False Memories -- Exploration By a Former Trauma Therapist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ส.ค. 2018
- www.wildtruth.net I tend to avoid this topic because false memory syndrome can so easily be used to deny people’s traumatic history, but here I go against all that -- and jump in and express some thoughts that I’ve been developing for a while…
A highly underrated point at the end of the video: when people remember their childhood as wonderful when it wasn't, nobody says it's false memories, a delusion, a distortion, a defense mechanism, etc. For someone who is familiar with trauma and its symptoms it's painfully clear how prevalent unresolved trauma is in our society, yet it's widely unidentified as such.
Thanks!
-Darius
Nice, very precise comment. It is very dramatically different what you would tell someone about your childhood, after you actually had a bit of insight of what happened. Greetings!
Exactly! During my own self-discovery process I discovered how much of my perception of my childhood reality was scewed towards what my primary caregivers wanted me to believe. It is unbelievable to me how much lies and deception I received about very mundaine situations. And it seems that every member of my family received the same treatment from generation to generation.
For years I trully believed that I am the bad one and the cause of all my problems and that my childhood was perfect and had nothing to do with how I was feeling all the time.
Denial as a coping mechanism seems to be like a really bad fungus infection that when it infects one person it can spread uncontrollably through all the family tree.
I would be one of those people who would have said my childhood was great. And I still think overall it was. But I also realized one reason I had that opinion was that I was taught that everything bad that happens is to be ignored and never talked about. And when I bring to mind the horrible things that had to be forgotten and start to link the dots, I see where the veins of horror ran and who they ran through. The worst part is that those people who were the one’s doing the horrible things are the ones still to this day who are held in high regard while the ones who received the most abuse are rejected from the family. I literally thought my family was better than most for the majority of my life. And that made me look down on a lot of other people. Then I realized my family was worse than a lot of others and then I started seeing other families in a much more humble light. This topic has a lot of things buried in it.
People lie about their childhoods, parents, family all in attempt to look good and save face in the eyes of society.When someone tries to tell the truth, the result is isolation and loneliness.
exactly. people make u feel ashamed for having gone thru trauma. blaming the victim as usual
@@mrsmompf6222 My dad lives close enough for us to still accindently bump into each other out in public. I even thought I saw him once or twice. I cut him out my life 10 years ago. It wsnt out of hate. I did forgive. I'm usually the one to cut people off first. I get accused of "running say from problems" when I tell people I can do this. No I'm actually avoiding something or someone, that cause me trauma and I'm choosing to not allow it in my life. Period. People csnt seem to understand that.
I specifically remember a few years ago deciding that I would put the blanket label on my childhood as a happy one. I saw that people around me, even my siblings, would always be thankful toward their parents, and I didn't want to be a teenage stereotype that always complains about their family. But now that I'm a few months into the process of being honest with myself, remembering my childhood, and the like, I am a much more happy and whole person than I was then. It IS worth it to go through that pain.
Truth telling can be lonely.
Going through this right now. They don't want to hear the truth. Will straight out lie then get mad at me.
I've always said it, denial is the primary cause of all the harm in the world. Narcisisstic abusers are in denial about their behaviour and the pain of the people they hurt. My grandmother (who grew up very poor in the 50s) unashamedly mentioned the abusive acts (including direct threats with a knife) her parents used to do to her, yet she insists they were loving and that things were way better in her day. And almost everyone in my life except mental health specialists have refused to say I went through abuse. Because it's such a heavy term. No one wants to say the a word.
So true... Not even therapists can handle the truth sometimes. The best therapist are often the once who has done a lot of work on them selves first. Otherwise they can't relate.
Ageism is rampant throughout society, and unfortunately even within the psychology community. Childhood trauma is almost always downplayed or ignored as the causes of psychological disturbances and the 'superior adult' narrative is used to gain compliance/obedience from the child rather than prioritizing a true healing outcome of social justice.
Do we want to repeat the mistakes of the satanic ritual hysteria of the 1990s when innocent were sent to prison? Memories are imperfect.
Abusers when questioned about things generally always strike at the fact the victims memories are incorrect. Famous sayings: " oh that's absolutely absurd.", " where ever did you get such ideas?", " thats not how i remember it", " it didn't happen.", "wow you have quite the imagination!", "theres no way you could even know any of that you were too young", "it didn't happen like that.", " well thats a lie"....and the list goes on. So thankyou for all the work you have done and continue to do. You are really appreciated for the voice you give to so many. Your patience, clarity, and calmness give people a safe environment at home to process experiences and deal with them in a healthy manner in their own time. Thank you for this, thank you for helping.
