Dr. K explains Willpower, Confidence and more!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มี.ค. 2024
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If only our older generations had more people like Dr. K
Older generation? How old are you?
@@Gamerpreneur_idageless
Yeah how lucky. Imagine 9yo are learning from him
Most of the older generations believe therapy is weak and useless. My father refuses to go despite the trauma he's been through, he says he doesn't need to talk about his emotions with people. I wish I could show him dr k's videos, but he would just scoff at me. I wish some of them would just give it a chance
I'm sure there's always been amazing and smart people in the world. Having the internet and ease of access of creating and sharing information is what's changed now.
The Doc appears at 2:56
Community wins at 5:56
Channel membership plug 9:51
Willpower 17:39 (Neurology, finite resource, building willpower, conserving willpower)
Willpower Q&A 39:41 (What if I want nothing?)
Confidence 54:08 (How to gain confidence if there's nothing to be confident about? Understanding Confidence. Be critical of your perception.)
Dating 1:12:35 (Difference between dating and relationships, how much you care)
Self esteem 1:42:49 (Am I loved for "me", or for a quality I've improved?)
1:50:21 Confidence+Self esteem (really want to talk to someone, but don't want to annoy them. Understanding wants and worries. Understanding the other person and their wants and worries.)
You a homie, thank you
@@-xj9cwNo problem! I'll be doing the whole video if you or anyone else just wants to check back later.
Thanks
A Hero Without Cape. Much Appreciated Brother for your hardwork and patience.
You're literally a saint
My parents' world was not a safe place, and they never recovered enough to make mine a safe place. So glad there are now resources for healing this damage!
it's a sad cycle
They went through the Great Depression and WW2 as kids, that made things so much worse. I'm worried about a possible WW3, it will just fuck everyone up worse than we already are.@@rfbite
I feel that hella, and It's really hard not to blame my parents for it too. Logically I understand that they were just products of their environment, and given how horrible their descriptions of childhood are they definitely turned out a hell of a lot better than they could've. Yet emotionally the hurt they still caused me is there, and my emotional brain wants nothing more than to lay all the blame at their feet. It's a very difficult thing for me to reconcile. In my day to day life as an adult I just do my best not to think about it tbh, or if I do, I try my best to remind myself that I'm not living in it anymore and they did the best they could, so theres no point worrying about it now. All that's left for me is to do my own best to fix what they broke, because it's not like I can go back and rewrite what's already happened.
This was so well articulated. ❤
I am 43 years old woman. As I’ve been learning English I needed to listen something to enjoy and be interested in as well. And I came across Dr.K.
I’ve been watching Dr.K videos for around one month. I’ve never watched anything better than Dr. K content is.
I’ve understood a lot of things about myself only now from his teaching. I have a daughter. I share with her whatever new I’ve known from Dr. K about things we both have been struggling with and how to get better.
Thank you for everything Dr. K.
this is beautiful
True
When I discovered that depressive people are biased (a lot of years ago) it helped me
"I think they dislike me, but depressive people think that more often so actual probability is lower"
"listen to one chief keef song" had me dying
today i talked to my mom and some friends about setting up a new system for me to finally get a job and get out of my moms house (I moved back in due to some trauma events that messed me up but its been a couple years of me doing nothing but smoking weed and playing video games with the occasional try to get back out there) and honestly I'm starting with waking up at the same-ish time everyday, and making my bed, and as a reward I get to spend some time on social media or I can have a sweet treat. So im assuming chief keef is their little reward lmao
@@squishyushi I agree with everything but the reward of social media...
I did not understand this comment when I read it, but I get it and I love it ❤
Timestamp?
@@squishyushiI'm in the same exact situation lmao just quit my vices and started waking up earlier , getting a job feels impossible lol
I don't have kids, but I pre-ordered the book. Excited to read it when it comes out! Thank you, Dr. K!
I just found Dr.K little over a week ago and he is exactly the guy I needed to help me. I also just learned my cousin, addicted to heroine after 3 rehabs, died last November to fentanyl and holes in his gut. I think this information would’ve helped him tremendously but life is a tragedy. Rip Jesse.
