Anus, Try not to Laugh and so many more he never fails to cheer me up when I’m down.

  • @samuelhatton1225
    @samuelhatton1225 3 ปีที่แล้ว +367

    Mark: I'm NOT a Masochist, why does everyone think that?
    Also Mark: *Hits himself with a whip and realizes it hurts* "That really ramps up in pain" *Does it harder*

  • @Sky-hz5sp
    @Sky-hz5sp 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1887

    "YOU'RE UNDER ATTACK...from me...WHO'S PROTECTING HIMSELF...from you! And you're about to be DESTROYED! Except, you have ME on your side!"
    -Markiplier 2021

    • @xtremethegreatone9775
      @xtremethegreatone9775 3 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      Best statement from popular youtuber, Markiplier.

    • @rockstarfoxy6381
      @rockstarfoxy6381 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Bruh

    • @jadenybrown1070
      @jadenybrown1070 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Yes we watched the video to. We all have ears

    • @Sky-hz5sp
      @Sky-hz5sp 3 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      @@jadenybrown1070 All good quotes are quoted by other people.

    • @icebreakerce1942
      @icebreakerce1942 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Lmao

  • @OneTopic
    @OneTopic 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8514

    Did you just... test that on your broken foot?

    • @anantkerur557
      @anantkerur557 3 ปีที่แล้ว +173

      OT? It's so cool to see ya here!

    • @beabrooks8402
      @beabrooks8402 3 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      PLZZZZ

    • @LunarCteel
      @LunarCteel 3 ปีที่แล้ว +93

      Omg Topicy wapiky

    • @Dengen88
      @Dengen88 3 ปีที่แล้ว +51

      what happend to his broken foot? hes walking on it just fine..

    • @lunatico230ify
      @lunatico230ify 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Who is that?

  • @SingeingVisionOfTheFirmament
    @SingeingVisionOfTheFirmament 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +42

    "You're under attack from me, who's protecting himself from you; you're about to be destroyed, except you got me on your side, and on my side, are discount Amazon self defense weapons!" - Mark Edward Fishbach, March 18th, 2021

  • @aidenzaro
    @aidenzaro 3 ปีที่แล้ว +625

    Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
    Also Mark: hits his head against a dummy repeatedly, buys a whip, buys a paddle wallet

    • @presidentjohnhenryeden9450
      @presidentjohnhenryeden9450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Oh trust me I’m a masochist too and I can verify that this man is almost as crazy as mien fürrer

    • @rainxer9561
      @rainxer9561 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 Idk if that was a misspelling or was on purpose, but i can only get that offended and agree at the same time

    • @presidentjohnhenryeden9450
      @presidentjohnhenryeden9450 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Rainxer it was intentional because of the
      Meme

    • @rainxer9561
      @rainxer9561 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@presidentjohnhenryeden9450 what a cultured man you are

  • @DenisEinzbern
    @DenisEinzbern 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5657

    what i understand from this video:
    - you need to deal a mixt of physical and magic damage to robbers otherwise it will not be effective
    - markiplier is a masochist

    • @randomguy8092
      @randomguy8092 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @very_cool It was a joke, I think.

    • @gos358
      @gos358 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      *Do you want to have a bad time?

    • @TheoStarlight
      @TheoStarlight 2 ปีที่แล้ว +99

      nonono you don't get it, he isn't a masochist, he just wants to see how much pain he can handle!

    • @froggy3203
      @froggy3203 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      @@TheoStarlight oooohh yes of course

    • @MrRose41
      @MrRose41 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@TheoStarlight ahhh you're right! 💀

  • @sfnluc1d744
    @sfnluc1d744 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3170

    So I'm being attacked by Mark because mark is defending himself from attacking me but luckily i have mark on my side. Seems legit

  • @turtlemun
    @turtlemun 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    The Ham-axe-ench multitool actually does serve one potential useful purpose in self defense: It looks like a tiny hatchet in the dark. Hold it up and charge at your attacker while screaming. If they have any sense, they'll think you look insane and will run away.