Sandra
Oh my gosh I heard nearly all those statements,!
"anyone would think you were hard done by"
"You could win an Oscar for that performance"
"Stop crying other wise I will.give you some thing to cry for"
"On her She is, and is me"
"Well I'm fine"
"You need help"
"I fed and clothed you, have you a roof over your head didn't I, what !ore do.you want?"
" selfish ##\\\\\"
"My mom was a lovely women"
so sad really, little souls in adult bodies, trapped in time in their own own torment.
@@nikkibaxter5550 the fed and clothed you one is so awful. A parent taking care of their child is the bare minimum. It's so disgusting when they use it against their child as if the child owes the parent something
"He was a lonely ghost uttering a truth that nobody would ever hear, but so long as he uttered it in some obscure way the continuity was not broken. It was not by making yourself heard but by staying sane that you carried on the human heritage."
This quote is from "1984.".
After being gaslit by family, religion, community AND the mental health system, this quote really speaks to me.
A similar thing happened to me with the gaslighting by everyone. Out of curiosity what religion and community was it?
Any large-scale man-made system can become a gaslighting mechanism. To me, this is the difference between God and religion. I trust God more than I trust other Christians.
@@samwallaceart288 our government is the biggest gaslighting machine that exists and playing the "false memory" card is their favorite.. It makes me sick!!!🤢🤢🤢🤢
And i agree, at the end of the day, the only one u can trust is God🙏🙏🙏
I can identify with this 100%. And what was so damaging to me is when I did finally remember one of the worst traumas from my childhood, it actually did come back to me in a very vividly visual way that I could relate to another adult in a way they'd completely understand, and I was still immediately told by my therapist that it was a false memory. That was devastating to me. I didn't have any proof because I'd never told anyone this happened and no one saw it, so it was just my word against his and he had all the power in the relationship, so he got the final say. I had to really work hard to just know in my heart of hearts it really happened and know that he was full of shit. I wish there were more good therapists out there like you, Daniel. There's so many bad ones out there that do so much extra damaged to already broken people.
No adult has the right to tell a child (or an adult recalling a childhood memory) that the childs experience was not valid.
thats messed up
Yep. I got told my sexual abuse flashbacks weren’t real because memory is fickle. Bla bla bla
I knew it was bullshit but somehow, it still hurts me. Actually no, this stupid imbecile created doubt in me from early on because when I tried to dig she told me not to, she told me to let it go, told me the memory had to be a real true sensible memory to be real. She was gaslighting me from day 1 and I’m still struggling to believe that this trauma is real even when the evidence is overwhelming to it being true.
@moonmillghost Right. My memories of abuse are false even though I remembered incidents that were proven by looking up things on the internet about my abuser and also the location of my childhood homes, etc. I am in my 70s. None of my memories were made up. It's right there in black and white.
I think the reason why people try and discredit dissociative identity disorder as a factitious disorder is that many cases are caused by the sexual abuse of small children. People just don't want to validate that little kids are being sexually abused, usually by a parent or relative. So many professionals refuse to believe in DID and think people are lying or attention seeking who have been diagnosed with this disorder. Thanks for pointing out the fact that professionals are often very invalidating about the trauma people have been through and what it does in people with dissociative disorders. If they take a proper trauma history, this issue could be avoided.
Your video is also SO spot on about people normalizing a traumatic childhood and having no reference for what is normal. I have DID and when one of my first therapists asked about my childhood, I also described it as "happy". He dug into it and deconstructed my " happy childhood", so yeah, it's incredible what people call normal...Thanks for another good video, Daniel. Your perspective and honesty about the field of mental health is much appreciated.
100%
Thank you for your point of view. I have a living narcissistic traumatizer who insists that none of my memories are real. I have DID and she calls my insiders my imaginary friends. So sick of being told I cant trust my memories.
I actually have a memory condition called hyperthymesia which means that I can remember past events as far back as childhood as if it was much more recent to the point I can remember the date something happened, often insignificant things. Many of the things I have remembered have been proved as correct. There were times people my parents would say I must have misremembered things but because my long-term memory was more vivid than many people's though I might have believed the abuse I suffered was justified I just knew my memory of what actually happened could be trusted. I have since recognised the abuse committed against me as wrong. But since becoming more aware of hyperthymesia I have come to wonder if we have good long-term memories like myself by nature but that trauma and abusers shutting down their victims' memories causes then to forget things. There seems to be a lot of pressure to "move on" from painful episodes in one's life or people in a person's past and I think a lot of abusers push this too. But maybe if people were not traumatised in the first place they wouldn't feel a need to move on. If they had happy memories they would enjoy looking back on them. People have often told me to "stop living in the past" but I think it healthiest to live in a combination of the past, present and future. Doing so has always felt natural to me, even if I find the past painful.