OMG the section where he talks about being "a person who does good things" makes it easy for people to manipulate you by shifting what "good" means hit me so hard. 🤯
Personal note:
54:00 end of willpower/motivation topic
"Choices? That's a topic for another day": no, I'm pretty sure that's the topic I need today.
I guess the answer for this is Dharma related stuff
My son is 20 years old and has a game addiction. I always struggle with helping him.
But I always watch your TH-cam and read books.
I try to help him and overcome it with him.
Also, I also have a mental health problem. Your content helps me so much.
Thank you, Dr.k
On a completely unrelated note I really want to see Dr. K and the people over at the Cinema Therapy channel interact, I think it'd be cool
Me too!!
Or Dr. K and Psychology in Seattle
yes please do flammmen og citronen.
I'm high and that thing about cannabinoids controling habits got me by surprise
Me too! I was struck by some kind of realisation but I honestly can’t remember
I am currently on a weed break for the time being because I ran out but also because I want to start gaining more willpower and be smarter about the weed I end up smoking. I know for a fact that weed definitely is why I go into full hedonistic mode and drink sodas and play games all night, which I'm fine with myself doing as maybe a reward for like a week of sticking to my routine but i haven't gotten to that point yet and I'm scared of "relapsing" into being a lazy stoner again... But I think I'm gonna meditate on it over the next few weeks and maybe in a month or two ill reintroduce it and test the waters.
edit: just to be clear I dont think smoking weed makes you a lazy stoner but the way I utilize the drug is by smoking 24/7 and drinking soda with every smoke session, so its a really unhealthy way of using weed and I'd rather it be something I only do maybe once a day at most and once a week at the very least, I just want it to be something i only use in the evening but maybe later in life I can try being a 24/7 stoner again, or maybe I wont have a reason to indulge in it at all at some point
@squishyushi ex stoner here who would smoke and ounce every week and only ever played games/did lazy unproductive things when smoking.
Obvious health effects aside (and definitely shouldn't be a stoner before you're an adult because it stunts brain growth) there isn't much wrong with smoking as long as you can still maintain your responsibilities and relationships. Now I smoke about once a day, some days I don't even smoke, but I make sure that whenever I DO smoke it's when I'm actively doing something; drawing or art, cleaning, work on the computer, even just taking a walk in the woods to get me up and out the house.
The less you smoke the more you'll realize you don't even need it, which then in turn helps you smoke as something to just enhance what you're doing instead of smoking being a passive thing done while being a couch potato or watching TV. Plus tolerance breaks make bud more impactful which makes you want to smoke less, and it's easy for that to become an upward spiral
Funny anecdote: by watching this I think I've come to realize that, me doing double days for workouts this week has actually been a failing of my willpower not a strength of willpower.
Interestingly, this has occurred concurrently with relapse in smoking weed. Didn't see the 2 as being similar issues until now 🤔
Even when one pays for therapy, they can still feel the unwanted fear of talking to someone and being devalued. It is mostly from abuse.
This has been one his best streams, so many moments of sheer wisdom and out of this world knowledge, he really is reshaping the way I look and think about things. Amazing content Dr. Thank you so much
I use to skip the intro music, but now it calms me and gets me so pumped for Dr.K's talks. He has been changing my husband's and I lives the last few months. Im the happiest i have ever been. We look forward to continuing to learn and grow, and looking into financially supporting you too!
Thank you for this!
I really never understood the whole “will she like me for me or the improved me” question. If you’ve gone through a period of improvement, then the “improved you” is just you, there is no difference.
The only way I can make it add up is if the improvements you make aren’t to you yourself, but are instead a layer on top of you. In which case I don’t think you’ve improved yourself, you’ve just built a stronger mask
maybe your brain functions different, or you may never feel down on yourself.
What I have in my mind was the hatred for myself, like I don't like my body as I used to have fitter body, I don't like my shyness and feel so stupid because I used to be much more confident. It's like I have so many assumptions about how I should be, a also a bunch of fictions about if I am what I think I am, my life would be so different.
That creates a condition where I always thinking about my model-self in my head and refused the reality that I have created for myself.
And if someone treat me well or if I like someone during that period. I'd feel that I'm not deserved those people, because I hate my freaking self and I'm not the version in my head, the version that supposed to be loved and treated well.