    • @noelleholiday61
      @noelleholiday61 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      It also has another use in terms of just being a good tool:packing light. That's always been the purpose of multi tools. They aren't supposed to replace all of those tools they're made of, but be a way to have all of them in a "good enough" manner without having to physically pack a hammer, an axe, a wrench, a saw, etc. etc.

    • @QualityChaos99
      @QualityChaos99 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Unless of course the attacker in question thinks horror movies are accurate and decides to stand still

  • @PromptKarma
    @PromptKarma 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1438

    Mark is like a child trapped in a mans body, that’s what makes him so great

    • @blurryface5281
      @blurryface5281 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      True

    • @jp-zp3ds
      @jp-zp3ds 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Can’t really see that to be honest

    • @takahariyt4595
      @takahariyt4595 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Nah he's just a happy man

    • @Catalana2096
      @Catalana2096 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      If we can see the beauty in a man child we can truly see and appreciate the worlds best people

    • @Vyclops
      @Vyclops 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      he is

  • @starchild8278
    @starchild8278 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3502

    Mark: "People might mistake me for some kind of masochist..."
    Everyone else: "You masochist"

    • @neptune1564
      @neptune1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      3:09

    • @exotic_snacks819
      @exotic_snacks819 3 ปีที่แล้ว +34

      "I might whip my own ass" lol omg the whip though

    • @muneiiiii
      @muneiiiii 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@exotic_snacks819 10:54 feels personal, I feel like he is calling me out for thinking he is a masochist

    • @ares8223
      @ares8223 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I have the power to change it from 2.9 to 3k

  • @riahtrinity1168
    @riahtrinity1168 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3205

    Alternate title: mark definitely not proving that he 100% isn’t a masochist

    • @cassper2020
      @cassper2020 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Markiplier should try every peep flavor

    • @GamerPro-wd7eh
      @GamerPro-wd7eh 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Boooo

    • @riahtrinity1168
      @riahtrinity1168 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      @@GamerPro-wd7eh alright fine lol

    • @littlestar5830
      @littlestar5830 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      or Mark not knowing how to use self defense tools

    • @truebluebloodylegend7925
      @truebluebloodylegend7925 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Not only can you hurt yourself with the spike, you can also shrexualy arouse yourself

  • @Ethan-op6sh
    @Ethan-op6sh 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    I love that right after he says im not gonna test the weapons on myself he proceeds to hit himself with steve
    mate really forgot that people might mistake him for a masochist

  • @loveforalwaysandforever7178
    @loveforalwaysandforever7178 3 ปีที่แล้ว +736

    Mark: “You see me, coming at you, really fast with anger on my face.”
    Me: Hee hoo?

    • @PixelSageYT
      @PixelSageYT 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      The wrestling video

  • @diablorises
    @diablorises 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3957

    The fact that he had to stop himself from breaking his own window is honestly the best thing about this video.

    • @stilesisnotneurotypical
      @stilesisnotneurotypical 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      You right

    • @t3kscarecrow474
      @t3kscarecrow474 3 ปีที่แล้ว +106

      That was full concentration to fight his ADHD

    • @staphungryear1824
      @staphungryear1824 3 ปีที่แล้ว +43

      Dude fr he was like wait I need to think about this first

    • @oefest5252
      @oefest5252 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Damn, endgame spoilers

    • @TerminatorT--rg4op
      @TerminatorT--rg4op 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@oefest5252 What does that have to do with Markiplier?

  • @panzerspark1379
    @panzerspark1379 3 ปีที่แล้ว +741

    Alternative Title: Unsupervised Hyperactive Man-Child Plays With Potentially Dangerous (Discounted) Weapons

    • @actually6863
      @actually6863 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      alternative title: man with 3 y.o mentality (and hurts himself) tests discounted self defense mechanisms

  • @Grey_pole
    @Grey_pole 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    I like how it went from non deadly to staving in the eyes

  • @ilovemanga789
    @ilovemanga789 3 ปีที่แล้ว +488

    Marks doctor sees title and thumbnail: "sigh, nurse get a bed ready"
    Nurse: "why?"
    Doctor: "just a feeling"

    • @shdwfxgamerz7667
      @shdwfxgamerz7667 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Why do I feel like this has happened before 😂😂

    • @laughing_jackal6291
      @laughing_jackal6291 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Nah nah, that doctors gonna say it with a lot more punch like-
      "NNNEEURSE!!"