Mia Mantri Very interesting!
I dont have hyperthymesia but i can still relate to a degree..
I dont remember spacific dates n whatnot but i do have a strong long term memory and remember the bulk of my childhood very well (even have snippets of memory as a baby but most dont believe me lol) the long term memory runs on my dads side of the family, which is likely the reason why most of them have struggled with drinking. Anyways, ill try not to ramble but i know what its like to have people try to gaslight u when u KNOW u remember what happened😠😠 its the worst, especially when ur confidence is shaky via abuse, the struggle is real😣😣😢😢😢 it sounds like u have alot of resilience and have bn mastering alot of mindfulness, which is hard when the past always seems to place itself at the forefront😐😐😐 iv bn working on it alot myself, getting there.. lol
Many blessings💜💜💜💜
They're trying to shut you up. Don't let them.
Shutter Island Salute … I enjoyed hearing every syllable of this . Aloneness feels less lonely now. Thanks for taking a risk of being misunderstood to illustrate these possibilities.
YES. I have said many times that I was "kidnapped...." My mother took us from the only family we knew...not a good family, but the one that occasionally gave us reprieve from our terror...and moved us 3000 miles away. And that's when the truly horrible terror started. And that family we left behind hardly ever saw us again. Some never.
To me...we were kidnapped.
I have a very early kidnapping memory too.....I wonder if its made up. Maybe, maybe not
In the same way, we shut down our own inner child. The double whammy being the inner critic( super ego injunctions) which we listen to. So sad.
Dear Counselor Dan~ thank you for a brilliant presentation on how early childhood trauma affects later behaviors & thought patterns. ( of course they do ! ) ~ I appreciate how you clearly described the experiences of early childhood without script. For years, I tried to avoid all those experience / memories because like you said, there was no story or script, only emotional impressions, which led me to believe, well, how can I talk about what I can’t even talk about because my brain was pre/ lingual at the time? now I understand that, and it’s a great relief.I can also say, I felt trapped & captured by the images & feelings of my traumatic experiences, because I was surrounded by adults who silenced me , to keep things going according to program. ~ I had a terrible experience at age 12, involving the witness of two small schoolboys being murdered, and that day I was supposed to perform in a music concert. I asked my teacher if I could be excused, and she said “ no”, in an angry, exasperated way. ( using more words, criticizing me for asking to back out, etc ) “ You are going on stage !” Because she assumed, I was just having stage fright. Nope. I was having pstd / I was having repeat visual flashbacks of the two little boys that were killed in the street just about an hour before . .. And all these years, I thought something was wrong with me !! Yep ! Something was wrong, alright. Nobody was listening to me !! ~ I got stuck holding onto all these scary things inside me !! 💀 Well, now I understand. You are like my superhero, counselor Dan ✋❤️🤚🏼Please keep sharing your findings here !! 😍😇😀 Thank You !!
We are taught to bury these thoughts, feelings, memorized.. We are taught that they are shameful & it’s best to put them away. We are taught to “ forget about it “... and the person becomes fragmented ..
A memory being false is no reason to ignore it. If a seven year old can describe in detail sexual acts that a child wouldn't have come up with themselves, even if the specifics of the memory are implausible, that child got that sort of knowledge from _somewhere._ Speaking from my own childhood, I've only ever replicated bad behavior that I've previously seen elsewhere; including within my imagination ergo false memories. This whole idea of ignoring false memories is bullshit. Like, suppose even a child was maliciously trying to get some teacher they dislike into trouble by accusing them of molestation, and supposing we knew for sure that the child had ulterior motive and mental wherewithal to frame the teacher, the first question should be "how does the child understand details and ramifications of molestation in the first place?", not "kids be lyin', sweep it under the rug."
Another thing that bugs me about such an attitude is that even if a memory is truly false and has no real-world cause whatsoever, a child can still be affected by such a memory; if it's real in the head, it's real enough to affect them.
As for me, I have some memories that warped me which I believe to be false memories; at this point, I don't care if they were false memories or real memories, because regardless they had the same exact effect upon my psyche.
Even the fakest of memories can be real enough to do damage.
Spot on.