So I think the purpose of the question or maybe what I get from the question is that even if I am not yet the version in my head, maybe I'm still deserved to be loved or maybe she loves me in the current self, which I always think bad about.
I don't really know the context you mention in your comment but overall the question just let me to reconcile my identity again, that I should accept and acknowledge that I am who I am, not the 'chad' version in my head. And understanding that leads me to your conclusion, too. That I am what I am whether I improve or not, and If I improve something it should be for the sake of my wants/interests
THANK YOU
This is tremendously helpful. Thank you!
what you do is simply amazing! i don’t even have the words to describe how much my mindset has changed just by watching your videos and thinking about what you say and practicing it. thank you so much!!
Man that line at 1:11 about how the problem with your logic often being the axiom on which it stands was EXTREMELY eye opening for me.
EMDR Therapist currently working in a rehab and private practice here. I've just discovered this man. What he's saying is really resonating with me. Thank you. You are my new mentor.
Glad to have you here
I loved the freedom and control rant in the willpower q&a. So good.
24:24 4 sources of behavior: (emotions amygdala),( security ambition, desire for contentment serotonin), (gratification pleasure or desires nucleous acumbuns,dopamine), habits canavonid. Willpower frontal lobes, override
Doing things only that are for a reason means we are slave to our wants, so we try to craft our wants, but that means on days we don't feel like something we are unable to do it
This was a great video, I really learned a lot from the willpower portion. It is currently 3:30 am and I have work tomorrow at 8 am, I really wanted to continue watching the video but I also wanted to go to bed and sleep for work tomorrow. So I practiced restraint by doing neither and queued up for a Valorant game.
The last part lmao
I’m a parent and I love your content
Thanks!
Dr. K, can you please talk about acceptance of your emotions. The one thing that really helped me to get some things done was acceptance of my negative emotions as normal. I don't try to change them, I don't try to run away from them. I recognize that for any change that I am trying to make, I will have to pay a price, and the feelings that I am experiencing is the price that I am paying to get to the desired destination. At this point, I just stopped looking for feeling good in some things. I am ok feeling bad sometimes, and that is nothing wrong with it. And I think that is a good frame for people to understand things through.
People with ADHD/ASD use a great piece of willpower, sometimes almost all just to exist everyday society. Yeah, i can use my willpower to force focus but if i do this 40hrs a week for work i can use it in anywhere else.
I agree, I find some of the Dr.K tips aren't for Nero divergent minds. Like I need to have some kind of low stimulus to function and I feel like I have to work extra hard without something to keep me focused; ex: music, fidget toys, little dancing, physical touch.
I stared at a wall for 30 minutes.Holy crap thats tough. afterwards i didn’t feel the intense need to run away,or hide. Going to keep trying 😊
Deep dive into self esteem and confidence needed
1:18:12 you interact with yourself, you will be less tuned with other person, if we stop caring we think less in that
1:11:42 perception and logic
1:26:58 i need to fix myself first, start dating the best you can
1:33:15 develop self love
Thanks for AOE healing!
much love to you Dr. K
I've been doing ketamine therapy for a year and its been going well but since I started watching your channel a week ago my entire life has undergone an utter transformation
Watched till the end. Thank you for the enlightenment
Superb content as
always. A summary at the end will help because we forget so quickly!😂💕👍🏽
I just love him!
What I find funny about the maze experiment is that my dad would have been more tempted by the boiled beets than the chocolate chip cookies. I guess that’s what being from the Soviet Union does to you.
the jenkins clips at 8:16 though xD
A true man of culture
thank you dr k
1:57:07 this hits very very close to home and something ive been wrestling with for a bit here....as the friend who says " naa..." alot with a close friend of mine.
One Love!
Always forward, never ever backward!!
☀️☀️☀️
💚💛❤️
🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼
Thanks
Real confidence stands for itself in an empty room. It doesn't need to be projected onto something. That's a misconception.
I'd like a part two on the willpower
1:15:20 even the ads synced up with Dr. K here, man. "Ok... the most common-" "Factor is"
The Factor ad came in swift, and starting with any other word than their brand name would of fucked it up haha.