    • @doc874
      @doc874 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      You got my reaction pretty much perfect

    • @potatonumber200
      @potatonumber200 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      "Call an ambulance! Call an ambulance! But not for me!!"

    • @deadcoen5684
      @deadcoen5684 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Nurse!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @peepoHappyy
    @peepoHappyy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1482

    “If I get a discount on ending someone’s life, you know I’m gonna take that chance.”
    -Markiplier 2021

    • @wolfenwingsable
      @wolfenwingsable 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Markiplier, ending lives at a discount

    • @d.v.5613
      @d.v.5613 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I heard him say that right as read that, absolutely perfect timing

    • @minerxen
      @minerxen 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Hand to hand combat. An optionally free way to kill someone.

  • @Srisauccha
    @Srisauccha 3 ปีที่แล้ว +733

    What fills me with joy is that steve is apparently shorter than mark which in my eyes would imply that mark is defending himself from a child

    • @prettyfunny7616
      @prettyfunny7616 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      All short people are children ✍

    • @mislaymae
      @mislaymae 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      so with what i read, short adults don’t exit and are really just children pretending to be adults... makes sense

    • @amandachristensen8189
      @amandachristensen8189 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Can confirm, we are, in fact children 🤣

    • @-Anemr-
      @-Anemr- 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Children are scary, OK?

    • @spid333rlilly
      @spid333rlilly 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@prettyfunny7616 as a short person, y e a

  • @Wla3-gt6dk
    @Wla3-gt6dk 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

    20:05
    How did mark become a professional singer when scared for his life?

  • @adamhaubert
    @adamhaubert 3 ปีที่แล้ว +464

    Mark: This is a family friendly channel.
    Also Mark: “I can’t get Steve off” “I need to go down on him”

  • @krampus9376
    @krampus9376 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1322

    Guys, he's not a sadist. He just wants to see how far he can push Steve's body.

    • @Jimmysmum069
      @Jimmysmum069 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Lol, ur Runa pfp is pog

    • @superqmod696
      @superqmod696 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      He’s paid you to say that, hasn’t he?

    • @scarychy8729
      @scarychy8729 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      steve approves this message

    • @kyutogreyfox4292
      @kyutogreyfox4292 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@superqmod696 he dont pay people lest its for items

    • @biscuit3456
      @biscuit3456 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@kyutogreyfox4292 one would hope he pays his editor as well

  • @mangotheproto4714
    @mangotheproto4714 3 ปีที่แล้ว +755

    Mark: “I’m not a masochist”
    Also Mark: *interested in situational use of the “tactical whip”*

    • @reenamiller4489
      @reenamiller4489 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oh that’s people buy when they can’t find the tactical shovel

  • @Agueybana1978
    @Agueybana1978 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    When he said “IM GOING TOOOOOO DIEEEEEEE” I honestly vibed to that

  • @mason2699
    @mason2699 3 ปีที่แล้ว +380

    Steve: Gets stabbed/tased in the eye multiple times
    Mark: "And he's... not dead"

  • @recoveringmillennial9695
    @recoveringmillennial9695 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2228

    That mini crisis that he had with the bracelet knife is hilarious.

    • @Mystic-Midnight
      @Mystic-Midnight 2 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      I had one with him did you not see his veins and tendons bulging out of his wrist. I know it won't happen but always scared that if I cut the skin over a tendon it just loses all tension and goes limp

    • @thetiredartist4818
      @thetiredartist4818 2 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      ... yeah. Because he put an anklet on his wrist lol. (In practice) he could've used both hands, but he found a new way to make it harder on himself

    • @spencersullivan4447
      @spencersullivan4447 2 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Oh my god oh my god I’m going to die I’m going to die I’m-gonna-die-oh-I’m-going-to-die. Almost died 😂

    • @fapros2009
      @fapros2009 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      His voice becomes beautiful when he is about to die...
      Have him at gun point and he can be a lead singer

    • @Kaz12383
      @Kaz12383 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      19:50

  • @JK-zd3md
    @JK-zd3md 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1343

    My unkempt quarantine hairdo: Stranded on a desert island
    Markiplier's quarantine hairdo: Tortured artist spiraling into insanity as he completes his ultimate work

    • @DolusVulpes
      @DolusVulpes 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      So Mark looks like he's from Layers of Fear?