Thank you for discussing and looking at what no one else will. Thank you for your love of truth. Growing up as I did has the plus side of my love of the truth
ditto!
What discussion are you talking about? It was only his opinion on the topic
When i was around 5/6 yrs old something happened,and i cant remember it,please bear with me because this is difficult to explain,something sexual happened between my father and me,touching me.i grew up always feeling uneasy around him,as i became older my friends would say the same stuff,isnt your dad weird...? The thing is..i cant remember the exact event but ive dreamt about it for many years afterwards,its very frustrating.i wake up sweating,upset,confused.my partner thinks something bad happened and ive blocked it out,probably because i was far too young to even realise it was bad? Some weird shit went on in our house,like if a kid reported stuff now,like what happened to me 30 yr ago their parents would be done for indecent behavior.
I am so sorry to hear your story of childhood trauma. That is clear cut abuse. Please know you did not do anything to cause the abuse. Your phrasing of "something sexual happened" absolves the abuser of his choice to violate the bounds of parent-child responsibility. You deserve to feel free of shame and to know you did not participate in any way that made it happen. You survived. You did your best. You are here still and it sounds like beginning to process it now that you are 'safe' (at least from the perspective of the inner abused child). Please be loving and patient and kind with yourself as you integrate this into your waking self. Sending you love and hope and resilience.
Thanks for making more stuff Daniel. You've really upped the production quality recently. The recent videos look nice.
Can you do a video on depersonalization and derealization? Thanks
DONE WITH DPD I was about to ask the same.
I’m recovered, but I would like to hear recovery from his mind so I can help others better. This guy has amazing insights.
DONE WITH DPD Yeah. I just stumbled upon his videos and I really like how he describes things. He's super insightful, and has been helping me understand myself more. Watching these videos are part of my self therapy. Lol.
Would be great
I'd be curious what his views on that are too. Had it 24/7 for about a year and it took a long time to get back on track.
Excellent insight into a terribly disempowering experience when children or adults disclose abuse.
Right ON! Daniel---everything that you have shared in this video resonates---with regard to "false memory" first of all, I just watched "The Keeper's" last night, in which the false repressed memories issue became a central motif as the doc progressed (8 or 9 episodes) and boy, was the behavior of the adults involved really pathetic because of many of the reasons you articulated so well---obversely, some people with which I am aquainted really seem like they have become so habituated to weaving tales as over-compensation, that they will say virtually anything that comes to mind to impress the listener. Truly appreciated.
Thank you for having the courage to discuss these things.
Thank you for this video. I’ve currently started therapy for a little while now, and fragments of memories have been bubbling up, memories that seem very traumatic from when I was around 6-7 and 9,l. When I’ve brought stuff up to adults, and parents, as an adult myself, I’ve been met with resistance like “oh there’s no way you could have remembered, you were too young”. It’s helpful to hear validation that my childhood memories can be real. It’s also good to learn about “metaphorical memories”, that’s something I’m going to think more about.
Thank you for this video. My delusion was one of a great childhood. Looking at the facts I can’t believe I held onto that idea for so long
Love your videos Daniel, thanks for posting
thank you. with your "casual" reflections on important, and often unexamined topics, you are validating and revealing so much of my experiences and realizations. a breath of fresh air. I wish I could have a mutually enriching conversation with you. great!
The human mind is incredible. Thank you so much for your videos, i'm learning so much from them. Dealing with myself and people around me in a more conscious way, trying to have more healty relationships at the same time I unravel all these childhood memories. You became a very important person in this path i'm in. Thank you again.
Also, portuguese is my main language and I find these informations on your videos so precious I wanted to make subtitles, so I could share with my friends that have no knowledge about the language, but i don't know if such thing is possible.
Seems like Dissociative Amnesia is a term that fits in here, too. I've been noticing a lot of guests on Soft White Underbelly youtube channel saying they had a really good childhood, then go on to describe perhaps a not so great childhood and exhibit many signs contrary to it. This is a really good video that resonates in many ways. Thanks, Daniel.
The problem is the problem, the worry is the worry, the fear is the fear.
Well done! Loved this video/info.
You're wonderful, Daniel.... very wise.
Goodness.. I have always every time I see one of your video to repeat my self blessing you to exist and give voice to that!! Bless you bless you bless youuuuu!!!!
Spot on! Thankyou Daniel
This was very helpful, thank you.
Thank you for this.
Such good points! Love it! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🌺
Great talk. Thank you.