This feeling of having suicidal thoughts at 9 yo when you supposed to have fun
I hate the idea of "supposed to have fun" until a certain age.
Its like, why not just quit my job and drink when I hit 21 if its all downhill for decades anyways?
@@raglock1433it is downhill and everyone knows that
@@raglock1433 if
Even though I don’t have kids I feel the book regardless is going to have knowledge that would still apply to me, excited for it
Excellent ❤
I would love to hear a conversation about "How does this relate to making choices"!
How do you choose what to actually do when you are desireless and don't "want" to do anything? I'm guessing you act upon your Dharmas instead of desires. Then, how is a Dharma different from a desire or ambition?
the curse of growing up with abusive parents only to have abusive partners it's just so painfully real, I've got triggered a bunch of times with things that are just mere facts for dr.K but for my brain it's the drama of my life, not gonna lie it's kinda hard to watch, but useful.
What's the track at the beginning of these episodes?
47:18 I love how abrasive he is to get a point across and doesn’t fluff things to appeal to overly sensitive types. a dose of touch love is good sometimes.
I've just tried worthless staring in the wall. While doing the staring I couldn't get rid of thought that there is still a purpose in it for me such as to change something in mind/try something new/write this comment/just do it because someone said it's worth doing + it has zero risk. However, after finishing it feels like completely wasted time so, I think, I could assume that it was done right.
I get it that you need to repeat this every day but not sure if I have enough willpower, it's really intense😅
Simply god tier
I finally got the notification for this live about 17 hours too late...
I thought, why the hell is he doing a live at 6am!!
Haha.
Thanks youtube...🙄
just want to thank you dr K for all the insight you share, it really really helps with overcoming depressive state of mind and is reassuring of life and myself in general
i am 34 and an accomplished programmer, got a beautiful wife and a whole lot of wealth, but i live inside my head and ruminate on my failures so much
every single video i watched on your channel was way better than any therapy session i had in my life
I even was able to overcome weed addiction, and now into quitting tobacco and alcohol
the gaping void in my soul had a shape of you, dr K 😂❤
What I see pomodoro is good for is to STOP doing the task, not starting.
It really shines for neurodivergent people that have a hard time starting tasks and also stopping (hiperfocus). I used to watch lectures I am good at (like geodraphy) while doing daily quests at Genshin and stop playing to do serious work like exercises. This build flow to me and I didn't turn around nights playing. Using physical exercises in pomodoro is also great!
52:00 avoid doing "good". 1:03:00 confidence 1:17:00 dating
Yes I do, I do want in on your DND campaign, Dr. K.
I'm wondering if it's ok to for example turn something you don't like doing (e.g washing up) and trick yourself that you enjoy it and invision and remember how nice it is once it's done, and how easy it is. Like I think it's going to be difficult but then it's easier than I thought. So basically desiring a clean kitchen, improves my willpower
Whats the music at the beginning Doc? Really soothing and nice...so peaceful
Dr K the deep blue comment made me crack up! Lol!
I got my book today!!!
!!!! How was it?
❤
I'm in Thailand and want the book, how and where can I get it? I have a Kindle and can download from e-book amazon, will the book be there? But, I actually prefer paper one😅
I really like Dr. K. and I always miss the live-streams - but it doesn't seem to matter. He isn't interacting with the chat at all, why even bother and turn on a live-stream? Someone even asked if this "lecture" was pre-recorded. I wish for more interaction in those live-streams, Dr K. Please. Answer questions, ask for reactions, etc.
Does anyone knows where Dr K talks about rewiring habits? I watch his videos for years but I dont remember this lecture about habits.
Acting for the sake of acting without desire, emotion, habit, or ambition. I wonder how practically possible this will be. Gonna have to try it out mindfully
De k, quick question….can you explain the importance of having a primary health care provider? Most everyone just kinda tells me to go to urgent care but that doesn’t seem like a good substitute to not having a pcp - I get insurance thru my place of employment
I feel you need a “good” habit that you already have, to relate to what Dr.K said about will power….Like I love going to the gym and eating healthy so I could relate to not having control myself but I feel if you don’t have a “good habit” what he’s saying doesn’t sound right
The question is dangerous if you are not prepared
1:51:00 I dont want to annoy other people ask open ended question
Where can I get more information if I'm interested in becoming a coach for HealthyGamerGG?