    • @hxneyedbellsss
      @hxneyedbellsss 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      @@DolusVulpes no he’s Amazon Keanu Reeves this has been established

    • @nomasan
      @nomasan 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@hxneyedbellsss no... almost correct... but he's more like Amazon Reanu Keeves... there's a big difference

    • @landroverrangeroversporths2569
      @landroverrangeroversporths2569 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Dollar tree Keanu reeves but with 0.1% more swear words

    • @altsc
      @altsc 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@hxneyedbellsss Amazon Reeves?

  • @Themonkeman69
    @Themonkeman69 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    2:12 dyslexia overload 😂

  • @EAZZEE
    @EAZZEE 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5603

    i love how Mark was deadass just about to demonstrate how to break a window with the tactical whip, before he realized "shit, wait, that's a fucking HORRIBLE idea"

    • @jacklyn_holmse789
      @jacklyn_holmse789 2 ปีที่แล้ว +223

      He was so ready to break his window before saying 'wait....'

    • @crow2535
      @crow2535 2 ปีที่แล้ว +159

      His adhd is on full display in this video and i love it 😆

    • @ru3e
      @ru3e 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@jamesbones792 what.

    • @johnmarston4715
      @johnmarston4715 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@jacklyn_holmse789 😅

    • @Bear_Song
      @Bear_Song ปีที่แล้ว +10

      11:46 😂👍 Also, I love that too

  • @dergderg1471
    @dergderg1471 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1144

    "can't get Steve off"
    It's OK Markiplier, everyone's needs are different

  • @andremation
    @andremation 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4461

    I will never not laugh at the fact that a “magician’s pocket staff” has become a self defense tool in the eyes of the public

    • @big_boi_chris7410
      @big_boi_chris7410 3 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      Epicly

    • @kridcal0
      @kridcal0 3 ปีที่แล้ว +87

      Hahaha! Lixian should’ve edited mark with a magician hat when he popped that thing.

    • @RinSyuveil
      @RinSyuveil 3 ปีที่แล้ว +99

      Well when made of strong metal it can be… but it’s more likely to cut your finger or explode in your pocket before it will be useful so it’s better to get the flashlight baton and stun gun if your that afraid at night to walk alone

    • @Just-A-Nemo
      @Just-A-Nemo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      It'll bend after a single hit
      Edit: "I'll" bend after a single hit. How did I not notice that

    • @siraxlrose5659
      @siraxlrose5659 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@RinSyuveil or a gun

  • @Roger-i7b
    @Roger-i7b 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Mark:I'm NOT a masochist
    Also mark:*almost broke a window*

  • @daverika02
    @daverika02 3 ปีที่แล้ว +342

    “I’m not going to do that, cause people might mistake me for some kind of masochist” *continues to beat himself with a combat dummy*

    • @rafia2918
      @rafia2918 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      yes that is le joke wow

    • @ghostly_rose8925
      @ghostly_rose8925 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I'm lowkey waiting for a video say he is a masochist

  • @darobash
    @darobash 3 ปีที่แล้ว +447

    If mark was charging at me in a dark alley I'd just accept my fate, there is nothing I can do to prevent my inevitable demise at the hands of such an unstoppable man

    • @sierrastevens7
      @sierrastevens7 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      same

    • @Volvith
      @Volvith 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Yeah, i mean, just look at him.
      *_4 feet of pure manly rage._*

    • @IncarnateSable
      @IncarnateSable 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Reject self defense, return to HeeHoo

    • @karmaakabane8261
      @karmaakabane8261 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Lol, true, sounds like something out of a horror game.

    • @everythingkumo1041
      @everythingkumo1041 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Aim for the feet! They're his only weaknesses!