Very well put, comforting too: someone understands! Thank you. When an exhibitionist in the adjacent town house exposed himself to our small children, they did not tell us, but we wondered about the strange drawings that suddenly appeared. We called the police. And the policeman, himself a father, looked at those and said: "That's what they saw. Always believe your children." He was unable to do anything otherwise because that person obviously had not touched our children. He recommended to confront him, together with other neighbours, which we did. The neighbour denied it point blank, but in less than two weeks he had moved out. To continue somewhere else, probably, sad enough...but I will never forget the policeman's words: "Always believe your children....!" Sound advice.
Yes, children do express their traumatic experiences through drawings, as they cannot utter the words to describe what happened. I did, and, when my parents found the drawing, I was punished. So I pushed it at the back of my mind, till I was in my 20s.
"you shouldn't feel that way.". That's something that I feel like I heard sooooo many times as a child. Someone told me in my adulthood that my feelings were valid. I don't know how to explain what a relief that was. "You mean there's not something wrong with me because I feel this way?". Lol. Crazy
I got the good ol "I didn't say that" "that didn't happen.."
This is Divine Truth 101.
brilliantly put at 10:40 until 11:13 ! many thanks for you speaking about the wrong way of memory-skepticism
Wow! Thankyou for this rare perspective on what false memories could really be = the all too GOOD memories, which are false. That makes a lot more sense!
So agree, the false memories, are more often the 'happy childhood' stories..
Thank you!!! I agree with you 100%!!!
I have a horrific memory i believe it is from my childhood trauma i can start to remember some of the abuse but i push it away mentally but i do remember turning myself into stone and leaving my body to deal and staring at the ceiling i cant remember anything but the shit down feeling it feels like im a log or something it is hard to explain anyway still don't know what happened to me and when stuff triggers my memory i just do not go to far with it you say ya the abuser is nice and good becouse you have normal moments and you want the fantasy too so you focus on the way you want things to be its hard to explain all this
I'm right there with you :/
A thousand thanks ❤️❤️❤️
Wow, Thank you so much for this.
Hahaha Over many years, I finally learned it's an orange-red flag to hear a new friend, particularly a new dating partner to say "my childhood was really great." Thanks for this Daniel. Yep, there's a full range of false memories to be reckoned with! The only "cure" is to examine the lies I tell myself, and why.
Exactly , doctors deny this
I just want to give you a hug!
I wish more people could see this
5:22
Oh my god. I've never thought of that. Of course that's the case. That just blew my mind. Well, maybe occasionally someone with a great life will become a murderer, but as a general rule this. Seems like the 2 people who've abused me the most had a bad life beforehand.
Nice video, I agree with all that you said. I don't think false memories are common, but I have very realistic dreams and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm remembering a dream or something that actually happened. I have this weird memory of my favorite teacher touching me inappropriately, but I'm not sure if I dreamed it or not. I know it completely sounds like something I repressed because it didn't fit into my dialogue about the teacher, but it also could have just as easily been a dream. You just can't be sure. I was in middle school, so my capacity for memory formation was probably fully developed.
great topic, authentic feelings must exist along with the memories to confirm their validity and thus the person must be able to know their own true feelings to recognize the difference between a true memory and a mental imagery they experienced during regression therapy or EMDR
some people can easily tap into memories from history psychically that they access from the collective unconscious
until a person can reintegrate their authentic feeling body as an adult, there are many aspects of how the mind focuses and scans and projects that can not be understood clearly enough to recognize habits of self protection to keep the fragile ego safe
when suppressed memories do come back it is often shocking since number one it is usually a shocking memory that resurfaces and two it is shocking to realize that you blocked out that memory for over 25 years
mind and heart need to be in union to really know your memory is something that you truly experienced
when most of your memories from your childhood are blacked out it is due to a large number of feelings being suppressed especially the feelings of hate
after a child has a psychic break usually around age five, they begin to wear a mask to hide their less desirable feelings
Fear No Evil by Eva Pierrakos does an excellent job of detailing the development of the mask in children and how their pleasure currents get distorted by being forced to endure too much trauma
pathwork.org
two friends that i know really well both told me that they had great childhoods yet over the years of my knowing them i came to see a great deal of trauma and dysfunction in their upbringing ( i think it is a self image thing why they say that, to avoid delving in to their real problems and exposing their vulnerability and acknowledging actually that these past traumatic childhood experiences run pretty deep with compounded unresolved issues)
I previously commented on one of your videos that I love how immediately you start the main topic in your videos without extra introductions and ads but as I love you and your channel and I want your channel to be more successful, I suggest you to ask people to like and comment and subscribe and turn the notification alarm on at the end of your videos. These simple techniques really work, that's why everyone does them.