36:24 straight bars
Can anyone recommend a book on not being reliant on motivation?
49:00 Bernd das Brot war right! Who would have thought that.
Starts at 2:55
45:20 how do you know what the right direction for your compass is. What is right?
I want to know the waiting room song that plays before the stream
How can i let go of my desire to be a good father? Or my ambition to be financially successful for my future family? I don't understand how to let go of these things that seem necessary for a life worth living
Andrew Huberman has been talking about another part of the brain lately that is responsible for willpower and the desire to live? I forgot the name but apparently we have two of it one on each side of our brains and we can train it by doing the things we don't like. And that willpower is finite if you believe it to be so or infinite (although within some bounds) if you believe that.
To that dating reddit post, it's almost as if Dr. K was baited by a master... a master-baiter if you will.
I’m disappointed
That I laughed
And how do we remove these 4 sources of action (emotions, habits, desires, ambitions)?
Simply by non-judgmentally observing? Or something else as well?
I am kinda confused right now, so i'm supposed to do less of good work if i am motivated now and stare at the blank wall for 30min every day and that will help me to train my mind to desire less so i can do more good work in the future and be less afdected by how i feel?
Yes, because it helps your mind be okay with being bored. Youll desire less because your mind will start to realize what it REALLY desires since it will have less distractions to be lost in. It’s all about preserving your dopamine for things you actually need it for
Can someone please explain to me what he meant in simple terms when he was explaining the whole concept of willpower and how its a fatigued resource? I kind of didnt fully understand it, ill be honest 😅
where is that 5 hour podcast?
Can we get a healthy gamer app with the intro music for meditation? 👀
The tips 31:27
The easiest way to eat more vegetables is to buy pre-washed, pre-cut vegetables. It's so easy for me to eat carrots or salad because it's all cut and washed for me. And you know what? They taste better without having to do all the work!
Excellent work Dr K. 1:12:00. Thank you, I will be reciprocating soon (yeah, right 😅) on patreon
Hello Dr. K..... I think I have imposter syndrome and I think the reason for it is that I think I will not be able to produce similar results in the future.
21:00
Notice that the positive things in your life have a butt attached and the negatives don't?
Man, you're preaching to the choir on that one Dr. K.
I’m confused about overcoming desire. If we overcome desire’s control, what decisions should we make? Why workout or do anything healthy or eat anything or do anything if are to make no decisions based on desire.
For example, if I want to invest for the future but I want to buy a bunch of stuff, then both of those are competing AND what I want to do. Life then feels nihilistic
I think the point was to lower the influence of the other 4 so we can do everything with very little amount of will power thus having greater control.
And you can invest in the future and buy stuff and at the same time they are not mutually exclusive.
It's about choice. If you free yourself from your desire you can then choose what you do. It's about making a conscious, aware choice, rather than being driven and controlled by desires. If you then ask, "how do I choose", it's up to you. You call it nihilism? Why do you need to be controlled to feel you have purpose? Is slavery happiness for you? It's not nihilism, it's freedom. And you can make of it what you want.
@@ovidiusm7710actually, what you call slavery feels like freedom to me. When there are more options, the more difficult it is to choose. When choices are made for me, it brings me peace.
I dont get the point either, honestly. His explanation about willpower is not that much different to how you regulate should dopamine. What else are your decisions based off if not from a want?
@@kani-liciousYou can want to get into better shape, and you can also want to spend the evening eating pizza and playing video games.
Which one do you think would give the most amount of dopamine release? Which one is easier?
This is what he means, with less dopaminergic influenced choices, you can choose to go for that run instead out of pure willpower, and it won't be nearly as torturous for you compared to if you were controlled by dopamine.
"everybody judges a book by its cover"~~what about the concept of "aura", "energy" etc?
1:55:00 politeness trapping, why do people ask for you to pick them up or drop them off when cheap ubers are a thing?
1:13:52 imagine treating being in love like "traffic lights to get to what you want" and thinking you are somehow the more enlightened person on dating