  • @soupysoup5104
    @soupysoup5104 3 ปีที่แล้ว +927

    I love how he’s still trying to defend him not being a masochist

    • @sensational7335
      @sensational7335 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Non masochist topic
      Markiplier: I'm NoT A mAsOcHiSt

    • @msr042
      @msr042 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      *proceeds to whip himself*

    • @TaeyonRose
      @TaeyonRose 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      A battle no one can win

    • @TheTrueDoomSlayer
      @TheTrueDoomSlayer 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's the best self-defense

  • @AnkleBreaker0_0
    @AnkleBreaker0_0 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I'd like to say that this is the very video I discovered Mark. Since then, it's been a really deep rabbit hole. One I'm very glad I found. Mark makes videos bc it makes him happy, he has no idea the impact he has. While it wasn't his intention, he's helped me through the worst nights, the hardest and lowest point in my life. Now I know this is an older video, and I've watched it abt a million times now and it's a bit late to comment, but I felt this was worth saying. Love you Mark, I'm a forever fan of you, your videos, and your ability to make people's lives better and easier. I know you're going through some loss at the time I'm commenting this, and I hope you're coping well and doing alright. Lord knows who will see this and who won't, I just think it should be out there.

  • @redheadz8355
    @redheadz8355 3 ปีที่แล้ว +378

    “People would think I’m a masochist.”
    Unus Annus fans: *chuckles in remembrance*

    • @nyawul
      @nyawul 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Unus annus? What's that, it sounds familiar but is it some small channel or something? ... ... ... ... ...

    • @rebelgaming1.5.14
      @rebelgaming1.5.14 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @@nyawul Yeah, I feel like I've heard that name before. But it's vague. I can remember where I heard it.

    • @kakyoin5713
      @kakyoin5713 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@rebelgaming1.5.14 too bad you didnt know unnus anus

    • @mimegaming3444
      @mimegaming3444 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@kakyoin5713 can you tell me the video? I'm literally trying to remember

    • @royal_legend6248
      @royal_legend6248 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@mimegaming3444 one was brick soccer

  • @GamerKid11
    @GamerKid11 3 ปีที่แล้ว +661

    I like how most of his "self defense" scenarios is him walking up to a guy and saying "what did you say to me?" Then attacking them

    • @not_dark_lord
      @not_dark_lord 3 ปีที่แล้ว +52

      *Offense is the best defense* 😀👍

    • @stillgeneric6270
      @stillgeneric6270 3 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      “Whatd you say to me?”
      Retrieves rapid deployment “devices”
      *7 stabs later*
      Hes not dead, hes “neutralized”

    • @CatSynthwave
      @CatSynthwave 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Devilish indeed but being the 666th like is way more devilish.

  • @treydiaz3633
    @treydiaz3633 3 ปีที่แล้ว +815

    Mugger: tries to steal Mark's wallet
    Mark: throws wallet at him in defence

    • @maxter0842
      @maxter0842 3 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      *”yeah, this is big brain time.”*

    • @Ninja2A-S
      @Ninja2A-S 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Plot twist the wallet is made out of metal 😂😂

    • @mississippimoo8854
      @mississippimoo8854 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@Ninja2A-S ridge wallet time

    • @Lunareyed
      @Lunareyed 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Intelligence+1000

    • @solar_sammy2885
      @solar_sammy2885 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Defense

  • @kitsune4583
    @kitsune4583 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    15:48
    Those things are commonly used here in Japan too. Very useful. When you're being targeted or attacked, you pull the pin and then throw it. The attacker would usually go for the alarm since it's out and attracts people. That's when you run away

  • @jimmyjamjangles695
    @jimmyjamjangles695 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6557

    HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM MARKIPLIER: stand still. He’ll probably just get himself hurt.