Lol I can't picture Daniel doing something like that. Why do they work by the way? I just tune them out and never subscribe to anybody.
Excellent
Just excellent
refreshing to hear thank you
Just a brutal heart break to listen to, for all those affected. I guess i am a bit stronger than those, i remember most of the horrible stuff in my past. Past a certain age anyways.
I'm so glad I found you. I'm not the lone weirdo. Thank you!!!
Thank you.
OMG, these are my thoughts exactly, I wish your knowledge would be more widespread!
Thanks ...
I don't remember much of my childhood few negative experiences. I had one normally my mum was good cook however there was one meal with maggots in and I wud show them and she wud deny they where there. Even my mum's boyfriend at time said don't eat it. Then she tried guilt tripping in the end she had the meal herself with maggots in eating saying there's nothing wrong with it.
Wow! I heard a similar story from a manager who was born and raised in Nigeria. He was sent away to school in the city and was often fed food with "crawling" stuff, the adult staff called "beans".
My father was deeply traumatized, looking back it amazes me how he functioned whatever extent he did! He died young and I feel it was due to the pain of that abuse that continued with his birth family all his life as he could not break free of it. He had psychosomatic illnesses which killed him. Very disturbing how he covered it up and how society is only waking up to all these things now.
You are so good
Superb
You’d be the second you tuber I would feel most comfortable talking to about my youth, if we ever were able to meet some day..
Spot on. Ty.
I just love you.x
I've experienced distorted memory, but I don't remember any being false. My Mother told me some things I didn't remember, so I know I've forgotten some things. But I've also been on the wrong end of distorted memory and that is scary. I was told I did something and I know it wasn't true. I don't really know what to do with that. I tend to believe that things will work out best if I really look carefully at what actually did happen and be honest about it, but that may not actually be the case. I'm too trusting of people in general and I get taken advantage of by liars and opportunists. My need for these people to not be liars and opportunists is so strong that I'm likely to keep trying to help them by being more and more honest... That's how I get screwed. I don't know what to do.
I still can't get help now, but i'm trying to help myself, i used to remember only the physical and verbal abuse, the extreme sadness and hoplessness and fear i had when i was a child, i was scared of my mom killing my sister because she used to threaten of cutting her throat. I know that there are allot of memories that are burried and i couldn't get to, because sometimes i feel like i'm exagerating my anger and emotions and what happened, my parents would never admit or remember what they did, they don't abuse me that way now that i'm 27yo, but they are still controlling my life and abusing me psychologically, i live somewhere where if i run away i'm cut off and treated badly in my society, i'm still collecting my courage and independence to leave, and i don't really care about what society says, just now i had a flashback that revealed atleast 70% of that hoplessness i felt when i was a child, i couldn't believe it happened, my younger sister was talking about a sad incident that happened to someone and just as she said:" they told her to take off her cloths", i had a flashback of my mother telling me to take off my cloths and stand there naked, i remember when i tried to cover my self and she said no, and i got a very dark feeling i used to get when i was a child, i have never remembred this before, told my other sister that this happened to us when we were kids but she said: i think you are just too angry, this didn't actually happen, and this is a false memory. but i don't think so, because i remembred the feeling i had, i remembered my skin and how my ribs felt under my skin and how much dispair i was in and the questions that ran through my mind at that time: how could she do this, why is she doing this to me? But i'm still not sure of myself i guess because my sister didn't validate this, and then i started remembeing this this didn't actually happen only once but more, it's still foggy in my mind but i can't deny the feeling and the sensations. now i think it's a blessing that i remembered this, because i feel like i can protect my self now and be more compassionate towards me and my body.
Idk if it's appropriate to share here, but i feel like i'm in a safe place and i can relate and get support. May all of you heal and get the peace you want.
There is this book called “Swamplandia” and it’s told from the perspective of a 12 year old girl who has something traumatic happen to her in the book ( actually several things) but the really interesting thing is the element of fantasy that colors her narration of her story. Something always really got me about it- I thought it was an extremely clever device and interesting but couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was hitting on for me.
I think this is it- how childhood memories are not always linked to an understandable reality in the way adult memories are because of the perspective of a child is very naive and in some way confused. I think the memories I still have are the times of clarity that I could directly see exactly what was happening in real time despite my naïveté and can still be contextualized as an adult and probably represent bigger patterns that have been relegated to near fantasy childhood experiences.
The problem is that parents are not being held accountable for their actions being harmful and abusive to their children who have absolutely no way to get other adults to help them or believe them unless CPS gets called for super obvious cases of overt abuse or neglect but emotional abuse and covert abuse gets ignored and then when you're finally an adult and have gained the knowledge and wisdom to finally tell people what happened everyone including most therapists tell you to just let it go and qccuse you of living in the past so that THERE IS NO JUSTICE for most victims of childhood trauma. The parents usually die comfortably after getting away with wreaking a lifetime of havoc and abuse over their kids. And everyone applauds them for, "Doing the best they could".
My post event rumination 8 hours after is getting me anxious. It’s the doubt that’s making my anxiety bad. J only started worry 8 hours later after I stopped worrying about something else
Its particularly insidious when the people who have caused trauma get others to help keep the abuse going and work actively in order to ensure that this person never is heard, validated, and even worse using a offender blame switch so they can call them an abuser.
sounds like being a T.I if ykyk
@@Lilmoonthief It wasnt good for me- but I'm not going to go and ask my offender if they want to go and get doughnuts and coffee with me this morning. Far be it from me to judge though- someone who does.
Has anyone experienced this: remembering an event and knowing every detail, and then having remembered it, going on very soon to forget it. It's as though my long-term memory only works once. Then the memory is gone for ever.
5:34 wow yes!
So I have notice you don't any any videos on why some of us just don't care about what goes on around us. Like I want to care but I don't know why I don't care in the first place. I love my parents but I dont even care if I die or not or if I starve or die. I want to care but I cant force myself to. So is there a certain video I can look at to explain something close to it??
i would imagine that the mandela effect would be a great example to discredit a person at this point which came along at just the right time this is exactly 30 years later.
I think the "false memory" stuff is not necessarily events, but people are disconnected from how they felt as a child. So "remembering" for me has been to start feeling the feelings buried deep inside. Also, the example he gave of people identifying things that were false that were impossible...I think those kind of delusions come up to defend against the REAL painful memories. The real war was in his family but that's too painful so a delusion developed that they were in a war. Very serious dissociation. I think the same is true for "past life regressions" and such. Its an escape from reality.
Hi Daniel. Love your videos! The pigmentation on your hands - what is the root cause of that?
Thanks Fionn! I have vitiligo -- it appeared about 9 years ago. basically I have what I consider to be a form of albinism in those patches on my hands. they say it's autoimmune. it never got worse and only shows up when I get a tan. I just have to put on sunscreen when I'm the sun to prevent skin cancer. past that, most of the time I forget I even have it. greetings! Daniel
Daniel Mackler Thanks for your reply. One day a memory will emerge and shed light on how you shadowed your hands. Much to learn there.
Daniel Mackler Would you please take a look at the videos by Karly Noel. In 2018 she reaccessed repressed memories from when she was six. Her story is explosive but she may soon be driven to madness...
As someone who remembered my childhood to be wonderful, and after a year of therapy turned out not to be that wonderful, not at all... I would not call it a false memory, but selective memory! Before, when I was thinking about my childhood mostly the good things came to my mind, and thats not false, they really happened. its just that... there was bad stuff also, that I forgot or didnt knew they are bad.
There was a time inside the womb. Some people get through to it again by deep regression. For many people the journey to mental illness started right there. These things can freak out after years, triggered by stress. There are no clear memories, just high amounts of archetypical fears and their other side of the coin: range. This is the active output of the traumata. The passive output is from dissociation to depersonalization. There are many names for it in the long run, from depression to schizophrenia. // The hardest thing, which can happen to an human being is the surviving of an attempted abortion. Traumata therapists know that such a situation is harder than traumata from soldiers in war. Also the embryo can feel if he or she is wanted and welcomed. These first “unspoken” truth can drive people later in many kinds of madness.
that part about psychosis is so sad
The song on my channel is literally called false memory relapse. Its all about our sexual abusers not being able to hide forever.
Is it common to be triggered and re-enact your trauma unknowingly as the abuser. And clueless to the the trauma .. like it was blocked and then after you relived your trauma as the abuser you start to remember it .. my cousin it feels like I've always known but I know I didn't know before that.