  • @mullyjunior387
    @mullyjunior387 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1274

    someone: describes markiplier as a lets play youtuber
    markiplier: i review amazon self defense products

    • @DyslexicMitochondria
      @DyslexicMitochondria 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Haha I found myself looking for self defense products too when someone on my yt started stalking me. Stay safe everybody

    • @stickinug
      @stickinug 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      Someone: describes Markiplier as a lets play youtuber
      Markiplier: I'm going to suck dust off takis

    • @garryzento3759
      @garryzento3759 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Pee

    • @mullyjunior387
      @mullyjunior387 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@stickinug lmfao

    • @frogsplusdogs2271
      @frogsplusdogs2271 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      He plays with fire

  • @cvsp.c
    @cvsp.c 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4083

    Mark isn't a masochist, he's just testing out his pain tolerance

    • @AtomBrown69
      @AtomBrown69 3 ปีที่แล้ว +111

      Hmm, sounds like something a masochist would say

    • @whelli9226
      @whelli9226 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Sure, you can tell yourself that, but we all know the real reason he's inflicting pain on himself

    • @EpicMuttonChops
      @EpicMuttonChops 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

      @@whelli9226 he's trying to get the thrill from unus annus again

    • @cvsp.c
      @cvsp.c 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@whelli9226 It's a joke, you know that right?

    • @YaBigGaymo
      @YaBigGaymo 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      It's only masochism if you like it hahaha

  • @Shadow_Sprinbonnie
    @Shadow_Sprinbonnie ปีที่แล้ว +7

    You gotta love Mark for testing and approving Amazon self-defence weapons for the safety of the viewers, The True King Of Fnaf and TH-cam!

  • @jojol.2630
    @jojol.2630 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3293

    I keep remembering Sean saying about mark “I can’t tell if he’s a genius or an idiot”

    • @macncheesy0548
      @macncheesy0548 3 ปีที่แล้ว +277

      Lol and both wade and ethan have told him something along the lines of “youre the smartest dumb person i know”

    • @Restilia_ch
      @Restilia_ch 3 ปีที่แล้ว +121

      The answer is
      "Both?
      Both.
      BOTH.
      Both is good."

    • @altsc
      @altsc 3 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Idiotic genius

    • @kar3n1nblack77
      @kar3n1nblack77 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Its spelled SEÁN

    • @kar3n1nblack77
      @kar3n1nblack77 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Lol im joking

  • @brandonfaddis7443
    @brandonfaddis7443 3 ปีที่แล้ว +677

    Mark: "I'm not a masochist"
    Also Mark: "This is a tactical whip"

    • @biga9144
      @biga9144 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Yeh that’s not something would masochist would do,obviously

    • @Zack_Zander
      @Zack_Zander 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I- uh... um...

    • @sk3tch_art1st35
      @sk3tch_art1st35 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Testing the limits of the body of course! Pushing them to the further beyond!!

    • @biga9144
      @biga9144 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@sk3tch_art1st35 yes only testing the limits of the body

    • @ComradeBlue5705
      @ComradeBlue5705 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      *flashbacks to markiplier getting hit with bricks*

  • @marshunter596
    @marshunter596 3 ปีที่แล้ว +320

    Child playing: look at this stick, it’s a staff!
    Child Mark playing: look at this stick, it’s a *tactical spear. With a t* *a* *s* *e* *r*

  • @Shadowzzzz_1
    @Shadowzzzz_1 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    mad respect for lixian editing through the probably hour it took mark to try and build steve

  • @nonexistent4270
    @nonexistent4270 3 ปีที่แล้ว +752

    mark: *literally was gonna be an engineer*
    also mark: *struggles to put together a training dummy*

    • @amnesiapilot7367
      @amnesiapilot7367 3 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      WRONG TYPE OF ENGINEERING XDXDXDXD Putting stuff together is my field (mechanical). Mark liked the science too much (switched from the imaginary engineering field (civil) to a real field (biomedical))

    • @catanana312
      @catanana312 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      He was going to be an engineer? Since when tf

    • @ivorytitan7653
      @ivorytitan7653 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@catanana312 He studied engineering before his youtube channel. He dropped out so he could continue his TH-cam career.

    • @amnesiapilot7367
      @amnesiapilot7367 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@catanana312 he went to college for it before he did youtube. He has talked about it so often 😂 he started in civil engineering and then he switched to biomedical, which is probably why he chose youtube over engineering 😂

    • @nonexistent4270
      @nonexistent4270 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@amnesiapilot7367 OHHH PFFFT. I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ENGINEERING OOPS

  • @randömfiish
    @randömfiish 3 ปีที่แล้ว +731

    Friendly reminder he is NOT A MASOCHIST
    just testing the limits of his body.