-cousin should be trauma
Agree. 😢😢😢
I remember playing with my dolls perform oral on each other 😞 and peeing my bed till I was 7. I was in therapy and the therapist asked if I was sexually abused and my mom answered no for me :(
Being raised by abusers feels like war it could just be a reflection of the persons honest chaotic interpretation of what really happened
The false memory thing may be true in some way. Its about transgenerational trauma, where our grandparents or other relative's memories/trauma/regrets are still alive in the family DNA and subconcious and are passed down to us until its brought to light. The war memory and feeling might be left from a distant relative.
I’ve had a false memory thru Theophostic. See Cara’s inner healing horror.
Memory is usually very flawed. Even short term memory. Often we remember things through the creative lense of what is going on now.
This is a very misleading statement.
The people who hurt me as a.child were turned into vampires, sucking my blood and trying to kill me.
I had these.dreams continue into my 20's.
I also had strange experiences in my childhood home,.nightmares and being spiritually attacked by some unseen force.in the home. And of a menacing demonic man, a women whomwas.nice but looked like my mom and a young girl, in a house which had a back door, yet we lived in a a.ground floor.maisenette, without a back door.
As.a.child.I also saw coloured see.through things floating across.my bedroom and voices.coming from withinnthendaek.space of the alcove, my nights were.terrifying as.I always needed the toiliet, and it wa s along hallway to the light switch by the alcove.
I would sleep walk a lot to, looking formscrew.drivers, I was.trying to fix some thing?
not so much in the last few say ten years? It's gone so.quick not good with time in general.
I found out some info as.I was.looking into the area.Where I grew up, long story short my home was building on top of the ruins of a house that got bombed in 1942. The number of my childhood home.was the same number as the house that got bombed.
There were three occupants in the house all.who.were killed by the bomb, a man his wife and teenage daughter.
I think trauma is also connected to some kind of gateway?
Maybe when the child call out for help in that was and lonely state their are others in that same vibration who come to the call pretending to be helping them?
Keeping them trapped by not letting them talk? To keep what happen to them a secret, all.secrets.are kept in the dark, and need to be brought to light.
It's a.long journey and it's not easy, as some times you have no one to help you through the last stages, you get uncertain point and still there is one thorn in the side that just want to away.
Even though knowing its destructive and damaging?
Some underlined trauma that is still.wanting to harm the body, with cigarettes?
It's funny how when recognising things about ourselves that we don't like, and want to change, just sort of happens, the change happens but we don't even see at the time.
Yet some things even when you acknowledge it and want unchanged it, Kremlin's the will and determination goes.straight out the window, then its back to feeling guilty?
Knowing I let myself down again?
Hoping this will also be addressed patience is needed when questions are.asked, waiting for the answers is having faith they will come.
am so sorry that such terrible things happened to you :( Hope you are doing good now .
Would EMDR be a helpful method of dealing with childhood trauma.
No. With severe childhood trauma you are just as likely (if not more so) to trigger the trauma and worsen it. The power dynamics within that therapeutic modality are very close to the original abusive one, so tread lightly. Personally, I would suggest you are better off signing up for a weekly yoga class and then schedule a weekly hour or two session to just journal and explore your emotions, memories, and motivations. Hope you're doing well!
I think EMDR has helped myself and my daughter. We have been able to talk about situations without a breakdown involved, like just stating the facts. I HIGHLY recommend it IF you feel you can trust the therapist involved.
@ muirgirl Those are definitely helpful also.
Can you do a video on romantic relationships and what's healthy?
Lrning,boundaries and enforce them helps with that.
Its funny how when people remember traumas they are sometimes accused of false memories....but all those people out there saying what a great childhood they had have false memories. Yet no one says they have false memory syndromes. They are totally cut off from themselves and fully believe they were happy children, meanwhile their adult life is a wreck. I'm amazed how many addicts and depressed people and others stick to the illusion that they had a happy childhood.
What I found so bizarre is I wud say to my mother why she wud reply cus I said so that's why or I'm your mother that's why. I have been on support groups and there parents said the exact same thing or similar
I think the false memory term was created by someone in denial about the harm they caused a person. To me if a memory pops up in my mind and there is emotion attached to it, then its a memory. I don't need to know if its 100% accurate because for one I will never know. If I can't prove that its accurate then nobody can tell me its false either.
We have a local psychiatrist like that here... Suspect it's a common phenomena in rural areas and for all licensed HCPs, not just psychotherapeutic practitioners. This guy where I live lost his psychiatry license in Minnesota after abusing young women in some weird version of hypnotherapy/EMDR "treatment" he was doing. After the lawsuit he simply moved to Montana and now is the senior (may still be the sole) on-call attending psychiatrist for the only hospital in this county (and the only hospital for many other counties as well). Terrifying.