    • @ThelgreatestRisx
      @ThelgreatestRisx 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yes

    • @j4ne._d0e81
      @j4ne._d0e81 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Of course

    • @potatonumber200
      @potatonumber200 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Duh! Why would he inflict pain on himself if he was a masochist?! Everybody knows that!!

  • @paca7429
    @paca7429 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1431

    Imagine breaking into a home and just hearing "Amazon self defense activated"

  • @azariahking8136
    @azariahking8136 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2462

    "I've gotta keep mycount aselfable." *Dyselxic overload* I can't stop laughing.

  • @slamduncan3376
    @slamduncan3376 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1124

    Everybody: “Mark’s a masochist.”
    Mark: *There is no war in Ba Sing Se*

  • @viperholmes172
    @viperholmes172 3 ปีที่แล้ว +429

    Mark holding a camping multi-tool and asking why he would need it for self-defense got me

    • @QueenItachi01
      @QueenItachi01 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      And did you see the Bear

    • @mr.furious6814
      @mr.furious6814 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      To cut open the stomach with the knife, pull the teeth out with the pliers, scoop out the eyes with the spoon, eat the meat with the fork, and poke a hole in the skull with the cork screw. You know basic self defense.

    • @SEP0...0HEP
      @SEP0...0HEP 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@mr.furious6814 Always gotta remember the shovel to hide the leftovers with.
      Can't just throw ya food away though.

  • @gooseiscool93
    @gooseiscool93 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    mark hitting highnotes while he says he is going to die makes my ass laughing rolling on the fooor

  • @timothystory2973
    @timothystory2973 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4091

    Those self-defense weapons did a better job of taking Mark's wallet than Steve did.

    • @G--Prim-
      @G--Prim- 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      3:11
      3:17
      3:32
      3:50
      4:01
      4:20
      4:45
      4:47
      5:54
      7:01
      7:47
      8:19
      10:00
      10:43
      11:00
      11:14
      11:22
      13:00
      14:11

    • @ryleemacdonald863
      @ryleemacdonald863 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Especially the pocket one XD

    • @dickhead8665
      @dickhead8665 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      This is one of the best comments i have ever seen

    • @dallasmay4031
      @dallasmay4031 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I would have just simply bought a Pistol, Taser or a bottle of pepper spray or mace rather than any of those because in terms of self-defense range is the best option for you i mean what if your intruder had a gun? what are you going to do? run at them with a metal spike or smack them with a flimsy bo-staff? Not me go all out with ranged stuff that's why I keep an entire Arsenal of weapons next to my bed including Firearms

    • @froggy5826
      @froggy5826 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Hahahah soo right

  • @shallnotgo2564
    @shallnotgo2564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +383

    Markiplier: "Non-lethal weapons"
    Also Markiplier: "Crack their skulls open"

    • @mattearenzi8972
      @mattearenzi8972 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      true

    • @misconductor5930
      @misconductor5930 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Just because their intent is non-lethality doesn't mean they can't be lethal.

    • @LeBeau_42
      @LeBeau_42 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      We all know Mark is Chaotic Evil by now . XD His hair houses his Chaotic energy.

    • @dreamofficial5538
      @dreamofficial5538 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Joe mama

  • @Maddbot42
    @Maddbot42 3 ปีที่แล้ว +330

    Mark: “I’m not a masochist!”
    Also Mark: “the only reason I made this video was for this whip!”

    • @jackgardner8726
      @jackgardner8726 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I wonder if he saw the Skallagrim video?

    • @sarabertrand1259
      @sarabertrand1259 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Also also mark: if this whip was longer I could whip my own ass.

    • @farhanaakter7580
      @farhanaakter7580 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Remember Mark being injured and ending up in the hospital countless times.....It can also be that Mark was beating himself, and telling us fake stories......

  • @moonbunny1015
    @moonbunny1015 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    “You gotta keep your count aselfable” fav quote

  • @leahmarcum4541
    @leahmarcum4541 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2205

    “PeOpLe mIgHt mIsTaKe Me FoR a M a S o C h I s T” oh no good sir, there’s no mistake.

    • @calebcraft8190
      @calebcraft8190 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      lol ikr

    • @Basstez
      @Basstez 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Definitely no mistake. Unus Annus proved that lol.

    • @infamouseneet3992
      @infamouseneet3992 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@Basstez what is **** ****, never heard of that before

    • @Basstez
      @Basstez 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@infamouseneet3992 Had to be there.

    • @lucywilson6075
      @lucywilson6075 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@infamouseneet3992 just had to be there buddy, you wouldnt understand

  • @aIexemre
    @aIexemre 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1538

    'he's probably got no electrical damage resistance'
    -markiplier, talking to a rubber dummy, it being made of the same insulator we use for WIRES

    • @BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx
      @BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      Shhhhhhhhhhh

    • @joaquingarza9430
      @joaquingarza9430 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      You probably found out wires were made of rubber yesterday.

    • @BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx
      @BoxBoxBoxxboxBoxx 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      @@joaquingarza9430 No he found out a month ago

    • @aberrantcurse8551
      @aberrantcurse8551 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@joaquingarza9430 wires aren't made of rubber, they're made of metal, mainly copper. rubber surrounds it

    • @largeboy5577
      @largeboy5577 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Just because it conducts electricity doesn't mean it takes damage from said electricity
      Wait no I forgot how wires work, it's the metal that does the things, not the rubber

  • @NightOfTheRevolution
    @NightOfTheRevolution 3 ปีที่แล้ว +446

    I was honestly waiting for mark to be like “why isn’t this working” *tases himself*

  • @BottFuso
    @BottFuso 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I would not have expected to be so wonderfully entertained with the subject of self defense. I should have known better Mark is both a comic genius and an amazing likeable personality. I have never subscribed to a channel so quickly in my life. You are brilliant and seem like an amazingly fun person to be around!

  • @joelyt1682
    @joelyt1682 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1332

    At this point Mark should defend himself from himself. Not that he's a masochist but he just wants to know how much his body can take.

  • @leobasketcase2986
    @leobasketcase2986 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1030

    Markiplier 2021: “People might mistake me for some kind of masochist. Which isn’t true.”
    Mark on Unus Annus 2020: “Is there a high score I can break for the number of needles you can stick in me....?”

    • @belladavis2311
      @belladavis2311 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      ☠☠☠

    • @k0re673
      @k0re673 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Oh yea! I remember [REDACTED]. What a wonderful time!

    • @keiraharding3071
      @keiraharding3071 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@k0re673 what anime is ur pfp from

    • @lexispark9332
      @lexispark9332 3 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      *Lightly slaps the dummy with whip*
      Mark: you close? you close?

    • @insanitymagic353
      @insanitymagic353 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Oh my

  • @sarahdixon2282
    @sarahdixon2282 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4630

    I don’t think Mark has interacted with another human being in a while.

    • @aserta
      @aserta 3 ปีที่แล้ว +233

      There's only Steve. And Steve ain't exactly whole.

    • @graciedowning566
      @graciedowning566 3 ปีที่แล้ว +53

      well besides amy

    • @airsickspace9272
      @airsickspace9272 3 ปีที่แล้ว +106

      @@graciedowning566 remeber Amy is robot

    • @mat8791
      @mat8791 3 ปีที่แล้ว +64

      Considering the last time he interacted with an actual human being said human died. (You know if you know, if you don't, that's fine. A year flies fast.)

    • @SG-pu3rx
      @SG-pu3rx 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@mat8791 what?

  • @weirdo337
    @weirdo337 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    What made people think those pop out canes are a self defence thing? They’re a magicians cane, it’s literally just a magic trick, it can maybe hurt you if you fuck up whilst deploying it cause the metal can be a little sharp but it’s literally thin aluminium

  • @justcallmelucky4577
    @justcallmelucky4577 3 ปีที่แล้ว +557

    It almost sounds like Mark is trying to convince himself not to test the objects on himself lmao

    • @haidenlotze7530
      @haidenlotze7530 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Don’t tactically whip me, i would T o t a l l y Not want that

    • @iceninja1997
      @iceninja1997 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good thing he bought some dummies

    • @spizarro5577
      @spizarro5577 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      That's soooo true lol